1
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,272
[LIGHTER CLICKS]

2
00:00:44,192 --> 00:00:46,238
[WINDING MUSIC BOX]

3
00:01:00,513 --> 00:01:02,820
[ALL OUT OF LOVEPLAYING]

4
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,364
[SNIFFING]

5
00:01:33,372 --> 00:01:35,069
[BOTTLES CLATTERING]

6
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:17,111
DEADPOOL: Fuck Wolverine.

7
00:02:17,155 --> 00:02:19,853
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.

8
00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:24,292
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.

9
00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:26,512
What a dick.

10
00:02:26,555 --> 00:02:28,775
Well, guess what, Wolvie?

11
00:02:28,819 --> 00:02:31,647
I'm dying in this one, too.

12
00:02:31,691 --> 00:02:33,084
[X GOIN' GIVE IT
TO YAPLAYING]

13
00:02:34,389 --> 00:02:36,783
DEADPOOL: To understand
why I took a cat-nap

14
00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:38,916
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...

15
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,308
I need to take you back

16
00:02:40,352 --> 00:02:42,789
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.

17
00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:44,182
I'd gone international,

18
00:02:44,225 --> 00:02:46,140
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,

19
00:02:46,184 --> 00:02:47,881
unspeakable monsters.

20
00:02:47,925 --> 00:02:50,884
People nobody would touch.
Except me.

21
00:02:50,928 --> 00:02:52,886
I'm gonna touch them all over.

22
00:02:52,930 --> 00:02:54,496
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

23
00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:58,457
DEADPOOL:
Hey, it's Gail calling.

24
00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,632
Love the shiny suit.

25
00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:01,416
Really brings out

26
00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:03,540
the sex trafficker
in your eyes. [SPEAKING CANTONESE]

27
00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:08,684
[IN ENGLISH] I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...

28
00:03:08,728 --> 00:03:10,861
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.

29
00:03:10,904 --> 00:03:13,385
But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]

30
00:03:15,735 --> 00:03:18,564
Which literally
translates to...

31
00:03:18,607 --> 00:03:21,654
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.

32
00:03:21,697 --> 00:03:22,742
[CELL PHONE CLATTERS]

33
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,442
[WOMAN SCREAMING]

34
00:03:28,748 --> 00:03:30,010
[GUNS COCKING]

35
00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:34,145
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.

36
00:03:34,188 --> 00:03:35,450
I am so sorry.

37
00:03:35,494 --> 00:03:37,124
I thought this was
an anal-bleaching party.

38
00:03:37,148 --> 00:03:38,192
[GUNS FIRING]

39
00:03:38,236 --> 00:03:39,280
[GRUNTING]

40
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,851
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

41
00:03:44,895 --> 00:03:46,070
[GASPS]

42
00:03:46,113 --> 00:03:47,375
[SHUSHING]

43
00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:57,951
[MEN LAUGHING]

44
00:03:59,692 --> 00:04:01,563
Don't worry.
You're not going to die.

45
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,696
Although these will kill you.

46
00:04:03,739 --> 00:04:04,958
Hit it, Dolly.

47
00:04:05,002 --> 00:04:06,525
[9 TO 5PLAYING]

48
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,226
[BOTH GRUNTING]

49
00:04:14,402 --> 00:04:15,403
[WOMAN SCREAMS]

50
00:04:25,239 --> 00:04:26,632
I'm merely
a vessel for the Lord.

51
00:04:33,117 --> 00:04:34,161
[MEN GROANING]

52
00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:40,472
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!

53
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:50,525
Whoo! Do not go in there!

54
00:04:57,228 --> 00:04:59,317
Let's see
Captain America do that.

55
00:05:00,796 --> 00:05:01,972
[MEN CHEERING]

56
00:05:04,975 --> 00:05:06,019
[CROWD CHEERING]

57
00:05:08,282 --> 00:05:09,805
Too exotic?

58
00:05:30,739 --> 00:05:31,784
[SPEAKING SPANISH]

59
00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:36,223
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

60
00:05:37,746 --> 00:05:39,096
[ALL GRUNTING]

61
00:05:56,852 --> 00:05:58,115
[MUSIC CONTINUES]

62
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,934
Oh, God! Oh, God,
time out! Time out!

63
00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,503
Cut. I've got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.

64
00:06:38,546 --> 00:06:40,548
Oh, that's so gross.

65
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:41,636
[GROANING]

66
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,856
Fuck.

67
00:06:43,899 --> 00:06:45,790
Looks like you left
a little landing strip there.

68
00:06:45,814 --> 00:06:46,859
I like it.

69
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,605
Oh, man!

70
00:06:57,957 --> 00:06:59,915
DEADPOOL: My world tour
brought me home

71
00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:02,396
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.

72
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,963
But we'll get to him
in a moment.

73
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,443
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.

74
00:07:05,486 --> 00:07:08,228
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."

75
00:07:08,272 --> 00:07:09,969
But that's where
you'd be wrong.

76
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:12,754
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...

77
00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:17,107
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.

78
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:18,934
True story.

79
00:07:18,978 --> 00:07:22,155
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.

80
00:07:22,199 --> 00:07:25,289
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.

81
00:07:25,332 --> 00:07:28,640
[CHUCKLING] Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.

82
00:07:28,683 --> 00:07:31,599
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.

83
00:07:31,643 --> 00:07:35,037
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?

84
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:36,300
But this guy?

85
00:07:36,343 --> 00:07:38,302
He was
one of the worst of 'em.

86
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,523
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,

87
00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:43,718
and let's kill
this motherfucker!

88
00:07:43,742 --> 00:07:45,004
[ALARM RINGING] [GUNSHOT]

89
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:46,048
[BODY THUDS]

90
00:07:50,792 --> 00:07:52,838
Ugh. So gross.

91
00:07:52,881 --> 00:07:55,710
A panic room? Really?

92
00:07:55,754 --> 00:07:57,973
Can you come out? [WATCH BEEPING]

93
00:07:58,017 --> 00:08:01,107
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.

94
00:08:03,631 --> 00:08:05,459
[GUNS COCKING]

95
00:08:07,026 --> 00:08:08,438
MAN: [ON RADIO] Over and over,
I hear people say,

96
00:08:08,462 --> 00:08:10,029
"I just don't have
enough confidence."

97
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,162
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.

98
00:08:12,205 --> 00:08:13,641
It's something you create. [LAUGHS]

99
00:08:13,685 --> 00:08:15,600
And you can create it
at any moment in time.

100
00:08:15,643 --> 00:08:17,341
A sense of confidence
is nothing

101
00:08:17,384 --> 00:08:19,125
but a sense of power
within yourself...

102
00:08:19,169 --> 00:08:20,711
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.

103
00:08:20,735 --> 00:08:22,824
DEADPOOL:
Start the fucking car!

104
00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:23,999
Dopinder!

105
00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:25,566
Start the fucking car!

106
00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:27,177
[SCREAMS]

107
00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,747
MAN: Shoot that motherfucker!
Shoot him!

108
00:08:32,791 --> 00:08:34,314
Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants.

109
00:08:34,358 --> 00:08:36,751
Actually, that may
have been me.

110
00:08:36,795 --> 00:08:38,057
Oh, mission accomplished?

111
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,233
Oh, in a George W.
sort of way.

112
00:08:40,277 --> 00:08:41,974
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.

113
00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,473
DOPINDER: Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.

114
00:08:43,497 --> 00:08:45,673
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,

115
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:47,022
and who'da thought?

116
00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:49,503
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.

117
00:08:49,547 --> 00:08:51,418
Passion of the Christ, then me.

118
00:08:51,462 --> 00:08:52,724
At least domestically.

119
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:53,986
We beat them overseas,

120
00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:56,031
where there's no such thing
as religion.

121
00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:58,251
I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.

122
00:08:58,295 --> 00:09:00,688
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.

123
00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,516
I want to fill my... Pockets?

124
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,780
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?

125
00:09:05,824 --> 00:09:07,173
Can't maintain an erection

126
00:09:07,217 --> 00:09:08,759
without buying shoes online? [HORN HONKS]

127
00:09:08,783 --> 00:09:10,742
I've never experienced
that last one.

128
00:09:10,785 --> 00:09:12,178
Talk to me, Goose.

129
00:09:12,222 --> 00:09:14,920
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.

130
00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:18,053
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.

131
00:09:18,097 --> 00:09:20,055
Dopinder... Hmm?

132
00:09:20,099 --> 00:09:21,927
You never cease
to surprise me.

133
00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:26,061
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.

134
00:09:26,105 --> 00:09:27,759
We all need
a sense of belonging.

135
00:09:27,802 --> 00:09:29,587
We all need
a genuine sense of home.

136
00:09:29,630 --> 00:09:30,762
A place in this world.

137
00:09:30,805 --> 00:09:32,165
I want to become
a contract killer.

138
00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:34,026
I'm sorry. What did you say?

139
00:09:34,069 --> 00:09:36,028
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu

140
00:09:36,071 --> 00:09:37,397
and threatened him
with great violence?

141
00:09:37,421 --> 00:09:39,031
You kind of killed him.

142
00:09:39,074 --> 00:09:40,661
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?

143
00:09:40,685 --> 00:09:41,860
Don't want to.

144
00:09:41,903 --> 00:09:42,991
When Tom Cruise fed

145
00:09:43,035 --> 00:09:44,863
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood

146
00:09:44,906 --> 00:09:46,125
for the first time...

147
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,562
and she looked up
at his smooth,

148
00:09:48,606 --> 00:09:50,825
handsome face and said...

149
00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,393
"I want some more."

150
00:09:53,437 --> 00:09:57,092
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.

151
00:09:58,137 --> 00:10:00,835
I'll never not picture that.

152
00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,663
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,

153
00:10:02,707 --> 00:10:04,752
as soon as possible.

154
00:10:04,796 --> 00:10:07,277
We're here. [BRAKES SCREECHING]

155
00:10:12,107 --> 00:10:14,022
[GROANS]

156
00:10:14,066 --> 00:10:16,068
Dopinder, it's me again.

157
00:10:16,111 --> 00:10:17,809
Look, a saner man
might discourage you

158
00:10:17,852 --> 00:10:19,724
from joining
the deadly merc business...

159
00:10:19,767 --> 00:10:21,247
what, with your concave chest

160
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,944
and your
paper towel tube arms.

161
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,685
But you're an eagle...

162
00:10:24,729 --> 00:10:26,731
and goddamn it,
an eagle's gotta soar.

163
00:10:26,774 --> 00:10:28,167
You gotta grab those dreams,

164
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,821
grab those dreams
by the dick tip...

165
00:10:29,864 --> 00:10:31,388
and make it rain!

166
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,346
I don't know what that means.

167
00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:35,348
Me neither. [BOTH LAUGH]

168
00:10:35,957 --> 00:10:37,437
I'm gonna see you...

169
00:10:37,481 --> 00:10:38,699
[EXCLAIMS]

170
00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:40,092
at the office.

171
00:10:40,658 --> 00:10:41,789
In the sky.

172
00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:42,964
You're my Tom Cruise!

173
00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:44,618
DEADPOOL:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!

174
00:10:44,662 --> 00:10:46,141
Kristen? Kirsten?

175
00:10:51,190 --> 00:10:52,800
Sorry I'm late.

176
00:10:52,844 --> 00:10:54,411
There was a bunch of

177
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,543
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...

178
00:10:56,587 --> 00:10:58,110
and I had to, uh... Uh-uh.

179
00:10:58,153 --> 00:11:00,895
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.

180
00:11:00,939 --> 00:11:03,289
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.

181
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,639
No.You got me.

182
00:11:05,683 --> 00:11:07,467
I was rounding up
all the gluten in the world

183
00:11:07,511 --> 00:11:08,729
and launching it into space...

184
00:11:08,773 --> 00:11:10,905
where it can't not
hurt us ever again.

185
00:11:10,949 --> 00:11:12,124
Try again.

186
00:11:12,690 --> 00:11:14,256
Diarrhea?

187
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,060
We can't be sure
until I get this suit off...

188
00:11:16,998 --> 00:11:18,957
but, uh,
all signs point to yes.

189
00:11:20,872 --> 00:11:21,873
Traffic?

190
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,527
Hmm?

191
00:11:24,745 --> 00:11:26,399
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.

192
00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:27,443
Well, come here.

193
00:11:29,402 --> 00:11:31,186
[TAKE ON MEPLAYING]

194
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,107
[VANESSA MOANS]

195
00:11:39,151 --> 00:11:41,588
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.

196
00:11:41,632 --> 00:11:42,807
Don't you want
your surprise?

197
00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:44,678
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?

198
00:11:45,462 --> 00:11:46,724
I got one for you, too.

199
00:11:47,855 --> 00:11:49,379
Happy anniversary, baby.

200
00:11:49,422 --> 00:11:50,989
Open, open, open.

201
00:11:52,991 --> 00:11:54,732
Skee-Ball token.

202
00:11:54,775 --> 00:11:56,168
Our first date.

203
00:11:56,211 --> 00:11:57,778
Yup.

204
00:11:57,822 --> 00:12:00,477
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.

205
00:12:03,393 --> 00:12:05,699
I'll keep it forever. [CHUCKLES]

206
00:12:05,743 --> 00:12:07,179
Thank you, baby.

207
00:12:08,789 --> 00:12:10,487
Open yours. All right, all right.

208
00:12:11,401 --> 00:12:12,706
Oh...

209
00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:15,990
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...

210
00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:17,407
I don't know
what this is.

211
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:19,278
My IUD.

212
00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:20,497
A bomb?

213
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,630
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.

214
00:12:23,674 --> 00:12:24,762
What, you mean that your...

215
00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:26,546
Baby factory's open
for business.

216
00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:27,895
Oh, my God! [BOX CLATTERS]

217
00:12:27,939 --> 00:12:31,203
[VANESSA LAUGHS] Oh, my God! I want a boy!

218
00:12:31,246 --> 00:12:34,336
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!

219
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:37,165
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.

220
00:12:37,731 --> 00:12:40,995
Like Cher or Todd.

221
00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:42,823
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.

222
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,216
Yes, I do.

223
00:12:44,259 --> 00:12:45,759
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.

224
00:12:45,783 --> 00:12:46,784
Let's do that.

225
00:12:48,002 --> 00:12:50,135
♪ Papa... ♪

226
00:12:50,178 --> 00:12:52,354
♪ Can you hear me? ♪

227
00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:56,446
♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪

228
00:12:56,489 --> 00:12:58,709
Does this song
sound familiar to you?

229
00:13:01,015 --> 00:13:03,191
May.

230
00:13:03,235 --> 00:13:06,934
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.

231
00:13:08,153 --> 00:13:09,546
[CHUCKLES]

232
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,026
So weird. [LAUGHS]

233
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:14,464
Family was always
an F-word to me.

234
00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:20,339
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.

235
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,602
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models

236
00:13:22,646 --> 00:13:24,386
to draw off of for Todd.

237
00:13:25,562 --> 00:13:28,173
Hey. Look at me.

238
00:13:29,348 --> 00:13:31,481
You are not your father.

239
00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:34,658
Besides...

240
00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:39,445
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

241
00:13:40,446 --> 00:13:41,491
But here's the thing,

242
00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:43,362
isn't that how
it always works?

243
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,929
Like in Star Wars,

244
00:13:44,972 --> 00:13:47,671
men are destined
to become their father...

245
00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:50,804
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?

246
00:13:50,848 --> 00:13:54,155
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.

247
00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:56,462
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.

248
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,551
Baby, that's Empire.

249
00:13:58,595 --> 00:14:01,206
The point is, kids...

250
00:14:02,686 --> 00:14:05,340
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.

251
00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:08,822
Better than we used to be.

252
00:14:08,866 --> 00:14:11,390
You're a lot smarter
than I look.

253
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,088
I'm gonna go make dessert.

254
00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:18,571
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.

255
00:14:18,615 --> 00:14:22,009
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.

256
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:25,578
VANESSA: What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?

257
00:14:25,622 --> 00:14:27,580
[TIMER TICKING] It's too stripper-y.

258
00:14:27,624 --> 00:14:29,147
Kevin with a "K"!

259
00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:31,279
No, too stripper-y, too.

260
00:14:31,845 --> 00:14:33,760
Uh, Earl!

261
00:14:33,804 --> 00:14:36,154
[IN SLOW MOTION]
He's gonna go straight to jail

262
00:14:36,197 --> 00:14:38,417
if we name him Earl.

263
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,332
What about Bruce?

264
00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:42,769
No.

265
00:14:42,813 --> 00:14:43,857
Get down.

266
00:14:43,901 --> 00:14:45,293
What? [GUN FIRES]

267
00:14:47,948 --> 00:14:49,646
[ALL GRUNTING]

268
00:14:54,825 --> 00:14:57,088
[GUN FIRING]

269
00:15:14,192 --> 00:15:16,281
Baby? Baby?

270
00:15:16,324 --> 00:15:18,326
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

271
00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:21,242
I'm okay.

272
00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:23,941
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

273
00:15:23,984 --> 00:15:25,551
[BOTH PANTING] [GASPS]

274
00:15:44,570 --> 00:15:46,441
[INAUDIBLE]

275
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,803
[MOUTHING] Please.

276
00:16:04,895 --> 00:16:06,723
Please. Please.

277
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,943
Baby, I'm so sorry.

278
00:16:09,987 --> 00:16:13,773
No!

279
00:16:20,388 --> 00:16:21,433
[DINGS]

280
00:16:33,445 --> 00:16:34,881
[PANTING]

281
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:42,019
[HORN BLARING] [GRUNTS]

282
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,589
[TIRES SCREECHING]

283
00:16:57,469 --> 00:16:58,470
[THUNDER RUMBLES]

284
00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:02,735
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

285
00:17:02,779 --> 00:17:03,867
[ENGINE STALLING]

286
00:17:06,478 --> 00:17:08,088
[YELLS]

287
00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:27,717
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

288
00:17:33,548 --> 00:17:35,376
[THUNDER RUMBLING]

289
00:17:38,336 --> 00:17:39,816
[HORN BLARES]

290
00:17:43,776 --> 00:17:45,778
[WOMAN SINGING]

291
00:19:18,305 --> 00:19:21,004
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪

292
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,745
Is it just me, or does

293
00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:25,375
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...

294
00:19:25,399 --> 00:19:26,705
sound suspiciously like

295
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,707
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?

296
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,013
[SNIFFLES]

297
00:19:30,056 --> 00:19:32,189
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪

298
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,584
And nobody
fucking realizes it.

299
00:19:36,628 --> 00:19:38,195
Wade, you gotta go home.

300
00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:40,980
You've been sitting here
for three days, okay?

301
00:19:41,024 --> 00:19:44,723
You smell like sauerkraut
left in the warm rain.

302
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:47,073
Like wet garbage
in hot urine.

303
00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:49,293
You smell like
a dog ate kitty litter...

304
00:19:49,336 --> 00:19:51,382
and then farted his way
out of the living room.

305
00:19:51,425 --> 00:19:53,253
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's

306
00:19:53,297 --> 00:19:55,125
couch cushions
after Shark Week.

307
00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:56,909
I love Frozen.

308
00:19:56,953 --> 00:20:00,521
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.

309
00:20:00,565 --> 00:20:02,088
An ocean is water.

310
00:20:02,132 --> 00:20:06,876
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?

311
00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:08,051
George Michael was right.

312
00:20:08,094 --> 00:20:09,922
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!

313
00:20:10,531 --> 00:20:11,532
He's dead, too.

314
00:20:12,707 --> 00:20:14,057
At least we still have Bowie.

315
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,841
Oh, Mr. Pool.
David Bowie is...

316
00:20:15,885 --> 00:20:17,147
Uh, uh, uh...

317
00:20:17,190 --> 00:20:18,365
still with us.

318
00:20:18,409 --> 00:20:21,281
We do.
We'll always have Bowie.

319
00:20:21,891 --> 00:20:22,935
I'm sorry.

320
00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:24,415
Shot after shot,

321
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:26,306
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...

322
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:27,960
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?

323
00:20:27,984 --> 00:20:30,900
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.

324
00:20:30,943 --> 00:20:32,510
Is he pissing? I'm on it!

325
00:20:32,553 --> 00:20:34,033
There you go, Dopinder.

326
00:20:34,077 --> 00:20:36,122
If you want to be
a contract killer...

327
00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:38,733
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.

328
00:20:38,777 --> 00:20:39,841
Although I don't
quite understand

329
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:41,432
how they are at all similar.

330
00:20:41,475 --> 00:20:43,584
'Cause I could shove either
one up your ass and kill you.

331
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:44,739
Now, leave me.

332
00:20:44,783 --> 00:20:45,784
I get it.

333
00:20:46,306 --> 00:20:47,917
Go home, Wade.

334
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,310
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...

335
00:20:51,746 --> 00:20:53,139
Okay, I'm fine.

336
00:20:53,183 --> 00:20:54,314
I'm fine.

337
00:20:54,358 --> 00:20:56,186
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?

338
00:20:56,229 --> 00:20:59,972
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.

339
00:21:00,016 --> 00:21:01,234
According to the...

340
00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:04,020
Kubler-Ross.Yeah.

341
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,935
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...

342
00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:08,763
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.

343
00:21:08,807 --> 00:21:11,157
Jesus Christ, Buck!

344
00:21:11,201 --> 00:21:13,116
No more speaking lines
for you.

345
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,729
[LAUGHING]

346
00:21:17,772 --> 00:21:20,427
[JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO]

347
00:21:20,471 --> 00:21:21,733
[COMEDY SERIES PLAYING
ON RADIO]

348
00:21:21,776 --> 00:21:24,127
THUG: [ON RADIO]
Hey, bud. Bud.

349
00:21:24,170 --> 00:21:26,259
JACK: Huh?
THUG: Got a match?

350
00:21:26,303 --> 00:21:27,826
JACK: Match?

351
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,349
Yes, I have one right here.

352
00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:30,761
THUG: Don't make a move.
This is a stick-up.

353
00:21:30,785 --> 00:21:32,526
JACK: What?
THUG: You heard me.

354
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:34,615
JACK: Mister, Mister,
put down that gun.

355
00:21:34,659 --> 00:21:37,270
THUG: Shut up. Now, come on.
Your money or your life?

356
00:21:37,314 --> 00:21:39,620
[SNIFFS]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO]

357
00:21:45,452 --> 00:21:49,195
THUG: Look, bud. I said,
"Your money or your life."

358
00:21:49,239 --> 00:21:50,544
"I'm thinking it over!"

359
00:21:50,588 --> 00:21:51,981
Motherfuck!

360
00:21:52,024 --> 00:21:53,069
Fuck!

361
00:21:54,070 --> 00:21:55,201
[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

362
00:21:56,072 --> 00:21:57,551
The hell you doin' here?

363
00:21:57,595 --> 00:21:59,684
Don't you know how to knock?

364
00:21:59,727 --> 00:22:01,642
I thought you saw me...

365
00:22:01,686 --> 00:22:03,209
with your ears.

366
00:22:03,253 --> 00:22:04,317
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...

367
00:22:04,341 --> 00:22:05,385
The wall?

368
00:22:05,429 --> 00:22:08,823
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.

369
00:22:11,609 --> 00:22:13,219
BLIND AL: I heard the news,
sweetie.

370
00:22:13,263 --> 00:22:15,352
I'm very sorry. I am.

371
00:22:15,395 --> 00:22:17,310
What am I gonna do, Al?

372
00:22:17,354 --> 00:22:19,051
Probably something terrible.

373
00:22:20,226 --> 00:22:21,619
Knowing you.

374
00:22:21,662 --> 00:22:23,186
It was my fault.

375
00:22:24,404 --> 00:22:27,103
I fucking did this.

376
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:29,018
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her

377
00:22:29,061 --> 00:22:31,020
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.

378
00:22:33,022 --> 00:22:34,675
She's gone.

379
00:22:34,719 --> 00:22:38,505
BLIND AL: Sweetheart,
can you speak up?

380
00:22:38,549 --> 00:22:39,811
It's a little hard
to hear you

381
00:22:39,854 --> 00:22:41,552
with that pity dick
in your mouth.

382
00:22:41,595 --> 00:22:44,642
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.

383
00:22:44,685 --> 00:22:45,991
Thank you...

384
00:22:46,035 --> 00:22:49,038
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.

385
00:22:49,081 --> 00:22:51,127
Listen to the pain.

386
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,955
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.

387
00:22:53,999 --> 00:22:57,611
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.

388
00:22:57,655 --> 00:23:01,528
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.

389
00:23:01,572 --> 00:23:04,270
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?

390
00:23:06,794 --> 00:23:08,013
Wade?

391
00:23:10,450 --> 00:23:12,626
Wade? I'm right here, Althea.

392
00:23:12,670 --> 00:23:15,281
And that is
the most beautiful thing

393
00:23:15,325 --> 00:23:16,543
I've ever heard.

394
00:23:17,283 --> 00:23:18,850
And you're absolutely right.

395
00:23:21,592 --> 00:23:22,680
[COUGHS]

396
00:23:22,723 --> 00:23:25,074
I'm about to do
something terrible.

397
00:23:26,814 --> 00:23:28,251
[BLUES ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

398
00:23:31,123 --> 00:23:32,385
DEADPOOL:
Precious, aren't they?

399
00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:34,648
Whoa!

400
00:23:34,692 --> 00:23:36,128
Are you a superhero?

401
00:23:36,172 --> 00:23:37,869
Fucking A, sweetie.

402
00:23:37,912 --> 00:23:39,479
What's your name?

403
00:23:39,523 --> 00:23:41,307
Captain Delicious Pants.

404
00:23:41,351 --> 00:23:43,527
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?

405
00:23:45,311 --> 00:23:47,357
[KIDS SCREAMING]
[ANIMAL GROWLING]

406
00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:10,902
I can't believe
he's still alive.

407
00:24:10,945 --> 00:24:13,426
I can't believe you left
the house in that shirt.

408
00:24:14,906 --> 00:24:16,864
There's gotta be
some way to die.

409
00:24:16,908 --> 00:24:18,953
I just need to die harder.

410
00:24:18,997 --> 00:24:20,216
Trademark Fox.

411
00:24:20,259 --> 00:24:21,260
Y'all caught up now?

412
00:24:30,530 --> 00:24:33,142
[OVERLAPPING VOICES]

413
00:24:34,534 --> 00:24:36,188
VANESSA: Open for business.

414
00:24:36,232 --> 00:24:38,495
[OVERLAPPING VOICES CONTINUE]

415
00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:42,194
WADE: Your crazy
matches my crazy.

416
00:24:42,238 --> 00:24:44,390
VANESSA: I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

417
00:24:44,414 --> 00:24:45,676
WADE: Skee-Ball token.

418
00:24:45,719 --> 00:24:46,999
You're a lot smarter
than I look.

419
00:24:47,243 --> 00:24:48,940
[VOICES ECHOING]

420
00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:54,182
WADE: About why
we're so good together.

421
00:24:54,206 --> 00:24:55,401
VANESSA: I love you,
Wade Wilson.

422
00:24:55,425 --> 00:24:56,904
[GASPS]

423
00:24:58,036 --> 00:24:59,429
WADE: Ness?

424
00:25:00,908 --> 00:25:02,040
Ness?

425
00:25:02,867 --> 00:25:04,434
Ness.

426
00:25:04,477 --> 00:25:07,176
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

427
00:25:08,873 --> 00:25:11,397
Your heart's not
in the right place.

428
00:25:11,441 --> 00:25:14,095
[STAMMERS]
Wait, hold on. What?

429
00:25:14,139 --> 00:25:16,228
Your heart's not
in the right place.

430
00:25:16,272 --> 00:25:17,664
Wait. What do you mean

431
00:25:17,708 --> 00:25:18,772
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...

432
00:25:18,796 --> 00:25:20,232
[TIMER TICKING]

433
00:25:22,278 --> 00:25:23,278
[TIMER DINGS]

434
00:25:38,903 --> 00:25:41,427
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.

435
00:25:41,906 --> 00:25:43,037
You're broken.

436
00:25:43,081 --> 00:25:46,040
DEADPOOL: Oh, God.
I know that voice.

437
00:26:07,105 --> 00:26:08,541
HEADMASTER: Well, Russell.

438
00:26:08,585 --> 00:26:11,240
I hear you're handy
at picking locks.

439
00:26:12,632 --> 00:26:14,852
There will be no need
for that here.

440
00:26:14,895 --> 00:26:18,203
There's no locks on our doors,
no bars on our windows.

441
00:26:19,552 --> 00:26:21,598
I know what you're thinking.

442
00:26:21,641 --> 00:26:24,296
Why don't the kids just run?

443
00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:27,299
Who would choose to stay
in such a place?

444
00:26:27,343 --> 00:26:29,823
You stay because...

445
00:26:29,867 --> 00:26:34,611
deep down inside, you know
you're unfit to leave.

446
00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,007
Don't worry.

447
00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:42,836
We can fix that.

448
00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:51,410
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.

449
00:27:13,389 --> 00:27:15,086
DEADPOOL:
"Heart's in the right place."

450
00:27:15,129 --> 00:27:16,585
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?

451
00:27:16,609 --> 00:27:18,524
COLOSSUS:
Take your mask off, Wade.

452
00:27:18,568 --> 00:27:20,265
I wish you'd said "pants".

453
00:27:20,309 --> 00:27:21,527
Let's play a game.

454
00:27:21,571 --> 00:27:24,095
It's called
"Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".

455
00:27:24,138 --> 00:27:26,489
Now, close your eyes
and open your mouth.

456
00:27:26,532 --> 00:27:28,360
COLOSSUS: You don't need
to be funny here.

457
00:27:28,969 --> 00:27:30,231
We must talk.

458
00:27:30,275 --> 00:27:32,756
You need fresh start. [GROANS]

459
00:27:32,799 --> 00:27:34,366
Such a glare.

460
00:27:34,410 --> 00:27:36,673
It's like I'm on stage
at the Gaiety.

461
00:27:36,716 --> 00:27:39,328
With training,
you can be X-Man.

462
00:27:39,371 --> 00:27:41,460
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.

463
00:27:41,504 --> 00:27:42,809
I'm not X-Man material.

464
00:27:42,853 --> 00:27:44,420
Understatement of the year.

465
00:27:44,898 --> 00:27:45,899
Wade, Yukio.

466
00:27:46,378 --> 00:27:48,293
Yukio, Wade.

467
00:27:48,337 --> 00:27:50,426
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?

468
00:27:50,469 --> 00:27:53,124
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.

469
00:27:53,167 --> 00:27:54,995
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox and Friends.

470
00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:56,910
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.

471
00:27:56,954 --> 00:27:59,565
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.

472
00:27:59,609 --> 00:28:01,437
I like this guy.

473
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,569
Give him a chance.

474
00:28:03,613 --> 00:28:04,720
It's great seeing you
like this.

475
00:28:04,744 --> 00:28:06,920
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY] Yeah.

476
00:28:07,399 --> 00:28:08,705
Bye, Wade!

477
00:28:08,748 --> 00:28:11,229
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.

478
00:28:11,272 --> 00:28:14,058
"Rule number one.
No killing...

479
00:28:14,101 --> 00:28:17,540
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.

480
00:28:17,583 --> 00:28:20,238
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."

481
00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:21,282
Wade?

482
00:28:22,153 --> 00:28:23,415
Wade?

483
00:28:23,459 --> 00:28:25,286
Don't try to chase me. Wade!

484
00:28:25,330 --> 00:28:27,419
I'm not ready
to be touched again.

485
00:28:27,463 --> 00:28:29,682
All these old guys
on the wall.

486
00:28:29,726 --> 00:28:31,815
Who lives here,
Calista Flockhart?

487
00:28:32,729 --> 00:28:34,078
[OBJECTS SHATTERING]

488
00:28:34,121 --> 00:28:37,037
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!

489
00:28:37,081 --> 00:28:38,952
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?

490
00:28:38,996 --> 00:28:41,259
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?

491
00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:44,175
And how would I
do that exactly?

492
00:28:44,218 --> 00:28:46,656
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?

493
00:28:46,699 --> 00:28:47,918
It's always just you

494
00:28:47,961 --> 00:28:49,286
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...

495
00:28:49,310 --> 00:28:50,529
Enough!

496
00:28:50,573 --> 00:28:52,401
[GASPS] I said no touching!

497
00:28:54,185 --> 00:28:57,449
What the fuck?

498
00:28:57,493 --> 00:28:59,669
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.

499
00:28:59,712 --> 00:29:02,541
One that doesn't end up
in my mouth.

500
00:29:02,585 --> 00:29:03,779
The first movie
made more money

501
00:29:03,803 --> 00:29:06,153
than the guy
who invented pants.

502
00:29:06,197 --> 00:29:08,373
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

503
00:29:08,417 --> 00:29:10,506
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?

504
00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:11,855
What do those do anyway, huh?

505
00:29:11,898 --> 00:29:13,378
Carry him
three feet off the ground

506
00:29:13,422 --> 00:29:15,467
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?

507
00:29:15,511 --> 00:29:17,687
[DOORS CLOSE] No, no, no!

508
00:29:17,730 --> 00:29:20,472
I am not X-Man material
at all.

509
00:29:20,516 --> 00:29:23,170
First off...
[BREATHES DEEPLY]

510
00:29:23,214 --> 00:29:25,259
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more... [GROANS]

511
00:29:25,956 --> 00:29:27,436
[GRUNTS]

512
00:29:27,479 --> 00:29:28,524
I should have left you

513
00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,308
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.

514
00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:33,442
But this is what friends do.
They show up!

515
00:29:33,485 --> 00:29:35,487
Not when convenient or easy.

516
00:29:35,531 --> 00:29:39,839
When hard,
and you always make it hard.

517
00:29:39,883 --> 00:29:42,363
[BREATHING HEAVILY] You are unwell.

518
00:29:42,407 --> 00:29:44,496
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.

519
00:29:44,540 --> 00:29:46,455
[STRAINING] Wait.
One of the assholes

520
00:29:46,498 --> 00:29:47,978
who killed Vanessa got away.

521
00:29:48,718 --> 00:29:49,806
[GRUNTS]

522
00:29:50,546 --> 00:29:52,722
Oh, Jesus Christ!

523
00:29:52,765 --> 00:29:54,656
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.

524
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,615
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.

525
00:29:56,639 --> 00:29:58,684
Wade, whoever they are...

526
00:29:58,728 --> 00:30:01,078
we track them down
and bring them to justice.

527
00:30:01,644 --> 00:30:03,080
It was me.

528
00:30:05,909 --> 00:30:08,564
I'm the asshole who got away.

529
00:30:08,607 --> 00:30:11,741
I killed every last one
of them, except me.

530
00:30:11,784 --> 00:30:13,482
Couldn't kill me.

531
00:30:16,615 --> 00:30:18,617
We were gonna start a family.

532
00:30:20,445 --> 00:30:22,403
We were, uh... [SNIFFLES]

533
00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:23,579
[CLEARS THROAT]

534
00:30:23,622 --> 00:30:25,363
We were gonna be a family.

535
00:30:26,146 --> 00:30:27,278
COLOSSUS: Wade...

536
00:30:27,321 --> 00:30:30,107
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.

537
00:30:31,674 --> 00:30:34,024
This may not be
family you want...

538
00:30:34,067 --> 00:30:36,505
but it's family you need.

539
00:30:36,548 --> 00:30:37,810
You have a good heart.

540
00:30:37,854 --> 00:30:39,420
It belongs here
where it can grow.

541
00:30:41,205 --> 00:30:42,206
What did you say?

542
00:30:44,251 --> 00:30:45,557
About my heart?

543
00:30:49,518 --> 00:30:50,954
[EXHALES]

544
00:30:50,997 --> 00:30:52,999
I think
I'm in the right place.

545
00:31:03,009 --> 00:31:04,576
[GRUNTS]

546
00:31:50,404 --> 00:31:51,710
[INAUDIBLE]

547
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:57,803
[SCREAMING]

548
00:32:00,806 --> 00:32:03,635
MAN: I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.

549
00:32:03,679 --> 00:32:05,289
[ESCAPEPLAYING ON RADIO] Toilet paper.

550
00:32:05,332 --> 00:32:06,725
What's so bad
about toilet paper?

551
00:32:06,769 --> 00:32:07,987
Gets the job done.

552
00:32:08,031 --> 00:32:10,903
Does it really
get the job done?

553
00:32:10,947 --> 00:32:13,166
All right. Say you wake up
tomorrow morning...

554
00:32:13,210 --> 00:32:17,910
and, hypothetically, find some
fresh shit on your face.

555
00:32:17,954 --> 00:32:19,671
Your cheek, maybe
a little bit in the beard.

556
00:32:19,695 --> 00:32:21,411
What the hell?
I'm about to be fucking sick!

557
00:32:21,435 --> 00:32:22,523
What do you do?

558
00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:23,873
Do you go to a bathroom

559
00:32:23,916 --> 00:32:25,614
and tear off
a piece of dry tissue...

560
00:32:25,657 --> 00:32:27,528
and rub it around
on your beard a little bit

561
00:32:27,572 --> 00:32:29,139
and then go on,
get on with your day?

562
00:32:29,182 --> 00:32:30,793
Go to church,
maybe dinner and a movie,

563
00:32:30,836 --> 00:32:31,968
like nothing happened?

564
00:32:32,011 --> 00:32:33,404
Where is this
coming from, man?

565
00:32:33,447 --> 00:32:34,666
But something did happen.

566
00:32:34,710 --> 00:32:36,189
Your face smells like shit.
Right?

567
00:32:36,233 --> 00:32:37,800
So what you would do,

568
00:32:37,843 --> 00:32:40,106
is you would get some soap,
you'd get some hot water...

569
00:32:40,150 --> 00:32:42,500
and you would scrub
the fucking shit

570
00:32:42,543 --> 00:32:44,545
out of your beard
for 10 straight minutes.

571
00:32:44,589 --> 00:32:46,286
You could not
scrub it enough.

572
00:32:46,330 --> 00:32:47,984
Are you trying
to make me feel disgusting?

573
00:32:48,027 --> 00:32:49,246
I'm starting to feel...

574
00:32:49,289 --> 00:32:51,988
Toilet paper is
a pretty fine appetizer.

575
00:32:52,031 --> 00:32:54,338
But, then...

576
00:32:54,381 --> 00:32:56,688
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.

577
00:32:56,732 --> 00:32:58,124
That's your main course.

578
00:32:58,168 --> 00:33:02,085
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.

579
00:33:02,128 --> 00:33:04,914
Finally, one more pass
with toilet paper,

580
00:33:04,957 --> 00:33:06,872
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.

581
00:33:06,916 --> 00:33:08,569
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,

582
00:33:08,613 --> 00:33:09,919
if you can get you
a hair dryer.

583
00:33:09,962 --> 00:33:12,312
Just about 30 seconds
would do you good.

584
00:33:16,012 --> 00:33:17,013
The fuck?

585
00:33:18,275 --> 00:33:19,319
Year.

586
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:21,321
What?

587
00:33:22,540 --> 00:33:24,194
What year is it?

588
00:33:24,237 --> 00:33:26,675
What kind of dumbass question
is that to ask?

589
00:33:33,029 --> 00:33:35,988
[ESCAPECONTINUES
PLAYING ON RADIO]

590
00:33:40,732 --> 00:33:42,386
[ALARM RINGING]

591
00:33:43,779 --> 00:33:45,911
[SIRENS APPROACHING]

592
00:33:57,444 --> 00:34:00,230
INSTRUCTOR: We have 8 weeks of
boot camp ahead of us, men.

593
00:34:00,273 --> 00:34:01,622
That'll get us
toned and prepared

594
00:34:01,666 --> 00:34:03,233
for all manner of combat.

595
00:34:05,322 --> 00:34:09,543
Not working out at all.

596
00:34:09,587 --> 00:34:11,241
Masking tape.

597
00:34:11,284 --> 00:34:13,634
It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.

598
00:34:14,723 --> 00:34:16,725
Velcro.
Color-coded, efficient,

599
00:34:16,768 --> 00:34:17,813
environmentally friendly.

600
00:34:18,596 --> 00:34:20,163
Who is he talking to?

601
00:34:20,206 --> 00:34:21,880
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?

602
00:34:21,904 --> 00:34:23,906
Can we focus
for a moment, ladies?

603
00:34:23,949 --> 00:34:26,256
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.

604
00:34:26,299 --> 00:34:28,084
Obviously,
everyone hated the ceviche.

605
00:34:28,127 --> 00:34:29,476
I read the suggestion box.

606
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,130
I'm gonna stop you
right there.

607
00:34:31,174 --> 00:34:33,176
I see through this weak act.

608
00:34:33,219 --> 00:34:37,571
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...

609
00:34:37,615 --> 00:34:38,790
but not me.

610
00:34:38,834 --> 00:34:39,922
Don't be mean.

611
00:34:39,965 --> 00:34:41,314
Back off, NTW.

612
00:34:41,358 --> 00:34:43,577
No, no, no. Let her go.

613
00:34:43,621 --> 00:34:44,796
Let her go, it's okay.

614
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,406
She has a right
to be skeptical.

615
00:34:46,450 --> 00:34:49,061
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.

616
00:34:50,236 --> 00:34:51,629
You know, historically,

617
00:34:51,672 --> 00:34:53,587
mischief has been
my mistress...

618
00:34:53,631 --> 00:34:56,286
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think...

619
00:34:57,896 --> 00:35:01,204
that you guys have
really rubbed off on me.

620
00:35:01,247 --> 00:35:03,327
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you, too.

621
00:35:05,295 --> 00:35:07,253
A lot.

622
00:35:07,297 --> 00:35:09,952
And for the first time
in a long while...

623
00:35:09,995 --> 00:35:11,170
I like me.

624
00:35:13,390 --> 00:35:15,914
I accept your apology. I never apologized.

625
00:35:15,958 --> 00:35:17,524
I was talking to your heart.

626
00:35:17,568 --> 00:35:19,962
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.

627
00:35:20,005 --> 00:35:23,226
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.

628
00:35:23,269 --> 00:35:25,271
Thank you, Colossus.

629
00:35:25,315 --> 00:35:26,925
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.

630
00:35:26,969 --> 00:35:28,405
Sorry, X-Person.

631
00:35:29,972 --> 00:35:32,670
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.

632
00:35:32,713 --> 00:35:34,324
It's fine.

633
00:35:34,367 --> 00:35:36,587
I just filled it. Give it
a few more pumps there.

634
00:35:37,806 --> 00:35:40,286
Now, if you'll excuse me...

635
00:35:40,330 --> 00:35:42,114
it's dust bunny season...

636
00:35:42,158 --> 00:35:43,159
and I'm hunting wabbits.

637
00:35:43,899 --> 00:35:44,987
Bye, Wade!

638
00:35:47,163 --> 00:35:49,730
[MOUTHING] Fuck.
[MOUTHING] Fuck you.

639
00:35:55,867 --> 00:35:57,347
[BELL CONTINUES RINGING]

640
00:35:59,349 --> 00:36:01,351
[BELL STOPS RINGING]

641
00:36:01,394 --> 00:36:03,962
HEADMASTER:
No one is born perfect.

642
00:36:04,006 --> 00:36:06,008
But you can be.

643
00:36:06,051 --> 00:36:08,401
I know you're doing
what comes naturally.

644
00:36:12,710 --> 00:36:14,538
You can't help yourself.

645
00:36:18,411 --> 00:36:20,500
But you can.

646
00:36:20,544 --> 00:36:23,634
It takes work, discipline...

647
00:36:23,677 --> 00:36:24,896
and treatment.

648
00:36:24,940 --> 00:36:26,637
Your abilities...

649
00:36:28,595 --> 00:36:31,381
I know how seductive they are.

650
00:36:31,424 --> 00:36:34,558
How powerful
they make you feel.

651
00:36:34,601 --> 00:36:37,126
But you must learn
never to use them...

652
00:36:37,169 --> 00:36:39,780
so they will never use you.

653
00:36:43,393 --> 00:36:44,611
[CRYING]

654
00:36:46,004 --> 00:36:47,614
Please don't cry.

655
00:36:48,441 --> 00:36:50,052
I'm going to help.

656
00:36:50,095 --> 00:36:53,272
I'm gonna make you feel
what you should feel.

657
00:36:53,316 --> 00:36:55,840
How you need to feel...

658
00:36:55,884 --> 00:36:59,235
every time you're tempted
to act upon your urges.

659
00:36:59,278 --> 00:37:03,195
Suck my mutant dick,
you four-eyed fuck.

660
00:37:05,763 --> 00:37:07,721
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[GRUNTING]

661
00:37:13,162 --> 00:37:14,163
[SCREAMS]

662
00:37:17,601 --> 00:37:18,819
COLOSSUS: Wade.

663
00:37:19,820 --> 00:37:21,387
Wade!

664
00:37:21,431 --> 00:37:23,520
Come in!
Hey, I was just doing

665
00:37:23,563 --> 00:37:25,478
a little bit
of light reading here...

666
00:37:25,522 --> 00:37:26,958
We have mission.

667
00:37:27,002 --> 00:37:28,525
Well, you guys be
safe out there.

668
00:37:28,568 --> 00:37:29,830
I'll be praying for you.

669
00:37:29,874 --> 00:37:32,268
No, I want you to join.

670
00:37:33,486 --> 00:37:34,661
I'm sorry, what?

671
00:37:34,705 --> 00:37:36,315
You heard me.

672
00:37:36,359 --> 00:37:38,752
Trust me,
that's a terrible idea.

673
00:37:38,796 --> 00:37:39,884
I'm really not ready.

674
00:37:39,928 --> 00:37:41,625
You are ready. I'm not.

675
00:37:41,668 --> 00:37:43,540
Be at the X-Jet in five.

676
00:37:43,583 --> 00:37:44,758
I can do thirty.

677
00:37:44,802 --> 00:37:46,760
Now. I can do now.

678
00:37:46,804 --> 00:37:48,023
Final offer.

679
00:37:48,066 --> 00:37:50,634
REPORTER: Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.

680
00:37:50,677 --> 00:37:52,679
Live here
at a breaking news situation

681
00:37:52,723 --> 00:37:55,378
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.

682
00:37:55,421 --> 00:37:57,380
A mutant boy
is appearing to have

683
00:37:57,423 --> 00:37:58,903
some sort of an incident...

684
00:37:58,947 --> 00:38:00,446
with police here behind me.
RUSSELL: Get away from me!

685
00:38:00,470 --> 00:38:02,907
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.

686
00:38:02,951 --> 00:38:04,406
There are open fires. Fuck off! Stay back!

687
00:38:04,430 --> 00:38:05,494
REPORTER: A scene of
absolute chaos here.

688
00:38:05,518 --> 00:38:06,650
OFFICER: Calm down.

689
00:38:06,693 --> 00:38:09,305
RUSSELL: I'll burn you!
You stay back!

690
00:38:10,045 --> 00:38:11,829
Get away from me!

691
00:38:11,872 --> 00:38:14,353
You wanna fucking die?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

692
00:38:29,368 --> 00:38:32,589
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...

693
00:38:32,632 --> 00:38:34,156
DEADPOOL: Scatter!

694
00:38:34,199 --> 00:38:36,201
REPORTER: ...with what appears
to be a trainee.

695
00:38:36,245 --> 00:38:39,248
DEADPOOL: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...

696
00:38:39,291 --> 00:38:40,466
We're the X-Men!

697
00:38:40,510 --> 00:38:43,034
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.

698
00:38:43,078 --> 00:38:45,602
So, respect.

699
00:38:45,645 --> 00:38:46,907
At ease, Officer.

700
00:38:48,474 --> 00:38:49,998
What are you doing?

701
00:38:50,476 --> 00:38:51,782
My job!

702
00:38:51,825 --> 00:38:53,225
You're the one who said
I was ready,

703
00:38:53,262 --> 00:38:54,785
and I frankly disagreed
with you.

704
00:38:54,828 --> 00:38:57,222
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.

705
00:38:57,266 --> 00:38:59,703
Like Beyonce says, "Please...

706
00:39:00,530 --> 00:39:01,922
"Please, stop cheating on me."

707
00:39:01,966 --> 00:39:03,054
OFFICER: Hey!

708
00:39:03,098 --> 00:39:04,490
This is the fifth incident.

709
00:39:04,534 --> 00:39:06,753
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.

710
00:39:06,797 --> 00:39:08,451
Russell belongs in our care.

711
00:39:08,494 --> 00:39:10,279
Not in prison.
I assure you...

712
00:39:10,322 --> 00:39:11,473
we have everything
under control.

713
00:39:11,497 --> 00:39:12,605
RUSSELL: Stay back!
I'll burn you!

714
00:39:12,629 --> 00:39:13,847
Not getting a real

715
00:39:13,891 --> 00:39:15,980
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.

716
00:39:16,024 --> 00:39:18,069
It is Glen, isn't it? Daniel.

717
00:39:18,113 --> 00:39:19,331
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.

718
00:39:19,375 --> 00:39:20,724
Let me talk to the kid.

719
00:39:20,767 --> 00:39:25,598
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.

720
00:39:27,339 --> 00:39:28,384
RUSSELL: You wanna die?

721
00:39:28,427 --> 00:39:29,622
DEADPOOL: This kid's adorable.

722
00:39:29,646 --> 00:39:30,666
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.

723
00:39:30,690 --> 00:39:31,865
I'll burn your balls off!

724
00:39:31,909 --> 00:39:35,260
First day. [CHUCKLING]
I'm so nervous!

725
00:39:35,304 --> 00:39:36,870
Did you just say
"hollow points"?

726
00:39:36,914 --> 00:39:38,263
Yeah, probably should've

727
00:39:38,307 --> 00:39:40,352
brought a Super Soaker.
[LAUGHS]

728
00:39:40,918 --> 00:39:41,919
Hi, there!

729
00:39:43,181 --> 00:39:45,705
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!

730
00:39:45,749 --> 00:39:49,231
[LAUGHS] Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.

731
00:39:50,623 --> 00:39:52,297
[RUSSELL GRUNTS]
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!

732
00:39:52,321 --> 00:39:55,454
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.

733
00:39:55,498 --> 00:39:57,021
Okay? Let's just talk!

734
00:39:57,065 --> 00:39:58,675
It's Russell, right?

735
00:39:58,718 --> 00:40:00,981
Firefist.Firefist.

736
00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:03,245
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?

737
00:40:03,288 --> 00:40:05,088
Just the fist, or all the way
up to the elbow?

738
00:40:05,682 --> 00:40:06,944
[GRUNTS]

739
00:40:08,424 --> 00:40:09,729
[CROWD EXCLAIMS]

740
00:40:09,773 --> 00:40:12,428
[CHUCKLES] Definitely all
the way up to the elbow.

741
00:40:12,471 --> 00:40:15,300
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.

742
00:40:15,344 --> 00:40:18,129
You stole that from Robocop!
That's from Robocop!

743
00:40:18,173 --> 00:40:19,826
Just stand down!

744
00:40:19,870 --> 00:40:21,959
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...

745
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:23,265
[LAUGHS]

746
00:40:23,308 --> 00:40:25,832
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!

747
00:40:25,876 --> 00:40:26,877
[GRUNTS]

748
00:40:27,834 --> 00:40:30,315
[ALL SCREAMING]

749
00:40:30,359 --> 00:40:34,363
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!

750
00:40:34,406 --> 00:40:35,799
Put your hands
behind your knees

751
00:40:35,842 --> 00:40:37,322
and get down
on your head! Now!

752
00:40:37,366 --> 00:40:39,629
Wade! What was first rule?

753
00:40:39,672 --> 00:40:41,631
Label everything
in the refrigerator!

754
00:40:41,674 --> 00:40:44,286
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!

755
00:40:44,329 --> 00:40:45,765
COLOSSUS:
That's the exact opposite

756
00:40:45,809 --> 00:40:47,158
of what they're meant for!

757
00:40:48,203 --> 00:40:50,161
Fuck! Fine!

758
00:40:50,205 --> 00:40:51,815
I'll start from the beginning.

759
00:40:51,858 --> 00:40:54,209
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.

760
00:40:54,252 --> 00:40:56,211
Trainee! Shut it!

761
00:40:57,168 --> 00:40:59,431
Look, I get it.

762
00:41:00,606 --> 00:41:02,217
All right, you're scared.

763
00:41:02,782 --> 00:41:03,870
Alone.

764
00:41:03,914 --> 00:41:05,002
You got no family.

765
00:41:05,045 --> 00:41:06,110
I didn't have
a family, either.

766
00:41:06,134 --> 00:41:07,874
You live in this dump.
Guess what?

767
00:41:07,918 --> 00:41:09,615
I used to live in a shithole
just like it.

768
00:41:10,529 --> 00:41:11,878
But you know something?

769
00:41:11,922 --> 00:41:13,663
A wise woman
once said to me...

770
00:41:13,706 --> 00:41:15,186
"Speak up."

771
00:41:15,230 --> 00:41:18,058
"I can't hear you with that
pity dick in your mouth."

772
00:41:18,102 --> 00:41:19,712
Too much? I went too far.

773
00:41:19,756 --> 00:41:21,018
[GRUNTS]
[ALL EXCLAIM]

774
00:41:27,677 --> 00:41:29,200
That was effervescent.

775
00:41:29,244 --> 00:41:31,507
[SIGHS] Stay in school, kid.

776
00:41:31,550 --> 00:41:33,378
Or don't. I didn't.

777
00:41:33,422 --> 00:41:35,032
And I'm an X-Man.
[THUDS]

778
00:41:35,075 --> 00:41:36,207
Trainee.

779
00:41:36,251 --> 00:41:37,600
Fuck it!

780
00:41:37,643 --> 00:41:39,384
Superhero landing coming up!

781
00:41:41,517 --> 00:41:42,953
[GRUNTS]

782
00:41:42,996 --> 00:41:44,650
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!

783
00:41:44,694 --> 00:41:46,783
[GROANS]
That is so not practical.

784
00:41:46,826 --> 00:41:48,350
[GRUNTS]
[GASPS]

785
00:41:50,134 --> 00:41:51,309
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

786
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,098
[GROANS]

787
00:42:02,451 --> 00:42:04,801
[CROWD CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

788
00:42:07,282 --> 00:42:09,414
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.

789
00:42:09,458 --> 00:42:10,609
NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD:
Trainee!

790
00:42:10,633 --> 00:42:11,851
DEADPOOL: Trainee!

791
00:42:11,895 --> 00:42:13,679
OFFICER: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!

792
00:42:13,723 --> 00:42:16,943
DEADPOOL: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.

793
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:18,771
[DEVICE WHIRRS]

794
00:42:18,815 --> 00:42:20,338
What's that do?

795
00:42:20,382 --> 00:42:21,905
Power-dampening collar.

796
00:42:21,948 --> 00:42:23,254
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.

797
00:42:23,298 --> 00:42:26,126
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.

798
00:42:26,170 --> 00:42:29,173
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.

799
00:42:29,217 --> 00:42:30,435
HEADMASTER: Thank you!

800
00:42:32,307 --> 00:42:34,526
That was absolutely thrilling.

801
00:42:34,570 --> 00:42:36,789
True heroism in action.

802
00:42:36,833 --> 00:42:38,487
We are in your debt.

803
00:42:39,314 --> 00:42:40,967
We can take it from here.

804
00:42:41,011 --> 00:42:43,231
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!

805
00:42:43,274 --> 00:42:44,449
Anywhere's better than here.

806
00:42:44,493 --> 00:42:45,755
DEADPOOL: Believe me, son,

807
00:42:45,798 --> 00:42:47,539
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.

808
00:42:47,583 --> 00:42:50,194
That place makes Hitler's anus
look like Waikiki.

809
00:42:50,238 --> 00:42:52,109
Let's get you inside,
young man.

810
00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:54,154
No, wait, wait. Wait.

811
00:42:54,198 --> 00:42:55,678
You guys stay there.

812
00:43:05,775 --> 00:43:07,385
Those guys hurt you?

813
00:43:08,821 --> 00:43:09,866
Who?

814
00:43:11,911 --> 00:43:14,610
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?

815
00:43:16,089 --> 00:43:17,569
Both of 'em?

816
00:43:21,312 --> 00:43:23,009
Oh, fuck it.

817
00:43:23,053 --> 00:43:24,620
Four or five moments!

818
00:43:24,663 --> 00:43:25,708
I'm sorry?

819
00:43:25,751 --> 00:43:28,928
Four or five moments!

820
00:43:30,190 --> 00:43:32,932
That's all it takes
to be a hero.

821
00:43:33,977 --> 00:43:36,284
People think
you wake up a hero...

822
00:43:36,327 --> 00:43:38,460
brush your teeth a hero...

823
00:43:38,503 --> 00:43:41,419
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.

824
00:43:41,463 --> 00:43:42,812
[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]

825
00:43:42,855 --> 00:43:46,555
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!

826
00:43:47,904 --> 00:43:49,558
A few moments...

827
00:43:49,601 --> 00:43:52,300
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.

828
00:43:52,343 --> 00:43:53,388
[GROANS]

829
00:43:55,781 --> 00:43:56,913
No!

830
00:43:59,568 --> 00:44:00,849
OFFICER: Stand down!
Hold your fire!

831
00:44:00,873 --> 00:44:03,223
Wade, what did you do? Colossus, no!

832
00:44:03,267 --> 00:44:06,531
You were right, Wade.
You are not X-Men material.

833
00:44:06,575 --> 00:44:08,881
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!

834
00:44:08,925 --> 00:44:10,405
What was your first clue?

835
00:44:10,448 --> 00:44:13,582
The hollow point
through that fuckhead's face?

836
00:44:13,625 --> 00:44:14,931
That kid was abused!

837
00:44:14,974 --> 00:44:17,020
You can always tell!
COLOSSUS: We have rules!

838
00:44:17,063 --> 00:44:19,805
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!

839
00:44:19,849 --> 00:44:22,808
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!

840
00:44:22,852 --> 00:44:24,680
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!

841
00:44:24,723 --> 00:44:27,770
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.

842
00:44:30,903 --> 00:44:33,210
OFFICER: Okay,
get these guys in the pod.

843
00:44:33,253 --> 00:44:35,430
Take them to the Ice Box.[SIRENS WAILING]

844
00:44:35,473 --> 00:44:37,345
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

845
00:44:48,486 --> 00:44:51,315
[PRISONERS SHOUTING]
[WHISTLING]

846
00:44:51,359 --> 00:44:53,230
[GATE BUZZING]

847
00:44:54,884 --> 00:44:56,015
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
[GRUNTS]

848
00:44:56,059 --> 00:44:57,060
Hey, baby!

849
00:44:58,148 --> 00:45:00,411
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.

850
00:45:00,455 --> 00:45:01,934
Yeah!

851
00:45:01,978 --> 00:45:04,241
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
[MOUTHS] Hi.

852
00:45:06,112 --> 00:45:07,505
I've always seen myself as

853
00:45:07,549 --> 00:45:08,941
more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.

854
00:45:10,465 --> 00:45:13,424
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.

855
00:45:13,468 --> 00:45:17,341
This is not what the website
looked like at all.

856
00:45:18,908 --> 00:45:20,649
I love the decor though.

857
00:45:20,692 --> 00:45:22,651
I had no idea
hopeless was a color.

858
00:45:22,694 --> 00:45:23,956
GUARD: Hard left, douchebag.

859
00:45:28,483 --> 00:45:29,701
Please, after you.

860
00:45:31,834 --> 00:45:34,532
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.

861
00:45:34,576 --> 00:45:35,707
We'll sleep well tonight.

862
00:45:35,751 --> 00:45:36,795
Let's get a bagel.

863
00:45:36,839 --> 00:45:40,016
[TASER CRACKLING]
[GROANING]

864
00:45:40,059 --> 00:45:42,888
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!

865
00:45:43,976 --> 00:45:46,065
[CONTINUES GROANING]

866
00:46:13,049 --> 00:46:14,572
[VOMITING]

867
00:46:18,663 --> 00:46:20,554
RUSSELL: You're a long way
from your superpowers.

868
00:46:20,578 --> 00:46:23,015
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.

869
00:46:23,059 --> 00:46:25,540
Not to worry,
we're old friends.

870
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:26,802
Fuck!

871
00:46:26,845 --> 00:46:29,021
I wanted to be a superhero.

872
00:46:29,065 --> 00:46:31,023
Always wanted
a real super suit.

873
00:46:31,067 --> 00:46:32,634
[SIGHS] What happened?

874
00:46:32,677 --> 00:46:34,797
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?

875
00:46:35,463 --> 00:46:36,942
Never.

876
00:46:36,986 --> 00:46:38,770
The industry discriminates.

877
00:46:39,858 --> 00:46:41,947
Fuck superheroes.

878
00:46:41,991 --> 00:46:44,254
The thing that
pisses me off the most...

879
00:46:44,297 --> 00:46:46,125
I never stood up
for myself in there.

880
00:46:47,736 --> 00:46:50,652
My whole life.

881
00:46:50,695 --> 00:46:54,177
I've been waiting for someone
to come and save me.

882
00:46:56,571 --> 00:46:59,530
Nobody's gonna sacrifice
anything for me.

883
00:47:03,665 --> 00:47:05,928
I gotta start taking care
of myself.

884
00:47:07,277 --> 00:47:10,019
I have a mission now.

885
00:47:10,062 --> 00:47:12,717
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...

886
00:47:12,761 --> 00:47:15,111
burn the headmaster alive...

887
00:47:15,154 --> 00:47:18,854
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.

888
00:47:18,897 --> 00:47:21,334
Aw. That's, like,
my favorite part of the Bible.

889
00:47:23,075 --> 00:47:25,556
I don't have
a sock puppet on me...

890
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,645
but what did he do to you?

891
00:47:27,689 --> 00:47:29,299
Did he taste the rainbow?

892
00:47:29,342 --> 00:47:31,388
I'd whisper it,
but Skittles would sue us.

893
00:47:32,563 --> 00:47:34,565
Fucker hates mutants.

894
00:47:34,609 --> 00:47:36,567
He tried to beat
the genes out of us.

895
00:47:36,611 --> 00:47:39,135
Nothing worse than
a "pray the gay away" type guy.

896
00:47:39,918 --> 00:47:41,311
Sick piece of shit.

897
00:47:42,704 --> 00:47:46,403
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...

898
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,058
and we'll make him our bitch!

899
00:47:49,101 --> 00:47:50,450
[RUMBLING]

900
00:47:51,713 --> 00:47:52,931
[WADE COUGHS]

901
00:47:52,975 --> 00:47:54,324
What was that? [CLEARS THROAT]

902
00:47:54,367 --> 00:47:56,935
That is the biggest guy
in here.

903
00:47:56,979 --> 00:47:59,068
Fun fact about the Ice Box...

904
00:47:59,111 --> 00:48:00,939
though no one's ever seen it,

905
00:48:00,983 --> 00:48:03,202
they keep a monster
in the basement.

906
00:48:03,246 --> 00:48:04,987
Right next to a huge,

907
00:48:05,030 --> 00:48:06,554
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.

908
00:48:07,206 --> 00:48:08,207
Look.

909
00:48:09,208 --> 00:48:11,471
I can't protect you. [COUGHS]

910
00:48:11,515 --> 00:48:12,647
With this collar on,

911
00:48:12,690 --> 00:48:15,824
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.

912
00:48:15,867 --> 00:48:19,349
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.

913
00:48:19,392 --> 00:48:21,481
Now, if you'll excuse me...
[COUGHS]

914
00:48:21,525 --> 00:48:24,702
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.

915
00:48:24,746 --> 00:48:27,226
I'll start by making us
a shank.

916
00:48:27,270 --> 00:48:29,185
Good listening. I stole that guard's pen...

917
00:48:29,228 --> 00:48:31,187
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,

918
00:48:31,230 --> 00:48:32,623
if you know what I'm saying.

919
00:48:32,667 --> 00:48:35,147
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.

920
00:48:35,757 --> 00:48:37,193
[RUSSELL EXHALES]

921
00:48:37,236 --> 00:48:39,587
RUSSELL: I know it's in there,
I just need to get it out.

922
00:48:39,630 --> 00:48:41,719
Oh, Jesus Christ.

923
00:48:41,763 --> 00:48:44,417
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.

924
00:48:44,461 --> 00:48:46,855
Do they make Purell
for your ears?

925
00:48:46,898 --> 00:48:48,421
[SIREN WAILING]

926
00:48:51,381 --> 00:48:52,741
REPORTER: [ON TV]
And to update you

927
00:48:52,774 --> 00:48:54,166
on the story reported earlier,

928
00:48:54,210 --> 00:48:55,907
after a lengthy standoff

929
00:48:55,951 --> 00:48:58,562
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...

930
00:48:58,606 --> 00:48:59,911
two mutants were arrested

931
00:48:59,955 --> 00:49:01,696
and transported
to the Ice Box...

932
00:49:01,739 --> 00:49:03,219
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Entering repair mode.

933
00:49:07,571 --> 00:49:09,157
REPORTER: ...several
police cars were destroyed

934
00:49:09,181 --> 00:49:11,009
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.

935
00:49:30,899 --> 00:49:32,204
[COUGHS]

936
00:49:32,248 --> 00:49:34,250
GUARD: [ON PA]
Cells seven and nine

937
00:49:34,293 --> 00:49:37,688
now off-limits
for medical personnel.

938
00:49:37,732 --> 00:49:39,211
Cells seven and nine

939
00:49:39,255 --> 00:49:41,997
now off-limits
for medical personnel.

940
00:49:43,738 --> 00:49:45,130
Psst!

941
00:49:47,437 --> 00:49:49,787
Don't do that.

942
00:49:49,831 --> 00:49:52,703
What? Why are you
winking at me?

943
00:49:52,747 --> 00:49:53,835
[COUGHS]

944
00:49:56,315 --> 00:49:57,708
I got your back.

945
00:49:57,752 --> 00:49:58,970
Oh, my God.

946
00:49:59,014 --> 00:50:00,537
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.

947
00:50:00,580 --> 00:50:02,495
Just leave me alone, kid.
[MAN WHISTLING]

948
00:50:03,627 --> 00:50:04,672
Oh, great.

949
00:50:05,281 --> 00:50:06,499
[WADE COUGHS]

950
00:50:06,543 --> 00:50:09,067
Well, hello there, new fish.

951
00:50:09,111 --> 00:50:12,157
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.

952
00:50:12,201 --> 00:50:14,464
[COUGHS] I've done some
light catalog work...

953
00:50:14,507 --> 00:50:16,988
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.

954
00:50:17,032 --> 00:50:19,817
I was talking to him.Oh.

955
00:50:19,861 --> 00:50:23,255
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.

956
00:50:23,299 --> 00:50:25,954
Black Tom Cassidy. White Wade Wilson.

957
00:50:25,997 --> 00:50:29,435
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?

958
00:50:29,479 --> 00:50:32,047
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.

959
00:50:32,090 --> 00:50:34,658
You don't look
like much to me.

960
00:50:34,702 --> 00:50:37,139
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...

961
00:50:37,182 --> 00:50:39,228
find the biggest guy
and make him your...

962
00:50:39,271 --> 00:50:41,230
[GROANS]
[INMATES EXCLAIM]

963
00:50:43,058 --> 00:50:45,277
Second biggest guy.

964
00:50:45,321 --> 00:50:47,758
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.

965
00:50:47,802 --> 00:50:51,370
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!

966
00:50:51,414 --> 00:50:53,242
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?

967
00:50:53,285 --> 00:50:54,504
[GROANS]
[INMATES EXCLAIM]

968
00:50:54,547 --> 00:50:56,767
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.

969
00:50:56,811 --> 00:50:59,161
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!

970
00:50:59,204 --> 00:51:01,467
Zip it. We're not friends.
[INMATES CHEERING]

971
00:51:03,165 --> 00:51:04,445
You're about to get
dick-slapped.

972
00:51:05,428 --> 00:51:07,865
[INMATES SHOUTING]
[COUGHS]

973
00:51:09,388 --> 00:51:10,955
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

974
00:51:16,831 --> 00:51:18,571
I had so much fun!
You were like... [GRUNTS]

975
00:51:18,615 --> 00:51:20,704
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."

976
00:51:20,748 --> 00:51:22,488
Just let me die in peace.

977
00:51:22,532 --> 00:51:24,664
[GRUNTS]
We make a great team!

978
00:51:24,708 --> 00:51:27,276
Oh, God! We're not a team.
[COUGHING]

979
00:51:27,319 --> 00:51:31,671
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.

980
00:51:31,715 --> 00:51:34,109
We're not partners
or friends.

981
00:51:35,545 --> 00:51:37,634
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.

982
00:51:37,677 --> 00:51:39,854
It ends with me
dying of cancer...

983
00:51:39,897 --> 00:51:43,771
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.

984
00:51:43,814 --> 00:51:45,163
[WADE COUGHS]

985
00:51:45,207 --> 00:51:46,817
There's only one person
in this world

986
00:51:46,861 --> 00:51:48,645
that I care about,
and she's gone.

987
00:51:50,429 --> 00:51:53,606
You wanna survive?

988
00:51:53,650 --> 00:51:56,958
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...

989
00:51:57,001 --> 00:51:58,873
and make friends with them.

990
00:52:00,178 --> 00:52:01,789
Make friends with someone.

991
00:52:03,007 --> 00:52:04,617
Anyone but me.

992
00:52:05,793 --> 00:52:08,099
Maybe even Black Tim.

993
00:52:09,013 --> 00:52:10,623
Black Evan, I don't know.

994
00:52:10,667 --> 00:52:13,148
All I remember is
he was African-American.

995
00:52:23,985 --> 00:52:25,682
[GUARDS GROANING]

996
00:52:32,384 --> 00:52:33,744
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[ALARM BLARING]

997
00:52:40,828 --> 00:52:42,655
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

998
00:52:48,052 --> 00:52:49,793
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

999
00:52:51,142 --> 00:52:52,840
[GUARDS GROANING]

1000
00:52:58,628 --> 00:53:00,717
AUTOMATED VOICE: [ON PA]
System malfunctioning.

1001
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,112
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.

1002
00:53:04,155 --> 00:53:06,418
Back in your cells, you filthy
mutants! Get in there!

1003
00:53:06,462 --> 00:53:09,769
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.

1004
00:53:10,945 --> 00:53:12,385
[BEEPING]
AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching.

1005
00:53:13,904 --> 00:53:16,254
Cell 04 located.

1006
00:53:17,647 --> 00:53:19,779
Door won't open!

1007
00:53:19,823 --> 00:53:21,433
GUARD: On your fucking knees!

1008
00:53:23,958 --> 00:53:25,524
[ALL GRUNTING]

1009
00:53:58,383 --> 00:54:00,081
That was our cell.

1010
00:54:02,213 --> 00:54:04,520
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker

1011
00:54:04,563 --> 00:54:05,738
with a Winter Soldier arm?

1012
00:54:15,009 --> 00:54:16,924
Get away from me, kid!

1013
00:54:18,795 --> 00:54:19,970
[PRISONER GROANS]

1014
00:54:20,623 --> 00:54:21,711
[ALL GRUNTING]

1015
00:54:24,540 --> 00:54:25,758
Listen to me! Go!

1016
00:54:31,242 --> 00:54:32,548
Hello, Russell.

1017
00:54:36,291 --> 00:54:37,379
[COCKS GUN]

1018
00:54:41,470 --> 00:54:42,819
[GROANS]

1019
00:54:43,951 --> 00:54:45,691
[WADE GRUNTS]
[GROANS]

1020
00:54:47,215 --> 00:54:48,868
[GROANING]

1021
00:55:01,969 --> 00:55:03,274
[GRUNTS]

1022
00:55:13,241 --> 00:55:15,634
[GUARDS GROANING]

1023
00:55:34,958 --> 00:55:37,656
[GROANING]

1024
00:55:41,399 --> 00:55:42,879
[ALL GRUNTING]

1025
00:55:51,540 --> 00:55:52,715
[GROANS]

1026
00:55:52,758 --> 00:55:54,543
[GASPS]

1027
00:55:54,586 --> 00:55:55,761
[SPEAKING SPANISH]

1028
00:56:02,725 --> 00:56:04,118
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]

1029
00:56:07,077 --> 00:56:08,600
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1030
00:56:16,130 --> 00:56:17,131
Who are you?

1031
00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:19,263
I'm Batman.

1032
00:56:28,620 --> 00:56:29,708
[GASPS]

1033
00:56:30,709 --> 00:56:31,754
Ooh!

1034
00:56:32,711 --> 00:56:33,799
[GRUNTS]

1035
00:56:36,498 --> 00:56:39,370
Oh. That's got some zip.

1036
00:56:47,900 --> 00:56:50,686
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.

1037
00:56:51,382 --> 00:56:52,949
Talk!

1038
00:56:52,992 --> 00:56:54,777
What kind of
spineless shit stick

1039
00:56:54,820 --> 00:56:56,170
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?

1040
00:56:57,475 --> 00:56:58,998
You might wanna start talking!

1041
00:56:59,042 --> 00:57:01,282
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!

1042
00:57:02,654 --> 00:57:04,656
The name's Cable.

1043
00:57:04,700 --> 00:57:07,355
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.

1044
00:57:08,051 --> 00:57:09,357
Oh!

1045
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,359
So, you're from the future.

1046
00:57:11,402 --> 00:57:13,361
I have
three questions then.

1047
00:57:13,404 --> 00:57:17,016
One, is dubstep still a thing?

1048
00:57:17,060 --> 00:57:19,541
Two, do people still homebrew?

1049
00:57:19,584 --> 00:57:22,152
And three,
does Dopinder ever find love?

1050
00:57:31,248 --> 00:57:32,771
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1051
00:57:45,784 --> 00:57:47,612
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

1052
00:57:49,962 --> 00:57:53,314
[SHOUTING]
[CHOKING]

1053
00:57:56,230 --> 00:57:57,579
[SCREAMING]

1054
00:58:02,236 --> 00:58:03,933
[GROANING]

1055
00:58:06,327 --> 00:58:08,111
Dubstep's for pussies.

1056
00:58:08,155 --> 00:58:09,460
You're so dark!

1057
00:58:09,504 --> 00:58:11,593
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?

1058
00:58:12,333 --> 00:58:13,899
I love dubstep!

1059
00:58:13,943 --> 00:58:16,119
[DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING]

1060
00:58:24,432 --> 00:58:26,173
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]

1061
00:58:38,663 --> 00:58:40,143
[GROANS]

1062
00:58:40,187 --> 00:58:41,623
WADE: Is that a fanny pack?

1063
00:58:41,666 --> 00:58:44,234
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.

1064
00:58:45,235 --> 00:58:47,324
Something to remember you by.

1065
00:58:47,368 --> 00:58:51,154
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.

1066
00:58:51,198 --> 00:58:53,548
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!

1067
00:58:59,031 --> 00:59:00,076
[GROANING]

1068
00:59:03,297 --> 00:59:05,386
Why are you protecting
the kid?

1069
00:59:05,429 --> 00:59:06,648
[LAUGHS]

1070
00:59:06,691 --> 00:59:08,998
I don't give a fuck
about him...

1071
00:59:09,041 --> 00:59:11,435
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!

1072
00:59:13,785 --> 00:59:15,047
What's this one do?

1073
00:59:16,397 --> 00:59:18,355
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

1074
00:59:27,451 --> 00:59:29,192
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

1075
00:59:29,236 --> 00:59:30,846
WADE: In every film,
there's a moment

1076
00:59:30,889 --> 00:59:33,283
when the hero
hits rock bottom.

1077
00:59:33,327 --> 00:59:35,285
InCool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's

1078
00:59:35,329 --> 00:59:37,287
prized bobsled broke.

1079
00:59:37,331 --> 00:59:40,072
InHuman Centipede,
it was when those people...

1080
00:59:40,116 --> 00:59:41,683
signed on to be in that movie.

1081
00:59:41,726 --> 00:59:43,859
But in this film, well...

1082
00:59:43,902 --> 00:59:45,121
you're looking at it.

1083
00:59:45,164 --> 00:59:46,905
GUARD:
On your fucking knees, mutant.

1084
00:59:47,732 --> 00:59:49,168
[GROANING]

1085
00:59:49,821 --> 00:59:50,822
WADE: Rock...

1086
00:59:54,870 --> 00:59:56,350
meet bottom.

1087
01:00:01,442 --> 01:00:03,270
[INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING]

1088
01:00:07,056 --> 01:00:08,207
VANESSA:
I love you, Wade Wilson.

1089
01:00:08,231 --> 01:00:09,406
Ness?

1090
01:00:10,451 --> 01:00:11,930
Hey, Ness!

1091
01:00:12,801 --> 01:00:14,629
Ness, can you let me in?

1092
01:00:14,672 --> 01:00:16,761
Please! Please.

1093
01:00:18,937 --> 01:00:20,069
Jesus.

1094
01:00:20,112 --> 01:00:21,113
[SIGHS]

1095
01:00:22,985 --> 01:00:24,745
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.

1096
01:00:24,769 --> 01:00:26,597
I'm at the end of my rope.

1097
01:00:26,641 --> 01:00:28,077
[TIMER TICKING]

1098
01:00:29,078 --> 01:00:31,428
Then I joined the X-Men.

1099
01:00:31,472 --> 01:00:33,300
I went to prison. I, uh...

1100
01:00:37,391 --> 01:00:38,914
Is it the kid?

1101
01:00:40,959 --> 01:00:43,875
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.

1102
01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:46,313
The kid!
[TIMER DINGS]

1103
01:00:49,794 --> 01:00:51,318
[GASPING]

1104
01:00:53,929 --> 01:00:55,496
[WHEEZING]

1105
01:00:59,935 --> 01:01:01,545
That's exactly what she meant.

1106
01:01:01,589 --> 01:01:03,001
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.

1107
01:01:03,025 --> 01:01:04,896
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.

1108
01:01:04,940 --> 01:01:07,551
He's never had anyone, ever.

1109
01:01:07,595 --> 01:01:08,944
I need to be selfless.

1110
01:01:08,987 --> 01:01:10,946
Yeah, but what does
that mean?

1111
01:01:10,989 --> 01:01:14,253
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.

1112
01:01:14,297 --> 01:01:15,820
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...

1113
01:01:15,864 --> 01:01:18,867
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.

1114
01:01:18,910 --> 01:01:20,975
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."

1115
01:01:20,999 --> 01:01:22,523
I literally don't know
what that means.

1116
01:01:22,566 --> 01:01:23,741
Jesus Christ.

1117
01:01:23,785 --> 01:01:26,527
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...

1118
01:01:26,570 --> 01:01:28,398
those muties
are being transferred

1119
01:01:28,442 --> 01:01:30,269
to a supermax, 80 miles away.

1120
01:01:30,313 --> 01:01:32,141
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.

1121
01:01:32,184 --> 01:01:34,361
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?

1122
01:01:34,404 --> 01:01:36,406
We're talking about
an armored convoy...

1123
01:01:36,450 --> 01:01:39,061
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...

1124
01:01:39,104 --> 01:01:41,455
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.

1125
01:01:41,498 --> 01:01:42,978
You know what we need to do?

1126
01:01:43,021 --> 01:01:44,893
We need to build
a fucking team.

1127
01:01:44,936 --> 01:01:47,025
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...

1128
01:01:47,069 --> 01:01:48,462
and young enough
so they can carry

1129
01:01:48,505 --> 01:01:49,700
this franchise 10 to 12 years.

1130
01:01:49,724 --> 01:01:51,595
A team of
highly-skilled motherfuckers.

1131
01:01:51,639 --> 01:01:54,685
I'm talking about some
Ocean's 14shit. Rogue Two.

1132
01:01:54,729 --> 01:01:57,166
John Wick 3,but with
the original director.

1133
01:01:57,209 --> 01:01:59,124
DOPINDER: My body is an
instrument of death.

1134
01:01:59,168 --> 01:02:00,517
Not now, Dopinder.

1135
01:02:00,561 --> 01:02:02,040
I could be of great use.

1136
01:02:02,084 --> 01:02:03,651
What's your superpower?

1137
01:02:05,479 --> 01:02:07,132
Courage. That's adorable.

1138
01:02:07,176 --> 01:02:08,849
Do you have the courage
to check and see...

1139
01:02:08,873 --> 01:02:11,267
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?

1140
01:02:11,310 --> 01:02:12,355
Yes, sir.

1141
01:02:12,399 --> 01:02:13,661
I'm sorry
you had to see that,

1142
01:02:13,704 --> 01:02:16,054
although I'm glad
you heard it.

1143
01:02:16,098 --> 01:02:18,013
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.

1144
01:02:18,056 --> 01:02:20,319
But we're not paying
medical or dental.

1145
01:02:20,363 --> 01:02:22,409
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.

1146
01:02:32,244 --> 01:02:33,681
[EXHALES]

1147
01:02:43,517 --> 01:02:45,475
[CHILD SINGING]

1148
01:02:59,271 --> 01:03:00,925
GUARD: [ON PA]
Attention, all inmates!

1149
01:03:00,969 --> 01:03:03,406
Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security

1150
01:03:03,450 --> 01:03:04,929
Mutant Containment Facility...

1151
01:03:04,973 --> 01:03:06,931
will begin at 0800 hours.

1152
01:03:06,975 --> 01:03:08,977
Inspection of your cells
and out processing

1153
01:03:09,020 --> 01:03:11,066
will begin at 0600.

1154
01:03:19,378 --> 01:03:20,467
BLACK TOM: Oi.

1155
01:03:20,510 --> 01:03:21,859
MUTANT: What the fuck
do you want?

1156
01:03:21,903 --> 01:03:23,731
That's my fucking pudding.

1157
01:03:23,774 --> 01:03:25,776
Fuck your pudding! You like pudding?

1158
01:03:25,820 --> 01:03:27,561
[GRUNTS]
[PRISONERS CLAMORING]

1159
01:03:28,387 --> 01:03:30,085
[ALARM BLARING]

1160
01:03:46,797 --> 01:03:47,798
Hello?

1161
01:03:50,105 --> 01:03:52,455
I know you're in there.

1162
01:04:08,123 --> 01:04:10,429
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.

1163
01:04:11,692 --> 01:04:13,998
Lonely at the top, eh?

1164
01:04:14,042 --> 01:04:16,000
They're moving us tomorrow.

1165
01:04:18,481 --> 01:04:20,265
Maybe I can get you
out of here.

1166
01:04:21,484 --> 01:04:24,618
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.

1167
01:04:26,489 --> 01:04:28,230
We need a secret code.

1168
01:04:30,188 --> 01:04:31,407
[IMITATES BIRD CALL]

1169
01:04:31,450 --> 01:04:33,888
[SOFTLY] No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.

1170
01:04:36,064 --> 01:04:38,022
[RHYTHMIC BANGING]

1171
01:04:38,066 --> 01:04:39,937
[RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE]

1172
01:04:41,156 --> 01:04:42,679
We're a team.

1173
01:04:42,723 --> 01:04:44,681
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.

1174
01:04:44,725 --> 01:04:48,380
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.

1175
01:04:48,424 --> 01:04:49,532
WEASEL: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.

1176
01:04:49,556 --> 01:04:50,644
DEADPOOL: Yeah.

1177
01:04:50,687 --> 01:04:51,732
I like that.

1178
01:04:51,775 --> 01:04:53,429
Terrific,
these are all terrific.

1179
01:04:53,472 --> 01:04:55,213
Meet Bedlam.

1180
01:04:55,257 --> 01:04:57,520
Cool name! Superpowers?

1181
01:04:57,564 --> 01:04:59,087
I can distort
electrical fields.

1182
01:04:59,130 --> 01:05:00,262
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

1183
01:05:00,305 --> 01:05:02,525
Including the one
inside your brain...

1184
01:05:02,569 --> 01:05:05,267
causing anxiety, confusion...

1185
01:05:05,310 --> 01:05:07,312
pain.

1186
01:05:07,356 --> 01:05:09,445
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.

1187
01:05:09,488 --> 01:05:10,620
We can use him.

1188
01:05:12,404 --> 01:05:14,058
I'm Zeitgeist.

1189
01:05:14,102 --> 01:05:15,407
Cool. I like it.

1190
01:05:15,451 --> 01:05:16,713
So you have the power

1191
01:05:16,757 --> 01:05:19,107
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?

1192
01:05:20,151 --> 01:05:21,326
[STAMMERS] No.

1193
01:05:21,370 --> 01:05:22,937
No, I spit acidic vomit.
[SNIFFS]

1194
01:05:22,980 --> 01:05:24,112
Oh.Do you want me

1195
01:05:24,155 --> 01:05:25,548
to demonstrate? DEADPOOL: No!

1196
01:05:25,592 --> 01:05:27,071
WEASEL: We'll take
your word for it.

1197
01:05:27,115 --> 01:05:29,267
Thank you. Yeah. Listen,
we've all eaten at Arby's, okay?

1198
01:05:29,291 --> 01:05:31,902
And this is the Vanisher.

1199
01:05:35,253 --> 01:05:36,254
But...

1200
01:05:37,429 --> 01:05:38,909
Vanisher!

1201
01:05:38,953 --> 01:05:40,519
[LAUGHS]

1202
01:05:41,433 --> 01:05:43,087
Nice! Right?

1203
01:05:44,393 --> 01:05:45,524
He's not here, is he?

1204
01:05:45,568 --> 01:05:47,091
He may be running late.

1205
01:05:48,702 --> 01:05:51,530
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.

1206
01:05:51,574 --> 01:05:52,793
BOTH: That's good, yeah.

1207
01:05:52,836 --> 01:05:54,969
"Rusty" is terrible.Toughie.

1208
01:05:55,012 --> 01:05:57,841
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet Mojo World.

1209
01:05:57,885 --> 01:05:59,930
So you're an alien, I guess. Bad name.

1210
01:05:59,974 --> 01:06:01,671
How does that, uh, help us?

1211
01:06:01,715 --> 01:06:04,631
I'm basically better
than you at everything.

1212
01:06:04,674 --> 01:06:06,391
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people

1213
01:06:06,415 --> 01:06:07,982
that are worse than me
at everything.

1214
01:06:08,025 --> 01:06:10,245
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.

1215
01:06:10,288 --> 01:06:12,223
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.

1216
01:06:12,247 --> 01:06:13,378
Isn't that Canada?

1217
01:06:13,422 --> 01:06:15,816
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!

1218
01:06:16,991 --> 01:06:18,514
WEASEL: Meet... Domino.

1219
01:06:18,557 --> 01:06:20,603
DEADPOOL: What's your shtick? I'm lucky.

1220
01:06:20,647 --> 01:06:22,039
That's not a superpower.

1221
01:06:22,083 --> 01:06:23,214
Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.

1222
01:06:23,258 --> 01:06:24,520
Yes, it is. No, it isn't.

1223
01:06:24,563 --> 01:06:25,608
Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.

1224
01:06:25,652 --> 01:06:26,696
Yes, it is. No, it isn't.

1225
01:06:26,740 --> 01:06:27,760
Yeah, it is. Really isn't.

1226
01:06:27,784 --> 01:06:29,003
No, it isn't.Yes, it is.

1227
01:06:29,046 --> 01:06:30,221
Told you.

1228
01:06:30,265 --> 01:06:31,614
Get out of my head!

1229
01:06:31,658 --> 01:06:33,268
I'm not in your head.

1230
01:06:33,311 --> 01:06:34,661
I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.

1231
01:06:34,704 --> 01:06:35,836
Well, if you're so lucky,

1232
01:06:35,879 --> 01:06:37,489
then what are you
doing here with us?

1233
01:06:37,533 --> 01:06:38,665
I don't know yet.

1234
01:06:38,708 --> 01:06:40,231
What's that supposed to mean?

1235
01:06:40,275 --> 01:06:41,556
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.

1236
01:06:41,580 --> 01:06:43,384
Everything usually
just kind of works out for me.

1237
01:06:43,408 --> 01:06:45,236
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.

1238
01:06:46,542 --> 01:06:47,674
I don't know who that is.

1239
01:06:47,717 --> 01:06:49,197
DEADPOOL: You're hired.

1240
01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:50,285
Lucky me.

1241
01:06:50,328 --> 01:06:51,547
DEADPOOL: I like her!

1242
01:06:52,679 --> 01:06:53,984
And last, but not least...

1243
01:06:54,028 --> 01:06:55,159
Peter.

1244
01:06:56,552 --> 01:06:59,076
Am I getting
catfished here or...?

1245
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:01,035
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?

1246
01:07:01,078 --> 01:07:02,689
PETER: No.

1247
01:07:02,732 --> 01:07:04,429
I don't have one.

1248
01:07:04,473 --> 01:07:05,779
Um, I just saw the ad.

1249
01:07:05,822 --> 01:07:07,606
No superpowers at all?

1250
01:07:07,650 --> 01:07:10,740
Uh, I have both
Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.

1251
01:07:11,262 --> 01:07:12,611
Ow! Oh!

1252
01:07:12,655 --> 01:07:13,787
That's all the diabetes.

1253
01:07:13,830 --> 01:07:15,136
Right?
Yeah, you got 'em all.

1254
01:07:15,179 --> 01:07:17,094
If you find a Type 3,
let us know.

1255
01:07:17,616 --> 01:07:18,661
Yeah.

1256
01:07:18,705 --> 01:07:19,793
You're in.

1257
01:07:19,836 --> 01:07:21,359
Yeah. Fuck!

1258
01:07:23,753 --> 01:07:25,146
It's fulfilling work.

1259
01:07:30,238 --> 01:07:31,543
GUARD: Let's go!

1260
01:07:45,166 --> 01:07:47,777
GUARD: This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.

1261
01:07:47,821 --> 01:07:49,170
We are en route.

1262
01:07:56,786 --> 01:07:59,136
CABLE:
Peacetime makes people soft.

1263
01:08:00,747 --> 01:08:02,531
I was born into war.

1264
01:08:04,054 --> 01:08:05,229
Bred into it.

1265
01:08:06,361 --> 01:08:08,145
Okay.

1266
01:08:08,189 --> 01:08:10,539
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?

1267
01:08:12,497 --> 01:08:13,760
These restraints are pretty...

1268
01:08:13,803 --> 01:08:15,674
People think
they understand pain.

1269
01:08:15,718 --> 01:08:17,154
They have no concept of it

1270
01:08:17,198 --> 01:08:19,156
beyond their own
worst experience.

1271
01:08:20,767 --> 01:08:23,944
5 years old. That's what?

1272
01:08:23,987 --> 01:08:25,554
A bee sting.

1273
01:08:25,597 --> 01:08:26,729
Oh, yeah.

1274
01:08:26,773 --> 01:08:29,297
20 years old, shrapnel.

1275
01:08:29,340 --> 01:08:32,039
40 years old, disease.

1276
01:08:32,082 --> 01:08:36,652
Maybe the kind that leaves you
more machine than man.

1277
01:08:36,695 --> 01:08:38,095
Yeah, getting old's
not for sissies.

1278
01:08:38,132 --> 01:08:39,786
That's what my
Grandma Ginny used to...

1279
01:08:39,829 --> 01:08:41,004
I've got a list.

1280
01:08:41,788 --> 01:08:43,746
We're gonna work down it.

1281
01:08:44,442 --> 01:08:45,443
Together.

1282
01:08:46,618 --> 01:08:49,665
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.

1283
01:08:49,708 --> 01:08:52,015
Something that was not
meant to bend.

1284
01:08:52,059 --> 01:08:53,210
I'm gonna
stop you right there

1285
01:08:53,234 --> 01:08:54,559
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.

1286
01:08:54,583 --> 01:08:55,889
I won't even
make it to one.

1287
01:08:55,932 --> 01:08:57,673
I don't do well with pain,
you know.

1288
01:08:57,716 --> 01:09:00,067
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.

1289
01:09:00,110 --> 01:09:02,504
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.

1290
01:09:02,547 --> 01:09:04,395
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.

1291
01:09:04,419 --> 01:09:05,812
I have one right now.

1292
01:09:05,855 --> 01:09:07,422
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.

1293
01:09:07,465 --> 01:09:08,597
I don't want you
to hurt me,

1294
01:09:08,640 --> 01:09:10,817
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.

1295
01:09:11,818 --> 01:09:13,950
Except for where they are.

1296
01:09:13,994 --> 01:09:15,275
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound

1297
01:09:15,299 --> 01:09:16,692
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.

1298
01:09:16,735 --> 01:09:18,061
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.

1299
01:09:18,085 --> 01:09:19,564
DEADPOOL:
You all know the plan.

1300
01:09:19,608 --> 01:09:21,349
Intercept the convoy,

1301
01:09:21,392 --> 01:09:23,394
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!

1302
01:09:23,438 --> 01:09:24,787
WEASEL: You know what,

1303
01:09:24,831 --> 01:09:26,354
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.

1304
01:09:26,397 --> 01:09:28,530
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.

1305
01:09:28,573 --> 01:09:31,272
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.

1306
01:09:31,315 --> 01:09:33,927
Watch out for this guy, Cable!

1307
01:09:33,970 --> 01:09:37,234
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.

1308
01:09:37,278 --> 01:09:40,368
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.

1309
01:09:40,411 --> 01:09:42,491
WEASEL: So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...

1310
01:09:43,284 --> 01:09:44,981
there's a wind advisory
in effect.

1311
01:09:49,464 --> 01:09:51,161
[WIND HOWLING]

1312
01:09:56,123 --> 01:09:57,763
PILOT: [ON PA]
A little turbulent up here.

1313
01:10:05,132 --> 01:10:06,916
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...

1314
01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:08,352
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed

1315
01:10:08,396 --> 01:10:10,137
as many people
as melanoma has.

1316
01:10:11,529 --> 01:10:12,922
We're getting close!

1317
01:10:12,966 --> 01:10:14,663
As a former X-Man...

1318
01:10:14,706 --> 01:10:16,621
Trainee. Thank you, Bedlam.

1319
01:10:16,665 --> 01:10:19,015
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism

1320
01:10:19,059 --> 01:10:20,669
in the group's name.

1321
01:10:20,712 --> 01:10:22,758
X-Men! Men!

1322
01:10:22,801 --> 01:10:25,804
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.

1323
01:10:25,848 --> 01:10:27,154
Gender neutral.

1324
01:10:27,197 --> 01:10:29,504
From now on,
we'll be known as...

1325
01:10:31,767 --> 01:10:33,116
X-Force.

1326
01:10:33,160 --> 01:10:34,944
Isn't that
a little derivative?

1327
01:10:34,988 --> 01:10:37,381
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!

1328
01:10:38,643 --> 01:10:40,080
That wasn't me.

1329
01:10:47,130 --> 01:10:49,480
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...

1330
01:10:49,524 --> 01:10:51,352
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.

1331
01:10:51,395 --> 01:10:52,503
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!

1332
01:10:52,527 --> 01:10:54,398
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!

1333
01:10:54,442 --> 01:10:55,573
ALL: Yeah!

1334
01:10:55,617 --> 01:10:57,314
[ALL WHOOPING] I can't wait to kill!

1335
01:10:57,358 --> 01:11:00,100
Hey! Hey! Hey!

1336
01:11:00,143 --> 01:11:02,841
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.

1337
01:11:02,885 --> 01:11:05,757
You know,
you guys look amazing!

1338
01:11:05,801 --> 01:11:08,673
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.

1339
01:11:08,717 --> 01:11:09,848
This is the family

1340
01:11:09,892 --> 01:11:11,572
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...

1341
01:11:12,329 --> 01:11:13,417
Ah, shit.

1342
01:11:13,461 --> 01:11:14,984
[SNIFFLES]

1343
01:11:15,028 --> 01:11:16,725
I just get a little choked up
sometimes.

1344
01:11:16,768 --> 01:11:18,596
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous

1345
01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:19,989
about the high winds?

1346
01:11:20,033 --> 01:11:21,382
Gary. My name's Peter.

1347
01:11:21,425 --> 01:11:23,340
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.

1348
01:11:23,384 --> 01:11:25,038
You've been chosen
by a higher power.

1349
01:11:25,081 --> 01:11:27,388
Did he just call himself God?
I think he did.

1350
01:11:27,431 --> 01:11:28,998
I'd like to go home. And I'd like...

1351
01:11:29,042 --> 01:11:31,566
the McRib to be available
year round,

1352
01:11:31,609 --> 01:11:33,437
but sometimes dreams
don't come true.

1353
01:11:33,481 --> 01:11:35,657
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.

1354
01:11:35,700 --> 01:11:36,851
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane

1355
01:11:36,875 --> 01:11:38,834
because of a light breeze?

1356
01:11:38,877 --> 01:11:41,141
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!

1357
01:11:41,184 --> 01:11:43,162
[WHISPERS] I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.

1358
01:11:43,186 --> 01:11:45,493
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.

1359
01:11:45,536 --> 01:11:47,756
Leonard, hit it!

1360
01:11:47,799 --> 01:11:49,627
[ALARM BLARING] [THUNDERSTRUCKPLAYING]

1361
01:11:56,460 --> 01:11:58,506
Go! Go! Go!

1362
01:12:01,552 --> 01:12:03,032
[MAN SINGING]

1363
01:12:34,194 --> 01:12:35,630
Let's get some!

1364
01:12:35,673 --> 01:12:36,848
Whoo!

1365
01:12:36,892 --> 01:12:38,067
Oh, yeah!

1366
01:12:38,111 --> 01:12:40,939
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!

1367
01:12:41,984 --> 01:12:43,464
Deploy! Oh, hey now!

1368
01:12:43,507 --> 01:12:44,769
Whoa!

1369
01:12:50,036 --> 01:12:51,950
Little off course here.

1370
01:12:53,039 --> 01:12:54,083
[GROANS]

1371
01:12:54,127 --> 01:12:56,955
Holy mommy fucking shit!

1372
01:12:57,695 --> 01:12:59,132
Ah, there they are.

1373
01:12:59,175 --> 01:13:02,787
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. [BLOWS KISS]

1374
01:13:02,831 --> 01:13:04,746
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!

1375
01:13:06,356 --> 01:13:07,923
[BEDLAM GRUNTS]
[ALL GASP]

1376
01:13:07,966 --> 01:13:09,794
[GASPING DRAMATICALLY]

1377
01:13:09,838 --> 01:13:14,103
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!

1378
01:13:14,147 --> 01:13:17,237
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.

1379
01:13:18,020 --> 01:13:19,065
Left!

1380
01:13:19,108 --> 01:13:20,457
Left!

1381
01:13:20,501 --> 01:13:22,764
You'd have to be insane
to take off in this.

1382
01:13:22,807 --> 01:13:25,027
No, stage left, you idiot!

1383
01:13:25,767 --> 01:13:27,290
[GASPS]

1384
01:13:28,944 --> 01:13:30,467
Well, I guess
we found something

1385
01:13:30,511 --> 01:13:31,599
you're not better at.

1386
01:13:33,818 --> 01:13:35,124
Vanisher.

1387
01:13:35,168 --> 01:13:36,952
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.

1388
01:13:38,475 --> 01:13:40,042
[GRUNTING]

1389
01:13:40,086 --> 01:13:41,522
Oh! Really?

1390
01:13:41,565 --> 01:13:43,915
All right,
we could do this with four.

1391
01:13:43,959 --> 01:13:46,962
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!

1392
01:13:47,005 --> 01:13:49,095
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!

1393
01:13:50,313 --> 01:13:52,402
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!

1394
01:13:52,446 --> 01:13:54,012
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

1395
01:13:54,056 --> 01:13:55,231
[WHOOPS] We did it!

1396
01:13:55,275 --> 01:13:56,841
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!

1397
01:13:56,885 --> 01:13:57,973
X-Force!

1398
01:13:58,582 --> 01:13:59,670
X-Force.

1399
01:14:01,890 --> 01:14:02,934
[SCREAMING]

1400
01:14:02,978 --> 01:14:04,022
[WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING]

1401
01:14:04,066 --> 01:14:05,937
[GASPS]Oh!

1402
01:14:06,938 --> 01:14:08,070
[EXHALES]

1403
01:14:09,637 --> 01:14:10,681
Peter.

1404
01:14:10,725 --> 01:14:12,030
PETER: I got you, buddy!

1405
01:14:12,074 --> 01:14:13,269
You're gonna be fine!
This is not good, man!

1406
01:14:13,293 --> 01:14:15,599
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!

1407
01:14:15,643 --> 01:14:17,123
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?

1408
01:14:17,166 --> 01:14:19,255
Yeah, we're X-Force. We're X-Force.

1409
01:14:23,303 --> 01:14:25,348
Oh, my God!
What the fuck?

1410
01:14:25,392 --> 01:14:27,394
Fucking acidic vomit! [SCREAMS]

1411
01:14:27,437 --> 01:14:28,917
[WHIRRING]

1412
01:14:28,960 --> 01:14:31,746
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.

1413
01:14:31,789 --> 01:14:33,051
[EXHALES]

1414
01:14:34,836 --> 01:14:37,230
DOMINO: Okay,
I'm over the convoy.

1415
01:14:37,273 --> 01:14:39,710
Where did the rest
of the team land?

1416
01:14:39,754 --> 01:14:41,408
Good news and bad news.

1417
01:14:41,451 --> 01:14:44,585
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.

1418
01:14:44,628 --> 01:14:45,934
The good news is,

1419
01:14:45,977 --> 01:14:47,805
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.

1420
01:14:47,849 --> 01:14:51,200
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!

1421
01:14:51,244 --> 01:14:52,245
DOMINO: Peter!

1422
01:14:52,288 --> 01:14:53,768
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.

1423
01:14:53,811 --> 01:14:54,943
But there is
a slight chance

1424
01:14:54,986 --> 01:14:56,336
Vanisher could make it.

1425
01:14:56,379 --> 01:14:58,990
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
Nope, no chance. He's dead.

1426
01:14:59,034 --> 01:15:00,209
DOMINO:
The whole team?

1427
01:15:00,253 --> 01:15:02,124
Only the main ones.
We're still good.

1428
01:15:02,168 --> 01:15:03,430
Fuck, you are dumb.

1429
01:15:03,473 --> 01:15:05,127
Whoever planned this stunt's

1430
01:15:05,171 --> 01:15:07,347
been smoking
a lot jazz cabbage.

1431
01:15:07,390 --> 01:15:08,522
I'll tell you that much.

1432
01:15:08,565 --> 01:15:10,219
That's pretty obvious!

1433
01:15:10,263 --> 01:15:12,003
Looking good, Vanisher.

1434
01:15:21,839 --> 01:15:23,711
They're headed
into the tunnel.

1435
01:15:24,712 --> 01:15:26,192
I'm that kid's only hope,

1436
01:15:26,235 --> 01:15:28,106
so sit tight
and wait for my word.

1437
01:15:28,846 --> 01:15:30,152
DOMINO: Whatever.

1438
01:15:30,196 --> 01:15:31,719
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.

1439
01:15:31,762 --> 01:15:34,156
DEADPOOL: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.

1440
01:15:34,200 --> 01:15:36,724
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!

1441
01:15:36,767 --> 01:15:39,857
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.

1442
01:15:39,901 --> 01:15:41,461
[CARS HORNS HONKING]
[BRAKES SCREECHING]

1443
01:15:42,947 --> 01:15:45,602
DEADPOOL: Seriously,
I don't get it!

1444
01:15:45,646 --> 01:15:48,126
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?

1445
01:15:50,303 --> 01:15:52,130
It's just
it's hard to picture.

1446
01:15:52,174 --> 01:15:54,263
And certainly
not very cinematic.

1447
01:15:56,961 --> 01:15:58,572
I mean, luck?

1448
01:15:58,615 --> 01:16:01,183
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking

1449
01:16:01,227 --> 01:16:02,576
freakshow comic book artist...

1450
01:16:02,619 --> 01:16:04,273
came up
with that little chestnut?

1451
01:16:04,317 --> 01:16:06,580
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!

1452
01:16:17,678 --> 01:16:20,985
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.

1453
01:16:21,029 --> 01:16:22,267
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.

1454
01:16:22,291 --> 01:16:23,312
Wander the Earth... I'm in.

1455
01:16:23,336 --> 01:16:24,859
I'm sorry, what did you say?

1456
01:16:24,902 --> 01:16:26,034
I'm in.

1457
01:16:26,077 --> 01:16:27,949
How in the fuck
are you in already?

1458
01:16:28,384 --> 01:16:30,212
Oh, shit.

1459
01:16:30,256 --> 01:16:31,474
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.

1460
01:16:31,518 --> 01:16:32,649
DEADPOOL: Okay.

1461
01:16:32,693 --> 01:16:35,130
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers

1462
01:16:35,173 --> 01:16:37,915
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.

1463
01:16:37,959 --> 01:16:39,569
I'm coming up on your six.

1464
01:16:47,838 --> 01:16:49,884
That gun is amazing!

1465
01:16:49,927 --> 01:16:52,016
[GRUNTS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]

1466
01:16:59,023 --> 01:17:01,069
MAN: Hey!
Asshole!

1467
01:17:01,112 --> 01:17:02,723
DOMINO: Where is he?
I can't see him.

1468
01:17:02,766 --> 01:17:04,507
DEADPOOL: He's on top of you.

1469
01:17:04,551 --> 01:17:06,422
He's tearing you open!

1470
01:17:06,466 --> 01:17:08,381
He's going in
through the back!

1471
01:17:08,424 --> 01:17:09,556
Oh, God, he's inside!

1472
01:17:09,599 --> 01:17:10,905
You hear yourself, right?

1473
01:17:10,948 --> 01:17:12,404
DEADPOOL:
Accidental double entendres!

1474
01:17:12,428 --> 01:17:14,952
Russell! Russell Collins!

1475
01:17:14,996 --> 01:17:16,911
DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!

1476
01:17:21,916 --> 01:17:22,917
No, no, no!

1477
01:17:27,269 --> 01:17:28,357
Shit!

1478
01:17:29,097 --> 01:17:30,098
[PRISONER SCREAMING]

1479
01:17:32,013 --> 01:17:33,014
[GRUNTS]

1480
01:17:40,848 --> 01:17:41,849
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

1481
01:17:50,336 --> 01:17:52,250
DEADPOOL:
Two can play that game!

1482
01:17:54,383 --> 01:17:56,211
Got it! No, I don't.

1483
01:17:57,212 --> 01:17:58,256
Showtime, mama!

1484
01:17:58,300 --> 01:17:59,910
Lady Luck, take the wheel.

1485
01:18:08,223 --> 01:18:09,355
[GUN CLICKS]

1486
01:18:15,926 --> 01:18:16,927
[GROANS]

1487
01:18:33,422 --> 01:18:34,422
[HORNS HONKING]

1488
01:18:35,250 --> 01:18:36,251
[DOMINO GRUNTING]

1489
01:18:37,731 --> 01:18:39,535
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.

1490
01:18:39,559 --> 01:18:41,648
I'm Domino, and doubtful.

1491
01:18:41,691 --> 01:18:43,171
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1492
01:18:58,229 --> 01:18:59,230
Hang in there, Doms!

1493
01:19:00,536 --> 01:19:02,233
Oh, this is really hard.

1494
01:19:02,277 --> 01:19:03,452
[TIRES SCREECHING]

1495
01:19:13,375 --> 01:19:14,463
[GUNSHOT]

1496
01:19:14,507 --> 01:19:15,907
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.

1497
01:19:19,425 --> 01:19:20,948
You're doing great.X-Force.

1498
01:19:22,906 --> 01:19:24,952
I guess dubstep never dies.

1499
01:19:24,995 --> 01:19:26,562
[BANGARANGPLAYING]

1500
01:19:29,217 --> 01:19:30,261
Whoo!

1501
01:19:31,480 --> 01:19:32,612
[LAUGHING]

1502
01:19:34,527 --> 01:19:35,832
[BLACK TOM GROANS]

1503
01:19:35,876 --> 01:19:37,225
[DEADPOOL GASPS]

1504
01:19:37,268 --> 01:19:39,923
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!

1505
01:19:40,924 --> 01:19:41,969
[GROWLS]

1506
01:19:42,709 --> 01:19:43,840
That's unfortunate.

1507
01:19:46,974 --> 01:19:48,366
We got no brakes!

1508
01:19:48,410 --> 01:19:49,629
[STRAINING]
Figure it out!

1509
01:19:50,543 --> 01:19:51,805
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1510
01:19:54,024 --> 01:19:55,548
There's nothing I can't kill.

1511
01:19:58,376 --> 01:20:00,901
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin
used to say...

1512
01:20:00,944 --> 01:20:03,294
"There's a first time
for everything, son."

1513
01:20:04,992 --> 01:20:06,559
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.

1514
01:20:19,049 --> 01:20:21,399
[PANTING]

1515
01:20:21,443 --> 01:20:23,358
Those bullets were, like,
super fast.

1516
01:20:23,924 --> 01:20:24,925
Here we go.

1517
01:20:26,013 --> 01:20:28,276
Domino, mind slowing us down?

1518
01:20:28,319 --> 01:20:30,452
[SIGHS] Here goes nothing.

1519
01:20:30,496 --> 01:20:31,758
[HORN HONKING]

1520
01:20:33,629 --> 01:20:35,109
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1521
01:20:38,460 --> 01:20:39,940
[HONKING]

1522
01:21:01,614 --> 01:21:03,354
MAN: Knock, knock.

1523
01:21:09,883 --> 01:21:10,927
That's my boy.

1524
01:21:10,971 --> 01:21:12,276
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1525
01:21:17,325 --> 01:21:18,544
Holy...

1526
01:21:18,587 --> 01:21:19,588
[GRUNTS]

1527
01:21:23,418 --> 01:21:24,811
[ONLY TIMEPLAYING]

1528
01:21:27,204 --> 01:21:28,728
[YELLING]

1529
01:21:28,771 --> 01:21:30,425
DEADPOOL:
I'll be first to admit...

1530
01:21:30,468 --> 01:21:32,819
this did not go
according to plan.

1531
01:21:34,168 --> 01:21:35,735
I'll also be the first
to admit that

1532
01:21:35,778 --> 01:21:37,650
that plan was
written in crayon.

1533
01:21:37,693 --> 01:21:40,957
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.

1534
01:21:41,001 --> 01:21:42,611
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,

1535
01:21:42,655 --> 01:21:45,571
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.

1536
01:21:45,614 --> 01:21:48,878
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.

1537
01:21:48,922 --> 01:21:50,140
[CHUCKLES] A mood that is

1538
01:21:50,184 --> 01:21:51,968
about to get
significantly worse.

1539
01:21:53,622 --> 01:21:54,623
[SQUEAKS]

1540
01:21:58,322 --> 01:21:59,454
[SIGHS]

1541
01:22:11,945 --> 01:22:13,773
[GROANS]

1542
01:22:15,731 --> 01:22:18,168
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.

1543
01:22:21,128 --> 01:22:22,608
Oh.[NECK SNAPS]

1544
01:22:23,043 --> 01:22:24,348
[GROANS]

1545
01:22:24,392 --> 01:22:26,046
Oh, God, that hurt.

1546
01:22:26,089 --> 01:22:27,700
Suck it, Mel Gibson.

1547
01:22:28,265 --> 01:22:29,615
[GROANING]

1548
01:22:31,268 --> 01:22:32,356
Russell.

1549
01:22:35,055 --> 01:22:36,143
Russell!

1550
01:22:36,752 --> 01:22:38,841
Russ, where are ya?

1551
01:22:42,497 --> 01:22:44,673
Russell. Russell, you're okay!

1552
01:22:44,717 --> 01:22:48,155
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!

1553
01:22:48,198 --> 01:22:49,547
Juggernaut!

1554
01:22:49,591 --> 01:22:50,679
[GASPS]

1555
01:22:50,723 --> 01:22:52,768
I thought that was you!

1556
01:22:52,812 --> 01:22:55,641
I should've worn
my white pants.

1557
01:22:55,684 --> 01:22:59,514
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.

1558
01:22:59,557 --> 01:23:02,865
Uncanny X-Men183. Thor411.

1559
01:23:02,909 --> 01:23:04,258
X-Men Unlimited12.

1560
01:23:04,301 --> 01:23:06,434
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...

1561
01:23:06,477 --> 01:23:08,262
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...

1562
01:23:08,305 --> 01:23:10,525
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.

1563
01:23:10,568 --> 01:23:12,353
I don't mean right now.

1564
01:23:12,396 --> 01:23:14,311
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.

1565
01:23:14,355 --> 01:23:16,705
[LAUGHS] That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.

1566
01:23:16,749 --> 01:23:18,098
[DEADPOOL SCREAMING]

1567
01:23:20,753 --> 01:23:24,800
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.

1568
01:23:24,844 --> 01:23:25,932
I can't feel...

1569
01:23:26,889 --> 01:23:28,412
Oh, no, they're right here.

1570
01:23:29,239 --> 01:23:31,024
Got 'em.
God, Russell.

1571
01:23:31,067 --> 01:23:33,417
I have a mission.

1572
01:23:33,461 --> 01:23:35,028
To get my revenge.

1573
01:23:35,071 --> 01:23:37,378
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.

1574
01:23:37,421 --> 01:23:39,641
You're not the revenge type.

1575
01:23:39,685 --> 01:23:41,208
Take it from a friend.

1576
01:23:41,251 --> 01:23:45,081
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.

1577
01:23:45,125 --> 01:23:47,301
You said it yourself.

1578
01:23:47,344 --> 01:23:50,043
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."

1579
01:23:50,086 --> 01:23:51,522
So I did.

1580
01:23:51,566 --> 01:23:53,002
[GRUNTS]

1581
01:23:53,046 --> 01:23:55,222
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.

1582
01:23:55,265 --> 01:23:59,269
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?

1583
01:23:59,313 --> 01:24:01,184
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,

1584
01:24:01,228 --> 01:24:03,665
I care about you, Russell.

1585
01:24:03,709 --> 01:24:05,798
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?

1586
01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:09,540
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!

1587
01:24:09,584 --> 01:24:12,369
Legs! Still hurts to hear out loud!

1588
01:24:14,545 --> 01:24:17,505
What is that?
That's not a real rope!

1589
01:24:17,548 --> 01:24:19,855
You get back here, young man!
[SIRENS WAILING]

1590
01:24:20,813 --> 01:24:22,292
Doms!

1591
01:24:22,336 --> 01:24:24,555
Doms, get me
out of here, please.

1592
01:24:24,599 --> 01:24:26,993
Use my arms
as backpack straps.

1593
01:24:29,735 --> 01:24:30,823
I think we may have found

1594
01:24:30,866 --> 01:24:33,042
your cosmic reason
for being here.

1595
01:24:33,086 --> 01:24:34,870
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.

1596
01:24:34,914 --> 01:24:36,176
DEADPOOL: X-Force.

1597
01:24:49,711 --> 01:24:51,539
BLIND AL:
No child is hopeless.

1598
01:24:51,582 --> 01:24:55,064
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?

1599
01:24:55,108 --> 01:24:57,806
It was the coldness
in his eyes.

1600
01:24:57,850 --> 01:24:59,416
You should've heard it.

1601
01:25:00,200 --> 01:25:01,288
[WADE SIGHS]

1602
01:25:01,331 --> 01:25:03,638
I guess family
really is an F-word.

1603
01:25:04,552 --> 01:25:06,772
[GROANS] Rub my legs, Mama.

1604
01:25:06,815 --> 01:25:08,208
Why would I
rub your legs?

1605
01:25:08,251 --> 01:25:11,167
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.

1606
01:25:11,211 --> 01:25:12,560
[BLIND AL SIGHS]

1607
01:25:14,301 --> 01:25:15,955
What in the...

1608
01:25:15,998 --> 01:25:18,740
Why is your hand
so tiny again?

1609
01:25:18,784 --> 01:25:20,611
That's not my hand.

1610
01:25:20,655 --> 01:25:23,005
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!

1611
01:25:23,049 --> 01:25:24,964
That was nice for me. [DOOR OPENS]

1612
01:25:25,007 --> 01:25:27,836
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...

1613
01:25:27,880 --> 01:25:28,881
[GASPS]

1614
01:25:30,534 --> 01:25:32,232
[WEASEL RETCHES]

1615
01:25:32,275 --> 01:25:34,582
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?

1616
01:25:34,625 --> 01:25:36,845
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.

1617
01:25:36,889 --> 01:25:38,847
WEASEL: Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.

1618
01:25:38,891 --> 01:25:40,893
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,

1619
01:25:40,936 --> 01:25:42,416
toddler-style.

1620
01:25:42,459 --> 01:25:44,418
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.

1621
01:25:44,461 --> 01:25:46,463
The hell's happening?
Describe it.

1622
01:25:46,507 --> 01:25:47,789
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.

1623
01:25:47,813 --> 01:25:49,423
WEASEL: It's like, um... Here we go.

1624
01:25:49,466 --> 01:25:50,748
It's like he was
giving birth anally,

1625
01:25:50,772 --> 01:25:52,295
but they quit halfway through.

1626
01:25:52,339 --> 01:25:53,490
They got the legs out,
and they said,

1627
01:25:53,514 --> 01:25:54,863
"You know what, I'm done."

1628
01:25:54,907 --> 01:25:56,169
Happy?

1629
01:25:56,212 --> 01:25:57,320
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.

1630
01:25:57,344 --> 01:25:58,519
But this time, you can see

1631
01:25:58,562 --> 01:25:59,999
the Muppet's dick. [DOOR OPENS]

1632
01:26:00,042 --> 01:26:01,565
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.

1633
01:26:01,609 --> 01:26:02,804
DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.

1634
01:26:02,828 --> 01:26:04,428
I've had three tickets
already. [SCREAMS]

1635
01:26:05,918 --> 01:26:08,703
No, no, no, DP,
not again!

1636
01:26:08,746 --> 01:26:11,358
This has happened before?
[DOPINDER RETCHING]

1637
01:26:11,401 --> 01:26:12,901
[DOOR OPENS] Jesus! Either vomit or don't.

1638
01:26:12,925 --> 01:26:14,230
The indecision is killing me.

1639
01:26:14,274 --> 01:26:16,145
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?

1640
01:26:17,755 --> 01:26:19,932
Oh. Wow!

1641
01:26:19,975 --> 01:26:21,672
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.

1642
01:26:21,716 --> 01:26:23,674
I'm talking about your face.

1643
01:26:23,718 --> 01:26:25,633
I've never seen you
without your mask before.

1644
01:26:25,676 --> 01:26:27,896
Jesus Christ! Looks like an avocado.

1645
01:26:27,940 --> 01:26:29,855
DOMINO: Your legs, though,
they're cute.

1646
01:26:29,898 --> 01:26:31,682
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?

1647
01:26:33,249 --> 01:26:34,860
I'm glad everybody dropped by.

1648
01:26:34,903 --> 01:26:37,601
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.

1649
01:26:37,645 --> 01:26:39,255
I'll tell you why I'm here.

1650
01:26:39,299 --> 01:26:41,649
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...

1651
01:26:41,692 --> 01:26:42,931
beat me within
an inch of my life.

1652
01:26:42,955 --> 01:26:44,304
He was torturing me!

1653
01:26:44,347 --> 01:26:47,220
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.

1654
01:26:47,263 --> 01:26:49,918
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.

1655
01:26:49,962 --> 01:26:51,113
So we can go after him
without me.

1656
01:26:51,137 --> 01:26:52,529
WADE: No!

1657
01:26:52,573 --> 01:26:53,922
I'm doing this alone.

1658
01:26:53,966 --> 01:26:55,097
The Juggernaut

1659
01:26:55,141 --> 01:26:56,577
will kill you all. Fair enough.

1660
01:26:56,620 --> 01:26:58,511
WADE: I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs

1661
01:26:58,535 --> 01:26:59,667
under me. What will you do?

1662
01:26:59,710 --> 01:27:01,036
WADE: I don't care
what the kid did to me.

1663
01:27:01,060 --> 01:27:02,409
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,

1664
01:27:02,452 --> 01:27:03,821
even if I have to
teabag him to death.

1665
01:27:03,845 --> 01:27:05,891
It's really just a sip of tea
at this point.

1666
01:27:05,934 --> 01:27:07,718
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.

1667
01:27:07,762 --> 01:27:08,826
The first order
of business is

1668
01:27:08,850 --> 01:27:10,243
to get me in front of Cable...

1669
01:27:10,286 --> 01:27:11,698
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...

1670
01:27:11,722 --> 01:27:14,073
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.

1671
01:27:14,116 --> 01:27:15,944
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...

1672
01:27:15,988 --> 01:27:19,034
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.

1673
01:27:20,644 --> 01:27:22,244
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?

1674
01:27:25,649 --> 01:27:26,650
[COCKS GUN]

1675
01:27:30,916 --> 01:27:32,918
What in the ass?

1676
01:27:32,961 --> 01:27:36,269
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?

1677
01:27:36,312 --> 01:27:39,359
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.

1678
01:27:39,402 --> 01:27:41,927
Ugh. Is that really necessary?

1679
01:27:44,190 --> 01:27:46,975
No. It's his
"Basic Instinct."

1680
01:27:47,019 --> 01:27:48,759
What can we help you with?

1681
01:27:48,803 --> 01:27:50,457
I'm here to proposition you.

1682
01:27:51,980 --> 01:27:53,068
[LAUGHS] Oh, boy!

1683
01:27:53,112 --> 01:27:54,176
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?

1684
01:27:54,200 --> 01:27:56,332
Who gets to make
the first joke?

1685
01:27:56,376 --> 01:27:57,744
I think we should all do it
at the same time.

1686
01:27:57,768 --> 01:27:58,813
Good call.

1687
01:27:58,856 --> 01:28:00,423
For $45, you get sucky-suck.

1688
01:28:00,467 --> 01:28:01,705
BOTH: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.

1689
01:28:01,729 --> 01:28:02,860
Fuck!

1690
01:28:02,904 --> 01:28:04,012
The Proposition
has a wonderful

1691
01:28:04,036 --> 01:28:05,341
Guy Pearce performance.

1692
01:28:05,385 --> 01:28:07,145
WADE: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.

1693
01:28:07,169 --> 01:28:09,780
Give us the line again. I need your help!

1694
01:28:09,824 --> 01:28:12,131
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...

1695
01:28:12,174 --> 01:28:15,308
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!

1696
01:28:15,351 --> 01:28:17,745
I can't bring him down alone.

1697
01:28:17,788 --> 01:28:19,312
So here we are.

1698
01:28:20,661 --> 01:28:22,445
We're no longer
accepting applications

1699
01:28:22,489 --> 01:28:23,925
for X-Force, unfortunately.

1700
01:28:23,969 --> 01:28:25,405
Even if we were...

1701
01:28:25,448 --> 01:28:27,122
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...

1702
01:28:27,146 --> 01:28:28,408
We don't have a lot of time.

1703
01:28:28,451 --> 01:28:30,192
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.

1704
01:28:30,236 --> 01:28:31,759
No offense,
but if you know so much...

1705
01:28:31,802 --> 01:28:34,675
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?

1706
01:28:34,718 --> 01:28:35,782
Or better yet, head back
a little further,

1707
01:28:35,806 --> 01:28:36,894
kill baby Hitler.

1708
01:28:36,938 --> 01:28:38,896
I use a device
to slide through time.

1709
01:28:38,940 --> 01:28:41,595
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.

1710
01:28:41,638 --> 01:28:44,250
I got two charges:
one to get me here,

1711
01:28:44,293 --> 01:28:45,468
one to get me home.

1712
01:28:45,512 --> 01:28:46,687
Well.

1713
01:28:46,730 --> 01:28:48,645
That's just lazy writing.

1714
01:28:48,689 --> 01:28:49,971
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster

1715
01:28:49,995 --> 01:28:51,561
of the orphanage tonight.

1716
01:28:51,605 --> 01:28:53,737
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.

1717
01:28:53,781 --> 01:28:56,523
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!

1718
01:28:56,566 --> 01:28:58,568
So he keeps killing...

1719
01:28:58,612 --> 01:29:00,092
and killing, and killing,

1720
01:29:00,135 --> 01:29:01,658
and killing. [GUNS COCKING]

1721
01:29:01,702 --> 01:29:04,922
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.

1722
01:29:07,490 --> 01:29:08,883
My people.

1723
01:29:12,800 --> 01:29:14,062
Relax.

1724
01:29:14,106 --> 01:29:16,499
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.

1725
01:29:16,543 --> 01:29:19,111
It's a goddamn fanny pack...

1726
01:29:19,154 --> 01:29:21,765
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!

1727
01:29:21,809 --> 01:29:23,463
The difference
is night and day.

1728
01:29:25,291 --> 01:29:27,554
You remind me of my wife.

1729
01:29:27,597 --> 01:29:29,077
I'm sorry.

1730
01:29:29,121 --> 01:29:30,228
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."

1731
01:29:30,252 --> 01:29:31,612
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...

1732
01:29:31,645 --> 01:29:34,430
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.

1733
01:29:34,474 --> 01:29:35,649
CABLE: She always struggled.

1734
01:29:36,780 --> 01:29:38,217
But she was funny...

1735
01:29:38,260 --> 01:29:41,611
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.

1736
01:29:41,655 --> 01:29:43,874
Something I could
never master.

1737
01:29:44,788 --> 01:29:47,008
It was my fault she died.

1738
01:29:48,618 --> 01:29:52,274
It was my job
to stop people like him.

1739
01:29:52,318 --> 01:29:54,276
I came close a few times. [TOMORROWPLAYING]

1740
01:29:58,498 --> 01:30:00,152
He wasn't too happy
about that.

1741
01:30:01,892 --> 01:30:03,068
He was trying to hurt me...

1742
01:30:03,111 --> 01:30:05,070
and he knew exactly
how to do it.

1743
01:30:09,117 --> 01:30:10,814
OLDER RUSSELL:
Blessed are the wicked

1744
01:30:10,858 --> 01:30:12,425
who are healed by my hand.

1745
01:30:15,558 --> 01:30:17,908
CABLE: He came into my home...

1746
01:30:17,952 --> 01:30:20,824
and took the only thing
that made it a home.

1747
01:30:25,046 --> 01:30:26,395
Sound familiar?

1748
01:30:27,440 --> 01:30:29,094
I'm sorry.Uh-huh.

1749
01:30:29,137 --> 01:30:30,791
No, I'm really sorry.

1750
01:30:33,010 --> 01:30:35,143
But that isn't Russell.

1751
01:30:35,187 --> 01:30:37,121
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...

1752
01:30:37,145 --> 01:30:39,147
Yeah, he's got anger issues...

1753
01:30:39,191 --> 01:30:40,757
maybe a small
learning disability...

1754
01:30:40,801 --> 01:30:42,194
splash of diabetes...

1755
01:30:42,237 --> 01:30:43,586
but nothing
that can't be fixed.

1756
01:30:43,630 --> 01:30:45,284
If you could go back...

1757
01:30:45,327 --> 01:30:48,025
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?

1758
01:30:48,287 --> 01:30:49,549
No.

1759
01:30:49,592 --> 01:30:51,333
I'd buy them all
a bouquet of hand jobs.

1760
01:30:51,377 --> 01:30:53,118
Of course I fucking would!

1761
01:30:53,901 --> 01:30:55,032
But I wouldn't kill a kid.

1762
01:30:55,076 --> 01:30:57,122
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!

1763
01:30:57,165 --> 01:30:58,732
I'll kill the kid.

1764
01:30:58,775 --> 01:31:02,257
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.

1765
01:31:02,301 --> 01:31:04,651
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.

1766
01:31:04,694 --> 01:31:06,740
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...

1767
01:31:06,783 --> 01:31:09,046
would want you to do
the right thing, wouldn't she?

1768
01:31:10,047 --> 01:31:13,225
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?

1769
01:31:13,268 --> 01:31:15,009
Give me a chance to save him.

1770
01:31:15,052 --> 01:31:16,489
What? You said...

1771
01:31:16,532 --> 01:31:18,206
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.

1772
01:31:18,230 --> 01:31:20,580
If we can get to him
before that happens...

1773
01:31:20,623 --> 01:31:22,277
promise you'll give me
a chance

1774
01:31:22,321 --> 01:31:24,192
to put him
on a different path.

1775
01:31:24,236 --> 01:31:25,411
Define "chance."

1776
01:31:25,454 --> 01:31:26,692
I don't know.
How long does it take

1777
01:31:26,716 --> 01:31:28,085
to save someone's soul?
That's not...

1778
01:31:28,109 --> 01:31:29,371
I'll give you 30 seconds.

1779
01:31:29,415 --> 01:31:31,460
What? No! Best I can do.

1780
01:31:31,504 --> 01:31:32,809
Take it or leave it.

1781
01:31:43,255 --> 01:31:44,734
[CABLE GROANS]WEASEL: He's doing it!

1782
01:31:44,778 --> 01:31:46,388
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.

1783
01:31:46,432 --> 01:31:48,390
[RETCHES] There he goes.

1784
01:31:48,434 --> 01:31:49,913
CABLE: Jesus Christ!

1785
01:31:49,957 --> 01:31:51,437
WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it.

1786
01:31:51,480 --> 01:31:53,395
Ugh.

1787
01:31:53,439 --> 01:31:54,799
WEASEL:
There you go, little fella.

1788
01:31:55,528 --> 01:31:57,225
Go on, you're doing it!

1789
01:31:57,269 --> 01:32:00,141
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.

1790
01:32:02,317 --> 01:32:03,449
DOMINO: Christ!

1791
01:32:03,492 --> 01:32:05,190
That's disturbing.

1792
01:32:05,233 --> 01:32:06,626
30 seconds.

1793
01:32:12,022 --> 01:32:13,502
Deal.Deal.

1794
01:32:16,505 --> 01:32:18,290
[FARTING ]

1795
01:32:19,943 --> 01:32:23,033
Man, that sucks they didn't
have anything in your size.

1796
01:32:23,077 --> 01:32:25,079
I really wanted to match,
you know?

1797
01:32:25,122 --> 01:32:27,168
Being a menacing team. [PEOPLE SCREAMING]

1798
01:32:27,212 --> 01:32:28,387
Oh, man, it sucks.

1799
01:32:28,430 --> 01:32:30,302
That was some
cold-ass shit, kid.

1800
01:32:31,694 --> 01:32:34,262
DEADPOOL: And that is just
the first five steps

1801
01:32:34,306 --> 01:32:36,003
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.

1802
01:32:36,917 --> 01:32:38,353
Where the hell
are we going?

1803
01:32:38,397 --> 01:32:39,746
DEADPOOL:
You said it yourself.

1804
01:32:39,789 --> 01:32:42,705
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.

1805
01:32:42,749 --> 01:32:45,708
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.

1806
01:32:45,752 --> 01:32:47,884
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO]

1807
01:32:49,843 --> 01:32:51,453
Can you turn off the music?

1808
01:32:52,454 --> 01:32:54,587
You'll do no such thing.

1809
01:32:54,630 --> 01:32:56,502
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?

1810
01:32:56,545 --> 01:32:58,286
I'm sorry? Apology accepted.

1811
01:32:58,330 --> 01:33:00,419
This is a side of you
I do not like.

1812
01:33:00,462 --> 01:33:01,811
Let me guess,

1813
01:33:01,855 --> 01:33:03,354
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.

1814
01:33:03,378 --> 01:33:04,640
What the hell are you...?

1815
01:33:04,684 --> 01:33:06,555
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.

1816
01:33:06,599 --> 01:33:07,904
I am so sorry.
It gets better.

1817
01:33:07,948 --> 01:33:09,515
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!

1818
01:33:09,558 --> 01:33:11,604
That's precisely
what a racist would say.

1819
01:33:11,647 --> 01:33:13,301
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.

1820
01:33:13,345 --> 01:33:14,607
And that's a twist.

1821
01:33:14,650 --> 01:33:16,173
When this is over...

1822
01:33:16,217 --> 01:33:18,108
I'm going to fuck you to death
with your own broken feet.

1823
01:33:18,132 --> 01:33:20,308
And a sexual predator, too.
That's rich.

1824
01:33:20,352 --> 01:33:21,744
I should have
finished college.

1825
01:33:21,788 --> 01:33:22,939
DEADPOOL:
So what exactly do you

1826
01:33:22,963 --> 01:33:24,027
do in the future, anyway, huh?

1827
01:33:24,051 --> 01:33:25,313
Some kind of soldier?

1828
01:33:25,357 --> 01:33:27,184
Yeah, something like that.

1829
01:33:27,228 --> 01:33:29,404
DEADPOOL: I was a soldier.
Special Forces.

1830
01:33:29,448 --> 01:33:32,146
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.

1831
01:33:32,189 --> 01:33:34,191
50 years from now,
you're very dead.

1832
01:33:34,235 --> 01:33:36,629
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.

1833
01:33:36,672 --> 01:33:38,283
Boom! [IMITATES EXPLOSION]

1834
01:33:38,326 --> 01:33:39,588
Spoiler alert.

1835
01:33:39,632 --> 01:33:40,763
[SNICKERS]

1836
01:33:40,807 --> 01:33:42,156
[SIGHS] Planets.

1837
01:33:42,199 --> 01:33:43,766
Next time, Uber.

1838
01:33:43,810 --> 01:33:45,115
Here's a spoiler alert.

1839
01:33:46,291 --> 01:33:48,249
You're not a fucking hero.

1840
01:33:48,293 --> 01:33:52,340
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.

1841
01:33:52,384 --> 01:33:53,578
DEADPOOL:
Well, I got news for you.

1842
01:33:53,602 --> 01:33:54,951
My heart
is in the right place.

1843
01:33:54,995 --> 01:33:56,518
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.

1844
01:33:56,562 --> 01:33:58,540
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.

1845
01:33:58,564 --> 01:33:59,652
We're all going to die.

1846
01:33:59,695 --> 01:34:00,957
Because of you,
I'll always know

1847
01:34:01,001 --> 01:34:02,959
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.

1848
01:34:03,003 --> 01:34:05,397
I'm a grower, not a shower.

1849
01:34:05,440 --> 01:34:06,615
God, I wish this were a bus

1850
01:34:06,659 --> 01:34:07,853
where I could pull
the string and get out.

1851
01:34:07,877 --> 01:34:09,531
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,

1852
01:34:09,575 --> 01:34:10,793
or you'd be in the back.

1853
01:34:10,837 --> 01:34:13,187
I am in the back.
DEADPOOL: Right here!

1854
01:34:13,230 --> 01:34:14,493
[BRAKES SCREECHING]

1855
01:34:15,842 --> 01:34:17,626
[IN YOUR EYESPLAYING
ON BOOM BOX]

1856
01:34:28,985 --> 01:34:30,247
[GROANS]

1857
01:34:31,336 --> 01:34:33,381
DEADPOOL: I made mistakes!

1858
01:34:33,425 --> 01:34:35,122
I wanna take them back!

1859
01:34:35,165 --> 01:34:38,125
You trusted me.
I took that trust...

1860
01:34:38,168 --> 01:34:39,605
and turned it
into a glory hole

1861
01:34:39,648 --> 01:34:41,215
in an airport bathroom.

1862
01:34:41,258 --> 01:34:44,523
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.

1863
01:34:44,566 --> 01:34:47,177
But even you know I'm not
a complete piece of shit.

1864
01:34:47,221 --> 01:34:48,744
I was once an X-Man.

1865
01:34:48,788 --> 01:34:49,832
Trainee!

1866
01:34:50,920 --> 01:34:52,095
[MUSIC STOPS]

1867
01:34:54,489 --> 01:34:57,057
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.

1868
01:34:57,100 --> 01:34:58,711
They do stick better
than tape.

1869
01:34:58,754 --> 01:34:59,799
Hi, Wade!

1870
01:34:59,842 --> 01:35:01,278
Please don't.

1871
01:35:01,322 --> 01:35:03,716
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.

1872
01:35:03,759 --> 01:35:05,021
Right. Quick.

1873
01:35:05,065 --> 01:35:06,782
It's the kid.
Just like you, I let him down.

1874
01:35:06,806 --> 01:35:08,242
And just like me,

1875
01:35:08,285 --> 01:35:09,437
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...

1876
01:35:09,461 --> 01:35:10,481
because the whole world
wrote him off

1877
01:35:10,505 --> 01:35:11,941
as a piece of shit
a long time ago.

1878
01:35:11,985 --> 01:35:13,682
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!

1879
01:35:13,726 --> 01:35:15,249
[GASPS] The Juggernaut!

1880
01:35:15,292 --> 01:35:17,053
Who's, like, my favorite
Marvel character ever...

1881
01:35:17,077 --> 01:35:19,296
And hi, Yukio! That was really
nice of you to say hi...

1882
01:35:19,340 --> 01:35:20,689
so I'm saying hi back.

1883
01:35:20,733 --> 01:35:22,125
You guys make
a super cute couple.

1884
01:35:22,169 --> 01:35:23,866
Yeah. Where was I?

1885
01:35:23,910 --> 01:35:25,781
Oh, yeah. You should never
meet your heroes...

1886
01:35:25,825 --> 01:35:27,522
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!

1887
01:35:27,566 --> 01:35:29,406
And like a lot of dicks,
he's hard as a rock...

1888
01:35:29,437 --> 01:35:30,830
and causes nothing
but problems!

1889
01:35:30,873 --> 01:35:33,746
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.

1890
01:35:33,789 --> 01:35:37,010
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?

1891
01:35:37,053 --> 01:35:39,142
I would be disgraced.

1892
01:35:39,186 --> 01:35:41,231
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.

1893
01:35:41,275 --> 01:35:42,798
But worst of all...

1894
01:35:42,842 --> 01:35:44,583
you broke my heart, Wade.

1895
01:35:46,280 --> 01:35:47,499
Then you know what?

1896
01:35:47,542 --> 01:35:49,142
Your heart's in
the wrong place, big guy.

1897
01:35:50,197 --> 01:35:52,895
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...

1898
01:35:52,939 --> 01:35:56,333
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!

1899
01:35:56,377 --> 01:35:59,467
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...

1900
01:35:59,511 --> 01:36:01,643
while we go get our fuck on!

1901
01:36:04,820 --> 01:36:06,213
DOMINO: You're doing great.

1902
01:36:08,868 --> 01:36:10,260
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[ENGINE STARTS]

1903
01:36:11,871 --> 01:36:13,414
RUSSELL: So you wear
that helmet because

1904
01:36:13,438 --> 01:36:15,178
your brother
tries to read your mind?

1905
01:36:15,222 --> 01:36:18,486
JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.

1906
01:36:18,530 --> 01:36:21,010
MAN: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.

1907
01:36:21,054 --> 01:36:23,012
And he's not alone.

1908
01:36:23,056 --> 01:36:24,710
HEADMASTER:
Secure the children.

1909
01:36:27,147 --> 01:36:29,889
They will not replace us.

1910
01:36:29,932 --> 01:36:32,718
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?

1911
01:36:32,761 --> 01:36:36,591
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.

1912
01:36:39,942 --> 01:36:42,554
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.

1913
01:36:42,597 --> 01:36:44,164
Amen, brother.

1914
01:36:45,731 --> 01:36:47,036
[BRAKES SCREECHING]

1915
01:36:50,692 --> 01:36:52,346
Time to make the chimichangas.

1916
01:36:52,389 --> 01:36:54,566
30 seconds.

1917
01:36:54,609 --> 01:36:57,133
I finally know why I'm here.

1918
01:36:57,177 --> 01:36:59,135
I was raised in this place.

1919
01:36:59,179 --> 01:37:01,442
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.

1920
01:37:01,486 --> 01:37:04,358
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.

1921
01:37:04,401 --> 01:37:05,707
Shall we? This is gonna be fun.

1922
01:37:05,751 --> 01:37:06,839
DEADPOOL: Yeah!

1923
01:37:06,882 --> 01:37:08,275
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...

1924
01:37:08,318 --> 01:37:11,583
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?

1925
01:37:11,626 --> 01:37:14,803
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.

1926
01:37:14,847 --> 01:37:17,545
Are You Bear, God?
It's Me, Margaret.

1927
01:37:17,589 --> 01:37:19,025
Give me some.

1928
01:37:19,068 --> 01:37:20,635
They say
laughter heals anything...

1929
01:37:20,679 --> 01:37:21,810
except, of course, that.

1930
01:37:21,854 --> 01:37:23,072
We should just cue the music.

1931
01:37:24,204 --> 01:37:26,075
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

1932
01:37:48,228 --> 01:37:50,926
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.

1933
01:37:52,145 --> 01:37:53,189
Russell!

1934
01:37:53,233 --> 01:37:56,628
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!

1935
01:37:56,671 --> 01:37:57,996
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?

1936
01:37:58,020 --> 01:37:59,674
[YELLING]

1937
01:38:02,329 --> 01:38:03,591
That's why!

1938
01:38:03,635 --> 01:38:04,960
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.

1939
01:38:04,984 --> 01:38:06,701
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...

1940
01:38:06,725 --> 01:38:09,205
[GROANS]
JUGGERNAUT: Hey!

1941
01:38:09,249 --> 01:38:12,382
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.

1942
01:38:13,514 --> 01:38:15,690
My body and my hands
are so soft.

1943
01:38:15,734 --> 01:38:16,972
You should probably
head back to the car.

1944
01:38:16,996 --> 01:38:18,693
I think I'll head
back to the car.

1945
01:38:19,868 --> 01:38:22,567
It works best
when you pull the trigger.

1946
01:38:24,264 --> 01:38:25,439
[GROANS]

1947
01:38:25,482 --> 01:38:26,745
That gun is amazing!

1948
01:38:28,094 --> 01:38:29,312
RUSSELL: Say it!

1949
01:38:31,488 --> 01:38:34,535
You are an abomination!

1950
01:38:34,579 --> 01:38:35,710
[GRUNTS]

1951
01:38:41,803 --> 01:38:45,111
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.

1952
01:38:45,154 --> 01:38:47,592
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!

1953
01:38:51,944 --> 01:38:53,032
Gotcha!

1954
01:38:53,815 --> 01:38:54,990
JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget!

1955
01:38:57,993 --> 01:39:01,083
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!

1956
01:39:01,127 --> 01:39:02,215
Oh, shit fuck!

1957
01:39:02,781 --> 01:39:04,130
[SCREAMING]

1958
01:39:14,706 --> 01:39:16,055
[JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS]

1959
01:39:16,098 --> 01:39:17,665
Come here, beautiful.

1960
01:39:25,455 --> 01:39:26,587
Whoo!

1961
01:39:35,770 --> 01:39:36,858
RUSSELL: Say it!

1962
01:39:51,960 --> 01:39:53,832
[IN YOUR EYESPLAYING]

1963
01:40:54,980 --> 01:40:56,111
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

1964
01:40:58,940 --> 01:41:00,289
[MUMBLES]

1965
01:41:00,333 --> 01:41:01,464
You came for me.

1966
01:41:01,508 --> 01:41:02,944
I'm not giving up on you,

1967
01:41:02,988 --> 01:41:05,120
and you are not
giving up on that boy.

1968
01:41:05,164 --> 01:41:07,209
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?

1969
01:41:07,253 --> 01:41:09,646
It's time to fight dirty.

1970
01:41:09,690 --> 01:41:11,039
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.

1971
01:41:11,083 --> 01:41:13,868
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!

1972
01:41:13,912 --> 01:41:16,001
That's such
a you thing to say!

1973
01:41:16,044 --> 01:41:18,003
Go get him, tiger!

1974
01:41:18,046 --> 01:41:19,918
Big CGI fight coming up!

1975
01:41:20,919 --> 01:41:22,398
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1976
01:41:22,921 --> 01:41:24,313
[MUSIC PLAYING]

1977
01:41:28,840 --> 01:41:31,059
[GRUNTS]

1978
01:41:31,103 --> 01:41:32,974
[BOTH GRUNTING]
[BONE CRACKS]

1979
01:41:33,018 --> 01:41:34,149
[SCREAMS]

1980
01:41:42,984 --> 01:41:44,377
He's doing great.

1981
01:41:44,420 --> 01:41:45,639
RUSSELL: Say it!

1982
01:41:49,817 --> 01:41:51,210
Russell.
DEADPOOL: Bingo!

1983
01:41:54,474 --> 01:41:55,736
[GROANING]

1984
01:41:56,606 --> 01:41:58,608
JUGGERNAUT: You see that bus?

1985
01:41:58,652 --> 01:41:59,852
I'm gonna
shove it up your ass.

1986
01:42:00,393 --> 01:42:01,698
[METAL CLANGS]

1987
01:42:01,742 --> 01:42:03,178
[GROANS]

1988
01:42:03,222 --> 01:42:05,180
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!

1989
01:42:06,094 --> 01:42:07,139
Oh, great!

1990
01:42:07,182 --> 01:42:08,594
ORDERLY: There they are!
Those freaks!

1991
01:42:08,618 --> 01:42:10,727
DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.

1992
01:42:10,751 --> 01:42:12,884
Can I have
one of those guns?

1993
01:42:12,927 --> 01:42:14,755
No.That's fine.

1994
01:42:14,799 --> 01:42:16,757
Get off this property,
mutant scum!

1995
01:42:16,801 --> 01:42:17,961
I'm just gonna
use this brick.

1996
01:42:18,541 --> 01:42:19,629
Maximum effort.

1997
01:42:19,673 --> 01:42:21,066
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1998
01:42:25,679 --> 01:42:27,420
Who says you
can't go home again?

1999
01:42:29,422 --> 01:42:30,771
[ALL GRUNTING]

2000
01:42:36,516 --> 01:42:37,909
[SCREAMS]
CHILDREN: Oh!

2001
01:42:44,567 --> 01:42:45,568
CHILDREN: Yeah!

2002
01:42:47,788 --> 01:42:49,442
Say it.

2003
01:42:49,485 --> 01:42:52,532
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!

2004
01:42:53,054 --> 01:42:54,403
Say it!

2005
01:42:54,447 --> 01:42:57,145
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!

2006
01:42:58,364 --> 01:43:00,496
Blessed are the wicked...

2007
01:43:00,540 --> 01:43:01,758
who are healed...

2008
01:43:02,237 --> 01:43:03,760
by my hand.

2009
01:43:04,674 --> 01:43:05,980
[YELLS]

2010
01:43:15,947 --> 01:43:17,383
[BOTH GRUNTING]

2011
01:43:21,822 --> 01:43:23,519
You commie motherfucker!

2012
01:43:27,741 --> 01:43:28,873
[CHILDREN CHEERING]

2013
01:43:30,091 --> 01:43:31,179
[SPITS]

2014
01:43:31,223 --> 01:43:32,789
[YELLS]

2015
01:43:38,012 --> 01:43:39,231
[GROANS]

2016
01:43:50,590 --> 01:43:53,114
DEADPOOL: Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?

2017
01:43:53,158 --> 01:43:55,377
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.

2018
01:43:58,250 --> 01:44:00,600
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!

2019
01:44:00,643 --> 01:44:01,862
Now we're getting it.

2020
01:44:04,517 --> 01:44:06,519
[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]

2021
01:44:06,562 --> 01:44:08,825
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.

2022
01:44:08,869 --> 01:44:09,870
[GASPS]

2023
01:44:10,697 --> 01:44:12,264
[CAR ALARM WAILING]

2024
01:44:14,092 --> 01:44:15,136
Orphans.

2025
01:44:16,311 --> 01:44:17,530
Oh, geez.

2026
01:44:18,966 --> 01:44:21,664
It's time to burn
for what you've done!

2027
01:44:21,708 --> 01:44:24,189
A child should not be burdened
with such power!

2028
01:44:31,761 --> 01:44:32,980
[RUSSELL GRUNTS]

2029
01:44:33,024 --> 01:44:34,068
Russell! Wait!

2030
01:44:40,074 --> 01:44:41,380
DEADPOOL: Oh!

2031
01:44:48,604 --> 01:44:50,737
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!

2032
01:44:50,780 --> 01:44:52,802
What more do you need to see?
Don't you fucking dare!

2033
01:44:52,826 --> 01:44:54,001
He's just a kid!

2034
01:44:54,045 --> 01:44:55,960
Tick, tock. Meter's running!

2035
01:45:05,056 --> 01:45:06,361
[COLOSSUS GROANS]

2036
01:45:08,668 --> 01:45:11,714
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.

2037
01:45:17,111 --> 01:45:18,286
[GRUNTS]

2038
01:45:19,461 --> 01:45:20,810
[GROWLS]

2039
01:45:23,639 --> 01:45:24,989
[GRUNTS]

2040
01:45:25,032 --> 01:45:27,165
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[GROANING]

2041
01:45:32,083 --> 01:45:34,737
I told you! Leave me alone! Come on!

2042
01:45:35,260 --> 01:45:36,391
Listen to me!

2043
01:45:39,568 --> 01:45:41,092
[RUSSELL SCREAMING]

2044
01:45:41,135 --> 01:45:43,355
[BOTH GRUNTING]

2045
01:45:46,401 --> 01:45:47,620
[GRUNTS]

2046
01:45:59,632 --> 01:46:01,286
COLOSSUS: [SCOFFS]
That's how we do it

2047
01:46:01,329 --> 01:46:02,809
in Mother Russia.

2048
01:46:03,766 --> 01:46:04,985
[GROANS]

2049
01:46:05,029 --> 01:46:07,553
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.

2050
01:46:08,945 --> 01:46:12,166
CABLE: Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.

2051
01:46:12,210 --> 01:46:13,428
[GROWLS]

2052
01:46:13,472 --> 01:46:16,344
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!

2053
01:46:16,388 --> 01:46:18,216
Go home, Wade!

2054
01:46:18,259 --> 01:46:20,087
You're ruining everything!

2055
01:46:25,440 --> 01:46:26,789
I'm getting good at this shit.

2056
01:46:26,833 --> 01:46:28,139
DEADPOOL: Go, go, go!

2057
01:46:28,182 --> 01:46:29,357
[GRUNTS]

2058
01:46:31,359 --> 01:46:33,318
He dies tonight, Wade.

2059
01:46:33,361 --> 01:46:35,842
You can't stop me!

2060
01:46:35,885 --> 01:46:37,757
CABLE: He even runs
like a fucking pervert.

2061
01:46:37,800 --> 01:46:40,542
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.

2062
01:46:41,978 --> 01:46:43,458
There's one bullet left
in that gun.

2063
01:46:43,502 --> 01:46:45,504
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!

2064
01:46:45,547 --> 01:46:47,027
I got this.

2065
01:46:47,071 --> 01:46:49,290
Russell! Stay back! Go home, Wade!

2066
01:46:49,334 --> 01:46:52,032
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!

2067
01:46:52,076 --> 01:46:53,729
That piece of shit...

2068
01:46:53,773 --> 01:46:55,514
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.

2069
01:46:55,557 --> 01:46:58,952
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.

2070
01:46:59,822 --> 01:47:01,607
But if you kill him, he wins.

2071
01:47:01,650 --> 01:47:05,524
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.

2072
01:47:05,567 --> 01:47:07,569
You're just a kid.

2073
01:47:07,613 --> 01:47:09,354
You don't wanna hurt anyone.

2074
01:47:09,397 --> 01:47:10,659
How do you know what I want?

2075
01:47:10,703 --> 01:47:12,313
Because I've been inside you.

2076
01:47:13,009 --> 01:47:14,881
That came out wrong.

2077
01:47:14,924 --> 01:47:16,622
I've been inside your shoes.

2078
01:47:16,665 --> 01:47:18,537
Which is also off-putting.

2079
01:47:18,580 --> 01:47:20,060
It's not a great analogy.

2080
01:47:20,104 --> 01:47:21,931
The point is...

2081
01:47:21,975 --> 01:47:23,672
there are people...

2082
01:47:23,716 --> 01:47:26,762
There are people
in this fucking world...

2083
01:47:26,806 --> 01:47:29,504
besides him,
who will treat you right.

2084
01:47:29,548 --> 01:47:32,159
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.

2085
01:47:37,730 --> 01:47:40,124
I never should've left
you there.

2086
01:47:41,864 --> 01:47:43,736
I never should've left you
in that prison.

2087
01:47:50,830 --> 01:47:52,136
I can't trust you.

2088
01:47:53,833 --> 01:47:56,183
I can't trust anybody!

2089
01:47:57,228 --> 01:47:58,707
[GROANING]

2090
01:48:05,410 --> 01:48:06,672
Wonderful kid.

2091
01:48:06,715 --> 01:48:08,500
RUSSELL:
You can't stop me, Wade!

2092
01:48:08,543 --> 01:48:09,762
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

2093
01:48:10,719 --> 01:48:12,982
I got one more idea.

2094
01:48:13,026 --> 01:48:15,942
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.

2095
01:48:15,985 --> 01:48:17,248
Wade, what are you doing?

2096
01:48:17,291 --> 01:48:19,598
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!

2097
01:48:19,641 --> 01:48:21,730
You're gonna kill
someone today...

2098
01:48:21,774 --> 01:48:23,210
Blessed are the wicked...

2099
01:48:23,254 --> 01:48:25,169
...then it's gotta be me.

2100
01:48:26,257 --> 01:48:28,172
...who are healed by my hand!

2101
01:48:31,262 --> 01:48:33,699
[MOUTHS] Fuck this!

2102
01:48:35,179 --> 01:48:36,832
[TOMORROWPLAYING]

2103
01:48:38,007 --> 01:48:40,140
[GIRL SINGING]

2104
01:49:32,018 --> 01:49:33,237
[GROANS]

2105
01:49:34,412 --> 01:49:37,371
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

2106
01:49:39,286 --> 01:49:40,766
[DEADPOOL COUGHING]

2107
01:49:42,376 --> 01:49:43,899
Oh, that's not good.

2108
01:49:45,466 --> 01:49:46,902
No, sir.

2109
01:49:54,519 --> 01:49:57,435
You sacrificed yourself
for me.

2110
01:49:57,870 --> 01:49:59,045
Yeah.

2111
01:49:59,088 --> 01:50:01,308
And it was the best thing
I ever did.

2112
01:50:01,352 --> 01:50:03,223
[COUGHING]

2113
01:50:03,267 --> 01:50:05,356
I told you
I care about you.

2114
01:50:05,399 --> 01:50:07,183
You're a good kid, Russell.

2115
01:50:08,881 --> 01:50:09,969
Hey.

2116
01:50:11,275 --> 01:50:12,493
The bear.

2117
01:50:12,537 --> 01:50:13,929
It worked.

2118
01:50:20,893 --> 01:50:22,503
Because of you.

2119
01:50:22,547 --> 01:50:24,853
No, Wade, because of you.

2120
01:50:25,724 --> 01:50:27,813
Stop, stop, stop!

2121
01:50:27,856 --> 01:50:29,031
Stop!

2122
01:50:30,206 --> 01:50:33,166
Just let it happen, okay?

2123
01:50:33,209 --> 01:50:36,909
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.

2124
01:50:36,952 --> 01:50:39,346
[GROANS] That riddle
is so fucked up.

2125
01:50:41,740 --> 01:50:44,133
[GROANS, COUGHS]

2126
01:50:44,177 --> 01:50:46,571
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

2127
01:50:46,614 --> 01:50:47,963
Don't be. Don't be.

2128
01:50:48,007 --> 01:50:50,226
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.

2129
01:50:50,270 --> 01:50:51,924
Please, just don't leave me.

2130
01:50:51,967 --> 01:50:53,578
I don't wanna die
without an audience.

2131
01:50:53,621 --> 01:50:55,275
We are not going anywhere.

2132
01:50:55,319 --> 01:50:57,408
WADE: Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.

2133
01:50:57,451 --> 01:50:58,583
Just rest, okay?

2134
01:51:00,411 --> 01:51:01,499
Papa.

2135
01:51:03,718 --> 01:51:05,677
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪

2136
01:51:07,940 --> 01:51:13,946
♪ Papa, can you find me
in the night? ♪

2137
01:51:35,228 --> 01:51:36,969
Before I go... [COUGHS]

2138
01:51:37,012 --> 01:51:38,710
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.

2139
01:51:39,319 --> 01:51:40,668
Domino.

2140
01:51:40,712 --> 01:51:45,151
I want you to have
my Adventure Timewatch.

2141
01:51:45,194 --> 01:51:47,632
[WADE COUGHING]

2142
01:51:47,675 --> 01:51:50,548
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.

2143
01:51:51,331 --> 01:51:52,419
Thank you.

2144
01:51:53,768 --> 01:51:57,032
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.

2145
01:51:57,076 --> 01:51:59,383
I liked you better
with your hair short.

2146
01:51:59,426 --> 01:52:00,558
Think everyone did.

2147
01:52:01,385 --> 01:52:04,126
Hi, Yukio. Hi, Wade!

2148
01:52:04,170 --> 01:52:06,085
[CHUCKLES]

2149
01:52:06,128 --> 01:52:07,216
And you...

2150
01:52:07,739 --> 01:52:09,741
Chrome Bone.

2151
01:52:09,784 --> 01:52:12,700
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.

2152
01:52:12,744 --> 01:52:15,050
But you've always been
that to me.

2153
01:52:15,094 --> 01:52:16,443
So thank you.

2154
01:52:18,619 --> 01:52:20,229
Say "fuck" for me.

2155
01:52:21,056 --> 01:52:22,362
Just once. Come on,

2156
01:52:22,406 --> 01:52:24,016
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.

2157
01:52:24,059 --> 01:52:27,106
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...

2158
01:52:27,149 --> 01:52:28,324
Fuck.

2159
01:52:28,368 --> 01:52:31,632
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
[CHUCKLES]

2160
01:52:32,981 --> 01:52:36,071
And you, Cable. [COUGHS]

2161
01:52:36,115 --> 01:52:40,598
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.

2162
01:52:40,641 --> 01:52:44,297
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.

2163
01:52:44,340 --> 01:52:45,733
That you'll start
judging people...

2164
01:52:45,777 --> 01:52:47,169
not by the color
of their skin,

2165
01:52:47,213 --> 01:52:49,084
but by the content
of their character.

2166
01:52:49,824 --> 01:52:51,435
Jesus.
WADE: R-Dog?

2167
01:52:52,610 --> 01:52:55,090
There you are. Hey!

2168
01:52:55,134 --> 01:52:57,353
You're a superhero now, bubba.

2169
01:52:57,397 --> 01:53:00,400
That's why it's high time
that you had a super suit.

2170
01:53:00,444 --> 01:53:01,836
This one is yours.

2171
01:53:01,880 --> 01:53:03,621
You might wanna
get it steam cleaned.

2172
01:53:03,664 --> 01:53:05,100
Especially around the pants.

2173
01:53:05,144 --> 01:53:06,841
And let it out
a little in the waist.

2174
01:53:07,799 --> 01:53:08,800
But, hey.

2175
01:53:09,844 --> 01:53:11,193
Look.

2176
01:53:11,237 --> 01:53:13,848
Family is not an F-word.

2177
01:53:14,588 --> 01:53:15,937
All right?

2178
01:53:15,981 --> 01:53:18,418
There's one out there
for you. [COUGHS]

2179
01:53:18,462 --> 01:53:20,159
Just keep looking, okay?

2180
01:53:23,641 --> 01:53:26,426
Guys, for a second there...

2181
01:53:27,253 --> 01:53:29,385
we made a pretty good team.

2182
01:53:35,522 --> 01:53:37,089
[SIGHS]

2183
01:53:44,444 --> 01:53:46,446
Oh, it's so hard to go.

2184
01:53:46,838 --> 01:53:47,969
[WHINES]

2185
01:53:48,013 --> 01:53:50,319
I just love being around
you guys so much.

2186
01:53:51,407 --> 01:53:52,626
So, so much.

2187
01:53:53,366 --> 01:53:54,715
Mmm.

2188
01:53:54,759 --> 01:53:57,588
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.

2189
01:53:57,631 --> 01:54:01,461
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.

2190
01:54:01,505 --> 01:54:02,506
Yeah.

2191
01:54:04,377 --> 01:54:06,858
Can you see it?

2192
01:54:06,901 --> 01:54:09,077
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?

2193
01:54:10,557 --> 01:54:11,689
There it is.

2194
01:54:17,956 --> 01:54:19,218
Oh, that's the sun.

2195
01:54:19,261 --> 01:54:21,133
Don't stare
directly into that.

2196
01:54:21,176 --> 01:54:22,613
I just have a few final words.

2197
01:54:22,656 --> 01:54:23,701
[EXHALES]

2198
01:54:24,832 --> 01:54:26,225
Woodpecker.

2199
01:54:27,008 --> 01:54:28,357
Gingivitis.

2200
01:54:30,403 --> 01:54:31,752
Codswallop.

2201
01:54:36,104 --> 01:54:38,063
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?

2202
01:55:05,394 --> 01:55:07,571
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

2203
01:55:53,051 --> 01:55:54,269
Sorry I'm late.

2204
01:55:54,313 --> 01:55:56,010
There was a bunch

2205
01:55:56,054 --> 01:55:57,422
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.

2206
01:55:57,446 --> 01:55:59,666
No.No.

2207
01:55:59,710 --> 01:56:02,800
But I did have to help a kid.Yeah.

2208
01:56:02,843 --> 01:56:04,758
He's got a terrible name. It's just awful.

2209
01:56:04,802 --> 01:56:05,803
Ugh. I tried to tell him.

2210
01:56:08,153 --> 01:56:09,589
Is this heaven?

2211
01:56:10,459 --> 01:56:11,635
It is now.

2212
01:56:15,116 --> 01:56:16,988
I am so sorry.

2213
01:56:17,815 --> 01:56:19,164
VANESSA: It's okay.

2214
01:56:39,010 --> 01:56:40,881
I missed you so much.

2215
01:56:46,495 --> 01:56:48,149
What is it? What's wrong?

2216
01:56:50,064 --> 01:56:52,153
It's not time.

2217
01:56:52,197 --> 01:56:54,199
What do you mean
it's not time?

2218
01:56:54,242 --> 01:56:55,853
I'm here, I made it.

2219
01:56:55,896 --> 01:56:57,637
You can't stay. No, no, no.

2220
01:56:57,681 --> 01:57:00,335
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.

2221
01:57:00,379 --> 01:57:01,815
It's okay.

2222
01:57:01,859 --> 01:57:04,688
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.

2223
01:57:05,732 --> 01:57:08,169
They need you. Who?

2224
01:57:10,215 --> 01:57:11,520
VANESSA: Your F-word.

2225
01:57:12,783 --> 01:57:13,784
WADE: Why?

2226
01:57:13,827 --> 01:57:14,828
VANESSA: You'll find out.

2227
01:57:16,090 --> 01:57:17,657
It's all right. I'll be here.

2228
01:57:19,006 --> 01:57:21,792
It's pretty fucking
awesome over here.

2229
01:57:21,835 --> 01:57:23,750
I can have anything I want.

2230
01:57:23,794 --> 01:57:25,926
Can every day be
International Women's Day?

2231
01:57:25,970 --> 01:57:27,536
It is heaven.

2232
01:57:27,580 --> 01:57:28,799
I love you.

2233
01:57:31,323 --> 01:57:34,065
I know. I love you, too.

2234
01:57:34,674 --> 01:57:36,067
Now, go.

2235
01:57:36,937 --> 01:57:38,939
Go on. Go, get out of here.

2236
01:57:39,984 --> 01:57:40,985
Go.

2237
01:57:43,814 --> 01:57:44,814
Hey!

2238
01:57:47,818 --> 01:57:49,950
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.

2239
01:57:50,603 --> 01:57:51,735
Well, come here.

2240
01:58:11,058 --> 01:58:12,799
Don't fuck Elvis.

2241
01:58:12,843 --> 01:58:14,583
Ooh, too late. I'm sorry?

2242
01:58:19,545 --> 01:58:21,025
[SCREAMING]

2243
01:58:24,071 --> 01:58:25,333
Time to make the chimichangas.

2244
01:58:25,377 --> 01:58:26,508
30 seconds.

2245
01:58:26,552 --> 01:58:27,814
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...

2246
01:58:27,858 --> 01:58:30,338
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?

2247
01:58:30,382 --> 01:58:32,558
It's my daughter's teddy bear.

2248
01:58:32,601 --> 01:58:34,125
Her name's Hope.

2249
01:58:34,168 --> 01:58:35,300
DEADPOOL: Well...

2250
01:58:36,127 --> 01:58:38,042
What are you doing?

2251
01:58:38,085 --> 01:58:39,739
Somebody swiped right.

2252
01:58:39,783 --> 01:58:41,610
[FAST-FORWARDING]

2253
01:58:50,576 --> 01:58:52,447
[GROANS]

2254
01:58:52,491 --> 01:58:55,276
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

2255
01:58:55,320 --> 01:58:56,974
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

2256
01:58:58,192 --> 01:58:59,977
RUSSELL: You sacrificed
yourself for me.

2257
01:59:00,020 --> 01:59:01,543
DEADPOOL: It would seem I...

2258
01:59:03,719 --> 01:59:04,982
Huh?

2259
01:59:06,113 --> 01:59:08,463
Genuine, high-grade lead.

2260
01:59:10,378 --> 01:59:13,425
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!

2261
01:59:13,468 --> 01:59:15,035
You did this for me?

2262
01:59:16,907 --> 01:59:19,997
Wait. You can't go back.

2263
01:59:20,040 --> 01:59:21,346
You used
the last of your fuel.

2264
01:59:21,389 --> 01:59:23,130
What about your girl,
your wife?

2265
01:59:23,174 --> 01:59:26,438
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.

2266
01:59:27,918 --> 01:59:30,355
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...

2267
01:59:30,398 --> 01:59:31,660
and make sure the world

2268
01:59:31,704 --> 01:59:33,401
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.

2269
01:59:34,098 --> 01:59:36,970
No. You did it for me.

2270
01:59:37,753 --> 01:59:39,190
No, I didn't.

2271
01:59:39,233 --> 01:59:40,669
You did. I really didn't.

2272
01:59:40,713 --> 01:59:42,553
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.

2273
01:59:42,584 --> 01:59:44,369
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?

2274
01:59:44,412 --> 01:59:47,154
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.

2275
01:59:47,198 --> 01:59:49,983
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.

2276
01:59:50,027 --> 01:59:51,158
Say it again.

2277
01:59:51,202 --> 01:59:52,812
He did it for me.
CABLE: Jesus.

2278
01:59:52,856 --> 01:59:54,659
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.

2279
01:59:54,683 --> 01:59:56,598
These collars
don't just come off.

2280
01:59:56,642 --> 01:59:58,122
Wade.

2281
01:59:58,165 --> 02:00:00,080
I have an idea.

2282
02:00:00,124 --> 02:00:02,256
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!

2283
02:00:02,300 --> 02:00:04,737
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...

2284
02:00:04,780 --> 02:00:07,914
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.

2285
02:00:07,958 --> 02:00:10,264
[COLLAR BUZZING]
RUSSELL: We need the code.

2286
02:00:10,308 --> 02:00:12,223
Try, uh, seven?

2287
02:00:12,266 --> 02:00:13,877
DEADPOOL: Settle down,
Captain Lucky.

2288
02:00:13,920 --> 02:00:15,356
It's not gonna be one number.

2289
02:00:15,400 --> 02:00:16,560
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.

2290
02:00:17,489 --> 02:00:18,838
I still got it.

2291
02:00:20,057 --> 02:00:21,841
[DEADPOOL GROANS]

2292
02:00:21,885 --> 02:00:23,843
Put that back
in your prison wallet.

2293
02:00:25,540 --> 02:00:27,455
I don't know how to thank you.

2294
02:00:27,499 --> 02:00:29,414
But I do know how to hug you.

2295
02:00:29,457 --> 02:00:30,763
- No.
- Yes.

2296
02:00:30,806 --> 02:00:32,286
Here we go. Bring it in.

2297
02:00:32,330 --> 02:00:33,418
Come on.

2298
02:00:33,461 --> 02:00:34,898
Pelvis to pelvis.

2299
02:00:34,941 --> 02:00:36,290
Let's go tip to tip.

2300
02:00:36,334 --> 02:00:38,902
There we go.
The kids call this docking.

2301
02:00:38,945 --> 02:00:40,555
[KNIFE UNSHEATHES]

2302
02:00:40,599 --> 02:00:42,166
Is there a knife in my dick?

2303
02:00:42,209 --> 02:00:44,013
There's a knife in your dick.
I'm just gonna back up now.

2304
02:00:44,037 --> 02:00:45,952
Yeah, yeah. No need to go full Yentl.

2305
02:00:45,996 --> 02:00:48,781
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.

2306
02:00:48,824 --> 02:00:50,739
Let's go home, Russell.

2307
02:00:54,395 --> 02:00:56,180
All you dirty mutants

2308
02:00:56,223 --> 02:00:58,791
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!

2309
02:00:58,834 --> 02:01:01,925
Your souls
are beyond redemption!

2310
02:01:01,968 --> 02:01:03,230
Let's see your soul, perv!

2311
02:01:03,274 --> 02:01:06,103
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!

2312
02:01:06,146 --> 02:01:07,452
We're better than him!

2313
02:01:07,495 --> 02:01:10,107
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!

2314
02:01:10,150 --> 02:01:11,760
We'll let karma
take care of him.

2315
02:01:11,804 --> 02:01:14,807
The day of reckoning is here!

2316
02:01:15,764 --> 02:01:17,070
[TIRES SCREECHING]

2317
02:01:17,114 --> 02:01:18,289
[CRASHING]

2318
02:01:24,121 --> 02:01:26,210
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.

2319
02:01:26,253 --> 02:01:27,472
Whoo!

2320
02:01:27,515 --> 02:01:29,126
Courage, motherfuckers!

2321
02:01:29,169 --> 02:01:30,649
And karma, motherfucker.

2322
02:01:30,692 --> 02:01:32,105
DEADPOOL: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.

2323
02:01:32,129 --> 02:01:34,131
I could barely keep
a straight face. [LAUGHS]

2324
02:01:34,174 --> 02:01:36,089
I want some more.

2325
02:01:36,133 --> 02:01:37,873
I bet you do, Brown Panther.

2326
02:01:37,917 --> 02:01:41,442
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.

2327
02:01:41,486 --> 02:01:43,749
Good call.
You guys coming with us?

2328
02:01:43,792 --> 02:01:45,751
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.

2329
02:01:45,794 --> 02:01:47,318
Besides, we're X-Men.

2330
02:01:47,361 --> 02:01:50,016
No, you're X-People.

2331
02:01:50,060 --> 02:01:51,409
You're exhausting.

2332
02:01:51,452 --> 02:01:53,237
I see what you did there.
Puns.

2333
02:01:53,280 --> 02:01:54,716
Our door's always open.

2334
02:01:54,760 --> 02:01:56,544
That's kind, but
I'm not ready to date again.

2335
02:01:56,588 --> 02:01:57,589
Let alone two women.

2336
02:01:58,720 --> 02:02:00,418
God, you're a douche.

2337
02:02:00,461 --> 02:02:02,594
Bye, Wade! Bye, Yukio!

2338
02:02:02,637 --> 02:02:04,378
[WE BELONGPLAYING]

2339
02:02:05,292 --> 02:02:06,598
DEADPOOL: What do you get

2340
02:02:06,641 --> 02:02:07,555
when you take
eight feet of chrome...

2341
02:02:07,599 --> 02:02:08,774
one pinch of courage...

2342
02:02:08,817 --> 02:02:10,036
a cup of good luck...

2343
02:02:10,080 --> 02:02:11,646
a dab of racism...

2344
02:02:11,690 --> 02:02:13,213
a splash of diabetes...

2345
02:02:13,257 --> 02:02:15,650
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?

2346
02:02:15,694 --> 02:02:18,392
Answer: a family.

2347
02:02:18,436 --> 02:02:21,569
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.

2348
02:02:21,613 --> 02:02:23,156
If there's anything
you take away today...

2349
02:02:23,180 --> 02:02:26,139
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...

2350
02:02:26,183 --> 02:02:29,012
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.

2351
02:04:26,085 --> 02:04:27,826
How something
so small generates

2352
02:04:27,869 --> 02:04:29,436
enough energy
to reverse time is...

2353
02:04:29,480 --> 02:04:31,873
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,

2354
02:04:31,917 --> 02:04:34,180
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.

2355
02:04:34,224 --> 02:04:35,462
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.

2356
02:04:35,486 --> 02:04:36,530
Never heard of him.

2357
02:04:36,574 --> 02:04:38,053
Why do you think
I'm helping him?

2358
02:04:39,316 --> 02:04:41,579
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,

2359
02:04:41,622 --> 02:04:43,885
don't I? A good day.

2360
02:04:44,625 --> 02:04:45,626
Bye, Wade!

2361
02:04:46,149 --> 02:04:47,150
Bye, Yukio!

2362
02:04:48,455 --> 02:04:50,979
That was probably a bad idea.

2363
02:04:51,023 --> 02:04:52,024
What have we done?

2364
02:04:53,243 --> 02:04:54,940
[IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
PLAYING]

2365
02:05:10,564 --> 02:05:12,610
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.

2366
02:05:12,653 --> 02:05:14,002
[BOTH PANTING]
[GASPS]

2367
02:05:22,750 --> 02:05:24,187
I'll be right back!

2368
02:05:26,189 --> 02:05:28,713
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!

2369
02:05:29,104 --> 02:05:30,105
Whoo!

2370
02:05:31,933 --> 02:05:33,239
DEADPOOL: Peter!

2371
02:05:33,283 --> 02:05:34,849
Whoo! X-Force!

2372
02:05:34,893 --> 02:05:37,939
Walk away! Just walk away!

2373
02:05:37,983 --> 02:05:39,985
But we're X-Force! Nope! We're not.

2374
02:05:40,028 --> 02:05:41,378
X-Force is just
a marketing tool

2375
02:05:41,421 --> 02:05:42,727
designed by Fox executives...

2376
02:05:42,770 --> 02:05:44,468
to keep Josh Brolin employed.

2377
02:05:44,511 --> 02:05:46,034
It doesn't exist.

2378
02:05:46,078 --> 02:05:49,386
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!

2379
02:05:49,429 --> 02:05:51,126
And I need to feed my cat!

2380
02:05:51,170 --> 02:05:53,651
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.

2381
02:05:53,694 --> 02:05:56,958
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?

2382
02:06:06,141 --> 02:06:08,013
Wade, is that you?

2383
02:06:10,276 --> 02:06:11,625
I guess Stryker finally

2384
02:06:11,669 --> 02:06:13,061
figured out
how to shut you up.

2385
02:06:15,934 --> 02:06:17,283
[GUNSHOT]

2386
02:06:19,633 --> 02:06:23,028
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!

2387
02:06:23,071 --> 02:06:25,117
Just cleaning up
the timelines!

2388
02:06:25,160 --> 02:06:28,990
Look, eventually you're
going to hang up the claws...

2389
02:06:29,034 --> 02:06:31,254
and it's gonna make
a lot of people very sad.

2390
02:06:31,645 --> 02:06:33,038
Huh?

2391
02:06:33,081 --> 02:06:34,407
But one day, your old pal
Wade's gonna ask you...

2392
02:06:34,431 --> 02:06:36,389
to get back
in the saddle again.

2393
02:06:37,303 --> 02:06:39,827
And when he does,
say yes.

2394
02:06:41,089 --> 02:06:43,048
Oh, right.
[GUNSHOTS]

2395
02:06:43,962 --> 02:06:45,268
[WHISPERS] Love you!

2396
02:06:47,618 --> 02:06:49,272
Goddamn, that's beautiful.

2397
02:06:50,838 --> 02:06:51,839
[GUNSHOT]

2398
02:06:56,627 --> 02:06:58,455
You're welcome, Canada.

2399
02:07:10,989 --> 02:07:12,164
Boy howdy.

2400
02:07:14,035 --> 02:07:16,951
Hi. This is a toughie.
[BABY CRYING]

2401
02:07:16,995 --> 02:07:18,431
Yeesh.

2402
02:07:18,475 --> 02:07:21,869
Oh, yes. You're already
practicing your salute, huh?

2403
02:07:21,913 --> 02:07:24,742
Yes, you are. Well, we'll
take care of that, won't we?

2404
02:07:24,785 --> 02:07:27,571
Jesus Christ! This is
so much harder than I thought.

2405
02:07:28,398 --> 02:07:30,051
Oh, I'm going to hell.

2406
02:07:30,095 --> 02:07:31,792
That makes two of us.

2407
02:07:31,836 --> 02:07:33,446
You can do this.
[CLICKS TONGUE]

2408
02:07:33,490 --> 02:07:36,144
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is crazy.

2409
02:07:36,188 --> 02:07:37,320
All right.

2410
02:07:38,408 --> 02:07:39,496
[SIGHS]

2411
02:07:44,675 --> 02:07:47,068
Maximum effort.

2412
02:07:47,112 --> 02:07:50,071
[IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
CONTINUES PLAYING]

2413
02:09:08,323 --> 02:09:10,325
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

2414
02:12:54,506 --> 02:12:56,247
[CHOIR SINGING]

2415
02:13:24,754 --> 02:13:27,060
That's okay.
Let me see here.

2416
02:13:27,104 --> 02:13:28,627
Oh, God.

2417
02:13:28,671 --> 02:13:30,629
That's why you're
such a little bastard.

2418
02:13:30,673 --> 02:13:33,023
No one's ever changed you.

2419
02:13:33,066 --> 02:13:35,808
Yeah, you got a big, old
stinky in there, don't you?

2420
02:13:35,852 --> 02:13:38,681
God, it smells like
Hitler's anus...

2421
02:13:38,724 --> 02:13:41,292
which would makes sense,
wouldn't it? Yeah.

2422
02:13:41,335 --> 02:13:42,510
I think we both know

2423
02:13:42,554 --> 02:13:43,966
I don't have
what it takes to do this...

2424
02:13:43,990 --> 02:13:46,166
so I'm just gonna change
your diaper real quick...

2425
02:13:46,210 --> 02:13:48,144
and then I'm gonna come back
with my friend, Cable.

2426
02:13:48,168 --> 02:13:49,561
He loves killing kids.