1
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,175
Ash, stop the car!

2
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,596
- Welcome to the '803, kid.
- We're in the '80s?

3
00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:14,515
If young me never reads
from that book,

4
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,935
then evil will not plague my life,
and Pablo will be alive again.

5
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,437
I haven't read from the book.
This can't be happening!

6
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:21,939
Run!

7
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,817
Who's there? Henrietta.

8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:29,112
My husband,
he's found some book of the dead.

9
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:32,115
Why am I here? What the... fuck!

10
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:35,536
So I read from the book,
and summoned the kandarian demon.

11
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,415
Ash: Stop the professor!

12
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:43,168
I'm going to hurt you

13
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:46,338
real bad.

14
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:53,762
You'll never get the necronomicon.

15
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,474
Poindexter, you get your ass
over here right now!

16
00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,685
Please forgive me!

17
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:04,398
Oh, my god.
He just left with the book.

18
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,817
No one escapes their destiny, ash.

19
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,112
Yours is to watch me

20
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,072
suck out your soul!

21
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,366
Make sure you suck both barrels.

22
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:57,993
Deadite henrietta: Delicious,
but I couldn't possibly finish!

23
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,460
Tanya: Help me!

24
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,795
Please!

25
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,042
I don't want to die!

26
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,550
Come on, sweet cheeks.

27
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:25,354
Help me!

28
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:38,492
Oh, Ruby, it's you.

29
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,411
0h, great. You got the book.
Good job.

30
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,375
What's different about you?

31
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,251
Whoa!

32
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,004
Deadite henrietta:
Ah, come here!

33
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:56,343
- Whoa.
- Who are you?

34
00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,430
I'm you... from another time.

35
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,517
What are you doing here?

36
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,936
I came for that.

37
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,521
And for ash. So where is he?

38
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,564
Ash!

39
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,861
You're with him?

40
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,497
Ah!

41
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:35,799
How about some nice warm milk?

42
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,968
- No!
- From granny!

43
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,970
No!

44
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:43,056
No! No!

45
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,482
Prison rules, eh?

46
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:56,027
Ooh!

47
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,447
Feels so good inside me!

48
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,413
I don't pop my cork
for every man I see!

49
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,840
I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

50
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,925
I'll rip your face off!

51
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,305
Stay still!

52
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,768
Suck on this, bitch!

53
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:34,524
Let go my face!
Is that all you got?

54
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,360
Fuck!

55
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,867
Get ready, ash!

56
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,119
Whee!

57
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,038
- Whoa! Whoa!
- I like it on top!

58
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:19,402
Fuck... you!

59
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:24,491
- You're some kind of trick.
- No, the opposite.

60
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,911
I'm the key to you getting
everything you ever wanted.

61
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,955
All I ever wanted was this book,
and my...

62
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,915
And your babies. I know.

63
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,014
Okay, well, that old bat
must've really rung my bell good,

64
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,808
'cause I'm seeing
two rubys right now.

65
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,393
One too many.

66
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,438
Wait, this is your opportunity
to choose a new life.

67
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,358
Oh, wait a second.
I know what's going on now.

68
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,277
You're the '805 version of Ruby.

69
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,445
Wow! That is trippy.

70
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:03,864
Oh, here's a question.

71
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,449
If we all had sex right now,
would it still be a threesome,

72
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,456
'cause technically
you're both the same person?

73
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:14,624
Okay, well, either way, you should listen
to this Ruby, 'cause your future sucks.

74
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,294
Your demon kids are going to betray
you for their demon dad.

75
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,020
Then they're going to
make you kill 'em.

76
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,547
- What?
- Yeah.

77
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,594
Didn't see that coming, did you?
Trying to help.

78
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:25,635
' You kill my babies?

79
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,137
But you don't have to.

80
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,140
Don't you get it? You can walk away
with your immortality intact.

81
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:33,768
- You can create a new future.
- What would I even do?

82
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:37,355
Anything, you can do anything.

83
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,774
Anything?

84
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:56,583
Kelly: Ruby!

85
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,547
She won't be down long.

86
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,175
I'll do what I can,
but I want you to get out of here now.

87
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,486
And just leave you here alone to die?!
I don't think so.

88
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,030
No, we just need
to stop this bleeding.

89
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,806
Kelly... stop.

90
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:17,437
So, Ruby, does this mean I don't have to
pay back the 20 bucks I owe you?

91
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,023
It's 200 bucks.

92
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,903
I was wrong about you.

93
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,365
You're an all right sort of person.

94
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,367
Sort of.

95
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,203
Well, and even though
you unleashed evil on the world,

96
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:34,931
you didn't get in my way
while I cleaned it up,

97
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,582
so I guess you're an okay half-demon,
half-person yourself.

98
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,473
- I'm not dead, you dumb bastard.
- Oh, wow.

99
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,640
That was weird.
You were really still for a minute.

100
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,353
Oh, Kelly... take it.

101
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,608
You know what to do.

102
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:06,069
And you go and forge that path,
all right?

103
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,912
I'll hold her off as long as I can.

104
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:19,916
Time to go.

105
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,808
Ow!

106
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,978
Oh!

107
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,189
- What the deuce is going on?
- Ash, what's wrong?

108
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:51,781
Holy hand! Kelly, you see this?!

109
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,159
I got a hand! It's real!

110
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:57,412
It works! It's magnificent!

111
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,291
Too bad Pablo
couldn't be here to see this.

112
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:04,127
No, ash, don't you see
what this means?

113
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,337
We changed history.

114
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,673
It worked!

115
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,052
Pablo!

116
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,933
Let me out of here!

117
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,645
Wait a minute.
I was... what is...

118
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,231
What is... what is happening?

119
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,038
- What is going on?
- Well, you were dead.

120
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,818
- Uh-huh.
- So, we went back in time,

121
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:31,821
we changed history,
and now you're back alive.

122
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,074
- Wait, I was dead?
- Oh, yeah.

123
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,326
Sunken eyes, horrible stench,
the whole nine yards.

124
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:37,744
Welcome back, pablito.

125
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,831
- Wow.
- Yeah!

126
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,542
Now that is
a firm handshake, jefe!

127
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,170
Crazy, huh?
Brand-spanking-new hand.

128
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,339
Or, brand-new spanking hand?

129
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,925
Hey, now...

130
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,345
Wait, guys, where's Ruby?

131
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,522
- She didn't make it, man.
- So, what, this other Ruby,

132
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:09,526
the evil '80s Ruby,
she's just chilling at the cabin?

133
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,412
Our Ruby was going to hold her off
for as long as she could, until...

134
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,948
Can we change the subject
to something less depressing?

135
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,408
Like, Pablo, maybe tell us
more about the time you died?

136
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:18,743
Oh, yeah.

137
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,596
It almost feels like
it happened to another me,

138
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,497
but this me still knows about it.

139
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:24,290
And in that moment,
right before I died,

140
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,585
all I could think about was
how I wanted to save the world,

141
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,379
and be a hero, like you.

142
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,132
Well, you'll never really be like me,
'cause I'm a legal citizen,

143
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,384
but you did help save the world.

144
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,052
Kelly: I hate to be a buzzkill,

145
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,596
but we kind of need
to get back to the future.

146
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,515
Without Ruby's help.

147
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,768
Kelly, book me.

148
00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:47,272
Pablo, you think because
that book was inside you,

149
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:48,898
some sumerian rubbed off?

150
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,568
Like enough to read from
the time travel passage in there?

151
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,403
Don't you worry, jefe.

152
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,572
I got this.

153
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,575
- I knew you could do it.
- Oh, yeah. I can do it, all right.

154
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,577
Just don't know if I want to.

155
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:02,036
What?

156
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,415
I said, “I don't want to."

157
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,210
Hey, whoa, whoa!

158
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,254
Whoa, whoa!

159
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,214
Better!

160
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,596
- Bill!
- You fuck!

161
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,934
Whoa!

162
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,606
Whoa!

163
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,623
Ash?

164
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,499
Kelly.

165
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,710
Are we back in Jacksonville?

166
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,271
Mama.

167
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,857
Look who's awake.

168
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,487
You mind telling me
what the flying dutchman is going on?

169
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,865
We're course correcting,
rebuilding the family you tore apart.

170
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,872
See, this era's Ruby
hasn't been exposed to you

171
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:25,495
like the recently departed Ruby was.

172
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,163
Hasn't betrayed me.

173
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,917
Well, that's good.

174
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,835
You found yourself a keeper.

175
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:36,005
- Now, where the hell is my Pablo?
- Oh, it's hard to say.

176
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,532
See, most cultures have
different names for the netherworld.

177
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,803
The aztecs called it mictlan.
The Greeks, the tartarus.

178
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,179
You call it hell.

179
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:46,015
None of it's correct,
but your tiny little minds

180
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,059
cannot comprehend
the reality of the dimension

181
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,852
that your friend
now finds himself in.

182
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,855
You know, you almost had me.

183
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,316
You really blocked off
all my options.

184
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,318
Well, most of them, anyway.

185
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,364
And it's not ideal
being inside a dead body,

186
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,950
but it's not
an insurmountable challenge.

187
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,346
Especially when all I had to do

188
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:10,290
was convince the one man
foolish enough to swallow my chicanery

189
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,096
if he went back in time,
he could resurrect his dead little friend.

190
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,129
You flim-flamming s.O.B.

191
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,006
You played me like a cheap fiddle.

192
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,507
Oh, don't be so sore, ash.

193
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,301
There's no way you could've known.

194
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,928
See, my transference
was one of those...

195
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,596
Blink and you'll miss it moments.

196
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,436
Blah-di-blah-di-blah.

197
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,980
- Heard it all before, pal.
- That so?

198
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:37,650
Yeah, demon powers, immortality,
jumping into people's bodies.

199
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,777
Honestly,
I'm not impressed by that.

200
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:42,739
Now, you strip that away,
give us a fair fight,

201
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:46,200
- I'll bet I would kick your candy ass.
- Ignore him.

202
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,411
Come on, buddy. What do you say?

203
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:51,039
A little mano a mano?
Test the mettle of man?

204
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:52,915
That's what this is all about, right?

205
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,751
I'm willing to throw in.

206
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,129
But... and this is
a big, hairy but...

207
00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:00,089
You got to turn off
your demon powers.

208
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,591
This has to be a fair fight.

209
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,262
What do you hope
to achieve by this?

210
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,432
If I win, you, Ruby,
your worthless kids,

211
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,453
and all the other evil crap here
takes a freight train to the underworld,

212
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,103
and I get my buddy Pablo back.

213
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,773
Dark Ruby: And what do we get
when you lose?

214
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:18,250
I don't know, toots.
What do you want?

215
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,778
I want to rip the skies open
until they bleed.

216
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:25,114
And the flood
to flush away humanity,

217
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:29,285
and the earth to burn
so that the flames touch the heavens.

218
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,745
Is that it?

219
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,955
And then I want my spawn
to eat her.

220
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,169
Ah, apocalypse,
and a side of Kelly for the kids.

221
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,421
Okay, I accept.

222
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,131
Wow, really, dude?

223
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,467
- The necronomicon.
- What?

224
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,344
Now!

225
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,346
Ash, do you really think

226
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,640
you can trust this piece of shit
to keep his word?

227
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,683
How the hell should I know?
I'm making this up.

228
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:56,270
Hey! Easy, man!
It's a brand-new hand!

229
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,649
You defeat me,
we accept exile from this realm...

230
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,986
And your friend
shall be returned.

231
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,322
Okay, you defeat me,

232
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,009
I guess all kinds of bad crap's
going to happen for a long time.

233
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,326
Got it.

234
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,852
A promise sealed with blood.

235
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,063
There's no stronger bond.

236
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,357
Put your dancing shoes on.

237
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,025
Let's do this.

238
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,784
Too quick for you, huh?

239
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,037
Oh! Come on, bill.
The idea is to actually hit me.

240
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,370
Look at them.

241
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,272
Slaves to pride.

242
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:25,359
Willing to risk everything for vanity
while using us as bargaining chips.

243
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:27,236
- Baal: Come on!
- Me to be banished,

244
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,989
and you to be defiled
and devoured.

245
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,533
I never heard anything
about being defiled.

246
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,452
It was implied, trust me.

247
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:37,330
They've shown us
just how little they think we matter.

248
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,085
What are you doing?

249
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,925
I'm not going to risk everything
for a contest of egos.

250
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,468
I'm going to alter the deal.

251
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,894
You feel that?
That's what mortals call "pain"!

252
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,899
Get on board, 'cause the pain train
is stopping in bill ville!

253
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:10,112
You fight like a girl!

254
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,332
What are you doing with ash?

255
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,127
'Cause you're stronger than him.

256
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,630
Why be a follower
when you could be a leader?

257
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:32,009
Kelly, you're stronger than ash.

258
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:36,764
Why follow when you should lead?

259
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,310
You join with me, and I'll give you powers
you couldn't possibly imagine.

260
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:44,397
I'd rather die!

261
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,361
Don't be foolish.

262
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,113
You can't win.

263
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,872
- No, no, no!
- Chet!

264
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,082
- Ash!
- Hey.

265
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,875
-Oh'

266
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,008
Oh! Oh!

267
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,677
You are stuck in there real good!

268
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,971
A real friend
would give you a hand.

269
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,682
Of course...

270
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:24,270
You did let Cheryl kill me,
so guess you're not a real friend.

271
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,998
J' dah, dah, dah, dah I

272
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,024
ow, ow!

273
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,859
Chet! Stop that!

274
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,652
Oh!

275
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:37,241
Oh, well, I guess I'll have to take
your hand, buddy.

276
00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:39,285
What's that?

277
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,789
What do you think you're do...
Oh, no!

278
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,461
- Be still!
- No!

279
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,968
Oh, gross, man!

280
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:01,223
Oh! Oh, my virgin hand!

281
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,684
It hasn't even held a beer!

282
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,939
Hey!
You get back here right now!

283
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,234
Take that!

284
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,737
Chet: Gross!

285
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:26,415
We never finished our game, ashy.

286
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:35,257
Do you really want to die here
with ash Williams, orjoin with me?

287
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,927
There's one thing
I learned from ash...

288
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:41,013
Shoot first,
ask questions never.

289
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:04,620
You could've had it all.

290
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,629
Hiding in the skins of people.

291
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,673
That's a punk move!

292
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,885
You said you wouldn't
use any powers!

293
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:36,819
Oh!

294
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,242
Brock: Ashley?

295
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,079
Ashley?

296
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,678
Ashley, where are we?

297
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,597
You are not my father.

298
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,849
Oh, yes, son. It-it's really me.

299
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:10,519
There's no time to explain,
but listen carefully.

300
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,688
It's vital that you know the truth.

301
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:15,441
I should've told you years ago,
but you weren't ready.

302
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,692
You are now.

303
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:18,527
You see, you and I...

304
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:21,030
You leave my dad out of this!

305
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:24,533
Ashley, you idiot!

306
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,827
- Stop it!
- Sorry, I don't come with brakes!

307
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:33,959
- Listen to me.
- Shut up.

308
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:38,714
Between...

309
00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:40,549
Tell it to somebody who cares!

310
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:45,888
- Ashley, you are...
- Save your breath, buddy!

311
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:47,723
You're going to need it!

312
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:04,490
Game... over!

313
00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:07,743
Savior of humanity...

314
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:10,496
Couldn't even save the ones
dearest to you.

315
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,415
Did you really think
I was going to honor the deal?

316
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:17,586
Brock's voice:
Take the chainsaw, son.

317
00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:21,507
Humans are so gullible.

318
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,449
Oh, nice move... for a cheater!

319
00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:31,201
I'm sorry, Kelly.

320
00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:34,246
I was wrong to bring us here.

321
00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:36,832
I failed you.

322
00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:39,043
I failed Pablo.

323
00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,378
I failed the world.

324
00:23:41,545 --> 00:23:45,007
We won a fuck ton more
than we lost, ash.

325
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,428
That's not failure.

326
00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:51,847
Baal: I disagree.

327
00:23:52,014 --> 00:23:55,059
Prophesized one will die
by my hand.

328
00:23:56,393 --> 00:23:59,271
Humanity will bow to evil
once more.

329
00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:02,691
And by every definition...

330
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,986
That spells failure.

331
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:09,865
Wait!

332
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:12,451
Okay.

333
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:15,537
You did it. You won.

334
00:24:16,538 --> 00:24:18,707
Now, I'm not afraid of dying.

335
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:22,586
But before I go,
I got to know one thing.

336
00:24:23,379 --> 00:24:24,838
What is it?

337
00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:34,014
What was she like in the sack?

338
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:46,902
Wow!
You immortals are so gullible!

339
00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:57,329
What have you done?!

340
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:58,914
Honored the deal!

341
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:46,128
- Ash!
- That's our cue.

342
00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:48,630
Ash!

343
00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:57,306
No, no!

344
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:55,823
Pablo!

345
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:02,538
- What happened?
- Well, Pablo, you died.

346
00:27:02,704 --> 00:27:04,873
But you died saving the world.

347
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,126
Wait... am I dead right now?

348
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,711
What? No, that's crazy!

349
00:27:09,878 --> 00:27:12,214
We went back in time to the '80s
and we saved you.

350
00:27:12,381 --> 00:27:14,633
Oh, okay. Cool.

351
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,718
- Thanks, jefe.
- You're welcome, bill.

352
00:27:16,885 --> 00:27:18,053
Come on now!

353
00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:20,722
- Let's do it!
- What the fuck is wrong with you?!

354
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:22,850
I save the world
and you punch me in the face?

355
00:27:23,892 --> 00:27:25,602
I'm sorry, Pablo.

356
00:27:25,769 --> 00:27:28,313
Just had to be sure.
It was one of those days.

357
00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:32,609
Come on! Now give it up!

358
00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:34,903
Whoo!

359
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:37,281
- Give me an "a"!
- Cheerleaders: “A"!

360
00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:39,783
- Give me an "s"!
- Cheerleaders: "S"!

361
00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:42,244
- Give me an "h"!
- Cheerleaders: “H"!

362
00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:45,164
- Cheerleader: What's that spell?
- All: Ash!

363
00:27:54,548 --> 00:27:56,925
Cheerleaders: Ash Williams!

364
00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:02,973
Now, elk grove,

365
00:28:03,140 --> 00:28:07,436
let's welcome our hero,
Ashley j. Williams!

366
00:28:16,904 --> 00:28:19,531
- Ash, everyone's waiting for you.
- Oh.

367
00:28:22,075 --> 00:28:23,952
Thank you!

368
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,496
Thank you very much!

369
00:28:26,663 --> 00:28:29,499
Thank you,
good people of elk grove.

370
00:28:29,666 --> 00:28:32,628
You know, uh...

371
00:28:32,794 --> 00:28:34,796
30 years ago,

372
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:37,966
I was a pariah in this town.

373
00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:40,802
- Man: Yeah, you were!
- I was kicked out.

374
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:42,721
Permanently,

375
00:28:42,888 --> 00:28:47,142
for allegedly doing something
unspeakable to my friends and family.

376
00:28:47,309 --> 00:28:50,479
So, as you can imagine,
when I came back here,

377
00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:53,315
I was afraid you wouldn't listen
to the real truth.

378
00:28:53,482 --> 00:28:57,569
Which is I'm just a total badass hero,
not a serial killer.

379
00:28:57,736 --> 00:29:00,405
Yeah.

380
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:07,496
Unfortunately,
all my worst fears came true.

381
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,665
You were still complete assholes,

382
00:29:09,831 --> 00:29:11,500
you called me horrible names,

383
00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:13,669
and you were basically
responsible for the deaths

384
00:29:13,835 --> 00:29:16,713
of my best friend and my father.

385
00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:21,426
Yep.

386
00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:25,180
But I'm glad
that we're past that now.

387
00:29:25,347 --> 00:29:27,432
Today is a new day,
and I want you to know...

388
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:31,270
I love this town.

389
00:29:33,647 --> 00:29:37,859
So much so, I'm moving back here,
and this time it's for good!

390
00:29:38,026 --> 00:29:40,612
Yeah! That's right!

391
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:46,034
Evil, if you show
your ugly mug in this town

392
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:48,412
ever again...

393
00:29:48,578 --> 00:29:50,622
I will fuck you up,

394
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:54,543
I will take you down,
and I will wipe you out!

395
00:29:54,710 --> 00:29:56,712
Yeah.

396
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,215
I love you, elk grove!

397
00:30:00,382 --> 00:30:01,943
I love you, as“

398
00:30:01,967 --> 00:30:04,303
hey, I love me, too!

399
00:30:04,469 --> 00:30:05,887
Let's party!

400
00:30:18,317 --> 00:30:20,277
- You okay?
- Yeah.

401
00:30:20,444 --> 00:30:22,404
Wow, it's just that...

402
00:30:22,571 --> 00:30:25,407
All of this... it's so perfect.

403
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,951
I mean,
I-I never expected any of this.

404
00:30:28,118 --> 00:30:30,579
Well, you deserve this, ash.

405
00:30:30,746 --> 00:30:32,581
You've done your part.

406
00:30:32,748 --> 00:30:34,333
Now you can live a normal life.

407
00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:38,128
It's time you relax
and do whatever you want.

408
00:30:38,295 --> 00:30:40,339
Whatever I want?

409
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:42,424
Ooh, I want some sugar!

410
00:31:11,286 --> 00:31:12,913
Whoo!

411
00:32:30,866 --> 00:32:33,952
Girl: Hey, look what I found!

412
00:32:39,374 --> 00:32:43,378
Created by: A. Vandelay
post haste digital