1 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:38,154 I'm sorry pal, there's no bar service until breakfast is finished. 2 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,037 Ugh. 3 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,118 Oh, buenos dias. You're heading out early. 4 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,629 But then the early birds do catch the worms. 5 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,991 Anything's got to be better than the shite you're serving in there. 6 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,278 Lesley, is this some kind of a joke? 7 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,157 - Les. - I beg your pardon? 8 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,037 I'm Les, not Lesley. 9 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,076 I've been doing the job of three people lately 10 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,589 so I haven't even got time to wash me face in the morning 11 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,035 never mind set me wig and put me make up on. 12 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,037 Well, some of us manage it. 13 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,228 I don't mean I wear a wig I just mean... 14 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,789 - Look. Look at this sign. - Oh dear. 15 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,871 I knew I shouldn't have left it with Baby Jesus. 16 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:45,714 Well exactly, when I gave... Baby Jesus? 17 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,270 You know, the soft lad, Jesus in maintenance? 18 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:53,114 I thought we'd established that his name was pronounced Khezous. 19 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,636 Bless you. Well, his son Jesus junior, 20 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,996 - has been helping out a bit. - And you call him Baby Jesus? 21 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,230 Well, yeah, he is only nine. 22 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,390 You mean to say we have a nine-year-old child working part time at the hotel? 23 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,233 Well, not officially. It's just we had to bring someone in 24 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,311 to show us how to work the new computer. 25 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:16,396 Get this sign re-done, mop-up that water and send Baby Jesus packing 26 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,870 before we all get closed down for child exploitation. 27 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,917 Ooh! 28 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,317 Another day in paradise. 29 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:53,754 Well, here we are again, just you, me, and our beloved Benidorm. 30 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,917 Well, we said we'd be back, 31 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,994 but I didn't realise it would be under these circumstances. 32 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,799 Oh, Donald, I do miss you. 33 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,837 Are you there, boys? 34 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,156 We're gonna have another death on our hands at this rate. 35 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,756 That mountain path is a health hazard, I knew I should have worn flats. 36 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,000 - Kenneth, please. - What? 37 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,196 Bit of respect for Jacqueline? 38 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,637 Oh, sorry, Jacqueline, it's just that I'm more grazing sheep 39 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,234 - than mountain goat. - More moaning cow. 40 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,313 I do appreciate you boys coming up here with me, 41 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,069 Donald was so fond of both of you. 42 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:37,671 There was only one group of people he loved more than the gays 43 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,438 and that was the straights. 44 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,037 Lovely. I think. 45 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,829 I don't think we're gonna need this after all you know Kenneth. 46 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:50,755 Yeah, I don't know why you dragged that enormous thing all the way up here. 47 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,951 Oh, I thought you wanted him to be here? 48 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,239 - Very funny. - Come on, help me get set this up. 49 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,992 Donald's final wish was to be scattered all over Benidorm, 50 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,670 do you really think he'd want to be blown in your face? 51 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,069 Well... 52 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,196 Remember what happened when you brought Big Donna up here? 53 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,919 - Oh, that's true. - So, we don't want any accidents. 54 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,594 This is just a gentle, controlled breath of wind 55 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,070 to send Donald gently billowing across the bay. 56 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,276 What did happen when you brought Big Donna out here? 57 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:21,439 Well, Donald and I came up here to scatter Big Donna's ashes 58 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,471 and well, we got the wrong box 59 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,190 and then we ended up throwing someone's head over the cliff. 60 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,077 And it wasn't Big Donna's. 61 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,430 Me and Liam ended up fishing it out of the sea. 62 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,037 Oh, I have missed this place. 63 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,828 Here, booking under the name of Dawson, two doubles and a twin room. 64 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,760 - I'll be with you in a minute. - It's just that one of the doubles, 65 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:54,037 it's a deluxe room and I need to know which one it is. 66 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,190 Right, let's have a look. 67 00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:01,477 - What did you say the name was? - Dawson. Can you hurry up please? 68 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,037 I'm going as fast as I can, pal. 69 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,680 You're joking aren't you, any slower and you'd be going backwards. 70 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,557 I beg your pardon? 71 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,200 We made the booking, but then a few days later 72 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,875 I called and I upgraded one of the double rooms separately. 73 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,156 And I need to know which one it is. 74 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,037 So, can you hurry up? 75 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,877 - Dad? - Shit. 76 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,757 What the hell do you think you're playing at? 77 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,437 Don't mention the deluxe room. 78 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,511 - Don't mention what? - Nothing. Shut up. 79 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,397 - Now hang on a minute. - What you doing tearing off 80 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,277 and leaving us with your bags? 81 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,920 I don't know why you've got three bags anyway, we're only here for a week. 82 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,719 Well, I can't understand how you manage with just one. 83 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,190 I mean clothes maketh the man Sheron. 84 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,716 I'm not wearing the same clobber every day. 85 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,758 I got all my things packed in one iddy biddy case 86 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,834 and if ya'll don't like that, y'all can kiss my sweet potato pie. 87 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,830 Look, I've told you before, darling, 88 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,514 I can't understand you when you talk daft like that. 89 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,989 Oh, leave her alone. Jodie, stop being silly. 90 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,476 Stupid is as stupid does. 91 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,672 Keep looking at me like that and I'm gonna bitch slap you 92 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,557 from here to kingdom come. 93 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,517 What did she just say? 94 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,989 She's just giddy from the coach ride. Jodie, chill. 95 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,309 - I'm thirsty. - We all are, love. 96 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,870 Uh, can we check in please? Three rooms under the name of Dawson. 97 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,673 No bother. This gentleman here, 98 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,591 was just saying that one of the doubles... 99 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,069 Forget it, forget it. It's all sorted, I've sorted it. 100 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,869 - Well you just said you wanted to... - Yeah, well it's all right now, okay. 101 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,316 Billy, why don't you go and get everybody set up by the pool, 102 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,550 and I'll sort these cases out. 103 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,279 I mean, it's the least I can do, in't it? After leaving you with them. 104 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,914 No, no you're all right, Dad, we wanna get in the rooms. 105 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,468 Yeah, I don't really wanna lie by a pool in a pair of jeans. 106 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,839 - Oh. Where is the pool? - That way, where it says pool. 107 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,555 Right, well, come on, everybody out. 108 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,355 Don't spoil the surprise I've got for you. 109 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,318 - Oh, what surprise? - When do we get the surprise? 110 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,431 What you doing? 111 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,876 - I'm just gonna find some shorts. - No. 112 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,753 Come on, out. I said I'll sort this lot. 113 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,957 Go on. Get in the sun. 114 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,517 Now then, which is the deluxe room? 115 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,995 This one, on the fifteenth floor. 116 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,156 All the other rooms are on the tenth. 117 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,557 Fifteenth floor. Nice one, thanks pal. 118 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,078 Hey, you can't leave all these other cases here, pal. 119 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,390 Yeah, yeah, well, I'll be back. 120 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,277 Uh-uh. 121 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,831 - Can I help you, pal? - Oh hello, mate. 122 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,434 Can you tell me who the manager is here, mate? 123 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,954 Joyce Temple Savage, but she's a bit busy today. 124 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:41,837 Yeah, that's fine. How long she been here for? 125 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,717 Four years. Why? 126 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,876 Brilliant, can you tell her that I'm here. 127 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,872 I've got an interview to pull a few birds, I mean a few pints. 128 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,594 - Have you applied for a job here before? - Me? 129 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,109 No, I've never been to this hotel in my life. 130 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,197 I've just got one of those faces. 131 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,077 You can say that again, pal. 132 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,710 Take a seat over there, by the sign. 133 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,310 You're a star. Nice haircut. 134 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,554 I usually have a chestnut bob, but it's in the wash. 135 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,111 Hello boys, you want to check in? 136 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,312 Yes please, the surnames are Dyke and Ellis. 137 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,834 Those are our surnames. One each. 138 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,797 'Cause it's him, and me. 139 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,510 Thanks. Have you got your passport, son? 140 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,990 Yeah, you need them to get through the airport. 141 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,393 - Give him your passport. - Oh, right. 142 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,389 Right, we've got you lads down for a twin room. 143 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,149 Yeah, we're on a bit of a tight budget unfortunately. 144 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,438 - He's on a tight budget and I'm skint. - Right. 145 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,111 I tell what. Let's see if I can sneak you two 146 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,878 into a deluxe twin. 147 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,989 They're much bigger than the standard, give you lads a bit of breathing space. 148 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,396 Oh, wicked. I've always thought 149 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,277 size is quite important in the bedroom. 150 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,157 Yeah. 151 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,959 He ain't talking about his knob, he means the room. 152 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,914 - He knows I meant the room. - Oh, right. Wicked. 153 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,757 It's just that he laughed so I thought he might think you meant your knob. 154 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:17,159 - No, no, everything's cool, bruv, yeah. - Yeah, sweet. 155 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,273 Eh, I'm sorry boys, I haven't got a bigger room for tonight. 156 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,635 But if you wanna check with me in a couple of days, 157 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,395 I might be able to move you. Right, there's your room keys, 158 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,074 wrist bands. Tenth floor. 159 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,116 - Brilliant, thanks very much. - Nee bother. 160 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,792 Oh my God, check out the fit Spanish birds at one o'clock. 161 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,951 Why do we have to wait until one o'clock? 162 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,510 Is it something to do with the time difference? 163 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:55,637 My dearest Donald, so now is the time to say farewell. 164 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,433 Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. 165 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,071 It's been such an adventure. 166 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:08,474 But you always said, don't cry because it's over, 167 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,069 smile because it happened. 168 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:18,354 Oh, and in all the years we had together, 169 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:22,553 you certainly gave me a lot to smile about. 170 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,389 Remember, darling... 171 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:37,433 This is just adios and never goodbye. 172 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,397 Oh, hang on a minute. 173 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,875 - I don't think we need it, Kenneth. - Now look, 174 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,599 do we want Donald sitting in a muddy puddle half way down the mountain 175 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,716 or do you want him billowing gently across the bay? 176 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,590 - Billowing gently across the bay. - Exactly. 177 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,557 Oh, bloody hell, I think it's rusted. 178 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,029 Oh, come here. When was the last time you used this? 179 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,236 - I got it to inflate Roger. - I beg your pardon? 180 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,117 Big inflatable man I used a couple of years ago. 181 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,395 - Dear God. - To advertise the salon. 182 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,797 Are you ready? 183 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,717 Oh for God's sake, mind your fingers. 184 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,118 Oh my God. Jacqueline. 185 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,757 Oh my God. Jacqueline, you okay? 186 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,830 Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. 187 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,551 Did he get off all right? 188 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,911 Oh, yeah, there he is. 189 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,990 Adios, Donald, adios. 190 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,077 Well, thank you. Mr Bueno, 191 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,799 now this is a very impressive CV. 192 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:06,996 Yes, very impressive. 193 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:12,398 It is not actually my CV, but I thought it might catch your attention. 194 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,954 - I'm sorry, this is not your CV? - No. 195 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,989 I downloaded it from the Internet. 196 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:23,798 As a doctor of medicine, my CV would be highly inappropriate for bar work. 197 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,268 - You're a doctor? - Yes. 198 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,119 You're a doctor and you're looking for bar work? 199 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,397 I'm afraid so. 200 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,551 My brother is a trained architect, 201 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,870 but is currently working in The Rich Bitch Show Bar 202 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,110 as a cocktail waitress called Tammy. 203 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,272 These are very difficult times of austerity we are living in. 204 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,275 I'm sorry Dr Bueno, 205 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,794 but I think you're vastly over-qualified for this job. 206 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,794 It wouldn't seem right employing a doctor to work behind a bar. 207 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:54,712 Have you never heard of people diversifying? 208 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,835 Look at Dr Dre, he now sells headphones for a living. 209 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,037 I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about. 210 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,680 You don't understand, I need this job. 211 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:11,079 Personally, I think you'd be much better suited looking at... 212 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,832 No, no, no. I can do this job. 213 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,470 Looking after drunk tourists, mopping vomit? 214 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,631 You don't think I've never done this before? 215 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,796 I was a doctor in Benidorm for God's sake. 216 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,157 I'm sorry, Doctor Bueno, I think you'd better leave. 217 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,071 No, no, no. I can serve drinks. 218 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:30,632 I can call the bingo, two fat ladies clickity click, I can sing. 219 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,638 Give me a job, I need a job. Eh? 220 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,950 Argh. Help. Somebody help. 221 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,159 - What's going on here sunshine? - Give me this job. 222 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,037 - Who are you? - Do you want him out? 223 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,917 - Yes. Get him out. - Right, come here you. 224 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,636 - I think I'll have a swim in me pants. - No you will not. 225 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,991 - I'll text him again. - What's the difference? 226 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,913 - They're shorts, they're boxer shorts. - I said no. 227 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,916 Would you like to be in a pool if your Dad was swimming in his pants? 228 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,917 There is a difference. I change my pants. 229 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,116 - Oi. - This is ridiculous, 230 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,873 - I'm going to the room. - You don't know where it is. 231 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,996 Why does your father always do this? 232 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,998 - Oh, always do what? - Make life difficult. 233 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,837 What about this then, eh? It's not bad for day one is it? 234 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,038 - What have you been doing? - I've been getting changed. 235 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,477 You don't think I'm sitting down here in me slacks and jacket, do you? 236 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,354 Dad, you told us to wait out here because you had a surprise. 237 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,079 Well? What is it? 238 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,038 Uh, I forgot. 239 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,435 You forgot? 240 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,790 Oh, yeah, that were it, I've got a new hat. You like it? 241 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:22,108 Right, here's your keys, tenth floor, you're in 1026, the kids are in 1025. 242 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,874 Now I asked them if they'd move your cases, 243 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,713 but they didn't look too keen. So I'd check reception 244 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,836 to see if they're still there, if I were you. 245 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,954 Right, time for a beer I think. 246 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,192 - Is he taking the piss? - He's old, you know what he's like. 247 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,397 Yeah, I do know what he's like. It's got nothing to do with being old. 248 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,397 Where's Jodie? Where's she gone? 249 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,717 Jodie. 250 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,953 Darling, please, don't near the pool without your arm bands. 251 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,838 - She's all right. - She's not all right. She can't swim. 252 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,832 Right, shall we get these cases while the clothes still fit our Jodie. 253 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,878 Whey hey. Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Dawson is on fire. 254 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,792 Yeah. I am in these bloody jeans. 255 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,148 Hey, hey you, just chill out, yeah? 256 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,278 - We're supposed to be on holiday. - I know we are, I'm sorry, it's just... 257 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,951 - It's your Dad, he winds me up. - Does he? Can't say I've noticed. 258 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,075 Come on, you know what hotel rooms do to me. 259 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,357 - No, what do they do? - They give me an uncontrollable urge 260 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,069 to use a trouser press wearing nothing, but a shower cap and a filthy grin. 261 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,594 Well, let's get in that room. 262 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,437 - You really should go to hospital. - I'm all right. 263 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,511 Oh she's as strong as an ox, this one. 264 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,397 Kenneth's right. 265 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:43,510 I once pulled a Skoda Rapid across Newport Bridge 266 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,160 dressed as a bottle of strawberry Yazoo. 267 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,313 I told you, she needs medical attention, she's concussed. 268 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,197 It was all for charity. 269 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:56,149 And I'm sure I'd have got more than half way if Big Donna hadn't been steering. 270 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,757 She sounds perfectly normal to me. 271 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,035 Well if you're absolutely sure you don't need a doctor. 272 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,278 The only doctor she needs is Doctor Kenneth and his magic scissors. 273 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,112 I am going to give you a free cut and blow dry. 274 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,398 Oh, lovely. 275 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:14,114 I don't know about the pair of you, but I could do with a screaming orgasm. 276 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,868 Let me get some drinks first. We can start planning your social life 277 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,077 after I've done your hair. Here you are, keys to the salon. 278 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,196 Put the kettle on, I'll be there in five. 279 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,475 - Morning, boys. - All right. 280 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,839 - What do you think then? - It's... 281 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,717 It's like paradise. 282 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,075 Right, shall we grab a couple of sunbeds? 283 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,192 You get the sunbeds, I'm gonna have a swim before the tide goes out. 284 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,835 Well, first of all, Mr... 285 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,879 Marcus, my name's Marcus. 286 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,431 First of all, Marcus, 287 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,671 I must thank you most sincerely for your help this morning. 288 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,238 What can I say? I see a beautiful lady in distress, 289 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,958 I just switch to autopilot. 290 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:02,076 Oh, no, I meant you chucking that looney out that wanted a job. 291 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,109 - Yeah, I know. - Sorry, when you said, "Beautiful lady" 292 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,156 I was a little confused. 293 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:11,516 I didn't mean to embarrass you. I speak as I find. 294 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,195 Well, yes. 295 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,278 Anyway, the thought of having you is most appealing. 296 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,513 On our staff I mean. But of course, 297 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,717 I am looking for an experienced man. 298 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,792 On the job. Uh, for the job. The job of barman. 299 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,113 Right, now, are you listening to me, Sergio? 300 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,637 - Que? - You are now on the pool bar 301 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,955 'til two o'clock. Go. Go. 302 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,238 No, no. Not go home, go to the pool bar. 303 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,471 The pool bar. Take your coat off. 304 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,275 No mas jaqueta. 305 00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,988 - Um, do you have a CV? - Oh, I wrote down my contact details. 306 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,117 Ah. 307 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,997 Oh. Other side. 308 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:14,273 Yes. Oh, do you have any experience working in the hotel industry Mr, uh, 309 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,916 - Horny? - Hornby. 310 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:24,919 Do you have any experience working in a hotel Mr Horny... Hornby. 311 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,316 I'm going to be honest with you Joyce, may I call you Joyce? 312 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,469 We're all one big happy family here, Marcus. 313 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,240 Where the hell are you going, Sergio? 314 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,312 You're supposed be behind the pool bar. 315 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,551 I go. I go. I no like it here. 316 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,997 I go back to Barcelona. 317 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,429 Please, continue. 318 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,510 Oh, that's a Picasso right? 319 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,231 I doubt it, it was three euros at the Chinese Bazaar. 320 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:59,478 Yeah, that's Picasso's bird of peace. 321 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,915 Beautiful. Where was I? 322 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:09,034 Oh, yeah, so I retired at 42 and I came to live in Benidorm. 323 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,918 For the first five years I lived a very comfortable life, 324 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,915 I'd swim in my pool in the morning, have a light lunch. 325 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,797 Sounds idyllic. 326 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,790 - But I'm a very physical man, Joyce. - I can see that. 327 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,873 I tried to relax, live the easy life, but I needed a project. 328 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,078 Cut a long story short, I started dabbling in the property market, 329 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,957 just before the bottom fell out of it. 330 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:38,356 - Joyce? - Oh, I do apologise, I got confused. 331 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,112 I got as far as your bottom. 332 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,117 Anyway, since then, I've been kind of living in denial, 333 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,909 but the fact is, you've got the one thing I need. 334 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,431 Really? Are you sure? 335 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,070 Ajob. I need a job Joyce. 336 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,950 Yes, I understand that Mr Hornby, 337 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,869 but we really do need someone with experience. 338 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,879 Joyce, I'm an open book. 339 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,317 What you see is what you get. 340 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,394 If you like what you see, it's yours. 341 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,590 How hard can it possibly get? 342 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,594 Well, you tell me? 343 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:15,989 Come in. 344 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,432 I'm sorry, Mrs Temple Savage, we're so low on staff now, 345 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,352 I'm not sure how we're gonna get through the day. 346 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,878 I'm ready when you are Joyce. 347 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,433 Thank you Mr Hornby, I'll be in touch. 348 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,233 Oh, I do hope so, Joyce. 349 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,635 He seems keen. 350 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,076 - Do you want the last one in? - Yes, thank you. 351 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,552 Although to be honest, Les, I think Mr Hornby could be the one. 352 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,437 On the job I mean, uh, for the job. 353 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,114 Well as long as he's got plenty of experience. 354 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,555 We haven't got time to be training someone up. 355 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,877 In you come love. 356 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,315 This is Amber. I'm on reception if you need me. 357 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,395 Hello Amber, do take a seat. 358 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,757 Joyce Temple Savage. 359 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,276 Did you bring your CV with you? 360 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,908 Absolutely. Here's my CV. 361 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,948 Three references, my City and Guilds in Hotel Management and Catering, 362 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:20,998 my first aid training certificate and my I.P.L.Q. 363 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,872 I.P.L.Q? 364 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,554 International Pool Lifeguard Qualification. 365 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,716 You all right, son? Where are the others? 366 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,678 - You shake them off at the pass? - They're unpacking. 367 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,557 Why didn't you save the other sunbeds? 368 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,149 What others? I'm all right on this one. 369 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,629 The sunbeds for me and Sheron, and the kids. 370 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,395 Oh, I didn't think. 371 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,518 - Come on, there's some more beds there. - Well, I'm all right here to be honest. 372 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,519 What you doing? I said I was all right here. 373 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,150 The bar's too far away over there. 374 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,516 We don't have to get our own drinks from the bar, that's why we had kids. 375 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,917 Oh, yeah. 376 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,077 Here you are, these are fine. 377 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,597 - Billy. - Yes, Dad. 378 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:22,309 I don't suppose you've had a word yet, have you? To Sheron. 379 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,437 About me moving in. 380 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,595 - Son? - Um... 381 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,670 Well, it's not a great time, to be honest, Dad. 382 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,557 But I've moved out me flat. 383 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,234 - What do you mean you've moved out? - Well, you know my flat? 384 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,478 - I've moved out of it. - Why? Why would you do that? 385 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,357 Because you said I could move in with you. 386 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,398 But I didn't mean it. I mean, I didn't mean right now. 387 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,755 - Where's all your stuff? - It's in Ron Pickford's garage. 388 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,991 Who the... Who's Ron Pickford? Ugh. 389 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,797 You're very quiet, the pair of you. 390 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,111 We're just relaxing aren't we, son? 391 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,350 Yeah, relaxing. 392 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,953 - Where are the kids? - Rob's taken Jodie to get an ice cream. 393 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:16,157 I think it's time for a drink. 394 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,119 - Oh, yeah, smashing, I'll have a beer. - Diet Coke for me. 395 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:24,159 And I will have, uh, a whisky and lemonade. 396 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,633 No point drinking beer when the spirits are free as well. 397 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,714 Will they be long, the kids. I'm dry as a bone here. 398 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,717 I thought you were going to get the drinks. 399 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,030 No point doing everything yourself, is there? 400 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,917 That's what you had kids for, isn't it? 401 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:44,396 What kind of a thing is that to say? They're not slaves, you know. 402 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,272 - I'll go. - Beer for you and you'll want a Diet. 403 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,597 - I beg your pardon? - Diet Coke. 404 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,315 Just checking, you know what my memory's like. 405 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,270 Right, I'll be a good ten minutes 'cause I'm going for a Tom Tit first. 406 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,837 I've been baking it since we disembarked at Alicante. 407 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,357 Oh. 408 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,157 And wash your hands. 409 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:10,877 "You want a Diet?" 410 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,748 A Diet Coke. He wanted to get your drink right. 411 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,637 He knows exactly what he was saying. 412 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,870 How did he end up coming with us? I don't remember inviting him. 413 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,156 He's been through a very traumatic divorce. 414 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,037 He needs this holiday. 415 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,630 Mary's the one who deserves a holiday after 40 years married to him. 416 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,948 Oh, well, I suppose we should be thankful for small mercies. 417 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:32,837 At least we've only got him for a week. 418 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,077 Yeah. 419 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:43,869 She's good, young and attractive and doesn't seem afraid of hard work. 420 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,758 - Yes. - Not sure why she brought her Dad. 421 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,998 Marcus and Amber are each on an unpaid shift. 422 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,755 I'm sure by the end of the day we'll know who the man is for me, or woman. 423 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,196 For us I mean, I mean the Solana. 424 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,229 Any problems I'll be on my mobile. 425 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,550 Nee bother, Mrs Temple Savage. 426 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:13,079 Hey, you won't get it any cheaper than that, all right? 427 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,995 Thank you. Goodbye. I'm sorry about that. 428 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:20,550 Now, listen, I want to talk about Picasso. 429 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,471 Kenneth, according to this, you haven't had any customers in weeks. 430 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,516 If my nose were as long as yours, I'd have a lot more offers 431 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,875 - to sit on my face. - You're certainly not getting any offers 432 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,394 of work. How do you pay your bills? How do you pay your rent? 433 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,948 Look. I have an arrangement. 434 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,877 Oh God, here we go. 435 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,235 No. It's not what you think. 436 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,677 Basically, I'm rent free. 437 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,354 This place belongs to me Uncle Herbert, he even pays all the bills. 438 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,237 - I knew it. - Oh, shut up. 439 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,518 He's a real uncle. Well, actually he's not. 440 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,955 He was a very good friend of me mother's but he owns this, 441 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,395 and most of the other hairdressers this side of Alicante. 442 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:04,314 So, Kenneth Du Beke, you've fallen on your stilettos once again. 443 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,119 Well, let's face it. The less time I spend in here, 444 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,997 the more time I get to spend with you two. 445 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,997 - Has she been all right? - Not really, she misses him terribly. 446 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:18,796 - They were like book ends. - You mean they usually had two or three 447 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,997 - people in between them? - No. Well, yeah. 448 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,957 I mean, they were always together. 449 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,508 When they didn't have two or three people in between them. 450 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,874 It's funny isn't it? Everyone thought Donald would go hanging 451 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,838 upside down bound and gagged, dressed as a naughty nurse. 452 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,717 - You mean he didn't? - No. 453 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,314 They both got into bed, turned out the light, fell asleep 454 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,238 and at some point, his heart just stopped beating. 455 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:42,557 Oh. 456 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,313 I guess there's only so much fun you can pack into one lifetime. 457 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,237 Yeah. 458 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,676 By that reckoning, your number should have been up years ago. 459 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:55,151 Oh, don't say that. Anyway, why are you only staying a weekend? 460 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,391 I've got a salon to run myself. Do you know, the kind, that has customers? 461 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,675 Oh, come on, she loves it here. 462 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,918 What's more important? Your salon or Jacqueline's happiness? 463 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,717 I'll get us some more drinks. 464 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,431 Oh. You're actually open today? 465 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,351 No, what gave you that impression? 466 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,000 What's the point of having a salon which is never open? 467 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,877 Piss off. 468 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,680 It's just banter. Are you checking in? 469 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,510 - Where have you been? - Oh, sorry about that Joyce, 470 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,591 just had to nip outside for a bit of business. 471 00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,990 Nip out? I'm supposed to be showing you how to check guests in. 472 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,275 Absolutely, I'm all ears. 473 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,517 - If you'll watch me. - Watch you? 474 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,997 I can't take my eyes off you. 475 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:47,031 - Hello? - Sorry. Um, passports please. 476 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,715 Oh, there's the passports. Uh, yes. 477 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:55,079 Now the computer is very old, but terribly efficient. Bit like me. 478 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:56,957 If you make one more crack about your age, 479 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:58,837 I'm going to have to put you across my knee. 480 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,157 He's a cheeky one, this one. 481 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,317 Hold that thought, Joyce. Hello? 482 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,510 Well, I'm a bit busy at the moment. Can I call back? 483 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:13,277 What's it regarding? 484 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,476 - Now, we've got keys here for your room - Yeah, listen, 485 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,837 I'm in full time employment now, I can get your payment within the next month. 486 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,713 - Um - One second. 487 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,548 Gracias. Same to you, mate. 488 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,789 Um, Marcus, I think we're going to have to set a few boundaries. 489 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:33,755 Joyce, I just want to thank you so much for this job. 490 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,918 You're very welcome I... I beg your pardon? 491 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,470 They say that Benidorm is a lonely city when your back's against the wall, 492 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:45,038 but the moment I looked into those big blue eyes I knew you were the one. 493 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,917 - I'm sorry? The one? - To save me. 494 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:50,956 Well, I haven't actually offered you the job. 495 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,270 I'm gonna lay myself bare in front of you, Joyce. 496 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:56,830 - Here? - I've got nothing. 497 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,953 I'm stony broke. I've got debts up to here. 498 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,959 It's a shame I'm not a bit taller. 499 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:06,953 - I appreciate all that... - You are an angel sent from heaven. 500 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,356 I don't think you understand how I feel at the moment. 501 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:11,435 I could kiss you. 502 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,991 What now? How many times have I got to tell you? 503 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,757 Sorry. 504 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,835 Buenos dias, welcome to The Solana. Thank you. 505 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,629 - Oh, my God. - Oh, isn't it? 506 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,597 I've never seen them that size before. 507 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:44,837 - Really? - Oh, mate, 508 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,150 I've got to email you some links. 509 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,037 How would you get your mouth up to them? 510 00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:52,911 - Start by buying her a drink? - They're made of plastic, right? 511 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,958 No man, those are the real deal. 512 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:58,756 And I think I just might be in with a chance. 513 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,593 - What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? 514 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:04,636 Those massive straws on the bar. 515 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,551 I was talking about the girl behind the bar. 516 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:11,878 What girl? Oh, the one behind the bar? 517 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,599 Yeah, she's fit. Ooh. 518 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,791 - Same again please. - Those went down well. 519 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,399 - Here for the week? - What's it got to do with you? 520 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,397 You've got some admirers. 521 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,433 Oh. Comes with the job, doesn't it? 522 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,797 Not for all of us. 523 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,749 So you've worked in Benidorm before? 524 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:48,995 Yeah, I was at The Regency for a year then at El Jardin in Altea for two. 525 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,114 Bloody hell, this must be a step down for you, 526 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,192 serving people with tattoos and broken noses. 527 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,670 I prefer my men with a bit of character. 528 00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:00,714 I was talking about the women. 529 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,838 - Excuse me love, can I get a drink? - Hola. Same again? 530 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:05,996 You know that woman you were with earlier? 531 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:11,037 Blonde hair, blue suit, good looking. Is she the manager? 532 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,073 What's it gotta do with you? 533 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,957 - Getting in? - Is it cold? 534 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,508 At first but you get used to it. 535 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,397 Where's your inflatable ring? 536 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:28,917 Do you want me to get it for you? 537 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,314 - Are you getting in? - In a minute. 538 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,992 - Can you swim? - No, not really. 539 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,356 Oh, there's only one way to learn. 540 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,029 Diet Coke yours, Sheron? Diet? 541 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,797 Oh, my God! Jodie! 542 00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:58,517 Bloody hell. 543 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,837 Oh, shit. 544 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,240 I'm here, darling. Don't worry, I'm here. 545 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:15,637 Oh, sweetheart. 546 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,678 She's okay, she's all right, thank you so much. 547 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,475 - He kicked me. He kicked me. - Who kicked you? You all right, darling? 548 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,437 Of course she's not all right. She nearly drowned. 549 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,115 Grandad. Grandad kicked me into the pool. 550 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,151 - What? - Don't be ridiculous. 551 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,151 You didn't kick her in, did you, Dad? 552 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,991 Well, I might have just nudged her, a bit. 553 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,594 Nudged her? Nudged her? 554 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,877 - She nearly frigging drowned! - I told him I couldn't swim 555 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,918 and he said there's only one way to learn and kicked me in. 556 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,749 - What? Come here! Come here! - No, no, no, no. 557 00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,149 Let me at him! Get off me! 558 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,079 I'll kill him! I'll bloody kill him! 559 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,515 - What's going on? - Dad, go inside. 560 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:06,150 She's all right. A couple of gobs full of water isn't gonna kill her. 561 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,356 I'll rip his frigging head off! 562 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,271 All right, calm down. Just calm down. 563 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,397 I want to do karaoke. 564 00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:20,871 We'll do it tomorrow night darling, you need to rest tonight. 565 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,673 She doesn't need to rest. We're on holiday, she needs to enjoy herself. 566 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,877 I want to do my karaoke and get my grove on. 567 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:32,352 Right, we can go down for an hour if you stop doing that silly voice. 568 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,675 It's open. 569 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,560 What's going on? Are we getting something to eat or what? I'm starving. 570 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,637 Well? 571 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,357 Thanks very much, enjoy your evening. 572 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:03,597 You seemed to do very well today, Amber, very well indeed. 573 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,957 - Thank you, Mrs Temple Savage. - And I heard all about the incident 574 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,112 in the pool today. You did very well there too. 575 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:14,677 - Oh. Thank you. - But this job isn't just working hard 576 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,672 and saving children's lives, if only. 577 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,832 It's about experience. 578 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,799 I gave you my references, I've had a lot of experience. 579 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,156 I'm talking about life experience. 580 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:32,718 I think we're possibly looking for a more mature applicant. 581 00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,670 - Oh. - Thanks for hanging around for 582 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,070 another hour, Amber, you've done great today. 583 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:44,999 God, Les. Fancy dress. You didn't tell me it was fancy dress. 584 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:49,750 Do you do this every night? You look hilarious. 585 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,838 No. It's not fancy dress. 586 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,637 And I'm Lesley, when I'm dressed like this I'm Lesley. 587 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:02,239 Oh, God, sorry, Les. I mean Lesley. 588 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,637 Thank you for today Amber. 589 00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:07,553 I've got one more person to see this evening then I'm going to sleep 590 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:12,873 with my decision. Uh, sleep on it. My decision, I mean. 591 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:18,151 - I'll be in touch. - Okay. Hope to hear from you. 592 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,116 I'm sorry about that, Les, Lesley. 593 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,077 Um, thanks for all your help today. 594 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,669 Nee bother young one, you did great. 595 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,479 So, you not going to take her on? She's a grafter. 596 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,955 Lesley, the girl's practically a child. 597 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:37,951 We need somebody with maturity and experience. 598 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,794 Joyce. Are we all set? 599 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,791 I thought we could do a bit of tapas in the old town 600 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,677 and then maybe catch a movie? 601 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,192 Mr Hornby. I think there's been a misunderstanding. 602 00:36:48,720 --> 00:36:51,757 I asked to see you this evening to assess your application. 603 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:56,598 Oh. Oh, right. Yeah, no worries. 604 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,997 I'll wait for you in reception. 605 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:03,349 Well, I hope you enjoy your final assessment. 606 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,829 I'm not sure I like your attitude, Lesley. 607 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,434 I'm not sure I'm too struck with yours either. 608 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,717 - Excuse me? - Yes, pal? Two beers? 609 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,993 - I want to sing. I want to sing. - Rob, go and see if there's a book. 610 00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:33,156 French Night, all regular dishes excluding hot pot will be served 611 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:35,037 with garlic mayonnaise. 612 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,353 Sheron, I'm gonna text me Dad and tell him to come and have his tea with us. 613 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,237 He's obviously keeping a low profile. 614 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,318 Or, instead, you could leave him wherever he is. 615 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,357 You know, just to be on the safe side 616 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:48,280 considering we've still got one child he hasn't tried to kill. 617 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,508 Here you go. Do you want me to help you choose one? 618 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,397 Yeah. 619 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:58,029 He didn't try and kill Jodie. Don't be so dramatic, my Dad's not a well man. 620 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,031 He won't be if he comes anywhere near me. 621 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:06,357 - Have you chosen one, darling? - Yeah. I is gonna be Beyonce 622 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,510 with a big old booty. 623 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:10,352 I'll go and put it in for you. 624 00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,875 Ah, come here, I love you. 625 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,397 Hey, woman. Don't mess with my weave, 626 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,789 I gotta show my ass off on that there stage. 627 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,877 Mr Hornby, Marcus, I'd just like to set the record straight. 628 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,269 - Great. - I am extremely flattered 629 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,112 by your very obvious interest. 630 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,589 Oh yeah, well, I really need this job. 631 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,437 No, I meant in me. 632 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,317 Oh, well, I'm happy to go through whatever it takes 633 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,197 to get me on the payroll. 634 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,557 Go through with? What does that mean? 635 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,677 Look, we both know I'm not exactly cut out for working 636 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,716 in a shitty three-star hotel. 637 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,077 - I beg your pardon? - If I'm absolutely honest, 638 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,516 all I need is proof I'm in full time employment. 639 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,637 I won't bore you with the details. But I do realise if I'm being paid 640 00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:05,349 to ride the bike, I've got to pump the tyres up every now and then. 641 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,829 - What? - I thought that was the arrangement 642 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,388 - we were both driving at? - Oh, no, Mr Hornby, 643 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:14,439 there's no arrangement apart from the fact that I have a job vacancy 644 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:18,399 for which you are clearly unqualified in both experience and attitude. 645 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:20,670 But I've said, I don't want the job. 646 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,997 All I need to know is are you gonna put me on the payroll? 647 00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:27,038 No, I am not. Are you stupid? Now get out of my hotel! 648 00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,315 All right, all right, no need to shout. 649 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,840 - I'll say goodbye then. - Goodbye, Mr Hornby. 650 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,759 Is everything all right, Joyce? You. 651 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,913 - What? - You don't remember me, do you? 652 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,276 No mate and I've got a very good memory for faces. 653 00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,477 Oh, really? Even of people you've beaten up, 654 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,596 robbed and tied to a hotel radiator? 655 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:52,310 And you stole mine and my husband's mobile phones. 656 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:53,719 Four years ago. 657 00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:55,675 Shit. 658 00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:00,477 Right, come on, I need a drink. 659 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:03,993 I was going to run after him, but I thought if I catch him I'll kill him. 660 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,108 - This is amazing. - Yeah, it's not bad. 661 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,634 No, I mean that we can eat and drink as much as we like. 662 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,274 - Yeah. Do you want another drink? - Definitely. 663 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,516 - Do they have a happy hour? - No. 664 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,511 Oh, that's a shame. 665 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,433 Why would they have a happy hour? All the drinks are free. 666 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,273 Oh, right. It's a shame though, isn't it? 667 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:38,793 A happy hour would be nice. 668 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,518 Hey Joe, we still going out into Benidorm to watch the football? 669 00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:55,397 - Definitely. - But Tiger, listen. 670 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,994 I've been thinking, we should turn our phones off while the game's on. 671 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,709 - Why's that? - Well, it'll be quite tempting to text 672 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,598 the lads at home if we score and it's not really fair. 673 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,998 - Why isn't it fair? - Well, it'll spoil it for them won't it? 674 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,278 'Cause we're an hour in front. 675 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,113 I'll get the drinks. 676 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,355 - When is it me? - They'll call your name. 677 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,476 Oh, can't you tell them to hurry up? 678 00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:08,755 What? You want me to ask them to sing faster? 679 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,874 - He's not answering. - Maybe someone's kicked him in the pool? 680 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,350 - Sheron, that's not funny. - No, it's not. 681 00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:18,510 Excuse me, but are you with a Mr Eddie Dawson in room 1505? 682 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,875 - No. - Yeah. Yes, we are. 683 00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,754 We think he's had some sort of accident in his room. 684 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,876 Oh, my God. Come on. 685 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:30,232 Ok, the last singer for tonight is Jodie. 686 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,629 - It's me. It's me. - We'll have to do it tomorrow night. 687 00:42:32,720 --> 00:42:34,711 - No. Now. - I can't leave you here. 688 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,918 There's something wrong with your grandad. 689 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,434 Lesley, there is someone in reception asking for you. 690 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,195 Come on. What are you playing at? That's me father in there. 691 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,549 - What's wrong with him? - I don't know. We can't get in. 692 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,397 Oh, get out of the way. 693 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,117 What is it Dad? Is it your heart? 694 00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:04,833 No. It's me back. It's locked. Sit me up. 695 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,468 Careful. 696 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,157 Oh. That's it. 697 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,080 Oh. That's it, oh thank God for that. 698 00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,636 How the frigging hell did you get this room? 699 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,074 I don't know. Why? Is yours not the same? 700 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,192 You know it's not the same, that's why you ran up to the rooms 701 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:23,838 on your own to get the best one. 702 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,635 Have you seen our room? It's an absolute shit hole. 703 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,557 - It's not that bad. - Shut up. 704 00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:30,915 I don't know why Sheron, but this diet you're on, 705 00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,031 it really seems to be putting you on edge. 706 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:35,111 Oh! Get off me! 707 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,552 I'm gonna kill you! Get off me! 708 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,278 Come in. 709 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,076 - How did you get on? - Get on? 710 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,670 With your fella. Did you hire him? 711 00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,399 No, no, I didn't. Between you and me, Lesley, 712 00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:58,436 they say there's no fool like an old fool 713 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:01,512 and I've just been made to look the biggest fool of them all. Again. 714 00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,316 So will you be hiring the young lass? 715 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,836 Or are you still looking for someone, you know, a bit more mature, 716 00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:09,837 with more experience? 717 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:11,751 I'm a silly, vain old woman, Lesley. 718 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,835 I knew Marcus, Mr Hornby would be useless, 719 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,428 but I even juggled the books so I could hire the girl as well. 720 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:21,520 That's what you get for trying to eat your cake and have it. 721 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,431 So you are still looking for someone? 722 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,318 - I can't go through all of this again. - Well, I don't think you have to. 723 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,597 Someone came into the Solana tonight looking for work. 724 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,029 Miss Temple Savage, Lesley tells me you were looking for staff? 725 00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:42,950 Mateo. I thought you'd gone to live in Madrid? 726 00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:45,037 Yes, I have been working in Madrid, 727 00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,998 but, sometimes, you have to follow your heart. 728 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:51,119 Benidorm is my home and if you will have me, 729 00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:53,196 I would love to work at The Solana again. 730 00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:56,115 When can you start? 731 00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:01,476 Not for another ten, fifteen minutes at least. 732 00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:08,228 Right, come on, team, we've got a hotel to run. 733 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,397 Yes!