1 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,275 Ohh. Oh God, I feel terrible! 2 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,951 Hair of the dog. 3 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,633 This has got to stop! 4 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:24,229 Ohh! 5 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,115 No, I'm sorry, pet! 6 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,993 I can't do it, it's just too hard! 7 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,430 Oh, hang on, hang on. Hang on! 8 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:48,834 Too hard for you? 9 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,480 You're having a laugh aren't you, Les? I'm absolutely gasping! 10 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,073 You should have said you wanted a brew! 11 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,752 We've just gone past breakfast. 12 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,513 I'm not gasping for tea, I'm gasping for air! 13 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:00,319 Aye, I thought I was on skating on thin ice, 14 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,834 having last night's chicken jalfrezi for breakfast. 15 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,591 Anyway, what you mean too hard for you? 16 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,113 You've got the easy bit! 17 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:12,076 Nah, I mean this was always me and Liam's costume. 18 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,678 - You know, for the fancy dress. - I know! 19 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,628 Why don't you wear that red dress you wore the other night, 20 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,199 I'll get you a red wig from the joke shop, 21 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,838 and you can go as, what's her name? 22 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:24,957 Um, Rita, someone... Hayworth! 23 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,553 You'll look hilarious! 24 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,672 I'll go and make that brew. 25 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,271 Sorry Les, I didn't mean to... 26 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,948 Listen son, you know that condition of Sheron's 27 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,678 about me coming to stay with you? 28 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:46,749 Yeah. 29 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,512 Uh, I think so... What did I say it was? 30 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,033 No women after 10:00! 31 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,553 Oh yeah, that's right. 32 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:52,959 Well, I'm thinking, 33 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,635 you know if that little dalliance I've got with Jacqueline works out. 34 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,514 I don't want to close the day's fishing 35 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,558 before I've got me tackle out, if you see what I mean. 36 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,312 Shall we talk about it another time? 37 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,109 Well but, we'll be home in a couple of days. 38 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,918 Leave it for now and maybe talk about it 39 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,592 when Sheron's in a good mood. 40 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,874 I'm not sure any of us are going to live that long. 41 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,873 Ladies and gentlemen, Joyce Temple Savage here. 42 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,633 As you all know, today is Benidorm's world famous 43 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,674 British Fancy Dress Fiesta. 44 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:29,959 Please feel free to join in the fun. 45 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,156 If you need help with costumes, just ask Mateo, 46 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,038 also known for today, as Bingo the clown! 47 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,314 Honk your horn! 48 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,558 And smile, don't forget to smile! 49 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,039 You're supposed to be a clown. 50 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,599 Mr Du Beke, please remove yourself from the sunbeds! 51 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,319 People are beginning to think it's "Penny for the guy." 52 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,435 Piss off! 53 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,075 Bloody hell! 54 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,837 Joyce Temple Savage has gone a bit heavy with make up today. 55 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,068 Can we dress up, Mum? 56 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,238 We haven't got any costumes love. 57 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,639 Please? 58 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,477 I wonder if he does birthday parties 59 00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:25,233 or just sticks to murdering teenagers at county fairs? 60 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,834 Why do people think clowns are funny? 61 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,149 They give me nightmares. 62 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,351 I'm with you Robert. 63 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,752 There's nothing entertaining about a big fat bloke with silly hair, 64 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,434 wearing embarrassing clothes and a big, red nose. 65 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,349 Ahh! 66 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,275 Dad! Can I get a costume please? 67 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,238 Oh I get it, your mum says no. So you ask your Dad. 68 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,390 - You're not as daft as you look. - I didn't say no, 69 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,431 I just said we don't have any costumes! 70 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,194 In that case, I think we need a trip to the shops. 71 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,315 - Don't we? - Yeah! 72 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,152 Right, who's coming? 73 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,275 I was gonna hang out with Tiger and Joey today. 74 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,228 I'm all right here. 75 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,833 Come on then, if you're buying, 76 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,435 I fancy something very fetching in tight lycra. 77 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,154 Good luck in finding something in your size. 78 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,548 I beg your pardon? 79 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,676 Well it's all for kids isn't it? Fancy dress! 80 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,512 - Right, you ready darling? - Yeah! 81 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,591 Do you still want us to hire you that car Eddie? 82 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,310 - What car? - You know, the one that squirts water, 83 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,197 explodes and all the doors fall off. 84 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,350 See you in a bit. 85 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,271 I never asked to hire a car. 86 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,438 What would I want with a car? 87 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,515 And Donald said to Frankie Howerd, 88 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,194 "There's no point offering her four fingers, 89 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,236 "she can't even manage two." 90 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,557 Ooooh, and that's how they used to measure whisky? 91 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,438 Yeah, that's why Donald was so popular, 92 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,591 because of his fat fingers. 93 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,069 As a barman I mean. 94 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,553 Yeah... 95 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,119 Morning! 96 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,278 These were on reception for you. 97 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,391 Ah! They're lovely! 98 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,079 Oh, Kenneth, you look smashing, 99 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,956 Mr Motivator in't it? 100 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,915 Oh, I'm not sure I can be bothered with this fancy dress day. 101 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,592 It's not fancy dress, you cheeky cow! 102 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,552 I just haven't been to bed yet. 103 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,192 Oh! Remind me never to send you flowers 104 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,918 if that's the face you pull when you get them. 105 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,194 Look at the gob on her. 106 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,679 - They're from Gavin. - How do you know? 107 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,716 There's no card apart from your name and address. 108 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,394 I know because I had a good root around, obviously. 109 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,592 They're my favourite flowers, the only ones I would ever allow in the salon. 110 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,033 Only he would know that. 111 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,669 Plus, I got this pushed under the door yesterday. 112 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:46,238 Oh Troy, why don't you and Gavin get back together! 113 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,312 You were the perfect couple. 114 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,436 It's true, what was it they used to call you? 115 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,829 The Diana and Dodi of The East Midlands. 116 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,478 It was a mystery why that never worked out. 117 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,074 Shut up, I had 15 very happy years. 118 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,549 Yeah then you met that whinging, fat, old cow! 119 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,517 Right, I am due... 120 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,148 A very large English breakfast with extra beepeep. 121 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,549 This swimmer's build won't maintain itself, eh? 122 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,557 You've got a corkscrew perm at 11:00. 123 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,429 Which gives me 12 minutes to eat me breakfast, 124 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,839 and one minute to get back here! 125 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,672 I do love it when a plan comes together. 126 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,474 Hey! There's no stamp on this! 127 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,948 - Gavin's in Benidorm! - I know. Don't... 128 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,157 Hello, do you do walk-ins? 129 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,039 Only if they're six foot, blonde, Norwegian football players. 130 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,111 He's only joking. 131 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,713 Uh, come and take a seat. 132 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,198 I won't be a minute, I'll just put these in some water. 133 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,794 - Beautiful flowers. - Yeah, aren't they? 134 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:40,672 Oh heavens! 135 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,399 Don't worry, I've got that. 136 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:50,075 Cup of tea? 137 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,310 Oh thank you, milk and no sugar. 138 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,868 You've got a smashing bust! 139 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,153 I hate the fancy dressing. 140 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,800 I hate how everybody's treating me like a clown. 141 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,799 I'm not sure that's got much to do 142 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,757 with the costume to be honest, Mateo. 143 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:16,873 I hate everyone laughing at me. 144 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,393 Calling me stupid names. 145 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,277 And then they dressed you as a clown! 146 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,669 And this wig is making me crazy! 147 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,075 Ahh, you found another costume then? 148 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,720 Yeah, nurse Amber is now on call. 149 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,836 It is too hot for the fancy dressing, 150 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,990 why did they move the fiesta? It was better in November. 151 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,310 I'm sorry about what I said earlier, Les. 152 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,549 I wasn't making fun of you. 153 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:36,954 Don't worry about it. 154 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,511 The Fancy Dress festival was always mine and Liam's day. 155 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,069 I just miss him. 156 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,720 No, saying you would look hilarious dressed as a woman. 157 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,438 Let's just leave it shall we? 158 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,149 Excuse me? 159 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,353 - What can I get you? - Uh, vodka pineapple please. 160 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,274 If you miss Liam why don't you go and see him? 161 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,554 It's not that easy. 162 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,710 We both work six days a week, 163 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:02,191 and then there's the small matter of 40 euros each time for the coach. 164 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,392 And Madrid is expensive, is one of the reasons I come back. 165 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,873 Aye! Right. 166 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,393 What did I come here for? 167 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,759 Oh yeah, lemonade. 168 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,118 I do not like to see Les sad, 169 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,553 but he does miss his son. 170 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,949 Don't be sad, clowns are meant to be happy! 171 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,954 And the nurses are meant to make people feel better. 172 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,474 So between us, we should be able to think of something 173 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,357 to put a smile back on his face? 174 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,149 . What? 175 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,435 You shouldn't be using your phone all day, kid. 176 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,431 It'll cost you a fortune out here! 177 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,078 I'm just playing chess. 178 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,149 Who are you playing? 179 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,592 Nobody, it's just a free app on my phone, a free game. 180 00:09:58,680 --> 00:09:59,715 Oh right! 181 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,108 I used to be good at chess. 182 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,512 There you go. Finish the game. 183 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,036 Just touch the pieces to move them. You're white. 184 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,791 All right Rob? You coming out to the fiesta? 185 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,917 Whoa! You're taking this fancy dress day a bit far, aren't you? 186 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,919 Oh, nah mate. 187 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,399 This ain't a costume! 188 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,879 Yeah, I know, it was kind of a joke. 189 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,791 These are my normal clothes! 190 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,678 - Yeah, no, as I was saying... - Oh my days! 191 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,589 Aye, Tige, Tige! 192 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,240 I came over here and Rob thought I was already in my costume, 193 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,878 coz my t-shirt's bright and that! 194 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,713 I was like this ain't my costume, bruv. 195 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,075 These are my normal clothes! 196 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,714 He's like, "Ah, I thought it was your costume." 197 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,193 It was hilarious, man! 198 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,630 We were cracking up, weren't we? 199 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,397 Well, I don't know what we're gonna do for costumes. 200 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,549 We're skint! 201 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,278 - I got some money. - I thought if we stick 202 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,874 a 10 euro note to each of our foreheads, 203 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,191 we could go as the Three Tenners. 204 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,960 Do you get it? The singers? 205 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,029 The Three Musketeers? 206 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,712 Yeah, or the three cats! 207 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,351 No, Joey, we were going for things 208 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,112 that there's specifically three of. 209 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,992 My nan has three cats. 210 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,149 We can go as them! 211 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:11,829 Bloody hell, kid. 212 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,797 Where did you find this one? 213 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:14,995 I think there's a village somewhere 214 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,069 short of an idiot! 215 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,156 Right, come on, let's roll. 216 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,954 Okay we're off, Grandad. 217 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,439 I've just started another game. 218 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:26,359 - Oh don't worry, I don't need me phone. - Are you sure son? 219 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,875 Yeah, no ringing your mates in the UK though! 220 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,279 What mates? 221 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,674 See you later. 222 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,159 See you later son. 223 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,313 Ah, actually we can't go as my nan's cats! 224 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,069 I just realised, one of them's a girl. 225 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,439 There you go, I think that's taken 10 years off you, 226 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:50,069 not that I knew how old you were in the first place. 227 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,716 But if I had to guess, mid-thirties? 228 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,030 I can see why you're so popular. 229 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,997 And don't forget if you're in Castle Donnington, 230 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,428 you're literally 20 minutes away 231 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,715 from our Derby salon, Hair by Troy. 232 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,119 Thank you. 233 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,873 Well, I'm here for two weeks, 234 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,474 so, I might have to see you again for a touch up. 235 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,755 Hey cheeky, lets keep an eye on you. 236 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,354 The lovely Jacqueline will see you at the till. 237 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,029 Hola!This way please. 238 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:20,035 There you go Barry, looking fabulous! 239 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,628 But if you take my advice 240 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:26,315 you'll drop the black and white minstrels idea, very 1960s. 241 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,553 Why don't you do all your karaoke numbers in falsetto 242 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,198 and tell everyone you've come as Leo Sayer? 243 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,791 All right, thanks. Thanks, Kenneth! 244 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,831 Just like to go and see Jacqueline at the till. 245 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,232 All right, come on, then. 246 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,471 - Spill the beans about Gavin. - I'm not gossiping. 247 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,516 Good, coz I don't want gossip. I want hard facts! 248 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:51,713 It started a few weeks ago. 249 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,514 He'd send me postcards like that, unsigned. 250 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,989 He'd leave little post-it notes on the front door 251 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,513 with a love heart drawn on them. 252 00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,914 And you're sure it was Gavin? 253 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,274 I'd pick up the phone 254 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,148 and all I'd hear is this kind of wheezy, laboured breathing. 255 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,634 Yeah, that's him. 256 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,230 I'm just nipping out for a breather. 257 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,912 - All right, love. - All right! 258 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,594 The creepiest thing he did 259 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,831 was leave those little love heart sweets everywhere for me. 260 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,229 He'd post them through the door at home and at the salon. 261 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,276 If I went to the loo in a bar or cafe 262 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,079 when I came back there'd be a packet of them where I'd been sitting. 263 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,554 Bloody hell. 264 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,756 You know Gavin's serious if he's giving food away. 265 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,598 Why haven't you rung him to have it out with him? 266 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,272 No, I didn't want any contact. 267 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,873 But now he's here in Spain. 268 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:44,919 Balloon-o-gram for Troy. 269 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,752 Oh, for God's sake. 270 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,872 They have just arrived at the reception. 271 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:54,754 "Dear Troy. 272 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,831 "Please meet me at the Grand Cafe 273 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,638 "in the Old Town at 2 pm." 274 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,429 What are you gonna do? 275 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,509 Not being funny guys, 276 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,551 but is it really worth spending 30 euros each 277 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,313 to look like a bunch of tools? 278 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,035 What? 279 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,509 Oh... No, coz we're dressed as actual tools. 280 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,513 - I thought... - Oh yeah! 281 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,518 No, you're right though, I mean I ain't even got 30 euros! 282 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,790 We could just go into town and get hammered instead? 283 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,831 Please tell me you meant that one. 284 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,514 Coz you're dressed like a hammer! 285 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,797 Boo-ya! I'm on fire, bitches! 286 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,154 All right, hang on, I'll do one for you. 287 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,597 I... Saw... You! 288 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,394 I saw you! 289 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,357 Mr Saw? 290 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,189 Nah that one's rubbish. 291 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,237 Damn. I thought I'd nailed it. 292 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,188 How was that one funny? 293 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,713 Come on. Let's grab a beer. 294 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,753 Oh, bollocks! 295 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:19,753 Everything okay, sir? 296 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,119 It is now, darling. 297 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,592 You know you get more gorgeous every time I see you. 298 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:26,829 Oh, charmed I'm sure... 299 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,672 Well, if there's nothing I can help you with. 300 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,909 I see you've come dressed 301 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,195 as a glamorous hotel manageress. 302 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,677 Well, I like to look the part. 303 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,992 Maybe I could be the fella who cleans the pool. 304 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,269 If only you were. He's cancelled three times this week. 305 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,191 If that pool gets any dirtier, 306 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,679 we're going to have to give swimmers 307 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,751 a tetanus shot and a flashlight. 308 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,319 Of course in the films I've seen, 309 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,675 the pool doesn't usually end up much cleaner. 310 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,070 Yes well, they do say life imitates art. 311 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,515 I'm not sure you'd call these films art, love, 312 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,716 but they look good. I'll give you that. 313 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,430 Are you not dressing up for the British Fiesta? 314 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,795 Well I'm not going to bother. It's for the kids mainly isn't it? 315 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,319 Although, I've heard dressing up 316 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,391 can be fun for adults as well. 317 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:11,515 Indeed! 318 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,717 What woman doesn't love a man in uniform? 319 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,112 I can't believe Joey went to church. 320 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,872 You didn't know he was religious then? 321 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,279 I thought you were best mates. 322 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,272 We're mates, we play football together once a week. 323 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,114 I was talking about coming on holiday 324 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,998 - and he said he'd be up for it. - So you don't really know him that well. 325 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,749 I know he's shit at football. 326 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,792 Nah, he's a good bloke. 327 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,633 - He's certainly kept me laughing this holiday. - Oi oi! 328 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:46,789 What do you reckon? 329 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,108 Where d'ya get them? 330 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,189 The church! 331 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,793 I thought you were going in for a quick pray. 332 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,832 Nah, man! My mum's religious. 333 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,718 One thing I've learnt about churches, 334 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,599 security is lax, bro. 335 00:16:58,880 --> 00:16:59,869 Did you steal them? 336 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,712 Nah man, just borrowed 'em, innit? 337 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,713 Nice one, brother. 338 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,350 Or should that be sister? 339 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,598 Hey lads, wearing women's clothes, 340 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,272 this isn't a habit I want to get into. 341 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,471 Definitely not, it's just for fancy dress innit? 342 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,431 No, Joe, a habit. Do you get it? 343 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,317 - A habit? - No mate, like Joey said, 344 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,356 it's just a one off, chill bruv! 345 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,355 There you go, darling. Tiger man! 346 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,479 Now, did your mum give you a euro for the jar? 347 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,516 - Yeah. - Thank you! 348 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,513 Well done, Amber, this is lovely! 349 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,471 Oh! Terrifying! 350 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,832 Mind you, not as terrifying as some. 351 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,035 It is no good. 352 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,908 I ask the children if they want to have their face made with the paint, 353 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,558 but they just run away. 354 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,313 I'm not surprised, you look horrendous! 355 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,517 I am a clown, children love clowns. 356 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,160 Nobody likes clowns, they are absolutely terrifying. 357 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,309 Go and get changed! 358 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,469 This was the last costume. 359 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,118 Do you think I would choose to be a clown? 360 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,192 I'm sure a stag party left a load of tarts 361 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,191 and vicars costumes last week. 362 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,791 - What is a tart? - Like you don't know. 363 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,429 Off you go. 364 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,679 Oh come on, you've been in there ages! 365 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,637 Hey! It isn't Stars in Your Eyes, ya know. 366 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,358 I can't just walk through a sliding door, 367 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,271 and come back two seconds later looking like Tina Turner! 368 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,078 Do you need any help Jodie, love? 369 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:33,878 Nah, I'm all right. Nearly ready! 370 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,878 Aha, me hearties! 371 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,916 Captain Blackbeard at your service. 372 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,831 Captain Birdseye more like. 373 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,592 Hush your noise, you dirty landlubber 374 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,751 or I'll take me cutlass and run you through! 375 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:45,355 Oh, shit! Pff... 376 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,432 I don't think you'll have much chance of running anywhere, not with that leg! 377 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,038 Wow! 378 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,917 You look amazing! 379 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,355 - I'm a mermaid! - Brilliant! 380 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,908 The only problem is I can't walk, 381 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,116 - but you can carry me Dad, can't you? - Erm. 382 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,758 Of course your Dad can carry you. 383 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,398 Can they not cut a hole for your feet? 384 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:04,993 They can't cut my tail. 385 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,758 I wouldn't be able to swim, silly! 386 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,193 Yeah, silly! 387 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,599 Well, It's just that, you know, 388 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,511 I've got this wooden leg and... Well, it's a bit tricky! 389 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,749 Pick up your daughter! 390 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,353 - Honestly, with this leg I don't think... - Pick her up. 391 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:15,509 Yep, yep, no problem. 392 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,478 - Is it ringing? - Yeah. 393 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,680 And it's one of them international ring tones, so he's definitely here! 394 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,150 Who would have thought Gavin would turn out to be a rabbit boiler? 395 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,549 - A what? - You know, 396 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,517 that film with Glen Campbell. 397 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,278 I have no idea what you're talking about. 398 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,275 Gavin, 399 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:48,949 it's Kenneth. 400 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:50,869 What do you mean Kenneth who? 401 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,429 What do you mean what do I want? 402 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,154 Oh! Don't you pull the innocent with me Gavin Ramsbottom. 403 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,754 We all know it's you that's been sending all these flowers and balloons. 404 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,434 Troy's gone to meet you. 405 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,594 What do you mean how does he know where you are? 406 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,908 You're in Benidorm. 407 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:06,835 You're in Venice? 408 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,150 Not Glen Campbell, Glenn Close. 409 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,229 Oh, shut up. 410 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,269 No, not you. 411 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,479 What are you doing in Venice? 412 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,276 So if it's not you sending all this stuff, who is it? 413 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,633 Hi Gavin, it's Troy again. 414 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,312 You're half an hour late now so... 415 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,392 Are you coming or shall we add this 416 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,790 to the increasingly long list of unacceptable behaviour 417 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,393 you've been displaying of late? 418 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,191 Please call me when you get this. Thank you! Bye. 419 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,791 - Hello! - Oh, hello again. 420 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:40,869 Twice in one day! 421 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,110 The Gods are smiling on us. 422 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,392 - Have you been shopping? - Well, I've tried my best 423 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,674 but you know what it's like out here. 424 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,159 It's as if they don't want your money. 425 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,068 It doesn't look like you've done too badly. 426 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,718 Trinkets, darling. Trinklets! 427 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,836 And a little supper, one has to eat. 428 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,834 Listen, while you're here, could I ask you a favour? 429 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,598 I need a big strong man. 430 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,991 Oh, no worries! I could probably find one for you, if you give me five minutes. 431 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,389 Oh, handsome and funny. 432 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,675 I bet you've liberated one or two ladies 433 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,557 from their dignity with that routine. 434 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,116 Listen, I'm sorry to be a pain, 435 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:19,239 but my front door is terribly rusty. 436 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,355 Sounds painful. 437 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,192 - Sorry? - Nothing. 438 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,918 I usually prefer a hotel 439 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,719 but I thought an apartment would be so much fun 440 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:27,915 when I booked this holiday. 441 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,274 How wrong I was. 442 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,989 I've asked them to come and look at it, but it's all manana, manana. 443 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:36,670 Would you be a darling and help me to get in? 444 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:38,599 Erm, the thing is... 445 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,079 I'm supposed to be meeting someone. 446 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,236 I hate to ask. 447 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,357 I fear my grouper's beginning to smell. 448 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,911 - I'm sorry. - Fish. 449 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,674 Oh well, we can't have that can we? 450 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,957 It would take a big strong boy like you literally two minutes. 451 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,791 Well, my friend is late already 452 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,236 and I have asked him to ring me. So... You're in this block? 453 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,719 Literally just here! 454 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,836 - Okay. - Oh! You're my hero. 455 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,115 How can I repay you? 456 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,471 Could I tempt you with my little fish? 457 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,268 I very much doubt that. 458 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:12,794 Umm, fourth floor, there's no lift I'm afraid. 459 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,632 No wonder your grouper's a bit wiffy. 460 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,438 My hero! 461 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,268 There we go. 462 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,476 Oh, Troy, you're an angel 463 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,471 sent from heaven. 464 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:32,908 Can I tempt you with a vino rosado? 465 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,958 Or as I call it, day wine. 466 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,151 - Thanks, Daisy, but I'd better be off. - My toilet! 467 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,917 - I beg your pardon? - My toilet. 468 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,877 Umm, could you take a look at it? 469 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,030 I don't think I'm getting a full flush! 470 00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:47,599 No, I'm sorry I really do have to go. 471 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,557 But I'm terrified of losing my deposit! 472 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,078 I'll have a very quick look. 473 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,913 Ohh, Troy, you're a life saver. 474 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,274 It's just through there. 475 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,951 Darling Troy, 476 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,989 I'd heard you'd emigrated to Spain 477 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,717 but I would go to the ends of the Earth for you, 478 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,198 even Benidorm. 479 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,872 Now we can be together... 480 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:23,714 Forever! 481 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,911 Man, these outfits are hot. 482 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,513 I know, man! 483 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,636 Sometimes covering up is more sexy! 484 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,234 Keeps the ladies guessing, innit! 485 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,676 Hola! 486 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,069 Excuse me. 487 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,756 What do you think you are doing? 488 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,068 What do you think we're doing? 489 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,309 Are you thick or something? 490 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,038 - Joey for God's sake... - What? 491 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:55,872 He ain't a real policeman. 492 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,996 It's fancy dress day you muppet! 493 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,277 Look, that is the worst fake moustache I've ever seen. 494 00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,794 Look at the state of him! 495 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,198 Oh, shit. 496 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,994 Don't you know it is illegal to drink 497 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,594 while dressed in the religious clothes? 498 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,750 Look, officer, I think there's been a misunderstanding, 499 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,195 we were told we could borrow these clothes 500 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,191 because my father is a friend of the priest. 501 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,193 Okay, what is the name of the priest? 502 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,515 Keith. His name is Keith! 503 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,393 Keith? 504 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:27,835 - Manuel. - Jose. 505 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:29,114 Graham. 506 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,193 What? That's quite a priesty name. 507 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,032 Okay, listen to me carefully. 508 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,795 It is the British Fiesta, in the spirit of international relations 509 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:39,950 I will not be arresting you. 510 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:43,396 - Thank you! Thank you so much Your Honour. - Shut up. 511 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:48,475 But to make amends you will have to clean the entire beach front. 512 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,428 You got to be joking! 513 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,114 Do I look like I am joking? 514 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,310 You can buy bags in this shop. 515 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,631 I will be back in three hours 516 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,837 to check every piece of litter has been cleared up. 517 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,113 Come on. 518 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,598 I'm not being funny but that really 519 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,272 does look like a dodgy moustache. 520 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:17,518 Joey! 521 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,676 Whoa! Waa hey hey! 522 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,399 It's the Pirates of the Caribbean! 523 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:29,873 What happened to you? 524 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:31,712 I've just dropped The Not So Little Mermaid 525 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,677 off at Dickie Donuts Kids Club. 526 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,430 - What mermaid? - Uh, forget it! 527 00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:43,314 That's better! 528 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,551 Aye, they're great costumes them. Did you get me one? 529 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,718 What's this cheap rubbish? 530 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,518 It's all the money we had left. 531 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:55,955 I think they've blocked me card 532 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:57,951 because I forgot to tell the bank I was coming to Spain. 533 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,039 Pass us that phone, I'll ring them now. 534 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,588 I promised our Robert I wouldn't make any calls on it. 535 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,750 Shut up, give it here, I pay his bloody bill! 536 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:06,990 And the card game on it stopped working. 537 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,078 Can you restart it or something? 538 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,037 I was enjoying playing on that. 539 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,270 I used to run a very popular card game 540 00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,351 in the snug at the Coach and Horses, 541 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,949 liquor in the front, poker round the back. 542 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,479 I beg your pardon. 543 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,149 Drinks in the front, card game round the back. 544 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,389 What's all this about? "Daily limit reached." 545 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,675 I know, I don't know why it says that. 546 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,035 Our Robert says all the games are free! 547 00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:32,758 "Your daily limit of 500 pounds 548 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,912 "has been reached on your credit card ending in 4546." 549 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,150 That's why my card was declined in the joke shop. 550 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,196 You've spent all me money on bloody online poker! 551 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,635 No, I think it's all just a bit of a misunderstanding. 552 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,593 Yeah, cheers. 553 00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,798 Have a cornetto for me. 554 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:04,508 Well if Gavin's in Venice, 555 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,478 who's Troy gone to meet in the old town? 556 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,755 Give him a ring and find out. 557 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,592 Who was sitting there earlier? 558 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,033 - Where? - That seat. 559 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:17,032 That was what's her name? Daisy. 560 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,192 I think something fell out of her bag. 561 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,436 O to the M to the F to the G. 562 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:37,675 Ohhh! 563 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,435 You're going to laugh. But every Monday, 564 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,397 when you came into the cash and carry, 565 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,109 I used to cover all the five litre bottles of perming solution in kisses, 566 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,956 knowing you'd take one of them. 567 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,029 Hilarious. 568 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,952 I used to sit at the bus stop opposite your salon 569 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,395 after work and look at you. 570 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,152 Desperately trying to pluck up the courage to go in. 571 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:02,468 And then one day I did. 572 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,393 I pretended I needed some change for a parking meter. 573 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:06,913 I went in... 574 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:11,796 And that strange little fat man served me. 575 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,189 My husband, at the time, Gavin. 576 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,393 Oh Troy, you are such a funny little goose! 577 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:20,709 Marry me. 578 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,597 I don't think you're listening to me. 579 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,114 Gavin was my husband, I am gay. 580 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,077 Guess what they used to call me at work? 581 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:28,912 Psychopathic bitch from hell? 582 00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:31,556 Crazy Daisy! 583 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:37,999 Because I'm so impetuous! 584 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:44,473 That's Kenneth again. 585 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:45,829 If I don't answer it 586 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:47,148 they'll think there's something wrong. 587 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,958 Answer the phone. Tell them you're okay. 588 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,349 But, if you tell them where you are, 589 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,796 as much as I love you darling, 590 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,393 I will kill you. 591 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,473 - Kenneth? - It's Daisy, she's the stalker. 592 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,028 Yeah, I'm fine. Absolutely fine! 593 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,191 Oh my God, you're with her now, aren't you? 594 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:09,793 I'm sorry Kenneth I can't hear you. 595 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,475 I'm quite high up and very close to the church bells. 596 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,710 Give us your address and we'll be there in 10 minutes. 597 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:18,109 Troy? 598 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:20,709 Hello? 599 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,477 I don't like being disturbed. 600 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,630 I don't think you've got much choice. 601 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:33,155 Don't go anywhere. You're going to love this! 602 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:35,708 Two minutes. 603 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:18,589 Oh, Joey, man. 604 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:19,874 You're getting ash on my clothes. 605 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:21,473 Ah, sorry Ty. 606 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,879 They say smoking is a dirty habit. 607 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:33,110 - Why was that funny? - No idea mate. 608 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:36,552 Hey look! There's that copper. 609 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,871 Shall we go and show him how much we've collected? 610 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:40,109 Yeah, come on. 611 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,513 No, I'm in Benidorm for Webbo's stag do. 612 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,631 Yeah, yeah... It's this mad day. 613 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,472 Everyone in the whole place dresses up. 614 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,913 I'm a policeman. 615 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,958 Yeah mate, I've been proper winding people up and that. 616 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,554 It's been hilarious! You should've come. 617 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:57,829 Honest. 618 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,558 I can't believe it! 619 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,039 We've been doing this for ages. 620 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,231 Why is he speaking in an English accent? 621 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,548 Coz he's English! 622 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,108 So why was he speaking in a Spanish accent before? 623 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:10,238 He's tricked us, Joe! 624 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,236 We've been picking up this rubbish for nothing. 625 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,639 He's tricked us! 626 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,756 - I'm gonna have a word. - No wait! 627 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,035 Joey, man! We can't let him get away with that! 628 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,678 I know but, wait a sec. 629 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,831 Let's do this properly. 630 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:27,434 This'll teach 'em. 631 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,473 Oh, my god! 632 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:45,793 Joey, no! 633 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:54,673 I hope they're not real policeman! 634 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:56,591 How come they're allowed to arrest us? 635 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:58,318 Shut up, Joey! Seriously. 636 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:29,278 Oh, my goodness! 637 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,590 Isn't it divine? 638 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,270 What's wrong, darling? 639 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,071 - Don't you like it? - Uh, uh... 640 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:40,114 You've been on the balcony. 641 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:41,553 Just for a bit of fresh air. 642 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,198 I am warning you, Troy, 643 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:44,918 if you do anything silly 644 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,150 that means we can't get married today, 645 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:48,713 you know what I'll do! 646 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,597 How are we supposed to get married? 647 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,911 Why do you think I got an apartment next to the church? 648 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,877 Silly sausage! 649 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:57,279 But we're not locals! 650 00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:58,952 The priest might not agree to marry us. 651 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:02,271 Oh, I think he will. 652 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:03,948 Listen, Daisy... 653 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,793 - I can't get married in a church. - Why not? 654 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,197 Well, I'm... A Muslim! 655 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,232 - Really? - Yeah. 656 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:14,193 I always knew you were... 657 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,954 A bit ethnic, but I thought that was just your style! 658 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,157 No, no. Fully paid-up member, me. 659 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,639 But listen! I've got an idea. 660 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:23,751 Why don't we go back to The Solana? 661 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,558 Uhh, why would we do that? 662 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:27,269 Well, 663 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,118 they have... 664 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,389 A wedding licence! 665 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:33,518 - Do they? - Yes. 666 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,352 We could get married today. 667 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,634 That would make me the happiest woman alive! 668 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,279 Do you really mean it? 669 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:47,953 I do. 670 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:49,549 Oh! 671 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:57,353 Oh wait! 672 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,317 Now we could hear the church bells, so we must be near. 673 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,958 Oh, and he said he was up high. 674 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,877 - So... - Ooh, this is like that film, in't it? 675 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,758 With Leslie Nielsen. 676 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:12,069 What Airplane? 677 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:16,312 No, the one where his daughter gets kidnapped, 678 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,158 and he rings them up, 679 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,553 "I don't know who you are 680 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,268 "and I don't know what I want." 681 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:25,918 No that's not right! 682 00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:29,038 "I don't know who you are 683 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:32,157 "and I don't know where I am!" 684 00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:35,837 No, hang on! That's not right either. 685 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,310 "I don't know who you are, 686 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,392 "and I don't know who I am!" 687 00:34:42,720 --> 00:34:45,837 - No, that definitely can't be right! - Oh, will you shut up? 688 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:52,549 A white flag! 689 00:34:58,240 --> 00:34:59,229 Come on! 690 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:36,834 Hola! 691 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,716 I am warning you Troy, 692 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:56,348 if you do anything stupid 693 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:57,839 I will kill us both. 694 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,079 Actually, 695 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:04,035 that would be terribly romantic, together forever! 696 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,633 Let's go for the wedding. 697 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,677 It would be a shame to ruin that lovely dress. 698 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,194 I knew you liked the dress! 699 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,432 Outside then to the right. 700 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,878 Oh Troy! You were telling the truth. 701 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,235 Oh, I'm sorry I doubted you. 702 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:36,758 My darling! 703 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,119 You see? 704 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:40,713 Father Mateo! 705 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,678 I didn't realise you were working today, how fortunate. 706 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,277 - What? - Daisy and I would like to get married. 707 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:49,832 You are both getting married? 708 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,070 I thought you were a muffuletta? 709 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:57,558 I'm guessing Ragtimes Chapel is free now? 710 00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,154 Go away, you are drunk. 711 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,951 We'd like to get married please. 712 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:04,515 Madre Mia! 713 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:05,909 Now. 714 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:08,719 Come on darling! 715 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,278 I'm going as soon as I've played this. 716 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:33,509 You have to stay! 717 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:34,874 She's a crazy dangerous woman. 718 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,475 Oh great, that's really given me the incentive to hang around. 719 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:39,909 Chuck! 720 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,599 Are you absolutely positive it looked like a real gun? 721 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,238 I mean this is fancy dress day after all. 722 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:50,435 Do you really want to chance it? 723 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,078 She looked pretty psychotic to me. 724 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,594 - Well, I'm going up there, this is ridiculous. - No! 725 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:56,636 I'm telling you, it looked like a real gun! 726 00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:57,948 I've called the police. 727 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,075 What's going on? 728 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:00,513 Where have you been? Your mates up there 729 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,477 getting married to some mad woman! 730 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,199 Crazy Daisy! 731 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,391 Look, we need to get in there now. 732 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:07,595 She's deranged! 733 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:09,272 She's come all the way from Castle Donnington. 734 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:11,716 The police! They're here! 735 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,076 - Hey! Hey! - Hey! 736 00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:20,748 Hang on a minute, I've got an idea! 737 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:34,639 We are here today to make a marriage of Troy and... 738 00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:38,280 - Daisy. - Troy and Daisy. 739 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:40,591 Marriage is a special thing. 740 00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:45,472 It is not to be taken, how do you say, with no responsibles. 741 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,838 You have to be committed. 742 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,069 I think she should be. 743 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:50,149 I beg your pardon? 744 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,233 Oh, oh, nothing. Carry on! 745 00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,319 - Bride or groom? - Groom. 746 00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:00,674 - Groom. - Bride. 747 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:02,079 Umm, groom. 748 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,549 Don't mind me, I'm on work experience. 749 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:17,752 You were in the salon earlier! 750 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,115 Oh, bless you my child. 751 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,229 That is my brother Kenneth, the hairdresser. 752 00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,436 I am Kevin, a man of the cloth. 753 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,916 Okay, do you Daisy, 754 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,834 take this man to be your awful wedded husband? 755 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:32,955 Lawful! 756 00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:34,229 - What? - No. 757 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,072 It's lawful, not awful! 758 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,835 Ohh! I so do! 759 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,555 And do you, Troy, take Daisy to be your awful, 760 00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,756 I am sorry, lawful wedded wife? 761 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:49,915 Do you have the rings? 762 00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:51,869 Oh, the rings! 763 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,834 Oh, my goodness, we don't have rings! 764 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,959 - Eh, don't worry, I think I can help! - Really? 765 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,874 Yeah, if you just put your hand out for me. 766 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,479 Let's have a look at you. 767 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,313 It's in here somewhere! 768 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:22,069 Troy! 769 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:24,354 Troy! 770 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,792 I love you, Troy! 771 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:32,075 But we only have 14 hours to save the Earth! 772 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,270 I must say you're taking all this very well. 773 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,275 To be honest I was just relieved it wasn't Gavin, 774 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,875 he can be quite peevish when he wants to be. 775 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,878 Who was he in Venice with? 776 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,916 Oh, are we jealous? 777 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,639 No, just asking out of interest. 778 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,399 Said he was on his own. 779 00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:13,869 On his own? 780 00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,800 Who goes to the most romantic city on Earth on their own? 781 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:18,598 I know, what a waste! 782 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:20,796 I was thinking of giving Daisy his address there. 783 00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,793 - She's obviously not fussy. - Hey! Cheeky sod! 784 00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:30,239 Do you mind if we don't tell anyone about this? 785 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,197 - What? - About dressing like nuns? 786 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,556 - No! About getting arrested and that. - Oh, right! Yeah, no worries. 787 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,631 I thought they were gonna make us spend the night in there, man. 788 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:39,433 I'm gonna go and find my family. 789 00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,589 Good night! God bless! 790 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,279 Good night, God bless! 791 00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:46,789 Good night, God bless! 792 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,274 Where have you been hiding all day? 793 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,119 Fancy a table for two? 794 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,317 Excuse me, I'm sitting with my friends. 795 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:11,957 - You all right? - No, I'm not, 796 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,116 I'm absolutely jiggered. 797 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,358 I told him everything from beginning to end. 798 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,511 Every little last detail. 799 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,955 A real blow by blow account. 800 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,758 Oh, I don't remember that bit. 801 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,797 Not that he seemed interested. 802 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:30,069 In fact I'm sure he fell asleep before the end of it. 803 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:31,748 Just sat there! 804 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,150 Stank of booze as well. 805 00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,558 Jacqueline, you know this policeman you spoke to? 806 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,069 - Yeah? - Was he in Ragtimes? 807 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,755 No, he was just sitting at the bar in reception 808 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,833 with a friend who was dressed as a chicken. 809 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:50,355 What? 810 00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,628 500 pound! 811 00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:01,676 Where are we supposed to get 500 pound from? 812 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,876 Ah, don't shout at me, Sheron, please. 813 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:05,639 I'll pay you back when I can. 814 00:43:05,720 --> 00:43:07,199 It was an honest mistake. 815 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:08,679 I don't know what else to say. 816 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:10,557 And you're as much to blame for leaving him with the phone. 817 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,073 I left him playing chess! 818 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:13,957 Why have you got a gambling game on your phone anyway? 819 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,038 Mother, I literally play like 10 pence a hand. 820 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,270 Yeah well your bloody grandad didn't, did he? 821 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:20,873 500 pound! 822 00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,110 Oh, we're not still going on about that are we? 823 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:24,872 - He's said he'll pay it back... - When I can. 824 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:26,075 When he can. 825 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,114 I'm not sitting here if you're gonna have a go at me all night. 826 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,236 Good! Go and sit with your fancy woman! 827 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,878 She's not my fancy woman. 828 00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,595 And you got me the right bloody costume. 829 00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,830 Looks like I'll be living like a monk from now on. 830 00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,912 Thanks to your condition of "No women after 10:00" 831 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:42,069 when I come to live with you. 832 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:43,275 I never said that! 833 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:44,873 You can do what you like in your own caravan. 834 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:47,999 In my own what? 835 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:49,798 - Anybody want to do karaoke? - Caravan. 836 00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:53,113 We're bringing it down from Brid and you're going on the front drive. 837 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,758 Jodie? Karaoke? 838 00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:57,308 I'm tired, can you carry me to bed? 839 00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:01,029 Me? Living on the street, like a bloody tinker! 840 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,112 I didn't say on the street, I said the front drive! 841 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:05,269 Not a chance! 842 00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:07,112 Oh, well then, you'll have to make your own arrangements. 843 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,237 Aye, I will, because I know when I'm not wanted. 844 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,232 You can stick your caravan up your arse, Sheron. 845 00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:15,831 You've finally got what you wanted. 846 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:17,997 I won't be coming to live with you. 847 00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:21,151 I'd rather sleep in the gutter. 848 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,992 And don't come looking for me tomorrow 849 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,635 because I'm getting the first flight home. 850 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,950 Thank you and good night! 851 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,031 Well, that's that sorted then. 852 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:42,429 What a day! 853 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,791 Right, Amber, one more brandy each, 854 00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,235 purely medicinal, then everybody back to work. 855 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:51,590 Mateo, did you give your statement to the police? 856 00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,557 Yes, we have all spoken to the police. 857 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,832 The crazy woman is in the hospital and everything is back to normal. 858 00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:58,679 Normal? 859 00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:00,599 Look at this place! 860 00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:02,352 When have we ever been normal? 861 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:03,669 Right. 862 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,275 On we go! 863 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,630 Hey Les, you're not dressed as Lesley tonight. 864 00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:16,438 No pet, I think there's been enough 865 00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,516 dressing up for one day. Don't you? 866 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,353 Listen, when I did the face painting 867 00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,795 for the kids today, we were given some tips. 868 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:25,871 And we were gonna give you the 20 euros. 869 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:28,191 No, no, I don't want your money. 870 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,316 But we knew you wouldn't take it, 871 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:35,394 so we bought you an open-return coach ticket to Madrid. 872 00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:36,948 So you can go and see Liam. 873 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,834 An open return costs more than 20 euros. 874 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:44,151 I know, Mateo put the rest in with the money he came into yesterday. 875 00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:47,914 I don't know what to say! 876 00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,194 Bless you my child. 877 00:45:52,500 --> 00:46:00,500 Ripped By mstoll