1 00:00:00,460 --> 00:00:03,920 I am baking and I'm canning. Fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la. 2 00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:06,080 Baking, canning, canning, baking. 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,000 Fa -la -la -la -la, la -la -la -la. 4 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,160 Come on, sing with me. 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:16,440 Sorry, but we don't know the words to your made -up song. 6 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,160 Well, 7 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,320 the wind almost knocked me off the roof, but I got the red bulb in the Rudolph 8 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:25,580 nose. Oh, good news. 9 00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:27,320 I found his wreath. 10 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,620 Oh, I... I don't think anyone will notice Rudolph is missing his wreath. 11 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:32,980 I will. 12 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:41,020 Oh, and Haley, after lunch, we need to practice your caroling. You were a 13 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:42,020 flat last night. 14 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:06,040 the rates go down. But as long as we're all here, guess what time it is? 15 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:07,620 We're afraid to guess. 16 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,740 Pick a secret span of time. 17 00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,660 Justin, you go first. 18 00:01:13,980 --> 00:01:16,300 Oh, come on. We can't all go first. 19 00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:20,640 Now, let's review the rules. 20 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:25,260 Everyone picks a name. Then you buy that person three gifts under $20. 21 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,360 A present the person needs but doesn't know they need. 22 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,980 A present the person wants but doesn't know they want. And finally, a present 23 00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,860 the person doesn't have but thinks they do. 24 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,160 Now. 25 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,700 I just hope I pick myself. 26 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,260 Hey, you know what? 27 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,640 Let's all head to the mall. 28 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,980 We can start our secret Santa shopping right now. I'm going to go get my purse. 29 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,900 We are going Christmas shopping. 30 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,320 Christmas shopping, shopping Christmas. 31 00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:01,140 to stop the madness. 32 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:08,380 Jingle my bells and deck my halls. Santa Fe is coming to town. 33 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,440 Check it out. 34 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,700 A residual check for reruns of The Sacred and the Sinful. 35 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,080 Apparently, 36 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:17,840 it's huge in Zimbabwe. 37 00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:22,220 So is running water. 38 00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:28,260 Hey, what do you say you use this money to pay me back some of what you 39 00:02:28,260 --> 00:02:31,920 borrowed? You know, I thought about that, Charlie, but then I thought, that 40 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,300 won't teach you to stop loaning me money now, will it? No. 41 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:40,260 So I used the money instead to buy the whole family a trip to Aruba for 42 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,620 Christmas. We leave Christmas Eve! 43 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,320 Hold it. 44 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,240 Hope will not spend Christmas anywhere but at home. 45 00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:51,340 Perfect. We need someone to go get the mail and start the cars. 46 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,480 Ready to go? 47 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,940 what could be better than walking through the mall with my mom in a Santa 48 00:03:01,020 --> 00:03:03,720 See, I thought you'd say that. So? 49 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,500 I brought enough for everyone! 50 00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:13,980 We are walking to the car. La, la, la, la, la, la. Good! Very good. Work on 51 00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:14,980 now. 52 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,320 We drive each other crazy, it's true. 53 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,240 But I can't... 54 00:03:43,530 --> 00:03:44,530 so much around here. 55 00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:46,550 Let Hope do something for a change. 56 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:51,370 Hope Shanowski? 57 00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:55,930 Yes? On behalf of Sir Cost for Less Discount Store, you and your family have 58 00:03:55,930 --> 00:03:58,410 an all -expenses trip to Aruba! 59 00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:01,010 Aruba? Oh, my God! 60 00:04:01,790 --> 00:04:04,510 Charlie, we've been wanting to take a family vacation. 61 00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:07,150 It's like a dream come true. Can you believe it? 62 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,350 If you can. 63 00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:16,829 The sarcophilus vacation starts bright and early Christmas Eve morn, when 64 00:04:16,829 --> 00:04:18,250 be whisked away to the airport. 65 00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:19,490 Christmas Eve? 66 00:04:19,829 --> 00:04:23,450 Oh, no, we couldn't possibly be away from home on Christmas. 67 00:04:24,270 --> 00:04:25,790 Right? Right. Wrong. 68 00:04:26,590 --> 00:04:31,830 Because the holiday spirit is with us no matter where we are. 69 00:04:32,370 --> 00:04:34,090 As long as we're all together. 70 00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,890 Creating memories that will last a lifetime. 71 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,470 Like Justin learning to surf. 72 00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:42,130 And Haley swimming with the dolphins. 73 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,500 And Sidney. 74 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:48,160 Getting rid of those pesky tan lines that have plagued her since the summer. 75 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,860 They have plagued me. They really, really have. Please, Mom. 76 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:54,740 Charlie, what do you think? 77 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:59,320 Well, Sidney's tan lines have been a source of great shame to all of us. 78 00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:02,300 Then I guess it's settled. 79 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,040 Christmas in Santa Roma! 80 00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:09,340 That's strange. 81 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,480 According to this, I'm the only one in for Christmas. 82 00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:22,169 What is that? 83 00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:26,170 A voting address form for Santa, so my presents will make it to Aruba. 84 00:05:27,630 --> 00:05:29,070 Santa sent you a form? 85 00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:30,590 Faxed, and yes, he did. 86 00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:35,090 All righty, Aruba, here we come. 87 00:05:36,290 --> 00:05:37,430 Well, what about Mom? 88 00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:41,670 Hope! How long does it take to pack a floppy hat and a moo -moo? 89 00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:50,790 What's wrong? Your face is all blotchy. 90 00:05:51,030 --> 00:05:51,909 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 91 00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:52,910 You... Ew! 92 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:55,270 I'm sure it's nothing. 93 00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:58,270 You've got hives. I'm going to get you an antihistamine. Come on. 94 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,890 Sit down over here, honey. No, no, no, no, no. Don't sit down. You know what's 95 00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:04,970 really great for hives? High altitude. Let's get you on that plane. 96 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:08,670 She can't get on a plane like that. Those hives could spread to her throat 97 00:06:08,670 --> 00:06:09,670 cut off her breathing. 98 00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:11,110 I see what you're saying. 99 00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:15,850 We'll miss you so much. Let's go, people. 100 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:23,560 I'll call the people at Sir Cost for Less and try and reschedule. 101 00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:36,660 Hello, Sir Cost for Less. 102 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,420 Faith, what's going on? 103 00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:43,480 Nothing. What's going on with you? 104 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,240 Cut it out. 105 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,080 Why is your number on this itinerary? 106 00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:49,900 All right, look. 107 00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:53,990 I got a residual check, and I thought it would be nice to take the whole family 108 00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:54,990 on a trip. 109 00:06:56,630 --> 00:07:00,450 So just because you wanted to go to Aruba, you had to hijack Christmas? 110 00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:03,690 This is so typically selfish of you. 111 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:04,989 I know. 112 00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:05,990 You're right. 113 00:07:06,770 --> 00:07:10,550 How can I make it up to you? Oh, I know. Let's all go to Aruba! 114 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:12,530 Hey! 115 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:30,660 Not when the train left the station, but once it got chugging. 116 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,060 Woof, woof. 117 00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:40,440 Great. All my presents are going to Aruba. Now I've got to change our 118 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:44,640 again. This is not a good time to be frustrating Santa Claus. 119 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,700 Well, congratulations, Faith. 120 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,320 Now you've ruined Christmas. 121 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,300 Honey, Christmas isn't ruined. 122 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,580 It's just going to happen your way now instead of the fun way. 123 00:08:02,990 --> 00:08:04,610 But you drive us all crazy. 124 00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:09,050 I know you mean well, but nobody wants to pick a present the person thinks they 125 00:08:09,050 --> 00:08:12,590 have but don't. Nobody knows what that means. That's why it's always batteries. 126 00:08:16,890 --> 00:08:20,490 The only person you haven't managed to ruin Christmas for is Justin, but hey, 127 00:08:20,550 --> 00:08:22,790 why don't we just tell him there's no such thing as Santa? 128 00:08:24,910 --> 00:08:26,210 There's no Santa Claus? 129 00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:39,080 was just saying if I said that, it would ruin Christmas. 130 00:08:40,059 --> 00:08:42,799 Which it would, because of course it isn't true. 131 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,920 Hey, let's see what you wrote, little man. 132 00:08:45,180 --> 00:08:47,140 Not yet. I want to add something. 133 00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:51,780 I'm going to ask Santa to wake me up when he gets here tonight so I can see 134 00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,140 myself if he's real. 135 00:08:57,980 --> 00:09:00,840 You know, I am going to tie a bell to that kid. 136 00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:07,670 Nice going, Faith. 137 00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,950 Look, I'm sorry. I had no idea you were standing there. 138 00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:18,430 I think I can fix this. Just make sure that Justin is down here at 10 .30 139 00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:22,290 tonight. I promise you, Santa won't disappoint him. 140 00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:24,160 You know, I heard sleigh bells on the roof and everything. 141 00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:31,680 Then where is he? 142 00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:33,220 I don't know. 143 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:35,720 Santa is supposed to be here. 144 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,440 That's just like him, isn't it? 145 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,920 He's going to do something to screw it up. 146 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,360 the chimney. 147 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,220 Oh, my God, Santa, your reindeer and your sleigh are gone. 148 00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:18,780 Oh, they're circling. 149 00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:23,560 I couldn't land on the roof with all your mother's tacky decorations. 150 00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:26,960 Charlie, do something. 151 00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:07,010 Your dad was once a child. A weak, dorky child who... 152 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,440 Is he strong? 153 00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:45,260 No, but he's really funny. 154 00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:47,280 I can't wait to hear what he says about this. 155 00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:48,600 So, 156 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:55,480 what'd you 157 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,780 get for Joey Borzellino? 158 00:12:57,580 --> 00:12:59,440 Uh, skin. 159 00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:03,020 Really? 160 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,640 Because he wanted a chemistry set. 161 00:13:06,180 --> 00:13:12,000 Oh, well, then, Joey Borzellino better work on his cursive writing, because... 162 00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,420 Because Joe... 163 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,160 impersonating 164 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,920 You know, in ten years, you've only spent one Christmas with us in Ohio. 165 00:16:21,660 --> 00:16:24,160 Why don't you ever want to just spend Christmas at home? 166 00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:25,740 Because it's depressing. 167 00:16:27,460 --> 00:16:31,360 Did you remember Mom would always invite Aunt Shirley to Christmas dinner 168 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,520 because she didn't have any husband or kid of her own? 169 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,160 Remember how pathetic we all thought she was? 170 00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:41,840 Well, guess who grew up to be the new Aunt Shirley? 171 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,260 Minus the mustache and garlic breath. 172 00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:53,650 Holidays are supposed to be the happiest time of the year, but for me, all it 173 00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:55,370 does is remind me of what I don't have. 174 00:16:56,570 --> 00:16:57,570 You know something? 175 00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:00,510 It reminds me of what I don't have, too. 176 00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:04,030 A reliable waxer? 177 00:17:05,569 --> 00:17:07,450 Because you could open your gift tonight. 178 00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:11,190 I mean, talking about what you need but don't know you need. 179 00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:12,490 No. 180 00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:14,550 It's the spirit. 181 00:17:15,349 --> 00:17:18,450 I remember when we were kids, holidays were so... 182 00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:28,240 Then as I got older, they just weren't as magical. 183 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,640 Honey, nothing's as magical as when you're a kid. 184 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:39,600 But, you know, you're so lucky. You have such a great family. 185 00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:40,820 I know. 186 00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:42,800 That's why I tried so hard. 187 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:47,880 I want the holidays to be as perfect for them as Mom made them for us. 188 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,920 Okay, what house did you grow up in? 189 00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:57,790 Mom was always a threat case, and somebody in the house was always crying, 190 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:01,350 mainly you, Miss. I didn't want to fly on that gun. 191 00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:03,070 I wanted a new tattoo. 192 00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:05,490 That was you. 193 00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:06,810 Oh, right. 194 00:18:09,030 --> 00:18:11,710 Well, I remember Christmas as being so much fun. 195 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:17,530 Of course it was fun, because the whole family was together, but it certainly 196 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,530 wasn't perfect. 197 00:18:19,070 --> 00:18:22,530 I mean, maybe if you learned to back off a little. 198 00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:26,210 The Christmas spirit would return to all of us. 199 00:18:27,010 --> 00:18:29,610 That sounds kind of perfect to me. 200 00:18:31,090 --> 00:18:38,070 Yeah, well, maybe if you realized my family is your family, you 201 00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,790 wouldn't feel so much like Aunt Shirley. 202 00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:43,130 Except for the garlic bread. 203 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:45,790 What are you saying? 204 00:18:46,330 --> 00:18:47,670 It's a little tight in here. 205 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,430 Hey. 206 00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:53,620 You know what I did miss? 207 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,640 What? About being gone all those years. 208 00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:59,340 Spending the holidays with my sister. 209 00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:05,980 Me too. 210 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:07,960 Okay, Faith. 211 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,800 Thank God. They're here. 212 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,200 I've got Mr. Henderson. 213 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:12,680 Hey, Bob. 214 00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,060 Take a look in there. 215 00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,880 Wow. This is amazing. 216 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,440 I can't even get my wife to go in the stove. 217 00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:25,520 Oh, Anderson, you killed me. 218 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:27,620 Wait a minute. 219 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,720 Hi, honey. 220 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,180 I wish I could say I was surprised. 221 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:39,880 Want to get a beer? 222 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:40,900 Yeah. 223 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:51,060 He sprang to his sleigh, to his team, gave a whistle, and away they all flew. 224 00:19:51,530 --> 00:19:52,870 like the down of a thistle. 225 00:19:53,230 --> 00:19:59,750 But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, Happy Christmas to all, 226 00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,610 to all a good night. 227 00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:07,030 I wonder who's faxing us. 228 00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:14,990 It's for Justin, from Santa. 229 00:20:15,710 --> 00:20:18,450 Dear Justin, I heard you're waiting up for me. 230 00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:22,000 But I only visit houses where the children are all asleep. 231 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,960 It's sort of my thing. 232 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,560 Love, Santa. 233 00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:33,940 What are you waiting for? You heard Santa. Lights out! 234 00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:41,420 See? 235 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,540 I told you I'd fix it, didn't I? 236 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:46,860 Good job, Faith. 237 00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:48,470 Thank you, Charlie. 238 00:20:49,570 --> 00:20:50,690 Merry Christmas. 239 00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:53,270 Merry Christmas. 240 00:20:59,050 --> 00:20:59,750 Guess 241 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:10,350 what 242 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:11,350 I just felt? 243 00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:13,510 The Christmas spirit.