1
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,500
The word "deviant"
comes from the Latin roots

2
00:00:56,524 --> 00:01:00,637
"de," meaning "from,"
and "via," the road.

3
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,107
One who wanders from the road
or gets lost,

4
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,842
one who separates
from the crowd.

5
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:11,615
Of course, nowadays it refers to someone
whose sexual practices are abnormal.

6
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:15,485
This is the story
of Stuart, Alex and me,

7
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,955
and how, for a while,
we became deviants,

8
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:21,091
in both senses of the word.

9
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,293
<i>♪ Baby, your deal is surreal</i>

10
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:26,220
<i>♪ Just like lightning
Streaking on ♪</i>

11
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,468
<i>♪ Heaven still
Is a state of mind ♪</i>

12
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,162
<i>♪ Where did we go wrong?</i>

13
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:40,344
<i>♪ What happened to
Those old convictions? ♪</i>

14
00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:42,779
<i>♪ Went up in smoke</i>

15
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,014
<i>♪ Baby, while your back
Breaks slowly ♪</i>

16
00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:49,210
<i>♪ By the skin of your teeth
You'll be under their thumb ♪</i>

17
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:55,225
<i>♪ Moving from
This state of friction ♪</i>

18
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:58,728
<i>♪ We all got stars In our eyes ♪</i>

19
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:03,200
<i>♪ But you know by now
Your one restriction ♪</i>

20
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:07,295
<i>♪ Is at the edge of the sky</i>

21
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:15,111
<i>♪ Keep shining Like a new star ♪</i>

22
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,915
<i>♪ Shining like a new star</i>

23
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:22,452
<i>♪ Baby, we've a head start</i>

24
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,912
<i>♪ 'Cause, baby, we're alive</i>

25
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:29,326
<i>♪ Shadows are still
When the will ♪</i>

26
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,453
<i>♪ Has no strength left
To carry on ♪</i>

27
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:37,367
<i>♪ You're flat on you back
With a heart attack ♪</i>

28
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:41,205
<i>♪ Where the hell
Have you gone? ♪</i>

29
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,740
Aah! Don't do it!
It's a trap!

30
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,108
Run away! Aah!

31
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,179
<i>♪ When you're playing a game,
With the rats and the mice ♪</i>

32
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,248
<i>♪ While your back
Breaks slowly ♪</i>

33
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,850
It's been said that anyone
who wants to live in a dormitory

34
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,886
must either be a mental
defective or a freshman.

35
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:59,689
I was neither. I was a
junior transfer student

36
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:03,227
and I thought living in a
dorm couldn't be that bad.

37
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,863
I've never been quite that
wrong, before or since.

38
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,065
Hi.
Hi. Um, Eddy Howe.

39
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,668
Think I'm supposed
to sign something.

40
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,204
Yeah. Here you go.

41
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,206
Okay.
Right here.

42
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:19,609
<i>♪ Shining like a new star</i>

43
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,879
Here's your key,
and there you go.

44
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,147
Thanks. Where do I go?
Upstairs.

45
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,240
Okay. Thank you.
You're welcome.

46
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,245
Fresh meat.
I saw him first.

47
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,369
Who are you?

48
00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,317
I guess I'm
your new roommate. Eddy.

49
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:04,588
I thought they were gonna let
me keep this one as a single.

50
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,089
Fuck!

51
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:11,919
It's nice to meet you too.

52
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:23,340
What I quickly realized about Stuart
was that he lacked that part of the brain

53
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:28,536
which would stop him from saying things
that might be offensive to other people.

54
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:36,377
I also realized, we couldn't have
been less suited as roommates.

55
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,225
Fore!

56
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,227
But we managed to get along.

57
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,998
In fact, there developed a bizarre
equanimity in the relationship,

58
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,767
a balance.

59
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:54,404
I showed Stuart how to make his
bed with hospital corners.

60
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,672
Lick the salt, drink the
drink, suck the lime.

61
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,006
One, two, three.

62
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,233
And in return, Stuart
taught me how to drink.

63
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:08,108
I wrote Stuart's
English papers for him,

64
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:14,190
and he bought me dinner.

65
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:17,427
I cleaned the bathroom,

66
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,997
and he took care of the laundry.

67
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,467
Sometimes he borrowed
things of mine,

68
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,703
And sometimes
I borrowed things back.

69
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:30,540
You think it's real funny,
don't you? How's this?

70
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,076
Stuart would be quiet
so that I could study.

71
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,744
<i>♪ I could sometimes change</i>

72
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:39,115
<i>♪ So I choose to forget
the faces of this... ♪</i>

73
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:42,185
And I gave him time alone
to socialize with friends.

74
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,226
This delicate equilibrium
in the relationship

75
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,396
was soon upset by an arrival.

76
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:56,265
The other room in the suite, the
single, had remained empty,

77
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,291
until one day...

78
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:02,406
Whoever he is,
he isn't very friendly.

79
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:03,907
But we soon met.

80
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:07,367
Stuart, did you go to class
or stay in bed and masturbate?

81
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,807
You know, I've been...

82
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,450
Would you please
get out of here?

83
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:37,140
It's a coed dorm.
What's the problem?

84
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:41,177
It's coed within the buildings,
not within the rooms.

85
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,547
So?

86
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:46,583
So the polite thing for you to
do is go to the housing office,

87
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,786
tell them there's a mistake and
they need to get you new rooms.

88
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,988
No, no.
We were here first.

89
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,959
Besides, why didn't you use Alexandria
or whatever your full name is?

90
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,927
Alex is my full name.

91
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,854
Sounds like a man's name.
It's lovely.

92
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,738
Wow. She's amazing.

93
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,107
Truly amazing.

94
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:16,513
<i>♪ Amazing Grace</i>

95
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,483
It's not Grace, it's Alex.

96
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:23,887
<i>♪ Amazing Alex</i>

97
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,188
Ow!

98
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:27,591
"Hendrickson, Alex. Male."

99
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,093
I'm a female. Trust me.

100
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:33,229
According to our files,
you're a male.

101
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,791
Okay.

102
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:42,205
Let's just suppose for a second

103
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,307
that I'm a female.

104
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,676
What would happen then?

105
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,311
I'd put you on the
transfer waiting list

106
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,915
and your name would probably come
up in eight to twelve weeks.

107
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:55,284
There's a severe housing
shortage in the area.

108
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,986
Would you consider
living off-campus?

109
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,722
I can't afford it.

110
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,323
I can put you
on the waiting list,

111
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,925
but I'll need
official verification

112
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,251
that you are indeed a female.

113
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:08,064
Next.

114
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:12,569
It's only temporary, I mean,
until I can find something.

115
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,738
I just...
I'm not asking anyone,

116
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:18,341
you know, to do anything silly,
like put down the toilet seat.

117
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,309
I'm just asking that when you're
done voiding your bowels,

118
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,478
you flush.

119
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,581
After we're done
what-ing our what?

120
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,751
She means, flush after you
take one of those big dumps, moron.

121
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:30,086
Oh, is that what you mean?

122
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,789
That's a shame.
I'm so proud of those.

123
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,925
In some countries,
the size of a man's crap

124
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:38,485
is a sign of his masculinity.

125
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:45,869
She avoided us.

126
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,805
What was it that kept her away?

127
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:52,108
<i>♪ Why not go up?
Why not go down? ♪</i>

128
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:55,011
<i>♪ Bobble and a-rock-a
To the new style around ♪</i>

129
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,982
<i>♪ A-you planning to
A-you feel whiny too ♪</i>

130
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:02,518
<i>♪ A-do the boom shak-a-lak
A-to the dance hall tune ♪</i>

131
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,513
<i>♪ I say, the boom shak-a-lak
It got the brand-new style ♪</i>

132
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:16,890
I just love the smell
of her dirty panties.

133
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,242
Stuart?
For some unknown reason,

134
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,012
Stuart was confident
she'd come around.

135
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,180
I need to talk to you.

136
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,982
Yes, Alex?

137
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:36,119
If you don't stop
eating my yogurt,

138
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,221
I know it was you,

139
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,589
I'm gonna kill you.

140
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,548
I'm gonna fucking kill you.

141
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,620
You make murder
sound so sexual, Alex.

142
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:05,314
<i>♪ I've known him all my life
It seems so inconceivable ♪</i>

143
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,908
Call us.
Later.

144
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:22,298
Get that wrapped to go.
I want to work on her.

145
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,333
She doesn't like you.
When's it gonna penetrate?

146
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,936
As soon as you go away.
Maybe.

147
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,907
Now wrap it and get it
to go. Quickly. Go. Now.

148
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,142
Eat shit. Now.

149
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:37,280
Hey. One, two, three.
Don't. Don't do that.

150
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,782
Go. Get out of here.

151
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,650
You're a Neanderthal, Stuart.
You really are.

152
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:41,751
I know that. I know...

153
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,186
No, you're really growing.

154
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,254
You're growing as a person.
That's important.

155
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,090
Maybe you show Alex that.
Will you get out of here?

156
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,158
No. I have to order
another slice of pizza.

157
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:53,329
There's a danger in
our being over-friendly.

158
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:57,266
How can we be over-friendly
if we aren't even friendly?

159
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,926
He's got a point.

160
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:11,180
It's a great book.
You're gonna love it.

161
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,181
I've read it four times.

162
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,017
You know,

163
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:18,621
I've often felt like the main
character, Holden Caulfield.

164
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:21,557
Mmm-mmm. No, no,
you're not Holden Caulfield.

165
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,126
He's Stradlater.

166
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,929
You know, the obnoxious roommate
that thinks he's a stud,

167
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,363
borrows Holden's
Houndstooth coat,

168
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,365
stretches it out
and doesn't apologize.

169
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,369
It's a good book.

170
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,671
I always felt like
the little sister.

171
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,974
Phoebe?
Yeah.

172
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,276
Have you read Franny
and Zooey or Nine Stories?

173
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,079
Yeah. They're... They're
not as good, though.

174
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:46,415
One time, my mom,
she actually met J.D. Salinger.

175
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:49,352
Really?
True. Threw up on his lawn.

176
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,087
Really?
Yeah.

177
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,623
She was on vacation in Maine,
um, with her best friend

178
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,926
and they met these two sailors.

179
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,228
They got really drunk and
these sailors took them out...

180
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:02,331
Before long, Alex and
I were rapt in conversation,

181
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:07,003
And Stuart was not.

182
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,305
I wasn't trying to horn in
on your situation.

183
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,275
I'm not interested
in her, anyway.

184
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,701
Whatever. I don't want
to talk about it.

185
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,608
Sorry.

186
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,293
Give me your toothbrush.
Why?

187
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:32,986
Give me your toothbrush.

188
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,632
I don't want to.

189
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:40,193
Give me the goddamn toothbrush!

190
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:47,210
I would not have spilled
my father's blood,

191
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:51,247
or listened to those
who called me my mother's wife.

192
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,482
And now I am God-shunned,

193
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,152
the daughter
of a mother defiled,

194
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:59,322
and I have taken my turn
in my mother's bed.

195
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:03,426
If there is any tragedy
greater than all others,

196
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,485
it belongs to me.

197
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,966
Pretty awful, huh?

198
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,600
I just don't understand
why anybody would do

199
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,237
a lesbian version
of Oedipus Rex.

200
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,205
I thought it was good.

201
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,307
You did?

202
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:21,077
Yeah. I really liked it.

203
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,247
You don't have to worry
about hurting my feelings.

204
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,215
I know it was crap.

205
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,783
I thought you were good.

206
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,419
I thought everybody was
really good. I liked it.

207
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,179
What did you think?

208
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,791
The translation was bad.

209
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,693
The direction was nonexistent.

210
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,095
Somebody should
call the acting police

211
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,297
on a couple of those actresses.

212
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,732
Costumes looked like a bad
night at Caesar's Palace.

213
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,501
Other than that, it was great.

214
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:49,805
You were wonderful. You made
the best out of your part.

215
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,640
I agree with all that.

216
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,077
I think you guys are
being too hard on it.

217
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,412
You're a business major.

218
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,048
This is art. The work
is what's important here.

219
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:02,451
It's better to be honest
than to be nice, okay?

220
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,577
Fuck me for being nice.

221
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,626
Wait. Stuart!

222
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,161
Let him go.

223
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,787
It's better just the two of us.

224
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,561
A toast. To bigger
and better things.

225
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,573
Professionally or personally?

226
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,153
I was speaking professionally,

227
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:42,225
but as the big dude says, a man is
happy when he has both work and love.

228
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,726
The big dude?

229
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:46,062
Yeah. Unfashionable
though he may be.

230
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,530
Freud.

231
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,298
I love Freud,

232
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,324
unfashionable though he may be.

233
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,940
I should... I should go.
No, no, no.

234
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,174
Just sit down for one second.

235
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,733
Do you mind if I change?
No, um, um...

236
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:06,382
I just really want everything
to be perfect for this moment.

237
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,918
Are we having a moment?

238
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,386
How about this?

239
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,122
That's perfect.
This?

240
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,424
Great, great. They're
both excellent choices.

241
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,050
I hate that.

242
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,136
It's kinda pointless,
don't you think?

243
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,096
What is?

244
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,000
Putting on clothes

245
00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,937
when I just wanna take them off.

246
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,986
Some people say it's
pointless to make your bed

247
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:47,056
just 'cause you're going to unmake it
every night, but I still think it's nice.

248
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,992
My bed's made.

249
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,718
Yeah, you did
a really good job too.

250
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,098
I'm gonna kiss you now.

251
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,100
Aren't you...
Aren't you...

252
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,935
Let me at you.

253
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,837
What are you doing?
This.

254
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,740
Let's talk about this first.
Let's not.

255
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,142
Ow!

256
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,144
Am I hurting you?
No. Could you get off me now?

257
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,180
You want me to get you off? No.

258
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,482
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

259
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,284
Mmm.

260
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,286
You smell good.

261
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,255
Alex, I...

262
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:23,259
Alex, I don't...

263
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:24,627
No...

264
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,729
I don't know... This...

265
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,397
I think you're
at a loss for words.

266
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,157
Alex...

267
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,372
No.

268
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,265
Eddy! Come back!

269
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,211
Then what did you do?
I didn't know what to do.

270
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,613
She kissed me, and then it
snowballed into this insanity.

271
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,315
You didn't get anything?

272
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,118
You didn't look down her dress,
cop a little feel, goose her?

273
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,320
No. I told her
to stop touching me.

274
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,589
Why didn't you just fuck her?
Yeah, right.

275
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,158
Yeah, right.

276
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,226
The girl was on her knees undoing
your fly with her teeth.

277
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:00,120
She's in the perfect position.
At least get a blowjob.

278
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,166
You wouldn't understand.

279
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,934
You're right, Eddy.
I wouldn't understand.

280
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,937
The girl wants you to
fuck her, you fuck her.

281
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,098
Unless you're doing
the asexual thing.

282
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,709
The what?

283
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,978
It's a classic.

284
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:18,247
What are you talking about?

285
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,882
You act like you're a fag,

286
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:22,385
the two of you become good friends,
you start to share clothes,

287
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:26,155
she starts to confide in you, and
then, boom, you go for her tits.

288
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:29,558
It's brilliant,
if you can pull it off.

289
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,885
Yeah, maybe that's
what I'm doing.

290
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:56,075
Hey.
Hi.

291
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:12,392
I think there's something
you should know.

292
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:21,201
I find libraries very erotic.

293
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,473
The smell of old books,

294
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,387
the silence.

295
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,284
The long aisles.

296
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,256
To be lost in the stacks.

297
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:49,429
That's very interesting.

298
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,335
What are you reading?
Hawthorne.

299
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,316
Will you read to me?

300
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,685
Alex, I've got to study
for this. Okay? I can't...

301
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,578
Oh, please, please, please.

302
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:16,365
"Soon there emerged from under a sculpted
portal the figure of a young girl,

303
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,267
"arrayed with as much
richness of taste

304
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,135
"as the most splendid
of the flowers,

305
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:25,241
"beautiful as the day,

306
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,100
"and with a bloom
so deep and vivid that..."

307
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:30,646
Oh, my!

308
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,407
"One shade more
would have been too much.

309
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:39,054
"She looked redundant
with life, health, energy,

310
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,857
"all of which attributes were
bound down and compressed,

311
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:45,552
"as it were and girdled
tensely, in their luxuriance,

312
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,497
"by her virgin zone."

313
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,395
Are you all right?

314
00:19:58,465 --> 00:20:00,576
Golly.

315
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,379
I love big words.

316
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,971
Oh.

317
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,584
Right there?

318
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,253
She came right there?

319
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,821
I think so. I don't know.
Don't tell her I told you.

320
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:16,024
What do you think I am, a sleazebag?
Mmm-hmm.

321
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,261
Then what happened?

322
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,729
Nothing. I was reading.
What were you reading?

323
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,731
Hawthorne.
Hawthorne.

324
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:23,932
Nathaniel Hawthorne.

325
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,269
Moby Dick. That's good.

326
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,304
That's Herman Melville.

327
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:31,173
Whatever.
So?

328
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,108
So, Eddy,

329
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,077
this is a major discovery.

330
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:38,681
This girl, she is a live
wire of sexual energy.

331
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,783
You're telling me.

332
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,285
Doesn't that excite you?

333
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:45,421
Don't you wanna just
take this girl and, like,

334
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:49,148
grab her and... I don't
know, just fuck her?

335
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:51,960
Maybe.

336
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:54,330
What do you mean, "maybe"?
There's no "maybes" about it.

337
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:58,066
The next time you're in this situation,
you slide her off that table,

338
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,201
pull up her skirt,

339
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:00,969
rip her panties off
with your teeth.

340
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,072
With your teeth. That's good.
And then take your fingers...

341
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:08,344
At that moment I was indeed
becoming sexually excited.

342
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:09,612
But not over Alex.

343
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:11,246
...really, really hard.

344
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,549
And then all of a sudden,
you just shove it right in.

345
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:19,054
As Stuart went on and on, I realized
finally that it was he I lusted after.

346
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:22,181
Right when you're about to come,
you squeeze it at the end...

347
00:21:31,358 --> 00:21:32,492
You know what I mean?

348
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:35,938
Yeah.

349
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,606
Yeah.

350
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,875
Stuart went on to say

351
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:42,611
he had never felt as strongly for
any girl as he did for Alex,

352
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:45,013
and since I was indifferent,
he had to have her.

353
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:47,416
He would stop at nothing.

354
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,342
Even if it meant being...

355
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,412
an intellectual.

356
00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:57,059
What are you doing here?

357
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:58,461
Reading.

358
00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:01,364
Have you ever set foot
in this library before?

359
00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:03,390
In any library, for that matter?

360
00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,235
Well,

361
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:12,708
last time I checked, the purpose for
college was educational advancement.

362
00:22:12,732 --> 00:22:15,435
Eddy told you what happened
yesterday, didn't he?

363
00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:18,947
What are you talking about?

364
00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:22,150
It's not gonna happen.

365
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,219
It's nothing personal.

366
00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:26,789
There's just no magic.

367
00:22:26,813 --> 00:22:28,681
So just cool it, okay?

368
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:54,182
You don't need magic.

369
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,443
Oh, really?
What do I need?

370
00:22:57,944 --> 00:22:59,412
What you need

371
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,416
is a long,

372
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:06,218
hard,

373
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,355
phantasmagoric

374
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:13,460
fuck.

375
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:18,498
I don't like you, Stuart.
That's okay.

376
00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:22,044
Stuart.

377
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:23,311
Shh.

378
00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:25,404
It's been a long time,
hasn't it?

379
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:32,311
You really shouldn't deprive
the body of what it needs.

380
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,264
"Alexei Fyodorovich Karamazov

381
00:23:42,288 --> 00:23:46,268
"was the third son of
Fyodor Pavlovich Karamazov..."

382
00:23:46,292 --> 00:23:48,227
What are you doing?

383
00:23:50,296 --> 00:23:52,174
Dostoevsky.

384
00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:53,466
Oh!

385
00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:57,145
Oh, you try too hard.

386
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,615
That's your whole problem.

387
00:23:59,639 --> 00:24:03,151
You were about to tap into
something savage and emotional,

388
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:06,412
and you ruined it by trying
to be something you're not.

389
00:24:07,346 --> 00:24:09,482
I'm sorry.

390
00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:14,963
You're not an intellectual.
Accept it.

391
00:24:14,987 --> 00:24:17,199
I accept it.

392
00:24:17,223 --> 00:24:19,434
Now, can we try this again,
please?

393
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,227
No!

394
00:24:23,362 --> 00:24:24,497
Shit.

395
00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:33,281
I've been looking for you.
You have?

396
00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:35,618
We need to talk.
We do?

397
00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:37,986
Why you backing away from me?
I'm not.

398
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:40,088
I'm walking backwards
while you're walking forwards.

399
00:24:40,112 --> 00:24:44,426
I forgive you for telling Stuart
what happened in the library,

400
00:24:44,450 --> 00:24:46,461
and I apologize
for my exuberance.

401
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,765
I don't apologize for my exuberance!
I revel in it!

402
00:24:49,789 --> 00:24:52,234
I wanna know what
the story is with you!

403
00:24:52,258 --> 00:24:54,703
Why are you
so standoffish with me?

404
00:24:54,727 --> 00:24:57,405
Why won't you kiss me? Why?

405
00:24:57,429 --> 00:25:00,142
Look, you see, it's...

406
00:25:00,166 --> 00:25:01,309
What?

407
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:03,579
Oh, never mind.
What?

408
00:25:03,603 --> 00:25:05,080
I can't tell you!

409
00:25:05,104 --> 00:25:06,539
Tell me!

410
00:25:08,074 --> 00:25:09,375
Um...

411
00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:14,890
Oh, shit.

412
00:25:14,914 --> 00:25:16,215
Um...

413
00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:21,554
Uh, I'm sexually ambivalent.

414
00:25:26,425 --> 00:25:28,370
Ambivalent about sex in general,

415
00:25:28,394 --> 00:25:30,697
or ambivalent about sex with me?

416
00:25:34,433 --> 00:25:37,403
Ambivalent about sex with girls.

417
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,894
You don't like girls?

418
00:25:51,918 --> 00:25:56,222
I like them. I just don't
want to have sex with them.

419
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:02,528
You know...

420
00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:08,677
I suspected it.

421
00:26:08,701 --> 00:26:11,971
You did?
Oh, yeah.

422
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,982
Come on.
Let's go get a drink.

423
00:26:28,655 --> 00:26:31,199
How many men have you been with?

424
00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:34,269
Alex, come on.
Just tell me.

425
00:26:38,130 --> 00:26:39,942
All right.

426
00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:41,777
The truth is,

427
00:26:41,801 --> 00:26:44,937
except for a few botched
attempts with girls,

428
00:26:46,205 --> 00:26:47,439
I'm a...

429
00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:51,543
Uh, you know, a...

430
00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:54,389
Oh, God.

431
00:26:54,413 --> 00:26:56,224
I haven't slept with anyone.

432
00:26:56,248 --> 00:26:59,427
You haven't been with a man yet?
No, no, not with anyone.

433
00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:02,164
Then you're not gay!

434
00:27:02,188 --> 00:27:04,066
You're a blank slate!

435
00:27:04,090 --> 00:27:07,502
I'll mold you into a
heterosexual with my bare hands!

436
00:27:07,526 --> 00:27:08,570
Drama major.

437
00:27:08,594 --> 00:27:11,273
Okay, fine, just do me a favor.

438
00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:14,342
Don't tell Stuart, all right?

439
00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:15,443
Sure.

440
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:17,680
You promise?
Yeah.

441
00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:26,545
What are you doing?

442
00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:28,881
Nothing.

443
00:27:53,706 --> 00:27:56,418
Were you just
looking at my butt?

444
00:27:56,442 --> 00:27:57,920
No.

445
00:27:57,944 --> 00:28:00,412
You weren't just
looking at my butt?

446
00:28:03,315 --> 00:28:05,617
I don't know what
you're talking about.

447
00:28:17,897 --> 00:28:20,275
Eddy, I been thinking
about something.

448
00:28:20,299 --> 00:28:21,977
That's good.

449
00:28:22,001 --> 00:28:24,570
I think you were checking
out my butt the other day.

450
00:28:26,672 --> 00:28:29,985
I was not.
I think you were.

451
00:28:30,009 --> 00:28:35,023
Well, I don't care
what you think.

452
00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,491
Are you a homo?

453
00:28:36,515 --> 00:28:38,827
Fuck off.

454
00:28:38,851 --> 00:28:42,164
It's okay if you are.
It doesn't bother me.

455
00:28:42,188 --> 00:28:47,302
I'm secure enough in my own sexuality
to not feel threatened by it.

456
00:28:47,326 --> 00:28:49,972
I have a very hip attitude.

457
00:28:49,996 --> 00:28:52,975
My mom had a lot of gay friends.

458
00:28:52,999 --> 00:28:56,702
It's not a good time to be
a sexually promiscuous homo.

459
00:29:00,172 --> 00:29:03,251
You ever butt-fucked anybody?
Jesus!

460
00:29:03,275 --> 00:29:05,020
No? You ever been butt-fucked?

461
00:29:05,044 --> 00:29:07,155
Please, Stuart.
Shut up, all right?

462
00:29:07,179 --> 00:29:11,150
I'm not gonna finish writing this
paper for you unless you shut up.

463
00:29:12,919 --> 00:29:15,864
Look, I don't have
anything against homos.

464
00:29:15,888 --> 00:29:18,666
I mean, you are what
you are, right?

465
00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:21,669
And it's okay
if you look at my butt.

466
00:29:21,693 --> 00:29:24,006
It's a nice butt. I know that.

467
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:27,009
Stop saying the word "butt."
But...

468
00:29:27,033 --> 00:29:28,167
That's it.

469
00:29:30,669 --> 00:29:35,383
Hey, Eddy, this paper's due tomorrow!
What am I gonna do?

470
00:29:46,252 --> 00:29:48,363
Guess what.

471
00:29:48,387 --> 00:29:50,298
What?

472
00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:53,568
Eddy is a proud homeowner.

473
00:29:53,592 --> 00:29:55,537
A what?

474
00:29:55,561 --> 00:29:57,739
A homeboy.

475
00:29:57,763 --> 00:30:00,475
Homo-erectus. A fag.

476
00:30:00,499 --> 00:30:03,445
I didn't say that.
You didn't deny it.

477
00:30:03,469 --> 00:30:04,913
I don't believe it.

478
00:30:04,937 --> 00:30:07,182
You can't say "fag."

479
00:30:07,206 --> 00:30:11,019
It's like one black guy calling another
"nigger." You can't unless you are one.

480
00:30:11,043 --> 00:30:14,789
You just said "nigger"
and you're not a black guy.

481
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,424
It's okay, 'cause I'm a fag.

482
00:30:16,448 --> 00:30:18,360
See?
What did I tell you?

483
00:30:18,384 --> 00:30:20,528
Stop saying that word.

484
00:30:20,552 --> 00:30:21,796
He is what he is.

485
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:23,999
He doesn't know.
He's confused.

486
00:30:24,023 --> 00:30:26,525
He's not confused about my butt.

487
00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:30,562
Eddy,

488
00:30:31,864 --> 00:30:34,742
do you like boys or girls?

489
00:30:34,766 --> 00:30:37,112
The truth is, sometimes
both are attractive.

490
00:30:37,136 --> 00:30:39,214
Of course they are. But
if you think it through,

491
00:30:39,238 --> 00:30:42,417
gay sex, by definition,
is better than straight sex.

492
00:30:42,441 --> 00:30:44,419
Get the fuck out of here.

493
00:30:44,443 --> 00:30:45,888
No, I have a theory.

494
00:30:45,912 --> 00:30:47,923
I would love to hear this.

495
00:30:47,947 --> 00:30:50,592
As I see it, it all has
to do with equipment

496
00:30:50,616 --> 00:30:53,461
and the correct
use of that equipment.

497
00:30:53,485 --> 00:30:55,730
If you have male genitalia,

498
00:30:55,754 --> 00:30:58,433
and you're sleeping with someone
who also has male genitalia,

499
00:30:58,457 --> 00:31:01,236
then you have firsthand knowledge
of how their equipment works.

500
00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:03,371
You know
the pressure-sensitive points,

501
00:31:03,395 --> 00:31:05,073
what buttons to push.

502
00:31:05,097 --> 00:31:07,876
If you're a man having sex
with a woman or vice versa,

503
00:31:07,900 --> 00:31:10,012
you really never know
how they feel.

504
00:31:10,036 --> 00:31:13,839
You don't know if they really feel
great or if they're just faking it.

505
00:31:15,374 --> 00:31:16,642
Wow.

506
00:31:18,310 --> 00:31:20,088
No. No.

507
00:31:20,112 --> 00:31:21,789
Straight sex is
better than gay sex.

508
00:31:21,813 --> 00:31:23,191
It's written in the Bible.

509
00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:26,328
Is that in the King James
or the New World edition?

510
00:31:26,352 --> 00:31:28,563
Look, I just know. Okay?

511
00:31:28,587 --> 00:31:31,466
How do you know, Stuart?
Have you compared the two?

512
00:31:31,490 --> 00:31:33,401
Have you?

513
00:31:33,425 --> 00:31:36,871
Surely you admit lesbian sex is more
satisfying to women than hetero sex, right?

514
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:38,974
I mean,
that's an established fact.

515
00:31:38,998 --> 00:31:41,343
Everybody knows that.

516
00:31:41,367 --> 00:31:43,002
I've grown tired.

517
00:31:45,104 --> 00:31:49,517
Look, no matter what happens,
somebody's gonna get screwed.

518
00:31:49,541 --> 00:31:51,519
Who's gonna get screwed?

519
00:31:51,543 --> 00:31:53,956
I think you guys know
what I'm talking about.

520
00:31:53,980 --> 00:31:56,615
It's destructive and dangerous.

521
00:31:58,384 --> 00:32:00,362
What is?

522
00:32:00,386 --> 00:32:02,130
Don't act stupid.

523
00:32:02,154 --> 00:32:04,199
He's not acting, Alex.

524
00:32:04,223 --> 00:32:06,201
Okay, look,

525
00:32:06,225 --> 00:32:08,903
you have the hots for me,
I have the hots for him,

526
00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:12,074
and sooner or later he's
gonna have the hots for you.

527
00:32:12,098 --> 00:32:14,333
That's sounds pretty hot to me.

528
00:32:27,079 --> 00:32:29,224
Let's make a vow.

529
00:32:29,248 --> 00:32:30,592
A sacred vow.

530
00:32:30,616 --> 00:32:34,296
The three of us are gonna
be friends, and that's it.

531
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,664
Aren't you guys tired
of this whole sex thing?

532
00:32:36,688 --> 00:32:40,026
How could I be tired of this whole
sex thing if I haven't had any sex?

533
00:32:41,527 --> 00:32:45,507
Then have sex with someone
outside our little circle.

534
00:32:45,531 --> 00:32:47,976
Oh, sex with strangers.

535
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,112
That sounds wise.

536
00:32:50,136 --> 00:32:53,948
Oh. Forget about that.

537
00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:57,519
But as far as the three of us
go, let's just be friends.

538
00:32:57,543 --> 00:32:59,454
No sex.

539
00:32:59,478 --> 00:33:01,756
Yes, Stuart?

540
00:33:01,780 --> 00:33:03,858
Do blowjobs count as sex?

541
00:33:03,882 --> 00:33:06,361
I'm not gonna blow you, man,
and that's final.

542
00:33:10,489 --> 00:33:12,291
Come on!

543
00:33:22,768 --> 00:33:24,103
Okay?

544
00:33:26,538 --> 00:33:28,340
Okay.

545
00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:32,320
Sacred vows are
all very well and good,

546
00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:37,292
but only moments later I felt Alex
eyeing my rear end on the way home.

547
00:33:37,316 --> 00:33:40,395
And as we said good night, Stuart
allowed his gaze to linger

548
00:33:40,419 --> 00:33:43,255
on the gently sloping nape
of Alex's neck.

549
00:33:44,456 --> 00:33:47,093
And I stayed up
for reasons of my own.

550
00:33:48,894 --> 00:33:52,307
But the sacred vow was observed,
at least on the surface,

551
00:33:52,331 --> 00:33:54,276
and we became friends.
Hey, Stuart!

552
00:33:54,300 --> 00:33:56,678
Watch out for balloons!

553
00:33:56,702 --> 00:33:58,713
I'm gonna kill you!

554
00:33:58,737 --> 00:34:01,015
<i>♪ She is benediction</i>

555
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:05,053
<i>♪ She is addicted to he Aah!</i>

556
00:34:05,077 --> 00:34:08,056
<i>♪ She is the root connection
Oh, I'm sorry.</i>

557
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,058
<i>♪ And she
Alex, can you please wait?</i>

558
00:34:10,082 --> 00:34:13,228
<i>♪ Is connected with me How about
"Alex, you look so nice"?</i>

559
00:34:13,252 --> 00:34:17,199
<i>♪ Here I go And I don't know
why </i>♪ Stuart, get outta here!

560
00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:20,135
Come on. Get out.
Don't push me!

561
00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:22,104
I swear I'll hit you
with this...

562
00:34:22,128 --> 00:34:26,465
<i>♪ Could it be He's taking over me?
♪ It's not funny!</i>

563
00:34:29,868 --> 00:34:33,047
<i>♪ I'm dancing barefoot</i>

564
00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:37,152
<i>♪ Headed for a spin</i>

565
00:34:37,176 --> 00:34:40,888
<i>♪ Some strange music
Drags me in ♪</i>

566
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:46,352
<i>♪ Makes me come on
Like some heroine ♪</i>

567
00:34:53,792 --> 00:34:57,305
<i>♪ She is sublimation</i>

568
00:34:57,329 --> 00:35:01,309
<i>♪ She is the essence of thee</i>

569
00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:07,014
<i>♪ She is concentrating On he ♪</i>

570
00:35:07,038 --> 00:35:10,084
<i>♪ Who is chosen by she</i>

571
00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:13,421
<i>♪ Here I go
And I don't know why ♪</i>

572
00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:18,360
<i>♪ I spin so ceaselessly</i>

573
00:35:18,384 --> 00:35:23,855
<i>♪ Could it be
He's taking over me? ♪</i>

574
00:35:26,258 --> 00:35:29,671
<i>♪ I'm dancing barefoot</i>

575
00:35:29,695 --> 00:35:33,475
<i>♪ Headed for a spin</i>

576
00:35:33,499 --> 00:35:37,479
<i>♪ Some strange music
Drags me in ♪</i>

577
00:35:37,503 --> 00:35:40,782
<i>♪ Makes me come on
Like some heroine ♪</i>

578
00:35:40,806 --> 00:35:44,576
The oddity of our happy
little enclave was lost on no one.

579
00:35:46,345 --> 00:35:48,823
Especially not
the lobby lizards.

580
00:35:48,847 --> 00:35:51,526
All I want to know is,
who's doing who?

581
00:35:51,550 --> 00:35:53,595
I heard Eddy and Stuart
are taking turns with her.

582
00:35:53,619 --> 00:35:57,064
I think the guys are gay
and she's their fag hag.

583
00:35:57,088 --> 00:35:59,734
She's not a fag hag.
You're a fag hag.

584
00:35:59,758 --> 00:36:00,868
I am not.
Shh!

585
00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:02,337
Leave her alone, Stuart.
Okay.

586
00:36:02,361 --> 00:36:08,200
Leave me alone!
I don't like you. Stop it.

587
00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:10,712
Ow!

588
00:36:12,037 --> 00:36:14,482
You're hurting me!
Would you knock it off?

589
00:36:14,506 --> 00:36:18,320
I bruise easily! I have five thousand
gazillion, jillion bruises from you!

590
00:36:18,344 --> 00:36:20,788
Let me see. Is that where it hurts?
Look at that!

591
00:36:20,812 --> 00:36:22,190
Don't you get like that.

592
00:36:22,214 --> 00:36:25,693
Oh, my God, it's total S and M!

593
00:36:36,094 --> 00:36:38,773
Hi! How are
the three musketeers?

594
00:36:38,797 --> 00:36:40,742
Oh, just one big happy family.

595
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:46,171
It sounds pretty kinky.
Incest is best!

596
00:36:49,375 --> 00:36:52,720
Oh, right there!
Right there, like that.

597
00:36:53,945 --> 00:36:55,223
Unbelievable.

598
00:36:57,182 --> 00:36:59,427
One night when Alex had the
nerve to go to a party without us,

599
00:36:59,451 --> 00:37:01,563
Stuart and I fell asleep
in her room,

600
00:37:01,587 --> 00:37:06,292
a foul and mysterious odor having
driven us out of our own quarters.

601
00:37:15,801 --> 00:37:17,545
What are you doing in here?

602
00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:21,583
Our room has a foul
and mysterious odor.

603
00:37:21,607 --> 00:37:24,952
Clean it. You used to be
a clean person. Let's go.

604
00:37:24,976 --> 00:37:26,454
Before I moved in with him.

605
00:37:26,478 --> 00:37:28,122
I used to make hospital corners.

606
00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:30,592
Now I don't even wash my sheets.

607
00:37:30,616 --> 00:37:32,159
Who are you?

608
00:37:32,183 --> 00:37:34,362
Larry, this is Eddy and Stuart.

609
00:37:34,386 --> 00:37:35,563
Hi.

610
00:37:37,055 --> 00:37:39,066
What's his name? Scary?

611
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:40,868
I think he said Larry.

612
00:37:43,295 --> 00:37:45,540
Get out!
Larry?

613
00:37:45,564 --> 00:37:46,598
Yes. Larry.

614
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:50,278
Let's go. Get out.

615
00:37:50,302 --> 00:37:53,372
Stop kicking at me! Get out.
Ow!

616
00:38:01,513 --> 00:38:03,791
Are you hungry?

617
00:38:03,815 --> 00:38:05,484
No, thank you.

618
00:38:11,256 --> 00:38:13,559
I'm sorry.
No problem.

619
00:38:16,828 --> 00:38:18,840
We should've expected it.

620
00:38:18,864 --> 00:38:21,309
No oaths of exclusivity
had been taken.

621
00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:23,210
Quite the opposite.

622
00:38:23,234 --> 00:38:27,281
But nonetheless we felt supplanted
by Larry and betrayed by Alex.

623
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:29,517
The sanctuary
had been trespassed upon.

624
00:38:41,286 --> 00:38:44,456
<i>♪ Just one step at a time</i>

625
00:38:48,126 --> 00:38:52,431
<i>♪ Getting closer to destiny</i>

626
00:38:54,366 --> 00:38:57,545
You're a very special girl.

627
00:38:57,569 --> 00:39:02,083
I think I'd like to get
to know you a lot better.

628
00:39:02,107 --> 00:39:04,251
What are your dreams?

629
00:39:04,275 --> 00:39:07,321
Who is Alex?

630
00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:12,326
Gosh, let's not talk.

631
00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:15,697
<i>♪ With someone
I could live for ♪</i>

632
00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:17,365
You're right.

633
00:39:17,389 --> 00:39:22,093
Let's communicate via the
international language of love.

634
00:39:23,562 --> 00:39:28,175
<i>♪ Is your love strong enough</i>

635
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:30,545
Twenty.
Shit.

636
00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:32,804
<i>♪ Like a rock in the sea</i>

637
00:39:36,341 --> 00:39:37,985
You hungry?

638
00:39:38,009 --> 00:39:39,511
Am I ever not hungry?

639
00:39:41,112 --> 00:39:42,481
Pizza?

640
00:39:44,149 --> 00:39:45,484
Sounds good.

641
00:39:46,952 --> 00:39:48,930
Okay.

642
00:39:52,758 --> 00:39:54,268
You think Alex is hungry?

643
00:39:54,292 --> 00:39:57,972
Let's not forget about
scary Larry.

644
00:40:04,803 --> 00:40:05,947
Hi. You hungry?

645
00:40:05,971 --> 00:40:07,782
I hope you burn in hell!

646
00:40:13,479 --> 00:40:16,858
I don't think she's hungry.
I think she's mad.

647
00:40:16,882 --> 00:40:19,093
You're mistaken.
You need to call her back

648
00:40:19,117 --> 00:40:21,829
and make sure you didn't ruffle
her feathers unnecessarily.

649
00:40:21,853 --> 00:40:23,221
What a good idea.

650
00:40:27,593 --> 00:40:30,404
Hi! It's me again.
Look, I was curious.

651
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:32,574
Are you angry with me
because I called

652
00:40:32,598 --> 00:40:35,109
or because
you're just not hungry?

653
00:40:36,334 --> 00:40:37,311
Hello?

654
00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:41,015
She hung up.

655
00:40:43,709 --> 00:40:47,021
What is wrong with you guys?
Are you that jealous?

656
00:40:47,045 --> 00:40:49,423
My dear, we're
just worried about a young man

657
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:52,426
that comes a-courting.
Is he a Christian?

658
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,829
Leave me alone.
Wait!

659
00:40:54,853 --> 00:40:57,532
What?
One more question.

660
00:40:57,556 --> 00:41:01,660
It's about his hair.
Is it fiberglass or steel?

661
00:41:03,394 --> 00:41:06,140
We think that Larry

662
00:41:06,164 --> 00:41:08,375
is very scary.

663
00:41:08,399 --> 00:41:10,211
And hairy.
Very hairy.

664
00:41:10,235 --> 00:41:11,813
Very hairy.

665
00:41:11,837 --> 00:41:13,280
So be wary

666
00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:14,982
of very

667
00:41:15,006 --> 00:41:17,885
scary, hairy Larry.

668
00:41:17,909 --> 00:41:20,387
Exactly.
Be wary.

669
00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:24,191
Stop!

670
00:41:27,252 --> 00:41:29,621
Stop that!
Ow!

671
00:41:41,332 --> 00:41:42,768
Stop! Ahh!

672
00:41:44,369 --> 00:41:46,304
Keep going!
Oh! No!

673
00:41:47,405 --> 00:41:51,418
No! No! No! No!

674
00:41:51,442 --> 00:41:53,387
Do her face!

675
00:41:53,411 --> 00:41:55,657
Oh! Ahh!

676
00:41:55,681 --> 00:41:57,659
Yeah!

677
00:41:57,683 --> 00:41:58,492
Oh!

678
00:41:59,985 --> 00:42:02,864
<i>♪ What does sex mean to me?
Oh!</i>

679
00:42:02,888 --> 00:42:06,433
<i>♪ What does sex mean to me?</i>

680
00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:09,571
<i>♪ What does sex mean to me?</i>

681
00:42:09,595 --> 00:42:12,740
<i>♪ What does sex mean to me?
What's up, bro?</i>

682
00:42:14,733 --> 00:42:17,444
You guys, it's
3:00 in the morning.

683
00:42:17,468 --> 00:42:19,947
Shut up!

684
00:42:21,773 --> 00:42:23,450
By the following morning,

685
00:42:23,474 --> 00:42:25,587
we had forgotten
about scary Larry.

686
00:42:25,611 --> 00:42:29,480
I think I found the source of
your foul and mysterious odor.

687
00:42:38,456 --> 00:42:41,002
Oh, wow.

688
00:42:41,026 --> 00:42:45,840
My sausage and pepperoni with
extra cheese and double anchovy.

689
00:42:45,864 --> 00:42:48,299
I've been looking for this.

690
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,225
We never heard
from Larry ever again.

691
00:43:04,249 --> 00:43:07,161
But not two weeks later, Stuart
told us about a slice of hairpie

692
00:43:07,185 --> 00:43:09,130
he'd been trying
to get a bite of.

693
00:43:09,154 --> 00:43:11,132
Hip to the lingo, we knew
this meant he'd met a girl

694
00:43:11,156 --> 00:43:13,759
and was trying
to get her into bed.

695
00:43:17,495 --> 00:43:19,998
How come you never say anything?

696
00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:25,637
I'm shy.

697
00:43:31,476 --> 00:43:32,978
How come...

698
00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:38,583
How come you never introduce
me to any of your friends?

699
00:43:41,419 --> 00:43:43,621
You wanna meet my friends?

700
00:43:46,024 --> 00:43:49,704
So the nun says to the mechanic,
"No, but if you give me a lube job,

701
00:43:49,728 --> 00:43:51,372
"I'll throw you
some Hail Marys."

702
00:43:55,266 --> 00:44:00,648
I went to a Catholic school and
all my teachers were nuns.

703
00:44:00,672 --> 00:44:02,717
Oh.
I'm sorry. I didn't know.

704
00:44:02,741 --> 00:44:05,219
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
No!

705
00:44:05,243 --> 00:44:08,455
You didn't, like,
offend me or anything.

706
00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:12,718
But, um, I remember something
that happened with the nuns once.

707
00:44:14,986 --> 00:44:16,063
Well...

708
00:44:16,087 --> 00:44:18,232
We took this field trip once,

709
00:44:18,256 --> 00:44:23,270
and we were on this school bus
that was, like, really old.

710
00:44:23,294 --> 00:44:28,275
So, all of a sudden, it
just broke down, and...

711
00:44:28,299 --> 00:44:30,678
we all got out and we waited.

712
00:44:30,702 --> 00:44:34,515
And some of us
started wandering off.

713
00:44:34,539 --> 00:44:38,085
And we came to this path
that led to this

714
00:44:38,109 --> 00:44:42,547
huge, like, meadow
that was really pretty.

715
00:44:48,987 --> 00:44:50,388
Then what happened?

716
00:44:53,224 --> 00:44:56,427
Well, it was just
a really pretty meadow.

717
00:45:01,332 --> 00:45:02,633
That's neat.

718
00:45:03,869 --> 00:45:07,214
Um, will you excuse me?

719
00:45:07,238 --> 00:45:09,941
I have to go to
use the ladies room.

720
00:45:16,147 --> 00:45:17,458
She's so sweet.

721
00:45:17,482 --> 00:45:19,493
Will you kick this into
my forehead, please?

722
00:45:19,517 --> 00:45:20,962
Shut up, all right?

723
00:45:21,987 --> 00:45:23,464
I like being around her.

724
00:45:23,488 --> 00:45:24,598
When I'm around her,
I feel intellectual.

725
00:45:24,622 --> 00:45:26,633
All things being relative.

726
00:45:26,657 --> 00:45:28,803
Besides that, she's got a great
set of titties. No, she doesn't.

727
00:45:30,261 --> 00:45:32,073
I told her. I said,
"You have great tits."

728
00:45:32,097 --> 00:45:36,477
And good, like, grammar, like, too.
Like, great storyteller.

729
00:45:37,903 --> 00:45:42,149
She's so sweet.
She's so sweet.

730
00:45:42,173 --> 00:45:45,452
We went out to dinner, and
I asked her if she liked Scorsese,

731
00:45:45,476 --> 00:45:46,788
and she said,

732
00:45:46,812 --> 00:45:49,757
"Well, I'm really
not that hungry."

733
00:45:53,184 --> 00:45:56,463
We were efficient
at eliminating outsiders.

734
00:45:56,487 --> 00:45:59,500
It seemed the whole world had
been divided into two categories.

735
00:45:59,524 --> 00:46:02,527
Those who got the joke
and those who didn't.

736
00:46:04,429 --> 00:46:07,541
We were the only ones
who got the joke.

737
00:46:07,565 --> 00:46:09,176
I like her.

738
00:46:10,401 --> 00:46:12,814
Ow.

739
00:46:12,838 --> 00:46:15,349
I think I was
especially stricken.

740
00:46:15,373 --> 00:46:19,320
If Stuart and Alex could have been
genetically merged into one person,

741
00:46:19,344 --> 00:46:21,588
he or she would've been
the love of my life.

742
00:46:21,612 --> 00:46:23,257
I think not.

743
00:46:23,281 --> 00:46:25,092
I promise you'll enjoy yourself.

744
00:46:25,116 --> 00:46:27,494
Just slowly down,
just for a second.

745
00:46:27,518 --> 00:46:28,996
I don't want to!

746
00:46:31,857 --> 00:46:34,301
Just for a second.
Just for a second.

747
00:46:34,325 --> 00:46:35,726
Right there.

748
00:46:39,230 --> 00:46:40,474
Ow! Okay.
All right, stop.

749
00:46:40,498 --> 00:46:43,310
Okay, that's enough.

750
00:46:43,334 --> 00:46:46,113
Stop it. Let go.
Let go. Let go!

751
00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:47,705
Ah!

752
00:46:53,778 --> 00:46:56,790
This is serious.
Who else can we think of?

753
00:46:56,814 --> 00:47:01,095
Instead, I had to contend
with their matchmaking notions.

754
00:47:01,119 --> 00:47:03,497
What about that teacher
in your film class?

755
00:47:03,521 --> 00:47:05,499
He was giving you
the evil eye, right?

756
00:47:05,523 --> 00:47:09,270
Stuart, he's 47 years old.
So?

757
00:47:09,294 --> 00:47:12,639
So I don't need to be fixed up.
Let's just drop this.

758
00:47:12,663 --> 00:47:15,609
Yes, you do.
The question is, with who?

759
00:47:15,633 --> 00:47:17,211
"With whom."

760
00:47:17,235 --> 00:47:20,381
I still think it's
a job for a young woman.

761
00:47:20,405 --> 00:47:22,516
He doesn't need pussy.

762
00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:25,719
He needs dick.
Big, hard dick.

763
00:47:25,743 --> 00:47:28,422
Good-bye.

764
00:47:28,446 --> 00:47:31,893
If you're so hot on the idea, why
don't you have sex with him?

765
00:47:31,917 --> 00:47:36,030
The taste of semen makes me gay.

766
00:47:36,054 --> 00:47:39,266
How would you know?
Whose semen were you eating?

767
00:47:39,290 --> 00:47:41,659
My own.

768
00:47:51,369 --> 00:47:53,939
So I see you got
"lei-ed," Edward.

769
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:58,643
Come
here, come here. What?

770
00:47:59,744 --> 00:48:00,821
Oh.

771
00:48:00,845 --> 00:48:02,880
Right, yeah.

772
00:48:03,982 --> 00:48:06,460
That's a...
That's a good one,

773
00:48:06,484 --> 00:48:07,718
Richard.

774
00:48:13,058 --> 00:48:15,269
Front desk dick.

775
00:48:15,293 --> 00:48:17,404
Come on.

776
00:48:19,530 --> 00:48:22,000
What's up?
Come in, Eddy.

777
00:48:25,470 --> 00:48:28,206
I want you to say
hello to Richard.

778
00:48:29,307 --> 00:48:32,210
Hello to Richard.
Hello, Edward.

779
00:48:34,512 --> 00:48:36,614
Will you excuse me?

780
00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:41,286
Um, see you later.

781
00:48:53,831 --> 00:48:57,344
This is really awkward for me.
I mean... What is?

782
00:48:57,368 --> 00:49:01,915
Well, when Alex told me what you said,
I was sort of taken aback at first.

783
00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:05,119
But then I realized

784
00:49:05,143 --> 00:49:10,091
that I have always felt
similarly toward you.

785
00:49:10,115 --> 00:49:11,882
What exactly did she say?

786
00:49:13,318 --> 00:49:16,430
Well, you know, that...
That you like me,

787
00:49:16,454 --> 00:49:19,300
but that you're too
shy to say anything.

788
00:49:19,324 --> 00:49:24,238
It's funny, you know, I have always
been attracted to shy people.

789
00:49:24,262 --> 00:49:26,107
Um,

790
00:49:26,131 --> 00:49:29,334
maybe it's because
I'm pretty shy myself.

791
00:49:35,973 --> 00:49:38,409
Look, you seem
really nervous. Um...

792
00:49:40,511 --> 00:49:42,423
Maybe this is a mistake.

793
00:49:42,447 --> 00:49:44,725
I'm... No, no. I'm rushing
things, aren't I?

794
00:49:44,749 --> 00:49:48,529
No, but I... I thought you were
cute since you moved in, and I...

795
00:49:48,553 --> 00:49:50,155
Really?
It just...

796
00:49:53,158 --> 00:49:55,293
Maybe this will help you relax.

797
00:49:58,929 --> 00:50:01,132
I'm sorry. I...
No, it's my fault.

798
00:50:04,402 --> 00:50:05,846
Damn it.

799
00:50:11,842 --> 00:50:13,354
Eddy.

800
00:50:13,378 --> 00:50:17,115
Eddy? Eddy! Eddy! Wait a minute!
Where you going?

801
00:50:18,549 --> 00:50:21,262
Eddy, listen to me.
I know what I'm talking about.

802
00:50:21,286 --> 00:50:23,164
If you don't get sex
pretty soon,

803
00:50:23,188 --> 00:50:28,169
what'll happen is your dick will
just get smaller and smaller

804
00:50:28,193 --> 00:50:31,505
till eventually it'll just shrivel
up, go up inside your body.

805
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:33,474
And then what'll you have?
A vagina.

806
00:50:33,498 --> 00:50:34,932
Shut up.

807
00:50:37,102 --> 00:50:39,380
Eddy, we're sorry.

808
00:50:39,404 --> 00:50:43,817
We'll never meddle in your sex
life, or lack thereof, ever again.

809
00:50:43,841 --> 00:50:47,278
What'd he do, try to
grab your nuts? No.

810
00:50:49,980 --> 00:50:51,782
He tried to kiss me.

811
00:50:54,119 --> 00:50:56,830
I could see his nose hairs.

812
00:50:56,854 --> 00:50:59,124
And his breath
was really bad, too.

813
00:51:01,826 --> 00:51:03,437
Smelled like kitty litter.

814
00:51:11,302 --> 00:51:13,247
It did!
I swear to God.

815
00:51:19,177 --> 00:51:22,180
<i>♪ I know a place</i>

816
00:51:23,814 --> 00:51:27,084
<i>♪ Ain't nobody crying</i>

817
00:51:28,619 --> 00:51:31,922
<i>♪ Ain't nobody worried, no</i>

818
00:51:33,558 --> 00:51:36,270
<i>♪ Ain't no smiling faces</i>

819
00:51:36,294 --> 00:51:38,272
<i>♪ Mmm, no, no</i>

820
00:51:38,296 --> 00:51:42,032
<i>♪ Lying to the races</i>

821
00:51:44,635 --> 00:51:46,213
<i>♪ Help me</i>

822
00:51:46,237 --> 00:51:48,582
<i>♪ Come on, come on</i>

823
00:51:48,606 --> 00:51:51,852
<i>♪ Somebody help me
♪ Come on, come on</i>

824
00:51:51,876 --> 00:51:54,188
<i>♪ Come on, come on</i>

825
00:51:54,212 --> 00:51:56,257
<i>♪ Ow</i>

826
00:51:56,281 --> 00:51:58,859
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

827
00:51:58,883 --> 00:52:01,128
<i>♪ Oh, yeah</i>

828
00:52:01,152 --> 00:52:03,130
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

829
00:52:03,154 --> 00:52:05,866
<i>♪ Let me take you there</i>

830
00:52:05,890 --> 00:52:07,834
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

831
00:52:07,858 --> 00:52:10,771
<i>♪ A-rub-a, a-rub-a, huh</i>

832
00:52:10,795 --> 00:52:14,308
<i>♪ I'll take you there
♪ Ow, rub-a</i>

833
00:52:14,332 --> 00:52:16,610
<i>♪ Can't see me want ya
In a rub-a-dub style ♪</i>

834
00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:19,213
<i>♪ And me said I want ya
You said me well versatile ♪</i>

835
00:52:19,237 --> 00:52:21,548
<i>♪ Everywhere me come
People give me smile ♪</i>

836
00:52:21,572 --> 00:52:24,151
<i>♪ Me come grow up
As a disciplined child ♪</i>

837
00:52:24,175 --> 00:52:26,019
<i>♪ Out of me mind
Out of me heart ♪</i>

838
00:52:26,043 --> 00:52:29,089
<i>♪ Come into me brain
And make me breathe faster ♪</i>

839
00:52:29,113 --> 00:52:30,924
<i>♪ All I know Is you are mine ♪</i>

840
00:52:30,948 --> 00:52:34,319
<i>♪ And me know Me gonna love
you Till the end of time ♪</i>

841
00:52:35,386 --> 00:52:37,422
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

842
00:52:40,358 --> 00:52:42,460
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

843
00:52:44,629 --> 00:52:46,231
Here it is.

844
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:51,512
It's great!

845
00:52:51,536 --> 00:52:53,614
Too bad we didn't bring
bathing suits, huh?

846
00:52:53,638 --> 00:52:55,473
Oh, don't be an old fart.

847
00:53:26,871 --> 00:53:28,939
Feels good!

848
00:53:36,113 --> 00:53:37,982
Come on in!

849
00:53:39,717 --> 00:53:41,018
Hurry up!

850
00:53:51,629 --> 00:53:53,298
Whoo!

851
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:57,611
Whoo! Eddy!

852
00:53:57,635 --> 00:53:59,513
Whoo! Come on!

853
00:53:59,537 --> 00:54:00,681
No.

854
00:54:00,705 --> 00:54:02,082
Come on, Eddy.

855
00:54:02,106 --> 00:54:03,650
No, it's...
It's cold.

856
00:54:03,674 --> 00:54:05,586
It's very cold out here.
I'm freezing.

857
00:54:05,610 --> 00:54:07,688
How come you're sweating?

858
00:54:07,712 --> 00:54:09,179
It's cold sweat.

859
00:54:11,682 --> 00:54:13,150
Please!

860
00:54:17,522 --> 00:54:18,556
Come on.

861
00:54:23,093 --> 00:54:24,629
No one's looking.

862
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,413
It feels good on your balls.

863
00:54:32,437 --> 00:54:34,548
That's nice, Stuart.
That's very nice.

864
00:54:34,572 --> 00:54:35,973
Whoo!

865
00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:39,977
Whoo!

866
00:54:44,114 --> 00:54:45,826
Hey, look!

867
00:54:45,850 --> 00:54:47,628
Moonshine!

868
00:54:49,954 --> 00:54:52,032
This is cold!

869
00:54:52,056 --> 00:54:54,368
I'm telling you,
I'm gonna drown.

870
00:56:04,395 --> 00:56:06,473
Everyone stay
with their fun buddy.

871
00:56:06,497 --> 00:56:08,742
Nobody leaves
their fun buddy, okay?

872
00:56:08,766 --> 00:56:10,043
Hey, look!

873
00:56:11,769 --> 00:56:13,514
No, no! No, no!

874
00:56:13,538 --> 00:56:16,417
Come along.
Let's go! Let's go!

875
00:56:16,441 --> 00:56:20,921
Mary! Come on! Let's go!

876
00:56:20,945 --> 00:56:23,023
This way!

877
00:56:23,047 --> 00:56:26,292
Alex said that the
priest symbolized God,

878
00:56:26,316 --> 00:56:28,128
the children, lost innocence,

879
00:56:28,152 --> 00:56:31,432
and the three of us, a
postmodern Eve with two Adams,

880
00:56:31,456 --> 00:56:33,600
banished from
the sacred garden to wander

881
00:56:33,624 --> 00:56:34,935
in the wilderness for eternity

882
00:56:34,959 --> 00:56:36,369
because we had sinned.

883
00:56:36,393 --> 00:56:38,371
We had acknowledged
our own nakedness

884
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,498
and partaken
of the forbidden fruit.

885
00:56:43,167 --> 00:56:48,405
Though it had amounted to only a kiss,
a touch, it changed everything.

886
00:56:50,174 --> 00:56:53,186
Pandora's proverbial box
had been opened.

887
00:56:53,210 --> 00:56:57,548
But, more interestingly, I'm not sure
any of us wanted it closed again.

888
00:57:06,390 --> 00:57:09,359
Hey. Want some pizza?

889
00:57:10,595 --> 00:57:11,629
No.

890
00:57:12,963 --> 00:57:14,532
I'm fat.

891
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:18,402
Alex, you're not fat.
You're skinny.

892
00:57:21,472 --> 00:57:23,340
I'm so fat.

893
00:57:27,344 --> 00:57:29,880
You know, I've been
giving it some thought.

894
00:57:31,181 --> 00:57:33,527
I think you are fat.

895
00:57:38,523 --> 00:57:40,591
Don't toy with my emotions.

896
00:57:46,531 --> 00:57:48,441
Come here.
Come here.

897
00:57:48,465 --> 00:57:50,343
Comfort me.
Oh.

898
00:57:50,367 --> 00:57:52,378
I've been so depressed.

899
00:57:52,402 --> 00:57:54,080
Me, too.

900
00:57:56,173 --> 00:57:58,576
We don't hang out
like we used to.

901
00:58:02,547 --> 00:58:04,248
Let's comfort each other.

902
00:58:05,449 --> 00:58:07,317
Put your head on my breast.

903
00:58:11,522 --> 00:58:13,567
Is this a sex thing?

904
00:58:13,591 --> 00:58:16,737
Oh, Eddy, will you just
be human for once?

905
00:58:16,761 --> 00:58:20,430
Put your arms around me
and relax.

906
00:58:26,904 --> 00:58:31,818
What are you doing, Alex? I'm
lovingly stroking your hair.

907
00:58:31,842 --> 00:58:32,877
Oh.

908
00:58:47,524 --> 00:58:50,394
You can't stand to be
alone with me, can you?

909
00:58:51,796 --> 00:58:55,676
You always wanna have
Stuart along for the ride.

910
00:59:00,037 --> 00:59:03,307
It's true, isn't it? Yeah,
maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

911
00:59:06,476 --> 00:59:10,490
You're afraid of women.
You hate women.

912
00:59:10,514 --> 00:59:12,192
Why do you hate women?

913
00:59:12,216 --> 00:59:14,227
You're such a...
Just stop.

914
00:59:14,251 --> 00:59:16,229
Stop it, all right?
I don't hate women.

915
00:59:16,253 --> 00:59:18,164
I just don't understand
why we can't sit here

916
00:59:18,188 --> 00:59:19,399
and do something without
touching each other.

917
00:59:19,423 --> 00:59:20,901
What's wrong with touching?

918
00:59:20,925 --> 00:59:23,169
You don't try to touch
Stuart all the time, do ya?

919
00:59:23,193 --> 00:59:25,972
The only reason you touch me is because
you know I don't like to be touched.

920
00:59:25,996 --> 00:59:27,173
What?

921
00:59:27,197 --> 00:59:28,642
The only reason you're
attracted to me is because

922
00:59:28,666 --> 00:59:30,543
you know I'm not attracted back.

923
00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:32,212
That's not true!
It is true!

924
00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:34,915
You're looking for a
self-destructive situation.

925
00:59:34,939 --> 00:59:37,317
You are a rejection junkie.
Plain and simple.

926
00:59:37,341 --> 00:59:41,221
You're the one who's always
drooling all over your roommate!

927
00:59:41,245 --> 00:59:43,256
Talk about self-destructive!

928
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:46,226
I don't drool over him. Liar!
You know what your problem is?

929
00:59:46,250 --> 00:59:49,295
You're secretly attracted to women,
and you're afraid to admit it!

930
00:59:49,319 --> 00:59:51,464
You're a closet heterosexual!

931
00:59:51,488 --> 00:59:53,800
Ha! I am not!
Are, too!

932
00:59:53,824 --> 00:59:56,102
Am not! Am not!
Are too!

933
00:59:56,126 --> 00:59:58,438
Are, too!
Bitch.

934
00:59:58,462 --> 00:59:59,906
Heterosexual!

935
01:00:02,432 --> 01:00:04,244
Haagen-Dazs and brewskies.

936
01:00:04,268 --> 01:00:06,704
Come on, man. We can
make beer floats again.

937
01:00:08,372 --> 01:00:09,674
Eddy?

938
01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:22,528
What the hell is
going on in here?

939
01:00:22,552 --> 01:00:24,497
I hate him!

940
01:00:24,521 --> 01:00:26,432
I do, too. So what?

941
01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:30,036
Oh, I'm so sick of this shit!

942
01:00:30,060 --> 01:00:33,106
I'm so sick of it!
It's not normal!

943
01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:37,744
It's not normal, the three
of us living together!

944
01:00:37,768 --> 01:00:39,913
I'm sick of falling
in love with guys

945
01:00:39,937 --> 01:00:42,515
who don't give a fuck about me.

946
01:00:42,539 --> 01:00:46,052
I'm not normal. I need help.

947
01:00:46,076 --> 01:00:48,421
I need medication!

948
01:00:48,445 --> 01:00:52,525
I need money! Oh, God!

949
01:00:52,549 --> 01:00:56,196
I need a facial!
I need to go on a diet!

950
01:00:56,220 --> 01:00:58,622
I need new shoes!

951
01:01:01,458 --> 01:01:05,538
Oh, God! Just do something.

952
01:01:10,434 --> 01:01:14,047
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

953
01:01:14,071 --> 01:01:15,472
Oh! Oh!

954
01:01:28,385 --> 01:01:30,020
Wait, wait!

955
01:01:35,592 --> 01:01:37,061
Here, put it on.

956
01:01:38,462 --> 01:01:41,074
Uh, okay. Okay.

957
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:16,733
Don't tell Eddy.

958
01:02:31,281 --> 01:02:34,584
Yeah? EDDY: It's me.
Are you asleep?

959
01:02:36,220 --> 01:02:37,530
No.

960
01:02:37,554 --> 01:02:39,665
Just want to say I'm sorry.

961
01:02:39,689 --> 01:02:43,193
It's okay. No, it's not. I
shouldn't have said any of it.

962
01:02:44,261 --> 01:02:49,509
I'm glad you called.

963
01:02:49,533 --> 01:02:51,435
I was dreaming about you.

964
01:02:53,603 --> 01:02:55,539
You were my mailman.

965
01:02:57,174 --> 01:03:01,078
Oh, and you wore those
cute little mailman shorts.

966
01:03:03,480 --> 01:03:07,293
Kept delivering me things from
the Home Shopping Network.

967
01:03:07,317 --> 01:03:11,188
Yeah, yeah. We'll have
to analyze that someday.

968
01:03:14,324 --> 01:03:15,836
Where are you?

969
01:03:15,860 --> 01:03:18,662
I'm just waiting for my
French Cinema class to start.

970
01:03:20,664 --> 01:03:24,044
I was just thinking
about women and men.

971
01:03:24,068 --> 01:03:25,411
Oh, yeah?

972
01:03:25,435 --> 01:03:27,580
Yeah.

973
01:03:27,604 --> 01:03:30,707
I think you were right about
me being afraid of women.

974
01:03:32,276 --> 01:03:34,020
I think all men
are afraid of women

975
01:03:34,044 --> 01:03:36,613
because they're inherently
better creatures.

976
01:03:38,315 --> 01:03:41,027
They can bear children.
They can nurse them.

977
01:03:41,051 --> 01:03:44,821
They have an infinitely higher
capacity to be compassionate.

978
01:03:46,223 --> 01:03:48,869
It's like they're
a different species.

979
01:03:48,893 --> 01:03:51,905
You were just sitting there
thinking about this?

980
01:03:51,929 --> 01:03:54,574
Yeah. It's dumb, I know.

981
01:03:54,598 --> 01:03:56,376
Uh-uh.

982
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:58,344
No, it's not.

983
01:03:58,368 --> 01:04:00,246
It's just I feel like
I understand women more.

984
01:04:00,270 --> 01:04:03,049
They're more inclusive.
They're more open.

985
01:04:03,073 --> 01:04:06,452
With men, there's always a feeling
that everything's a competition.

986
01:04:06,476 --> 01:04:07,453
And they're so guarded,

987
01:04:07,477 --> 01:04:08,946
defensive.

988
01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:11,892
Yeah.

989
01:04:11,916 --> 01:04:15,661
Well, I just never feel
competitive with you.

990
01:04:15,685 --> 01:04:17,797
Feel collaborative.

991
01:04:17,821 --> 01:04:19,890
That's the wrong word.

992
01:04:22,392 --> 01:04:23,736
Symbiotic.

993
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,405
Symbiotic.

994
01:04:25,429 --> 01:04:27,540
Oh, that's a good word.

995
01:04:27,564 --> 01:04:30,676
That's a really good word.

996
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:33,313
Anyway, I gotta go.
I got to get to my class.

997
01:04:33,337 --> 01:04:35,882
Wait. Eddy, before you go,

998
01:04:35,906 --> 01:04:40,386
will you say some other words,
some really, really big words?

999
01:04:40,410 --> 01:04:41,854
Okay.

1000
01:04:41,878 --> 01:04:44,081
Uh, symbiotic.

1001
01:04:45,415 --> 01:04:47,251
Symbiosis.

1002
01:04:48,552 --> 01:04:50,087
Uh, profligate.

1003
01:04:51,821 --> 01:04:53,290
Subpolar.

1004
01:04:54,925 --> 01:04:57,637
Prevaricate. Oh, wait. Wait.

1005
01:04:57,661 --> 01:05:00,773
I got a good one.
Concupiscence.

1006
01:05:00,797 --> 01:05:02,375
Concupiscence?

1007
01:05:02,399 --> 01:05:06,379
Ah, that's a good one.
It's a really good one.

1008
01:05:06,403 --> 01:05:09,449
I gotta go. I'm really
glad we had this talk.

1009
01:05:09,473 --> 01:05:10,874
Oh!
Bye.

1010
01:05:18,182 --> 01:05:21,585
Oh, God! What does
"concupiscence" mean?

1011
01:05:29,359 --> 01:05:31,328
Beats the shit out of me.

1012
01:05:35,832 --> 01:05:37,167
Oh, get out.

1013
01:05:38,302 --> 01:05:41,138
Get out. Get out.
Get out. Get out.

1014
01:05:52,649 --> 01:05:56,596
I was beginning to realize that
I had something special in Alex.

1015
01:05:56,620 --> 01:06:01,367
Here was a woman who was willing to
do anything to have sex with me.

1016
01:06:01,391 --> 01:06:04,637
Suddenly something
very interesting happened.

1017
01:06:04,661 --> 01:06:07,664
I seemed to actually
will myself into action.

1018
01:06:18,342 --> 01:06:20,977
Was a whole new world
opening up to me?

1019
01:06:27,551 --> 01:06:29,853
I was having another dream.

1020
01:06:32,689 --> 01:06:34,700
I was in a desert,

1021
01:06:34,724 --> 01:06:38,362
and I had on this fur bikini,

1022
01:06:39,629 --> 01:06:41,707
like Raquel Welch.

1023
01:06:41,731 --> 01:06:43,267
And you were there...

1024
01:06:44,434 --> 01:06:48,148
As a butcher, and you had
all these sausages.

1025
01:06:48,172 --> 01:06:49,215
Shh.

1026
01:06:54,844 --> 01:06:57,590
I must still be dreaming.
Uh-uh.

1027
01:06:57,614 --> 01:06:59,425
No?
Mmm-mmm.

1028
01:06:59,449 --> 01:07:00,760
This is happening?

1029
01:07:00,784 --> 01:07:03,019
Mmm. This is happening.

1030
01:07:10,394 --> 01:07:11,461
Mmm.

1031
01:07:14,464 --> 01:07:17,910
Is that how it's supposed to go?
Mmm-hmm.

1032
01:07:17,934 --> 01:07:20,104
It was perfect.
Good.

1033
01:07:21,705 --> 01:07:23,683
I'm really glad we did this.

1034
01:07:23,707 --> 01:07:25,109
Me, too.

1035
01:07:26,476 --> 01:07:29,989
That, that part
when my... You know,

1036
01:07:30,013 --> 01:07:32,492
was, um, with your thing and...
Yeah?

1037
01:07:32,516 --> 01:07:35,228
That, that was good?
It was great.

1038
01:07:35,252 --> 01:07:36,353
Good.

1039
01:07:41,858 --> 01:07:45,571
Maybe this should just
be our little secret.

1040
01:07:45,595 --> 01:07:46,730
Yeah.

1041
01:07:50,900 --> 01:07:53,213
So?
So? So what?

1042
01:07:54,471 --> 01:07:57,150
So I had sex with a woman.

1043
01:07:57,174 --> 01:08:01,211
What? But it wasn't
very good, though.

1044
01:08:02,279 --> 01:08:04,090
What woman
did you have sex with?

1045
01:08:04,114 --> 01:08:06,592
This girl in my French Cinema class.
You don't know her.

1046
01:08:06,616 --> 01:08:08,428
Fucking "A," bro.

1047
01:08:08,452 --> 01:08:10,963
But, uh, I didn't
really enjoy it.

1048
01:08:10,987 --> 01:08:13,933
You have to change your whole
outlook on this subject matter.

1049
01:08:13,957 --> 01:08:18,003
For me, sex, it's like pizza. Even
if it's bad, it's still pretty good.

1050
01:08:18,027 --> 01:08:21,474
Okay, fine, whatever. Just do me a favor.
Don't tell Alex.

1051
01:08:21,498 --> 01:08:25,311
Why? If she finds out I had
sex, albeit mediocre sex,

1052
01:08:25,335 --> 01:08:26,812
with someone other than her,
she'll get jealous.

1053
01:08:26,836 --> 01:08:29,815
Don't worry about that.
This is beautiful!

1054
01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:31,351
All you need is
a couple more tries.

1055
01:08:31,375 --> 01:08:34,120
Before you know it, you'll
be rocking and rolling.

1056
01:08:34,144 --> 01:08:37,557
The first time you have sex, you're so
flipped out that you're actually doing it,

1057
01:08:37,581 --> 01:08:39,392
you can't tell whether
you're enjoying it or not.

1058
01:08:39,416 --> 01:08:42,128
Yeah, but...
Come on, man!

1059
01:08:42,152 --> 01:08:44,130
God has given you a penis,

1060
01:08:44,154 --> 01:08:47,300
and that penis
is meant for fucking.

1061
01:08:47,324 --> 01:08:50,436
You ever hear the expression, "The
little head thinking for the big head"?

1062
01:08:50,460 --> 01:08:53,639
I live by that. Trust me.
It's a beautiful way to live.

1063
01:08:53,663 --> 01:08:55,575
Don't worry about practicing
with somebody live.

1064
01:08:55,599 --> 01:08:58,811
I'll get you one of those blow-me-up,
suck-me-off, fuck-me dolls.

1065
01:08:58,835 --> 01:09:00,380
It'll be great.

1066
01:09:00,404 --> 01:09:02,282
It'll suck your dick. You can
fuck the shit out of it.

1067
01:09:02,306 --> 01:09:04,317
It'll be a beautiful thing.

1068
01:09:04,341 --> 01:09:07,453
As Stuart ranted and raved,
something very shocking occurred to me.

1069
01:09:07,477 --> 01:09:10,623
I'd always sensed something
strange about Stuart's behavior,

1070
01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:13,193
something that set him apart
from your average straight guy.

1071
01:09:13,217 --> 01:09:18,030
Could it be that what I'd been looking
for was right under my nose all along?

1072
01:09:18,054 --> 01:09:19,565
Could Stuart be a homo?

1073
01:09:21,024 --> 01:09:22,835
Are you with me on this or what?

1074
01:09:22,859 --> 01:09:24,228
Absolutely.

1075
01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:29,199
I know something that you don't.
What?

1076
01:09:30,300 --> 01:09:33,045
I'm not supposed to say,

1077
01:09:33,069 --> 01:09:35,605
but I think that
Eddy slept with a girl.

1078
01:09:37,641 --> 01:09:41,321
Who?
He won't say,

1079
01:09:41,345 --> 01:09:44,790
but I think it's some chick
from his French Cinema class.

1080
01:09:44,814 --> 01:09:46,526
That's nice.

1081
01:09:46,550 --> 01:09:49,619
You want me to come scrub your back?
Sure.

1082
01:09:55,825 --> 01:09:57,703
He thought you'd be jealous.

1083
01:09:57,727 --> 01:10:00,506
I can handle it.

1084
01:10:00,530 --> 01:10:05,110
There's really nothing to be jealous
about because he said it was lousy.

1085
01:10:05,134 --> 01:10:07,380
What was?

1086
01:10:07,404 --> 01:10:08,572
The sex.

1087
01:10:11,441 --> 01:10:13,486
He said that
she was a lousy lay.

1088
01:10:13,510 --> 01:10:16,356
There's nothing worse
than a lousy lay.

1089
01:10:16,380 --> 01:10:18,724
I remember this
girl from high school.

1090
01:10:18,748 --> 01:10:20,284
Monica Braksey.

1091
01:10:21,318 --> 01:10:23,696
She was like a...

1092
01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:26,198
Like a piece of fish loaf.

1093
01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:28,834
She was really
un-fucking-believably bad.

1094
01:10:28,858 --> 01:10:33,630
I think I'd rather have a dog fart
in my face than be with her again.

1095
01:10:34,798 --> 01:10:37,810
Ow! You're hurting me.

1096
01:10:37,834 --> 01:10:38,911
With this?

1097
01:10:38,935 --> 01:10:40,480
Yes.

1098
01:10:40,504 --> 01:10:43,816
You're upset because I called
her a piece of fish loaf.

1099
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:45,074
I apologize.

1100
01:10:46,476 --> 01:10:48,921
Perhaps I should've said
she was a skanky, fishy bitch.

1101
01:10:48,945 --> 01:10:54,660
Just get out! Just get out!
Get out!

1102
01:10:54,684 --> 01:10:56,353
Okay.
Ugh!

1103
01:11:01,425 --> 01:11:03,627
So I was a lousy lay, huh?

1104
01:11:04,694 --> 01:11:06,739
What'd you say?

1105
01:11:06,763 --> 01:11:11,167
Never mind! You weren't supposed
to say anything. It was a secret!

1106
01:11:13,136 --> 01:11:16,982
I didn't tell him it was you.
Besides, it wasn't lousy.

1107
01:11:17,006 --> 01:11:19,552
It was pretty good, considering...
Considering what?

1108
01:11:19,576 --> 01:11:21,445
Considering that you're a girl!

1109
01:11:23,447 --> 01:11:24,614
I shouldn't have.

1110
01:11:25,949 --> 01:11:27,527
I mean, I don't know.

1111
01:11:27,551 --> 01:11:29,586
I don't know
what the hell I know.

1112
01:11:31,054 --> 01:11:32,556
I felt like an impostor.

1113
01:11:38,261 --> 01:11:40,063
I am so confused.

1114
01:11:42,866 --> 01:11:44,334
Oh, Eddy.

1115
01:11:45,435 --> 01:11:48,113
It's okay. It was fine.

1116
01:11:48,137 --> 01:11:49,982
We just need to practice.

1117
01:11:50,006 --> 01:11:54,854
I don't think I can. Anyway, I
think I figured out something.

1118
01:11:54,878 --> 01:11:56,613
What?
Come on.

1119
01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:00,025
I think Stu is...

1120
01:12:00,049 --> 01:12:02,328
What?

1121
01:12:02,352 --> 01:12:04,997
I think he likes boys
more than he likes girls.

1122
01:12:05,021 --> 01:12:06,556
He's just afraid to admit it.

1123
01:12:09,292 --> 01:12:11,371
Think about it.
It makes total sense.

1124
01:12:11,395 --> 01:12:12,838
He's obsessed
with male genitalia.

1125
01:12:12,862 --> 01:12:15,274
All he does is talk
about cocks and fucking.

1126
01:12:15,298 --> 01:12:18,611
He's a misogynist. Women
are just objects to him.

1127
01:12:18,635 --> 01:12:21,246
He's a total narcissist,
intense self-body worship.

1128
01:12:21,270 --> 01:12:24,149
He has an absent father and a domineering
mother, and if that's not enough,

1129
01:12:24,173 --> 01:12:25,618
he knows all the lyrics to
Oklahoma and The Music Man.

1130
01:12:25,642 --> 01:12:27,186
He's a classic closet-case.

1131
01:12:27,210 --> 01:12:29,355
Eddy. I know.
It's crazy, right?

1132
01:12:29,379 --> 01:12:33,258
We don't see what you don't want to
see, but I don't think he knows.

1133
01:12:33,282 --> 01:12:34,627
I'm going to help him find out.

1134
01:12:34,651 --> 01:12:36,962
I don't think
that's a good idea.

1135
01:12:36,986 --> 01:12:38,287
Eddy!

1136
01:12:41,357 --> 01:12:45,137
How much did that bottle cost you?
Money is no object...

1137
01:12:45,161 --> 01:12:48,732
When it comes to
getting totally shit-faced.

1138
01:12:58,642 --> 01:12:59,619
Oh!

1139
01:13:02,378 --> 01:13:04,289
Shh. Shh.
What?

1140
01:13:04,313 --> 01:13:08,428
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute, wait. What do you hear?

1141
01:13:08,452 --> 01:13:12,031
What, what? How did we
get on the ceiling?

1142
01:13:12,055 --> 01:13:15,234
Uh-oh. How did we
get on the ceiling?

1143
01:13:15,258 --> 01:13:17,637
Did you pay the gravity
bill this morning?

1144
01:13:21,765 --> 01:13:23,567
I forgot!

1145
01:13:26,770 --> 01:13:28,104
I'm sorry.

1146
01:13:29,573 --> 01:13:32,217
It's okay.

1147
01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:36,722
It's okay. It's no problem. I forgive you.
Let's just get back on the floor,

1148
01:13:36,746 --> 01:13:38,023
'cause...

1149
01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:43,463
What? We're going
back on the floor.

1150
01:13:43,487 --> 01:13:47,199
All right. Gonna get on the floor.
Fasten your seat belt.

1151
01:13:47,223 --> 01:13:48,734
Back on the floor.

1152
01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:51,260
Are you seeing anything?
Shh!

1153
01:13:52,996 --> 01:13:55,040
I told you so.

1154
01:13:55,064 --> 01:13:58,611
Oh, don't, Eddy. You're
gonna ruin everything. Look at that.

1155
01:13:58,635 --> 01:14:03,382
He's wrong for you!
Shh!

1156
01:14:03,406 --> 01:14:04,950
What are they doing?

1157
01:14:04,974 --> 01:14:06,719
Oh, my God!

1158
01:14:06,743 --> 01:14:10,213
It's like a devil worship thing.

1159
01:14:12,381 --> 01:14:13,693
It's not working.

1160
01:14:19,222 --> 01:14:20,800
I don't feel so good.

1161
01:14:23,660 --> 01:14:24,728
No?

1162
01:14:25,995 --> 01:14:28,340
Oh! God!

1163
01:14:28,364 --> 01:14:29,575
I'm going to be sick.

1164
01:14:29,599 --> 01:14:31,443
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1165
01:14:31,467 --> 01:14:33,613
Whoa. Whoa.

1166
01:14:34,904 --> 01:14:36,673
Just... breathe easy.

1167
01:14:52,455 --> 01:14:54,323
That feels good.

1168
01:14:55,391 --> 01:14:56,893
You okay?
Yeah.

1169
01:15:06,870 --> 01:15:08,437
Whoa, Eddy.

1170
01:15:09,539 --> 01:15:12,475
Eddy.
Shh, shh, shh!

1171
01:15:15,511 --> 01:15:16,880
You'll spoil it.

1172
01:15:18,514 --> 01:15:20,283
Spoil what?

1173
01:15:21,217 --> 01:15:22,962
The intimacy.

1174
01:15:22,986 --> 01:15:26,298
<i>♪ It's just a matter Of time ♪</i>

1175
01:15:26,322 --> 01:15:27,767
Intimacy?

1176
01:15:27,791 --> 01:15:28,725
Yeah.

1177
01:15:30,727 --> 01:15:34,430
<i>♪ It's just a matter Of time ♪</i>

1178
01:15:35,565 --> 01:15:38,568
Eddy, there's not
gonna be any intimacy.

1179
01:15:40,303 --> 01:15:43,439
Okay. Just empty sex
is fine.

1180
01:15:46,142 --> 01:15:49,789
Eddy, are you okay?
Because you're pretty drunk.

1181
01:15:49,813 --> 01:15:51,514
And so are you.

1182
01:15:54,550 --> 01:15:58,664
I don't like guys, okay?
Yes, you do.

1183
01:15:58,688 --> 01:16:00,966
No,

1184
01:16:00,990 --> 01:16:02,425
I don't.

1185
01:16:04,994 --> 01:16:08,440
Stuart, you're
a classic closet-case.

1186
01:16:08,464 --> 01:16:10,275
Eddy, listen to me.

1187
01:16:10,299 --> 01:16:14,013
You got all the telltale signs.
You got absent Oklahoma,

1188
01:16:14,037 --> 01:16:17,016
Music Mother, the...
Eddy,

1189
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:18,642
I like girls.

1190
01:16:20,543 --> 01:16:22,245
I like them a lot.

1191
01:16:25,048 --> 01:16:26,349
I fuck them.

1192
01:16:28,384 --> 01:16:32,031
No, see, you don't. You talk about
doing it, but you don't do it.

1193
01:16:32,055 --> 01:16:33,799
It's called denial.

1194
01:16:33,823 --> 01:16:37,536
I'm an expert at denial.
I can see that a mile away.

1195
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:41,030
Then how come
I'm fucking one right now?

1196
01:16:43,166 --> 01:16:47,479
Oh, I see. You're fucking an imaginary
girl, right now, is that it?

1197
01:16:47,503 --> 01:16:49,939
You've got an imaginary girl?

1198
01:16:53,309 --> 01:16:55,621
He's got an imaginary...

1199
01:16:55,645 --> 01:16:57,857
It's just me and you here.

1200
01:17:01,517 --> 01:17:05,998
Oh, no, she's
not imaginary, Eddy.

1201
01:17:06,022 --> 01:17:09,601
She's somebody
that you know quite well.

1202
01:17:09,625 --> 01:17:11,637
And every day that you skip off

1203
01:17:11,661 --> 01:17:14,373
to your little fucking
French Cinema class,

1204
01:17:14,397 --> 01:17:16,341
we fuck like dogs.

1205
01:17:16,365 --> 01:17:19,402
And her name is Alex.

1206
01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:40,523
I see.

1207
01:17:43,727 --> 01:17:46,362
"I see," said the blind man.

1208
01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:01,778
Oh, shit.

1209
01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:12,021
Eddy!
Look out. Look out.

1210
01:18:13,656 --> 01:18:16,268
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Shit, he's bleeding.

1211
01:18:16,292 --> 01:18:17,693
Oh, my God.

1212
01:18:38,681 --> 01:18:42,294
And then I said that I didn't like guys.
He didn't believe me.

1213
01:18:42,318 --> 01:18:45,464
He said I was in denial.
I said, "I like girls."

1214
01:18:45,488 --> 01:18:48,500
He still didn't believe me.
That's when it just came out.

1215
01:18:48,524 --> 01:18:50,002
What?

1216
01:18:50,026 --> 01:18:52,371
That you and I...

1217
01:18:52,395 --> 01:18:54,239
You know.
What?

1218
01:18:54,263 --> 01:18:55,975
That we're fucking. Okay?

1219
01:18:55,999 --> 01:18:57,376
You idiot!

1220
01:18:57,400 --> 01:19:00,780
He was drunk! He was touching me.
I freaked out.

1221
01:19:00,804 --> 01:19:02,882
That's all I can do from here.

1222
01:19:02,906 --> 01:19:04,516
I don't need any stitches?

1223
01:19:04,540 --> 01:19:06,675
Stitches are next semester.

1224
01:19:07,576 --> 01:19:09,445
Eddy!

1225
01:19:12,681 --> 01:19:13,817
Eddy!

1226
01:19:21,657 --> 01:19:23,192
Eddy!

1227
01:19:25,661 --> 01:19:27,530
Eddy!

1228
01:19:29,165 --> 01:19:30,699
Eddy!

1229
01:19:34,437 --> 01:19:37,516
In the morning, I went
to my film class as usual.

1230
01:19:37,540 --> 01:19:39,919
Prophetically enough, they
showed an old French film

1231
01:19:39,943 --> 01:19:42,654
about two men and a woman
in a love triangle.

1232
01:19:42,678 --> 01:19:47,059
Both the men loved the same woman,
and it slowly made her go insane.

1233
01:19:47,083 --> 01:19:51,720
In the end, she killed herself and one of
the men by driving her car off of a bridge.

1234
01:19:53,256 --> 01:19:55,300
I understood
the moral of the story,

1235
01:19:55,324 --> 01:19:58,804
two's company, three's pathetic.

1236
01:19:58,828 --> 01:20:01,473
I knew what I had to do.

1237
01:20:01,497 --> 01:20:02,731
Hey.

1238
01:20:07,803 --> 01:20:09,072
Ow!

1239
01:20:12,175 --> 01:20:14,353
Still not funny.

1240
01:20:15,912 --> 01:20:18,523
He's moving out.

1241
01:20:18,547 --> 01:20:20,759
I don't want you to move out.

1242
01:20:20,783 --> 01:20:24,629
Why not? 'Cause I don't
want to be alone with him.

1243
01:20:30,626 --> 01:20:32,095
I'll move out then.

1244
01:20:34,197 --> 01:20:36,575
Okay.

1245
01:20:36,599 --> 01:20:37,809
Fuck you.

1246
01:20:37,833 --> 01:20:39,502
You wish.

1247
01:20:43,306 --> 01:20:44,840
Fuck both of you.

1248
01:20:47,343 --> 01:20:48,577
You wish.

1249
01:20:54,583 --> 01:20:55,718
Don't you?

1250
01:23:37,613 --> 01:23:39,448
I'm pregnant.

1251
01:23:45,288 --> 01:23:47,432
I think.

1252
01:23:47,456 --> 01:23:52,037
"Within two minutes, the white tab
on the plastic stick may change color.

1253
01:23:52,061 --> 01:23:56,175
"If the white tab remains
white, the test is negative.

1254
01:23:56,199 --> 01:23:59,578
"If the tab turns pale blue,
the test is positive."

1255
01:23:59,602 --> 01:24:03,372
If the tab turns pink, you have
been impregnated by a homosexual.

1256
01:24:09,778 --> 01:24:11,414
Nothing's happening.
Shh!

1257
01:24:13,649 --> 01:24:16,961
What are we gonna do if it's positive?
I don't wanna talk about it.

1258
01:24:16,985 --> 01:24:18,787
I mean...
Shh!

1259
01:24:24,827 --> 01:24:26,929
I think I'm gonna be sick.

1260
01:24:35,604 --> 01:24:39,418
If I can just get through this
part, everything's gonna be fine.

1261
01:24:39,442 --> 01:24:42,811
I just want to get on
to the next part of my life.

1262
01:24:44,680 --> 01:24:46,825
This part sucks.

1263
01:24:46,849 --> 01:24:48,217
This part sucks?

1264
01:24:50,419 --> 01:24:52,231
How's that supposed
to make me feel?

1265
01:24:52,255 --> 01:24:55,967
Oh, Eddy, I'm nervous, okay?

1266
01:24:55,991 --> 01:24:58,770
I don't think that's it.

1267
01:24:58,794 --> 01:25:01,106
I think the two of you just want
to get the hell out of here

1268
01:25:01,130 --> 01:25:02,507
and forget this ever happened.

1269
01:25:02,531 --> 01:25:04,476
Why haven't we been
hanging out lately?

1270
01:25:04,500 --> 01:25:08,147
How come we haven't talked in
the past couple of weeks, huh?

1271
01:25:08,171 --> 01:25:12,083
Maybe you guys can just walk away
and look for something else,

1272
01:25:12,107 --> 01:25:15,187
but it's not that easy
for me, Alex.

1273
01:25:15,211 --> 01:25:17,222
Eddy,

1274
01:25:17,246 --> 01:25:20,559
nobody's getting out easy.

1275
01:25:20,583 --> 01:25:23,386
Nobody.
You understand that?

1276
01:25:24,653 --> 01:25:25,854
Jesus.

1277
01:25:45,073 --> 01:25:46,251
Stuart?

1278
01:25:46,275 --> 01:25:48,311
Oh, my God.
Stuart.

1279
01:25:51,814 --> 01:25:53,458
Just prop your head up.
Stuart, come on.

1280
01:25:54,650 --> 01:25:56,595
Jesus.

1281
01:25:56,619 --> 01:25:58,797
What made this happen?

1282
01:25:58,821 --> 01:26:00,265
I was...

1283
01:26:00,289 --> 01:26:04,303
talking to Jesus.

1284
01:26:04,327 --> 01:26:07,506
Did he say Jesus or Elvis?
Jesus.

1285
01:26:07,530 --> 01:26:09,974
He said that I should
cut my penis off.

1286
01:26:09,998 --> 01:26:12,076
Oh, God.

1287
01:26:12,100 --> 01:26:15,514
Because it was the cause
of all my problems.

1288
01:26:15,538 --> 01:26:19,875
Stuart, you don't have
to cut your pee-pee off.

1289
01:26:21,910 --> 01:26:24,547
You just can't let it
run your life.

1290
01:26:42,731 --> 01:26:45,401
Home free. No baby.

1291
01:26:56,845 --> 01:26:59,458
The semester and the year
would be over in three weeks,

1292
01:26:59,482 --> 01:27:02,117
whereupon, Alex
would move to an apartment.

1293
01:27:07,790 --> 01:27:09,292
I'll call you guys later.

1294
01:27:21,337 --> 01:27:25,417
Stuart went home for the summer
and moved to another dorm in the fall.

1295
01:27:25,441 --> 01:27:30,012
I noticed that he never seemed quite the
same after that episode in the bathroom.

1296
01:27:50,466 --> 01:27:54,546
We all tried to keep in touch,
but you know how it is.

1297
01:27:54,570 --> 01:27:56,681
The next semester
I got a single,

1298
01:27:56,705 --> 01:27:59,250
a room all to myself.

1299
01:27:59,274 --> 01:28:01,820
Solitude brought out
the worst in me.

1300
01:28:01,844 --> 01:28:05,757
It gave me time to brood over
the nature of things.

1301
01:28:05,781 --> 01:28:11,530
I wondered how some people can be such
a necessary part of one's life one day

1302
01:28:11,554 --> 01:28:13,522
and simply vanish the next.

1303
01:28:24,266 --> 01:28:26,502
Isn't it supposed to last?

1304
01:28:28,637 --> 01:28:30,639
We ran into each other
at graduation.

1305
01:28:32,908 --> 01:28:35,720
And we had lunch
about a year after that.

1306
01:28:35,744 --> 01:28:39,582
It was nice to see them, but
it wasn't like the old days.

1307
01:28:41,584 --> 01:28:44,449
Stuart ended up becoming
incredibly monogamous

1308
01:28:44,461 --> 01:28:46,665
to a girl, if you
can believe that.

1309
01:28:46,689 --> 01:28:49,257
In fact, I heard
they even got married.

1310
01:28:51,226 --> 01:28:54,138
Alex, on the other hand, enjoyed
staying single for a long time,

1311
01:28:54,162 --> 01:28:56,207
though she admitted to sometimes
missing the rejection

1312
01:28:56,231 --> 01:28:58,176
from doomed relationships.

1313
01:28:58,200 --> 01:29:02,180
Whenever I talk to her, she always
manages to refer to my boyfriend as

1314
01:29:02,204 --> 01:29:04,006
"the other woman."

1315
01:29:05,608 --> 01:29:08,520
My college experience
wasn't what I'd planned.

1316
01:29:08,544 --> 01:29:13,057
It bore no resemblance to
the pictures in the brochure.

1317
01:29:13,081 --> 01:29:15,259
But I'm not unhappy.

1318
01:29:15,283 --> 01:29:16,752
I don't think any of us are.

1319
01:29:17,953 --> 01:29:21,400
We got what we needed out of it.

1320
01:29:21,424 --> 01:29:25,428
It's kind of like when you go on vacation.
You plan everything out.

1321
01:29:27,195 --> 01:29:31,410
But then one day you make
a wrong turn or take a detour,

1322
01:29:31,434 --> 01:29:35,514
and you end up in some crazy place
you can't even find on the map,

1323
01:29:35,538 --> 01:29:39,951
doing something you never
thought you'd do.

1324
01:29:39,975 --> 01:29:42,445
Maybe you feel a little lost
while it's happening.

1325
01:29:44,112 --> 01:29:47,559
But later you realize it was the
best part of the whole trip.

1326
01:29:51,053 --> 01:29:52,697
<i>♪ Ow</i>

1327
01:29:52,721 --> 01:29:55,734
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1328
01:29:55,758 --> 01:29:57,602
<i>♪ Oh, yeah</i>

1329
01:29:57,626 --> 01:29:59,671
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1330
01:29:59,695 --> 01:30:02,306
<i>♪ Let me take you there, oh</i>

1331
01:30:02,330 --> 01:30:06,168
<i>♪ I'll take you there ♪
A-rub-a, a-rub-a A-rub-a ♪</i>

1332
01:30:07,603 --> 01:30:11,049
<i>♪ I'll take you there
♪ Ow, rub-a</i>

1333
01:30:11,073 --> 01:30:13,351
<i>♪ Can't see me want ya
In a rub-a-dub style ♪</i>

1334
01:30:13,375 --> 01:30:15,920
<i>♪ And me said I want ya
You said me well versatile ♪</i>

1335
01:30:15,944 --> 01:30:18,256
<i>♪ Everywhere me come
I see people give a smile ♪</i>

1336
01:30:18,280 --> 01:30:20,825
<i>♪ Me come, me grow up
As a disciplined child ♪</i>

1337
01:30:20,849 --> 01:30:23,127
<i>♪ Out of me mind
Out of me heart ♪</i>

1338
01:30:23,151 --> 01:30:25,730
<i>♪ Come into me brain
And make me breathe faster ♪</i>

1339
01:30:25,754 --> 01:30:27,799
<i>♪ All I know Is you are mine ♪</i>

1340
01:30:27,823 --> 01:30:30,969
<i>♪ And me know Me gonna love
you Till the end of time ♪</i>

1341
01:30:30,993 --> 01:30:34,606
<i>♪ Ow ♪</i> I'll take you there

1342
01:30:34,630 --> 01:30:36,841
<i>♪ Oh, help me now</i>

1343
01:30:36,865 --> 01:30:41,780
<i>♪ I'll take you there
♪ A-rub-a, a-rub-a, a-rub-a</i>

1344
01:30:41,804 --> 01:30:45,107
<i>♪ I'll take you there
♪ Let me take you there</i>

1345
01:30:46,575 --> 01:30:49,411
<i>♪ I'll take you there </i>♪ Come on

1346
01:31:13,536 --> 01:31:18,449
<i>♪ I know a place
♪ I'll take you there</i>

1347
01:31:18,473 --> 01:31:21,252
<i>♪ Ain't nobody crying</i>

1348
01:31:21,276 --> 01:31:23,387
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1349
01:31:23,411 --> 01:31:26,224
<i>♪ Ain't nobody worrying, no</i>

1350
01:31:26,248 --> 01:31:28,092
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1351
01:31:28,116 --> 01:31:30,862
<i>♪ Ain't no Smiling faces, oh ♪</i>

1352
01:31:30,886 --> 01:31:33,164
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1353
01:31:33,188 --> 01:31:35,867
<i>♪ Lying to the sexes</i>

1354
01:31:35,891 --> 01:31:37,793
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1355
01:31:39,261 --> 01:31:41,472
<i>♪ Help me now, come on </i>♪ Come on

1356
01:31:41,496 --> 01:31:43,441
<i>♪ Come on, come on </i>♪ Come on

1357
01:31:43,465 --> 01:31:45,209
<i>♪ Somebody </i>♪ Come on

1358
01:31:45,233 --> 01:31:48,737
<i>♪ Come on, come on Come on
♪ Come on, come on</i>

1359
01:31:50,706 --> 01:31:52,517
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1360
01:31:52,541 --> 01:31:55,453
<i>♪ Give it up now</i>

1361
01:31:55,477 --> 01:32:00,158
<i>♪ I'll take you there ♪ Let
me, let me Take you there ♪</i>

1362
01:32:00,182 --> 01:32:05,163
<i>♪ I'll take you there ♪ A-rub-a,
a-rub-a A-rub-a, a-rub-a ♪</i>

1363
01:32:05,187 --> 01:32:08,824
<i>♪ I'll take you there
♪ Oh, I wanna take you there</i>

1364
01:32:13,762 --> 01:32:16,240
<i>♪ Play on it Play on it ♪</i>

1365
01:32:16,264 --> 01:32:19,010
<i>♪ Play on it
♪ I'll take you there</i>

1366
01:32:19,034 --> 01:32:21,379
<i>♪ You make me feel irie
♪ I'll take you there</i>

1367
01:32:21,403 --> 01:32:24,248
<i>♪ But only to the highest
degree ♪ ♪</i> I'll take you there

1368
01:32:24,272 --> 01:32:26,184
<i>♪ Will you be there for me
♪ I'll take you there</i>

1369
01:32:26,208 --> 01:32:28,252
<i>♪ Love me
I tell ya it t'aint easy ♪</i>

1370
01:32:28,276 --> 01:32:30,655
<i>♪ You are the one
The one for me ♪</i>

1371
01:32:30,679 --> 01:32:33,191
<i>♪ In a-me heart
You are the boom-Shaka-ti ♪</i>

1372
01:32:33,215 --> 01:32:35,193
<i>♪ You know That I love you so ♪</i>

1373
01:32:35,217 --> 01:32:39,530
<i>♪ And if you hold on tight
Then me not let go, yeah ♪</i>

1374
01:32:39,554 --> 01:32:41,332
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1375
01:32:41,356 --> 01:32:44,235
<i>♪ Till your body's on
On the good side down there ♪</i>

1376
01:32:44,259 --> 01:32:48,973
<i>♪ I'll take you there ♪ I'll really keep
you lucky you know what I'm saying ♪</i>

1377
01:32:48,997 --> 01:32:54,445
<i>♪ I'll take you there ♪ So you'll have
some really good times down there ♪</i>

1378
01:32:54,469 --> 01:32:56,748
<i>♪ I'll take you there</i>

1379
01:32:56,772 --> 01:32:59,183
<i>♪ Rub, rub-a-rub</i>

1380
01:32:59,207 --> 01:33:03,922
<i>♪ I'll take you there ♪ Rum, bang-bang,
simi-bang Rub-a-rub, rub-a-rub ♪</i>

1381
01:33:03,946 --> 01:33:08,526
<i>♪ I'll take you there
♪ Oh, I wanna take you there</i>

1382
01:33:08,550 --> 01:33:13,555
<i>♪ I'll take you there
♪ A-rub-a, a-rub-a, a-rub-a</i>