1
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,440
Good evening. Good evening. It's nice to
be with you again, isn't it, Ronnie?

2
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,140
Lovely, lovely, yes. And first, the
thing that's on everybody's mind this

3
00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:32,140
Saturday night.

4
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:33,720
No, no, not that.

5
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,320
The census.

6
00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:40,040
The first results of this fully
confidential inquiry are beginning to

7
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:40,959
through.

8
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,400
34 % have parents born in Chantelieu.

9
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:52,200
17 % asked what they did on cold winter
evenings, wrote, wrap up.

10
00:00:54,090 --> 00:00:56,930
And 28 % live in houses called Get
Knotted.

11
00:01:01,830 --> 00:01:04,810
At tonight's banquet for midgets,

12
00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:11,850
a rousing reception was given when a
trolley was

13
00:01:11,850 --> 00:01:15,830
wheeled in and the president's wife
birthed out of an iced doughnut.

14
00:01:17,790 --> 00:01:19,610
And now, here is tonight's football.

15
00:01:24,270 --> 00:01:25,270
And now the medical news.

16
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:29,010
A man was taken to a nursing home today
after being found wandering in the

17
00:01:29,010 --> 00:01:30,370
street dressed only in a codpiece.

18
00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:34,130
He said, I find a bit of haddock more
fashionable, but the fishmonger had run

19
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,130
out.

20
00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:42,970
Earlier this morning, a man was beaten
up outside a Harley Street

21
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:43,908
consulting rooms.

22
00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:47,210
Police wish to interview four men or two
schizophrenics.

23
00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:51,890
A painter and decorator was taken to
Wandsworth Police Station today.

24
00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:55,110
Later, a man was said to be helping the
police with their wallpapering.

25
00:01:56,790 --> 00:02:00,790
Here is the result of the by -election
in Matagoolieland.

26
00:02:01,670 --> 00:02:05,690
Mr. Odingo -Obingo, conservative, three
nuns.

27
00:02:08,090 --> 00:02:12,130
Mrs. Odingo -Obingo, Women's Liberation
Front, no nun.

28
00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:20,450
Chief. Sorry. No, I think you were right
second time.

29
00:02:24,740 --> 00:02:25,740
Chief?

30
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,160
Burst out of a nice doughnut.

31
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:39,440
Chief Bongo O'Dongo, Welsh nationalist,
4 ,000 nuts, three strings of beads, two

32
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,200
shrunken heads and a partridge in a pear
tree.

33
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:46,440
The Reverend Simon Thisby, Christian
conversions of cannibals party, two

34
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,260
of grace, one pound of carrots and a
pinch of salt.

35
00:02:49,610 --> 00:02:53,770
Chief Yum -Yum, cannibal party. 3 ,000
nuts, two pygmies, and the Reverend

36
00:02:53,770 --> 00:02:54,770
Thisby.

37
00:02:55,770 --> 00:02:56,950
Spoiled nuts, one.

38
00:02:58,110 --> 00:02:59,430
Spoiled candidates, four.

39
00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:02,050
And a bull elephant lost his deposit.

40
00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:07,150
Now it's time, once again, to consider
the state of the party.

41
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:19,860
What did you say?

42
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:21,760
I just said hello.

43
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,320
And what else did you say besides hello?

44
00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:27,300
No, I didn't say anything else. I just
said hello.

45
00:03:27,660 --> 00:03:30,440
I see. Not hello, you boring old git.
Who the hell invited you?

46
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,360
I didn't say that.

47
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:34,719
I see.

48
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:38,200
Perhaps it was more in the lines of
hello, you great, ugly, fat, mealy

49
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,200
sadist. I wish you were dead.

50
00:03:41,060 --> 00:03:44,100
No, I just said hello. I was standing
over there, as a matter of fact. I saw

51
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,320
that nobody was talking to you over
here, so I popped over, you know, just

52
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,320
say hello.

53
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:48,520
I never did.

54
00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:52,320
What? Well, you implied that Dorothy and
I were having a relationship.

55
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,660
What? Just now, all that stuff about the
car not being in the garage. I never

56
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:58,740
said anything about the car.

57
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,400
No, but you implied it, didn't you?

58
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:02,100
All right, then. Hello.

59
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:03,760
Yes, but look at the way you said it.

60
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:07,080
What? Well, like the car wasn't in the
garage and he left the light on in the

61
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,180
study to make his wife think he was
working late. Don't wait.

62
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,880
No, it's not even founded like that. It
wasn't meant to. It was just meant to

63
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,360
sound like, you know, hello, how are
you? Oh, I see.

64
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:20,050
Hello, how are you going to explain the
hot pants in the glove compartment?

65
00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:23,510
Why did you give the vicar a drive on
Sunday?

66
00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:25,650
No, no, it was just a friendly hello,
honestly.

67
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:27,170
Listen, Sonny.

68
00:04:27,330 --> 00:04:30,030
If you go around talking to people just
the way you've talked to me, I'm not

69
00:04:30,030 --> 00:04:31,030
surprised you haven't got any friends.

70
00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:33,990
I've got lots of friends. Oh, yes, but
they've all walked out on you, haven't

71
00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:35,890
they? Left you to come over and heap
abuse on me.

72
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,650
No, no, honestly, it was just a friendly
hello.

73
00:04:37,850 --> 00:04:39,410
Anyway, how was I to know the gun was
loaded?

74
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,370
What? The gun we were just talking
about.

75
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,050
Which gun? I mean, I didn't want to use
it.

76
00:04:44,270 --> 00:04:47,390
I didn't want it at all. It was Dorothy.
It was Dorothy. I wanted to throw it

77
00:04:47,390 --> 00:04:50,950
away. It was Dorothy who wanted to look
down the barrel to see how fast the

78
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:51,950
bullets came out.

79
00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:57,890
I just said hello, honestly. I tried to
stop her. I tried to stop her, but I

80
00:04:57,890 --> 00:05:01,390
couldn't. Before I could, she grabbed
the gun, shot herself, leapt out of the

81
00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:03,970
car and buried herself under the
floorboards in my flat in Kensington.

82
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,260
I only came over here to start a little
conversation. Anyway, I was miles away.

83
00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:10,199
I was in Frankfurt.

84
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,200
No, I was in Istanbul.

85
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,280
I was in Istanbul, in a cellar, chained
up, all by myself.

86
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,020
Apart from witnesses, of course. Oh, I
had loads of witnesses.

87
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,780
They were all Turks. They can't speak a
word of English. Oh, but they can write

88
00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,860
English. So if you wrote to them, they
would testify.

89
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:26,300
Unless they're all dead, of course. Yes,
I think probably they're all dead by

90
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:26,879
now, yes.

91
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:30,360
I seem to remember reading in tomorrow's
paper that they are all dead.

92
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,680
Great pity.

93
00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,140
You've got to believe me. You've got to
believe me.

94
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,060
I only came over here just to say a
personal hello.

95
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:41,200
I didn't want to do it, but it was
Dorothy.

96
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:45,780
She went on about the divorce and the
gambling and the money and the rug

97
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,280
Oh, God.

98
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,520
Bloody fool, I admit it, I admit it.

99
00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:53,460
I only wanted to say a perfectly normal
hello.

100
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,240
You'll never take me alive.

101
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:15,490
No, you can't have a decent conversation
with anyone nowadays, can you?

102
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:17,330
Hello?

103
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:46,740
Let my love for you grow strong as long
as we're together.

104
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:52,900
Who cares about the weather? Listen to
the falling rain, listen to it fall.

105
00:06:54,860 --> 00:06:58,460
And with every drop of rain, I can hear
you call.

106
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,860
Call my name right out loud.

107
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,760
I can hear above the clouds.

108
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:10,260
And to hear among the puddles, you and I
together.

109
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,480
Listen to the rain

110
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:07,920
Listen to the falling rain, listen to it
fall.

111
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,240
And with every drop of rain I can hear
you call.

112
00:08:27,950 --> 00:08:34,289
Listen to the rain Listen to the pouring
rain Listen to the rain

113
00:08:34,289 --> 00:08:37,830
Listen to the

114
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,560
Good evening to you.

115
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,180
Well, it was a pretty rough night, as
you know.

116
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:15,780
Most areas suffer from a heavy belt of
rain across the country, or in my case,

117
00:09:15,780 --> 00:09:17,180
heavy belt across the eye.

118
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,460
This came from the southwest and brought
with it strong winds.

119
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,800
Mine came from the wife and brought with
it strong language.

120
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:28,710
and a cup of scalding tea down the shirt
front.

121
00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:33,350
This quickly spread to most areas and
caused a sharp rise in temperature,

122
00:09:33,650 --> 00:09:36,570
especially in the south.

123
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:42,730
A deep depression settled over 22
Kingsbury Avenue is unlikely to lift

124
00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:47,550
tomorrow morning at the earliest, and
the warm front I was expecting tonight

125
00:09:47,550 --> 00:09:48,770
now too much to hope for.

126
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,980
If we look at the next chart, we can see
the cause of all the trouble.

127
00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:04,480
Now, this, as you can see, came
originally from France and

128
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,480
crossed the Channel a couple of days
ago, arriving at Kingsbury Avenue about

129
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:13,520
time. It was fairly mild at first and
only really showed itself last night

130
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:14,520
the wife was at bingo.

131
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,820
It all started from a ridge of high
pressure across here.

132
00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:23,500
centred round two points here and here.

133
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:29,480
They were undoubtedly the cause of a
sharp rise in temperature, as you may

134
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:33,700
guess, eventually resulting in thunder
and lightning, the like of which I

135
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,620
personally haven't experienced in a long
time.

136
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:41,860
It was fairly short -lived, however, as
bingo finished early, bringing with it a

137
00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:43,600
small tornado with a rolling pin.

138
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,760
South cones were quickly hoisted.

139
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:52,410
Not quite quickly enough, unfortunately,
and the ridge of high pressure

140
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:56,110
disappeared rapidly down Kingsbury
Avenue in the direction of London

141
00:10:56,830 --> 00:11:02,250
Well, there it is, then. The outlook for
tomorrow, dull, lifeless, very little

142
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:06,330
sunshine, and certainly the unlikelihood
of a decent cup of tea.

143
00:11:06,610 --> 00:11:07,610
Good night.

144
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:36,900
You may remember, dear reader, that I
was about to make my debut on the London

145
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:40,740
stage in the title role of William
McMaster's latest production.

146
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:46,560
You can imagine how nervous and excited
I was as the curtain rose.

147
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,040
You are determined to go through with
this, are you, your ladyship?

148
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,400
Yes, Lord Godiva, I am.

149
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,760
I shall be there for all the world to
see.

150
00:12:22,420 --> 00:12:25,380
And that shines a good bead in a naughty
world.

151
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,240
And if you wish things to shine even
better, use monkey brand household soap.

152
00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:34,060
We'll be available at the stage door
after the performance. I see.

153
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,500
Very well, then. So be it.

154
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,420
And now, to meet me lover in secret.

155
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:47,920
What's up, Margaret?

156
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:50,960
Oh!

157
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,020
How I'd long to look into your eyes
again.

158
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,260
Yes, I also, my dear. But what have you
there?

159
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:07,780
It's my banjo. I always carry it with me
wherever permitting, you know.

160
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,800
Perhaps you would like me to play you
something?

161
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,400
Indeed, it would be a great privilege
and honor to hear that little ballad

162
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,700
entitled, Which Way Up Is a Billion
Ball?

163
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:17,840
Fortunately, I am familiar with it.

164
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,700
So too is the orchestra.

165
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:25,580
I have a most inquiring mind inside my
beauty head.

166
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:31,560
I've read encyclopedias from A right
through to Z, but there are still some

167
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,940
questions which always fuzzle me.

168
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:38,040
So let me put them to you and see if you
agree.

169
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,860
Which way up is a billiard ball? How
many sides the jug?

170
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,640
How high is the chair my Wendy's
standing on the rug?

171
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,340
How do you wear the corkscrew? How long
is four foot wide?

172
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,240
Which way up is a billiard ball when
it's lying on its side?

173
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:23,030
And the audience seemed to appreciate
it, judging from the many presents

174
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,430
of fruit and money showered upon us
during the performance.

175
00:14:33,310 --> 00:14:35,990
At last it was time to take our final
bow.

176
00:14:36,590 --> 00:14:40,150
And I must confess I did not expect to
receive such an ovation.

177
00:15:00,939 --> 00:15:01,939
Who is it?

178
00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:05,920
It's I, my dear. May I be afforded it,
please? Oh, come in, McMaster.

179
00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:08,100
What a reception.

180
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,300
What a performance, Mrs.

181
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,520
McMaster.

182
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:12,960
You were superb.

183
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,520
The audience laid its heart at your
feet.

184
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:19,220
Not to mention the turn and fix I picked
up off the stage after Kirkland fell.

185
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:20,780
Oops.

186
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,120
I just think that if you hate me so, it
only caused me actual injury.

187
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:27,320
Oh? Yes, indeed.

188
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,500
On with the ring.

189
00:15:29,589 --> 00:15:34,530
You are a caution, really. I'm just
saying, why don't we all get an attack,

190
00:15:34,530 --> 00:15:38,070
down to Leicester Square and have some
supper? An excellent notion, my dear.

191
00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:42,230
As for you, my dear little Henrietta,
you are exquisite.

192
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:46,980
The stage door is crammed with admirers.
You'll be the toast of London, me

193
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:47,980
little Godiva.

194
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,160
Was she not exquisite, madam?

195
00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:52,380
Oh, she certainly showed some form.

196
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,000
Quite, quite, quite.

197
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,800
Don't change a thing, my dear. If you
perform tomorrow as you perform tonight,

198
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,720
our fortune's made.

199
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:05,580
Oh, it's so kind of you to say so, Mr
McMaster. But just one occurrence did

200
00:16:05,580 --> 00:16:09,260
spoil what was, in all other respects,
the truly perfect evening. Oh?

201
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:10,760
Yes, my wig.

202
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:15,010
We must... Make sure it never comes off
again, whatever happens. Oh, of course.

203
00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:19,270
Quite, quite, quite, my little dear. Of
course. Eh, Mrs. McMaster?

204
00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:23,050
Indeed. Oh, indeed. Just you leave it to
us, dear. Yes.

205
00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:36,530
But sad to say, dear Eda, however much
care I took, night after night, some

206
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:40,450
accident or other occurred, which
resulted in me losing my wretched will.

207
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,250
And there was money in my purse.

208
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:35,270
And yet somehow, something was missing.

209
00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:40,750
And one evening, after the performance,
I was to find out what it was.

210
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:44,390
Letter for you, my dear, came by hand.

211
00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:47,550
Delivered by a tall lady with a very
large carriage and pair.

212
00:17:47,890 --> 00:17:48,890
Thank you.

213
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:56,270
It was an anonymous letter. And what is
more, it was from someone I didn't even

214
00:17:56,270 --> 00:18:00,920
know. But as I read it, I realised...
Here was the answer to the emptiness

215
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:01,920
inside me.

216
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,380
Now at last I could be of some good to
my fellow man.

217
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:11,240
The letter pointed out how uselessly I
had hitherto employed my time and how

218
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,440
much more rewarding work was waiting to
be done on those far -off shores.

219
00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:16,920
My mind was made up.

220
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,220
I would travel to Dover tonight and be
ready to leave first thing in the

221
00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:22,220
morning.

222
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:27,100
I scribbled a note to my fellow
thespians and left quietly without

223
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:28,100
goodbye.

224
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,490
Gone to the Crimea to be a nurse?

225
00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:41,590
Good luck with the rest of the run.

226
00:18:42,230 --> 00:18:43,450
Yours, Henrietta.

227
00:18:44,310 --> 00:18:48,490
I only hope that they forgave me, and
that they found someone else to play

228
00:18:48,490 --> 00:18:49,490
Godiva.

229
00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:21,170
I set sail for the Crimea, and in three
short weeks, I found myself in a base

230
00:19:21,170 --> 00:19:24,130
hospital only a few miles behind the
lines.

231
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:29,990
I must say that the conditions were
truly appalling.

232
00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:35,330
Not enough light, not enough air, and
not enough beds.

233
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:38,870
Does it hurt?

234
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:41,810
No. Not even a little bit?

235
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:44,050
No, not even a little bit.

236
00:19:44,590 --> 00:19:46,410
Belongs to him down there. Did it,
Charlie?

237
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:52,429
Here, ma 'am.

238
00:19:52,430 --> 00:19:53,870
Corporal Clark. What's this all, ma 'am?

239
00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:57,630
How do you do, Corporal? I've come to
help relieve these poor creatures of

240
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:58,770
suffering. Oh.

241
00:19:59,130 --> 00:20:00,130
Oh, that's good.

242
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:01,250
Oh, yes.

243
00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:04,210
There's a screen over there, ma 'am. You
can get your clothes off and start

244
00:20:04,210 --> 00:20:04,909
straight away.

245
00:20:04,910 --> 00:20:07,110
Good. I gather you have a uniform for
me, then.

246
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:08,490
Ah. Uniform.

247
00:20:08,770 --> 00:20:10,390
Ah. Oh, I see.

248
00:20:10,950 --> 00:20:12,710
You've come as a nurse, have you? Yes.

249
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,080
Oh, well, my mistake, ma 'am, yes.

250
00:20:17,020 --> 00:20:19,240
Disregard my remarks regarding the
screen.

251
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:20,560
As you will, ma 'am. Yeah.

252
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:26,180
Pity. I beg your pardon? It's a pity
that Captain Featherstone ain't here,

253
00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:28,020
see. I am, I am here, Clark.

254
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,380
Oh. You can go now.

255
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:30,600
Thank you, sir.

256
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,920
Oh, can't you be left noisy, man, those
damn boots?

257
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,960
What happened to those rubber soles we
ordered from the stores?

258
00:20:37,220 --> 00:20:41,620
Uh, you ate them last week, sir. Oh, so
I did. Rather delicious, they were, too.

259
00:20:42,090 --> 00:20:45,050
The unsight better than that roast
crutch we had last Sunday.

260
00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:50,670
Thank you very much. How do you do, Dr.
Pettit?

261
00:20:51,010 --> 00:20:54,830
I'm Henrietta Beckett. Yes, I know.
Thank God you arrived, Miss Beckett.

262
00:20:55,110 --> 00:20:57,750
Because the men, the men are in a pretty
sorry state.

263
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,230
Yes, I can see that only too well.

264
00:21:01,130 --> 00:21:02,130
Is it malaria?

265
00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:03,930
No, indigestion.

266
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:07,550
Oh, God, it's a pretty atrocious cook.
That's why I'm glad you're here. It's

267
00:21:07,550 --> 00:21:10,190
about time the men had something, you
know, decent to eat.

268
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,080
I take it. I take it you can cook.

269
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,340
Well, I'll do my best.

270
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:14,960
Depends what supplies are available.

271
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:16,560
Practically none.

272
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,800
All the men have had for the last few
days is a handful of rice.

273
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:22,500
Great heaven!

274
00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:23,660
But why?

275
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:24,880
We ran out of plates.

276
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:02,620
birds suddenly appear every time

277
00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:09,120
you are near and just like

278
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:15,400
me they long to be close to you

279
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:21,900
why do stars fall down

280
00:22:36,750 --> 00:22:37,750
...to you.

281
00:22:41,210 --> 00:22:47,550
On the day that you were born, the
angels got together and decided...

282
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,700
Belong to me, close to you.

283
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:53,300
On the day that you will follow me,
angels got together and decided...

284
00:25:05,580 --> 00:25:06,800
Gina Charles, lovely.

285
00:25:07,220 --> 00:25:08,560
How are you all tonight? All right?

286
00:25:08,900 --> 00:25:09,699
Are you?

287
00:25:09,700 --> 00:25:11,000
Yes? Are you all right?

288
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,100
Oh, lovely, yes. I'm feeling very good
tonight, actually. I thought you'd like

289
00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:16,820
that. I'm feeling, you know, sort of on
top of my phone tonight. I don't know

290
00:25:16,820 --> 00:25:20,580
why. It's just one of these times, you
know, when I feel I could, you know,

291
00:25:20,580 --> 00:25:23,760
an audience laugh or cry or have an
early night.

292
00:25:26,980 --> 00:25:29,580
So I could, you know, honestly, I could
sit here.

293
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,700
Well, I could sit over there, actually.

294
00:25:32,140 --> 00:25:35,620
But I rather prefer sitting here,
because when I'm sitting here, I'm

295
00:25:35,620 --> 00:25:38,780
the audience and that camera, you see?
If I was sitting over there, I'd be

296
00:25:38,780 --> 00:25:40,440
talking to two stagehands and a
firebucket.

297
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:47,180
I could sit here. I was just stretching
my legs there.

298
00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:48,380
Did you see that?

299
00:25:48,620 --> 00:25:49,620
Stretching my legs.

300
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:51,940
Left it a bit late in life, haven't I,
really?

301
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,880
I could sit here. I could sit here if
you want, pathos.

302
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:01,460
And I could tell you all about my
childhood, how I was found on a

303
00:26:01,870 --> 00:26:05,690
Well, not really on the doorstep,
because the door opened outwards. I was

304
00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:06,690
halfway across the road.

305
00:26:11,870 --> 00:26:15,630
Pinned to my little coat was a note
which said, Keep your head down, the

306
00:26:15,630 --> 00:26:16,970
opens outwards. Signed, Mummy.

307
00:26:18,070 --> 00:26:23,070
Or I could tell you about how up to the
age of four, my only playthings were a

308
00:26:23,070 --> 00:26:25,270
corned beef sandwich and a picture of
Nellie Wallace.

309
00:26:27,230 --> 00:26:28,230
You're going there, didn't I?

310
00:26:29,170 --> 00:26:31,070
Don't hold back the tears. You could get
a hernia.

311
00:26:32,710 --> 00:26:36,710
A corned beef sandwich, corned beef
sandwich and a photo of Nellie Wallace.

312
00:26:36,910 --> 00:26:41,650
Oh, I love that. You know, to this day,
every time I go on the stage, I take it

313
00:26:41,650 --> 00:26:45,570
out and have a quick look at it to
remind me of what the business is all

314
00:26:46,410 --> 00:26:48,470
I don't know what happened to the
picture of Nellie Wallace.

315
00:26:50,630 --> 00:26:54,530
I could have prevailed upon.

316
00:26:54,770 --> 00:26:56,930
I could have... prevailed upon,
preferably.

317
00:26:58,790 --> 00:27:02,310
If you'd like me to be prevailed, I'll
try that, but I prefer to be prevailed.

318
00:27:02,310 --> 00:27:06,490
could be prevailed upon to recount a
rather amusing anecdote that occurred to

319
00:27:06,490 --> 00:27:08,770
after a party at my agent's last week.

320
00:27:09,230 --> 00:27:13,150
He has this little do once a year to
celebrate the invention of money.

321
00:27:15,570 --> 00:27:18,970
Actually, it's more like one of the
family. Well, I'll let you know that on

322
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:22,590
wife's birthday last week, he sold her a
lovely card.

323
00:27:24,940 --> 00:27:28,600
His parties. His parties are always a
little bit of a disaster. He said, do it

324
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:29,439
yourself, Majesty.

325
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:33,460
And we got there at nine o 'clock in the
evening and he was still in the bath,

326
00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:35,580
treading his grapes.

327
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,280
Not a pretty sight.

328
00:27:39,020 --> 00:27:40,960
Then he lost the key of the sardines.

329
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,740
Lost the key of the sardines and we had
to put the tin in the road and let

330
00:27:44,740 --> 00:27:45,740
somebody back over it.

331
00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:48,740
Again, not a pretty sight.

332
00:27:49,740 --> 00:27:53,940
But it was a very, very quiet evening.
In fact, it got so quiet that the phone

333
00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:56,560
rang and a chap with a weak heart had to
be taken home.

334
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:05,520
I don't really think he had a weak
heart, you know, but he had been there

335
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,080
seven o 'clock and he'd lost the will to
live.

336
00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:21,250
Thank you very much. I needed that.
Anyway, on our way home, and this is the

337
00:28:21,250 --> 00:28:26,030
really exciting bit, we were waiting at
Paddington Station for a train, not

338
00:28:26,030 --> 00:28:32,710
unnaturally, and this train pulled in,
and a chap jumped out of the train nude,

339
00:28:32,810 --> 00:28:36,030
absolutely no clothes on, barefoot to
the chin.

340
00:28:36,290 --> 00:28:41,990
And I thought at first he was wearing a
blue body stocking, because it was

341
00:28:41,990 --> 00:28:42,990
rather a cold night.

342
00:28:43,990 --> 00:28:48,080
Station staff... as you can imagine,
were all taken rather aback. Goodness

343
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,260
gracious, they cried, bless my soul, and
will you marry me?

344
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,400
Other well -known British railway
expressions.

345
00:28:56,820 --> 00:29:02,200
Then the stationmaster came up and said,
you can't walk about the station with

346
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,700
no clothes on. Would you like to borrow
my top hat?

347
00:29:06,420 --> 00:29:09,520
He said, how does it come that you got
off this train with no clothes on? He

348
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:12,130
said, I can't, you know, let this...
Carry on, I have to do something about

349
00:29:12,190 --> 00:29:13,410
How come you got off the train?

350
00:29:13,690 --> 00:29:17,250
He said, well, as a matter of fact, he
said, he said, I was at a party in the

351
00:29:17,250 --> 00:29:21,670
country and the hostess asked us all to
take our clothes off. And after we'd

352
00:29:21,670 --> 00:29:23,990
taken our clothes off, she said, let's
all go to town.

353
00:29:24,350 --> 00:29:25,970
And I seem to be the first to have
arrived.

354
00:29:39,150 --> 00:29:40,029
Yes, certainly.

355
00:29:40,030 --> 00:29:41,030
Thank you very much.

356
00:29:41,870 --> 00:29:42,870
Next, please.

357
00:29:48,090 --> 00:29:53,210
Ah, good morning, Mr... Partridge.
Partridge, yes. Would you come and sit

358
00:29:53,370 --> 00:29:54,370
Thank you.

359
00:30:03,530 --> 00:30:07,510
What seems to be the trouble, Mr.
Partridge? Well, Doctor...

360
00:30:12,810 --> 00:30:14,770
I keep getting noises in my stomach.

361
00:30:15,830 --> 00:30:16,890
Noises? Yeah.

362
00:30:20,990 --> 00:30:25,570
Oh, yes, there I see you are. Yes. Yes,
good of me. It can be very embarrassing,

363
00:30:25,630 --> 00:30:26,630
you know.

364
00:30:30,830 --> 00:30:34,570
Well, Mr Partridge, I think you're
suffering from sound effects.

365
00:30:34,870 --> 00:30:35,870
Oh? Yes.

366
00:30:36,130 --> 00:30:38,050
That was the end of the shipping
forecast.

367
00:30:38,410 --> 00:30:39,690
Now it's quarter to seven.

368
00:30:45,450 --> 00:30:46,890
Yes, Mr Partridge?

369
00:30:47,210 --> 00:30:49,030
I'm afraid you've caught Radio 4.

370
00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:50,390
Oh.

371
00:30:50,430 --> 00:30:51,430
Is that bad?

372
00:30:51,550 --> 00:30:52,910
Bad? Have you heard it? It's terrible.

373
00:30:56,570 --> 00:30:59,810
We've heard about the games from our
reporter, Tiddlypop.

374
00:31:01,230 --> 00:31:03,090
You've had it some time, then?

375
00:31:06,850 --> 00:31:10,510
Have you got a transmitting licence for
that, Simon? No.

376
00:31:11,070 --> 00:31:13,630
I should get one pretty quickly,
otherwise it'll be declared illegal.

377
00:31:14,220 --> 00:31:17,920
Now, look, I would like you... Wait a
minute. I'd like you to take that, if

378
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,480
would, weekly. What are you giving me?
The Radio Times.

379
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,780
Will that cure it? No, but it'll help
you to know what's on.

380
00:31:27,180 --> 00:31:29,680
Well, I'd better be off, then. Thank you
very much, Mr Bartridge.

381
00:31:33,140 --> 00:31:34,680
Mr Bartridge!

382
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,680
Could you come back and see me next
Thursday afternoon about three o 'clock?

383
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,040
Why? There's rather a good play on. I
wouldn't mind hearing.

384
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:44,320
Oh.

385
00:31:52,460 --> 00:31:55,420
Oh, I'm sorry, the sketch is over. No,
no, this is an emergency, Doctor. I'm

386
00:31:55,420 --> 00:31:56,420
suffering from television.

387
00:31:56,460 --> 00:32:03,040
Goodness me. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.
George

388
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:04,040
Schleck.

389
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:16,360
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'd
like to show you how can I make a

390
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:18,300
personality with a handkerchief.

391
00:32:19,050 --> 00:32:23,270
This is very easy. If you watch it very
carefully, you can do it yourself at

392
00:32:23,270 --> 00:32:28,850
home. I take one corner from the left to
the right, and one from the right to

393
00:32:28,850 --> 00:32:29,850
the left.

394
00:32:30,230 --> 00:32:31,230
Like this.

395
00:32:31,410 --> 00:32:36,930
This corner I take over here, and I
think it's ready.

396
00:32:37,170 --> 00:32:37,929
Oh, no.

397
00:32:37,930 --> 00:32:40,710
For the ears, I take a little elastic,
caoutchouc.

398
00:32:41,510 --> 00:32:43,290
The mouth, I take a page of my rose.

399
00:32:44,870 --> 00:32:45,870
Again.

400
00:32:46,990 --> 00:32:48,050
And now he can talk.

401
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:53,080
Are you happy?

402
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:55,660
What? What's the matter?

403
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:57,120
I can't see.

404
00:32:57,220 --> 00:32:58,220
Oh, you can't see?

405
00:32:58,420 --> 00:32:59,700
Yes. The eyes?

406
00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:02,580
Yes. Oh, I forgot it. I'm sorry. I take
a button off my wrist.

407
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:04,359
I'm gone.

408
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:05,860
What? Again. Again. Oh, good.

409
00:33:06,060 --> 00:33:06,859
All right?

410
00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:07,860
No.

411
00:33:09,020 --> 00:33:09,999
What's the matter?

412
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,020
I have crossed eyes.

413
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,240
Oh, sorry.

414
00:33:12,620 --> 00:33:13,620
I'm so sorry.

415
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:15,200
Thank you.

416
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,020
Are you all right? Yes.

417
00:33:17,220 --> 00:33:18,219
What's your name?

418
00:33:18,220 --> 00:33:19,220
Thank you.

419
00:33:19,900 --> 00:33:20,900
Very nice.

420
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:23,500
You like it? Yes.

421
00:33:23,860 --> 00:33:24,860
It's very nice.

422
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,080
Thank you. You speak English?

423
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,480
Yes. You do? Yes. How much?

424
00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:29,700
I don't know.

425
00:33:33,780 --> 00:33:36,380
Very nice.

426
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,060
No. I think you are a girl.

427
00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:40,060
No. A boy. No. You are something.

428
00:33:40,260 --> 00:33:41,059
Yes. What?

429
00:33:41,060 --> 00:33:42,060
Nothing. No.

430
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:43,440
You are a rabbit.

431
00:33:43,660 --> 00:33:44,840
A rabbit? Yes.

432
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:46,279
Thank you.

433
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:47,520
Ah. Now what do you want?

434
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,280
Carrot. What do you want?

435
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:51,100
Carrot. I don't have any carrot.

436
00:33:52,430 --> 00:33:53,730
Lady. Huh?

437
00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:55,090
You speak Italian?

438
00:33:56,430 --> 00:33:58,210
Say something in Italian.

439
00:33:58,670 --> 00:33:59,670
No.

440
00:34:00,670 --> 00:34:05,390
I don't have any carrots.

441
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:08,630
What?

442
00:34:12,630 --> 00:34:16,090
Thank you very much.

443
00:34:19,370 --> 00:34:23,170
Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to
show you the singing frog, Johnny

444
00:34:23,170 --> 00:34:24,190
Quakello. No!

445
00:34:27,889 --> 00:34:29,510
What did you say? I said no.

446
00:34:29,770 --> 00:34:30,889
Why? Strike.

447
00:34:33,870 --> 00:34:36,449
Strike? Now you have to come out. I said
no.

448
00:34:36,650 --> 00:34:38,150
Now what should I do? Go home.

449
00:34:41,250 --> 00:34:42,250
No!

450
00:34:42,489 --> 00:34:44,590
No, no, strike, strike, strike.

451
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:46,870
Strike, strike, strike.

452
00:34:51,980 --> 00:34:52,980
You speak English.

453
00:34:55,100 --> 00:34:56,580
Do you speak English?

454
00:34:59,420 --> 00:35:00,720
Do you speak English?

455
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,000
Jawohl.

456
00:35:03,660 --> 00:35:04,660
He's a kraut.

457
00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:07,520
Now, what did you say?

458
00:35:07,740 --> 00:35:08,740
He's a kraut.

459
00:35:12,140 --> 00:35:13,460
What's the matter? Mosquito.

460
00:35:14,340 --> 00:35:15,460
What? Mosquito.

461
00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:16,700
Not any flies.

462
00:35:16,780 --> 00:35:19,840
Mosquito. I don't like to hear anymore
this, what, mosquito.

463
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:21,240
What?

464
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,120
You speak Spanish? Say something in
Spanish.

465
00:35:24,380 --> 00:35:29,880
Do you speak Spanish? It means, do you
speak Spanish?

466
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,200
Please.

467
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:44,620
Close the door. All right.

468
00:35:45,780 --> 00:35:50,180
You go in the case, and I take the
guitar, and then we sing. Yes. You

469
00:35:50,180 --> 00:35:51,360
understand? Okay.

470
00:35:51,710 --> 00:35:53,350
Just wait a minute. It's very difficult.

471
00:35:53,650 --> 00:35:54,650
Are you ready?

472
00:35:54,670 --> 00:35:55,670
Yes. Good.

473
00:35:56,210 --> 00:35:57,810
Okay. You are ready?

474
00:35:58,050 --> 00:36:01,490
Yes. You are ready? Oh, yes. Okay. What
do we sing? Alouette.

475
00:36:01,690 --> 00:36:02,690
Alouette.

476
00:36:03,430 --> 00:36:04,430
Okay.

477
00:36:06,250 --> 00:36:08,190
Alouette, je te plumerai.

478
00:36:09,010 --> 00:36:10,010
C 'est toi?

479
00:36:10,790 --> 00:36:11,790
Allo?

480
00:36:12,750 --> 00:36:15,150
Alouette, je te plumerai.

481
00:36:17,730 --> 00:36:21,270
Je te plumerai la tête. Je te plumerai
la tête.

482
00:36:30,859 --> 00:36:33,660
Ah, again?

483
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:09,460
And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time
to go roaming in the gloaming on the

484
00:37:09,460 --> 00:37:14,260
bonny banks of Clyde with those two
irrepressible Scottish songbirds, Moira

485
00:37:14,260 --> 00:37:16,300
McKellar and Kenneth Anderson.

486
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,840
Good evening, and hello, everyone.

487
00:37:44,180 --> 00:37:48,960
Well, once again, Moira and I are back
together with you all, by your own five

488
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:49,960
sides there.

489
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:55,420
After our last appearance together,
Moira and I had thousands of letters

490
00:37:55,420 --> 00:38:00,100
Scottish folk all over the world, and
three of them actually had stamps on

491
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:07,320
In response to these wonderful letters,
Moira and I are now making our final

492
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,140
appearance together, so let me introduce
her now, if I might.

493
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,050
That... Beautiful lump of Dundee cake.

494
00:38:14,070 --> 00:38:15,070
Moira.

495
00:38:32,170 --> 00:38:34,650
Good evening, everyone, and hello, Cam.

496
00:38:36,350 --> 00:38:38,970
Oh, Moira, I must say, you're looking...

497
00:38:39,210 --> 00:38:40,650
Awfully bonny tonight.

498
00:38:40,990 --> 00:38:43,250
You look smart in your wee kilt
yourself.

499
00:38:43,910 --> 00:38:47,050
Well, as a matter of fact, I've got a
wee song about that later on.

500
00:38:47,510 --> 00:38:52,450
But why don't we now, Moira, just simply
introduce ourselves in song.

501
00:38:56,470 --> 00:39:00,350
We're not healthy and dorid. Or Markham
and Wise.

502
00:39:00,710 --> 00:39:04,010
We're not Jewel and Warris. Or Nina in
disguise.

503
00:39:04,630 --> 00:39:06,190
And we're not John and Yoko.

504
00:39:06,570 --> 00:39:08,050
And we're not Bill and Ben.

505
00:39:08,330 --> 00:39:12,170
And we're not Dave Dozie, Beaky
McIntitch. We're Moira and Ben.

506
00:39:16,630 --> 00:39:21,010
I have never met a buddy coming through
the rye.

507
00:39:21,230 --> 00:39:25,210
I cannot see anybody for it grows too
high.

508
00:39:25,670 --> 00:39:28,270
That's the place to take a laughy.

509
00:39:28,570 --> 00:39:30,610
Where it's warm and dry.

510
00:39:31,930 --> 00:39:36,310
And many a girl's looked up to me whilst
hidden in the rye.

511
00:39:41,610 --> 00:39:45,430
Oh, I went out with a boy one night who
I thought that I could trust.

512
00:39:45,670 --> 00:39:49,270
But as we walked home, he said with a
groan, I must kiss your lips or bust.

513
00:39:49,570 --> 00:39:53,210
And what did you say? And what did you
do to preserve your mainly bows?

514
00:39:53,650 --> 00:39:57,230
I said, we'll make it the lips tonight
because I'm wearing a high neck blouse.

515
00:40:07,820 --> 00:40:08,920
through train to air.

516
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:12,300
Curse in my pocket and plenty to spare.

517
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:16,060
Wearing a school cap and traveling half
fair.

518
00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,720
I love my height. It suits me.

519
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:23,220
In spite of those big brawny lads all
around.

520
00:40:23,580 --> 00:40:27,220
The ladies adore me. At least so I've
found.

521
00:40:27,700 --> 00:40:31,360
Cause I've got a sporran that's nearer
the ground.

522
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,320
Oh, I love my height. It suits

523
00:40:42,670 --> 00:40:47,650
to Mari in the pub. Swill the scotch and
eat the grub. She's in the white

524
00:40:47,650 --> 00:40:48,509
heather club.

525
00:40:48,510 --> 00:40:50,050
Time for Mari's wedding.

526
00:40:56,290 --> 00:40:58,490
Now the fitness ready, let us all begin.

527
00:40:58,830 --> 00:41:02,510
Do a step it out and step with it. And
the gardens are coming, so we'll have

528
00:41:02,510 --> 00:41:04,690
budget. And it's here to Jimmy Logan.

529
00:41:05,340 --> 00:41:08,760
I walked in my kilt by the helmet, by
the glide. It tickled me pink, I laughed

530
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:11,280
till I died. I told you to wear your
sporran outside.

531
00:41:11,700 --> 00:41:13,860
There are no flies on me. I see that.

532
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:41,520
That's it from Moira and I once again.
It's been a great pleasure for us to

533
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:47,200
to you at your own firesides, I must
say. And I always do like to get my

534
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,480
into the good old boisterous ones.

535
00:41:49,820 --> 00:41:51,700
And that includes Moira as well.

536
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:57,580
So, time then, simply for goodnight from
Moira and I. Yes, we'd like to leave

537
00:41:57,580 --> 00:42:01,040
you now with our old favourite, Scotland
the Brave.

538
00:42:03,380 --> 00:42:05,740
Come! Where the tooths are tapping,
come.

539
00:42:05,940 --> 00:42:07,700
Where the hands are clapping, come.

540
00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:13,040
Where the jobs are strapping down in the
bed, come. Come, set aside your

541
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:17,040
labours, come. Where their old good
neighbours come. Where they've tossed

542
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:18,760
cabers posting again.

543
00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:25,400
And what a join of groups, that's where
we sow our roots. That is the life that

544
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,260
the Scots all seem to crave.

545
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:33,480
Land of the clement weather, land of the
prickly heather, so keep your knees

546
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:34,480
together.

547
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:40,560
So it's goodnight from me, Moira, and
it's goodnight from me, Ken.

548
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:13,400
That's all for tonight. Next week we
will consider exit signs. Are they on

549
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,400
way out?

550
00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:18,880
And Britain's most inefficient doctor
will be having a quiet word up your

551
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:25,380
And now a late newsflash.

552
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:30,560
Owing to bad traffic conditions, Queen's
Park Rangers have not yet arrived at

553
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:34,860
the ground for their match against
Bristol City. The score at the moment is

554
00:43:34,860 --> 00:43:36,700
Bristol City 496.

555
00:43:39,460 --> 00:43:42,360
It's goodnight from me, and it's
goodnight from him.

556
00:43:42,620 --> 00:43:43,800
Goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight.