1
00:00:02,947 --> 00:00:05,682
Look at that.
Dogs in the diner.

2
00:00:05,684 --> 00:00:09,102
Where are we, Paris?

3
00:00:09,104 --> 00:00:13,273
'Cause if we are, I'm gonna
stop wearing deodorant.

4
00:00:13,275 --> 00:00:15,576
Did you guys see
that adorable dog?

5
00:00:15,578 --> 00:00:17,945
You mean the one leaking
rabies all over the table

6
00:00:17,947 --> 00:00:19,446
while people
are trying to eat?

7
00:00:19,448 --> 00:00:20,948
She said
he's allowed to be in here.

8
00:00:20,950 --> 00:00:23,200
He's her registered
emotional companion.

9
00:00:23,202 --> 00:00:26,620
Her registered
full-of-crap what?

10
00:00:26,622 --> 00:00:28,789
He's got one of those
official vests that says

11
00:00:28,791 --> 00:00:30,424
"don't pet me,
I'm working."

12
00:00:30,426 --> 00:00:33,493
I have a shirt that says
"federal bikini inspector,"

13
00:00:33,495 --> 00:00:36,546
but there is simply no such
branch of the U.S. government.

14
00:00:38,801 --> 00:00:41,385
Hi, so, uh,
what the hell is this?

15
00:00:41,387 --> 00:00:43,971
Excuse me?
I don't understand.

16
00:00:43,973 --> 00:00:45,522
Dogs aren't allowed
in the diner.

17
00:00:45,524 --> 00:00:47,274
Oh, he's legally allowed
to be here.

18
00:00:47,276 --> 00:00:49,843
He's my registered
emotional companion.

19
00:00:49,845 --> 00:00:53,196
You mean you don't
have a boyfriend.

20
00:00:53,198 --> 00:00:55,365
No,
I suffer from anxiety.

21
00:00:55,367 --> 00:00:57,784
You mean you don't
want to eat alone.

22
00:00:57,786 --> 00:00:59,870
No, I have a note
from a doctor.

23
00:00:59,872 --> 00:01:04,324
You mean you have a printer
and the Internet.

24
00:01:04,326 --> 00:01:07,210
Admit it,
and the dog can stay.

25
00:01:07,212 --> 00:01:10,797
It's really hard
meeting guys.

26
00:01:10,799 --> 00:01:14,534
There's a good boy.
I'll get you a cookie.

27
00:01:30,138 --> 00:01:32,872
Is it just me,
or does Han sound kind of sexy

28
00:01:32,874 --> 00:01:34,941
when he speaks korean?

29
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,731
Looks like Han,
sounds like Barry White.

30
00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:45,034
Who was that, Han?

31
00:01:45,036 --> 00:01:47,320
Do you have a hot,
new korean girlfriend?

32
00:01:47,322 --> 00:01:48,821
Yeah, someone
who really likes you

33
00:01:48,823 --> 00:01:50,573
and is $1.50
for the first minute

34
00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:52,358
and $2 for each
additional minute?

35
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,028
I was talking
to my mother!

36
00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:58,748
So... yes?

37
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,751
I was not talking hot.
I was apologizing.

38
00:02:01,753 --> 00:02:03,586
She's still angry
I left home.

39
00:02:11,878 --> 00:02:14,981
Does she know you buy
your sweaters at build-a-bear?

40
00:02:14,983 --> 00:02:18,484
Well, I don't know
a lot about the korean culture,

41
00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:20,570
but maybe you should
stand up for yourself

42
00:02:20,572 --> 00:02:22,405
and stop apologizing
to your mother.

43
00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:24,440
Yeah, what do you
even have to apologize for?

44
00:02:24,442 --> 00:02:27,660
You must have been
the easiest birth ever.

45
00:02:27,662 --> 00:02:31,781
She could've coughed you
into a catcher's mitt.

46
00:02:36,954 --> 00:02:38,454
I'm making a cappuccino,
you want one?

47
00:02:38,456 --> 00:02:40,373
Nope, I can't have
any caffeine.

48
00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:43,092
I have to keep my system clean.
I'm doing a drug trial tomorrow.

49
00:02:43,094 --> 00:02:44,760
Max,
not one of those places

50
00:02:44,762 --> 00:02:46,095
where they use you
as a Guinea pig

51
00:02:46,097 --> 00:02:47,463
to test for side effects
of new drugs

52
00:02:47,465 --> 00:02:48,931
that go on the market?

53
00:02:48,933 --> 00:02:51,517
Or, as I like to call it,
getting paid $500

54
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,252
to, uh, roll
the side effects dice

55
00:02:53,254 --> 00:02:56,022
and hope it lands
on hallucinations.

56
00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:58,724
I would never
do something like that.

57
00:02:58,726 --> 00:03:00,359
I consider
my body a temple.

58
00:03:00,361 --> 00:03:02,562
Didn't I see
your "temple" eat a bag

59
00:03:02,564 --> 00:03:04,930
of flaming hot cheetos
two nights ago?

60
00:03:04,932 --> 00:03:06,782
And that
was a huge mistake.

61
00:03:06,784 --> 00:03:08,601
I still have a little...

62
00:03:08,603 --> 00:03:11,904
Burny heinie.

63
00:03:11,906 --> 00:03:13,772
And besides, think of
all the people who are

64
00:03:13,774 --> 00:03:16,709
lowering their cholesterol
safely because of me.

65
00:03:16,711 --> 00:03:19,278
Or the people who aren't
taking klamitra because of me.

66
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,963
I never
heard of klamitra.

67
00:03:20,965 --> 00:03:23,282
You're welcome.

68
00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:24,917
I know klamitra.

69
00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:28,137
Sexy black woman
who teaches my spin class.

70
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,591
Uh, hello, uh,
maybe you can help me.

71
00:03:31,593 --> 00:03:33,042
I'm looking
for Caroline channing.

72
00:03:33,044 --> 00:03:35,311
I have a legal matter
to discuss with her.

73
00:03:35,313 --> 00:03:37,230
Never heard of her.
Never seen her.

74
00:03:37,232 --> 00:03:41,634
- Mr. hutchinson?
- Never took an oath.

75
00:03:41,636 --> 00:03:44,921
Oh, my God,
Mr. hutchinson, hi.

76
00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:46,772
I haven't seen you
since my father's scandal broke

77
00:03:46,774 --> 00:03:49,992
and they were dragging you
out of your law offices.

78
00:03:49,994 --> 00:03:52,278
Can I hug you?
I mean, it's been so long

79
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,313
since I've seen anyone
from my old life.

80
00:03:54,315 --> 00:03:55,898
But, uh,
not too hard.

81
00:03:55,900 --> 00:04:01,504
Ever since the scandal,
I've had acid reflux.

82
00:04:01,506 --> 00:04:03,756
Didn't you
used to be taller?

83
00:04:03,758 --> 00:04:06,709
No, uh, prouder.

84
00:04:06,711 --> 00:04:09,328
Oh, uh, Mr. hutchinson,
this is my friend, Max.

85
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:12,014
Max, this is Leo hutchinson,
one of my father's attorneys.

86
00:04:12,016 --> 00:04:13,633
Oh, I've never
known a lawyer

87
00:04:13,635 --> 00:04:17,353
who wasn't
court-appointed for me.

88
00:04:17,355 --> 00:04:19,188
<i>Well, except for
the ones on law and order.</i>

89
00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:21,006
Have you ever
been on that show?

90
00:04:21,008 --> 00:04:23,693
No,
I'm a real lawyer.

91
00:04:23,695 --> 00:04:27,530
You look like someone
who was on that show.

92
00:04:27,532 --> 00:04:28,648
Are you sure
you didn't represent

93
00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:32,068
the woman
who ate her child?

94
00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:35,871
I've never represented
anyone who ate their child.

95
00:04:35,873 --> 00:04:38,374
<i>On law and order.</i>

96
00:04:38,376 --> 00:04:43,045
Caroline, I'm sorry
to drag you into this,

97
00:04:43,047 --> 00:04:46,332
but the prosecutor is asking
for you to give a deposition

98
00:04:46,334 --> 00:04:48,584
regarding
your father's case.

99
00:04:48,586 --> 00:04:53,139
Anything I can do to help?
I'm pretty courtroom savvy.

100
00:04:53,141 --> 00:04:55,007
<i>I mean, I haven't seen
every episode of law and order,</i>

101
00:04:55,009 --> 00:04:57,643
just, like, 400 of them.

102
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:00,563
For instance,
the, uh, judge's hammer?

103
00:05:00,565 --> 00:05:02,932
Not called a hammer.

104
00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:05,184
Reflux! Oh!

105
00:05:05,186 --> 00:05:06,569
Sorry.

106
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:09,155
I just... I need to
take a rylindia.

107
00:05:09,157 --> 00:05:10,990
Ah, rylindia.
Does that work?

108
00:05:10,992 --> 00:05:15,945
- Hmm.
- You're welcome.

109
00:05:15,947 --> 00:05:18,698
Well, thank you for coming
all the way out here.

110
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:20,916
I know I'm in good hands
with you representing me.

111
00:05:20,918 --> 00:05:24,253
Uh, well, Caroline, as much
as I would love to help you

112
00:05:24,255 --> 00:05:26,839
and your
legal associate here,

113
00:05:26,841 --> 00:05:28,907
uh, the firm won't let me
do it for free.

114
00:05:28,909 --> 00:05:32,128
I mean, your father's case
bankrupted us practically,

115
00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:34,764
and my standard rate
is $1,100 an hour.

116
00:05:34,766 --> 00:05:37,600
You know I don't have
that kind of money.

117
00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:39,268
Last week,
I gave myself a bikini wax

118
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:43,356
with duct tape
I stole from the diner.

119
00:05:43,358 --> 00:05:45,524
I'm gonna need
another rylindia.

120
00:05:45,526 --> 00:05:47,476
Oh, don't take two of those
in under an hour

121
00:05:47,478 --> 00:05:52,948
unless you want to have
an orgasm every time you yawn.

122
00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:56,902
You're welcome again.

123
00:05:58,655 --> 00:06:01,407
Mr. hutchinson,
I need you to do this.

124
00:06:01,409 --> 00:06:04,076
You can make this go away
as easily as possible.

125
00:06:04,078 --> 00:06:05,745
Please don't
make me beg.

126
00:06:05,747 --> 00:06:08,664
The floor's gross,
and my skirt's too short.

127
00:06:08,666 --> 00:06:10,132
Counselor,
at this juncture,

128
00:06:10,134 --> 00:06:11,751
I am going to need to
take miss channing

129
00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:16,955
and have a sidebar
over near the bar bar.

130
00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:18,591
How fun is this,
by the way?

131
00:06:18,593 --> 00:06:20,059
I'm, like,
your lawyer now.

132
00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:22,762
Oh, real fun.
About as fun as that bikini wax.

133
00:06:22,764 --> 00:06:27,016
And then I had to spend $14
on neosporin.

134
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:30,986
Don't worry, I know how you
can make $500 in one night.

135
00:06:30,988 --> 00:06:35,741
I've been telling her that
since she got here.

136
00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:37,576
Max, I am not
doing a drug trial.

137
00:06:37,578 --> 00:06:39,311
Besides,
it's not enough money anyway.

138
00:06:39,313 --> 00:06:41,614
No, but after
I put in my $500,

139
00:06:41,616 --> 00:06:43,833
plus we take $100
from the cupcake fund.

140
00:06:43,835 --> 00:06:46,368
You would do that
for me?

141
00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:47,986
You know, I always thought
we'd have to use

142
00:06:47,988 --> 00:06:49,922
the cupcake money to get us
out of a legal problem.

143
00:06:49,924 --> 00:06:52,174
I just thought
it'd be for you.

144
00:06:52,176 --> 00:06:55,044
Me too!

145
00:06:55,046 --> 00:06:58,297
Welcome aboard,
drug buddy.

146
00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:02,529
I can't believe
I'm doing a drug trial.

147
00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:04,865
I won't even use stevia.

148
00:07:04,867 --> 00:07:06,300
It'll be fun!

149
00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:08,735
Just think of it as
a middle-school sleepover.

150
00:07:08,737 --> 00:07:10,687
But with drugs.

151
00:07:10,689 --> 00:07:14,408
Yeah,
a middle-school sleepover.

152
00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:16,543
So when
you did this before,

153
00:07:16,545 --> 00:07:18,412
you never got
any side effects, right?

154
00:07:18,414 --> 00:07:23,265
Well, no negative ones.
I used to be an "a" cup.

155
00:07:25,003 --> 00:07:26,670
Wow, everybody
looks so normal.

156
00:07:26,672 --> 00:07:29,423
This is more like
sorority row than skid row.

157
00:07:29,425 --> 00:07:30,924
Hi!
I'm Katie.

158
00:07:30,926 --> 00:07:32,759
Just found out
there's three to a room,

159
00:07:32,761 --> 00:07:35,095
and I was wondering if you guys
have chosen a roomie yet.

160
00:07:35,097 --> 00:07:36,647
Wait, there's three
in a room?

161
00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:37,848
Yeah, I know.

162
00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:39,516
You want to be careful
who you get.

163
00:07:39,518 --> 00:07:41,935
Anyways,
I'm a self-mutilator,

164
00:07:41,937 --> 00:07:45,239
and, um, I was wondering if
you could keep an eye on me.

165
00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:48,275
Just wrestle anything
out of my hands that's sharp.

166
00:07:48,277 --> 00:07:49,910
Uh,
you know what, Katie?

167
00:07:49,912 --> 00:07:52,062
We are
self-mutilators too.

168
00:07:52,064 --> 00:07:54,581
So, uh, we kind of
have our hands full.

169
00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:57,284
Yeah,
we're gonna be super-busy

170
00:07:57,286 --> 00:07:59,453
self-mutilating ourselves.

171
00:07:59,455 --> 00:08:01,121
No worries.

172
00:08:01,123 --> 00:08:04,708
Max, you should have told me
about the bed situation.

173
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:07,077
Untested experimental drugs
is one thing,

174
00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:10,097
but three to a room?
That's barbaric!

175
00:08:10,099 --> 00:08:11,265
It'll be fine!

176
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:12,966
We just have to pick
the right girl.

177
00:08:12,968 --> 00:08:16,220
What about, uh,
the one in the raincoat?

178
00:08:16,222 --> 00:08:17,587
She looks stuck-up,

179
00:08:17,589 --> 00:08:19,473
like she'd talk
about herself all night.

180
00:08:19,475 --> 00:08:24,444
Yeah, we already
got one of those.

181
00:08:24,446 --> 00:08:26,146
What about, uh...

182
00:08:26,148 --> 00:08:27,597
What about
Bob Marley shirt?

183
00:08:27,599 --> 00:08:31,985
She looks like
she smells.

184
00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:35,989
- Confirmed.
- Right there.

185
00:08:35,991 --> 00:08:37,741
That's who we want.
She looks smart

186
00:08:37,743 --> 00:08:39,159
and like she'd
mind her own business.

187
00:08:39,161 --> 00:08:42,963
Hey!
What are you up to?

188
00:08:42,965 --> 00:08:46,449
Nothing.
Just minding my own business.

189
00:08:46,451 --> 00:08:48,285
Hey, want to be
our roommate?

190
00:08:48,287 --> 00:08:51,121
Oh, I just said yes
to a self-mutilator,

191
00:08:51,123 --> 00:08:52,622
but I can get out of it.

192
00:08:52,624 --> 00:08:56,677
She probably
loves rejection.

193
00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,012
All right,
ladies, listen up!

194
00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:00,981
- Hey, Max!
- Hi, Toby.

195
00:09:00,983 --> 00:09:02,516
Heads-up,
me, her, and, uh...

196
00:09:02,518 --> 00:09:03,650
Excuse me,
what's your name?

197
00:09:03,652 --> 00:09:05,152
Oh, it's cool,

198
00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:06,653
we don't have to do,
like, the name thing.

199
00:09:06,655 --> 00:09:08,522
A girl after my own heart!

200
00:09:08,524 --> 00:09:10,440
- We're roommates.
- Got it.

201
00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:12,776
Now, since most of you
have done this before,

202
00:09:12,778 --> 00:09:13,944
I'll make it quick.

203
00:09:13,946 --> 00:09:15,746
Half of you
will get a placebo.

204
00:09:15,748 --> 00:09:18,699
The other half will be a testing
a new drug called gladiva,

205
00:09:18,701 --> 00:09:23,170
and no, that's not my stage name
down at the clubs.

206
00:09:23,172 --> 00:09:25,505
Okay,
possible side effects

207
00:09:25,507 --> 00:09:28,992
may occur over
the next 24 to 48 hours.

208
00:09:28,994 --> 00:09:31,628
They are...
Drum roll please...

209
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:33,997
Headaches,
vomiting, flatulence,

210
00:09:33,999 --> 00:09:36,216
tongue-swelling,
suicidal thoughts...

211
00:09:36,218 --> 00:09:38,302
I'm having some
right now.

212
00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:41,338
- Itw...
- Inability to walk.

213
00:09:41,340 --> 00:09:42,973
Mm, I hope we get that
'cause that's the only thing

214
00:09:42,975 --> 00:09:44,441
that's gonna keep me here.

215
00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:46,059
And ru...

216
00:09:46,061 --> 00:09:47,444
Relentless urination.

217
00:09:47,446 --> 00:09:49,363
Fatigue, seizures...

218
00:09:49,365 --> 00:09:53,900
Camel toe.

219
00:09:53,902 --> 00:09:57,704
I'm kidding.
That's my joke.

220
00:09:57,706 --> 00:09:59,022
That's his joke.

221
00:09:59,024 --> 00:10:01,074
Good,
'cause I was out the door.

222
00:10:01,076 --> 00:10:04,578
Also, tg,
eb, ccs...

223
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,079
You want me
to explain those to you?

224
00:10:06,081 --> 00:10:08,298
Not until you see one
happening to me.

225
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,467
And A.L.

226
00:10:10,469 --> 00:10:14,004
Anal leakage.

227
00:10:14,006 --> 00:10:18,292
<i>The Grande Dame
of side effects.</i>

228
00:10:20,678 --> 00:10:22,879
Well, bottoms up.

229
00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:28,101
Max, don't say that
after "anal leakage."

230
00:10:29,404 --> 00:10:31,054
See? This is fun!

231
00:10:31,056 --> 00:10:34,074
Getting paid to eat cookies
and play the game of life.

232
00:10:34,076 --> 00:10:36,109
- Your turn.
- What's the point?

233
00:10:36,111 --> 00:10:37,911
Clearly, I've already
lost the game of life

234
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:39,112
'cause I'm sitting
in a drug trial

235
00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:41,615
waiting for
my "A" to "L".

236
00:10:41,617 --> 00:10:44,167
Well, if your "A"
does start to "L,"

237
00:10:44,169 --> 00:10:46,169
you're on the bottom bunk.

238
00:10:46,171 --> 00:10:49,756
I gotta pee.

239
00:10:49,758 --> 00:10:51,892
Ruh-roh.

240
00:10:51,894 --> 00:10:53,176
What?

241
00:10:53,178 --> 00:10:54,461
Mm,
it's probably nothing,

242
00:10:54,463 --> 00:10:56,513
but she might be
experiencing ru.

243
00:10:56,515 --> 00:10:57,547
What's that again?

244
00:10:57,549 --> 00:10:59,216
Relentless urination.

245
00:10:59,218 --> 00:11:01,218
She just said
she had to pee.

246
00:11:11,763 --> 00:11:14,597
Yeah,
that's relentless.

247
00:11:18,487 --> 00:11:19,486
Are you okay?

248
00:11:19,488 --> 00:11:21,955
Yeah.

249
00:11:21,957 --> 00:11:26,159
"Ru" sure?

250
00:11:26,161 --> 00:11:27,711
Okay,
your turn to spin.

251
00:11:27,713 --> 00:11:29,162
No more games.

252
00:11:29,164 --> 00:11:31,164
I really want to be prepared
for this deposition.

253
00:11:31,166 --> 00:11:33,884
Can you read me the questions
Mr. hutchinson sent?

254
00:11:33,886 --> 00:11:36,503
Mm-hmm.

255
00:11:36,505 --> 00:11:37,971
"State your full name."

256
00:11:37,973 --> 00:11:40,090
Caroline Wesbox Channing.

257
00:11:40,092 --> 00:11:42,843
Your middle name
is "Wesbox"?

258
00:11:42,845 --> 00:11:44,594
It was
my grandfather's name.

259
00:11:44,596 --> 00:11:47,347
It also might be
a side effect.

260
00:11:47,349 --> 00:11:50,517
"I just slept with a dude
who gave me Wesbox!"

261
00:11:50,519 --> 00:11:53,103
Max, can you just ask me
the next question?

262
00:11:53,105 --> 00:11:55,572
Do you have any owledge
of investor capital

263
00:11:55,574 --> 00:11:57,474
from the channing
investment group

264
00:11:57,476 --> 00:11:59,309
being transferred
to offshore banks?

265
00:11:59,311 --> 00:12:00,977
I had
no knowledge of it.

266
00:12:00,979 --> 00:12:03,713
- You're boring.
- I'm boring?

267
00:12:03,715 --> 00:12:05,415
I'm just saying,
I'd change the channel.

268
00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:06,917
This is a bad one.

269
00:12:06,919 --> 00:12:09,119
<i>Max,
it's not law and order.</i>

270
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:11,538
I'll say it isn't.

271
00:12:11,540 --> 00:12:13,540
Look, tomorrow,
you gotta give them something.

272
00:12:13,542 --> 00:12:15,175
Open your shirt,
hike up your skirt,

273
00:12:15,177 --> 00:12:17,994
show them your Wesbox.

274
00:12:17,996 --> 00:12:19,546
"Did you know anything
about your father

275
00:12:19,548 --> 00:12:22,516
- "illegally siphoning funds?"
- No.

276
00:12:22,518 --> 00:12:24,334
"Have you ever had
any conversations

277
00:12:24,336 --> 00:12:26,019
with your father regarding
said transactions?"

278
00:12:26,021 --> 00:12:27,220
No.

279
00:12:27,222 --> 00:12:30,607
"Is your ass leaking
right now?"

280
00:12:30,609 --> 00:12:33,810
No.

281
00:12:35,696 --> 00:12:40,183
Ruh-roh.

282
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,659
Nope.

283
00:12:53,966 --> 00:12:55,499
How we doing, ladies?

284
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:59,136
Any side effects?

285
00:13:04,208 --> 00:13:06,593
Max, are you awake?

286
00:13:06,595 --> 00:13:08,145
Max!

287
00:13:08,147 --> 00:13:12,098
Quiet, you're gonna
wake up pissy spacek.

288
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:15,218
I can't sleep.
My hearts keeps racing.

289
00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,687
You should tell Toby.
It's probably a side effect.

290
00:13:17,689 --> 00:13:19,156
No, I'm nervous.

291
00:13:19,158 --> 00:13:20,690
I can't stop thinking
about the deposition

292
00:13:20,692 --> 00:13:23,410
and about my father.
Can I come down and talk?

293
00:13:23,412 --> 00:13:28,331
Not a great time.
I kind of have people over.

294
00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:31,001
Get in here.
What's wrong?

295
00:13:31,003 --> 00:13:32,569
I'm scared
about tomorrow.

296
00:13:32,571 --> 00:13:33,753
I'm scared I'm gonna say
the wrong thing

297
00:13:33,755 --> 00:13:35,622
and make things worse
for my father.

298
00:13:35,624 --> 00:13:37,457
Look, all you have to do
is answer the questions

299
00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:40,510
as carefully as they suggested
and then throw in a wink,

300
00:13:40,512 --> 00:13:42,412
forget to wear panties.
He'll be fine.

301
00:13:42,414 --> 00:13:43,964
But that's the thing.

302
00:13:43,966 --> 00:13:46,082
The questions don't say
anything about my father.

303
00:13:46,084 --> 00:13:47,851
They're so cut and dry.

304
00:13:47,853 --> 00:13:48,969
They're only asking me
details about things

305
00:13:48,971 --> 00:13:50,854
I know nothing about,

306
00:13:50,856 --> 00:13:53,306
and they're not interested in
the things I do know about him.

307
00:13:53,308 --> 00:13:56,693
That he's warm, and funny,
and generous, and loving.

308
00:13:56,695 --> 00:13:58,278
Like when I was little,
and he and I

309
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,280
would take our plane
to our chalet in deer valley.

310
00:14:00,282 --> 00:14:02,482
Stop. You might as well
rephrase that to

311
00:14:02,484 --> 00:14:04,150
"when he and I
would take our guilty

312
00:14:04,152 --> 00:14:06,286
to our guilty
in guilty valley."

313
00:14:06,288 --> 00:14:08,538
Every morning,
before we went skiing,

314
00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:10,123
he would get up
really early and make me

315
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:12,075
his snowflake
cinnamon french toast.

316
00:14:12,077 --> 00:14:13,610
Sounds amazing.

317
00:14:13,612 --> 00:14:16,112
And as he dusted
the cinnamon and sugar on top,

318
00:14:16,114 --> 00:14:18,465
he'd say,
"look, sweetheart, it's snowing,

319
00:14:18,467 --> 00:14:20,634
snowing just for you."

320
00:14:20,636 --> 00:14:23,503
And then he'd cut it
into these little pieces...

321
00:14:23,505 --> 00:14:25,622
See? I can't even
get the words out.

322
00:14:25,624 --> 00:14:27,891
No one will ever hear them.
No one will know.

323
00:14:27,893 --> 00:14:31,127
I'll know.
I heard them.

324
00:14:32,513 --> 00:14:34,147
Another round?

325
00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:39,486
Yeah, I'm just gonna
bring my pillow in there.

326
00:14:39,488 --> 00:14:42,138
I don't think Gladiva's
gonna make it to the market.

327
00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:49,416
We'll be doing
the deposition in here.

328
00:14:49,418 --> 00:14:52,336
<i>Oh, wow, this is exactly
how it looks on law and order!</i>

329
00:14:52,338 --> 00:14:53,554
Ooh! Ooh!

330
00:14:53,556 --> 00:14:55,088
There's the tiny
typewriter thing

331
00:14:55,090 --> 00:14:56,807
where the actress
who never gets to speak sits!

332
00:14:56,809 --> 00:15:02,179
Leo, Leo, take my picture
near the tiny typewriter.

333
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:07,768
Ladies, ladies.
We only have an hour.

334
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:10,303
We're already behind
because you were late.

335
00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,489
Sorry, we had to stop
at the check-cashing place.

336
00:15:12,491 --> 00:15:17,611
Yeah, and then a store
to get diapers for a friend.

337
00:15:17,613 --> 00:15:20,030
There, $1,000.

338
00:15:20,032 --> 00:15:22,916
No fuss,
and luckily, no muss.

339
00:15:22,918 --> 00:15:24,251
Max, do you have
the $100 from the cupcakes?

340
00:15:24,253 --> 00:15:25,316
Yeah.

341
00:15:25,317 --> 00:15:29,990
Uh, 40... 60...
80... 90...

342
00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:34,428
5, 6, 7, and...

343
00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:38,382
100.

344
00:15:40,134 --> 00:15:42,019
Mr. hutchinson,
are you having reflux?

345
00:15:42,021 --> 00:15:47,391
No, I-it just became clear
to me what I do for a living.

346
00:15:47,393 --> 00:15:50,010
Okay, uh, Caroline,

347
00:15:50,012 --> 00:15:52,512
if you're ready,
I can bring them in.

348
00:15:52,514 --> 00:15:54,898
Remember,
just stick to the questions

349
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:56,483
and don't embellish.

350
00:15:56,485 --> 00:15:59,536
I prepped her
last night, Leo.

351
00:15:59,538 --> 00:16:00,904
All right,
let's go, Max.

352
00:16:00,906 --> 00:16:02,789
Actually,
I want her to stay.

353
00:16:02,791 --> 00:16:04,958
I'm nervous,
and she makes me feel better.

354
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,695
Yes, I'm her registered
emotional companion.

355
00:16:08,697 --> 00:16:10,631
Well, this is
a legal proceeding,

356
00:16:10,633 --> 00:16:12,833
and that's
a highly unusual request.

357
00:16:12,835 --> 00:16:15,385
But not improbable.
We googled it.

358
00:16:15,387 --> 00:16:17,220
Yeah, she's allowed to have
an emotional companion,

359
00:16:17,222 --> 00:16:19,389
as long as
both attorneys agree.

360
00:16:19,391 --> 00:16:23,093
Well, I graduated
top of my class at Harvard,

361
00:16:23,095 --> 00:16:28,065
but since you googled it,
I'll try to make that happen.

362
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:31,101
No, I am unaware
of any of the transactions

363
00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:32,185
you just mentioned.

364
00:16:32,187 --> 00:16:33,937
Thank you,
miss channing.

365
00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:36,356
Now, if you'll just bear with me
a little while longer,

366
00:16:36,358 --> 00:16:38,575
I only have a couple more
pertinent questions.

367
00:16:38,577 --> 00:16:43,163
Your voice
is unbelievable.

368
00:16:44,732 --> 00:16:48,335
<i>You could be
on law and order.</i>

369
00:16:48,337 --> 00:16:50,070
Max!

370
00:16:52,508 --> 00:16:54,958
Withdrawn.

371
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,095
Miss channing,
do you have any knowledge

372
00:16:58,097 --> 00:16:59,763
of embezzlement
of any kind taking place

373
00:16:59,765 --> 00:17:01,414
at the channing
investment group?

374
00:17:01,416 --> 00:17:04,134
No,
I had no knowl...

375
00:17:04,136 --> 00:17:07,971
Of any su...

376
00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:10,474
Could you repeat that?

377
00:17:14,947 --> 00:17:17,614
Ruh-roh.

378
00:17:17,616 --> 00:17:18,949
You're having
a side effect!

379
00:17:18,951 --> 00:17:20,617
Tongue swelling.
Ts!

380
00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:23,320
Uh, counselor,
give us one second.

381
00:17:23,322 --> 00:17:24,454
What is going on?

382
00:17:24,456 --> 00:17:27,457
We took drugs.

383
00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:29,376
Did she just say
"we took drugs"?

384
00:17:29,378 --> 00:17:32,129
Very good, Leo.
You must play charades.

385
00:17:32,131 --> 00:17:34,631
Look, we did a drug trial
to get money for this.

386
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:36,383
What's the holdup,
counselor?

387
00:17:36,385 --> 00:17:38,001
Just give her some water.
I had this once.

388
00:17:38,003 --> 00:17:39,169
It goes away in an hour.

389
00:17:39,171 --> 00:17:40,887
You said you never had

390
00:17:40,889 --> 00:17:42,506
any side effects!

391
00:17:42,508 --> 00:17:45,058
Oh, please.
I died once.

392
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:49,563
I just didn't want
to scare you.

393
00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:51,798
Miss channing,
are you aware of any accounts

394
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,684
opened under any names
other than your father's?

395
00:17:57,272 --> 00:17:58,355
Just drink the water.

396
00:17:58,357 --> 00:18:01,608
One sec.

397
00:18:04,163 --> 00:18:07,313
Uh, does anyone have
a napkin or a bib?

398
00:18:07,315 --> 00:18:10,667
$1,100, you gotta have a bib
around here somewhere.

399
00:18:10,669 --> 00:18:13,453
All right,
what's going on here?

400
00:18:13,455 --> 00:18:16,489
I was just, uh,
informed my client

401
00:18:16,491 --> 00:18:20,010
was part of a drug test
within the last 24 hours.

402
00:18:20,012 --> 00:18:24,297
Drug test, Leo?
That's a good one.

403
00:18:24,299 --> 00:18:26,433
Just another
rich girl on drugs.

404
00:18:26,435 --> 00:18:29,603
Get her into rehab,
and we'll have to reschedule.

405
00:18:29,605 --> 00:18:31,605
We'll have to do this
another time.

406
00:18:31,607 --> 00:18:32,722
No, no, no, no, no, no!

407
00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:34,791
No, no!
She's right!

408
00:18:34,793 --> 00:18:36,843
We don't have the money
to do this another Tim

409
00:18:36,845 --> 00:18:40,113
look, I can tell you right now,
she does not know anything.

410
00:18:40,115 --> 00:18:41,398
She doesn't know
about the money,

411
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,816
she doesn't know
about transactions.

412
00:18:42,818 --> 00:18:44,868
She doesn't know
anything about anything.

413
00:18:44,870 --> 00:18:46,036
We are paid up
for three more minutes,

414
00:18:46,038 --> 00:18:47,871
and we are going to
use them!

415
00:18:47,873 --> 00:18:51,408
She can't talk, but I know
what she would want to say.

416
00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:55,662
Ladies and gentlemen
of the... room,

417
00:18:55,664 --> 00:18:58,698
she would want you to know
who her father really is.

418
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:00,250
He used to make her
snow toast!

419
00:19:00,252 --> 00:19:03,637
And in her words,
he was funny, smart,

420
00:19:03,639 --> 00:19:07,841
and a generous lover.

421
00:19:11,212 --> 00:19:13,346
<i>Generous and loving!</i>

422
00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:15,816
Oh, sorry, yes, yes.
Generous and loving.

423
00:19:15,818 --> 00:19:20,353
Now, I don't know her father,
and I have never met him...

424
00:19:20,355 --> 00:19:22,072
And I would like you
to put that on the record,

425
00:19:22,074 --> 00:19:25,391
actress who's never
allowed to talk...

426
00:19:25,393 --> 00:19:28,245
But I do know her,
and she's an amazing person.

427
00:19:28,247 --> 00:19:29,896
And her father
raised her alone,

428
00:19:29,898 --> 00:19:33,066
so he must be
an amazing person too.

429
00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:35,401
Well...

430
00:19:35,403 --> 00:19:38,238
That accomplished nothing.

431
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,458
Counselor,
what do we do here?

432
00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:45,846
We take a short recess
until she can speak,

433
00:19:45,848 --> 00:19:48,548
and resume
the deposition, on me,

434
00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:53,253
<i>because her father
is an amazing guy, and...</i>

435
00:19:53,255 --> 00:19:57,524
<i>That's what they would do
on law and order.</i>

436
00:19:57,526 --> 00:19:59,442
Fine,
we'll break for an hour.

437
00:19:59,444 --> 00:20:04,698
Seriously, you sound like
a superhero's boss.

438
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,286
Max, you're the best.

439
00:20:09,288 --> 00:20:11,955
I know.
I did pretty good, right?

440
00:20:11,957 --> 00:20:14,191
I should've gone
to law school.

441
00:20:14,193 --> 00:20:17,377
Or High School.

442
00:20:23,334 --> 00:20:26,169
Permission to enter
the judge's chambers?

443
00:20:26,171 --> 00:20:28,889
Permission granted.
Excuse the tubs of bleu cheese.

444
00:20:28,891 --> 00:20:30,390
They're being held
as evidence

445
00:20:30,392 --> 00:20:32,125
in the case
against eating here.

446
00:20:32,127 --> 00:20:35,395
I wanted to thank you
for everything you did.

447
00:20:35,397 --> 00:20:37,314
And I know you were gonna
buy yourself a treat

448
00:20:37,316 --> 00:20:38,315
with the drug money...

449
00:20:38,317 --> 00:20:39,983
Yeah, like drugs.

450
00:20:39,985 --> 00:20:42,569
So I got you
a little something.

451
00:20:42,571 --> 00:20:44,905
<i>It's the complete
law and order box set!</i>

452
00:20:44,907 --> 00:20:46,773
No way!

453
00:20:46,775 --> 00:20:49,943
That's not a little something.
That's, like, $500.

454
00:20:49,945 --> 00:20:52,028
Or $30 on the subway.

455
00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:54,314
And the guy said
most of them are in english.

456
00:20:54,316 --> 00:20:56,416
Awesome!

457
00:20:56,418 --> 00:21:00,270
Freezer adjourned.