1
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,269
Here he is.
2
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:35,589
Have you forgotten?
3
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:37,068
- Forgotten what?
- The mountain.
4
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:41,069
'Course I ain't forgotten.
You and me up Brokeback Mountain.
5
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,558
You haven't seen Brokeback Mountain,
have you?
6
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:46,909
No, how did you know that?
7
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:48,429
Just a guess.
8
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,112
But, you're not gonna climb
Benidorm's tallest mountain
9
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,838
- like that, are you?
- No.
10
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,473
I'm gonna climb it like this.
11
00:00:58,920 --> 00:00:59,909
Seriously though,
12
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,157
you're gonna go up a mountain
in just flip flops?
13
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,113
'Course I'm not gonna go up
the mountain in just flip flops!
14
00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:06,309
Okay, good.
15
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,638
Right. Let's do this!
16
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,189
Mate, we're gonna be out in the sun
all day long.
17
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,710
We need food, sun cream,
you need a t-shirt.
18
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,518
Mate, we ain't going up there
for a picnic,
19
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,598
it's us against Mother Nature.
20
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,195
We is gonna be like Barbeque Grills.
21
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:24,395
Do you mean Bear Grylls?
22
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:26,634
I don't know.
23
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:27,709
I'm serious.
24
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,872
We need proper clothing,
a bit of food and plenty of water.
25
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,994
Go and get dressed, I'll nick some grub
from the breakfast bar,
26
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,479
and you get the aguas in.
27
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,555
Is that a problem?
28
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,478
Nah, mate, no problem.
29
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,834
You get the food, I'll get the aguas in.
30
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,109
All right, sweet.
31
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:47,759
See you in reception in 10 minutes.
32
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,549
Cool. Tige, remember
33
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,754
if you need me, call me,
34
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,308
no matter where you are,
35
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,711
no matter how far.
36
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,875
- What?
- Just call my name,
37
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,753
I'll be there in a hurry,
38
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,517
on that you can depend,
and never worry.
39
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,311
All I'm saying is,
40
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,272
don't mention anything
about last night, son.
41
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,153
Don't mention anything?
42
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,435
I thought we could say
43
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,955
we've decided to go home early
because I left the gas on.
44
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,880
Mother, if you left the gas on
for three days,
45
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,439
we'd have no home to go back to.
46
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,191
I just don't want to embarrass her.
47
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,309
Embarrass her?
48
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,714
I was the one who had to peel her
off that bloke at reception
49
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,633
at 4:00 this morning,
singing Sexual Healing.
50
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,239
What were you singing that for?
51
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,919
Not me, her.
52
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:54,909
Here she comes.
53
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,069
Good morning.
54
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,917
Didn't expect to see you
'til this afternoon.
55
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,229
Why ever not?
56
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,269
We may be on holiday
but that's no excuse for lethargy.
57
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,757
It's no excuse for straddling
the night porter
58
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,478
while singing Marvin Gaye either.
59
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:15,428
That's not fair, Pauline,
not if he was gay.
60
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,074
I admit, it wasn't my finest hour.
But let's not get carried away.
61
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:23,230
A little holiday spirit is expected
when one is on vacation.
62
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:24,949
Yeah?
63
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,998
You've drank more holiday spirit
than the rest of the hotel put together.
64
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:29,555
A momentary lapse.
65
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,673
I can assure you,
I no longer have a drink problem.
66
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:38,440
No love, it's everyone around you
ends up with the problem.
67
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,230
I think we just have to admit,
you're not in the right place
68
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,038
to enjoy Benidorm, at the moment.
69
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,516
Well, where is the right place?
70
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,428
No, I'm saying Pauline's
not in the right space, in her head.
71
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,870
Well, that makes even less sense.
72
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,793
Pauline,
73
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,475
Geoff and I have decided
to cut the holiday short.
74
00:03:58,840 --> 00:03:59,829
If you're not enjoying yourselves,
75
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,512
I suppose there's no point
you being here.
76
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,831
- For all of us.
- What?
77
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:05,515
We're taking you home, Pauline.
78
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,029
For your own sake.
79
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:10,474
Absolute rubbish,
80
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,839
I'm just getting into my stride.
81
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,033
Ah yes, if you please?
82
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,796
One very small large vodka
and orange, and a...
83
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,438
Excuse me, where are you going?
84
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,914
You, Sir, have the manners
of a armyard fanimal.
85
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,434
A farmyard animal.
86
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,829
Nobody will serve you, love.
87
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,390
We're all going home.
88
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:39,795
We can't go home.
89
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,119
We're booked 'til the end of the week.
90
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,199
We've already changed the flights.
91
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:45,669
What?
92
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:47,789
To when?
93
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:50,469
When are we leaving?
94
00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:00,157
Go and pack your stuff, love.
95
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:09,429
Excuse me.
96
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,793
You weren't thinking of taking that food
out of the hotel, were you?
97
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:18,432
Er, no, I was just using this bag
to carry everything back to my table.
98
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,799
Yes, I'm afraid you're going to have to
put everything back at once, thank you.
99
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,031
Ah, but the thing is,
100
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,629
I'm climbing a mountain
with my friend Joey today.
101
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,196
I don't care if you're digging a hole
to China, with David Yip.
102
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,958
All food is to be consumed
on the premises.
103
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,155
Who's David Yip?
104
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,872
Welcome to The Solana, how can I help?
105
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,792
Hola. I need your help.
106
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:57,229
That's why I'm here, pal.
107
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,191
I am in great need of a man.
108
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:02,879
Oh, I see.
109
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,756
Well, it's a bit early
but you could always try
110
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,876
the Pink Trombone in the Old Town.
111
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,993
Mind you, it doesn't get busy
until they open the finger buffet
112
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,798
- at 1:00.
- Listen to me.
113
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,599
I look for a man here.
114
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:19,829
I am sorry.
115
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,678
I travel far. I am tired.
116
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,672
Look, I'm not sure I can help you pal.
117
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,192
This man, he work here.
118
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,909
Oh, I see. Well, why didn't you say so?
119
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,716
Well, if you describe him,
I might know him.
120
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,670
Okay, he has the black hair,
121
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,638
er, tan for the skin and,
er, he is, er,
122
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,432
how you say, er, a simple man.
123
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,875
Can you be a bit more specific?
124
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:46,549
He is Spanish.
125
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,633
Oh, well, that doesn't really
narrow it down very much, pal.
126
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,995
He has the name Mateo.
127
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:53,994
Can I ask what this is about?
128
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,429
I cannot say.
129
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,949
It is a private matter
between me and Mateo.
130
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,191
Right, as entertaining as this has been,
I've got work to do.
131
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,757
Why don't you go
and wait at the pool bar through there,
132
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,798
and I'll go and see if I can find Mateo?
133
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,029
If you see him,
134
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,155
you tell him
135
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,599
it is a matter of life and death.
You understand?
136
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:16,749
I think I do.
137
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:20,829
Bloody hell.
138
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,430
- There you go, one beer.
- Thanks, love.
139
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,157
Has anyone told you how pretty you are?
140
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,759
No, you're the first one ever.
141
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,351
You on the beers already?
It's only 10:00.
142
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:36,949
Is it?
143
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:38,389
Thought it was later.
144
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,476
- It's five to 10:00.
- Oh, aye.
145
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,639
Excuse me, love.
Just top that up with lemonade will you?
146
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:48,949
All the way to the top?
147
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,754
No, just a dash, don't drown it.
148
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:53,709
Dad, er,
149
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,639
me and Sheron have been talking.
150
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,193
- Oh, aye?
- Yeah.
151
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,309
And, I know she's been a bit
152
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,117
resistant to the idea but,
she's reconsidered,
153
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,758
and she's happy for you
to move in with us.
154
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,314
Oh, she's seen the error
155
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,389
- of her ways, then?
- Yeah.
156
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,238
No, no. Don't say that in front of her.
157
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,954
It takes a big woman
to admit she was wrong.
158
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,553
- I don't mean fat, I mean...
- Dad, Dad, for God's sake,
159
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,755
don't mess this up.
160
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,833
It were her that nearly messed it up
telling me I couldn't live with you.
161
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,998
- There you go.
- Thanks, love.
162
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,634
There is one condition on you moving in.
163
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,796
I knew the Ice Queen
would thaw eventually.
164
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,278
No woman can resist the Dawson charm
for very long.
165
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,357
Apart from lesbians.
166
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:34,429
I'm not a magician.
167
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,910
Look, Dad,
will you listen to me, please.
168
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,991
You don't know
what this means to me, son.
169
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,313
I can't bear the thought
of living alone any more.
170
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,959
I need a house full of life,
full of love.
171
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,629
I need my family back.
172
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,192
Now, what were you saying
about a condition?
173
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,915
Oh, it was nothing.
174
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:56,794
It must have been something.
175
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,472
No, no, it was just, erm...
176
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,076
No, no ladies after 10:00.
177
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,229
Not a problem.
178
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,598
I'm more of an afternoon delight
kind of man anyway.
179
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:24,995
Please, Tige.
180
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,989
No more, please. I can't take it.
181
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,356
Mate, I can literally still see the bus.
182
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,670
Please, we need to rest.
183
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,229
I'm not an athlete.
184
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,155
I can't feel my legs.
185
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,478
Seriously. I'm not even joking,
I can't feel anything in my legs.
186
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,675
Ow! All right, I can feel a bit.
187
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,355
Come on, mate, what happened to
"Us against Mother Nature?"
188
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,914
No offence, but Mother Nature's a bitch.
189
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,439
Oh, come on.
190
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,156
Would Barbeque Grills sit here moaning,
or would he climb the mountain?
191
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,589
Oh, my God.
192
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,275
There's a barbeque at the top?
193
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,675
Now you're talking.
194
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,948
Hey. Thanks for agreeing
to wear the uniform, Kenneth.
195
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:21,629
No worries.
196
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,712
And thank you for letting me
make a few adjustments.
197
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:28,755
What did I say?
It's all about compromise!
198
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,828
Hi Jacqueline, y'all right?
199
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:40,200
No. Well, yes. I've got a date tonight.
With a man.
200
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,717
And I need your advice.
201
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,398
Come on, Jacqueline,
I don't mean to sound rude,
202
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,755
but your experience with men
is even greater than mine.
203
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,629
Who's the lucky fella?
204
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,558
Troy, for goodness sake,
like we don't know.
205
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,399
They were wrestling each other
to the ground
206
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,515
yesterday, 'round that pool.
207
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:54,999
No, we were not!
208
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,471
He just rubbed a bit of suntan cream
on me back.
209
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,989
Yeah, and in Neptune's, he was rubbing
the creases of his trousers
210
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,752
while he watched you play
with your bubble and squeak.
211
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,992
I honestly can't remember,
what does he look like?
212
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:10,319
He looks a bit like a drunken,
sunburnt Santa Claus on holiday.
213
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:11,959
Right, well, you better make sure
214
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,678
you don't end up
on his naughty list, eh?
215
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,558
Yeah, and make sure he wraps his present
before he shoves it down your chimney.
216
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:19,589
God!
217
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,589
What?
218
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:36,629
What?
219
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:39,989
Come on.
220
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,838
Why aren't you answering your phone?
221
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:49,909
Is everything okay?
222
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,750
I am sleeping in the place I work.
Of course everything is not okay.
223
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,956
Well, you've stayed here
loads of times before
224
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,029
and never complained.
225
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,310
Yes, but that is when
I am sleeping with a guest.
226
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,075
It is different when you are paying
for this rubbish yourself.
227
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,952
Well, why don't you get a proper place?
228
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,392
With what, Les? Hmm?
229
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,634
My wife, she take everything.
She leave me with nothing.
230
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,035
Listen, your shifts in half an hour,
but I came to tell you
231
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,879
there's a Spanish fella downstairs
looking for you.
232
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,798
For me? What does he look like?
233
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:21,312
Er, leather waistcoat, slick black hair,
seemed quite aggressive.
234
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,431
- What did he say?
- He said he wants to see you,
235
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,839
and it's a matter of life and death.
236
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,392
- Madre mia!
- What's going on?
237
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,429
Come in Les, I tell you.
238
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,432
I think the fan
has finally hit on the shit.
239
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,436
Mate, mate, can we stop?
240
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,759
Oh, not again!
We're stopping every five minutes.
241
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,718
No, Tige, you don't understand,
this time I need the toilet.
242
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,789
Well, go on then.
243
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:46,829
Well, where is it?
244
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,473
- Where's what?
- The toilet.
245
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,512
You go straight up this path,
246
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,433
and it's the first on your left.
247
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,189
Cheers.
248
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,920
Where you going, you muppet,
just go anywhere.
249
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,350
Oh cool, yeah. Hang on a sec.
250
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,557
What on Earth
do you think you are doing?
251
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,352
Nothing major bruv, just having a slash.
252
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,233
Did you actually take the time
253
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,073
to look at the place
that you're fouling?
254
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,192
Oh, easy mate, he ain't a dog.
255
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,317
I'm not your mate. Look,
256
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,830
this is the memorial plaque
of the late Antonio Guardez.
257
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,398
The finest mountaineer
in Spanish history.
258
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,358
He can't be that great
if he's late all the time.
259
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,954
Well said, bruv.
260
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,229
Thanks, Tige.
261
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,073
I'll wait
until you've washed your hands, mate.
262
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,229
Fair point, bruv.
263
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,349
It means he's dead.
264
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:55,317
I will not have his memory soiled
by a couple of execrable yahoos.
265
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,675
I am the tourist liaison officer
to Benidorm
266
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,157
and the amount of obnoxious,
loutish behaviour
267
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,198
for which I have to apologise,
is insurmountable.
268
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:09,313
Why can't you just behave, you people?
For once.
269
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,074
We're climbing a mountain.
We ain't hurting anyone.
270
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,958
Well, I'm reporting you.
271
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,548
Who to? The piss police?
272
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,758
Come bruv, let's bounce,
we got a mountain to climb.
273
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:21,949
Innit.
274
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,598
Wait there! I want both of your names!
275
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,069
Where are you going?
276
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,038
I am making a citizen's arrest!
277
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,671
Come back here at once!
278
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,189
That's him there.
279
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,790
Ostia! It is him.
280
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,311
Are you sure?
You can't see his face.
281
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,789
I do not need to see his face.
282
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,029
This is my brother-in-law.
283
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:46,829
People call him "the Axeman".
284
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:49,949
Why do they call him the Axeman?
285
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,590
- He is very excellent at the guitar.
- Oh.
286
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,551
And once he killed a man. With an axe.
287
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,549
Bloody hell.
288
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,109
But why is he after you?
289
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,311
I brought shame on the family
of my wife,
290
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,753
this is why I moved to Madrid.
291
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,909
I thought I could slip back to Benidorm,
and lie on the low.
292
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,396
But someone must have done
a dirty on me.
293
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,029
Got anywhere to go?
294
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,149
No, I do not.
295
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,149
But I must accept,
296
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,191
now that Maria's family
have caught up with me,
297
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,951
this is now my life with the runs.
298
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,833
I think you mean "on the run".
299
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,714
Les, the man is an axe murderer,
I know what I am saying.
300
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:29,909
Hasta luego.
301
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:38,309
Listen, Sheron.
302
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,318
I just wanted to say thank you.
303
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,355
Oh, that's okay.
304
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,116
You know, for finally
coming to your senses.
305
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,797
We can all act a bit childishly
from time to time
306
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,913
but it's nice to see you decided
to grow up a bit.
307
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,633
I really appreciate it.
308
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:55,755
You're welcome, Eddie.
309
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,199
And you're happy with the condition?
310
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,353
I wouldn't say I'm happy,
but I don't want to rock the boat.
311
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:02,869
Thank you.
312
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,439
Not after 10:00 anyway.
313
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:11,989
That's it.
314
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,150
Nice one, Jodie.
You'll be swimming in no time.
315
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,476
Let go! I want to swim on my own.
316
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,595
- Sure?
- Yeah.
317
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,153
Hey! Amazing!
318
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,429
Don't go too far!
319
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,229
She's a natural.
320
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,229
Yeah.
321
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,278
The fact that she's wearing
so many inflatables
322
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,555
it would take a nuclear bomb
to sink her, has nothing to do with it.
323
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:36,829
Oh, can I get another lemonade?
324
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,069
Yeah, sure.
325
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,798
You not on the beer like everyone else?
326
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,191
- No, I'm er...
- Under age?
327
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:47,754
Not a big drinker.
328
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,998
- I'm 23.
- Really? You don't look it.
329
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:55,154
I say it's embarrassing but me Dad says
I'll appreciate it in years to come.
330
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:56,789
Cheers.
331
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,670
So, you're not on a big boozy
Benidorm holiday then?
332
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,353
Nah, I can do that anytime.
333
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,239
I like spending time with me family.
334
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:04,669
That's nice.
335
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,236
And you've got your little sister
to look after.
336
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,509
Yeah.
337
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,398
And, as you know me grandad
keeps trying to kill her,
338
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,879
so, it keeps me on me toes.
339
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,189
It's a joke.
340
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,351
I didn't want to ask
if she was your sister.
341
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:21,709
Sounds nosey.
342
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,069
Big age gap.
343
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:24,589
She wasn't really planned but,
344
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,034
sometimes life's little surprises
turn out to be
345
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:29,189
just what you're looking for.
346
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:34,429
Ey, come back here, you!
347
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,798
Breath it in, Joey.
348
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,349
Do you know what that is?
349
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,514
It's either Ferrari or David Beckham.
350
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:05,829
Eh?
351
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,956
My aftershave, I can't remember
which one I put on.
352
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:09,869
No, mate.
353
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,998
I am talking about
the sweet smell of success.
354
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,118
Oh, that! Yeah, sweet as!
355
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,669
Right.
356
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,269
We've earned this.
357
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,389
Is that all you got?
358
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,029
Sorry, man,
359
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,151
they made me put back
all the breakfast stuff.
360
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:52,949
Water.
361
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:54,629
I need water.
362
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,035
Yeah, go on, I'll have one as well.
363
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,229
What do you mean "Go on"?
364
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,595
You said you'd get the water.
365
00:18:59,000 --> 00:18:59,989
No, I haven't.
366
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,033
I was getting the food,
you were getting the water.
367
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,272
No, you said
you were getting the food and supplies.
368
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,314
Bruv, I was supposed to get the food,
369
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,830
I asked you to get the aguas in.
370
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,712
Yeah, I got that.
371
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,109
I got them from the chemist.
372
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,069
Oh, my God.
373
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,915
I assumed they were
mountain climbing pills or something.
374
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,396
Stop talking, Joey, please, just
375
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,716
stop talking.
I need a little quiet time.
376
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,599
Hang on, look!
377
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:43,430
Mate, we're really sorry about earlier
but we've got no water!
378
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,431
Please! Can we borrow some of yours?
379
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,154
So you can urinate
on another hero's tomb?
380
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:49,669
Hardly think so.
381
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,193
Please, sir!
We'll do anything.
382
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,272
Just one little drop of water.
383
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,393
I've just done a whole bag
of ready salted and I'm like...
384
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,080
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
But if I help you now,
385
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,479
you'll never learn will you?
386
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,912
Please sir! Please sir! Please!
387
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,109
Good day.
388
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,598
No!
389
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,835
To the first day
of the rest of your life.
390
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,239
Oh, I hope not.
391
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:46,031
She had terrible cradle cap
on the first day of her life.
392
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,240
She looked like she'd been rubbed down
393
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,913
with a yard brush.
394
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,475
I don't mean that.
395
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:56,269
What I mean is, ya know,
it's a re-birth, a renaissance.
396
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,395
You're not saying much, Pauline.
397
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,756
That call I made in the taxi,
398
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,749
it was to my sponsor.
399
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:11,113
I didn't know you were being sponsored.
Maybe we should have walked here.
400
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,035
Not on a sponsored walk,
she's in a recovery programme.
401
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,870
You're in a programme?
402
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,795
They've not been filming us have they?
403
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,518
I'd have put a bit of lippy on.
404
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,272
Oh, for God's sake!
405
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,108
Is there any wonder
I've been bulldozed into a relapse
406
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,555
listening to this
unremitting gibberish all day.
407
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,953
I'm... I'm sorry, Pauline.
408
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,197
I just get confused.
409
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,270
No need to be sorry, Mum,
410
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,874
if anyone has an apology to make
then it's Pauline.
411
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:47,349
As I was saying,
412
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,078
I have spoken to my sponsor
and she agrees that I should...
413
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,510
We should leave Benidorm.
414
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,196
I have been reintroduced
to my higher power, and...
415
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,837
And I would like you to know
that I regret any harm or upset
416
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,833
I may have caused,
and hope we can move on.
417
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,514
I'm that proud of you, Pauline.
418
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,758
Excellent philosophy.
419
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,876
One I subscribe to myself, actually.
420
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,877
Once the tide has gone out,
that ship has sailed.
421
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,158
To moving forward, with all our lives.
422
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:38,989
Hello, Geoff.
423
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,154
Rubella!
424
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:46,829
Hello, love.
425
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:49,839
Fancy seeing you here.
426
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,039
Er, excuse me.
427
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,309
Where are you going?
428
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,351
Sorry Miss Temple Savage,
I tried to find you,
429
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,750
- but I need to go to the doctor's.
- Mateo.
430
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:24,437
I have been lied to by men
for most of my adult life.
431
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,794
I can smell a rat a mile away.
432
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,672
You can smell a rat one mile away?
433
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:30,909
It's a saying.
434
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,428
Do you want me to move the rat?
435
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,278
- While I am at the doctor?
- Get back to work.
436
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,915
If you go out that door,
consider yourself sacked.
437
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,079
Do you understand that?
438
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,313
Yes, Miss Temple Savage.
439
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,349
Put your badge on.
440
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:01,309
Eh...
441
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,637
- Eh...
- Come on, bruv,
442
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:05,469
you're doing well.
443
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,953
My mouth, Is oh, rye.
444
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,516
Mate, I can't understand
a word you're saying.
445
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:13,828
Mah mou'!
446
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,029
Mouh mouh?
447
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,391
- What does that mean?
- Not mouh mouh!
448
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,758
Mouh mouh ii o rye.
449
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,350
Mate, I don't wanna keep talking,
my mouth is really dry.
450
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,069
Oh, my God!
451
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,479
There's a rucksack on the ground.
452
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:35,789
It might have water in it.
453
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:40,873
It's one of those water bottle things!
454
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,671
Here you go bruv, you first.
455
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,355
O.F.M.G. That's better.
456
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:51,509
There you go, mate.
457
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,552
That's it Tige, get it down you, bruv.
458
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:58,989
Hello?
459
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:00,709
Hello?
460
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,469
Is anyone there?
461
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:04,549
I'm down here!
462
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,199
Help! Help!
463
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:11,033
Oh, thank goodness! Salvation.
464
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,550
Erm, could you get my rope?
It's in the ruck sack.
465
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,355
I think I may have broken my ankle.
466
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,712
You see the thing is,
if we help you now,
467
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,233
you'll never learn will you?
468
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:26,149
Come on, Joey.
469
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,432
Hang on a minute bruv, all that water,
470
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,079
I think I need another wee.
471
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,988
- Would you mind, bruv?
- Certainly.
472
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,677
What? No!
473
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:40,429
Jokes!
474
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,709
You're in a good mood.
475
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,554
Well, I've got the sun, good book,
cold drink, music,
476
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:08,629
what else do I need?
477
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,992
I know why you're in a good mood.
478
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:12,474
Oh, yeah? Go on then.
479
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,993
Because you were talking to that girl.
480
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,799
- Wa-hey! Go on, my son!
- Shut up.
481
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:18,909
The girl at the bar?
482
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,197
We were just talking.
483
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,116
Her name's Amber, she likes you.
484
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,276
How do you know her name?
And how do you know she likes me?
485
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:29,879
Because she's not daft,
486
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,197
she takes after her mother,
don't you, darling?
487
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,317
Nice one, Roberto!
488
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:35,674
Oh, can you all just shut up?
489
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,589
- Well, that's a relief.
- What is?
490
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,956
We all thought you
were a bit, er, light in the loafers.
491
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,189
Light in me what?
492
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:46,317
Well, all that reading, dying your hair
and poncing about.
493
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,476
I've never dyed me hair.
494
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,313
You want to get in there
like a rat up a drainpipe.
495
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,400
Hang about and that greasy Spaniard
she works with
496
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,550
will be going through her
like a dose of salts.
497
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,437
Oh! Do you mind?
498
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,629
I'm squiring a young lady this evening,
maybe we could double date?
499
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,199
You're doing what to a young lady?
500
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,316
I haven't got a date,
just leave me alone.
501
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:09,709
Now look what you've done.
502
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:13,833
Who are you going on a date with?
503
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,908
That old trollop
he was rubbing sun cream into yesterday.
504
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,313
I'm a single man, Sheron.
I'll rub sun cream into whoever I like.
505
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:22,909
Right.
506
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,358
Time to siphon the python,
507
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,599
and then I'm going to get myself
a bit of Dutch courage for tonight.
508
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,837
You have told him about the condition
of him staying with us, haven't you?
509
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,672
Yes, of course I have.
510
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,278
Are you feeling okay, mate?
511
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,192
For the last time, I am not your mate.
512
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,157
And, no, I am far from okay.
513
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,236
You imbeciles might as well
have dragged me down the mountain
514
00:27:58,320 --> 00:27:59,309
by my rope.
515
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,868
God knows the additional damage
you've done to my ankle.
516
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:03,839
Is this guy for real?
517
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,835
Levame al hospital.
518
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:08,994
Rapido! Rapido.
519
00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:11,349
Careful.
520
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,273
Oh, mister. Here you go, take these.
521
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,189
- Why on Earth would I take these?
- For the pain.
522
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:20,549
Ugh!
523
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,791
Animals! Disgusting animals!
524
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,553
Careful, careful.
525
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,234
Qui dado, poco poco.
526
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:31,949
Why was she laughing at me?
527
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,793
Cos it looks like you've bought
the Spanish version of Viagra, mate.
528
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,269
- What? You're joking me?
- Nope!
529
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,116
I thought the guy in the chemist
looked at me funny.
530
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,160
I bought four boxes and said I was
going up Brokeback Mountain
531
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:47,229
with my best mate!
532
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:54,669
Cheers, pal.
533
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,318
Honestly, he's not here,
and he won't be back any time soon.
534
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,278
It is strange how this hotel
seems to run without any staff at all.
535
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,313
Look. I think the best thing to do
is leave a contact number
536
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,868
and if Mateo turns up,
I'll get in touch, okay?
537
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:14,195
Listen to me, I know he is here, okay?
538
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,157
- Julio!
- Mateo!
539
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,478
Les, why did you not tell me
my dear friend Julio is here to visit?
540
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,836
- But. I thought you said...
- We worked together in Madrid.
541
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:30,594
It is good to see you, brother.
542
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,188
So what brings you to Benidorm?
543
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,868
Well, I come
to visit my mother in Albir.
544
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,839
But, er, I bring you sad news.
545
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,517
Senora Ana Garcia,
she has passed to the other side.
546
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:43,239
Senora Garcia? No.
547
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,996
My heart is breaking
to hear this, Julio.
548
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:47,155
Who's this then?
549
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,595
Senora Garcia, she was
a very old resident
550
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:50,829
at the hotel in Madrid.
551
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:52,389
A fine woman.
552
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:53,709
The finest.
553
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,232
She knew she was dying,
554
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,554
she left cards for all the hotel staff.
555
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:01,871
An amazing woman, thank you Julio.
556
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,151
Don't lose it, eh.
There is 100 euros inside.
557
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,673
She gave this to all the workers,
a final tip.
558
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,598
Ah, a generous woman.
559
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,837
And how you say, insatiable.
560
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,515
On Mondays and Tuesdays,
we go to the cinema,
561
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,319
Wednesday to the bowling alley,
562
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,668
Thursday a classical music concert,
and Fridays we go to the ice rink.
563
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:27,076
- You certainly get around town.
- No.
564
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,278
All of these things are in our home.
565
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:32,678
You've got an ice rink in your house?
566
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,389
Wah, do not be silly, Geoffrey!
567
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:37,679
It is in one of our outbuildings.
568
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:39,469
Yeah, of course.
569
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:42,478
It's good to see you're happy, Lonela.
570
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,472
Oh, Geoffrey.
571
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:48,479
If only this were true.
572
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:50,869
But,
573
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,153
you've got everything
you've ever wanted,
574
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,273
a rich husband...
575
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:57,829
Well, that was it.
576
00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,269
A rich husband.
577
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:01,918
But I still do not have a family.
578
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:04,908
A mother who loves me,
579
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,309
a drunk, aggressive sister
to protect me.
580
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,353
I never said she was a drunk.
581
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,552
I am sorry, you are right,
those were not your words.
582
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:14,593
You said "raging alcoholic".
583
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:16,989
Did I?
584
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,392
These simple things you have,
585
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:28,075
they are my heart's desire,
more than any diamonds, limousines,
586
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,075
surround sound 3D home cinema system
with reclining leather chairs...
587
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:34,309
And an ice rink.
588
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:36,429
But,
589
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,032
you could have all of these, Lonela.
590
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:41,719
You could have all of these things.
591
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,029
How?
592
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,516
How can these things be mine, Geoffrey?
593
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:50,799
Get on a plane with us, tonight.
594
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:54,792
- What?
- Well, why not?
595
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,234
It's worth a shot, isn't it?
596
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,479
Look, I can see you're not happy.
597
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:02,959
Why not take the chance?
598
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:05,919
- But...
- We don't have
599
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,151
a bowling alley in our basement, Lonela.
600
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:10,869
We don't even have a basement.
601
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:13,555
We don't have a home cinema.
602
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,154
But, there's an Odeon
just round the corner
603
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:17,753
and it's two for one on Wednesdays.
604
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:20,879
- What do you say?
- Oh.
605
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,229
Geoff, I...
606
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,072
You have to listen
to your heart, Lonela.
607
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:26,789
Not your head.
608
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,511
Our flight leaves at 10:00 tonight.
609
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,039
Take the day to think about it.
610
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:37,189
You know where I'll be.
611
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:19,433
Seventeen, 18, 18.50.
612
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,397
Not really enough to go
into Benidorm, mate.
613
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:24,991
Looks like we're stuck in here
for the rest of the holiday.
614
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:26,839
Can't believe it, man.
615
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,873
We climb Brokeback Mountain
and we have to celebrate in this place.
616
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:34,352
Mate, how many times,
Brokeback Mountain is not in Benidorm.
617
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,118
Oh, right, where is it?
618
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:37,509
It ain't anywhere.
619
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:41,429
Brokeback Mountain is a movie
about two gay cowboys.
620
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,433
- What?
- For real.
621
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:45,956
Well, I think one of them is gay
622
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,508
but the other one
gets a bit jiggy with him in their tent.
623
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:49,629
You've seen it?
624
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,831
Mate, you got something
you wanna tell me?
625
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:54,434
Ugh, no!
626
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,389
Don't be an idiot.
627
00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:59,869
- Everybody's seen it.
- I ain't.
628
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,750
Mate, I know you ain't gay,
but if you is just a bit greedy,
629
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:08,355
no problems bruv. I got an uncle
whose wife is Lebanese.
630
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,194
- Your uncle's wife is Lebanese?
- Yeah.
631
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,355
- So what?
- Exactly, man!
632
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:19,189
That don't make her a bad person.
This is 2014, bruv!
633
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:21,554
It's 2015.
634
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:22,949
Is it?
635
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:48,679
Yeah, it's a real shock
636
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,194
to suddenly become single again
at our age.
637
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,231
Oh, you can say that again.
638
00:34:53,720 --> 00:34:58,032
It's been over six months
but I can't get used to waking up
639
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,789
and not have that special someone
to the left of me.
640
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,918
- Yep.
- And Donald to the right of me.
641
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:12,876
I've got to admit, Mary and I
had separate beds for the last
642
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:14,789
38 years.
643
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,714
- How many years were you married?
- Thirty-nine.
644
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:19,669
Ah.
645
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:24,438
I used to like to go out to the pub,
whereas Mary was a home bird.
646
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,357
And I didn't want to wake her
coming home stinking of booze.
647
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,591
I always used to say,
648
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,195
"If I'm not in bed by midnight,
I'm going home."
649
00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:41,030
Jacqueline,
am I getting wrong signals here?
650
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:45,236
It sounds like you
and your late husband led quite a...
651
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,234
An adventurous lifestyle.
652
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,672
We were swingers, did I not mention it?
653
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:52,349
No,
654
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,318
but I kind of got the impression.
655
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,870
Did you and Mary
not have much of a sex life?
656
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,596
Oh, don't mind us, this is fascinating.
657
00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:12,756
Thank you very much, please call again.
658
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:15,389
Mateo.
659
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,152
We need to talk
about your living arrangements.
660
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,872
You can arrange for me a better room?
661
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:20,394
I'm afraid not.
662
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,757
It's against company policy
for staff to stay on the premises.
663
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,275
I didn't mind you bedding down
while you got settled,
664
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,792
but I can't keep up
your heavily discounted rate.
665
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,389
I understand.
666
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,552
You owe us 96 euros for your stay,
667
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,150
but I'll take it out
of your next paycheque.
668
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:40,834
No. No problem. I have the money.
669
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,756
- What is this?
- One hundred euros.
670
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,550
And I need my four euros change.
671
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:54,029
Mateo.
672
00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:55,912
This isn't 100 euros.
673
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,356
Oh, she give me a cheque.
Okay, take the money from my salary.
674
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:03,399
No, no, no, no!
I mean it's a lot more than 100 euros.
675
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:05,629
Ostia!
676
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,148
Ten thousand euros.
677
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,396
Somebody obviously likes you.
678
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,710
- Señora Garcia!
- Who?
679
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,195
She was a resident
from The Hotel Rio in Madrid.
680
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,592
In English she say,
"Mateo, you were always my favourite.
681
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:28,475
"Your handsome face, your kind,
how you say, service,
682
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,155
"and the best ass in all of Spain.
683
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,749
"If only I had been 30 years
more young. Senora Garcia."
684
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,633
Thirty years younger? How old was she?
685
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:40,751
Maybe close to 100.
686
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,235
But she still knew a good ass
when she saw one.
687
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:52,349
Thank you.
688
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,198
This place ain't so bad, mate!
689
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,516
I might have to treat you
to a bit of Ed Sheeran later.
690
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,996
- Shit!
- All right, easy man!
691
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,470
- How about Flo Rida?
- No, look!
692
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:10,199
Oh, my God!
693
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,955
He must have got our fingerprints
off his water thingy,
694
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,429
then got a lab to run them
through his tourist computer,
695
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,716
and then checked it
with every hotel in Benidorm!
696
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:19,998
Or he just looked at our wristbands.
697
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:21,429
Evening, gentlemen.
698
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,434
- Hi, mate, you all right?
- Er, not really, no.
699
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,149
I've just spent the entire evening
in hospital, thanks to you two.
700
00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:28,389
Hang on! It ain't our fault
701
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,118
- you broke your ankle!
- No, it wasn't.
702
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,749
But it was thanks to both of you
that I made it to the hospital.
703
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,313
Yeah well ain't our fault if...
704
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,950
Wait, that's a good thing, yeah?
705
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:38,389
Indeed it is.
706
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,516
Which is why I came here
to say thank you.
707
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,508
You see, in my job,
I tend to come across
708
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,750
the bad behaviour of a few idiots,
709
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,878
and rather forget
that the vast majority of Brits
710
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,434
who come to Benidorm are decent people,
711
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:52,839
enjoying a well-earned break.
712
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:57,029
So, I came here to thank you
for reminding me of that fact.
713
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:58,549
No worries.
714
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,029
And also to tell you
that I've nominated you both
715
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,829
in the category of "Local Hero"
for The Pride of Benidorm Awards,
716
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,150
on Friday night at the Benidorm Palace.
717
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,077
- Are you serious?
- Absolutely.
718
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:10,429
I hope you can make it.
719
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,080
I think I have a window
in my diary. Joey?
720
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,349
I haven't got a diary.
721
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,590
Right, well, it's 7:30,
Friday, Benidorm Palace.
722
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,715
Here's my card.
723
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,756
If there's anything I can do for you,
let me know.
724
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,674
Oh, and if you present that
to any British owned bar
725
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,313
in Benidorm before Saturday,
726
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:27,993
er, it'll see you right
727
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:29,399
for a couple of rounds of drinks
for both of you.
728
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:30,829
Okay, chaps?
729
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:32,309
Nice one!
730
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:36,074
Oh, just remember to, er,
always drink responsi...
731
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:39,469
I don't know why I bother.
732
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,675
The wonderful Leroy C
and his Motown Memories!
733
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,032
And now it's time to hear
from your good selves.
734
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,838
It's karaoke time.
735
00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:10,358
And the first greyhound
out of the trap is Jacqueline.
736
00:40:10,720 --> 00:40:12,199
Where are you Jacqueline?
737
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,431
Ah, it's nice to see him happy.
738
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:54,158
What you talking about?
He's always happy.
739
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:57,359
It's all the people around him
who have a problem enjoying themselves.
740
00:40:57,680 --> 00:40:59,511
I sometimes think
that's all a bit of a front, ya know?
741
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:01,389
Really?
742
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:03,669
Are you worried about him?
743
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:23,715
No, you know what,
I think he'll be all right.
744
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:26,919
Thanks again for letting him
come and stay.
745
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,599
We'll just see
how it goes for a bit, eh?
746
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:29,669
That's all right, love.
747
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:31,677
I'm surprised he agreed to it,
to be honest.
748
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:33,796
Who'd want to live in a caravan
on the front drive?
749
00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:56,314
- There you go.
- Cheers, thanks.
750
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:58,069
Listen,
751
00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:01,994
I was wondering if you'd like to go
for a drink at some point.
752
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:03,919
You know, one that's not all inclusive.
753
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,790
I work late most nights.
754
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:07,909
So that means no.
755
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:12,557
No, that means it would have to be
a late drink, after 11:00.
756
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,799
Right. Okay. Nice one.
757
00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:17,229
How about Friday?
758
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:21,839
Our last day. Yeah, cool.
See you Friday.
759
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,430
Why don't you take
all them extra clothes off now?
760
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:37,437
And where am I gonna put them?
761
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,990
The bags have all been checked in.
762
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,351
I knew that Spanish ham
would tip us over.
763
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,715
Sorry about that,
a few last minute gifts.
764
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:51,352
Oh, Pauline, no,
I thought that was all behind you?
765
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,477
- For the girls in the office.
- Oh, good lass!
766
00:42:57,960 --> 00:42:59,188
I think we're boarding.
767
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,271
No sign of Rubella, love?
768
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:04,789
No.
769
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:06,949
I'm sorry, son.
770
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:09,993
Well, it's her loss.
771
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:11,869
Thanks, Pauline.
772
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:14,949
Come on.
773
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:17,949
We've got a plane to catch.
774
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:40,269
Geoff!
775
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,069
Geoffrey!
776
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:43,549
Lonela.
777
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:50,919
I can't believe you came?
778
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,353
Of course I came.
779
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,232
- Where's your bag?
- I do not need a bag.
780
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:58,389
No, you're right.
781
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:00,034
Who cares about all that?
782
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:01,429
It's just stuff, right?
783
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:05,314
- But you remembered your passport?
- I do not need my passport!
784
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:06,509
You're right!
785
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:08,029
Who cares about...
786
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,794
Actually, no, you definitely
do need a passport.
787
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:12,989
Geoffrey,
788
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,159
I thought about what you said,
789
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,273
about listening to my heart,
and not my head.
790
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,239
I listened very carefully,
791
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,274
and in the end I chose my heart.
792
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,876
And my heart tells me
that I want to stay
793
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,835
with my multi-millionaire
Russian husband.
794
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:33,874
And, of course,
795
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:35,829
my head agrees.
796
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:40,709
So...
797
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:44,273
Why did you come to the airport?
798
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:45,955
To say goodbye.
799
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:47,993
But we said goodbye in Albir.
800
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,557
Did you have to run in so dramatically?
801
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:55,229
I'm sorry, I...
802
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:57,829
Goodbye, Geoffrey.
803
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:02,829
Yeah,
804
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:05,189
see ya later.
805
00:45:05,720 --> 00:45:06,709
Rubella.
806
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:29,669
Come on, son.
807
00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:31,514
Time to go home.
808
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,073
She was too glamourous for you.
809
00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:43,389
Too pretty.
810
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,079
And way too tall.
811
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,516
You do realise you're saying
all these things out loud, don't you?
812
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:59,500
Ripped By mstoll