1
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,346
Are we sure I'm dead?
I feel like I wanna die.

2
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,557
Well, your body's under a moose, so…

3
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,518
Or maybe
I crossed over, and this is hell.

4
00:00:18,603 --> 00:00:20,396
How am I supposed to kiss Jake C now?

5
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,565
The window is closed,
locked, and bricked over.

6
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:25,650
You have to kiss him. This is
your unfinished business. Look at me.

7
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:28,361
- This does not mean they're back together.
- It doesn't?

8
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:31,199
No. Riley is the most manipulative human
on the planet.

9
00:00:31,282 --> 00:00:34,326
Of course she'd be getting
all up in Jake C. Hey, hey, hey!

10
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:37,037
You need to put yourself in his position.
You were a no-show,

11
00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:39,582
so he's drowning his sorrows
in Riley's lips.

12
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,417
- You are the jerk.
- I'm the jerk?

13
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,170
You were supposed to show up at nine,
and it is midnight.

14
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:47,298
- So, what am I supposed to do now?
- Apologize.

15
00:00:50,343 --> 00:00:51,344
Like, now?

16
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,554
Mm… Yeah, I completely take that back.

17
00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:56,037
Okay, you need to really look at me.
Okay? And we need to go.

18
00:00:56,098 --> 00:01:00,018
Can you take the wheel? I would ask Jesus,
but I recently ate his face.

19
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:01,103
Yeah. Yeah.

20
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:02,585
- Okay.
- Yep. That's the right idea.

21
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:07,025
It's just an apology.
How hard could it be?

22
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:11,280
Hmm. Maybe I should put my mea culpa
in print. Yeah, that feels right.

23
00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:14,384
What? You gonna put a stamp on it,
wait for it to arrive in two to four days?

24
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,245
Or were you thinking of sending it
with one of Brad's doves?

25
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,496
When you break it down like that,
it does sound lame.

26
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,873
Okay. What about a…
What about an apology text?

27
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:22,959
Okay.

28
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,045
Okay.

29
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:29,799
Sorry I didn't make it to the kickback.
I was having an existential crisis

30
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,468
and I needed urgent answers…
I don't know what to say.

31
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,677
Well, not that.

32
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,596
Okay. But I don't want to lie to him.

33
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,807
So maybe I should just
speak from the heart.

34
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,433
Which is not beating.
So what am I gonna do?

35
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,188
Ooh. Delete. No.

36
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:51,403
No. I threw up at the other party.
I'm gonna be the throw-up girl.

37
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,906
Aagh. Screw it! I'm dead.
I'm just gonna say what I want.

38
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,911
Sorry I didn't make it to the kickback.
Something weird happened. I won't…

39
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,328
- Stop typing.
- It's boring.

40
00:01:59,412 --> 00:02:00,954
Actually it's not boring to me, but…

41
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:04,292
- That's not gonna get you that kiss.
- No, it would just be weird.

42
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,501
Anyways, I really…

43
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,460
Anything over 15 words,
and you're my grandma

44
00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:08,905
giving me the recipe for lemonade.

45
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,174
…borrowed one or gone
the T-shirt/underwear route.

46
00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:14,342
Bottom line is, I'm sorry.

47
00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,512
Do not send that!

48
00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:17,597
Okay, I won't send it.

49
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,723
I sent it.

50
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,098
Oh.

51
00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,161
I can't believe how much time
I've wasted choosing outfits,

52
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:43,997
showering, worrying about
the way that I looked. I look fine.

53
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:47,418
No. You know, I look great,
and I don't need society to validate me.

54
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,003
And I sure as hell
do not need Jake C to validate me.

55
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,382
- Is it Jake?
- Gia!

56
00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:56,927
Get your ass up, take a shower,
and get dressed. It's been a week.

57
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,306
Can't. I used up all my energy
to pick up this call, so what's the point?

58
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:02,140
I'm hanging up now.

59
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,310
It's the Freshman 15, not the Senior 20.

60
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,270
Leave me alone.
I'm streating with my daughter

61
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,313
'cause Jake and Riley are firewalling us.

62
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:09,814
- Streating?
- Stress eating.

63
00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:12,026
Because they haven't posted dick
on sosh meeds.

64
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,277
No avocado toast. No double rainbow.

65
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,197
Not even Frida Kahlo's face
in a cappuccino.

66
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,407
They probably don't even
have their hands free.

67
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,662
Jake C posted a pic of a tree.

68
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,748
Let me see, let me see.
Well, that doesn't look like a local tree.

69
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:30,127
They must be on a mini vacay,
all loved-up in an Airbnb.

70
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,087
Reverse image Google map that shiz.

71
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,715
BBL. I have a date with monkey bread.

72
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,221
Ah. What a twat.

73
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:43,890
- You can't call women twats, you dick.
- Then don't call men dicks, asshole.

74
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,770
I need all the monkey bread
to fill my empty soul.

75
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,729
That's like 7,000 calories.

76
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,614
- So.
- Your body won't let you eat that much.

77
00:03:51,649 --> 00:03:53,817
- You'll throw up or die.
- Wanna bet?

78
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,861
Well, you're not the only one
who needs to eat their feelings.

79
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:02,242
What's your problem? Why are you so clean?
Didn't you have a morning game?

80
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,078
I got dumped in the outfield.

81
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,913
I'm a shortstop. So I quit.

82
00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:08,123
Dad! It's a sugar pine!

83
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:10,334
Shit. They might be in Tahoe.

84
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:13,003
Didn't you hear me? I quit baseball.

85
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,214
Well, who cares about baseball?
Just do something else.

86
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,050
But you said I was a natural.

87
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:20,970
When you're dead,
and your body is rotting in a ditch,

88
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,240
no one's gonna care
if you were shortstop or outfielder.

89
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,141
Yeah. Says the mayor of Twat City.

90
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,100
Hey. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

91
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,521
- And it's gonna be sooner than you think.
- Yeah, not soon enough. 149 days.

92
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,689
I wish I had 149 days.

93
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:33,773
Shit.

94
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,319
How many days do I have left?

95
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,737
Time frame?

96
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:41,949
Yeah, like how long do ghosts live?

97
00:04:42,033 --> 00:04:43,951
Or, you know, hang around?

98
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,369
Hair of the dog.

99
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,122
Or wolf. It symbolizes our wild instinct,

100
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,622
which I gave into last night.

101
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,625
I am so cold. Are you cold?

102
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,668
If I knew it was gonna be
this frickin' freezing,

103
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,879
I wouldn't have worn fishnets with holes.

104
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:01,509
Anyway, time frame for a dead person
to remain a ghost depends on the UFB.

105
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,471
As long as its business takes
to be finished.

106
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,555
As long as the body isn't put to rest.

107
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,557
- Like a funeral service?
- Or cremation?

108
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,560
Yeah, funeral service, cremation.

109
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,687
Whatever rite of passage floats your boat.

110
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,899
Viking funeral pun intended!

111
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,399
Unless…

112
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,920
- Why do you always one-up me?
- You didn't give all the info.

113
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:22,031
I agree with Magic Tyke,
like, once in a perigean full moon,

114
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,074
but, in this case, he is right.

115
00:05:24,742 --> 00:05:26,035
Thank you, bitch.

116
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,120
Unless?

117
00:05:28,204 --> 00:05:31,665
Unless the body decomposes
before its business is finished.

118
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,211
And what happens to its ghost?

119
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,505
If it doesn't finish
its unfinished business,

120
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,466
it just sorta floats around
and lamely tries to haunt people.

121
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,970
No one can see or hear them.
They're basically powerless, invisible.

122
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:47,055
Directionless, stuck.

123
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:48,766
Sucks BT.

124
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,685
Gently pushing doors open
and making chandeliers flicker

125
00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:53,978
gets real boring… …real fast.

126
00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,985
And… and how long
does a ghost have to do that for?

127
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:04,865
Forever. For eternity. And…
Yes, I'll follow you to hell!

128
00:06:04,949 --> 00:06:05,949
What?

129
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,910
Not you. Her.

130
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,624
We're going to hell!

131
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,875
- Oh, you're so beautiful.
- Look at you!

132
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,836
Oh, this is so comfy.

133
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,880
"I could have borrowed one
or gone the T-shirt/underwear route."

134
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,757
"Bottom line is, I'm sorry."

135
00:06:24,677 --> 00:06:27,680
So, is this an apology,
or is it a blow-off?

136
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,562
Why do you even need to respond?
I thought you guys kissed and made up.

137
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:33,018
We almost kissed. We just never got there.

138
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,519
Well then, what's this?

139
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,148
That was a mistake
in a drunken, vulnerable moment

140
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,483
that you guys scared me into.

141
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,569
Well, good! Keep following that instinct.

142
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:47,115
Anyway, I wasn't even talking about Riley.
I was talking about… Erika.

143
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,826
- Oh! Beer pong girl.
- Yeah. I love that girl. She's supes hot.

144
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,872
Exactly. She's chill and cool and awesome.

145
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,456
And I think I may have blown it

146
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,250
because I waited too long
to text her back.

147
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,627
Why are you texting Erika when you
and Riley are already back together?

148
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,129
And BT-doubles,

149
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:03,923
my promposal is tonight.

150
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,134
Okay.

151
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,303
Don't show up to the park
without knowing your move.

152
00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:09,596
Wait. Okay.

153
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,807
Hey.

154
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,393
Can you guys just,
like, for a second stop it?

155
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,146
Okay, I'm not back together with Riley.

156
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,442
So, what, you're going to prom as friends?

157
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:24,694
Hey, with or without benefits,
it's 30 bucks for the sex room.

158
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,898
- Sixty for the non-sex.
- Why's the sex room cheaper?

159
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:30,408
We're splitting the cost between eight.
Don't worry, it's a classy setup.

160
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,454
- Riley will love it.
- Riley and I are broken up.

161
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,665
Dude, if you don't take Riley,

162
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,459
you will ruin prom for everyone.

163
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,629
See, that… that is just bullshit.

164
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,507
And you know what?
I'm taking whoever I want.

165
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,009
Unless she blew me off.

166
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:52,514
I have two choices. Kiss Jake C
while he still has interest and ascend,

167
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:56,185
or become an apparition and spend
eternity as Helen Who in a lava lamp.

168
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,769
That is a no-brainer.

169
00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:01,314
Unless that wasn't just a kiss
and they're already back together.

170
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,399
Who cares?

171
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,043
Home-wrecking? No. That's bad karma
and a one-way ticket to hell.

172
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,112
No one's gonna damn you
for one make-out sesh.

173
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,281
You don't know
if Jake C and Riley got back together.

174
00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,283
If you kiss him before you find out,

175
00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:13,244
I believe plausible deniability
still applies.

176
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,704
It has to.
I have a very short attention span.

177
00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:18,040
I can't spend the rest of eternity bored.
I will die.

178
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,959
I mean… You know what I mean.

179
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:21,709
I gotta kiss Jake C, like, now.

180
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,586
Get it.

181
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,134
I realized, once I do this,
I'm never gonna see you again.

182
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,557
I cannot leave this earth
without telling you how much you...

183
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,336
- What the hell is happening?
- You are happening.

184
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:07,590
You need to rein in
your paranormal activity.

185
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:08,673
Okay. How do I do that?

186
00:09:15,306 --> 00:09:18,850
- Promposals are so dumb.
- That's not what you said last week.

187
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,226
Well, I'm saying it now.

188
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,313
Not all promposals.

189
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,274
I'm sure Jake M's is gonna be so cute.

190
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,735
All I'm saying is, they're not for me.

191
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,740
Like, to me, the best ask is no ask,
like JC and me.

192
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,576
We're so on the same page,
we don't even need to officiate it.

193
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,828
Which is why, when he shows up
on the day, wearing a white tux,

194
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:42,707
standing up in the sunroof of a black,
high-end SUV, holding chrysanthemums,

195
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:45,836
I will be camera-ready
in my midnight blue strapless gown

196
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,254
and silver shoes.

197
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:51,634
Going back to the same page theory,
you might wanna turn that page.

198
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,010
Jake M is having a freak-out,

199
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,639
because Jake C might kind of,
sort of, possibly, totally, definitely

200
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,058
wanna take Erika instead of you. Maybe.

201
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:02,686
You okay?

202
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,355
I'm always okay.

203
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,438
Mm-hmm.

204
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,607
Well, Jake M wants to know
what you're gonna do.

205
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:10,318
- What should I text him?
- Dog in sunglasses.

206
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,029
Erika, do something!

207
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,615
Is someone actually calling me,
or is that me calling me?

208
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,623
Holy shit! Holy shit!
You just neutralized your energy.

209
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,186
You gotta keep those in all the time.

210
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:27,211
I'm not wearing them for the rest
of my non-life life. It's so not sexy.

211
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,129
Well, that's even less sexy.

212
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,807
After I kiss Jake C, I'm gonna ascend,

213
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,558
and you and I
will never see each other again.

214
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,643
So…

215
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,897
I guess this is goodbye.

216
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,067
I love you so much.

217
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,696
I love you too.

218
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:58,491
I would have never
survived high school without you.

219
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,370
And I never would have survived life
without you.

220
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:05,374
You know, besides my mom,
you really are my only family.

221
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,375
I have to delay this kiss.

222
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,629
I have to say goodbye to my family
and tie things up.

223
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,134
Am I texting myself now?
God, I'm so needy.

224
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:20,139
It's a group invite
to Jake M's promposal at nine tonight.

225
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,221
Who sent it?

226
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:23,683
I don't recognize any of the numbers
but Jake C's.

227
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,854
Jake C invited me to a promposal.

228
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,938
- That's when you kiss him!
- Oh my God.

229
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,817
Okay. So I have till 9:00 p.m. tonight
to lock shit up,

230
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,193
say my goodbyes
and get my things in order.

231
00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:35,821
This is it, G.

232
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:38,365
TTDBIKJAD.

233
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:42,702
Oliver, before I go,
I want you to remember three things.

234
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:44,746
Don't quit baseball, okay?

235
00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:47,374
You will regret it.
You are a natural at it.

236
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,793
Two, ask Dad to get your ears pinned.

237
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,253
And three.

238
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,713
I love you.

239
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,091
Hey, Dad. I just wanted to…

240
00:11:57,176 --> 00:11:58,342
Is it about Jake?

241
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,721
I'll come back after work.

242
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,475
And I would always feel so special

243
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,643
when you'd call in sick
to take me to Disneyland.

244
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,312
And I don't know what I'm gonna do
without you when I'm gone.

245
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,149
When I go away to college.

246
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,818
I love you, Mom.

247
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:17,988
I love you too, honey.

248
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,536
Wish I had that relationship
with my daughter.

249
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,955
But my Sarah, she's an asshole.

250
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,042
Goodbye, eighth grade diary.

251
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:31,626
GROAIE.

252
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,048
Goodbye, Helen Who.

253
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,094
Goodbye, driver's license
with the hideous pic.

254
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,974
Wait. That was you who farted
in third grade? I thought it was Devon.

255
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:50,479
Yeah, forgot about that.
But, yes, I was the culprit.

256
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:53,398
- You know everyone still calls him Stinky?
- Yeah.

257
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:56,818
That's bad karma.
I gotta apologize to Devon.

258
00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:58,278
Whoa, no. No, we don't have time.

259
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,446
I'm almost done.

260
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:02,115
I just have to say goodbye to my dad
before we hit the promposal.

261
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:06,077
It takes two seconds to say I'm sorry.
I can say it in one. I'm sorry!

262
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,160
You.

263
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:11,332
- You ruined my life.
- I just farted, and I didn't claim it.

264
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,461
That fart changed the course
of my destiny.

265
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:18,130
Up until a month ago,
I was known to the world as Stinky.

266
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:21,092
When someone finally called me Devon,

267
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,177
I wept.

268
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:25,639
Do you have any idea what it's like
to have your identity co-opted?

269
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,807
I do, actually, and I am so sorry.

270
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,602
Let me tell you a story
about Devon Evan Kaler,

271
00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:34,815
and his fall from grace.

272
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:40,611
After that, uh…
fateful day in third grade,

273
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:45,450
that nickname stuck to me
like flies on shit.

274
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,201
Touché!

275
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,456
I did everything to get that stink off.

276
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:55,335
I… I quit the soccer team,
even though I was a prodigy,

277
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:58,297
because I was too afraid to sweat
and get BO.

278
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:03,051
I haven't eaten broccoli or eggs
in ten years.

279
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:04,970
I shower six times a day,

280
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:07,722
and my skin has been scrubbed so raw,

281
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,225
I have eczema.

282
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,563
If it's any consolation,
I think you smell amazing.

283
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:16,773
It's not.

284
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,817
You know, I'll never be able to forgive.

285
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:21,777
Or forget.

286
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:25,532
So in freshman year,
people started calling me Helen Who...

287
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:28,951
Yeah, I'd give my right nut
to be Helen Who.

288
00:14:30,412 --> 00:14:32,831
- If I had one.
- Is that my fault too?

289
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,415
No. I was born that way.

290
00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:38,836
So long, Erika.

291
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,883
Oh, and here's something
you'll never forget.

292
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,052
Karma's a bitch.

293
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:50,222
We have a problem. The promposal
starts at eight-thirty, not nine.

294
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:53,309
It was on the sub-chain. Everybody has to
get there early. It's a surprise.

295
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,393
It's okay. Don't stress.

296
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:57,272
It still gives us two hours to say bye
to your dad and get mochaccinos.

297
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,792
That's not it. I ruined Devon's life.
I have to make it right.

298
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,735
But you confessed. You're absolved.

299
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,403
I, of all people,
understand how one little incident

300
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:06,087
can change the course of someone's life.

301
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,823
I cannot move on until I fix Devon's.

302
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,868
If you're in my shoes, would you do
all you could to set someone up to win?

303
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:12,870
Yeah. I would.

304
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,123
Is this Cara Bishop?

305
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:19,043
This is Erika Vu from third grade.
I have a confession to make.

306
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:22,338
Do you remember when Devon farted,
and everyone started calling him Stinky?

307
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,509
Well, that fart was mine.
Mason? Hi, this is Erika Vu.

308
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,929
Erika Vu from third grade.

309
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:33,475
Do you remember when Devon farted,
and everyone started to call him Stinky?

310
00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:34,809
Well, that fart was mine.

311
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,144
Well, that fart was mine.

312
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:39,773
I'm not currently calling you
to tell you I'm currently farting.

313
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,695
- Done.
- Whoo!

314
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,071
Let's go.

315
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:48,966
You're an amazing dad and a great friend.
I'm gonna miss our chess games

316
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,272
where we both cheated
when the other went to the bathroom.

317
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:54,538
And our karaoke afternoons when Mom
and Oliver would try and pay us to stop,

318
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,749
and we'd place bets on how long
it would take them to leave the house.

319
00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:01,293
And most of all, I'm gonna miss our talks
over our secret stash of junk food

320
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,586
that only we knew about.

321
00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:07,259
I love you, Dad.
I just wanted you to know before I leave.

322
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,094
For college.

323
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,054
My only regret
is we never got high together.

324
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:17,101
No time like the present.

325
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:23,149
Hi, dead body!

326
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,443
I forgive you, Shelly!

327
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,738
- Now, who the hell is Shelly?
- The moose.

328
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,905
- Are you high?
- A little bit.

329
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:31,033
And you're driving?

330
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,915
A lot a bit. I'm also dead.
It doesn't matter.

331
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,661
Uh, maybe I don't wanna die.

332
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,133
Let's do this.

333
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,635
Wait, what am I doing? What's the plan?

334
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,360
Do I immediately grab Jake C and kiss him,
or do I wait till after?

335
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,600
What if there's not an after-promposal?

336
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,437
Huh. Or what if there is,
and Riley's there and she's watching?

337
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:04,482
You're gonna pull him aside
somewhere private after Jake M promposes.

338
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,526
You're a part of the event.
You should enjoy it.

339
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,069
Okay.

340
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,028
Hey.

341
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:12,240
I think this is where we part ways.
You don't need me for the kissing part.

342
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:15,285
Objectively speaking, it's weird and gross
watching people make out.

343
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,454
I… I… I can't say goodbye again,

344
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,332
because it's really painful. Um…

345
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:24,001
And if you're gonna ascend after the kiss,
then let's do Irish goodbyes.

346
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,951
We already had our master cry
in the school bathroom, so…

347
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,215
You know that I love you.

348
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,176
And I know you love me, so…

349
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:36,972
- Bye.
- But…

350
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:40,602
- Bye.
- Bye.

351
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,228
Have fun.

352
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,201
Now go kiss that boy!

353
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,001
Whoa, whoa! Don't touch the chair.

354
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,171
Dude, I'm just taking a photo. Jeez.

355
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,423
Words on the front, Archer!

356
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,513
Hey.

357
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,269
You're at the end of the question.

358
00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:24,186
"Lea, will you go to prom with me?"

359
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:27,941
- Oh, cool.
- No, it's dumb, but Lea will love it.

360
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,486
- Can we chat?
- Um, okay.

361
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:35,740
Look, I know we've had a thorny past, but

362
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,451
I was hoping we could
put that behind us and be friends.

363
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:42,288
I know that must sound like total BS
coming from me,

364
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,959
but high school's almost over, and life is
too short to be holding grudges.

365
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:50,922
Way too short. I couldn't agree more.
Do you really wanna be friends?

366
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:54,968
- That's why I invited you here.
- Oh, you invited me. Um…

367
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:58,555
There couldn't be a more perfect time
to make peace with each other, so…

368
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,515
- Yay! Great. Friends!
- Yeah.

369
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:01,766
Oh shit.

370
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,227
Okay. Everyone line up.

371
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,936
Lea is almost here.

372
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:10,692
And remember. When it gets
to the turn, drop, booty shake,

373
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,193
we should be facing…

374
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,614
Each other. Each other.

375
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,016
Ooh. Erika, tiny little FYI.

376
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:46,019
Now that we're friends,
I'm gonna let you in on the friend code.

377
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,020
We don't date each other's exes.

378
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,981
As in, you can't go to prom with Jake C.

379
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,902
No problem at all.
I didn't even wanna go to prom.

380
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,112
In fact, you and Jake C
should go together.

381
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,195
Oh, great.

382
00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,531
And pose.

383
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:04,871
Can I talk to you?

384
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,332
Guys, get back in line!

385
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,877
"Lea, will you GoPro with me?"

386
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:15,965
Why are you asking me…
…about a GoPro?

387
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,424
No, no. This was your promposal.

388
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,928
A fountain.

389
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,763
Could there be a more perfect place
for a first kiss? I think not.

390
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:25,557
What? No. There's no kissing here.

391
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:26,558
There isn't?

392
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,353
No. No, there's only talking.

393
00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:31,314
And you… You don't get to decide
who I go to prom with.

394
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,941
Only I get to decide that.

395
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:36,278
And, you know what? I decided
that I was going to ask you to prom.

396
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,822
Or I did,
before you tried to decide for me.

397
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:42,325
I'm sorry. I wasn't trying
to make that decision for you. Um…

398
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,703
Just…
I don't really care about prom.

399
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:50,250
And I'm gonna be OOT anyway.
And TBBH, I think prom is lame

400
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:53,670
and just a stupid cliché
that originated in debutante circles,

401
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:57,548
which were racist,
sexist, and exclusionary.

402
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:01,344
Uh… Oh. Okay. Um…

403
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,555
I didn't know that. Uh…

404
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:06,307
But you're gonna be out of town.
Where are you going?

405
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:08,559
That is a great question.

406
00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:10,894
Uh, destination TBD.

407
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:13,397
Now I have a question for you.
Do you wanna make out?

408
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,190
No.

409
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,192
Why not?

410
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,195
Because you want to make out with me,

411
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,406
but you also want me
to ask my ex-girlfriend to prom.

412
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:26,327
You approach me at school, then run away.
You're very confusing to me.

413
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:31,750
I'm just gonna lay it all out on the table
because I literally have nothing to lose.

414
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:35,920
I will never forget the first day
that I met you at freshman orientation.

415
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:39,965
I've just had like the biggest crush
on you for the past four years.

416
00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:42,176
And then, when we finally connected
at Jake W's party,

417
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:46,931
I couldn't believe how kind you were,
and sweet and funny and amazing.

418
00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:49,058
And I thought that
maybe you were on Ecstasy,

419
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:52,479
but I checked your pupils,
and they were not dilated, and I…

420
00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:55,105
I was dying to kiss you.

421
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:57,983
Well, uh,

422
00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:00,903
you can kiss me now.

423
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,326
What's wrong?

424
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:11,455
I'm just trying to savor
the before-the-first-kiss moment.

425
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:14,041
You can never have that back,
and I'm really gonna miss that.

426
00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:16,877
In fact, I'm really gonna miss
a lot of the before-the-first things

427
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:20,089
that I'm never gonna experience
for the first time, or

428
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:21,798
ever.

429
00:22:22,884 --> 00:22:23,718
Ever?

430
00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:26,429
Sorry.
I know I'm acting weird. Um…

431
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,516
It's just, I don't know
what's gonna happen after we kiss,

432
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,558
so just be open to anything.

433
00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:35,105
I don't understand at all
what you're even...

434
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:49,535
Do you still see me?

435
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,247
Of course I see you.

436
00:23:05,844 --> 00:23:06,970
Oh my God.

437
00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:09,471
Nothing's happening.

438
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:12,642
Uhh, you know, something's
definitely happening.

439
00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:15,103
But why am I still here?