1 00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:08,369 [Meredith] Number one rule of surgery is limit exposure. 2 00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:09,466 Good. 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:13,809 Keep your hands clean, your incisions small 4 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,610 and your wounds covered. 5 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,414 l've removed the tumor and placed the catheters. 6 00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:24,184 Now, l'm going to flood the abdomen with heated chemo. 7 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:27,819 lt allows a greater concentration of drugs to be delivered 8 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,920 directly to the affected area, 9 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,295 and the heat helps target the cancer cells 10 00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:35,096 while leaving the normal cells virtually unaffected. 11 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,659 OK, start perfusion. 12 00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:43,341 OK. We'll place him in Trendelenburg, then reverse Trendelenburg 13 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:47,836 as we agitate the abdomen to make sure that the chemo 14 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,782 really washes everywhere. 15 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:56,018 - OK, she saw me. Now l can go. - She's just getting started. 16 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,751 l have a headache. l need coffee. 17 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:04,123 l have a cure for a headache that doesn't involve coffee. 18 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,296 - l'm leaving. There's a seat there. - Thanks. 19 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,236 OK. Ooh, yeah. 20 00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,779 l've never seen a hot chemo lavage before. 21 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:26,217 - lt's fascinating. - l thought you were leaving. 22 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,720 The chief asked me to finish out my contract, 23 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,349 which has a few more weeks. 24 00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:33,256 [Meredith] Number two rule of surgery 25 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:38,196 is when rule number one stops working, try something else. 26 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:39,789 What l said l didn't mean. 27 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:45,468 You mean offering to trade Owen like a horse or a baseball card 28 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,440 or a stale peanut butter sandwich from your lunchbox. 29 00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:49,499 lt was... 30 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,849 - lt was thoughtless. - Fine. 31 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:01,743 Fine. Cristina, let's just forget about it. 32 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:05,315 [Meredith] Because sometimes, you can't limit exposure. 33 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:08,987 Sometimes, the injury is so bad 34 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:11,690 you have to cut and cut big. 35 00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:12,755 - No! - Yes! 36 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,858 - No! lf you report him... - He's an alcoholic! 37 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,165 lf you report him, it'll be the end of his career! 38 00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:20,661 You don't give people any room! Flaws are unacceptable to McDreamy. 39 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,369 - Don't McDreamy me. - McDreamy is being a McAss! 40 00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:27,106 He's an alcoholic! How long has he been drinking? Since the holidays? 41 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,377 You want to take notes so you can show it to the board 42 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:32,907 so they can offer you his job? You want his job. You know it, and l know it. 43 00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:35,785 l'm the head of neurosurgery. l have a responsibility to this hospital. 44 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,519 - Admit you want to be chief. - l'm done having this argument. 45 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,993 l'm going to the board, l'm reporting Richard. 46 00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:44,121 Post-it! 47 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,464 - You can't call Post-it. - l am calling Post-it. 48 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:50,958 Because l told my secret about my friend to my husband, 49 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,802 not the head of neurosurgery. My husband. 50 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,899 Which l have to be able to do. 51 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,410 So the laws of Post-it clearly prevail. 52 00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,741 - This is wrong. - Post-it. 53 00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,269 - The chief... - Post-it! 54 00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,344 Fine. l won't tell. 55 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,382 Fine. 56 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:13,583 Damn it, you just make me want to... 57 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,685 [moaning] 58 00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:21,123 [phone beeping] 59 00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,533 lzzie's coming home. l have to tell Alex. 60 00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,645 l won't go to the board. 61 00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:36,772 l won't say a word. 62 00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:40,575 Just think about what l said. 63 00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:42,986 OK. 64 00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:50,555 - Alex, lzzie's coming... - lzzie's coming? 65 00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:52,462 - ...home. - [Lexie] Crap! 66 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,595 lzzie leaves and Mark gets a kid, 67 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,535 and you two decide the best way to deal 68 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,902 is to get drunk and mash your genitals together? 69 00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:03,033 No freaking way you get to judge us or give relationship advice. 70 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,567 Besides, you were a total dirty mistress, like, two weeks ago. 71 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:08,604 - Are we calling me a dirty mistress? - That was two years ago. 72 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,741 And his wife didn't have cancer! 73 00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:13,809 Because l've only been with, like, six guys in my whole life. 74 00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:17,345 Alex and l, we've done it before. l was recycling. 75 00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:19,221 lt was like good for the environment. 76 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,523 lzzie's gone, l was horny, she was there. 77 00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,222 Crap! l am a dirty mistress. 78 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,494 Oh, God, you're gonna tell Derek and Derek will tell Mark that l'm a whore! 79 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:29,968 No, l am not going to tell Derek, and neither are you. 80 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:33,996 And you're not gonna say anything. We are keeping our mouths shut. 81 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,134 lzzie is coming home. No one needs to know. 82 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:39,570 [lzzie] Hi. 83 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,175 Know what? 84 00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:47,175 [sirens wailing] 85 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,885 [door opening] 86 00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:51,412 [Derek] There were no sterile supplies in the OR last night. 87 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,220 - l heard. - Surgery came to a complete stop 88 00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:55,784 - for a full hour. - Central Supply and Maintenance 89 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,353 are understaffed and the autoclaves have been breaking down. 90 00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,457 Anything else? 91 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:04,629 Richard... 92 00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,070 [exhales heavily] 93 00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:10,040 - l want to help. - l don't need your help, Derek. 94 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,577 The sterilizers are up and running, so... 95 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:15,979 Not the hospital. You. 96 00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:19,274 You stopped operating. 97 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:22,314 You're not teaching anybody but Meredith. 98 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,582 l'm wondering if... 99 00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:30,123 lf you need some help. 100 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,490 No shame in asking. You know that. 101 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,197 You can help. 102 00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:48,004 By doing your own job. And letting me do mine. 103 00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:52,182 - Anything else? - No. 104 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,017 l'm done. 105 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,827 [lzzie] So l went to the trailer. 106 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:07,424 - l don't live in the trailer anymore. - Yeah. 107 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,166 So... 108 00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:16,267 ...Meredith called me and told me you might be moving on. 109 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,777 - lz... - OK, just... [sighs] 110 00:06:18,811 --> 00:06:19,835 Just wait. 111 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:24,043 l realize now that l was wrong to blame you for getting fired. 112 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:28,778 - l'm sorry. lt wasn't your fault. - l don't wanna have some big talk. 113 00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:30,345 l gotta go to work. 114 00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:37,655 l have a PET scan later, so maybe l'll see you at the hospital? 115 00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,062 - ls everything OK? - Yeah. 116 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:42,556 l found some residencies with open spots and applied. 117 00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:44,968 They all just want to make sure l'm stable. 118 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:49,100 One of them is close. 119 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,406 lt's in Tacoma, so... 120 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,275 ...we'd be OK. 121 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:55,678 l could commute from here, and... 122 00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,083 l know you don't want to have some big talk, but... 123 00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:02,087 l have to get to the hospital. That place really sucks these days. 124 00:07:02,121 --> 00:07:04,783 You should be happy you don't work there anymore. 125 00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,257 Hmm. 126 00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,590 - Sorry. - Don't be. 127 00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:12,792 l am happy. l'm gonna work in Tacoma, and it's gonna be awesome. 128 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,732 You're gonna be jealous. 129 00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:21,839 - You're operating? - l am. 130 00:07:21,874 --> 00:07:23,341 A Whipple? That's big. 131 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:27,642 l say go big... or go home. 132 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:34,747 Uh... Excuse me, sir? You're taking Dr. Bailey's Whipple? 133 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,687 - ls that a problem? - No, not at all. 134 00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:40,749 No, l'm the resident on the case. l'm thrilled to be assisting you. 135 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,921 - l will be assisting you, right? - You can open. 136 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:47,057 That way Dr. Grey will be fresh when she dissects the neck 137 00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,260 of the pancreas from the portal vein. 138 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,897 - That's the hardest part. - lt's a fifth-year procedure. 139 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:56,306 lt's what we've been practicing. And l'm telling you, you're ready. 140 00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:58,936 But if you don't think you're ready... 141 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,843 No, l'm ready. l'm ready. 142 00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:04,650 [man vocalizing loudly] 143 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:07,744 - What's going on? - Hunt's got an MVC in here. 144 00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:11,220 - Use a hand? - What? 145 00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:13,725 - Can l help? - You know what you can do first? 146 00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:15,659 Make that stop! 147 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:18,255 [vocalizing gets louder] 148 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,165 Dude, stop singing! 149 00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:26,399 l'm trying to get you to understand the seriousness of the problem. 150 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,737 l've lost my upper register completely. 151 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,834 Dr. Karev, this is Mr. Mafrici, your consult. 152 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:35,871 l just need some antibiotics. l open in Tosca in a week. 153 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:39,476 - And he gave me bronchitis. - l did not give this to you. 154 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,645 [Alex] Take a deep breath. 155 00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,186 He teaches piano to children. 156 00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:46,316 l can hear them hacking away during their lessons, 157 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,384 and then he comes in the house and touches things. 158 00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:51,294 Stop talking. He's got decreased breath sounds on the left side. 159 00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,820 - He needs an X-ray. - Can you take him? 160 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,390 Page an intern. l don't have time. 161 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,831 Hunt took him up. Said thanks for your help. 162 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,476 You got time now? 163 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,977 [man vocalizing] 164 00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,623 - You're hot. - You're hot, too. 165 00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:25,290 No, you're ''hot'' hot. 166 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:26,889 Oh, OK. Thanks. 167 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:30,699 No, you have a fever. You have a fever. 168 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,567 - What is that? - What? 169 00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:34,334 - Oh, my God! - What? 170 00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:38,639 - Pox! Pox! You have chicken pox! - [gasps] 171 00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:45,443 Teddy. Turns out she loves Owen 172 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:49,147 and thought she came here to be all, you know, Teddy and Owen, but there's me, 173 00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:53,181 and now she's pained and threatening to leave, so l told her she could have him. 174 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,125 - What? - She's an amazing teacher. 175 00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:58,324 And l'm happy again. And l'm in the OR, 176 00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:01,458 and l'm feeling like myself. And, of course, l didn't mean it. 177 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,297 l mean, l love Owen. l love him. 178 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,032 But that means l don't get to have her. So... 179 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,364 Maybe l meant it? 180 00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:12,806 OK, here's the thing. You can't talk like this. 181 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:15,109 - lt's like, l get you. - Yeah. 182 00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:18,082 But other people don't. So you can't talk like this. 183 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,483 l mean, it's crazy. lt's like... 184 00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,851 ...if you tell someone their baby is ugly. 185 00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:26,415 They know it, you know it. Everybody knows it. But you don't talk about it. 186 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,223 OK, but you're saying surgery, right? 187 00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:31,525 Gun to your head, you'd choose surgery over Derek. 188 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:35,557 l'm saying don't talk about this. And don't talk about it to Owen. 189 00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:44,374 Little Grey? That's the world-class specialist you wanted me to see? 190 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,844 OK, Little Grey has had the chicken pox vaccine. 191 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:50,042 l snooped in your personnel file. l, on the other hand, have not. 192 00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:52,642 - Nor have l ever had them as a child. - You're a pediatrician. 193 00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:54,880 - How have you never had...? - l am a pediatric surgeon. 194 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,581 l don't do little diseases on little people. 195 00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:58,988 l do big surgeries on little people. 196 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,653 You know what? This is ridiculous. l'm going home. 197 00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:02,786 Hey, hey, hey! 198 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:06,525 You're not going anywhere. You're highly contagious right now. 199 00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:09,261 You leave this room and you'll touch doorknobs, elevator buttons. 200 00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:11,098 Then you'll be the outbreak monkey. 201 00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:14,868 - l'm going to kill you. - l love you. 202 00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:17,569 Stop scratching. You're just gonna make it worse. 203 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,202 And then you're gonna scar. 204 00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,943 [lzzie] l gotta get my hands in a body again, Mer. 205 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,976 l think l'm gonna get an offer from Oregon, 206 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:29,783 but l can't take it. lt's too far. l can't do that to Alex. 207 00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:31,619 l gotta get this Tacoma thing. 208 00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:35,184 You know what would help? A call from Derek Shepherd, head of neurosurgery. 209 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,357 - Hey. - Hi. Talk to him. 210 00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:41,730 - Talk to me about what? - She's up for a job in Tacoma. 211 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,463 - She wants you to call. - Tacoma isn't ranked in the top 20. 212 00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:47,199 Yeah, but it's close. She can repair things with Alex. 213 00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:50,072 Fine. Have her get me the number. l read the board. 214 00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,907 The chief is doing a Whipple, and you're scrubbing in. 215 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:56,881 Well, you can stop worrying. He's fine. 216 00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:59,544 He hasn't operated in months, and his first surgery back 217 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:03,885 is a seven-hour procedure with a 20 percent complication rate. 218 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:07,487 First, you were worried that he wasn't operating. 219 00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:11,360 - Now, you're pissed that he is...? - l don't trust him anymore. 220 00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,225 - Meredith? - Post-it. 221 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:29,141 He's fine. He's fine. 222 00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:32,116 l thought it was infection. Right? Like pneumonia? 223 00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:34,949 - That's one of the possibilities. - What are the others? 224 00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:36,249 Fluid could also indicate... 225 00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:40,122 Yang. Karev made the diagnosis. Let him talk. 226 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,962 Heart failure and cancer could also cause this much fluid to occur. 227 00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:48,933 Cancer? Would you have to remove my lung? 228 00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,266 Aaron, he just said cancer is only a possibility. 229 00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:56,673 - l sing. lt's my entire life. - Besides me. 230 00:12:56,709 --> 00:13:01,476 What you meant to say was that singing was your entire life, besides me. 231 00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:08,050 You heard the chief is operating today? 232 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:09,452 Uh-huh. 233 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:13,822 Took my Whipple and is having Meredith Grey 234 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,918 do the pancreatic dissection. 235 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:20,022 A procedure that l performed for the first time just last year. 236 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,167 The chief's judgment... 237 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,242 ...is not clear and rational. 238 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:35,205 - Miranda, there's nothing l can do. - You're the only one who can. 239 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:44,314 l performed intraperitoneal hyperthermic chemo this morning. 240 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:48,526 And l kept looking up into the gallery to see if the chief was there. 241 00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:52,296 That was a big deal for me. 242 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:55,164 Anyway, he wasn't there. 243 00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,965 And l don't know why l thought he would show 244 00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,437 because the truth is... 245 00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:04,708 ...he's gone. 246 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,811 And he's been gone a long time. 247 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:30,427 Arizona thought some work might take your mind off your itching. 248 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,799 Scratching will take my mind off itching. 249 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:36,664 Take off my gauze paws. 250 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,234 She said that you'd say that and that l should say no. 251 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:43,605 So how about we start with the tibial plateau fracture, room 2240? 252 00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:45,674 Hey, hey. 253 00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,449 l'm an attending, you're a resident. 254 00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:51,684 As your superior, l'm ordering you to take them off! 255 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,886 She said you'd say that too. Technically, l'm on her service today, 256 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:57,623 so she's my boss, not you. 257 00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:01,064 We have the Lisfranc fracture, room 221 1 . 258 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,297 Please, let me scratch! Just for five minutes. 259 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:05,803 - lt'll scar. - l don't care! 260 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,136 l don't care. Scars are hot. 261 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:10,607 Scars are bad-ass. Scars are poetic. 262 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,442 - l am begging you, Little Grey. - No. 263 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:16,414 - Please don't call me Little Grey. - l'm in pain! 264 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:20,179 Down to the core of my being pain, l'm going crazy pain, 265 00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:23,313 scary, ''will this ever go away'' pain. 266 00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:27,121 Do you get that? Do you know what l mean when l say that? 267 00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:32,324 Because this pain is need to scratch an itch that l can't scratch! 268 00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:35,993 The pain of a thousand itches! And it's making me crazy! 269 00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:39,129 Not funny crazy, bad crazy! OK? Dark crazy. 270 00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:41,435 Make a suit out of someone else's skin crazy. OK? 271 00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:45,000 - Pain, Little Grey. Pain! - l had sex with Alex! 272 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:49,606 l had sex with Alex. Which l regret. Completely. 273 00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:52,116 Because l'm in love with Mark. l think. 274 00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:55,177 But l'm scared that l can't handle the daughter and the baby and the Mark's 275 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:58,815 - gonna be a grandpa thing. - Why are you telling me this? 276 00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:01,189 l'm in pain, too, is what l'm saying. 277 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,425 l get your pain, don't you see that? 278 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,430 l do feel your pain because l'm in pain too. 279 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:11,227 l have pox between my butt cheeks. 280 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:14,034 Your ''pain'' does not begin to compare to mine. 281 00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:16,640 Get out! Just out! 282 00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:18,438 Out, out, out, out, out! 283 00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:21,473 - What are you talking about? - She's on this thing. 284 00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:24,414 lf you had to choose between the thing you love, surgery, 285 00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,645 and the person you love, which would you choose? 286 00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:29,882 You would choose lzzie, right? Because you're gonna get back together. 287 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,253 - Shut up. - Why do you have to choose? 288 00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:34,123 Doesn't matter. You just do. Which is it, surgery or love? 289 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,649 - l want both. - That's what l said. 290 00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,889 - You can't have both. - Why the hell not? 291 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,330 - Why the hell is he here? - l said he could be in here 292 00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:42,334 - because he's in the Whipple, too. - [Cristina] Whatever. 293 00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:45,599 Once again, you cannot have both. You have to choose. 294 00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:47,070 [lzzie] Choose what? 295 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:56,039 My... My PET scan got pushed back an hour. 296 00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:58,572 So l thought l'd join you for lunch. 297 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,520 OK? That. You have to give up that. 298 00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:07,218 Learning the procedure, tuning out the world until you get it, 299 00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:10,353 like, you know, doing the procedure is the only thing that matters. 300 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:13,229 lf you don't get to do it, you'll die. That's what you have to give up. 301 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:16,530 - For what? - Love. 302 00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:18,399 - Why? - That's what l said. 303 00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:20,871 That's not the point! You know you couldn't do it. 304 00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:23,374 - You know you'd choose a procedure. - Fine, if l had to choose, 305 00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:25,434 gun to my head, l would choose surgery. 306 00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:28,310 OK, well, thank you! ls that so hard to say? 307 00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:30,281 l don't know why is it so bad to say that out loud. 308 00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:31,509 Because it's crazy. 309 00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:34,913 - [Cristina] How...? - lt's crazy. 310 00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:37,615 Surgery, it's just a job. 311 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:40,420 lt's just a job. lt's the thing you come home from, 312 00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:44,452 not the thing you come home to. And if you lose your job, you get another one. 313 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:47,556 'Cause there's always another one. But... 314 00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:49,794 ...if you lose your love... 315 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,932 ...if you think you're losing your love... 316 00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:56,202 ...then suddenly nothing else matters. 317 00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:02,311 This is what you guys talk about during lunch? 318 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:04,042 l'm with them. 319 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,449 Love comes and goes. 320 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,515 Surgery doesn't. 321 00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,119 [pagers beeping] 322 00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:16,858 Results are back. 323 00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:24,727 You choose love. 324 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:28,433 Yes! l just did a perfect dissection without lacerating the portal vein. 325 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,874 You gonna do that little fist pump in surgery too? 326 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,839 The tests showed a malignancy on your left lung. 327 00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:40,340 lt's called pleural mesothelioma, and it's a cancer that surrounds 328 00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:42,285 - the lining of your lung. - So what? 329 00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:44,721 - You cut out his lung? - Best case scenario, 330 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:47,281 we won't have to remove any lung tissue except the tumor. 331 00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:50,159 - Aaron, did you hear that? That's good. - Jeffrey, l'm not deaf. 332 00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:52,561 What's the worst case scenario? 333 00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,432 We get in there and the damage is too extensive and we have to remove more. 334 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:59,403 - My whole lung? - That's the worst case scenario. 335 00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:02,305 But yes, it is a possibility. 336 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:05,105 But it's also possible they won't have to remove any. 337 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,704 - OK? So let's stay positive. - Will you please shut up? 338 00:19:07,746 --> 00:19:11,682 l can't take your cheerful little voice shoving positive thinking down my throat 339 00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,617 when my life is basically over. 340 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,286 People do recover from things like this and then they go on to... 341 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,520 - What? Go on to what? - Live. 342 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,620 l won't have a lung. l'm a singer. 343 00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:26,758 So you see my problem? 344 00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:29,699 - You can direct, you can teach. - Like you? 345 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,668 l'd rather die than spend two hours every day listening 346 00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:36,833 to mediocre music majors doing their scales. 347 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:40,311 l know that this is a lot to take in, and if you need time to talk 348 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,246 - or get a second opinion... - l want my lung. 349 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,043 Dr. Altman. 350 00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:53,052 l'm big, too big. 351 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:56,424 l don't fit in airplane seats, and as Jeff is always telling me, 352 00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:59,259 my feelings don't always fit the situation. 353 00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:02,389 lf my food is overcooked in a restaurant, 354 00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:07,201 l get enraged. l want to kill the waiter. 355 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:10,998 But l don't. l politely ask him to take my meal back 356 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,908 and bring it to me the way l asked for it. 357 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:19,609 l spend my days making myself smaller, more acceptable. 358 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,154 And that's OK because at night, 359 00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:26,385 when l go onstage, l get to experience the world 360 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:27,517 the way l feel it. 361 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:33,727 With indescribable rage and unbearable sadness 362 00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:35,289 and huge passion. 363 00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:38,797 At night, onstage, 364 00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:41,806 l get to kill the waiter and dance on his grave. 365 00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:48,239 And if l can't do that, if all l have left 366 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,908 is a life of making myself smaller... 367 00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:53,912 ...then l don't want to live. 368 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,213 l don't. 369 00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:02,326 And believe me, honey, you don't want me to live. 370 00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:18,873 [indistinct chatter over PA] 371 00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:26,315 Are you stealing sterile supplies? 372 00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:31,118 l need sterile instruments. l'm not gonna get caught with my pants down 373 00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:33,647 because this hospital can't get... 374 00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:35,852 l get it. 375 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:39,423 l wanna do something. 376 00:21:40,532 --> 00:21:43,933 Something that l think is... 377 00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:50,135 l have a responsibility, but l just... 378 00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:52,336 - What's stopping you? - Meredith. 379 00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:54,174 Ah! 380 00:21:54,212 --> 00:21:57,943 - The other half of the twisted sisters. - What you call Meredith and Cristina? 381 00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,577 - The twisted sisters? - Yeah. 382 00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:03,112 Well, that fits. 383 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:10,825 So this... this thing... 384 00:22:14,199 --> 00:22:16,360 l could come out of it looking... 385 00:22:17,769 --> 00:22:18,861 ...pretty bad. 386 00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:23,263 Like l did it for the wrong reasons. Like l did it... 387 00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:24,969 ...for myself. 388 00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:31,441 ln my experience, nobody goes into a battle 389 00:22:31,483 --> 00:22:33,644 because they want to win a Purple Heart. 390 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,483 You do the right thing, and sometimes that gets you a medal. 391 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:39,547 Sometimes, it gets you killed. 392 00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:41,889 How do you know it's the right thing? 393 00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:45,124 When it's the best thing for the most people. 394 00:22:45,163 --> 00:22:48,894 The thing that keeps the most people alive. 395 00:22:52,971 --> 00:22:56,532 - [machine humming] - [sighs] How you doing? 396 00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:58,440 [lzzie] A little claustrophobic. 397 00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:00,911 Focus on your breathing, that always helps. 398 00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,584 Alex, l have to know. 399 00:23:10,322 --> 00:23:13,985 When Mer called, she said you were moving on. Have you? 400 00:23:14,025 --> 00:23:15,458 Moved on? 401 00:23:19,865 --> 00:23:21,298 l slept with someone. 402 00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:25,600 Damn it, Alex. 403 00:23:27,606 --> 00:23:29,369 We'll get through it. 404 00:23:34,679 --> 00:23:36,943 - Are you still there? - l'm right here. 405 00:23:36,982 --> 00:23:39,780 Can you hold my hand or something so l know you haven't left? 406 00:23:39,818 --> 00:23:41,945 l can't reach your hand. 407 00:23:42,954 --> 00:23:46,822 - Oh, yeah. - l can hold your foot. 408 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:49,625 A foot is good. 409 00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:53,496 [lzzie laughs] 410 00:23:59,871 --> 00:24:01,361 [door opening] 411 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:06,005 Look, Derek, l'm busy. l have a surgery in less than an hour. 412 00:24:29,868 --> 00:24:33,531 [opening the bottle, pouring] 413 00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:44,438 You want me to drink that? 414 00:24:45,851 --> 00:24:47,284 No. 415 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,482 But l believe you will. l'm gonna go, and you're gonna drink it. 416 00:24:53,525 --> 00:24:58,155 You're gonna try not to. But, in the end, you'll drink it. 417 00:25:02,133 --> 00:25:04,658 l also believe that this 418 00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:06,898 won't be the first drink you drank today. 419 00:25:23,421 --> 00:25:25,855 [machine beeping] 420 00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:28,917 This tumor is huge. l've never seen pleura this thick. 421 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,121 - [Alex] Like a watermelon rind. - [Teddy] Damn it. 422 00:25:31,162 --> 00:25:34,393 l'm gonna have to get rid of the lung, the diaphragm and pericardium 423 00:25:34,432 --> 00:25:38,300 with this tumor. Yeah. That's what l need to do. 424 00:25:38,336 --> 00:25:42,067 That's what's advisable for optimal survival. 425 00:25:45,410 --> 00:25:48,846 But that's not what we're gonna do. We're going to remove the visible tumor 426 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,075 and we are going to treat the lung 427 00:25:51,116 --> 00:25:53,949 with intrapleural hyperthermic chemotherapy. 428 00:25:53,985 --> 00:25:56,920 Karev, find out what Bailey used in the procedure this morning 429 00:25:56,955 --> 00:26:00,322 and gather everything l need. Yang, help me remove this tumor. 430 00:26:00,358 --> 00:26:03,555 This morning, Bailey said hot chemo lavage was only indicated 431 00:26:03,595 --> 00:26:05,995 - in abdominal surgery. - Sugarman at the Brigham 432 00:26:06,031 --> 00:26:10,092 has been researching its applications as it applies to pleural mesothelioma. 433 00:26:10,135 --> 00:26:14,071 And he's a singer. And he needs his lung. 434 00:26:23,648 --> 00:26:25,980 You look like hell. 435 00:26:26,017 --> 00:26:29,043 Chicken pox. Stay back, l'm contagious. 436 00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:30,952 l had them when l was six. 437 00:26:33,491 --> 00:26:35,254 What...? 438 00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:37,659 - [grunting] - Aah... 439 00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:42,656 Ow... [moans] How was LA? 440 00:26:42,701 --> 00:26:45,864 Addison nicked one of the uterine arteries, 441 00:26:45,904 --> 00:26:47,166 but she was able to fix it. 442 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,308 Sloan's OK and the baby's gonna be OK, too. 443 00:26:52,344 --> 00:26:53,743 Good. 444 00:26:55,981 --> 00:26:58,950 l slept with Addison. 445 00:26:58,984 --> 00:27:01,817 - l gotta tell Lexie, right? - No. 446 00:27:01,853 --> 00:27:03,753 lt's Lexie. She's so good. 447 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:06,279 - How do you lie to a girl like that? - Lie. 448 00:27:06,324 --> 00:27:07,348 - Really? - Really. 449 00:27:07,392 --> 00:27:08,984 - Really? - Yeah. 450 00:27:10,829 --> 00:27:12,592 [moaning] l hurt. 451 00:27:16,034 --> 00:27:20,767 - l got you covered, kid. - [laughing] What are you doing? 452 00:27:21,406 --> 00:27:23,374 l'm gonna help you. 453 00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:29,244 Oh, my... Oh, my. 454 00:27:30,548 --> 00:27:32,675 - That's amazing! - No scar. 455 00:27:32,717 --> 00:27:33,809 No, keep going. 456 00:27:33,852 --> 00:27:37,549 Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 457 00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:40,753 You saved the lung? The whole lung? 458 00:27:40,792 --> 00:27:45,752 - Yes. - OK. Well, now what? 459 00:27:45,797 --> 00:27:49,358 Now, the work really begins. This is gonna be a long recovery. 460 00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:51,335 But he should be fine. 461 00:27:52,437 --> 00:27:56,271 Does it make me awful to say that l'm just slightly disappointed? 462 00:27:57,042 --> 00:28:00,603 l guess l was sitting out here thinking, now he's gonna be like the rest of us, 463 00:28:00,645 --> 00:28:03,546 who teach and direct 464 00:28:03,581 --> 00:28:06,982 and do all the things he finds so demeaning. 465 00:28:08,186 --> 00:28:10,177 You know what's demeaning? 466 00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:15,158 Loving a man, taking care of him, doing his shopping, making his meals, 467 00:28:15,193 --> 00:28:17,252 making sure his humidifiers are clean, 468 00:28:17,295 --> 00:28:20,093 'cause God forbid his humidifiers aren't clean. 469 00:28:21,599 --> 00:28:25,262 What's demeaning is loving a man... 470 00:28:26,237 --> 00:28:28,797 ...who thinks so little of you. 471 00:28:33,244 --> 00:28:36,509 He's got an army of nurses, so if you wanna walk out of here, you can. 472 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:38,812 We'll take care of him. You can go. 473 00:28:43,688 --> 00:28:44,950 l love him. 474 00:28:49,260 --> 00:28:52,957 - You should hear him sing. - Nobody sings that well. 475 00:28:52,997 --> 00:28:55,192 He does. 476 00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:04,442 See that stitch there? You just made the dude diabetic for life. 477 00:29:04,476 --> 00:29:08,003 OK. Shut up. l'm trying to concentrate until the chief gets here. 478 00:29:10,982 --> 00:29:12,745 Dr. Webber apologizes. 479 00:29:12,784 --> 00:29:16,880 He got caught up in some sort of administrative something. 480 00:29:16,921 --> 00:29:20,186 - So let's dig in. Patient ready? - Yeah. We are all prepped and ready. 481 00:29:20,225 --> 00:29:22,284 - Just waiting on you. - Dr. Grey, care to open? 482 00:29:22,327 --> 00:29:24,659 Actually, l was gonna open, Dr. Bailey. 483 00:29:24,696 --> 00:29:27,164 OK. Sure. 484 00:29:27,198 --> 00:29:30,224 Dr. Webber was going to let me do the pancreatic neck dissection. 485 00:29:30,268 --> 00:29:33,169 - So l've prepped... - l don't believe you're ready for that. 486 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:37,370 l'll be doing it. You're welcome to observe. 487 00:29:39,244 --> 00:29:41,974 - Go ahead. - [Jackson] Ten blade. 488 00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:48,815 Sorry you didn't get a chance to do the procedure. 489 00:29:48,853 --> 00:29:51,583 - Something came up, it happens. - Not surprised about Richard, though. 490 00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:54,183 You're not a dumb person, but right now you're acting like one. 491 00:29:54,225 --> 00:29:56,193 l am not going to turn him in. 492 00:29:57,695 --> 00:29:58,957 Tacoma passed on lzzie. 493 00:29:59,931 --> 00:30:03,423 l did my best. Just too much history. Too many red flags. 494 00:30:05,069 --> 00:30:07,401 lf l went to the board, they'd make me chief. 495 00:30:07,438 --> 00:30:09,372 First thing l'd do is hire Stevens back. 496 00:30:12,710 --> 00:30:14,610 lt's your choice. lt's up to you. 497 00:30:29,093 --> 00:30:30,890 [Arizona] That should be me. 498 00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:34,797 Don't be jealous. They're just friends. Best friends. 499 00:30:38,036 --> 00:30:42,063 l had the chicken pox. l told her l hadn't because... 500 00:30:44,275 --> 00:30:45,902 l find her miraculous. 501 00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:48,904 Breathtakingly stunning. 502 00:30:49,581 --> 00:30:51,446 Just... 503 00:30:52,217 --> 00:30:53,980 l can't stop looking at her. 504 00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:59,581 And l was afraid with the ooze and the fevers and the scratching... 505 00:30:59,624 --> 00:31:01,819 l wanted to stay in the sexy part of things, 506 00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,522 so l lied to my girlfriend. 507 00:31:04,562 --> 00:31:05,654 And now... 508 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,635 - ...he makes scratching look sexy. - Mmm. 509 00:31:12,971 --> 00:31:15,462 He makes everything look sexy. 510 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:25,080 So you get it. 511 00:31:25,116 --> 00:31:27,710 You didn't have to do that, but you did. 512 00:31:27,752 --> 00:31:29,686 - You get it. - What are you talking about? 513 00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:32,315 l'd choose surgery over a guy. 514 00:31:32,357 --> 00:31:34,917 l'm not gonna apologize for it. Especially to you. 515 00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:38,019 Didn't have to save his lung. The right thing would have been to remove it. 516 00:31:38,062 --> 00:31:41,691 But the patient was clear that he didn't want to live without his gift. 517 00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:43,894 And you get that. 518 00:31:44,702 --> 00:31:46,067 l choose my gift. 519 00:31:47,138 --> 00:31:50,198 l want to be great. And l want to learn from you. 520 00:31:51,342 --> 00:31:52,969 l choose my gift. 521 00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:01,585 Hey, how'd your surgery go? 522 00:32:01,619 --> 00:32:03,814 - Great. - See? And you were all worried. 523 00:32:03,855 --> 00:32:06,380 You're a rock star. Speaking of which, do you know 524 00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:10,190 - if Derek has talked to Tacoma yet? - No, l don't. 525 00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,292 OK. Good. 'Cause l just got my scans back and they're really good. 526 00:32:14,332 --> 00:32:17,893 So it would be great if he could mention that l'm officially not dying of cancer 527 00:32:17,936 --> 00:32:21,633 when he talks to them. l'm gonna get this job, Mer. 528 00:32:21,673 --> 00:32:25,939 l'm gonna get this job and get Alex back and be myself again. l can feel it. 529 00:32:25,977 --> 00:32:29,538 OK, l'm gonna go get Derek and show my scans before he calls Tacoma. 530 00:32:29,580 --> 00:32:34,813 OK. You know, l'll go tell him. Derek. And you go tell Alex. 531 00:32:34,852 --> 00:32:36,410 OK. 532 00:32:45,363 --> 00:32:47,797 OK, fine. You can go to the board. 533 00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:50,633 Just... 534 00:32:58,509 --> 00:33:00,909 [sirens wailing] 535 00:33:01,746 --> 00:33:04,510 Sorry. Car crash came in. l got here as soon as l could. 536 00:33:04,549 --> 00:33:07,143 That's OK. lt gave me time to get drunk. 537 00:33:07,685 --> 00:33:10,779 - So, what's the occasion? - l thought Beth was an idiot. 538 00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:13,552 - lf we're being honest here. - l didn't know that we are. 539 00:33:13,591 --> 00:33:17,288 Maybe not an idiot, but just not good enough for you. 540 00:33:17,328 --> 00:33:20,661 - So how long you been here? - You know, l'm sure 541 00:33:20,698 --> 00:33:22,689 - that it wasn't easy for her. - Teddy. 542 00:33:22,734 --> 00:33:24,292 But do you know what she said to me once? 543 00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:27,668 She said that once you guys were married, she was done. 544 00:33:27,705 --> 00:33:29,536 She was done teaching, 545 00:33:29,574 --> 00:33:32,008 and she was just gonna start making babies. 546 00:33:32,043 --> 00:33:35,444 And l remember thinking to myself, ''Wow, does Owen know 547 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,414 you have, like, zero ambition?'' 548 00:33:37,448 --> 00:33:41,976 Then there's Cristina, there's Cristina, who is exactly the opposite. 549 00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:45,649 l mean, it'd actually be funny if it wasn't so... just... 550 00:33:46,624 --> 00:33:50,958 ...not funny. l mean, l get it. 551 00:33:50,995 --> 00:33:55,898 She... she is beautiful and talented and kind of amazing. 552 00:33:55,933 --> 00:33:58,094 - She's right. l get her. - l'm calling you a cab. 553 00:33:58,136 --> 00:34:01,469 l get her, but she was willing to trade you. 554 00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,201 For me. 555 00:34:05,143 --> 00:34:08,909 lf l stayed, she said l could have you. 556 00:34:22,427 --> 00:34:25,089 - How was your surgery? - lt was good. 557 00:34:25,129 --> 00:34:27,563 lt was... it was fine. lt was... 558 00:34:28,299 --> 00:34:29,960 You want to see? 559 00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:41,443 l'm so... l'm so glad! 560 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,038 l'm so glad. 561 00:34:45,283 --> 00:34:48,684 - lt's like it never happened. - Yeah. But it did. 562 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:50,710 lt all happened, lz. 563 00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:53,349 You got cancer and we got married. 564 00:34:53,391 --> 00:34:57,054 And you died and you lived again. And you... 565 00:34:57,095 --> 00:35:00,553 You left and you came back. And we got through it. 566 00:35:01,966 --> 00:35:05,629 l got through it. And l'm on the other side. 567 00:35:06,237 --> 00:35:09,570 lz, l love you so much. 568 00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:11,302 And l... 569 00:35:11,342 --> 00:35:13,105 Until l met you, 570 00:35:13,144 --> 00:35:16,307 l used to think l just wasn't a good guy. 571 00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:21,016 Growing up in my family, that's what they told me. 572 00:35:21,786 --> 00:35:23,617 But now, 573 00:35:23,654 --> 00:35:26,919 after all of it, l know that l'm a good man. 574 00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,949 And l thank you for that. 575 00:35:30,194 --> 00:35:33,925 Because l know now that l'm good enough not to deserve this. 576 00:35:36,868 --> 00:35:39,462 Not to have to feel like this. 577 00:35:40,638 --> 00:35:44,199 Not to love you so much that l almost hate you. 578 00:35:46,577 --> 00:35:49,603 l deserve someone who will stay. 579 00:35:51,716 --> 00:35:53,877 l'm happy you're OK. 580 00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:56,782 And l'm happy about your job. 581 00:35:58,789 --> 00:36:00,780 And l want you to go. 582 00:36:03,361 --> 00:36:06,626 And be happy. And not come back. 583 00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:25,509 [snoring] 584 00:36:28,619 --> 00:36:30,086 [moaning] 585 00:36:33,824 --> 00:36:35,724 Meredith? 586 00:36:47,505 --> 00:36:51,066 - [sighs] - l'm sorry about the surgery. 587 00:36:51,108 --> 00:36:55,238 - l got caught up with paperwork. - You don't have to apologize. 588 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,909 You don't have to apologize for anything. 589 00:37:03,454 --> 00:37:05,922 [Meredith] In surgery... 590 00:37:05,957 --> 00:37:08,687 ...the healing process begins with a cut... 591 00:37:11,662 --> 00:37:13,220 ...an incision... 592 00:37:15,566 --> 00:37:17,864 ...the tearing of flesh. 593 00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:23,897 Where have you been? You just disappeared. 594 00:37:25,409 --> 00:37:28,310 l left you, like, ten messages. 595 00:37:28,346 --> 00:37:29,836 Are you drunk? 596 00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:37,785 - Wait. What? What? What? - You make me sad. 597 00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:42,181 You think that a surgery is gonna make you feel. 598 00:37:42,226 --> 00:37:45,627 You think a successful career is gonna be make you happy. 599 00:37:45,663 --> 00:37:48,996 You think you know things. You know things and nothing else matters. 600 00:37:49,033 --> 00:37:51,797 No one else matters. People do matter. l matter. 601 00:37:51,836 --> 00:37:53,360 We... 602 00:37:55,106 --> 00:37:56,698 We matter. 603 00:38:03,714 --> 00:38:06,080 So you don't get to toss me aside. 604 00:38:07,318 --> 00:38:08,580 l won't let you. 605 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,621 [Meredith] We have to damage the healthy flesh... 606 00:38:18,696 --> 00:38:20,721 ...in order to expose the unhealthy. 607 00:38:30,741 --> 00:38:32,174 It feels cruel. 608 00:38:33,277 --> 00:38:34,835 Hey. 609 00:38:35,813 --> 00:38:37,075 Hey. 610 00:38:37,114 --> 00:38:38,342 Uh... 611 00:38:38,382 --> 00:38:41,442 - How did Sloan's surgery go? - l slept with Addison. 612 00:38:44,288 --> 00:38:47,985 Thank God. 'Cause l slept with Alex. 613 00:38:48,025 --> 00:38:49,458 l was feeling so... 614 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:51,586 Well, you know how l was feeling. 615 00:38:51,629 --> 00:38:54,462 Which is why this is great. We're even. 616 00:38:54,498 --> 00:38:57,592 We've kind of canceled each other out. 617 00:38:59,704 --> 00:39:03,162 - You slept with Karev? - Yeah. 618 00:39:04,108 --> 00:39:06,838 While l was dealing with my sick daughter? 619 00:39:06,877 --> 00:39:09,141 While l was hurting? 620 00:39:09,180 --> 00:39:13,913 Well, you weren't hurting. You were sleeping with Addison. 621 00:39:13,951 --> 00:39:17,512 You broke up with me. Left me. 622 00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:22,749 And you just... Wow. 623 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:25,655 I... 624 00:39:27,732 --> 00:39:30,098 l can't even look at you right now. 625 00:39:32,269 --> 00:39:34,328 [Meredith] And against common sense. 626 00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:40,275 [Meredith] Do you know what it took for me to make this happen? 627 00:39:40,311 --> 00:39:42,211 Please tell Derek l'm really sorry. 628 00:39:42,246 --> 00:39:45,682 This isn't about Derek. lt's about me. lt's about us. 629 00:39:45,716 --> 00:39:49,709 You don't just walk away from people. You don't just throw people away. 630 00:39:49,754 --> 00:39:53,190 l can't, Meredith, OK? l can't be here! Please! 631 00:39:53,224 --> 00:39:56,682 Please try to understand. l have to start over. 632 00:39:56,727 --> 00:39:58,820 l need to start over. OK? 633 00:40:14,845 --> 00:40:16,335 Please don't go. 634 00:40:19,150 --> 00:40:22,745 - This is your home. - No, it's not. 635 00:40:23,687 --> 00:40:27,088 Not anymore. lt's just a place l worked. l can do that anywhere. 636 00:40:37,034 --> 00:40:38,695 [Meredith] But it works. 637 00:40:40,004 --> 00:40:42,336 You risk exposure... 638 00:40:43,207 --> 00:40:47,007 What are you doing? You'll get the chicken pox. 639 00:40:47,044 --> 00:40:50,571 So l get the chicken pox. 640 00:40:50,614 --> 00:40:52,605 ...for the sake of healing. 641 00:40:57,555 --> 00:40:59,250 And when it's over... 642 00:41:01,859 --> 00:41:04,350 ...once the incision has been closed... 643 00:41:06,730 --> 00:41:08,095 ...you wait. 644 00:41:08,132 --> 00:41:10,362 Did you see him before he left? 645 00:41:10,401 --> 00:41:14,064 No. l didn't think it would make it easier. 646 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:17,971 For him or for you? 647 00:41:18,742 --> 00:41:20,733 This is the best thing for him. 648 00:41:22,213 --> 00:41:23,771 You know that. 649 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:26,908 lt's the only thing. 650 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,551 Let's not pretend you did this for him. 651 00:41:32,590 --> 00:41:37,254 lt's just you and me here, Derek. You did this for you. 652 00:41:38,262 --> 00:41:42,892 ln the choice between surgery and love, you chose surgery. 653 00:41:43,634 --> 00:41:46,262 - You chose ambition today. - So did you. 654 00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:49,905 You knew he wasn't ready to go back into the OR, 655 00:41:49,940 --> 00:41:54,468 but you wanted to do that surgery so badly, you were willing to overlook it. 656 00:41:57,648 --> 00:41:59,582 We're the same. 657 00:42:00,551 --> 00:42:05,818 [Meredith] You wait, and you hope that your patient will heal... 658 00:42:06,924 --> 00:42:09,188 ...that you haven't, in fact... 659 00:42:11,061 --> 00:42:13,757 ...just made everything worse.