1 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,163 Do you know, I really did enjoy yesterday. 2 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:38,765 Well, yes, lounging by a pool is all well and good, 3 00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:41,567 but it doesn't keep you active. 4 00:00:41,607 --> 00:00:43,689 Oh, don't worry, 5 00:00:43,729 --> 00:00:47,612 Donald and I keep ourselves extremely active, thank you very much. 6 00:00:47,652 --> 00:00:50,694 Which is why I've arranged another activity for today. 7 00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:55,017 Oh, you got to be joking? I'm supposed to be on my holidays. 8 00:00:55,057 --> 00:00:59,420 You enjoyed yesterday, you said yourself we make a great team. 9 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:03,023 What is it? And can we get a cab there? 10 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,746 Oh, don't worry, you're within touching distance of it. 11 00:01:06,786 --> 00:01:10,228 Oooh, I like the sound of that! 12 00:01:25,159 --> 00:01:28,242 There you go, but listen, if you lose this key again, 13 00:01:28,282 --> 00:01:30,684 I'm going to have to lock you in your room 14 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,726 and tell the bogeyman where you live! 15 00:01:33,766 --> 00:01:35,807 I'm only joking, pet, 16 00:01:35,847 --> 00:01:39,010 I'm sure the bogeyman doesn't know you're on holiday. 17 00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:42,292 Oh, heck, does she want a lolly? 18 00:01:44,894 --> 00:01:47,176 Oh, dear, I think I said the wrong thing there. 19 00:01:47,216 --> 00:01:50,178 Hmm. I also think the problem was your face. 20 00:01:50,218 --> 00:01:52,219 What about my face? 21 00:01:52,259 --> 00:01:54,621 She saw it. Oh, very funny. 22 00:01:55,982 --> 00:01:57,984 Lesley, what is all this crap? 23 00:01:58,024 --> 00:02:01,066 'Crap'? How dare you. That's a lifetime's collection. 24 00:02:01,106 --> 00:02:03,508 A collection of crap. What is it doing here? 25 00:02:03,548 --> 00:02:06,110 It's for the Spanish market. I'd better get a move on. 26 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:08,111 You can hold the fort this end, can't you? 27 00:02:08,151 --> 00:02:11,193 I do not know what this means but yes, go. 28 00:02:11,233 --> 00:02:13,235 Right, see you later. Luego. 29 00:02:15,997 --> 00:02:19,640 Buenas dias. Hola. Buenas dias... 30 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,682 Mateo! What on earth is going on? The lifts aren't working. 31 00:02:22,722 --> 00:02:25,164 I know, it's the reason the lift men are here. 32 00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:27,686 I've just had to walk down 14 flights of... 33 00:02:37,293 --> 00:02:39,975 Ostia! Miss Temple-Savage! Are you all OK? 34 00:02:43,017 --> 00:02:45,018 My back... My back... 35 00:02:47,220 --> 00:02:49,221 You fell right down them stairs. 36 00:02:49,261 --> 00:02:52,624 No? Did I? I can't say I noticed. 37 00:02:52,664 --> 00:02:58,668 Oh, yes, you came down them with a right thump, do you not remember? 38 00:02:58,708 --> 00:03:00,990 Of course I remember. 39 00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:04,072 You just said you didn't notice. 40 00:03:04,673 --> 00:03:07,475 Here, sit down, you are OK. 41 00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:11,318 How can she be OK? She fell right down them stairs. 42 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,079 Just go away! 43 00:03:13,119 --> 00:03:16,161 Sorry, I didn't mean to shout, I just meant - 44 00:03:16,201 --> 00:03:18,763 Oh, it's all right, I quite understand. 45 00:03:18,803 --> 00:03:23,206 You don't feel yourself when you've had a wallop on the head, do you? 46 00:03:23,247 --> 00:03:25,488 I do not know, what is 'wallop'? 47 00:03:25,528 --> 00:03:32,734 Oh, dear, your head's blowing up like a balloon. 48 00:03:34,935 --> 00:03:38,418 Have you got some vinegar and brown paper? 49 00:03:38,458 --> 00:03:42,261 Vinegar and brown...? What on earth are talking about? 50 00:03:42,301 --> 00:03:46,344 Well, it worked for Jack and Jill. Will you just go away! 51 00:03:46,384 --> 00:03:49,666 Savage! 52 00:03:49,706 --> 00:03:52,188 What the hell are you doing? 53 00:03:53,589 --> 00:03:56,751 Oh, Crystal! 54 00:03:56,791 --> 00:03:59,313 Oh, what a delightful surprise. 55 00:03:59,353 --> 00:04:01,955 You look...sensational. 56 00:04:01,995 --> 00:04:03,997 That's more than I could say for you. 57 00:04:04,957 --> 00:04:09,000 Ooh, hello. Are you just booking in? 58 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:15,405 I'm on my own today on account of my son being out on business. 59 00:04:15,445 --> 00:04:19,328 You don't fancy a game of dominoes, do you? 60 00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:23,771 No, thank you. I thought not. Bye-bye. 61 00:04:25,973 --> 00:04:27,934 What on earth have you done? 62 00:04:27,974 --> 00:04:30,456 I haven't do anything, they're all like that. 63 00:04:30,496 --> 00:04:32,217 No, I mean you, Savage. 64 00:04:32,257 --> 00:04:34,659 I mean, how many flights of stairs did you fall down? 65 00:04:34,699 --> 00:04:36,461 Just a slight loss of footing, 66 00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:39,022 but I seem to have survived relatively unscathed. 67 00:04:39,383 --> 00:04:43,266 Yeah, well, that's a matter of opinion. 68 00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:46,348 Sorry. 69 00:04:46,388 --> 00:04:50,631 Oh, Elvis, just leave the bags here. I'm just staying one night. 70 00:04:50,671 --> 00:04:53,513 Here? What do you wanna stay here for? 71 00:04:55,154 --> 00:04:58,957 Do... I-I mean, my goodness, what a thrill. 72 00:05:00,198 --> 00:05:03,080 Mateo, can we have the honeymoon suite refreshed 73 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,282 for Miss Hennessy-Vass? 74 00:05:05,322 --> 00:05:09,365 Oh, I think the honeymoon suite has just been booked for this evening. 75 00:05:09,405 --> 00:05:11,406 Well, then kindly unbook it. 76 00:05:12,927 --> 00:05:14,929 OK. 77 00:05:15,369 --> 00:05:17,171 And then I'm going to take you to lunch, 78 00:05:17,211 --> 00:05:19,212 after I've made my inspection, of course. 79 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,454 I'll come with you. No, there's no need. 80 00:05:21,494 --> 00:05:23,415 I know my way around, you know. 81 00:05:23,455 --> 00:05:26,297 You just scurry off and book that table for two. 82 00:05:26,337 --> 00:05:28,739 Oh... Oh, Miss Hennessy-Vass, 83 00:05:28,779 --> 00:05:31,061 I am wondering if I can speak to you? 84 00:05:33,943 --> 00:05:36,865 I'm waiting. Oh, yes, well, 85 00:05:36,905 --> 00:05:40,668 next month, I will be a barman at the Solana for ten years. 86 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,110 What do you want? A cake? No... 87 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:47,753 I am thinking it is time for promotion? 88 00:05:48,874 --> 00:05:50,875 Maybe... 89 00:05:51,636 --> 00:05:54,198 Or maybe not. Hmm... 90 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,481 Mateo... 91 00:05:59,922 --> 00:06:01,924 I'll be in touch. 92 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:18,256 That's it, Helena, spread it all out, try and make it look nice. 93 00:06:18,736 --> 00:06:21,258 See if you can get a couple of euros each for it all. 94 00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:26,422 What's going on here, then, you having a clear out? 95 00:06:26,462 --> 00:06:28,463 Spanish market. 96 00:06:28,503 --> 00:06:32,186 Tea towels and car boot crap? What's Spanish about that? 97 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,508 Well, you're in Spain, aren't you? 98 00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:44,555 I am beautiful, no matter what they say. 99 00:06:44,595 --> 00:06:48,278 Words can't bring me down. 100 00:06:48,318 --> 00:06:51,960 I am beautiful in every single way... 101 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,763 Er, excuse me, am I interrupting you? 102 00:06:54,803 --> 00:06:59,126 Oh, sorry, love. Sit yourself down, get your trotters out. 103 00:06:59,166 --> 00:07:00,927 Trotters? 104 00:07:00,967 --> 00:07:02,888 Yeah, don't worry if they're a bit wiffy, 105 00:07:02,929 --> 00:07:06,131 there's a bottle of Cilit Bang and a cloth behind the desk. 106 00:07:08,933 --> 00:07:11,895 You're not my eleven o'clock pedicure, are you? 107 00:07:11,935 --> 00:07:15,138 Crystal Hennessy-Vass. That's not that freshwater colonic 108 00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:17,179 they're doing in the indoor market, is it? 109 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:19,901 My name is Crystal Hennessy-Vass, 110 00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:23,223 and I am the CEO of the Solana Leisure group. 111 00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,666 Oh, shit. That's one way of putting it. 112 00:07:28,547 --> 00:07:30,629 I got the cheap shampoo from the pound shop, 113 00:07:30,669 --> 00:07:33,311 you remembered to keep them Loreal bottles, didn't you? 114 00:07:33,351 --> 00:07:35,112 Oh... 115 00:07:35,152 --> 00:07:38,275 Three-star thinking boys, I like it. 116 00:07:47,922 --> 00:07:49,923 It's some kind of market. 117 00:07:49,963 --> 00:07:52,405 There you are then, off you go. What do you mean? 118 00:07:52,445 --> 00:07:55,808 You love a market, don't you? That's where you buy all your clothes. 119 00:07:55,848 --> 00:07:58,369 No, I do not. All right, calm down. 120 00:07:58,409 --> 00:08:00,651 I buy all my gear from catalogues these days. 121 00:08:00,691 --> 00:08:03,293 You try and find a market that'll take £1.50 a week. 122 00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,335 Morning! All right? 123 00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:07,776 Great night last night. 124 00:08:07,816 --> 00:08:11,699 Was it? Lovely wartime feel about the evening, 125 00:08:11,739 --> 00:08:14,581 making your own entertainment, 126 00:08:14,621 --> 00:08:17,784 everybody pulling together, you know. 127 00:08:17,824 --> 00:08:21,106 The only pulling he's doing on this holiday is when he gets to his room. 128 00:08:21,146 --> 00:08:23,148 Do you mind? 129 00:08:23,188 --> 00:08:26,750 Oh, don't worry, the right girl will come along. 130 00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:30,033 I mean, if my son can find the woman of his dreams, 131 00:08:30,073 --> 00:08:32,555 there's hope for everyone. 132 00:08:33,315 --> 00:08:37,478 I don't mean there's anything wrong with our Geoff, 133 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:41,121 he just has exceptionally high standards. 134 00:08:41,161 --> 00:08:43,162 Yeah, right. 135 00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:49,087 Oh, my, God. 136 00:08:55,492 --> 00:08:57,493 Oh! Blood and sand, they're here! 137 00:08:57,533 --> 00:09:00,095 I'd better go find some sunbeds. 138 00:09:13,366 --> 00:09:16,208 So you think we need a gimmick to pull the customers in. 139 00:09:16,254 --> 00:09:20,157 Exactly. We could give away a free makeover to one of the residents. 140 00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:24,035 No! We've been through this, we're meant to sell our services, not give them away. 141 00:09:24,075 --> 00:09:25,876 No, no, no, no! It's brilliant, 142 00:09:25,916 --> 00:09:28,878 you have a guest walking around the hotel, looking fabulous, 143 00:09:28,918 --> 00:09:31,240 and telling everybody to go to Blow and Go. 144 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,362 Yes, actually, I think that was my idea. 145 00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:40,927 Ah, Crystal, there you are. We're due at the restaurant in 15 minutes. 146 00:09:40,967 --> 00:09:42,688 I've booked the San Sebastian. 147 00:09:42,728 --> 00:09:46,051 It's very exclusive, somewhat of a hidden treasure, you might say. 148 00:09:46,091 --> 00:09:51,135 Ahh, the San Sebastian, I adore Sasha, you do know the manager? 149 00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:56,539 Of course. Sasha, she's a close personal friend. 150 00:09:57,259 --> 00:09:59,741 Sasha is a 'he'. 151 00:10:00,742 --> 00:10:05,785 Oh, so the operation was a success? 152 00:10:09,268 --> 00:10:11,269 Must be another Sasha. 153 00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:14,592 I'll be outside. 154 00:10:17,274 --> 00:10:19,435 And don't worry about Temple-Savage, 155 00:10:19,475 --> 00:10:22,117 she won't be on your back for very much longer. 156 00:10:22,157 --> 00:10:25,840 Right, I have to go. Goodbye, gentlemen. 157 00:10:43,533 --> 00:10:46,255 Oh, steady on, Sasha, or I'll be in no fit state 158 00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:48,217 to work this afternoon, that's my third! 159 00:10:48,257 --> 00:10:50,258 Fifth. Sorry? 160 00:10:50,979 --> 00:10:54,221 Nothing. Do you know, I've never been here before. 161 00:10:54,261 --> 00:10:56,823 Yeah, it is rather chic, isn't it? 162 00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:59,905 Well, it certainly knocks the Solana into a cocked hat. 163 00:11:00,586 --> 00:11:02,307 I mean, what I mean is - 164 00:11:02,347 --> 00:11:04,309 Well, yes, yes, I know. 165 00:11:04,349 --> 00:11:07,471 That is why we had to bring the Solana down to a three star. 166 00:11:07,511 --> 00:11:10,553 We can't possibly compete with all of this nor would we wish to. 167 00:11:10,593 --> 00:11:13,155 Well, this is it, you were absolutely right all along. 168 00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:18,199 We're budget and we're proud. That's what you said, isn't it - 169 00:11:18,239 --> 00:11:21,521 Yeah, I did say that. We are budget and we are proud, 170 00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:26,165 which brings me seamlessly to the whole point of this luncheon, Joyce. 171 00:11:27,285 --> 00:11:30,048 The staff wages bill is still far too high. 172 00:11:31,008 --> 00:11:35,892 Believe me, Crystal, I have been through this with a fine tooth comb, 173 00:11:35,932 --> 00:11:38,974 we can't possibly cut staff wages anymore, 174 00:11:39,014 --> 00:11:41,656 they're living hand-to-mouth as it is. 175 00:11:41,696 --> 00:11:45,499 Yeah, well, that is why I am cutting your salary by 50%. 176 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,104 You're asking me to take a 50% pay cut? 177 00:11:52,904 --> 00:11:56,067 Of course I'm not. Oh, that's a relief. 178 00:11:56,107 --> 00:11:57,948 No. I've found somebody 179 00:11:57,988 --> 00:12:00,550 who is going to do your job for 50% less. 180 00:12:01,871 --> 00:12:04,833 You're firing me? Of course I'm not firing you, Joyce, 181 00:12:04,873 --> 00:12:07,715 that would leave the most terrible stain on your CV. 182 00:12:07,755 --> 00:12:09,757 We are friends, after all. 183 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,558 We are... 184 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,840 I'm 'letting you go', darling. 185 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,162 Now, as of today your contract ends, but don't worry, 186 00:12:17,202 --> 00:12:19,884 you can stay in your apartment for another week. 187 00:12:19,924 --> 00:12:21,966 I'm not a complete bastard. 188 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:26,329 A week to vacate my apartment? 189 00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:28,371 That's what friends are for. 190 00:12:36,977 --> 00:12:40,219 Well, I must say, this is lovely. 191 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,221 Yeah. 192 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:49,146 I was just saying, this is lovely, very nice. 193 00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:53,349 Mother... She's Romanian, not deaf. 194 00:12:54,870 --> 00:13:01,395 Did...Geoff...meet you at the airport? 195 00:13:03,837 --> 00:13:06,118 No, but he told me which bus to catch. 196 00:13:06,158 --> 00:13:08,680 The bus is actually quicker than the taxi. 197 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:12,523 You...look...lovely. 198 00:13:13,244 --> 00:13:15,245 Lovely. Thank you. 199 00:13:15,565 --> 00:13:20,169 And a lovely name too, Rubella. 200 00:13:20,209 --> 00:13:23,411 It used to mean German measles in my day, 201 00:13:23,451 --> 00:13:28,175 but I suspect it's something much nicer in your language. 202 00:13:28,215 --> 00:13:33,378 Ionela. My sister suffered terribly from them as a child. 203 00:13:34,099 --> 00:13:36,741 My what? Her name's Ionela. 204 00:13:38,462 --> 00:13:40,464 No, it's not, it's Doreen. 205 00:13:41,224 --> 00:13:44,627 What? My sister's name, it's Doreen. 206 00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:46,668 It's her name. 207 00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:51,832 Oh! Is your name Doreen as well? So who's Rubella? 208 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:55,155 Nobody! Your sister is German? 209 00:13:55,195 --> 00:13:57,796 My sister? German? No. 210 00:13:57,836 --> 00:14:00,358 She was born in Widnes. 211 00:14:00,398 --> 00:14:06,323 I was just saying, your name in German means measles. 212 00:14:06,363 --> 00:14:09,845 Er, no, no, it doesn't. 213 00:14:09,885 --> 00:14:17,971 What I mean is the type of Germans my sister had were called Rubella. 214 00:14:18,011 --> 00:14:24,376 Not Germans, measles. And the type of measles Rubella had were... 215 00:14:25,617 --> 00:14:28,139 Hang on, that's not right either. 216 00:14:28,179 --> 00:14:30,180 Why don't you have a siesta? 217 00:14:30,220 --> 00:14:34,984 I could take Rubella to the market if you want a lie down, son. 218 00:14:35,024 --> 00:14:37,426 How many times? It's Ionela! 219 00:14:37,466 --> 00:14:39,467 I would like to change my clothes. 220 00:14:39,507 --> 00:14:44,751 Change your clothes? Right. Oh, do you want the key for the room? 221 00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:46,793 No, I need some money. 222 00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:50,876 Right. 223 00:14:50,916 --> 00:14:54,438 You don't need money, this holiday's inconclusive. 224 00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,480 'All inclusive'. 225 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,521 So I can change my clothes. 226 00:14:59,362 --> 00:15:04,245 I've only got 50 euro. Thank you, Geoff, I will be back. 227 00:15:08,889 --> 00:15:10,890 Oh, son. 228 00:15:12,251 --> 00:15:15,494 I think we need to have a talk. 229 00:15:18,816 --> 00:15:22,059 Oh! Are we having piano lessons? 230 00:15:22,099 --> 00:15:26,942 When I was a teenager, I used to beg my uncle Dennis 231 00:15:26,982 --> 00:15:29,744 to let me have a bash on his upright. 232 00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:34,628 Hi, Glynn. Billy, this is Jacqueline who I was telling you about. 233 00:15:34,668 --> 00:15:38,551 Oh, enchanted. Oh... 234 00:15:38,591 --> 00:15:43,755 I was just saying to Glynn, I was always pestering my uncle Dennis 235 00:15:43,795 --> 00:15:48,118 for private lessons. He won prizes for his fingering. 236 00:15:48,158 --> 00:15:51,280 Um, Billy's not gonna give you piano lessons, Jacqueline, 237 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,322 he's gonna give you a singing lesson. 238 00:15:53,362 --> 00:15:55,363 A singing lesson? Yeah... 239 00:15:55,403 --> 00:15:58,325 I couldn't believe it when I bumped into Billy, 240 00:15:58,365 --> 00:16:01,328 he used to be very big on the nudist cabaret scene. 241 00:16:01,368 --> 00:16:03,609 Billy Sparkle and his baby grand. 242 00:16:03,649 --> 00:16:06,291 That can't be your real name. 243 00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:08,333 No, my real name's Brian. 244 00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:11,415 Well, shall we start with some scales? 245 00:16:11,455 --> 00:16:13,817 Yes, let's start with something easy. 246 00:16:14,818 --> 00:16:19,061 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ahhhh. 247 00:16:19,101 --> 00:16:25,986 Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah, ah. Ah. Ah. 248 00:16:26,706 --> 00:16:29,749 How much singing experience have you had, Jacqueline? 249 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,790 I've sung with Bananarama. 250 00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:34,312 I can well believe it. 251 00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:38,795 Free prize draw, love. 252 00:16:39,556 --> 00:16:41,877 Here you are, love, it's a free prize draw. 253 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,119 You can win a 50 euro make over. 254 00:16:44,159 --> 00:16:46,041 Just hand into the pool bar 255 00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:48,402 after you've printed your name on the back. 256 00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:51,044 If you can't manage that, a thumb print will do. 257 00:16:51,084 --> 00:16:53,486 Kenneth, I'm a bit worried about this makeover. 258 00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:55,367 Everybody here's a bit middle aged. 259 00:16:55,369 --> 00:16:58,091 Middle aged? This lot here are more Middle Earth. 260 00:17:00,413 --> 00:17:02,094 What are we gonna do? 261 00:17:02,134 --> 00:17:04,977 I don't want to sound unkind, but we can't have the big reveal 262 00:17:05,017 --> 00:17:06,738 of our free makeover with somebody 263 00:17:06,778 --> 00:17:08,499 who looks like the back end of a bus. 264 00:17:08,539 --> 00:17:10,741 Liam, just lately you've started 265 00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:14,944 to develop quite a nasty, peevish, uncharitable streak. I like it. 266 00:17:14,984 --> 00:17:17,145 I'm only thinking about the image of Blow and Go. 267 00:17:17,186 --> 00:17:19,187 Don't worry, I'm not as stupid as you look. 268 00:17:19,227 --> 00:17:23,230 Oh, look, it's Annie! Annie! You all right? What are you doing here? 269 00:17:23,270 --> 00:17:25,151 Shut up! Ow! What are you doing that for? 270 00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:29,154 You do not know that girl. I do, it's Annie she does the karaoke at the Picadilly Bar. 271 00:17:29,194 --> 00:17:31,196 Ow! Stop doing that! 272 00:17:31,236 --> 00:17:33,598 That is the winner of our makeover competition. 273 00:17:33,638 --> 00:17:35,679 How's she gonna win? It's drawn at random. 274 00:17:35,719 --> 00:17:37,721 Oh, stop, being so stupid. 275 00:17:37,761 --> 00:17:40,122 You're gonna fix it! You're disgusting! 276 00:17:40,162 --> 00:17:43,765 Yeah, well, so are the people lying on these sunbeds. Good point. 277 00:17:43,805 --> 00:17:47,808 Free prize draw, win a 50 euro makeover. 278 00:17:47,848 --> 00:17:52,051 Winner drawn completely at random, we don't know who's gonna win. 279 00:17:52,091 --> 00:17:54,093 Stupid boy. 280 00:18:00,217 --> 00:18:02,819 What is it? It's a Rubik's cube. 281 00:18:04,701 --> 00:18:07,102 He's trying to work out where you plug it in. 282 00:18:07,142 --> 00:18:10,825 What does it do? It doesn't do anything, you've got to solve it. 283 00:18:10,865 --> 00:18:13,107 Each side's got to be a different colour. 284 00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,549 Each side is a different colour. 285 00:18:16,589 --> 00:18:18,871 A solid colour. We used to have a boy at school 286 00:18:18,911 --> 00:18:20,792 that could do it in 38 seconds. 287 00:18:20,832 --> 00:18:25,076 Philip Piggott, a right short, fat, speccy bastard he was. 288 00:18:27,637 --> 00:18:30,319 Right, go on, I'll time you. 289 00:18:32,281 --> 00:18:34,282 Ti? 290 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,324 Ti, are you doing this or what? 291 00:18:37,525 --> 00:18:39,526 Back in a minute. 292 00:18:42,048 --> 00:18:44,290 I've just got to do a spot of advertising. 293 00:19:18,955 --> 00:19:21,077 Right, let's have a look at this thing. 294 00:19:22,998 --> 00:19:24,800 What was that all about? 295 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,682 If that was for the benefit of that blonde, she didn't even notice you. 296 00:19:28,723 --> 00:19:30,724 She never looked up once. 297 00:19:31,485 --> 00:19:33,486 Oh, she noticed me all right. 298 00:19:55,062 --> 00:19:57,784 I can not believe it, why make your decision so quick? 299 00:19:57,824 --> 00:20:01,747 What did Miss Hennessy-Vass say to you? Nothing, nothing at all, 300 00:20:01,787 --> 00:20:04,589 I just feel it's time to move on. 301 00:20:04,629 --> 00:20:07,631 I've had my eye on Agadir for sometime. 302 00:20:07,671 --> 00:20:11,834 Oh, please, no, this song it drive me crazy. That's Agadoo. 303 00:20:11,874 --> 00:20:15,317 Mrs Temple-Savage, I thought you were at lunch with Miss Hennessy-Vass. 304 00:20:15,357 --> 00:20:17,599 I'm back, although not for long. 305 00:20:17,639 --> 00:20:19,840 I've just got a few bits for the Spanish market, 306 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,642 I hope that's all right. Yes, of course, whatever you want. 307 00:20:22,682 --> 00:20:25,564 Miss Temple-Savage is leaving us. Oh, where you gan? 308 00:20:25,604 --> 00:20:27,366 This means 'where are you going?' 309 00:20:27,406 --> 00:20:29,567 Yes, I know, thank you, Mateo. 310 00:20:29,607 --> 00:20:34,611 I'm leaving The Solana, I just think it's the right time to go. 311 00:20:35,892 --> 00:20:38,814 She's sacked you! She has not sacked me, Lesley. 312 00:20:38,854 --> 00:20:44,338 I've just decided, with great thought, to move on to pastures new. 313 00:20:44,378 --> 00:20:46,980 Do you think it's worth me throwing my hat into the ring? 314 00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:50,022 I don't think that'll be necessary. 315 00:20:50,062 --> 00:20:52,784 Sorry to hear you got the boot, Joyce, 316 00:20:52,825 --> 00:20:56,147 but these days it's survival of the fittest. 317 00:20:56,187 --> 00:20:58,188 Janey! You! 318 00:20:58,869 --> 00:21:01,111 She gave my job to you? 319 00:21:01,151 --> 00:21:04,713 Ostia! If you were the fittest, what did the others look like? 320 00:21:04,753 --> 00:21:08,636 Very funny. Right, I'll have the highest vacant room, please, Mateo. 321 00:21:08,676 --> 00:21:10,918 I'll obviously get your apartment, 322 00:21:10,958 --> 00:21:13,800 but Crystal tells me that she's given you seven days 323 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,962 to vacate the premises. Mateo, the room key. 324 00:21:17,002 --> 00:21:19,524 No hard feelings, Joyce, you did your best, 325 00:21:19,564 --> 00:21:21,806 but clearly, it wasn't good enough. 326 00:21:21,846 --> 00:21:26,529 Now listen to me, Janey - No, you listen. The Solana is mine, 327 00:21:26,569 --> 00:21:29,972 It always has been. I'll be down in 20 minutes. 328 00:21:34,255 --> 00:21:37,778 I'm back, Benidorm! And I'm back for good! 329 00:21:43,462 --> 00:21:44,823 Let's try again. 330 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:50,427 Whe-e-e-ere is love? 331 00:21:50,467 --> 00:21:57,352 Now you, Jacqueline. - Whe-e-e-e-ere is love? 332 00:22:02,756 --> 00:22:04,758 Downtown! 333 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,160 Downtown! 334 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,203 How do you solve a problem like Maria? 335 00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:14,004 How do you solve a problem like... 336 00:22:14,044 --> 00:22:16,766 No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this isn't working out. 337 00:22:16,806 --> 00:22:19,368 You're going to have to leave or I'm gonna get the sack. 338 00:22:19,408 --> 00:22:22,651 I think you're right, we should call it a day. 339 00:22:22,691 --> 00:22:25,853 But, the thing is, Riannon, my wife, and I, 340 00:22:25,893 --> 00:22:28,535 sing as a country and western duo, 341 00:22:28,575 --> 00:22:32,898 and I got a Spanish agent to book us into the Solana tonight. 342 00:22:32,938 --> 00:22:37,422 But your wife isn't here. She's shacked up in France with my husband. 343 00:22:37,462 --> 00:22:41,825 I know, it was going to be me and...you. 344 00:22:49,638 --> 00:22:54,161 You see, I don't understand this internet business, 345 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,603 but if you say you're happy, son, I'm happy for you. 346 00:22:58,644 --> 00:23:01,967 Meeting someone in a chat room these days is just the same 347 00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:04,167 as meeting them in a pub or at a party. 348 00:23:04,208 --> 00:23:06,850 Not many parties where you can tip up 349 00:23:06,890 --> 00:23:10,453 wearing only your pants and eating a pot noodle. 350 00:23:10,493 --> 00:23:12,895 Exactly, it's the way forward. 351 00:23:13,375 --> 00:23:17,338 And you definitely think she's the one? 352 00:23:18,298 --> 00:23:22,341 Definitely. She likes me for me, not for what I've got. 353 00:23:22,382 --> 00:23:25,184 Well, that's handy, cos you haven't got anything. 354 00:23:26,025 --> 00:23:29,547 Free prize draw, win a 50 euro makeover, 355 00:23:29,587 --> 00:23:31,308 just write your names on the back, 356 00:23:31,348 --> 00:23:33,390 fold them up and hand them in at the pool bar. 357 00:23:33,430 --> 00:23:37,113 Hey! One more please, there's three of us. 358 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,558 Hello. 359 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,881 We have a free prize draw. 360 00:23:48,921 --> 00:23:51,523 Please take one leaflet and sign the back. 361 00:23:53,004 --> 00:23:56,167 I don't know your name, because we've never met before. 362 00:23:58,008 --> 00:24:01,130 When you have finished, please hand it into the pool bar. 363 00:24:09,136 --> 00:24:12,779 Thank you and good luck in our random prize draw! 364 00:24:23,987 --> 00:24:27,750 Oh, hello, love, don't you look smashing? 365 00:24:27,790 --> 00:24:31,633 You like? I find market, it has many clothes, very cheap. 366 00:24:31,673 --> 00:24:33,674 This dress, ten euros! 367 00:24:33,714 --> 00:24:36,997 Nice one, look after the pennies and the - 368 00:24:37,037 --> 00:24:39,038 So I bought five. 369 00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:41,080 Geoff, I would like some juice. 370 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:45,203 Yeah. Yeah, course, orange juice? 371 00:24:45,243 --> 00:24:47,244 You choose. 372 00:24:47,284 --> 00:24:50,647 Right. Do you want another tea? 373 00:24:50,687 --> 00:24:53,649 No thanks, son, I'm stuffed to the gills with it. 374 00:24:53,689 --> 00:24:56,571 Right, time for a beer, I think. 375 00:24:56,611 --> 00:24:58,613 No beer. 376 00:24:58,653 --> 00:25:02,776 Sorry? No beer, Geoff, this is why you're fat. Juice. 377 00:25:03,657 --> 00:25:08,420 Right. I was gonna have a beer because - No. No beer. Juice. 378 00:25:09,301 --> 00:25:11,302 Right... 379 00:25:12,983 --> 00:25:14,705 Two orange juices. 380 00:25:14,745 --> 00:25:16,466 Here, give me that. 381 00:25:23,111 --> 00:25:28,755 He's generally all right on a couple of beers during the day. 382 00:25:28,795 --> 00:25:31,637 He should not drink if he has important business meetings. 383 00:25:31,677 --> 00:25:34,880 Important business meetings? 384 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,281 Yes, he has not mentioned the merger? 385 00:25:37,321 --> 00:25:41,925 Merger? What merger? Between Maltby Communications and Telefonica. 386 00:25:46,008 --> 00:25:50,331 No. No, he never mentioned it. 387 00:25:51,132 --> 00:25:55,575 You must be excited about coming to live with us. 388 00:25:55,615 --> 00:25:59,258 I am excited. Geoff has told me all about the mansion. 389 00:25:59,298 --> 00:26:01,059 Mansion? 390 00:26:01,099 --> 00:26:05,622 Maltby Towers. My family in Romania also are excited, my mother, 391 00:26:05,662 --> 00:26:08,024 she always had a dream of living in UK. 392 00:26:10,426 --> 00:26:13,268 Tell me, you really have eight bathrooms? 393 00:26:13,468 --> 00:26:17,071 Well, the thing is Rubella... 394 00:26:17,111 --> 00:26:19,112 Erm... Yes? 395 00:26:20,793 --> 00:26:23,916 I think I'd better let Geoff tell you. 396 00:26:33,203 --> 00:26:36,005 Oh, sorry, I didn't see you there. 397 00:26:36,045 --> 00:26:38,687 No problem. Are all these the same size? 398 00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:42,169 Yes, love, size ten to twelve...ish. 399 00:26:43,610 --> 00:26:45,772 Are you looking for something for a night out? 400 00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:48,534 No, I'm a singer and I could do with a few new stage outfits. 401 00:26:48,574 --> 00:26:52,297 But these size tens look like they've been stretched, 402 00:26:52,337 --> 00:26:54,338 by a size 18 in denial. 403 00:26:54,378 --> 00:26:57,420 Excuse me, did you say you were a singer? 404 00:26:57,460 --> 00:26:59,462 Yeah, why? 405 00:27:00,222 --> 00:27:02,864 So, you open up the leaflet 406 00:27:02,904 --> 00:27:06,627 and ignoring the actual name that's written on it, 407 00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:10,190 you say, 'and the winner is Annie... 408 00:27:12,151 --> 00:27:14,593 ..Redmond'. Without the pause, obviously. 409 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,434 No, my little friend, with the pause. 410 00:27:16,474 --> 00:27:19,877 The pause is the strongest part of the illusion, it tells everybody 411 00:27:19,917 --> 00:27:22,119 that you're trying to make out the writing. 412 00:27:22,159 --> 00:27:25,081 Oh, yeah! That's brilliant! What can I say, I'm a genius. 413 00:27:25,121 --> 00:27:29,244 Oh, I know! What if I start to read it and say, 'Annie... 414 00:27:30,044 --> 00:27:32,126 Oh, hang on, I've just got to get my glasses.' 415 00:27:32,166 --> 00:27:35,288 Let's not over egg the pudding, love. Right, does this still work? 416 00:27:37,810 --> 00:27:40,692 Is it on? Ladies and gentlemen, 417 00:27:40,732 --> 00:27:44,975 the Blow and Go free prize draw will start in five minutes 418 00:27:45,015 --> 00:27:48,818 at the pool bar. Mr Conroy, this is your five minute call. 419 00:27:49,379 --> 00:27:51,140 That's you. No, no... 420 00:27:51,180 --> 00:27:53,822 You're fine, just practice. Please. Get off me. 421 00:27:55,223 --> 00:27:56,944 And the winner is... 422 00:27:56,984 --> 00:27:59,386 Here you are, ladies. God, you're eager, Bettie. 423 00:27:59,426 --> 00:28:01,428 There you go. 424 00:28:03,029 --> 00:28:06,631 And the winner is Annie... 425 00:28:07,072 --> 00:28:09,073 ..Redmond? 426 00:28:09,113 --> 00:28:11,635 Any more? Here you go, love. One for you. 427 00:28:12,396 --> 00:28:14,397 I feel sick. 428 00:28:19,201 --> 00:28:21,202 Any more? There you go, thank you. 429 00:28:21,242 --> 00:28:23,244 Thank you. Good luck. 430 00:28:23,284 --> 00:28:25,285 Thank you. 431 00:28:25,325 --> 00:28:27,327 You entered the competition? 432 00:28:27,367 --> 00:28:29,368 Yeah. 433 00:28:30,289 --> 00:28:32,050 I don't know about a makeover, 434 00:28:32,090 --> 00:28:34,812 some of the people here look like they've been run over. 435 00:28:35,573 --> 00:28:37,894 Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 436 00:28:37,935 --> 00:28:40,737 Yeah... Right. 437 00:28:45,020 --> 00:28:46,781 What's that? 438 00:28:46,821 --> 00:28:48,903 It's a costume for tonight, 439 00:28:48,943 --> 00:28:52,345 just needs a bit of alteration and a visit to the joke shop. 440 00:28:52,385 --> 00:28:56,388 Your friend on the piano said he'd never heard a voice as bad as mine. 441 00:28:56,428 --> 00:29:00,791 Don't worry about that, I've made alternative arrangements. 442 00:29:05,115 --> 00:29:08,317 How you getting on with blondie? Not very well. 443 00:29:08,357 --> 00:29:11,960 That's because you're being too subtle, you need to up your game. 444 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,322 Pinch her bum, let her know the score. 445 00:29:15,362 --> 00:29:19,125 Pinch her bum? Who gave you flirting lessons? Benny Hill? 446 00:29:20,246 --> 00:29:22,688 I think she has a specific type. 447 00:29:22,728 --> 00:29:24,729 Oh, yeah, what's that then? 448 00:29:26,570 --> 00:29:28,572 Dead. 449 00:29:28,612 --> 00:29:30,854 Oh, sorry, Joyce, staff aren't allowed. 450 00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:33,896 I'm not staff. What do you mean you're not staff? 451 00:29:33,936 --> 00:29:36,698 Ask her. What's going on here? 452 00:29:36,738 --> 00:29:40,861 What's it got to do with you? Janey Yorke, new manager of The Solana. 453 00:29:41,461 --> 00:29:45,304 What? Janey is the new manager, Miss Hennessy-Vass, 454 00:29:45,344 --> 00:29:48,026 she sacked Miss Temple-Savage. 455 00:29:48,066 --> 00:29:52,269 Bloody hell. Kenneth works in Blow and Go. Well, I say work... 456 00:29:53,310 --> 00:29:56,152 So I'll ask you again, what's going on here? 457 00:29:56,192 --> 00:30:00,275 Well, just doing a prize draw to win a free makeover in my salon. 458 00:30:00,315 --> 00:30:02,077 Is it costing me anything? No. 459 00:30:02,117 --> 00:30:04,118 Right, carry on. 460 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,843 Right, here we go, ready for a free makeover, Ionela? 461 00:30:10,883 --> 00:30:13,725 Oh, yes! There's a lot of leaflets in there, 462 00:30:13,765 --> 00:30:16,167 not much chance of winning. 463 00:30:16,207 --> 00:30:18,849 Sometimes it's best not to leave it up to chance. 464 00:30:18,889 --> 00:30:20,890 Geoff is a very clever man. 465 00:30:20,930 --> 00:30:24,213 No argument from me there. 466 00:30:25,374 --> 00:30:27,375 Good luck, madam. 467 00:30:27,415 --> 00:30:30,898 Oops, sorry. While you're down there. 468 00:30:34,901 --> 00:30:37,503 Sorry about that, there you go. Thanks, love. 469 00:30:37,543 --> 00:30:41,065 Right? Are we all in? Yes? Good. 470 00:30:41,105 --> 00:30:43,707 And to draw the winner, we just need someone 471 00:30:43,747 --> 00:30:46,029 who hasn't entered the competition. 472 00:30:47,390 --> 00:30:51,073 I said, to draw the winner we just need someone 473 00:30:51,113 --> 00:30:53,354 who has not entered the competition. 474 00:30:53,394 --> 00:30:55,676 OK, I will choose the winner. Anyone at all. 475 00:30:55,716 --> 00:30:57,718 I said I will do it, give me the bag. 476 00:30:57,758 --> 00:31:01,280 Get off. Anyone else who has not entered the competition. 477 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,042 Come on, just get on with it! 478 00:31:03,082 --> 00:31:05,323 What is your problem? I said I will do it. Liam! 479 00:31:05,363 --> 00:31:07,525 What? What have I done? Nothing yet, as usual. 480 00:31:07,565 --> 00:31:10,207 I was just saying that we needed someone to make the draw. 481 00:31:10,247 --> 00:31:14,570 Oh, yes, I will pick a winner at random... Randomly. 482 00:31:16,692 --> 00:31:18,413 That's right, give it a good mix up, 483 00:31:18,453 --> 00:31:21,135 we wanna make sure everyone has a fair chance of winning. 484 00:31:21,175 --> 00:31:26,659 And make sure you all keep a look out for the winner tonight in Neptune's, you won't believe your eyes. 485 00:31:26,699 --> 00:31:30,662 OK, here we go. And the winner is... 486 00:31:31,262 --> 00:31:33,264 ..Terri Dawson. 487 00:31:33,304 --> 00:31:37,747 Ahhhhh! Yes! Yes! I've won it! I've only gone and bleedin' won it! 488 00:31:37,787 --> 00:31:39,869 What the frigging hell are you playing at? 489 00:31:39,909 --> 00:31:41,630 It said Terri Dawson on the leaflet. 490 00:31:41,670 --> 00:31:44,232 How many times did you practice saying Annie Redmond? 491 00:31:44,272 --> 00:31:46,794 I practiced with blank paper, the writing threw me. 492 00:31:46,834 --> 00:31:48,555 What do we do with Two Tonne Tessie? 493 00:31:48,595 --> 00:31:51,517 I think her name's Terri. Oh, shut up, dickhead! 494 00:31:51,557 --> 00:31:54,319 Well done, love, if you'd like to go up with Liam now, 495 00:31:54,359 --> 00:31:56,321 so that he can work his magic on you. 496 00:31:59,323 --> 00:32:02,125 I don't know about magic, we need a bloody miracle. 497 00:32:04,727 --> 00:32:06,528 Oh, that's washed lovely. 498 00:32:06,568 --> 00:32:08,970 And then after my divorce, I thought bollocks to it, 499 00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:12,973 I'm gonna become a lesbian. Right, how'd that go? 500 00:32:13,013 --> 00:32:15,815 Not very well, although I made some lovely friends 501 00:32:15,855 --> 00:32:17,897 and became very good at playing pool. 502 00:32:21,619 --> 00:32:23,621 Liam. 503 00:32:23,661 --> 00:32:25,662 Psst. 504 00:32:27,544 --> 00:32:29,265 How's it going? 505 00:32:29,305 --> 00:32:31,707 That free bottle of cava has gone down very well. 506 00:32:31,747 --> 00:32:34,949 I don't mean that, are you gonna be able to make her look human? 507 00:32:34,989 --> 00:32:38,152 That's not very nice, she's got lovely...skin. 508 00:32:38,192 --> 00:32:39,913 Yeah, just too much of it. 509 00:32:39,953 --> 00:32:42,835 I think you're being unfair, she's got a lovely personality. 510 00:32:42,875 --> 00:32:47,198 Brilliant, when we reveal her new look in Neptune's, we'll just say she looks a dog's dinner, 511 00:32:47,238 --> 00:32:50,040 but she wants world peace and she'd love to look after kids. 512 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,242 It might help if you lend a hand. Liam, love, 513 00:32:52,282 --> 00:32:55,044 I'm absolutely rushed off my feet. Mmm. 514 00:32:55,084 --> 00:32:57,326 Oh, I forgot to say, I've had a call from Crystal, 515 00:32:57,366 --> 00:33:00,128 she's finished all her meetings and she's on her way back. 516 00:33:00,168 --> 00:33:03,410 She's got an early start, but she's gonna pop in to see how we've done. 517 00:33:03,450 --> 00:33:05,732 How I've done. Whatever. So, you've got an hour. 518 00:33:05,772 --> 00:33:07,533 An hour? Kenneth, I need you in here! 519 00:33:07,573 --> 00:33:10,536 Liam, I would love to, but I've got Joyce out here in bits. 520 00:33:12,257 --> 00:33:13,978 Looking lovely! 521 00:33:14,018 --> 00:33:16,020 Cheers! 522 00:33:24,746 --> 00:33:27,388 You've no need to keep pretending Mrs Temple-Savage, 523 00:33:27,428 --> 00:33:29,189 we all know you were sacked. 524 00:33:29,229 --> 00:33:31,671 Tossed onto the scrap heap of life. 525 00:33:32,632 --> 00:33:34,914 Please, Lesley, it's Joyce from now on. 526 00:33:34,954 --> 00:33:38,876 And, well, it hardly matters now, the fact is I'm going. 527 00:33:38,916 --> 00:33:41,799 Thrown away like a child's unwanted toy. 528 00:33:41,839 --> 00:33:43,560 Well, I think it's disgusting, 529 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,681 you've turned this hotel around, you have. 530 00:33:45,721 --> 00:33:51,286 Dropped from a great height into the bottomless pit of obscurity. 531 00:33:51,326 --> 00:33:53,447 Yes, thank you, we've got the picture. 532 00:33:53,487 --> 00:33:56,329 Do you have any plans? I don't know, Lesley. 533 00:33:56,369 --> 00:33:58,811 I'm a bit shellshocked. I think I need a day or two 534 00:33:58,851 --> 00:34:01,493 to understand exactly what's actually happened. 535 00:34:01,533 --> 00:34:04,736 Um, hello? You have been sacked. 536 00:34:04,776 --> 00:34:07,898 Mateo, you're actually starting to annoy me now. 537 00:34:08,418 --> 00:34:10,140 Sorry, just trying to help. 538 00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:12,501 What's going on here? A mothers' meeting? 539 00:34:12,541 --> 00:34:15,183 We are merely consoling a friend and colleague. 540 00:34:15,223 --> 00:34:17,225 Ex-colleague. 541 00:34:17,625 --> 00:34:19,947 Yeah, well, these two can do it on their own time. 542 00:34:19,987 --> 00:34:23,349 Mateo, you've still got an hour left on reception and then Neptune's. 543 00:34:23,389 --> 00:34:25,871 Lesley, there's four market bags full of crap 544 00:34:25,911 --> 00:34:28,993 from your 'Spanish market' that you've left behind the pool bar, 545 00:34:29,033 --> 00:34:31,035 get 'em shifted. 546 00:34:32,836 --> 00:34:36,119 I'll get you another drink. Two large brandies, please, Diego, love, 547 00:34:36,159 --> 00:34:40,562 and a couple of slippery nipples on the side, we've got a woman in distress here. 548 00:34:41,643 --> 00:34:44,765 No hard feelings, Joyce. No hard feelings? 549 00:34:44,805 --> 00:34:49,849 You got this job by undercutting my salary by 50%. 550 00:34:50,489 --> 00:34:54,332 Which is still 100% more than nothing. 551 00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:56,894 I'm sorry, I've got to go. 552 00:34:57,454 --> 00:34:59,416 I've got a hotel to run. 553 00:35:07,502 --> 00:35:12,465 Well, I, for one, think a makeover would be pointless, 554 00:35:12,505 --> 00:35:16,589 you can't guild the lily or as my mother used to say, 555 00:35:16,629 --> 00:35:19,631 a pig in a wig is still a pig. 556 00:35:22,793 --> 00:35:25,515 No, I don't think that's the one I was thinking of. 557 00:35:26,796 --> 00:35:31,840 Anyway, a toast, to Geoff and Rubella. 558 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,482 To Geoff and Ionela. 559 00:35:37,004 --> 00:35:42,448 Right, I'm going to leave you two love birds and have an early night. 560 00:35:42,488 --> 00:35:44,489 You've not had your tea. 561 00:35:44,529 --> 00:35:48,812 I've got some Ovaltine in my case, a mug of that, 562 00:35:48,852 --> 00:35:52,895 and a Murder She Wrote in Spanish will do me. 563 00:35:52,935 --> 00:35:54,937 Well, only if you're sure. 564 00:35:55,857 --> 00:35:57,859 Don't do anything I would! 565 00:36:02,662 --> 00:36:05,384 I like your mother, she is crazy. 566 00:36:05,425 --> 00:36:07,186 But not enough to stab someone. 567 00:36:10,508 --> 00:36:12,510 Thanks. 568 00:36:19,235 --> 00:36:21,997 Miss Hennessy-Vass, everything is OK? 569 00:36:22,037 --> 00:36:25,159 Oh, Elvis, why don't you take the bags up to my room 570 00:36:25,199 --> 00:36:27,561 and take the evening off. 571 00:36:27,601 --> 00:36:29,602 Thank you very much. 572 00:36:29,642 --> 00:36:33,805 Yes, yes, everything's fine, Mateo, isn't it? 573 00:36:33,845 --> 00:36:36,207 Yes, Miss Hennessy-Vass. Oh, please. 574 00:36:36,247 --> 00:36:39,209 Let's dispense with the formalities, just call me Crystal. 575 00:36:39,890 --> 00:36:41,611 Thank you, Crystal. 576 00:36:41,651 --> 00:36:45,534 So, tell me, how are you getting on with the new manager? 577 00:36:45,574 --> 00:36:47,776 Oh, I know that she's a little bit rough, 578 00:36:47,816 --> 00:36:50,818 but I'm sure she's fitting in quite well, don't you think? 579 00:36:50,858 --> 00:36:53,260 Janey? Yes, I know her many years, 580 00:36:53,300 --> 00:36:56,022 she was here before Miss Temple-Savage. 581 00:36:56,062 --> 00:36:59,344 I know, I do own the hotel. 582 00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:02,547 Yes, sorry, Miss Crystal Vase, I mean Miss Hennessy Vase, 583 00:37:02,587 --> 00:37:04,588 Hennessy-Vass. I mean, Crystal. 584 00:37:04,628 --> 00:37:06,630 Goodnight, Mateo. 585 00:37:06,870 --> 00:37:10,993 Oh, Miss Crystal. This is very hard for me to say, 586 00:37:11,033 --> 00:37:14,596 but maybe you think about the thing I ask? 587 00:37:14,636 --> 00:37:16,637 Promotion? For me? 588 00:37:17,037 --> 00:37:25,163 Oh. Right. I tell you, why don't you come up to my suite in about an hour, 589 00:37:25,203 --> 00:37:27,205 we can chat about it then. 590 00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:30,687 You can just let yourself in. I won't bite you. 591 00:37:30,727 --> 00:37:33,890 You'll find that I'm very easy to talk to. 592 00:37:40,048 --> 00:37:42,610 593 00:37:42,703 --> 00:37:46,106 594 00:37:46,146 --> 00:37:48,147 595 00:37:49,508 --> 00:37:53,031 the score 596 00:37:53,071 --> 00:37:55,993 you anything 597 00:37:56,033 --> 00:37:59,155 598 00:37:59,195 --> 00:38:02,718 599 00:38:02,758 --> 00:38:05,600 ♪ Unless she was a hooker... ♪ 600 00:38:10,472 --> 00:38:12,473 Bottle of lager, please. 601 00:38:18,478 --> 00:38:20,759 I'm Tiger. We met earlier. 602 00:38:22,401 --> 00:38:25,002 Did we? Well, sort of. 603 00:38:31,087 --> 00:38:33,088 You here with your Dad? My Dad? 604 00:38:34,690 --> 00:38:37,852 No. Oh, right. Sorry... 605 00:38:39,333 --> 00:38:43,136 I thought that bloke you were winking at today around the pool might have been your Dad. 606 00:38:46,819 --> 00:38:49,380 Excuse me, I've got to be somewhere. 607 00:38:49,420 --> 00:38:51,742 Yeah, sweet. See you around. 608 00:38:54,368 --> 00:38:56,370 Pathetic. 609 00:38:56,410 --> 00:38:59,292 If that's your attempt to try and chat up a woman, 610 00:38:59,332 --> 00:39:02,614 all I have to say, pathetic. 611 00:39:02,654 --> 00:39:05,656 All right, calm down, I was only making conversation. 612 00:39:06,017 --> 00:39:08,619 Having said that, it would have worked with me. 613 00:39:12,221 --> 00:39:15,664 Watch yourself, Joyce, I don't want to have to throw you out 614 00:39:15,704 --> 00:39:17,865 for being drunk and disorderly. 615 00:39:18,466 --> 00:39:22,509 I would prefer it if you didn't call me Joyce, 616 00:39:22,549 --> 00:39:25,751 my name to you is Miss 'Semple-Tavage', 617 00:39:25,791 --> 00:39:28,954 and I am a non-paying customer. 618 00:39:28,994 --> 00:39:34,878 From this evening for the next week, I'm a Benidorm holiday maker. 619 00:39:34,918 --> 00:39:36,960 You're certainly drinking like one. 620 00:39:41,343 --> 00:39:43,384 Thank you, thank you very much. 621 00:39:46,507 --> 00:39:49,829 That was Elvis there with Beauty School Drop Out. 622 00:39:49,869 --> 00:39:52,311 And now we have our featured act, 623 00:39:52,352 --> 00:39:57,235 a great country and western duo all the way from the UK, 624 00:39:57,275 --> 00:40:02,199 let's hear it for Dangerous When Wet! 625 00:40:11,365 --> 00:40:15,488 there was peace unknown, 626 00:40:15,529 --> 00:40:20,052 with a fine-tooth comb 627 00:40:20,091 --> 00:40:22,853 628 00:40:22,893 --> 00:40:26,336 629 00:40:30,499 --> 00:40:34,902 to me that I can't explain 630 00:40:34,942 --> 00:40:39,546 631 00:40:39,586 --> 00:40:41,587 ♪ Every beat of my heart... ♪ 632 00:40:42,348 --> 00:40:44,750 I'm really glad that we're getting on well. 633 00:40:44,790 --> 00:40:48,112 Of course, we have been chatting online for months. 634 00:40:48,953 --> 00:40:52,555 I know but it could be different in real life. 635 00:40:53,516 --> 00:40:56,518 Geoff, I did not care you sent picture of someone else. 636 00:40:56,918 --> 00:40:59,160 I am not interested in good-looking men. 637 00:41:00,521 --> 00:41:02,523 Thanks. 638 00:41:02,563 --> 00:41:05,004 You are a wealthy, successful business man, 639 00:41:05,044 --> 00:41:07,086 this is more important to me. 640 00:41:08,247 --> 00:41:10,969 Yeah, I know, but - And a humble man too. 641 00:41:11,931 --> 00:41:14,893 I know you could have holidays anywhere in the world, 642 00:41:14,932 --> 00:41:17,013 but you choose to live a simple life. 643 00:41:18,134 --> 00:41:21,937 I will help you spend your money Geoff, this, you deserve. 644 00:41:22,657 --> 00:41:27,661 Yeah. Listen, we need to talk about my...business, 645 00:41:27,701 --> 00:41:30,944 and...well, everything. 646 00:41:31,664 --> 00:41:34,987 Geoff, I am going to bed now, today has been a long day. 647 00:41:35,027 --> 00:41:37,829 Just for tonight I've erm... 648 00:41:39,670 --> 00:41:41,712 I've done something a bit impetuous. 649 00:41:42,952 --> 00:41:44,954 What is impetuous? 650 00:41:45,714 --> 00:41:48,156 You know where you put your bags and all that? 651 00:41:48,717 --> 00:41:50,718 That's actually my mam's room. 652 00:41:51,479 --> 00:41:54,721 I've booked us into the honeymoon suite, just for tonight. 653 00:41:54,761 --> 00:41:58,764 Oh, no, Geoff, we cannot share a room until we are married. 654 00:42:00,686 --> 00:42:06,450 What? My grandmother, she would, how you say, make circles in her grave. 655 00:42:07,450 --> 00:42:09,452 Yeah, but it's all paid for and... 656 00:42:09,492 --> 00:42:11,814 I will collect my bag from your mam, 657 00:42:11,854 --> 00:42:14,816 and take another room and put this on our bill. 658 00:42:15,536 --> 00:42:17,458 Hang on a minute, I don't think you can do - 659 00:42:17,498 --> 00:42:20,220 Do not stay awake too late, Geoff, you look tired. 660 00:42:20,260 --> 00:42:24,023 I can tell you worry about your company's million dollar merger. 661 00:42:25,344 --> 00:42:29,106 There's a 44 inch telly in the suite with British channels! 662 00:42:31,468 --> 00:42:33,470 For God's sake. 663 00:42:35,031 --> 00:42:37,032 Oh, sod this. 664 00:42:37,072 --> 00:42:39,394 I'm watching every channel on that telly. 665 00:42:40,635 --> 00:42:42,636 ♪ From one lover to another... ♪ 666 00:42:43,277 --> 00:42:46,039 Here she is, the makeover queen! 667 00:42:46,079 --> 00:42:48,080 Give her some walking room! 668 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:51,523 All the handiwork of Blow and Go open seven days a week. 669 00:42:52,003 --> 00:42:54,005 Well, at least four. 670 00:42:54,045 --> 00:42:56,567 You look amazing. I know. 671 00:43:00,329 --> 00:43:03,332 Here she is, the belle of the ball. 672 00:43:03,373 --> 00:43:07,256 Oh, my God! My Auntie Terri is fit! 673 00:43:07,295 --> 00:43:09,296 What do you think? 674 00:43:09,336 --> 00:43:11,338 Tel? Yeah? 675 00:43:11,898 --> 00:43:13,899 You look... 676 00:43:14,660 --> 00:43:16,662 I look what? 677 00:43:18,103 --> 00:43:21,305 Come here. You said she was gonna look like a dog's dinner. 678 00:43:21,545 --> 00:43:23,987 Shut up, you tart, go and get the drinks. 679 00:43:24,788 --> 00:43:26,789 You look amazing, you really do. 680 00:43:30,272 --> 00:43:32,273 681 00:43:32,313 --> 00:43:34,315 682 00:43:34,355 --> 00:43:37,117 683 00:43:37,157 --> 00:43:39,638 684 00:43:39,679 --> 00:43:41,680 685 00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:44,322 686 00:43:44,362 --> 00:43:49,085 uh-huh 687 00:43:49,125 --> 00:43:52,008 688 00:43:52,048 --> 00:43:55,210 ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 689 00:44:54,213 --> 00:44:56,215 Mmmm! 690 00:44:56,255 --> 00:44:58,256 Is that you, Mateo? 691 00:44:59,177 --> 00:45:03,060 Perfect timing, I've just opened a bottle of... 692 00:45:03,660 --> 00:45:06,903 Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! 693 00:45:06,943 --> 00:45:08,944 Oh! 694 00:45:10,385 --> 00:45:12,867 Ostia! It's not what it looks like. 695 00:45:14,388 --> 00:45:16,110 I see you are busy. 696 00:45:16,150 --> 00:45:17,911 Maybe we talk another time. No! 697 00:45:19,592 --> 00:45:21,794 I think we got double booked. 698 00:45:23,235 --> 00:45:25,236 I beg your pardon? 699 00:45:29,399 --> 00:45:31,401 I've made a terrible mistake. 700 00:45:32,242 --> 00:45:34,243 Oh... 701 00:45:36,965 --> 00:45:38,966 I'll be the judge of that.