1 00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:04,700 [music playing over TV] 2 00:00:13,578 --> 00:00:15,493 What are you looking at, monkey boy? 3 00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:16,712 Ow! 4 00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,061 Ow! Ow! Reese! 5 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:19,323 What are you doing? 6 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:22,109 Help! Ow! Help! Mom, help! 7 00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:24,111 No, cut it out. Cut it out.Ow! Ow! Ow! 8 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,069 Help! It hurts! Ow! 9 00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:27,766 Knock it off, you little...LOIS: Reese! 10 00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:29,290 What the heck are you doing? Honest to God, 11 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:32,075 you can't leave that kid alone for five minutes 12 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,555 without picking on him!I didn't do anything, Mom. 13 00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:35,644 Go!He's lying! 14 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,211 I gave him that. 15 00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:40,910 ♪ Yes, no, maybe 16 00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:43,260 ♪ I don't know 17 00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:46,568 ♪ Can you repeat the question? 18 00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,961 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 19 00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:51,138 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 20 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,705 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 21 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,751 ♪ And you're not so big 22 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:58,101 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 23 00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,103 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 24 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,801 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 25 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:05,543 ♪ And you're not so big 26 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:09,286 ♪ Life is unfair. 27 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:17,338 Honey, which juice don't I like-- 28 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,469 apple or grape? 29 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,123 You don't like either. 30 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,516 Oh, right. 31 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:24,345 Malcolm, what is all this stuff from your teacher? 32 00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,129 That woman sends home two or three fliers every day. 33 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,000 She says she wants the parents 34 00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:30,394 to be as involved as possible with the children. 35 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,918 At school? It's the only break I get. 36 00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,834 What exactly is "personal fulfillment week"? 37 00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,184 Square dancing. 38 00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:39,273 That's right, square dancing. 39 00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:40,796 You should see it. 40 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,059 The Krelboynes dance on the tetherball courts 41 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,408 in front of the whole school. 42 00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:45,801 We laugh our asses off. 43 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,369 Excuse me? 44 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:49,152 Butts. 45 00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:50,588 We laugh our butts off. 46 00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:52,286 Uh-oh. 47 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,026 Open. 48 00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:55,419 Swish. 49 00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:56,812 Spit. 50 00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,379 This tastes like crap. 51 00:01:58,422 --> 00:01:59,815 Reese is right. 52 00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:01,730 This class is turning me into a total weirdo. 53 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,036 You are not a weirdo. You are gifted. 54 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,430 And if gifted kids are supposed to square-dance, 55 00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:07,214 then you'll do it. 56 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:09,781 Probably teaches you geometry. 57 00:02:09,824 --> 00:02:12,393 Don't forget to mail these bills; they're late.Ah. Ooh! 58 00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:14,090 Two blues, only one pink. We're doing better. 59 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,222 Well, don't get cocky. 60 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,224 They're hot until I deposit my paycheck. 61 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:20,009 You kids, let's get going. Come on, Malcolm! 62 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,837 You don't want them to do-si-doing without you. 63 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,231 That's it! For the sake of my manhood, 64 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,407 today I'm ditching school.Hey! 65 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,757 Why don't I drive you boys to school today? 66 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,280 Uh, that's okay, Dad. 67 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,586 I don't mind walking. 68 00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:33,849 Oh, no, no, no. I really want to. 69 00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,677 A chance to spend a few extra minutes 70 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,592 with my sons, enjoying their company. 71 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,247 Honestly, son, it'll be the highlight of my day. 72 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,857 Come on. 73 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,252 Great. Now I can't even be mad at him. 74 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:51,040 Aw, Stanley. 75 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:54,043 Let me show you how it's done. 76 00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:55,479 Uh-oh, eyes down. 77 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:05,228 That was good. 78 00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,448 You didn't give them any satisfaction. 79 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:10,494 In another six months, they'll be bored with you. 80 00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:14,106 [indistinct chatter on TV] 81 00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:20,504 [laughing] That's got to hurt! 82 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,028 Mom was right. 83 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:27,119 I do get some sick thrill out of trouble. 84 00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:30,645 Ow! 85 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,734 That skinny guy! Come on, get him! 86 00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:34,257 Commandant on the floor. 87 00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:36,564 Ten-hut! 88 00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:45,399 [snarling] 89 00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,620 I smell smoke. 90 00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:52,493 Who is responsible? 91 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,540 Very well. 92 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,499 We'll do it the hard way. 93 00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,327 Patton. 94 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,285 [growling] 95 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:07,247 [growling] 96 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:12,469 [barking] 97 00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:16,212 Francis, please lift up 98 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,735 your right foot. 99 00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:26,004 Son, you have the worst attitude 100 00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:29,356 I've ever seen in 15 years at this institution. 101 00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:31,183 You seem compelled 102 00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:33,403 to break every rule, to flout every convention. 103 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,187 You are never gonna make it-- 104 00:04:35,231 --> 00:04:38,365 in the Armed Forces or anywhere else. 105 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:42,194 Now, I was never fortunate enough to serve in combat, 106 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:44,893 but I do know what it requires. 107 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,982 Look at this dog. 108 00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:49,376 He is vicious, he is ungrateful, 109 00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:52,335 and yet even heunderstands the importance 110 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,510 of obedience. 111 00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,034 Do you hear what I am saying, Francis? 112 00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:57,949 Yes, sir. I'll try to be more like 113 00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,342 a Jack Russell terrier, sir. 114 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,475 There will be 115 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:05,392 no hot water for this floor for the entire month. 116 00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:08,786 You can thank the cadet after I leave. 117 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,964 [snarling] 118 00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:21,059 [blow landing] 119 00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:22,452 FRANCIS: Ow! 120 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:26,238 Reese wiped his booger on my lunch bag. 121 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:27,979 Dewey, what have we taught you about snitching? 122 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,764 "Only snitch when asked to snitch." 123 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,505 Good boy. 124 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:34,159 So, looking forward to school? 125 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:37,032 I guess.Well, that's a shame. 126 00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:40,383 'Cause we're not going to school. 127 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,516 [chuckling] 128 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,300 Where are we going? 129 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,650 Boys, I'm going to share something with you 130 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:49,566 I hope you'll remember for the rest of your lives. 131 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,612 Now, I don't want to spoil the surprise, 132 00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,788 but I've been planning this for years. 133 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,529 I just had to wait 134 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,400 until you were all old enough to appreciate it. 135 00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,619 [clicks tongue] 136 00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,490 Hookers? 137 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,797 If it gets me out of square dancing, fine. 138 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,451 HAL: Just sit back 139 00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:06,670 and enjoy the ride, boys. 140 00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:07,976 We're rebels. 141 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,804 We're wild men! 142 00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,545 [cackling] 143 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:12,850 Whoo! 144 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:16,071 ["Sukiyaki" sung in Japanese] 145 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:29,301 Where did I put the damn paycheck? 146 00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,669 [quietly]: Yeah. 147 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,714 Those guys are wimps. 148 00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:53,325 That's not even half the size of the one I gave you 149 00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,110 just to get you out of riflery. 150 00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:57,678 Hey, thanks for pulling them off me. 151 00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,288 I owe you one. 152 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:01,595 [scoffs] One? 153 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:05,163 Hey, you want to see something very, very cool? 154 00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,517 Oh, boy, what have you done now? 155 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:15,043 FRANCIS: Oh, isn't he beautiful? 156 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,567 He only cost me $20. I'm calling him Otis. 157 00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,482 Did you listen to anything Spangler said? 158 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,136 You're already in enough trouble as it is 159 00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,529 without bringing in a pet. 160 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,922 Well, Spangler has that oversized gerbil. 161 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:27,359 And besides, Otis is not a pet. 162 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:28,970 Otis is a symbol. 163 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,537 Of what? 164 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,974 Of everything that is beautiful in the world. 165 00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,497 Independence... 166 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:35,716 free thought. 167 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,196 I may be stuck here in this militaristic loony bin, 168 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,764 but at least some part of me can stay connected 169 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,592 to the things that give me my humanity. 170 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,551 You're not gonna turn me in, are you? 171 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,857 I don't know. On the one hand, 172 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,903 you're probably gonna get caught, 173 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,513 because you always do. 174 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,776 Then, of course, I'll be involved 175 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,431 even though I had nothing to do with it. 176 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,433 On the other hand... 177 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,001 ...it's a snake. 178 00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,785 Good man! 179 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,788 I think I'm starting to bring out the rebel in you. 180 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:05,572 Touching. 181 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,704 Right. Sorry. 182 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:10,272 [bell ringing] 183 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,632 ♪ 184 00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:28,246 Stock car races! 185 00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,900 Oh, cool! 186 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:30,945 That's right, boys. 187 00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,554 The real field of dreams-- 188 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,035 only with concrete instead of all that grass. 189 00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:37,821 ♪ I don't want to work... 190 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:38,909 We all together? Here we go. 191 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,345 Excuse us, please. Here we go... 192 00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,782 Oh, oh! Boys, boys? 193 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,347 You see that blue car down in front-- 194 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,698 number 16?MALCOLM: Yeah. 195 00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,048 That is Rusty Malcolm. 196 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,572 The greatest man in the history of the sport. 197 00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:50,965 Maybe the greatest man ever. 198 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:54,621 15 NASCAR titles, six world records. 199 00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,840 Inventor of the in-car urination system. 200 00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,233 The list is endless. 201 00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:00,844 And he came from nothing 202 00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,367 just like you boys. 203 00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:04,065 You see, this is Rusty's last race ever. 204 00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:05,936 He's retiring, so I wanted to share him 205 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:09,287 with you before he went so that you can see for yourselves 206 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:12,160 just how much you can accomplish in this world with a... 207 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,379 a little persistence and determination. 208 00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:16,643 Did you read that article in People 209 00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:18,383 about him getting a divorce? 210 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,777 Shut your filthy mouth. 211 00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:29,177 You know, you were named after Rusty, Malcolm. 212 00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,222 I was?Yes sirree, Bob. 213 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:35,139 Took me two kids to win that argument. 214 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,189 [whoops][crowd cheering] 215 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,887 Gentlemen, start your excitement, 216 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,715 because here they come! 217 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,151 [whooping] 218 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,851 He won! 219 00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:52,548 Rusty Malcolm won! 220 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,636 Oh, no, sweetheart. 221 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,551 That was just the pace lap. 222 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,205 How many laps are there? 223 00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:58,685 Oh, hundreds. 224 00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,643 We've got four hours of this. 225 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,689 Four hours?! 226 00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:03,646 Uh-huh. 227 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:04,778 Do we at least get to see 228 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:05,909 any flaming wrecks? 229 00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,694 Reese, it's not about that. 230 00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,479 See, it's about strategy and-and technique. 231 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:13,569 It's-it's about the melding of man and machine. 232 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,137 The wrecks are just sort of a bonus. 233 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,660 Dewey? 234 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,358 You can keep track of the laps. 235 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,624 ♪ 236 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:31,848 [cars passing] 237 00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:50,867 Can we go get sodas? 238 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,826 What? Already? 239 00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,697 Well, okay. 240 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,787 Guess it can't be a special day without sodas, huh? 241 00:10:57,831 --> 00:11:01,095 Here. Oh, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. 242 00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,966 See if you can get your dad a beer. 243 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,533 Take my I.D. 244 00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:06,143 Come on, Rusty! 245 00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:08,885 [vacuum cleaner running] 246 00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,763 [sighs] Firecrackers. 247 00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:18,808 Malcolm. 248 00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:23,552 [vacuum cleaner stops] 249 00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,119 [chuckles] 250 00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,034 I'm gonna say Reese. 251 00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:39,568 Dewey, stay with us. 252 00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:40,787 You're gonna get lost. 253 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,005 No, I won't. 254 00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:42,919 Yes, you will. 255 00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:44,138 You always do. 256 00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:45,617 You know you could help. 257 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:46,575 I'm watching him. 258 00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:47,707 He's right over... 259 00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:51,928 Man, how does he do that? 260 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:52,973 Totally your fault! 261 00:11:53,016 --> 00:11:54,583 He was right in your eye line. 262 00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,411 You don't pay attention to anything! 263 00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:58,239 I pay attention. 264 00:11:58,282 --> 00:11:59,849 Score! 265 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:02,417 What are you doing? 266 00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,766 [muffled]: Too slow. 267 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,681 [sighs] Come on. 268 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,814 Let's just go find Dewey. 269 00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,032 This place sucks. 270 00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:11,121 It's hot, it stinks, 271 00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,993 nobody's T-shirts cover their stomachs, 272 00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,908 and I'm bored out of my mind. 273 00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:16,561 Hey. 274 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,128 Look at that. 275 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:19,608 Let's check it out. 276 00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,827 I don't know. 277 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:21,784 It doesn't just say "keep out," 278 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,568 it says "forbidden." 279 00:12:23,612 --> 00:12:25,614 And they wouldn't bother making it "forbidden" 280 00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:28,269 if it wasn't something totally bitching on the other side. 281 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,793 Wow. I can't find a flaw in his logic. 282 00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:33,970 Come on. What's the worst that could happen? 283 00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:37,365 We didn't do anything! 284 00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:38,801 I'm a diabetic! 285 00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:39,933 I need insulin! 286 00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,761 Sit down! 287 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,720 You are such an idiot! 288 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:48,028 It actually was pretty bitching. 289 00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:51,292 I'm totally getting one of these for Christmas. 290 00:12:58,081 --> 00:12:59,909 [doorbell rings] 291 00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,868 What does the sign say? 292 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,826 WOMAN: "No soliciting." 293 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,828 Yeah, that includes Jesus. 294 00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:10,050 No, it's Carolyn Miller, Malcolm's teacher. 295 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:12,530 I need to talk to you. 296 00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:15,533 Yeah, come on in! 297 00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:18,101 Oh, spring cleaning? 298 00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:19,450 Oh, ho. 299 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,888 Yeah, I'm cleaning house, all right. 300 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,977 I'm sorry to bother you at home, 301 00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:26,457 but when Malcolm didn't show up for school today... 302 00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,458 What? 303 00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,938 Malcolm cut school today? 304 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:31,114 Yeah. Actually, not just today. 305 00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:33,508 Now, I know your first reaction is probably 306 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:35,902 gonna be one of understandable... Wait! 307 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,123 "Ditching." 308 00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,560 We have a winner! 309 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,522 Anyway, this week we've been 310 00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:50,003 doing a lot of work on folk movement, 311 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,656 and I-I think that Malcolm 312 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,920 may be ditching because he's afaid that... 313 00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:57,140 well, that he may not seem... graceful. 314 00:13:57,184 --> 00:14:00,013 [laughing] 315 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:04,104 Oh, you're serious. 316 00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:05,322 Yes, I'm serious. 317 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,934 I think he may have body issues. 318 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:09,326 [chuckling] 319 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,154 Look, honey, you're probably very bright, 320 00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,591 but you got a lot to learn about boys. 321 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,898 First off, they're able to think maybe 322 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,945 three minutes into the future, and it's our job 323 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,512 to make sure that future comes crashing down on them 324 00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:22,905 within the time limit. 325 00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,602 Otherwise, they never learn anything. 326 00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:25,865 Help lift. 327 00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:32,523 What is that? 328 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,047 Don't be such a baby. 329 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,613 I'll get the tongs. 330 00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:39,835 I'll be Kevin. 331 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,184 You be Clyde. 332 00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:43,012 Think you can cry? 333 00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,884 No. I got to feel it. 334 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,278 Ooh, ooh, I got an idea. 335 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,758 No! 336 00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,064 Just follow my lead. 337 00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:52,979 No, Reese. Whatever it is, no! 338 00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:59,289 Well, I guess you boys had some time 339 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,074 to think about what you've done. 340 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:02,292 Yes, sir. 341 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,294 Look, I, uh... 342 00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,079 used to be your age. 343 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:06,993 And I understand how tempting 344 00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,820 a place like that can be. 345 00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:11,998 And I guess you kids really didn't do any major harm, 346 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,130 so I've decided to let you off...Hi-ya! 347 00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,002 You idiot! 348 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,006 Open it! It's locked! 349 00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:21,572 [groaning] 350 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:25,011 Okay, I think I can cry now. 351 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,849 [pneumatic drilling] 352 00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,641 My pleasure, Rusty! 353 00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:49,992 [voice echoing] 354 00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:52,255 [crowd cheering] 355 00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,475 Hey, how about that, boys? 356 00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,259 [sighs] 357 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:59,349 Well, this just plain hurts my feelings. 358 00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:02,091 Oh, man. 359 00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,006 Oh, ma... Stanley, I'm sorry, I did... 360 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,139 Wait. I'm trying to see if I'm inspired 361 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:09,055 by its symbolic bid for freedom. 362 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,273 No. I'm just really pissed. 363 00:16:10,317 --> 00:16:11,927 Okay, don't overreact. 364 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,189 It's just a snake, right? 365 00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:15,104 So, it's got to be around here somewhere. 366 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,236 No big deal. 367 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,019 [Patton barking] 368 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,412 [whimpering] 369 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:21,241 SPANGLER: Oh, my God, Patton! No! 370 00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,156 [two gunshots] 371 00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:26,289 Hi, Mom. Uh, I was just thinking about how much I missed you guys 372 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:27,856 and I love you, and... I was thinking 373 00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:29,858 I should come for a visit, you know, like, today. 374 00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,468 There's a flight leaving in half an hour 375 00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,079 and I already booked it, 376 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:35,081 so I just need your credit card number to... 377 00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:36,386 Well, honey, here's the thing. 378 00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,040 Right now, you are actually better off 379 00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,303 being as far away from me as possible. 380 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,088 But...Aw, you got to trust me 381 00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:45,221 on this one, Francis-- or, uh, should I say... 382 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:48,268 "Olaf Mortenson" of Wheatville, Montana? 383 00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:51,880 [dial tone drones] 384 00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:54,752 You know, I have learned more in two hours with you 385 00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,755 than I have in six years of teaching. 386 00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,844 [sighs] So, did your life 387 00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:02,108 turn out anything at all like you planned? 388 00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,631 Oh, God, no. 389 00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:05,415 Oh, when I was a girl, 390 00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:08,853 I had all these crazy, romantic dreams. 391 00:17:08,896 --> 00:17:10,681 I wanted to be a blackjack dealer 392 00:17:10,724 --> 00:17:12,683 in an Indian reservation. 393 00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,642 Didn't work out. 394 00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:16,078 Stubby thumbs. 395 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,124 Well, at least you have your home 396 00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:19,212 and your family. 397 00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:20,473 All I come home to every night 398 00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,954 are three howling cats and... Bob. 399 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:24,304 Who's Bob? 400 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,305 My showerhead. 401 00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:27,611 [both laugh] 402 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,358 Do you have anything stronger? 403 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:37,317 I'm way ahead of you. 404 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,362 ANNOUNCER: ...and it looks like Rusty Malcolm 405 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:40,885 will win his final race! 406 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,757 Rusty! 407 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,064 I can't believe they're missing this. 408 00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:51,592 [tires screeching] 409 00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,774 [crowd clamoring]What happened? What happened? 410 00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:03,125 Rusty do something? 411 00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:04,605 Missed it! 412 00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,607 What'd he do? 413 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:10,219 [metallic squeaking] 414 00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:15,268 Men... a terrible tragedy has befallen us. 415 00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:19,185 At approximately 1700 hours, 416 00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:22,753 our beloved Patton 417 00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:26,322 was set upon by a serpent and devoured. 418 00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:28,324 I, myself, fired a few rounds 419 00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:29,978 as it slithered away, 420 00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,720 but hampered by a lack of depth perception, 421 00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:34,852 my efforts were useless. 422 00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,767 [sniffles] 423 00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:40,728 Now... after an incident such as this, 424 00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:43,296 certain questions arise. 425 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,167 Leaving aside for the moment 426 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:49,650 why God feels the need to take away everything that I love, 427 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:52,000 that leaves us with the matter of 428 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:55,134 who is responsible. 429 00:18:56,874 --> 00:19:00,269 Can you explain that, Francis? 430 00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:01,836 Yes, sir. I believe you lost that finger 431 00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:03,794 trying to restart the school lawnmower, sir. 432 00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,535 What is inthe hand? 433 00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:07,537 They appear to be Raisinettes, sir. 434 00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:11,541 They are snake droppings, found in your footlocker. 435 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:14,196 Now, what do you have to say for yourself? 436 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,243 Sir, I'm obviously the victim of an elaborate conspiracy 437 00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:18,766 to frame me. 438 00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,246 It's just too perfect, sir. 439 00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:23,423 Two months! 440 00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,425 No hot water, no television, 441 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:28,732 and an 8:00 p.m. curfew for the entire academy. 442 00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:33,346 Feel free to thank the cadet 443 00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:35,522 after I leave. 444 00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,353 Could I ask one favor-- would you send a picture 445 00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:43,356 to my mom with "I told you so" written across it? 446 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,314 Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! 447 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:47,664 Way to go, man! 448 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:48,796 What? 449 00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:50,493 We hated that yappy, little rat. 450 00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,147 Let's hear it for Francis, you guys! 451 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,627 [all cheering] 452 00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,369 [laughs] 453 00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:01,635 This is an improvement, right? 454 00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:04,638 Reese! 455 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:07,293 Malcolm! 456 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:08,816 [grunts] 457 00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:09,817 Hi, Dad. 458 00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,993 Hi. Where are your brothers? 459 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:17,477 Oh, geez. 460 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,392 Come on. 461 00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:22,177 Uh... what-what seems to be the trouble here, 462 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,483 Officer, uh... Karl? 463 00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:26,399 These your boys?Uh, yes, sir, that they are. 464 00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:27,965 Fine boys. Couldn't be prouder of them. 465 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,489 For your information, these are two of the worst kids 466 00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,317 I have ever encountered in my life. 467 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,319 And I work the state fair. 468 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,321 Really? See, that must be fascinating. 469 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:36,931 Seeing people from all over, 470 00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:38,324 the different cultures...Hey! 471 00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:40,064 I don't want to be a hard case here, 472 00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:41,457 but these kids physically attacked me. 473 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,503 Uh-huh, uh-huh.Plus, they completely destroyed 474 00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:46,288 a $300 pneumatic drill, which someone's going to pay for. 475 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,638 Well, this all sounds pretty serious. 476 00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:51,119 But don't you worry, Officer Karl. 477 00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:53,774 They are gonna hear all about when I get them home. You see, 478 00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,906 I'm just sorry that they had to put you through all of this. 479 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,343 That's not fair. 480 00:20:57,386 --> 00:21:00,171 And I, uh, see, I fully intend to pay for... Aah! 481 00:21:00,215 --> 00:21:01,564 [groans] 482 00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:04,001 Clyde, Kevin! Get to the car! 483 00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:05,220 [groaning] 484 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,352 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 485 00:21:06,395 --> 00:21:09,006 Ooh! 486 00:21:09,050 --> 00:21:11,182 [chuckling] 487 00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:12,314 Okay. 488 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,751 All right, men. 489 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:18,668 Well, I hope you've all learned something today, huh? 490 00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:20,583 I learned my dad is actually capable 491 00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,150 of doing something cool. 492 00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:24,370 I'm not saying violence is cool, but thatwas cool. 493 00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:27,111 I always wondered where we got it from. 494 00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:30,419 Program... tickets... 495 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,030 Huh. 496 00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,510 Your mother's paycheck. 497 00:21:34,554 --> 00:21:38,384 Now, boys, remember, as far as your mom knows... 498 00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:42,170 I have been at work all day. 499 00:21:42,213 --> 00:21:43,127 [laughing] 500 00:21:43,171 --> 00:21:44,433 Okay, go on. 501 00:21:44,477 --> 00:21:46,435 All right. 502 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,405 Well, at least she doesn't know I skipped school all week.