1 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,077 (WOMAN SPEAKING ON PA IN SPANISH) 2 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,719 - Oh, that is lovely. - You're very welcome. 3 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,313 - Another satisfied customer. - Oh yeah. 4 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,717 Who else have you been rubbing with suncream? 5 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,593 That's for me to know and you to find out. 6 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:51,913 - It's a joke. - Yeah. 7 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,111 Like your dodgy claim for disability. 8 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,231 That was for you to know and the DSS to find out 9 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,509 and they bloody did, didn't they? 10 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,599 Yeah. well, it's all sorted now. Not a care in the world. 11 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,395 Not a care in the world. We're up to our eyeballs in debt. 12 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:07,079 We've got an 8 year old with ADD 13 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,430 and a 17 year old with a 9-month-old baby. 14 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,279 Yeah. well, that's the beauty of a holiday in the sun, isn't it? 15 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,789 Forget all your cares and worries. 16 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,432 Like these two. Black and white minstrels. 17 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,836 Look at the state of them. They couldn't give a shit. 18 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,476 - Don't you go upsetting him today. - Don't go upsetting him? 19 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,672 He could have an argument in a phone box with no money, that one. 20 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,677 Mind you, he has paid for this holiday. 21 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,430 - Oh, Christ. And don't we know about it. - A bit of gratitude wouldn't go amiss. 22 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,235 - He nearly died in that pool yesterday. - And whose fault was that? 23 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:41,399 Nobody told him to have a diving competition with Fatty Arbuckle. 24 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,551 Anyway, it was me that gave him the kiss of life. 25 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,399 I know. It's no wonder he looks so ill. 26 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,354 Hiya, mam. 27 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,279 (MADGE GRUNTING) 28 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,316 Hiya, Mel. How are you feeling? 29 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,234 - Lucky to be alive. - Yeah. 30 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,716 But I'd rather not talk about it if it's all the same to you. 31 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,751 We had a terrible night. 32 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,358 Madge ran me a bath and I started having flashbacks. 33 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:12,120 I think it were the sound of the water. 34 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,869 But to be honest, I'd rather not talk about it. 35 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,037 Probably best if you don't. 36 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,755 Doing the old karaoke tonight, Mel? 37 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,670 Its terrible when your whole life flashes in front of you like that. 38 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,759 I couldn't even see it properly because I didn't have me glasses on. 39 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,633 Still, I'd rather just forget about it if it's all the same to you. 40 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,036 Yeah. We could deal with that no problem. 41 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,275 Can I get you a drink, Mel? 42 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:39,075 I can still feel the chlorine in the water ravaging me eyes. 43 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,918 Oh, for fuck's sake. 44 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,358 What's wrong with him? 45 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,793 Oh, we knew you'd be back, the pair of you. Didn't we, Jacqueline? 46 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,354 Oh yes. 47 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,040 Well, actually it's a belated honeymoon. 48 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,753 Oh, lovely. 49 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,520 'Cause this is where you proposed, isn't it? 50 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,109 Yes. We've returned to the scene of the crime. 51 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,390 - How romantic. - Yeah. 52 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,194 Plus 160 quid all inclusive for a week. 53 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,516 - Cost more to stay at home. - Oh, exactly. 54 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:13,270 We've got a friend at our sauna, Big Donna, 55 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,597 she's been banned from most of the all-you-can-eat restaurants 56 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,758 - in our area, isn't she? - She's a big girl. 57 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,393 But she comes to Benidorm 58 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,080 and they just let her get on with it here, don't they? 59 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,395 It's buffet heaven. 60 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,875 She even got caught smuggling pancake rolls 61 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:32,073 in her knickers from Mr Woo's, but they just gave her a doggie bag. 62 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,517 It's as if we never left. 63 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,079 (COOLIO CRYING) 64 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,396 No wonder he's crying. You're shaking him too much. 65 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,194 - You're gonna make him puke. - Michael, I won't tell you again. 66 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,755 - He's giving me a headache. - Well, go somewhere else then. 67 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,510 - I wanna stay with you. - Then stop asking stupid questions. 68 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,633 - Why did you have a baby? - What've I just said to you? 69 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,469 Well, that's not a stupid question. Why did you have a baby? 70 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,832 Because I just did. 71 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,671 Do you think nana and Mel will have a baby? 72 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,519 - No, I don't. - Why not? 73 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,551 Because they're too old. 74 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,239 - I wish they would have one. - Why? 75 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:21,194 Because then we'd have a brown baby and an orange one as well. 76 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:29,431 Oh, hello there. What's wrong with you? 77 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,637 - Can I pick him up? - Yeah. 78 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:42,920 - Do you want to look after him tonight? - Hello. My name's Kate. 79 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,190 Hiya. Do you wanna look after him tonight? 80 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,391 Do you really think it's wise to be asking someone you don't know 81 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,636 -to babysit for you? - Well, I know who you are. 82 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,513 You were here last year when our Michael dropped a log in the pool. 83 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:53,755 Sorry. 84 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,195 - What's your baby's name? - Coolio. 85 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,191 - Coolio? - After the rapper. 86 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,159 Oh, I see. 87 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,750 -I don't think I know any of his songs. - Gangsta's Paradise? 88 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,836 Sticky Fingers? Ugly Bitches? 89 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,879 - Hiya. 90 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,673 Just spoken to the hotel in Altea 91 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,189 and they said they might be able to have us back tomorrow. 92 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,755 So it looks like we're stuck here for a bit longer. 93 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,757 Well, at least tonight. 94 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,720 I'm sure we can find something to do. 95 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,592 You're all right, mam, on that scooter? We can find you another sunbed. 96 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:55,350 I'm all right on here, thank you. Got everything I need here. 97 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,709 (CHOKING) 98 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,673 You all right, Mel? 99 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,439 I'll survive. 100 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,439 Might be nice for Mel to use the wheelchair for a couple of days 101 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,836 while he's not feeling too good. 102 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,236 Dick-A-Dum-Dum or Great Balls of Fire? 103 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,476 - You what? - Karaoke for tonight. 104 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,876 Here we are. Fill your boots. 105 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,310 I might have a crack at Wuthering Heights. 106 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,431 Yeah. I'll look forward to that. 107 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,358 Hey, you and Telle should do a duet. 108 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,915 What about Ebony and Ivory? 109 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,190 Why don't we have a nice night in together? 110 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,833 You should be taking it easy. 111 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,679 What, with karaoke on the go? No danger. 112 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,431 Here we are, Madge. This round's on me. 113 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,710 I think you'll find the drinks are on Mel. 114 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,353 It's all-inclusive. 115 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,232 I had little change from 900 quid for this holiday. 116 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,113 - Not that I've had much thanks for it. - What's that you're talking about? 117 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:46,517 Me saving your life yesterday? Oh no. Don't mention it. 118 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:47,914 Cheers, Mel. 119 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,758 Oh, you won't get any thanks out of that one. 120 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,200 I just said “thank you". 121 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:55,439 I've never understood that selfish, ungrateful streak in my kids. 122 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,120 I said "thank you". 123 00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,551 When she was a child, she used to eat her sweets on the toilet 124 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,353 so she didn't have to share them with anyone. 125 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,676 Now, do you actually believe this stuff yourself, mother, 126 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,792 or you just enjoy making it up as you go along? 127 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:09,510 Hiya. 128 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,799 What do you want? 129 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,150 Just wanted to see if you were all right after yesterday. 130 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,317 I'm fine, no thanks to you. 131 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,798 - I beg your pardon? - You heard me. 132 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,558 If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have banged me head 133 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,752 -on the bottom of the pool. - How do you work that out? 134 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,191 You've done enough damage. Why can't you leave the man in peace? 135 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:33,075 - Leave him in peace? - It's idiots like you get people killed. 136 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,189 Who are you calling an idiot, you dickhead? 137 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:40,871 - All right, ladies. That's enough. - Dickhead? Dickhead? 138 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,354 You can't talk to me like that. My father fell at Normandy. 139 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,552 I don't care if he went arse over tit in Scunthorpe, you're a dickhead. 140 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,114 Can we just all calm down? 141 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,993 Think yourself lucky. You should be up for attempted murder. 142 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,031 - Fuck off. - Right, that's it. 143 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,719 - Mel. - Come here. 144 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,154 See you mum's coming. 145 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,078 JANICE: Mel, what are you doing? Sit down... 146 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,079 MEL: Come on. Come on. Come on now, boy. 147 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,119 (SQUABBLING) 148 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,998 Break it up. Break it up now. 149 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,430 You, fat boy. You caused problems here before. 150 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,154 - I remember. Hup! - Yeah. Yeah. 151 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,031 Well, keep away from me. Did you hear? 152 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,276 -(SHOUTS IN ANGER) Keep away. - On yer bike. 153 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,835 And that goes for Touché Turtle in the wheelchair an'all. 154 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,759 - Go. Go with your mommy. - I'm going. 155 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,154 Dickheads. 156 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,035 Who the freak's Touché Turtle? 157 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,035 - (SCREAMS) - Shut up! 158 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,794 Martin, turn the television off. We can't have that on with a baby here. 159 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,957 Why not? He might like it. 160 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,999 Martin, please don't try to be funny. It's very tiring. 161 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,953 And close the balcony door. There's a draught. 162 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,833 (COOLIO CRYING) 163 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,357 That'll be the baby then. 164 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,475 And put some proper shoes on. 165 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,439 Hello. Come in. 166 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,990 Hiya. Right. It's got a bottle in the front pocket. 167 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,396 If that runs out, there's some powdered stuff in the bag. 168 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,557 He's got two dummies in the side zip pocket. 169 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,956 If you drop them on the floor, put them in boiling water. 170 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,879 If he cries, he's got a teething ring in the inside pocket. 171 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,914 I shouldn't be too late. Wet wipes are in the bottom of the bag. 172 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,629 - Hiya. - Right. 173 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,312 - Okay. - Anything else? 174 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:57,874 No. That's it. 175 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:02,392 Oh, and I think he might need changing. Thanks a lot. I'll see you later. 176 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,272 Is it all right to open the balcony door again? 177 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,954 - How's your chicken, mam? - A bit bland. 178 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,674 I wish I'd gone for the beef curtains. 179 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,160 Beef medallions, mam. Do you mind? 180 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,999 - Beef curtains. - You knew what she meant. 181 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:44,071 Oh, Jesus. Who needs cabaret with your mother sat there? 182 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,113 - Shut up. - Hiya, love. Did you have him sorted? 183 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,992 Yeah. They were dead chuffed to have him. 184 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,430 Oh lovely. It's only for a couple of hours, isn't it? 185 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,631 Yeah. Where's Mel? 186 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,199 He'll be here soon. He was getting changed. 187 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:01,558 - Does Mel like beef curtains, Madge? - Will you pack it in? 188 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,957 - What are beef curtains? - Now look what you've done. 189 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,633 Oh, my God. 190 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,316 Everyone all right for drinks? 191 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,591 Vodka and orange, Madge? 192 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,031 No, I'm fine. Thank you. 193 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,513 Back in a minute. 194 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,195 Jesus, looks like we're getting cabaret after all. 195 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,958 Well, hello Saturday Night Fever. 196 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,957 Is that the bloke who was wearing a thong yesterday? 197 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,117 Yes. Quite a natty dresser. 198 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,829 I've got a swimsuit with a thong. 199 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,234 It's very summery, 200 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,671 but it can ride up a bit, if you know what I mean. 201 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:06,230 Excuse me, could you cancel my order for the blancmange? 202 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,509 203 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:20,316 They're playing our song again 204 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,750 Just wanna hold, Get Back 205 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,917 Knick knack, paddywhack 206 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,917 207 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,870 - He won't stop. - Yes. I have noticed. 208 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,559 Well, don't just stand there. Do something. 209 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,836 - What on earth are you doing? - I'm dancing. 210 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,840 Why on earth do you think a nine-month-old baby would want... 211 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:04,914 He likes it. 212 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,713 (COOLIO CRYING) 213 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,433 Well, don't stop. 214 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,358 (COOLIO LAUGHING) 215 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,357 216 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,756 217 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:33,998 What is he wearing? 218 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,793 219 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,355 I suppose you could say he's made an effort. 220 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,437 You should try it sometime. 221 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,278 Not if I end up looking like that. 222 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,596 Knick knack, paddywhack 223 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,109 224 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,754 225 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,191 I mean, he's actually not a bad mover. 226 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,233 227 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,830 Right. It might help us if you define the word "bad". 228 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,634 229 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,717 230 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,036 231 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,834 232 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,873 He's quite sexy in some ways, isn't he? 233 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,752 234 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,474 I'm sorry. Are we all looking at the same thing? 235 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,753 Don't get me wrong. He's not conventionally attractive, 236 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:26,795 but I have been known to go for some unusual types in my time. 237 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,191 You don't say. 238 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,560 239 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,555 (MARTIN PANTING) 240 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,274 I'm getting tired. Can you take over? 241 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,199 -I can't do that. - Of course you can. 242 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,038 It's all in the hips. 243 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,395 Ready? 244 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:15,079 It's no good. He likes it when you dance. 245 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,672 Martin, what are you doing? Martin, don't pick him up. 246 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,598 He liked your dancing. 247 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,558 It's not your dancing. 248 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,559 He likes you. 249 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,272 250 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,870 251 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,473 (AUDIENCE WHISTLING) 252 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,159 Thank you. 253 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,394 Thank you. Thank you. 254 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,360 Nailed it. 255 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:57,394 Nailed it. 256 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,278 You're my oxygen. 257 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,996 There you go. That's Geoff with Pop Muzik. 258 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,511 Cracking straight on we've got Mel singing Lonely Girl. 259 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,711 Let's hear it for him. Yaaah! 260 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,232 MAN: All right, Mel. 261 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,353 Come on, Mel. 262 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,474 Mel! 263 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,318 Thank you very much. 264 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,229 I'd like to dedicate this to a very special lady, 265 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:36,036 who over the last few weeks has made me feel like a very special man. 266 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:41,075 Madge. 267 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:54,993 (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) 268 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,715 269 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:03,277 270 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:09,918 271 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:14,079 272 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,831 this lonely boy loves you 273 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,873 274 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,555 275 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,954 276 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,878 277 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,510 278 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,719 279 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,196 280 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,631 281 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,353 It's not natural. 282 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,551 Well, at least it's in tune, sort of. 283 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,273 I think his thong might be a bit too tight. 284 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,755 You don't think he put yours on by mistake, do you, Madge? 285 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,760 286 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,837 I'm sorry to interrupt, 287 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,839 but I just wanted to apologise for my son 288 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,349 having a go at your husband today. 289 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:28,758 Oh, he's not me husband. He's... He's just a friend. 290 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,635 Well, an acquaintance really. I hardly know him. 291 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,958 Oh, right. I just didn't want it to spoil your holiday. 292 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,640 No, don't be daft. It were just a misunderstanding. 293 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,718 Well, he can get a bit out of control 294 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,832 When he was little, he had one of them leather crash helmets, 295 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,839 you know, to stop him nutting the wall. 296 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,076 But it don't fit him any more. 297 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,750 Well, they grow so fast, don't they? 298 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,279 Bye, bye. 299 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,392 300 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:04,911 this lonely boy loves you 301 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,718 (PEOPLE CHEERING) 302 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,995 Thank you. Just before I hand the mic back, 303 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,078 there's a small announcement I'd like to make. 304 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:42,349 As some of you know, yesterday I had an accident in the pool, 305 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,471 which nearly took my life. 306 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,598 It's times like this that make you realise 307 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:52,032 that life is not a rehearsal. This is it. 308 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,394 And, yes, I've made a success of my life. 309 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:58,399 I've got five sunbed shops in Manchester. 310 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,273 But I think it was Charles Manson who said, 311 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,758 "You're not living life to the full if you're living it alone.” 312 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,836 I know, my late wife, Nerys, 313 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:15,118 who died in a crazy paving accident in 1979, 314 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,517 will be smiling down on me now, as I say, 315 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,149 Madge Delilah Barron... 316 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,398 Will you marry me? 317 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,919 Fucking hell! 318 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:38,835 Yes. 319 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,391 Yes. I'll marry yer. 320 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,990 (PEOPLE WHISTLING AND WHOOPING) 321 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,551 Mel, what are you doing? What are you doing? 322 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,591 Oh, Jesus. Mick! Mick! 323 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,996 - What are you doing? - MICK: Mel, don't...