1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,254
Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,675
Ooh. Knight of the Pentacles.
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,553
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes,
Mr. Peterson.
4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,223
Woody, are those Tarot cards?
5
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,474
Yeah.
6
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:18,101
What are you doing?
You have to be careful with those things.
7
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,313
Ah, yes. The awesome power
and dreaded prophecy of the Tarot,
8
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,525
so ancient and mysterious
that no one knows its history.
9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,318
Not even me.
10
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:28,237
That's a relief.
11
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,072
Woody, you idiot.
12
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,407
Don't mess
with the supernatural.
13
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,160
Have I taught you nothing
about bad juju?
14
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,954
Relax, Carla. I've done this before.
15
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,581
Now, where were we,
Mr. Peterson?
16
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,583
You got any grim reapers?
17
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,379
Nope. Go fish.
18
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,251
Carla, can I have
a beer, please?
19
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,336
What?
20
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,920
Can I have a beer, please?!
21
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,005
What?!
22
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,174
Can I have a beer, please?
23
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:13,425
What?!
24
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,177
They stopped the
hammering, okay?
25
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:18,180
I know! I'm just torturing you!
26
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,643
Finally stopped, huh?
Must be noon.
27
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,187
Actually, I've only got 10 till.
28
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,397
Oh, yeah. Union guys.
29
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,859
When are those guys
gonna be finished?
30
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:32,194
They're killing our business.
31
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,196
Nobody can come
through the front door.
32
00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:36,698
That's okay. The foreman promised me
it's just a one-day job.
33
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,908
I hope so.
34
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,910
What are they doing
up there, anyway?
35
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,662
Why doesn't
someone go see?
36
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,997
It's all the way
upstairs, you know?
37
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,500
Maybe we could
call somebody.
38
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,251
The phone's way over there.
39
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,796
We could turn on the TV.
40
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,798
Might be on the news
or something.
41
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,341
Clicker's in the poolroom.
42
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,302
Well, I guess we'll never know.
43
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:03,350
If you people aren't
the laziest beer sponges I have ever seen.
44
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,269
If you want to know
what's going on out there,
45
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,188
why doesn't somebody go and look?
46
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,899
Why doesn't somebody just
get up off their rufty-dufty
47
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,150
and go look?
48
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,446
Hey, Maybe I should've asked him
to return this.
49
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:20,158
Oop... too late.
50
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,202
Maybe we should go see
if he's all right.
51
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,329
It's all the way upstairs,
you know?
52
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,504
So, Frase, what are they
doing up there?
53
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,798
As near as I can tell,
they're replacing the top step
54
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,258
with a 6-foot hole.
55
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:44,599
You know, you people wouldn't be laughing
if you knew that I had a severe dust allergy.
56
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:48,478
I'm serious. I could've fallen
and broken my neck.
57
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,773
Stop, Dr. Crane.
let me catch my breath.
58
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,112
There's the guy who took the header
into our ditch.
59
00:03:58,029 --> 00:04:00,782
Hey, why'd you do that, Man?
You almost broke your neck.
60
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,410
Don't get him started.
He's got this whole routine.
61
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,329
Can I help you guys?
62
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:08,373
Yeah. You could help us
out with a couple of beers.
63
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,125
Sure. That'll be $5.00.
64
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:14,463
No, no. We can't have our boys
in the trenches paying for this.
65
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,465
Much better they spend
their valuable time
66
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:18,091
finishing their work upstairs
67
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,636
than digging around
in their wallets for exact change.
68
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,931
Here's a man who understands
the construction business.
69
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,266
What are you doing?
70
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,019
What am I doing?
I'm greasing the construction workers.
71
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:32,355
That would make a great title
for my autobiography.
72
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,485
This is disgusting.
73
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,196
- What?
- Bribing those men to do their job?
74
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:42,032
What happened to an honest day's work
for an honest day's pay?
75
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,659
Now, that is funny.
76
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,497
Nothing will top the one
about you breaking your neck.
77
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,333
It's all in the delivery.
78
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:56,463
Excuse me. That was a very nice gesture of Sam,
but I'm the manager here,
79
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,549
and I am responsible for receiving payment
for services rendered.
80
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,259
Honey, honey. Don't listen to--
81
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,261
No, the lady's got
the right idea.
82
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,180
Pride in workmanship.
83
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:08,225
You've inspired us to go out
and do our job as well as we can,
84
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:09,810
no matter how long it takes.
85
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,521
After all, we're craftsmen.
86
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,316
You see?
87
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,488
Well, that was Ma.
88
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,198
Her flight got in
a little bit early,
89
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:24,241
And she'll be by as soon
as she grabs a cab.
90
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,534
Your Ma's in town?
91
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,160
- Yeah.
- Why don't you go pick her up?
92
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,580
No, Normy. That would set exactly
the wrong tone for this visit.
93
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,165
I know why she's here.
94
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,251
She wants to
move back in with me.
95
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,795
She can just forget it, I can tell you.
96
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,755
She's not going to be
running my life
97
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,424
like she did when I was in my mid-30s.
No, sirree.
98
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,761
No, no. It's a new Cliff Clavin
99
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,012
A new man!
100
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,515
Well I'd be happy to see her you know,
take her out to dinner
101
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,725
give her a perm. But that's about it.
102
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,062
I don't get it, Mr. Clavin.
103
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,605
I thought you liked your mom a lot.
104
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,523
A whole lot.
105
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,191
Too much to be healthy, really.
106
00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,737
Why don't I hear any
jackhammering?
107
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:03,697
I don't know.
108
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:07,826
Why don't you go on up there and find out what
they're doing and come back and let us know?
109
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:11,037
Right, Carla. And then
I'd probably fall in a hole or something.
110
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,164
What do you think I am, an idiot?
111
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,542
We prefer the term "Hapless victim."
112
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,546
I'll tell you why you don't hear
any jackhammering.
113
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,506
They're pulling
a slowdown up there.
114
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,051
Good heavens. I laced
my boot incorrectly.
115
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,262
I'll have to start
all over again.
116
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,516
This is making me crazy.
They're gonna be here for a month.
117
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,934
Look, I'm sorry, Rebecca.
118
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:37,063
You got to go up and give that guy
this $50 he dropped.
119
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,191
As a matter of fact,
I think they both dropped $50. There.
120
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:43,236
No, Sam, I'm not gonna do this.
You cannot bribe them those men.
121
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,196
- It's a matter of principle.
- Rebecca.
122
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:48,283
It's like the cardinal rule
of the free enterprise system.
123
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,535
You pay somebody more money,
they work faster.
124
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:53,288
Look at this.
We're getting a raise at the post office.
125
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,874
The exception that
proves the rule.
126
00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:58,960
Sam, no, you made me
the manager.
127
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,546
You gave me the authority to
handle these problems,
128
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,673
so let me just do it my own way.
129
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,927
Okay, Manager, what are you going to do?
130
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,638
Well, I think we'll just make an entrance
through the alley.
131
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,514
You got to be kidding.
132
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,516
What are you gonna do,
bust a hole in my wall?
133
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,102
Actually, Sam, you know, that window,
134
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,270
the leaded stained glass window,
135
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,481
is in a single Wooden frame,
so I think you could pop it out
136
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,024
fairly easily with a crowbar.
137
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,318
I think the opening
is, like, four by eight,
138
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,570
which is perfectly good
for a standard entrance.
139
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,406
You build a little a staircase,
and you got yourself a nice little doorway.
140
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,576
Boy, you've put a lot
of thought into this.
141
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:34,329
It's always been
a dream of mine to someday retire
142
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,331
and build a little apartment
back there.
143
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,756
Hello, Clifford.
144
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,216
Hey, Ma! Hey, look.
145
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,095
Come on, you.
146
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:55,433
My, everybody has filled out nicely.
147
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,189
Say, Mrs. Clavin, if you don't mind my asking,
148
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,692
how did you happen to
negotiate that hole
149
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,318
up at the top of the stairs?
150
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,988
I just hiked up my skirts
and hopped across.
151
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,280
No big deal.
152
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:13,326
Although those construction boys
told me some jackass actually fell in.
153
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,327
Can you believe that?
154
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,748
I'm a boob.
I'm a big fat boob!
155
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:26,589
So, Ma, what made you decide
to blow into town all of a sudden?
156
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:32,846
Well, you know how much I enjoy
the historically rich sport of dog racing.
157
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,180
Who doesn't?
158
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,059
It turns out I enjoyed it a bit
too much last Friday,
159
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:41,146
and let's just say I owe some people
some money.
160
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:47,777
Well, the dog I put all my money on
apparently had a parasitic condition.
161
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,321
He scooted the last 75 yards.
162
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,074
He got the most laughs,
163
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,743
but they don't pay on laughs.
164
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:59,622
Anyway, it gives me a chance
to catch up with my little boy.
165
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,292
I'm looking forward to
seeing what you're doing with your life
166
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,252
and how we can go about fixing it.
167
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,716
I appreciate the thought, Ma,
but I don't have anything that needs fixing.
168
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,719
See, I got a new lifestyle,
and I like it.
169
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,388
Clifford, is it really
a new lifestyle
170
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:19,642
or is it just an excuse to walk
around your apartment half-naked?
171
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:23,688
It's not an either-or
situation, Ma.
172
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:31,279
I suppose there's no room
in this playboy pad of yours
173
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,781
for somebody's mother?
174
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,909
Thank you for being
so understanding, Ma.
175
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:40,288
Oh. Well, I certainly don't want
to be a burden to you, Clifford.
176
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,332
Lord knows you weren't
a burden to me
177
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:45,668
when I was in labor with
you for 72 hours.
178
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,962
Ooh! 72 hours?
179
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,839
He had those wide hips.
180
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,178
I got you a great hotel here.
Look. It's got HBO--
181
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,097
You shouldn't go to that expense.
182
00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:02,018
All I need is a large appliance carton,
and I can sleep on the street
183
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,771
with all the other forgotten mothers.
184
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,273
You can stay with me.
185
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,152
Are you sure you don't have
a lifestyle I'd be intruding on?
186
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,654
Not that I know of.
187
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,991
Well, then, I'd be glad to.
188
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,326
What's your name?
189
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,369
Woody.
190
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:20,537
Woody.
191
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:25,208
That's the name of a boy
whose mother raised him right.
192
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,209
Really?
193
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:30,046
Because I looked it up,
and all I could find was "treelike."
194
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,760
Let's get you settled in,
huh, Mrs. Clavin?
195
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:38,638
No. Hey, Woody, my mother doesn't want
to impose on anybody.
196
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,516
Suddenly he's an expert
on my desires.
197
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,518
I certainly do want to
stay with Woody.
198
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:44,727
I like him.
199
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,980
He's sweet and thoughtful.
200
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,691
And look at those nice narrow hips.
201
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,193
I'll bet you shot out
like a bullet.
202
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,745
Norm's got the window out.
203
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,205
Now he's starting
on the iron bars.
204
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:06,708
When he's finished,
anybody who wants to
205
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,711
can come into this bar right
through that alley.
206
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:17,760
What was that?
207
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,763
Two big dogs
chasing a Chihuahua.
208
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,099
At least I think
it was a Chihuahua.
209
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,643
If the health department asks,
it was a Chihuahua.
210
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,773
Thanks for giving me a lift,
Ma Clavin.
211
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,275
My pleasure, Woody.
212
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,819
Here's your lunch.
I cut the grapes in half,
213
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:37,238
but should one lodge
in your esophagus,
214
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:41,159
remember the international
sign for choking is this.
215
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,750
How come you never
taught me that, Ma?
216
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,793
Oh, Clifford, with that
windpipe of yours,
217
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,546
it would take a knockwurst
to cut off your air.
218
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,466
I'll be home at 7:00.
219
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,802
Don't be late. I'm stopping at
the video store
220
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:04,224
to pick up the rest
of the Police Academy cycle.
221
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,810
Oh, I love that handsome
young African-American
222
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,896
who makes those funny noises with his mouth.
223
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,315
Yeah, he's a hoot, isn't he?
224
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,859
Yes, he is.
And you can tell by watching him
225
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:17,278
he's very respectful to his mother.
226
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,450
Ma, are you mad at me?
227
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:25,078
I'd have to care to be mad.
228
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,706
Look, Ma, I didn't say
I never wanted to see you again,
229
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,124
for crying out loud.
230
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,543
Listen, why don't you come over?
231
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,170
We'll watch Jeopardy! tonight, huh?
232
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,797
Come on over to the apartment.
233
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:39,759
Oh, praise God.
I've been invited to Xanadu.
234
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,263
Actually, Clifford,
235
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,349
I happen to have
a previous engagement.
236
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,603
No.
237
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,938
No.
238
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,856
No.
239
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,024
No.
240
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,694
Oh, all right.
241
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:02,824
Clifford, we'd be delighted to have you join us
for Police Academy tonight.
242
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,784
Oh, no, that's okay, Ma.
243
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,869
I'm just gonna have a lot of
fun right here.
244
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,454
I'm as happy
as a lark.
245
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,749
Actually, Mr. Clavin,
the lark is a very depressed bird.
246
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,168
It has one of the
highest suicide rates
247
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,879
in the entire
ornithological kingdom.
248
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,840
Interestingly enough,
its song--
249
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,091
Is more of a dirge.
250
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,343
You've been teaching him bird trivia,
haven't you, Ma?
251
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:29,934
Woody is the best student
I've had, bar none.
252
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,895
I know what you're trying to do, Ma,
and it's not gonna work.
253
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,897
You're trying
to make me jealous.
254
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,233
I'm not gonna be asking you to
move back in with me.
255
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,569
Don't you worry.
I know your wily ways.
256
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,113
You see, you're forgetting
I'm a graduate student
257
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,408
of the Esther Clavin school
of Emotional Blackmail.
258
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:50,246
Well, that and a nickel
will get you a civil service job.
259
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,207
Back off, Ma.
260
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,920
Clifford, I'm not trying
to get you jealous.
261
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,130
I don't have to.
262
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:02,091
I found a wonderful
companion in Woody.
263
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,969
He's like the son I never had.
264
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:08,431
Well, what about me?
265
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,059
You're the son I did have.
266
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,697
Yeah, I'm telling
you, Norm, I really let Ma have it.
267
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,449
I cut clean.
268
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,576
I'll have to take your word for it, Cliff.
269
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:32,580
Yeah, it really feels good
to get that monkey off my back.
270
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,165
Whatever you say.
271
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:37,877
Yeah, she's out of there.
Gone, good-bye, finito.
272
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,797
Cliff, what do I have to say
to make you stop talking?
273
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,424
Yes, sir.
Today I am a man, Norm.
274
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,134
How about,
"I've got a crowbar"?
275
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,388
Well, hey, Rebecca.
276
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,139
You be Ma again,
and I'll be me.
277
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,599
Oh, Cliff.
278
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,393
Sam does a lot
better Ma than I do.
279
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,561
Oh, yeah. Right, right.
280
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,314
All right, Ma,
get off my back.
281
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,066
I'm busy, Cliff.
282
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,569
No, Sam.
There's too much love in your voice.
283
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,115
I think that ought to do it.
284
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,741
What do you mean,
that ought to do it?
285
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,076
You need to cut
another bar out of there.
286
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,911
People have to
squeeze through there.
287
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,704
Rebecca, trust me.
I've spent a lifetime
288
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,373
learning how to do
the least amount of work
289
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,208
for any given task.
290
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,376
This will fit the bill.
291
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,961
I just don't think
292
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,004
anybody's really gonna be able to fit
through there.
293
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,048
Even I can fit through.
Watch this.
294
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,716
You just sort of...
295
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,305
Well, that's it.
296
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,267
That's it?
You're not halfway through.
297
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,853
No, that's it, I'm stuck.
298
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,815
I'll be in Cheers the rest of my life.
299
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,776
I guess you have to be careful
what you wish for.
300
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,070
Let me see if I can
get you unstuck.
301
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,867
Oh, God, that's it.
You are stuck.
302
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,326
Sam!
303
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:53,703
Carla!
304
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:58,749
You better hurry, Rebecca, because
I think I see that damn Chihuahua again.
305
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,878
Hey, there's a whole
pack of Chihuahuas.
306
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,921
I hope they're Chihuahuas.
307
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,799
Oh, my God!
308
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,435
You okay out there?
309
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,646
Yeah. I think they're as afraid
of me as I am of them.
310
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:24,108
Yeah, except you don't carry rabies
and have razor-sharp teeth.
311
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,527
Yeah, but they don't know that.
312
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,864
Boy, you really are
wedged in there.
313
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:31,908
Is that Norm?
314
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:35,536
I didn't recognize you
without the barstool attached.
315
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,752
You know who
he looks like?
316
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:43,878
Winnie the Pooh.
317
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:47,757
Carla's right. In that story
where he eats too much honey
318
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:49,050
and gets stuck in Rabbit's hole.
319
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,260
Well, how did they get him out?
320
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,512
It was hilarious.
321
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,181
They starved him for a couple of weeks,
then yanked him out.
322
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,474
When he got out,
323
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:59,143
did Winnie the Pooh
sue the damn rabbit?
324
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,271
Come on, man, lighten up,
will you?
325
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,439
I'm sorry, Sammy.
326
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:04,982
I'm just upset, okay?
327
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,776
No, I mean, you're like
dead weight here.
328
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,111
Push, pull,
do something.
329
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,988
♪ Winnie the pooh ♪
330
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,573
♪ Winnie the pooh ♪
331
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,658
♪ Chubby little-- ♪
332
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,576
Stop it.
They like the singing.
333
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,912
They're coming
towards the singing.
334
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,877
Yeah, so I told her,
"Pack your bags. Go on, hit the skids.
335
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,546
I don't need you anymore."
336
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,965
What's wrong with him,
girl trouble?
337
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,258
Well, sort of.
338
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,927
Now I'll just have
to raise myself.
339
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,765
The hard work's
already done, though.
340
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,311
Where's the child who's stuck
in the fence?
341
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,231
Oh, good, you're here.
Back this way in the poolroom.
342
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,149
Child stuck in the fence?
343
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,026
Every time I said,
"accountant stuck in the window,"
344
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,195
they just laughed and hung up.
345
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:52,613
He's back here.
346
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,826
Oh, Woody, that was fun.
347
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,161
It's so nice to go shopping
for shelf paper
348
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:03,583
with somebody who doesn't
nitpick over every design.
349
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,711
Ma, when are you gonna stop taking
those potshots at me?
350
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,462
When it stops being fun.
351
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,007
Excuse me, Woody.
352
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,384
I'm going to go powder my nose.
353
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,261
Your nose looks fine,
Mother Clavin.
354
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,972
That's just an expression, son.
355
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,726
Son?
356
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,187
She's, uh, calling you son now?
357
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,856
Well, it's just an expression.
358
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,983
You know, like, powder my nose.
359
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,276
I understand, Woody.
360
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,070
I want to thank you, really,
for all you done for my Ma,
361
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,031
you know, giving her
a place to live and everything.
362
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,867
There's one thing my
sense of pride
363
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,076
won't allow me to say to her,
364
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,537
but I know I can talk to you
about it man to man.
365
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,206
I want my mommy back.
366
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,628
You can't have her back.
You gave her up.
367
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:50,921
I miss her.
368
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,965
If I give her to you,
then I'll miss her, too.
369
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,050
Can't we share?
370
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,135
I don't want to share.
371
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,511
Oh, for God's sake!
372
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:00,931
You're acting like children.
373
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:02,391
Now, listen, Woody.
374
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,895
Esther Clavin is Cliff's
natural mother.
375
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,105
Therefore, logic would
dictate that, uh...
376
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,733
Well, Cliff gets first dibs.
377
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:17,073
Well, Woody, are we ready to
line some shelves
378
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,699
with flags of the world?
379
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,243
Woody?
380
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:26,123
Woody, if you stick
that lower lip out any further,
381
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,000
a pigeon's gonna land on it.
382
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:33,673
You know that they like
shiny ledge-like surfaces.
383
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,509
Don't bring up bird trivia now,
Mother Clavin.
384
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,635
It hurts too much.
385
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,680
Why, Woody, whatever are you
talking about?
386
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:48,938
All right, all right, all right.
387
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,773
Is this true, Clifford?
388
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,316
Yeah, Ma, it is.
389
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,568
I want you back.
390
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:59,782
Well, is there room for me
in that singles paradise of yours?
391
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,992
I'll--I'll make room.
392
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,870
I made room for you,
Mother Clavin.
393
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,372
I'll make room in your face!
394
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,999
No, no. Now, now, boys.
395
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:13,003
Let's not get into
a Cain and Abel situation here.
396
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:16,966
I can love you both
for different reasons.
397
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:22,263
Woody, I can love you because
you're generous and kind and strong.
398
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:23,973
And, Clifford, I can love you
399
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,308
because I'm your biological mother,
400
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,769
and nature dictates there be a bond.
401
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:32,940
Now, boys,
402
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,859
I've got plenty of love for both.
403
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:38,654
And lord knows,
I've got plenty of shelf paper.
404
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,573
I'll tell you what. Let's get cracking.
405
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,033
We can do both of your apartments
before dark.
406
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,618
Gonna do mine first.
407
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,120
Not if I get to the car first.
408
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,038
Yeah, well, you're not gonna do that.
I can't be beat.
409
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:51,417
Boys, watch out for the hole--
410
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:58,299
Yes, they're my children, all right.
Both dumb as dishwater.
411
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,596
We can get him out, but we're gonna
have to bring in the jaws of life.
412
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,723
He's really stuck in there.
413
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:09,101
Yeah. It reminds me
of that Winnie the Pooh story.
414
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,354
How'd he get
stuck in there anyway?
415
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:15,024
Well, he ate up all
of rabbit's honey--
416
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:16,317
No, I mean this guy.
417
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,031
Uh, we were, uh,
building a new entrance.
418
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:23,866
Do you have
a permit for that?
419
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,660
He wants a permit.
420
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:28,829
This time we'll
handle it your way.
421
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,122
I'll do it.
422
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:35,461
Let me just reach into
my magic permit pocket...
423
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,506
Yes, yes.
424
00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:46,639
And, oh, here's a nice little permit
with a picture of General Grant on it.
425
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,016
What are you doing?
426
00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:53,437
What, like you have
never been bribed before?
427
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,650
Are you trying to
give us this 50 bucks?
428
00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,069
What, 50 isn't enough?
429
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:01,612
How about 100?
430
00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:03,781
All right, you're under arrest. Come on.
431
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,742
Sam, will you get my checkbook?
432
00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:10,538
So you guys ought to
have me out of here
433
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,164
in just a few minutes, huh?
434
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:14,708
Right, guys?
435
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,127
Guys!
436
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:19,839
Vera?