1 00:00:01,371 --> 00:00:03,941 - [groans] We're going backwards. 2 00:00:04,041 --> 00:00:05,375 Felt better a week ago. 3 00:00:05,442 --> 00:00:06,543 Okay, hear me out. 4 00:00:06,610 --> 00:00:08,679 Maybe we're working too hard. 5 00:00:08,745 --> 00:00:11,915 Maybe we need to rest our brains. 6 00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:13,884 [phone vibrates] DJ's texting you. 7 00:00:13,951 --> 00:00:16,553 - How do you know? - I can read it from here. 8 00:00:16,620 --> 00:00:17,955 Your text setting is enormous. 9 00:00:18,055 --> 00:00:19,723 It's like the top row of an eye exam. 10 00:00:19,790 --> 00:00:23,260 - Oh, God, it's another message about ancestry.com. 11 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,962 Ever since she decided to have a kid, 12 00:00:25,062 --> 00:00:27,030 DJ's obsessed with our family heritage. 13 00:00:27,097 --> 00:00:28,565 - Oh, I did that, and I found out 14 00:00:28,632 --> 00:00:30,634 I had a second cousin who lived an hour away 15 00:00:30,734 --> 00:00:32,636 who did not wanna get coffee. 16 00:00:32,736 --> 00:00:34,905 - Huh, it appears I'm a descendant 17 00:00:34,972 --> 00:00:37,441 of a person in the Salem witch trials. 18 00:00:37,541 --> 00:00:39,977 Betty Parris. 19 00:00:40,077 --> 00:00:42,746 - Wait, could we use this for the show? 20 00:00:42,813 --> 00:00:44,114 Like, maybe this is the through line 21 00:00:44,214 --> 00:00:45,315 we've been looking for. 22 00:00:45,415 --> 00:00:46,984 Oh, maybe. 23 00:00:47,084 --> 00:00:51,121 Um, something about how her story mirrors mine. 24 00:00:51,221 --> 00:00:52,322 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Umm, 25 00:00:52,422 --> 00:00:53,824 beautiful, brilliant woman 26 00:00:53,924 --> 00:00:55,993 blazing her own path in a male-dominated world. 27 00:00:56,093 --> 00:00:57,728 - Yes! - Unfairly persecuted. 28 00:00:57,794 --> 00:00:59,630 - Found guilty in the court of public opinion. 29 00:00:59,730 --> 00:01:01,265 - Burned at the stake. - Yes, exactly! 30 00:01:01,331 --> 00:01:02,799 Oh, this is good. This is good. 31 00:01:02,899 --> 00:01:05,736 Um...oh, oh, I know. I know how it could start. 32 00:01:05,802 --> 00:01:07,004 Ooh, shoot. 33 00:01:07,104 --> 00:01:09,573 What? 34 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,242 - Okay, it turns out Betty Parris was actually 35 00:01:12,309 --> 00:01:14,678 one of the Salem witch trial accusers. 36 00:01:14,778 --> 00:01:17,614 She and Abigail Williams kinda kicked the whole thing off. 37 00:01:17,681 --> 00:01:19,916 Lotta innocent women dead. 38 00:01:19,983 --> 00:01:21,084 Her fault. 39 00:01:21,151 --> 00:01:23,654 - Mm. - Mm. 40 00:01:27,124 --> 00:01:28,692 - [exhales] - Well, I don't need 41 00:01:28,792 --> 00:01:30,260 a stupid through line for my show. 42 00:01:30,327 --> 00:01:31,995 - Not at all. Literally dumb. 43 00:01:32,095 --> 00:01:34,631 - Not my department, and I know you hate puppets, 44 00:01:34,698 --> 00:01:36,033 - but I was thinking that-- - I know. 45 00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:37,934 I know. 46 00:01:42,773 --> 00:01:44,007 Babe, hi. 47 00:01:44,107 --> 00:01:45,475 Oh, I am in such a rut. 48 00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:47,711 I need you. 49 00:01:47,811 --> 00:01:48,979 Yeah. 50 00:01:49,046 --> 00:01:50,280 How quickly can you get to Memphis? 51 00:01:50,347 --> 00:01:52,015 [Jo Jo Gunne's "Run Run Run"] 52 00:01:52,115 --> 00:01:55,352 - ♪ Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ♪ 53 00:01:55,452 --> 00:01:59,022 ♪ Run run run, run run run ♪ 54 00:01:59,122 --> 00:02:02,526 ♪ Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ♪ 55 00:02:02,626 --> 00:02:05,529 ♪ Run run run, run run run ♪ 56 00:02:05,629 --> 00:02:07,497 ♪ Oh, load up your mama ♪ 57 00:02:07,564 --> 00:02:10,801 ♪ We'll ride on out to the line ♪ 58 00:02:10,867 --> 00:02:13,070 ♪ ♪ 59 00:02:13,170 --> 00:02:14,171 ♪ Run ♪ 60 00:02:14,237 --> 00:02:16,406 ♪ ♪ 61 00:02:16,506 --> 00:02:18,075 ♪ Run ♪ 62 00:02:18,175 --> 00:02:25,248 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:28,352 - Hi! [all cheering] 64 00:02:28,418 --> 00:02:29,820 Thank you for the ride, 65 00:02:29,886 --> 00:02:32,422 and remember, love can be an addiction, too, 66 00:02:32,522 --> 00:02:33,590 so set boundaries. 67 00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:36,093 It'll be good for you and her. 68 00:02:36,193 --> 00:02:37,728 I love you so much. Bye! 69 00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:39,763 - Thank you! - Kiki! 70 00:02:39,863 --> 00:02:41,732 Yay. 71 00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:44,768 [all talking excitedly] 72 00:02:44,868 --> 00:02:46,903 ♪ Run ♪ 73 00:02:49,039 --> 00:02:50,674 What else? 74 00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:52,442 Oh, I got a haircut. 75 00:02:52,542 --> 00:02:54,277 But it kinda grew out, so you can't really tell. 76 00:02:54,378 --> 00:02:55,912 - It's cute. - Thank you. 77 00:02:56,012 --> 00:02:57,280 And there's this really weird smell 78 00:02:57,381 --> 00:02:58,348 in Vegas right now. 79 00:02:58,415 --> 00:02:59,783 No one knows what it is, 80 00:02:59,883 --> 00:03:02,219 - but I think it's feet. - Feet? 81 00:03:02,285 --> 00:03:03,887 - All those shoes people leave behind? 82 00:03:03,954 --> 00:03:05,856 When I'm at my table, girls will literally take off 83 00:03:05,922 --> 00:03:07,691 their high heels, and they will never, ever come back for them. 84 00:03:07,758 --> 00:03:09,192 - No, it's true. The Palmetto lost and found 85 00:03:09,259 --> 00:03:11,395 is full of Jessica Simpson-brand shoes. 86 00:03:11,461 --> 00:03:14,097 I go a lot 'cause I keep losing my retainer. 87 00:03:14,197 --> 00:03:15,966 But don't worry. I always find it. 88 00:03:16,066 --> 00:03:17,801 - Anyway, I'm just happy to be here. 89 00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:20,604 I've always wanted to visit, and I love Memphis music. 90 00:03:20,704 --> 00:03:22,539 - Wait, really? Like what? Like--like Elvis? 91 00:03:22,606 --> 00:03:26,076 - No, like Three 6 Mafia, Pooh Shiesty, Project Pat, 92 00:03:26,143 --> 00:03:29,146 Young Dolph, Yo Gotti, NLE Choppa. 93 00:03:29,246 --> 00:03:30,814 Really? Hello! 94 00:03:30,914 --> 00:03:32,315 Oh, Deborah, that's 24. I'm sorry. 95 00:03:32,416 --> 00:03:34,384 Yes, I can count. 96 00:03:34,451 --> 00:03:36,153 - Hm. - Ugh! 97 00:03:36,253 --> 00:03:37,421 Damn it. 98 00:03:37,487 --> 00:03:38,722 I need this to get back 99 00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:40,223 into my pre-show rhythm. 100 00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:43,493 Come on, bust, bust, bust, bust, bust, bust. 101 00:03:43,593 --> 00:03:45,495 - Ava wins. - Shh. 102 00:03:46,596 --> 00:03:49,433 - [exhales heavily] - Oh, Deborah's suing me. 103 00:03:49,499 --> 00:03:51,067 Stop trying to cheer me up. 104 00:03:51,134 --> 00:03:54,104 [upbeat funky music] 105 00:03:54,171 --> 00:03:55,305 ♪ ♪ 106 00:03:55,405 --> 00:03:58,909 ♪ If push ♪ 107 00:03:58,975 --> 00:04:00,977 ♪ Comes to a shove ♪ 108 00:04:01,077 --> 00:04:03,480 ♪ ♪ 109 00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:08,018 ♪ You've got to keep your head ♪ 110 00:04:08,118 --> 00:04:10,987 ♪ Above the water ♪ 111 00:04:11,087 --> 00:04:12,656 - Um, not to add more to your plate, 112 00:04:12,756 --> 00:04:15,492 but you should know that Axel is here. 113 00:04:15,592 --> 00:04:17,294 - Axel Axel? - Yes. 114 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:18,762 Apparently, his restraining order lapsed 115 00:04:18,829 --> 00:04:20,030 - a couple years ago. - Sorry, 116 00:04:20,130 --> 00:04:21,631 but who is Axel Axel? 117 00:04:21,698 --> 00:04:23,633 - One of Deborah's stalkers. - One of? 118 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,469 How many stalkers do you have? 119 00:04:25,535 --> 00:04:27,137 Living? 12. 120 00:04:27,204 --> 00:04:28,772 Mm, 11. 121 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:30,207 Donna died. 122 00:04:30,307 --> 00:04:32,008 Oh, she did? 123 00:04:32,108 --> 00:04:33,710 Oh, she was sweet. 124 00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:35,278 What an athlete. 125 00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:38,982 She scaled that 30-foot pergola like it was nothing. 126 00:04:40,617 --> 00:04:41,785 [laughter] 127 00:04:41,852 --> 00:04:43,019 I mean, seriously, 128 00:04:43,119 --> 00:04:47,858 my little sister steals my husband. 129 00:04:47,958 --> 00:04:50,193 [crowd mutters] 130 00:04:50,293 --> 00:04:52,195 She used to just steal my dolls. 131 00:04:52,295 --> 00:04:54,397 [laughter] 132 00:04:54,498 --> 00:04:56,800 But seriously, that-- 133 00:04:56,867 --> 00:05:00,370 that was the worst feeling in the world. 134 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:03,006 And I once bombed so bad at a USO show, 135 00:05:03,073 --> 00:05:04,741 they put me on the No Fly List. 136 00:05:04,841 --> 00:05:06,309 [laughter] 137 00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:07,978 - So for tomorrow, we have requests 138 00:05:08,044 --> 00:05:09,246 for two radio interviews. 139 00:05:09,346 --> 00:05:10,647 One's with "Gonzo and the Bean." 140 00:05:10,714 --> 00:05:12,582 Let's do the other one. 141 00:05:12,682 --> 00:05:16,052 Wait a second. Where's--where's Axel? 142 00:05:17,587 --> 00:05:19,322 Where's Axel? 143 00:05:22,425 --> 00:05:24,060 Is that him? 144 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,662 Is he leaving? 145 00:05:25,729 --> 00:05:27,564 Hey, Axel. 146 00:05:27,664 --> 00:05:29,399 Wait. Ax--Axel! 147 00:05:29,499 --> 00:05:31,268 Axel! Hey, hey! 148 00:05:31,368 --> 00:05:32,569 Hey, hey, Axel, Axel, Axel. 149 00:05:32,669 --> 00:05:34,104 - Oh, wow! Hi! - Hey. 150 00:05:34,204 --> 00:05:36,006 - Hi. - Deborah. 151 00:05:36,072 --> 00:05:37,874 Hi. 152 00:05:37,941 --> 00:05:39,442 How you doing? 153 00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:42,412 - I'm doing better. Thank you for asking. 154 00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:44,080 Got my own apartment. 155 00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:46,016 Just started working at Best Buy. 156 00:05:46,082 --> 00:05:49,119 - Good, good, good, good. So, um... 157 00:05:49,219 --> 00:05:50,921 did you--did you see the show? 158 00:05:51,021 --> 00:05:52,522 Yeah, yeah. 159 00:05:52,589 --> 00:05:54,090 It was good. 160 00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:55,859 - It was different. - Yeah, it's a whole-- 161 00:05:55,926 --> 00:05:58,762 it's a whole different thing, so... 162 00:05:58,862 --> 00:06:00,063 what'd you think? 163 00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:04,067 - I mean, you're always great to watch. 164 00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:10,807 I don't know, it just wasn't the Deborah Vance I'm used to. 165 00:06:10,907 --> 00:06:12,409 - Oh, you mean the Deborah Vance that you sent 166 00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:14,044 a Ziploc bag full of pubic hair to? 167 00:06:14,110 --> 00:06:16,046 - [laughs] I don't do that anymore. 168 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,318 There were some funny jokes, but--but-- 169 00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:23,086 it just... 170 00:06:23,153 --> 00:06:24,988 it was kind of a bummer, 171 00:06:25,088 --> 00:06:27,958 and I didn't really expect that from you. 172 00:06:28,058 --> 00:06:32,095 I miss the Deborah who takes everyone down. 173 00:06:33,964 --> 00:06:36,166 Yeah. Huh. 174 00:06:36,266 --> 00:06:39,002 Well, nice to see you, Axel. 175 00:06:39,102 --> 00:06:41,504 - Oh, quick question while I have you. 176 00:06:41,605 --> 00:06:44,174 Do you know if Chelsea Handler still lives 177 00:06:44,274 --> 00:06:46,810 in Brentwood, California? 178 00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:48,678 No, I don't, 179 00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:50,447 and I wouldn't tell you even if I did. 180 00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:52,949 - You know, she never visits Chuy's grave. 181 00:06:53,016 --> 00:06:56,286 - Goodbye, Axel. - [scoffs] 182 00:06:56,353 --> 00:06:58,822 - Oof, it's so scary having a stalker. 183 00:06:58,922 --> 00:07:00,490 Oh, you kinda get used to it. 184 00:07:00,590 --> 00:07:02,692 - Someone obsessed with you who could just show up 185 00:07:02,792 --> 00:07:03,693 at any moment. 186 00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:05,128 - Ava! both: Oh! 187 00:07:05,195 --> 00:07:06,997 - Mom. - [laughing] 188 00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:09,299 - What are you doing here? - Well, you said the tour 189 00:07:09,366 --> 00:07:10,967 was in Memphis for a couple nights, 190 00:07:11,034 --> 00:07:13,436 and you said--you said it would be fun if I visited. 191 00:07:13,503 --> 00:07:15,672 - Those were two different conversations, 192 00:07:15,772 --> 00:07:17,040 but hi. 193 00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:19,275 - Oh, honey. Oh, it's so good to see you. 194 00:07:19,342 --> 00:07:21,378 - Hi, I'm Kiki. - Hi. 195 00:07:21,478 --> 00:07:24,614 - Oh, uh--uh, Kiki, this is my mom, Nina. 196 00:07:24,681 --> 00:07:25,815 Mom, this is my friend Kiki. 197 00:07:25,882 --> 00:07:27,150 A friend! 198 00:07:27,217 --> 00:07:28,852 Oh, Kiki, it's so nice to meet you. 199 00:07:28,952 --> 00:07:30,487 Ava's never mentioned you. 200 00:07:30,553 --> 00:07:31,688 I did, actually. 201 00:07:31,788 --> 00:07:33,223 No, it's okay. 202 00:07:33,323 --> 00:07:34,858 I'm kinda hard to describe anyway. 203 00:07:34,958 --> 00:07:36,393 Kinda have to experience it. 204 00:07:36,493 --> 00:07:37,961 - I love your hair. - Oh, thanks. 205 00:07:38,028 --> 00:07:39,329 Well, they're extensions. 206 00:07:39,396 --> 00:07:41,164 - No, I--I know that. - [giggles] 207 00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:44,067 - Well, hello. - Hi. Oh, Deborah. 208 00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:46,069 - Hi. - It's so good to see you. 209 00:07:46,169 --> 00:07:48,471 - Hi. How are you? This is fun. 210 00:07:48,538 --> 00:07:51,374 I didn't know that you were coming to visit. 211 00:07:51,474 --> 00:07:53,710 - [laughing] No one did. No one did. 212 00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:57,047 So, uh, Mom, Kiki and I were gonna go to a bar, 213 00:07:57,147 --> 00:08:00,417 but I guess we can get you settled at the hotel. 214 00:08:00,517 --> 00:08:03,653 - Oh, no. No, let's go out. 215 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:04,921 We can all go, right? 216 00:08:05,021 --> 00:08:06,556 - Um, no, Deborah doesn't wanna go-- 217 00:08:06,656 --> 00:08:07,891 Oh, I need to. 218 00:08:07,991 --> 00:08:09,759 My own stalker just ran away from me. 219 00:08:09,859 --> 00:08:11,094 I could use a couple of drinks. 220 00:08:11,194 --> 00:08:13,430 - Whoo! Girls' night out! [laughter] 221 00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:15,899 - Yeah, that's what girls' night out is: 222 00:08:15,999 --> 00:08:18,702 just two friends, someone's mom, and their boss. 223 00:08:18,768 --> 00:08:20,336 - I'm someone's mom too, actually. 224 00:08:20,403 --> 00:08:23,073 - So am I. - Well, moms' night out then. 225 00:08:23,173 --> 00:08:24,274 - Plus Ava. - Whoo! 226 00:08:24,374 --> 00:08:25,709 - There you go. Whoo! 227 00:08:25,775 --> 00:08:27,510 - [upbeat country music] - Whoo-hoo! 228 00:08:27,577 --> 00:08:34,684 ♪ ♪ 229 00:08:36,553 --> 00:08:37,954 Whoo! 230 00:08:38,054 --> 00:08:40,290 - Why aren't you and your daughter's father together? 231 00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:42,959 - We were for a little bit, but we just annoy each other, 232 00:08:43,059 --> 00:08:44,427 so I couldn't live with him. 233 00:08:44,527 --> 00:08:46,463 I--but I love him. I love him as a co-parent. 234 00:08:46,563 --> 00:08:47,931 - Well, how do your parents feel 235 00:08:48,031 --> 00:08:49,532 about you not being married? 236 00:08:49,599 --> 00:08:51,768 I mean, aren't Asian families very traditional? 237 00:08:51,868 --> 00:08:53,269 - Mom. - No, it's cool. 238 00:08:53,369 --> 00:08:55,305 I love nosy people. Uh, yeah, obviously, 239 00:08:55,405 --> 00:08:56,806 they're not in love with the fact 240 00:08:56,906 --> 00:08:58,808 that we're not married, but, you know, 241 00:08:58,908 --> 00:09:00,477 they're happy that we got Luna. 242 00:09:00,577 --> 00:09:02,112 Was it hard raising an only child? 243 00:09:02,212 --> 00:09:04,380 Because Luna keeps asking me for a little sister, 244 00:09:04,447 --> 00:09:05,448 and I don't know! 245 00:09:05,548 --> 00:09:07,317 Oh, no, no. It was fine. 246 00:09:07,417 --> 00:09:09,953 And-and Ava was more than enough to handle. 247 00:09:10,053 --> 00:09:11,554 - And she turned out great. - Yeah. 248 00:09:11,621 --> 00:09:13,123 - But only because I worked very hard 249 00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:14,824 to make sure she was never lonely. 250 00:09:14,924 --> 00:09:17,127 - Actually, I was so lonely, I used to draw faces 251 00:09:17,227 --> 00:09:18,595 on our pillows and talk to them. 252 00:09:18,661 --> 00:09:21,498 - Oh, yeah. She ruined so many pillows. 253 00:09:21,598 --> 00:09:24,100 But it gave her a great sense of humor, I guess. 254 00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:26,102 - Oh, I don't think Luna's gonna be funny. 255 00:09:26,169 --> 00:09:27,837 She's really comfortable with herself. 256 00:09:27,937 --> 00:09:30,173 Okay, okay. 257 00:09:30,273 --> 00:09:31,508 - Thank you. - Oh, Deborah, thank you. 258 00:09:31,608 --> 00:09:32,842 You didn't get anything? 259 00:09:32,942 --> 00:09:34,177 I couldn't carry it all. 260 00:09:34,277 --> 00:09:35,445 Two vodka rocks? 261 00:09:35,512 --> 00:09:36,846 Those are for me. Thank you. 262 00:09:36,946 --> 00:09:38,648 - Oh, my God. - Whoo! 263 00:09:38,748 --> 00:09:40,016 - Thank you, thank you. - So, Deborah, 264 00:09:40,116 --> 00:09:42,118 how's the big show going? 265 00:09:42,185 --> 00:09:44,020 Eh, not great. 266 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,522 - No, it's great. It's great. 267 00:09:45,622 --> 00:09:47,690 - Yeah, you're being too hard on yourself. 268 00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:49,826 I mean, the show doesn't need to be a laugh a minute. 269 00:09:49,926 --> 00:09:52,595 - It's not about laughs. It's-it's a feeling, you know? 270 00:09:52,662 --> 00:09:54,264 I can tell when the audience isn't fully with me, 271 00:09:54,330 --> 00:09:55,498 and they're not. 272 00:09:55,598 --> 00:09:57,600 You haven't been up there 4 million times. 273 00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:58,868 You can't hear it the way I can. 274 00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:01,638 - I relate to that so much, Deborah. 275 00:10:01,704 --> 00:10:03,039 When I'm doing a pitch, 276 00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:05,008 I can always tell when they're not gonna buy. 277 00:10:05,108 --> 00:10:06,643 Uh, what? 278 00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:08,444 - Oh, my God, I forgot. - A pitch? 279 00:10:08,511 --> 00:10:09,712 I forgot to tell you. 280 00:10:09,813 --> 00:10:11,381 I got a job. I'm a Vibamins rep. 281 00:10:11,481 --> 00:10:14,551 I'm selling all-natural health and beauty supplements. 282 00:10:14,651 --> 00:10:16,219 - Well, that's interesting. Good for you. 283 00:10:16,319 --> 00:10:18,221 - Thank you. Uh, you could do it too, Ava. 284 00:10:18,321 --> 00:10:20,523 You could find people on the road to work for you. 285 00:10:20,623 --> 00:10:22,125 - Work for me? - Mm-hmm. 286 00:10:22,192 --> 00:10:24,127 Hold on. Is this an MLM? 287 00:10:24,194 --> 00:10:25,395 A what? No, no, no, no. 288 00:10:25,495 --> 00:10:27,063 No, it's an effervescent vitamin tablet-- 289 00:10:27,163 --> 00:10:29,065 - No, no, no, like, the more people you recruit, 290 00:10:29,165 --> 00:10:30,066 the more money you make? 291 00:10:30,166 --> 00:10:32,669 Yeah, well, of course. 292 00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:33,703 What? 293 00:10:33,803 --> 00:10:35,371 Mom, that's a pyramid scheme. 294 00:10:35,471 --> 00:10:37,006 No! That's impossible. 295 00:10:37,073 --> 00:10:38,975 - It's on Facebook. - Oh, my God. 296 00:10:39,042 --> 00:10:40,743 - Mom! - What? What are you saying? 297 00:10:40,844 --> 00:10:42,912 - What did I say? - Hey, Deborah-- 298 00:10:43,012 --> 00:10:44,247 Deborah and I are gonna take a lap. 299 00:10:44,347 --> 00:10:45,915 - Mm. - Be right back. 300 00:10:46,015 --> 00:10:48,551 - It's women-owned, Ava. 301 00:10:48,651 --> 00:10:49,752 It's an innocent thing. 302 00:10:49,853 --> 00:10:51,054 I'm making a lot of money, 303 00:10:51,154 --> 00:10:52,589 and so is the whole neighborhood. 304 00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:55,859 Hazel Smith who lives next door is so excited. 305 00:10:55,925 --> 00:10:59,062 Her husband's a little upset about the $30,000, 306 00:10:59,162 --> 00:11:00,730 but she's really thrilled. 307 00:11:00,830 --> 00:11:02,232 ♪ ♪ 308 00:11:02,332 --> 00:11:04,400 - I mean, sure, I have the money, 309 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:05,935 but I--I don't wanna go to space. 310 00:11:06,035 --> 00:11:08,104 - Ugh, no. I never wanna go to space. 311 00:11:08,204 --> 00:11:09,772 I do not wanna feel like a grain of sand. 312 00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:11,774 - No. - No. 313 00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:14,510 ♪ ♪ 314 00:11:14,577 --> 00:11:16,412 - Deborah? - Mm? 315 00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:19,349 - There is a guy staring at you. 316 00:11:19,415 --> 00:11:21,217 - People stare at me all the time--I'm famous. 317 00:11:21,284 --> 00:11:22,352 No, no, no, no, no. 318 00:11:22,418 --> 00:11:24,087 These are "fuck me" eyes, 319 00:11:24,187 --> 00:11:26,589 not "I've seen you on 'The View'" eyes. 320 00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:30,727 Oh, God. You're insane. 321 00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,262 He could be my son. 322 00:11:32,362 --> 00:11:33,897 - Never know. Why don't you go say hi? 323 00:11:33,963 --> 00:11:36,232 - Follow the fun. - Absolutely not. 324 00:11:38,234 --> 00:11:39,469 What? 325 00:11:39,569 --> 00:11:41,938 What? 326 00:11:42,038 --> 00:11:43,806 - [sighs] - Have fun. 327 00:11:43,907 --> 00:11:45,642 - No. - Bye. 328 00:11:45,742 --> 00:11:48,044 ♪ ♪ 329 00:11:48,111 --> 00:11:50,146 - Hi. - Oh, Christ. 330 00:11:50,246 --> 00:11:52,615 - Hi. - Hey. 331 00:11:52,715 --> 00:11:54,417 Where'd your mom go? 332 00:11:54,484 --> 00:11:55,885 - Oh, she got upset that I thought 333 00:11:55,952 --> 00:11:57,654 she's in a pyramid scheme, which she is-- 334 00:11:57,754 --> 00:11:59,789 - Yeah, she is. - She went to go ride the bull. 335 00:11:59,889 --> 00:12:02,425 - Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! [cheering] 336 00:12:02,492 --> 00:12:04,761 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 337 00:12:04,827 --> 00:12:07,230 - Huh. - This whole thing is so weird. 338 00:12:07,297 --> 00:12:09,599 - Well, it's nice that she wanted to visit. 339 00:12:09,666 --> 00:12:11,067 I guess. 340 00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:13,636 But sometimes it's hard to have, like, casual fun 341 00:12:13,736 --> 00:12:15,004 when we never talk about the real stuff 342 00:12:15,104 --> 00:12:16,839 that could actually make us close. 343 00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,275 But that'll never happen. 344 00:12:19,342 --> 00:12:22,412 - Well, I don't know. Maybe it could. 345 00:12:22,478 --> 00:12:24,013 Like, it's just the two of you now, 346 00:12:24,113 --> 00:12:26,149 and she did come all this way. 347 00:12:26,249 --> 00:12:29,152 This could be a good time for a fresh start. 348 00:12:29,252 --> 00:12:30,586 Yeah. 349 00:12:30,653 --> 00:12:33,356 - Maybe you're right. - [cheering] 350 00:12:33,456 --> 00:12:35,425 - She's certainly showing new sides of herself. 351 00:12:35,491 --> 00:12:37,760 - Whoo-hoo! Ava! 352 00:12:37,827 --> 00:12:39,495 Whoo! [laughter] 353 00:12:39,595 --> 00:12:41,030 [crowd cheering] Whoo! Whoo! 354 00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:42,498 - Oh! - Ooh. 355 00:12:42,598 --> 00:12:43,933 Whoo, Ava! Kiki! 356 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,435 - Oh, she's-- - Oh, she's good. Yeah, yeah. 357 00:12:45,501 --> 00:12:47,770 Whoo! 358 00:12:47,837 --> 00:12:49,372 - Where's Deborah? - Oh, she's about 359 00:12:49,472 --> 00:12:52,542 to get her titties sucked by a 40-year-old. 360 00:12:52,642 --> 00:12:53,876 [gasps] 361 00:12:53,977 --> 00:12:55,945 [laughs] 362 00:12:56,012 --> 00:12:58,114 I didn't know attractive people could be so funny. 363 00:12:58,181 --> 00:12:59,649 - Oh, we can. - Oh, yeah? 364 00:12:59,716 --> 00:13:00,950 - Yes, yes. No, it's a myth 365 00:13:01,017 --> 00:13:02,385 that we want ugly people to believe 366 00:13:02,485 --> 00:13:04,654 - just to keep the peace. - [laughs] 367 00:13:04,721 --> 00:13:06,155 - People don't like you to have both. 368 00:13:06,222 --> 00:13:08,624 - Well, I like that you have both. 369 00:13:08,691 --> 00:13:11,995 - Well, I like that you have one. 370 00:13:12,061 --> 00:13:13,896 Well, which one's that? 371 00:13:13,997 --> 00:13:15,298 I'm not gonna tell you yet. 372 00:13:15,365 --> 00:13:16,699 - Oh, no? - [laughs] 373 00:13:16,799 --> 00:13:19,836 Okay. Okay. 374 00:13:19,902 --> 00:13:23,072 So what do you do? 375 00:13:23,172 --> 00:13:26,309 [laughs] 376 00:13:26,376 --> 00:13:28,411 You really don't know? 377 00:13:28,511 --> 00:13:31,214 No. Should I? 378 00:13:31,314 --> 00:13:34,484 No. 379 00:13:34,550 --> 00:13:37,186 [chuckles] 380 00:13:37,253 --> 00:13:39,489 Why are you talking to me? 381 00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:42,759 Oh, wow, uh... 382 00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:46,429 ♪ ♪ 383 00:13:46,529 --> 00:13:48,164 I think you're attractive. 384 00:13:48,231 --> 00:13:49,832 Oh, God. 385 00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:51,901 [laughs] What, what? 386 00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:53,436 You have a fetish for older women? 387 00:13:53,536 --> 00:13:56,572 ♪ ♪ 388 00:13:56,672 --> 00:13:57,607 I guess I do. 389 00:13:57,707 --> 00:13:59,909 I like older women. 390 00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:02,011 That a bad thing? 391 00:14:02,078 --> 00:14:04,447 - Huh? - I don't wanna think about it. 392 00:14:04,547 --> 00:14:08,284 ♪ ♪ 393 00:14:08,384 --> 00:14:09,752 Wow. 394 00:14:09,852 --> 00:14:11,621 Bold. 395 00:14:11,721 --> 00:14:15,124 - You just asked me if I had a fetish for older women. 396 00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:16,559 So I think you're bold. 397 00:14:16,626 --> 00:14:17,960 - Well, I guess we're both bold. 398 00:14:18,061 --> 00:14:19,295 I guess we're both bold. 399 00:14:19,395 --> 00:14:21,397 [laughs] 400 00:14:21,464 --> 00:14:23,366 - You wanna come back to my place? 401 00:14:23,433 --> 00:14:26,803 ♪ ♪ 402 00:14:26,903 --> 00:14:29,639 [soft music] 403 00:14:29,739 --> 00:14:31,641 ♪ They don't know ♪ 404 00:14:31,741 --> 00:14:34,577 ♪ And they don't know nobody's business ♪ 405 00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:37,647 ♪ ♪ 406 00:14:37,747 --> 00:14:40,583 - [whispering] So it's a different driver every time? 407 00:14:40,650 --> 00:14:43,886 ♪ ♪ 408 00:14:43,953 --> 00:14:46,289 - [whispering] Yeah. 409 00:14:46,389 --> 00:14:48,825 It's just like a taxi. 410 00:14:48,925 --> 00:14:50,393 You'll never see him again. 411 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:57,500 ♪ ♪ 412 00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:05,108 - [door beeps] - See, they're hard, 413 00:15:05,174 --> 00:15:06,275 those cards. 414 00:15:06,342 --> 00:15:07,944 Like, whatever happened to keys? 415 00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:10,179 I don't understand. 416 00:15:10,279 --> 00:15:11,981 [gasps] The bed. 417 00:15:12,081 --> 00:15:14,484 [humming] 418 00:15:14,584 --> 00:15:16,519 All right. We should order a movie. 419 00:15:16,619 --> 00:15:18,488 Do they--wait, do they have "Pretty Woman"? 420 00:15:18,588 --> 00:15:20,690 - Mom, no. It's late and you're drunk. 421 00:15:20,790 --> 00:15:21,924 I don't wanna start a movie. 422 00:15:21,991 --> 00:15:24,961 - I am not drunk. - [scoffs] 423 00:15:25,027 --> 00:15:27,864 All right. 424 00:15:27,964 --> 00:15:29,365 Hey, um, Mom, 425 00:15:29,465 --> 00:15:31,634 what about tomorrow morning, we get some breakfast? 426 00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:33,970 I read about this place, Mary's Pancake House. 427 00:15:34,036 --> 00:15:37,773 We could, you know, catch up and talk for real. 428 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,609 Oh, yeah. I love that idea. 429 00:15:39,675 --> 00:15:42,278 - Okay, great. - [gasps] 430 00:15:42,345 --> 00:15:44,814 They do! They do have "Pretty Woman"! 431 00:15:44,881 --> 00:15:47,483 [laughs] I'm hitting play. 432 00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:50,953 Oh, God. 433 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:54,223 He is so ha--handsome. 434 00:15:55,825 --> 00:15:58,561 [crickets chirping] 435 00:15:58,661 --> 00:16:00,897 So I moved down too. 436 00:16:00,997 --> 00:16:02,798 Got a job at FedEx. 437 00:16:04,967 --> 00:16:06,469 Benefits are good. 438 00:16:06,536 --> 00:16:07,904 Get to see my kids every week. 439 00:16:08,004 --> 00:16:10,573 - [cracks open beer] - That's nice. 440 00:16:13,242 --> 00:16:15,011 Thank you. 441 00:16:15,077 --> 00:16:17,747 - [exhales heavily] - Mmm. 442 00:16:20,483 --> 00:16:21,751 Ah, beer. 443 00:16:21,851 --> 00:16:23,819 I remember you. [chuckles] 444 00:16:26,022 --> 00:16:28,591 How'd you get this scar? 445 00:16:28,691 --> 00:16:31,194 - Oh. [laughs softly] 446 00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:33,062 When I was a kid, 447 00:16:33,162 --> 00:16:34,363 there was a bully in our neighborhood 448 00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:35,665 who was chasing my little sister 449 00:16:35,731 --> 00:16:37,366 on his bike. 450 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:38,901 So I tackled him. 451 00:16:39,001 --> 00:16:40,603 - You tackled him? - [laughs] 452 00:16:40,703 --> 00:16:41,771 That's sweet. 453 00:16:41,871 --> 00:16:43,172 You guys close? 454 00:16:45,875 --> 00:16:47,577 We were. 455 00:16:50,213 --> 00:16:53,349 Then she ran off with my husband. 456 00:16:53,416 --> 00:16:56,385 Jesus Christ, you're kidding? 457 00:16:56,452 --> 00:16:57,587 - Mm-mm. 458 00:16:57,687 --> 00:16:59,689 That's fucking crazy. 459 00:16:59,755 --> 00:17:01,924 How could they do that to you? 460 00:17:03,726 --> 00:17:07,063 - Truth be told, it wasn't entirely their fault. 461 00:17:07,129 --> 00:17:09,231 I think they both felt neglected because I cared 462 00:17:09,298 --> 00:17:11,767 more about my career than I did about them. 463 00:17:11,867 --> 00:17:13,769 Ah. 464 00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:18,941 Let's not talk about that. 465 00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:21,077 Yeah. 466 00:17:23,412 --> 00:17:24,947 You want a massage? 467 00:17:25,047 --> 00:17:27,583 - Let's leave that to the professionals. 468 00:17:39,395 --> 00:17:41,964 Wow. 469 00:17:42,064 --> 00:17:43,799 Are you too tired? 470 00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:49,005 No. 471 00:17:49,105 --> 00:17:50,773 [kisses] 472 00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:56,646 [bottles clink] 473 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:07,757 This is crazy. 474 00:18:07,823 --> 00:18:10,526 Go with it. 475 00:18:10,626 --> 00:18:13,195 - Okay. [laughs] 476 00:18:13,296 --> 00:18:15,831 Mmm. 477 00:18:30,546 --> 00:18:32,448 - [door beeps] - Mm, oh. 478 00:18:32,515 --> 00:18:34,517 Come back later, please. 479 00:18:34,617 --> 00:18:36,018 [door slams] Mom? 480 00:18:36,118 --> 00:18:38,054 - I'm just getting back from breakfast, and here, 481 00:18:38,154 --> 00:18:40,456 I got your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes. 482 00:18:40,523 --> 00:18:41,857 They're so good. 483 00:18:41,957 --> 00:18:43,626 Wait. You went without me? 484 00:18:43,693 --> 00:18:45,461 The whole point was for us to go together. 485 00:18:45,528 --> 00:18:47,363 Why didn't you wake me up? I set my alarm. 486 00:18:47,463 --> 00:18:50,066 - I turned it off. You looked so tired. 487 00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:52,702 - I looked tired while I was sleeping? 488 00:18:52,802 --> 00:18:55,404 - Yeah, plus I know how much you love sleeping in. 489 00:18:55,504 --> 00:18:57,907 You were addicted to it when you were a teenager. 490 00:18:58,007 --> 00:18:59,308 I was clinically depressed. 491 00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:00,576 No, you weren't! 492 00:19:00,676 --> 00:19:03,079 That was an iron deficiency 493 00:19:03,179 --> 00:19:04,580 because you went vegetarian. 494 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,482 Happy people eat steak, Ava. 495 00:19:06,549 --> 00:19:08,551 Bridget, down the street, she's a happy girl. 496 00:19:08,651 --> 00:19:12,254 She plays field hockey and eats two steaks a week. 497 00:19:12,355 --> 00:19:14,423 - Okay. - [sighs] Okay, good. 498 00:19:14,523 --> 00:19:16,659 Um, so will--will you listen 499 00:19:16,726 --> 00:19:18,761 to my practice pitch to Deborah? 500 00:19:18,861 --> 00:19:21,163 - Pitch to Deborah? Mom, no. 501 00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:22,865 Deborah's not interested in Vibamins. 502 00:19:22,932 --> 00:19:24,200 She was just being nice. 503 00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:25,334 She said it was interesting. 504 00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:26,535 Aren't you always telling me 505 00:19:26,602 --> 00:19:27,570 to believe women? 506 00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:30,106 It's exhausting, but we do. 507 00:19:30,206 --> 00:19:33,209 Okay, uh, will you help me move the desk? 508 00:19:33,275 --> 00:19:35,611 Maybe I-I'll stand over here. 509 00:19:35,711 --> 00:19:37,947 - [sighs] - Okay, Deborah. 510 00:19:38,047 --> 00:19:39,782 [giggles] 511 00:19:39,882 --> 00:19:44,353 You're someone who knows how important self-care is. 512 00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:48,023 This is our best-selling collagen balm. 513 00:19:48,090 --> 00:19:50,926 It is five times the daily recommended intake 514 00:19:51,026 --> 00:19:55,765 of collagen, plus there is turmeric and seaweed in it. 515 00:19:55,865 --> 00:19:57,767 - Why? - I don't know, Ava. 516 00:19:57,867 --> 00:19:59,969 I'm a saleswoman, not a scientist. 517 00:20:00,069 --> 00:20:03,472 Shoot, um, could--could you hand me a bottle of water? 518 00:20:03,572 --> 00:20:05,741 I should have that ready to go next time. 519 00:20:05,808 --> 00:20:07,143 Okay. All right. 520 00:20:07,243 --> 00:20:09,612 So in three to five minutes, 521 00:20:09,712 --> 00:20:14,116 you have a delicious raspberry--[gasps] 522 00:20:14,216 --> 00:20:15,117 - Oh! - Oh, no! 523 00:20:15,217 --> 00:20:16,318 - Mom! - Oh, shoot! Oh! 524 00:20:16,419 --> 00:20:18,254 - Fuck. - Oh, God, oh, God, okay. 525 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,656 - This is the notebook we use for Deborah's show. 526 00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:22,992 - It's all our work! - You gave me sparkling water! 527 00:20:23,092 --> 00:20:25,394 - So it's my fault? You're not even gonna apologize 528 00:20:25,461 --> 00:20:26,996 for getting it all over the notebook? 529 00:20:27,096 --> 00:20:28,497 - How was I supposed to know this was sparkling? 530 00:20:28,597 --> 00:20:30,800 - It's Perrier! It's always sparkling! 531 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:33,736 - It's famously sparkling water! - Well, I don't sit around 532 00:20:33,803 --> 00:20:36,172 in fancy hotels drinking fancy water. 533 00:20:36,272 --> 00:20:37,840 - I can't believe you won't just say you're sorry. 534 00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:39,508 Okay! I'm sorry! 535 00:20:39,608 --> 00:20:41,177 But that's just a notebook! 536 00:20:41,277 --> 00:20:43,479 I mean, if it's good enough, you'll remember it. 537 00:20:43,579 --> 00:20:45,347 - That's not how it works. - Look--oh, wait, here. 538 00:20:45,448 --> 00:20:47,583 - Here's some papers. - No, not those! 539 00:20:47,650 --> 00:20:49,351 Wait. What is this? 540 00:20:49,452 --> 00:20:52,855 Wait, Ava, "Vance v. Daniels"? 541 00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:58,661 Um, Deborah... 542 00:20:58,761 --> 00:21:00,196 is suing me. 543 00:21:00,296 --> 00:21:02,131 Ava. 544 00:21:02,198 --> 00:21:03,699 What did you do? 545 00:21:03,799 --> 00:21:05,501 - [laughs] What did I do? 546 00:21:05,601 --> 00:21:07,937 Why do you assume I'm the one who did something wrong? 547 00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:10,539 - Because that's usually the case. 548 00:21:10,639 --> 00:21:12,107 Oh, my God. 549 00:21:12,174 --> 00:21:13,776 Is she gonna come after me? 550 00:21:13,843 --> 00:21:16,545 - It has nothing to do with you, Mom. 551 00:21:16,645 --> 00:21:18,047 - Oh. - What are you doing? 552 00:21:18,147 --> 00:21:20,983 - No, I'm-I'm calling your cousin Randall. 553 00:21:21,050 --> 00:21:22,651 He went to Suffolk Law. 554 00:21:22,718 --> 00:21:23,686 Randall? 555 00:21:23,786 --> 00:21:24,887 He took two night classes 556 00:21:24,987 --> 00:21:26,355 in paralegal studies. 557 00:21:26,455 --> 00:21:28,157 - He can't help us. - Hi, sweetie. 558 00:21:28,224 --> 00:21:30,693 It's Auntie--yeah, it's your Auntie Nina. 559 00:21:30,793 --> 00:21:31,627 [crying] 560 00:21:31,694 --> 00:21:33,562 - Terrible! - Mom. 561 00:21:33,662 --> 00:21:36,632 [smooth jazzy notes] 562 00:21:36,699 --> 00:21:40,302 ♪ ♪ 563 00:21:43,873 --> 00:21:45,574 [door squeaks] 564 00:21:45,674 --> 00:21:48,811 [video game gunfire] 565 00:21:56,552 --> 00:21:58,420 Hello, boys. 566 00:21:58,521 --> 00:22:00,155 Uh... 567 00:22:03,192 --> 00:22:05,561 You're sitting on my fur. 568 00:22:05,661 --> 00:22:07,596 Oh, oh, shit. Sorry. 569 00:22:07,696 --> 00:22:09,365 That's quite all right. 570 00:22:09,431 --> 00:22:10,766 [clears throat] 571 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,109 Have a nice day. 572 00:22:23,712 --> 00:22:26,448 - [door clicks shut] - Holy shit. 573 00:22:26,549 --> 00:22:28,784 - Do you know who that was? - No. 574 00:22:28,884 --> 00:22:30,085 That's Deborah Vance. 575 00:22:30,185 --> 00:22:32,221 We have her spice rack. 576 00:22:32,288 --> 00:22:33,589 [gasps] Oh, my God. 577 00:22:33,689 --> 00:22:35,791 I-I gotta go call my mom. 578 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,629 [hairdryer blowing] 579 00:22:43,732 --> 00:22:46,201 [sighs] 580 00:22:46,268 --> 00:22:47,703 You're leaving already? 581 00:22:47,770 --> 00:22:49,538 Oh, well, you know, 582 00:22:49,605 --> 00:22:52,875 I like to get to the airport four hours ahead of time. 583 00:22:52,942 --> 00:22:55,811 And I was hoping to get a nap on the plane, 584 00:22:55,911 --> 00:22:58,414 but I don't think that's gonna happen now 585 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,283 'cause I'm gonna be worrying about this lawsuit. 586 00:23:01,383 --> 00:23:02,918 And you know, I can barely sleep at home 587 00:23:02,985 --> 00:23:06,322 because Mr. Cream Pie does zoomies all night. 588 00:23:09,091 --> 00:23:09,992 [sighs] 589 00:23:10,092 --> 00:23:13,095 Mom, don't worry about me. 590 00:23:13,162 --> 00:23:14,830 I... 591 00:23:14,930 --> 00:23:18,000 I have an amazing lawyer who's doing it pro bono. 592 00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:19,068 Yeah, she's-- 593 00:23:19,134 --> 00:23:21,937 I mean, he is really confident 594 00:23:22,004 --> 00:23:23,172 he can get it dismissed. 595 00:23:23,272 --> 00:23:25,441 Oh, really? 596 00:23:25,507 --> 00:23:27,843 Oh, good. 597 00:23:27,943 --> 00:23:29,244 Oh, good, good. 598 00:23:29,311 --> 00:23:30,813 Somebody knows what they're doing? 599 00:23:30,913 --> 00:23:32,247 Yes. It's okay. 600 00:23:32,314 --> 00:23:35,184 He's tall too. 601 00:23:35,284 --> 00:23:37,119 [sighs] 602 00:23:39,421 --> 00:23:40,823 Here. 603 00:23:40,923 --> 00:23:42,524 Don't forget your Vibamins. 604 00:23:42,625 --> 00:23:44,960 Oh, no. Those are for you. 605 00:23:45,027 --> 00:23:47,096 You probably don't want them. 606 00:23:47,162 --> 00:23:48,163 [groans] 607 00:23:48,263 --> 00:23:51,033 I just have all this time 608 00:23:51,133 --> 00:23:52,968 on my hands now. 609 00:23:54,837 --> 00:23:58,540 And I was hoping that you would just be proud of me 610 00:23:58,641 --> 00:24:00,009 for doing something. 611 00:24:02,678 --> 00:24:06,482 I am proud of you, Mom. 612 00:24:06,548 --> 00:24:09,051 You're... 613 00:24:09,151 --> 00:24:10,185 a girlboss. 614 00:24:10,285 --> 00:24:11,553 Oh, oh. 615 00:24:11,654 --> 00:24:14,490 They--they put that on a T-shirt 616 00:24:14,556 --> 00:24:17,192 if you hit your volume quota. 617 00:24:17,292 --> 00:24:18,394 I bet. 618 00:24:18,494 --> 00:24:20,562 [laughs] 619 00:24:20,663 --> 00:24:23,132 - Hey, if you're willing to get to the airport 620 00:24:23,198 --> 00:24:25,834 only three hours ahead of time, we could finish "Pretty Woman." 621 00:24:25,901 --> 00:24:28,904 Really? Oh, good. Oh, good. 622 00:24:29,004 --> 00:24:30,572 Oh, good. 623 00:24:30,673 --> 00:24:33,008 [indistinct conversation on TV] 624 00:24:33,075 --> 00:24:37,413 You know, this is how your father and I met. 625 00:24:37,513 --> 00:24:39,548 - You were a prostitute? - [laughs] 626 00:24:39,648 --> 00:24:42,151 - Hell yeah. - Ava. 627 00:24:42,217 --> 00:24:45,187 I was there with my girlfriend, Joyce Petracelli, 628 00:24:45,254 --> 00:24:47,523 and he was there with Joyce's brother, 629 00:24:47,589 --> 00:24:49,658 and so we ended up sitting together. 630 00:24:49,725 --> 00:24:51,427 Oh. Did he like the movie? 631 00:24:51,527 --> 00:24:52,828 - Oh, he fell asleep. - [laughs] 632 00:24:52,895 --> 00:24:54,096 How much is this, Marie? 633 00:24:54,196 --> 00:24:56,265 Yeah, that sounds like him. 634 00:24:56,365 --> 00:24:58,934 - Oh, I do miss him falling asleep everywhere. 635 00:24:59,034 --> 00:25:01,437 - Look, I got money to spend in here. 636 00:25:01,537 --> 00:25:03,906 - He was really good at it. - Yeah. 637 00:25:04,006 --> 00:25:06,709 - You're obviously in the wrong place. 638 00:25:06,775 --> 00:25:08,110 Please leave. 639 00:25:08,210 --> 00:25:12,347 [indistinct speech over PA] 640 00:25:12,414 --> 00:25:13,382 Sorry I'm late. 641 00:25:13,449 --> 00:25:14,783 Did I miss Kiki? 642 00:25:14,883 --> 00:25:16,618 - Yeah, she went home. - Oh. 643 00:25:16,719 --> 00:25:18,387 Where's your mom? 644 00:25:18,454 --> 00:25:20,189 She out getting her belly button pierced? 645 00:25:20,255 --> 00:25:22,391 - [laughs] Maybe. 646 00:25:22,458 --> 00:25:24,259 - Did you guys have a good time? 647 00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,962 Uh, not really. 648 00:25:27,062 --> 00:25:30,399 It was mostly just yelling and watching "Pretty Woman." 649 00:25:30,466 --> 00:25:31,467 Ah.. 650 00:25:31,567 --> 00:25:34,136 [host talking indistinctly] 651 00:25:34,236 --> 00:25:36,138 [laughter] 652 00:25:36,238 --> 00:25:38,307 Did you have nice time? 653 00:25:40,209 --> 00:25:43,212 - I did. - Okay, pop off, slut. 654 00:25:43,278 --> 00:25:45,080 - Ladies and gentlemen-- - Oh, nope, sorry. 655 00:25:45,147 --> 00:25:46,749 - That's not-- - Deborah Vance! 656 00:25:46,815 --> 00:25:49,318 [cheers and applause] 657 00:25:49,418 --> 00:25:51,820 Whoo! 658 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,589 Go, girl! 659 00:25:53,655 --> 00:25:56,792 [cheers and applause] 660 00:25:56,892 --> 00:25:59,828 - [laughter] - You--you laugh. 661 00:25:59,928 --> 00:26:02,831 My sister stole my husband. 662 00:26:02,931 --> 00:26:04,633 [scattered laughter] 663 00:26:06,001 --> 00:26:09,004 I thought it was bad enough when she just stole my dolls. 664 00:26:09,104 --> 00:26:10,639 [laughter] 665 00:26:12,941 --> 00:26:18,013 That--that was truly the worst feeling in the world. 666 00:26:18,113 --> 00:26:20,149 And I... 667 00:26:25,687 --> 00:26:27,189 [laughs] 668 00:26:27,289 --> 00:26:28,757 Actually, no, it wasn't. 669 00:26:28,824 --> 00:26:30,859 It actually wasn't the worst feeling in the world. 670 00:26:30,959 --> 00:26:34,429 The worst feeling in the world was losing a late-night show. 671 00:26:34,496 --> 00:26:37,599 [laughter] 672 00:26:41,170 --> 00:26:42,971 [laughs] 673 00:26:43,038 --> 00:26:45,707 I'm serious! 674 00:26:45,808 --> 00:26:48,010 That was absolutely the worst. 675 00:26:48,110 --> 00:26:49,878 I mean, I had the opportunity to host 676 00:26:49,978 --> 00:26:53,348 my own late-night TV talk show. 677 00:26:53,448 --> 00:26:57,886 I would've been the first woman ever to do that. 678 00:26:57,986 --> 00:27:00,722 But it never aired. 679 00:27:00,823 --> 00:27:03,959 And that had been my dream, 680 00:27:04,026 --> 00:27:06,295 and I was so close. 681 00:27:07,830 --> 00:27:11,066 I got over my husband, but I never got over that. 682 00:27:11,166 --> 00:27:12,868 [laughter] 683 00:27:12,968 --> 00:27:15,871 No joke. I-I-I was a wreck. 684 00:27:15,971 --> 00:27:17,739 At one point, my little girl came up to me 685 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,875 and she asked if it was her fault. 686 00:27:19,975 --> 00:27:22,511 And I said, "No, honey. 687 00:27:22,578 --> 00:27:25,080 "Of course not. I mean, the network loved you. 688 00:27:25,180 --> 00:27:27,049 It just"... [laughter] 689 00:27:27,149 --> 00:27:29,251 And she said--was like, 690 00:27:29,351 --> 00:27:31,987 "No, I mean when you and Daddy got divorced." 691 00:27:32,054 --> 00:27:35,157 [laughter] 692 00:27:37,659 --> 00:27:39,695 [laughs] 693 00:27:42,831 --> 00:27:44,099 Oh, that! 694 00:27:44,199 --> 00:27:47,236 [laughter] 695 00:27:49,738 --> 00:27:52,374 [laughs] Hey, sir, how 'bout you? 696 00:27:52,441 --> 00:27:55,677 What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? 697 00:27:55,744 --> 00:27:59,414 - Um, I guess it's when my mom died of cancer. 698 00:27:59,514 --> 00:28:00,549 [crowd murmurs] 699 00:28:00,616 --> 00:28:03,018 Cancer. That is a sad one. 700 00:28:03,085 --> 00:28:04,953 And I'm sorry. 701 00:28:05,053 --> 00:28:07,623 But let me ask you a question. 702 00:28:07,723 --> 00:28:10,425 If you had one wish, 703 00:28:10,525 --> 00:28:14,796 would you rather bring your mom back to life... 704 00:28:14,897 --> 00:28:16,798 or host a late-night talk show? 705 00:28:16,899 --> 00:28:18,967 [laughter] 706 00:28:19,067 --> 00:28:21,303 - I would bring my mom back to life. 707 00:28:21,403 --> 00:28:23,372 See, I can't relate to that! 708 00:28:23,438 --> 00:28:25,874 [laughter] 709 00:28:25,941 --> 00:28:27,643 Are you crazy? 710 00:28:27,743 --> 00:28:29,211 [cheers and applause] 711 00:28:29,278 --> 00:28:32,881 We're talking 11:30 time slot here. 712 00:28:32,948 --> 00:28:35,484 [laughter] Syndication. 713 00:28:35,584 --> 00:28:37,819 [upbeat music] 714 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,822 - [cheers and applause] - Deborah Vance, everybody! 715 00:28:40,923 --> 00:28:42,991 - That was amazing. - Yeah, that was it. 716 00:28:43,091 --> 00:28:45,327 That was it, I've been doing this woe-is-me shit, 717 00:28:45,427 --> 00:28:46,962 and--and I need to balance it. 718 00:28:47,062 --> 00:28:48,630 I need to make more fun of myself. 719 00:28:48,730 --> 00:28:50,165 Okay, but the whole point 720 00:28:50,265 --> 00:28:52,234 was to stop making yourself the butt of the joke. 721 00:28:52,301 --> 00:28:53,669 - No, but I was never the butt of the joke. 722 00:28:53,769 --> 00:28:55,671 It was a caricature of myself that was. 723 00:28:55,771 --> 00:28:57,506 - Yeah, but you shouldn't be the punching bag. 724 00:28:57,606 --> 00:28:59,241 - I mean, you were mistreated. - No, I know. 725 00:28:59,308 --> 00:29:00,776 I've still got plenty of that stuff. 726 00:29:00,842 --> 00:29:02,144 No, no, no, but listen, 727 00:29:02,244 --> 00:29:04,179 I have to admit what I did wrong too. 728 00:29:04,279 --> 00:29:05,480 You said it yourself. 729 00:29:05,580 --> 00:29:06,848 I have to hold myself accountable. 730 00:29:06,949 --> 00:29:08,183 What? When did I say that? 731 00:29:08,283 --> 00:29:09,851 In your stupid email. 732 00:29:09,952 --> 00:29:11,853 I am a bully who's been thinking of myself 733 00:29:11,954 --> 00:29:13,922 as the victim. I mean, people like me 734 00:29:13,989 --> 00:29:16,291 because I take everyone down, right? 735 00:29:16,358 --> 00:29:19,027 Well, I need to take myself down too, 736 00:29:19,127 --> 00:29:21,129 in a real way. 737 00:29:21,196 --> 00:29:23,432 Right. Right. 738 00:29:23,498 --> 00:29:24,599 - 100%. - Yeah, no, no. 739 00:29:24,666 --> 00:29:25,667 Don't need that. Don't need that. 740 00:29:25,767 --> 00:29:26,868 No more, no more. 741 00:29:26,969 --> 00:29:28,537 If it's good, we'll remember it. 742 00:29:28,637 --> 00:29:31,506 You had the answer months ago. 743 00:29:31,606 --> 00:29:33,175 Why didn't you just tell me? 744 00:29:33,275 --> 00:29:36,979 [The Kiki Dee Band's "I've Got the Music in Me"] 745 00:29:37,045 --> 00:29:38,480 All right. 746 00:29:38,547 --> 00:29:39,715 - ♪ Ain't got no trouble in my life ♪ 747 00:29:39,815 --> 00:29:41,049 - Yeah, that premise thing-- 748 00:29:41,149 --> 00:29:43,952 but I think--wait. But it's a little wordy. 749 00:29:44,019 --> 00:29:47,155 See, if you cut out... just end it there. 750 00:29:47,222 --> 00:29:48,357 - [laughs] - How many women do you have 751 00:29:48,457 --> 00:29:49,825 to care about to be a feminist? 752 00:29:49,891 --> 00:29:52,227 I mean, what if I only care about one woman? 753 00:29:52,327 --> 00:29:53,528 Me! [laughter] 754 00:29:53,628 --> 00:29:54,796 ♪ I heat up ♪ 755 00:29:54,863 --> 00:29:56,064 I wasn't a great mother. 756 00:29:56,164 --> 00:29:57,733 I missed my daughter's first steps. 757 00:29:57,833 --> 00:29:59,301 But I made it up to her. 758 00:29:59,368 --> 00:30:01,036 I was the reason she did 12 more. 759 00:30:01,136 --> 00:30:03,205 [laughter] So then my doctor told me 760 00:30:03,305 --> 00:30:05,674 I have to choose between breastfeeding and formula. 761 00:30:05,741 --> 00:30:07,376 Do I want to bond with my baby, 762 00:30:07,476 --> 00:30:09,011 or do I want to keep my perfect breasts? 763 00:30:09,077 --> 00:30:10,412 So I turned to my husband and I said, 764 00:30:10,512 --> 00:30:11,646 "Go to the grocery store." 765 00:30:11,713 --> 00:30:12,814 [laughter] 766 00:30:12,881 --> 00:30:14,850 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 767 00:30:14,916 --> 00:30:18,253 ♪ I got the music in me, yeah ♪ 768 00:30:18,353 --> 00:30:21,356 - Okay, so I really think we go into this part after-- 769 00:30:21,423 --> 00:30:24,092 - No, no, I'm adding the parent-teacher story there. 770 00:30:24,192 --> 00:30:27,095 So one day, DJ had a parent-teacher conference, 771 00:30:27,195 --> 00:30:28,930 but I had a gig in D.C., 772 00:30:29,031 --> 00:30:32,567 so I sent Bill, my drag impersonator. 773 00:30:32,667 --> 00:30:34,770 Anyway, DJ was scarred for life, 774 00:30:34,870 --> 00:30:37,072 but I crushed at Liberty Hall. 775 00:30:37,172 --> 00:30:40,575 [laughs] And then I can go into--into the Susan stuff. 776 00:30:40,675 --> 00:30:42,044 I erased her name. 777 00:30:42,110 --> 00:30:45,047 I've always been so competitive with other women. 778 00:30:45,113 --> 00:30:48,417 I mean, I once stole backup dancers from Cher. 779 00:30:48,517 --> 00:30:51,853 I'm a comedian! I don't use backup dancers. 780 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,456 - Oh, oh, you can punch that with, "They were my"... 781 00:30:54,556 --> 00:30:57,125 Backup backup dancers. 782 00:30:57,225 --> 00:30:58,627 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 783 00:30:58,727 --> 00:31:01,363 - So I was court-ordered to see a psychologist. 784 00:31:01,430 --> 00:31:04,399 After only two sessions, he knew what was wrong with me: 785 00:31:04,466 --> 00:31:06,468 I needed to have sex with him. 786 00:31:06,568 --> 00:31:08,804 Yeah, most people have an hour with their therapist. 787 00:31:08,904 --> 00:31:10,639 I got three minutes. 788 00:31:10,739 --> 00:31:12,040 Or, "Ironically, 789 00:31:12,107 --> 00:31:14,142 he was the one therapist who never asked"... 790 00:31:14,242 --> 00:31:15,710 - And how did that make you feel? 791 00:31:15,777 --> 00:31:17,245 - And you could be like, "I didn't even know 792 00:31:17,312 --> 00:31:20,582 - the tissue box was for crying." - [laughs] 793 00:31:20,649 --> 00:31:23,151 I didn't even know the tissue box was for crying. 794 00:31:23,251 --> 00:31:24,986 I thought it was for cleanup. 795 00:31:25,087 --> 00:31:26,988 [laughter] 796 00:31:27,089 --> 00:31:29,291 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 797 00:31:29,391 --> 00:31:31,560 - I wear high heels that hurt my back, 798 00:31:31,626 --> 00:31:33,728 most of my meals are 75% lettuce, 799 00:31:33,795 --> 00:31:36,665 and I get skin treatments that make my face bleed. 800 00:31:36,765 --> 00:31:38,500 Not only do I not regret that, 801 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,169 I hate women who don't make the effort. 802 00:31:41,269 --> 00:31:42,771 I think they're quitters. 803 00:31:42,838 --> 00:31:44,973 You think it's brave showing your bare face 804 00:31:45,073 --> 00:31:46,441 and gray hair in society? 805 00:31:46,508 --> 00:31:48,577 Try signing a waiver that says you might die 806 00:31:48,643 --> 00:31:49,744 during elective surgery. 807 00:31:49,811 --> 00:31:51,580 Now that takes guts! 808 00:31:51,646 --> 00:31:54,349 [laughter] 809 00:31:54,449 --> 00:31:58,186 - ♪ I got the music in me, yeah ♪ 810 00:31:58,286 --> 00:32:00,122 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 811 00:32:00,188 --> 00:32:02,424 ♪ I got the music ♪ 812 00:32:02,491 --> 00:32:04,459 ♪ I got the music ♪ 813 00:32:04,526 --> 00:32:06,761 ♪ Pretty music ♪ 814 00:32:06,828 --> 00:32:09,498 - Thank you! - ♪ I got the music ♪ 815 00:32:09,598 --> 00:32:11,633 - Holy shit. That was amazing. - So good. 816 00:32:11,700 --> 00:32:13,535 - We got it. Marcus, you're gonna call Jimmy, 817 00:32:13,635 --> 00:32:14,870 you're gonna cancel the showcase. 818 00:32:14,970 --> 00:32:16,371 Wait, wait. What? 819 00:32:16,471 --> 00:32:18,140 - This isn't a residency. This is bigger than Vegas. 820 00:32:18,206 --> 00:32:20,041 This is a special. We're gonna go to the networks 821 00:32:20,142 --> 00:32:21,143 and we're gonna sell it. 822 00:32:21,209 --> 00:32:22,544 We're going to LA, baby! 823 00:32:22,644 --> 00:32:24,012 Fun. 824 00:32:24,112 --> 00:32:26,381 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 825 00:32:26,481 --> 00:32:28,483 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 826 00:32:28,550 --> 00:32:32,220 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 827 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:36,324 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 828 00:32:36,391 --> 00:32:39,728 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 829 00:32:39,828 --> 00:32:43,732 ♪ Don't let it get ya down, don't let it get ya down ♪ 830 00:32:43,832 --> 00:32:48,170 ♪ Don't let it get you down ♪ 831 00:32:48,236 --> 00:32:50,005 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 832 00:32:50,071 --> 00:32:55,744 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 833 00:32:55,844 --> 00:32:58,914 ♪ Gonna fly like a bird on the wing ♪ 834 00:32:59,014 --> 00:33:01,583 ♪ Hold on to your hat, honey ♪ 835 00:33:01,683 --> 00:33:03,852 ♪ Sing, sing, sing, sing ♪ 836 00:33:03,919 --> 00:33:07,923 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 837 00:33:08,023 --> 00:33:11,593 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 838 00:33:11,693 --> 00:33:15,664 ♪ Don't let it get you down, don't let it get you down ♪ 839 00:33:15,730 --> 00:33:19,434 ♪ Don't let it get you down ♪ 840 00:33:19,534 --> 00:33:23,538 ♪ I got the music in me, I got the music in me ♪ 841 00:33:23,605 --> 00:33:25,540 ♪ I got the music in me ♪ 842 00:33:25,607 --> 00:33:27,442 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 843 00:33:27,542 --> 00:33:31,446 ♪ Don't let it get you down, don't let it get you down ♪ 844 00:33:31,546 --> 00:33:35,584 ♪ Don't let it get you down ♪ 845 00:33:35,684 --> 00:33:38,920 ♪ I got the music in me ♪