1 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,480 Buenos dias. Beautiful day. 2 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,640 Buenos dias. 3 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,360 Buenos dias. 4 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,640 If the wind changes your face will stay like that. 5 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,400 What? Not "What?". It should be, "Pardon?" 6 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,360 I did not say anything. What! 7 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,440 You say "Pardon?", but I did not say anything. 8 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:01,080 No, no. You said, "What?". I'm saying it should be, "Pardon?". 9 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,840 I did not say anything. Who are you talking to? You! I'm talking to you. 10 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,080 You say, "Pardon?". I did not say anything. 11 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,800 I said, "Pardon?", because you said "What?". 12 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,280 Nothing! I said nothing! 13 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:18,320 You talk about wind. There is no wind. I say nothing. You say, "Pardon". 14 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,560 What I mean is, you should say "Pardon?" rather than "What?". 15 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,400 I tell you, I don't know! 16 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,960 Lesley, could you please explain to Mateo. What? Pardon! 17 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,080 This is the problem. You are deaf. I am not deaf. 18 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:36,480 I would just like people to say "Pardon?" as opposed to "What?"! I don't know! 19 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,440 That's it! Mateo, inside. Inside what? INSIDE PARDON! 20 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,200 Oh, just get out of my sight! This will be my pleasure. 21 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:47,080 The last thing I need today is another crazy woman. 22 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,240 Another crazy woman! 23 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:53,200 Did I just hear that correctly? What? Oh, pfft! 24 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:58,120 What's all that racket? It's Mateo. That manager woman's given him a right roasting. 25 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,960 I think he might need comfort and succour. 26 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,760 Don't be disgusting! What's he doing to her? 27 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,400 I said, he might need comfort and succour. You didn't have to say it again! 28 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,200 It means support, help. 29 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,800 I thought you'd had a go on that one. Surely he won't make the same mistake twice. 30 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:20,000 I thought you were gonna go and see your new holiday home. The one you don't legally own! 31 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,680 He does own the house, just not the land it's built on. 32 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:29,840 I didn't buy a house, I put a five-grand deposit on one, which I will be getting back ASAP. 33 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:34,040 I can't believe you've been conned. I'd love us to have a place in Spain. 34 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,920 Have you seen Ronaldinho's house? It's unbelievable. 35 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,960 Who's Ronaldinho? Brazilian footballer, but his house in Spain is sick! 36 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,560 I don't think your dad's house is feeling too well, either! 37 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:51,760 Oh, my God! I know the one you mean. He's in the Calvin Klein ads. He is absolutely gorgeous. 38 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,960 No! You're thinking of Cristiano Ronaldo. 39 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,160 Ronaldinho's got a face like a witch doctor's rattle. 40 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,680 So, you'd be quite a good match! 41 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,960 Prices from 90,000 euros. 42 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,560 Oh, my God. Ronaldinho could literally buy a whole row of these houses with a week's pay. 43 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,040 What? 44 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,040 Good afternoon. 45 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,200 It is? Oh, yes. It is a very good afternoon. 46 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:33,800 What do you want? My wife and a... friend are arriving today. 47 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,400 Mrs Riannon Flint and Mr Donald Stewart. 48 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,400 I wonder if I could be paged on their arrival. 49 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,480 Page? Page-d. 50 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,320 What is page-d? 51 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:48,840 Well, notified, informed, told. Yes, I'd like to be told when they have arrived. 52 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:55,000 Why do you have so many words in English to say one thing? Ah, my friend! There's the beauty of it. 53 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,320 Are you familiar with Thomas? Thomas. Mm. 54 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:03,440 The cleaner? He's no longer at the Solana. He now works at the Casa Londres. 55 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,640 No. Dylan Thomas. 56 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:10,480 No. I do not know this person. Do not go gentle into that good night. 57 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:19,720 Huh? Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 58 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,200 You want to rave? 59 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,600 There is a club, but it's mainly... young people. 60 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,840 Can I help you, sir? 61 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,560 I hope your day improves. 62 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,560 Tch! Fat chance. 63 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,680 You've gotta snap out of it, man. 64 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:47,680 I have many problems, Lesley. Problems? You? You don't know the meaning of the word. 65 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,520 You're young, good-looking, footloose and fancy-free. 66 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,920 My life... it is in danger. 67 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,720 Well, we've all got... 68 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:00,080 Are you serious? I think I may have to leave Benidorm. 69 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,080 You gotta be jokin'. 70 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,480 Paulo! Cover us on reception. Half an hour. 71 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,840 Come on, you. 72 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:29,760 Hiya, Sue. Take a seat, love. Be with you in a minute. I'm just here to pay for me manicure. 73 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:34,680 Oh, aye! This is Sue, Lilian. She's a psychic medium. 74 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:39,120 Available for children's parties, weddings, public hangings! Liam! 75 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,040 I do NOT do children's parties! 76 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,880 Oh, hiya, Sue. What can we do for ya? 77 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,560 I've got a message for you. Ugh, here we go again! 78 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,320 Right, Lilian. It's time for phase two of your head-to-toe makeover. 79 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:59,080 Come on, love. Let's get them trotters into a bucket of Domestos. 80 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,160 I've had enough messages from beyond the grave this week! 81 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:07,360 Sue, you know I don't believe in all that. No, it's not a message from the other side. 82 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,640 It's from Madrid. Oh, that's for me manicure. 83 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,240 Madrid? A lass called Veronica. 84 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,640 You did her hair last weekend. Veronica? 85 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,680 You did her a graduated bob and coloured her hair. 86 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:26,080 Oh, yeah. That's right. Veronica, works as a solicitor in Madrid. Yeah, well, she called me 87 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:31,920 and she asked me to give you her number. She needs to speak to you as a matter of great urgency. 88 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:37,240 Why did she call you? Well, you're never open and she had my number. 89 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:40,640 I don't make a habit of doing readings at hen parties. 90 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,440 It's very undignified getting in touch with the psychic world 91 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:48,720 while listening to Bonnie Tyler and being hit over the head with an inflatable penis. But, needs must. 92 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:50,560 That's her number. 93 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,920 Liam. Please, be careful. 94 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:01,480 I also got a message from... Tripitok, 95 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,280 one of my spirit guides. 96 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,320 Here we go! No, listen to me. I have to tell you this. 97 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:13,840 You are going away for at least 12 months, possibly several years. 98 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:18,480 What? It's time for you to face up to your destiny, Liam. 99 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:24,880 You won't be seeing your family and friends for some time. Right. That's it! Out, I've had enough of this. 100 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,560 Psychic Sue is never wrong! 101 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:39,800 - Everything all right, love? - Yeah, everything's fine. 102 00:07:52,218 --> 00:07:54,649 I'm sorry, I didn't realise things were that bad. 103 00:07:54,650 --> 00:08:00,080 We were married to each other too joung. Do not disturb me. I love my four children. 104 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,400 Pedro, Gabrielle, Mateo Junior and... 105 00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:06,644 Do you... 106 00:08:10,684 --> 00:08:13,564 ..Alonso. But it's very difficult for me. 107 00:08:13,706 --> 00:08:18,066 My wife and I, we live in the house of her mother, Dolores. 108 00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:19,705 But she's always trying to... 109 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,426 Interfere? 110 00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,226 Always trying to... 111 00:08:23,266 --> 00:08:25,306 Hold you back? Trying to... 112 00:08:25,346 --> 00:08:27,026 Get in the way. 113 00:08:27,066 --> 00:08:30,946 ..kill me. Always, she's trying to kill me. 114 00:08:30,986 --> 00:08:35,106 What d'you mean by that? Stop my breathing and my life. 115 00:08:35,146 --> 00:08:40,306 I do not know other ways to say this. No. No. I get the picture. 116 00:08:40,346 --> 00:08:42,706 The marriage, it does not work. 117 00:08:42,746 --> 00:08:46,706 Our children, Pedro, Gabrielle, Mateo Junior and... 118 00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:53,786 Alfonso? Alfonso... Alfonso or Alonso? I don't know, pal! 119 00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:57,786 Anyway, the children, they are with her sister. I cannot see them. 120 00:08:57,826 --> 00:09:02,266 My situation is... how d'you say? Inconvincible. 121 00:09:03,746 --> 00:09:05,346 Er... 122 00:09:05,386 --> 00:09:08,506 Do you mind, love! Oh! Oh, sorry! 123 00:09:12,466 --> 00:09:16,106 If you honestly think your life is in danger, you've gotta get out. 124 00:09:16,146 --> 00:09:19,466 I have to get out. Absolutely, and don't let it drag. 125 00:09:19,506 --> 00:09:24,906 I knew my marriage wasn't working at 28. We separated when I was 50. 126 00:09:24,946 --> 00:09:26,706 All those wasted years. 127 00:09:26,746 --> 00:09:30,546 You need a new beginning. None of us are getting any younger. 128 00:09:30,586 --> 00:09:35,586 OK, Jou are right. I go now. Can jou cover me for one hour? 129 00:09:35,626 --> 00:09:41,146 Nae bother. Mrs Temple Savage said you had to make yourself scarce, so everybody's happy. 130 00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,906 Happy! 131 00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:48,706 Happy! Yes. I remember this. 132 00:09:50,026 --> 00:09:54,026 OK, no more wasted years. I will have my new beginning. 133 00:09:54,066 --> 00:09:58,666 Today, I tell that crazy bitch, Dolores, no more! 134 00:09:58,706 --> 00:10:00,866 My old life ends today. 135 00:10:04,626 --> 00:10:06,066 Hopefully not! 136 00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:10,946 Ooh, you look smart! 137 00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:16,066 Are you going somewhere? No. I just thought I'd make a bit of an effort, you know. 138 00:10:16,106 --> 00:10:17,946 For Riannon. Oh, yeah. 139 00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:20,706 I've had an extra squirt of Charlie. 140 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:24,426 I'm sorry? It's a perfume. Donald's favourite. 141 00:10:24,466 --> 00:10:26,626 Oh, right. I see. 142 00:10:27,346 --> 00:10:31,506 You know, I think I've rather grown to appreciate Benidorm. 143 00:10:31,546 --> 00:10:35,426 It has a certain naive charm which I find quite beguiling. 144 00:10:35,466 --> 00:10:38,386 Six down. Large bird of prey, 145 00:10:38,426 --> 00:10:44,946 reputed to gather with others in anticipation of the death of a sick or injured animal. 146 00:10:44,986 --> 00:10:46,706 Vulture. 147 00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:48,666 Oh, yeah! 148 00:10:48,706 --> 00:10:52,426 Oh, no wonder shitehawk didn't fit! 149 00:10:53,266 --> 00:10:59,346 yes yes yes 150 00:10:59,386 --> 00:11:04,066 151 00:11:04,106 --> 00:11:11,026 my love call ringing clear 152 00:11:11,066 --> 00:11:19,146 so dear 153 00:11:19,186 --> 00:11:28,266 will come true 154 00:11:28,866 --> 00:11:31,386 155 00:11:32,106 --> 00:11:40,346 ♪ I belong to you ♪ 156 00:11:45,426 --> 00:11:47,146 Thank you, thank you. 157 00:11:47,186 --> 00:11:51,226 Er, Jacqueline, this is my wife, Riannon. 158 00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:55,026 I had a sneaking suspicion. Lovely to meet you at last. 159 00:11:55,066 --> 00:11:56,826 Hello. 160 00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:58,866 I've heard a lot about you. 161 00:11:59,106 --> 00:12:00,706 Where are you going? 162 00:12:01,826 --> 00:12:03,626 Er, I'm not going anywhere. 163 00:12:03,666 --> 00:12:09,306 Where d'you want me to go? No, I mean, why are you dressed like that around a swimming pool? 164 00:12:09,866 --> 00:12:11,666 Well, I... 165 00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:16,506 I, erm, I don't know. Don't tell me you've been dressing like this all week! 166 00:12:16,546 --> 00:12:22,506 You look like you should be taking a history class, rather than sunning yourself on the Costa Blanca. 167 00:12:22,546 --> 00:12:26,346 Honestly! You should be making the most of it. 168 00:12:26,386 --> 00:12:31,986 We had rotten weather in France. In fact, this morning was the first sunny day we had since... 169 00:12:32,026 --> 00:12:33,986 Excuse me, where's Donald? 170 00:12:34,746 --> 00:12:40,066 Donald? My husband. Of course. Donald. 171 00:12:40,106 --> 00:12:41,866 He's erm... 172 00:12:42,506 --> 00:12:45,586 He hasn't called you? No, he hasn't. 173 00:12:45,706 --> 00:12:52,786 Right. Er... maybe we'll have a spot of lunch and I can explain to you what's happened. 174 00:12:52,826 --> 00:12:54,906 What d'you mean, what's happened! 175 00:13:29,306 --> 00:13:32,186 Maria? 176 00:13:42,266 --> 00:13:44,266 Maria? 177 00:13:48,546 --> 00:13:50,626 Dolores? 178 00:15:20,706 --> 00:15:24,386 I'm sorry, which team did you say Mr...? Oh, please, call him Gunther. 179 00:15:24,426 --> 00:15:27,626 Which team did you say Gunther plays for? 180 00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:31,946 Ah, Basel. It's in the Swiss Super League. His father used to play with Young Boys. 181 00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:34,826 Er, I'm more of a... I'm sorry? 182 00:15:34,866 --> 00:15:38,226 Young Boys. They're a football team in Switzerland. 183 00:15:38,266 --> 00:15:43,746 Wow! Oh, I see. I'm not familiar with that particular team, I'm more of a rugby man myself. 184 00:15:43,786 --> 00:15:46,866 London Wasps. It probably does, this time of year. 185 00:15:46,906 --> 00:15:53,306 Er, yes. Yes. Well, oddly enough there is something of a Swiss community in this area. 186 00:15:53,346 --> 00:15:55,626 So, Gunther should fit in very well. 187 00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:57,746 Gunther, Gunther! 188 00:15:58,306 --> 00:15:59,826 OK, OK, OK! 189 00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:05,266 OK. Er, selfie? 190 00:16:16,066 --> 00:16:20,706 Well, shall we commence the tour? Please, Miriam, Gunther. Step this way. 191 00:16:25,706 --> 00:16:27,946 There you go. Good work, good work! 192 00:16:30,426 --> 00:16:32,506 Vamos! 193 00:16:38,986 --> 00:16:45,986 - So, after the second day we kind of realised we'd made... - an error of judgement. 194 00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:48,146 What d'you mean by that? 195 00:16:48,186 --> 00:16:53,346 Well, as you know, Glynn and I are naturists and pretty broad minded. 196 00:16:53,666 --> 00:16:57,026 But I suppose after 40 years things got a bit stale. 197 00:16:57,066 --> 00:17:01,306 Well, it's no wonder if you've had your bits hanging out in all weathers. 198 00:17:01,346 --> 00:17:04,146 So, we decided to have a go at swinging. 199 00:17:06,146 --> 00:17:07,386 But... 200 00:17:08,746 --> 00:17:13,666 But I couldn't go through with it. I'm sorry, Glynn. I know it was a joint decision. 201 00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:17,266 Whatever's happened between you and Jacqueline, I don't mind. 202 00:17:17,306 --> 00:17:22,306 No, you don't understand. I felt the same way. I didn't want to touch her with a bargepole! 203 00:17:22,866 --> 00:17:24,026 None taken! 204 00:17:24,066 --> 00:17:29,386 Why didn't you say something! Because you didn't say anything. And... 205 00:17:30,866 --> 00:17:32,906 Well, it doesn't matter now, does it? 206 00:17:34,026 --> 00:17:35,426 I love you, Boo. 207 00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:39,066 And I love you too, Piggy! 208 00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:44,586 Where... is... my... husband? 209 00:17:48,346 --> 00:17:51,386 I'm sorry, Jacqueline. I haven't seen him in days. 210 00:17:54,546 --> 00:17:57,146 I think I'll get us all another drink. 211 00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:02,906 You see, the beauty of buying a structure such as this 212 00:18:02,946 --> 00:18:06,586 is that, er, all the hard work's been done for you. 213 00:18:06,626 --> 00:18:12,786 And then you have the advantage of designing your own bespoke, luxury holiday home room by room. 214 00:18:25,306 --> 00:18:28,466 Did he just say Arsenal in the middle of that? 215 00:18:28,506 --> 00:18:34,066 Erm, yes. Gunther was just saying a friend of his who plays for Arsenal recommended this area. 216 00:18:34,106 --> 00:18:36,666 Oh, yeah, I'm sure he did. Yeah. 217 00:18:36,706 --> 00:18:41,306 The seclusion and privacy of this urbanisation is ideal for someone with a high profile. 218 00:18:41,346 --> 00:18:44,346 Obviously, we'll have to get you to sign a secrecy agreement. 219 00:18:44,386 --> 00:18:49,746 If news got out that Gunther was buying in this area for him and his family... 220 00:18:49,786 --> 00:18:52,866 Oh, absolutely. Discretion is my middle name. 221 00:18:54,986 --> 00:19:00,586 Well, it's not. It's actually Hilary, but you know what I mean. 222 00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:07,026 As a matter of fact, I just sold the end house of this row to a very important British business man. 223 00:19:07,066 --> 00:19:10,306 He's basically a cross between Alan Sugar and Donald Trump. 224 00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:12,266 Alain Sucre, Donald Troomp. 225 00:19:12,746 --> 00:19:16,586 Only met him the other day and already he trusts me with his life. 226 00:19:16,626 --> 00:19:21,106 You see, when I sell a property, the buyer is not a client, he's family. 227 00:19:21,946 --> 00:19:23,586 One of the houses is sold! 228 00:19:23,626 --> 00:19:26,826 Oh, not the best views of the sierra from that house. 229 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:32,386 I think you'll find that this particular property is the jewel in the crown of this development. 230 00:19:32,426 --> 00:19:36,906 I think you've misunderstood. Gunther would like to buy for his entire family. 231 00:19:36,946 --> 00:19:38,946 He'd like the entire row. 232 00:19:38,986 --> 00:19:41,106 All four houses. 233 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:45,546 Oh, I see! I thought he just... All four houses? Jesus Christ! 234 00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:51,906 I...I mean... I don't envisage that being any kind of a problem. 235 00:19:52,186 --> 00:19:56,506 But you said one house was sold. We'll soon kick that ugly little bastard into touch 236 00:19:56,546 --> 00:19:59,906 before you can say, "Don't mention the war"! 237 00:19:59,946 --> 00:20:03,546 That one didn't stay part of your family for very long, did he! 238 00:20:03,586 --> 00:20:10,466 Er, no. What I meant was, he already had his eye on another property, up there in the Altea Hills. 239 00:20:10,506 --> 00:20:12,866 I can easily nudge him in that direction. 240 00:20:12,906 --> 00:20:14,786 Oh, excuse me. 241 00:20:15,546 --> 00:20:20,466 Guten tag. Ja. Ja. 242 00:20:20,506 --> 00:20:23,946 Ja, ja. Eine kleine nachtmusik. 243 00:20:24,626 --> 00:20:28,746 We have to go. Gunther is buying art in Valencia this afternoon. 244 00:20:28,786 --> 00:20:33,146 Yes, of course. Can you draw up the papers by tomorrow? I'll call in the morning. 245 00:20:33,186 --> 00:20:39,586 Not a problem. And, get rid of the other buyer, obviously, or else there's no deal. 246 00:20:40,946 --> 00:20:46,306 I'll rip up his contract as soon as I get back to the Portakabin. 247 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:47,946 Guten tag. 248 00:20:50,706 --> 00:20:52,066 Grazie tuta. 249 00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:53,703 Carol has rang from the Benidorm Bulletin, again. 250 00:21:54,223 --> 00:22:00,103 Oh, did she? Probably still owe her for last week's advert. I'll give her a call later. Yeah. You do that. 251 00:22:01,103 --> 00:22:06,143 Who are they? They, my little chupito, are the answer to all our problems. 252 00:22:06,471 --> 00:22:07,911 Really? Oh, yeah. 253 00:22:09,311 --> 00:22:12,271 I've just sold them the last four remaining villas! 254 00:22:12,631 --> 00:22:18,151 What? Oh, yes. Chips and rice for us tonight, Melanie. Chips AND rice! 255 00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:31,511 I know you said he's gone to bring up some mixers. That was two hours ago. Where is he? 256 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:35,711 I don't know. Oh! I'm sorry, Mrs Temple Savage, I just... I don't know. 257 00:22:38,951 --> 00:22:40,591 Hello, is that Veronica? 258 00:22:40,631 --> 00:22:43,191 Yeah. My name's Liam. I've been asked... 259 00:22:44,191 --> 00:22:48,471 Oh... Right. Well, I only got your number today, so... 260 00:22:50,991 --> 00:22:52,511 OK. 261 00:22:53,631 --> 00:22:54,831 Really! 262 00:22:56,631 --> 00:22:58,351 Are you serious? 263 00:22:58,831 --> 00:23:00,471 Oh, my God! 264 00:23:01,551 --> 00:23:03,431 No, that's amazing! 265 00:23:03,471 --> 00:23:04,951 No, no, no! 266 00:23:04,991 --> 00:23:08,431 No. No, it's... it's more than amazing. 267 00:23:09,871 --> 00:23:11,271 It's a miracle! 268 00:23:13,231 --> 00:23:17,191 Right. That's it. Forget it. You've all covered for him for the last time. 269 00:23:17,551 --> 00:23:22,351 I'll keep trying him. You're welcome to, as long as it doesn't interfere with your work. 270 00:23:22,391 --> 00:23:26,031 Because, when he finally answers, you can tell him... he's sacked! 271 00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:32,991 Dad, I need to talk to you. Absolutely, son. Just let me make this call. 272 00:23:33,031 --> 00:23:34,231 OK. 273 00:24:02,671 --> 00:24:07,751 She went back to Madrid and her friend, who's got a salon, asked where she'd got her hair done. 274 00:24:07,791 --> 00:24:12,311 When she said I'd mixed it myself, she said, "I need that man working for me!". 275 00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:17,231 And she's been trying to get in touch with you? Yeah. She needs me to start next week. 276 00:24:17,271 --> 00:24:22,111 How much are they offering? Starting salary 25,000 plus tips. Bloody hell, what are you waiting for? 277 00:24:22,151 --> 00:24:25,111 Good tips as well. They do footballers, celebrities and all sorts. 278 00:24:25,151 --> 00:24:27,151 Oh, son. I'm so proud of you! 279 00:24:27,191 --> 00:24:32,551 It would mean relocating to Madrid. Well, yeah. It's a long way to come back for your dinner! 280 00:24:32,591 --> 00:24:36,151 I've always loved Madrid. It's only a few hours away on the coach. 281 00:24:36,191 --> 00:24:39,311 And days off, I'll be back here in Benidorm with you. 282 00:24:39,351 --> 00:24:42,631 Bloody won't! I'll be wi' you. Shopping in Madrid. 283 00:24:43,231 --> 00:24:46,751 Thank you, Dad. For what? For believing in me. 284 00:24:46,791 --> 00:24:49,991 Talent is like the cream in a bottle of milk. 285 00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:51,951 It'll always rise to the top. 286 00:24:52,471 --> 00:24:54,871 I'll drink to that! Salud! 287 00:24:54,911 --> 00:25:00,231 No problem, Monty. An online transfer direct into my account will be fine. 288 00:25:01,231 --> 00:25:05,831 Including, say, 100 euros to cover the bank charges. 289 00:25:07,711 --> 00:25:12,151 Yeah, of course. I'll tear up my contract from this end, as well. 290 00:25:12,551 --> 00:25:15,031 Muchas gracias, as they say. 291 00:25:20,631 --> 00:25:25,071 100 euros'll pay for the hire of the Land Rover, and the job's a good 'un. 292 00:25:29,351 --> 00:25:31,711 Things are looking up, as they say. 293 00:25:31,751 --> 00:25:33,591 You can say that again! 294 00:25:37,511 --> 00:25:41,151 Well, that's our Liam sorted with a job. What about you, Annie? 295 00:25:41,191 --> 00:25:44,431 Dad! Please don't mention Madrid to anyone until I've spoken to Kenneth. 296 00:25:44,471 --> 00:25:47,311 You know me, son. I will not breathe a word. 297 00:25:49,711 --> 00:25:51,431 Yes, son. 298 00:25:52,671 --> 00:25:53,791 Erm... 299 00:25:54,671 --> 00:25:56,191 erm... 300 00:25:58,391 --> 00:26:00,711 Give us a shout when you're ready, son. 301 00:26:02,431 --> 00:26:07,031 You thinking about joining our Liam in Madrid, Annie? I don't think so. 302 00:26:07,751 --> 00:26:11,311 Madrid's a bit too sophisticated for me. I'm Benidorm through and through. 303 00:26:11,671 --> 00:26:13,031 You've got a crackin' voice. 304 00:26:13,071 --> 00:26:19,111 You should be singing all the time, not introducing pissed holidaymakers singing, 'Sweet Caroline'. 305 00:26:19,151 --> 00:26:20,431 Have you got nuts? 306 00:26:22,871 --> 00:26:25,791 That supposed to be funny? No. 307 00:26:25,831 --> 00:26:30,351 Oh, you mean salted peanuts? 308 00:26:30,431 --> 00:26:32,791 Yes, son, I've got some right here. 309 00:26:38,591 --> 00:26:40,511 All right? 310 00:26:40,551 --> 00:26:41,951 How're you doin'? 311 00:26:44,631 --> 00:26:47,991 You've cheered up a bit. I beg your pardon? 312 00:26:48,031 --> 00:26:52,871 Well, no. I was just saying... We've spoken before and, well... 313 00:26:56,151 --> 00:26:57,671 D'you want a drink? 314 00:27:00,191 --> 00:27:02,111 I've got one, thanks. 315 00:27:07,951 --> 00:27:11,151 How's your nuts? Shrinking by the minute. 316 00:27:14,631 --> 00:27:17,631 I was just about to open the salon. Oh, shut up. 317 00:27:17,671 --> 00:27:22,551 A tonic water, please, Maria, with the slightest, merest suggestion of Gordon's in it. 318 00:27:23,151 --> 00:27:24,391 Que? 319 00:27:24,591 --> 00:27:26,791 A gin and tonic. Si. 320 00:27:27,311 --> 00:27:31,791 Is everything all right? As right as it'll ever be in this place. Mateo's gone AWOL. 321 00:27:31,831 --> 00:27:33,311 Is that up near Denia? 322 00:27:34,471 --> 00:27:37,791 AWOL! Absent Without Leave? Oh, yeah. 323 00:27:40,151 --> 00:27:43,191 Where's he gone? If I knew that...! 324 00:27:43,231 --> 00:27:48,911 Have you tried ringing him? No. I thought I'd try smoke signals for the first few hours! 325 00:27:48,951 --> 00:27:52,991 Honestly, some people will do anything to get out of using their mobile phone. 326 00:27:53,031 --> 00:27:57,911 Are you on Pay As You Go? Of course I've tried ringing him! Don't bite me head off! 327 00:27:58,311 --> 00:27:59,711 Thank you. 328 00:28:01,871 --> 00:28:03,391 Am I a bad boss? 329 00:28:04,111 --> 00:28:12,231 I don't know, I don't work for you. I know, but you I come across as... difficult or inconsiderate? 330 00:28:13,431 --> 00:28:15,031 Eerrmm...! 331 00:28:16,151 --> 00:28:20,111 I like to think of myself as firm, but fair. 332 00:28:20,151 --> 00:28:23,911 I like to think of myself as 12 stone, but what can you do! 333 00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:31,031 Can you call Mateo? He might answer the phone to you. I don't care where he's been, but I need him back here. 334 00:28:31,071 --> 00:28:34,911 I've given up trying to sack people. We're running on a skeleton staff. 335 00:28:54,951 --> 00:28:56,751 Hello! 336 00:28:56,791 --> 00:28:59,711 Hello! 337 00:29:05,671 --> 00:29:08,631 Mateo! Can you hear me? 338 00:29:08,671 --> 00:29:11,911 Let me speak to him. I don't think he can hear me. 339 00:29:11,951 --> 00:29:13,151 Mateo? 340 00:29:21,471 --> 00:29:23,391 Hello? 341 00:29:23,431 --> 00:29:25,551 Hello? 342 00:29:31,271 --> 00:29:32,871 What's the point! 343 00:29:56,711 --> 00:29:59,391 money 344 00:29:59,431 --> 00:30:01,791 money 345 00:30:01,831 --> 00:30:03,751 Glynn. 346 00:30:04,311 --> 00:30:05,551 Yeah. 347 00:30:05,591 --> 00:30:07,391 Can I ask you a question? 348 00:30:08,231 --> 00:30:09,631 Of course. 349 00:30:09,671 --> 00:30:11,311 You and Jacqueline... 350 00:30:11,871 --> 00:30:14,191 Did you...? Don't be ridiculous! 351 00:30:16,071 --> 00:30:21,591 I mean, it seems such a coincidence that we both decided we'd made a mistake 352 00:30:21,631 --> 00:30:24,751 after we went ahead with the wife swap. 353 00:30:24,791 --> 00:30:28,591 ♪ ..video hoes, Am I the only one getting tired... ♪ 354 00:30:28,911 --> 00:30:31,071 What about, er, Donald? 355 00:30:32,591 --> 00:30:33,791 What about him? 356 00:30:33,831 --> 00:30:37,191 Did you and he...? For goodness sake! 357 00:30:40,471 --> 00:30:42,711 What on earth were we thinking! 358 00:30:44,671 --> 00:30:47,751 A moment of madness. 359 00:30:48,711 --> 00:30:50,111 Indeed. 360 00:30:50,431 --> 00:30:54,831 Speaking of madness, what on earth do you think has happened to Jacqueline's husband? 361 00:30:55,431 --> 00:30:58,631 Well, if I'm honest, he called me yesterday. 362 00:30:58,671 --> 00:31:00,351 What! Why didn't you say? 363 00:31:01,511 --> 00:31:03,711 Still no answer. 364 00:31:05,591 --> 00:31:07,591 Everything OK? 365 00:31:07,631 --> 00:31:08,951 366 00:31:08,991 --> 00:31:11,511 ba-bling ba-bling 367 00:31:11,551 --> 00:31:14,071 She's got a great voice! 368 00:31:15,471 --> 00:31:17,471 You two should do something together. 369 00:31:17,511 --> 00:31:21,591 He's been trying to make that happen for the last two days. 370 00:31:23,871 --> 00:31:25,871 Clive! 371 00:31:25,911 --> 00:31:26,951 Melanie! 372 00:31:29,151 --> 00:31:31,031 What you doing here? 373 00:31:31,071 --> 00:31:32,871 Can I have a word? 374 00:31:36,151 --> 00:31:39,151 More! More! 375 00:31:39,951 --> 00:31:44,031 One more! One more! 376 00:31:48,991 --> 00:31:53,911 I can't believe she hasn't got another job. Honestly, the talent that gets lost in this town! 377 00:31:53,951 --> 00:31:57,071 Yeah. On that subject. Yeah? I need to talk to you. 378 00:31:57,111 --> 00:31:59,271 Ooh! Hold that thought. 379 00:31:59,311 --> 00:32:02,191 This may well be my Friday night booty call. 380 00:32:05,311 --> 00:32:08,831 Frigging hell's this? Hey, I had no idea Annie could... 381 00:32:09,071 --> 00:32:11,591 Hey! I've just had this text from Mateo. 382 00:32:13,951 --> 00:32:15,751 Oh, bloody hell! 383 00:32:15,791 --> 00:32:18,231 That'll be his mother-in-law he's talking about. 384 00:32:18,631 --> 00:32:20,631 He said she was gonna kill him. 385 00:32:21,551 --> 00:32:25,151 Is that a joke? No. Then what we doing sitting here? 386 00:32:25,751 --> 00:32:27,711 We don't know where he lives. 387 00:32:28,511 --> 00:32:31,511 I'll get the address from reception. Call the police. 388 00:32:33,271 --> 00:32:37,991 Yes yes yes 389 00:32:38,031 --> 00:32:42,951 ♪ Next to me ee ee ee ee Yes yes yes ♪ 390 00:32:42,991 --> 00:32:48,071 ♪ Next to me ee ee ee ee Yes yes yes... ♪ 391 00:33:19,431 --> 00:33:20,431 And? 392 00:33:21,191 --> 00:33:22,711 Mateo. 393 00:33:22,871 --> 00:33:23,871 Mateo? 394 00:33:23,911 --> 00:33:27,951 Er... Donde est Mateo? 395 00:33:28,911 --> 00:33:31,751 No. Mateo no aqui. Not here, no. 396 00:33:38,071 --> 00:33:42,191 Look, we know you've got Mateo in there. We've called the police. 397 00:33:42,231 --> 00:33:45,791 Policia? The police? Let me handle this, Lesley. 398 00:33:47,031 --> 00:33:50,031 Hola, love. Buenas noches, buenas noches. 399 00:33:50,391 --> 00:33:55,111 Erm, senora, una cafe Americano con queso para mi para mi, por favor? 400 00:33:55,151 --> 00:33:57,751 You just asked her for a coffee with cheese! 401 00:33:57,791 --> 00:34:00,271 Un momento, eh! One moment, one moment. 402 00:34:00,311 --> 00:34:02,111 Si? Si, si. 403 00:34:02,671 --> 00:34:07,471 There you are, I'm getting somewhere. It doesn't matter what you say as long as they think... 404 00:34:07,511 --> 00:34:09,311 FUCKING HELL! 405 00:34:25,338 --> 00:34:27,498 Madrid? I tried to tell you earlier, but... 406 00:34:27,504 --> 00:34:32,104 What? You'd thought you'd wait until I had a shotgun in me face! I meant earlier tonight. 407 00:34:32,381 --> 00:34:35,561 Thanks for leaving me in the lurch! What am I supposed to do? 408 00:34:35,574 --> 00:34:38,294 Hattie Jacques there might as well have pulled the trigger. 409 00:34:38,334 --> 00:34:41,334 Come on now, Kenneth. That's a bit dramatic. 410 00:34:55,734 --> 00:34:58,974 Quien llamo a la policia? Er, sorry no Espanol. 411 00:34:59,414 --> 00:35:02,854 Which one of you called the police? Oh, that'd be me, sir. 412 00:35:03,174 --> 00:35:06,934 We were in the middle of eating our dinner. Oh, sorry about that, sir. 413 00:35:07,174 --> 00:35:09,414 Salvador here likes his food. 414 00:35:11,014 --> 00:35:13,534 Somehow, I don't think missing a meal'd kill him! 415 00:35:15,094 --> 00:35:19,454 What is the situation? Our friend's in that house being held at gunpoint by his mother-in-law. 416 00:35:20,534 --> 00:35:22,134 They're related? 417 00:35:22,174 --> 00:35:24,654 OK, this is a domestic problem. 418 00:35:25,294 --> 00:35:28,054 Salvador, I think we go back to our taco. 419 00:35:28,094 --> 00:35:30,774 Domestic? She's just pointed a gun at us! 420 00:35:31,454 --> 00:35:35,734 Do you know if it was loaded? Oh, of course! I forgot to ask. 421 00:35:35,774 --> 00:35:39,814 We should have asked her to pull the trigger, then we'd have found out! Dickhead! 422 00:35:41,294 --> 00:35:43,334 What did you say? 423 00:35:46,654 --> 00:35:47,654 Pardon? 424 00:35:50,334 --> 00:35:53,814 Just then. What did you say? 425 00:35:56,214 --> 00:35:59,454 I said, we should have asked her to pull the trigger cos... 426 00:36:00,054 --> 00:36:04,694 ..when she pointed the gun at Liam, he's got a thick head. Thanks! 427 00:36:20,494 --> 00:36:22,614 They must be taking it seriously. 428 00:36:22,654 --> 00:36:24,654 Big lad's put his sandwich down. 429 00:36:26,654 --> 00:36:28,694 430 00:36:28,974 --> 00:36:31,174 431 00:36:32,534 --> 00:36:35,414 ♪ And my heart is set on you... ♪ 432 00:36:35,454 --> 00:36:39,814 Then I saw Terri getting in the car and I knew I recognised her from somewhere. 433 00:36:39,854 --> 00:36:45,054 Then Monty said he was giving you your deposit back because he'd found a buyer for all the houses 434 00:36:45,094 --> 00:36:47,094 and I worked out the rest. 435 00:36:47,134 --> 00:36:52,254 Where is he, then? Oh, I haven't told him it was you lot who were interested in the houses. 436 00:36:52,294 --> 00:36:58,614 Why not? Monty and I have been together for five years, but he's a very... dishonest man. 437 00:36:58,654 --> 00:37:03,574 Oh, really? I hadn't noticed! He's got an arrangement with a woman from the local paper. 438 00:37:03,614 --> 00:37:09,414 He puts an ad in every month. Problem is, that's not the only thing he keeps putting in! 439 00:37:09,454 --> 00:37:13,654 But you knew how dodgy those houses were. All estate agents bend the truth. 440 00:37:13,694 --> 00:37:17,694 And that's how we started out, but then the financial crisis hit Spain 441 00:37:17,734 --> 00:37:21,054 and, well, desperate times call for desperate measures. 442 00:37:21,774 --> 00:37:24,414 I don't wanna do it any more. 443 00:37:25,014 --> 00:37:28,374 It's just not me. So, what you gonna do? 444 00:37:28,414 --> 00:37:34,054 I'm gonna go back to the UK. I kept my flat in Watford, thank God, when I moved out to Spain. 445 00:37:34,094 --> 00:37:37,294 And as luck would have it, the tenants are moving out. 446 00:37:37,334 --> 00:37:38,854 I need a fresh start. 447 00:37:38,894 --> 00:37:43,894 Most things happen for a reason. Everyone's past catches up with them eventually. 448 00:37:43,934 --> 00:37:46,574 Yeah. And sometimes in a good way. 449 00:37:48,054 --> 00:37:51,294 You're all I need, (all I need) 450 00:37:51,334 --> 00:37:54,254 (Yes inde-ee-ed) 451 00:37:54,454 --> 00:37:59,214 (You are the one I want) Yes yes yes, honey 452 00:37:59,374 --> 00:38:03,654 ♪ The one that I want (You are the one I want) Yes yes yes... ♪ 453 00:38:03,694 --> 00:38:10,414 It was a very brief call. Donald said he has a surprise for you, but he wouldn't say what it was. 454 00:38:10,454 --> 00:38:16,614 What he did say was, he'd be arriving the same day as me, so I've no idea what happened to him. 455 00:38:16,654 --> 00:38:19,374 I'll just have to keep trying his number. 456 00:38:19,614 --> 00:38:24,614 Would you like another orgasm? No, thank you. I've still got plenty of this one left. 457 00:38:24,654 --> 00:38:30,014 I think I'll just have an early night, try him again in the morning. I'll see you tomorrow. 458 00:38:30,054 --> 00:38:31,654 Absolutely. 459 00:38:33,534 --> 00:38:38,694 I don't suppose you fancy an org... an... another drink, do you? 460 00:38:38,734 --> 00:38:45,174 It's been a very long day, Glynn. I'll have a small white wine. Very dry. 461 00:38:55,014 --> 00:38:59,134 Tiger and Annie there, with a classic from Grease, 'You're The One That I Want'. 462 00:38:59,174 --> 00:39:02,454 But as good as it was, it was merely an hors d'oeuvre. 463 00:39:02,494 --> 00:39:07,374 The Solana is proud to present tonight's main course. 464 00:39:07,734 --> 00:39:09,374 Meatloaf! 465 00:39:24,774 --> 00:39:30,294 466 00:39:31,094 --> 00:39:34,614 467 00:39:36,334 --> 00:39:41,134 468 00:39:41,814 --> 00:39:46,494 and that's a fact 469 00:39:47,774 --> 00:39:52,774 ♪ And I'll never forget... ♪ 470 00:39:54,654 --> 00:39:55,814 Hello? 471 00:39:56,094 --> 00:40:00,454 Jacqueline! Donald! Where are you? 472 00:40:00,494 --> 00:40:02,094 Whose phone are you on? 473 00:40:02,134 --> 00:40:08,254 Oh, darling, I'm so sorry. I turned my phone off on the plane and it wouldn't turn back on again. 474 00:40:08,294 --> 00:40:11,134 This was all supposed to be a surprise. 475 00:40:11,174 --> 00:40:12,974 Where are you! 476 00:40:13,014 --> 00:40:17,454 I'm with Pepe De La Cruz and the Costa Blanca Swingers' Association. 477 00:40:17,494 --> 00:40:21,294 It's their annual jamboree. Remember, we missed it last year. 478 00:40:22,134 --> 00:40:26,654 I've missed you so much! Where are you? 479 00:40:26,694 --> 00:40:29,014 Look out to the cross. 480 00:40:30,934 --> 00:40:34,174 We're all here, waiting for you. 481 00:40:34,214 --> 00:40:38,534 Pepe sent a car for you. It should be at reception in a few minutes. 482 00:40:38,574 --> 00:40:41,854 Oh, Donald! I'm coming now! 483 00:40:44,214 --> 00:40:47,254 are turning 484 00:40:47,374 --> 00:40:50,694 485 00:40:50,734 --> 00:40:54,174 are coming true 486 00:40:54,214 --> 00:40:56,454 487 00:40:56,494 --> 00:41:00,014 488 00:41:00,854 --> 00:41:03,694 ♪ You know it's true and that's a fact... ♪ 489 00:41:03,734 --> 00:41:05,214 Go on, son! 490 00:41:05,494 --> 00:41:09,774 491 00:41:10,094 --> 00:41:13,134 492 00:41:15,574 --> 00:41:19,734 ♪ And I'll never do it better than I do it with you... ♪ 493 00:41:19,774 --> 00:41:21,694 You won't last five minutes in Madrid! 494 00:41:22,014 --> 00:41:26,014 There's only so many frothy coffees and art galleries a person can put up with. 495 00:41:26,054 --> 00:41:29,894 I'll give you one week, and you'll be screaming for egg, chips and karaoke. 496 00:41:59,934 --> 00:42:01,414 Please. 497 00:42:02,934 --> 00:42:04,734 Oh, my God! 498 00:42:21,374 --> 00:42:23,494 Bloody hell! 499 00:42:23,534 --> 00:42:25,614 500 00:42:26,174 --> 00:42:30,574 ♪ And I would do anything for love... ♪ 501 00:42:32,254 --> 00:42:37,014 ♪ ..And I would do anything for love... ♪ 502 00:42:38,814 --> 00:42:41,014 503 00:42:42,454 --> 00:42:48,454 ♪ And no, I won't do that ♪ 504 00:42:57,974 --> 00:43:01,854 Right. Now, are you sure you've got everything? No. 505 00:43:02,334 --> 00:43:05,814 Ring me when you arrive. Let me know if you need anything. 506 00:43:05,854 --> 00:43:11,214 Stop worrying. I'll be back in a week for the rest of my stuff. I'm only a phone call away. 507 00:43:11,254 --> 00:43:12,854 Same here. 508 00:43:13,254 --> 00:43:14,854 Good luck, son! 509 00:43:15,214 --> 00:43:16,894 I love you. 510 00:43:18,014 --> 00:43:19,974 I love you too, Dad. 511 00:43:29,454 --> 00:43:30,454 Wait! 512 00:43:30,774 --> 00:43:32,374 Wait! 513 00:43:39,294 --> 00:43:42,934 You didn't think I'd let you go without a proper send-off, did you! 514 00:43:50,374 --> 00:43:52,414 Oh! 515 00:43:55,014 --> 00:43:57,414 ♪ Unforgettable... ♪ 516 00:43:57,734 --> 00:44:04,094 Oh, Kenneth! Of all the people I've met in Benidorm, I can honestly say, hand on heart, 517 00:44:04,134 --> 00:44:05,534 you're the campest! 518 00:44:05,574 --> 00:44:06,814 Ooh, you cheeky bugger! 519 00:44:06,854 --> 00:44:09,174 ♪ Unforgettable... ♪ 520 00:44:11,294 --> 00:44:12,494 Liam! 521 00:44:13,574 --> 00:44:17,094 Liam, I got your message. Oh, Mateo. You came! 522 00:44:18,054 --> 00:44:20,254 Bloody hell, where have you been, Roy Rogers! 523 00:44:20,294 --> 00:44:23,774 I have been lying on the low. I have to leave this town. 524 00:44:23,814 --> 00:44:28,094 Dolores, she was arrested and her sons are looking for me. What are you gonna do? 525 00:44:28,134 --> 00:44:32,214 I think maybe I try Madrid with jou, Liam. Maybe I find a job there. 526 00:44:32,254 --> 00:44:37,054 It's OK if I ride with you? Ooh, after all these years, you've never said that to me! 527 00:44:37,854 --> 00:44:40,574 It's OK? Of course, I'll be glad of the company. 528 00:44:43,574 --> 00:44:48,214 OK, my friend. So... this is goodbye. No. Never goodbye. 529 00:44:48,254 --> 00:44:50,534 Just, adios.