1
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:04,680
Honey, I'm glad you're here. I have an
appointment and Carmen needs help

2
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,520
preparing for her first meet with the
debate team.

3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,360
What? She made the debate team? Uh -huh.

4
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,220
Did they need a crier?

5
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:18,000
Testing makeup on animals should be
outlawed.

6
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,600
Because bunnies are cute.

7
00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:25,520
And it burns their eyes.

8
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,740
And then they're blind and they hop into
traffic.

9
00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:33,880
See, my mascara's running. They died for
nothing.

10
00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:38,960
Well, what do you think of my debate
outfit?

11
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:44,020
Carmen, are you dressing like that
because your ex -boyfriend's on the

12
00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:45,680
team? Yep.

13
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,360
No one cheats on me without paying the
price.

14
00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:52,780
I'm going to distract Jason with my body
and destroy him with my mind.

15
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:59,540
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

16
00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:03,080
I'm distracted with my body.

17
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,660
I'm destroyed with my body.

18
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:13,480
I remember a time when I distracted one
guy while I destroyed the other.

19
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:20,620
I remember that day.

20
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,960
You forgot to put a sock on the front
door and I walked in on you.

21
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,000
That was not a good Mother's Day for me.

22
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,160
Okay, Dad, you're arguing for SUVs, and
I'm making a case for hybrid cars. Okay,

23
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,240
good luck.

24
00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:45,380
Resolved.

25
00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:49,700
SUVs guzzle gas and destroy the
environment and keep us at the mercy of

26
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:50,700
-rich foreign government.

27
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:58,120
Maybe. But my SUV's got a leather
interior, a six -CD changer, and hybrids

28
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,500
bounce off me like bullets off Superman.
What's that?

29
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:03,900
Resolved.

30
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,759
The floor recognizes Madam Hoochie.

31
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:16,900
While hybrids may be small, they are
economical, and you can get a tax break

32
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:17,900
from the government.

33
00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:22,500
And when presented in the driveway with
a big giant bow on top, it makes a

34
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,340
memorable gift for your daughter's 16th
birthday.

35
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,780
Madam Bat, may I rebut that?

36
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,480
The floor recognizes the gentleman with
the monster truck -sized head.

37
00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:38,049
That's not fair!

38
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,100
If you're so smart, Jason, tell us what
happens when those resources are gone.

39
00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:21,440
Uh... Hey, who's out of gas now at Rich
Point?

40
00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:28,120
Carmen, you have to concede that fossil
fuel is cheaper than any other power

41
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,120
source.

42
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:32,120
Cheap? You want to talk about cheap?

43
00:03:33,060 --> 00:03:37,780
How many times has America's trust been
violated by someone

44
00:03:37,780 --> 00:03:44,170
just going out and drilling some crude
oil that a bunch of guys... already

45
00:03:44,170 --> 00:03:50,090
tapped i will admit that sometimes we go

46
00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:56,670
abroad to solve our energy needs and

47
00:03:56,670 --> 00:04:03,590
the whole time right here at home we had
such a precious untapped resource

48
00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:06,550
that we'd do anything to get back

49
00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:10,990
No one's tapping my country's resource
until she gets married, I tell you that.

50
00:04:13,010 --> 00:04:15,050
Look, I love my country.

51
00:04:16,329 --> 00:04:19,930
And I want her to know I'm really,
really sorry.

52
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:25,770
I withdraw my argument.

53
00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:27,250
No, I withdraw mine.

54
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:29,970
Oh!

55
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,950
What do you mean, oh? He cheated on her.
What kind of mom are you?

56
00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:36,370
He's a kid.

57
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,040
Kids make mistakes.

58
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,660
So you would have forgiven me that
easily if I had cheated on you in high

59
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:42,660
school?

60
00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:48,660
Oh, honey, I know how many opportunities
you had.

61
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,460
Thank you for being so loyal.

62
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,660
We'll find someone tonight.

63
00:04:57,020 --> 00:04:58,420
Of course you could.

64
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:03,360
We'll go to the clubs. I thought me and
you would be like Starsky and Hutch, eh?

65
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,180
You'll be my bait. I'll throw you out
there like chum, and then I'll follow

66
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:07,180
behind.

67
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:09,360
All

68
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:16,100
my

69
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,840
friends know that I'm right.

70
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,760
I could cheat on you with the lady from
the post office.

71
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,100
Uh -huh.

72
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,380
Or the big lady at the dry cleaner.
She's always thanking me for being a

73
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:41,380
eater.

74
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:43,660
Uh -huh.

75
00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:46,120
The girl at the bank.

76
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,320
Even when she's helping another
customer, Angie, she can't help but

77
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,320
out.

78
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,120
She has a lazy eye, George.

79
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,320
Mom, Dad. Oh, Carmen, you got some more
flowers from Jason.

80
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,220
Oh, yeah, it's our two -week
anniversary.

81
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,000
He got you flowers for that?

82
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,340
Uh -huh, because I told him to.

83
00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:08,960
This time, I'm calling the shot. He's
going to have to jump through hoops

84
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:09,960
I can trust him again.

85
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,920
But when he broke your heart, Carmen, he
broke all our hearts. I think I'm going

86
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,480
to stay emotionally unavailable until he
gets me a putter. George.

87
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,400
And some cream for your mom's alligator
elbows.

88
00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:24,580
Mom, Dad, can you sit down? There's
something I want to talk about.

89
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:28,480
Okay, Carmen, we talked about this,
okay? You're not getting a car.

90
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:32,570
Oh, no, it's not that, but... I am
turning 16 on Saturday, and I do feel

91
00:06:32,570 --> 00:06:33,970
enough to... No tattoos either.

92
00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:36,250
I want birth control pills.

93
00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:44,130
What about a little butterfly on your
ankle that says... That says virgin with

94
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:45,290
the wings closed, let them.

95
00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:48,650
Dad, I'm serious.

96
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:52,470
Carmen, we're not getting you birth
control pills. You're too young to have

97
00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:56,410
Has Jason been pressuring you? No, no,
this is my idea. I want to take

98
00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:59,170
responsibility for my body. And when the
time comes...

99
00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:02,450
important, but they're not going to be
enough. It's only 98 % effective against

100
00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:03,450
pregnancy.

101
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:06,010
I want to be sure that I'm absolutely
safe.

102
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,390
What do you mean, when the day comes?

103
00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:13,670
Well, let's talk about that together.

104
00:07:14,950 --> 00:07:17,690
How does March work for you?

105
00:07:21,270 --> 00:07:24,070
I'm not going to pick the day my
daughter loses her virginity.

106
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,610
And I'm sure as hell not going to...

107
00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:41,740
approach what are the criteria i have to
meet in order to have sex you have to

108
00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:48,680
be married or have a letter from the
pope don't

109
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:52,980
be such a hypocrite dad what were you
married when you lost your virginity

110
00:07:52,980 --> 00:07:57,560
mother was the first woman i was with
and i married her so you've only had sex

111
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:03,620
with one woman don't say it like that
that's the way it's supposed to be i'm

112
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:04,720
many women for your father

113
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,320
That's why you have the wigs.

114
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:17,100
Nice going, Angie. Cheer louder next
time. The point is, your father and I

115
00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:18,960
waited till we were of legal age.

116
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:20,380
All right, then. Let's compromise.

117
00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:23,480
I won't have sex, but I'll still get the
birth control pills. For what?

118
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,720
Well, they're good for your skin.

119
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,860
Your skin's fine. They think they might
be good for your heart. You're 16. You

120
00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:28,860
don't have to worry about your heart.

121
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,680
They help regulate your period.

122
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:34,919
Don't be so quick to give up the beauty
of an unexpected period.

123
00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:42,130
How about a nice cashmere sweater for
your birthday? What color do you want?

124
00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:45,710
You know, whatever color matches the
cashmere shackles I wear in this house.

125
00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:48,490
I know why the cage bird sings.

126
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,930
Well, you're dreaming if you think we're
getting you a sweater and a bird.

127
00:08:56,350 --> 00:08:57,550
You know who's behind this?

128
00:08:57,750 --> 00:08:58,750
Jason. I hate him.

129
00:09:00,810 --> 00:09:05,290
He left Carmen for that girl who had the
reputation for doing everything. He's

130
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:06,470
got experience now.

131
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,670
Well, I think it's time Jason and I had
a little talk.

132
00:09:09,910 --> 00:09:13,990
Well, you better scare some sense into
him, because I know at that age, when an

133
00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:17,610
attractive guy pressures a girl to have
sex, it's really hard to say no.

134
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:24,690
Sorry I pressured you, baby.

135
00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:29,530
What?

136
00:09:30,330 --> 00:09:32,710
In high school, you know, I might have
come out a little too strong.

137
00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:34,030
Oh, yeah.

138
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:39,890
Oh, that was tough.

139
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:58,850
Come here.

140
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:03,750
What's up, Mr. Lopez?

141
00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:05,490
You know, we...

142
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:10,740
talk in a while.

143
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,580
Oh, I miss our talk.

144
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,980
So, still a virgin?

145
00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:21,400
Uh, pretty much.

146
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:26,140
Come on, man. You left Carmen, you went
over with that Cindy Leshen girl. Look,

147
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,140
I don't care, dude. I'm not her dad.

148
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,600
Tell me about it, stud. Watch out.

149
00:10:36,620 --> 00:10:41,090
Look, Mr. Lopez, I'm new at this, but
I... pretty sure that's not cool.

150
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:44,270
Are you a virgin or aren't you?

151
00:10:45,070 --> 00:10:46,210
Carmen and I haven't done anything.

152
00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:48,970
Oh, but you want to.

153
00:10:49,930 --> 00:10:50,930
No.

154
00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:52,430
Why not? She's a beautiful girl.

155
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:55,530
Okay, yes.

156
00:10:55,570 --> 00:10:56,570
How dare you?

157
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:58,270
No!

158
00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:00,090
Yes! I don't know.

159
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:01,450
What do you want me to say?

160
00:11:02,710 --> 00:11:05,390
I want you to admit it, man. You're
pushing my daughter to have sex.

161
00:11:05,850 --> 00:11:06,930
I haven't even brought it up.

162
00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:08,130
Don't lie to me.

163
00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:09,140
I'm not, I swear.

164
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,840
Then why did she ask us for birth
control pills?

165
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,220
Really? She asked for birth control?

166
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,140
No way.

167
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,460
No way should you allow her to have
those.

168
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,140
So this wasn't your idea?

169
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:29,260
Look, Mr. Lopez, I'm walking on
eggshells with Carmen as it is.

170
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:33,400
All right? I would never do anything to
pressure her. I'm just glad she took me

171
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,400
back.

172
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,290
So was her idea.

173
00:11:39,150 --> 00:11:41,550
All this time I've been worrying about
boys pressuring her.

174
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:47,230
I even told her all the tricks guys
would use to get her into bed. Oh, my

175
00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:48,230
gave her a playbook.

176
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:54,770
No matter what she says, nobody just
likes to lie there naked and hug.

177
00:12:02,190 --> 00:12:03,190
Hey.

178
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,350
I just got paid for the Harris wedding.

179
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,450
and I'm in the mood to celebrate.

180
00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:15,550
I know it's not the same as cash, but
what do you say we get naked and roll

181
00:12:15,550 --> 00:12:16,550
around on the check?

182
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:22,290
Not now. Come on.

183
00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:26,230
Oh? Is somebody playing hard to get?

184
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:33,890
Well, I am not afraid to drag you
upstairs and have my way with you,

185
00:12:35,079 --> 00:12:38,260
This is why our daughter's a sexual
predator. She gets it from you.

186
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:40,780
What?

187
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,940
I talked to Jason.

188
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:44,840
Carmen's the one who wants to have sex.

189
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,080
She's pressuring him?

190
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,620
That's what I said. You're so full of
lust, you can't even hear right.

191
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,760
I don't feel good. My stomach hurts.

192
00:12:58,260 --> 00:12:59,460
What did you eat, honey?

193
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:04,020
Well, I was in Carmen's room and I found
some mints, but they didn't taste

194
00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:05,280
right. Carmen!

195
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:07,779
What's up?

196
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:10,040
Oh, your brother ate some of your mints
and he doesn't feel good.

197
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,419
What mints?

198
00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:14,200
The ones in the little tin that's in
your winter jacket under your bed.

199
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:15,900
Oh, my God.

200
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:18,900
Oh.

201
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,240
Those mints are probably just stale.

202
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,840
So how many did you take?

203
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,980
I ate five, Monday through Friday.

204
00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:38,230
a month's worth on this wheel.

205
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:40,510
You're on the pill!

206
00:13:40,690 --> 00:13:42,750
Well, so is Max.

207
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:46,950
Angie, call poison control.

208
00:13:47,670 --> 00:13:49,530
Look, I'm sure everything's gonna be
fine.

209
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,150
What's going on?

210
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,750
Uh, those weren't mint, honey.

211
00:13:54,030 --> 00:13:55,150
They were birth control pills.

212
00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:56,950
Oh, no.

213
00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:58,030
What's gonna happen?

214
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,290
Your sister's gonna get killed.

215
00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:03,930
And if you're anything like your mom,
you may experience some tenderness

216
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:04,930
your breasts.

217
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:18,640
Poison control says you're going to be
fine.

218
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,560
Are you having sex?

219
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:23,980
No. Then why did you go behind our backs
to get these pills?

220
00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:26,660
Carmen, we talked about this.

221
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,060
No, we didn't talk about anything. Dad
told me what to do like I was some

222
00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:33,780
kid. I didn't have any say in it. You
want to have a say?

223
00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:35,060
Say goodbye to these.

224
00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:37,040
Where did you get the pills?

225
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:41,220
We went down to the free clinic. Unlike
some people, they treat me like an

226
00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:42,220
adult.

227
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:43,720
We?

228
00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:45,420
Who went with you?

229
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:48,270
Was it Jacob? No, you know, it doesn't
matter who it was because you're never

230
00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:50,050
going to find out, so just let it go.

231
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:52,290
Max,

232
00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:54,530
I'll give you five dollars, homeboy. You
know anything.

233
00:14:57,170 --> 00:14:58,170
I heard them talking.

234
00:14:58,610 --> 00:14:59,610
Grandma Benny took her.

235
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,750
You're not getting a dime. Nobody likes
a tattletale.

236
00:15:06,970 --> 00:15:09,250
Just came in to get some snacks for the
poker game.

237
00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:14,110
We've already started, George.

238
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,700
You took my 16 -year -old daughter to
get birth control?

239
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,680
You don't have to thank me.

240
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,460
Just give me 10 bucks for gas and we'll
be even.

241
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:48,420
We have to talk. All right, before you
say anything, I want to own up and take

242
00:15:48,420 --> 00:15:51,500
full responsibility for driving her
there.

243
00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:56,250
was the one who told her about the free
clinic and told her she didn't need her

244
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:57,990
parents' permission to get birth control
there.

245
00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:00,570
I've said it. Let the chips fall where
they may.

246
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:03,250
To recap, it's Vic's fault.

247
00:16:04,990 --> 00:16:07,270
Daddy, is that true?

248
00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:13,650
Look, this wasn't easy for me, and I
told Carmen that I did not condone her

249
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:17,750
behavior. But she said she was intent on
doing this, and I told her about the

250
00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:18,750
free clinic.

251
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,950
I did what any other doctor would do.

252
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:26,340
Of course, it's just information. It
means nothing unless somebody drives her

253
00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:27,340
there.

254
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:30,560
Your grandparents.

255
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,240
You're supposed to tell them what it was
like when bread was a nickel, not pimp

256
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,240
them out.

257
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,260
Well, I stand by my decision.

258
00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:39,060
Yeah?

259
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,280
Did you give Angie the pill when she was
16?

260
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:42,660
Absolutely not.

261
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,460
I gave it to her sister, Gloria.

262
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:53,010
Because when I said that sex was a
sacred bond that should only occur

263
00:16:53,010 --> 00:16:55,490
married man and his wife, you believed
me.

264
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:56,710
She didn't.

265
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:00,910
Come on, let's get real here.

266
00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:04,450
I got knocked up when I was 16. Do you
want that to happen to Carmen?

267
00:17:04,910 --> 00:17:07,890
Well, I just want everyone to know that
I have not had sex yet.

268
00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:10,329
And when that day comes, you will all
get an email.

269
00:17:12,550 --> 00:17:13,550
Okay.

270
00:17:13,869 --> 00:17:14,869
Here's the deal.

271
00:17:15,329 --> 00:17:16,630
They are our children.

272
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:18,310
We will raise them.

273
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:19,700
Our way.

274
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:23,380
That's right. So stay out of it. You
won't be allowed back in this house.

275
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:24,259
game's over.

276
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,200
I have four aces.

277
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:27,420
Hold. Hold.

278
00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:36,100
Okay. She's turning 16 Friday. She's
already started taking birth control

279
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:37,960
We gotta do something fast.

280
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,080
I'm not talking to you. Fine.

281
00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:44,900
Don't talk to me.

282
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:48,200
But this is something I know about and
you don't. You've helped.

283
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:49,430
Enough, Benny.

284
00:17:49,910 --> 00:17:53,250
Look, I don't want to say this in front
of Carmen, but you can't stop her.

285
00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:57,570
My dad said he would kill me, and I
believed him, and I still went out and

286
00:17:57,570 --> 00:17:58,570
it.

287
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:00,790
Yeah, well, Carmen's not you.

288
00:18:01,010 --> 00:18:03,650
She's not willing to do anything for a
cheeseburger and a ride home.

289
00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:12,890
It was raining, and it was chicken
nugget.

290
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:16,910
This is how rumors start.

291
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,920
We're going to find a way to stop
Carmen. Oh, no.

292
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,340
This is going to happen one of two ways.

293
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,380
Planned and protected or hot and
spontaneous.

294
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,800
Mom! Hey, both have their advantages.

295
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:33,240
One way, you don't get pregnant. The
other way... Wow.

296
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,360
Does your mom always have to be so
blunt?

297
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:49,810
I didn't want to say this in front of
Carmen, but this is going to happen one

298
00:18:49,810 --> 00:18:50,810
two ways.

299
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:56,670
Smart and with protection, or in a field
of tobacco under a Cuban moon with the

300
00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:58,790
gunfire of revolution in the background.

301
00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:01,230
Wow.

302
00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:11,150
I hate to say it, but they're probably
right.

303
00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:13,230
Don't back down, Angie. We're stopping
Carmen.

304
00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:18,990
for the emotional consequences that go
along with a sexual relationship, and

305
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:22,530
clearly we are not emotionally prepared
to deal with our daughter crossing the

306
00:19:22,530 --> 00:19:23,570
threshold into womanhood.

307
00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:27,430
That's it?

308
00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:31,310
What? If you could teach Carmen to bore
a guy like you just bored me, nobody

309
00:19:31,310 --> 00:19:32,310
would want to be with her.

310
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,610
Well,

311
00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:41,590
I'm not surprised there's nothing down
here for my birthday.

312
00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:43,770
I know you guys are so mad at me.

313
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,150
Mm.

314
00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:46,290
We're not mad.

315
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:47,430
We talked last night.

316
00:19:47,630 --> 00:19:48,870
We realize you're 16.

317
00:19:49,410 --> 00:19:50,950
We can't stop you from growing up.

318
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:52,230
So?

319
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:54,170
We have a birthday surprise for you.

320
00:19:56,790 --> 00:19:58,730
No, wait, where are we going?

321
00:19:59,370 --> 00:20:00,710
To a Mexican convent.

322
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,460
You can only keep the car if you stay a
virgin till you're 40.

323
00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:18,660
George.

324
00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:20,980
18.

325
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,100
You guys are bribing me? Yep.

326
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:24,380
It's up to you.

327
00:20:24,580 --> 00:20:28,540
The car... or sex.

328
00:20:29,820 --> 00:20:31,360
Are you kidding? The car?

329
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,380
I hear it's not that great the first
couple of times anyway.

330
00:20:37,260 --> 00:20:40,480
How can it be with all that? What are
you thinking about now? How about now?

331
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:41,500
Now?

332
00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:48,260
We're just showing Carmen her birthday
surprise.

333
00:20:48,460 --> 00:20:49,460
They got me a car!

334
00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:51,180
Oh, this is an awesome surprise.

335
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,560
Yeah, well, there's a surprise for you
too, fool. Tell them.

336
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,219
Oh, yeah.

337
00:20:55,220 --> 00:21:00,220
They gave me a choice. I can either have
the car or sexy 518.

338
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,460
Guess what I picked?

339
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:05,380
Oh.

340
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:08,360
Well, I already have a car, but... Yeah,
that's cool.

341
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,280
Yeah.

342
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,600
Jason, why don't you take Carmen out for
a nice...

343
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:21,160
birthday dinner you know what my man no
curfew you'll be home early