1 00:01:07,270 --> 00:01:09,097 Shit. 2 00:01:13,651 --> 00:01:16,059 Fell off the chair. 3 00:01:16,154 --> 00:01:17,696 I wasn't, uh... 4 00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:21,279 I know you're wearing a skirt, but I didn't see anything. 5 00:01:21,367 --> 00:01:24,368 Mostly trousers these days. 6 00:01:24,453 --> 00:01:27,573 Yeah, I prefer skirts. Healthier, isn't it? 7 00:01:28,708 --> 00:01:30,285 I imagine. 8 00:01:30,376 --> 00:01:33,579 Allows the air to, uh, circulate around the... 9 00:01:36,131 --> 00:01:37,958 vagina! 10 00:01:38,050 --> 00:01:40,007 We're ready for you, Mr Garden. 11 00:01:41,178 --> 00:01:43,135 Yes, yes. 12 00:01:45,307 --> 00:01:47,098 We've had a letter of complaint 13 00:01:47,184 --> 00:01:50,932 stating that you are a "negative and destructive influence" 14 00:01:51,021 --> 00:01:54,721 "on the smooth running of the Blackpool Probation Office." 15 00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:59,277 I think whoever wrote that letter, it's just a clash of personalities. 16 00:01:59,362 --> 00:02:01,569 It's signed by everyone in your office. 17 00:02:01,656 --> 00:02:04,741 Right, yeah, well, I mean, that's what I mean. 18 00:02:04,826 --> 00:02:08,112 It's a clash between... me and them. 19 00:02:08,204 --> 00:02:13,032 "A negative and destructive influence," Mr Garden. 20 00:02:13,126 --> 00:02:14,537 Are they right? 21 00:02:14,627 --> 00:02:18,459 Well, if you think that remembering a client's first name 22 00:02:18,548 --> 00:02:21,999 is less important than claiming generous expenses, 23 00:02:22,093 --> 00:02:23,884 then, yes, they're right. 24 00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:28,382 If it's best for a client who's just left prison for the 14th time 25 00:02:28,474 --> 00:02:31,724 to be passed on to yet another department, 26 00:02:31,811 --> 00:02:34,384 then, yes, they're right. 27 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:39,272 But I've seen over 1,000 clients and I believe every single one... 28 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,314 Of these 1,000, how many are now going straight? 29 00:02:44,114 --> 00:02:46,071 Three. 30 00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:48,281 Simon Garden was an inspiration. 31 00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:51,619 My first day out, he gave me a blank sheet of paper 32 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,911 and he said, "That's your future." 33 00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:58,162 "You can write and apply for a job or you can wipe your arse on it." 34 00:02:58,253 --> 00:03:01,836 And I said, "I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty." 35 00:03:01,923 --> 00:03:05,624 Before I met Simon, I was thievin' and hitting people. 36 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,343 But now... 37 00:03:07,429 --> 00:03:09,967 I'm a fishmonger. 38 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,096 It's another string to me bow. 39 00:03:12,183 --> 00:03:14,223 12 months ago, I was in prison. 40 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:17,430 Now I'm a sub-service support network supervisor 41 00:03:17,522 --> 00:03:20,973 providing PC, Mac and mainframe infrastructure 42 00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:22,894 with online E-task back-up. 43 00:03:22,986 --> 00:03:25,062 Not many people can say that. 44 00:03:25,154 --> 00:03:28,191 Do you have anything to add regarding Mr Garden? 45 00:03:30,117 --> 00:03:31,528 He is annoying. 46 00:03:31,619 --> 00:03:34,406 - It's true. - He is annoying. 47 00:03:34,497 --> 00:03:37,070 We talked to your clients, Mr Garden. 48 00:03:37,166 --> 00:03:39,242 They're good people. I used to say, 49 00:03:39,335 --> 00:03:43,284 "You're halfway up a mountain. Crime is the easy path to the bottom. 50 00:03:43,380 --> 00:03:46,215 "Responsibility is the hard path to the top. 51 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,170 "But when you get there, it's a great view. 52 00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:52,215 - "Cos in every sinner..." - Thank you. 53 00:03:52,306 --> 00:03:53,930 There's a vacancy in Manchester. 54 00:03:54,808 --> 00:03:56,635 I'll take it. 55 00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:00,644 ♫ Dreamer 56 00:04:00,731 --> 00:04:03,897 ♫ You know you are a dreamer 57 00:04:03,984 --> 00:04:07,732 ♫ Well, can you put your hands in your head, oh, no 58 00:04:07,821 --> 00:04:10,442 ♫ I said dreamer 59 00:04:10,532 --> 00:04:13,652 ♫ You're nothing but a dreamer 60 00:04:13,743 --> 00:04:17,278 ♫ So can you put your hand in your head, oh, no 61 00:04:19,749 --> 00:04:22,999 ♫ I said far out...♫ - Wanker. 62 00:04:23,086 --> 00:04:26,668 ♫ What a day, a year, a laugh it is 63 00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:29,673 ♫ You know... ♫ 64 00:04:29,759 --> 00:04:32,380 ♫ Well, you know you had it coming to you... ♫ 65 00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:36,966 ♫ Now there's not a lot I can do 66 00:04:37,058 --> 00:04:39,181 ♫ Dreamer 67 00:04:39,268 --> 00:04:42,352 ♫ You stupid little dreamer 68 00:04:42,438 --> 00:04:45,308 ♫ So now you put your head in your hands, oh, no ♫ 69 00:04:45,399 --> 00:04:49,313 Hey! Slow down! Idiot! 70 00:05:24,771 --> 00:05:27,937 'Pull over, driver! Pull over!' 71 00:06:28,958 --> 00:06:31,330 Get away from there! 72 00:06:42,138 --> 00:06:44,427 You just saved that girl's life. 73 00:06:44,515 --> 00:06:47,137 DI Burton, City Police. 74 00:06:47,226 --> 00:06:50,013 Oh, right... sir. 75 00:07:00,781 --> 00:07:03,237 - Oh, hello. You must be Kirsty. - Yeah. 76 00:07:03,325 --> 00:07:05,318 You all right? Got a bit of a... 77 00:07:05,411 --> 00:07:09,076 - Oh, uh, I-I fell. - Right. 78 00:07:09,164 --> 00:07:13,458 Now... "Car theft, car theft, ram-raiding", 79 00:07:13,543 --> 00:07:17,873 "arson, car theft, car theft and car theft." 80 00:07:17,964 --> 00:07:23,125 Expelled from St John Fisher's, Hogarth, Glenbrook Junior. 81 00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:26,719 Not expelled from St Thomas Moore. Why's that? 82 00:07:26,806 --> 00:07:28,217 It burnt down. 83 00:07:29,684 --> 00:07:33,848 Ah, yes. Hence the arson. Yeah, all starting to make sense now. 84 00:07:33,938 --> 00:07:35,848 Ugh. 85 00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:38,977 You could hang your hat on that. 86 00:07:39,068 --> 00:07:41,227 Oh, huh, he is. 87 00:07:41,321 --> 00:07:43,894 Give that to me. 88 00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:45,817 We'll come back to this. 89 00:07:48,327 --> 00:07:50,071 - Hello. - Hello. 90 00:07:51,706 --> 00:07:55,655 - Big Dipper. - Oh, uh... 91 00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:58,788 - You're interviewing Kirsty Clark? - Yes. 92 00:08:00,256 --> 00:08:01,964 Kirsty! Kirsty! 93 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,754 I've got you! Get off me! 94 00:08:04,843 --> 00:08:07,631 - Ah! - There she is. 95 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:11,055 Come on, Kirsty. 96 00:08:11,141 --> 00:08:13,466 You've admitted to taking the car. 97 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,558 Admit to possession of drugs and we'll drop the other charges - 98 00:08:17,648 --> 00:08:20,981 reckless driving, resisting arrest, arson. 99 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:25,196 We'll call it a day, I'll take us down the pub, buy us a pint of lager. 100 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,945 And half a shandy, if no one's looking, for Mr Garden. 101 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,613 All protesters charged today can collect their bikes... 102 00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:38,700 - Inspector Burton? - Hello, Simon. 103 00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:40,252 I know she stole the car, 104 00:08:40,336 --> 00:08:44,286 but she says she knew nothing about the drugs and I believe her. 105 00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:46,624 You're new here, aren't you? 106 00:08:46,718 --> 00:08:49,125 She did have class A drugs on her person. 107 00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:51,462 She said the drugs were... 108 00:08:51,556 --> 00:08:55,007 - 'Ln a koala bear.' - Were what? 109 00:08:56,227 --> 00:08:58,101 - Not hers. - Listen. 110 00:08:58,187 --> 00:09:00,310 We got muggers and rapists to catch. 111 00:09:00,398 --> 00:09:05,059 We can't stand around, we're not probation officers. No offence. 112 00:09:06,278 --> 00:09:08,401 Cheerio, Simon. 113 00:09:11,158 --> 00:09:14,325 There's something I forgot to ask Inspector Burton. 114 00:09:14,411 --> 00:09:18,456 He'll be at 44 Faulkner Street. Gets a lot of information there. 115 00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:22,075 Oh, you know that gay porn magazine? Wasn't mine. 116 00:09:22,169 --> 00:09:24,457 I've nothing against gays. 117 00:09:24,546 --> 00:09:27,084 It's just that, er... I am not gay! 118 00:09:27,174 --> 00:09:30,543 - Right. - So, uh, given that, 119 00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:36,638 um, how would you like to have... dinner with me one night? 120 00:09:36,725 --> 00:09:39,216 - OK. - Oh, good! 121 00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,054 See you later. 122 00:09:41,146 --> 00:09:43,518 - Ah! - We'll meet again. 123 00:09:43,606 --> 00:09:45,480 Yes, very scary. 124 00:09:46,651 --> 00:09:48,442 Right. Occupation? 125 00:09:48,528 --> 00:09:50,319 Student. 126 00:10:26,982 --> 00:10:28,975 Ow! 127 00:11:17,781 --> 00:11:21,067 The accountants run football these days. 128 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:26,284 See, they tell the managers who they can and cannot buy. 129 00:11:26,373 --> 00:11:31,201 Come to think of it, we're running everything these days. 130 00:11:32,004 --> 00:11:34,376 Accountants are running the world. 131 00:11:34,464 --> 00:11:37,880 Still, that ain't bad for business, is it? 132 00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:42,179 That's why Man U are winning everything. It's down to money. 133 00:11:43,598 --> 00:11:45,840 - Where's Cochran? - Polishing his shoes. 134 00:11:50,063 --> 00:11:53,313 Here's your girlfriend. 135 00:11:53,399 --> 00:11:57,100 - What about my Porsche? - You're insured for fire and theft. 136 00:11:57,195 --> 00:11:58,819 Got something for me? 137 00:11:58,905 --> 00:12:01,941 Lovely. 138 00:12:03,201 --> 00:12:05,573 - Why the bonus? - Golden handshake. 139 00:12:05,661 --> 00:12:08,947 Market's flooded with class A. Gram of coke's 40 quid. 140 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,989 Just not worth the risk, is it? So we're goin' legit. 141 00:12:14,754 --> 00:12:18,585 Yeah, well, just one problem with that as far as I can see. Me. 142 00:12:18,674 --> 00:12:22,541 And me. That's, uh, two problems. 143 00:12:22,636 --> 00:12:27,097 - We can't push our luck. - It's not luck. I've been busy. 144 00:12:27,182 --> 00:12:31,097 I've just nailed some tart to cover his arse. It's a good scam, Paul. 145 00:12:31,186 --> 00:12:33,428 You'll get a pension. 146 00:12:33,522 --> 00:12:37,389 Look at Al Pacino. You're just a dwarf with a calculator. 147 00:12:37,484 --> 00:12:41,351 Yeah, I got a calculator, which is useful. 148 00:12:41,446 --> 00:12:45,823 Cos I can account for every bill, receipt and cheque in boring detail. 149 00:12:45,909 --> 00:12:48,447 The taxman's always welcome at my house. 150 00:12:48,537 --> 00:12:50,659 If he was tipped off about you... 151 00:12:50,747 --> 00:12:54,875 Let's see. "He's a copper, so he earns this much." 152 00:12:54,959 --> 00:12:57,629 "Bugger all. And he spends this much." 153 00:12:57,712 --> 00:13:01,163 "It doesn't make sense, unless he's on the take." 154 00:13:07,513 --> 00:13:10,384 What the bloody hell you doin? 155 00:13:10,475 --> 00:13:12,551 Boss. 156 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:30,988 - Still thinking of going legit? - No, just changed me mind. 157 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:33,616 - You've killed him. - What? 158 00:13:33,706 --> 00:13:35,283 What? 159 00:13:35,374 --> 00:13:38,458 Some more crisps. 160 00:13:38,544 --> 00:13:41,035 Who's that? 161 00:13:42,214 --> 00:13:43,673 Coming out. 162 00:13:46,802 --> 00:13:49,209 - Who are you? - Please don't shoot. 163 00:13:49,304 --> 00:13:52,424 - Are those my crisps? - I'm hypoglycaemic. 164 00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:54,722 Th-The opposite of, er, diabetes. 165 00:13:54,809 --> 00:13:57,894 I overproduce insulin, my sugar levels crash, 166 00:13:57,979 --> 00:14:01,478 I get lethargic and I need regular carbohydrate snacks. 167 00:14:01,566 --> 00:14:03,642 What are you doing here? 168 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,317 I really don't know. 169 00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:09,148 Oh, look, he's alive! 170 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,944 Get him! 171 00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:22,951 There he is! 172 00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:38,510 Uh, right, listen. Could I just say something? 173 00:14:38,602 --> 00:14:41,473 If you attack me, I will go to the police. 174 00:14:41,563 --> 00:14:45,098 It'll be reported. You'll have a criminal record. 175 00:14:45,192 --> 00:14:47,231 You've got one. OK. 176 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:53,274 In my wallet, I've got...£40! That's 20 each. 177 00:14:53,366 --> 00:14:55,359 Plus a cash card. 178 00:14:55,452 --> 00:14:58,572 It's got a £200 limit, of which I've withdrawn 40. 179 00:14:58,663 --> 00:15:02,708 You've got that. Now, the PIN number. It's the Battle of Hastings. 180 00:15:02,792 --> 00:15:05,497 Oh! Oh, my God! 181 00:15:05,587 --> 00:15:10,498 Oh! Oh, that really hurt! Oh, oh... 182 00:15:10,592 --> 00:15:13,165 - Oh, bloody shit! - Bloody hell! 183 00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:17,804 Where is he? 184 00:15:17,890 --> 00:15:22,552 Oh, Gordon Bennett! 185 00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:56,171 I dunno. No sign of him. 186 00:16:01,808 --> 00:16:05,640 'Good morning, Manchester. It's 8:00. 187 00:16:05,729 --> 00:16:08,979 'A man out walking his dog made a gruesome discovery 188 00:16:09,065 --> 00:16:13,110 'when he came across a headless corpse on the Stockport Canal. 189 00:16:13,194 --> 00:16:18,568 'Police urgently seek the owner of a wallet found near the body...' 190 00:16:18,658 --> 00:16:23,996 Hello, my name is Simon Garden. I'd like to report a murder. 191 00:16:25,414 --> 00:16:30,456 Erm... I know I look a mess. I, uh... I slept rough last night. 192 00:16:30,544 --> 00:16:33,415 I got punched in the face by a man with a stick. 193 00:16:33,506 --> 00:16:35,498 Fell off a roof into a canal. 194 00:16:35,591 --> 00:16:38,343 Actually got a condom stuck on my finger. 195 00:16:38,427 --> 00:16:40,716 Eugh. 196 00:16:40,804 --> 00:16:44,754 I'm not a lunatic. I'm a probation officer. 197 00:16:44,850 --> 00:16:47,637 Um... I know, same thing. 198 00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:52,306 But, no, this is murder and I'd like to speak to a senior officer, please. 199 00:16:52,399 --> 00:16:54,475 Certainly, sir. 200 00:16:56,403 --> 00:16:58,941 Good. 201 00:17:01,908 --> 00:17:04,613 - Oh. - Hello, Simon. 202 00:17:04,703 --> 00:17:06,826 Hello. 203 00:17:09,499 --> 00:17:13,082 I reckon we should, you know, rub him out. 204 00:17:13,169 --> 00:17:16,336 We can't rub people out. We're police officers. 205 00:17:16,422 --> 00:17:18,498 Aye, of course. 206 00:17:18,591 --> 00:17:22,209 - What about the accountant? - That was unfortunate. 207 00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:30,640 Are you just gonna let him go? 208 00:17:30,728 --> 00:17:34,429 For the time being. He's a very scared boy. 209 00:17:34,523 --> 00:17:37,892 He'll probably go back to do-gooding in Toy Town. 210 00:17:37,985 --> 00:17:40,393 If he does talk, we'll pay him a visit. 211 00:17:40,488 --> 00:17:44,437 He'll find a kilo of Colombia's finest and a head in his fridge. 212 00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:47,238 Let's look at the facts. 213 00:17:47,328 --> 00:17:51,539 I'm in charge of the investigation. Your wallet's found near the body. 214 00:17:51,623 --> 00:17:55,039 You're... "helping police with their enquiries". 215 00:17:55,127 --> 00:17:57,878 You're in a lot of trouble. 216 00:17:57,963 --> 00:18:00,584 But hang on. I think I can help you. 217 00:18:00,674 --> 00:18:05,834 If you keep your mouth shut, the murderer may never be found. 218 00:18:05,929 --> 00:18:09,713 - You can't intimidate me. - Let me give it a shot. 219 00:18:18,024 --> 00:18:20,230 If you open your mouth... 220 00:18:21,486 --> 00:18:25,566 I won't lay a finger on you, but you'll go to prison. 221 00:18:25,657 --> 00:18:30,069 And when those nonces and perverts get hold of a clever boy like you, 222 00:18:30,161 --> 00:18:31,988 and I'll make sure they do, 223 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,033 they're gonna be queuing up round the block. 224 00:18:35,124 --> 00:18:39,336 You're gonna end up with an arsehole like a clown's pocket. 225 00:18:45,134 --> 00:18:47,043 That was pretty good. 226 00:18:54,226 --> 00:18:56,598 - Do you like Thai food? - Why? 227 00:18:56,687 --> 00:19:01,016 I thought you'd like to celebrate that you're no longer a suspect. 228 00:19:01,108 --> 00:19:04,690 I can't. I'm leaving. I'm not really up to the job here, 229 00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:07,186 so I thought I'd go back to my old one. 230 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:11,527 - If they'll have me. - Well, what about a goodbye dinner? 231 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,611 It's probably best if I just go. 232 00:19:13,703 --> 00:19:17,701 I was going with a bunch of mates. I thought you might join us. 233 00:19:17,791 --> 00:19:21,740 That's all. Don't worry. You won't be missed. 234 00:19:21,836 --> 00:19:26,214 Listen. It's been really, really nice working with you. 235 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:31,459 Good luck with your career. You'll go from strength to strength. 236 00:19:33,598 --> 00:19:35,258 Ditto. 237 00:19:35,349 --> 00:19:39,098 ♫ I ain't got no home, ain't go no shoes 238 00:19:39,187 --> 00:19:43,350 ♫ Ain't go no money, ain't got no class 239 00:19:43,441 --> 00:19:47,521 ♫ Ain't got no skirts, ain't got no sweater 240 00:19:47,611 --> 00:19:50,648 ♫ Ain't got no perfume, ain't got no bed... ♫ 241 00:19:50,739 --> 00:19:54,073 - See ya. - ♫ Ain't got no mind... ♫ 242 00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:55,618 Bye. 243 00:19:55,703 --> 00:19:57,779 ♫ Ain't got no mother 244 00:19:57,871 --> 00:20:00,541 ♫ Ain't got no culture 245 00:20:00,624 --> 00:20:04,159 ♫ Ain't got no friends... ♫ - "Ditto." 246 00:20:04,253 --> 00:20:08,084 ♫ Ain't got no love... ♫ - "Ditto." 247 00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:12,467 ♫ Ain't got no ticket, ain't got no token 248 00:20:12,552 --> 00:20:16,087 ♫ Ain't got no God ♫ 249 00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:21,057 'You're gonna end up with an arsehole like a clown's pocket.' 250 00:20:21,144 --> 00:20:23,053 Ahhh! 251 00:20:28,485 --> 00:20:31,154 'Inspector, four days ago 252 00:20:31,237 --> 00:20:34,404 'you rescued a 15-year-old girl from a burning car. 253 00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:36,282 'What's it like to be a hero?' 254 00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:38,526 'l was just doing my job, 255 00:20:38,619 --> 00:20:42,403 'and any other officer would have done the same as me. 256 00:20:42,498 --> 00:20:47,077 'If this thing helps people see through the uniform, that's great.' 257 00:20:47,169 --> 00:20:51,249 'You're to receive this year's Police Federation bravery medal. 258 00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:54,923 'Looking forward to the Town Hall awards ceremony next week?' 259 00:20:55,010 --> 00:20:59,055 'Yes, very much, but I'll still be working. Business as usual. 260 00:20:59,139 --> 00:21:02,057 'Criminals don't take days off, you know.' 261 00:21:36,009 --> 00:21:37,419 Five, please. 262 00:21:40,388 --> 00:21:42,131 Six. 263 00:21:43,266 --> 00:21:45,673 - Oh. Sex. - Ah, sex! 264 00:22:17,466 --> 00:22:20,799 Bill, have we got any more of that sake? 265 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:31,012 Ah. Bill. Where's Tuesday's tape? 266 00:22:31,104 --> 00:22:34,473 - It should be there. - I've just given it to the boss. 267 00:22:34,566 --> 00:22:38,184 Right. William. Do me a favour. Could you hold this? 268 00:22:38,278 --> 00:22:40,484 Stay there just one second. 269 00:22:42,657 --> 00:22:44,151 Where's that sake? 270 00:22:44,242 --> 00:22:47,077 Bill's just getting it. Where'd the boss go? 271 00:22:47,161 --> 00:22:49,913 To put something in his safety deposit box. 272 00:22:49,997 --> 00:22:52,370 - Thank you. - Hang on. Who are you? 273 00:22:53,543 --> 00:22:57,042 John. John Jones. 274 00:22:57,129 --> 00:22:59,288 ♪♪. 275 00:23:49,055 --> 00:23:51,213 - Can I help you? - You're nicked. 276 00:23:51,307 --> 00:23:54,059 What? I... Oh, my God! Emma, it's you! 277 00:23:54,143 --> 00:23:58,935 - So I thought you were leaving town. - Uh, no, I-I changed my mind. 278 00:23:59,023 --> 00:24:01,265 You look absolutely gorgeous. 279 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:05,439 - I'm a prostitute. - Right. 280 00:24:07,823 --> 00:24:10,361 Why? Don't the police pay you enough? 281 00:24:10,451 --> 00:24:12,443 No, I'm undercover. 282 00:24:12,536 --> 00:24:15,572 Very convincing. Yeah. You fooled me. 283 00:24:16,832 --> 00:24:19,405 - We can't really talk here. - Why? 284 00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:21,126 Miami Vice. 285 00:24:22,504 --> 00:24:25,790 Do you want a coffee? Yes. 286 00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:28,089 Why were you staring at that bank? 287 00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:30,750 Um, I'm thinking of robbing it. 288 00:24:42,399 --> 00:24:44,724 - Simon! - Hello, George. 289 00:24:44,818 --> 00:24:46,146 Come in, come in. 290 00:24:47,529 --> 00:24:50,814 Anyone fallen off the roller coaster recently? 291 00:24:50,907 --> 00:24:53,943 No. I inspect it every day. 292 00:24:55,286 --> 00:24:57,160 Don't worry about me, Simon. 293 00:24:57,246 --> 00:25:00,033 I will never go back to a life of crime, 294 00:25:00,124 --> 00:25:02,033 and it's all down to you. 295 00:25:02,126 --> 00:25:06,076 So, if you ever want a favour, all you have to do is ask. 296 00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:08,544 Well, I'm glad you say that. 297 00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:12,464 Because I would like you to help me... 298 00:25:14,138 --> 00:25:15,680 Yes? 299 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:19,258 Rob a bank. 300 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:21,759 This is a test, isn't it? 301 00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:24,641 No, no. No, this is technically not a crime. 302 00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:27,982 We're not taking money. Just a videotape of a murder. 303 00:25:28,068 --> 00:25:33,524 George, it was horrific. I saw a man strangle a human being. 304 00:25:33,615 --> 00:25:35,275 Well, an accountant. 305 00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:38,617 No, you can't tempt me. 306 00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:41,740 - The murderer is a police officer... - No. 307 00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:43,539 - In charge of the... - No! 308 00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:48,121 This is not role play. I can't go to the police. I've been framed! 309 00:25:50,924 --> 00:25:52,881 I've no one else to turn to. 310 00:25:54,260 --> 00:25:58,922 Look, you always said crime is the easy path to the bottom. 311 00:25:59,015 --> 00:26:01,387 And now you want me to rob a bank? 312 00:26:01,476 --> 00:26:06,184 It's like asking a reformed drug addict to have one last hit. 313 00:26:28,752 --> 00:26:31,539 What do you think about what I just said? 314 00:26:32,923 --> 00:26:37,834 Oh. That makes sense. 315 00:26:42,599 --> 00:26:46,810 I shouldn't have had that curry. But I'm all right now. 316 00:26:59,616 --> 00:27:02,367 Sorry! 317 00:27:02,452 --> 00:27:04,740 Let me off! Let me off! 318 00:27:12,170 --> 00:27:14,411 Hang on! But you used to say, 319 00:27:14,505 --> 00:27:19,001 "You're halfway up a mountain. Crime's the easy path down. 320 00:27:19,093 --> 00:27:22,177 - "Responsibility..." - "Get there, it's a great view." 321 00:27:22,263 --> 00:27:25,347 Yeah. Well, don't that make you a hypocrite? 322 00:27:25,432 --> 00:27:29,181 In these circumstances, no. 323 00:27:29,270 --> 00:27:32,852 Oh, look, Simon, it's not that I don't want to help you. 324 00:27:32,940 --> 00:27:35,513 It's just, Erm... 325 00:27:35,609 --> 00:27:40,354 It's me mum. She's got crippling arthritis. She can hardly move. 326 00:27:40,447 --> 00:27:44,943 You know, I've got the shop, I've got her and, you know, 327 00:27:45,035 --> 00:27:48,570 a couple of chairs have been kicked over in the attic. 328 00:27:48,663 --> 00:27:51,201 She don't know why there's fish everywhere. 329 00:27:51,291 --> 00:27:53,746 Otherwise I'd be in that car with you now. 330 00:27:53,835 --> 00:27:57,204 Hey, Rambo! Them hake in there want guttin'. 331 00:27:57,297 --> 00:28:00,997 I could've fried 'em, ate 'em, and shat 'em out by now. 332 00:28:01,092 --> 00:28:02,255 Give it your mum. 333 00:28:05,263 --> 00:28:07,635 You big girl. 334 00:28:15,940 --> 00:28:18,692 I was such an idiot. But now I'm not an idiot. 335 00:28:18,776 --> 00:28:21,232 I'm a computer salesman, thanks to you. 336 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,728 The beauty is they sell themselves. 337 00:28:23,823 --> 00:28:27,655 All I do is provide a service support network for a small fee, 338 00:28:27,743 --> 00:28:30,234 which keeps the customers happy, and me. 339 00:28:30,329 --> 00:28:32,950 I'm very happy. I'm very happy. 340 00:28:37,252 --> 00:28:42,460 Oh, that was a shite job. I hated it. Ah! 341 00:28:42,549 --> 00:28:47,092 We're all in. Manchester, here we come. 342 00:28:47,179 --> 00:28:49,752 Not quite. There's one more. 343 00:28:51,516 --> 00:28:53,390 Victor? 344 00:28:55,103 --> 00:28:57,096 - Who's Victor? - There was a story 345 00:28:57,188 --> 00:29:00,273 that Victor once stole the Crown Jewels 346 00:29:00,358 --> 00:29:03,692 and then put them back without anyone noticing. 347 00:29:03,778 --> 00:29:07,479 - How do you know if no one saw it? - I read it in News of the World. 348 00:29:07,574 --> 00:29:09,151 Yep, that's were I read it. 349 00:29:09,242 --> 00:29:11,281 He's a master of disguise. 350 00:29:11,369 --> 00:29:14,952 Yep. Sometimes even I don't recognise him. 351 00:29:23,130 --> 00:29:26,546 - Victor? - I'm Victor's wife. 352 00:29:26,634 --> 00:29:30,548 After he worked with you, he tried to give up his life of crime 353 00:29:30,638 --> 00:29:34,338 by channelling his interests into amateur dramatics. 354 00:29:34,433 --> 00:29:37,517 But one night he sneaked off to do the safe 355 00:29:37,603 --> 00:29:40,224 at Jackson's food processing plant. 356 00:29:40,314 --> 00:29:42,983 Two days later, a machine was playing up. 357 00:29:43,067 --> 00:29:46,566 They reckon he must have fallen into the mincer. 358 00:29:46,653 --> 00:29:50,402 By that stage, the orders had already gone out. 359 00:29:50,490 --> 00:29:52,317 They tried to recall them, 360 00:29:52,409 --> 00:29:57,747 but all they got back was half a dozen pies and a couple of pasties. 361 00:29:57,831 --> 00:29:59,989 And is that what's... 362 00:30:00,083 --> 00:30:02,408 Yes. 363 00:30:03,753 --> 00:30:05,413 What a waste. 364 00:30:10,176 --> 00:30:13,462 - Er, of human life. - Hm. 365 00:30:13,555 --> 00:30:15,631 He was very fond of you - 366 00:30:15,723 --> 00:30:19,341 he had some tools I'm sure he would've wanted you to have. 367 00:30:24,524 --> 00:30:28,189 Thanks. I don't think we've got a lawnmower. 368 00:30:28,277 --> 00:30:29,902 Sorry. 369 00:30:43,584 --> 00:30:46,039 I'm afraid he was a bit of a hoarder. 370 00:30:46,128 --> 00:30:48,286 - Wow, a DTI. - A what? 371 00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:50,752 Digital transmission imager. 372 00:30:50,841 --> 00:30:54,791 - Oh, check this out. - Don't shoot. 373 00:30:54,886 --> 00:30:57,508 It's a fisheye lens. 374 00:30:57,597 --> 00:31:00,966 Victor obviously had a sense of humour. 375 00:31:01,059 --> 00:31:03,550 There's masses of it. 376 00:31:03,645 --> 00:31:05,388 - What's this? - A flask. 377 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,896 - For? - Tea, coffee, hot Bovril. 378 00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,945 We'll take it. 379 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,321 Welcome to my humble abode. 380 00:31:24,415 --> 00:31:28,080 There's just one rule. Do you mind popping your shoes off? 381 00:31:28,169 --> 00:31:31,039 It's a new carpet and... you know. 382 00:31:31,130 --> 00:31:33,668 Apart from that, make yourselves at home. 383 00:31:33,758 --> 00:31:35,418 Sleeping arrangements. 384 00:31:35,509 --> 00:31:38,463 - I have a spare bedroom... - Thank you very much. 385 00:31:38,554 --> 00:31:40,962 - Sofa bed... - Mine. 386 00:31:41,056 --> 00:31:44,307 - Inflatable mattress... - Bags that! 387 00:31:45,686 --> 00:31:48,936 - Good. Food. Who's hungry? - Yeah. 388 00:31:49,023 --> 00:31:53,981 We got hummus, taramasalata, uh, couscous, 389 00:31:54,069 --> 00:31:57,936 tabouleh, stuffed olives, cheese. 390 00:31:58,031 --> 00:32:01,032 - Where's the cheese? - In the fridge. 391 00:32:01,118 --> 00:32:03,905 - Have you got any bread? - Uh, focaccia. 392 00:32:03,995 --> 00:32:06,071 Is that sliced? 393 00:32:06,164 --> 00:32:09,948 Well, it's, uh, prêt á manger. 394 00:32:10,043 --> 00:32:13,079 - No, it's not sliced. - Right. 395 00:32:16,132 --> 00:32:19,169 OK, the bank. Top view. 396 00:32:20,512 --> 00:32:24,011 Side road here. Front door. Uh, three windows. 397 00:32:24,098 --> 00:32:28,048 Stairs to the left and a door at the back, 398 00:32:28,144 --> 00:32:30,350 which I think leads to the vault. 399 00:32:30,438 --> 00:32:33,522 So, pretty basic. But... 400 00:32:33,608 --> 00:32:37,107 What's stopping us getting into the vault to get the tape? 401 00:32:37,194 --> 00:32:39,152 That's not important. 402 00:32:39,238 --> 00:32:42,987 The doors are bomb-proof, the windows are toughened glass, 403 00:32:43,075 --> 00:32:47,322 - there's no adjoining building. - CCTV outside and inside. 404 00:32:47,413 --> 00:32:51,541 Dual-circuit alarm on the doors. Heat and motion in every room. 405 00:32:51,625 --> 00:32:56,002 Electronically linked, via a control centre, to the police. 406 00:32:56,088 --> 00:33:01,248 And there's the vault - surrounded by concrete three feet thick. 407 00:33:01,343 --> 00:33:02,885 A big two-tonne door. 408 00:33:02,970 --> 00:33:06,718 A combination lock changed weekly and a preset time lock. 409 00:33:06,807 --> 00:33:09,095 Which can only be changed from the inside. 410 00:33:12,479 --> 00:33:14,768 Some fresh coffee? 411 00:33:14,856 --> 00:33:20,195 You isolate the power supply to the system and cut it off! 412 00:33:20,278 --> 00:33:23,729 It's not an integrated circuit. You got back-up systems. 413 00:33:23,823 --> 00:33:27,026 If you go near the power, you'll trigger the alarm. 414 00:33:27,118 --> 00:33:31,068 Discreet transistor crap - that's last year's old news! 415 00:33:31,164 --> 00:33:34,081 - Blow it up, get the money and go. - Shut up! 416 00:33:34,167 --> 00:33:36,871 - You mean the tape, not the money. - Oh, yeah. 417 00:33:36,961 --> 00:33:40,330 Blondie, if you want to pick holes, be my guest. 418 00:33:40,423 --> 00:33:44,372 - But I don't hear a better idea. - It's last year's old news! 419 00:33:44,468 --> 00:33:47,090 If you don't have anything to say, shut up! 420 00:33:47,179 --> 00:33:50,548 Tell him to stop saying "It is last year's old news"! 421 00:33:50,641 --> 00:33:53,512 - It is annoying. - He acts like a council official. 422 00:33:53,602 --> 00:33:56,272 I am a council official! 423 00:33:56,355 --> 00:33:59,190 Colin, what is today's news? 424 00:33:59,274 --> 00:34:02,192 - A TSMISP. - Tsimps? 425 00:34:02,277 --> 00:34:06,322 A target-specific multi-invasive subversion program. 426 00:34:06,406 --> 00:34:09,858 He means a computer virus. He's taking the piss! 427 00:34:09,952 --> 00:34:13,036 - You want me to hit him? - Just try it, fishface. 428 00:34:15,290 --> 00:34:18,576 Ow! That really hurt! 429 00:34:22,047 --> 00:34:27,041 Now, listen, I'm very grateful you've all agreed to help me rob a bank. 430 00:34:27,135 --> 00:34:31,346 But this is not a competition. We have to act as a team. 431 00:34:31,431 --> 00:34:37,054 Now, we're all very different people, and that's a good thing. 432 00:34:37,145 --> 00:34:39,221 Jeff here likes Oasis. 433 00:34:39,313 --> 00:34:40,891 Colin likes... 434 00:34:40,982 --> 00:34:44,682 - What do you like? - Hardcore Belgian trance. 435 00:34:46,195 --> 00:34:49,196 Great! George likes The Beach Boys. 436 00:34:49,281 --> 00:34:54,109 He likes them. I'm a bit of a Deep Purple nut. 437 00:34:54,203 --> 00:34:55,911 Uh, Smoke on the Water? 438 00:34:55,996 --> 00:34:59,330 Actually the result of a jamming session in Montreux. 439 00:34:59,416 --> 00:35:03,081 Casino was on fire, they saw the smoke... 440 00:35:03,170 --> 00:35:05,044 Anyway, the point is... 441 00:35:05,130 --> 00:35:07,170 - We should get on with it. - Exactly. 442 00:35:07,257 --> 00:35:13,342 Now, Colin, what is a TSMISP? 443 00:35:13,430 --> 00:35:18,590 And would telling us about it be a waste of our time? 444 00:35:21,855 --> 00:35:24,939 It locates all the alarm systems at the control centre. 445 00:35:25,025 --> 00:35:30,185 - Would that target our bank alarm? - It can't. It attacks all of them. 446 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:33,316 That won't shut the systems down. 447 00:35:33,408 --> 00:35:37,452 You're more likely to set off every bank alarm in the city. 448 00:35:37,537 --> 00:35:41,119 Colin, have an extra slice of toast. 449 00:35:42,917 --> 00:35:45,788 I think we deserve the morning off. 450 00:35:55,513 --> 00:35:57,801 Emma? 451 00:35:57,890 --> 00:36:00,013 - Hi, Simon. - Oh, hi. 452 00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:02,093 I was told to come up here by, uh... 453 00:36:02,186 --> 00:36:04,225 - My flatmate. - Right. 454 00:36:04,313 --> 00:36:06,602 - Just have a seat. - Yeah, sure. 455 00:36:06,690 --> 00:36:09,015 - I'm in the shower. - OK. 456 00:36:11,612 --> 00:36:15,526 - What are you doing this afternoon? - Nothing. 457 00:36:15,616 --> 00:36:19,744 Now, no pressure, but, uh, my Uncle Bernard 458 00:36:19,828 --> 00:36:23,660 is part owner of a... 459 00:36:23,749 --> 00:36:27,877 really cool narrow boat on the Rochdale Canal. 460 00:36:30,422 --> 00:36:33,672 And, uh, as luck would have it, 461 00:36:33,758 --> 00:36:36,712 today's one of his days, 462 00:36:36,803 --> 00:36:39,092 but, uh, he's unwell. 463 00:36:39,180 --> 00:36:42,929 Uh, he's got a problem with his... 464 00:36:43,017 --> 00:36:45,306 body. 465 00:36:45,395 --> 00:36:47,471 But, uh, it's really nice inside. 466 00:36:47,563 --> 00:36:51,643 It's, uh, warm and comfortable... 467 00:36:53,319 --> 00:36:55,358 and lovely. 468 00:36:57,073 --> 00:37:01,070 Anyway, you've... you've got a lovely little, uh... 469 00:37:02,203 --> 00:37:04,409 cat. 470 00:37:06,081 --> 00:37:09,331 - So, what do you think? - About what? 471 00:37:09,418 --> 00:37:13,961 You know, uh, you, me... 472 00:37:15,090 --> 00:37:16,798 narrow boat, 473 00:37:16,884 --> 00:37:18,757 canal. 474 00:37:18,844 --> 00:37:21,251 Unless you've got a better idea. 475 00:37:24,141 --> 00:37:28,352 That is just showing off. It's a fertility symbol. 476 00:37:28,437 --> 00:37:31,936 If you touch it, it increases your sexual potency. 477 00:37:32,023 --> 00:37:33,731 - Right. - Go on. 478 00:37:33,817 --> 00:37:35,726 - What? - Touch it. 479 00:37:35,819 --> 00:37:37,443 No. 480 00:37:37,529 --> 00:37:40,399 Are you afraid to touch a penis? 481 00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:43,444 You're talking to a guy who's going blind. 482 00:37:48,164 --> 00:37:50,322 Go on. Touch it. 483 00:37:51,876 --> 00:37:53,916 I'm just going to the, uh... 484 00:37:56,255 --> 00:37:58,462 Don't forget to wash your hands. 485 00:38:28,996 --> 00:38:31,284 Good afternoon. 486 00:38:33,667 --> 00:38:36,336 - It's not what you think. - Oh! 487 00:38:36,419 --> 00:38:39,124 It's wood. 488 00:38:39,214 --> 00:38:41,005 Hmm! 489 00:38:44,219 --> 00:38:49,130 Please. Please. Could you please do something about that man over there? 490 00:38:50,808 --> 00:38:53,134 Emma! Emma, help! 491 00:39:07,992 --> 00:39:11,076 Come out, please, sir. I know you're in there. 492 00:39:11,162 --> 00:39:13,320 I will be out in a minute. 493 00:39:13,414 --> 00:39:17,743 Man in ladies' toilet. Assistance required. Suspected flasher. 494 00:39:17,835 --> 00:39:21,085 'Roger, Maggie.' I am not a flasher. 495 00:39:21,171 --> 00:39:25,714 Could you come out, please, sir? You shouldn't be in the ladies'. 496 00:39:25,801 --> 00:39:28,339 I've got an upset stomach. 497 00:39:50,158 --> 00:39:51,866 Right, where's the perv? 498 00:39:52,827 --> 00:39:57,039 - Get out now! Dirty bastard. - Hang on. I'm nearly done. 499 00:39:58,041 --> 00:39:59,749 No, that's it. 500 00:40:01,878 --> 00:40:05,247 Sorry. Bit of an emergency. Now, what's the problem? 501 00:40:05,339 --> 00:40:08,958 You've been reported for indecent behaviour. 502 00:40:09,051 --> 00:40:12,752 - He had a lump in his trousers. - Yes, I had several. 503 00:40:13,889 --> 00:40:15,384 I shat myself. 504 00:40:15,474 --> 00:40:18,559 Now, where's the nearest Marks and Spencer's? 505 00:40:18,644 --> 00:40:21,847 Straight down the high street, the first on the left. 506 00:40:21,939 --> 00:40:23,978 Thank you very much. 507 00:40:29,321 --> 00:40:31,527 - It came off in my hand. - Don't worry. 508 00:40:31,615 --> 00:40:33,654 It's happened to me a few times. 509 00:40:56,347 --> 00:40:59,348 Like Jean-Claude Van Damme. Where? 510 00:40:59,434 --> 00:41:02,351 Roller disco, Oldham. He had a big knife. 511 00:41:02,437 --> 00:41:05,521 You knocked him out with one punch. 512 00:41:05,606 --> 00:41:07,184 I've told you this before? 513 00:41:07,275 --> 00:41:12,649 All your stories end with you knocking someone out with one punch. 514 00:41:12,738 --> 00:41:15,739 Got some knives and forks. 515 00:41:15,825 --> 00:41:19,443 Yeah. Let's use our fingers. What the heck. 516 00:41:19,537 --> 00:41:21,778 - I've been thinkin'. - Go on. 517 00:41:21,872 --> 00:41:24,659 Try going through a window, it's too visible. 518 00:41:24,750 --> 00:41:28,166 But get on the roof, you're concealed. It buys you time. 519 00:41:28,254 --> 00:41:30,127 How we gonna get in? 520 00:41:30,214 --> 00:41:32,918 I'm coming to that. There's a fire door. 521 00:41:33,008 --> 00:41:36,128 - Which only opens from the inside. - Hang on! 522 00:41:36,220 --> 00:41:39,090 There's like an air vent thing there, right? 523 00:41:39,181 --> 00:41:42,550 I can go through there, go around, open the fire door, 524 00:41:42,643 --> 00:41:45,560 - let you all in. - Brilliant. 525 00:41:45,645 --> 00:41:49,725 The aperture to the air conditioning unit you are referring to 526 00:41:49,816 --> 00:41:51,145 is 14 inches square. 527 00:41:51,234 --> 00:41:54,603 - Brilliant but flawed. - I could get in. Go on a diet. 528 00:41:54,696 --> 00:41:57,816 - You won't want that, then. - Never touch my food. 529 00:41:57,907 --> 00:42:00,233 Whoa! Jeff, Colin, calm down. 530 00:42:00,326 --> 00:42:02,449 It was a good idea. It's just... 531 00:42:06,583 --> 00:42:09,619 I'd rather you didn't argue. 532 00:42:09,711 --> 00:42:14,040 Jeff's got a lot on his plate at the moment. 533 00:42:14,132 --> 00:42:19,126 I know, but he really makes me angry, er... cos he talks rubbish sometimes. 534 00:42:20,346 --> 00:42:23,098 But if I have upset him, I'm sorry. 535 00:42:23,182 --> 00:42:26,017 That's very big of you to say so, Colin. 536 00:42:26,102 --> 00:42:28,260 George, anything to add to that? 537 00:42:28,354 --> 00:42:32,980 Huh? What? Erm... Erm... 538 00:42:34,151 --> 00:42:35,859 No. 539 00:42:37,279 --> 00:42:39,687 Jeff, you're very quiet... 540 00:42:42,576 --> 00:42:45,328 Kirsty! What the hell are you doing here? 541 00:42:45,412 --> 00:42:46,740 I thought I'd rob you. 542 00:42:46,830 --> 00:42:51,326 - What you're doing is illegal. - So is robbing a bank. 543 00:42:51,418 --> 00:42:54,335 How do you know we're robbing a bank? 544 00:42:54,421 --> 00:42:56,793 It's written on your notice board. 545 00:42:56,882 --> 00:43:00,132 Right, Kirsty. 546 00:43:00,218 --> 00:43:04,761 If you forget about this, I'll forget about you robbing my house. 547 00:43:04,848 --> 00:43:07,802 That's not equal. You're robbing a bank. 548 00:43:07,892 --> 00:43:12,056 - W-What do you want? - To join your gang and rob a bank. 549 00:43:12,146 --> 00:43:15,515 - We're not stealin' money. Right? - Yes. 550 00:43:15,608 --> 00:43:17,766 - Please? - You're too young. 551 00:43:17,860 --> 00:43:21,312 I could drive the getaway car. I've stolen 44 cars. 552 00:43:21,405 --> 00:43:26,067 And been caught 44 times. We don't need you, Kirsty. I'm sorry. 553 00:43:34,084 --> 00:43:35,958 Right. Where were we? 554 00:43:36,045 --> 00:43:39,912 Jeff had the wizard idea of gaining entry through an air duct 555 00:43:40,007 --> 00:43:43,707 and I pointed out that none of us could fit through it. 556 00:43:43,802 --> 00:43:45,711 I could. 557 00:44:20,046 --> 00:44:22,003 Ladybird to Praying Mantra. 558 00:44:23,257 --> 00:44:25,464 Ladybird, receiving you. 559 00:44:25,551 --> 00:44:28,220 I'm a mile away and I can still hear you. 560 00:44:28,304 --> 00:44:31,258 OK, now try five miles away. Over. 561 00:44:46,447 --> 00:44:50,029 Even if we can break in, what do we do about the getaway? 562 00:44:50,117 --> 00:44:52,359 I've got an idea about that. 563 00:44:55,747 --> 00:45:00,160 Now, on Friday, stay away from the target area until rush hour. 564 00:45:00,252 --> 00:45:03,786 - Any questions? - Why is the protest on a weekday? 565 00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:07,249 - For maximum disruption. - Bollocks! 566 00:45:07,342 --> 00:45:12,004 If we had it on a Sunday at 12 noon, outside the West Clyde Bank, 567 00:45:12,097 --> 00:45:14,089 there'd be a bigger turnout. 568 00:45:14,182 --> 00:45:16,554 - Yeah, some of us have to work. - Yeah! 569 00:45:16,643 --> 00:45:20,225 - The city's empty on a Sunday! - We'll reclaim the streets. 570 00:45:20,313 --> 00:45:24,357 - For the kids! - Friday, 5:00. It's been decided. 571 00:45:24,442 --> 00:45:26,481 - Who decided? - The committee. 572 00:45:26,569 --> 00:45:30,068 - Bollocks! - Some democratic organisation! 573 00:45:30,156 --> 00:45:32,113 - Yeah! Yeah! - It is. 574 00:45:32,199 --> 00:45:37,075 The elected committee votes and we abide by the committee's decision. 575 00:45:37,163 --> 00:45:39,998 - Bollocks! - Gonna let him push us around? 576 00:45:40,082 --> 00:45:43,996 - Tell him we're not sheep. - We're not sheep! 577 00:45:44,086 --> 00:45:46,755 - Tell him to put it to a vote. - Put it to a vote! 578 00:45:46,839 --> 00:45:49,081 A good idea! 579 00:45:49,174 --> 00:45:52,045 All right. All those who want the protest 580 00:45:52,136 --> 00:45:55,551 - on Sunday at noon... - Outside the West Clyde Bank. 581 00:45:55,639 --> 00:45:59,304 Outside the West Clyde Bank, raise their hands. 582 00:46:02,729 --> 00:46:04,686 Yes! 583 00:46:14,240 --> 00:46:15,651 Hurry up! 584 00:46:16,910 --> 00:46:18,949 Oh, God. 585 00:46:28,629 --> 00:46:30,871 It's not a bloody marathon! 586 00:46:37,513 --> 00:46:41,677 If they realise they've loaded a virus, won't they tell everyone? 587 00:46:41,767 --> 00:46:45,183 Would you tell anyone if you'd been looking at this? 588 00:46:45,271 --> 00:46:49,138 Yeah, but it's boring, isn't it? Just variations on a... 589 00:46:51,777 --> 00:46:54,149 I've not seen that before. 590 00:47:17,052 --> 00:47:20,171 Any, uh, movement on the murder investigation? 591 00:47:20,263 --> 00:47:24,391 You mean the headless accountant? No, bit of a dead end, that. 592 00:47:24,476 --> 00:47:27,975 - That probation officer? - He's well out of the picture. 593 00:47:28,062 --> 00:47:31,229 - Let's not talk shop, eh? - I'd better be off. 594 00:47:31,316 --> 00:47:33,474 - One for the road. - No, thanks. 595 00:47:33,568 --> 00:47:35,395 It's an order. Vodka chaser. 596 00:47:38,781 --> 00:47:42,530 So, how's your love life at the moment? 597 00:47:42,618 --> 00:47:46,532 - No time for anything, really. - Tsk! Know what you mean. 598 00:47:51,836 --> 00:47:53,460 Oh! 599 00:47:54,588 --> 00:47:57,459 - Trying to get me drunk, lnspector? - Yep. 600 00:47:57,549 --> 00:48:00,087 I don't believe in in-house romance. 601 00:48:00,177 --> 00:48:02,549 Who said anything about romance? 602 00:48:04,348 --> 00:48:06,673 Stick to what you're best at. 603 00:48:18,612 --> 00:48:19,607 What is it? 604 00:48:19,696 --> 00:48:22,234 - It's a GOTLER. - A what? 605 00:48:22,324 --> 00:48:26,784 A George-operated time-lock-equalising robot. 606 00:48:26,870 --> 00:48:30,120 - This is telescopic? - Similar. It's hydraulic. 607 00:48:30,206 --> 00:48:32,282 And once inside the vault, 608 00:48:32,375 --> 00:48:36,242 this emits an electromagnetic pulse at the LED displays, 609 00:48:36,337 --> 00:48:41,248 causing the clocks to synchronise at zero, deactivating the time lock. 610 00:48:41,342 --> 00:48:44,676 - How'd you know that? - I heard you phone your mother. 611 00:48:44,762 --> 00:48:48,178 Yeah, yeah. She likes to know what I'm up to. 612 00:48:49,308 --> 00:48:53,555 Now, with the time lock, it's a simple matter for the GOTLER... 613 00:48:53,646 --> 00:48:56,896 Oh! I told you. It's top-heavy. 614 00:48:56,982 --> 00:49:00,517 - It's only a small modification. - It needs a redesign. 615 00:49:00,611 --> 00:49:04,027 - If that goes, we all go to jail. - It won't. 616 00:49:04,114 --> 00:49:07,898 How we gonna get the bank to let us put that in the vault? 617 00:49:20,714 --> 00:49:23,833 And, uh, what did you say was inside it? 618 00:49:23,925 --> 00:49:29,216 £10,000 in coins, notes and cheques. Hopefully. 619 00:49:29,305 --> 00:49:33,220 - This buys beds for the children? - And a couple of wheelchairs. 620 00:49:33,309 --> 00:49:35,598 - They're disabled? - Challenged. 621 00:49:35,687 --> 00:49:37,395 - Of course. - And blind. 622 00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:40,149 - Are they? - Uh, some of them. 623 00:49:40,233 --> 00:49:41,431 Right, uh... 624 00:49:41,526 --> 00:49:45,737 Well, unfortunately, we can't allow items like this into the vault. 625 00:49:45,822 --> 00:49:50,483 We might make an exception for a valuable painting or a sculpture. 626 00:49:50,576 --> 00:49:53,363 - Excuse me. Can I shake your hand? - Yes. 627 00:49:53,454 --> 00:49:55,660 - It's Dr Moroe. - Monroe. 628 00:49:55,748 --> 00:49:58,239 Oh, yes, of course. Can I say thank you? 629 00:49:58,334 --> 00:50:02,877 Thank you. Thank you for all you've done for the children at St Simon's. 630 00:50:02,963 --> 00:50:06,831 To see the smiles when they wore shoes for the first time! 631 00:50:06,925 --> 00:50:11,089 Heartbreaking. Do you know what they call him at the children's home? 632 00:50:11,180 --> 00:50:13,884 - No. - Dad! 633 00:50:16,602 --> 00:50:19,223 God bless. I'm sorry. 634 00:50:20,605 --> 00:50:23,275 Uh, d-do you have children of your own? 635 00:50:23,358 --> 00:50:25,516 Uh, yes, yes, I have. 636 00:50:25,610 --> 00:50:28,148 They're, uh... They're precious, aren't they? 637 00:50:28,238 --> 00:50:30,645 Yes. 638 00:50:33,159 --> 00:50:37,537 Right. You wait here while I go and open the big door. 639 00:50:41,251 --> 00:50:43,658 Ah-ah-ah-ah. 640 00:50:45,755 --> 00:50:51,176 God, it's a massive door. You must be very strong. 641 00:50:51,260 --> 00:50:56,467 Um, I'm afraid I am going to have to ask you to stand over there. 642 00:50:56,557 --> 00:50:58,882 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 643 00:51:12,114 --> 00:51:17,737 One, seven, eight, nine... 644 00:51:20,163 --> 00:51:23,283 - What's wrong? - Rewind it. Let's see it again. 645 00:51:24,751 --> 00:51:26,708 Oh, crumbs! 646 00:51:28,713 --> 00:51:30,753 - Whose idea was this? - Simon's. 647 00:51:30,841 --> 00:51:34,589 - He moved his bum in the way! - People do move their bums. 648 00:51:34,678 --> 00:51:37,251 - Why didn't she move the pig? - Piss off! 649 00:51:37,347 --> 00:51:40,716 - Language. - It's not Kirsty's fault. 650 00:51:40,809 --> 00:51:43,264 Why are we helping a man in corduroys? 651 00:51:43,353 --> 00:51:46,852 - He helped you. - That was his job. He was paid. 652 00:51:46,940 --> 00:51:50,854 We need a solution, not a whinging, surfing lemonhead. 653 00:51:50,943 --> 00:51:52,486 - Lemon knobhead. - Yeah! 654 00:51:52,570 --> 00:51:57,113 No. We don't need a curly-headed wanker trying to be Captain Kirk. 655 00:51:57,200 --> 00:52:00,035 At least he got things done. 656 00:52:00,119 --> 00:52:03,036 Imagine you looking for Spock in Star Trek IV. 657 00:52:03,122 --> 00:52:05,245 "I'm sorry. We couldn't find him." 658 00:52:06,709 --> 00:52:08,666 What? 659 00:52:08,752 --> 00:52:12,702 That was Star Trek III. It was called The Search For Spock. 660 00:52:12,798 --> 00:52:17,424 One, seven, eight, nine... three, five, 20! 661 00:52:17,511 --> 00:52:20,263 It's written on the back of his bloody hand! 662 00:52:30,857 --> 00:52:32,601 - Hi. - Hi. 663 00:52:33,985 --> 00:52:35,978 Um... 664 00:52:36,071 --> 00:52:39,321 Um... Uh, come in. 665 00:52:43,411 --> 00:52:45,404 Uh, everyone, this is Emma. 666 00:52:45,497 --> 00:52:48,700 She's a friend of mine and a police constable. 667 00:52:48,791 --> 00:52:50,250 Oh. 668 00:52:50,335 --> 00:52:55,839 - Off-duty. - This is my cousin, Colin. 669 00:52:55,923 --> 00:52:57,548 - Hi. - Hi. 670 00:52:57,633 --> 00:52:59,756 - That's Cousin Jeff. - Hi. 671 00:52:59,844 --> 00:53:03,794 - Hi. - This is my... Uncle George. 672 00:53:04,932 --> 00:53:07,637 - H-Hi. - Hi. 673 00:53:07,727 --> 00:53:10,300 - And this is... - I know you, you're, um... 674 00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:12,934 His daughter. 675 00:53:13,023 --> 00:53:15,146 - Hi. - Hi. 676 00:53:15,234 --> 00:53:18,437 Uh, can I, um... Excuse me. 677 00:53:23,325 --> 00:53:26,160 - They're not your family, are they? - No. 678 00:53:26,245 --> 00:53:29,578 - She's the joyrider. - Yes. 679 00:53:29,665 --> 00:53:33,413 - They're ex-clients. - Why are they in your living room? 680 00:53:33,502 --> 00:53:37,084 Well, they are... part of a voluntary self-help group. 681 00:53:37,172 --> 00:53:40,208 We meet regularly and what I encourage them to do 682 00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:44,428 is not concentrate on their own problems but look at other people's. 683 00:53:44,512 --> 00:53:46,885 That's beneficial for two reasons. 684 00:53:46,973 --> 00:53:50,424 One, they're less isolated, more able to focus, 685 00:53:50,518 --> 00:53:53,472 and two, I really like your knees. 686 00:53:53,605 --> 00:53:57,020 And your eyes. 687 00:53:57,108 --> 00:54:01,734 I mean, I like everything. Um... But I-I really like your knees. 688 00:54:01,821 --> 00:54:05,024 - Is that what you saw in the mirror? - Your knees? No. 689 00:54:05,116 --> 00:54:09,410 I mean, yes, just your knees. I probably didn't even see those. 690 00:54:16,168 --> 00:54:19,454 - No, no. No, we can't. Not here. - Yeah, right. 691 00:54:29,098 --> 00:54:32,513 Ah! 692 00:54:47,991 --> 00:54:50,529 What are you planning? 693 00:54:50,618 --> 00:54:55,161 Um, would you like me to tell you or would you like me to be spontaneous? 694 00:54:55,248 --> 00:54:58,202 Simon, what are you up to? 695 00:54:59,377 --> 00:55:01,370 I can explain. 696 00:55:01,462 --> 00:55:04,463 DI Burton murdered Trevor Deacon. 697 00:55:04,549 --> 00:55:07,503 - What are you talking about? - I saw him do it. 698 00:55:07,593 --> 00:55:11,887 - I was eating crisps behind boxes... - Why didn't you tell me before? 699 00:55:11,973 --> 00:55:14,546 Burton would have framed me. I'd be in prison. 700 00:55:14,642 --> 00:55:16,931 I'd be buggered. Daily. 701 00:55:17,019 --> 00:55:20,933 - And what's all this for? - I can't tell you. 702 00:55:22,274 --> 00:55:25,228 You're a police officer. 703 00:55:25,319 --> 00:55:27,477 I thought I was your friend. 704 00:55:31,867 --> 00:55:35,485 You know Trevor Deacon's effects? Who checked them? 705 00:55:36,830 --> 00:55:39,701 DI Burton did it personally. Why? 706 00:55:40,834 --> 00:55:42,162 It's OK. 707 00:55:51,970 --> 00:55:54,639 - Sir, can I ask you a question? - Yeah. 708 00:55:54,723 --> 00:55:56,929 The murder victim, Trevor Deacon. 709 00:55:57,017 --> 00:55:59,852 - Did you know him? - No. 710 00:55:59,936 --> 00:56:03,637 Then why is your number in his mobile phone? 711 00:56:03,731 --> 00:56:05,938 Do you think I murdered him? 712 00:56:06,025 --> 00:56:09,192 - I didn't say that. - Then who did? 713 00:56:09,278 --> 00:56:11,070 To tomorrow. 714 00:56:11,155 --> 00:56:13,777 To the most audacious crime of the century. 715 00:56:13,866 --> 00:56:16,073 He means your haircut. 716 00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:18,698 To, uh... To having friends. 717 00:56:18,788 --> 00:56:22,453 Yes... Thank you. 718 00:56:22,541 --> 00:56:25,211 To friends. 719 00:56:32,676 --> 00:56:34,799 Search warrant. 720 00:56:48,108 --> 00:56:50,895 Got a locked cupboard here, sir. 721 00:56:50,986 --> 00:56:53,655 Looks like some kind of hatch in the ceiling. 722 00:56:53,738 --> 00:56:56,146 Of course, prison food is processed, 723 00:56:56,241 --> 00:56:59,277 but you get used to it after about 10 years - 724 00:56:59,369 --> 00:57:02,286 the going rate for murdering an accountant. 725 00:57:02,372 --> 00:57:05,123 Except I didn't murder him. You did. 726 00:57:05,208 --> 00:57:08,292 Yeah, but I've got an alibi. You haven't. 727 00:57:08,378 --> 00:57:12,921 If you're gonna frame me for murder, you should have more evidence. 728 00:57:13,007 --> 00:57:16,091 Boss, I think you'll want to see this. 729 00:57:16,177 --> 00:57:19,047 Nice material with a young girl in the house. 730 00:57:19,138 --> 00:57:22,803 WPC Walsh, kindly escort the minor from the room. 731 00:57:22,892 --> 00:57:26,391 You do know she's under 16, don't you? 732 00:57:26,479 --> 00:57:31,105 Of course you do. She was in your care. They're lovely at that age. 733 00:57:31,192 --> 00:57:33,647 - You're horrible. - He's right. 734 00:57:33,736 --> 00:57:37,187 I'm so horrible they're giving me a bravery award tomorrow. 735 00:57:37,281 --> 00:57:39,570 Funny old world, isn't it? 736 00:57:59,803 --> 00:58:02,128 Bad dog! 737 00:58:06,518 --> 00:58:08,676 Drop it! 738 00:58:10,105 --> 00:58:12,144 Drop it! 739 00:58:15,193 --> 00:58:17,600 Let go of it! 740 00:58:17,695 --> 00:58:21,194 Let go, you horrid dog. Let go! 741 00:58:29,332 --> 00:58:32,249 Better have a look in the garden. 742 00:58:42,469 --> 00:58:46,134 You know, I don't think we checked the kitchen. 743 00:58:46,223 --> 00:58:50,055 Mr Garden, would you mind opening your fridge? 744 00:59:13,166 --> 00:59:15,491 What's in the pot? 745 00:59:33,352 --> 00:59:35,309 Boiled head. 746 00:59:43,487 --> 00:59:47,319 - Your solicitor's been delayed. - All right. I'll wait. 747 00:59:47,408 --> 00:59:50,492 Can I explain? Do you really think I was boiling a head? 748 00:59:50,577 --> 00:59:53,495 - You've been lying to me. - Give me ten seconds. 749 00:59:53,580 --> 00:59:57,792 I can prove Burton killed Deacon. It was recorded by security camera. 750 00:59:57,876 --> 00:59:59,999 The tape is in a bank vault. 751 01:00:00,087 --> 01:00:03,871 I've got to get out to the bank to get the tape to clear my name. 752 01:00:03,965 --> 01:00:06,172 That was 12 seconds. 753 01:00:17,437 --> 01:00:21,565 - Can I get a magazine? - Come on. Be quick. 754 01:00:26,821 --> 01:00:30,024 ♫ We're going shopping... ♫ 755 01:00:37,665 --> 01:00:39,823 It's that woman there! 756 01:00:42,211 --> 01:00:45,082 - Can I see your handbag, madam? - What's this? 757 01:00:45,172 --> 01:00:49,585 I didn't buy anything. I just paid for me petrol, that's all. 758 01:00:55,641 --> 01:00:59,508 Burton'll get his award in three hours. 759 01:00:59,603 --> 01:01:02,770 - Pardon? - Just saying... 760 01:01:02,856 --> 01:01:06,023 Burton'll get his award at Town Hall. 761 01:01:06,109 --> 01:01:07,853 Why are you telling me that? 762 01:01:07,944 --> 01:01:11,444 You think the guard'll give us champagne so we can toast him? 763 01:01:11,531 --> 01:01:14,651 Good idea. I could smash him over the head with it. 764 01:01:14,743 --> 01:01:18,575 - He's being sarcastic. - Just saying... 765 01:01:18,663 --> 01:01:21,285 Would've been great seeing Burton's face. 766 01:01:21,374 --> 01:01:24,660 It would've been great if Adolf Hitler 767 01:01:24,752 --> 01:01:29,130 had opened a vegetarian restaurant instead of forming the Third Reich. 768 01:01:29,215 --> 01:01:32,251 - But it didn't happen. - Don't like vegetarians. 769 01:01:42,144 --> 01:01:44,102 "It's get Kirsty in"! 770 01:01:45,940 --> 01:01:49,688 - "It's Kirsty, get in!" - Quick! 771 01:01:49,777 --> 01:01:52,066 - Hurry! - Get in! 772 01:01:53,197 --> 01:01:56,198 Wow! She's got all the gear! 773 01:02:02,247 --> 01:02:04,703 I didn't know we owned a van. 774 01:02:04,791 --> 01:02:07,911 I nicked it. Didn't think you'd mind this time. 775 01:02:08,003 --> 01:02:11,087 I know it's my fault you're in this mess. 776 01:02:11,173 --> 01:02:12,964 No, it's mine. 777 01:02:14,092 --> 01:02:15,836 It's partly yours. 778 01:02:17,345 --> 01:02:18,674 Run it. 779 01:02:21,975 --> 01:02:23,849 OK, let's do it! 780 01:02:38,116 --> 01:02:41,531 Quick photo, lnspector Burton? 781 01:03:00,638 --> 01:03:05,299 Ladybird to Praying Mantra. Are you receiving me? 782 01:03:05,392 --> 01:03:07,515 It's Praying Mantis. 783 01:03:07,603 --> 01:03:10,972 - Praying Mantra? - 'Praying Mantra receiving.' 784 01:03:11,064 --> 01:03:15,192 Coast is clear. Just two old dears waitin' for a bus. Over. 785 01:03:32,627 --> 01:03:35,498 No. It'll back up and repeat on me. 786 01:03:35,588 --> 01:03:39,538 - Anyway, she had a lemon sponge. - I love a lemon sponge. 787 01:03:48,392 --> 01:03:52,093 - Oh, God, I can't stand heights. - OK, you can let go now. 788 01:03:56,484 --> 01:04:00,528 OK. Colin's computer program will activate the alarm 789 01:04:00,613 --> 01:04:02,938 in T minus 15 seconds. 790 01:04:03,032 --> 01:04:04,858 Everyone ready? 791 01:04:04,950 --> 01:04:07,192 Good, good. Ten seconds. 792 01:04:08,412 --> 01:04:12,279 I'll count down. Five... 793 01:04:12,374 --> 01:04:15,375 four, three, 794 01:04:15,460 --> 01:04:19,458 two, one. 795 01:04:30,558 --> 01:04:32,966 Um... 796 01:04:46,324 --> 01:04:48,032 Well done, Colin. 797 01:05:08,178 --> 01:05:12,425 - Think thin, Kirsty. - That's easy for you to say. 798 01:05:16,895 --> 01:05:19,813 - Excuse me. - See you on stage. 799 01:05:19,898 --> 01:05:21,392 What are those sirens? 800 01:05:21,483 --> 01:05:24,437 They're going off all over. Computer problems. 801 01:05:24,528 --> 01:05:28,940 '..Four males escaped from Gladstone Street Station.' 802 01:05:29,032 --> 01:05:32,366 - Call Mills, check what's going on. - OK, boss. 803 01:05:35,956 --> 01:05:37,533 Come on. 804 01:06:14,743 --> 01:06:17,946 - Can I help? - Yeah. Catch. 805 01:06:18,038 --> 01:06:21,288 - What do I do with this? - Make George a cup of tea. 806 01:06:21,375 --> 01:06:23,581 - Oh. - One sugar. 807 01:06:56,325 --> 01:06:59,860 Excuse me, Officer. You do know the alarm's going off? 808 01:06:59,954 --> 01:07:02,112 All right, madam, it's sorted. 809 01:07:12,258 --> 01:07:15,212 How do you know which box the video's in? 810 01:07:15,302 --> 01:07:19,632 - 1962. - The year The Beach Boys formed. 811 01:07:19,723 --> 01:07:23,306 - Who are The Beach Boys? - You won't like them. 812 01:07:23,394 --> 01:07:26,015 You can hear the words. 813 01:07:26,104 --> 01:07:30,434 He said if she doesn't eat anything, then come what may, she'll die. 814 01:07:30,525 --> 01:07:34,570 Well, it wasn't her usual doctor and he did have a beard. 815 01:07:34,654 --> 01:07:39,363 Her doctor's in Spain, gallivanting. All right for some, isn't it? 816 01:07:39,451 --> 01:07:42,368 What the fuck are you on about? 817 01:07:49,544 --> 01:07:53,494 Oh, look! A statue of the Greek goddess Athena. 818 01:07:55,174 --> 01:07:58,259 Let's hope she's on our side. 819 01:08:19,615 --> 01:08:22,284 - Not fallen over, has it? - Yes. 820 01:08:22,368 --> 01:08:25,902 - I did insist on a redesign. - I have to say, he did. 821 01:08:25,996 --> 01:08:31,038 - Right. So, I mean, what? Are we... - We're knackered. We're knackered! 822 01:08:31,126 --> 01:08:34,625 Unless, of course, Kirsty presses this red button. 823 01:09:15,336 --> 01:09:17,578 These two were really worried. 824 01:09:17,672 --> 01:09:21,040 Praying Mantra to Ladybird. Are you receiving me? Over. 825 01:09:21,133 --> 01:09:24,632 - 'Mustafa? Mustafa?' - Come in, Ladybird. 826 01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:28,089 - He was very rude. - And he used the F-word. 827 01:09:28,182 --> 01:09:32,310 '..Sally and Jennifer outside chip shop on Broadcroft Road.' 828 01:09:34,062 --> 01:09:37,063 I don't know what it's coming to nowadays. 829 01:09:41,987 --> 01:09:47,277 God. He's seen the wire. Ladybird! Grasshopper! 830 01:10:10,223 --> 01:10:12,346 Bingo. Time locks off. 831 01:10:34,830 --> 01:10:37,202 - 'Ladybird!' - Come in. 832 01:10:37,291 --> 01:10:40,292 'The police are here. Five minutes at the most!' 833 01:10:40,377 --> 01:10:41,788 - Five minutes?! - Crikey. 834 01:10:41,879 --> 01:10:45,746 Stay focused. Right. Access code. Anyone write it down? 835 01:10:47,843 --> 01:10:49,586 Just testing. 836 01:10:55,767 --> 01:10:58,851 It says "code invalid." 837 01:11:03,650 --> 01:11:08,228 - Could they have changed the code? - Yeah, or a there's a backup system. 838 01:11:08,321 --> 01:11:11,690 Hands up anyone here who's robbed a bank before? 839 01:11:12,909 --> 01:11:15,779 George, what were you in for? 840 01:11:15,870 --> 01:11:17,744 I'm a serial bigamist. 841 01:11:17,830 --> 01:11:20,321 George, just isolate the problem. 842 01:11:20,416 --> 01:11:23,832 - I just like weddings. - Not that problem. This problem. 843 01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:27,419 I'll isolate it. We can't get through this door, 844 01:11:27,506 --> 01:11:30,176 and coppers will come through that one! 845 01:11:30,259 --> 01:11:33,592 - So what are we gonna do? - Nothing. 846 01:11:38,267 --> 01:11:40,509 Victor! 847 01:11:40,602 --> 01:11:44,896 So long as the alarm is active, the door won't open. 848 01:11:44,982 --> 01:11:48,351 I thought you might need a bit of help. 849 01:11:50,445 --> 01:11:53,779 A couple more minutes and I'll have it cracked. 850 01:11:56,952 --> 01:11:59,573 Sh-sh-shh. 851 01:12:01,623 --> 01:12:04,030 Now, try again. 852 01:12:04,125 --> 01:12:06,877 But that means they're in the building. 853 01:12:06,961 --> 01:12:11,754 I always find on these occasions that it helps to be quick. 854 01:12:27,148 --> 01:12:29,817 - I thought you were dead. - Just resting. 855 01:12:29,900 --> 01:12:32,937 - Saw your grave. - Your wife said they buried... 856 01:12:33,028 --> 01:12:35,650 six pies and a couple of pasties. 857 01:12:35,739 --> 01:12:38,527 "What a waste." 858 01:12:48,252 --> 01:12:52,499 Well, that wasn't too difficult. What are you doing? 859 01:12:52,589 --> 01:12:56,207 I'm opening a deposit box belonging to a DI Burton. 860 01:12:56,301 --> 01:13:00,299 - We got what we came for. - No harm having a look. 861 01:13:00,388 --> 01:13:02,677 Where's Victor? 862 01:13:04,017 --> 01:13:06,093 It seems to be all clear, Sarge. 863 01:13:06,186 --> 01:13:08,973 - We'd better check the vaults. - I'll go. 864 01:13:09,064 --> 01:13:12,230 Reed, you go with her. 865 01:13:18,740 --> 01:13:21,313 - Oh, wow. - Wow! 866 01:13:21,409 --> 01:13:24,114 - There's more in here. - It's not our money. 867 01:13:24,203 --> 01:13:27,655 - It's not his either. - This money is from drugs. 868 01:13:27,748 --> 01:13:32,541 The government will spend it on weapons of mass destruction. 869 01:13:32,628 --> 01:13:36,412 Right now, you are halfway up a mountain. 870 01:13:36,507 --> 01:13:39,294 Crime is the easy path to the bottom. 871 01:13:39,385 --> 01:13:42,090 - We're robbin' a bank! - Technically, yes... 872 01:13:42,179 --> 01:13:45,762 Let's just take it and if we change our minds send it back? 873 01:13:45,849 --> 01:13:49,218 - That's a good compromise. - It's not a compromise! 874 01:13:49,311 --> 01:13:52,514 - You're taking the money! - "Technically, yes." 875 01:14:01,615 --> 01:14:04,781 Sarge, lift stopped. Sarge, can you hear me? 876 01:14:04,868 --> 01:14:07,323 - Power cut? - No, it's Victor. 877 01:14:10,165 --> 01:14:13,415 - Oh, I've got to go back. - Never go back. 878 01:14:13,501 --> 01:14:16,372 - I left the tape. - In that case, go back. 879 01:14:50,287 --> 01:14:53,988 Seal the building and search all the rooms. 880 01:15:36,999 --> 01:15:39,704 - Sarge? - What? 881 01:15:39,794 --> 01:15:45,914 - Fancy having a drink sometime? - How about tomorrow night? 882 01:15:46,008 --> 01:15:49,840 - Can't tomorrow night. I'm busy. - Well, next week, then. 883 01:15:49,929 --> 01:15:52,217 I can't. I'm busy. 884 01:15:54,808 --> 01:15:59,554 Actually, I've changed me mind. Women. 885 01:16:10,240 --> 01:16:14,368 This is only the beginning! 886 01:16:15,829 --> 01:16:17,905 I think we have done the job. 887 01:16:22,294 --> 01:16:25,745 OK. One of us should jump first to be sure it's OK. 888 01:16:25,839 --> 01:16:29,421 The other'll make sure she doesn't panic when she jumps. 889 01:16:29,509 --> 01:16:31,632 Right. Oh, my God! 890 01:16:35,098 --> 01:16:39,558 George, I'm perfectly happy to go first if you're a bit worried. 891 01:16:39,644 --> 01:16:43,262 - Well, I am a bit worried. - No. No, you'll be fine. 892 01:16:43,356 --> 01:16:46,060 Just step off. Let gravity do the work. 893 01:16:46,150 --> 01:16:49,649 Jeff's at the bottom. I'm right behind you. 894 01:16:49,737 --> 01:16:53,272 - Thanks, buddy. - Piece of cake. 895 01:17:02,416 --> 01:17:04,622 Come on, Colin! 896 01:17:08,005 --> 01:17:10,460 We need a key to this door! 897 01:17:18,473 --> 01:17:20,300 Piece of cake. 898 01:17:21,852 --> 01:17:24,093 Where's Simon? 899 01:17:24,229 --> 01:17:27,230 'Crikey. He'll be needing some crisps.' 900 01:18:12,401 --> 01:18:15,402 - Toughened glass. - It's a bank. 901 01:18:19,366 --> 01:18:21,405 Go. 902 01:18:23,328 --> 01:18:24,656 Sorry, Sarge. 903 01:18:26,665 --> 01:18:28,456 In the days to come, 904 01:18:28,541 --> 01:18:32,705 we will make it impossible for the car to enter Manchester! 905 01:18:35,590 --> 01:18:39,967 The bicycle will be the symbol of a new world order! 906 01:18:44,891 --> 01:18:46,682 Oi! 907 01:18:50,813 --> 01:18:53,185 Hey, watch it! 908 01:19:09,707 --> 01:19:14,914 Come on, you bastards! Move off the road! 909 01:19:18,549 --> 01:19:20,007 Tosser! 910 01:19:20,092 --> 01:19:21,835 We did it! 911 01:19:21,927 --> 01:19:24,169 We've got the money. Let's go! 912 01:19:24,262 --> 01:19:26,338 Do what you like! 913 01:19:26,431 --> 01:19:29,717 I'm taking the tape to get Burton. 914 01:19:48,536 --> 01:19:51,027 - Hello. - Oh, hello. 915 01:19:51,122 --> 01:19:55,535 - What's on the tape? - This... is... 916 01:19:55,626 --> 01:20:00,169 A Short Film About Killing by the Polish director Krzysztof Kieslowski. 917 01:20:00,256 --> 01:20:03,672 A simple story of a man who kills in the heat of the moment, 918 01:20:03,759 --> 01:20:08,754 then it follows the legal process, culminating in the man's execution, 919 01:20:08,848 --> 01:20:11,635 which is just as futile as the murder. 920 01:20:11,725 --> 01:20:15,260 And that's the point, really, that killing is wrong. 921 01:20:16,689 --> 01:20:18,811 I've seen it. It's shit. 922 01:20:18,899 --> 01:20:23,395 - Mm. Yes, it is. - Why is it called "Tuesday"? 923 01:20:23,487 --> 01:20:25,029 Uh... 924 01:20:26,949 --> 01:20:28,573 Get after him. 925 01:21:03,859 --> 01:21:06,350 Security! They're on the way. 926 01:21:11,951 --> 01:21:15,320 Get the tape. Take it to Mr Cochran. 927 01:21:15,412 --> 01:21:17,950 I'll finish off here. 928 01:21:23,253 --> 01:21:26,171 Oi! Eh! 929 01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:42,720 You wouldn't hit a man with glasses? 930 01:21:42,814 --> 01:21:44,854 Come here. 931 01:21:51,948 --> 01:21:55,531 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 932 01:21:55,618 --> 01:21:58,619 Hey! 933 01:22:07,255 --> 01:22:09,746 Never mess with an office worker. 934 01:22:14,136 --> 01:22:15,512 Sorry. 935 01:22:22,353 --> 01:22:24,926 Thank you. 936 01:22:29,693 --> 01:22:32,777 Each of these officers being honoured here today 937 01:22:32,863 --> 01:22:37,240 represent the force for good that I want to see in the 21st century. 938 01:22:38,869 --> 01:22:41,157 They're all people's policemen. 939 01:22:44,791 --> 01:22:46,451 Come here. 940 01:22:46,543 --> 01:22:50,327 One word and you're dead. Now, where's that tape? 941 01:22:50,422 --> 01:22:52,082 Wait! 942 01:22:53,633 --> 01:22:56,504 - Wow! - One punch. 943 01:22:57,053 --> 01:22:59,591 - Here's your money. - Thank you. 944 01:22:59,681 --> 01:23:03,346 - We're climbing that mountain. - Good. 945 01:23:18,324 --> 01:23:21,858 You're all under arrest. Again. Oh, thanks very much. 946 01:23:21,952 --> 01:23:24,787 I was wondering how I'd get hold of that. 947 01:23:24,872 --> 01:23:27,623 Destroy it. You've done the job for me. 948 01:23:27,708 --> 01:23:30,911 He who laughs last, laughs longest. 949 01:23:31,003 --> 01:23:32,830 - You got a secret plan? - Yes. 950 01:23:32,921 --> 01:23:35,495 - And what's that? - It's a secret. 951 01:23:35,591 --> 01:23:37,963 Inspector Burton? 952 01:23:38,051 --> 01:23:40,589 - How do I look? - Crooked. 953 01:23:42,931 --> 01:23:46,015 - Have we got a secret plan? - No, we're knackered. 954 01:23:48,812 --> 01:23:51,219 - Hello. - Hello. 955 01:23:51,314 --> 01:23:54,766 - Where are we going? - You tell me. 956 01:23:59,197 --> 01:24:03,693 I'm very pleased today, not just cos I'm receiving this award, 957 01:24:03,785 --> 01:24:07,485 but also cos after a long time, this uniform still fits. 958 01:24:08,831 --> 01:24:10,491 Uh, excuse me! 959 01:24:11,751 --> 01:24:16,247 Sorry to interrupt, but I have got a gun pointed at this officer's head, 960 01:24:16,339 --> 01:24:19,921 so I'm sure you're aware the procedure is to stay calm, 961 01:24:20,009 --> 01:24:22,582 don't inflame the situation and listen. 962 01:24:22,678 --> 01:24:26,806 OK, my name is Simon Garden. I'm a probation officer. 963 01:24:26,891 --> 01:24:30,141 I have been wrongly accused of murder. 964 01:24:30,227 --> 01:24:34,094 I can't believe there are some people talking at the back. 965 01:24:34,189 --> 01:24:36,063 Shh! Shh! 966 01:24:36,150 --> 01:24:39,684 Please be quiet, or I will shoot her in the head. 967 01:24:39,778 --> 01:24:43,229 Thank you. Right. I am not a murderer. 968 01:24:43,323 --> 01:24:47,191 I know it doesn't look good, but I'm not capable of murder. 969 01:24:47,285 --> 01:24:49,492 I don't even know how to fire a gun. 970 01:24:49,579 --> 01:24:53,031 But... Hey, you just pull the trigger, right? 971 01:24:53,124 --> 01:24:55,615 Kirsty? 972 01:24:56,962 --> 01:24:59,631 We borrowed this money today from a bank. 973 01:24:59,714 --> 01:25:01,374 It was in a safe deposit box 974 01:25:01,466 --> 01:25:05,629 in the name of Detective lnspector Burton. 975 01:25:05,720 --> 01:25:10,263 Mr Garden, take the gun away from the young officer's head. 976 01:25:10,350 --> 01:25:13,304 It's OK. I won't pull the trigger... but I might. 977 01:25:13,394 --> 01:25:15,802 Sir, may I? 978 01:25:21,986 --> 01:25:23,564 Explain the money. 979 01:25:25,990 --> 01:25:29,441 This is money that was to be used as bait in a sting 980 01:25:29,535 --> 01:25:34,411 on a drug syndicate I've infiltrated posing as a corrupt policeman. 981 01:25:34,498 --> 01:25:37,701 You just wasted two years of police time, Simon. 982 01:25:49,304 --> 01:25:50,929 What about the tape? 983 01:25:53,975 --> 01:25:56,264 ♫ They've got the policeman 984 01:25:56,353 --> 01:25:59,437 ♫ The big, friendly policeman 985 01:25:59,523 --> 01:26:03,390 ♫ PC McGarry, number 452 ♫ 986 01:26:04,736 --> 01:26:06,444 What tape? 987 01:26:31,178 --> 01:26:32,838 Thank you. 988 01:26:32,930 --> 01:26:35,386 It's a long time since I've said this, 989 01:26:35,474 --> 01:26:38,808 but I'm arresting you on suspicion of murder. 990 01:26:38,894 --> 01:26:40,388 Sir, I can explain. 991 01:26:44,191 --> 01:26:46,267 Right, now. I've got the gun, 992 01:26:46,360 --> 01:26:49,277 and as you've seen, I will kill if I have to. 993 01:26:49,363 --> 01:26:53,147 While you're there, put the money in the bag, please. 994 01:26:53,242 --> 01:26:55,448 There should be more than that. 995 01:26:56,495 --> 01:26:58,119 Ow! 996 01:26:59,664 --> 01:27:02,334 If you kill me, you'll be a serial killer. 997 01:27:02,417 --> 01:27:03,995 No! 998 01:27:04,085 --> 01:27:06,872 You have to kill three to be a serial killer. 999 01:27:06,963 --> 01:27:10,712 Sorry. That's just America. It's two here. 1000 01:27:10,800 --> 01:27:15,628 Pulling that trigger will achieve nothing. You'll just look silly. 1001 01:27:24,605 --> 01:27:26,598 You need these. 1002 01:27:26,691 --> 01:27:30,309 - And these. - Whoo-hoo! Nice one. 1003 01:27:33,447 --> 01:27:36,982 All right. This is a police matter. 1004 01:27:37,076 --> 01:27:38,867 We'll take over from here. 1005 01:27:38,953 --> 01:27:41,526 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1006 01:27:55,719 --> 01:27:58,506 I'll look after the money. 1007 01:28:16,573 --> 01:28:19,906 - Are you going to let me go? - I, uh, I lost the key. 1008 01:28:19,993 --> 01:28:22,566 Oh, well, that's all right. George? 1009 01:28:22,662 --> 01:28:24,619 No problem. 1010 01:28:29,710 --> 01:28:33,044 Oh, no. That's a Spear and Jackson spring lock. 1011 01:28:33,130 --> 01:28:36,749 You won't be able to get those open till the morning. 1012 01:28:54,818 --> 01:28:56,562 Colin? 1013 01:28:56,653 --> 01:28:59,738 Sorry. It was just a very beautiful moment. 1014 01:28:59,823 --> 01:29:01,567 I'll, um... 1015 01:29:14,879 --> 01:29:18,295 Is that, uh... a gun in your pocket? 1016 01:29:19,509 --> 01:29:21,834 No, it's my penis.