1 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:11,050 -We're live in five minutes, folks. -[crew member] Make way. 2 00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:14,180 Someone find out the average rainfall in Bora Bora. 3 00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:15,800 Thank you so much for doing this. 4 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:19,520 Hey, there are a lot of advantages to being the girlfriend of a big celebrity. 5 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:20,810 It's more than being an elbow 6 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:23,270 they couldn't crop out of a red-carpet shot in US Weekly. 7 00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:26,060 -I've been that elbow. -Hello, what have we here? 8 00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:28,070 So you know how the game's played, right? 9 00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:30,150 I'm sure I'll pick it up. How hard could it be? 10 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,240 You didn't read the treatment? I faxed it to you. 11 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,910 My bad, our fax machine isn't plugged in. 12 00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:36,740 BoJack, this is our first show 13 00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:39,660 and it is very important that things run smoothly tonight. 14 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,700 I mean, do you even care about this at all? 15 00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:45,370 Sweetie, no. I think this is stupid and a waste of everybody's time. 16 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:47,750 But you're my girlfriend and I care about you. 17 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,170 -So I'm here. -Okay. Break a leg. 18 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,840 [vocalizing] Me, me, me. My, my, my. Bow-wow-wow-wow. 19 00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:56,050 Good boy, good boy. 20 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,720 Okay, this is it, everybody. Moment of truth. 21 00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,430 Now it's in the hands of god. 22 00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:03,680 And for the next 30 minutes, I am that God. 23 00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:05,940 -I got you an iPad, ma'am. -Oh, no thanks, Mia. 24 00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:09,020 I'm still working my way through the last 30 years of technology. 25 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:10,400 Right now I'm on Palm Pilot. 26 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,030 But you can use our second screen app to see what viewers say 27 00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:14,360 about the show as it airs. 28 00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:18,200 Oh, cool, I love stupid bullshit like this. Ooh. 29 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,410 Oh, you just touch it. 30 00:01:19,490 --> 00:01:24,500 Hello, I am Mustache Todd. Like regular Todd, but with a mustache. 31 00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:28,630 Listen boo-boo, I didn't graduate first in my class from a prestigious university, 32 00:01:28,710 --> 00:01:31,300 rise through the ranks at an elite news organization, 33 00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:34,010 win a well-known award, never ever be sick at sea 34 00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:38,050 and also my name is Mia McKibben, so that I could deal with your nonsense. 35 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,140 -[grunts] -Todd, stay out of Hair and Makeup. 36 00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:41,350 But I like it there. 37 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:44,220 They brush my hair and tell me stories about their weekends. 38 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:47,480 Big-nosed Todd wasn't funny, Zombie Todd wasn't funny, 39 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,230 Pretty Lady Todd wasn't funny, 40 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,520 and this isn't funny. No more tomfoolery. 41 00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:54,190 When it's me, we call it "Todd-foolery." 42 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,490 We certainly do not call it that. 43 00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:57,570 Listen up, everyone. 44 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,820 What you are part of tonight is bigger than you. 45 00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:01,200 It's bigger than any of us. 46 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,040 I expect all of you to work together. 47 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,250 But I also expect that one of you will tower above the rest. 48 00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:11,750 And that outstanding individual will receive this pen. 49 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,210 It was through this pen that I bled 50 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,800 Raise High The Roof Beam, Carpenters upon the page. 51 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,510 Also, it has four different colors. 52 00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:22,300 Black, red, blue and for some reason, green. 53 00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:23,640 By the end of tonight, 54 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:27,480 this pen will be bestowed upon the person most deserving. 55 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,190 Because nothing is more important than television, 56 00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:34,070 and no one more important than the people who make that television. 57 00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:38,150 -Now, let's get to work. -[AD] And five, four, 58 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,660 -three, two... -[J.D.] Showtime. 59 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,330 [♪♪] 60 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,590 -[audience cheering] -[lively music playing over speakers] 61 00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:42,380 [announcer] Live from the historic Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, 62 00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:43,800 J.D. Salinger Presents: 63 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,810 Hollywoo Stars And Celebrities, What Do They Know? 64 00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:49,730 Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out! 65 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,140 [howls] 66 00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,900 Ah. All right! Here we go. 67 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,020 Listen to that crowd. 68 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:58,150 If they lose it this much for Mr. Peanutbutter, 69 00:03:58,230 --> 00:04:00,950 can you imagine what they're going to do for a real celebrity? 70 00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:04,280 Hey, this is Mr. Peanutbutter's show, so be nice. 71 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,410 When you say nice, do you mean kind? 72 00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:08,330 Or, like, delivering a lot of sick burns, 73 00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:10,870 so that people in the audience go, "Nice." 74 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,580 The first one. Obviously the first one. 75 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,000 Tonight we answer the age-old question: 76 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,960 "Hollywoo stars and celebrities, what do they know? 77 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,420 Do they know things? Let's find out!" 78 00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:23,630 -[audience cheering] -[music resumes] 79 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,430 And now our first-ever guest. 80 00:04:25,510 --> 00:04:27,970 You know him from his years on Horsin' Around, 81 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,770 his drunk appearance on The View, 82 00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:34,150 and his bestselling book, it's BoJack Horseman. 83 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,400 -[audience cheering] -[BoJack chuckles] 84 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,020 There you are. How are you doing? 85 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,280 -BoJack, welcome. -It is great to be here. 86 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,990 Sorry, no time for idle chit-chat, because we've entered 87 00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:45,160 -the Small Talk Round. -The what now? 88 00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:47,200 [dramatic music plays over speakers] 89 00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:50,620 Thirty seconds on the clock. BoJack, how are you? 90 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:53,080 -Uh, fine? -Correct. 91 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,170 -Did you see the game last night? -No, I don't follow-- 92 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,420 -[Peanutbutter] Oh. -[buzzer sounds] 93 00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:59,090 Oh, so sorry. It says here you did see the game. 94 00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:00,170 [buzzer sounds] 95 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:01,710 -What game? -[J.D.] Ready camera one? Camera one. 96 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,470 You tell me. You're the one who saw it. 97 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:04,800 -[audience laughs] -I don't-- 98 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,850 -[woman screams] God, no! -[BoJack gasps] 99 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:09,260 -What the--? -That noise means 100 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:11,930 it's time for your first General Knowledge question. 101 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,770 Audience, does BoJack know things? 102 00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:17,230 [audience] Let's find out! 103 00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:20,980 BoJack, what is the average annual rainfall in Bora Bora? 104 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:24,740 -Uh, this is general knowledge? -It's just an average we're asking for. 105 00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:28,320 -I don't know, seven? -Wrong! So wrong. 106 00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,080 Wow, when it comes to Bora Bora, 107 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,540 maybe this celebrity should have studied more-a more-a. 108 00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:36,460 [J.D.] Yes, Mr. Peanutbutter. Go for the kill. 109 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,960 -That doesn't really seem-- -[woman] They're all dead! 110 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,050 I watched them die! 111 00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:42,760 -What is--? -Oh-ho. That sound means 112 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,550 it's time to pick your category. 113 00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:50,510 "Trigonometry." "Advanced Physics," and "At the Movies With Mr. Peanutbutter." 114 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,390 At the Movies With Mr. Peanutbutter. 115 00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:56,810 Good choice. After seeing J.J. Abrams' Star Trek reboot, did I call it: 116 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,060 A, "A visual feast for the senses," 117 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,980 B, "A zestful lark through time and space," 118 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,190 C, "The best Zachary Quinto movie of all time," 119 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,490 or D, "All of the above"? 120 00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:11,660 -I'll say D? -Ouch, the answer was A and B. 121 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:13,240 Though I would also agree with C. 122 00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:16,410 So I told Mr. Peanutbutter I'd drive him here, 123 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,370 and next thing I know, I'm an Associate Producer. 124 00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:21,750 Stupid me. I went to Stanford. 125 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,550 Next time I'll just try that thing where I'm a huge dumbass 126 00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:26,800 who happens to be friends with Mr. Peanutbutter. 127 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:27,800 -Yup. -Cool. 128 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,720 Well, have fun watching me win that pen. 129 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,840 I don't need a pen. 130 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:35,680 I can walk into any Chili's with a child under 12 and get crayons for free. 131 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,020 You don't get it. 132 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,850 If Salinger gives you his pen, that means you're worth something. 133 00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,730 It means you're a serious person who's going places. 134 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:46,690 Actually, you know what? Don't worry about it. It's not for you. 135 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:47,990 [groans] 136 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,530 I'm gonna go with nuclear fusion. 137 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:53,030 -[buzzer sounds] -Oh, the answer is Egypt. 138 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,830 Turn up the directional heat lamps. Oh, yeah. 139 00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:57,330 Let's really make him sweat. 140 00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:00,120 Surprised you didn't get that one, 141 00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:03,920 since you're an expert when it comes to de-Nile. 142 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,760 Quick impression. [drinks] "I'm not an alcoholic." 143 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,010 [laughs] You love it. 144 00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:13,140 Oh, yeah, pretty good one from King Mutt over here. Am I right? 145 00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:15,600 You know, like King Tut? 146 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,930 Because we're talking about Egypt? And Mr. Peanutbutter's a mutt, so... 147 00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:21,440 You suck. 148 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,020 I'm a yellow lab, BoJack. 149 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:26,030 -You could get one thing right tonight. -[audience laughs] 150 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:29,070 Anyway, let's take a moment to look at the great comments 151 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,200 we've been getting on our second screen app, 152 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,570 now available for download. 153 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,080 And we're out. Fifteen seconds, everybody. 154 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,490 -Hey, how am I doing? -You're kind of being a dick. 155 00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:39,450 Hey, are we at Tony Roma's right now? 156 00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,710 Because there's a lot of ribbing going on here. 157 00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:43,790 I'm not ribbing you. I'm telling you, you're-- 158 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,710 -And we're back in three, two... -[music plays] 159 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:48,840 Welcome back. 160 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,840 Will BoJack Horseman go down in show history as our worst contestant ever? 161 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,640 So far, yes. 162 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:55,930 [audience chuckling] 163 00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:58,430 Wow. J.D., people are loving this show. 164 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:03,150 Wait till they see this. Mia, get ready to drop the bomb. 165 00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:05,270 [woman] Death from above! [Bojack gasps] 166 00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:09,740 Uh-oh. That sound means it's time to drop "da" bomb. 167 00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:11,990 And yes folks, I said "da," not "the." 168 00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:14,410 What I'm trying to say is, it's a positive bomb. 169 00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,120 Audience, let's... 170 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,580 [audience] Drop da bomb! 171 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:21,460 Did you guys all practice before the show, because-- 172 00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:26,210 Ladies and gentlemen, we've had some fun with our little celebrity. 173 00:08:26,290 --> 00:08:28,460 But now, let's meet our big celebrity. 174 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,880 -Big celebrity? -Say hello to... 175 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:34,590 -Daniel Radcliffe! -Hi, I'm Daniel Radcliffe. Hello. 176 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,390 -Oh, my God! It's Daniel Radcliffe! -[audience cheering] 177 00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:41,390 We'll find out what our big celebrity knows right after this break. 178 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,850 [BoJack groans] 179 00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:46,730 And we're out. Oh, we're cooking now. 180 00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:49,690 Hey, you, you're doing great. 181 00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,650 I'm not 100 percent watching 182 00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,700 because I'm so engrossed in the second screen experience, 183 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,780 but according to the second screen experience, 184 00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,620 other people are loving the show. 185 00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,740 You didn't tell me there would be another celebrity. 186 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,370 Well, I had no idea that was coming 187 00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:05,170 but some guy named Dong-Slinger-420 loved the surprise. 188 00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:07,170 He said, "Two dongs way up." 189 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:10,590 There was no mention of another bigger celebrity in the document you faxed? 190 00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:13,340 I couldn't read it. My fax machine cut it into little strips. 191 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,390 -That sounds like a shredder. -Well, I guess I shredded it to you. 192 00:09:16,470 --> 00:09:17,760 -[iPad chimes] -I gotta deal with this. 193 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,180 If I don't interact with this app every 80 seconds, 194 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,890 it charges my credit card five dollars. Love you. 195 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:24,390 [mumbling] Ehh... you, too. 196 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,400 Could you get the base a little less pale? 197 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,150 -Hey, Daniel, good to see you. -Always nice to meet a fan. 198 00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:33,320 -No, sorry, I'm not a, uh-- I'm an actor. -Oh, good for you. 199 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,700 It's a dreadful business but hang in there. 200 00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:38,240 No, I already did hang in there. I'm BoJack Horseman? 201 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,530 We've actually met before. 202 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,830 At Chris Martin's holiday party? We stepped outside for a smoke? 203 00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,660 -To get away from Chris Martin? -Huh. 204 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,790 You opened up about your fear of success? 205 00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:48,080 I gave you some advice? 206 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:51,590 You said I was a true friend and you would never forget me? 207 00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,260 And you said your name was Chadwick Boseman? 208 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,300 -BoJack Horseman. -Oh, I'm sorry. 209 00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:59,510 When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people. 210 00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:01,260 Sorry, we need you guys back on set. 211 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,180 You were the second hairdresser's assistant on The Ellen Show 212 00:10:04,310 --> 00:10:06,140 about five years ago. Veronica, right? 213 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:09,020 -Yeah, that's right. -How was your mother's party in the end? 214 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:13,110 And we're back in five, four, three, two... 215 00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,780 So you never say one, huh? 216 00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:17,900 -Welcome back, America. -[man] We love you, Daniel. 217 00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:21,870 [laughs] So do I. So let's watch our celebrities go... Audience? 218 00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:24,370 [all] Head to head! 219 00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:26,160 How could they possibly know that? 220 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,420 -This is the first episode, right? -[J.D. laughs] 221 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:32,250 The puppets clap when the puppetmaster pulls the strings. 222 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,590 Hello. Serious, Going-Places Todd at your service. 223 00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:38,760 Hey, look at you, all dressed up for the Dipshit Awards. 224 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,010 You know you're not allowed in Hair and Makeup. 225 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,930 -Are you wearing roller skates? -I'm wearing Heelys. 226 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,770 They're shoes with wheels, for efficiency purposes. 227 00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:50,810 -Now I can be serious faster. -You can also go nowhere faster. 228 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,360 Seeing as I am a professional-- 229 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,400 No! 230 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,320 -[buzzer sounds] -Oh, BoJack. 231 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,570 Another embarrassingly wrong answer, 232 00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:03,830 bringing your score down by 80 points and 12 dollars. 233 00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:05,990 Why are we playing for both points and dollars? 234 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,660 -Oh, tough break, B.J. Novak! -My name is-- 235 00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:10,540 Our next question is to Mr. Radcliffe. 236 00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:14,840 "What color comes from the combination of blue and yellow?" 237 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,130 I actually know this one. 238 00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:18,630 When I was growing up, my neighbor was a painter. 239 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,090 I remember visiting his flat and watching him work. 240 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:24,220 Sometimes he would mix together blue paint with yellow paint 241 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,140 and it made an entirely new color. 242 00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,850 And that man was Banksy. And that color was green. 243 00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:31,100 -Final answer. -Correct! 244 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,150 You've earned the chance to go for a spin 245 00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:35,520 in our Kia Sportage Cash Grab Booth. 246 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:37,440 [audience cheering] 247 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,320 Oh, splendid. 248 00:11:39,450 --> 00:11:42,740 And while Daniel's in the booth, BoJack, you have an essay question. 249 00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,990 -What? -You'll find a blue book on your podium. 250 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,040 "To what extent was feudalism a cause of the French Revolution?" 251 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,700 -Wait, are you ser-- Oh! -And go! 252 00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,870 While BoJack works, let's check out the action 253 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,670 -on our Kia Sportage Cash Grab Booth Cam. -[audience cheers] 254 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,710 -Hey, champ. -What are you doing here? 255 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,960 I'm trying to write an essay. 256 00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:00,720 I came to ask you how you were doing 257 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,010 and then to tell you you're not doing so well. 258 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,720 Why am I getting the hard questions, 259 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,970 while Boy Wizard over there just has to know colors 260 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,970 and literally grab cash out of thin air? 261 00:12:09,180 --> 00:12:11,940 [Daniel laughs] A five! This is so easy! 262 00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:15,480 I think I might be able to help you out. Let me tell you a story. 263 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,480 The year was 2003 264 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,860 and for some reason, everyone was playing poker all of a sudden. 265 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:25,410 A then-relevant Wilmer Valderrama used to host a weekly how-do-you-do 266 00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:28,740 and all the stars came out to show off their tricks. 267 00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:33,170 There was Lucy Lawless, Lucy Liu, Lori Laughlin, Lisa Loeb, 268 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:36,080 the dog from Frasier, and at the head of the table? 269 00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:39,800 Big Money himself, Mr. Peanutbutter. 270 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,210 Whoops. Woh-oh. 271 00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:43,340 I thought, "Here's a rube." 272 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:44,930 [laughs] 273 00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:48,310 But Lady Luck had other plans. 274 00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:49,850 You know what, I got an essay to write, 275 00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:52,690 so if this isn't about the precipitous fall of the French ruling class-- 276 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,730 But then I saw, the kid had a tell. 277 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:01,190 I feel like that story had a lot of unnecessary details in it. 278 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,700 Listen. You have to pay close attention, it's subtle, 279 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:10,200 but when he gets excited, his ears ever so slightly flop up and give him away. 280 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,660 Well, that's no surprise. Guy's been flopping upwards his whole career. 281 00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:16,580 Mm-hm. Watch the ears. 282 00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:18,290 [horn blows] 283 00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,500 Time's up, Daniel. 284 00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:24,050 Whoa, looks like D to the R to the Ad to the Cliffe 285 00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:27,090 just won 54,000 bonus dollars. 286 00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:31,060 And BoJack barely got beyond his thesis statement. 287 00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,020 [audience laughing] 288 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,560 [clears throat] "A continent ravaged by war, 289 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,400 coupled with the retreat of the church from secular life..." 290 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,440 -And then it just stops? -[audience laughs] 291 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,360 Oh, that's gonna cost you some serious pesos. 292 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,450 But first, it's time for our Multiple Choice Buzz-In Round. 293 00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:47,200 A buzz-in round? All right. 294 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,700 In is my favorite direction in which to buzz. 295 00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:52,200 Tell me, "How many oak trees are needed 296 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:56,790 to build an 18th century triple-decker Royal Navy battle ship? 297 00:13:56,870 --> 00:14:00,290 A, 75? B, 1000? 298 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:02,420 Or C, 3500?" 299 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,550 C! 3500! 300 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,720 -Um, correct. -Uh, what? 301 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,720 -Uh, wow. That's, uh... -[mild applause] 302 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,390 That's actually correct. 303 00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:13,930 How the hell did he know that? What else does he know? Does he know things? 304 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:14,930 Let's find out. 305 00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:20,020 Quantum tunneling. King Magnus the Second. 306 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,520 Miss Scarlet in the library with the lead pipe. 307 00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:25,530 Sassafras. Butterscotch! Argyle. 308 00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:28,410 -Because seven eight nine. -[buzzes] 309 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:32,080 What an amazing run. It looks like we've got a tied game. 310 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,080 Which is an exciting surprise. 311 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,040 -Goddamn it, throw to commercial. -We'll be right back. 312 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,330 [lively music playing over speakers] 313 00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:44,800 -Hey. Horshack. What's going on? -What's going on is I'm kicking your ass. 314 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,880 Yeah, you know, you're doing great, but I'm supposed to win. 315 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,550 That was the deal. Plug my movie, win money for charity. 316 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,640 Well, tell Charity she can kiss my ass. 317 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,390 By the way, your girlfriend has a stripper name. 318 00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:57,600 It's not my girlfriend, it's charity. 319 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:03,730 BoJack, according to this app, you're almost tied. 320 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,690 Oh, you are tied, there's a lag. Congratulations. 321 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,450 Thanks. It was touch and go-- 322 00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:09,900 But I'm a little concerned 323 00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:12,570 because it seems like you might actually win, 324 00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:15,240 but everyone on the app is really rooting for Daniel. 325 00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,410 People love him. 326 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:20,580 I guess he was in some movie about a potter or a Pottery Barn or something? 327 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,880 -Are you asking me to throw the game? -You don't care about this game. 328 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,420 The only reason you're here is for me, so maybe you could help me out? 329 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,470 -[sighs] Okay. -You know what? 330 00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:32,720 You're the best, no matter what everybody on this app says. 331 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:37,970 They say you're the worst. Especially Queefburglar69. He's their leader. 332 00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:39,890 [audience cheering] 333 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:44,560 And we're back. Contestants, I've got a history question for both of you. 334 00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:50,400 "You may or may not be familiar with a famous racehorse named Secretariat. 335 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:53,530 In what year did Secretariat win the Triple Crown?" 336 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,780 -[buzzer sounds] -BoJack. 337 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,370 Piece of cake. 338 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,120 Hmm? 339 00:15:58,370 --> 00:15:59,410 [sighs] 340 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,960 Um, 1492? 341 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,670 -[audience and Daniel laughing] -What? No, not even close. 342 00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:07,670 BoJack, aren't you in a movie about Secretariat? 343 00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:11,260 -How could you not know that? -Let's just move on. 344 00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:13,300 Maybe instead, he should be in a movie 345 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:16,810 about a guy who doesn't know anything about Secretariat. [laughs] 346 00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:18,390 That would not be a good movie. 347 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:21,690 I mean, more like Secre-terrible. 348 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,600 Damn, Bojangles, you got served. 349 00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:28,400 Do you know anything about Secretariat? You know he was a horse, right? 350 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,780 Oh, wait, did I just spoil it for you? 351 00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:33,820 No wonder my wife had to write your book for you. 352 00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:38,030 Hey, yeah, you know, while we're talking about your wife, I've got a question. 353 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,200 How come your wife flew all the way to war-torn Cordovia 354 00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,660 just to get away from you? 355 00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:43,710 [people murmuring] 356 00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:46,130 That's not what happened. She went to help people. 357 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:49,630 Or maybe she went to help herself get away from her awful marriage. 358 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:50,710 [audience gasping] 359 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:54,720 -Oh, was that too far? -Oh-ho, you want to get into things? 360 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,140 -Well, I mean-- -No, no, no, let's get into things. 361 00:16:57,220 --> 00:17:01,100 Let's get real. Everybody, BoJack wants to get real. 362 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:05,100 Cancel the Bubble Round. Because we're getting real. 363 00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:06,650 [production assistant sighs] 364 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,150 Should we cut to commercial? 365 00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:10,320 Would Homer cut away from Odysseus's journey 366 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,360 just as he was being enticed by the sirens' song? 367 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,950 No? 368 00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,490 Well, there you are. 369 00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:19,620 Things are getting real out here. Really real. 370 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:22,410 Really, really, really real! 371 00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:24,370 [audience member clears throat] 372 00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:26,830 -Uh, I'm not sure where you're going-- -Oh, no? 373 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,840 You knew where you were going with my wife 374 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,170 that time you pulled over by the side of the road. 375 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,550 -You know, a week before we got married? -Uh... 376 00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:35,720 You want to talk about that, BoJack? 377 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:40,720 You want to talk about the time when you, my "good friend," kissed my wife? 378 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,100 -No! -Yes. 379 00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,640 Did something exciting just happen? 380 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,270 Because people on the app are, and I quote, "losing their tits." 381 00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:50,480 Oh, no, no, I've stumbled on to a cancer support message board. 382 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,820 Okay, how do I...? 383 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,190 How did you know about that? 384 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,030 Well, there are roadside cameras all along the PCH, 385 00:17:56,150 --> 00:17:58,110 I have a few friends in the highway patrol, 386 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,330 and she told me, of course! We're married! 387 00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:03,620 Wait, so you've known all this time? 388 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:06,620 Now this is television. Turn on the rain. 389 00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:09,130 Um, don't you think you're pushing them too far? 390 00:18:09,210 --> 00:18:12,590 I'll tell you when it's too far. This is my art, goddamn it. 391 00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:17,590 I'm J. goddamn D. goddamn Salinger, and I want rain! 392 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,640 [thunder rumbling] 393 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:23,020 All I ever wanted was to be your friend. 394 00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,390 And you treat me like a big joke. 395 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,810 You think I don't notice? Why don't you like me? 396 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,020 -Mr. Peanutbutter-- -No, tell me. 397 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,150 -Because... I'm jealous. -Oh. 398 00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:37,490 -Of what? Diane? -No. 399 00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:40,780 Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you. 400 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,370 Oh, and it doesn't for you? 401 00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:45,620 You're a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, 402 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:49,420 acting in your dream movie. What more do you want? 403 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,750 What else could the universe possibly owe you? 404 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,670 I want to feel good about myself. 405 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,300 The way you do. And I don't know how. 406 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,930 I don't know if I can. 407 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:05,180 Whoa, guys, this is getting a little heavy, don't we think? 408 00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,430 I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter. 409 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,730 I can't tell you how sorry I am. 410 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:14,770 Wow, um, I don't know if I can forgive you. 411 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:18,240 But I guess we'll find out right after this break. 412 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,490 [audience cheering] 413 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,370 -Damn. -Shut up. 414 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,620 [all cheering] 415 00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:28,370 I knew it. I knew this show would bring us to the heights of human drama 416 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,830 more powerfully than literature ever dreamed. 417 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,090 Now somebody go out and get me a Red Bull and a banana fish sandwich. 418 00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:37,550 On it. It's a perfect day for a Red Bull. 419 00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:38,840 Whoa-oh! 420 00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:41,510 -Mr. Peanutbutter! -Oh, hey Wanda. 421 00:19:41,590 --> 00:19:44,720 I'm only half paying attention to whatever you two are arguing about 422 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,640 but it's killer. Now all we need is a happy ending. 423 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,770 I don't think we can just resolve everything cleanly in a half-hour. 424 00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:52,600 Uh, this is network television. 425 00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:56,900 So resolving everything cleanly in a half-hour is kind of what we do. 426 00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:59,990 You want to host a game show where everyone feels bad at the end? 427 00:20:00,070 --> 00:20:03,660 You can get in your little car, drive to Santa Monica and pitch it to AMC. 428 00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:06,490 But these people want resolution, okay? 429 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:10,660 So you get your little butt back on that stage and you resolve. 430 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,290 -Uh... -[audience applauding] 431 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,130 And we're back. 432 00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:18,550 You know, I did some thinking over the break. BoJack-- 433 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,510 -[electricity powers down] -[audience gasps] 434 00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:21,840 -What's going on? -Oh, my God. 435 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,550 No! No! What's happening? 436 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,180 -[all chattering] -Oh. 437 00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:29,350 [electricity powers up] 438 00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:33,350 Someone unplugged the main power line and plugged in a George Foreman Grill. 439 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,520 Panini time. Hey, who unplugged-- 440 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,280 Todd! Goddamnit, step aside! 441 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:42,450 Mia, good work. You saved the show. 442 00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:45,820 You earned my respect... and this pen. 443 00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:48,700 -Oh, thank you. -[all cheering] 444 00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:50,950 Aww. 445 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,920 Oh, are we back? We're back! Live television, folks. 446 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,000 You know, during the break, my producers told me 447 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,880 I had to forgive BoJack live on the air. 448 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,170 [audience booing] 449 00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,090 But I'm my own dog. 450 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,800 And as my own dog, I decided 451 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,720 to forgive BoJack live on the air! Bring it in, buddy! 452 00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:11,850 -What? -Really? 453 00:21:11,930 --> 00:21:14,390 Mr. Peanutbutter, I applaud your forgiving nature, 454 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,020 but this guy kissed your wife. 455 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,190 Wait, BoJack kissed Diane? 456 00:21:19,270 --> 00:21:23,570 The only way to even the score is if you get to kiss him. 457 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:26,160 -Wait, what? -You're right, it makes perfect sense. 458 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,990 -Yeah, absolutely. -No, it doesn't. 459 00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:30,580 That way Diane and I will have had the same experience. 460 00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,910 It's the only way we can move past this. 461 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:33,830 [sighs] 462 00:21:33,910 --> 00:21:36,080 Well, if it helps us move past this, I guess... 463 00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:40,710 [Daniel and audience] Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! 464 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,090 [J.D.] Cue the Kiss Cam. 465 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:45,300 [love song playing over speakers] 466 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,680 Oh, if only I'd had a Kiss Cam for Catcher In The Rye. 467 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:56,060 Well, just one more regret on a long list of many. 468 00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,980 Todd, there you are. You're missing a pretty big moment out there. 469 00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:06,360 I don't care. You said it yourself. Without that pen, I'm totally worthless. 470 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:09,950 Not for nothing, but you were worthless before you didn't get the pen. 471 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:16,330 I really tried this time. I guess I'll never really amount to anything. 472 00:22:16,410 --> 00:22:20,330 Well, maybe you just need someone to believe in you. 473 00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:24,010 Wow, no one's ever fallen for that! 474 00:22:24,090 --> 00:22:26,590 -What? -You're so stupid! 475 00:22:26,670 --> 00:22:30,300 You had the pen and you just gave it to me?! 476 00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:32,760 Oh, I can't believe that worked. 477 00:22:32,850 --> 00:22:36,230 Oh, my God, look at your stupid face. 478 00:22:36,310 --> 00:22:37,940 The pen is just a symbol. It doesn't-- 479 00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:41,440 Yeah, said the girl who doesn't have a pen right now. 480 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,610 Unbelievable. You are the most annoying, immature, aggravating, 481 00:22:45,690 --> 00:22:47,570 irritating, crazy-making... 482 00:22:47,650 --> 00:22:51,120 Oh, she was mad, all right. But kids? 483 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,990 That's the story of how I met... this pen. 484 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:56,250 [laughs] 485 00:22:56,330 --> 00:22:59,120 Hey, get out of Hair and Makeup and give me back my pen! 486 00:22:59,210 --> 00:23:02,380 I got your pen. That means you respect me. 487 00:23:02,460 --> 00:23:05,090 -No it does not. -Viva Todd-foolery! 488 00:23:05,170 --> 00:23:06,880 Suck a dick, dumbshits. 489 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:08,760 -Hey! Hey, hey! -[blows raspberry] 490 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:11,720 -[lively music playing over speakers] -[audience cheering] 491 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,890 Well, that stern but supple kiss puts you over the top. 492 00:23:14,970 --> 00:23:17,430 BoJack Horseman is tonight's winner. 493 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:18,940 [dog howls] 494 00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:21,400 -Well played, Jock-jam Door-slam. -[groans] 495 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,610 You've earned $500,000 for charity. 496 00:23:24,690 --> 00:23:29,570 You can walk away right now or, and remember, this is for charity, 497 00:23:29,650 --> 00:23:32,570 you can risk it all in our Double or Nothing round. 498 00:23:32,820 --> 00:23:34,950 [audience clamoring] 499 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:36,830 I wanna risk it all! 500 00:23:36,910 --> 00:23:40,170 All right. Now that's $500,000. 501 00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:42,540 If you get this question right, you double that, 502 00:23:42,630 --> 00:23:44,420 a million dollars for charity. 503 00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:46,750 But if you get it wrong, the charity gets nothing 504 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:51,550 and all the money will be set on fire live here on our studio soundstage. 505 00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:54,220 BoJack, for all the marbles: 506 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:57,100 "Which famous actor played the titular role 507 00:23:57,180 --> 00:24:00,730 in the popular Harry Potter film franchise?" 508 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:02,980 -[audience] Oh. -Huh. 509 00:24:03,060 --> 00:24:05,480 Yeah. I don't know. 510 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,320 When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people, 511 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,570 it's impossible to remember them all. 512 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:13,030 Okay, I get what you're doing. Very funny. 513 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,330 Yeah. Oh, what is that guy's name? 514 00:24:16,410 --> 00:24:18,830 You know, it's on the tip of my tongue? 515 00:24:18,910 --> 00:24:21,290 Are you serious right now? Dude, this is for charity. 516 00:24:21,370 --> 00:24:24,040 -BoJack, we need an answer. -Yeah, I don't know. 517 00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:25,880 Gosh, I wanna say... 518 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,840 -Elijah Wood? -What? 519 00:24:32,010 --> 00:24:33,550 Elijah Wood?! 520 00:24:36,140 --> 00:24:38,140 ♪ Back in the '90s ♪ 521 00:24:38,220 --> 00:24:43,190 ♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪ 522 00:24:45,270 --> 00:24:47,730 -♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ -♪ BoJack! ♪ 523 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:52,280 ♪ BoJack the horse Don't act like you don't know ♪ 524 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:58,870 ♪ And I'm trying to hold onto my past ♪ 525 00:24:58,990 --> 00:25:03,790 ♪ It's been so long I don't think I'm gonna last ♪ 526 00:25:03,870 --> 00:25:07,630 ♪ I guess I'll just try And make you understand ♪ 527 00:25:07,710 --> 00:25:11,800 ♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪ 528 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:16,220 ♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪ 529 00:25:16,300 --> 00:25:17,720 ♪ BoJack! ♪ 530 00:25:20,890 --> 00:25:24,100 Boxer versus raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.