1
00:00:29,401 --> 00:00:33,001
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
2
00:00:33,081 --> 00:00:35,361
- Hello?
- What a shame.
3
00:00:35,441 --> 00:00:37,561
- Manuel?
- Operator, what is going on?
4
00:00:37,641 --> 00:00:39,401
Oh, I know.
5
00:00:39,481 --> 00:00:42,961
I've been trying to get through
to the speaking clock.
6
00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:44,841
Oh, dear.
7
00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:46,881
Well, it's engaged.
8
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:48,881
How awful.
9
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,161
It's been engaged for ten minutes.
10
00:00:50,241 --> 00:00:53,641
How is this possible?
My wife isn't talking to it.
11
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:57,121
Hold your head back. That usually stops it.
12
00:00:57,201 --> 00:01:00,041
The speaking clock has taken
the phone off the hook.
13
00:01:00,121 --> 00:01:03,281
Or there's been a light
shower within 20 miles.
14
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:06,601
Well, you'd better not go on
if it's getting on the bedspread.
15
00:01:06,681 --> 00:01:10,921
Unobtainable. The clock's been cut off.
Obviously didn't pay its bill.
16
00:01:11,361 --> 00:01:14,561
Call me back when you've staunched it.
17
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,521
I don't know why she stays with him.
18
00:01:16,601 --> 00:01:18,161
Oh, that's pretty.
19
00:01:18,241 --> 00:01:20,441
Hello, you got the guide.
20
00:01:20,521 --> 00:01:21,921
Good evening, Mr Johnson.
21
00:01:22,001 --> 00:01:23,441
Evening, any messages?
22
00:01:23,521 --> 00:01:24,921
Three, I think.
23
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:27,921
Three? Everybody wants you, don't they?
24
00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:29,241
I wouldn't say that.
25
00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:32,121
Ah, well. You're only single once.
26
00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:35,041
BASIL: Twice can be arranged.
27
00:01:35,961 --> 00:01:38,321
- What, Basil?
- BASIL: Nothing, my dear.
28
00:01:40,001 --> 00:01:42,481
We got enough bananas this week, dear?
29
00:01:53,161 --> 00:01:56,961
So Harry says,
"You don't like me any more. Why not?"
30
00:01:57,041 --> 00:01:59,681
And he says,
""Cause you got so terribly pretentious."
31
00:01:59,761 --> 00:02:02,281
And Harry says, "Pretentious, moi?"
32
00:02:02,361 --> 00:02:04,081
(BOTH LAUGHING)
33
00:02:04,161 --> 00:02:05,521
I'll just try that number.
34
00:02:05,601 --> 00:02:08,041
Oh, that's awfully good, isn't it?
35
00:02:08,121 --> 00:02:09,921
"Moi, " ha ha!
36
00:02:10,441 --> 00:02:11,761
Did you hear it, Basil?
37
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,201
- What, dear?
- The joke.
38
00:02:13,281 --> 00:02:14,681
Oh, a joke. No, I heard you laugh.
39
00:02:14,761 --> 00:02:17,761
I thought perhaps he
was having a tea party.
40
00:02:17,841 --> 00:02:19,201
Tea party?
41
00:02:19,321 --> 00:02:23,521
Oh, now I understand the banana reference,
you mean you think he looks like a monkey.
42
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,561
Only from some angles.
43
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:28,121
Well, from my angle, he's very attractive.
44
00:02:28,201 --> 00:02:29,321
Attractive?
45
00:02:29,401 --> 00:02:32,001
You know, easy and amusing and charming.
46
00:02:32,081 --> 00:02:33,561
Charming, eh?
47
00:02:33,641 --> 00:02:35,041
Well, he's certainly covered in charms.
48
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,521
I've never seen so many medals
'round one neck in my life.
49
00:02:37,601 --> 00:02:40,041
He must be the bravest
orangutan in Britain.
50
00:02:40,121 --> 00:02:42,641
What is the point of
decorating yourself like that?
51
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:46,001
They're not just for decoration,
they have symbolic meaning.
52
00:02:46,081 --> 00:02:48,201
Sybil, that type would wear
a dog turd round its neck
53
00:02:48,281 --> 00:02:50,121
if it was made of gold.
54
00:02:50,201 --> 00:02:53,321
Basil, you're so ignorant sometimes.
55
00:02:53,401 --> 00:02:55,841
One of them happens to be a rhino's tooth.
56
00:02:55,921 --> 00:02:58,281
One's an ancient Egyptian
fertility symbol...
57
00:02:58,361 --> 00:03:00,521
Well, that must come in handy.
58
00:03:00,601 --> 00:03:02,721
It's not supposed to be handy, Basil.
59
00:03:02,801 --> 00:03:05,001
It goes back to the dawn of civilisation.
60
00:03:05,081 --> 00:03:07,921
By the look of his forehead, so does he.
61
00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:13,161
Tell me, Basil, what is it about the
Mediterranean type that antagonises you so?
62
00:03:13,241 --> 00:03:15,241
Is it because women find them attractive?
63
00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,561
- Sybil...
- You seem to think
64
00:03:16,641 --> 00:03:20,481
that we girls should be aroused
by people like Gladstone and Earl Haig
65
00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:22,081
and Baden-Powell, don't you?
66
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,481
Well, at least they had a certain dignity.
67
00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:26,761
It's hard to imagine Earl Haig wandering
round with his shirt open at the waist,
68
00:03:26,841 --> 00:03:29,441
covered with identity bracelets, isn't it?
69
00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:33,161
Well, he didn't mind the medals, did he?
The military decorations?
70
00:03:33,241 --> 00:03:34,441
That's not the point.
71
00:03:34,521 --> 00:03:37,761
I suppose the reason you confuse them
with monkeys is that monkeys have fun.
72
00:03:37,841 --> 00:03:40,041
They know how to enjoy themselves.
73
00:03:40,121 --> 00:03:42,361
That's what makes them sexy, I suppose.
I never thought of that.
74
00:03:42,441 --> 00:03:43,761
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
75
00:03:43,841 --> 00:03:45,441
I telephoned earlier. The name is Abbott.
76
00:03:45,521 --> 00:03:48,881
Oh, yes. There hasn't been
a cancellation, I'm afraid,
77
00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:50,521
so it is still a room without bath.
78
00:03:50,601 --> 00:03:51,921
- That's fine.
- Oh, good.
79
00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:54,841
Will you just fill that in for me, please?
80
00:03:54,921 --> 00:03:56,681
(GIBBERING)
81
00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:59,721
Yes, we're terribly busy at the moment.
82
00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:01,041
Just enjoying myself. Good evening.
83
00:04:01,121 --> 00:04:02,121
Good evening.
84
00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:03,601
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
85
00:04:03,921 --> 00:04:05,041
(BELLOWS)
86
00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,281
That felt better.
87
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,321
Thank you, Mr Abbott.
88
00:04:09,401 --> 00:04:11,321
Oh, Dr Abbott, sorry.
89
00:04:11,881 --> 00:04:13,401
- Doctor?
- Yes?
90
00:04:13,481 --> 00:04:15,481
I'm terribly sorry, we hadn't been told.
91
00:04:15,561 --> 00:04:17,161
- We hadn't been told you were a doctor.
- Oh.
92
00:04:17,241 --> 00:04:19,161
How do you do, Doctor?
Very nice to have you with us, Doctor.
93
00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:20,321
Thank you.
94
00:04:20,401 --> 00:04:22,081
You're in room five, Doctor.
95
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,441
And Mrs Abbott, how do you do?
96
00:04:23,521 --> 00:04:25,001
Dr Abbott, actually.
97
00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:26,521
- I'm sorry?
- Dr Abbott.
98
00:04:26,601 --> 00:04:27,881
Two doctors.
99
00:04:27,961 --> 00:04:29,441
- You're two doctors?
- Yes.
100
00:04:29,521 --> 00:04:30,921
How did you become two doctors?
101
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:34,281
Most unusual. I mean,
did you take the exam twice, or...
102
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,001
No. My wife's a doctor.
103
00:04:36,081 --> 00:04:37,081
I'm a doctor.
104
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:38,921
You're a doctor, too.
So you're three doctors!
105
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:42,281
No, I'm just one doctor.
My wife is another doctor.
106
00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:43,401
(DINGS)
107
00:04:43,481 --> 00:04:44,521
Manuel.
108
00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:46,641
Your room is at the top of the stairs
and on to the left.
109
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:50,161
Oh, I see! I thought when
you said two doctors...
110
00:04:50,281 --> 00:04:53,241
Manuel, would you take the doctors'
cases up to number five, please?
111
00:04:53,321 --> 00:04:55,801
Yes, this way please, Doctors.
112
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:59,041
When you said that you were two doctors,
I thought perhaps you were a doctor of medicine
113
00:04:59,641 --> 00:05:00,681
and perhaps a doctor of...
114
00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:01,881
Did you get through all right?
115
00:05:01,961 --> 00:05:03,361
One was busy. I'll try again in a minute.
116
00:05:03,441 --> 00:05:05,641
I forgot to ask,
any news on a room for my mother?
117
00:05:05,721 --> 00:05:07,241
Oh, yes.
118
00:05:07,321 --> 00:05:09,281
Number 16 has decided to stay, I'm afraid.
119
00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:12,161
I tried a couple of other places for you
but everywhere's full at the moment.
120
00:05:12,241 --> 00:05:14,201
Oh, well, no hassle.
She won't mind sharing with me.
121
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,361
Lucky mum!
122
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:16,441
(LAUGHING)
123
00:05:16,521 --> 00:05:17,841
I'll just go and try that number again.
124
00:05:17,921 --> 00:05:19,241
Here, use this one.
125
00:05:19,321 --> 00:05:20,681
Oh. Thank you.
126
00:05:23,641 --> 00:05:24,961
May I ask...
127
00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:29,441
The sign on the chain
by the Egyptian fertility symbol,
128
00:05:29,521 --> 00:05:31,201
what is that?
129
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:33,241
It's, um... Greek astrological sign.
130
00:05:33,321 --> 00:05:35,841
Oh, it's beautiful. Where did you get it?
131
00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:37,881
Um, Colchester, I think.
132
00:05:37,961 --> 00:05:40,041
- Colchester!
- Hello.
133
00:05:40,121 --> 00:05:41,401
Can I speak to John Lawson, please?
134
00:05:41,481 --> 00:05:43,601
All right, I'll hold on.
135
00:05:43,681 --> 00:05:45,601
So, your mother will be arriving tomorrow?
136
00:05:45,681 --> 00:05:48,041
Yes, first thing. She's getting
the overnight train down from Newcastle.
137
00:05:48,121 --> 00:05:49,441
Newcastle?
138
00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:51,601
Yeah, visiting grandchildren. She's 77.
139
00:05:51,681 --> 00:05:53,001
77.
140
00:05:53,081 --> 00:05:55,201
Isn't that amazing?
141
00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:57,081
Old people are wonderful
142
00:05:57,161 --> 00:05:58,961
when they have so much life, aren't they?
143
00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:00,641
Gives us all hope, doesn't it?
144
00:06:00,721 --> 00:06:01,881
(CHUCKLES)
145
00:06:02,201 --> 00:06:06,961
My mother, on the other hand,
is a little bit of a trial, really.
146
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,521
You know, it's all right
when they have the life force,
147
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:10,921
but mother, well,
148
00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:13,601
she's got more of the death force, really.
149
00:06:13,681 --> 00:06:14,801
She's a worrier...
150
00:06:14,881 --> 00:06:16,321
No, it's all right. I'll hold.
151
00:06:16,401 --> 00:06:21,521
She has these, well,
morbid fears they are, really.
152
00:06:21,601 --> 00:06:23,921
Vans is one.
153
00:06:24,921 --> 00:06:27,521
Rats... Doorknobs...
154
00:06:28,401 --> 00:06:31,841
Birds, heights, open spaces...
155
00:06:32,401 --> 00:06:34,481
Confined spaces...
156
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,601
It's very difficult getting the space
right for her, really. You know...
157
00:06:37,681 --> 00:06:39,281
(CHUCKLES)
158
00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:44,081
Footballs, bicycles, cows...
159
00:06:45,161 --> 00:06:47,481
And she's always on
about men following her.
160
00:06:47,561 --> 00:06:50,161
I don't know what she thinks
they're going to do to her.
161
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:52,881
Vomit on her, Basil says.
162
00:06:52,961 --> 00:06:55,321
Can I leave my number? He can call me back.
163
00:06:55,401 --> 00:06:57,281
- And death.
- I see. Right.
164
00:06:57,361 --> 00:06:59,401
She's frightened of death.
165
00:06:59,481 --> 00:07:01,481
I've told her there's
nothing she can do about it.
166
00:07:01,561 --> 00:07:03,321
On about it the whole time, she is.
167
00:07:03,401 --> 00:07:05,241
I mean, nature can only take its course.
168
00:07:05,361 --> 00:07:08,841
The only thing you can hope for is that
it won't be long drawn out and painful.
169
00:07:08,921 --> 00:07:10,201
But she can't accept that.
170
00:07:10,281 --> 00:07:12,161
Oh, excuse me. Hello, John?
171
00:07:12,241 --> 00:07:15,521
How are you? Oh, fine.
Just down for the weekend.
172
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,521
- Charming people.
- Hmm?
173
00:07:19,601 --> 00:07:21,161
The Abbotts. Charming couple.
174
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,961
Yes, all three of them.
175
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:24,841
No, I'm all right for tonight.
176
00:07:24,921 --> 00:07:28,161
You know dear, that, um,
that outfit Mrs Abbott was wearing,
177
00:07:28,241 --> 00:07:29,801
you should get yourself
something like that.
178
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:31,481
What, for the gardening, you mean?
179
00:07:31,561 --> 00:07:33,441
No, I can't tomorrow night.
How about lunch?
180
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:36,121
Yes, attractive woman.
How old would you say she was, Sybil?
181
00:07:36,201 --> 00:07:38,321
- 48, 50?
- Oh, now, Sybil!
182
00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:40,961
I really don't know,
Basil, perhaps she's 12.
183
00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:42,841
Favourite. Magic.
184
00:07:43,481 --> 00:07:45,681
It's nice to have that kind
of person staying, isn't it?
185
00:07:45,761 --> 00:07:48,521
Professional class, educated, civilised.
186
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:52,081
We've both ends of the evolutionary scale
this week, haven't we?
187
00:07:54,881 --> 00:07:56,681
Good evening.
188
00:07:56,881 --> 00:07:59,241
We're just going out for a stroll.
What time do you serve dinner?
189
00:07:59,321 --> 00:08:00,641
7:30 till 9:00.
190
00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:01,881
See you tomorrow then. Ciao.
191
00:08:01,961 --> 00:08:03,641
Do you have a guide to Torquay?
192
00:08:03,721 --> 00:08:04,801
A guide...
193
00:08:04,881 --> 00:08:07,041
Um, oh dear.
I think we're out of them again.
194
00:08:07,121 --> 00:08:08,761
Do you want to look at this one?
I got it in town.
195
00:08:08,841 --> 00:08:09,881
Oh, thanks.
196
00:08:09,961 --> 00:08:11,201
"What's on in Torquay."
197
00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:13,041
One of the world's shortest books.
198
00:08:13,121 --> 00:08:14,521
(SYBIL CACKLES)
199
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,081
What?
200
00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:19,121
One of the world's shortest books.
201
00:08:19,201 --> 00:08:21,801
Like The Wit of Margaret Thatcher
202
00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:23,201
or Great English Lovers.
203
00:08:23,281 --> 00:08:25,281
(CHORTLING) He's very
funny, isn't he, Basil?
204
00:08:25,361 --> 00:08:26,841
MRS ABBOTT: Thank you.
205
00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:31,521
- Are you taking dinner here tonight?
- Sorry?
206
00:08:31,601 --> 00:08:34,681
Are you dining here tonight,
here in this unfashionable dump?
207
00:08:34,761 --> 00:08:35,961
I wasn't planning to.
208
00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:37,641
No, not really your scene, is it?
209
00:08:37,721 --> 00:08:39,601
Thought I'd try somewhere in town.
Anywhere you'd recommend?
210
00:08:39,681 --> 00:08:43,081
What sort of food were you thinking of?
Fruit, or...
211
00:08:43,161 --> 00:08:45,361
- Anywhere they do French food?
- Yes, France, I believe.
212
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,121
They seem to like it there,
213
00:08:47,201 --> 00:08:49,281
and the swim would certainly sharpen
your appetite.
214
00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:52,121
You'd better hurry.
The tide leaves in six minutes.
215
00:08:52,201 --> 00:08:55,601
Excuse my husband's sledgehammer wit,
Mr Johnson.
216
00:08:55,681 --> 00:08:58,081
There is a very nice
place, La Pomme D'Amour.
217
00:08:58,161 --> 00:09:00,441
La Pomme D'Amour. The apple of love.
218
00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:01,881
Yes, in Orchard Street.
219
00:09:01,961 --> 00:09:05,281
Or that ancient Egyptian place,
the Golden Dog something...
220
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:08,041
Do enjoy yourself. We'll see you later.
221
00:09:08,121 --> 00:09:09,521
Thank you.
222
00:09:09,921 --> 00:09:12,881
- I have had it up to here with you.
- What, dear?
223
00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:14,801
You never get it right, do you?
224
00:09:14,881 --> 00:09:17,561
You're either crawling all over them,
licking their boots,
225
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:21,161
or spitting poison at them
like some Benzedrine puff adder.
226
00:09:23,481 --> 00:09:25,321
Just trying to enjoy myself.
227
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:30,481
- Did you enjoy your beef?
- Oh, yes, thank you.
228
00:09:30,561 --> 00:09:32,641
Good. Would you care for dessert?
229
00:09:32,721 --> 00:09:34,961
- No, just coffee, thank you.
- Just coffee for me.
230
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,361
Two coffees, Sybil.
Two coffees. Here. Please. Dear.
231
00:09:37,441 --> 00:09:39,561
Would you care for a
little something with us?
232
00:09:39,641 --> 00:09:41,281
A little aperitif, cognac, brandy?
233
00:09:41,361 --> 00:09:44,721
On us... with us... which we'll pay for,
on the house, as it were?
234
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,121
Well, thank you.
235
00:09:46,201 --> 00:09:48,001
I'd like a cognac, if I may?
236
00:09:48,081 --> 00:09:49,561
- Dr Abbott?
- A port, thank you.
237
00:09:49,641 --> 00:09:50,761
Mon plaisir.
238
00:09:51,961 --> 00:09:54,001
- Coffee for you, Doctor.
- Thank you.
239
00:09:54,081 --> 00:09:55,521
- And for you, Doctor.
- Thank you.
240
00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:57,561
Have you been to Torquay before?
241
00:09:57,641 --> 00:09:59,321
Not for a few years, no.
242
00:09:59,401 --> 00:10:02,561
We had a free weekend, and we suddenly
thought we'd like to get out of London.
243
00:10:02,641 --> 00:10:05,321
- Lovely. White or black?
- Black, thank you.
244
00:10:06,161 --> 00:10:08,241
- And black for you, Doctor?
- Thank you.
245
00:10:08,321 --> 00:10:09,401
Cognac for you, Doctor.
246
00:10:09,481 --> 00:10:11,001
It's rather fascinating,
your both being doctors.
247
00:10:11,081 --> 00:10:12,401
Port for you, Doctor.
248
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:15,081
At one stage,
I was contemplating becoming a surgeon.
249
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:17,321
(CHUCKLES) A tree surgeon!
250
00:10:18,321 --> 00:10:19,521
Thank you, Sybil.
251
00:10:19,601 --> 00:10:20,921
Had to give it up.
252
00:10:21,001 --> 00:10:23,041
Couldn't stand the sight of sap. Ha!
253
00:10:24,721 --> 00:10:25,881
It's a bit old, isn't it, dear?
254
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:29,641
My great-grandfather on my mother's side
was a doctor, so it was always felt I might...
255
00:10:29,721 --> 00:10:31,401
Run a hotel.
256
00:10:31,481 --> 00:10:35,601
Are you both in general practice?
257
00:10:35,681 --> 00:10:37,161
No, I'm a paediatrician.
258
00:10:37,241 --> 00:10:39,041
- Feet!
- Children.
259
00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:40,921
Oh, Basil!
260
00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:43,121
Children have feet, don't they?
That's how they move around.
261
00:10:43,201 --> 00:10:45,201
You must take a look next time.
It's most interesting.
262
00:10:45,281 --> 00:10:46,561
And you, Doctor, are you a...
263
00:10:46,641 --> 00:10:47,761
I'm a psychiatrist.
264
00:10:47,841 --> 00:10:49,401
Very nice too, cheers.
265
00:10:52,281 --> 00:10:54,241
I'll get you another one. Sorry.
266
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,841
A psychiatrist. How fascinating.
267
00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:59,481
We never had a psychiatrist
staying here before.
268
00:10:59,561 --> 00:11:02,801
We had a faith healer
the first month we were open.
269
00:11:02,881 --> 00:11:03,961
Really?
270
00:11:04,041 --> 00:11:07,001
It's a relatively new profession,
psychiatry, isn't it?
271
00:11:07,081 --> 00:11:09,401
Well, Freud started about 1880.
272
00:11:09,481 --> 00:11:12,441
Yes, but it's only now
we're seeing them on the television.
273
00:11:13,121 --> 00:11:15,561
Here we are. I must... Excuse me.
274
00:11:16,361 --> 00:11:19,401
- How long have you had this hotel?
- My husband and I...
275
00:11:19,481 --> 00:11:20,681
Keep back, keep back.
276
00:11:20,761 --> 00:11:21,881
- What is it?
- Abbott.
277
00:11:21,961 --> 00:11:24,281
- What the matter with him?
- Psychiatrist.
278
00:11:24,361 --> 00:11:26,921
Look at him. Look.
Look at the way he's listening, see?
279
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:28,721
He's taking it all in. She doesn't realise.
280
00:11:28,801 --> 00:11:30,921
Look at the way she's talking.
They've got photographic memories.
281
00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:32,161
Uh, Sybil!
282
00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:34,081
- Sybil?
- Yes, Basil?
283
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,241
Could I just bother you, dear?
284
00:11:35,321 --> 00:11:36,841
- What is it?
- Just a little problem.
285
00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:38,641
Nothing personal,
nothing of a private nature.
286
00:11:38,721 --> 00:11:40,121
Just in here...
287
00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:41,841
Excuse me, would you?
288
00:11:43,681 --> 00:11:44,801
What is it, Basil?
289
00:11:44,881 --> 00:11:48,241
Just take it easy, okay?
Just keep your distance.
290
00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:49,921
- Remember who you are, all right?
- Remember what?
291
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:52,161
Just don't tell him too much
about yourself, all right?
292
00:11:52,241 --> 00:11:53,521
Basil, I'm perfectly capa...
293
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:54,881
All right. All right.
What have you told him?
294
00:11:54,961 --> 00:11:57,201
Nothing, we were talking about Scotland.
295
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,041
Scotland?
What's he want to know about Scotland?
296
00:11:59,121 --> 00:12:00,161
Oh, Basil Fawl...
297
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:01,561
- Don't do that!
- Why are you so nervous?
298
00:12:01,641 --> 00:12:03,681
I'm not nervous!
I'm just saying take it easy, all right?
299
00:12:03,761 --> 00:12:04,761
All of us, just take it easy, all right?
300
00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:05,881
What's got into you?
301
00:12:05,961 --> 00:12:07,441
Nothing's got into...
I'm just saying take...
302
00:12:07,521 --> 00:12:09,321
Can't I say "take it easy"
without starting a panic?
303
00:12:09,401 --> 00:12:10,801
I mean, what is going on here?
304
00:12:10,881 --> 00:12:13,161
Mr Fawlty, take it easy.
305
00:12:13,241 --> 00:12:14,561
Now look...
306
00:12:14,641 --> 00:12:16,121
Get one thing clear, all right?
307
00:12:16,201 --> 00:12:17,601
You don't tell me to take it easy.
308
00:12:17,681 --> 00:12:20,281
I don't pay you to tell me to take it easy.
I pay you to take it...
309
00:12:20,361 --> 00:12:23,281
No, I pay you to tell you to take it easy,
so take it easy, all right?
310
00:12:23,361 --> 00:12:26,201
Listen, why are you getting so upset?
311
00:12:26,281 --> 00:12:28,481
- I'm not.
- You liked him when he arrived.
312
00:12:28,561 --> 00:12:29,681
Look, look...
313
00:12:29,761 --> 00:12:31,081
And just because you find
out he's a psychiatrist...
314
00:12:31,161 --> 00:12:33,841
I'm not bothered by that.
315
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,361
If he wants to be a psychiatrist
that's his own funeral.
316
00:12:35,441 --> 00:12:37,361
They're all as mad as
bloody March hares anyway.
317
00:12:37,441 --> 00:12:39,401
That's not the point.
How does he earn his money?
318
00:12:39,481 --> 00:12:42,081
He gets... He gets paid
for sticking his nose...
319
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,761
- Oh, Basil.
- No, I'm going to have my say.
320
00:12:43,841 --> 00:12:46,001
Into people's private, um... Details.
321
00:12:46,081 --> 00:12:48,161
Just speaking for myself,
I don't want some total stranger
322
00:12:48,241 --> 00:12:51,721
nosing around in my private parts...
Details! That's all I'm saying.
323
00:12:51,801 --> 00:12:54,881
They're here on holiday.
They're just here to enjoy themselves.
324
00:12:54,961 --> 00:12:56,281
- He can't!
- Can't what?
325
00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:58,921
He can't tell me anything about myself
that I don't know already.
326
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:00,761
All this psychiatry,
it's a load of tommyrot.
327
00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:01,961
Here.
328
00:13:02,041 --> 00:13:04,081
You know what they're
all obsessed with, don't you?
329
00:13:04,161 --> 00:13:06,761
You know what they say it's all
about, don't you?
330
00:13:06,841 --> 00:13:08,401
Hmm? Sex.
331
00:13:08,481 --> 00:13:11,641
Everything's connected with sex.
Huh! What a load of cobblers.
332
00:13:13,121 --> 00:13:15,721
Yes, you see, if they wanted to do that,
333
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:17,641
well, they'd have to close the hotel,
wouldn't they?
334
00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:20,081
Yes, if you would, just sign that.
Thank you so much.
335
00:13:20,161 --> 00:13:24,841
Yes. We were just speculating how people
in your profession arrange their holidays.
336
00:13:24,921 --> 00:13:26,841
How often you can get away.
337
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:30,681
How often do you manage it?
338
00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:34,161
Pardon?
339
00:13:34,241 --> 00:13:36,641
How often can you and your wife manage it?
340
00:13:41,161 --> 00:13:42,681
You don't mind my asking?
341
00:13:42,761 --> 00:13:44,641
Not at all. Not at all.
342
00:13:45,561 --> 00:13:47,961
About average, since you asked.
343
00:13:48,041 --> 00:13:49,761
- Average?
- Mmm-hmm.
344
00:13:49,841 --> 00:13:51,681
What would be average?
345
00:13:52,241 --> 00:13:54,161
Well, you tell me.
346
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,201
Well, uh...
347
00:13:56,281 --> 00:13:57,641
Couple of times a year?
348
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,401
What?
349
00:14:00,481 --> 00:14:01,641
Once a year?
350
00:14:02,681 --> 00:14:05,081
Well, we knew it must be difficult.
351
00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:08,401
My wife didn't see how you
could manage it at all.
352
00:14:11,961 --> 00:14:15,601
Well, as you've asked,
two or three times a week, actually.
353
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:17,481
- A week?
- Yes. Pretty normal, isn't it?
354
00:14:17,561 --> 00:14:20,721
We're quite normal down here
in Torquay, you know?
355
00:14:21,201 --> 00:14:24,321
And he says, "Pretentious? Moi?"
356
00:14:24,401 --> 00:14:25,721
(LAUGHING)
357
00:14:27,121 --> 00:14:30,241
I always like a man who can make me laugh.
358
00:14:31,841 --> 00:14:34,521
- Are you all right, Mr Fawlty?
- Mmm-hmm, yes, yes. Fine.
359
00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:37,521
- What's the matter, Basil?
- Nothing, dear. Just talking to Dr Abbott.
360
00:14:37,601 --> 00:14:41,561
If I had the money to go to a psychiatrist,
he's just the sort I'd choose.
361
00:14:41,641 --> 00:14:45,121
I can't think of anything nicer
than having a good old heart-to-heart.
362
00:14:45,201 --> 00:14:47,161
I'm sure they understand women.
363
00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:48,921
- Sybil?
- What, darling?
364
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:50,401
Do you kn...
365
00:14:50,481 --> 00:14:52,281
Do you know what he asked me,
just now, out there?
366
00:14:52,361 --> 00:14:53,361
What? What?
367
00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:54,721
He asked me...
368
00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:58,201
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Basil.
369
00:14:58,281 --> 00:15:00,361
I'm telling you the truth.
Honest as God's witness!
370
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,041
What's got into you today?
371
00:15:02,121 --> 00:15:03,641
He turned round and asked
me, just like that.
372
00:15:03,721 --> 00:15:05,641
- What did he say?
- He said...
373
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:09,121
His wife said...
374
00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,281
They're talking about holidays, Basil.
375
00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:14,641
I was just saying to them
about how difficult it is to get any.
376
00:15:15,161 --> 00:15:18,081
Twice a year! Oh, my...What did I say?
377
00:15:18,161 --> 00:15:20,761
- It doesn't matter.
- How was I to know?
378
00:15:24,201 --> 00:15:25,401
Hello!
379
00:15:25,481 --> 00:15:27,521
We were at cross purposes just now.
380
00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:30,641
There you were talking about sex,
I thought you were talking about walks.
381
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,481
Not sex! Holidays, holidays!
382
00:15:32,561 --> 00:15:34,441
Ha, sex. Ha, ha, ha.
383
00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:36,561
No, my wife and I have
one about twice a year.
384
00:15:36,641 --> 00:15:37,801
I mean a holiday, a holiday.
385
00:15:37,881 --> 00:15:39,681
Whereas so far as a good walk goes,
386
00:15:39,761 --> 00:15:42,921
we have a jolly good walk
about two or three times a week, average.
387
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:45,321
Well, we're just taking ours now.
388
00:15:45,401 --> 00:15:48,521
Thank you. Well, enjoy it. Uh, the walk!
389
00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:50,361
I'm so sorry.
390
00:15:50,441 --> 00:15:53,801
My name is Raylene Miles.
I have a reservation.
391
00:15:53,881 --> 00:15:57,201
Ahh, yes. That's right.
Would you be so kind as to fill this in?
392
00:15:57,281 --> 00:15:59,081
- Mmm-hmm.
- Thank you.
393
00:16:07,321 --> 00:16:08,681
Very nice.
394
00:16:09,081 --> 00:16:10,801
Oh, ah... Thank you.
395
00:16:11,281 --> 00:16:14,281
Your thing. I mean your charms!
Your charm, in the middle.
396
00:16:14,361 --> 00:16:15,921
Yes, I know.
397
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:20,601
- May I ask what it is?
- It's a Saint Christopher's medal.
398
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:22,961
- Saint...
- Saint Christopher.
399
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:25,241
Patron saint of travellers.
400
00:16:25,321 --> 00:16:26,561
Hello, dear.
401
00:16:26,641 --> 00:16:28,601
Saint Christopher's medal,
protects travellers.
402
00:16:28,681 --> 00:16:30,041
Very pretty.
403
00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:32,401
Yes, isn't she?
Where did you put the order forms?
404
00:16:32,481 --> 00:16:34,081
- Down there, dear.
- Where?
405
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,761
Down here, dear. Um...
406
00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:45,161
Hello! Can I have the key
for number six, please?
407
00:16:45,241 --> 00:16:47,361
You're back early this evening, Mr Johnson.
408
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,921
Yes, well, got to be up early for mother.
409
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:51,761
Thank you. We put you in number seven.
410
00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:52,921
(DINGS)
411
00:16:53,001 --> 00:16:55,321
- Manuel!
- It's all right, dear. I'll take them up.
412
00:16:55,401 --> 00:16:57,561
We have a Spanish porter
we're training at the moment.
413
00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,721
It'd be quicker to train an ape!
414
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:03,801
Never mind, Manuel.
415
00:17:03,881 --> 00:17:05,001
Oh!
416
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,881
I was just wondering,
are you in fact Australian at all,
417
00:17:18,961 --> 00:17:20,081
by any chance, may I ask?
418
00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:22,521
Oh, dear. Is my accent that strong?
419
00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:26,001
Oh no, no. It's just that you're quite tall,
so I thought, perhaps, you know.
420
00:17:26,081 --> 00:17:28,841
Here we are, this is your room.
I hope it's to your liking.
421
00:17:28,921 --> 00:17:31,881
A view of the English Riviera,
down there, behind the trees.
422
00:17:31,961 --> 00:17:33,641
This is your bathroom, here we are...
423
00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:34,841
(FLICKING SWITCH)
424
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,321
Oh, light's not working. I'll just fix it.
425
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:39,641
Have you had a tiring journey?
426
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:43,161
Seven hours in the coach, is the...
427
00:17:43,241 --> 00:17:44,961
Is the dining room still open?
428
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:47,521
The chef leaves at 9:00, I'm afraid.
We could always do you sandwiches.
429
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:49,801
I'd like a hot meal, really.
430
00:17:49,881 --> 00:17:52,041
Is there a restaurant near here?
431
00:17:52,121 --> 00:17:56,001
There's an awfully good little Welsh place,
Leek House, about five minutes' walk.
432
00:17:56,081 --> 00:17:57,321
You'd have to go straight away.
433
00:17:57,401 --> 00:17:58,561
That'll do fine.
434
00:17:58,681 --> 00:18:02,601
Just turn left out at the gate and
straight on and it's on your right.
435
00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:13,721
You left this downstairs.
436
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,201
Sorry! I was trying the switch!
437
00:18:15,281 --> 00:18:17,801
Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! I'm sorry.
I didn't know she was there!
438
00:18:17,881 --> 00:18:19,601
- I was trying the switch.
- It's pathetic, Basil.
439
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,681
No, look, Sybil,
I was reaching round for the switch.
440
00:18:21,761 --> 00:18:22,841
Don't bother.
441
00:18:22,921 --> 00:18:24,601
The lights weren't working
in the bathroom, right?
442
00:18:24,681 --> 00:18:26,721
Okay? So I went in, checked the fitting,
which was loose...
443
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:30,481
I've read about it, Basil.
The male menopause it's called.
444
00:18:30,601 --> 00:18:36,681
Oh, and one word, if you're going to grope a girl,
have the gallantry to stay in the room with her
445
00:18:36,761 --> 00:18:38,761
while you're doing it, hmm?
446
00:18:43,641 --> 00:18:46,281
I'm sorry. I do apologise for just now.
I was sort of feeling for the switch...
447
00:18:46,361 --> 00:18:48,881
Oh, I realise. That's perfectly all right.
448
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,721
- I hope your wife didn't...
- Oh, no, no.
449
00:18:50,801 --> 00:18:53,161
My wife, she's been on about that.
450
00:18:53,641 --> 00:18:55,441
Uh, where was that restaurant again?
451
00:18:55,521 --> 00:18:58,481
Out of the gate, turn left,
five minutes on your right. Leek House.
452
00:18:58,561 --> 00:19:00,161
- Thank you.
- Not at all.
453
00:19:04,481 --> 00:19:05,841
JOHNSON: "Pretentious, moi?"
454
00:19:05,921 --> 00:19:07,441
(JOHNSON LAUGHING)
455
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:10,641
(WOMAN LAUGHING)
456
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,001
Yes? Can I help you?
457
00:19:20,081 --> 00:19:23,361
Um... I was just wondering
if I could get, um...
458
00:19:23,441 --> 00:19:24,841
A drink now?
459
00:19:24,921 --> 00:19:26,481
A drink?
460
00:19:26,561 --> 00:19:28,601
Well, a bottle of champagne.
461
00:19:28,681 --> 00:19:30,281
- Champagne?
- Yes.
462
00:19:30,361 --> 00:19:33,201
I see. You are aware of our rule
about visitors, are you?
463
00:19:33,281 --> 00:19:34,361
Hmm?
464
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:37,161
No visitors in guests' rooms after 10:00.
465
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,881
- Oh.
- Of the opposite... sex.
466
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:41,721
- No, I wasn't.
- Ah.
467
00:19:42,321 --> 00:19:45,441
But I am now.
So you'll send up the champagne, will you?
468
00:19:45,521 --> 00:19:47,241
- What?
- The champagne.
469
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,041
- You're drinking it on your own, are you?
- Guess I'll have to.
470
00:19:51,121 --> 00:19:54,201
Very well.
One bottle of champagne, for one.
471
00:19:54,281 --> 00:19:56,321
- Thank you.
- And one glass.
472
00:19:57,081 --> 00:19:58,521
That's all I'll need,
unless you'd care to join me?
473
00:19:58,601 --> 00:20:00,121
No, thank you. Not while I'm on the job.
474
00:20:00,201 --> 00:20:02,441
That's when I enjoy it the most.
475
00:20:03,641 --> 00:20:04,921
(DOOR SHUTS)
476
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,361
Manuel, Manuel, Manuel.
477
00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:12,001
Bottle of champagne, one glass, quick!
478
00:20:18,401 --> 00:20:19,801
Mr Fawlty?
479
00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:22,521
Did you know there's a
psychiatrist staying?
480
00:20:22,601 --> 00:20:23,641
Yes, yes I did.
481
00:20:23,721 --> 00:20:25,441
Has he come for the Major?
482
00:20:25,521 --> 00:20:27,761
- What?
- Has he come for the Major?
483
00:20:27,841 --> 00:20:29,441
- No.
- Oh, good.
484
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,921
We were rather worried.
485
00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:33,761
I'm sure they have them in Birmingham too.
486
00:20:35,081 --> 00:20:36,681
Good night, ladies!
487
00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:37,961
Just coming.
488
00:20:39,761 --> 00:20:41,241
Won't be a moment.
489
00:20:46,521 --> 00:20:47,721
(DOOR SHUTS)
490
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:07,161
This wall... We had some complaints
from downstairs
491
00:21:07,241 --> 00:21:08,881
so I'm just giving it a check.
492
00:21:08,961 --> 00:21:12,201
Yes, I think that's fine. No, hang on.
493
00:21:13,241 --> 00:21:16,161
Nope, we're all right.
Fine. Well, sorry to disturb you.
494
00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:18,041
- Good night.
- Good night.
495
00:21:27,841 --> 00:21:29,641
- Can I help you?
- The bathroom?
496
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:32,281
Yes, second on the left. Thank you.
497
00:21:32,361 --> 00:21:34,161
- Yes?
- It's just coming.
498
00:21:36,681 --> 00:21:37,761
(DOOR SHUTS)
499
00:21:53,601 --> 00:21:54,681
(CLATTERING)
500
00:21:56,321 --> 00:21:57,401
(CLATTERING)
501
00:21:58,481 --> 00:22:02,201
Stupidísimo! You continental cretin!
I'm sorry, I'll get you another one.
502
00:22:02,281 --> 00:22:04,961
Un otro. Pronto! Pronto! Pronto!
503
00:22:05,601 --> 00:22:07,761
Yes, fine, thank you.
I'm afraid that Spanish ape...
504
00:22:07,841 --> 00:22:10,401
Sorry, person... bungled it again.
505
00:22:10,481 --> 00:22:11,721
Dago birdbrain.
506
00:22:11,801 --> 00:22:14,241
God knows how they ever
got an Armada together.
507
00:22:14,321 --> 00:22:16,601
Still, I'll clear all this up.
508
00:22:16,681 --> 00:22:20,081
If you... If you'd like to, uh...
Go back to your rooms...
509
00:22:20,161 --> 00:22:21,401
Thank you.
510
00:22:22,361 --> 00:22:23,681
(DOOR CLOSES)
511
00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:26,761
(WHISPERS) Fawlty.
512
00:22:26,841 --> 00:22:28,361
- Yes?
- Here, here.
513
00:22:28,441 --> 00:22:30,521
I... I thought you ought to know.
514
00:22:30,601 --> 00:22:31,961
- What?
- There's...
515
00:22:32,041 --> 00:22:34,441
There's a psychiatrist in the hotel.
516
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:35,561
Yes, I know.
517
00:22:35,641 --> 00:22:36,881
- Oh, you know.
- Yes.
518
00:22:36,961 --> 00:22:40,681
Oh. Well, apparently,
he's dressed up as a guest.
519
00:22:40,761 --> 00:22:42,121
He is a guest, Major.
520
00:22:42,201 --> 00:22:44,641
Oh, well, your guess is as good as mine.
521
00:22:48,241 --> 00:22:50,241
Perhaps he has come to get you.
522
00:22:53,721 --> 00:22:55,281
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
523
00:22:59,521 --> 00:23:00,601
(KNOCKING)
524
00:23:00,681 --> 00:23:01,761
Come.
525
00:23:06,441 --> 00:23:08,481
Oh, thank you. On the table, please.
526
00:23:16,041 --> 00:23:17,441
Thank you.
527
00:23:27,441 --> 00:23:28,561
Yes?
528
00:23:30,961 --> 00:23:32,201
(DOORS CLOSING)
529
00:23:40,721 --> 00:23:42,001
Whew! Filthy habit.
530
00:23:42,081 --> 00:23:44,401
- The bathroom?
- Second on the left.
531
00:23:57,481 --> 00:23:59,121
Aaah! Who is it?
532
00:23:59,201 --> 00:24:00,601
- It's all right!
- Who is it?
533
00:24:00,681 --> 00:24:01,881
- It's only me! Please!
- What do you want?
534
00:24:01,961 --> 00:24:03,001
What's going on?
535
00:24:03,081 --> 00:24:05,761
Nothing! I didn't know she was in here.
I just came in to check the walls.
536
00:24:05,841 --> 00:24:06,921
Do you mind? Sorry.
537
00:24:07,001 --> 00:24:08,161
I thought you'd gone to the restaurant.
538
00:24:08,241 --> 00:24:09,641
I was just so tired.
539
00:24:09,721 --> 00:24:12,921
That's fine. Sorry to disturb you.
Bloody walls.
540
00:24:13,001 --> 00:24:14,081
You all right now?
541
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:15,921
- What was that?
- Hmm? Nothing, dear.
542
00:24:16,001 --> 00:24:17,521
Why was she screaming? What were you doing?
543
00:24:17,601 --> 00:24:18,681
What's going on?
544
00:24:18,761 --> 00:24:20,041
Nothing. She thought there
was someone in her room.
545
00:24:20,121 --> 00:24:22,361
- Someone in her room?
- Yes.
546
00:24:22,441 --> 00:24:25,161
Have to charge her double then.
547
00:24:25,241 --> 00:24:26,321
What were you doing in there?
548
00:24:26,401 --> 00:24:27,441
(DOORS CLOSING)
549
00:24:27,521 --> 00:24:30,041
- Is she all right?
- She is all right.
550
00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:32,641
What were you doing in there?
551
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,441
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Fawlty.
I didn't realise it was you.
552
00:24:35,521 --> 00:24:37,801
That's all right.
I'll tell you in a moment.
553
00:24:37,881 --> 00:24:41,801
Silly of me. I didn't know it was him.
He came in to check the walls.
554
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:43,201
To check the walls?
555
00:24:44,161 --> 00:24:45,801
Manuel. Manuel, quick.
556
00:24:45,881 --> 00:24:47,161
Come on!
557
00:24:47,241 --> 00:24:48,361
Quick!
558
00:25:37,001 --> 00:25:38,201
(CRASHING)
559
00:25:45,041 --> 00:25:46,241
Oh... 'elp...
560
00:25:46,321 --> 00:25:47,521
Socorro! Socorro!
561
00:25:47,601 --> 00:25:49,441
'elp! 'elp!
562
00:25:49,921 --> 00:25:51,001
(GRUNTING)
563
00:25:51,641 --> 00:25:53,001
Basil.
564
00:25:54,881 --> 00:25:55,961
Basil?
565
00:25:56,041 --> 00:25:57,961
MANUEL: Mrs Fawlty, Mrs Fawlty!
566
00:25:58,041 --> 00:25:59,401
Mrs Fawlty, Mr Fawlty...
567
00:25:59,481 --> 00:26:01,721
- What?
- He hurt. He fall off ladder!
568
00:26:01,801 --> 00:26:04,081
- Off a ladder?
- Sí, sí. Come, come, come.
569
00:26:04,161 --> 00:26:07,281
- What was he doing up a ladder?
- He try to see girl.
570
00:26:07,361 --> 00:26:09,321
- What?
- He try to see in room to see girl.
571
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,081
She make him crazy. Come, come, come.
572
00:26:11,161 --> 00:26:12,201
I see.
573
00:26:12,281 --> 00:26:14,521
I tell him careful, but he go to see girl.
574
00:26:14,601 --> 00:26:15,681
Right.
575
00:26:21,921 --> 00:26:24,601
Hello, dear. I was just going to, uh...
576
00:26:30,961 --> 00:26:32,561
What the...
577
00:26:48,201 --> 00:26:51,081
What in God's name do you think you're doing?
What did you hit me for?
578
00:26:51,161 --> 00:26:52,401
How dare you!
579
00:26:53,521 --> 00:26:54,921
How dare you!
580
00:26:55,001 --> 00:26:56,601
Have you gone mad? What's got into you?
581
00:26:56,681 --> 00:26:58,001
- You really don't know?
- No, I don't.
582
00:26:58,081 --> 00:26:59,761
What were you doing up that ladder?
Come on!
583
00:26:59,841 --> 00:27:01,481
I was trying to see the girl.
584
00:27:01,561 --> 00:27:03,241
Is that so strange?
585
00:27:03,321 --> 00:27:04,601
Stop hitting me!
586
00:27:04,681 --> 00:27:08,601
Get away from this door and don't you
dare try and come in here tonight.
587
00:27:08,681 --> 00:27:09,881
(DOOR SHUTS)
588
00:27:12,641 --> 00:27:13,841
Mad.
589
00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:16,601
She's gone completely mad.
590
00:27:16,681 --> 00:27:18,721
Crazy, she go crazy.
591
00:27:18,801 --> 00:27:20,681
- I mean what...
- Crazy.
592
00:27:20,801 --> 00:27:24,961
I say to her, you try and see in girl's room,
and she go crazy.
593
00:27:27,441 --> 00:27:28,521
What?
594
00:27:28,601 --> 00:27:32,521
I tell her you go to see girl in room.
You crazy about this girl, okay?
595
00:27:32,601 --> 00:27:33,601
Okay, so...
596
00:27:33,681 --> 00:27:38,041
You go up to try to look at her
and Mrs Fawlty, she go crazy.
597
00:27:42,641 --> 00:27:43,761
(MANUEL SQUEALING)
598
00:27:43,841 --> 00:27:45,761
You crazy little dago!
599
00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:52,041
Now, that's how an Englishman would do it,
you see?
600
00:27:52,121 --> 00:27:55,161
Now, a German, a German would go...
601
00:27:55,241 --> 00:27:56,561
No, that's enough for tonight.
602
00:27:56,641 --> 00:27:58,561
All right, we'll go on with your training
in the morning.
603
00:27:58,641 --> 00:28:01,281
We're just training him
in the art of hotel management.
604
00:28:01,401 --> 00:28:05,481
It's rather interesting actually.
He's from Barcelona, and one of the more...
605
00:28:07,241 --> 00:28:08,561
Sorry, I missed the door.
606
00:28:08,641 --> 00:28:10,161
- Oh.
- Everything all right?
607
00:28:10,241 --> 00:28:11,601
Everything, uh, normal?
608
00:28:11,681 --> 00:28:13,281
- Yes, thank you.
- Fine, well...
609
00:28:13,361 --> 00:28:15,721
I'll leave you to it, then.
I mean to go to bed.
610
00:28:15,801 --> 00:28:17,321
To sleep! To sleep, that is.
611
00:28:17,401 --> 00:28:18,761
Perchance to dream, ha, ha.
612
00:28:18,841 --> 00:28:21,321
Have a good night... Good night's sleep.
613
00:28:21,401 --> 00:28:23,081
- Sleep well.
- Good night. And you.
614
00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,201
Thank you, yes, I will.
615
00:28:24,281 --> 00:28:25,321
(DOOR CLOSES)
616
00:28:25,401 --> 00:28:26,921
God knows where.
617
00:28:33,761 --> 00:28:36,361
I'll get you, you pilked-down ponce.
618
00:28:46,081 --> 00:28:47,121
Are you all right?
619
00:28:47,201 --> 00:28:48,521
- Hmm?
- Are you all right?
620
00:28:48,601 --> 00:28:50,401
Yes, fine. Give me one of those.
621
00:28:50,481 --> 00:28:52,041
Right, go on. Go on.
622
00:28:58,081 --> 00:29:00,401
- Sybil, dear?
- SYBIL: What do you want?
623
00:29:00,481 --> 00:29:04,481
- Got your tea for you, dear.
- Just leave it outside the room.
624
00:29:04,561 --> 00:29:05,921
Yes, all right, dear.
625
00:29:06,001 --> 00:29:07,401
Um...
626
00:29:07,481 --> 00:29:08,801
Sybil?
627
00:29:08,881 --> 00:29:10,641
I'm not speaking to you, Basil.
628
00:29:10,721 --> 00:29:12,201
Could I just have my electric razor, dear?
629
00:29:12,281 --> 00:29:13,881
Just for the guests?
630
00:29:15,361 --> 00:29:16,601
Thank you, dear. Look, look...
631
00:29:16,681 --> 00:29:18,041
- Basil, will you...
- Just let me explain.
632
00:29:18,121 --> 00:29:19,401
Get your foot out of the door.
633
00:29:19,481 --> 00:29:21,321
- Let me explain.
- I'm not interested.
634
00:29:21,401 --> 00:29:22,521
When I said, "That girl,"
635
00:29:22,601 --> 00:29:25,201
I wasn't talking about that ray...
Something, the Australian girl.
636
00:29:25,281 --> 00:29:27,001
I was talking about the girl
in the room next to hers,
637
00:29:27,081 --> 00:29:28,241
in Johnson's room!
638
00:29:28,321 --> 00:29:30,321
Johnson smuggled a girl
into his room last night.
639
00:29:30,441 --> 00:29:33,881
That is the one I was trying to get a look at,
not that Australian hayseed.
640
00:29:33,961 --> 00:29:36,321
Basil, you've had eight hours
to think of something.
641
00:29:36,401 --> 00:29:38,761
Is that really the best
you can come up with?
642
00:29:38,841 --> 00:29:40,001
You don't believe it.
643
00:29:40,081 --> 00:29:41,681
- Oh, go away.
- Right, I'll get her.
644
00:29:41,761 --> 00:29:42,841
I'll get her and show her to you.
645
00:29:42,921 --> 00:29:44,601
- Yes, you do that.
- I will.
646
00:29:44,681 --> 00:29:46,721
Right. All right.
647
00:29:48,121 --> 00:29:49,241
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
648
00:29:49,321 --> 00:29:50,681
(WHISPERS) Go.
649
00:29:52,841 --> 00:29:54,001
Come.
650
00:29:54,921 --> 00:29:56,881
Mr Johnson, did you want your guide back?
651
00:29:56,961 --> 00:29:58,681
Oh, thank you, yes.
652
00:30:06,521 --> 00:30:08,801
JOHNSON: See you later. Thank you.
653
00:30:08,881 --> 00:30:10,761
Okay, darling.
654
00:30:11,401 --> 00:30:12,921
Right, the game's up.
655
00:30:15,841 --> 00:30:17,121
Up there.
656
00:30:17,201 --> 00:30:19,441
Bit of game pie, got stuck up there.
657
00:30:20,161 --> 00:30:22,481
Right, everything back to normal.
658
00:30:22,561 --> 00:30:24,201
Enjoy your walk.
659
00:30:33,321 --> 00:30:36,961
There's enough material there
for an entire conference.
660
00:30:39,401 --> 00:30:40,961
(CLATTERING)
661
00:30:42,081 --> 00:30:43,281
Ah!
662
00:30:50,361 --> 00:30:51,801
Okay, all clear.
663
00:30:55,801 --> 00:30:56,961
(DOOR CLOSES)
664
00:30:58,441 --> 00:30:59,481
Right, that's it.
665
00:30:59,561 --> 00:31:03,121
Aah! What are you doing?
Oh, jeez, what going on?
666
00:31:03,241 --> 00:31:05,881
- I'm sorry. I thought you were somebody else.
- You scared the hell out of me!
667
00:31:05,961 --> 00:31:07,721
I'm awfully sorry. There's a girl in there.
668
00:31:07,801 --> 00:31:10,721
The bloke smuggled her in...
Oh, hello, dear.
669
00:31:10,801 --> 00:31:13,121
Just explaining to Miss Miles
about our little problem,
670
00:31:13,201 --> 00:31:17,041
with the extra guest, Mr Johnson's friend,
in six, last night.
671
00:31:18,561 --> 00:31:20,961
What's that on your hand, Basil?
672
00:31:21,041 --> 00:31:23,201
What... Oh, that's some stuff
in the cupboard, dear.
673
00:31:23,281 --> 00:31:25,001
Something I knocked over.
674
00:31:27,921 --> 00:31:30,281
Sorry! I got confused.
675
00:31:31,241 --> 00:31:33,001
Sorry, I got confused.
676
00:31:33,081 --> 00:31:34,841
Sybil! Sybil! Sybil!
677
00:31:34,921 --> 00:31:37,321
Sybil! Sybil! Sybil!
Look, I'll tell her to go.
678
00:31:37,401 --> 00:31:38,761
I'm gonna get the other girl
just to prove it to you,
679
00:31:38,841 --> 00:31:40,321
but I'll tell Miss Miles to...
680
00:31:40,401 --> 00:31:42,241
To leave. Out. Out!
681
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:50,121
Excuse me.
682
00:31:50,201 --> 00:31:53,041
I do apologise, but I'm afraid
I shall have to ask you to...
683
00:31:58,641 --> 00:32:00,161
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
684
00:32:00,641 --> 00:32:02,041
Come in.
685
00:32:03,041 --> 00:32:06,201
Sorry to bother you, I thought I'd better
apologise for my husband's behaviour.
686
00:32:06,281 --> 00:32:08,441
No, please, really, Mrs Fawlty.
687
00:32:08,521 --> 00:32:11,001
He's going through rather a disturbed time
at the moment.
688
00:32:11,081 --> 00:32:13,361
(CHUCKLES) No, please look,
I don't quite understand,
689
00:32:13,441 --> 00:32:15,161
he does seem a bit worked
up about something,
690
00:32:15,241 --> 00:32:17,881
but I'm sure there's some
quite innocent explanation.
691
00:32:28,641 --> 00:32:29,841
Basil.
692
00:32:34,321 --> 00:32:36,601
Hi, dear. Just checking the doors.
693
00:32:39,641 --> 00:32:40,961
All right, what's going on?
694
00:32:41,041 --> 00:32:42,721
I was in the bathroom.
695
00:32:42,801 --> 00:32:44,161
Yes, she was, dear, so I just popped in
696
00:32:44,241 --> 00:32:46,321
to have a look at these hinges.
You know, the ones we've...
697
00:32:46,401 --> 00:32:50,401
Do you really imagine,
even in your wildest dreams,
698
00:32:50,521 --> 00:32:56,441
that a girl like this could possibly be interested
in an ageing, brilliantined stick insect like you?
699
00:32:59,001 --> 00:33:01,401
- A girl like who, dear?
- This one, Basil.
700
00:33:01,481 --> 00:33:03,401
The one you've been chasing
ever since she arrived.
701
00:33:03,481 --> 00:33:04,921
Dear woman, are you out of your mind?
702
00:33:05,001 --> 00:33:06,121
What are you doing in there?
703
00:33:06,201 --> 00:33:07,921
You know the trouble
we've been having with these hinges.
704
00:33:08,001 --> 00:33:09,681
Why would I... All right,
if you really want to know,
705
00:33:09,761 --> 00:33:11,481
I came to apologise for
the incident just now,
706
00:33:11,561 --> 00:33:12,761
when I thought she was
that girl in Johnson's room,
707
00:33:12,841 --> 00:33:15,001
you know, when I put my hand on the...
708
00:33:16,921 --> 00:33:18,801
Sybil, Sybil. Look...
709
00:33:18,881 --> 00:33:20,921
If you think I've got
time to listen to any more
710
00:33:21,001 --> 00:33:24,161
of your hopeless lily-livered
jellyfish lies...
711
00:33:24,241 --> 00:33:25,961
They are not lies. I am trying to...
712
00:33:26,041 --> 00:33:27,281
Why can't you be a man?
713
00:33:27,361 --> 00:33:30,961
If you want to grope the guests,
why can't you at least be honest about it
714
00:33:31,041 --> 00:33:32,801
without making up
some pathetic song and dance...
715
00:33:32,881 --> 00:33:34,561
Shut up!
716
00:33:34,641 --> 00:33:37,321
- Oh, you've done it now.
- No, I haven't. I'm just going to.
717
00:33:37,401 --> 00:33:40,961
I'm fed up with you,
you rancorous, coiffeured old sow!
718
00:33:41,081 --> 00:33:45,561
Why don't you syringe the doughnuts out of your
ear and get some sense into the dormant organ
719
00:33:45,641 --> 00:33:47,601
you keep hidden in that
rat's maze of yours?
720
00:33:47,681 --> 00:33:50,481
- Basil, Bas...
- There is a woman in that room,
721
00:33:50,561 --> 00:33:52,081
that Johnson smuggled in last night.
722
00:33:52,161 --> 00:33:54,561
That's the woman I've been
trying to get hold of.
723
00:33:54,641 --> 00:33:56,281
Right, right! Stand there.
724
00:33:56,361 --> 00:33:58,241
Stand there and watch.
725
00:34:02,481 --> 00:34:04,921
- Champagne?
- What?
726
00:34:05,001 --> 00:34:06,441
Another bottle of champagne, perhaps?
727
00:34:06,521 --> 00:34:09,561
I thought you said you rather enjoyed it
when you were on the job?
728
00:34:09,641 --> 00:34:11,361
Have you got a screw loose?
729
00:34:11,441 --> 00:34:14,721
A screw? No, no. It's just that I thought
that I'd rather formed the impression
730
00:34:14,801 --> 00:34:16,761
that there was someone
in the room, there, with you.
731
00:34:16,841 --> 00:34:19,161
A female person. Perhaps a lady.
732
00:34:19,281 --> 00:34:23,321
An opposite person of the contradictory gender,
that sort of thing.
733
00:34:23,401 --> 00:34:25,521
Mrs Johnson is in here, yes.
734
00:34:25,601 --> 00:34:27,841
Oh, of course.
735
00:34:27,921 --> 00:34:30,761
I should have guessed. Oh, yes. Of course,
736
00:34:30,841 --> 00:34:32,601
the little woman, eh? The only thing is,
737
00:34:32,681 --> 00:34:34,801
I thought you told my
wife that you were single?
738
00:34:34,881 --> 00:34:36,281
I am.
739
00:34:36,361 --> 00:34:38,281
I see. So who's this Mrs Johnson then?
740
00:34:38,361 --> 00:34:40,521
The late President's wife, or...
741
00:34:40,601 --> 00:34:42,281
She's my mother.
742
00:34:43,281 --> 00:34:44,681
Your mother?
743
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:46,281
Oh, I see.
744
00:34:46,361 --> 00:34:50,681
This bit of crumpet's your old
mummy, is she?
745
00:34:50,881 --> 00:34:52,001
Oh, this is rich.
746
00:34:52,081 --> 00:34:55,921
Old mother Johnson popped up
for a quickie, did she? May I meet her?
747
00:34:56,001 --> 00:34:57,041
Certainly.
748
00:34:57,121 --> 00:34:58,761
Mother Johnson, mother Johnson?
749
00:34:58,841 --> 00:35:00,721
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
750
00:35:00,801 --> 00:35:03,961
How do you do? Are you enjoying your stay?
751
00:35:04,041 --> 00:35:05,201
Yes, thank you.
752
00:35:05,281 --> 00:35:06,641
Well, I'll get the champagne.
753
00:35:06,721 --> 00:35:08,721
This calls for a celebration.
754
00:35:10,601 --> 00:35:11,961
(DOOR SHUTS)
755
00:35:26,161 --> 00:35:27,841
I'm on holiday.