1 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:23,900 My name is Hardwicke Russel. 2 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,000 I start this diary as memory of my experience... 3 00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:31,700 as an alcoholic. 4 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:36,000 I started drinking moderately... 5 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,000 on vacation with friends at the beginning. 6 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,000 At 15 years old he suffered from delirium tremens... 7 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,000 (alcohol consequences). 8 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,000 At 19, I discovered that marijuana... 9 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,000 hashish, cocaine or heroin... 10 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:54,000 they kept me away from alcohol for a while. 11 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,000 My scheme became a terrifying maze... 12 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,000 alternating alcohol and drugs. 13 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,000 Until I learned about hallucinogens... 14 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:06,000 Peyote, psilosybe and LSD 25. 15 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,000 Under the influence of Peyote I had a vision... 16 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,200 that I tried to forget drinking again... 17 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:14,000 but the memory chases me 18 00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:08,200 Dr. Burnoia, Mr. Hardwicke does not is on the train. 19 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,200 So what do I do now? 20 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:16,200 Ah, it will come in the plane tomorrow. 21 00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:18,200 Very good. 22 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,200 I return to the clinic. 23 00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:26,200 Thank you. Goodbye, doctor. 24 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,200 The LSD trip. 25 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:45,200 Do you want to know how it feels so much heat running... 26 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,200 by the legs, baby? Well, I say... 27 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:50,300 It's like a chili in your belly, the belly, 28 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,300 belly, that's all. 29 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,300 LOVE IS 30 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,300 What did you say? What? 31 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,300 There it is. 32 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,300 How can it be so big? 33 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,300 What are those big things? What comes out of your legs? 34 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,300 Chicks! Chicks! 35 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,300 Yes the tumors. Rotten with tumors. 36 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,500 Chappaqua 37 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,600 Come on, get out. 38 00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,600 Come on, get out of the taxi! -Very good. 39 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,600 Take your measly 10 cents. 40 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,600 Get out of the car, out of the car. Please. 41 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,500 Very good. Very good. 42 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:34,700 It was brought to us by a woman. 43 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,700 He saw you sitting. 44 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,800 And she ate it. 45 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:03,800 While stopping to wash, it became... 46 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,800 getting stronger... 47 00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:11,900 and I wasn't hungry anymore. 48 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,900 Excuse me. Excuse me, ma'am. 49 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,900 I'm sorry. sorry 50 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,900 Attention please. Gentlemen passengers come back... 51 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,900 to your seats... 52 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,900 We are about to land. 53 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,900 Please adjust your belt safety and do not smoke. Thank you. 54 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,000 What are you looking at? -Don't look. 55 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,000 Don't look! 56 00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,100 Just one more drink, my friend. Stop here. 57 00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,100 Stop right here. 58 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,100 How about a drink, friend? 59 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,100 You don't like to drink? -Very good. 60 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,100 But we don't know anything about it. 61 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,100 But one thing is worth more What empty words. 62 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,100 That is, the means will be the best for a man... 63 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,100 but the ends are also there. 64 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,500 Good afternoon, Mr. Hardwicke. 65 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,500 We were waiting for him. 66 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,500 I see you had a difficult trip. 67 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,500 This way, please. 68 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,500 As you know... 69 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,500 is here to detox of alcohol... 70 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,500 and drugs. 71 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,500 While you're here, sure, 72 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,500 You can progress, but... 73 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,500 We need your full cooperation... 74 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,500 to be successful. 75 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,500 I will cooperate. 76 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,500 I will cooperate in everything you want. 77 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,500 Better to talk after sleep. 78 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,500 We want you to get up. 79 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:51,500 ...Come to my office. 80 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:06,500 Come in, Mr. Hardwicke and sit down, please. 81 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,600 Well, let's take care of you now who is in the clinic. 82 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,600 Mr. Hardwicke... 83 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,600 can... 84 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,600 say something... 85 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,600 about your... 86 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,600 history? 87 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,600 My name is Russ Hardwicke, 88 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,600 I'm 28 years old... 89 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,600 and I came to this clinic... 90 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:50,600 because I suffer from dependence on... 91 00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:52,600 the drugs! 92 00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,600 Understand one thing, Mr. Harwick... 93 00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:58,600 our treatment... 94 00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:03,600 It depends on your cooperation. 95 00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:05,600 You know I'm addicted, do you know that? 96 00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,600 I'm an addict. -We understand. 97 00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:12,600 VERY addicted to drugs. 98 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:16,600 I am suffering because I am drug addict! 99 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:19,600 I can't do anything about it. That's what I have! 100 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:22,600 -Your cooperation is... -I'm going to cooperate. 101 00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:25,600 I will cooperate! I will cooperate, do you want me to do? 102 00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:27,600 I will cooperate. 103 00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:29,600 This will help you. 104 00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:39,600 -Give me an injection. -One moment. 105 00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:42,600 Give me an injection. 106 00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:47,600 I need an injection. 107 00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:50,600 Get out of here, it's doing here? 108 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:55,700 What are you doing here? Give me the injection. 109 00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:05,700 Get out of here, bastards. "Get out of here." 110 00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:08,700 Remember... 111 00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:10,700 we have rules. 112 00:24:13,700 --> 00:24:16,700 You will not receive calls. 113 00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:20,700 I need the injection. 114 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:29,700 The patient escaped. Usual behavior. 115 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,700 Discard the medication on the ground. 116 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,700 Do this with contempt. Much contempt. 117 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,700 Are you ready? 118 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:23,700 OK. 119 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,700 Are you ready up there? 120 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:30,700 Ready? 121 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,800 A little more drugs there. 122 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,800 Matthew 1: 21. It says: 123 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:55,800 ''She will give birth to a son, and I will call Jesus, 124 00:25:55,800 --> 00:26:00,800 because he will save his people of their sins.'' 125 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,800 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 126 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,800 Too late to change now? 127 00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:08,800 When you're in that coffin, ya there will be no turning back. 128 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,800 It's too late to repent. 129 00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:13,800 There will be no turning back. -No, sir. 130 00:26:14,900 --> 00:26:17,800 Jesus said: ''When you hear my voice... 131 00:26:17,900 --> 00:26:20,800 I will feel stronger in his heart''... 132 00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:22,800 However, they did not pay attention to him. 133 00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:24,800 They talked about being born again... 134 00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:26,800 but they didn't pay attention to him... 135 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,800 They were looking for something. 136 00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:33,900 Does the phone work? 137 00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:38,900 Where do you want to call? 138 00:27:38,900 --> 00:27:40,900 New York. 139 00:27:40,900 --> 00:27:44,900 Right now? -Not now, later. 140 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,900 You can do it if you want. 141 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,900 Hold. I'm going to give it an aspirin 142 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,900 The best views of the world... 143 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,900 after aspirin. 144 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,900 Aspirin? -It's very good. 145 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,900 "Not for me." It's a beautiful feeling. 146 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:09,900 For me, the vision is better It's cocaine. 147 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,900 It is possible to visualize with cocaine, the Incas. 148 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,900 Not like that... Excuse me. 149 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,900 It is put here... Then... 150 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,900 It's very good. 151 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:34,900 If you could go out, where would you go? -Probably Chappaqua. 152 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,900 Chappaqua? -Chappaqua Why? 153 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,900 Chappaqua is a small town... 154 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:56,000 about 80 kilometers north of New York. 155 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,600 And that's where I grew up... 156 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,000 where he lived until he was 9 years old. 157 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000 -Did you live there? -No. 158 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:08,000 -Grow up. -I spent my childhood there. 159 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,000 Who is he? 160 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,000 Who? -That man. 161 00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:19,100 The man? 162 00:29:20,100 --> 00:29:21,100 Moondog. 163 00:29:21,100 --> 00:29:23,100 How? -Moondog. 164 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,100 -Is it real? -Really? 165 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,100 You don't believe it? -It's real. 166 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:39,100 It was inhabited by the Indians, who They lived there. 167 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,100 And the meaning, the meaning symbolic of Chappaqua. 168 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:50,100 It means "sacred place of the flowing waters." 169 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:55,100 That's where all the tribes bury to their dead. 170 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,100 The Indians are gone, they disappeared... 171 00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,100 They are dead, but... 172 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:04,100 those who remain, dance... 173 00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:06,200 Peyote... 174 00:31:06,300 --> 00:31:10,200 The reason I came to the clinic... 175 00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:15,200 I started with peyote. 176 00:31:17,300 --> 00:31:21,200 In the world of drugs... 177 00:31:22,300 --> 00:31:26,200 I met a friend who I had peyote, 178 00:31:26,300 --> 00:31:30,200 I said that when eating it he was left feeling euphoric. 179 00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:37,200 And how. I ate a lot, a big quantity... 180 00:31:37,300 --> 00:31:39,200 and waited. 181 00:31:40,300 --> 00:31:44,200 I had a fantastic vision. 182 00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:28,300 Did you see the deer again? 183 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,800 In here, a circle... 184 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:44,800 of gold, like a light. 185 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:31,800 The sounds and everything around me they stopped. 186 00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:35,800 It became internal, inside me. 187 00:33:36,900 --> 00:33:39,800 And that vision was like a tunnel. A large tunnel. 188 00:33:39,900 --> 00:33:43,800 And I went into the tunnel. 189 00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:51,800 The description of your vision I find it exciting, 190 00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:56,900 but my grandfather was Descartes, and I trained in logic. 191 00:33:57,900 --> 00:33:58,900 Do you understand? 192 00:34:03,900 --> 00:34:06,900 What kind of logic do you have? at 18 years old? 193 00:34:07,900 --> 00:34:11,900 My logic was that of American movies... 194 00:34:12,900 --> 00:34:14,900 motorcycles, speed... 195 00:34:16,900 --> 00:34:17,900 42nd Street. 196 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,000 Hey, I don't know you from Louiville? 197 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,000 -I have never been to Louiville. -Of course. 198 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,000 -No, I never was. -I've seen you before. 199 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,000 I know I've seen you before. 200 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,000 Where are you from? Tell me. 201 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,000 You don't know me. see you later, Jack. 202 00:36:19,100 --> 00:36:23,000 -You are who? -Who am I? 203 00:36:23,100 --> 00:36:27,000 Who are you? Who am I? 204 00:37:18,100 --> 00:37:20,100 Now, get out! 205 00:37:20,100 --> 00:37:23,100 I want you two against the wall. 206 00:37:25,100 --> 00:37:27,100 Come on, Little Caesar. 207 00:37:28,100 --> 00:37:30,100 Against the wall. 208 00:37:32,100 --> 00:37:35,100 They are invading my territory, you understand? 209 00:37:35,100 --> 00:37:37,100 Now take some of this. 210 00:38:36,300 --> 00:38:38,200 No! No! 211 00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:42,200 And now bring a box of what I want... 212 00:38:42,300 --> 00:38:45,200 for this side of town. 213 00:38:46,300 --> 00:38:49,200 I love cigars. I love tomato sauce. 214 00:38:49,300 --> 00:38:51,200 I love my mother. 215 00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:56,300 I call this meeting in order to... 216 00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:59,300 establish policies. 217 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,400 Use the tweezers. 218 00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:08,400 He told me forceps look. 219 00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:12,400 LudLow. 220 00:41:15,500 --> 00:41:21,400 -LudLow, more blood? -Of course, honey. 221 00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:24,400 I'll be there in a minute. 222 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,600 Good morning, sir. 223 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:25,600 -Have you slept well, SR? -Yes. 224 00:44:35,700 --> 00:44:37,600 Thank you. 225 00:44:43,700 --> 00:44:45,600 “Coffee”? 226 00:44:45,700 --> 00:44:47,600 Coffee... 227 00:44:48,700 --> 00:44:50,600 and sugar. 228 00:45:05,700 --> 00:45:08,600 Is it good? Is it good? 229 00:45:09,700 --> 00:45:12,600 No... very sweet. 230 00:45:27,700 --> 00:45:31,600 Well done Mr. Hardwicke. Speed, right? 231 00:46:45,900 --> 00:46:49,800 The more I investigate, less yes. 232 00:46:49,900 --> 00:46:53,800 The more I investigate, less yes. 233 00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:56,800 The more we investigate, we know less. 234 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,900 Yes, she fled. She went to Paris. Yes, she left. 235 00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,100 I didn't know anything since a week ago. 236 00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:16,100 I was trapped in a damn clinic. 237 00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,100 Can you wait a little? 238 00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,100 "Sant�" Clinic. 239 00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,100 It's outside the city. 240 00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,100 I must go... Very good. 241 00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,200 How are you, Russe, how are you? 242 00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:40,200 The Chinese are in the top of the world. 243 00:52:51,300 --> 00:52:53,200 I must get one. 244 00:52:57,300 --> 00:52:58,200 Yes. 245 01:02:41,900 --> 01:02:43,900 Aid! Aid! 246 01:02:43,900 --> 01:02:45,900 Aid! Aid! 247 01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:53,900 Calm down. Quiet, please. 248 01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,900 I want to get up and dance. 249 01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:47,900 What? -He wants to dance. 250 01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:49,900 Do you want to dance? Yes, dance. 251 01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:30,100 -My legs. -Next time... 252 01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:33,100 -...I will dance too. -I would like to see it. 253 01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:43,200 My robe. 254 01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:48,200 It is seriously depressed 255 01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:04,400 Fantastic! 256 01:12:46,600 --> 01:12:48,600 She's fine. 257 01:14:41,900 --> 01:14:43,800 Hardwicke, come. 258 01:14:52,900 --> 01:14:55,800 The best you can do in the morning... 259 01:14:56,900 --> 01:15:00,800 when you get up and ask me I squeezed a lemon into a... 260 01:15:00,900 --> 01:15:02,800 glass of orange juice... 261 01:15:02,900 --> 01:15:04,800 -Squeezed juice. -No, seriously... 262 01:15:04,900 --> 01:15:06,800 it will be the best for you... 263 01:15:06,900 --> 01:15:08,800 It is very good for thirst. 264 01:15:09,900 --> 01:15:11,800 -I'm not going to drink lemon. -Be careful with the step. 265 01:15:11,900 --> 01:15:13,800 It is full of vitamin C. 266 01:15:13,900 --> 01:15:16,800 -It's the best for you, seriously. -I don't want any lemon. 267 01:15:35,900 --> 01:15:40,900 I think it is right for you. I'm falling, catch me!!! 268 01:15:40,900 --> 01:15:46,900 -I got you. -I'm going to try again. 269 01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,900 And if our word is not worth... 270 01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:20,900 I'm going to close the case. 271 01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:24,900 The hardest part of the road, I think, It's the transition... 272 01:16:25,000 --> 01:16:29,900 to the world without drugs. You were an alcoholic... 273 01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:35,900 and addicted to opiates at the same time. 274 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:41,900 And therefore you can have... a relapse 275 01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:46,900 I speak as a doctor, not as moralistic when I say... 276 01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:50,900 you won't last with no drugs. 277 01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:55,900 For you, this is a question of... 278 01:16:56,000 --> 01:16:58,900 Life or death, Mr. Hardwicke. 279 01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:33,100 Goodbye! See you in Chappaqua. 280 01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:35,100 Goodbye!