1
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:30,833
Hey, melodie.

2
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,631
- Hey.
- Look, I know

3
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:37,298
we've known each other
for a really long time.

4
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:41,799
And we live across the street
from each other and stuff

5
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,053
and.

6
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,978
I know, like, in four days,

7
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,681
I'm sure, if...

8
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,146
- You know, prom's, like, in four days...
- Oh, my god.

9
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,061
You're not asking me to prom, are you?

10
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,698
Fuck, no.

11
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,658
No, il... no, I just...

12
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:07,245
- You're probably going with someone.
- I'm sorry.

13
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,080
I don't know how to put this nicely.

14
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,664
There's not a nice way to put it.

15
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,162
You're a fucking nerd.

16
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:15,083
And, you know... I don't know. She's hot.

17
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,043
I ook at her. Look at her.

18
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,712
- Look at her. Look at her. Look at her.
- I'll see you later.

19
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,881
- Bye.
- All right, buddy, good talk.

20
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,516
Dude, classic.

21
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,979
Greg jenko to the principal's office.
Greg jenko to the principal's office.

22
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,764
- Shit.
- Good luck, bro.

23
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,982
I said loud and clear,

24
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,441
if you didn't get your grades up,
you weren't going to the prom.

25
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,319
You, my friend, are about to pay the Piper.

26
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,236
I should pay who?

27
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,493
You're not going to the prom.

28
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,825
Boy, you lucky you even graduating.

29
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,287
But I'm going to be prom king.

30
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:51,372
I'm glad you had a great time in school.

31
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,087
'Cause you ain't learned nothing.

32
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,439
Fuck! Fuck!

33
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,994
Welcome to the police academy.

34
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:33,410
Make sure your form is completely
filled out, then move along.

35
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:39,500
Not-so-slim shady, what's up”? Holy shit!

36
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:46,181
Jenko, schmidt, you're up.

37
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:47,977
Oh, fuck!

38
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,104
- You're good at this, huh?
- Yeah, I am.

39
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,275
Thank you.

40
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,984
Such bullshit.

41
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,606
You're really good at this.

42
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,654
Yeah, I am.

43
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,236
Hey, you want to be friends?

44
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,912
Come on. Come on, let's go.

45
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:15,752
Come on, pick your knees up.
Pick your knees up.

46
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,796
I'm telling you right now,
it's not a felony.

47
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:22,334
Chill, all right?
Look, if it has intent, it's a felony.

48
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,328
What did I tell you?
Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go!

49
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,434
Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.

50
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,845
Faster. Let's go.

51
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,354
Clear!

52
00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,111
Clear!

53
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,192
Come on, come on, come on! Stop.

54
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,856
Yes! Yes!

55
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,321
I et me see I et me see.

56
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,577
Nice

57
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,460
ten-hut! Ladies and gentlemen,

58
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,294
I present to you the graduates
of class 137.

59
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,631
Get ready for a lifetime
of being badass motherfuckers.

60
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,090
I am.

61
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,432
I really thought this job would have
more car chases and explosions,

62
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,692
and less homeless people
doo-dooing everywhere.

63
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,132
Do you guys really think
this is a police matter?

64
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,271
To get your frisbee back?

65
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,778
Get your own fucking frisbee.

66
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,443
Shit.

67
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,578
Shit! Shit!

68
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,998
Yours isn't loaded, right?

69
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,204
We're supposed to unload them first, right?

70
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,664
What, you... no.

71
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,329
That's no fun. Come on.

72
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,997
Sign says, "do not feed the ducks.”

73
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,255
It's right there.

74
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,382
- Don't you... don't...
- Don't. Stop it.

75
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:48,466
Don't. You did it. You fed the ducks.

76
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,342
You feel like a big shot?

77
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:52,804
No fucking way.

78
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:54,763
One percenters??

79
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,083
These guys are, like,
big-time drug dealers.

80
00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:01,066
If we could take them down as our
first bust, we'd be off park duty for sure.

81
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,314
You see what I see?

82
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,319
Cannabis sativa.

83
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,572
Chaka Khan.

84
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:10,776
Chaka Khan?

85
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:29,420
Gentlemen. We having a little party?

86
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:31,884
Have we forgotten
that the use of marijuana is illegal?

87
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,512
I have glaucoma.

88
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:35,971
I get nervous in crowds.

89
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,226
Herpes.

90
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,769
Then you won't mind
if I search your bike, now, would you?

91
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,942
(Go ahead. You won't find shit.

92
00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,774
- Get up.
- Calmate, gringo.

93
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:51,442
Man, you guys even real cops?
You look like the kids on Halloween.

94
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,996
If those boys is cops, I'm DEA.

95
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,449
I know, right? I know.

96
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,377
It's hilarious.

97
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,064
So why don't you show us a little respect?

98
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,498
- Fuck you, pig.
- Hey.

99
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,318
You want me to beat your dick off?

100
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,298
You want to beat my dick off?

101
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,363
I'll beat your dick off with both hands.
What's up? Let's go.

102
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,407
- That's weird, man.
- I think what he was trying to say was,

103
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,968
he's going to punch you so many times
around the genital area

104
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,136
that your dick's just going to fall off.

105
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,642
Why do you have salt in your...

106
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,560
- That's actual drugs.
- Oh, my god.

107
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,267
Get on the ground! Hey!

108
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,977
Come here now! “What do I do?

109
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,812
- Chase someone!
- Chase someone?

110
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,693
Are you leaving your bike here?

111
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,229
Okay. All right.

112
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,137
Don't run from me!
You're making it worse for yourself!

113
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,401
No! Get out of the way!

114
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,785
Stop!

115
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:40,077
I'm going to shoot you
if you don't slow down, man! Come on!

116
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,577
Hey! Come here!

117
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,167
I'm not playing anymore!
I'm so not kidding!

118
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,172
I got him. I got him.

119
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,464
Freeze! Freeze!

120
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,683
Hands up or I shoot you! Freeze!

121
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,393
That's it! Come here!

122
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,893
Freeze! Stop it!

123
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,272
You're a pussy!

124
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:18,161
You got the right to... give me that!
You got the right to...

125
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,534
To suck my dick, motherfucker!

126
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,282
My elbow.

127
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,438
- You got nothing.
- How's my dick feel in your ass, huh?

128
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,327
Hey! Hey!
“How's it feel? How's it feel now?

129
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,960
That's right. Schmidt! Schmidt, we got one!

130
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,465
We got one! I got him!

131
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,217
Yes! Yes!

132
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,878
- Yeah!
- We got an arrest!

133
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,342
Yeah! We got him! Yes!

134
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,850
- Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah!
- Fuck you! Yeah!

135
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,021
What's up?

136
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:48,483
Drop my nuts
on your motherfucking forehead!

137
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,814
- That's right.
- Fuck you, park!

138
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,695
- We arrest people now!
- What up, park?

139
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,448
- What's up? What's up?
- What up, park? Who wants one?

140
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,495
Congratulations on the bust, boys.
It sounds great.

141
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,250
Thank you, cinnamon.
“Are those new?

142
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,874
The department was forced
to drop the charges

143
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,665
because you forgot to read him
his Miranda rights.

144
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:16,052
What possible reason is there
for not doing the only thing

145
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,338
vou have to do when arresting someone?

146
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:22,308
I did read him his right...
I did a version of that.

147
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,557
Do you even know the Miranda rights?
Yes

148
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,514
let's hear them, then.

149
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,599
You got a lot of stuff to do.

150
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,643
No, go ahead.
You going anywhere, schmidt?

151
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:32,821
We got time.

152
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,401
I had a thing,
but I can probably push it back.

153
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,738
Go ahead. It's four declamatory sentences,
followed by a question,

154
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,402
for a total of 57 words.

155
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:44,744
Okay. Look, it obviously starts with,
"you have the right to remain silent."

156
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,830
I know you've heard this before. And then,

157
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:51,417
I think it sounds something like...

158
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,799
- "You have the right to an attorney.”
- Well, the thing... yeah, right.

159
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,460
"You have the right to remain an attorney."

160
00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,597
Did you say
that you have the right to be an attorney?

161
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,305
You do have the right to be an attorney,
if you want to.

162
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,559
Where were you?

163
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:09,101
I was chasing my perp, sir.

164
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,061
And how did that go for you?

165
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:13,644
Honestly, he did get away,

166
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,611
and he threw me down pretty hard.

167
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,864
Actually fucked up my elbow pretty bad.

168
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,069
Can I see that?

169
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:22,657
Yeah, actually, it hurts
'cause the dirt gets mushed into it.

170
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,197
Wow.

171
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,831
Fortunately for you two,

172
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:30,664
we're reviving a canceled
undercover police program from the '80s

173
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,420
and revamping it for modern times.

174
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,943
You see, the guys in charge of this stuff

175
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,084
lack creativity
and are completely out of ideas,

176
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,971
so all they do now
is recycle shit from the past

177
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,881
and expect us all not to notice.

178
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:47,177
One of these programs
involves the use of young,

179
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,970
immature-seeming officers.

180
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,641
Sir, are you saying
that you're going to send us into, like,

181
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,606
a child sex slavery ring or something?

182
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:59,318
Sir, if I have to
suck somebody's dick, I will.

183
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,155
It's just... I'd prefer not to.

184
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,282
I think you idiots are perfect.

185
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:06,821
You're officially transferred.

186
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,456
- All right. Yeah.
- That's great.

187
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,241
Where should we report to?

188
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,956
Down on jump street.

189
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,961
37 jump street.

190
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:17,127
No, that doesn't sound right.

191
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,462
Is it

192
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,262
this has got to be a joke.

193
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,173
This is it.

194
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,516
Aroma of Christ church?

195
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,539
How's it going?

196
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,748
This place is weird.

197
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,560
Everybody comfortable?

198
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,346
Yeah

199
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,234
get your motherfucking ass up
when I'm talking!

200
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:22,522
You will be going undercover
as high school students.

201
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:26,610
You are here
simply because you look young.

202
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,657
You some Justin beaver,

203
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,573
Miley Cyrus-looking motherfuckers.

204
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,161
Captain sassy.

205
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,871
I know what you're thinking,

206
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,587
"angry black captain.”

207
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,248
It ain't nothing but a stupid stereotype.

208
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,712
Well, guess what, motherfuckers.

209
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,047
I'm black.

210
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,263
And I worked my ass off to be the captain!

211
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,885
And sometimes I get angry.

212
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,553
So suck a dick!

213
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,729
What I'm trying to show you is,

214
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,978
embrace your stereotypes.

215
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,065
Like this guy right here. Handsome.

216
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,650
And he's probably a dummy.

217
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:05,986
And then this guy.

218
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,034
He's short and insecure.

219
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,703
And he's probably good with money.

220
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,080
You are good with money.
“What the fuck?

221
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,705
Didn't somebody tell you guys
this was an undercover unit?

222
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,335
I don't... I actually didn't...

223
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,774
I didn't get a letter or anything.

224
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,485
- Yeah, like, a start time...
- With a dress code or anything like that.

225
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:23,249
Teenage the fuck up!

226
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,630
Rule number one at jump street. Fugazy.

227
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,347
Do not get expelled.

228
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,476
Nobody in the system knows you're here.
All right? Nobody.

229
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,136
You get kicked out of school,

230
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,899
your monkey ass is getting kicked out
of jump street.

231
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,774
Rule number two. Burns.

232
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:45,446
Do not have sexual relations
with students or teachers, sir.

233
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:48,149
You hear that”? That's you.

234
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,901
- Don't do it, man.
- Why...

235
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,616
Keep that dirty dick in your pants.

236
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,451
Don't fuck no students.

237
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,119
Don't fuck no teachers.

238
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:59,624
Sir, I know we come off
as a couple of lady-killers,

239
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,880
but I promise you
we will be super professional on the job.

240
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,383
Clearly, I wasn't talking to you,
big titties.

241
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,753
You cherub-looking motherfucker.

242
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,171
I was talking to your partner over here.

243
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,261
Fake-ass handsome McGee.

244
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,362
When I'm talking to him,
I'm talking to him.

245
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,664
When I say, "shut the fuck up,"

246
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,053
- I'm talking to you.
- Cool.

247
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:20,689
Now, you two sons of bitches,
in my office now.

248
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,975
Right now!

249
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,606
Hi. I am billiam willingham.

250
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,317
So I bought these,

251
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,650
which is all anybody seems
to be talking about right now.

252
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,321
Cheers.

253
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,653
It's a new synthetic drug.

254
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:36,914
Goes by the street name h.F.S.

255
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,996
Holy fucking shit.

256
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,580
Holy...

257
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,879
They put this on the Internet
for everybody to see?

258
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,547
They're teenagers, man.
They're really stupid.

259
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,504
So you should blend right in.

260
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:07,103
Jessica, will you go to prom with me?
But I already know the answer. It's yes.

261
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,751
I could watch this kid all day.

262
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,378
Man, this kid rules.

263
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,830
Ruled.

264
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,171
His parents found him od'd
in his room a few days ago.

265
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,585
He's dead.

266
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,139
Whatever he took,
the lab has never seen it before.

267
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,347
And as you can see, this kid is white.

268
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,183
That means people actually give a shit.

269
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:45,266
Sir, I just want to throw out to you
that I would give a shit if he was black.

270
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:52,069
Right now, h.F.S.
Is contained right there at sagan high.

271
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:56,486
Now, once this drug breaks containment,
it goes viral in a few days.

272
00:15:56,664 --> 00:16:00,282
Jenko, I looked at your old transcript.

273
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,288
I enrolled you in a bunch
of bullshit courses

274
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,419
like photography and drama.

275
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,922
Gget in with the burnouts
and the cool kids.

276
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,753
Find out who's slinging this shit.

277
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,088
Schmidt, says you were a virgin

278
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:13,753
- through high school.
- It says that?

279
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,551
No. I just assumed it,

280
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,761
due to your many years on the honor roll

281
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,927
and your membership
to the juggling squad.

282
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,347
It's the juggling society,
but it's fine. It's fine.

283
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,811
They're stealing equipment
from the chemistry lab.

284
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,102
That's what we think
they're cooking the dope with.

285
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,654
I enrolled you into honors chemistry.

286
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,691
Here's your new identities, all right?

287
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,655
Brad and Doug mcquaid.

288
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,494
The mission is this.

289
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,996
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

290
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,907
We get to be brothers?

291
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:46,077
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

292
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,942
But if we find the supplier first,
we don't have to worry about the dealers.

293
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,673
God damn.
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

294
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,730
Hey, Korean Jesus.

295
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:14,443
I don't know if you only cater
to Korean christians

296
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:18,735
or if you even exist. No offense.

297
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,242
I just...

298
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:28,044
I'm really freaked out
about going back to high school.

299
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:34,508
It was just so fucking hard the first time.

300
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:40,507
I know we haven't made our first arrest,
or maybe I'm not the best cop.

301
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,177
Korean Jesus,
I just really don't want to fuck this up.

302
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,850
I'm sorry for swearing so much.

303
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,523
The end?

304
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,943
I don't really know how to end a prayer.
The end?

305
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,229
Yeah

306
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:00,867
Hey! Hey!

307
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,321
Stop fucking with Korean Jesus!

308
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,831
He ain't got time for your problems.
He busy!

309
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,450
With Korean shit.

310
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:10,085
You two get to your mama house asap.
“What?

311
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,792
You're teenagers now, all right?

312
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,083
You two are staying
at schmidt's parents' house

313
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,876
for the duration of this assignment.

314
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,385
Fuck me.

315
00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,089
This house is adorable.

316
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:23,758
My baby's home! Come here.

317
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,622
You will always be
my infant angel baby child.

318
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,261
There's my guy.

319
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,930
It's great to see you guys.

320
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,396
- Hey.
- Family! Up top, papa schmidt.

321
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,730
Oh, my god. Mama schmidt,
did you do all this yourself?

322
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,816
- This is unbelievable.
- Well, yeah.

323
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:39,107
- I guess I did.
- It's gorgeous!

324
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,741
So are you.

325
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:44,237
Honey, listen, I want to tell you, we did
blow up the air mattress in your room

326
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,892
'cause we're kind of using that
as a workout area,

327
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,516
so I hope you don't mind the elliptical.

328
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:50,076
No, no! Jenko, jenko, oh, my god, please.
No, no.

329
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,190
Don't touch that.
We just brought it back from sedona.

330
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,626
Guys, can we get rid of this stuff?

331
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,320
I mean, it looks like I died in a car crash

332
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,460
- and you guys haven't moved on.
- Rid of it?

333
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,095
If we take it down,
we have to stop bragging about you.

334
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,472
I look like Fred savage
from the wonder years,

335
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,385
but completely naked,
wearing Indian friendship bracelets.

336
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,473
That is a great picture, Morton.

337
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,979
You look like a young Jay leno.

338
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,648
Am I even wearing underwear
in this picture?

339
00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:14,979
No

340
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,769
I remember. You know why?

341
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,654
Because I've told it to a therapist
about 8,000 times.

342
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:24,068
I mean, this is a fourth grade
participation medal for soccer.

343
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,736
It's literally a medal for sucking.

344
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,704
No, that is a medal for trying.
Yes

345
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:31,709
let me tell you something.
This guy was always a great tryer.

346
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,913
That must be Phyllis.
She is just dying to see you.

347
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:38,153
What? Mom, you told Phyllis I was here?
She's going to tell the whole neighborhood.

348
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,089
I told you, it's an undercover assignment.
It's super secretive.

349
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,466
"Undercover." that's so cute.

350
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,216
- I'm going upstairs.
- Okay, honey. I want you to know

351
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,835
- we are so glad you're here.
- Okay.

352
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,761
That's great. Thank you.

353
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,056
- All right. Where is he?
- He's upstairs.

354
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,129
He just needs to take a little rest,
and then he's dying to see you, too.

355
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:58,394
- Bye-bye.
- I baked muffins!

356
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,967
If you don't know your identity,
we're screwed tomorrow.

357
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,197
You got to study this stuff.

358
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,305
Forget those identities. They're bullshit.
They said I was held back a year.

359
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:06,990
You were. You were held back two years.

360
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:10,206
Just 'cause it's a fake backstory
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings.

361
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,453
Fuck! Socks don't match

362
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,993
I got to start all over.

363
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,750
It's the first day of school, dude.
I got to look awesome.

364
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,964
You know, back in the day,
you were super popular,

365
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,797
and I wasn't as much.

366
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,345
We didn't really get along in high school.

367
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,761
You don't think that's going to
happen again, do you?

368
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:32,516
No. Come on, man. We're adults now.
We're best buds.

369
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,126
It's definitely not going to happen again.

370
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,686
- We're good.
- Cool.

371
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,698
Beautiful day out there, boys.

372
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,904
Just shut up.

373
00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:50,697
"Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law.

374
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,144
"You have the right to an attorney.

375
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:55,126
"If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed..."

376
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:58,584
Dude, do you still not know
the Miranda rights? You're a cop.

377
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:02,717
Come on, man. They always cut away
on TV before they finish them.

378
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,004
All right, let's do it.

379
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,802
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
“What?

380
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,018
What are you doing?

381
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,598
- What'? What are you talking about?
- Are you two-strapping?

382
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,763
- My backpack? Yeah.
- Yeah, I got to be seen with you.

383
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,598
You got to one-strap it.

384
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,359
Seriously, I would no-strap it
if that would even be possible.

385
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,811
Okay, what makes you the expert?

386
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,192
I was cool in high school, and you weren't.

387
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,236
Okay, that makes sense. Continue.

388
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:31,783
The three keys of coolness
in high school, by jenko.

389
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:35,245
One, don't try hard at anything.

390
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:38,627
Okay”? Two, make fun of people who do try.

391
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,629
Three, be handsome.

392
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,041
Four, if anyone steps to you
on the first day of school,

393
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,091
vou punch them directly in the face.

394
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,594
Five, drive a kick-ass car.

395
00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:49,926
Shit.

396
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,500
All right, but just don't be driving it
like teenagers,

397
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:59,266
revving up the engine and shit, okay?

398
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:00,933
We would never.

399
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:03,227
Come on, hoffs. Give us a little credit.

400
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,773
Hey, you r oo eady?

401
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:17,207
That was awesome! That was amazing.

402
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,414
- Was I flying?
- That was amazing.

403
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:20,794
All right, do mine, do mine.

404
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,456
- Okay, ready? Here I go.
- Yeah, yeah.

405
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,130
You okay?

406
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,970
I think I shit my pants.

407
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:42,754
Hey, park in that handicapped spot.

408
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:45,520
- It'll make us look cool.
- That's awesome.

409
00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:01,953
Dude?

410
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:04,964
- Everybody's two-strapping it.
- Just stay with the one-strap.

411
00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:06,882
I can't. I can't. I can't right now.

412
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,614
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Don't succumb to the peer pressure.

413
00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:11,366
- What are you doing?
- You're supposed to use two straps.

414
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,132
- One strap is peer pressure.
- No. No. You're fucking up right now.

415
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,966
Okay, those are goths.

416
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:19,019
Those are nerds.

417
00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:22,481
I don't know what they are.

418
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:26,685
What the fuck are those things?

419
00:23:26,864 --> 00:23:28,149
I'm so confused right now.

420
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:36,873
Whoa.

421
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,120
= - =

422
00:23:41,295 --> 00:23:43,001
- hey.
- Good morning.

423
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:46,421
Hey, vo. Hey.

424
00:23:47,885 --> 00:23:49,546
Is that your car? Yeah

425
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,364
what's that thing get,
10 miles to the gallon?

426
00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:53,094
No, try, like, seven.

427
00:23:54,224 --> 00:23:56,089
- What about you?
- Biodiesel, dawg.

428
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:57,516
Smells like egg rolls.

429
00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:01,395
Yeah, it does.
Runs on leftover fry oil from hunan palace.

430
00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:04,728
But we try to ride bikes when we can.
Global crisis and whatnot.

431
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:07,647
Whatever, man.
I don't care about anything.

432
00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:10,528
You don't care about the environment?
That's kind of fucked up, man.

433
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:12,197
Hey, hey, will y'all shut the hell up?

434
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,945
I'm trying to study. Thanks.

435
00:24:14,578 --> 00:24:17,615
Look at him. He's trying.

436
00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:19,492
He's actually trying. What a nerd.

437
00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:21,453
I ook at the nerd look at the nerd.

438
00:24:21,627 --> 00:24:23,939
- Look at him. Look at the nerd.
- Who you calling a nerd, man?

439
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:25,248
I'm sorry. What...

440
00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:27,963
- Shit!
- Shit, dude.

441
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,278
Are you okay, man? Hey, what the hell?
Are you serious?

442
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:31,883
Well, turn that gay-ass music off.

443
00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:33,885
You punched me because I'm gay?
“What?

444
00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:36,635
No come on.

445
00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:37,889
That's not cool, man.

446
00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:39,220
That is really insensitive.

447
00:24:39,353 --> 00:24:40,747
I didn't punch him because he's gay.

448
00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:44,810
I punched him, and then he happened
to turn out to be gay afterwards.

449
00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:46,975
- I was gay when you punched me!
- In a weird way,

450
00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:49,352
it might have been
homophobic not to punch you

451
00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:51,270
- just because you were gay.
- Right.

452
00:24:51,448 --> 00:24:53,404
You punched a little gay
black kid in the face,

453
00:24:53,534 --> 00:24:55,900
and it's not even second period.
How do you explain that?

454
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,577
Mr. dadier, I'm so sorry about that.
I just...

455
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:00,433
Look, guys, I'm going to relate
to you, okay?

456
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:03,039
A kid died the other day from drugs,

457
00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:06,498
and nobody, including me,
is doing anything about it.

458
00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:09,003
That's weird, guys.

459
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,048
And then you two show up,
with 30 days left,

460
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:14,335
causing trouble in my school.

461
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,255
I am one more black gay kid
getting punched in the face

462
00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:20,766
away from a nervous breakdown.
Do I make myself clear?

463
00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:22,176
You guys cross my line again,

464
00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:26,681
and you walk into this office,
I'm going to expel you. You got me?

465
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:30,147
All right, let's do this.
Which one of you is Doug?

466
00:25:31,739 --> 00:25:33,842
Let's do that again
and pretend you guys aren't weird.

467
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:36,107
Which one of you is named Doug?

468
00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:38,283
- No, dude, I'm Brad.
- Okay, good.

469
00:25:38,454 --> 00:25:40,570
So that means your name is Doug, son.

470
00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:42,158
- Yeah, I'm Doug.
- Great.

471
00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:46,288
Funny, I wouldn't have taken you
for the brainy type.

472
00:25:46,462 --> 00:25:49,078
I wouldn't. But you as a drama geek,
far less surprising.

473
00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:50,541
Thank you.

474
00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:52,402
Now we have the wrong identities,
you dumb-ass.

475
00:25:52,426 --> 00:25:55,463
I'm in drama. I suck at drama.
It's girly and embarrassing.

476
00:25:55,637 --> 00:25:57,969
Oh, my god. Relax, dude. Who cares?

477
00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:01,303
I can fake my way through band practice
and app chemistry for a few weeks.

478
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:04,726
Ap chemistry. Ap chemistry.
And, no, you can't,

479
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:07,167
because you don't even know
what it's actually fucking called!

480
00:26:07,191 --> 00:26:10,433
It's going to be fun. You go to my classes,
and I'm going to go to yours.

481
00:26:10,611 --> 00:26:13,048
Okay, now, chemistry's
the one with the shapes and shit, right?

482
00:26:13,072 --> 00:26:14,072
Fuck

483
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:18,816
so, we are going to hold auditions
for the Peter Pan part today.

484
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:23,203
Billiam would've wanted the show to go on.

485
00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:27,287
When I was a young actor just starting out
in New York state,

486
00:26:27,461 --> 00:26:28,792
Albany, to be exact,

487
00:26:28,962 --> 00:26:31,078
- I booked a local television commercial...
- Hey.

488
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:33,167
In which I had to play a young man...

489
00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:36,175
It's really sad about that kid.
He was talented.

490
00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:43,887
No. No, no, no, that's not what I meant.

491
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:47,386
I was just busting your balls.

492
00:26:49,399 --> 00:26:51,355
Okay. Good.

493
00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:56,650
I remember, one time,
doing cocaine with Willie Nelson's horse,

494
00:26:58,408 --> 00:27:00,364
and we were having so much fun.

495
00:27:00,536 --> 00:27:03,699
And then I realized that she was dead.

496
00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:06,822
I remember one summer...

497
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,865
Do kids still do this stuff?

498
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:10,784
Even after what happened to him?

499
00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:14,329
Everyone's saying
that billiam had a heart murmur.

500
00:27:14,508 --> 00:27:17,545
Pretty much everyone I know does it,
but it's not my thing.

501
00:27:17,928 --> 00:27:19,884
It's not really my thing, either,

502
00:27:20,055 --> 00:27:22,762
but a buddy of mine really wants it.

503
00:27:22,933 --> 00:27:25,766
Who would he call if he wanted it?

504
00:27:25,936 --> 00:27:27,972
Well, you can tell your friend

505
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:30,388
that if he really wanted it,

506
00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:32,477
it's not so hard to find.

507
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:35,017
When to take it.
He shouldn't have been taking it at all.

508
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:36,940
Drugs are bad.

509
00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:41,156
But they can have their place
in the life of a professional actor.

510
00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,191
Thank you. You're welcome.

511
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:45,531
Notice the distinction.
I said "professional actor."

512
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,747
New person. Mr. texty texty.

513
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:55,708
Since you have so much to say to Molly,

514
00:27:55,883 --> 00:27:58,249
let's see if you can be Peter to our Wendy.

515
00:27:58,427 --> 00:28:01,169
You look like you might have
a little Peter inside of you.

516
00:28:02,723 --> 00:28:05,806
I can't.
I'm fine just being a tree or something.

517
00:28:05,976 --> 00:28:08,012
Doug, you never won't know

518
00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:11,600
what you can't achieve
before you don't achieve it.

519
00:28:11,773 --> 00:28:12,808
My point is,

520
00:28:12,983 --> 00:28:15,725
vou have to. Everyone auditions for Peter.

521
00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:18,651
Yeah, sure.

522
00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:20,729
My favorite molecule is water.

523
00:28:20,908 --> 00:28:23,149
I'd marry it, unless it was my daughter.

524
00:28:23,452 --> 00:28:27,741
Its solid form floats on its liquid form,
which makes it far outside the norm.

525
00:28:27,915 --> 00:28:32,158
It allowed life to form on ancient Mars,
and we use it to wash our cars.

526
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,080
H20

527
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:36,829
h20 h20

528
00:28:37,591 --> 00:28:39,172
h20 - it's okay. Thank you.

529
00:28:40,552 --> 00:28:42,964
Thank you, Zack. So good.

530
00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:45,880
All right, anybody else
for molecule mondays? Anyone?

531
00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:48,598
Okay. Time for a pop quiznos.

532
00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:49,977
A what?

533
00:28:50,604 --> 00:28:51,844
I'm sorry.

534
00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:53,478
What is your name? Brad?

535
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,347
- Brad. Yes, ma'am.
- Wow. Look at you,

536
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,148
Brad. Big.

537
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,732
What is a pop quiznos?

538
00:29:00,906 --> 00:29:01,770
It's a quiz,

539
00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:07,201
and the first person who finishes
gets a $10 qift certificate to quiznos.

540
00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:10,362
- Today's quiz is on...
- You look really old.

541
00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:14,495
- Were you held back or something or...
- No. You look super young.

542
00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:16,501
Were you held forward?

543
00:29:17,881 --> 00:29:19,621
I went to school in France, so...

544
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,167
And they do, like, two extra years
of middle school there it's so lame.

545
00:29:26,556 --> 00:29:28,842
That's cool, man.
It's nice to meet you also.

546
00:29:29,810 --> 00:29:30,890
Hey.

547
00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:34,394
(Good luck.

548
00:29:53,375 --> 00:29:54,660
I'm just the cleverest...

549
00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:56,123
Okay.

550
00:29:58,046 --> 00:30:00,628
Maybe try one cooler.

551
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:02,918
And faster.

552
00:30:03,969 --> 00:30:06,506
And louder. And better.

553
00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:10,422
And less insecure and more just cool.

554
00:30:16,023 --> 00:30:17,979
Okay, yeah, those are great notes.

555
00:30:18,150 --> 00:30:19,230
I'm going to run outside,

556
00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:22,143
and I'm going to utilize those,
and I'm going to come back.

557
00:30:33,457 --> 00:30:34,457
It's such bullshit

558
00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:44,001
Wow. You're fast.

559
00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:46,800
Not like that. Just, let me check you out.

560
00:30:47,179 --> 00:30:49,170
Let me check out your chest.

561
00:30:49,348 --> 00:30:50,963
Check out your test... let me...

562
00:30:51,141 --> 00:30:52,631
Let me grade your quiz.

563
00:31:00,442 --> 00:31:02,398
Yeah, okay. That's cool.

564
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:06,144
We have this "hurry back" rule,

565
00:31:06,323 --> 00:31:09,406
so if you're not back in six minutes,
I have to send you to the principal.

566
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,821
Rules are rules, so,

567
00:31:12,412 --> 00:31:15,074
I guess this will have to be a quickie.

568
00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:17,018
- Which way is yearbook?
- I don't know.

569
00:31:17,042 --> 00:31:18,327
- Is it this way?
- I don't know!

570
00:31:33,725 --> 00:31:36,057
Sie t3172 ese ==z =

571
00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,228
you guys, huh?

572
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:41,601
That was a total mix-up,
what happened earlier.

573
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:42,960
- Yeah.
- He feels awful he feels

574
00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:44,770
totally, very nervous.

575
00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:47,110
You're the dealer?

576
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:48,816
- You're the dealer guy?
- Is that you?

577
00:31:48,949 --> 00:31:49,949
Yep.

578
00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:51,302
So do you make the stuff or...

579
00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:54,033
Do I look like a fucking scientist?
No, I just sell it.

580
00:31:54,371 --> 00:31:56,657
- Yeah, he just sells it. Come on.
- Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

581
00:31:56,790 --> 00:31:58,621
- I meant I just...
- How many you guys want?

582
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,453
20 bucks a pop.

583
00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:04,419
One each? One pop each of drugs.

584
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:06,246
You guys aren't narcs, are you?

585
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:07,341
\whoal

586
00:32:08,552 --> 00:32:10,258
- dude, come on.
- No! Maybe you're a narc.

587
00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:12,173
You know who calls people narcs?

588
00:32:12,347 --> 00:32:13,837
Narcs, narc.

589
00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:17,140
First of all, your argument
kind of just collapsed on itself,

590
00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:18,891
because if you call us narcs,

591
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:22,808
if narcs call people narcs, and
you call us narcs, then that's kind of...

592
00:32:22,941 --> 00:32:24,836
- 'Cause you just said that.
- They call people...

593
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:27,213
Look, I don't have time for this shit.
You guys want to do this or not?

594
00:32:27,237 --> 00:32:28,237
Jesus. Yes.

595
00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:30,236
- Yes, yes.
- No problem.

596
00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:33,903
All right, take it here
so I know you're cool.

597
00:32:33,994 --> 00:32:35,029
I'm sorry. What?

598
00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:38,266
- We were going to take it home.
- I gotta go back to class,

599
00:32:38,290 --> 00:32:40,726
- is the only thing.
- I was thinking that I was going to go home,

600
00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:42,081
maybe turn down the lights,

601
00:32:42,335 --> 00:32:43,735
getting snuggy, get a little weird.

602
00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:45,606
I was going to take it,
and then masturbate later.

603
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:48,372
Okay, I'm not asking.
Take it now or get the fuck out.

604
00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:50,711
I got to finish the girls' volleyball page
by lunch.

605
00:32:52,554 --> 00:32:53,634
Yeah?

606
00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:57,718
Yeah, no, it's all good.

607
00:32:57,893 --> 00:33:01,511
- I love doing drugs at school.
- I'll just take the drugs right here,

608
00:33:01,855 --> 00:33:03,140
in our mouths.

609
00:33:03,398 --> 00:33:04,934
There you go. That's it.

610
00:33:11,031 --> 00:33:13,488
What is that? Barbecue? Cool ranch?

611
00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:15,023
Have fun.

612
00:33:16,453 --> 00:33:17,930
- You got to pull the trigger!
- Okay.

613
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:19,490
You got to pull the trigger!

614
00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,370
- We got to throw up, man.
- I can't.

615
00:33:21,541 --> 00:33:23,644
We gotta throw up. That kid, billiam, died.
We got to throw up.

616
00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:25,438
Just think of something gross.
Think of something gross.

617
00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:27,999
- You fucking think of something.
- Okay, all right, all right.

618
00:33:28,173 --> 00:33:30,539
Your grandma's vagina,
and there's a dick going into it.

619
00:33:30,634 --> 00:33:32,612
- What the fuck are you saying?
- Don't know! I'm just trying!

620
00:33:32,636 --> 00:33:34,447
- I'm trying my best! I'm just trying!
- Fuck! Come on, man!

621
00:33:34,471 --> 00:33:36,336
Dude, let's just finger
each other's mouths.

622
00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:37,921
No! Yeah

623
00:33:38,099 --> 00:33:39,285
no, you're not fingering my mouth.

624
00:33:39,309 --> 00:33:41,925
- Do you wanna die? Do you wanna die?
- Okay, fine!

625
00:33:42,103 --> 00:33:44,765
Let's go. Come on. Come on! Come on!

626
00:33:52,197 --> 00:33:54,217
What are you doing?
Are you trying to find my g-spot?

627
00:33:54,241 --> 00:33:56,302
- Just stick it in!
- I don't know. I've never done this before!

628
00:33:56,326 --> 00:33:57,406
Just stick it in! Go!

629
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,451
Cut your fucking fingernails!

630
00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:07,667
Oh, god!

631
00:34:09,297 --> 00:34:10,753
Is it me?

632
00:34:10,924 --> 00:34:12,164
I'm sorry.

633
00:34:12,342 --> 00:34:13,377
I just can't sometimes.

634
00:34:14,427 --> 00:34:16,322
Think we're going to be fine.
I don't feel anything.

635
00:34:16,346 --> 00:34:17,677
Me, neither.

636
00:34:17,847 --> 00:34:19,383
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

637
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:22,912
You got a pass for running around
the hallways like a couple of ding-a-lings?

638
00:34:22,936 --> 00:34:24,551
Pass, in your hand.

639
00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:25,844
Hello.

640
00:34:26,398 --> 00:34:28,559
Damn. You guys are late.

641
00:34:28,692 --> 00:34:30,545
Now I'm going to have to take you
to the principal's office.

642
00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:34,608
- No, no, no, man. Come on, please. Sorry.
- Come on, please.

643
00:34:34,781 --> 00:34:36,863
You have exceptional muscle tone there,
young man.

644
00:34:37,033 --> 00:34:39,490
When'd you go through puberty?
Like, at seven or something?

645
00:34:39,661 --> 00:34:41,993
You look like you're in your mid-20s,
for crying out loud.

646
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,492
Mcquaid, huh”? Doug mcquaid.

647
00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:45,666
I read your file.

648
00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:48,829
You got a lot of something special
going on there, young man.

649
00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:51,086
What the hell was that”? God damn it, son!

650
00:34:51,256 --> 00:34:53,150
Don't ever raise your hand to me like that
again, all right?

651
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:54,254
I consider that a threat.

652
00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:56,087
I was just saying that I'm Doug.

653
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:59,048
I'm Doug mcquaid. See, that's Brad.

654
00:34:59,848 --> 00:35:00,848
That's Brad.

655
00:35:01,016 --> 00:35:03,428
You're the new kid
who's all county in track?

656
00:35:03,602 --> 00:35:05,263
Yes, I'm Doug mcquaid,

657
00:35:06,229 --> 00:35:10,723
the track star, and this is Brad,
the science prodigy.

658
00:35:13,236 --> 00:35:15,352
He's really fast.

659
00:35:18,992 --> 00:35:20,107
Is this funny to you guys?

660
00:35:27,876 --> 00:35:30,242
So you're Doug. You're Doug.
You're Doug.

661
00:35:30,420 --> 00:35:31,580
You're Doug. You're Doug.

662
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,165
Here's the deal.

663
00:35:33,381 --> 00:35:36,168
My track team is full
of physically incapable rejects.

664
00:35:36,593 --> 00:35:39,255
I mean, if I wasn't the coach,
I'd be laughing my ass off

665
00:35:39,429 --> 00:35:42,762
at how spastic they are,
but I am the coach,

666
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:44,805
so I need you.

667
00:35:45,435 --> 00:35:47,141
I need me some Doug mcquaid.

668
00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:48,392
Understand?

669
00:35:48,897 --> 00:35:52,560
I need you to run anchor on the 4 x 400
at today's track meet.

670
00:35:52,734 --> 00:35:55,271
You do that, and I'll sign this pass.

671
00:35:55,945 --> 00:35:57,401
Don't blow on me, son.

672
00:35:58,114 --> 00:36:00,230
I haven't trained.

673
00:36:00,492 --> 00:36:03,950
Guys, don't make me take you
to the principal's office.

674
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:06,115
Do we have a deal?

675
00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:08,906
Yes

676
00:36:09,918 --> 00:36:11,124
nice

677
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:16,747
I don't like that.
Put your tongue back in your mouth.

678
00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:18,756
Put your tongue in your mouth,
and close it.

679
00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:21,251
What are you doing? Stop it.

680
00:36:21,638 --> 00:36:23,594
Actually, that's not bad.

681
00:36:23,765 --> 00:36:25,630
All right, here you go.

682
00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:29,509
Are you guys on drugs?

683
00:36:35,235 --> 00:36:36,235
Okay.

684
00:36:36,403 --> 00:36:39,131
One particle of unobtainium has
a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor.

685
00:36:39,155 --> 00:36:42,647
Carry the two, changing its atomic isotoner
into a radioactive spider.

686
00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,484
Fuck you, science!

687
00:36:52,961 --> 00:36:54,701
All right, all right, we're good.

688
00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:56,710
We're good. We're good, man. We're good.

689
00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:58,496
We're good, baby.

690
00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:01,006
(Good work. Hit that shit.

691
00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:11,764
[I've gotta crow

692
00:37:12,105 --> 00:37:14,312
I'm just the cleverest fellow

693
00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:18,066
"twas ever my fortune to know

694
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,110
I taught a trick to my shadow

695
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:24,273
to stick to the tip of my toe

696
00:37:25,034 --> 00:37:28,401
[I've gotta crow

697
00:37:29,539 --> 00:37:33,202
[I've gotta

698
00:37:33,376 --> 00:37:38,541
crow!

699
00:37:39,466 --> 00:37:41,172
Christoph, did you feel that?

700
00:37:41,342 --> 00:37:42,707
Who are you?

701
00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:48,592
Welcome aboard, Peter.

702
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:00,687
No, keep it going!

703
00:38:00,862 --> 00:38:02,898
Keep it going. That was so tight!

704
00:38:03,072 --> 00:38:04,812
No, no, no, keep it going. Keep it going.

705
00:38:08,828 --> 00:38:11,035
All right, let's go, mcquaid!

706
00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:12,825
All right! Yeah!

707
00:38:13,333 --> 00:38:15,244
I like it! I like the confidence, son!

708
00:38:16,419 --> 00:38:18,831
I know v'all seen this shit before.

709
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,445
I know you've seen this shit before.

710
00:38:20,507 --> 00:38:23,089
Huge lead! Huge lead!
We got this. All right.

711
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,090
You're looking amped!

712
00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:28,378
Here we go.

713
00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:29,841
Here we go! Here we go!

714
00:38:30,892 --> 00:38:32,052
Hey, pick it up!

715
00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:35,264
Hey, no, mcquaid, pick it up.
What are you doing?

716
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:38,600
What are you doing? Pick it...

717
00:38:38,775 --> 00:38:40,640
What? Mcquaid!

718
00:38:41,528 --> 00:38:44,144
Don't throw the Baton, you jackass!

719
00:38:44,781 --> 00:38:45,987
Come on!

720
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:47,738
Mcquaid!

721
00:38:47,909 --> 00:38:49,945
Run that way!

722
00:38:50,119 --> 00:38:53,202
Spike that! Fuck you, miles Davis!

723
00:38:55,625 --> 00:38:58,116
Let's go, god damn it! Let's do this!

724
00:38:58,294 --> 00:38:59,534
Let's go! Come on!

725
00:38:59,879 --> 00:39:01,210
Oh, my god.

726
00:39:02,215 --> 00:39:03,421
No, no.

727
00:39:03,967 --> 00:39:05,298
No, stop.

728
00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:06,833
Come here. Come here.

729
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,342
Don't make a.

730
00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:09,969
That is a Baton penis.

731
00:39:19,482 --> 00:39:21,518
Speak of the devil!

732
00:39:21,693 --> 00:39:24,275
Dude, that was awesome
how you sabotaged that track meet, man.

733
00:39:24,445 --> 00:39:26,606
Organized sports are so fascist.
It makes me sick.

734
00:39:27,115 --> 00:39:28,605
That's just what I do.

735
00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:30,656
Okay. Shit, man. See you around, all right?

736
00:39:33,997 --> 00:39:35,988
I don't get this school.

737
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,490
That was awesome.

738
00:39:40,336 --> 00:39:42,167
Okay, so we stayed up all night
making this.

739
00:39:42,297 --> 00:39:43,732
It's awesome.
You're really going to like it.

740
00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:45,462
All yarn work was done by jenko.

741
00:39:45,633 --> 00:39:47,736
Okay, captain, look,
the dealers are the popular kids,

742
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:49,000
but they're not normal popular.

743
00:39:49,053 --> 00:39:51,573
They're these crunchy granola dudes
that have convinced everyone

744
00:39:51,598 --> 00:39:53,158
that they're cool, and they're not cool.

745
00:39:53,182 --> 00:39:55,369
It's backwards and unnatural,
and it's got to be stopped.

746
00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:57,805
Lead dealer, Eric molson. Alpha dog.

747
00:39:57,979 --> 00:39:59,970
Sick chicks, killer steeze.

748
00:40:00,148 --> 00:40:01,308
Did the aids run this year.

749
00:40:01,691 --> 00:40:03,898
He's getting into Berkeley, early admish,

750
00:40:04,068 --> 00:40:05,353
and he totally gets me.

751
00:40:05,528 --> 00:40:07,644
Who put this together? Are you autistic?

752
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:09,692
It is artistic, sir, because the thing is,

753
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:12,152
- the yarn actually indicates...
- We're compiling a list

754
00:40:12,285 --> 00:40:14,321
of suspicious types at school.
The users are here.

755
00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:16,619
This kid was actually talking
to a tree this morning.

756
00:40:16,789 --> 00:40:17,789
Cut the bullshit!

757
00:40:18,041 --> 00:40:20,498
I want to know who's the supplier.

758
00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:23,539
We don't know. That's why
there's a question Mark on his face.

759
00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,858
That's not the way his face looks.
That's just a question Mark.

760
00:40:25,882 --> 00:40:28,373
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

761
00:40:28,593 --> 00:40:29,753
Simple.

762
00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:33,003
Sounds like you guys
really cracked the whole case.

763
00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,546
Great job. You guys are on fire.

764
00:40:35,016 --> 00:40:37,007
- So proud.
- Like you could do any better?

765
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:39,016
We just brought down a group
of wannabe thugs

766
00:40:39,103 --> 00:40:41,389
stripping down cars
in the Garfield high metal shop.

767
00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:44,564
- What?
- Meanwhile, you two were standing around

768
00:40:44,734 --> 00:40:46,520
finger-popping each other's assholes.

769
00:40:46,694 --> 00:40:49,185
We're not finger-popping
each other's assholes.

770
00:40:49,364 --> 00:40:51,821
What we're doing is getting shit done.

771
00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:53,356
Yeah, as a matter of fact,

772
00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:55,091
I'm about to infiltrate a super high-tech

773
00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:58,449
drug manufacturing ring
in the chemistry classroom.

774
00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:07,082
- Password!
- Open the door!

775
00:41:07,632 --> 00:41:09,318
- You have to say the password.
- I'm sorry. What?

776
00:41:09,342 --> 00:41:10,673
What are you...

777
00:41:12,261 --> 00:41:13,421
(Geez.

778
00:41:17,266 --> 00:41:19,302
What are y'all doing?
How'd you get a key in here?

779
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:22,602
Ms. griggs gave us one
so we could work, tutor, deal bakugan.

780
00:41:23,106 --> 00:41:24,937
Bakugan? You dealing drugs?

781
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:26,794
- Let me see. You dealing drugs?
- No.

782
00:41:26,818 --> 00:41:28,738
It's a card game.
It's, like, a hybrid card game.

783
00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:30,481
- See? They open up.
- Battle brawlers.

784
00:41:30,655 --> 00:41:32,395
- You're not doing anything illegal?
- No.

785
00:41:32,699 --> 00:41:36,066
- What are you doing in here?
- I'm here to study.

786
00:41:36,577 --> 00:41:38,863
Good. You could use it.
You're pretty far behind, so...

787
00:41:38,955 --> 00:41:40,820
You're behind. I'm ahead.

788
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:43,073
- I know everything.
- Really?

789
00:41:43,251 --> 00:41:44,912
What's a covalent bond?

790
00:41:45,086 --> 00:41:46,997
Fuck you, man. I don't need to tell you.

791
00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:49,583
I wasn't trying to be rude. Sorry.

792
00:41:49,799 --> 00:41:52,336
I just... I don't think
you know everything.

793
00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:53,757
I know everything.

794
00:41:54,345 --> 00:41:55,505
Okay.

795
00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:06,262
What kind of bullshit do they say
about a covalent bond in this school?

796
00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:10,688
They say it's when two atoms
share both their electrons.

797
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:12,352
It helps them to stick together.

798
00:42:13,156 --> 00:42:15,693
I could help you out if you want,
tutor you for the test.

799
00:42:16,409 --> 00:42:18,695
What are you doing
with all those phones anyway?

800
00:42:19,412 --> 00:42:21,949
I crack and jailbreak kids' phones
to try and save for college.

801
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,760
You know, I switch their wireless carriers,
get them restricted apps.

802
00:42:24,834 --> 00:42:26,228
Can you listen in on phone calls and stuff?

803
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:29,870
No, no, I can't install a spyware
to remotely monitor calls

804
00:42:30,131 --> 00:42:31,587
or anything that the mic picks up.

805
00:42:31,758 --> 00:42:33,919
- I can't do that at all.
- Wait, you can't do it?

806
00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:35,587
No, I can't.

807
00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:38,719
- Is he being sarcastic?
- I don't know.

808
00:42:40,016 --> 00:42:41,051
So you can.

809
00:42:45,521 --> 00:42:47,261
Liking comic books is popular.

810
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,102
Environmental awareness, being tolerant.

811
00:42:50,276 --> 00:42:53,439
If I was just born 10 years later,
I would have been the coolest person ever.

812
00:42:53,529 --> 00:42:55,394
I know. It's bullshit

813
00:42:56,824 --> 00:42:57,904
you know what?

814
00:42:58,076 --> 00:43:00,317
I totally know the cause.

815
00:43:00,495 --> 00:43:02,827
Glee. Fuck you, glee.

816
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,871
Man, I got to say, this is kind of awesome.

817
00:43:06,042 --> 00:43:10,081
I might become popular.
I might get in with the popular kids.

818
00:43:11,005 --> 00:43:14,372
We just have to do something
wildly irresponsible to earn their trust.

819
00:43:14,550 --> 00:43:15,903
You saying we should throw a party?

820
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:18,634
I'll invite Molly,
and then Molly will invite Eric,

821
00:43:18,971 --> 00:43:20,866
and that'll be the quickest way for me
to bro down with him.

822
00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:23,327
Wouldn't it be better if we both
infiltrated the cool kids' group?

823
00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:24,745
I think it would be better if you get in

824
00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:26,497
with the nerdy kids
and see what's going on over there.

825
00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:28,057
That'd be the best thing for the case.

826
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:31,018
Yeah. I mean, I guess that makes sense.

827
00:43:40,493 --> 00:43:42,575
- Hello?
- Hey. Is this Molly?

828
00:43:43,037 --> 00:43:44,117
Speaking.

829
00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:45,698
Hey. It's schmidt.

830
00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:49,582
It's Doug schmug mcquaid.

831
00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:51,910
Hey, man.

832
00:43:52,088 --> 00:43:53,953
It's so weird that you're calling me.

833
00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:58,216
I pretty much text except for
when a random old relative calls.

834
00:43:58,594 --> 00:44:02,052
I was just calling 'cause we're costarring
in this play together,

835
00:44:02,223 --> 00:44:03,223
and... hello?

836
00:44:03,391 --> 00:44:04,551
Mom, get off the phone!

837
00:44:04,934 --> 00:44:06,640
Sorry, Doug,

838
00:44:06,811 --> 00:44:08,426
- my teen son.
- Mom!

839
00:44:08,604 --> 00:44:10,845
I love you, honey, Dougie,
Doug, Douglas mcquaid.

840
00:44:11,023 --> 00:44:12,763
Mom, so serious right now! Stop!

841
00:44:16,779 --> 00:44:19,441
I'm sorry. My mom's such a dick.

842
00:44:19,615 --> 00:44:23,608
She just, like, smothers me with affection
and makes me feel like I'm five years old.

843
00:44:23,786 --> 00:44:26,994
Wow. You're a sharer. I dig that.

844
00:44:27,290 --> 00:44:30,453
Well, I'm 18 years old, and my mom
still packs a lunch for me every day.

845
00:44:30,626 --> 00:44:33,789
There was this one month
where she bought me 43 stuffed animals.

846
00:44:34,130 --> 00:44:36,712
The doctor thought I was gonna
spontaneously grow a vagina.

847
00:44:37,258 --> 00:44:38,748
I didn't, though, just to be clear.

848
00:44:39,468 --> 00:44:40,779
Yeah, because you already had one.

849
00:44:40,803 --> 00:44:42,168
Exactly. I already had one.

850
00:44:42,346 --> 00:44:44,158
And you don't need two vaginas.
You just don't.

851
00:44:44,182 --> 00:44:46,093
Although you could use one
as a coin purse.

852
00:44:47,101 --> 00:44:48,821
I never got any stuffed animals growing up.

853
00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:51,014
Wait, actually, that's not true. I did.

854
00:44:51,189 --> 00:44:53,475
My dad gave me a stuffed puppy
the day he bailed on us.

855
00:44:55,067 --> 00:44:56,432
I'm just fucking with you.

856
00:44:56,986 --> 00:44:58,476
That is a weird joke.

857
00:44:58,654 --> 00:45:00,294
I thought your dad abandoned your family.

858
00:45:00,364 --> 00:45:01,854
No, he did walk out on us, though.

859
00:45:02,533 --> 00:45:04,865
But he didn't even leave me
a stuffed puppy.

860
00:45:05,036 --> 00:45:06,036
Just broken dreams.

861
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:09,492
Oh, man. Well, I guess,
to that, I would say,

862
00:45:09,665 --> 00:45:10,665
well,

863
00:45:12,043 --> 00:45:14,125
that there are some good guys out there,

864
00:45:14,295 --> 00:45:17,787
and I wouldn't let, you know,
one experience

865
00:45:17,965 --> 00:45:20,206
taint your memory.

866
00:45:20,509 --> 00:45:21,794
Oh, my god.

867
00:45:21,969 --> 00:45:24,756
Are you getting choked up?
I'm sorry if I made you upset.

868
00:45:25,097 --> 00:45:28,635
No, it's just, you know,
I don't like when guys are mean to girls.

869
00:45:28,809 --> 00:45:31,095
Yeah. Well, thanks.

870
00:45:31,687 --> 00:45:33,598
Normal transition here.

871
00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:37,898
Actually, I'm having a party next weekend.
You should come!

872
00:45:38,069 --> 00:45:39,855
You and Eric and juario, whatever.

873
00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:43,066
Do you mind if I just put, like,
a posting on Facebook?

874
00:45:43,241 --> 00:45:45,197
Okay. Yeah, yeah!

875
00:45:45,868 --> 00:45:46,868
I should call you back.

876
00:45:47,036 --> 00:45:49,348
Well, all right, I'll see you at school.
You're a great person.

877
00:45:49,372 --> 00:45:50,372
- Bye-bye. Bye.
- Bye.

878
00:45:50,539 --> 00:45:51,904
What the fuck are you...

879
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,091
Are y'all throwing a party?

880
00:46:05,096 --> 00:46:09,009
- What?
- There's rumors in the twittersphere.

881
00:46:09,892 --> 00:46:11,598
And if any of my officers

882
00:46:11,769 --> 00:46:14,761
are caught giving alcohol to minors,

883
00:46:15,231 --> 00:46:17,187
they'll find theyself in prison

884
00:46:18,192 --> 00:46:21,559
with a snorkel duct-taped to they mouth

885
00:46:21,737 --> 00:46:24,900
and me shitting down that snorkel.

886
00:46:26,867 --> 00:46:28,732
That's extremely vivid. Thank you.

887
00:46:29,245 --> 00:46:31,782
You're the best you are the best

888
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,454
- oh, my god.
- We love you.

889
00:46:33,541 --> 00:46:34,935
- Enjoy the vineyard.
- You boys be good, now.

890
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:37,041
Yeah, I can't believe you guys
did this for us.

891
00:46:37,336 --> 00:46:38,451
Bye!

892
00:46:38,629 --> 00:46:41,191
"We love you"? What are you doing?
Why you saying "I love you" to my mom?

893
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:42,876
I'm in character. Shut up.
“It's weird.

894
00:46:44,093 --> 00:46:46,755
Look, dude,
it's kind of like we're brothers.

895
00:46:47,263 --> 00:46:48,969
Wait, how are we going to buy alcohol?

896
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,301
Dude, I don't have a fake ID.

897
00:46:58,941 --> 00:47:01,023
How are we going to get drugs
for the party?

898
00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:03,187
Oh, no.

899
00:47:09,952 --> 00:47:10,952
We got a pound of coke.

900
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,557
We're trying to show them a good time,
not ruin their fucking lives.

901
00:47:13,581 --> 00:47:14,616
Pound of marijuana?

902
00:47:15,124 --> 00:47:16,705
- Best party ever.
- Boo-yah!

903
00:47:31,057 --> 00:47:34,470
To a brilliant idea

904
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:36,429
from my brilliant brother

905
00:47:36,604 --> 00:47:38,560
that I love so very much.

906
00:47:38,731 --> 00:47:41,268
And this is going to fucking rock.

907
00:47:41,442 --> 00:47:43,228
- Cheers, man.
- Cheers.

908
00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:51,698
- Who invited you guys?
- I did!

909
00:47:51,869 --> 00:47:52,869
The party's here!

910
00:47:53,496 --> 00:47:54,986
- What's up, Zack?
- Hey, buddy.

911
00:47:55,164 --> 00:47:56,164
What's up, Roman?

912
00:47:56,332 --> 00:47:59,620
This is crazy. This is, like, the
craziest thing I've ever been a part of.

913
00:48:03,631 --> 00:48:05,371
Where is Eric, man? He said he'd be here.

914
00:48:05,549 --> 00:48:07,005
Do we have enough chips?

915
00:48:07,176 --> 00:48:09,007
Is this playlist too dance-y?

916
00:48:09,178 --> 00:48:10,364
- Feels too dance-y.
- Too dance-y?

917
00:48:10,388 --> 00:48:13,755
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know, it just feels dance-y.

918
00:48:18,354 --> 00:48:19,639
What are you doing?

919
00:48:19,814 --> 00:48:21,974
- That's my mom's kokopelli vase.
- I got it, I got it.

920
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:23,389
Doug, Doug, hey!

921
00:48:23,567 --> 00:48:26,684
Hey, Paul blart: Molly cop.

922
00:48:27,696 --> 00:48:28,856
Such a bad joke.

923
00:48:29,031 --> 00:48:30,066
Terrible, terrible.

924
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:31,468
You guys know each other, right?
Yeah

925
00:48:31,492 --> 00:48:34,234
get ready, get ready, there's Eric.
Wait for the signal.

926
00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:36,390
And then you come in here
looking like a rock-solid 10.

927
00:48:36,414 --> 00:48:37,494
What?

928
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:39,534
What's up, man, how you doing?

929
00:48:39,792 --> 00:48:41,328
Fco suave.

930
00:48:41,877 --> 00:48:42,877
Whoa.

931
00:48:43,337 --> 00:48:46,079
Wow, so I'm really digging this decor.

932
00:48:46,465 --> 00:48:48,376
Very native American.

933
00:48:48,926 --> 00:48:50,211
Yeah, our parents are actually

934
00:48:50,386 --> 00:48:52,798
- really into native American...
- I et's rock and roll.

935
00:48:54,557 --> 00:48:56,093
- Sorry.
- What are y'all doing?

936
00:48:56,559 --> 00:48:58,265
- Come on.
- Did you guys even see Eric?

937
00:48:58,561 --> 00:49:00,392
Seriously, did you not see Eric?

938
00:49:00,938 --> 00:49:02,644
No offense, man, but your brother sucks.

939
00:49:02,773 --> 00:49:05,435
Yo, this is butt.
There's, like, no hot dudes here.

940
00:49:05,609 --> 00:49:07,409
- Man, let's bounce.
- We're out of here, man.

941
00:49:07,445 --> 00:49:10,187
No, no, no, come on, you guys
just got here, you just got here.

942
00:49:10,364 --> 00:49:12,446
Come on, let me at least give you a tour.

943
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,948
Okay, boys, come on, we did it,
we can do this, just go,

944
00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:16,613
just go as fast as you possibly can.

945
00:49:16,704 --> 00:49:20,242
Taking out the sim card.

946
00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:22,327
Taking down Eric
with the sim card information

947
00:49:22,460 --> 00:49:24,166
come on, CSI the shit out of this thing.

948
00:49:24,295 --> 00:49:25,831
- Are you drunk?
- No.

949
00:49:26,005 --> 00:49:27,370
Have you even been drunk before?

950
00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:28,921
- No, but...
- Give me this.

951
00:49:29,091 --> 00:49:30,777
- What?
- Can we get some bitches up in here?

952
00:49:30,801 --> 00:49:32,507
'Cause it's just boys right now.

953
00:49:32,678 --> 00:49:34,293
No, you can't get any bitches up here.

954
00:49:34,638 --> 00:49:36,128
This is my parents' bedroom.

955
00:49:38,267 --> 00:49:39,627
What the fuck, bro”? Some privacy!

956
00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:42,051
And that is a really gross three-way.

957
00:49:43,606 --> 00:49:45,206
But what was the girl in the back doing?

958
00:49:45,274 --> 00:49:47,185
Warehouse rave in ellsworth.

959
00:49:47,359 --> 00:49:49,020
Cool, yeah.

960
00:49:49,195 --> 00:49:51,106
Hey, man, thank you for the hospitality,

961
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,362
but we got to get going.
You know how it is, yeah?

962
00:49:53,449 --> 00:49:54,985
Dude, tell me about it.

963
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:57,762
Is it ready”? He's gonna leave right now.

964
00:49:57,786 --> 00:49:59,151
It's extracting right now.

965
00:49:59,330 --> 00:50:01,195
Dude, it's now or never!
Is it ready or not?

966
00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:03,143
Read this. "Please wait.
Extracting data from sim card."

967
00:50:03,167 --> 00:50:05,249
Shit! It's a bust.

968
00:50:09,465 --> 00:50:10,465
Keep it casual. Yeah

969
00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:11,693
- go with the flow, dude.
- Cool, man.

970
00:50:11,717 --> 00:50:13,361
- I don't like to make plans or whatever.
- You got it.

971
00:50:13,385 --> 00:50:14,696
- Thank you again, though, man.
- All right.

972
00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:17,883
Eric, Eric, Eric. Hey, man, what's up?

973
00:50:18,474 --> 00:50:20,010
Hey, why you here, Scott?

974
00:50:20,184 --> 00:50:22,516
What, Kennedy high
isn't having any parties tonight?

975
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:24,806
No, I heard you guys were partying
with some new stuff

976
00:50:24,897 --> 00:50:27,334
wanted to know your hookup
so me and my boys can get in on it.

977
00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:29,336
Got other commitments on that front,
so, you know...

978
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:30,395
I wasn't asking.

979
00:50:31,946 --> 00:50:33,546
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

980
00:50:33,614 --> 00:50:35,946
Take five, take five, man, let me get this.
I got this.

981
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,486
- Yeah? You sure?
- I got this one.

982
00:50:39,411 --> 00:50:41,367
Hey, big player, I don't know who you are.

983
00:50:41,539 --> 00:50:43,517
- Don't worry about who I am.
- I'm worried about it.

984
00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:45,581
- Why??
- 'Cause you're at my party right now, dude.

985
00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:48,117
This is my temple,
this is where I come to find peace, dawg,

986
00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:50,919
and you're coming in here
like an emotional bull in a China shop,

987
00:50:51,048 --> 00:50:53,460
metaphorically knocking over vases,
messing with my crew,

988
00:50:53,634 --> 00:50:57,627
and I'm like, "what, Scott, what, Scott,
what, what, what, what, Scott?"

989
00:50:57,805 --> 00:50:59,241
- It's that kind of party?
- Yeah, dude.

990
00:50:59,265 --> 00:51:01,221
Matter of fact,
it's getting hot in here, huh?

991
00:51:01,308 --> 00:51:03,299
- No, it's getting real.
- It's getting very real.

992
00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:06,101
Yeah. It's like seven strangers
living in one house. True story.

993
00:51:06,272 --> 00:51:07,707
- You want real world?
- Yeah, let's do it, man.

994
00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:09,767
- Come on. What's your real...
- Here's real world.

995
00:51:09,984 --> 00:51:11,315
What was that? Did you hear that?

996
00:51:11,402 --> 00:51:12,767
Real enough for you?

997
00:51:12,945 --> 00:51:14,310
Schmidt. Doug.

998
00:51:14,488 --> 00:51:16,024
- What do I do?
- Hit him!

999
00:51:18,033 --> 00:51:19,819
Shit! That hurt worse than when he hit me!

1000
00:51:26,292 --> 00:51:27,452
Fight normal.

1001
00:51:27,626 --> 00:51:28,957
Yo, I'm serious.

1002
00:51:29,128 --> 00:51:30,208
Sorry.

1003
00:51:34,341 --> 00:51:36,923
- I'll fucking kill you!
- I'm sorry! I'm very sorry!

1004
00:51:38,137 --> 00:51:41,300
Seriously, use your words, use your words!

1005
00:51:44,059 --> 00:51:45,139
I kicked him in the nuts.

1006
00:51:50,566 --> 00:51:52,898
Fight's over, dude! Fight's over!
Fight's over!

1007
00:51:57,323 --> 00:51:58,529
No, watch my mom's shit, man!

1008
00:51:58,616 --> 00:52:00,552
- I'm gonna fucking kill you!
- You'll knock over my mom's vase!

1009
00:52:00,576 --> 00:52:02,567
- Fuck your mom's vase!
- Fuck this!

1010
00:52:07,833 --> 00:52:08,913
Oh, shit!

1011
00:52:09,668 --> 00:52:10,953
Yeah!

1012
00:52:15,132 --> 00:52:16,872
That's my brother!

1013
00:52:21,930 --> 00:52:24,296
That was insane! You're so cool!

1014
00:52:25,768 --> 00:52:28,259
Did you see that shit? That was crazy.

1015
00:52:32,691 --> 00:52:33,771
Oh, shit,

1016
00:52:34,401 --> 00:52:35,686
when did I get stabbed?

1017
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:38,436
That's awesome.

1018
00:52:40,616 --> 00:52:41,616
Yeah!

1019
00:52:44,995 --> 00:52:46,576
Is that a cop?

1020
00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:47,907
Where?

1021
00:52:48,082 --> 00:52:50,289
No, it's not. Here.

1022
00:52:50,959 --> 00:52:52,995
I'm so glad we're going back
to get my phone.

1023
00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:54,910
I just hope we don't wake up schmidty.

1024
00:52:55,089 --> 00:52:56,499
Oh, my god, he's a policeman now.

1025
00:52:56,590 --> 00:52:58,626
It's like we're living with a narc.

1026
00:52:59,343 --> 00:53:00,674
The boy is an angel.

1027
00:53:01,220 --> 00:53:02,335
Pull it out!

1028
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:06,298
Pull it out! Pull it out! Pull it out!

1029
00:53:06,517 --> 00:53:07,517
Sorry!

1030
00:53:17,611 --> 00:53:18,817
Okay, let's take some shots.

1031
00:53:18,987 --> 00:53:20,318
Shots, shots!

1032
00:53:25,494 --> 00:53:27,701
That's like us fucking mother earth
without a condom.

1033
00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:06,197
What the fuck is going on?

1034
00:54:06,368 --> 00:54:08,199
Annie, hang on.

1035
00:54:11,206 --> 00:54:12,867
Are you fucking kidding me?

1036
00:54:13,041 --> 00:54:15,908
Get out of my house. I said get out!
The party's over!

1037
00:54:16,086 --> 00:54:17,451
I'm sorry, mom, I'm sorry!

1038
00:54:17,796 --> 00:54:19,377
The mom is coming!

1039
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:21,538
Listen to me!
Chill out! Chill out!

1040
00:54:22,050 --> 00:54:23,445
- Let go of me!
- You're embarrassing me

1041
00:54:23,469 --> 00:54:25,551
- in front of my friends!
- Get back here, you shit!

1042
00:54:28,682 --> 00:54:30,468
Dude, that was so crazy, man.

1043
00:54:30,642 --> 00:54:32,758
I swear, best party I've been to in years.

1044
00:54:32,936 --> 00:54:34,551
Dude, I'm doing crazy stuff like that,

1045
00:54:34,646 --> 00:54:36,326
- like, all the time, man.
- I bet you are.

1046
00:54:36,398 --> 00:54:38,810
Dude, I'm so amped right now, god!

1047
00:54:40,277 --> 00:54:41,813
You, dude, I like you, man.

1048
00:54:41,987 --> 00:54:43,631
How do you feel about making
a little extra money?

1049
00:54:43,655 --> 00:54:45,646
Whatever it is, I'm in.

1050
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:46,984
All right, here's the deal.

1051
00:54:47,159 --> 00:54:51,027
Okay, I can't sell all this shit on my own,
but I only bring in people I like.

1052
00:54:51,747 --> 00:54:54,147
Okay, you do good, maybe we
bring you in on what we're doing,

1053
00:54:54,208 --> 00:54:56,164
I introduce you to my hookup.
How's that sound?

1054
00:54:57,211 --> 00:54:58,451
- Cool with me.
- My man.

1055
00:54:58,629 --> 00:55:00,460
That is my man...

1056
00:55:00,798 --> 00:55:02,413
That was nuts. I lost you guys.

1057
00:55:05,010 --> 00:55:07,171
Hey, thank you again for the party, man.

1058
00:55:07,346 --> 00:55:08,677
Yo, vo.

1059
00:55:12,935 --> 00:55:14,266
Come on!

1060
00:55:16,939 --> 00:55:18,304
"1 love dick"?

1061
00:55:18,482 --> 00:55:19,892
You think that's funny?

1062
00:55:20,067 --> 00:55:21,477
"Wonder years douche"?

1063
00:55:21,652 --> 00:55:23,768
What kind of a sick animal draws

1064
00:55:23,946 --> 00:55:27,313
an ejaculating penis
into an 8-year-old's mouth?

1065
00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:30,483
It's arguably, like,
an airplane throwing up.

1066
00:55:31,286 --> 00:55:33,056
You think I don't know
that's a dick and balls?

1067
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:34,911
I know all about dick and balls!

1068
00:55:35,082 --> 00:55:37,368
I partied with Robert downey Jr.
Before he got sober,

1069
00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:39,704
when he was really fucked up
and a lot of fun!

1070
00:55:39,962 --> 00:55:41,981
You know what? From now on,
you're gonna do some chores.

1071
00:55:42,005 --> 00:55:44,212
You're gonna wash the laundry,
you're gonna fold it,

1072
00:55:44,383 --> 00:55:47,967
you're gonna do the dishes,
you're gonna mow the lawn...

1073
00:55:53,892 --> 00:55:55,257
Dude, I have a surprise for you.

1074
00:55:55,435 --> 00:55:57,221
Last night at the party,
I took Eric's phone

1075
00:55:57,312 --> 00:55:59,928
and I had Zack put
this monitoring device in it,

1076
00:56:00,107 --> 00:56:03,190
so we're gonna get to hear every
single thing that little prick is up to.

1077
00:56:03,485 --> 00:56:05,271
Dude, I don't know if that was a good idea.

1078
00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:06,362
What?

1079
00:56:06,530 --> 00:56:08,424
- What if you had gotten found out?
- But it worked

1080
00:56:08,448 --> 00:56:10,385
this is, like,
the smartest move I've ever pulled,

1081
00:56:10,409 --> 00:56:12,946
so, I'm sorry,
what are you getting mad at me for?

1082
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,907
I'm not getting mad at you.
I'm glad you have something to do.

1083
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:19,500
(Ood.

1084
00:56:22,754 --> 00:56:24,085
What's up?

1085
00:56:29,887 --> 00:56:31,047
Great job, schmidt.

1086
00:56:46,862 --> 00:56:49,023
- Password!
- Kneel before Zod!

1087
00:56:49,197 --> 00:56:50,403
You may enter.

1088
00:56:50,574 --> 00:56:52,110
Thank you, Zod.

1089
00:57:00,208 --> 00:57:01,288
Let's tap that wire, huh?

1090
00:57:01,376 --> 00:57:03,271
We were just about to go outside
with a bunch of chemicals.

1091
00:57:03,295 --> 00:57:05,035
We were going to test what blows up.

1092
00:57:05,547 --> 00:57:08,380
There's no reason the wiretap
is super urgent, right?

1093
00:57:09,551 --> 00:57:11,633
Not that I can think of
that would make sense.

1094
00:57:11,887 --> 00:57:13,627
Go for it, go for it.

1095
00:57:13,805 --> 00:57:15,545
- Look out.
- Go, go, go!

1096
00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:19,602
Yes!

1097
00:57:19,978 --> 00:57:21,843
Yes, that's what I'm talking about!

1098
00:57:22,022 --> 00:57:23,353
That's what I'm talking about!

1099
00:57:23,523 --> 00:57:24,888
I love this science shit!

1100
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:27,399
This is what you guys do all day?
Let's do it again.

1101
00:57:43,961 --> 00:57:45,292
Are you texting Molly?

1102
00:57:45,754 --> 00:57:46,754
What?

1103
00:57:47,255 --> 00:57:48,711
I don't... Molly...

1104
00:57:49,383 --> 00:57:50,623
Maybe. Is that...

1105
00:57:50,801 --> 00:57:53,338
Whoa, it's cool, man, come on.

1106
00:57:53,512 --> 00:57:56,595
I'm not some, like,
'50s letterman who pins a girl.

1107
00:57:56,765 --> 00:57:59,381
I mean, yeah, we blow each other
sometimes, but it's not a thing.

1108
00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:02,513
I just, like... I don't know,
I don't believe in possessions, ja feel?

1109
00:58:03,313 --> 00:58:05,395
Ja feel, ja definitely feel.

1110
00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:07,518
- Yeah.
- Schmidty?

1111
00:58:09,111 --> 00:58:10,226
Schmidty.

1112
00:58:11,446 --> 00:58:12,446
Phyllis.

1113
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,105
- I'll be right back, dude.
- Okay.

1114
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:19,363
Hey. How are you?

1115
00:58:19,538 --> 00:58:21,654
- How is my favorite police officer?
- Okay.

1116
00:58:21,832 --> 00:58:24,289
Your mother told me
that you are undercover.

1117
00:58:24,459 --> 00:58:26,074
Listen, now is not a really good time.

1118
00:58:26,253 --> 00:58:27,914
Are you undercover right now?

1119
00:58:28,088 --> 00:58:29,607
Yes, it means I'm undercover right now.

1120
00:58:29,631 --> 00:58:31,246
Are those the bad guys over there?

1121
00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:34,167
Do they have guns? Oh, my god.
Oh, god, this is so exciting.

1122
00:58:34,344 --> 00:58:36,175
I have got to call Annie. She is gonna die.

1123
00:58:36,263 --> 00:58:39,096
I heard that that jenko
boy is your partner.

1124
00:58:39,266 --> 00:58:40,802
- Where is my phone?
- Okay, okay.

1125
00:58:40,976 --> 00:58:42,182
Shut your fucking mouth.

1126
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:44,388
Shut your fucking mouth,
you understand me?

1127
00:58:44,563 --> 00:58:46,303
Let's go check this out.

1128
00:58:46,481 --> 00:58:48,668
I will straight-up punch you in the face
if you do not shut up.

1129
00:58:48,692 --> 00:58:50,683
- There is no...
- A straight-up face punch.

1130
00:58:50,819 --> 00:58:52,213
I swear to god, you're gonna get me killed.

1131
00:58:52,237 --> 00:58:53,443
Hey, yo. “That is

1132
00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:57,196
shit! She just tried to grab my dick, dude!

1133
00:58:57,284 --> 00:58:59,554
- What?? You tried to grab his...
- She tried to grab my junk.

1134
00:58:59,578 --> 00:59:01,139
She was like, "oh, my
god, I have arthritis,

1135
00:59:01,163 --> 00:59:02,974
"it hurts my hand,
I need to grab a handful of that dick."

1136
00:59:02,998 --> 00:59:04,142
I was like, "get the fuck off me!”

1137
00:59:04,166 --> 00:59:05,727
She said, "il need to grab
9 handful of that dick"?

1138
00:59:05,751 --> 00:59:07,770
And it felt good,
but then it felt weird for a second,

1139
00:59:07,794 --> 00:59:09,480
so I pushed her. We got to get out of here.

1140
00:59:09,504 --> 00:59:10,914
All right, cool, let's get the...

1141
00:59:26,772 --> 00:59:30,515
So your parents are just cool
with having people over whenever?

1142
00:59:30,692 --> 00:59:32,398
Yeah, you know, they're out most nights.

1143
00:59:32,527 --> 00:59:34,358
Pretty laissez-faire about the whole thing.

1144
00:59:34,738 --> 00:59:37,024
You're so lucky your parents
don't give a shit about you.

1145
00:59:37,115 --> 00:59:38,230
Right?

1146
00:59:38,408 --> 00:59:40,114
This place is awesome. Yeah

1147
00:59:40,368 --> 00:59:41,483
hey.

1148
00:59:41,912 --> 00:59:42,912
Hey, what's up?

1149
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:44,445
How's it going?

1150
00:59:44,623 --> 00:59:47,490
Wow, that's a bigger hug
than I was expecting.

1151
00:59:48,293 --> 00:59:49,624
Sorry. I'm happy to see you.

1152
00:59:49,795 --> 00:59:51,285
Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

1153
00:59:55,217 --> 00:59:56,423
(Good?

1154
00:59:56,718 --> 00:59:58,154
- All right, come on.
- Yeah, let's...

1155
00:59:58,178 --> 01:00:00,339
I brought tacos, so that's cool.

1156
01:00:00,639 --> 01:00:03,255
Try to turn it, try to turn it,
spoiler alert

1157
01:00:03,433 --> 01:00:06,015
spoiler alert, spoiler alert!

1158
01:00:06,228 --> 01:00:10,938
Hey, boys, this eco-pussy
is going down today.

1159
01:00:11,108 --> 01:00:13,690
Take down eco-pussy

1160
01:00:13,860 --> 01:00:16,567
take down eco-pussy!

1161
01:00:21,785 --> 01:00:23,901
And when it rains

1162
01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:25,865
it means that beautiful bitch is crying

1163
01:00:26,123 --> 01:00:28,239
- it's really not a planet.
- It's for sure a planet.

1164
01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:29,781
Pluto is a planet.

1165
01:00:29,918 --> 01:00:31,104
- It's ready!
- It used to be a planet.

1166
01:00:31,128 --> 01:00:32,208
- It's ready.
- Not anymore.

1167
01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:35,332
Reduce, reuse

1168
01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:37,550
recycle

1169
01:00:37,717 --> 01:00:38,752
I'm embarrassed.

1170
01:00:38,927 --> 01:00:41,327
- I always feel exposed after playing.
- Do not feel exposed.

1171
01:00:41,388 --> 01:00:42,468
I got to use the bathroom.

1172
01:00:42,556 --> 01:00:44,534
- Is it in there?
- Yeah, yeah, right up there, dude.

1173
01:00:44,558 --> 01:00:46,619
All right, all right, all right, all right.
God damn that.

1174
01:00:46,643 --> 01:00:49,009
The mic is live and we can
hear how the other half lives.

1175
01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:05,484
What are you doing?

1176
01:01:05,662 --> 01:01:07,118
I heard something.

1177
01:01:07,289 --> 01:01:09,325
Hey, can I ask you something? Sit down.

1178
01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:10,614
Okay.

1179
01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:14,167
I just want to make sure
that you and Eric are going to be careful

1180
01:01:14,337 --> 01:01:17,921
with whatever it is
that you're getting involved in.

1181
01:01:19,050 --> 01:01:20,915
Yeah, I promise we will.

1182
01:01:21,094 --> 01:01:23,426
It would just suck
if something bad happened,

1183
01:01:24,931 --> 01:01:26,512
because you're a good guy.

1184
01:01:26,808 --> 01:01:29,845
Yeah, no, I feel the same way about you,

1185
01:01:30,020 --> 01:01:31,806
except girl version.

1186
01:01:32,147 --> 01:01:33,637
You're a qirl.

1187
01:01:34,065 --> 01:01:35,475
I am. Yeah

1188
01:01:36,193 --> 01:01:37,524
that's why I put this dress on,

1189
01:01:37,694 --> 01:01:39,059
- to remind you.
- Exactly.

1190
01:01:39,279 --> 01:01:42,112
Are you excited about the play?
Yes

1191
01:01:42,282 --> 01:01:43,282
yeah, you were just

1192
01:01:43,366 --> 01:01:44,594
right in there with excitement.
Yes

1193
01:01:44,618 --> 01:01:45,949
- no hesitash.
- I'm very excited.

1194
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:47,492
Yeah

1195
01:01:47,662 --> 01:01:49,198
does that make me a super nerd?

1196
01:01:49,372 --> 01:01:50,862
No, not at all.

1197
01:01:51,166 --> 01:01:52,406
We get to act together.

1198
01:01:52,584 --> 01:01:55,371
What a vagina. He has no chance with her.

1199
01:01:55,545 --> 01:01:56,545
So

1200
01:01:56,713 --> 01:01:57,873
- Shit.
- Sorry.

1201
01:01:58,048 --> 01:01:59,754
You're on the prom committee.

1202
01:01:59,925 --> 01:02:01,381
Do you think it's going to be fun?

1203
01:02:01,635 --> 01:02:02,904
Did she just bring up prom on her own?

1204
01:02:02,928 --> 01:02:04,780
- She did, she just brought up prom.
- What is she doing?

1205
01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:06,294
I think it's going to be awesome.

1206
01:02:06,556 --> 01:02:07,992
- Prom eats a dong.
- Multiple dongs.

1207
01:02:08,016 --> 01:02:09,096
All right, anyone who says

1208
01:02:09,184 --> 01:02:11,891
they don't care about prom
actually secretly does.

1209
01:02:12,062 --> 01:02:14,207
Who we gonna take to the prom?
No one's going to prom with us.

1210
01:02:14,231 --> 01:02:17,394
Come on, picture it.
You pull up in a white stallion of a limo.

1211
01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:19,103
You got fine-ass honeys with you.

1212
01:02:19,277 --> 01:02:21,359
You're dressed to the nines
with your best buds.

1213
01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:23,440
Doves fly out behind you, slow motion.

1214
01:02:23,615 --> 01:02:25,276
Doves. Why doves?

1215
01:02:25,867 --> 01:02:28,950
'Cause doves make you look
like a badass, that's why.

1216
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:30,781
I am pretty skeptical,

1217
01:02:31,539 --> 01:02:36,033
but maybe, if someone fun asked me,
I would go.

1218
01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:40,086
Aren't... isn't... aren't you and Eric...

1219
01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:41,747
Wouldn't you and Eric go together?

1220
01:02:43,093 --> 01:02:44,754
Not that I know of.

1221
01:02:53,103 --> 01:02:54,183
Would you...

1222
01:02:54,354 --> 01:02:55,354
He's going to choke.

1223
01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:58,100
He always chokes.
He's going to choke, wait for it.

1224
01:02:58,566 --> 01:03:01,478
So would

1225
01:03:01,736 --> 01:03:03,272
so would

1226
01:03:04,406 --> 01:03:06,021
would you...

1227
01:03:07,742 --> 01:03:08,982
Mayb...

1228
01:03:09,911 --> 01:03:12,277
Oh, my god. Are you okay? Yeah

1229
01:03:12,497 --> 01:03:15,364
that is the actual sound of choking.

1230
01:03:16,334 --> 01:03:19,417
I was wondering if you...

1231
01:03:20,839 --> 01:03:22,295
Would you

1232
01:03:23,925 --> 01:03:25,586
maybe want to go

1233
01:03:27,595 --> 01:03:28,675
with me to prom?

1234
01:03:28,847 --> 01:03:31,008
Would you want to go to me...
Maybe with me to prom?

1235
01:03:31,558 --> 01:03:32,593
Yes

1236
01:03:33,768 --> 01:03:35,679
I would love to go to prom with you.

1237
01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:38,474
What? She just said yes!

1238
01:03:38,648 --> 01:03:40,058
Whoa. “Wow

1239
01:03:40,233 --> 01:03:42,224
good for you, Doug.

1240
01:03:42,569 --> 01:03:44,434
Thank you for asking.

1241
01:03:52,746 --> 01:03:53,746
Put her there, man.

1242
01:03:53,913 --> 01:03:55,699
Just put... put it right there.

1243
01:03:56,082 --> 01:03:59,290
I'm putting it right there.

1244
01:03:59,669 --> 01:04:01,330
Yeah. There you guys are.

1245
01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:02,960
What's up, my man?

1246
01:04:03,131 --> 01:04:04,131
- Hi.
- How you doing?

1247
01:04:04,299 --> 01:04:05,835
Whazzup?? Yeah

1248
01:04:06,426 --> 01:04:09,213
Doug... okay, settle an argument.

1249
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:11,127
You and your brother aren't related, right?

1250
01:04:11,222 --> 01:04:12,491
'Cause you look totally different.

1251
01:04:12,515 --> 01:04:13,755
He's adopted.

1252
01:04:13,933 --> 01:04:16,140
We all suspect from a very lame family.

1253
01:04:17,604 --> 01:04:18,810
Where is he tonight?

1254
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:22,689
Probably at home with those lame tools
he hangs out with. I don't know.

1255
01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:25,350
You know how Tom Cruise is
always pissed off at rain man?

1256
01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:29,020
That's like my life,
except Brad is really shitty at math.

1257
01:04:31,493 --> 01:04:32,903
Your brother's kind of a dick.

1258
01:04:33,078 --> 01:04:34,568
Well, yeah,

1259
01:04:36,122 --> 01:04:37,453
he kind of is, isn't he?

1260
01:04:37,624 --> 01:04:38,739
Don't listen to that.

1261
01:04:39,167 --> 01:04:40,907
I don't give a fuck.

1262
01:04:47,008 --> 01:04:49,420
Dude, Eric is the funniest im-er.

1263
01:04:56,309 --> 01:04:57,719
Oh, fuck.

1264
01:04:59,521 --> 01:05:01,807
Hey, guys. It's so funny seeing you here.

1265
01:05:01,981 --> 01:05:03,596
How are you? Guess what, I don't care.

1266
01:05:03,733 --> 01:05:06,099
We just closed our third
high school operation.

1267
01:05:06,277 --> 01:05:08,108
And check what we found at Kennedy.

1268
01:05:08,279 --> 01:05:10,770
Looks like we're going to have to do
your job for you.

1269
01:05:10,949 --> 01:05:14,191
Your drugs is spreading
to different schools now, sucker.

1270
01:05:16,454 --> 01:05:20,367
You failed to stop the outbreak,
and you have no leads!

1271
01:05:20,708 --> 01:05:22,448
We are running out of time!

1272
01:05:22,669 --> 01:05:24,330
You either find the supplier,

1273
01:05:24,504 --> 01:05:26,916
or I'm gonna jump your asses
off jump street!

1274
01:05:27,090 --> 01:05:29,090
I totally understand
where you're coming from, sir,

1275
01:05:29,134 --> 01:05:31,466
but, look, I heard Eric
talking on the phone yesterday

1276
01:05:31,636 --> 01:05:33,718
with somebody that sounded very suspect

1277
01:05:33,888 --> 01:05:36,004
about meeting up with a stuffed pinata.

1278
01:05:37,642 --> 01:05:39,724
Is that a code for sex?

1279
01:05:42,439 --> 01:05:44,270
- Pinata? Really?
- Yep.

1280
01:05:44,607 --> 01:05:46,327
Remember that wiretap
I put on Eric's phone?

1281
01:05:46,401 --> 01:05:49,171
While you were having the time of your life
last night, I was listening.

1282
01:05:49,195 --> 01:05:51,982
I overheard a phone call between Eric
and some dude about a pifiata.

1283
01:05:54,117 --> 01:05:55,232
That's all you heard?

1284
01:05:55,827 --> 01:05:56,907
Yep.

1285
01:06:00,498 --> 01:06:02,034
I am so hervous.

1286
01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:05,200
We are about to premiere
in front of the whole school

1287
01:06:05,378 --> 01:06:07,710
I apologize in advance
if I throw up on you onstage.

1288
01:06:08,423 --> 01:06:10,004
Serious question, though.

1289
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:12,290
How do I look?

1290
01:06:13,011 --> 01:06:14,251
Ravishing.

1291
01:06:14,429 --> 01:06:16,795
Is it too sexy of an outfit?

1292
01:06:16,973 --> 01:06:18,179
Bend the knee a little bit.

1293
01:06:18,349 --> 01:06:19,680
Yep, it is.

1294
01:06:21,936 --> 01:06:25,053
It's going to be so much easier
having you onstage with me.

1295
01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,596
I am so happy that I met you.

1296
01:06:26,816 --> 01:06:30,024
You're, like, the only guy
that I can really trust.

1297
01:06:30,195 --> 01:06:32,607
Yep. That's me.

1298
01:06:33,448 --> 01:06:34,483
Doug.

1299
01:06:39,954 --> 01:06:41,615
Potassium nitrate.

1300
01:06:42,499 --> 01:06:45,457
Don't hate. It's great.

1301
01:06:45,627 --> 01:06:47,333
It can act as an oxidizer.

1302
01:06:47,504 --> 01:06:49,210
I didn't know that, but now I'm wiser.

1303
01:06:50,798 --> 01:06:53,039
It has a crystalline structure.

1304
01:06:53,218 --> 01:06:55,925
If you can't respect that,
you're a butt muncher.

1305
01:06:56,638 --> 01:06:58,845
It's a key ingredient in gunpowder.

1306
01:06:59,307 --> 01:07:02,049
K-no-three, don't give no grief.

1307
01:07:02,685 --> 01:07:05,347
It can be used to make corned beef.

1308
01:07:07,148 --> 01:07:09,139
It's also known as saltpeter.

1309
01:07:15,198 --> 01:07:16,233
Brad? Shit.

1310
01:07:16,449 --> 01:07:18,030
Where are you going?

1311
01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:20,362
I don't want to look like
it's like I'm wearing makeup.

1312
01:07:20,453 --> 01:07:22,068
Right. Doug! Hi.

1313
01:07:22,247 --> 01:07:23,532
Brad!

1314
01:07:23,706 --> 01:07:24,866
Whoa. What are you wearing?

1315
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:26,660
Potassium nitrate. Thanks for noticing.

1316
01:07:26,793 --> 01:07:27,793
I need to borrow you.

1317
01:07:27,961 --> 01:07:29,576
Now's not a good time, Brad.

1318
01:07:30,171 --> 01:07:31,377
It's a really good time.

1319
01:07:32,006 --> 01:07:35,590
'Cause my pinata is killing me.

1320
01:07:35,927 --> 01:07:37,713
Is that code for a sex thing?

1321
01:07:37,887 --> 01:07:39,423
It's leaving the parking lot.

1322
01:07:39,597 --> 01:07:40,712
Pinata?

1323
01:07:42,517 --> 01:07:44,758
Molly,

1324
01:07:44,936 --> 01:07:46,956
I will be right back.
I need to help Brad with something, okay?

1325
01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:48,624
I just need to help Brad
with something real quick.

1326
01:07:48,648 --> 01:07:49,833
- What? No. What?
- I promise you...

1327
01:07:49,857 --> 01:07:51,669
Do you understand how soon
the show is starting?

1328
01:07:51,693 --> 01:07:53,337
I swear to you
I will be back in time for curtain

1329
01:07:53,361 --> 01:07:55,256
- I swear. I swear to you.
- Tell me you understand how soon...

1330
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,191
What? Are you kidding me?

1331
01:07:59,367 --> 01:08:00,903
What did I say? What did I say?

1332
01:08:01,077 --> 01:08:03,910
See”? Whose wiretap is
working for him now, huh?

1333
01:08:13,631 --> 01:08:14,791
Shit.

1334
01:08:15,049 --> 01:08:16,129
Fuck!

1335
01:08:16,718 --> 01:08:18,629
You told me not to worry about the tickets!

1336
01:08:18,803 --> 01:08:20,839
I thought they made us look cool.

1337
01:08:21,055 --> 01:08:23,046
Cones, cones... driver's ed car.

1338
01:08:23,224 --> 01:08:24,368
- I'm driving.
- No, you're not.

1339
01:08:24,392 --> 01:08:27,225
- Never get to drive. I'm driving this time.
- Fine! Drive!

1340
01:08:27,395 --> 01:08:29,260
- Hey, guys.
- Just borrowing this for one sec.

1341
01:08:29,439 --> 01:08:31,430
- Sure.
- Go. Go, go, go, go.

1342
01:08:32,066 --> 01:08:33,752
Guys, hey, wait.
Guys, you're not on the list.

1343
01:08:33,776 --> 01:08:35,983
Hey, guys, wait! Who cares?

1344
01:08:51,836 --> 01:08:53,701
- Holy fucking shit.
- No fucking way.

1345
01:08:54,422 --> 01:08:55,787
Those are the guys from the park.

1346
01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:57,088
That's just too crazy.

1347
01:08:58,426 --> 01:09:00,462
What do you think's in that thing?

1348
01:09:00,637 --> 01:09:02,218
I don't know, money, drugs.

1349
01:09:02,388 --> 01:09:04,754
They could be a new buyer,
or they could be the supplier.

1350
01:09:04,932 --> 01:09:06,718
If it's good, you'll hear from me.

1351
01:09:06,893 --> 01:09:10,306
If it's not good, you'll hear from me
about telling you how it's not good.

1352
01:09:10,480 --> 01:09:11,480
Makes sense.

1353
01:09:11,648 --> 01:09:13,980
- Get the fuck out of here.
- Yeah, no worries, man.

1354
01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:15,731
I'll see you guys.

1355
01:09:15,902 --> 01:09:18,143
We definitely got to follow
them and find out, though.

1356
01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:22,480
- Get down! Get down!
- Get down! Get down!

1357
01:09:26,079 --> 01:09:27,348
- What are you doing?
- If they see us,

1358
01:09:27,372 --> 01:09:28,682
just pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1359
01:09:28,706 --> 01:09:30,116
- What”? No!
- Yes. Stop.

1360
01:09:30,291 --> 01:09:31,891
You pretend like you're sucking my dick.

1361
01:09:31,959 --> 01:09:33,646
No, just pretend like
you're sucking my dick.

1362
01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:35,064
Why am I automatically blowing you?

1363
01:09:35,088 --> 01:09:37,124
'Cause you're in
a fucking Peter Pan costume!

1364
01:09:37,298 --> 01:09:38,298
Okay.

1365
01:09:44,472 --> 01:09:45,658
Okay, let's go. Let's go, let's go.

1366
01:09:45,682 --> 01:09:47,201
- Go, go, go.
- Okay, fine, we'll follow them.

1367
01:09:47,225 --> 01:09:49,261
But we need to be back in
30 minutes for curtain.

1368
01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:56,627
Dude, did you just hit the teacher brake?

1369
01:09:56,651 --> 01:09:58,587
Yeah, you're following too close, dude.
They're gonna make us.

1370
01:09:58,611 --> 01:09:59,521
Well, if I go too far back,

1371
01:09:59,612 --> 01:10:01,507
it's going to look even
more suspicious, so just stop.

1372
01:10:01,531 --> 01:10:02,691
God, just let me do my thing.

1373
01:10:02,782 --> 01:10:04,363
I know what I'm doing.

1374
01:10:06,494 --> 01:10:09,223
Seriously, if you do that again,
I'm going to whac-a-mole you in the balls.

1375
01:10:09,247 --> 01:10:10,247
Just stay back.

1376
01:10:10,415 --> 01:10:13,157
- I could not be more serious.
- Take your foot off the brake.

1377
01:10:13,334 --> 01:10:15,666
- No. I'm not... no.
- Take your foot off the brake!

1378
01:10:23,594 --> 01:10:25,004
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

1379
01:10:25,179 --> 01:10:26,532
- Look what you did!
- Look what you did!

1380
01:10:26,556 --> 01:10:29,389
What the fuck?
You non-driving motherfuckers!

1381
01:10:29,559 --> 01:10:31,265
(Set the fuck out of the car!

1382
01:10:31,436 --> 01:10:33,927
- Oh, fuck.
- L. Ock the door! Lock the door!

1383
01:10:34,105 --> 01:10:35,140
What do I do”? Go away!

1384
01:10:35,314 --> 01:10:36,850
What are you, a fucking keebler elf?

1385
01:10:37,525 --> 01:10:39,015
(Get him out of that car!

1386
01:10:40,945 --> 01:10:42,685
- No, no!
- It's fucking zz top!

1387
01:10:42,864 --> 01:10:44,550
- No, no! No, no, no!
- It's fucking zz top!

1388
01:10:44,574 --> 01:10:45,574
Like an angry walrus!

1389
01:10:45,742 --> 01:10:48,279
- I stomp the car now!
- Oh, my god!

1390
01:10:49,704 --> 01:10:51,660
- Stomp! Stomp!
- Oh, shit.

1391
01:10:51,831 --> 01:10:54,072
- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, my god! Stop, dude! Go!

1392
01:10:57,545 --> 01:10:59,501
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

1393
01:11:02,759 --> 01:11:05,125
- Just let me drive!
- Stop hitting me!

1394
01:11:13,478 --> 01:11:14,968
Dude, watch out!

1395
01:11:16,230 --> 01:11:18,812
Will you stop front-seat driving?
Get your hands off the wheel!

1396
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,606
Man, you just hit two people back there!

1397
01:11:20,777 --> 01:11:22,733
You stop. I'm not... shit!

1398
01:11:27,366 --> 01:11:28,761
- We're stuck in traffic!
- No shit.

1399
01:11:28,785 --> 01:11:31,026
Shit, they're coming! They're coming!
“What?

1400
01:11:31,579 --> 01:11:32,819
Oh, my god, dude.

1401
01:11:32,997 --> 01:11:33,997
What do we do?

1402
01:11:34,165 --> 01:11:35,280
What the... what the

1403
01:11:35,458 --> 01:11:37,164
oh, shit. Oh, shit.

1404
01:11:37,335 --> 01:11:38,620
Oh, shit.

1405
01:11:38,795 --> 01:11:40,230
- Oh, shit.
- What's wrong with you? Run!

1406
01:11:40,254 --> 01:11:42,040
I can't! I'm wearing tights!

1407
01:11:42,215 --> 01:11:44,547
I got skinny jeans on!
It's the same fucking thing!

1408
01:11:46,594 --> 01:11:48,585
They're going to make us, or kill us.

1409
01:11:49,931 --> 01:11:51,950
- Porsche! Porsche!
- Police! Get out of the car, douche!

1410
01:11:51,974 --> 01:11:53,464
I'm on a call here, jackass.

1411
01:11:53,643 --> 01:11:56,851
That's right. Go to sleep, bitch.
You just got head-butted, motherfucker!

1412
01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:58,306
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Shit.

1413
01:12:02,193 --> 01:12:04,149
Check around for a gun or something,
all right?

1414
01:12:04,237 --> 01:12:05,631
Where? Where?
There's no glove compartment

1415
01:12:05,655 --> 01:12:08,692
in this shitty-ass car!
There's golf balls and this.

1416
01:12:08,866 --> 01:12:10,803
- What am I supposed to do with this?
- I don't know, man!

1417
01:12:10,827 --> 01:12:12,613
I've never been in a freeway chase before!

1418
01:12:27,009 --> 01:12:30,046
Watch out! It's going to explode!
It's going to go!

1419
01:12:30,930 --> 01:12:32,670
- What happened?
- I don't know

1420
01:12:32,849 --> 01:12:34,464
- it just didn't explode.
- That's weird

1421
01:12:36,769 --> 01:12:39,431
can anybody tell me where my Peter is?

1422
01:12:40,064 --> 01:12:43,522
French! You're not my first choice,
but I need you to go on as Peter.

1423
01:12:43,693 --> 01:12:45,809
Oh, gosh. And I've been in character
for months now.

1424
01:12:45,903 --> 01:12:47,609
Great. Nobody cares.

1425
01:12:48,155 --> 01:12:49,986
Come on! Another traffic jam?

1426
01:12:51,075 --> 01:12:53,031
I'm sorry I didn't check the traffic report

1427
01:12:53,202 --> 01:12:55,097
- before we got in a car chase!
- Let's go! Come on!

1428
01:12:55,121 --> 01:12:58,113
Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Shit!

1429
01:12:59,792 --> 01:13:01,874
- Are you texting?
- No, I'm not texting!

1430
01:13:02,044 --> 01:13:04,080
- Yes, you are! You're texting!
- No, I'm not!

1431
01:13:04,297 --> 01:13:05,297
Okay, almost done.

1432
01:13:07,049 --> 01:13:08,164
"Tol"

1433
01:13:10,386 --> 01:13:11,717
I'm driving!

1434
01:13:11,888 --> 01:13:13,719
Why do you always jump
over the car like that?

1435
01:13:13,806 --> 01:13:14,921
Hi. Hi. How are you?

1436
01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:16,499
- Hi.
- God damn, you are beautiful.

1437
01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:18,720
Oh. Hi. You are fine as shit

1438
01:13:18,895 --> 01:13:20,247
don't worry. Someone will pick you up.

1439
01:13:20,271 --> 01:13:22,011
- Wow.
- Hurry. Just drive.

1440
01:13:22,189 --> 01:13:23,679
Wait. Pick me up?

1441
01:13:27,111 --> 01:13:28,881
- They're coming! They're coming!
- I got an idea.

1442
01:13:28,905 --> 01:13:31,237
Why don't you text them
and ask them to stop chasing us?

1443
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:38,239
Oh, shit!

1444
01:13:40,666 --> 01:13:41,496
He's got a gun!

1445
01:13:41,584 --> 01:13:42,811
I'm going to throw this thing at him!

1446
01:13:42,835 --> 01:13:44,229
Okay, you don't have to narrate everything!

1447
01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:45,653
- Just throw it!
- Okay! Okay, okay!

1448
01:14:01,812 --> 01:14:03,582
- It's going to explode!
- Oh, my god! Roll up the windows!

1449
01:14:03,606 --> 01:14:05,125
- What the fuck is that going to do?
- Roll it up!

1450
01:14:05,149 --> 01:14:06,949
- I don't fucking care! Just do it!
- Oh, god!

1451
01:14:12,657 --> 01:14:15,273
I really thought that one
was going to explode.

1452
01:14:21,624 --> 01:14:22,864
Oh, shit!

1453
01:14:25,336 --> 01:14:26,772
Look in the glove compartment for a gun.

1454
01:14:26,796 --> 01:14:28,482
What are you talking about?
We're in a pink bug!

1455
01:14:28,506 --> 01:14:31,418
I don't care.
Look in the goddamn glove compartment!

1456
01:14:31,592 --> 01:14:33,048
What the hell?

1457
01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:39,217
- Shoot.
- Oh, my god. Okay! Okay!

1458
01:14:39,392 --> 01:14:41,178
Shoot the gun! Shoot the gun!

1459
01:14:41,352 --> 01:14:43,392
Can't get a good shot, man!
I can't get a good shot!

1460
01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:45,290
- Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- Take the shot!

1461
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,625
Take the shot! Just shoot him! Let's go!

1462
01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:48,043
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

1463
01:14:48,067 --> 01:14:49,398
- Shoot! Shoot!
- Shit, shit...

1464
01:15:05,584 --> 01:15:07,916
That's what exploded”? Holy shit.
That was crazy.

1465
01:15:08,087 --> 01:15:09,418
Why did you shoot for me?

1466
01:15:09,797 --> 01:15:11,316
You weren't shooting, you were choking,

1467
01:15:11,340 --> 01:15:12,901
- so I had to save us.
- I was going to shoot.

1468
01:15:12,925 --> 01:15:15,211
You always do this, every single time.
“What?

1469
01:15:15,386 --> 01:15:17,106
Seriously, just take me
back to school, man.

1470
01:15:17,179 --> 01:15:20,619
If I miss this play, Molly's gonna freak out
and she's not going to go to prom with me.

1471
01:15:20,683 --> 01:15:23,174
- Are you fucking serious right now?
- Fuck, yes, I'm serious!

1472
01:15:26,105 --> 01:15:29,142
Can't believe you made me late.
You're so selfish.

1473
01:15:29,316 --> 01:15:31,147
- I'm selfish?
- Yes, you're selfish!

1474
01:15:31,318 --> 01:15:32,433
Are you fucking kidding me?

1475
01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:33,893
Look at yourself!

1476
01:15:34,989 --> 01:15:36,820
You're in too deep, man.

1477
01:15:37,408 --> 01:15:39,649
Yesterday, I found
a college application on your desk!

1478
01:15:39,827 --> 01:15:41,943
I don't know how long this case
is going to last.

1479
01:15:42,121 --> 01:15:45,613
And Eric's going to get into Berkeley,
and, honestly, I can get in, too.

1480
01:15:45,791 --> 01:15:48,520
Who knows? I could ride this thing out.
I could be a doctor or something.

1481
01:15:48,544 --> 01:15:49,875
Have you lost your fucking mind?

1482
01:15:49,962 --> 01:15:52,169
You screwed this investigation all up.

1483
01:15:52,757 --> 01:15:54,793
At least I know my Miranda rights,
you idiot.

1484
01:16:00,056 --> 01:16:02,297
You are a very silly man indeed.

1485
01:16:02,475 --> 01:16:04,511
Boys, squaws, come quickly.

1486
01:16:04,685 --> 01:16:08,143
Hey! Sorry! I'm here.

1487
01:16:08,689 --> 01:16:10,350
I know I missed the first few scenes.

1488
01:16:10,524 --> 01:16:12,810
I want to thank...
Give it up to French Samuels

1489
01:16:12,985 --> 01:16:16,227
- for ably backing me up.
- Fuck you, Doug! What?

1490
01:16:16,405 --> 01:16:18,361
I say we just roll
right into this thing, huh?

1491
01:16:20,993 --> 01:16:22,984
This is my twin. We're together in...

1492
01:16:23,162 --> 01:16:24,368
(Set the fuck out of here.

1493
01:16:25,539 --> 01:16:27,996
What are you doing?
Have you completely lost your mind?

1494
01:16:28,375 --> 01:16:29,535
What is this?

1495
01:16:29,710 --> 01:16:31,917
I don't know,
but it's already more exciting.

1496
01:16:32,088 --> 01:16:33,453
You're embarrassing me.

1497
01:16:33,631 --> 01:16:35,087
It's okay. I'll make it up to you.

1498
01:16:35,466 --> 01:16:37,957
And... let's fly!

1499
01:16:41,806 --> 01:16:43,842
- Such bullshit!
- Get off of Mel

1500
01:16:46,185 --> 01:16:48,392
I'm not dumb! I'm smart!

1501
01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,469
You think I'm stupid? You're stupid!

1502
01:16:50,648 --> 01:16:53,310
- Go, Doug!
- I guess I should do something.

1503
01:16:53,484 --> 01:16:55,253
I should probably not
just stand here watching.

1504
01:16:55,277 --> 01:16:56,562
I should take action.

1505
01:16:56,737 --> 01:16:58,022
Worst best friend ever!

1506
01:17:03,828 --> 01:17:04,908
Molly, I'm sorry!

1507
01:17:05,329 --> 01:17:06,990
I don't want to talk to you ever again.

1508
01:17:07,123 --> 01:17:08,238
I'm sorry.

1509
01:17:14,213 --> 01:17:15,293
You stupid idiot!

1510
01:17:20,928 --> 01:17:22,668
- Come here!
- Come on!

1511
01:17:29,228 --> 01:17:31,890
Make fun of me behind my back
and everybody laughs at me?

1512
01:17:32,064 --> 01:17:35,306
I was a loser for four years!
You couldn't handle it for five minutes!

1513
01:17:35,484 --> 01:17:37,566
Have some fairy dust, motherfucker!

1514
01:17:40,781 --> 01:17:41,816
Hey, guys, no!

1515
01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:46,237
I heard you call me rain man, you asshole!

1516
01:17:46,412 --> 01:17:48,573
Principal dadier sucks dick!

1517
01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:52,868
You're supposed to be my friend!

1518
01:17:53,043 --> 01:17:56,627
Stop! Stop it. You're expelled.
Both of you are expelled.

1519
01:18:00,092 --> 01:18:02,048
And that's the end of act two.

1520
01:18:21,989 --> 01:18:24,981
Is that it”?
You're not going to scream at us?

1521
01:18:25,659 --> 01:18:26,819
Nope.

1522
01:18:27,953 --> 01:18:29,534
I'm gonna just fire you.

1523
01:19:18,963 --> 01:19:20,453
Moving out?

1524
01:19:20,631 --> 01:19:21,791
Yep.

1525
01:19:24,385 --> 01:19:26,467
You know what's crazy to me

1526
01:19:27,012 --> 01:19:29,594
is that I think that I actually
thought that we were brothers.

1527
01:19:31,350 --> 01:19:33,636
I would've tooken a bullet for you.

1528
01:19:40,567 --> 01:19:42,933
Get in now. Both of you.

1529
01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:44,147
Why should I?

1530
01:19:45,197 --> 01:19:46,277
Just get in the car, man.

1531
01:19:46,573 --> 01:19:48,609
Get in the fucking car.

1532
01:19:48,784 --> 01:19:50,194
Nope, not until you ask nicely.

1533
01:19:52,037 --> 01:19:53,652
Please get in the car.

1534
01:19:58,460 --> 01:20:00,951
Come on, you guys.
Come on. Please Jesus

1535
01:20:02,965 --> 01:20:05,172
some messed up shit
went down yesterday.

1536
01:20:05,509 --> 01:20:07,124
Yeah, after we made the exchange,

1537
01:20:07,303 --> 01:20:10,716
our potential business partners
got followed by some fucking cops.

1538
01:20:10,889 --> 01:20:12,220
That's insane, man.

1539
01:20:12,391 --> 01:20:13,631
Are you serious?

1540
01:20:13,809 --> 01:20:15,845
Okay, it's just I don't want to go to jail!

1541
01:20:16,020 --> 01:20:18,352
You know what happens to
a handsome guy like me in jail?

1542
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:20,186
It rhymes with "grape"!

1543
01:20:20,858 --> 01:20:22,314
It rhymes with "grape."

1544
01:20:23,277 --> 01:20:24,517
I can't let that happen.

1545
01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:25,922
So I got these from my dad's gun cabinet.

1546
01:20:25,946 --> 01:20:27,632
Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric.
“Whoa. Come on whoa.

1547
01:20:27,656 --> 01:20:31,399
Springfield .45s, police issue.
Very powerful guns.

1548
01:20:32,036 --> 01:20:33,651
You ever use one?

1549
01:20:34,455 --> 01:20:37,037
We're not really gun people, man. No.
No?

1550
01:20:38,542 --> 01:20:40,453
A lot of things
have made me wonder about you.

1551
01:20:40,544 --> 01:20:41,544
Come on.

1552
01:20:42,087 --> 01:20:43,998
Your taste in music.

1553
01:20:44,173 --> 01:20:46,755
The fact that you look
like a fucking 40-year-old man.

1554
01:20:47,426 --> 01:20:50,714
Then after that shit at
the play, I realized

1555
01:20:53,432 --> 01:20:56,048
there's no way you guys could be cops.

1556
01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:01,119
Yeah, I got this deal going down.
The supplier's going to be there.

1557
01:21:01,190 --> 01:21:03,351
I need people I can trust.

1558
01:21:05,152 --> 01:21:06,562
All right. All right, come on.

1559
01:21:06,653 --> 01:21:08,465
Okay, right over here,
we're going to shoot these bottles.

1560
01:21:08,489 --> 01:21:10,070
- We're going to practice, okay?
- Okay.

1561
01:21:20,334 --> 01:21:23,246
That was... that was actually
really fuckin' awesome.

1562
01:21:23,420 --> 01:21:24,580
Beginner's luck.

1563
01:21:24,755 --> 01:21:25,995
All right.

1564
01:21:26,173 --> 01:21:27,817
The supplier wants the deal
to go down at prom.

1565
01:21:27,841 --> 01:21:29,569
All right, there's going to be
all these heavies there,

1566
01:21:29,593 --> 01:21:31,071
but as long as you guys have my back...

1567
01:21:31,095 --> 01:21:32,835
Yeah? Yeah”? Shit

1568
01:21:33,013 --> 01:21:34,719
I always got your back.

1569
01:21:35,724 --> 01:21:37,760
Time to get our jobs back.

1570
01:21:40,104 --> 01:21:41,389
Let's get ready for prom.

1571
01:21:56,370 --> 01:21:58,531
Schmidty! Chore time!

1572
01:21:58,705 --> 01:22:00,946
Mom, we don't have time
for chores right now!

1573
01:22:01,125 --> 01:22:04,868
If you stay in this house,
you have time for chores!

1574
01:22:05,045 --> 01:22:06,285
Mom!

1575
01:22:22,020 --> 01:22:23,851
Fuck this thing.

1576
01:22:29,445 --> 01:22:30,560
Here

1577
01:22:30,737 --> 01:22:32,773
it'll be quicker if I help.

1578
01:22:34,950 --> 01:22:36,030
There you go.

1579
01:22:37,619 --> 01:22:38,859
Thanks.

1580
01:22:44,918 --> 01:22:47,079
Your shotgun's hanging too low.

1581
01:22:47,254 --> 01:22:48,835
They're gonna see it.

1582
01:22:52,092 --> 01:22:53,252
Thanks.

1583
01:23:00,893 --> 01:23:02,349
Jenko

1584
01:23:07,774 --> 01:23:09,890
Will you go to prom with me?

1585
01:23:14,072 --> 01:23:15,403
I guess.

1586
01:23:17,618 --> 01:23:21,236
Are we really going to take down
a whole drug operation by ourselves?

1587
01:23:23,457 --> 01:23:26,164
I got some contacts that'll help us.

1588
01:24:07,918 --> 01:24:10,204
Brad, what are you doing here?
You can't be here.

1589
01:24:10,379 --> 01:24:11,523
What if the principal sees you?

1590
01:24:11,547 --> 01:24:13,663
This is wrong, yet so right.
“What?

1591
01:24:13,840 --> 01:24:16,081
I am so happy you're willing
to get in trouble for me.

1592
01:24:16,218 --> 01:24:18,675
You have to go.
Please, don't leave me ever.

1593
01:24:18,845 --> 01:24:20,005
Ms. griggs, stop. Stop.

1594
01:24:20,180 --> 01:24:21,465
- Stay! Stay.
- Stop.

1595
01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:23,255
- What?
- Stay.

1596
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:24,600
- Go!
- Okay.

1597
01:24:24,768 --> 01:24:25,928
- Stay.
- Stop. Stop.

1598
01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:27,718
I'm lost without you. “What?

1599
01:24:29,356 --> 01:24:30,937
Get out of me. I'm going to throw up.

1600
01:24:31,525 --> 01:24:33,140
You are so hot!

1601
01:24:35,070 --> 01:24:36,150
All right.

1602
01:24:41,743 --> 01:24:43,233
Hey, pumpkin head.

1603
01:24:43,412 --> 01:24:45,653
I'm very mad at you. Dance with me.

1604
01:24:45,831 --> 01:24:47,696
Are you on that shit?
So what if I am?

1605
01:24:47,874 --> 01:24:50,741
Look, Molly, some serious stuff
is about to go down,

1606
01:24:50,919 --> 01:24:53,035
and I don't want you to get hurt.

1607
01:24:53,213 --> 01:24:55,545
I've already been hurt, Doug. I don't care.

1608
01:24:55,716 --> 01:24:59,584
You need to leave. You need to leave.
You need to get out of here right now.

1609
01:24:59,761 --> 01:25:01,467
Making a lot of hand gestures!

1610
01:25:03,140 --> 01:25:04,220
Okay, my name's not Doug.

1611
01:25:04,391 --> 01:25:05,597
It's schmidt. “What?

1612
01:25:05,767 --> 01:25:07,257
And I'm a cop. “What?

1613
01:25:07,436 --> 01:25:11,054
Okay, and I care about you,
and I don't want you to get busted,

1614
01:25:11,231 --> 01:25:13,267
so you have to leave right now.

1615
01:25:13,442 --> 01:25:15,023
Leave the prom right now, Molly.

1616
01:25:15,193 --> 01:25:16,603
- I'm serious.
- Hey. Hey.

1617
01:25:16,778 --> 01:25:18,131
Penthouse now. Supplier's waiting.

1618
01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:19,424
- What are you?
- Come on. Hey, come on.

1619
01:25:19,448 --> 01:25:20,904
- Supplier's waiting.
- Is that Eric?

1620
01:25:21,033 --> 01:25:22,989
- Molly, leave right now.
- What are you...

1621
01:25:23,160 --> 01:25:25,526
Just leave right now!
“What is this?

1622
01:25:39,760 --> 01:25:40,795
Mr. Walters?

1623
01:25:41,678 --> 01:25:42,678
Hey!

1624
01:25:42,846 --> 01:25:45,258
Beautiful Brad, and his brother.

1625
01:25:45,432 --> 01:25:46,672
Wow. You look great.

1626
01:25:46,850 --> 01:25:48,370
You're the supplier? You're a teacher.

1627
01:25:48,435 --> 01:25:50,121
And I was stuck on a teacher's salary, bro.

1628
01:25:50,145 --> 01:25:52,602
Could barely pay my alimony.
What are you gonna do?

1629
01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:54,565
Oh, yeah.

1630
01:25:54,733 --> 01:25:56,473
You boys are so good at this.

1631
01:25:56,652 --> 01:25:58,142
Oh, yeah, cinnamon!

1632
01:25:58,320 --> 01:26:00,811
Oh, my god,
we're getting such good evidence.

1633
01:26:00,989 --> 01:26:02,650
I stole some of that bunsen burner crap

1634
01:26:02,824 --> 01:26:05,031
from the chem lab,
threw in some of my cool deets,

1635
01:26:05,202 --> 01:26:07,067
and it was muy delicioso!

1636
01:26:07,245 --> 01:26:09,406
Then one day I catch
fco butt-munch over here

1637
01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:11,242
smoking a j.J. Behind the field house,

1638
01:26:11,416 --> 01:26:13,296
and I'm like,
"hey, you want to make some coin?"

1639
01:26:13,377 --> 01:26:15,288
What a green penis that guy is, huh?

1640
01:26:17,172 --> 01:26:18,332
There's my quesadilla.

1641
01:26:19,800 --> 01:26:21,461
I hurt my hands!

1642
01:26:22,469 --> 01:26:23,469
Bitch.

1643
01:26:30,811 --> 01:26:31,926
Oh, shit.

1644
01:26:32,104 --> 01:26:34,345
You guys look crazy scary.

1645
01:26:34,523 --> 01:26:35,638
How many of you are there?

1646
01:26:35,857 --> 01:26:36,857
A lot

1647
01:26:37,025 --> 01:26:38,140
Karl

1648
01:26:38,652 --> 01:26:39,812
patch looks pimp, man.

1649
01:26:40,487 --> 01:26:41,818
Thank you.

1650
01:26:42,572 --> 01:26:44,028
He's gonna recognize us, man.

1651
01:26:44,199 --> 01:26:45,564
I'm freaking out.

1652
01:26:45,742 --> 01:26:47,278
This is Walters, he made the stuff.

1653
01:26:47,786 --> 01:26:49,902
- Real pleasure to meet you.
- Fuck what his name is.

1654
01:26:50,038 --> 01:26:51,198
Your shit's good.

1655
01:26:51,373 --> 01:26:53,238
Thank you.
That means a lot coming from you.

1656
01:26:53,417 --> 01:26:54,623
What, you having a party now?

1657
01:26:54,710 --> 01:26:56,450
Who are these two motherfuckers?

1658
01:26:56,628 --> 01:26:57,628
Fuck!

1659
01:26:59,381 --> 01:27:01,212
- Hey.
- Hey. How's it going?

1660
01:27:02,217 --> 01:27:04,208
Nah, nah, it's cool, man,
they're my boys, so...

1661
01:27:04,469 --> 01:27:05,469
Are they? Yeah

1662
01:27:05,637 --> 01:27:07,002
I don't like strangers.

1663
01:27:07,305 --> 01:27:10,047
How do you ever expect
to make any new friends with that attitude?

1664
01:27:10,142 --> 01:27:12,929
It's, like, everyone's a stranger
till you give them a chance, man.

1665
01:27:13,061 --> 01:27:14,455
What the fuck are you talking about?

1666
01:27:14,479 --> 01:27:15,479
I don't even

1667
01:27:15,647 --> 01:27:17,183
just fuckin' around.

1668
01:27:17,649 --> 01:27:19,185
Do your thing, man. Proceed.

1669
01:27:21,236 --> 01:27:22,476
Hey, kid, come here.

1670
01:27:22,654 --> 01:27:24,690
You, you look familiar.

1671
01:27:25,407 --> 01:27:26,647
Me? Yeah

1672
01:27:27,617 --> 01:27:31,109
I was in a French fry commercial
when I was a kid,

1673
01:27:31,329 --> 01:27:33,766
so people are like, you know, often say,
"oh, I think I know you,"

1674
01:27:33,790 --> 01:27:35,826
but I don't think we've ever met before.

1675
01:27:36,001 --> 01:27:38,083
Do I look like I eat French fries?

1676
01:27:38,295 --> 01:27:40,331
I don't know, you look like
you're in great shape,

1677
01:27:40,422 --> 01:27:41,858
but maybe you have, like, one cheat day,

1678
01:27:41,882 --> 01:27:44,624
like a carb blowout, you know?
I don't know.

1679
01:27:44,801 --> 01:27:45,881
Nah.

1680
01:27:46,052 --> 01:27:47,462
Yeah, the theme song was, like...

1681
01:27:48,388 --> 01:27:52,677
Come to Andrew's French fry emporium

1682
01:27:53,351 --> 01:27:56,058
where friendship and French fries

1683
01:27:56,229 --> 01:27:58,641
go hand in hand

1684
01:28:02,652 --> 01:28:04,017
that's my quesadilla!

1685
01:28:04,196 --> 01:28:05,231
Who wants a piece”? Huh?

1686
01:28:05,405 --> 01:28:07,300
I know you're in there, Doug,
or whatever your name is!

1687
01:28:07,324 --> 01:28:08,324
You lied to me!

1688
01:28:10,660 --> 01:28:13,868
I'm gonna kill you, you stupid fucking cop!

1689
01:28:14,039 --> 01:28:16,781
Hey, you guys, she just called me
a stupid fucking cock. That's rude.

1690
01:28:16,875 --> 01:28:19,207
Dickhead narc motherfucker!

1691
01:28:19,377 --> 01:28:22,210
Did she just say
"nickhead dark motherfucker"?

1692
01:28:22,380 --> 01:28:23,620
That's just racist.

1693
01:28:23,799 --> 01:28:25,164
I know these two.

1694
01:28:25,342 --> 01:28:26,923
Your boys are cops! They're cops!

1695
01:28:27,093 --> 01:28:28,208
Police! Get on the ground!

1696
01:28:28,386 --> 01:28:30,217
You get on the fuckin' ground!

1697
01:28:30,388 --> 01:28:32,253
- We asked you first!
- I don't give a damn!

1698
01:28:32,432 --> 01:28:34,013
You're fucking cops?

1699
01:28:34,184 --> 01:28:35,890
But we partied together, man.

1700
01:28:36,812 --> 01:28:38,552
You bought us taco bell.

1701
01:28:38,730 --> 01:28:40,971
Eric, honestly, that was a Sincere gesture.

1702
01:28:41,149 --> 01:28:42,639
You made me this friendship bracelet.

1703
01:28:42,734 --> 01:28:45,567
Well, he's not really your friend.
He was pretending the whole time.

1704
01:28:45,654 --> 01:28:47,690
I'm gonna cut this the fuck off later,
all right?

1705
01:28:48,490 --> 01:28:50,572
What the fuck is going on?

1706
01:28:50,742 --> 01:28:52,323
Shut this kid up!

1707
01:28:53,912 --> 01:28:55,448
- Him, too.
- No, no! Hey, wait!

1708
01:28:55,622 --> 01:28:56,849
No, no, no. Listen, I'm with you guys!

1709
01:28:56,873 --> 01:28:58,059
I didn't know these guys were cops!

1710
01:28:58,083 --> 01:28:59,243
I'm getting out of here.

1711
01:28:59,417 --> 01:29:00,748
I fucking hate you!

1712
01:29:00,919 --> 01:29:02,079
Get that out of my face!

1713
01:29:02,254 --> 01:29:04,119
- Molly!
- Oh, there you are!

1714
01:29:05,215 --> 01:29:06,215
What the fuck!

1715
01:29:06,383 --> 01:29:08,795
Drop your guns, or I'll spray her brains
all over the room!

1716
01:29:08,885 --> 01:29:11,171
Trying to take a hostage,
some goddamn TV show shit?

1717
01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:14,408
I don't know! I'm trying to help, all
right? I've never done this shit before.

1718
01:29:14,432 --> 01:29:15,467
Well, you're fucking up.

1719
01:29:15,600 --> 01:29:18,182
- Drop the guns or she's dead!
- She looks dead already.

1720
01:29:18,603 --> 01:29:19,843
What? No.

1721
01:29:20,564 --> 01:29:21,564
Jesus.

1722
01:29:22,524 --> 01:29:24,014
Yeah, I can hear her breathing.

1723
01:29:24,192 --> 01:29:26,308
She just passed out from the drugs.
We're good.

1724
01:29:26,486 --> 01:29:27,486
Drop the guns or...

1725
01:29:27,654 --> 01:29:29,235
All right, all right, just chill out.

1726
01:29:29,322 --> 01:29:30,937
We're gonna drop our guns.

1727
01:29:31,116 --> 01:29:34,199
You got to let the kids go,
and no one's gonna die, okay?

1728
01:29:34,369 --> 01:29:36,360
Just drop the guns,
and kick them over here.

1729
01:29:37,747 --> 01:29:40,079
D.b., shoot these motherfuckers.

1730
01:29:40,250 --> 01:29:42,687
Oh, come on, that's unfair!
We put our guns down in good faith.

1731
01:29:42,711 --> 01:29:44,292
You're a liar, and you're mean!

1732
01:29:45,088 --> 01:29:46,874
That's unfair.
“We're all friends here.

1733
01:29:47,257 --> 01:29:49,418
Let's just relax, and we can
all leave here as friends.

1734
01:29:49,509 --> 01:29:51,716
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Y'all boys are stupid.

1735
01:29:52,220 --> 01:29:55,462
Oh, my god, we're gonna die.
We're gonna die.

1736
01:29:56,182 --> 01:29:57,217
(God damn it!

1737
01:29:57,642 --> 01:29:59,473
Tom hanson, DEA! On your knees!

1738
01:29:59,644 --> 01:30:00,644
What the fuck?

1739
01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:02,552
- Now!
- Fuck!

1740
01:30:02,731 --> 01:30:04,722
Doug penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!

1741
01:30:04,900 --> 01:30:06,891
Guns down, all of you! Domingo, tell them!

1742
01:30:07,277 --> 01:30:09,809
Put them down.

1743
01:30:09,988 --> 01:30:11,444
Nice! Yes!

1744
01:30:11,907 --> 01:30:13,568
Shut the fuck up!

1745
01:30:14,284 --> 01:30:16,866
You little dweebs just ruined
a five-year investigation.

1746
01:30:17,037 --> 01:30:18,072
We had no idea.

1747
01:30:18,246 --> 01:30:19,736
You're, like, an amazing actor, man.

1748
01:30:19,831 --> 01:30:22,117
You played saxophone
at my sister's wedding, man!

1749
01:30:22,292 --> 01:30:23,702
Tough titty. I fucked her, too.

1750
01:30:24,085 --> 01:30:25,200
What?

1751
01:30:25,378 --> 01:30:26,584
You little turds.

1752
01:30:26,755 --> 01:30:29,747
Do you have any idea how difficult it is
to infiltrate a gang like this?

1753
01:30:32,886 --> 01:30:34,251
Do you see this nose?

1754
01:30:34,596 --> 01:30:35,881
That is a fake nose.

1755
01:30:36,056 --> 01:30:38,075
Do you want to wear a fake nose
on your fuckin' head

1756
01:30:38,099 --> 01:30:39,805
for, like, months on end? Glue and shit?

1757
01:30:41,061 --> 01:30:42,267
Worse things in the world.

1758
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:44,598
We had to get fuckin' tattoos
on our dicks, man.

1759
01:30:44,773 --> 01:30:46,559
Hey, actually, I just said that

1760
01:30:46,733 --> 01:30:48,314
to mess with you. “What?

1761
01:30:48,485 --> 01:30:49,770
Looks tough.

1762
01:30:49,945 --> 01:30:52,527
Look, we know what
it's like being undercover.

1763
01:30:52,697 --> 01:30:53,966
Metro police, jump street division.

1764
01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:55,134
Come on, you guys are jump street?

1765
01:30:55,158 --> 01:30:56,158
Yeah, yeah. Yeah

1766
01:30:56,326 --> 01:30:58,304
that's funny, because
we were actually jump street.

1767
01:30:58,328 --> 01:30:59,738
- What?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1768
01:31:00,288 --> 01:31:01,288
Oh, shit!

1769
01:31:01,456 --> 01:31:03,196
- Oh, my god!
- Oh, shit.

1770
01:31:03,375 --> 01:31:04,375
Oh, my god, dude!

1771
01:31:04,542 --> 01:31:05,622
(Get them!

1772
01:31:05,794 --> 01:31:07,375
Motherfucker!

1773
01:31:09,547 --> 01:31:10,912
Shoot them!

1774
01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:13,342
Fuck that.

1775
01:31:24,729 --> 01:31:25,729
That was a gun.

1776
01:31:25,897 --> 01:31:27,137
Somebody definitely got shot.

1777
01:31:31,111 --> 01:31:32,111
All right.

1778
01:31:33,154 --> 01:31:35,611
Here, take the money, all right?
We're getting out of here.

1779
01:31:45,250 --> 01:31:46,250
Did I hit anything?

1780
01:31:46,543 --> 01:31:48,283
You were shooting at the fuckin' ceiling.

1781
01:31:48,920 --> 01:31:50,000
Doug.

1782
01:31:51,089 --> 01:31:54,001
I know sometimes I was a jerk to you

1783
01:31:54,592 --> 01:31:56,002
when we were undercover.

1784
01:32:01,349 --> 01:32:04,307
It's just...
I didn't feel good about myself.

1785
01:32:05,020 --> 01:32:10,140
All that stuff I wore, like the bracelets,
the rings, the tight pants,

1786
01:32:11,609 --> 01:32:12,849
was just so

1787
01:32:13,028 --> 01:32:15,394
that people would think I'm cool.

1788
01:32:16,156 --> 01:32:17,566
The only approval

1789
01:32:18,658 --> 01:32:20,364
that I ever needed

1790
01:32:22,620 --> 01:32:23,700
was my best friend.

1791
01:32:24,247 --> 01:32:25,987
Thanks, man.

1792
01:32:45,018 --> 01:32:46,554
The money's gone!

1793
01:32:46,728 --> 01:32:48,013
Come on, let's roll.

1794
01:32:48,188 --> 01:32:49,473
We gotta get out of here, man.

1795
01:32:49,606 --> 01:32:50,812
Are you telling me it's on?

1796
01:32:51,274 --> 01:32:53,014
- Let's do this.
- Let's make a baby.

1797
01:32:53,401 --> 01:32:54,962
- What'? What are you talking about?
- I don't know.

1798
01:32:54,986 --> 01:32:56,442
I was trying to sound cool. Sorry.

1799
01:33:47,705 --> 01:33:50,447
That was crazy! You killed a guy!

1800
01:33:51,501 --> 01:33:53,241
Oh, fuckin' shit!

1801
01:33:55,213 --> 01:33:57,044
Hey, hey, we'll lose them in the prom! Go!

1802
01:34:18,444 --> 01:34:19,604
Go, go, go, go!

1803
01:34:21,739 --> 01:34:22,899
Where'd they go?

1804
01:34:25,451 --> 01:34:26,451
Molly!

1805
01:34:31,499 --> 01:34:32,534
Shit!

1806
01:34:36,546 --> 01:34:38,149
- You want to drive?
- Yeah, I do, actually.

1807
01:34:38,173 --> 01:34:39,288
Okay, cool.

1808
01:34:40,341 --> 01:34:42,423
Nice!
Did it look cool when I did it?

1809
01:34:42,594 --> 01:34:44,459
That's what I'm talking about!
Yeah!

1810
01:34:46,973 --> 01:34:48,588
How you guys doing back there, huh?

1811
01:34:48,766 --> 01:34:50,131
God, I love high school!

1812
01:34:50,310 --> 01:34:51,470
Best prom night ever!

1813
01:34:57,192 --> 01:34:58,807
- Shoot them!
- Stay on them!

1814
01:34:59,068 --> 01:35:00,604
I'm on them! I'm on them!

1815
01:35:00,778 --> 01:35:03,235
Oh, good, you guys,
come hang out with me back here.

1816
01:35:03,406 --> 01:35:06,398
- Oh, fuck, dude. Lisa, what are you doing?
- Did she pass out back there?

1817
01:35:09,913 --> 01:35:12,154
Hey, you got a gun.
Why don't you shoot back there?

1818
01:35:12,332 --> 01:35:13,742
Shoot that gun, shoot that gun!

1819
01:35:13,917 --> 01:35:15,157
All right, one second!

1820
01:35:15,335 --> 01:35:16,620
Just shoot someone, you bitch!

1821
01:35:19,088 --> 01:35:20,328
Peek-a-boo!

1822
01:35:20,506 --> 01:35:21,666
Give me my money!

1823
01:35:22,550 --> 01:35:24,666
Fuck that! Fuck that! No! No!

1824
01:35:24,844 --> 01:35:27,381
I can't do this!
I'm supposed to go to Berkeley!

1825
01:35:28,932 --> 01:35:30,034
I'm gonna get the party started!

1826
01:35:30,058 --> 01:35:31,702
- I'm gonna get the party started!
- No! No! Lisa, no!

1827
01:35:31,726 --> 01:35:34,763
Hey, I'm living my dream
of standing in a limo!

1828
01:35:34,938 --> 01:35:35,973
What?

1829
01:35:38,608 --> 01:35:40,189
- You're killing my dream!
- Come in.

1830
01:35:40,360 --> 01:35:41,629
- What? I'm trying to party.
- Down!

1831
01:35:41,653 --> 01:35:42,653
Bitch!

1832
01:35:44,197 --> 01:35:46,062
What? Fuck!

1833
01:35:46,241 --> 01:35:47,526
I'll kill you!

1834
01:35:47,742 --> 01:35:48,742
Kill you!

1835
01:35:49,827 --> 01:35:51,533
- No! No!
- Stay where you are.

1836
01:35:51,829 --> 01:35:52,864
Go! Go, go!

1837
01:35:56,334 --> 01:35:57,619
No! Stop!

1838
01:35:57,794 --> 01:36:00,001
I'm not fucking ready!
Look, I'm trying to shoot people!

1839
01:36:00,088 --> 01:36:01,482
Will you stop! Just for two seconds!

1840
01:36:01,506 --> 01:36:03,400
You're really hot and you're really slutty
and it's awesome,

1841
01:36:03,424 --> 01:36:04,777
but I got to shoot people right now!

1842
01:36:04,801 --> 01:36:06,086
You think I'm hot?

1843
01:36:20,650 --> 01:36:22,436
I wanna... oh, my god!

1844
01:36:23,486 --> 01:36:25,147
Wait, guys! Call me!

1845
01:36:25,321 --> 01:36:27,061
Let me know where you're ending up later.

1846
01:36:31,411 --> 01:36:32,776
I'm almost out of ammo.

1847
01:36:32,954 --> 01:36:34,034
We're fucked.

1848
01:36:34,998 --> 01:36:36,033
Give me my money!

1849
01:36:36,582 --> 01:36:37,697
I got an idea.

1850
01:36:37,875 --> 01:36:39,661
You still got those shotgun shells?
Yeah

1851
01:36:40,336 --> 01:36:41,336
pop quiznos.

1852
01:36:41,879 --> 01:36:46,293
What do you get when lithium batteries
react to potassium nitrate?

1853
01:36:46,592 --> 01:36:48,958
That would be a covalent bond, brother.

1854
01:36:49,137 --> 01:36:51,503
That's when two atoms,
they share electrons.

1855
01:36:51,723 --> 01:36:53,679
You see, they both need
what the other one has.

1856
01:36:53,808 --> 01:36:55,173
That makes them stick together.

1857
01:36:55,351 --> 01:36:56,887
Are you saying we're covalent bonds?

1858
01:36:57,186 --> 01:36:58,722
What? No.

1859
01:36:59,480 --> 01:37:00,845
We're not atoms, dude.

1860
01:37:19,000 --> 01:37:20,615
- What's this?
- Tequila?

1861
01:37:21,294 --> 01:37:23,034
I don't know, it was supposed to explode.

1862
01:37:23,921 --> 01:37:26,037
Oh, shit!

1863
01:37:30,970 --> 01:37:32,506
Where'd you learn how to do that, man?

1864
01:37:32,597 --> 01:37:33,757
App chemistry, bitch.

1865
01:37:39,979 --> 01:37:41,139
Come on, blondie.

1866
01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:44,024
Molly!

1867
01:37:46,861 --> 01:37:48,271
Drop your weapon!

1868
01:37:48,654 --> 01:37:50,144
Don't you fuckin' pull that arm up.

1869
01:37:50,281 --> 01:37:51,361
Don't

1870
01:37:51,741 --> 01:37:55,074
looks like you're out of ammo, asshole!

1871
01:37:55,328 --> 01:37:56,363
Come on! Get out here!

1872
01:37:56,537 --> 01:37:58,152
- What'? What's going on?
- All right.

1873
01:37:58,331 --> 01:38:01,448
All right, here's the deal.
Nobody moves, or she's gonna get hurt.

1874
01:38:01,626 --> 01:38:03,867
Do you understand”? Nobody move!

1875
01:38:04,045 --> 01:38:05,785
- All right.
- Eric, help me.

1876
01:38:06,506 --> 01:38:07,916
Don't you have a gun?

1877
01:38:08,966 --> 01:38:10,206
All right, don't move!

1878
01:38:11,177 --> 01:38:13,293
- Come on, let's go. Let's go.
- No!

1879
01:38:13,471 --> 01:38:15,678
- Hey! Hey, hey!
- Hey, no, no, I said don't move!

1880
01:38:22,230 --> 01:38:23,265
Are you okay?

1881
01:38:23,439 --> 01:38:25,054
You shot my partner, you motherfucker!

1882
01:38:25,191 --> 01:38:27,227
I didn't mean to shoot you!
I meant to shoot him!

1883
01:38:27,318 --> 01:38:30,185
Are you alive, buddy”? You okay?
You took a bullet for me, man.

1884
01:38:30,363 --> 01:38:32,775
Yeah, I'm feeling a little ambivalent
about that right now.

1885
01:38:32,865 --> 01:38:35,857
Didn't you hear me? I said don't move!
I said that! You heard, right?

1886
01:38:36,035 --> 01:38:37,070
Eric, you heard me!

1887
01:38:37,245 --> 01:38:38,639
- I said don't move!
- Eric, help me!

1888
01:38:38,663 --> 01:38:40,028
- You got this.
- Hey, hold still.

1889
01:38:47,213 --> 01:38:48,328
Freeze!

1890
01:38:48,506 --> 01:38:49,712
Shoot!

1891
01:38:52,718 --> 01:38:53,798
Come on.

1892
01:38:55,221 --> 01:38:57,428
You peaked in high school, motherfucker.

1893
01:38:59,809 --> 01:39:00,924
Oh, shit.

1894
01:39:01,185 --> 01:39:02,185
I shot him in the dick.

1895
01:39:02,353 --> 01:39:04,639
You shot me in the dick!

1896
01:39:04,856 --> 01:39:05,971
Oh, my god!

1897
01:39:06,190 --> 01:39:07,190
Yes!

1898
01:39:07,400 --> 01:39:09,106
Yes! Yes!

1899
01:39:09,360 --> 01:39:10,395
Yes!

1900
01:39:10,570 --> 01:39:12,356
You are under arrest!

1901
01:39:12,530 --> 01:39:15,943
- It definitely came out my asshole!
- You have the right to remain silent!

1902
01:39:16,117 --> 01:39:19,109
Anything you say can
and will be used against you

1903
01:39:19,287 --> 01:39:20,287
in a court of law!

1904
01:39:20,455 --> 01:39:21,911
You have the right to an attorney!

1905
01:39:22,039 --> 01:39:25,406
If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you!

1906
01:39:25,751 --> 01:39:28,493
Do you understand these rights
as they have been read to you?

1907
01:39:28,713 --> 01:39:30,374
Fuck you! Bitch!

1908
01:39:30,590 --> 01:39:32,251
Yes! Yes!

1909
01:39:32,550 --> 01:39:34,131
We did it, man!

1910
01:39:34,302 --> 01:39:35,302
We did it

1911
01:39:35,470 --> 01:39:36,550
god, I feel so good.

1912
01:39:36,721 --> 01:39:38,086
We did it, man!

1913
01:39:38,931 --> 01:39:40,592
You're a goddamn rock star.

1914
01:39:42,101 --> 01:39:43,341
Do you feel that?

1915
01:39:43,519 --> 01:39:44,599
God damn, you're so cool.

1916
01:39:45,146 --> 01:39:46,431
You just shot him in the dick.

1917
01:39:47,023 --> 01:39:48,934
I've never seen that who does that?

1918
01:39:49,775 --> 01:39:51,390
Look, I'm sorry I called you rain man.

1919
01:39:51,569 --> 01:39:53,935
I know I didn't say you were,
but you're smart.

1920
01:39:56,824 --> 01:40:00,988
And you're Sincere and you're sweet
and you're loyal...

1921
01:40:02,079 --> 01:40:03,785
And I fuckin' Cherish you.

1922
01:40:06,792 --> 01:40:07,792
Should we high-five?

1923
01:40:13,841 --> 01:40:15,377
My hand!

1924
01:40:16,677 --> 01:40:18,489
Are you all right?
Should we get you to the hospital, man?

1925
01:40:18,513 --> 01:40:20,449
- Yeah, I think we need to call somebody.
- Hey, call somebody!

1926
01:40:20,473 --> 01:40:22,304
I got to get my dick sewn back on.

1927
01:40:22,517 --> 01:40:24,197
- You shut the fuck up.
- Hey, you shut up.

1928
01:40:24,227 --> 01:40:25,808
- That's not funny.
- Is that it?

1929
01:40:26,062 --> 01:40:27,177
What?

1930
01:40:28,689 --> 01:40:30,099
That's my dick!

1931
01:40:30,816 --> 01:40:31,851
Pick up my dick! Please!

1932
01:40:31,984 --> 01:40:33,337
No, we're not picking up your dick.

1933
01:40:33,361 --> 01:40:34,726
Fuckin' pick my dick up!

1934
01:40:38,032 --> 01:40:39,032
Oh, fuck!

1935
01:40:44,539 --> 01:40:45,699
He's my friend.

1936
01:40:46,541 --> 01:40:48,657
They don't serve vegan in jail, bitch.

1937
01:40:56,342 --> 01:40:57,548
Hey.

1938
01:40:59,136 --> 01:41:00,501
Molly...

1939
01:41:01,931 --> 01:41:02,931
I'm really sorry.

1940
01:41:04,183 --> 01:41:07,846
I know you wanted a guy to trust,
and I wanted to be that person so badly.

1941
01:41:08,896 --> 01:41:11,012
And I let you down in a lot of ways.

1942
01:41:11,691 --> 01:41:12,851
And.

1943
01:41:15,236 --> 01:41:16,897
It's good that you're mad at me.

1944
01:41:17,530 --> 01:41:20,192
I think it's good.
I think you should be mad at more guys,

1945
01:41:20,366 --> 01:41:25,281
because you deserve a guy who's good
and who doesn't lie to you.

1946
01:41:25,705 --> 01:41:28,196
And you should never settle
for less than that.

1947
01:41:28,541 --> 01:41:30,497
There are good guys out there

1948
01:41:32,378 --> 01:41:33,993
who aren't assholes like me.

1949
01:41:36,716 --> 01:41:38,581
Thanks for saving my life,

1950
01:41:38,759 --> 01:41:40,465
asshole.

1951
01:41:43,055 --> 01:41:45,046
Put her there, partner.

1952
01:41:58,404 --> 01:42:00,019
I'll come back later.

1953
01:42:04,744 --> 01:42:07,952
We're, like, in the end of die hard
right now, but it's our actual life.

1954
01:42:08,289 --> 01:42:09,289
It's crazy.

1955
01:42:09,457 --> 01:42:11,743
- Number one or two?
- Three.

1956
01:42:12,585 --> 01:42:14,416
- Sam Jackson one. Yeah!
- Sam Jackson style.

1957
01:42:16,047 --> 01:42:19,210
Boom, motherfuckers!
What's going on? Come on!

1958
01:42:24,055 --> 01:42:25,545
Where is he? There's my guy!

1959
01:42:25,723 --> 01:42:28,055
There he is! That's him. That's him.

1960
01:42:28,434 --> 01:42:29,674
- Enough.
- Too long on the hug.

1961
01:42:29,935 --> 01:42:33,678
Congratulations, you crazy,
sick, vigilante motherfuckers.

1962
01:42:33,856 --> 01:42:35,562
You got your first arrest, huh?

1963
01:42:36,567 --> 01:42:38,523
Look. Got something made for you.
You didn't!

1964
01:42:38,653 --> 01:42:40,769
- Come on. All right, all right.
- Enough. Enough.

1965
01:42:40,988 --> 01:42:42,273
New assignment.

1966
01:42:42,740 --> 01:42:45,402
Since you two cowboys
love to drink booze,

1967
01:42:45,660 --> 01:42:49,653
smoke weed with kids, and fuck
anything with a big ass in jeans

1968
01:42:49,830 --> 01:42:51,070
with low self-esteem,

1969
01:42:51,248 --> 01:42:55,116
I'm gonna send you to a place
where all that shit is allowed

1970
01:42:55,294 --> 01:42:56,409
oh, I love Disneyland!

1971
01:42:56,796 --> 01:42:59,833
You two sons of bitches
are going to college!

1972
01:43:00,007 --> 01:43:01,543
- Yes!
- No!

1973
01:43:42,842 --> 01:43:43,842
Boo-yah!

1974
01:44:20,671 --> 01:44:22,707
Oh, my god!
You're like two Hardy boys in one!

1975
01:44:37,563 --> 01:44:38,563
Oh, fuck!

1976
01:46:28,215 --> 01:46:29,500
Hey, why are you here, scoft?

1977
01:46:29,884 --> 01:46:32,045
What, Kennedy high
isn't having any parties tonight?