1
00:00:03,396 --> 00:00:06,934
Move over! I wanna sit here close to you
so we can take the picture for our new website.

2
00:00:07,059 --> 00:00:09,744
Look, if you want to get all
lesbian with me, just go for it.

3
00:00:09,746 --> 00:00:11,595
You don't have to pretend
it's for the website.

4
00:00:11,597 --> 00:00:13,431
It is.

5
00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:15,883
And for the record, in 2009,
when Katy Perry

6
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:19,219
"kissed a girl and liked it,"
I kissed one and didn't.

7
00:00:19,221 --> 00:00:21,221
Ready?

8
00:00:21,223 --> 00:00:23,273
One... two... and...

9
00:00:25,411 --> 00:00:27,061
- Perfect.
- Perfect?

10
00:00:27,063 --> 00:00:30,164
This photo does not say "let us
do your child's birthday party."

11
00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,533
It says
"we're an AC/DC tribute band,

12
00:00:32,535 --> 00:00:34,568
and you can pay us in cocaine."

13
00:00:34,570 --> 00:00:35,703
Oleg,

14
00:00:35,705 --> 00:00:37,755
will you take a picture
of us for our website?

15
00:00:37,757 --> 00:00:39,340
You realize
you just asked a man

16
00:00:39,342 --> 00:00:40,624
who only takes pictures
of his penis?

17
00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:41,926
Yes.

18
00:00:41,928 --> 00:00:45,129
But it's always well-lit,
and perfectly in focus.

19
00:00:45,131 --> 00:00:46,964
You won't be disappointed.

20
00:00:46,966 --> 00:00:49,350
I take lots of website pictures.

21
00:00:49,352 --> 00:00:53,104
Yeah, but we're not wearing
just bras and chicken masks.

22
00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:56,857
We have time.

23
00:00:56,859 --> 00:01:00,594
Maybe we should rethink
the "coke whore" picture.

24
00:01:10,290 --> 00:01:12,022
Well, good night, ladies.

25
00:01:12,025 --> 00:01:14,242
Sleep tight,
don't let the bed bugs bite.

26
00:01:14,244 --> 00:01:16,077
And I remember
a time in New York

27
00:01:16,079 --> 00:01:19,080
when that was more
cute than accurate.

28
00:01:19,082 --> 00:01:20,748
- Good night, Earl.
- Good night.

29
00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:22,166
Earl, I have come across

30
00:01:22,168 --> 00:01:24,085
a $6 inaccuracy
in tonight's total.

31
00:01:24,087 --> 00:01:25,870
You must go over
all checks again.

32
00:01:25,872 --> 00:01:27,672
Han, I'm just on my way home.

33
00:01:27,674 --> 00:01:29,457
But it is not yet 2:00 A.M.

34
00:01:29,459 --> 00:01:30,658
I hate to play the heavy,

35
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:33,661
but you must sit down
and go over checks again.

36
00:01:33,663 --> 00:01:36,931
Han, I am 75 years old.

37
00:01:36,933 --> 00:01:39,967
I don't even have enough
time left to wipe twice.

38
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,520
Well, well.

39
00:01:42,522 --> 00:01:44,171
Hello there.

40
00:01:49,846 --> 00:01:51,612
Oh, there are the girls.

41
00:01:51,614 --> 00:01:52,630
Sophie, hello.

42
00:01:52,632 --> 00:01:53,848
You look pretty.

43
00:01:53,850 --> 00:01:55,817
Oh, I know.

44
00:01:55,819 --> 00:01:58,119
Oh, sorry,
the kitchen's closed.

45
00:01:58,121 --> 00:02:01,606
- What?
- Kitchen was closed...

46
00:02:01,608 --> 00:02:02,907
But can now be open again

47
00:02:02,909 --> 00:02:05,860
for such a beautiful woman.

48
00:02:05,862 --> 00:02:08,379
Hello. I am the chef.

49
00:02:08,381 --> 00:02:09,697
Oh, here we go.

50
00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:13,367
Ukraine's going
to try to invade Poland.

51
00:02:13,369 --> 00:02:15,636
It's double d-day.

52
00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:18,673
Oleg, this is
our neighbor, Sophie.

53
00:02:18,675 --> 00:02:21,926
I would like to have
a plate with sausage on it

54
00:02:21,928 --> 00:02:26,380
while I look over the menu.

55
00:02:26,382 --> 00:02:29,016
Yowza.

56
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:33,554
<i>You are like someone super-sized
Victoria's secret angel.</i>

57
00:02:33,556 --> 00:02:37,375
I'd like to Gisele
on your Bundchens.

58
00:02:42,664 --> 00:02:44,198
You're going
to act like a dog,

59
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,534
I'll treat you like a dog.

60
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,789
Well, there goes
his photography career.

61
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:54,258
Do you still want the sausage?

62
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:57,428
Yes, of course.
Why should sausage suffer?

63
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:00,014
You know
how to handle yourself.

64
00:03:00,016 --> 00:03:01,299
- Impressive.
- Mm-hmm.

65
00:03:01,301 --> 00:03:05,353
That was like a game
of "rock, paper, pervert."

66
00:03:05,355 --> 00:03:06,604
Sophie, thank you
for coming in.

67
00:03:06,606 --> 00:03:08,422
Max and I wanted to talk
to you about taking you up

68
00:03:08,424 --> 00:03:10,474
on your offer to work
for your cleaning company.

69
00:03:10,476 --> 00:03:12,259
Yeah, she wants to do it for
money to pay for our website,

70
00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:13,978
and I want to do it

71
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:17,565
because I like rummaging through
strangers' medicine cabinets.

72
00:03:17,567 --> 00:03:19,483
Have you cleaned
houses before?

73
00:03:19,485 --> 00:03:22,320
Well, I had a house,
and it was very clean.

74
00:03:22,322 --> 00:03:24,655
But whatever the task,
you won't be sorry.

75
00:03:24,657 --> 00:03:26,273
Max and I are a great team,

76
00:03:26,275 --> 00:03:28,943
and when we set our mind to
something, we accomplish it.

77
00:03:28,945 --> 00:03:30,494
- And if you consider giving us...
- Oh, stop.

78
00:03:30,496 --> 00:03:33,497
This is not
a dental school interview.

79
00:03:33,499 --> 00:03:35,883
Come on,
this is scrubbing toilets.

80
00:03:35,885 --> 00:03:38,085
In or out?

81
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,221
We're in.
All the way.

82
00:03:40,223 --> 00:03:42,056
In my experience,
when someone has to tell you

83
00:03:42,058 --> 00:03:43,123
they're all the way in,

84
00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:44,642
you'd better hope
their tongue works.

85
00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:48,946
So dirty.

86
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:51,849
We can start tomorrow.

87
00:03:51,851 --> 00:03:53,968
Just tell us where to go,
and we'll be there.

88
00:03:53,970 --> 00:03:55,319
Oh, okay.

89
00:03:55,321 --> 00:03:57,488
Well, uh, you walk
out your door,

90
00:03:57,490 --> 00:03:59,907
you take right,
you go upstairs,

91
00:03:59,909 --> 00:04:03,477
you open my door,
and you clean my apartment.

92
00:04:03,479 --> 00:04:05,363
Is audition.

93
00:04:05,365 --> 00:04:07,999
<i>Can't I just take off
my shirt like in fame?</i>

94
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:10,251
Excuse me.

95
00:04:10,253 --> 00:04:12,954
Here is your
non-sexual appetizer.

96
00:04:12,956 --> 00:04:15,322
You and I will start small.

97
00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:16,507
You like?

98
00:04:16,509 --> 00:04:18,342
Yes.

99
00:04:18,344 --> 00:04:20,544
Good boy. Now go.

100
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,939
Forced to clean
Sophie's apartment?

101
00:04:27,941 --> 00:04:29,157
This is getting dicey.

102
00:04:29,159 --> 00:04:30,408
Next thing you know,
we're locked in a crate

103
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:32,457
on our way to the far east.

104
00:04:32,465 --> 00:04:35,032
Max, we're going to spend
this money on our website.

105
00:04:35,034 --> 00:04:36,367
That's the future
of our company.

106
00:04:36,369 --> 00:04:38,235
But the future
is so far in the future,

107
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,371
and I need this money
now for real stuff,

108
00:04:40,373 --> 00:04:42,206
like gummi bears and eye liner.

109
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:44,842
How do you think
you get to the future?

110
00:04:44,844 --> 00:04:47,299
Uh, Marty McFly
and a delorean?

111
00:04:48,681 --> 00:04:50,431
Besides, we don't need
the website yet.

112
00:04:50,433 --> 00:04:52,683
We got the birthday cupcake
job tomorrow without it.

113
00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:54,885
And where do you think
we got that job?

114
00:04:54,887 --> 00:04:57,388
I don't know, the job fairy?

115
00:04:57,390 --> 00:04:59,190
What? I don't pay attention
to the business stuff.

116
00:04:59,192 --> 00:05:01,258
I got the order
at the web design company

117
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:04,094
when I overheard someone say
it was his son's fifth birthday.

118
00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:06,113
Gross. Using children
for your own profit.

119
00:05:06,115 --> 00:05:09,316
Way to go, China.

120
00:05:14,072 --> 00:05:15,406
Well, here we are.

121
00:05:15,408 --> 00:05:17,491
Why is this big news?

122
00:05:17,493 --> 00:05:19,076
Come in.

123
00:05:19,078 --> 00:05:21,996
So, if this all works out today,

124
00:05:21,998 --> 00:05:26,133
I have two possible
jobs for you.

125
00:05:26,135 --> 00:05:27,384
Two? That's amazing.

126
00:05:27,386 --> 00:05:29,503
This is the only way
that I can make sure

127
00:05:29,505 --> 00:05:32,339
that you don't ruin
my company's good name.

128
00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:36,510
'Cause I work hard
to build "Sophie's choice."

129
00:05:36,512 --> 00:05:38,512
Now, uh, one
of you take bathroom

130
00:05:38,514 --> 00:05:39,847
and one of you take out here.

131
00:05:39,849 --> 00:05:41,015
Who does which?

132
00:05:41,017 --> 00:05:42,516
Bathroom. I'm going
to go with bathroom.

133
00:05:42,518 --> 00:05:43,967
I love a challenge.

134
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:47,187
If not perfect clean,
no job.

135
00:05:47,189 --> 00:05:49,139
Begin.

136
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,025
Watch out, ladies.

137
00:05:51,027 --> 00:05:54,495
I'm about to go ham
on this b-room.

138
00:05:54,497 --> 00:05:57,147
What is this "ham"?

139
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,116
Hard as a mother.

140
00:05:59,118 --> 00:06:03,654
Max, I love when you're dirty.

141
00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:14,698
Oh. Very impressive.

142
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,967
You clean

143
00:06:16,969 --> 00:06:18,435
like bull.

144
00:06:18,437 --> 00:06:20,521
Roar of cleaning.

145
00:06:20,523 --> 00:06:22,056
No big deal.

146
00:06:22,058 --> 00:06:24,224
I was lifting up couches
when I was six

147
00:06:24,226 --> 00:06:27,728
to help my mom look for change
and her boyfriend's tooth.

148
00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:30,497
I'm almost finished in here!

149
00:06:30,499 --> 00:06:32,483
This one like
to make big announcements

150
00:06:32,485 --> 00:06:36,370
- about nothing, yes?
- Yes.

151
00:06:36,372 --> 00:06:38,072
Hey, does that
electric cigarette work?

152
00:06:38,074 --> 00:06:39,523
Yes, yeah.

153
00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:43,999
I smoked for seven years,
and then I quit when I was 12.

154
00:06:44,914 --> 00:06:47,047
Yeah, I didn't want to die
of lung cancer

155
00:06:47,049 --> 00:06:49,533
before I was teenager.

156
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,051
Can I get a hit?

157
00:06:51,053 --> 00:06:53,053
Oh, yeah, please, try.

158
00:06:53,055 --> 00:06:56,757
I have many more in the drawers.

159
00:06:56,759 --> 00:06:59,259
I smoked the summer I shucked
oysters on a gay cruise.

160
00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:02,346
Ooh, glamorous.

161
00:07:02,348 --> 00:07:04,565
Almost done.
Two-minute warning.

162
00:07:04,567 --> 00:07:07,067
Be prepared to be amazed.

163
00:07:07,069 --> 00:07:08,352
Max, you shouldn't smoke.
You'll get...

164
00:07:08,354 --> 00:07:10,738
What, electrocuted?

165
00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:12,072
This is silly.

166
00:07:12,074 --> 00:07:14,074
If I'm going to suck
on something this hard

167
00:07:14,076 --> 00:07:17,911
and get no pleasure out of it,
I should just date.

168
00:07:17,913 --> 00:07:21,031
I think you're going
to be thrilled.

169
00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:27,070
Oh, she stinks.

170
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:29,873
Spritz, spritz.
She is sprayer.

171
00:07:29,875 --> 00:07:32,259
All mirror, no toilet.

172
00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:34,211
Well, you know, she's sort of
new to this kind of work.

173
00:07:34,213 --> 00:07:35,429
She was born rich,

174
00:07:35,431 --> 00:07:37,264
but her father stole
a bunch of money from people,

175
00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:40,017
and she was thrown out
of her townhouse and disgraced.

176
00:07:40,019 --> 00:07:43,520
Yes, well,
she clean like rich girl.

177
00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,773
"Hey, everybody, look,
look what I'm doing.

178
00:07:45,775 --> 00:07:48,525
Oh, spritz, spritz."

179
00:07:48,527 --> 00:07:50,594
Oh!

180
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,196
See, you not born rich,

181
00:07:52,198 --> 00:07:55,599
and you... you're like "roar."

182
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,117
- Right?
- Well.

183
00:07:57,119 --> 00:08:00,070
Cleaning's not her thing,
but she has other strengths.

184
00:08:00,072 --> 00:08:01,772
Mm, I don't see them.

185
00:08:01,774 --> 00:08:03,157
Mm.

186
00:08:03,159 --> 00:08:06,293
Uh, so
do we not have the job?

187
00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:07,578
No, I give you job,

188
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:10,113
because one bull
equal two girls.

189
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,949
But why you need her,
I don't know.

190
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:15,302
You can make much more money
on your own.

191
00:08:15,304 --> 00:08:17,454
Yeah, well,
we're kind of a team.

192
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:21,141
Listen, Max.
Let me tell you something.

193
00:08:21,143 --> 00:08:24,978
She is like rock,
tied to you, balloon.

194
00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:27,297
See, she hold you down.

195
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:30,640
You cut her loose, and...

196
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:36,490
Yeah, well,
she's not weighing me down.

197
00:08:36,492 --> 00:08:39,643
I had lover who was rock.

198
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:43,630
And I let him go, and...

199
00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:47,651
I'm finished, and I have
to say, that bathroom?

200
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:48,869
Nailed it.

201
00:08:48,871 --> 00:08:50,320
Don't push it.
She saw it.

202
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,840
She barely looked at it.
I saw you in the mirror.

203
00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:54,425
Your eye never even looked down.

204
00:08:54,427 --> 00:08:58,128
Yes, that's because
this eye doesn't go down.

205
00:08:58,130 --> 00:08:59,996
See, I'm trying.

206
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:03,851
Yeah, I have blind spot
from accident as child.

207
00:09:03,853 --> 00:09:05,803
When I was six years old,

208
00:09:05,805 --> 00:09:08,105
while working in Polish
knock-off

209
00:09:08,107 --> 00:09:10,357
of McDonalds in warsaw,

210
00:09:10,359 --> 00:09:13,527
I fell on hot McStick.

211
00:09:13,529 --> 00:09:16,346
How did you fall
on a hot stick?

212
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:20,200
Not a stick that is hot.
A hot McStick.

213
00:09:20,202 --> 00:09:23,320
It's meat on a stick,
and it's very popular.

214
00:09:23,322 --> 00:09:26,073
They only have it, like,
two times a year.

215
00:09:26,075 --> 00:09:28,459
It's like Mcribs.

216
00:09:30,044 --> 00:09:32,963
Sophie, I'm so sorry,
that's awful.

217
00:09:32,965 --> 00:09:35,549
Yeah, but I bet that
McStick thing is delicious.

218
00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:37,217
It is.

219
00:09:37,219 --> 00:09:38,385
Well, that must
have been hard.

220
00:09:38,387 --> 00:09:40,053
I admire your courage.

221
00:09:40,055 --> 00:09:43,373
What are you,
counsellor from unicef?

222
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:47,227
You are acing this interview.

223
00:09:47,229 --> 00:09:49,713
Pffft...

224
00:09:57,615 --> 00:09:59,344
Do you know where we are?

225
00:09:59,346 --> 00:10:01,045
This whole building is models.

226
00:10:01,047 --> 00:10:02,613
Life is so funny.

227
00:10:02,615 --> 00:10:04,048
When I lived in Manhattan,

228
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:06,434
I used to come to model parties
here all the time.

229
00:10:06,436 --> 00:10:07,885
And now you clean up
their poop.

230
00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:10,722
You're right.
Life is funny.

231
00:10:10,724 --> 00:10:12,223
Here's the apartment
upstairs tomorrow.

232
00:10:12,225 --> 00:10:14,942
- 10j. Here it is.
- How do I look?

233
00:10:14,944 --> 00:10:17,278
Maybe he's the Abercrombie model
from the Christmas ad

234
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,479
in the white sleigh

235
00:10:18,481 --> 00:10:22,099
with the open fleece jacket
and the eight-pack.

236
00:10:23,987 --> 00:10:26,037
I don't think it's him.

237
00:10:26,039 --> 00:10:26,988
Hi, I'm big bill.

238
00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:28,156
Come on in, girlies.

239
00:10:28,158 --> 00:10:30,742
How many packs did you say?

240
00:10:30,744 --> 00:10:33,578
Oh, what a lovely... oh!

241
00:10:33,580 --> 00:10:36,297
Oh, my God.

242
00:10:36,299 --> 00:10:38,082
Look, Max, he's a figure skater.

243
00:10:38,084 --> 00:10:39,751
Go ahead, take it all in.

244
00:10:39,753 --> 00:10:41,302
How could you not?

245
00:10:41,304 --> 00:10:43,471
It's okay, I'm a model.
I'm used to it.

246
00:10:43,473 --> 00:10:45,790
<i>Hey, I know you.
You're the big bill.</i>

247
00:10:45,792 --> 00:10:47,392
You're the guy from
the gag greeting cards.

248
00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:49,977
Yep. I sold 2 million
of that particular card.

249
00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:51,312
On the front it says,
"you're on,"

250
00:10:51,314 --> 00:10:52,563
when you open it up...

251
00:10:52,565 --> 00:10:54,015
- "Thin ice"!
- Right.

252
00:10:54,017 --> 00:10:56,401
Oh, I've got to go
in my bedroom and change.

253
00:10:56,403 --> 00:10:58,820
I'll be right back.

254
00:10:58,822 --> 00:10:59,937
Wow, big bill!

255
00:10:59,939 --> 00:11:01,456
No, big bye-bye.

256
00:11:01,458 --> 00:11:02,740
We're not staying here.

257
00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:03,741
If that's what's on the wall,

258
00:11:03,743 --> 00:11:04,975
who knows what's on the floor.

259
00:11:04,977 --> 00:11:06,778
Or trapped underneath it.

260
00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:08,446
This is an uncomfortable
work environment.

261
00:11:08,448 --> 00:11:11,249
You were going to be on
all fours scrubbing a toilet.

262
00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:14,485
It was always going to be an
uncomfortable work environment.

263
00:11:14,487 --> 00:11:16,003
Okay, if we're staying,
that's three times

264
00:11:16,005 --> 00:11:18,589
the amount of man.
We should get double the money.

265
00:11:18,591 --> 00:11:19,707
I'm calling Sophie right now

266
00:11:19,709 --> 00:11:21,008
and telling her
we should get more.

267
00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:22,993
Um, I would not suggest
you complain to Sophie.

268
00:11:22,995 --> 00:11:24,045
It's not a good idea.

269
00:11:24,047 --> 00:11:26,180
Why? Do you know
something I don't?

270
00:11:26,182 --> 00:11:27,832
She thinks you don't
know how to clean,

271
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:29,934
that you spritz, spritz.

272
00:11:29,936 --> 00:11:31,936
And what does she say
about your cleaning skills?

273
00:11:31,938 --> 00:11:33,971
I'm a bull and I roar.

274
00:11:33,973 --> 00:11:35,523
I knew she didn't like me.

275
00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:37,642
She only has eye for you.

276
00:11:37,644 --> 00:11:40,111
Who cares what she thinks.
Just clean better today.

277
00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:42,113
You do the living room.
I'll do the bathroom.

278
00:11:42,115 --> 00:11:44,532
No, I'll do the bathroom,
just to prove a point.

279
00:11:44,534 --> 00:11:46,067
I mean, reprove it.

280
00:11:46,069 --> 00:11:47,068
This is just like when

281
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,653
they made me take
the S.A.T.S again,

282
00:11:48,655 --> 00:11:53,324
away from all the asian kids.

283
00:11:53,326 --> 00:11:55,793
Oh! Oh, my God!

284
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:58,629
Why are you freaking out?

285
00:11:58,631 --> 00:11:59,997
You've already seen him naked.

286
00:11:59,999 --> 00:12:01,031
It's not him.

287
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:03,743
Have you seen the size
of this toilet?

288
00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:10,007
That is a big-ass toilet.

289
00:12:10,009 --> 00:12:12,844
Literally.

290
00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,101
Max, I'm finished.

291
00:12:20,103 --> 00:12:21,936
The floor is so clean
you could eat off it,

292
00:12:21,938 --> 00:12:23,671
and I'm sure he will.

293
00:12:23,673 --> 00:12:26,157
Come on in,
I want you to see it.

294
00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:27,658
No, no, no, no, no, no.

295
00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:30,111
Go down, go down, stop.
Never mind!

296
00:12:30,113 --> 00:12:32,947
Don't need you to see it.
Everything's okay.

297
00:12:32,949 --> 00:12:35,249
How's it going out there?

298
00:12:35,251 --> 00:12:38,569
Either your water just broke,
or you pee like a smurf.

299
00:12:38,571 --> 00:12:39,837
My shoes.

300
00:12:39,839 --> 00:12:43,457
No, you did not flush
a whole roll of paper towels.

301
00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:45,576
No, you did not
just use that tone with me

302
00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:46,794
when my good shoes are wet.

303
00:12:46,796 --> 00:12:47,795
Shut off the valve.

304
00:12:47,797 --> 00:12:48,846
The valve?

305
00:12:48,848 --> 00:12:51,132
Oh, God,
what is wrong with you?

306
00:12:51,134 --> 00:12:53,634
How can you not know where
a toilet valve is?

307
00:12:53,636 --> 00:12:54,886
I was rich.

308
00:12:54,888 --> 00:12:56,437
But you have to admit,
the mirror?

309
00:12:56,439 --> 00:12:59,774
Nailed it.

310
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,434
Wake up, you lazy bitch!

311
00:13:10,436 --> 00:13:11,619
- What?
- Fire!

312
00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:13,871
I'm fired?
Why, because of the toilet?

313
00:13:13,873 --> 00:13:15,957
Look at the oven,
the cupcakes.

314
00:13:15,959 --> 00:13:18,326
I'm sorry.
I fell asleep.

315
00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:20,378
I was just going to lay down
for five minutes.

316
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:22,079
I asked you to do
one thing

317
00:13:22,081 --> 00:13:23,748
while I went out
to get more milk...

318
00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:26,584
Take the cupcakes
out of the oven.

319
00:13:26,586 --> 00:13:29,587
"Happy Birthday, kids.
From Max's homemade cupcakes.

320
00:13:29,589 --> 00:13:32,340
"You can learn more about us
and our blackened cupcakes

321
00:13:32,342 --> 00:13:34,625
on our expensive website."

322
00:13:34,627 --> 00:13:35,977
I'm sorry, Max.

323
00:13:35,979 --> 00:13:38,763
I just really needed a little
siesta after all that cleaning.

324
00:13:38,765 --> 00:13:42,316
How are you so good at Spanish
and so bad at cleaning?

325
00:13:42,318 --> 00:13:45,469
What is that smell?

326
00:13:45,471 --> 00:13:47,271
I grabbed my purse and ran.

327
00:13:47,273 --> 00:13:49,323
Caroline burned cupcakes.

328
00:13:49,325 --> 00:13:51,859
Oh, so sad.

329
00:13:51,861 --> 00:13:54,812
Look at all those burnt cakes.

330
00:13:54,814 --> 00:13:56,364
What happened here?

331
00:13:56,366 --> 00:13:57,665
Just a little mishap.

332
00:13:57,667 --> 00:14:00,001
I was so tired from cleaning
that bathroom earlier,

333
00:14:00,003 --> 00:14:01,652
that I laid my head down
for five minutes

334
00:14:01,654 --> 00:14:04,488
- and ended up falling asleep.
- Aw...

335
00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:06,474
Such a shame.

336
00:14:06,476 --> 00:14:10,011
Oh, look Max.

337
00:14:10,013 --> 00:14:12,630
These cupcakes,
they're hard as rocks.

338
00:14:12,632 --> 00:14:14,181
All you have to do

339
00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:18,029
is throw the rock away,
and whee!

340
00:14:24,173 --> 00:14:26,073
I don't think Sophie likes me.

341
00:14:26,075 --> 00:14:27,792
What are you talking about?
She loves you.

342
00:14:27,794 --> 00:14:29,761
No. I don't think
she has a blind spot.

343
00:14:29,763 --> 00:14:32,697
I think she has
a blonde spot... for me.

344
00:14:36,352 --> 00:14:37,802
Well, I think we've
found the place

345
00:14:37,804 --> 00:14:41,389
where red bulls come to die.

346
00:14:41,391 --> 00:14:44,592
Man, why do I never get
invited to parties like this?

347
00:14:44,594 --> 00:14:46,761
Look. Do you know
what that means?

348
00:14:46,763 --> 00:14:48,980
Yeah, this building
has a real shirt shortage.

349
00:14:48,982 --> 00:14:50,615
Oh, my God,
do you think

350
00:14:50,617 --> 00:14:52,283
this might be the Abercrombie
model's apartment?

351
00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:55,102
I doubt it's the Abercrombie
model's apartment.

352
00:14:55,104 --> 00:14:56,121
Here's a note.

353
00:14:56,123 --> 00:14:57,489
It's addressed
to "cleaning dood,"

354
00:14:57,491 --> 00:14:59,774
"dude" spelled "d-o-o-d."

355
00:14:59,776 --> 00:15:03,244
It definitely might be the
Abercrombie model's apartment.

356
00:15:03,246 --> 00:15:05,713
"Wake me when you get here."
He wants us to wake him.

357
00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:08,166
So, do you think
he sleeps in the nude?

358
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:10,835
Yeah, "nood", "n-o-o-d."

359
00:15:10,837 --> 00:15:12,587
Come on, let's go look.

360
00:15:12,589 --> 00:15:14,622
Oh, oh, oh, so what,
seeing this guy naked

361
00:15:14,624 --> 00:15:17,124
is no longer an "uncomfortable
work environment"?

362
00:15:17,126 --> 00:15:18,143
It's still uncomfortable,

363
00:15:18,145 --> 00:15:20,512
but in that exciting
uncomfortable way.

364
00:15:24,099 --> 00:15:25,600
I think it is him.

365
00:15:25,602 --> 00:15:27,902
It's the guy who put
the "abs" in Abercrombie.

366
00:15:27,904 --> 00:15:30,605
And he's naked.
The good naked.

367
00:15:30,607 --> 00:15:31,990
Should we lift the sheet?

368
00:15:31,992 --> 00:15:34,275
Why not? I already
lifted it in my mind.

369
00:15:34,277 --> 00:15:35,360
Max, I got this.

370
00:15:35,362 --> 00:15:38,479
You start cleaning up
the mess out there.

371
00:15:38,481 --> 00:15:40,832
No, you start cleaning
the mess out there... I got this.

372
00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:42,167
The bedroom's attached
to the bathroom,

373
00:15:42,169 --> 00:15:44,819
and I always do the bathrooms,
and he's my ideal type.

374
00:15:44,821 --> 00:15:46,821
And by "doing" the bathrooms
do you mean flooding them,

375
00:15:46,823 --> 00:15:48,489
and by "ideal type,"
do you mean unconscious?

376
00:15:48,491 --> 00:15:50,324
Shh! We can talk
about this out here.

377
00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:51,793
You're going to wake him.

378
00:15:51,795 --> 00:15:53,111
That's what we're
supposed to do.

379
00:15:53,113 --> 00:15:57,265
But as usual,
you don't want to do the job.

380
00:15:57,267 --> 00:16:00,051
What's wrong with you?
You're acting weird.

381
00:16:00,053 --> 00:16:01,519
Well, why should I have
to do all the heavy lifting

382
00:16:01,521 --> 00:16:04,305
while you just get to nap
and see free model penis?

383
00:16:04,307 --> 00:16:06,524
All the heavy lifting?
Where'd you get that from?

384
00:16:06,526 --> 00:16:07,692
No one.

385
00:16:07,694 --> 00:16:08,693
Sophie.

386
00:16:08,695 --> 00:16:10,728
I knew she didn't like me.

387
00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:12,113
It's not that
she doesn't like you,

388
00:16:12,115 --> 00:16:13,031
she just doesn't think you're...

389
00:16:13,033 --> 00:16:14,532
What? Doing anything?

390
00:16:14,534 --> 00:16:15,850
She thinks
I'm not pulling my weight?

391
00:16:15,852 --> 00:16:16,868
She thinks I'm dead weight?

392
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:20,321
Not dead weight,
more like... a rock...

393
00:16:20,323 --> 00:16:22,290
To my balloon.

394
00:16:22,292 --> 00:16:25,660
What is that,
some kind of Polish haiku?

395
00:16:25,662 --> 00:16:27,128
What does that even mean?

396
00:16:27,130 --> 00:16:32,033
She thinks if I cut the rock
loose, I'll go... fuuuuu!

397
00:16:32,035 --> 00:16:33,551
Wait, so you're siding with

398
00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:35,369
a woman you met
a week ago over me?

399
00:16:35,371 --> 00:16:37,505
I'm not siding with anyone.
I'm just saying...

400
00:16:37,507 --> 00:16:40,141
I know what this is.
This is "pick on the rich girl."

401
00:16:40,143 --> 00:16:42,260
It's a poverty smackdown.

402
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,479
I heard you two talking
while I was in her bathroom,

403
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:46,798
spritz spritzing.

404
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,267
You think you do everything?
Fine, do everything.

405
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:51,519
You can "balloon"
all over this place,

406
00:16:51,521 --> 00:16:54,989
'cause the "rock" is leaving.

407
00:16:58,245 --> 00:17:01,228
Who is it?

408
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,615
You're the rock!
I'm the balloon!

409
00:17:03,617 --> 00:17:06,067
Without me lifting you out of
your negative rockness,

410
00:17:06,069 --> 00:17:07,702
you wouldn't even have
a cupcake business.

411
00:17:07,704 --> 00:17:09,737
I'm the reason we even
have cupcake jobs.

412
00:17:09,739 --> 00:17:10,922
Oh, oh, you're the reason?

413
00:17:10,924 --> 00:17:13,791
Who stayed up all last night
baking 24 more cupcakes

414
00:17:13,793 --> 00:17:15,093
while you were sleeping?

415
00:17:15,095 --> 00:17:17,629
You did. And who delivered
the cupcakes this morning

416
00:17:17,631 --> 00:17:20,765
while you were sleeping?
I did. Me. The balloon.

417
00:17:20,767 --> 00:17:23,851
I floated over there and got
paid for the job that I got us

418
00:17:23,853 --> 00:17:26,137
from the website
that I'm trying to pay for.

419
00:17:26,139 --> 00:17:27,588
And now, I'm going
to float down this hall

420
00:17:27,590 --> 00:17:30,525
and wake the hot model up
'cause, contrary to what you

421
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:32,259
and your poverty gal-pal
might think,

422
00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:33,895
I always do the job
I'm hired for.

423
00:17:33,897 --> 00:17:35,813
Oh, no! I am going
to wake him up.

424
00:17:35,815 --> 00:17:38,483
Free model penis is my reward
for doing everything

425
00:17:38,485 --> 00:17:41,736
and being tied
to a rock like you.

426
00:17:41,738 --> 00:17:43,354
Oh, see? I can't get away,
because you're the rock

427
00:17:43,356 --> 00:17:46,858
and you're heavier
than my balloon.

428
00:17:46,860 --> 00:17:49,827
Hey, stop!

429
00:17:49,829 --> 00:17:51,496
This is cleaning job,

430
00:17:51,498 --> 00:17:55,033
not gorgeous ladies
of wrestling.

431
00:17:55,035 --> 00:17:56,450
Good thing I stopped by
to check on you.

432
00:17:56,452 --> 00:17:58,786
- What is all this?
- You explain it.

433
00:17:58,788 --> 00:18:00,638
I'm going
to go wake the hot model up.

434
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,757
He left a note.
Just doing my job.

435
00:18:02,759 --> 00:18:04,058
As usual.

436
00:18:08,097 --> 00:18:10,315
So, you think
I'm holding Max back?

437
00:18:10,317 --> 00:18:12,317
What kind of question is this?

438
00:18:12,319 --> 00:18:14,185
Yes.

439
00:18:14,187 --> 00:18:17,138
Well, you're wrong.
We're a great team.

440
00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:18,856
And, yes, there are some
things she's better at.

441
00:18:18,858 --> 00:18:21,142
But there are other areas
where I excel.

442
00:18:21,144 --> 00:18:23,277
Well, I don't see them.

443
00:18:23,279 --> 00:18:25,359
That's probably
because of your eye.

444
00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:29,150
Did you wake him up?

445
00:18:29,152 --> 00:18:32,020
Uh, no.
I think he might be dead.

446
00:18:36,925 --> 00:18:39,544
Oh, no, not the hot one!

447
00:18:39,546 --> 00:18:41,679
Aw, he's my favorite.

448
00:18:41,681 --> 00:18:43,497
This is all I need on yelp.

449
00:18:43,499 --> 00:18:45,883
We should call 911.

450
00:18:45,885 --> 00:18:47,352
No, I got it.

451
00:18:47,354 --> 00:18:49,971
What are you going to do?

452
00:18:49,973 --> 00:18:52,190
I'm going to give him
mouth-to-mouth.

453
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:05,286
I didn't know there was
so much tongue involved.

454
00:19:05,288 --> 00:19:07,354
This is not working.

455
00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:09,190
But, you know what?
I know he's still alive,

456
00:19:09,192 --> 00:19:13,628
because his manhood
is knocking on my lady door.

457
00:19:22,332 --> 00:19:24,956
He must have taken too many
of those pills on the table.

458
00:19:24,958 --> 00:19:26,507
Pills? I got this.

459
00:19:26,509 --> 00:19:28,209
Max, go get some
hydrogen peroxide.

460
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:31,512
- Sophie, step aside, now.
- Oh, all right.

461
00:19:31,514 --> 00:19:32,880
You sure you know
what you're doing?

462
00:19:32,882 --> 00:19:35,049
My friend Candace travelstead
od'd like three times

463
00:19:35,051 --> 00:19:39,253
in college,
and I brought her back twice.

464
00:19:39,255 --> 00:19:40,354
There you go.

465
00:19:40,356 --> 00:19:41,939
Bring him up.

466
00:19:41,941 --> 00:19:46,027
Max, you hold his head back,
open his mouth.

467
00:19:50,265 --> 00:19:51,598
Back up.

468
00:19:59,374 --> 00:20:02,164
I'm starting
to see your worth.

469
00:20:07,716 --> 00:20:10,835
What? You're being
subway creepy.

470
00:20:10,837 --> 00:20:12,586
I have to say,
when you were punching

471
00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:14,088
that almost-dead guy
in the stomach,

472
00:20:14,090 --> 00:20:16,257
that was a serious
balloon move.

473
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:18,392
The truth is,
we're both balloons.

474
00:20:18,394 --> 00:20:21,962
Yeah, but mine is, like,
way cooler than yours.

475
00:20:21,964 --> 00:20:24,315
It's like one of those silver
ones that never goes out of air.

476
00:20:24,317 --> 00:20:26,133
They don't make those anymore.
They're toxic.

477
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,602
Exactly.

478
00:20:28,604 --> 00:20:31,322
Max, you know you won't
let me come into the kitchen

479
00:20:31,324 --> 00:20:32,806
and help you bake, right?

480
00:20:32,808 --> 00:20:34,742
And you know that
I know that without you,

481
00:20:34,744 --> 00:20:37,495
the job fairy
would never show up, right?

482
00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:40,164
But if you ever need me
to help you bake, I could.

483
00:20:40,166 --> 00:20:41,148
No, it's cool.

484
00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:42,833
You do your thing,
I'll do mine.

485
00:20:42,835 --> 00:20:44,035
Hey, get your phone.

486
00:20:44,037 --> 00:20:45,953
We should capture this
near-death victory moment

487
00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:47,171
as our website picture.

488
00:20:47,173 --> 00:20:48,422
Totally.

489
00:20:48,424 --> 00:20:52,370
On the count of three,
think..."We made $200."

490
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:54,712
One... two...

491
00:20:54,714 --> 00:20:56,130
Hold up.

492
00:20:56,132 --> 00:20:57,932
Sir, if you want to go home
with that hand,

493
00:20:57,934 --> 00:21:00,334
get it off my ass.

494
00:21:00,336 --> 00:21:02,369
Okay, three.