1
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:34,260
Morning! Oh, morning!

2
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,780
Have you recovered? Recovered?

3
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:41,820
From last night! Your Geoff...
He got a bit upset.

4
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:44,060
Did he? Don't you remember?

5
00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:49,780
You mean the quiz. Oh, you know
how competitive he gets.

6
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:53,020
No. That wasn't him upset.

7
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:56,980
He once met the bloke
who sets The Times crossword,

8
00:00:57,020 --> 00:01:01,140
and he threw him under a bus!
Threw him under a bus?!

9
00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:05,460
Was it moving?
Well, his wife got a bit teary.

10
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:08,940
No! I meant, was the bus moving?

11
00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:12,500
Oh, no. It were in
the York Transport Museum.

12
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,220
He's not a psychopath.

13
00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:18,340
Er... How's Ronald?

14
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:20,380
Ronald? Your husband!

15
00:01:20,420 --> 00:01:23,620
Oh! You mean Donald! That's it.

16
00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:27,100
He's fine. He's on holiday in France.

17
00:01:27,140 --> 00:01:29,340
Oh! We're nearly out of sunscreen.

18
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:33,900
What side do you want your towel?
Oh, I can't lie down on there.

19
00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:36,140
I think I'll get some breakfast.

20
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,940
My back's in absolute agony
after last night.

21
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,540
Morning.

22
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,020
Morning!

23
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:45,100
Who's that?

24
00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:50,580
Oh, that's Glynn. Donald's
on holiday with his wife, Rhiannon.

25
00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:54,540
Oh, I see!
So, you've done, like, a swap.

26
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:57,660
Yeah. Just for a week, you know!

27
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,740
He didn't look very happy about it.

28
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:05,020
Well, I think he's a bit bored,
sitting round the pool.

29
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,580
He's a very physical man.

30
00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,540
Is he, now?

31
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:12,020
Oh, yes! Right!

32
00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:16,020
I'd better get something hot
inside me.

33
00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:19,860
Glynn says
he's gonna run me ragged today!

34
00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:23,820
Oh! Good luck! See ya.

35
00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:41,620
Go away!

36
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:48,460
Housekeeping!
What are you doing? I said go away!

37
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,820
Well, I thought we needed
a breakfast meeting.

38
00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:56,620
So I brought a selection of cereals,
a jug of juice and two full English.

39
00:02:56,660 --> 00:03:00,460
I don't want all that! That's for
me. Liam's brought you a croissant.

40
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,260
No butter! We know
you're watching your figure!

41
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:06,780
How dare you burst in here?
I could've been naked! Don't worry.

42
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:10,780
Liam looks 12, but he's seen it all
before, haven't you, love? Well...

43
00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:15,260
The doctor says you're doing OK,
but he needs to know
what was in that injection.

44
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:19,180
I'm off to the Chinese shop with the
box to see if he can translate it.

45
00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:22,940
I've cancelled all today's
appointments. You are our priority.

46
00:03:22,980 --> 00:03:27,140
Liam, four sausages? Are you trying
to kill me? You asked for them!

47
00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:30,380
Oh, you're looking so much better
than you did last night.

48
00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:34,340
I haven't slept a wink. I can't help
feeling partly responsible.

49
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:38,660
Partly responsible?!
You repeatedly injected my face

50
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:42,460
with an unknown substance bought
from the Chinese pound shop!

51
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,260
It's euros! Shut up. Sorry!

52
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:48,940
It could've been anything! I've
just seen a woman on the internet

53
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,820
who nearly died when her face
was injected with petrol!

54
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:55,660
We wouldn't have done that. Not with
the price of petrol these days.

55
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,860
That's why I'm off
to get a translation.

56
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,980
And remember, love,
don't go in all guns blazing.

57
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,340
They're a very proud people,
the Chinese.

58
00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:07,820
They will be devastated
if they've given us something
dangerous by mistake.

59
00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:10,020
Oh! Konnichiwa.

60
00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:12,580
Ahh! He's like
the Kofi Annan of Benidorm.

61
00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:16,700
How's the wounded soldier?

62
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,380
Right, that's it.
Get out, all of you. Get out!

63
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,380
I just wanted to ask,
while you're incapacitated,

64
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:25,740
shall I assume the position
of acting manageress?

65
00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:28,420
After the pig's ear
you made of it last time?

66
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:31,540
You must be joking!
Somebody's got to be in charge,

67
00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:33,860
else we're all gonna descend
into chaos.

68
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,620
This place is in chaos 24/7!

69
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:40,140
Do you really think anybody's
going to notice a difference?

70
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,620
Now, get out!

71
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:50,900
I've left you a sausage. Get... out!

72
00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:56,780
It's not actually bad, this food.
You reckon?

73
00:04:56,820 --> 00:05:00,780
Well, there's plenty of it. That's
the problem with all-you-can-eat.

74
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:03,220
You keep wanting to go back
for more.

75
00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:05,460
Oh! Back in a minute.

76
00:05:07,780 --> 00:05:11,820
What's going on there? Auntie Terri
shagged the barman last night.

77
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:15,340
Oh, dear God! What's wrong with that?
She's on her holidays.

78
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:18,380
She's single.
What if they try and sue us?

79
00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:22,100
Why would they sue us?
I dunno. Mental anguish?

80
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:27,740
Listen, about last night...
Don't worry.

81
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:30,380
It's water under the bridge.
You what?

82
00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:33,660
I accept your apology.
It's not a problem.

83
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,740
I didn't apologise! Oh.
I was just gonna ask you

84
00:05:36,780 --> 00:05:40,980
if you wanted to join me in making
a formal complaint. About what?

85
00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:44,380
Basically,
I'm on the board of directors

86
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:47,060
for the UK Pub Quiz
Watchdog Committee.

87
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:50,300
Now, we don't have
a lot of jurisdiction in Europe,

88
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:53,620
but I'm pretty sure I can get
a strongly worded caution

89
00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:57,220
emailed over to 'em by the end
of today. What you going on about?

90
00:05:57,260 --> 00:06:00,780
He wants to complain about the quiz
last night. Basically.

91
00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:04,700
Oh, yeah? What - conducting a quiz
without due care and attention?

92
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:08,100
I think they should all be lined up
against the wall and shot.

93
00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:12,420
And their families made to watch.
Excellent!

94
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,980
Glad we're on the same page.

95
00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:18,140
I'm Geoff.
People call me The Oracle.

96
00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:21,060
Clive. This is my son, Tiger.

97
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:24,300
Cool.

98
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,340
Maybe we can all grab a cold one
together over lunch.

99
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:33,340
Not often I meet someone as
passionate about quizzing as myself.
Lovely. Laters.

100
00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:39,740
Oh, my God!

101
00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:42,300
What a dick!

102
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:45,780
I just wanna say, what happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas.

103
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,460
I have never been to Vegas.
No. It's a saying.

104
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,380
I know, but I have still never been
to Vegas.

105
00:06:51,420 --> 00:06:54,540
I meant it about me and you,
last night in Benidorm.

106
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,220
Then, why didn't you say
"in Benidorm"?

107
00:06:57,260 --> 00:07:00,980
Because "what happens in Benidorm
stays in Benidorm" isn't a saying.

108
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:04,580
It's "what happens in"...
Bloody hell, you're hard work, you!

109
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:07,380
Listen, I have to be careful
nobody hears this.

110
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:10,900
That is what I'm saying!
I realise you can get in trouble,

111
00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:13,380
you know, for fraternising
with the guests,

112
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:17,300
so I'm here to tell you
you've got this one on tap.

113
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:21,140
On tap? Yeah, baby. If you want
another slice of Mamma's pie,

114
00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:25,060
you just call room service, and I'll
deliver it straight to your door,

115
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,260
all hot and steaming...

116
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:30,540
..no questions asked.

117
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,940
You blackmail me
and make me sleep with you

118
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,460
so I can keep my job.
So now I have eaten the pie

119
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,900
and feel lucky
I did not get food poisoning,

120
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:41,180
even though the pie was out of date!
You can't say that to me!

121
00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:44,740
I wanna speak to your boss.
Have you seen this email?

122
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:47,580
Temple-Savage has put YOU in charge.

123
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:50,300
What? I know! It's unbelievable!

124
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:54,220
I am the boss? Not exactly the boss,
but she's put you in charge

125
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:57,900
while she's not feeling well.
Excuse me. I have to leave now,

126
00:07:57,940 --> 00:07:59,940
but if you have any complaints,

127
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,620
well,
make sure you ask for the boss.

128
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:08,220
Lesley, I will be in my office.

129
00:08:16,885 --> 00:08:21,765
It is just not possible. Sorry. What
part of this don't you understand?

130
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:26,045
I want to exchange currency.
Money. You know - money!

131
00:08:26,085 --> 00:08:30,195
Buenos dias!
There is a complication?

132
00:08:30,203 --> 00:08:33,763
I need to exchange some money.
I am begging your pardons.

133
00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:38,243
My name is Mr Castellanos.
I am being the manager of the hotel.

134
00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:41,363
I am in charge of the hotel -
the entire hotel.

135
00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:45,003
Manager, top position.
There is nobody higher.

136
00:08:45,043 --> 00:08:48,323
Euros. I need euros.
This is not being a problem.

137
00:08:48,363 --> 00:08:52,323
Please furniture me with the key
of your room. I'm not staying here!

138
00:08:52,363 --> 00:08:54,963
Ah!
Then, we have a slight drawbridge.

139
00:08:55,003 --> 00:08:57,923
The change of currency
is only for residentials.

140
00:08:57,963 --> 00:09:01,443
May I suggest you try
Lucky Kev's money exchange

141
00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:04,563
in the caravan park?
But a world of warning -

142
00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:08,163
he has the sticky fingers.
If you don't change this money now,

143
00:09:08,203 --> 00:09:10,763
I'm gonna take that donkey
and shove it up your -

144
00:09:10,803 --> 00:09:14,043
What are you doing here?! Liam!

145
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,443
I wanted to surprise you!

146
00:09:16,483 --> 00:09:20,043
Go inside.
I'll make us a cup of tea.

147
00:09:21,083 --> 00:09:24,843
Do you know this crazy woman?
Yeah, I do. She's my mother.

148
00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:35,923
Problem is not to translate,
but I don't know the words.

149
00:09:35,963 --> 00:09:39,963
You don't need a Chinese restaurant.
You need a Chinese doctor. I know.

150
00:09:40,003 --> 00:09:42,803
Don't suppose you got a doctor
in your family?

151
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:47,443
Of course. My sister. But
she is living outside of Benidorm.

152
00:09:47,483 --> 00:09:51,323
How far outside Benidorm?
About 10,000 kilometre.

153
00:09:51,363 --> 00:09:54,563
She in China.

154
00:09:59,283 --> 00:10:03,683
I make joke!

155
00:10:03,723 --> 00:10:06,963
Hilarious. What are you doing?
I'm taking my box back!

156
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,163
Wait. Sit down.

157
00:10:10,363 --> 00:10:12,363
You are lucky man.

158
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:15,763
I have incredible special ability
with my sister.

159
00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:19,803
If I hold something in my hand,
like this,

160
00:10:19,843 --> 00:10:23,203
she can see it,
even though she in Beijing.

161
00:10:23,243 --> 00:10:26,923
How'd you do that?
It's called... iPhone!

162
00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:31,523
Heh-heh. Very good.

163
00:10:35,683 --> 00:10:37,683
Oh! I send by email.

164
00:10:37,723 --> 00:10:40,523
She always answer in ten, 15 minute.

165
00:10:40,563 --> 00:10:43,243
You wanna buffet while you wait?

166
00:10:43,283 --> 00:10:46,363
No, I better not.
I just had a very late breakf-...

167
00:10:46,403 --> 00:10:49,563
Ooh, bloody 'ell!
That smells gorgeous.

168
00:10:50,763 --> 00:10:53,243
Go on, then. Just one plateful!

169
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:56,203
OK. Email sent.

170
00:10:56,243 --> 00:11:00,563
Remember, Kenneth,
Mr Wu's golden rule -

171
00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:03,123
don't eat like a big fat pig,

172
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,163
or you put me out of business!

173
00:11:06,203 --> 00:11:08,803
Lunatic!

174
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:16,963
There you go.
Very strong, no milk, no sugar.

175
00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:19,963
Try not to look too excited
to see me.

176
00:11:20,003 --> 00:11:23,603
You don't return my emails or texts.
I gave up trying to ring you.

177
00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:27,243
I'm not a bit surprised to see you
tip up in Spain unannounced.

178
00:11:27,283 --> 00:11:30,083
Emails? Texts?
You know I don't understand them.

179
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,043
I'm here to see YOU, love.
I miss you.

180
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,083
No, you don't.

181
00:11:36,083 --> 00:11:39,083
What do you want?
Don't you speak to me like that.

182
00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:41,603
I'm your mother.

183
00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:47,323
Son, it's time to come home.
I am home. This is where I live.

184
00:11:47,363 --> 00:11:50,523
You can't fritter your life away
on your own in this dump.

185
00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:53,003
You need to be with a family.
I'm with my dad.

186
00:11:53,043 --> 00:11:57,083
From what I've heard about him, no
wonder you're sitting here in a pinny

187
00:11:57,123 --> 00:11:59,403
doing women's hair.
What does that mean?

188
00:11:59,443 --> 00:12:02,083
Look, I know
I've not been in touch recently,

189
00:12:02,123 --> 00:12:05,563
but I've not had time. My feet
have hardly touched the ground.

190
00:12:05,603 --> 00:12:07,843
I've met someone.
I'm very happy for you.

191
00:12:07,883 --> 00:12:11,283
Do you want a biscuit with that?
He's called Mad Dog.

192
00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:14,483
Beautiful name.
Well, his real name's Alan.

193
00:12:14,523 --> 00:12:16,643
Naturally.
But he's a real character.

194
00:12:16,683 --> 00:12:19,803
He's got his own
debt-collecting business in Oldham.

195
00:12:19,843 --> 00:12:24,123
Earns 150K a year. You'd love him!
He sounds a delight.

196
00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:28,163
Are you taking the piss?
Mother, I live in Spain!

197
00:12:28,203 --> 00:12:30,483
I'm very happy.
My boss is like a brother.

198
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:32,563
Me and my dad
have never been closer.

199
00:12:32,603 --> 00:12:35,283
My life is here now.
Alan says, if you come back,

200
00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:39,763
he'll guarantee you a job for life.
People will always be in debt, son.

201
00:12:39,803 --> 00:12:43,123
Oh, what a lovely thought!
Well? What do you say?

202
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:46,283
Collecting debts in Oldham
with a man called Mad Dog?

203
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:49,283
It's a dream come true!
£30K a year, and your own van?

204
00:12:49,323 --> 00:12:51,963
You're not kidding.
Yeah, I'm taking the piss!

205
00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:54,763
I'm not impressed with
the way you've turned out.

206
00:12:54,803 --> 00:12:57,483
You must be surrounded by
very bad influences.

207
00:12:57,523 --> 00:13:02,643
You could say the feeling's mutual.
Everything all right, son?

208
00:13:02,683 --> 00:13:04,683
Mateo said you had a...

209
00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:08,603
..a visitor! Well, well, well.

210
00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:12,043
I wouldn't have believed it
had I not seen it with my own eyes.

211
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,323
The great Les Conroy!

212
00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:18,483
Thank Christ the people who came to
our wedding can't see you now.

213
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:22,483
Look in the mirror, Les.
Just look at yourself!

214
00:13:22,523 --> 00:13:26,043
Call yourself a father!
You're a disgrace!

215
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,483
You look like a melting clown.

216
00:13:28,523 --> 00:13:31,563
It's good to see you, Gloria.
You've lost weight.

217
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,843
About 12 stone of ugly fat
when I left you.

218
00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:37,323
And your hair's amazing, too!

219
00:13:37,363 --> 00:13:39,923
I'm jealous.
You're a freak of nature.

220
00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:43,603
Your skin's good, as well. You're
really looking after yourself.

221
00:13:43,643 --> 00:13:46,323
Do you actually go outside
looking like that?

222
00:13:46,363 --> 00:13:48,923
I don't know how long
you're here for, Gloria,

223
00:13:48,963 --> 00:13:52,963
but for every negative, hurtful,
poisonous thing you say to me,

224
00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:55,683
I'll try and say something positive
to you.

225
00:13:55,723 --> 00:13:58,603
Because you think
you're better than me? No.

226
00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:02,323
Because I live a wonderful life
in the sunshine, with a job I like,

227
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:05,923
and friends I cherish,
and a devoted son I adore.

228
00:14:05,963 --> 00:14:09,763
It only seems fair to try and give
some of the love back.

229
00:14:11,443 --> 00:14:13,523
See you 'round.

230
00:14:27,203 --> 00:14:29,483
Drop the latch when you leave.

231
00:14:47,643 --> 00:14:50,763
Is it much further?
Just round this corner.

232
00:14:50,803 --> 00:14:53,603
A little exercise
won't do you any harm.

233
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:57,843
Consider it a warm-up. It's not
the exercise I'm bothered about.

234
00:14:57,883 --> 00:15:02,083
It's just this path is so narrow
that every time a lorry goes past,

235
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:05,003
you look like
you're either gonna get sucked off

236
00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:08,043
or end up in somebody's bush.

237
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:10,923
We're here!

238
00:15:11,923 --> 00:15:15,203
Oh, what's the date today?
Oh, I don't know!

239
00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:20,443
It's the 15th! Oh, blast!
There's a local league game on.

240
00:15:20,483 --> 00:15:23,803
What does that mean?
It means we can't play!

241
00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:26,443
Oh, well! We'll just have to watch!

242
00:15:30,803 --> 00:15:32,603
Come.

243
00:15:38,843 --> 00:15:41,403
You wanted to see me,
Miss Temple-Savage?

244
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:44,763
Er, yes, thank you, Mateo.
I just wanted to...

245
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:50,323
Everything is OK? Yes, everything
is O-... You scrub up well!

246
00:15:50,363 --> 00:15:53,003
Scrub? It means you look very nice.

247
00:15:53,043 --> 00:15:57,643
Oh! I am thanking your most kind
words and your hospital gratitude.

248
00:15:57,683 --> 00:16:02,083
Hospital? I... I just wanted to
check you were OK being in charge.

249
00:16:02,123 --> 00:16:06,963
It's just for the day. I can
persuade you to put all of your
optical confidence inside me.

250
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:10,563
Why are you talking like that?
Like what? Well... rubbish!

251
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,923
If I am to be scaling mismanagement,

252
00:16:13,963 --> 00:16:16,403
I am requiring words
of a higher calibrate.

253
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:20,123
But you're using all the wrong
words, and not in the right order.

254
00:16:20,163 --> 00:16:23,603
Mateo, just be yourself, OK?

255
00:16:23,643 --> 00:16:27,523
OK. I will be myself. Good.
Now, can you go and find Kenneth?

256
00:16:27,563 --> 00:16:30,963
He was supposed to be coming
straight back. No problem.

257
00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:34,723
Oh... Thank you for
this most respicious opportunity.

258
00:16:34,763 --> 00:16:36,843
Just go away.

259
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:41,083
Thank you.

260
00:16:41,123 --> 00:16:43,163
Thank you. Thank you.

261
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,883
Thank you.

262
00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,043
Thank you.

263
00:16:58,963 --> 00:17:02,883
So, what kind of building do you do?
You name it, we build it.

264
00:17:04,763 --> 00:17:07,083
A pyramid. Eh?

265
00:17:07,123 --> 00:17:09,803
You said, "Name it and we build it."

266
00:17:09,843 --> 00:17:13,483
No. I mean houses, flats,
that sort of thing.

267
00:17:14,603 --> 00:17:18,403
It's a minefield, innit? Yeah, well,
I been in the game a long time,

268
00:17:18,443 --> 00:17:22,963
so I know my way round.
Nah. I mean the English language.

269
00:17:23,003 --> 00:17:24,923
Right...

270
00:17:26,723 --> 00:17:29,523
What is it you do again? Well...

271
00:17:29,563 --> 00:17:33,123
It's really difficult to put into
actual words what I do.

272
00:17:33,163 --> 00:17:36,043
Which is ironic, really,
cos words ARE what I do.

273
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:39,923
Right. I've no idea
what you're talking about.

274
00:17:39,963 --> 00:17:42,403
I've been called a swami, a guru...

275
00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:45,883
I suppose a lot of people would say
I'm a life coach.

276
00:17:45,923 --> 00:17:48,683
Right.
My son could do with one of them.

277
00:17:48,723 --> 00:17:51,043
Any time
you want me to speak to him -

278
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:53,403
I wouldn't bother. I've tried that.
Nah.

279
00:17:53,443 --> 00:17:57,723
What you've probably tried to do is
promote your own ideals and values.

280
00:17:57,763 --> 00:18:00,123
As Mr Miyagi said,

281
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:04,803
"There's no such thing as a bad
student, only a bad teacher."

282
00:18:04,843 --> 00:18:08,203
Well, I can't really blame
his teachers. No.

283
00:18:08,243 --> 00:18:11,283
I mean you! Oh, thanks!

284
00:18:12,803 --> 00:18:17,843
A kid learns the most when he thinks
he's not being taught.

285
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:22,203
I'll give you a shout in a bit,
show you what I mean.

286
00:18:22,243 --> 00:18:23,723
Yeah.

287
00:18:23,763 --> 00:18:25,763
I can't wait.

288
00:18:31,483 --> 00:18:35,123
Kenneth? Kenneth!

289
00:18:36,803 --> 00:18:38,403
KENNETH!

290
00:18:38,443 --> 00:18:40,643
Oh, sorry! Didn't hear you.

291
00:18:40,683 --> 00:18:44,443
That's OK.
You were in what we call BSA -

292
00:18:44,483 --> 00:18:47,203
buffet suspended animation.

293
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:49,923
Food here at Mr Wu so delicious,

294
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:54,083
it make your taste buds work
overtime, and affect other senses.

295
00:18:54,123 --> 00:18:57,963
Either that, or you just big, fat,
greedy pig.

296
00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:01,043
Very funny. That's twice
you've called me that.

297
00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:04,243
You like the capado chicken?
Which one was that?

298
00:19:04,283 --> 00:19:07,003
Is this one.
Oh, my God, that was gorgeous.

299
00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:11,243
What is in that beautiful red sauce?
A secret. But whatever in it,

300
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:13,683
you better wipe
from around your mouth,

301
00:19:13,723 --> 00:19:16,723
or you look like Buffet the Vampire.
You get it?

302
00:19:16,763 --> 00:19:20,683
Not Buffy the Vampire.
Chinese Buffet the Vampire!

303
00:19:23,723 --> 00:19:26,723
Yeah. Very funny.

304
00:19:28,163 --> 00:19:32,163
So, what did your sister say?
Oh, yeah! I forgot about that!

305
00:19:32,203 --> 00:19:34,323
Wait a minute. OK.

306
00:19:34,363 --> 00:19:39,003
What she say is, she bought
a new carpet for her living room,

307
00:19:39,043 --> 00:19:41,963
but she wanna change it.
She also new car!

308
00:19:42,003 --> 00:19:46,243
Oh! She got a Buick! They must've
got rid of their Citroen.

309
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:50,203
The ingredients in the medicine!
Wait. I think she getting to that.

310
00:19:50,243 --> 00:19:52,883
Ahh, her friend Lucy got a new dog.
Oh!

311
00:19:52,923 --> 00:19:55,243
Ah, that's why
she wanna change carpet.

312
00:19:55,283 --> 00:20:00,123
For God's sake! I've got to get
back to work! Check yourself
before you wreck yourself!

313
00:20:00,163 --> 00:20:03,323
You not in hurry when you chomping
on Mr Wu's po-pos, huh?

314
00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:06,083
That does sound funny!

315
00:20:07,883 --> 00:20:09,963
Hilarious.

316
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:12,643
OK.

317
00:20:12,683 --> 00:20:16,203
Ah. Oh!
"Content is basically canine drug

318
00:20:16,243 --> 00:20:20,123
used to cause temporary paralysis
for medical reasons."

319
00:20:20,163 --> 00:20:22,483
Did you just say "canine"?

320
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:26,363
Oh, God!
What you been using this for?

321
00:20:27,363 --> 00:20:30,283
I injected it into my boss's face!

322
00:20:41,243 --> 00:20:44,883
No. No. Serious.
What did you do with this?

323
00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:48,603
Oh, shit! Thanks, Mr Wu.

324
00:20:48,643 --> 00:20:51,163
I better get back
and ring that doctor again.

325
00:20:51,203 --> 00:20:55,083
Kenneth! It's not a doctor you need.
What you need is a vet.

326
00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:01,483
Hey! No! Six euro for the buffet.
Kenneth!

327
00:21:01,523 --> 00:21:04,643
I haven't got my bum bag with me.
I'll pay you tomorrow.

328
00:21:04,683 --> 00:21:07,923
He eat enough for five people,
and he pay for nothing!

329
00:21:07,963 --> 00:21:10,043
Typical!

330
00:21:11,723 --> 00:21:14,603
"It's not a doctor you need,
it's a vet."

331
00:21:22,363 --> 00:21:25,523
I didn't think
it'd be this exciting!

332
00:21:25,563 --> 00:21:30,443
Oh, it's a great game, pelota,
and they take it so seriously! Mmm!

333
00:21:30,483 --> 00:21:32,763
Bloody 'ell!

334
00:21:32,803 --> 00:21:34,843
That nearly took my head off!

335
00:21:34,883 --> 00:21:38,043
If you're in the crowd,
you're legally part of the game.

336
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:41,403
I once saw a supporter
screaming from the stands,

337
00:21:41,443 --> 00:21:45,563
when the ball whizzed across
the court, and he swallowed it!

338
00:21:45,603 --> 00:21:49,643
The things those players did to that
poor man to get their ball back!

339
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,883
Made MY eyes water, never mind his.

340
00:21:52,923 --> 00:21:55,523
Agh!

341
00:21:55,563 --> 00:21:57,883
Oh, dear, oh, dear!

342
00:21:57,923 --> 00:22:01,523
This does not look good.

343
00:22:01,563 --> 00:22:05,203
What's he saying?
He's saying, "My ankle, my ankle."

344
00:22:05,243 --> 00:22:07,403
What do you think's wrong with him?

345
00:22:07,443 --> 00:22:09,803
I think he's hurt his ankle.

346
00:22:09,843 --> 00:22:13,283
Mm. Oh! What's going on now?

347
00:22:13,323 --> 00:22:16,323
Well, that man wants his sub
to carry on,

348
00:22:16,363 --> 00:22:20,123
but the official is saying he can't,
because he isn't from Polop.

349
00:22:20,163 --> 00:22:23,883
He's not from what?
Polop. It's the local village.

350
00:22:23,923 --> 00:22:26,883
This match is between Polop
and Benidorm.

351
00:22:34,243 --> 00:22:36,403
I live in Polop!

352
00:22:36,443 --> 00:22:38,483
I thought you lived in Wales!

353
00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,523
Ssh! You live in Polop?

354
00:22:40,563 --> 00:22:43,523
Yes. My wife and I just moved there.
OK.

355
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:46,563
Looks like
I'm going to get a game after all!

356
00:22:46,603 --> 00:22:49,363
Hurry up!

357
00:22:50,563 --> 00:22:53,643
Change those ridiculous shoes.
Ridiculous?!

358
00:22:55,963 --> 00:22:59,043
Oh, thank you! Viva Polop!

359
00:23:03,723 --> 00:23:07,283
This is exciting!
Your husband, he can play?

360
00:23:07,323 --> 00:23:11,243
Well, he's very good at volleyball,
but he's in France.

361
00:23:11,283 --> 00:23:14,643
Oh! That husband!

362
00:23:14,683 --> 00:23:17,043
Yeah! Oh, yeah.

363
00:23:17,083 --> 00:23:19,243
He's really good.

364
00:23:24,923 --> 00:23:26,723
Oof!

365
00:23:44,933 --> 00:23:46,733
Hello!

366
00:23:48,441 --> 00:23:50,641
You're not here on your own,
are you?

367
00:23:51,641 --> 00:23:54,321
Well, not really.
I'm visiting my son.

368
00:23:54,361 --> 00:23:59,121
Oh, I see. I'm just scouting around
for a ping-pong partner.

369
00:23:59,161 --> 00:24:01,361
I'm sorry?

370
00:24:01,401 --> 00:24:03,961
Well, I'm here with my son, too.

371
00:24:04,001 --> 00:24:06,601
But he's very competitive,

372
00:24:06,641 --> 00:24:10,761
whereas I just love being
knee-deep in schat.

373
00:24:11,881 --> 00:24:14,001
Knee-deep in what? Chat!

374
00:24:14,041 --> 00:24:17,521
You know, banter. Oh! Right.

375
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,440
Can I ask you a question? Fire away.

376
00:24:20,481 --> 00:24:24,241
As a customer at this hotel,
do you think that's right?

377
00:24:24,281 --> 00:24:26,521
Do I think what's right?

378
00:24:26,561 --> 00:24:29,881
Staff being allowed to dress up
like pantomime dames!

379
00:24:29,921 --> 00:24:35,241
Do you know who the best dame
in the business was?

380
00:24:36,281 --> 00:24:40,961
Danny La Rue! A close personal
friend of my late husband!

381
00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:44,521
Yeah. Well, that is MY late husband.

382
00:24:44,561 --> 00:24:47,001
So, how do you think I feel?

383
00:24:47,041 --> 00:24:49,601
I don't know how you feel.

384
00:24:49,641 --> 00:24:53,041
You certainly sound pretty angry
to me.

385
00:24:54,041 --> 00:24:57,681
I reckon,
if what you do makes you happy,

386
00:24:57,721 --> 00:25:02,121
and it isn't hurting anyone else,
go for it!

387
00:25:02,161 --> 00:25:05,321
Wouldn't it be wonderful
if we could all go through life

388
00:25:05,361 --> 00:25:08,681
with rose-tinted spectacles like you?

389
00:25:08,721 --> 00:25:10,441
Yeah.

390
00:25:10,481 --> 00:25:13,001
Yes, it would.

391
00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:14,801
Les!

392
00:25:16,041 --> 00:25:19,481
We need to talk. We don't have
anything to say to each other.

393
00:25:19,521 --> 00:25:23,401
If you genuinely care about our son,
you'll listen to me.

394
00:25:23,441 --> 00:25:26,761
I'm listening.
Not here. Somewhere private.

395
00:25:32,921 --> 00:25:34,921
Follow me.

396
00:25:36,321 --> 00:25:39,281
Om...

397
00:25:54,961 --> 00:25:57,761
Listen, I'm going back.
What you talking about?

398
00:25:57,801 --> 00:26:00,921
This is for your benefit.
How'd you work that out?

399
00:26:00,961 --> 00:26:03,561
This is... character-building!

400
00:26:03,601 --> 00:26:06,921
Oh, there you are! What's going on?

401
00:26:06,961 --> 00:26:10,801
He's gonna walk across
burning-hot coals. Oh, no!

402
00:26:10,841 --> 00:26:13,801
Geoff, not with your bunions!

403
00:26:13,841 --> 00:26:16,401
Please listen to me, son.

404
00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:20,321
He can't hear you.
He's in some sort of trance.

405
00:26:33,961 --> 00:26:36,121
Aaaargh! They're burning!

406
00:26:36,161 --> 00:26:40,081
IT'S BURNING!
Then, get off it, you great twat.

407
00:26:40,961 --> 00:26:44,121
It's stuck in my foot!
Get it out, somebody! Get it out!

408
00:26:44,161 --> 00:26:47,961
I ain't touching it.
We need some salad tongs.

409
00:26:48,001 --> 00:26:50,201
Aaargh!

410
00:26:51,881 --> 00:26:55,521
Get out of the way! Get out the way!

411
00:27:12,281 --> 00:27:14,721
What are you lot looking at?

412
00:27:37,401 --> 00:27:39,641
I'm listening.
I'll come to the point.

413
00:27:39,681 --> 00:27:43,681
I've offered Liam a job, a flat
and a new life in the UK.

414
00:27:43,721 --> 00:27:47,641
I could see he was tempted. Well,
who wouldn't want 30 grand a year,

415
00:27:47,681 --> 00:27:50,201
plus pension,
not to mention a company car?

416
00:27:50,241 --> 00:27:54,361
But he didn't take it. I know why.
Because he's got a life here.

417
00:27:54,401 --> 00:27:57,761
You may dress like a fool, Les,
but don't act like one.

418
00:27:57,801 --> 00:28:00,001
What sort of a life is this?

419
00:28:00,041 --> 00:28:02,481
Scrabbling around
trying to make ends meet,

420
00:28:02,521 --> 00:28:06,281
living off all-inclusive leftovers,
drinking during the day...

421
00:28:06,321 --> 00:28:10,961
There's only one thing stopping him
going back to the UK. You.

422
00:28:11,001 --> 00:28:14,081
He's a grown man.
He does what he wants to do.

423
00:28:14,121 --> 00:28:18,281
Oh, wake up and smell the coffee,
Les! There's nothing for him here.

424
00:28:18,321 --> 00:28:21,841
I'm here.
And what an example you are to him!

425
00:28:21,881 --> 00:28:25,401
I can't make him go if he
doesn't want to. No. You're wrong.

426
00:28:25,441 --> 00:28:29,001
Don't ask me to explain why,
but he'd do anything for you.

427
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:31,041
I won't do it.

428
00:28:34,561 --> 00:28:36,881
I think you will.

429
00:28:39,241 --> 00:28:42,681
What's this? £10,000.

430
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:48,321
It's yours. Convince Liam
he has to go back and live in the UK.

431
00:28:48,361 --> 00:28:51,961
You've got to be joking! This way
you get what's best for both of you.

432
00:28:52,001 --> 00:28:54,881
I couldn't look at him
and tell him I didn't want him!

433
00:28:54,921 --> 00:28:57,361
So, write him a letter.

434
00:29:01,241 --> 00:29:03,281
£10,000 is a lot of money.

435
00:29:05,921 --> 00:29:10,841
You could sort out all your finances
and still have plenty to live on.

436
00:29:14,081 --> 00:29:16,521
I can't. Les...

437
00:29:16,561 --> 00:29:20,601
denying yourself £10,000
makes you an idiot.

438
00:29:20,641 --> 00:29:25,001
But denying your only son
the life and career he deserves

439
00:29:25,041 --> 00:29:28,361
makes you something much, much worse.

440
00:29:30,601 --> 00:29:34,561
It's not about the money.
It's about Liam's future.

441
00:29:36,561 --> 00:29:38,641
Look at your life now.

442
00:29:38,681 --> 00:29:43,161
Is this what you want for your son...
when he's 60?

443
00:29:48,521 --> 00:29:51,721
Oh! There's one thing more.

444
00:29:51,761 --> 00:29:54,361
For the remaining time
that Liam's still here,

445
00:29:54,401 --> 00:29:57,201
you'll stop
all this ridiculous dressing up.

446
00:29:57,241 --> 00:29:59,401
It's one thing embarrassing yourself.

447
00:29:59,441 --> 00:30:02,361
But from now on,
you do what's best for Liam.

448
00:30:03,561 --> 00:30:05,561
Do we have a deal?

449
00:30:06,881 --> 00:30:08,881
Get out.

450
00:30:10,321 --> 00:30:12,321
You know it makes sense.

451
00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:19,041
You're doing the right thing, Les.

452
00:30:31,001 --> 00:30:33,361
This clown
is going to lose our match.

453
00:30:33,401 --> 00:30:37,121
There is another person
from Polop here.

454
00:30:37,161 --> 00:30:39,321
There's no-one. I ask everyone.

455
00:30:39,361 --> 00:30:41,561
Me! You?

456
00:30:41,601 --> 00:30:45,401
Yeah! Glynn's from Polop,
and, if you remember,

457
00:30:45,441 --> 00:30:49,601
I'm Glynn's wife, so that means
I live in Polop, as well.

458
00:30:49,641 --> 00:30:52,641
Neither of you lives in Polop.
How do you know that?

459
00:30:52,681 --> 00:30:56,841
Polop is a small village. I know
every British person living there.

460
00:30:56,881 --> 00:30:58,801
Plus, if you live in Polop,

461
00:30:58,841 --> 00:31:01,521
why are you wearing
a Benidorm hotel wristband?

462
00:31:01,561 --> 00:31:05,721
I'm also Middlesbrough volleyball
mixed-doubles champion

463
00:31:05,761 --> 00:31:08,281
six years in a row.

464
00:31:09,761 --> 00:31:12,521
Arbitro! Cambio!

465
00:31:13,561 --> 00:31:15,081
Tu!

466
00:31:17,321 --> 00:31:19,601
Go on! OK!

467
00:31:21,201 --> 00:31:23,201
Sorry. Come and watch.

468
00:31:23,241 --> 00:31:28,241
Watch? You can't pull me off!
I'm just about to come into my own!

469
00:31:28,281 --> 00:31:31,721
If I had a euro
every time I heard that...!

470
00:31:36,841 --> 00:31:39,721
It is good? Yeah. OK.

471
00:31:39,761 --> 00:31:41,881
Viva Polop!

472
00:31:50,641 --> 00:31:52,201
Whoa!

473
00:32:41,761 --> 00:32:44,761
A vet?
I don't wanna be seen by a vet!

474
00:32:44,801 --> 00:32:49,961
How rude! Juan's come all the way
from Finestrat! I don't care
if he's come from Fleetwood!

475
00:32:50,001 --> 00:32:54,201
I'm not being examined by a vet!
She gets excitable around strangers,

476
00:32:54,241 --> 00:32:56,961
but she doesn't bite.
Kenneth! I'm only joking.

477
00:32:57,001 --> 00:32:59,801
He doesn't need to examine you -
just give you a shot

478
00:32:59,841 --> 00:33:03,041
to counteract the rabies injection
I gave you. Rabies?!

479
00:33:03,081 --> 00:33:05,961
You've got to be joking!
She has no symptoms,

480
00:33:06,001 --> 00:33:09,361
apart from the paralysis?
Excuse me! I do speak English!

481
00:33:09,401 --> 00:33:13,241
Not that I know of.
No excessive panting or whining?

482
00:33:13,281 --> 00:33:16,721
Oh! Now you come to mention it,
there has been a lot of whining.

483
00:33:16,761 --> 00:33:19,881
And she's been pulling herself along
by her front paws,

484
00:33:19,921 --> 00:33:22,961
dragging her bum across the grass.
I'm only messing!

485
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:25,601
You have injected me in the face

486
00:33:25,641 --> 00:33:29,121
with something you give to dogs
that have rabies?!

487
00:33:29,161 --> 00:33:32,521
Which begs the question,
why are you frothing at the mouth?

488
00:33:32,561 --> 00:33:36,081
Out of here, now! Do you have
any rope to tie up the hind legs?

489
00:33:36,121 --> 00:33:39,721
In my room, but that's
three floors down. Hold them!

490
00:33:39,761 --> 00:33:42,201
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! OK!

491
00:33:42,241 --> 00:33:45,321
We need to swap positions.
Get round the head.

492
00:33:45,361 --> 00:33:49,201
Those teeth look sharp. Will you
stop talking about me like this?

493
00:33:49,241 --> 00:33:53,161
I'm not an animal!
I'm a human being!

494
00:33:56,721 --> 00:33:58,641
Aaarrgh!

495
00:33:58,681 --> 00:34:01,321
Ssh, ssh, ssh.

496
00:34:01,361 --> 00:34:04,081
Muy bueno.

497
00:34:05,881 --> 00:34:08,761
There you are!
I've been looking for you.

498
00:34:08,801 --> 00:34:11,161
Slow day at work?
I'm having a late lunch.

499
00:34:11,201 --> 00:34:14,081
Son, we appear to have got off
on the wrong foot.

500
00:34:14,121 --> 00:34:17,761
Yes, you do. I don't hate your dad.

501
00:34:17,801 --> 00:34:20,561
I'm just frustrated
he's holding you back.

502
00:34:20,601 --> 00:34:24,401
What do you mean? That's why I'm
offering you a fresh start in the UK.

503
00:34:24,441 --> 00:34:28,241
I don't want one! What would you say
if I offered you a fresh start here?

504
00:34:28,281 --> 00:34:30,921
What would I want to live here for?
Exactly!

505
00:34:30,961 --> 00:34:35,161
Liam, why don't we have tea together
tonight?

506
00:34:35,201 --> 00:34:38,881
What, with Mad Dog? No, no. He's on
a shooting weekend in Madrid.

507
00:34:38,921 --> 00:34:42,361
Oh! What's he shooting -
people in debt?

508
00:34:42,401 --> 00:34:45,801
Don't be daft. Birds, small animals,
that sort of thing.

509
00:34:45,841 --> 00:34:49,241
I don't think Mad Dog and I
are gonna get along. Why not?

510
00:34:49,281 --> 00:34:52,481
It's just a feeling.
Me and you, tonight.

511
00:34:52,521 --> 00:34:55,721
Eight o'clock.
I'm staying at the Belroy.

512
00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:58,841
They do a lovely a la carte.
I will have dinner with you -

513
00:34:58,881 --> 00:35:01,401
in Neptune's, eight o'clock.

514
00:35:01,441 --> 00:35:03,601
And then, tomorrow...

515
00:35:05,281 --> 00:35:09,601
..I want you to go home,
and leave me and my dad in peace.

516
00:35:10,601 --> 00:35:13,241
We'll see. Eight o'clock.

517
00:35:14,241 --> 00:35:17,161
Eight o'clock.

518
00:35:22,201 --> 00:35:25,681
Right. I know it's been difficult
without me, but I'm back.

519
00:35:25,721 --> 00:35:28,881
Back at work. Back in the game.
Are you all back?

520
00:35:28,921 --> 00:35:32,361
You never went anywhere.
Miss Temple-Savage, are you OK?

521
00:35:32,401 --> 00:35:35,761
Why are you dressed like
an undertaker? Did somebody die?

522
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:40,321
I have been manager while you were
not well. Do you not remember? You?

523
00:35:40,361 --> 00:35:44,441
Manager? You couldn't manage a fart
without shitting yourself.

524
00:35:44,481 --> 00:35:47,481
I'm hungry. I'm so hungry!
I'm going to get some food.

525
00:35:47,521 --> 00:35:49,801
Anybody want any food?

526
00:35:53,001 --> 00:35:55,361
Well, it's good
that Joyce is back on form.

527
00:35:55,401 --> 00:35:58,761
She's climbing the walls!
What have you done to her?

528
00:35:58,801 --> 00:36:02,001
You have given her something.
She was feeling a bit groggy

529
00:36:02,041 --> 00:36:06,801
after her visit from the vet -
the doctor, so I slipped a few uppers
into her Bovril.

530
00:36:06,841 --> 00:36:10,081
She'll be fine!

531
00:36:10,121 --> 00:36:12,361
What is Bovril?

532
00:36:18,161 --> 00:36:21,041
Well!
It's not exactly the Belroy, but...

533
00:36:22,041 --> 00:36:24,921
I was gonna say
I've eaten in worse places,

534
00:36:24,961 --> 00:36:27,161
but I'm not sure I have.

535
00:36:27,201 --> 00:36:30,681
He's quite funny, Geoff, isn't he?
Geoff? The Oracle.

536
00:36:30,721 --> 00:36:33,081
Depends what you mean by funny.

537
00:36:33,121 --> 00:36:37,041
Weird, laughable, an embarrassment -
that kind of funny, yeah.

538
00:36:37,081 --> 00:36:41,281
Your problem is, you're threatened
by another alpha male. Alpha male?!

539
00:36:41,321 --> 00:36:45,001
He's on holiday with his mum! He's
more of a man than you'll ever be.

540
00:36:45,041 --> 00:36:48,401
Oh, my God! And you fancy him.
You do!

541
00:36:48,441 --> 00:36:52,721
You fancy him!
He's not my usual type,

542
00:36:52,761 --> 00:36:55,681
but he does have
a vulnerable quality to him.

543
00:36:55,721 --> 00:36:57,961
What, with his burned feet?

544
00:36:59,121 --> 00:37:01,201
Hello!

545
00:37:02,201 --> 00:37:05,041
It's Theresa, isn't it? Yeah. Terri.

546
00:37:05,081 --> 00:37:09,001
I must say,
I was thrilled when Geoff told me

547
00:37:09,041 --> 00:37:11,681
that you'd asked us
to join you for dinner.

548
00:37:11,721 --> 00:37:14,281
He'll be down in a minute.

549
00:37:14,321 --> 00:37:17,121
I've just got to go
and wash my hands.

550
00:37:17,161 --> 00:37:20,761
For the past half hour,
I've been creaming his feet.

551
00:37:20,801 --> 00:37:23,201
See you in a jiffy!

552
00:37:24,441 --> 00:37:26,761
Creaming... his feet?

553
00:37:32,180 --> 00:37:34,840
The thing is, Liam,

554
00:37:34,861 --> 00:37:37,541
I think your dad
has finally come to his senses,

555
00:37:37,551 --> 00:37:39,991
and not before time.
What do you mean?

556
00:37:40,031 --> 00:37:42,991
Well, it came as quite a shock,

557
00:37:42,995 --> 00:37:45,195
but he asked to see me
this afternoon,

558
00:37:45,235 --> 00:37:49,555
and... well, basically, he thinks
that you should move back to the UK,

559
00:37:49,595 --> 00:37:52,435
with me. Why would he say that?

560
00:37:52,475 --> 00:37:56,715
I admit he's changed his tune
pretty quick,

561
00:37:56,755 --> 00:37:59,235
but he said you both need to...

562
00:37:59,275 --> 00:38:01,435
Oh, what was his phrase?

563
00:38:02,435 --> 00:38:04,995
"Wake up and smell the coffee."

564
00:38:04,999 --> 00:38:06,699
He doesn't like coffee.

565
00:38:06,754 --> 00:38:11,434
He thinks you should take the job,
with proper career prospects,

566
00:38:11,474 --> 00:38:13,834
and he's taking stock of his life,
too.

567
00:38:13,874 --> 00:38:18,394
And he's gonna stop all that dressing
up and making a fool of himself.

568
00:38:18,435 --> 00:38:22,795
How stupid do you think I am?
What's that got to do with anything?

569
00:38:22,834 --> 00:38:26,434
Those are your words, not my dad's.
Ask him yourself. I will!

570
00:38:26,475 --> 00:38:29,115
I think you're putting words
into his mouth.

571
00:38:29,154 --> 00:38:31,874
Me and your dad were married
for 20 years.

572
00:38:31,914 --> 00:38:34,354
I know him
better than he knows himself.

573
00:38:35,354 --> 00:38:39,674
Liam, sometimes,
no matter how late in life,

574
00:38:39,714 --> 00:38:42,554
people do eventually grow up.

575
00:38:42,594 --> 00:38:44,714
This is for you.

576
00:38:44,754 --> 00:38:48,074
Liam, the gentleman's got
something for you.

577
00:38:48,114 --> 00:38:50,394
No. It's for you.

578
00:38:51,394 --> 00:38:54,234
Hello! I have work to do.

579
00:39:09,554 --> 00:39:12,234


580
00:39:13,234 --> 00:39:16,034


581
00:39:16,074 --> 00:39:20,154



582
00:39:21,354 --> 00:39:23,834


583
00:39:23,874 --> 00:39:27,794

now

584
00:39:27,834 --> 00:39:29,714



585
00:39:29,754 --> 00:39:31,954


586
00:39:31,994 --> 00:39:33,154



587
00:39:33,194 --> 00:39:35,154
♪ Forever ♪ And ever
♪ You'll stay in my heart

588
00:39:35,194 --> 00:39:37,674



589
00:39:37,714 --> 00:39:39,074


590
00:39:39,114 --> 00:39:42,554
Hello?

591
00:39:42,594 --> 00:39:48,074
Well, I must say,
this was a good idea.

592
00:39:48,114 --> 00:39:52,114
Safety in numbers,
that's what I say!

593
00:39:52,154 --> 00:39:57,314
Although I once did have
a holiday here on my own.

594
00:39:57,354 --> 00:40:01,394
Oh, yeah? How was that?
Oh, it was an absolute stinker.

595
00:40:01,434 --> 00:40:04,274
I mean, Geoff's in-laws were here,

596
00:40:04,314 --> 00:40:06,874
and I chummed up with them
for a bit.

597
00:40:06,914 --> 00:40:09,514
But I don't think
I'll be doing that again.

598
00:40:10,434 --> 00:40:12,754
You're married? Separated.

599
00:40:12,794 --> 00:40:15,674
Well - never married, to be honest.

600
00:40:15,714 --> 00:40:19,634
Although we do have a son, Py.
See him every other weekend.

601
00:40:19,674 --> 00:40:23,354
You got a son called Pie?
What, as in "steak and kidney"?

602
00:40:23,394 --> 00:40:27,714
No! As in Pythagoras.
You called your son Pythagoras?

603
00:40:27,754 --> 00:40:30,354
Yeah. Why? Nothing.

604
00:40:31,914 --> 00:40:35,354
Pythagoras is my favourite
of all the Greek philosophers.

605
00:40:35,394 --> 00:40:38,474
Seriously?
Well, apart from Socrates. Obvs!

606
00:40:38,514 --> 00:40:41,434
I used to love all that at school.
All what?

607
00:40:41,474 --> 00:40:45,394
Ancient Greek philosophy.
The nearest you got to ancient Greece

608
00:40:45,434 --> 00:40:48,394
was having a kebab on
a Saturday night after 12 pints.

609
00:40:48,434 --> 00:40:51,914
Hello! Oh, this is ridiculous!

610
00:40:53,154 --> 00:40:56,714
Same again? Oh, lovely.
Yeah. I'm fine.

611
00:40:56,754 --> 00:41:00,434
I'll help you. I can manage to bring
back four drinks on my own.

612
00:41:00,474 --> 00:41:02,714
I said, I'll help you!

613
00:41:16,194 --> 00:41:19,274
Miss Temple-Savage,
you are sure you're OK?

614
00:41:19,314 --> 00:41:23,114
When bleeding a radiator, it is
essential to have a third party

615
00:41:23,154 --> 00:41:26,234
to keep an eye on the boiler gauge.
It's essential.

616
00:41:26,274 --> 00:41:28,754
Maybe you need to lie down
for a while.

617
00:41:28,794 --> 00:41:33,834
I was once taken up the Valley
of the Kings by a close relation
of Alan Whicker. No regrets!

618
00:41:33,874 --> 00:41:37,434
Although I did get to meet
David Yip, the Chinese Detective.

619
00:41:37,474 --> 00:41:41,994
I didn't realise it was him till we
were halfway home in a taxi! OK...

620
00:41:42,034 --> 00:41:45,874
Listen. I am going now,
but if you need anything,

621
00:41:45,914 --> 00:41:48,194
please let me know. The group!

622
00:41:48,234 --> 00:41:50,954
Group?
I didn't book the group for tonight!

623
00:41:50,994 --> 00:41:54,954
It's OK. We can just do karaoke.
Karaoke? Not on my watch, soldier.

624
00:41:54,994 --> 00:41:58,674
Is that what Vera Lynn told the
troops in 1940? "Sing it yourself?"

625
00:41:58,714 --> 00:42:01,834
I'll do my Yma Sumac
from my old Ashby-de-la-Zouch days.

626
00:42:01,874 --> 00:42:04,034
They won't know what hit them!

627
00:42:04,074 --> 00:42:07,914
I'm warning you, Clive! Keep your
fat snout clear of my business.

628
00:42:07,954 --> 00:42:11,034
What you talking about?
I feel a connection with Geoff.

629
00:42:11,074 --> 00:42:14,674
I'm ready for a relationship.
The only relationships you have

630
00:42:14,714 --> 00:42:18,834
are standing up in pub car parks.
Maybe I'll settle for that tonight.

631
00:42:18,874 --> 00:42:22,514
I doubt it,
not with the state his feet are in!

632
00:42:22,554 --> 00:42:25,394


633
00:42:26,874 --> 00:42:29,474
♪ That's my prayer ♪

634
00:42:38,794 --> 00:42:42,634
I really enjoyed today!
You were right!

635
00:42:42,674 --> 00:42:47,394
You can do too much of lying
staring at a swimming pool.

636
00:42:47,434 --> 00:42:50,554
You're always going to have
a degree of beginner's luck.

637
00:42:50,594 --> 00:42:54,914
I think someone's jealous!
Don't be ridiculous.

638
00:42:54,954 --> 00:42:57,394
You are! You're jealous!

639
00:42:57,434 --> 00:42:59,794
No. You're right.

640
00:42:59,834 --> 00:43:04,314
Fair play to you, Jacqueline.
You played brilliantly.

641
00:43:04,354 --> 00:43:07,154
Here's to a great day out!

642
00:43:07,194 --> 00:43:09,554
I tell you what it did, as well.

643
00:43:09,594 --> 00:43:13,074
It made you forget that,
while you're here,

644
00:43:13,114 --> 00:43:17,394
your wife is sharing a bed with
my husband in the South of France.

645
00:43:21,314 --> 00:43:22,954
Whoops!

646
00:43:50,914 --> 00:43:53,234


647
00:43:53,274 --> 00:43:55,914


648
00:43:55,954 --> 00:43:59,354
So, is this really what passes for
entertainment round here?

649
00:43:59,394 --> 00:44:01,634
Oh, I love it.
It's very Martha Graham.

650
00:44:01,674 --> 00:44:04,754
What was your letter? Er, nothing.

651
00:44:04,794 --> 00:44:08,234
It's, er... just some details
about a trip.

652
00:44:08,274 --> 00:44:11,674
They do some great free trips
to the waterfall. Where's it to?

653
00:44:11,714 --> 00:44:16,034
No. It's, um... been cancelled.

654
00:44:16,074 --> 00:44:19,514
Gloria. Liked the song, son?
You were fabulous!

655
00:44:19,554 --> 00:44:21,994
You off out tonight?

656
00:44:22,034 --> 00:44:25,514
Meeting a few of the girls up
the Rich Bitch. I'd say join us,

657
00:44:25,554 --> 00:44:29,274
but I don't think it's your mother's
cup of tea. I might join you. No.

658
00:44:29,314 --> 00:44:32,834
Spend time with your mother.
She's not here for long. True.

659
00:44:32,874 --> 00:44:35,994
And we've got the rest of our lives
together. You said it.

660
00:44:36,034 --> 00:44:38,714
See you both tomorrow.

661
00:44:47,154 --> 00:44:50,354
She's got the moves,
I'll say that for her!

662
00:44:50,394 --> 00:44:53,794
Do you like to dance, Geoff?
Not really.

663
00:44:53,834 --> 00:44:57,474
I dunno. You busted some sick moves
on those hot coals today.

664
00:44:57,514 --> 00:45:00,714
Oh, you weren't sick as well,
were you?

665
00:45:00,754 --> 00:45:03,114
You've got a big day tomorrow!

666
00:45:03,154 --> 00:45:06,274
Oh, yeah?
What's happening tomorrow, Geoff?

667
00:45:06,314 --> 00:45:08,994
Nothing. Nothing at all.

668
00:45:09,034 --> 00:45:12,674
Oh, he does get shy! Mother...

669
00:45:12,714 --> 00:45:16,314
Geoff's fiancee's arriving tomorrow.

670
00:45:16,354 --> 00:45:19,994

in your arms I want to die

671
00:45:20,034 --> 00:45:22,514


672
00:45:22,554 --> 00:45:26,114


673
00:45:26,154 --> 00:45:28,354


674
00:45:28,394 --> 00:45:31,034
♪ Oh! ♪