1 00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:11,791 Long, long ago, in a land not that far away, 2 00:00:11,875 --> 00:00:15,250 a succession of kings believed God granted them the right 3 00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:17,708 to rule England however they chose. 4 00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:20,958 You know Henry the Eighth? Giant redheaded Tudor King. 5 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,166 Treated his wives like Kleenex: one blow and you're out. 6 00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:26,500 Divorced, beheaded, died, 7 00:00:26,583 --> 00:00:28,250 divorced, beheaded, survived. 8 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:29,333 Whew. 9 00:00:29,416 --> 00:00:32,750 Next on the throne was his son, Edward. 10 00:00:32,791 --> 00:00:33,791 Oh dear. 11 00:00:33,916 --> 00:00:37,541 When he died, the Kingdom expected the crown to go to his half sisters, 12 00:00:37,625 --> 00:00:39,458 {\an8} Mary, or even Elizabeth. 13 00:00:39,541 --> 00:00:42,666 {\an8} But instead, came a total bloody shocker. 14 00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,958 Lady Jane Grey. 15 00:00:46,041 --> 00:00:48,833 Intellectual rebel, a bit of a pain in the ass, 16 00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:52,583 and a political pawn for her ambitious noble family. 17 00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:56,750 Jane was married without her consent and crowned Queen against her will. 18 00:00:56,833 --> 00:01:01,708 Then, just nine days later, she was branded a traitor. 19 00:01:01,791 --> 00:01:03,625 And... 20 00:01:03,708 --> 00:01:07,250 wham... off with her head. 21 00:01:07,375 --> 00:01:10,250 Jane could have been the leader England needed. 22 00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:14,541 But instead, history remembers her as the ultimate damsel in distress. 23 00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:16,333 Fuck that. 24 00:01:16,416 --> 00:01:19,125 What if history were different? 25 00:01:20,625 --> 00:01:22,666 Never do anything you don't want to do. 26 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,958 I do want it, though, Lady Jane. 27 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:27,541 Well, then my advice is, if his member looks pustular... 28 00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:30,041 - Don't shag him. - Wise words, Susannah. 29 00:01:30,125 --> 00:01:33,583 - I made this salve to cure your itch. - Aren't you clever? 30 00:01:33,666 --> 00:01:35,416 Isn't she clever? 31 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:37,750 So, when's my cunny set for shagging? 32 00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:39,333 A few weeks. 33 00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:42,791 I can't abstain for a few weeks. Could you? 34 00:01:42,875 --> 00:01:44,958 I couldn't. But Jane wouldn't know. 35 00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:47,083 She's a lady. Saving herself for marriage. 36 00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:49,625 I'm saving myself for myself, actually. 37 00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:52,166 In fact, I may never marry. 38 00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:57,666 Yes, mock the person who's curing your vagina. 39 00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:00,041 But how will you live? 40 00:02:00,125 --> 00:02:02,375 What will you do? What would your mother say? 41 00:02:02,458 --> 00:02:04,476 - Lady Frances doesn't know. - And I don't really care what she thinks. 42 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:05,791 I've got bigger plans. 43 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,416 Go on, tell her. 44 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:10,416 I'm writing the world's first complete compendium 45 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,791 of England's medicinal herbs and their uses. 46 00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:14,458 - Herbs? - Herbs. 47 00:02:14,541 --> 00:02:15,916 Herbs. 48 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,333 Text, and drawings for those who can't read. 49 00:02:19,416 --> 00:02:21,625 I intend to publish it and sell it. 50 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,267 Perhaps I can make enough money to actually live independently. 51 00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:26,166 Where is the bloody Calendula officinalis? 52 00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:28,583 - Jane? - Found it. 53 00:02:28,666 --> 00:02:31,375 - The Duke of Leicester is coming. - Bollocks. Is that today? 54 00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:34,958 She told me to get flowers. 55 00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:36,083 Use it twice a day! 56 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,250 Jane, look. 57 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,916 New stable boy. Lush. 58 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,791 He's teaching me how to ride. 59 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,833 Whoa! 60 00:03:15,916 --> 00:03:18,583 {\an8}Whoa. 61 00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:22,833 Did you chew them? 62 00:03:22,916 --> 00:03:24,708 - Shut up, Margaret. - They're lovely. 63 00:03:24,791 --> 00:03:26,666 - Shut up, Katherine. - Shut up, all of you. 64 00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:28,833 And smile. Earn your keep. 65 00:03:28,916 --> 00:03:32,416 When Jane's father died with no male heir, 66 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:36,000 his great-uncle once removed, the Duke of Leicester, 67 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,291 inherited everything, 68 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:41,916 leaving the Grey widow and daughters dependent on Leicester's charity 69 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,666 for their very survival. 70 00:03:50,958 --> 00:03:53,208 Ghastly crowds on the London Road. 71 00:03:53,291 --> 00:03:54,458 A hanging at Chepstow. 72 00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:56,625 Oh, no, what a bother. 73 00:03:56,708 --> 00:03:58,750 - I think we should burn them all. - Margaret. 74 00:03:58,833 --> 00:04:00,583 Quite agree, poppet. 75 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:06,458 The latest Division Laws stipulate death for the trespassing Ethian menace, 76 00:04:06,541 --> 00:04:08,625 but not method, 77 00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:12,833 and interpretation is the enemy of efficiency. 78 00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:16,625 You've grown up, haven't you? 79 00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:19,208 Bless you, child. 80 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,250 You'd be prettier if you smiled. 81 00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:22,791 Would I? 82 00:04:22,875 --> 00:04:25,166 Your Grace, now do you have the... 83 00:04:29,958 --> 00:04:31,458 Elevation eases my gout. 84 00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:34,041 Cherries are good for that. 85 00:04:34,125 --> 00:04:36,000 - You know, I read that... - You read? 86 00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:37,083 In a book? 87 00:04:38,791 --> 00:04:42,458 I never permitted my wives... all dead in childbirth... 88 00:04:42,541 --> 00:04:45,833 The fruits of my loins are very large. 89 00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:51,916 I never permitted any of them to read or even own any books at all. 90 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,916 Yes, why did you burden us with all this education, Mother? 91 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,625 Because stupid women are tedious. 92 00:04:56,708 --> 00:04:57,976 What about stupid men? 93 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,458 - Eh? What's that? - Oh, nothing, nothing, Your Grace. 94 00:05:00,541 --> 00:05:03,041 Leicester, pray tell, do you have the confirmation? 95 00:05:03,125 --> 00:05:04,875 Ah. Yes, indeed I do. 96 00:05:04,958 --> 00:05:05,958 Jane! 97 00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:09,708 Sweet child, we have secured for you 98 00:05:09,791 --> 00:05:14,541 the most thrilling honor one can bestow upon a young noblewoman. 99 00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:17,916 Your marriage. 100 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,916 Oh, shit. 101 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,833 My marriage? 102 00:05:23,416 --> 00:05:27,416 What modesty! To believe that you are going to die... 103 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:28,750 Shut up! 104 00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:31,166 - I'm sorry? - You should be! 105 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:32,458 You're wrong about everything. 106 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,541 I do not look prettier when I smile, 107 00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,875 and I am not destined to be wretched. 108 00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:38,916 - I am... - Overwhelmed by the wonderful news. 109 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,375 Now I will escort Jane to her chambers. 110 00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:43,666 Come along. 111 00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:45,833 Forgive her, Your Grace. 112 00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:49,166 How dare you plot my life with that cretin? 113 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:51,958 - You drove me to this. - But I don't want to be married. 114 00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:54,291 You no longer define your life by what you don't want. 115 00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:56,916 You refuse to discuss suitors. 116 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:01,458 Or hunt or dance or do anything except for gossip with your servant 117 00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:04,708 and fiddle with those infernal herbs and books. 118 00:06:04,791 --> 00:06:08,250 Lord Guildford Dudley will be your husband. 119 00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,750 Guildford Dudley? 120 00:06:11,125 --> 00:06:13,083 Guildford Dudley? 121 00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:16,458 I've heard of him. The girls at Court say he's vile. 122 00:06:16,541 --> 00:06:18,416 He-he drinks, fights, gambles. 123 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:20,750 He cavorts with women of ill repute. 124 00:06:20,833 --> 00:06:23,041 He is the last man I would ever marry. 125 00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:25,458 Jane, this marriage protects us. 126 00:06:25,541 --> 00:06:28,500 Leicester will soon tire of his charity towards us, 127 00:06:28,583 --> 00:06:32,875 and I do not intend to leave my house for a wretched hovel in Croydon. 128 00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:34,708 Your father left us nothing. 129 00:06:34,791 --> 00:06:36,833 Our only wealth is blood. 130 00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:40,166 And you are pure Verity and cousin to the King. 131 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:42,750 The Dudleys will do anything for power, 132 00:06:42,833 --> 00:06:45,208 and they are very, very, very rich. 133 00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:46,416 You mercenary bitch. 134 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,166 We do not do that anymore. 135 00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:54,333 In three days' time, you will be wed. 136 00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:57,625 I will do everything in my power to get out of this marriage. 137 00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:00,583 Jane. 138 00:07:00,666 --> 00:07:02,666 You have no power. 139 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,916 My book. 140 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,125 Where is my book? 141 00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:12,250 What did you do? 142 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,333 I threw that wretched thing on the fire. 143 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:37,125 There comes a point in everyone's life 144 00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:41,083 when you realize you simply cannot put up with your mother's bullshit 145 00:07:41,166 --> 00:07:43,458 for another moment. 146 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,708 Tell me what pleases you. 147 00:07:58,916 --> 00:08:00,000 Yeah, this works. 148 00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:20,125 Psst. 149 00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,208 Psst! 150 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,333 No. 151 00:08:27,416 --> 00:08:29,000 Now. 152 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:37,000 - We're leaving. - I was rather enjoying that. 153 00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:39,583 - Wait, what did you say? - We're leaving. Now. Right now. 154 00:08:39,666 --> 00:08:42,333 We'll go north, find a village where nobody knows us. 155 00:08:42,416 --> 00:08:43,892 I'll make my cures, and you can sell... 156 00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:46,101 - Are you crazy? - I have been trapped here my entire life. 157 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,916 If I marry, I will be trapped somewhere else. 158 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,291 Now, that is crazy. 159 00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:52,041 - Jane, you don't know what it's like out there. - You sound like... 160 00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:54,666 ...like my mother. 161 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,833 - It's nearly dawn. We must hurry. - It's dangerous. 162 00:08:56,916 --> 00:08:59,375 Ethians, the Pack. People talk of civil war. 163 00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:00,976 You don't really believe that, now, do you? 164 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,041 I mean, when's the last time you even saw an Ethian? 165 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,458 What do you know? You don't go anywhere. 166 00:09:05,541 --> 00:09:07,125 Jane. 167 00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:08,916 When I was a kid, I... 168 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,666 Your family kicked you out. 169 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,184 - Yes, you told me. There was a man involved. - No, that's not... 170 00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,208 You won't be safe. 171 00:09:15,291 --> 00:09:18,041 I will never be safe while my mother is trying to barter me. 172 00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:22,625 I want my life to be mine, forever. 173 00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:24,416 - Jane... - Then stay. 174 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,166 I'll be fine on my own. 175 00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:28,125 You'll be dead in a week. 176 00:09:30,541 --> 00:09:31,625 We'll need some money. 177 00:09:32,958 --> 00:09:34,166 Do you like my ring? 178 00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:38,416 My sweet mother is a sound sleeper. 179 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:54,333 We'll follow the old path to Marlow, hop the river barge, start our lives. 180 00:10:05,916 --> 00:10:07,666 Hey, Jane. 181 00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:09,666 What? 182 00:10:10,875 --> 00:10:12,208 What's that sound? 183 00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:18,125 Run. 184 00:10:23,833 --> 00:10:25,083 {\an8}Hurry! 185 00:10:30,041 --> 00:10:31,416 - Come on! - I'm coming. 186 00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:36,750 Hyah! 187 00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:48,375 Hyah! Hyah! 188 00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:51,541 Come on. 189 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,666 Stop! They're here! 190 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,333 That's the thief that stole my ring 191 00:11:00,416 --> 00:11:01,767 - and kidnapped my daughter. - What? No. Mother, it wasn't... 192 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:04,208 She didn't. Let go of her! It was me! 193 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:05,958 - It was me! - Get off me, you langer! 194 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,375 It was not you. Understand? 195 00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:09,833 I forced her to come! 196 00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:13,916 Your maid will be hanged for stealing, if she doesn't die in prison first. 197 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,333 Jane, forgive me. 198 00:11:25,125 --> 00:11:26,791 Ethian. 199 00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:30,000 Have you forgotten the punishment for hiding an Ethian? 200 00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:31,291 I had no idea. 201 00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:34,166 Then you're a fool. Go home! 202 00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,166 A hawk. 203 00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:48,125 Yes, Susannah is a hawk. 204 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,000 Did I mention that in this world, 205 00:11:50,083 --> 00:11:53,416 some people can transform themselves into an animal? 206 00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:55,250 They're called Ethians. 207 00:11:55,333 --> 00:11:58,625 Everyone else, like Jane, is Verity. 208 00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:01,500 Jane has always known about Ethians, of course. 209 00:12:01,583 --> 00:12:03,666 She just never expected that her maid, 210 00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:06,708 her friend, was one of them. 211 00:12:06,791 --> 00:12:09,666 Jane was taught that Ethians are dangerous abominations 212 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:12,791 {\an8}sent by Satan to destroy the Verity way of life. 213 00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:14,791 {\an8} Poppycock, of course. 214 00:12:14,875 --> 00:12:17,916 As an Ethian, you can't choose your animal form, 215 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,250 but you can switch back and forth whenever you please. 216 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,500 Ethianism skips generations 217 00:12:23,583 --> 00:12:26,750 and pops up now and again, usually in puberty, 218 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,625 during a moment of high emotion. 219 00:12:28,708 --> 00:12:30,750 One minute, you're fighting with your sister, 220 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,083 the next, bam, you're a badger. 221 00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:35,583 It's just one of those things you're born with, 222 00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:39,416 like being left-handed or the color of your eyes. 223 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,750 For decades, Ethians have been reviled, persecuted, banned. 224 00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:46,708 And then King Henry, renowned shithead that he was, 225 00:12:46,791 --> 00:12:51,250 exiled them to the wilderness, where they must hunt, beg or steal 226 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,041 {\an8} to survive. 227 00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:57,041 {\an8}Jane has always wondered what it's like to be an Ethian, 228 00:12:57,125 --> 00:13:00,625 but she'd never known one in real life. 229 00:13:01,708 --> 00:13:06,875 And real life, as we know, can be a real kick in the tits. 230 00:13:06,958 --> 00:13:08,416 Why is Jane sulking? 231 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,666 Mummy's right. Jane's just being difficult. 232 00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:13,083 Oh, how typical of you to be on her side. 233 00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:17,000 Ow! Not fair. I wasn't ready. 234 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,166 I've an idea. 235 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:21,333 Let's test all the servants with the dunking to see if they're Ethian. 236 00:13:21,416 --> 00:13:22,416 A dunking? 237 00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:27,541 And who will feed you and make you fires when all the servants are dead? 238 00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:30,208 - Take that! - Ah! 239 00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:31,833 Margaret, are you all right? 240 00:13:31,916 --> 00:13:34,583 Tricked you. 241 00:13:34,666 --> 00:13:36,666 Fake blood? Margaret. 242 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:37,750 That's cheating! 243 00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:40,041 You mispronounced "winning." 244 00:13:47,083 --> 00:13:49,000 Where are you going? 245 00:13:50,958 --> 00:13:52,291 Where's she going? 246 00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:54,291 To London to see Lord Dudley. 247 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,500 Planning your wedding. 248 00:14:06,416 --> 00:14:07,958 Hey! 249 00:14:08,041 --> 00:14:09,375 Follow that barge. 250 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,583 - Lady Frances. - Lord Dudley. 251 00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:34,000 And... Lady Jane? 252 00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:35,708 I wasn't expecting... 253 00:14:36,791 --> 00:14:39,041 ...my future daughter-in-law. Welcome. 254 00:14:42,458 --> 00:14:44,875 {\an8}As you can see, we're installing 255 00:14:44,958 --> 00:14:48,458 new tapestries for the nuptials, straight from Firenze. 256 00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:55,166 Braised hog, peacock pie, jellied egret, and my own favorite, roast dolphin. 257 00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,708 Oh, yum! 258 00:14:56,791 --> 00:15:00,041 Now, musical players... how do we feel about the French? 259 00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:01,375 - Tepid. - I know. 260 00:15:01,458 --> 00:15:02,458 Filthy beast-lovers. 261 00:15:02,541 --> 00:15:05,208 But the tunes. Hmm! 262 00:15:05,291 --> 00:15:08,750 I must say, I'm enchanted to finally meet you. 263 00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:10,958 Everybody tells me you're very, very clever. 264 00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:13,416 I think my mother rather regrets my education. 265 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,083 - That's absolute... - I jest. 266 00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:20,166 My cousin, King Edward, and I shared tutors as children. 267 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:21,958 He's my oldest friend. 268 00:15:22,041 --> 00:15:24,875 Oh, kings don't have friends. They have subjects. 269 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,291 And counselors like moi. 270 00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:28,708 My Lord, I'm here to meet your son. 271 00:15:28,791 --> 00:15:31,541 I'm afraid Guildford isn't here. He's out. He's busy doing things. 272 00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,791 Things? 273 00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:35,708 Drinking and/or fighting? 274 00:15:35,791 --> 00:15:38,750 Indisposed with a woman of fiscal virtue? 275 00:15:38,833 --> 00:15:40,333 Oh, yes, I know all about those... 276 00:15:40,416 --> 00:15:41,875 Nerves. 277 00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:43,916 I quite understand. It's a big day. 278 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,291 Now, do you know my other son, Stan, is also engaged? 279 00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:49,458 To a Bavarian princess. 280 00:15:49,541 --> 00:15:51,041 - Really? - Oh, yes. 281 00:15:51,125 --> 00:15:53,083 - Is she very rich? - Filthy. 282 00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:56,583 Terrible outbreak of the plague there at the moment, so the wedding is postponed. 283 00:15:56,666 --> 00:15:59,458 But as I said to him, if she can survive the plague, 284 00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:00,625 she can survive marriage. 285 00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:08,708 Actually... 286 00:16:08,791 --> 00:16:11,000 Dudley and I have a marriage contract to discuss. 287 00:16:11,083 --> 00:16:13,125 I would like to say something first. 288 00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:16,500 Again? By all means, my dear girl. 289 00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,958 I don't want to marry your son. 290 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:23,416 Nobody cares what you want. 291 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,250 Now, when you buy a tapestry, you're not buying it for yourself. 292 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,416 You're buying it for your descendants... 293 00:16:42,083 --> 00:16:43,375 Oi, mister! 294 00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:44,458 Spare some silver? 295 00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:46,517 Children, you'd like a little coin? Go on, then. 296 00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:47,958 Oh, I thought you wanted it? 297 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,291 Jump higher. 298 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,125 Oh, jump higher. Go on... 299 00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:53,375 You little shit! 300 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,500 Stop that! Stop! 301 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,416 How dare you hurt that child? 302 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,708 - It accosted me. - You were teasing him. I saw it. 303 00:17:01,791 --> 00:17:03,083 Poor little thing. Are you hurt? 304 00:17:03,166 --> 00:17:04,625 He's had worse. 305 00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:06,875 Give him those coins. 306 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,208 No. 307 00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:10,291 Do it. 308 00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:13,875 Certainly. My Lady. 309 00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,166 - Oopsie. - Really? 310 00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,916 I'm teaching him a lesson about the evils of begging. 311 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,916 Pox on you, fuckface. 312 00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:26,833 Watch out. They have fleas. 313 00:17:30,208 --> 00:17:32,000 Who is that man? 314 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:34,416 Lord Dudley's son. He's a prat. 315 00:17:37,416 --> 00:17:40,583 That's Guildford Dudley? 316 00:17:40,666 --> 00:17:43,833 Jane knows that marrying such a prat 317 00:17:43,916 --> 00:17:46,833 is inconfuckingceivable. 318 00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:48,541 Jane needs a miracle. 319 00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:54,041 And the only people who can perform miracles are saints. 320 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,458 And kings. 321 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:07,541 King Edward took the throne at nine years old 322 00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:11,875 after his father, King Henry, finally kicked the royal bucket. 323 00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:17,208 Edward's life changed from spending carefree days with his beloved cousin Jane 324 00:18:17,291 --> 00:18:20,458 to being told by bossy-boots counselors 325 00:18:20,541 --> 00:18:23,000 how to rule his own bloody Kingdom. 326 00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:30,291 Including, but not limited to, reading poorly written proclamations 327 00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:32,791 targeting Ethians. 328 00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:39,000 Is there a problem, Your Majesty? 329 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,166 M-My men... 330 00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:54,750 ...I would that I could be by your side on this day 331 00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:56,333 and that you would call me "friend." 332 00:18:56,416 --> 00:18:58,208 He's gone completely off-script. 333 00:18:58,291 --> 00:19:00,750 - Indeed, Lord Seymour. - Get the chair. 334 00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:04,541 I'll never know the rush of combat 335 00:19:04,625 --> 00:19:08,125 or the joy of brotherhood-in-arms, 336 00:19:08,208 --> 00:19:13,916 but what I can give you is my unending respect and gratitude 337 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,583 for your bravery and valor, 338 00:19:15,666 --> 00:19:22,041 so that we may assure our people they are safe in England forever. 339 00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:25,666 Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! 340 00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,541 Your Majesty. 341 00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:36,208 Shall we? 342 00:19:38,125 --> 00:19:41,708 Just wait until everyone's gone. 343 00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,726 Who are those new soldiers on the black horses? 344 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,250 I told you, remember? Kingsland Guards. 345 00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:50,791 An elite force to protect you from the Ethian menace plaguing our land. 346 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:55,833 First point of order. 347 00:19:55,916 --> 00:20:00,583 Beasts were caught sneaking into Grimsby. 348 00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:01,791 It was the Pack. 349 00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:03,916 Yes, yes. 350 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,416 The so-called Ethian Resistance. 351 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,666 Beastly thugs 352 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,541 and in clear violation of Division Law. 353 00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:17,250 No Ethian is permitted in Verity cities, towns or properties 354 00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:19,500 under pain of death. 355 00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:21,708 - Sentenced to death? - Of course. It's the law. 356 00:20:21,791 --> 00:20:24,750 But you told me there is plenty of food for them in the wild. 357 00:20:24,833 --> 00:20:26,333 Why must they sneak into Grimsby? 358 00:20:26,416 --> 00:20:29,875 The mind boggles. I mean, have you ever been to Grimsby? 359 00:20:29,958 --> 00:20:33,083 Don't kill them. Just put them back in the woods or something. 360 00:20:35,708 --> 00:20:38,875 My cousin, Lady Jane Grey, is here. 361 00:20:38,958 --> 00:20:41,500 Dismissed, all of you. Out. 362 00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:50,083 Your Majesty. 363 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,958 Stop it. 364 00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:53,083 How are you feeling? 365 00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:55,250 - How's the cold? - It's fine. 366 00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:57,375 Ghastly, but it's fine, you know. 367 00:20:57,458 --> 00:20:59,958 Say hello to my new doggy, Petunia. 368 00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,791 - Hello, Petunia. - She's a very devoted little thing. 369 00:21:02,875 --> 00:21:05,035 - Won't let me out of her sight. - Oh, she's beautiful. 370 00:21:05,083 --> 00:21:07,500 Tell me, Janey, how are your sisters? 371 00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:09,463 Is Margaret still pulling wings off butterflies? 372 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:11,708 Shall we take some air? 373 00:21:18,833 --> 00:21:22,666 I have terrible news. My mother's forcing me to marry. 374 00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:23,958 Will you intervene? 375 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,625 Jane, I've already approved it. 376 00:21:27,916 --> 00:21:29,458 Oh. 377 00:21:29,541 --> 00:21:30,875 Why? 378 00:21:30,958 --> 00:21:34,500 Why would you ever approve my marriage without my consent? 379 00:21:34,583 --> 00:21:37,375 Be logical. It is your duty to protect your family. 380 00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:41,041 - I do not choose to marry. - You think I chose this life? 381 00:21:41,125 --> 00:21:43,583 We're all born to certain roles. 382 00:21:43,666 --> 00:21:45,375 Our destiny is set. 383 00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:47,058 Anyway, what else would you possibly do? 384 00:21:47,125 --> 00:21:49,125 I do not want to be a wife. 385 00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,928 - Just some man's property. - Well, I do not want to be a dying King, 386 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,000 but here we are. 387 00:21:53,083 --> 00:21:54,583 You're not dying. 388 00:21:56,458 --> 00:21:57,833 Are you? 389 00:22:01,625 --> 00:22:03,000 I have the Affliction. 390 00:22:04,375 --> 00:22:06,583 Do you think I'll be the first to recover? 391 00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:11,375 The Kingdom is in chaos. 392 00:22:12,416 --> 00:22:15,166 - I'm doing my best, but soon I'll be gone. - No. 393 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:16,958 No, don't say that. 394 00:22:17,958 --> 00:22:20,000 This is the real world. 395 00:22:21,208 --> 00:22:24,333 Kings die. Noblewomen marry. 396 00:22:26,458 --> 00:22:32,125 {\an8}Now, as to the chap in question, he cannot be that bad. 397 00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,000 His pater is one of my counselors. 398 00:22:36,083 --> 00:22:39,291 You'll quickly improve him the way that you improved me. 399 00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,291 Did I need improving, though? That is the question. 400 00:22:48,375 --> 00:22:52,833 I always thought marriage sounded rather fun. 401 00:22:52,916 --> 00:22:56,791 A partner, a friend. 402 00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:58,333 Someone to make you laugh. 403 00:22:58,416 --> 00:23:01,375 Tell you that you're not alone. 404 00:23:01,458 --> 00:23:05,583 I always thought I'd only marry if I could choose the man myself. 405 00:23:05,666 --> 00:23:06,958 Janey. 406 00:23:08,333 --> 00:23:09,333 That's just silly. 407 00:23:13,833 --> 00:23:16,208 Princess Mary and Princess Elizabeth... 408 00:23:16,291 --> 00:23:18,750 Bess, for short... are the discarded offspring 409 00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:22,583 of two of King Henry's most unfortunate wives. 410 00:23:22,666 --> 00:23:26,333 Their brother, Edward, is youngest but the first to get the crown 411 00:23:26,416 --> 00:23:27,767 - because of... - Chop, chop, Bess. 412 00:23:27,791 --> 00:23:29,416 ...you know, his penis. 413 00:23:32,708 --> 00:23:34,208 Your Royal Highnesses. 414 00:23:34,291 --> 00:23:35,458 Where's our brother? 415 00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,750 He's in the gardens. 416 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,875 Perambulating with Lady Jane Grey. 417 00:23:40,958 --> 00:23:42,416 Lady Jane Grey? 418 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:55,958 Sisters. 419 00:23:57,708 --> 00:23:59,166 Your Majesty! 420 00:24:00,541 --> 00:24:01,833 Eddiekins! 421 00:24:01,916 --> 00:24:03,583 Seymour, pie. 422 00:24:03,666 --> 00:24:07,166 - Oh, you look terrible. - I don't think I look that bad, actually. 423 00:24:07,250 --> 00:24:09,416 Hello, brother. Cousin Jane. 424 00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:11,000 Your Highnesses, it's a pleasure. 425 00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:12,083 Sweet Bess. 426 00:24:12,166 --> 00:24:14,625 - Jane and I, we were having some... - Blackberry pie. 427 00:24:14,708 --> 00:24:16,000 Your favorite. 428 00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:20,416 - Hmm? - Mary, thank you. 429 00:24:23,625 --> 00:24:24,958 How awful, brother. 430 00:24:25,041 --> 00:24:27,250 The Affliction is such a dreadful way to die. 431 00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:30,291 You cough and cough until you cough your lungs right out. 432 00:24:30,375 --> 00:24:31,750 Edward? 433 00:24:32,958 --> 00:24:35,000 - Brother? - Your Majesty? 434 00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:36,500 Edward? 435 00:24:36,583 --> 00:24:37,750 Janey. 436 00:24:37,833 --> 00:24:39,708 He can't breathe. It's the Affliction. 437 00:24:39,791 --> 00:24:41,250 Guards, fetch Dr. Butts! 438 00:24:41,333 --> 00:24:44,583 We need pulmonaria. Uh, lungwort. 439 00:24:44,666 --> 00:24:47,208 The lilac flower planted over there. Please! 440 00:24:48,166 --> 00:24:49,875 Look at me. Hurry! 441 00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:02,958 Breathe. 442 00:25:09,958 --> 00:25:12,142 - Jane saved the King's life. - Jane saved the King's life. 443 00:25:12,166 --> 00:25:13,583 Jane saved the King's life. 444 00:25:13,666 --> 00:25:15,708 - I'm here! - Ah, Dr. Butts. 445 00:25:15,791 --> 00:25:16,833 I am here. 446 00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:20,083 I am... 447 00:25:21,291 --> 00:25:24,750 Another attack. Oh, dear me. I forgot my forceps. 448 00:25:26,833 --> 00:25:29,458 You may wish to avert your eyes. 449 00:25:29,541 --> 00:25:31,041 I'm going in. 450 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,958 That was exciting, wasn't it? 451 00:25:38,041 --> 00:25:39,250 Exciting? 452 00:25:39,333 --> 00:25:40,833 {\an8}I can't leave Edward like this. 453 00:25:40,916 --> 00:25:44,375 {\an8}Will you check if your medic has elfdock? It's a herb. 454 00:25:44,458 --> 00:25:47,208 {\an8}His Majesty enjoys the finest medical care in the Kingdom. 455 00:25:47,291 --> 00:25:48,333 {\an8}Ta-ta. 456 00:26:01,333 --> 00:26:03,291 {\an8}Might I venture a... 457 00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,833 ...suggestion, Your Highness? 458 00:26:05,916 --> 00:26:08,041 Boiled kitten tea with urine. 459 00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:12,583 An old man's urine, ideally. 460 00:26:12,666 --> 00:26:14,833 Oh, lovely. Lovely. 461 00:26:14,916 --> 00:26:17,041 No kitten tea. Thank you. 462 00:26:19,541 --> 00:26:21,500 Your Majesty, I only just heard. 463 00:26:21,583 --> 00:26:23,000 Oh, finally he turns up. 464 00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:25,500 - Where is Jane? - Why, I sent her home. 465 00:26:27,625 --> 00:26:31,083 I think the time has come to appoint your successor. 466 00:26:31,166 --> 00:26:33,083 I know. 467 00:26:33,166 --> 00:26:34,541 I'm not afraid of death. 468 00:26:34,625 --> 00:26:36,875 Well, that's not true. I'm petrified. 469 00:26:36,958 --> 00:26:38,666 You have the strength of a thousand lions. 470 00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:42,875 Your Majesty, it is incumbent upon me as Lord Protector to confirm 471 00:26:42,958 --> 00:26:46,500 that your eldest sister, Mary, is indeed the rightful heir to the throne 472 00:26:46,583 --> 00:26:49,000 and the only choice to keep our Kingdom safe 473 00:26:49,083 --> 00:26:52,750 from the rampaging hordes of satanic beasts. 474 00:26:52,833 --> 00:26:54,583 Must you be so dramatic? 475 00:26:56,166 --> 00:26:58,333 The entire Kingdom agrees. 476 00:26:58,416 --> 00:27:00,541 I do not agree. 477 00:27:00,625 --> 00:27:03,500 Let's just take a beat for a moment and think about this. 478 00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:07,416 Now, Princess Mary's mother, Catherine, 479 00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:11,041 was originally married to your father's brother, Arthur, 480 00:27:11,125 --> 00:27:13,000 the heir apparent. 481 00:27:13,083 --> 00:27:14,333 Remember that old chestnut? 482 00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:20,416 Now, when Artie died, of course, she claimed non-consummation, 483 00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:23,041 so that she could declare virgo intacta, 484 00:27:23,125 --> 00:27:25,541 get an annulment and marry the new King. 485 00:27:25,625 --> 00:27:27,916 But, I mean, come on, who are we kidding? 486 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,583 Spaniards? Th-th-th-th-th... 487 00:27:30,666 --> 00:27:31,791 Mm. 488 00:27:31,875 --> 00:27:34,791 And anyway, Henry went on to divorce Catherine. 489 00:27:34,875 --> 00:27:38,500 So, is Mary's claim even legally valid? 490 00:27:38,583 --> 00:27:41,708 Do you see? Technically, she's a bastard. 491 00:27:41,791 --> 00:27:44,083 Now, what about Princess Bess? 492 00:27:44,166 --> 00:27:46,916 Her mother was an Ethian. The people would never accept it. 493 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,625 You're absolutely right... 494 00:27:49,375 --> 00:27:50,583 Seymour. 495 00:27:50,666 --> 00:27:53,166 Now, what if there was somebody else? 496 00:27:53,250 --> 00:27:56,416 Someone with direct royal lineage, 497 00:27:56,500 --> 00:28:00,125 perhaps engaged to a highborn Verity. 498 00:28:00,208 --> 00:28:03,041 Someone who could, oh, I don't know, golly, 499 00:28:03,125 --> 00:28:07,916 wear the crown until such time as they could produce a son. 500 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,041 Lady Jane. 501 00:28:09,125 --> 00:28:11,458 Lady Jane Grey? Your cousin? 502 00:28:11,541 --> 00:28:13,375 What a marvelous idea. 503 00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:15,958 Queen Jane? It's a terrible idea. 504 00:28:16,041 --> 00:28:18,833 Well, it's His Royal Highness's idea. Are you saying it's terrible? 505 00:28:18,916 --> 00:28:21,208 She's a girl. 506 00:28:21,291 --> 00:28:22,708 Girls can't rule. 507 00:28:22,791 --> 00:28:26,375 Jane can rule, with our help, until such time as her son can be King. 508 00:28:26,458 --> 00:28:27,750 What a happy coincidence. 509 00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:31,125 Jane's husband-to-be is your son. 510 00:28:31,208 --> 00:28:33,666 The future King would be his grandson. 511 00:28:33,750 --> 00:28:35,500 Oh, my, I hadn't thought of that. 512 00:28:35,583 --> 00:28:37,458 Queen Jane. That's absurd. 513 00:28:37,541 --> 00:28:39,861 - Has a ring to it, doesn't it? - Stop squabbling. 514 00:28:39,916 --> 00:28:41,666 I have made my choice. 515 00:28:45,041 --> 00:28:47,000 Take my will to the Chancery for safekeeping. 516 00:28:47,083 --> 00:28:50,958 You may only open this in the event of my death, and not before. 517 00:28:59,250 --> 00:29:02,291 I say, do you think this will take you very much longer? 518 00:29:03,666 --> 00:29:07,208 I shall take a horse. I don't live very far. 519 00:29:07,291 --> 00:29:08,851 Lord Seymour wouldn't approve, My Lady. 520 00:29:08,916 --> 00:29:13,125 Well, he certainly wouldn't approve of my catching my death in the cold, 521 00:29:13,208 --> 00:29:15,125 and neither would my cousin... 522 00:29:15,208 --> 00:29:16,875 the King? 523 00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:22,958 Dudley, you swinish snake. 524 00:29:23,041 --> 00:29:24,958 A swine and a snake? 525 00:29:25,041 --> 00:29:26,166 This matter of succession. 526 00:29:26,250 --> 00:29:29,000 I bow to King Edward's wishes, whatever they may be. 527 00:29:29,083 --> 00:29:31,541 May the devil take you, Dudley. 528 00:29:31,625 --> 00:29:35,000 You know, you really must calm down. This level of anger... it's simply toxic. 529 00:29:35,083 --> 00:29:37,833 - I can't! - Breathe, my dear man. 530 00:29:37,916 --> 00:29:41,791 Let us hope he favors the rightful inheritor in Princess Mary. 531 00:29:41,875 --> 00:29:43,250 If he names Lady Jane, 532 00:29:43,333 --> 00:29:46,208 I cannot be responsible for what happens next. 533 00:29:46,291 --> 00:29:49,791 Of course you would not be responsible for what happens next. 534 00:29:49,875 --> 00:29:52,416 You'd be superfluous. 535 00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:55,666 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wedding to plan. 536 00:30:01,291 --> 00:30:02,375 Lord Seymour. 537 00:30:02,458 --> 00:30:03,625 Give me that. 538 00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:12,166 Seymour, I've already made my choice. 539 00:30:12,250 --> 00:30:14,125 I need to rest. 540 00:30:14,208 --> 00:30:18,500 Your Majesty, you must eat. Princess Mary's blackberry pie. 541 00:30:18,583 --> 00:30:20,851 She's a dote, isn't she? Always looking after your health. 542 00:30:20,875 --> 00:30:22,541 Petunia! 543 00:30:22,625 --> 00:30:23,791 Guards! 544 00:30:24,833 --> 00:30:26,791 Take this mutt to the kennel and kill it. 545 00:30:26,875 --> 00:30:29,416 - No! - You are weak in mind and body. 546 00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:30,767 This thing needs to be destroyed, 547 00:30:30,791 --> 00:30:32,309 and I shall take great pleasure in doing it myself. 548 00:30:32,333 --> 00:30:36,416 Do not touch my dog. 549 00:30:37,875 --> 00:30:40,083 Dismissed. 550 00:30:45,500 --> 00:30:48,833 For the first time in Jane's entire life, 551 00:30:48,916 --> 00:30:51,458 no one knows where she is. 552 00:30:51,541 --> 00:30:53,750 She is alone and free. 553 00:30:53,833 --> 00:30:59,250 She can finally escape, ride north, discover... no, create her destiny. 554 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,333 Wait a minute. What's that? 555 00:31:05,416 --> 00:31:10,791 Guards, a search party, clearly sent by King Edward and/or her dratted mother 556 00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:12,208 to find her. 557 00:31:12,291 --> 00:31:15,083 But as they say in the classics, 558 00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:17,833 not today, Satan. 559 00:31:19,208 --> 00:31:22,875 Jane needs somewhere to hide, like an empty woodsman's hut 560 00:31:22,958 --> 00:31:24,500 or a nice hay bale. 561 00:31:24,583 --> 00:31:27,875 Somewhere no one would ever think to look. 562 00:31:53,583 --> 00:31:55,333 Yeah! I win! 563 00:31:55,416 --> 00:31:57,583 - Cheated, you gobshite. - Did not, you dumb fuck! 564 00:31:57,666 --> 00:32:00,041 Piss off! 565 00:32:00,125 --> 00:32:02,541 I say, whoa, whoa, whoa! Do you mind if I interrupt? 566 00:32:04,458 --> 00:32:06,708 Arm wrestling is an ancient art. 567 00:32:09,083 --> 00:32:10,500 The winner must be humble. 568 00:32:10,583 --> 00:32:12,083 And the loser gracious. 569 00:32:12,166 --> 00:32:14,916 - Go shag a beast, ya posh wanker. - Yeah, fuck off. 570 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,208 Very well. 571 00:32:16,291 --> 00:32:17,750 Off I shall fuck. 572 00:32:20,250 --> 00:32:23,166 - And now we're gonna gut ya. - Gut me with what? 573 00:32:26,250 --> 00:32:27,500 Are you looking for these? 574 00:32:39,750 --> 00:32:44,291 And now I have your attention, shall I torture you with a poem? 575 00:32:44,375 --> 00:32:46,083 Yes! 576 00:32:46,166 --> 00:32:47,250 No. 577 00:32:47,333 --> 00:32:48,333 Too late. 578 00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:52,333 I have decided to die in a tavern. 579 00:32:52,791 --> 00:32:55,875 Where the wine will be close to my dying... 580 00:32:56,250 --> 00:32:57,750 ...mouth! 581 00:32:57,833 --> 00:32:59,458 Thank you! 582 00:32:59,541 --> 00:33:02,541 And drink! Please, come on. 583 00:33:18,291 --> 00:33:20,666 Let us take a moment to reassure our viewers 584 00:33:20,750 --> 00:33:24,958 that there is no such thing as love at first sight. 585 00:33:25,041 --> 00:33:27,708 But lust at first sight? 586 00:33:29,250 --> 00:33:32,750 Oh, yes. Totally a thing. 587 00:33:32,833 --> 00:33:36,375 So, do you... come here often? 588 00:33:36,458 --> 00:33:41,041 Jane is the first person in history to ever use that line, 589 00:33:41,125 --> 00:33:44,500 and two seconds later, the first to regret it. 590 00:33:46,125 --> 00:33:47,125 Wow. 591 00:33:47,208 --> 00:33:48,500 Oops. 592 00:33:48,583 --> 00:33:49,791 That's your response? 593 00:33:49,875 --> 00:33:53,041 So you can recite the Archpoet standing on a table in a dirt-floor tavern, 594 00:33:53,125 --> 00:33:55,458 - but you can't muster a simple apology? - I said, "Oops." 595 00:33:55,541 --> 00:33:58,166 You mispronounced "vina," by the way. 596 00:33:58,250 --> 00:33:59,875 "Vee-na." 597 00:33:59,958 --> 00:34:02,250 Where'd you learn your Latin? In a ditch? 598 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:04,559 - Who would teach Latin in a ditch? - Oh, you're missing the point. 599 00:34:04,583 --> 00:34:06,291 - The point being? - Your mediocre Latin 600 00:34:06,375 --> 00:34:09,500 - and disappointing table manners. - Are we at a table? No. 601 00:34:09,541 --> 00:34:11,416 Again, missing the point. 602 00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:13,726 Has anybody ever told you that you're an insufferable pedant? 603 00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:15,833 Oh, where I come from, pedantry is a virtue. 604 00:34:15,916 --> 00:34:17,833 Where I come from, amiability trumps semantics. 605 00:34:17,916 --> 00:34:19,583 Amiability is for the meek. 606 00:34:19,666 --> 00:34:21,666 Amiability is for the amiable. 607 00:34:21,750 --> 00:34:23,583 You are the rudest man I have ever met. 608 00:34:23,666 --> 00:34:26,041 Well, the night is young. Mingle. 609 00:34:26,125 --> 00:34:27,625 Oh, I intend to. 610 00:34:28,791 --> 00:34:29,833 Good night. 611 00:34:29,916 --> 00:34:31,416 Wait. 612 00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:36,875 - Who are you? - Who are you? 613 00:34:36,958 --> 00:34:38,625 Excuse me. 614 00:34:38,708 --> 00:34:42,041 No. No. You lot can't be here. 615 00:34:42,125 --> 00:34:44,791 - We just came for a drink, mate. - I don't want any trouble. 616 00:34:44,875 --> 00:34:47,500 He's asking you nicely. 617 00:34:47,583 --> 00:34:50,125 No trouble. You have my word. 618 00:34:50,208 --> 00:34:51,416 And I said no. 619 00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:52,791 Leave. 620 00:34:52,875 --> 00:34:54,875 Why is he kicking them out? 621 00:34:56,166 --> 00:34:58,500 Good evening! 622 00:34:58,583 --> 00:35:00,250 Come with me. 623 00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:01,666 - As if. - What? 624 00:35:02,875 --> 00:35:03,875 Oh, shit. 625 00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:07,250 I said, good evening, my good people. 626 00:35:07,333 --> 00:35:13,250 We have it on excellent authority that a certain beast might be in here. 627 00:35:13,333 --> 00:35:14,916 Goes by the name of Archer. 628 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:22,000 He's wanted for robbery, arson, sedition. 629 00:35:22,083 --> 00:35:23,476 Sedition. That's a new one. 630 00:35:23,500 --> 00:35:25,333 Well, I do try. 631 00:35:27,958 --> 00:35:31,708 Hunting scum makes me ever so thirsty. 632 00:35:38,583 --> 00:35:40,500 Hand him over, 633 00:35:40,583 --> 00:35:45,041 or we dunk every last one of you. 634 00:35:48,375 --> 00:35:50,541 What do you think? You up for it? 635 00:35:50,625 --> 00:35:52,458 Yeah, fuck it. 636 00:35:52,541 --> 00:35:56,041 Why don't you leave him alone, you bunch of thugs? 637 00:35:57,416 --> 00:35:59,500 I'm Archer. 638 00:36:00,500 --> 00:36:02,500 Then you're coming with me. 639 00:36:06,416 --> 00:36:07,458 Right, let's go. 640 00:36:11,416 --> 00:36:12,500 Move! 641 00:36:17,166 --> 00:36:19,458 This door leads outside. 642 00:36:19,541 --> 00:36:21,059 Kill that fucking bear! 643 00:36:37,250 --> 00:36:40,250 This is madness. I never knew things were like this. 644 00:36:40,333 --> 00:36:42,291 You've never seen a bear in a bar before? 645 00:36:43,291 --> 00:36:44,333 Take them all! 646 00:37:00,208 --> 00:37:01,791 Hey. 647 00:37:01,875 --> 00:37:04,500 Hey, more guards are coming! 648 00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:05,726 Archer, Archer, they're here! 649 00:37:05,750 --> 00:37:07,500 Let's get out of here now! 650 00:37:07,583 --> 00:37:09,166 Susannah! 651 00:37:09,250 --> 00:37:11,291 - Susannah? - Susannah, come on! 652 00:37:14,708 --> 00:37:17,958 Last chance. Come with me. 653 00:37:21,208 --> 00:37:22,958 No. 654 00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:29,250 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? 655 00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,500 Susannah, come on! Let's go! 656 00:37:30,583 --> 00:37:32,625 - I'm so sorry. - So am I. 657 00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:34,916 What have we here? 658 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,434 - Beast or maiden? - Maiden. 659 00:37:36,458 --> 00:37:37,791 A Verity maiden in britches? 660 00:37:37,875 --> 00:37:39,708 - I don't think so. - Susannah, go! 661 00:37:42,041 --> 00:37:44,000 Aiding and abetting Satan's spawn. 662 00:37:44,083 --> 00:37:45,333 That'll be exile for you. 663 00:37:45,416 --> 00:37:47,583 - Exile sounds fine, actually. - Mm. 664 00:37:47,666 --> 00:37:49,250 How about a nice dunking instead? 665 00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:51,208 Take her away! 666 00:37:56,458 --> 00:37:57,458 Eels. 667 00:37:59,958 --> 00:38:01,000 Yummy. 668 00:38:03,583 --> 00:38:05,291 Shall we have a nibble? 669 00:38:08,875 --> 00:38:09,875 Your Majesty. 670 00:38:09,958 --> 00:38:11,083 Ethian. 671 00:38:11,166 --> 00:38:14,000 Calm down and listen to me. Your great-grandmother sent me here. 672 00:38:14,083 --> 00:38:15,684 Oh, you liar, my great-grandmother is dead. 673 00:38:15,708 --> 00:38:17,625 - Guards! - Is she? 674 00:38:17,708 --> 00:38:19,541 {\an8}Then who gave me this? 675 00:38:22,208 --> 00:38:24,125 The Bietso Cross. 676 00:38:24,208 --> 00:38:25,625 She was buried with it. 677 00:38:25,708 --> 00:38:28,375 No, she wasn't. She's alive. 678 00:38:28,458 --> 00:38:32,125 And she sent me here because she suspected that you do not have the Affliction. 679 00:38:32,208 --> 00:38:34,000 And she was right. 680 00:38:34,083 --> 00:38:36,708 You are being poisoned. 681 00:38:36,791 --> 00:38:38,208 I can smell it in your food. 682 00:38:38,291 --> 00:38:39,958 I know, it's a lot to process. 683 00:38:41,250 --> 00:38:43,041 No, no, that actually explains a lot. 684 00:38:43,125 --> 00:38:46,333 - We must go to her. Now. - But who is poisoning me? 685 00:38:46,416 --> 00:38:49,250 I don't know. But we need to get you out of here. 686 00:38:49,333 --> 00:38:50,625 I... 687 00:38:51,958 --> 00:38:54,333 Sorry, do you have something that I can wear? 688 00:38:54,416 --> 00:38:57,291 We're not normally so starkers when we change, 689 00:38:57,375 --> 00:38:59,125 but I was, because... Oh. 690 00:38:59,208 --> 00:39:01,726 Do you know what? It's a long story. I-I'll tell you about it some other time. 691 00:39:01,750 --> 00:39:03,875 - There's a robe just there. - Cheers. 692 00:39:03,958 --> 00:39:08,000 At this moment, Edward has two major revelations. 693 00:39:08,083 --> 00:39:10,500 One, the dog girl is telling the truth. 694 00:39:10,583 --> 00:39:15,750 And two, he is not interested in women romantically. 695 00:39:15,833 --> 00:39:19,583 He always imagined girls look like men without their clothes. 696 00:39:19,666 --> 00:39:24,250 Edward has led, let us remember, a deeply sheltered life. 697 00:39:24,333 --> 00:39:29,250 Now, you get dressed, and we will be off like a tart's knickers. 698 00:39:29,333 --> 00:39:31,958 - I'm not going anywhere with you. - What? Why not? 699 00:39:32,041 --> 00:39:34,708 Well, until about five minutes ago, you were a dog. 700 00:39:34,791 --> 00:39:37,583 And I'm the King, and someone is trying to kill me. 701 00:39:37,666 --> 00:39:39,625 I must find them and punish them, obviously. 702 00:39:39,708 --> 00:39:41,125 - But... - I have spoken. 703 00:39:41,208 --> 00:39:42,958 Granny will be most vexed. 704 00:39:44,958 --> 00:39:46,666 Come in. 705 00:39:51,750 --> 00:39:53,750 Not hungry, Your Majesty? 706 00:39:54,750 --> 00:39:57,166 No. Take it away. 707 00:40:10,166 --> 00:40:13,708 Dearest Petunia, I think you might have saved my life. 708 00:40:16,666 --> 00:40:17,875 Good evening, Your Majesty. 709 00:40:28,875 --> 00:40:30,416 How's my baby brother? 710 00:40:31,750 --> 00:40:34,250 Weaker than a Sicilian's virtue. 711 00:40:35,458 --> 00:40:37,625 - And his Will for Succession is... - Done. 712 00:40:40,583 --> 00:40:42,666 However... 713 00:40:43,708 --> 00:40:45,583 However? 714 00:40:48,541 --> 00:40:49,916 Did something happen? 715 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,833 - No. - Tell me what happened. 716 00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:52,916 Nothing happened. 717 00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:56,916 You are the natural choice, pudding pie. 718 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:01,583 The entire Kingdom wants you and you alone to succeed him. 719 00:41:02,750 --> 00:41:04,375 I will be Queen. 720 00:41:05,958 --> 00:41:10,041 And I will cleanse England of Satan's beasts. 721 00:41:10,125 --> 00:41:11,791 Hmm. 722 00:41:11,875 --> 00:41:16,250 And I will not have any nasty surprises. 723 00:41:20,416 --> 00:41:22,500 Ah, yes. A dunking. 724 00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:26,333 Torture to force a suspected Ethian to change. 725 00:41:27,458 --> 00:41:28,833 Or die. 726 00:41:37,541 --> 00:41:39,375 Right! Who's next? 727 00:41:39,458 --> 00:41:40,875 What about her? 728 00:41:40,958 --> 00:41:42,416 What? 729 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,625 She helped one escape. Might be a beast. 730 00:41:44,708 --> 00:41:46,000 No, I'm not Ethian. 731 00:41:46,083 --> 00:41:47,791 I'm... No, I'm not... Don't you... 732 00:41:47,875 --> 00:41:49,625 No! No! 733 00:41:49,708 --> 00:41:51,041 No! Please, please. 734 00:41:51,125 --> 00:41:52,333 I won't change! I'll drown! 735 00:41:52,416 --> 00:41:53,791 You're hurting me! 736 00:41:53,875 --> 00:41:55,250 That's the point, love. 737 00:41:55,333 --> 00:41:56,916 Stop! 738 00:41:59,041 --> 00:42:01,416 That is Lady Jane Grey, 739 00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:04,041 cousin to His Majesty King Edward, 740 00:42:04,125 --> 00:42:08,166 and I am ordering you to cease drowning her immediately. 741 00:42:27,375 --> 00:42:29,666 I shall have those men flogged to death. 742 00:42:30,958 --> 00:42:35,583 It's as close as Frances will ever get to saying "I love you." 743 00:42:36,750 --> 00:42:37,833 Mother, about the wedding. 744 00:42:40,750 --> 00:42:41,875 Please? 745 00:42:44,125 --> 00:42:46,333 Please don't make me marry him. 746 00:42:47,875 --> 00:42:49,875 I'll only say this once. 747 00:42:51,291 --> 00:42:56,208 If you don't marry Guildford Dudley tomorrow, 748 00:42:56,291 --> 00:42:58,916 I shall be forced to marry your sister Katherine 749 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:00,458 to the Duke of Leicester, 750 00:43:00,541 --> 00:43:02,666 toe and all. 751 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:03,791 You wouldn't. 752 00:43:03,875 --> 00:43:05,500 Try me. 753 00:43:18,791 --> 00:43:23,291 If only Jane could think of another way out of her unwanted wedding. 754 00:43:23,375 --> 00:43:27,041 But her thoughts keep drifting back to the tavern 755 00:43:27,125 --> 00:43:31,125 and that intriguing yet infuriating young man. 756 00:43:31,208 --> 00:43:34,916 Not spending more time with intriguing yet infuriating young men in taverns 757 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,041 was one of the chief injustices of Jane's life. 758 00:43:38,125 --> 00:43:41,291 Her existence would be all injustice now. 759 00:43:41,375 --> 00:43:44,250 Marriage, motherhood, death. 760 00:43:44,333 --> 00:43:48,416 In quick succession, if statistics are anything to go by. 761 00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:51,291 Die, kitty, die! Beg for your life! Ha! 762 00:43:51,375 --> 00:43:52,416 Margaret, get out. 763 00:43:52,500 --> 00:43:55,833 You know the servants hate it when you get your fake blood on everything. 764 00:44:03,458 --> 00:44:07,166 Wait, come back. Margaret, come back. 765 00:44:36,375 --> 00:44:37,750 Leave them wanting less. 766 00:44:43,333 --> 00:44:44,750 {\an8}As you requested. 767 00:45:01,125 --> 00:45:02,750 What? 768 00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:04,833 You'll do, I suppose. 769 00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:55,291 Oh, yes. 770 00:45:55,375 --> 00:45:58,416 Frequenter of taverns, seeker of trouble, 771 00:45:58,500 --> 00:46:01,291 son of Lord Dudley and lust object 772 00:46:01,375 --> 00:46:03,916 of one Lady Jane Grey. 773 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:07,041 May I present Jane's husband-to-be, 774 00:46:07,125 --> 00:46:11,666 Lord Guildford Dudley. 775 00:46:11,750 --> 00:46:15,083 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today 776 00:46:15,166 --> 00:46:16,583 to witness the joining 777 00:46:16,666 --> 00:46:21,875 of Lady Jane Grey and Lord Guildford Dudley 778 00:46:21,958 --> 00:46:25,958 in the sacred blessing of holy matrimony. 779 00:46:26,041 --> 00:46:27,833 Lord Guildford Dudley. 780 00:46:29,125 --> 00:46:30,125 What? 781 00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:33,250 Oh, um... 782 00:46:37,333 --> 00:46:39,500 I, Guildford, 783 00:46:39,583 --> 00:46:41,833 take thee, 784 00:46:41,916 --> 00:46:44,291 Jane, 785 00:46:44,375 --> 00:46:45,916 to be my... 786 00:46:48,375 --> 00:46:50,166 my... 787 00:46:55,291 --> 00:46:56,875 ...my wedded wife. 788 00:46:58,166 --> 00:47:00,291 To have and to hold 789 00:47:00,375 --> 00:47:02,375 from this day forward. 790 00:47:03,916 --> 00:47:05,875 I plight thee my troth. 791 00:47:05,958 --> 00:47:08,458 And Lady Jane Grey. 792 00:47:12,625 --> 00:47:15,833 I... Jane... 793 00:47:17,208 --> 00:47:19,416 You got a little... something. 794 00:47:45,416 --> 00:47:47,958 - Jane. - It's the Affliction! 795 00:47:50,125 --> 00:47:51,500 Your Majesty. 796 00:47:51,583 --> 00:47:52,916 Fetch Dr. Butts. 797 00:48:12,791 --> 00:48:13,875 Well, well, well. 798 00:48:13,958 --> 00:48:15,750 So many questions. 799 00:48:15,833 --> 00:48:19,208 Will Jane marry the notorious Guildford Dudley? 800 00:48:19,291 --> 00:48:24,125 Will King Edward be murdered by his deranged sister Mary? 801 00:48:24,208 --> 00:48:25,500 I will be Queen. 802 00:48:25,583 --> 00:48:29,125 Will Susannah survive in exile? 803 00:48:29,208 --> 00:48:32,583 You'll find out, because our story has only just begun. 804 00:48:32,666 --> 00:48:34,041 Tell me everything. 805 00:48:35,083 --> 00:48:37,916 And once Jane is stuck in her insufferable marriage... 806 00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,666 - I'm your Lord husband! - Ha! 807 00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:41,458 ...to the most infuriating... 808 00:48:41,541 --> 00:48:42,934 - I'll need a dagger. - That's not a dagger. 809 00:48:42,958 --> 00:48:44,625 This is a dagger. 810 00:48:44,708 --> 00:48:46,791 ...and attractive man she's ever met... 811 00:48:53,375 --> 00:48:56,083 ...and living in a world fraught with danger... 812 00:48:56,166 --> 00:48:58,375 Somebody at Court is poisoning me. 813 00:48:58,458 --> 00:48:59,875 ...and division... 814 00:48:59,958 --> 00:49:01,583 The entire Kingdom is at stake. 815 00:49:01,666 --> 00:49:03,392 ...she realizes perhaps 816 00:49:03,416 --> 00:49:05,083 she doesn't know everything, after all. 817 00:49:05,166 --> 00:49:06,166 Bollocks. 818 00:49:06,250 --> 00:49:08,958 Just when life can't get any more complicated... 819 00:49:09,041 --> 00:49:11,708 My Lady, His Majesty is dead. 820 00:49:12,875 --> 00:49:15,000 ...Jane is named Queen of England. 821 00:49:15,083 --> 00:49:16,642 Nothing's more important than the monarchy. 822 00:49:16,666 --> 00:49:18,125 - Quite. - Quite. 823 00:49:18,208 --> 00:49:19,583 Quite. 824 00:49:22,833 --> 00:49:25,166 Now she's surrounded by scoundrels, 825 00:49:25,250 --> 00:49:28,208 traitors, sycophants, reprobates, fools... 826 00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:32,434 - ...murderers... - Have fun getting yourself killed. 827 00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:33,458 I will, thank you. 828 00:49:33,541 --> 00:49:36,166 ...and worst of all, her mother. 829 00:49:36,250 --> 00:49:37,333 To me! 830 00:49:37,416 --> 00:49:39,166 I do rather fancy mummykins. 831 00:49:41,750 --> 00:49:45,375 Ready for an epic tale of true love and high adventure? 832 00:49:45,458 --> 00:49:46,875 The country wants to change. 833 00:49:46,958 --> 00:49:48,666 I could heal England. 834 00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,309 Sounds to me like you're giving up. 835 00:49:52,333 --> 00:49:54,541 Oh, I've never given up on anything in my entire life. 836 00:49:54,625 --> 00:49:55,666 - Really? - Really. 837 00:49:55,750 --> 00:49:56,750 Then prove it. 838 00:49:57,916 --> 00:49:59,208 Of course you are. 839 00:49:59,291 --> 00:50:00,375 Jane! 840 00:50:00,458 --> 00:50:02,083 If you don't escape now, you'll die. 841 00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:03,208 Fuck that. 842 00:50:03,875 --> 00:50:05,708 Settle in, my darlings. 843 00:50:05,791 --> 00:50:08,083 This is My Lady Jane. 844 00:50:08,166 --> 00:50:09,458 Come. The Kingdom awaits.