1 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:16,200 * 2 00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,500 You lost your virginity in your parents' basement 3 00:00:18,533 --> 00:00:19,700 while watching The Notebook? 4 00:00:19,733 --> 00:00:21,000 At least it's romantic. 5 00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:22,500 Chick flick. 6 00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:23,667 And what's the connection 7 00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,467 between 9/11 and first hand job? 8 00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,367 Both happened while I was on the bus to middle school. 9 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:28,867 That was a busy bus. 10 00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,700 And while you were giving birth to Caitlin? 11 00:00:30,733 --> 00:00:32,800 Younger Liza was going to her first concert-- 12 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,167 Spice Girls, Asbury Park. 13 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,200 I dressed as Sporty, 14 00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:36,533 though right now I feel scary. 15 00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:37,533 Do not let fear get in. 16 00:00:37,567 --> 00:00:38,633 You're doing this. 17 00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:39,667 And you're staying with me, 18 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:40,867 so I can live vicariously. 19 00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:42,233 I'm nothing but a lab rat to you. 20 00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,533 A hot lab rat with a fancy new job. 21 00:00:44,567 --> 00:00:45,867 Hey! 22 00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:47,200 Who's ready to go off the grid? 23 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,133 Oh, look how cute Caitlin was then. 24 00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:55,200 Look at you and David. You actually look happy there. 25 00:00:55,233 --> 00:00:56,967 We were on vacation together in the Bahamas, 26 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,567 where I later discovered he gambled away 27 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,633 Caitlin's college fund. 28 00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:00,700 - Memories. - Mmm. 29 00:01:00,733 --> 00:01:02,100 Are you sure about this? 30 00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:03,367 Because when I erase your internet presence, 31 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,367 you're gone forever. 32 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,567 I have to do it. 33 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:06,567 I can't have the people I work with 34 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,600 finding my life online. 35 00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:08,800 I don't need the details. 36 00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,533 Wait, wait. I'm getting a message. 37 00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:11,933 Don't worry. 38 00:01:11,967 --> 00:01:13,800 That bitch will never find you again. 39 00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,133 That bitch was my daughter. 40 00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:20,067 Honey, hey, I got your message. 41 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,533 Is everything okay? 42 00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:23,067 Mom, I don't want to come home. 43 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:24,567 I want to finish out the school year in India. 44 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,133 Are you sure? 45 00:01:26,167 --> 00:01:27,600 I don't want you to stay if you're unhappy. 46 00:01:27,633 --> 00:01:28,867 No, I'm not unhappy. 47 00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:31,267 In fact, I'm very happy. 48 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,733 I met someone. 49 00:01:32,767 --> 00:01:35,233 His name is Arjun, and he's beautiful. 50 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:37,567 His lips are like pillows. 51 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:38,800 That's great, honey, 52 00:01:38,833 --> 00:01:39,800 and very descriptive. 53 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,300 Is he in class with you? 54 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:42,467 Of course he's in class with me. 55 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:43,900 He's this premed genius, 56 00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:46,567 and he wants to take me to Goa this weekend. 57 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,533 Honey, I'm glad you're staying, 58 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:50,967 but I don't want you going to Goa with a pillow-lipped genius. 59 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,533 Mom, how can you make decisions for me 60 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:55,200 from the suburbs of New Jersey? 61 00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:56,633 Caitlin, I love you, 62 00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,900 and I am very glad you met a boy that you like, 63 00:01:58,933 --> 00:02:00,367 but listen to me carefully: 64 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,200 do not go to Goa. 65 00:02:03,233 --> 00:02:04,867 I'll go to Goa. 66 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,433 In fact, I would love to go-a to Goa with you. 67 00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:08,833 Uh, honey, you're breaking up. 68 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,833 We will talk about this later, okay? 69 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,333 Excuse me, sir, are you stalking me? 70 00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,000 Actually, I thought you were stalking me. 71 00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,633 I mean, this is my studio 72 00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,600 that you just happened to be loitering in front of, so... 73 00:02:20,633 --> 00:02:22,000 We're neighbors. 74 00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:23,800 I bet that's probably why we met at the bar 75 00:02:23,833 --> 00:02:25,800 around the corner. 76 00:02:25,833 --> 00:02:28,533 So, neighbor, what's going on? 77 00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:29,667 You got any plans tonight? 78 00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:30,967 You want to take a stroll? 79 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,033 A stroll? 80 00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,333 Yeah, through the burgh. 81 00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:34,800 I'll show you all the sights. 82 00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,700 I would so love to take a stroll with you, 83 00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:39,267 but right now I am very late for this job 84 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,767 that I can't be late for. 85 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,867 Yeah. 86 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:44,100 How's 8:00? 87 00:02:44,133 --> 00:02:45,467 That's perfect. 88 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,733 Good day, sir. 89 00:02:50,167 --> 00:02:52,267 Oh, my God. What am I doing? 90 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:59,667 * 91 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,400 And you're telling me this now, 92 00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,167 one week before the book comes out? 93 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,567 No, no, no. We'll deal with it. 94 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,067 What choice do we have? 95 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,900 That is just effin' perfect. 96 00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:15,067 Joyce Carol Oates writes the best book of her career 97 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:18,233 and Sue Grafton moves the release of her new mystery 98 00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:19,700 to the same date. 99 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,533 She can't hold a candle to Joyce Carol Oates. 100 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,533 I actually wrote a paper about her in college. 101 00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:26,433 Joyce Carol Oates and the Riddling Nature of Female Desire. 102 00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:29,000 Well that sounds like a riveting marketing plan to me. 103 00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:30,000 Well, how are the reviews? 104 00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:31,333 I bet they're amazing. 105 00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:33,433 Oh, and do you think reviews sell books? 106 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,500 No, your generation has absolutely destroyed 107 00:03:35,533 --> 00:03:37,100 all pretense of critical relevance. 108 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,267 What about Michiko Kakutani from The New York Times? 109 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,700 The only way a good review 110 00:03:40,733 --> 00:03:42,267 by Michiko Kakutani could sell books 111 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,733 is if her twerking ass caught fire. 112 00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,433 JCO deserves a number-one debut. 113 00:03:46,467 --> 00:03:48,533 We need to sell her to a younger audience, 114 00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:51,600 to your fetus peers. 115 00:03:51,633 --> 00:03:53,067 - Got it. - Figure this out. 116 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,167 That's why you're here. 117 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,933 Uh, yes, of course. 118 00:04:06,867 --> 00:04:07,833 What's that? 119 00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:09,067 Anton Bjornberg, 120 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,833 the hottest writer to hit Sweden 121 00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:12,100 since Stieg Larsson. 122 00:04:12,133 --> 00:04:14,067 And better yet, he's alive. 123 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,333 I never heard of him. 124 00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:16,333 Nobody has. 125 00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,833 The book just got translated, 126 00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:19,300 and he's in town meeting every editor 127 00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,333 at every publishing house this week. 128 00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,167 I've got finish reading this thing by tonight. 129 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,300 Wow. Can I take a look? 130 00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:25,767 Oh, you can keep this copy. 131 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,933 I've got a PDF on both my iPads and my Kindle. 132 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,100 Do you want one for yours? 133 00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:30,333 No, this works. 134 00:04:30,367 --> 00:04:32,000 Hey, what are you doing for lunch? 135 00:04:32,033 --> 00:04:33,800 Possibly being eaten by Diana. Why? 136 00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:35,400 I'm supposed to meet Lauren, 137 00:04:35,433 --> 00:04:37,267 and I could really use your help keeping her entertained 138 00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,267 while I read this thing. 139 00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:39,600 Sure. 140 00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:41,200 Yes. You're the best. 141 00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,300 Back in an hour. 142 00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:46,467 And think about Oates! 143 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:51,667 Okay. 144 00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,400 Hector and Dorf made the most insane video 145 00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:55,233 for their new underwear line. 146 00:04:55,267 --> 00:04:57,333 First you think you're looking at a giant furry penis, 147 00:04:57,367 --> 00:04:59,100 and then it suddenly stands up 148 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,967 and you realize it is actually a golden retriever puppy. 149 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,567 So many of your stories involve penises. 150 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,300 It's totally gone viral. 151 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,667 Oh, cool. Is there, like, an app for that? 152 00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:10,167 So, like, no. 153 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,900 Hector and Dorf are avant-garde fashion visionaries, 154 00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:15,467 and we planned it that way. 155 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:16,800 Are you really just gonna sit here 156 00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,233 and read your Swedish book? 157 00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:19,333 Yeah. 158 00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:20,800 I would love to see that video. 159 00:05:20,833 --> 00:05:22,200 Yeah, no, no, no, I'll send it to you with a-- 160 00:05:22,233 --> 00:05:23,667 oh, with some of our new moisturizer. 161 00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,000 You're developing crow's-feet. 162 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,067 That is very unusual for women our age. 163 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,500 Yeah, I know, I know. 164 00:05:28,533 --> 00:05:31,000 We have this premature eye wrinkle thing 165 00:05:31,033 --> 00:05:32,200 on my mother's side 166 00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:33,567 and I spent way too much time 167 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,900 on the beaches in Goa. 168 00:05:37,433 --> 00:05:39,000 The 169 00:05:39,033 --> 00:05:40,133 Cover yourself, woman! 170 00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,967 We are not at Burning Man. 171 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,067 What? It's perfectly legal to be topless in New York. 172 00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:45,667 Plus it's Topless Tuesday on Twitter, okay? 173 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:46,833 I need to tweet. 174 00:05:46,867 --> 00:05:48,033 Wait, you're putting that online? 175 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:49,333 Hell, yeah. 176 00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:50,500 177 00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:52,200 I don't think she means us. 178 00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:54,067 Listen, okay, I am empowering women. 179 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,300 Breasts aren't shameful. 180 00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:56,800 Hey, ask Rihanna. 181 00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,000 Lauren, you are doing this for the attention. 182 00:05:59,033 --> 00:06:00,533 No, no, no. I need to feed the beast. 183 00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,733 I've got over 35,000 followers. 184 00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:03,967 - And climbing. - Hi, hey. 185 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,300 Like me on Instagram and Twitter. 186 00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,067 I'm LaurenHectorDorf. 187 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,300 Remind me never to have lunch with you on Tuesday again. 188 00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:14,633 I do not believe this. 189 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,633 Lauren's boobs are trending on Twitter. 190 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:17,933 No way. Trending? 191 00:06:17,967 --> 00:06:19,433 That's good, right? 192 00:06:19,467 --> 00:06:22,700 She is like the Kim Kardashian of fashion publicists. 193 00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:24,433 "Lunchwiththegirls" is trending too. 194 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,300 Just since lunch? 195 00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:27,633 How? 196 00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,267 Okay, I have a crazy idea. 197 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,967 There are no crazy ideas, only bad ones. 198 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,633 Do you really want to pitch me a bad idea? 199 00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:40,700 You want to get Joyce Carol Oates attention on social media. 200 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,033 Move the release of her book to Tuesday. 201 00:06:43,067 --> 00:06:44,367 Why would we do that? 202 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,967 Topless Tuesday. 203 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,200 Excuse me? 204 00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:48,767 Topless Tuesday. It's a huge deal. 205 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,867 Women post topless selfies on Twitter 206 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:52,900 to support female empowerment. 207 00:06:52,933 --> 00:06:56,633 We could run a viral campaign with our fans on social media. 208 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,133 209 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,433 Rhianna posts topless selfies all the time 210 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,633 and has, like, 35 million followers. 211 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:12,133 Just another 35 million nails in our cultural coffin. 212 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:18,100 Bring me a fresh bar of 70% dark chocolate. 213 00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,500 And get me Joyce Carol Oates' agent on the phone. 214 00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,500 I grew up in this small little town 215 00:07:34,533 --> 00:07:36,267 in West Virginia. 216 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,967 They basically filmed Winter's Bone in my backyard. 217 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,333 - No way. - Way. 218 00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:41,333 Yeah. 219 00:07:41,367 --> 00:07:43,000 I'm a total hillbilly. 220 00:07:43,033 --> 00:07:45,433 Who just could not wait to get out of there. 221 00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:46,800 So after high school, 222 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,433 I bummed around the world for a couple years. 223 00:07:49,467 --> 00:07:51,667 I was in Europe. I was in Asia. 224 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:54,100 Until finally I started apprenticing 225 00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:55,433 for this guy in Tokyo 226 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:59,267 who was like this master tattoo artist. 227 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,200 I love that story. 228 00:08:01,233 --> 00:08:03,033 That's why I totally dig that you lived in India 229 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,667 for all those years, you know? 230 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:06,033 Well, yeah. 231 00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,567 Yeah, living in a third-world country 232 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,167 really changes your perspective. 233 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,400 I miss it so much. 234 00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:15,600 Oh, oh. This is amazing. 235 00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:17,767 - You have to see this. - * Somewhere 236 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,667 - Look at this guy. - * Beyond the sea 237 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,600 He just drives around the city 238 00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,833 just singing. 239 00:08:25,867 --> 00:08:28,033 * My lover stands on golden sands * 240 00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:30,400 - He's terrible. - Yeah, I know. 241 00:08:30,433 --> 00:08:32,933 * And watches the ships 242 00:08:32,967 --> 00:08:36,600 * That go sailing 243 00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:38,333 - Meatballs. 244 00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:39,667 Best meatballs in Brooklyn. 245 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:42,567 Just stay right here. I will be right back. 246 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,067 Liza? 247 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,533 Oh, my God. Michelle, Tom! 248 00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:48,700 Oh! 249 00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:50,667 Where have you been? 250 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:51,933 You moved, 251 00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,733 and you disappeared from Facebook. 252 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,367 I have been so worried about you. 253 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,700 Yeah, I've been staying with my friend Maggie. 254 00:08:57,733 --> 00:08:59,100 She lives nearby. 255 00:08:59,133 --> 00:09:00,833 The lesbian artist? 256 00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:02,467 You could have stayed with me. 257 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,633 What are you guys doing here? 258 00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,267 Oh, every month we come to Brooklyn 259 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:06,833 to try out a hot new restaurant. 260 00:09:06,867 --> 00:09:08,933 Well, by "hot," she means "overpriced." 261 00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:12,833 You know, we should introduce Liza to Richard. 262 00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:14,900 Richard is an absolute catch, 263 00:09:14,933 --> 00:09:17,067 also recently divorced. 264 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,733 - Promise me you'll call. - I swear. 265 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,133 Oh! 266 00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:23,133 Liza, it's so good to see you! 267 00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:26,300 Oh, don't be a stranger. 268 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,067 Okay. 269 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,233 It's straight ahead. It's straight ahead to the left. 270 00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:32,400 Can't miss it. 271 00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:33,767 Who's that? 272 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,767 Oh, yeah, uh, it's just some older woman 273 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,667 looking for directions for the subway. 274 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:38,667 And she kissed you? 275 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:41,100 Yeah. She was very... 276 00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:43,567 French. 277 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,433 Oh. 278 00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:49,767 OMG, mouth-gasm. 279 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,333 - Oh, my God. - They're the best. 280 00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:52,633 - Yeah. 281 00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:00,167 Babe, I can't. 282 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,767 I have to finish reading this book. 283 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:02,767 Why are you staying over 284 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,600 if you just want to read? 285 00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:06,000 Good air conditioning 286 00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:08,300 and better sheets. 287 00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,133 What, I can only stay here if I have sex with you? 288 00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:11,333 No, babe. 289 00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:13,667 It's just been three whole days. 290 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,300 Okay, well, why don't you read something for once? 291 00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:18,433 That copy of The Goldfinch has been on your nightstand 292 00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:19,933 for over a year. 293 00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:30,500 In 400 pages. 294 00:10:30,533 --> 00:10:31,733 Okay? 295 00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:33,167 I promise. 296 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,000 Okay, so this is where you live. 297 00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:48,600 Yep, with my roommate, Maggie. 298 00:10:48,633 --> 00:10:50,100 She's a really awesome artist. 299 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:51,433 Multidisciplinary. 300 00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,500 Some might describe her work as really-- 301 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,600 Ahh. 302 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,567 One more thing you should know about me... 303 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,667 I'm all about work right now. 304 00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,533 So no time, really, for personal life. 305 00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:15,400 Didn't like the kiss, huh? 306 00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:16,567 Of course not. No. 307 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,167 God, no. I loved the kiss. 308 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,000 It was superb. You're an excellent kisser. 309 00:11:20,033 --> 00:11:21,400 Best kiss I've had in years. 310 00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:23,133 Seriously. I mean it. 311 00:11:23,167 --> 00:11:24,400 But I-- 312 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:25,700 Yeah. 313 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:28,667 The work thing. 314 00:11:28,700 --> 00:11:30,067 I got it. 315 00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:35,567 I will try and keep my distance, neighbor. 316 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,067 Okay. 317 00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,167 Neighbor. 318 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,900 * You bring a joy with you 319 00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:46,867 * A certain peace that's hard to find * 320 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,300 * I never knew someone like you * 321 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,600 * Who sees me clear as sky is blue * 322 00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:00,600 - Morning. - Hey. 323 00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:02,433 How was your date with Josh last night? 324 00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:04,033 It wasn't a date. 325 00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:06,933 It was more of a neighborly tour. 326 00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:09,533 That kiss was very neighborly. 327 00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:10,600 You saw that? 328 00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:11,733 Hmm! I felt that. 329 00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,433 And I was two floors up. 330 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:15,033 Yeah. 331 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,967 I don't need any more trouble in my life right now. 332 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,133 Well, one woman's trouble is another woman's fantasy. 333 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,900 My fantasy is restarting my career, 334 00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:22,200 not macking on some sweet kid 335 00:12:22,233 --> 00:12:23,800 who would take tattoo needles to his eyes 336 00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:25,433 if he knew how old I was. 337 00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:27,767 That kiss was hot, though. 338 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,800 It was so hot. 339 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,433 It's never gonna happen again. 340 00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:33,433 Ever. 341 00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:34,433 * Oh, oh, oh, oh 342 00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:36,067 * Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh 343 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,733 Liza! 344 00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:46,067 Oh, God, I finally finished that book. 345 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,700 - I'm so sorry, I didn't. 346 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,633 I had kind of a date with Josh last night. 347 00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,700 Ooh, that hottie you met at the bar? 348 00:12:51,733 --> 00:12:52,900 Yeah. 349 00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:54,300 God, at least one of us is having fun. 350 00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:56,467 Thad masturbated next to me all night, 351 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,700 but I did not let him break my concentration. 352 00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:00,200 Wow, I wish I had your focus. 353 00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:01,667 How was the book? 354 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,667 You know, the translation is a little stilted, 355 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,667 but he is amazing. 356 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:06,933 The book is about his life, 357 00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:09,633 but he makes every detail feel universal. 358 00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:11,200 I'll finish it tonight. 359 00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:12,300 If I can sign this guy, 360 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,067 it will change everything for me. 361 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,000 Where have you been? I've been e-mailing you all morning. 362 00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:25,467 I'm sorry, it's 8:00 a.m. 363 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,300 I didn't realize all morning had started yet. 364 00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:28,300 We have a photo shoot. 365 00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:30,000 ShowUsYourOates. 366 00:13:30,033 --> 00:13:31,000 Seriously? 367 00:13:31,033 --> 00:13:32,267 I'm always serious. 368 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,733 Haven't you figured that out by now? 369 00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,300 So are we gonna get to meet Joyce today? 370 00:13:47,333 --> 00:13:49,000 No. 371 00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,000 Not today. 372 00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:52,333 Sorry. 373 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,667 Michelle. 374 00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:56,767 Lizey. 375 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,133 Guess who saw your picture 376 00:13:58,167 --> 00:13:59,767 and really wants to go on a date with you. 377 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,333 Tom's very available friend Richard. 378 00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,500 Wow, that's very nice, but I don't think I want to-- 379 00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:05,667 Oh, Liza, honey, 380 00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:06,933 listen to me. 381 00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,700 What happened with you and David 382 00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:09,767 is terrible, 383 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,167 and losing that beautiful house. 384 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,400 But you need to take a chance, 385 00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:15,167 and I can vouch for this man. 386 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,567 Recently divorced, 387 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:17,733 very good looking, 388 00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:19,167 owns his own business. 389 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,367 - Wow. - Honey, this is good for you. 390 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,367 Just say yes. 391 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,667 Okay. Okay, okay. 392 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:25,100 Just give him my number. 393 00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:26,567 Fabulous. 394 00:14:29,233 --> 00:14:32,567 Wonderful. This is all very empowering. 395 00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:40,500 This one. 396 00:14:40,533 --> 00:14:41,700 More banner, less boob. 397 00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:44,567 - Okay. - Now post it to Twitter. 398 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,867 God help us. 399 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,800 Word on the street-- 400 00:15:02,833 --> 00:15:04,900 Bjornberg's signing with Knopf. 401 00:15:04,933 --> 00:15:06,833 His agent wouldn't even let him take the meeting. 402 00:15:06,867 --> 00:15:08,567 Well, then you have to find a way to meet him. 403 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,067 What do you mean? Like, stalk the guy? 404 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,967 No, I mean don't let someone else's rules 405 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,600 get in the way of working with a writer you're passionate about. 406 00:15:14,633 --> 00:15:16,800 You are wise. 407 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,300 I'm on Twitter and nothing is twittering. 408 00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:23,833 You forgot the hashtag. 409 00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:25,500 Right. Hashtag. 410 00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:32,267 Liza, get in here. 411 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:39,167 Look at this, look at this. 412 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,300 ShowUsYourOates is trending. 413 00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,233 Joyce Carol Oates fans from around the world 414 00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:45,400 are freeing the nipple in solidarity. 415 00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:46,967 And maybe, just maybe, 416 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,000 they will even buy one of her books. 417 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,300 Oh, my God. 418 00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:55,900 I don't believe this. 419 00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:57,600 I know. We've gone global. 420 00:15:57,633 --> 00:16:00,400 Excuse me. I have a small Twitter emergency. 421 00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,200 Oh, my God. 422 00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:30,300 You are turning back into a pumpkin. 423 00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:32,700 Really? Way to make a girl feel good before a blind date. 424 00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:33,800 No, I'm kidding. 425 00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:34,967 You look pretty. 426 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,533 Very ladylike. 427 00:16:36,567 --> 00:16:37,833 Ladylike. 428 00:16:37,867 --> 00:16:38,867 I'm not sure that's a compliment. 429 00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:39,867 Oh, 100%. 430 00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,300 I like ladies. 431 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,867 It does feel nice to be wearing my own clothes. 432 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:44,500 Some of those hipster thrift store finds 433 00:16:44,533 --> 00:16:45,567 smell like weed. 434 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,200 Well, God's in the details. 435 00:16:47,233 --> 00:16:49,400 Anyway, it's great to see the old Liza back. 436 00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:51,167 Well, this old girl is about to go on a date 437 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,967 with an appropriate-aged fellow 438 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,367 whose references I might actually comprehend. 439 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,000 Hmm, where's he taking you? 440 00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:59,733 Roberto's, this really nice Italian place in Paramus. 441 00:16:59,767 --> 00:17:01,067 Oh. 442 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,200 All right, don't give me that look. 443 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:03,433 I'm excited about this. 444 00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:04,967 No, no, no, I'm excited for you. 445 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,867 Are you? 446 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,367 Honey, you're my friend. 447 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,733 I want what you want. 448 00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:12,067 Crazy thing is, my life just got interesting 449 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,733 and I can't even talk about it. 450 00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:25,733 Nobody thought that healthy food and Mexican food 451 00:17:25,767 --> 00:17:26,967 could go together, 452 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,700 but I was a believer from the beginning. 453 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:29,800 and let me tell you, 454 00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:32,067 Chipotle has been very good to me. 455 00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,433 That's wonderful. 456 00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,933 Mm, and my ex-wife. 457 00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:40,567 She still participates in the upside, believe me. 458 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,033 Mm... 459 00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:43,567 how was your fish? 460 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,367 It was very good. 461 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,433 Mm. 462 00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:47,800 It's hard for me to eat out 463 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:49,733 with everything I know about the food business. 464 00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:51,800 Sometimes too much information's not a good thing. 465 00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:54,800 You know, when Michelle told me that you were 40, 466 00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:57,300 I thought, "Whoa. 467 00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:59,067 "If I wanted to be with a 40-year-old woman, 468 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,533 I would have stayed married." 469 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,167 Sorry, that's a very-- that's a bad joke. 470 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,300 You're very cute. 471 00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:07,267 Thank you. 472 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,967 Now you ask me a question. 473 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:10,967 Excuse me? 474 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,200 Go ahead. Ask anything. 475 00:18:12,233 --> 00:18:14,967 I know these blind dates can be awkward. 476 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,000 How long have you been divorced? 477 00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:18,600 Two years since it's been final, 478 00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,600 but it hadn't been good for years. 479 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,767 Honestly, we stuck it out for the kids, 480 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,667 who couldn't have cared less. 481 00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:27,533 What about you? 482 00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,433 It really hasn't been that long. 483 00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,133 We've been separated about a year. 484 00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:33,633 We actually haven't signed the divorce papers yet, 485 00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,300 because we can't afford the lawyers. 486 00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,133 We're actually too broke to get divorced. 487 00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:38,633 How's that for comedy? 488 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,500 Or tragedy. Take your pick. 489 00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:44,700 I'm sorry, there's just this one email I have to respond to. 490 00:18:44,733 --> 00:18:46,367 No problem. 491 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,200 Can I get anybody dessert? 492 00:19:01,233 --> 00:19:03,100 - Oh, I'm done. - Yeah, me too. 493 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,500 Hey, nut. 494 00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:23,933 You looking for someone? 495 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,500 Sorry. 496 00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:35,100 I just really needed to do that. 497 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,600 Okay. 498 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:39,033 I'll see you around the burgh. 499 00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,167 Wait, that's it? 500 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,933 For now.