1 00:00:38,918 --> 00:00:41,837 What do you think you're doing?! I beg your pardon? 2 00:00:41,853 --> 00:00:44,252 You just nearly stapled my face to the bamboo wall! 3 00:00:44,254 --> 00:00:47,331 Why was it up against the bamboo wall in the first place? 4 00:00:47,333 --> 00:00:49,252 I was putting up the posters you gave me! 5 00:00:49,254 --> 00:00:53,053 Why was your face up against the wall? 6 00:00:54,173 --> 00:00:56,212 I just like the way it feels. 7 00:00:59,173 --> 00:01:03,491 Oh, is there a competition? Yeah, it's a dance competition. 8 00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:05,532 Oh, lovely. 9 00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,773 What do you have to do? 10 00:01:08,972 --> 00:01:12,213 Dance. Oh, smashing! 11 00:01:22,853 --> 00:01:25,051 Sorry. I'm not laughing. 12 00:01:25,053 --> 00:01:29,172 Really? Then would you mind that irritating noise you keep making? 13 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:32,051 I can't believe you had your leg in plaster 14 00:01:32,053 --> 00:01:35,091 for the whole of your last holiday and now you've done this. 15 00:01:35,092 --> 00:01:37,892 Here you go. I got you some toast. 16 00:01:37,893 --> 00:01:39,612 What took you so long? 17 00:01:39,613 --> 00:01:43,091 Have you ever tried getting dressed with only one arm? No. 18 00:01:43,092 --> 00:01:45,291 Oh, I tell a lie. 19 00:01:45,292 --> 00:01:50,211 I once got off with a really fat bloke and he fell asleep on my arm. 20 00:01:50,213 --> 00:01:52,771 It was like that film, 48 Hours. 21 00:01:52,773 --> 00:01:54,530 What, he was like a fat Eddie Murphy? 22 00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:56,452 Not 48 Hours. Erm... 23 00:01:56,453 --> 00:01:59,572 Oh, the one where he plays a whole family and they're all fat? 24 00:01:59,573 --> 00:02:01,651 Er... Nutty Professor. No. 25 00:02:01,652 --> 00:02:04,053 The one where he gets trapped in a really tight hole 26 00:02:04,053 --> 00:02:07,252 and has to cut his arm off. I'm sorry, but for one, 27 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,691 I don't believe the fat bloke had to cut his arm off. 28 00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,892 And two, if he was with you, 29 00:02:11,893 --> 00:02:15,572 I certainly dont' believe he got trapped in a really tight hole. 30 00:02:15,572 --> 00:02:18,612 Is this the singles table? 31 00:02:18,613 --> 00:02:20,933 You what? Are you both single? 32 00:02:22,213 --> 00:02:25,133 Yeah. Oh, lovely. 33 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:30,492 Oh, haven't you got a bonnie face? 34 00:02:30,493 --> 00:02:35,172 There was a lass who looked like you around the pool yesterday, 35 00:02:35,173 --> 00:02:38,452 only she didn't have her arm in a sling. 36 00:02:43,412 --> 00:02:47,612 So, that's 1:00 today, shampoo and set. 37 00:02:47,613 --> 00:02:50,452 Yeah, no problem. Unless you can do it now. 38 00:02:50,452 --> 00:02:52,291 No, I can't do it now. Why not? 39 00:02:52,292 --> 00:02:55,452 I'm waiting for a new member of staff to arrive. Why can't she do my hair? 40 00:02:55,452 --> 00:02:57,492 Because she's not here. 41 00:03:02,613 --> 00:03:05,691 Well, can she do it now? No. Why not? 42 00:03:05,692 --> 00:03:07,691 Because she doesn't speak any English. 43 00:03:07,692 --> 00:03:10,691 Oi! That's criminal damage, that! 44 00:03:10,692 --> 00:03:12,491 I don't know why you're complaining. 45 00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:14,453 It's free advertising for your salon. 46 00:03:14,453 --> 00:03:16,532 Oof. 47 00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:19,213 Bloody hell, Carmen, you haven't left home, have you? 48 00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:22,533 What's in the suitcase, love? 49 00:03:24,293 --> 00:03:26,173 Never mind. In you go. 50 00:03:27,213 --> 00:03:29,732 Come on. I may as well do you now quick. 51 00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:33,332 Frig that. I'm not paying for it when I can win this competition 52 00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:36,892 and get it done for free. It's a dance competition. 53 00:03:36,893 --> 00:03:38,612 I don't want to worry you, love, 54 00:03:38,613 --> 00:03:41,493 but you might be required to use your legs. 55 00:03:42,653 --> 00:03:45,532 Yeah. Yeah. 56 00:03:45,533 --> 00:03:48,172 I wanna speak to my Dad! Sorry, Mick, say that again. 57 00:03:48,173 --> 00:03:50,612 I can't hear you. 58 00:03:50,613 --> 00:03:52,690 Well, if you get here this afternoon, 59 00:03:52,693 --> 00:03:54,971 there's a dance competition on tonight. 60 00:03:54,972 --> 00:03:58,092 Yeah, that's what I thought. 61 00:03:58,093 --> 00:04:00,531 Is that your father? No, that's my mam. 62 00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:03,212 Dad's the one with the short hair and the deep voice. 63 00:04:03,213 --> 00:04:05,653 I don't know what's happening to you, Michael Garvey, 64 00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:08,531 but you're turning into quite a nasty piece of work. 65 00:04:08,533 --> 00:04:10,811 Yeah. I wonder where I get it from, 66 00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:14,012 cos there's none of that in our family! 67 00:04:14,012 --> 00:04:16,532 Have you booked your hair? No. 68 00:04:18,212 --> 00:04:20,972 Mam, I said I wanted to speak to my dad! 69 00:04:20,972 --> 00:04:24,172 Sorry, son. Well, he'll be here tonight. You can talk to him then. 70 00:04:24,172 --> 00:04:26,532 Text from your phone. I haven't got no credit. 71 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:28,332 Can I use your phone? 72 00:04:28,333 --> 00:04:31,011 I thought you only wanted a wash and blow dry. Mam! 73 00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:35,330 Very lazy race of people, the gays. And you can't say anything to 'em 74 00:04:35,333 --> 00:04:37,412 because they're classed as a minority. 75 00:04:37,412 --> 00:04:40,292 Not that there seems to be a shortage of them. 76 00:04:40,292 --> 00:04:42,172 Morning! 77 00:04:42,172 --> 00:04:44,931 I don't think they're all lazy - that one never stops. 78 00:04:44,931 --> 00:04:47,292 Why does no one ever listen to me? 79 00:04:47,292 --> 00:04:51,492 In my day, you had to ask permission to leave the table. Shove it! 80 00:04:51,493 --> 00:04:53,330 Are you gonna stand for that? 81 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,451 He didn't say it to me. 82 00:04:55,453 --> 00:04:59,532 Well, he'll never win it. I've seen the dancing he does. 83 00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:01,373 All that writhing around on the floor 84 00:05:01,374 --> 00:05:03,373 like you're trying to break your own back. 85 00:05:03,374 --> 00:05:05,332 It's called street dancing. 86 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:07,892 My Mel was a beautiful dancer. 87 00:05:07,893 --> 00:05:10,172 Very light on his feet. 88 00:05:11,653 --> 00:05:13,732 Maybe I could dance with our Michael. 89 00:05:13,732 --> 00:05:16,652 Mel wasn't that much taller than him. 90 00:05:16,653 --> 00:05:18,332 We used to do a Jitterbug. 91 00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:20,451 It wouldn't take that long to teach him. 92 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:25,972 Then again, I could always resurrect my Black Bottom. 93 00:05:25,972 --> 00:05:30,013 Yeah. That'd cheer him up no end! 94 00:05:33,693 --> 00:05:36,292 'Chamber maid!' 95 00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:39,133 'Chamber maid!' Please go away! 96 00:05:42,013 --> 00:05:45,092 Chamber maid! How did you open the door? 97 00:05:45,092 --> 00:05:47,493 I've got a pass key. But you don't work for the hotel. 98 00:05:47,494 --> 00:05:49,493 How did you get that? It's not who you know... 99 00:05:49,494 --> 00:05:53,212 it's who you sleep with. Right, we've got a little light breakfast 100 00:05:53,213 --> 00:05:55,371 and then we need to find you a dance partner. 101 00:05:55,373 --> 00:05:57,850 I don't want a dance partner. Please leave me alone. 102 00:05:57,852 --> 00:05:59,691 But I need you to win this competition 103 00:05:59,691 --> 00:06:01,573 so I don't have to pay out on the prize. 104 00:06:01,573 --> 00:06:06,052 Oh, come on. I know your dirty little secret. 105 00:06:06,052 --> 00:06:08,612 I beg your pardon? All them dance trophies 106 00:06:08,612 --> 00:06:11,612 you once tried to take to the car boot and Troy wouldn't let you. 107 00:06:11,612 --> 00:06:14,251 I won those when I was 12. Aw, bless. 108 00:06:14,253 --> 00:06:17,371 I can see you now in your maroon cat suit, bursting at the seams 109 00:06:17,373 --> 00:06:20,612 like a little saveloy in tap shoes. I am not dancing for you. 110 00:06:20,612 --> 00:06:23,892 Even if I wanted to, which I don't, that was almost 30 years ago. 111 00:06:23,893 --> 00:06:25,732 Believe me, dancing is like the clap... 112 00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:29,131 once you have it, you never lose it. Please, Kenneth. I won't ask again. 113 00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:32,453 Just leave me alone. I'm just trying to - Please! 114 00:06:33,653 --> 00:06:36,892 It's not my fault you've had a row with Troy. 115 00:06:36,893 --> 00:06:39,652 I was just trying to make sure that you have a nice holiday. 116 00:06:39,653 --> 00:06:43,251 But fine. If you want me to go, that's just fine. 117 00:06:43,253 --> 00:06:45,412 I know when I'm not wanted. 118 00:06:45,412 --> 00:06:47,653 You won't see me again today. 119 00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:54,732 There's no point in letting this go to waste, is there? 120 00:06:54,732 --> 00:06:56,732 See you later. 121 00:06:58,333 --> 00:07:01,852 Yesterday she electrify swimmers in the pool with her stupid microphone 122 00:07:01,852 --> 00:07:03,732 and today you say she shoot you with a gun. 123 00:07:03,734 --> 00:07:05,652 This woman has to go. 124 00:07:05,653 --> 00:07:08,612 It was a staple gun. And anyway, I'm pretty sure it was an accident. 125 00:07:08,612 --> 00:07:10,652 Ow! Hold still, young' un. Nearly done. 126 00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:13,612 If we all stick together and say we cannot work with her, 127 00:07:13,612 --> 00:07:15,571 they will sack her, yes? 128 00:07:15,573 --> 00:07:18,131 Come on, has the mouse got your tongues? 129 00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,371 She looks like a scary drag queen 130 00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,292 with her big hair and too much make-up. No offence, Lesley. 131 00:07:23,292 --> 00:07:26,691 Yeah, but we've got rid of her now. What are you talking about? 132 00:07:26,693 --> 00:07:31,251 I'm saying, now we've the new one that you really like! 133 00:07:31,253 --> 00:07:33,972 Are you crazy? Listen to what I am saying. 134 00:07:33,972 --> 00:07:36,213 I do not like the new manager. I... 135 00:07:38,373 --> 00:07:40,613 I... I... 136 00:07:42,693 --> 00:07:44,292 love her. 137 00:07:45,573 --> 00:07:47,652 I cannot explain it. 138 00:07:47,653 --> 00:07:51,811 Yes, she is beautiful, but it is more than that. 139 00:07:51,813 --> 00:07:56,732 Every time we are together, my heart beats so fast. 140 00:07:56,732 --> 00:07:59,172 But how can I say this to her? 141 00:07:59,172 --> 00:08:02,412 She is the boss and I am just a barman... 142 00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:05,612 a very good looking barman, but just a barman. 143 00:08:05,612 --> 00:08:08,292 I know we can never be together. 144 00:08:12,213 --> 00:08:15,652 Mrs Temple-Savage, how long have you been standing there? 145 00:08:15,653 --> 00:08:17,811 Not long. 146 00:08:17,813 --> 00:08:19,931 Carry on with your work, boys. 147 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,691 Ladies. 148 00:08:21,693 --> 00:08:25,972 And it's Miss Temple-Savage. 149 00:08:31,373 --> 00:08:33,970 I think I got away with that one. 150 00:08:33,973 --> 00:08:35,893 Mateo. 151 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,973 I'm not sure you did, pal. 152 00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:57,150 All right. There you go. That should be OK. 153 00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:01,110 But I think, for safety reasons, 154 00:09:01,111 --> 00:09:04,149 you should just stick to one person, one sun bed. 155 00:09:04,150 --> 00:09:08,470 My wife and I were practising the high lift from Dirty Dancing. 156 00:09:08,471 --> 00:09:11,389 For the competition tonight. Right. 157 00:09:11,390 --> 00:09:13,549 Why don't you practice it in the pool? 158 00:09:13,549 --> 00:09:17,630 Then next time, if you drop her, it won't be so dangerous. 159 00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:21,750 Oh! You think it should be lifting Jacqueline? 160 00:09:27,429 --> 00:09:30,630 Ooh, there you are. 161 00:09:30,630 --> 00:09:33,470 Three teas. 162 00:09:33,471 --> 00:09:37,709 You don't want to be drinking alcohol at this time of the day. 163 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:42,429 You'll end up with a spastic liver by the time you're 40. 164 00:09:42,429 --> 00:09:44,510 Or 50. 165 00:09:46,111 --> 00:09:49,068 You know, I'm actually a year younger than Sam. 166 00:09:49,071 --> 00:09:50,948 Oh, are you? 167 00:09:50,951 --> 00:09:53,669 I am sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. 168 00:09:53,669 --> 00:09:57,948 Come to think of it, you do look a similar age... 169 00:09:57,951 --> 00:10:01,591 if you don't count the face area. 170 00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:06,828 We were just saying, we don't mind if you want to sit somewhere else. 171 00:10:06,831 --> 00:10:11,068 We spend most of the day eyeing up men and talking about sex. 172 00:10:11,071 --> 00:10:12,870 We wouldn't want to offend you. 173 00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:16,750 Oh, I've been around the block a few times, don't you worry. 174 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,471 I could be your look out. 175 00:10:22,591 --> 00:10:25,789 Fresh bit of meat at 11 o'clock. 176 00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:30,311 Hey! Nice one, Noreen! 177 00:10:36,951 --> 00:10:40,429 What can I do you for, young man? Hello. Is Liam around? 178 00:10:40,429 --> 00:10:42,590 Not right now. Can I give him a message? 179 00:10:42,591 --> 00:10:44,709 Yeah. I just need to give him some keys. 180 00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:47,110 Ah. You must be Jack, his new flat mate. 181 00:10:47,111 --> 00:10:48,948 Liam's my son. 182 00:10:48,951 --> 00:10:51,831 Oh, hello. I thought he said his mum lived in the UK. 183 00:10:52,990 --> 00:10:55,948 She does. I'm-I'm his dad. 184 00:10:55,951 --> 00:10:58,350 Oh, right. 185 00:10:58,351 --> 00:11:01,068 Sorry, it's just that in Benidorm, 186 00:11:01,071 --> 00:11:04,470 you get loads of ugly, middle aged women with deep voices. 187 00:11:04,471 --> 00:11:07,269 No offence. No, no, no, no. 188 00:11:07,270 --> 00:11:09,549 None taken... I think. 189 00:11:10,510 --> 00:11:13,630 Yes, pet? Cup of tea and a Diet Coke please. 190 00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,311 Coming right up. 191 00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,711 Oh, my God. 192 00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:24,709 What are you doing here? I'm sorry? 193 00:11:24,711 --> 00:11:26,909 How did you know I was here? I didn't. 194 00:11:26,911 --> 00:11:30,750 Oh, right. So it's a big coincidence, is it? 195 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:34,029 Look, Jack, you got into enough trouble last time we met. 196 00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:36,669 I think it's best if you just go. 197 00:11:36,669 --> 00:11:39,029 How do you know my name? You what? 198 00:11:39,030 --> 00:11:41,351 You just called me Jack. How do you know my name? 199 00:11:41,351 --> 00:11:43,149 Have we met before? 200 00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:46,828 Well, apart from you stalking me and ruining my mother's wedding day? 201 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,669 Are you taking the piss? Jack! Are you all moved in? 202 00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:52,429 All right, mate. Yeah, sweet, all sorted. 203 00:11:52,429 --> 00:11:55,709 Here. One set of keys, returned as promised. Brilliant. 204 00:11:55,711 --> 00:11:58,030 I've got to put up a sign. It'll only take ten minutes. 205 00:11:58,030 --> 00:12:00,831 Then I'm on a break. JACK: I'll just chill here. Cool. 206 00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:04,510 I hope you find who you're looking for. 207 00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,191 One cup of tea, one Diet Coke. 208 00:12:09,831 --> 00:12:12,831 Everything all right? No, it's not. 209 00:12:17,191 --> 00:12:22,350 Now, we need to make sure the water's not too hot. Hot. 210 00:12:22,351 --> 00:12:24,068 Mr Dixon's son is a solicitor. 211 00:12:24,071 --> 00:12:27,389 We don't want to be sued from arsehole to breakfast time, do we? 212 00:12:27,390 --> 00:12:30,429 Actually, he's a barrister. Best keep your mouth shut, Mr Dixon. 213 00:12:30,429 --> 00:12:33,110 We don't want it filling up with hot water, do we? 214 00:12:33,111 --> 00:12:35,309 Now we put on the shampoo. 215 00:12:35,311 --> 00:12:37,030 Shampoo. 216 00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:40,389 That's right. 217 00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:43,230 Now, I know this seems extravagant for that amount of hair, 218 00:12:43,231 --> 00:12:45,029 but we never discriminate... 219 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,389 even if the client is a breath away from death. 220 00:12:47,390 --> 00:12:50,429 It is perfume-free shampoo, isn't it? 221 00:12:50,429 --> 00:12:53,948 I have a bit of an eczema problem around the scalp. 222 00:12:53,951 --> 00:12:58,429 Can you be quiet, please, Mr Dixon? Tricky part of the operation, this. 223 00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,191 Plus you may as well save your breath... 224 00:13:00,192 --> 00:13:03,230 Carmen's still not up to speed with the language. Lovely, Carmen. 225 00:13:03,231 --> 00:13:06,269 Ooh, that'll be the new sign. 226 00:13:06,270 --> 00:13:08,510 I'll be back in a minute. 227 00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:15,870 More, more. 228 00:13:17,510 --> 00:13:20,951 Are you going anywhere nice on your holidays? 229 00:13:23,630 --> 00:13:26,630 Oh, thanks Liam. I owe you a drink. 230 00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:29,470 No worries. I said when it came I'd put it up for you. 231 00:13:29,471 --> 00:13:32,549 When you've finished with the sign, we can go grab a spare room! 232 00:13:32,549 --> 00:13:34,309 Hey, cheeky! 233 00:13:34,311 --> 00:13:37,149 What's going on here? I'm re-branding. 234 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,831 Blow and Go? 235 00:13:40,789 --> 00:13:43,951 Take that sign down now. 236 00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:48,029 Leave that sign where it is. 237 00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:50,351 I am telling you to take down that sign. 238 00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:54,188 And I am telling you to leave that sign where it is. 239 00:13:54,191 --> 00:13:56,909 Make a decision! I don't know if I'm coming or going. 240 00:13:56,911 --> 00:13:59,549 It's this kind of filth that's going to downgrade us 241 00:13:59,549 --> 00:14:03,429 to a two star rating and I'm trying to get us up to a four. 242 00:14:05,191 --> 00:14:08,269 I think you'll find the only filth is in your mind. 243 00:14:08,270 --> 00:14:11,870 I am Derby Blow Wave champion six years running. 244 00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:15,429 I am at the cutting edge of fashion and hair design 245 00:14:15,429 --> 00:14:17,590 and I'm not letting you stand in way 246 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,870 of me attracting a young, hip, trendy clientele. 247 00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:24,230 I think I've had a bit of a reaction to that shampoo. 248 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,789 Oh, my God! 249 00:14:33,231 --> 00:14:36,149 Of course it's him. 250 00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:38,630 I'd recognise that skinny little runt anywhere. 251 00:14:38,630 --> 00:14:41,669 He wants to thank his lucky stars my Mel's not still around... 252 00:14:41,669 --> 00:14:43,591 we'd have a bloodbath on our hands. 253 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,188 What if he's still hanging around when Mick gets here? 254 00:14:46,191 --> 00:14:49,669 Ooh, that's a point. If Mick starts, skinny or not, 255 00:14:49,669 --> 00:14:52,429 that lad'll make mince meat out of that big pudding. 256 00:14:52,429 --> 00:14:54,230 I beg your pardon? 257 00:14:54,231 --> 00:14:56,828 My husband is very capable of defending my honour. 258 00:14:56,831 --> 00:14:59,149 And where is he when you need him? 259 00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:02,068 He's been at home making sure we've got a business to go back to 260 00:15:02,071 --> 00:15:03,909 when we've finished this holiday. 261 00:15:03,911 --> 00:15:06,351 And when he comes here, he'll find you sitting there 262 00:15:06,351 --> 00:15:09,029 slavering over the lad you had a fling with. 263 00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:12,669 I did not have a fling with him, and I'm not slavering. 264 00:15:12,669 --> 00:15:17,429 I just told you, I met him once and he became obsessed with me. 265 00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:21,990 Oh, I can see that. He can't keep his eyes off you! 266 00:15:27,591 --> 00:15:30,309 Why are you girls sitting in the shade? 267 00:15:30,311 --> 00:15:34,669 You're welcome to join me here. I don't bite, unless you ask nicely. 268 00:15:34,669 --> 00:15:36,351 I like the sound of that. 269 00:15:37,951 --> 00:15:40,068 All right, less is more. 270 00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:41,789 In the buffet of life, 271 00:15:41,789 --> 00:15:45,591 you get nothing for standing at the back of the queue. 272 00:15:49,911 --> 00:15:51,669 Excuse me. I want a word with you. 273 00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:55,149 Oh, no, not again. I don't know what your game is, lad, 274 00:15:55,150 --> 00:15:57,111 but I'd make yourself scarce if I were you. 275 00:15:57,111 --> 00:15:59,068 Calm down, She-Ra. 276 00:15:59,071 --> 00:16:02,549 You what? Don't Trudy. She's a nutter. 277 00:16:02,549 --> 00:16:05,110 I think I can sort this out, ladies. 278 00:16:05,111 --> 00:16:07,149 I obviously look like someone you know. 279 00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:10,269 But I can assure you we've never met. 280 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:13,270 A case of rather sad but wishful thinking. 281 00:16:14,429 --> 00:16:16,789 Better luck next time, love. 282 00:16:16,789 --> 00:16:20,068 You're starting to get on my nerves, lady. It's just a misunderstanding. 283 00:16:20,071 --> 00:16:22,110 Just keep your distance, soft lad, 284 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:25,110 because if my husband sees you're still stalking me 285 00:16:25,111 --> 00:16:29,549 when he gets here later on, believe me, your life won't be worth living. 286 00:16:29,549 --> 00:16:34,470 Stalking you? I didn't realise it was grab a granny week. 287 00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:36,549 No, it's not. 288 00:16:36,549 --> 00:16:40,029 Oh, my God! It's strangle a slapper week. 289 00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:43,429 And unless you want a bit more of this, I recommend you take yourself, 290 00:16:43,429 --> 00:16:45,750 your skanky mate and your 12-year-old boyfriend 291 00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:49,269 as far away from me as possible. Use both hands! 292 00:16:49,270 --> 00:16:51,870 I know what I'm doing, thank you, mother. 293 00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:54,549 I can't breathe! And for your information, 294 00:16:54,549 --> 00:16:56,909 I a grandmother and proud of it. 295 00:16:56,911 --> 00:16:58,990 What's going on here? 296 00:17:00,150 --> 00:17:02,590 Just a bit of friendly advice. 297 00:17:03,671 --> 00:17:07,068 You should have ripped her head off and thrown it in the pool. 298 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:10,469 Don't be ridiculous, mother. Our Michael's got to swim in that. 299 00:17:10,470 --> 00:17:12,229 Well? 300 00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:15,631 Well what?! That mad bitch just nearly killed me! 301 00:17:15,710 --> 00:17:18,749 Shh, shh. This is not the kind of behaviour 302 00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:21,749 we tolerate at a Solana resort. 303 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:26,230 You're not in some grubby Spanish all inclusive now, you know. 304 00:17:28,711 --> 00:17:30,869 I've got my eye on you two. 305 00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:33,230 That was unbelievable. 306 00:17:33,231 --> 00:17:37,510 Yeah. Thanks for jumping so gallantly to my defence! 307 00:17:37,511 --> 00:17:40,950 Oh, God, what do you call it? Grievous bodily harm. 308 00:17:40,951 --> 00:17:43,230 No. Out of Star Wars. 309 00:17:43,231 --> 00:17:45,790 Darth Vader Death Grip. That's it! 310 00:17:45,791 --> 00:17:48,310 Wicked! 311 00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:50,751 Right, that's all sorted. 312 00:17:52,830 --> 00:17:55,830 I see you've made friends already. 313 00:18:01,131 --> 00:18:05,010 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, senors and senoritas, 314 00:18:05,010 --> 00:18:08,210 mein herr and mein... him. 315 00:18:08,211 --> 00:18:10,970 Joyce Temple-Savage here, your Solana manageress, 316 00:18:10,971 --> 00:18:13,770 reminding you of tonight's dance competition. 317 00:18:13,770 --> 00:18:18,049 Rehearsal space will be available in the Hawaiian function room 318 00:18:18,051 --> 00:18:23,530 with coaching from TV's very own Cyril Babcock. 319 00:18:32,731 --> 00:18:35,970 OK, OK, stop the music. 320 00:18:35,971 --> 00:18:39,370 Thank you, Irene, Brendan. Just stay there for a minute. 321 00:18:39,371 --> 00:18:42,651 Now, where do I start? 322 00:18:43,810 --> 00:18:46,890 That was supposed to be the Argentine Tango. 323 00:18:46,891 --> 00:18:49,130 I could see nothing resembling a Tango 324 00:18:49,131 --> 00:18:51,370 and the only thing that reminded me of Argentina 325 00:18:51,371 --> 00:18:53,770 was the fact you looked like two lumps of corned beef 326 00:18:53,771 --> 00:18:56,931 shuffling around the floor. OK, assume the position. 327 00:18:58,411 --> 00:19:01,329 No, no, no, no, no. 328 00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:03,569 This is the Tango. 329 00:19:03,570 --> 00:19:07,369 It's about passion, it's about lust, it's about sex. 330 00:19:07,371 --> 00:19:10,930 I need you both oozing sexuality. 331 00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:13,809 I think Irene and Brendan could start oozing a few things, 332 00:19:13,810 --> 00:19:15,609 but sexuality is not one of them. 333 00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:19,569 Oh, I don't know. I like bald men who wear glasses. 334 00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:21,329 Do you? Oh, yeah. 335 00:19:21,330 --> 00:19:23,970 And I like bald men who don't wear glasses. 336 00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:25,770 Right. 337 00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:29,089 I'm quite keen on men with hair that don't wear glasses, too. 338 00:19:29,090 --> 00:19:32,849 Oh, yeah? And of course, I love men with hair 339 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:34,970 that do wear glasses. 340 00:19:34,971 --> 00:19:37,370 I suppose you could save a bit of time 341 00:19:37,371 --> 00:19:39,849 and just say you like all men, really. 342 00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:41,809 Oh, yeah. 343 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:44,210 And women, of course. 344 00:19:44,211 --> 00:19:48,491 I'm not fussed either way if they wear glasses or not. 345 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,730 I think you've made a rod for your own back 346 00:19:56,731 --> 00:19:59,370 as far as she's concerned, son. What does this mean? 347 00:19:59,371 --> 00:20:01,890 With Joyce, man. She thinks it's game on. 348 00:20:01,891 --> 00:20:05,569 One smile from you and she'll jump on you like a tramp on a kipper. 349 00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:08,170 Can you stop talking like this? I do not understand. 350 00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:10,570 You've got to tell her you're not interested, man. 351 00:20:10,571 --> 00:20:14,049 You've got to lay your cards on the table. Lay them on the table? 352 00:20:14,051 --> 00:20:16,289 Absolutely. But remember, she's the boss. 353 00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:19,089 Just you make sure you let her down gently. 354 00:20:19,090 --> 00:20:21,770 OK, you two, Maria and Pilar are taking over here. 355 00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:24,130 I want you both in the Hawaiian function room. 356 00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:26,730 Bit top heavy on women dancers so we need a couple of men 357 00:20:26,731 --> 00:20:28,730 to balance things out. Nae bother. 358 00:20:28,731 --> 00:20:31,450 My wig was starting to chafe in this heat anyway. 359 00:20:31,451 --> 00:20:34,250 I'll just gan swill my face. Spoken like a true lady! 360 00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:36,090 Mateo? 361 00:20:37,491 --> 00:20:39,250 A word, please. 362 00:20:39,251 --> 00:20:41,691 Come on, come on. 363 00:20:49,931 --> 00:20:55,450 I think it only fair to tell you that I heard what you said earlier. 364 00:20:55,451 --> 00:20:57,450 Yes. I need to talk to you about this. 365 00:20:57,451 --> 00:20:59,210 Yes. 366 00:20:59,211 --> 00:21:01,170 I am sorry I made a rod for you. 367 00:21:01,171 --> 00:21:02,890 Ooh. 368 00:21:02,891 --> 00:21:06,010 Well, thankfully you were standing behind the bar at the time 369 00:21:06,010 --> 00:21:07,930 and nobody noticed. 370 00:21:07,931 --> 00:21:11,930 Miss Temple-Savage, listen to me. Yes. 371 00:21:11,931 --> 00:21:15,691 I have many cards and I need to lay you on the table. 372 00:21:17,051 --> 00:21:18,970 Please, call me Joyce. 373 00:21:18,971 --> 00:21:22,770 Joyce, I need you to know how I feel. 374 00:21:22,770 --> 00:21:26,809 I want you to go... down gently. 375 00:21:26,810 --> 00:21:30,650 Well, don't worry. I've got a lot of experience. 376 00:21:30,651 --> 00:21:32,450 You're in very safe hands. 377 00:21:32,451 --> 00:21:35,930 Erm... you wanted to see me? 378 00:21:35,931 --> 00:21:38,010 Yes! 379 00:21:39,211 --> 00:21:41,891 Hasta la vista, carino. 380 00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:46,451 Can you dance? No. 381 00:21:50,891 --> 00:21:53,490 Don't worry, it's still there. What is? 382 00:21:53,491 --> 00:21:55,530 Your head. 383 00:21:56,691 --> 00:21:58,611 Here you are, get that down your necks. 384 00:21:58,612 --> 00:22:00,809 Nice one. 385 00:22:00,810 --> 00:22:03,289 Thank you. Everything all right? 386 00:22:03,290 --> 00:22:06,690 Here he is. Come on, son. You're a drink behind. 387 00:22:06,691 --> 00:22:09,970 You lot go without me. I've got to stay and dance with some pensioners. 388 00:22:09,971 --> 00:22:12,290 Oh, my God, mate. Your job is just mental! 389 00:22:15,371 --> 00:22:17,089 Is it for this dance competition? 390 00:22:17,090 --> 00:22:20,049 Yeah. I've told my boss I'm no good at dancing 391 00:22:20,051 --> 00:22:22,130 but she said I've got to make up the numbers. 392 00:22:22,131 --> 00:22:26,329 There's a prize for 100 euros, isn't there? A voucher for the salon, yeah. 393 00:22:26,330 --> 00:22:28,369 Great. I'll come with you. 394 00:22:28,371 --> 00:22:30,570 Why don't we all go? It'll be a laugh. 395 00:22:30,570 --> 00:22:32,211 Don't put yourself out. 396 00:22:34,570 --> 00:22:37,450 I don't think your mate likes me. No, I don't think she does. 397 00:22:37,451 --> 00:22:39,370 Oh, no, I'm choked. 398 00:22:39,371 --> 00:22:41,171 Did you get it? Choked. 399 00:22:42,491 --> 00:22:44,691 Yeah. Hilarious! 400 00:22:55,251 --> 00:23:01,849 No, no. Stop the music. I'm sorry. I can't watch any more of this. 401 00:23:01,851 --> 00:23:06,250 Our friend in the yellow, with the blistered forehead - your name is? 402 00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:07,970 Mr Dixon. 403 00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:13,569 Mr Dixon. I'm sorry, sir, but your timing is all over the place. 404 00:23:13,570 --> 00:23:16,930 Feet are very heavy and plodding, there's far too much hesitation. 405 00:23:16,931 --> 00:23:19,890 There's no connection with the music. 406 00:23:19,891 --> 00:23:23,210 I mean, it's a disaster. It's an unmitigated disaster. 407 00:23:23,211 --> 00:23:27,490 Well, I must say, I haven't taken to the floor in some time. 408 00:23:27,491 --> 00:23:29,809 You nearly took to the floor for the last time 409 00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:31,849 the way our friend in blue was dragging you. 410 00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:34,450 Does he owe you money or something? You what? 411 00:23:34,451 --> 00:23:36,730 I mean, a lady of your petite size 412 00:23:36,731 --> 00:23:41,490 should have style and grace to spare, but it's just terrible. 413 00:23:41,491 --> 00:23:44,010 What's your name, my darling? 414 00:23:44,010 --> 00:23:46,170 My name is Madge. 415 00:23:46,171 --> 00:23:49,410 Madge. I just don't know where to start. 416 00:23:49,411 --> 00:23:53,130 Your head position is all over the place, your lines were dreadful. 417 00:23:53,131 --> 00:23:57,609 You're not extending from the hip. I'm lost for words. 418 00:23:57,611 --> 00:24:01,450 Really? Well, for somebody who doesn't know what to say, 419 00:24:01,451 --> 00:24:04,130 you're something of a gob shite. 420 00:24:04,131 --> 00:24:06,250 I beg your pardon? 421 00:24:06,251 --> 00:24:08,930 Listen here. I was doing the Viennese waltz 422 00:24:08,931 --> 00:24:13,490 before I you could walk. And don't talk to me about style and grace 423 00:24:13,491 --> 00:24:15,890 standing there looking like a busted orange 424 00:24:15,891 --> 00:24:19,329 with your nylon wig and your big girl's blouse. 425 00:24:19,330 --> 00:24:21,529 And as for extending from the hip, 426 00:24:21,530 --> 00:24:25,569 I'll be extending my right fist into that fat, ugly face of yours 427 00:24:25,570 --> 00:24:28,210 if you don't learn some manners! 428 00:24:28,211 --> 00:24:31,089 Ladies and gents, I think it's time for a break. Yeah! 429 00:24:31,090 --> 00:24:33,690 It'll be your fat neck if I get another peep out of you. 430 00:24:33,691 --> 00:24:35,690 Look, Maud - Madge! 431 00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:38,970 Madge. You're very welcome to leave at any time. 432 00:24:38,971 --> 00:24:42,690 I am merely here to offer people some expert advice 433 00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:45,131 and point them in the right direction. Direction? 434 00:24:45,132 --> 00:24:47,289 You couldn't direct piss into a bucket! 435 00:24:47,290 --> 00:24:51,849 Mother, sit down. Yeah, show Squirrel some respect. 436 00:24:51,850 --> 00:24:54,049 Thank you, I - I beg your pardon? 437 00:24:54,050 --> 00:24:56,010 You are the teacher, she is the pupil. 438 00:24:56,011 --> 00:24:59,289 She should show you some respect. No, I mean, what did you call me? 439 00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:02,650 Squirrel. Squirrel? 440 00:25:02,651 --> 00:25:05,849 Yes. It's your name - Squirrel Bigcock. 441 00:25:05,851 --> 00:25:08,130 It's a stage name, yes? 442 00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:11,289 Squirrel Bigcock? 443 00:25:11,290 --> 00:25:14,250 My name is Cyril Babcock. 444 00:25:14,251 --> 00:25:16,170 Oh. 445 00:25:16,171 --> 00:25:18,849 Is the same, no? No, it is not the same. 446 00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:21,369 Keep your opinions to yourself. You're staff. 447 00:25:21,371 --> 00:25:25,410 You should speak when spoken to. Hey, what is wrong with you? 448 00:25:25,411 --> 00:25:27,289 I was saying you are the teacher. 449 00:25:27,290 --> 00:25:30,809 If I was teaching someone to dance, I would want some respect. 450 00:25:30,810 --> 00:25:34,930 Yes, well, you're not a dancer. You mop up spilt drinks for a living. 451 00:25:34,931 --> 00:25:37,650 Go and sit down, young man. I think we can all do with a... 452 00:25:37,651 --> 00:25:40,650 I can dance better than you. 453 00:25:40,651 --> 00:25:46,611 Would you care to repeat that? I can dance better than you. 454 00:25:48,131 --> 00:25:53,570 Are you challenging me to a dance off, young man? 455 00:25:54,891 --> 00:25:57,650 Mateo versus Squirrel. 456 00:25:57,651 --> 00:25:59,451 Let's do it. 457 00:26:01,251 --> 00:26:03,290 Music! 458 00:26:32,251 --> 00:26:34,049 What's going on here? 459 00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:36,010 Cyril and Mateo are having a dance off. 460 00:26:39,131 --> 00:26:40,890 Well, he's here to teach. 461 00:26:40,891 --> 00:26:43,770 He shouldn't be dancing like that. He's got a heart condition. 462 00:26:49,290 --> 00:26:51,570 Do you know him, like? 463 00:26:51,570 --> 00:26:57,010 Well... we worked together in a Club Med resort in the early nineties. 464 00:26:57,010 --> 00:26:59,569 I was a rep 465 00:26:59,570 --> 00:27:04,930 and Cyril and his wife, well, they were resident dancing instructors. 466 00:27:04,931 --> 00:27:07,411 We were very close. 467 00:27:08,570 --> 00:27:10,971 I mean, just good friends. He was a married man. 468 00:27:19,051 --> 00:27:22,251 Anyway, that was all a long time ago. 469 00:27:58,810 --> 00:28:00,731 Ole! 470 00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:09,010 Oh! 471 00:28:09,010 --> 00:28:11,450 Oh, my God, my God! 472 00:28:11,451 --> 00:28:13,289 Cyril! Are you OK? 473 00:28:13,290 --> 00:28:17,289 Joyce. My darling Joyce. 474 00:28:17,290 --> 00:28:19,051 It's been a long time. 475 00:28:26,738 --> 00:28:29,777 Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor? 476 00:28:29,078 --> 00:28:32,998 I'm fine, I'm fine. I just need to get my breath back. 477 00:28:34,318 --> 00:28:37,475 I'd heard you were working here. I assumed you were avoiding me. 478 00:28:37,478 --> 00:28:40,038 Not at all, Cyril. Why would I do that? 479 00:28:41,397 --> 00:28:44,676 I just didn't want to make things difficult for you. 480 00:28:44,677 --> 00:28:48,235 You know your wife didn't like me. I assumed she'd be here. 481 00:28:48,238 --> 00:28:51,037 Genevieve died in 2001. 482 00:28:51,038 --> 00:28:53,916 Oh, Cyril, I'm so sorry. 483 00:28:53,917 --> 00:28:57,317 It was a steam roller accident at a country fair. 484 00:28:57,318 --> 00:29:00,715 Oh, my God. She was run over by a steam roller? 485 00:29:00,716 --> 00:29:03,037 No, no. Nothing as horrific as that. 486 00:29:03,038 --> 00:29:06,235 She was driving it. Had a heart attack at the wheel. 487 00:29:06,238 --> 00:29:08,676 I'm so sorry. 488 00:29:08,677 --> 00:29:11,037 The two main loves in Genevieve's life 489 00:29:11,038 --> 00:29:14,037 were dance and agricultural machinery. 490 00:29:14,038 --> 00:29:18,475 She used to show tractors, ploughs and such at these country fairs. 491 00:29:18,478 --> 00:29:21,317 It became something of an obsession. 492 00:29:21,318 --> 00:29:26,715 She was only 56 when she died. She'd just put a deposit down 493 00:29:26,716 --> 00:29:30,637 on a four wheel drive rear-mounted hydraulic potato sorter. 494 00:29:32,358 --> 00:29:34,558 It was delivered on the day of her funeral. 495 00:29:35,478 --> 00:29:37,196 She never even saw it. 496 00:29:39,318 --> 00:29:43,317 But listen to me dancing down memory lane! How are you? 497 00:29:43,318 --> 00:29:46,916 You look radiant. 498 00:29:46,917 --> 00:29:49,715 You haven't aged a day since Faliraki. 499 00:29:49,716 --> 00:29:51,837 I certainly feel as though I have. 500 00:29:51,838 --> 00:29:56,837 No, I'm fine. You know me, same old Joyce. All work and no play. 501 00:29:56,838 --> 00:29:58,557 Married? No. 502 00:29:58,558 --> 00:30:02,397 But you must have a gentlemen friend. No. Not really. 503 00:30:02,397 --> 00:30:04,955 I just don't understand it, Joyce. 504 00:30:04,956 --> 00:30:07,436 I was never what you'd call handsome 505 00:30:07,436 --> 00:30:09,715 but I seemed to get the pick of the crop. 506 00:30:09,716 --> 00:30:17,037 Whereas you are as beautiful and as ravishing as you were 20 years ago, 507 00:30:17,038 --> 00:30:19,156 yet you seem just as lonely. 508 00:30:19,157 --> 00:30:24,757 Something has happened... very recently, here in fact. 509 00:30:24,758 --> 00:30:29,676 He's far too young for me, but he's very keen. 510 00:30:29,677 --> 00:30:34,916 Of course he is. He'd be a fool not to be. 511 00:30:34,917 --> 00:30:38,517 Ah, Squirrel. Are you sure you are OK? 512 00:30:38,518 --> 00:30:42,317 I have somebody outside who can take you to the hospital. 513 00:30:42,318 --> 00:30:47,037 Suddenly everything seems very clear. 514 00:30:47,038 --> 00:30:50,196 Mr Babcock is fine, Mateo, 515 00:30:50,196 --> 00:30:52,715 if you'd like to get back to work. 516 00:30:52,716 --> 00:30:57,436 Hey, Squirrel, you are a good dancer, you know. 517 00:30:57,436 --> 00:30:59,517 I think you won. 518 00:30:59,518 --> 00:31:01,837 No. 519 00:31:01,838 --> 00:31:07,157 No, my friend. I think you'll find you are the winner. 520 00:31:22,518 --> 00:31:27,877 OK, ladies and gentlemen, let's get the contest off to a great start 521 00:31:27,877 --> 00:31:30,317 with contestants number one. 522 00:31:30,318 --> 00:31:34,037 Please welcome to the floor, dancing the Lambada, 523 00:31:34,038 --> 00:31:36,475 Donald and Jacqueline Stewart. 524 00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:39,118 Let's hear it, folks. 525 00:32:04,278 --> 00:32:07,196 Oh, my God. That is rough! 526 00:32:07,196 --> 00:32:11,235 They're actually not that bad. They're better than me and Trudy. 527 00:32:11,238 --> 00:32:14,156 How you getting on with Sam? She's dead nice, isn't she? 528 00:32:14,157 --> 00:32:16,757 Yeah, she's OK. Not my type, though. 529 00:32:16,758 --> 00:32:19,518 No? What is your type? 530 00:32:20,877 --> 00:32:22,877 Specific, mate. 531 00:32:24,278 --> 00:32:26,238 Very specific. 532 00:32:30,877 --> 00:32:33,037 She's gonna put her back out. 533 00:32:33,038 --> 00:32:35,676 And then when he falls on top of her, that'll be her lot. 534 00:32:35,677 --> 00:32:37,877 Thank you and good night. 535 00:32:37,877 --> 00:32:41,077 Are you nervous, Michael? I wanted my dad to see me. 536 00:32:41,078 --> 00:32:45,877 Where is he? He was supposed to be here ages ago. Why hasn't he rang? 537 00:32:45,877 --> 00:32:48,877 The flight must have been delayed. He'll be here soon. 538 00:32:48,877 --> 00:32:52,357 Maybe he's had a better offer. What does that mean? 539 00:32:52,358 --> 00:32:55,077 He's always had a wandering eye, that one. 540 00:32:55,078 --> 00:32:59,357 On a plane, all them young dolly bird stewardesses. 541 00:32:59,358 --> 00:33:01,877 You won't see him tonight. 542 00:33:04,358 --> 00:33:06,995 Oh, look, she's coming over now. 543 00:33:06,998 --> 00:33:10,235 You better say something or she'll be sniffing round you all season 544 00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:12,037 like a fly round a cow's arse. 545 00:33:12,038 --> 00:33:15,517 But I've tried. I cannot make her understand. You must help me. 546 00:33:15,518 --> 00:33:17,758 Oh, sorry pal, you're on your own with this one. 547 00:33:21,478 --> 00:33:27,156 We need to talk. Get two gin and lemons and join me over there. 548 00:33:27,157 --> 00:33:31,238 But I don't like gin. Oh, yes. Bring a drink for yourself. 549 00:33:42,518 --> 00:33:47,156 Donald and Jacqueline there with their unique take on the Lambada. 550 00:33:47,157 --> 00:33:49,757 Can we have a mop and bucket on that floor, please? 551 00:33:49,758 --> 00:33:55,077 Next up we have Michael Garvey with his solo street dance. 552 00:33:55,078 --> 00:33:56,758 Let's hear it for Michael. 553 00:34:31,476 --> 00:34:33,156 Miss Temple-Savage - Joyce. 554 00:34:33,158 --> 00:34:35,995 Joyce, I need to tell you something. Please, let me speak first. 555 00:34:35,995 --> 00:34:38,116 No, this is very important. You and me... 556 00:34:38,118 --> 00:34:41,636 it's never going to happen. If you'll just listen - What? 557 00:34:41,638 --> 00:34:44,956 You're a handsome man and I am very flattered, 558 00:34:44,956 --> 00:34:47,196 but you're not the one for me. 559 00:34:47,197 --> 00:34:48,877 OK. 560 00:34:48,877 --> 00:34:50,716 I know this is going to be very difficult 561 00:34:50,716 --> 00:34:54,275 but you're going to have to put your passion for me to one side. 562 00:34:54,275 --> 00:34:58,077 See, I've already missed an opportunity to be with somebody 563 00:34:58,078 --> 00:35:00,397 that I cared for very deeply. 564 00:35:00,397 --> 00:35:04,676 Now circumstances mean there's another chance. 565 00:35:04,678 --> 00:35:09,357 And at my age, that's something you can't pass up on. 566 00:35:10,997 --> 00:35:13,517 I'm going to need some Dutch courage. 567 00:35:15,957 --> 00:35:18,758 Oh, I'm sorry. What is it you wanted to say to me? 568 00:35:33,917 --> 00:35:39,796 Michael Garvey there with a very modern and novel routine. 569 00:35:39,798 --> 00:35:46,718 Next up, with a twist, we have Mateo Castellano and Noreen Maltby. 570 00:36:23,198 --> 00:36:26,156 Oh, you little beauty! 571 00:36:26,158 --> 00:36:28,477 I'm not dancing. What are you having to drink? 572 00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:30,316 Nothing. I'm fine. 573 00:36:30,317 --> 00:36:32,477 This is gonna be a fun evening, isn't it? 574 00:36:32,477 --> 00:36:34,798 He hasn't called. Of course he hasn't called you. 575 00:36:34,799 --> 00:36:38,397 It was you who suggested coming out here on your own. 576 00:36:38,397 --> 00:36:40,357 Oh, look. 577 00:36:40,357 --> 00:36:43,477 Just because he hasn't rung doesn't mean he loves you any less. 578 00:36:43,477 --> 00:36:45,316 No, it's quite the reverse. 579 00:36:45,317 --> 00:36:48,756 He thinks you've asked for a bit of space and he's giving it to you. 580 00:36:48,758 --> 00:36:51,198 That's how much he loves you. 581 00:36:58,718 --> 00:37:01,156 Now will you please show how much you love me 582 00:37:01,158 --> 00:37:03,678 and win this competition so I don't have to pay out? 583 00:37:04,718 --> 00:37:07,196 I'm not dancing with you. Yes! 584 00:37:07,198 --> 00:37:10,837 Now, don't worry. Your dance partner should be here along any minute now. 585 00:37:10,837 --> 00:37:13,158 Who? Shh! 586 00:37:14,357 --> 00:37:16,558 Whoa! 587 00:38:07,598 --> 00:38:10,357 Don't think Sam and Jack are getting on too well. 588 00:38:10,357 --> 00:38:12,276 I think he likes her. Really? 589 00:38:12,278 --> 00:38:15,156 Well, when I say that, I mean he hasn't tried to strangle her yet. 590 00:38:15,158 --> 00:38:18,077 He's a bit weird, isn't he? I thought he was your mate. 591 00:38:18,078 --> 00:38:20,957 No, he just answered an ad in the paper about my spare room. 592 00:38:20,957 --> 00:38:23,557 You just gave it to the first nutter that came along? 593 00:38:23,558 --> 00:38:25,397 Genius! 594 00:38:30,798 --> 00:38:35,196 That was Liam and Trudy. Very nicely done. 595 00:38:35,198 --> 00:38:40,116 Next on the floor with the pasodoble, Gavin Ramsbottom and partner. 596 00:38:40,118 --> 00:38:41,917 Right. Come on, you, get on your feet. 597 00:38:41,919 --> 00:38:43,917 It's you, isn't it? I'm dancing with you? 598 00:38:43,919 --> 00:38:46,758 Forget about it. I'm not making a fool of myself! 599 00:40:04,317 --> 00:40:08,316 There's a turn up for the books. The pros are in tonight, folks. 600 00:40:08,317 --> 00:40:11,837 Next in line are Janice and Mick Garvey. 601 00:40:15,598 --> 00:40:19,357 Sorry, love, he's not here. Well, there's a surprise! 602 00:40:19,357 --> 00:40:22,196 I wonder who she is this time. 603 00:40:22,198 --> 00:40:24,796 I've never spoken to you like this before, mother, 604 00:40:24,798 --> 00:40:26,676 and God forgive me for saying it, 605 00:40:26,678 --> 00:40:29,676 but if you don't shut your gob, I will happily shut it for you! 606 00:40:29,678 --> 00:40:35,917 Never mind. That just leaves us with our final contestants, Jack and Sam. 607 00:40:35,917 --> 00:40:39,517 I hope that's not two fellas. We do have some standards, you know. 608 00:40:39,517 --> 00:40:42,236 Where are you, Jack and Sam? We didn't rehearse anything. 609 00:40:42,238 --> 00:40:45,196 What dance are we supposed to be doing? A gentleman's excuse me. 610 00:40:45,198 --> 00:40:47,317 How does that go? It's easy. Excuse me. 611 00:40:49,118 --> 00:40:51,116 May I have this dance? 612 00:40:51,118 --> 00:40:54,997 No, you may not. Now piss off. Now, now, that's not very nice. 613 00:41:09,397 --> 00:41:13,517 What is wrong with your mate? I told you, he's mental. 614 00:41:13,517 --> 00:41:15,997 He's not my mate. He just answered an ad in the paper. 615 00:41:17,957 --> 00:41:20,158 An ad for what? Psychotic nut job? 616 00:41:22,598 --> 00:41:24,357 Let go of me. 617 00:41:24,357 --> 00:41:27,077 I'm sorry for pretending not to recognise you, Janice. 618 00:41:27,078 --> 00:41:29,437 It just that the last time we bumped into each other, 619 00:41:29,439 --> 00:41:33,196 you weren't that keen, so I thought I'd try a bit of reverse psychology. 620 00:41:33,198 --> 00:41:35,437 When that didn't work, I realised I would have to 621 00:41:35,439 --> 00:41:37,596 go for good old fashioned brute force. 622 00:41:37,598 --> 00:41:39,596 Let go of me! I don't even know you 623 00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:41,477 and my husband will be here in a minute. 624 00:41:41,479 --> 00:41:43,596 I'll believe that when I see it. 625 00:41:43,598 --> 00:41:45,798 Fancy meeting you here. Mick. 626 00:41:52,917 --> 00:41:55,596 Who's that knob head? Somebody who thought he was helping 627 00:41:55,598 --> 00:41:58,638 until you got here. Yeah, well, I'm here now. 628 00:42:01,598 --> 00:42:05,596 I want a word with you. What? Outside now. 629 00:42:05,598 --> 00:42:09,078 Who died and left you a pair of balls? Outside! 630 00:42:15,238 --> 00:42:16,957 What? 631 00:42:16,957 --> 00:42:18,997 Keys. 632 00:42:18,997 --> 00:42:20,796 What? Keys to my flat. 633 00:42:20,798 --> 00:42:22,557 I've changed my mind. 634 00:42:22,558 --> 00:42:24,957 Don't be like that, Liam. I thought we were friends. 635 00:42:24,959 --> 00:42:28,156 I don't want a coward who goes around threatening women 636 00:42:28,158 --> 00:42:31,397 as a flatmate, and I certainly don't want him as a friend. 637 00:42:31,397 --> 00:42:34,437 Well, I'm sorry mate. That's not the way I see it. 638 00:42:35,598 --> 00:42:37,596 I want my keys back. 639 00:42:37,598 --> 00:42:40,756 What, these? Yeah. Oops. 640 00:42:40,758 --> 00:42:42,957 Oops. 641 00:42:42,957 --> 00:42:44,957 I think you'll find these are my keys. 642 00:42:46,238 --> 00:42:49,236 You can't stay in someone's flat when they don't want you there. 643 00:42:49,238 --> 00:42:51,198 Really? Who says I can't? 644 00:42:52,598 --> 00:42:54,837 I do. 645 00:42:54,837 --> 00:42:58,397 Oh, my God! You've killed him! Course I haven't, soft lad. 646 00:42:58,397 --> 00:43:01,477 Have you never smashed anyone over the head with a bottle of beer? 647 00:43:01,477 --> 00:43:03,517 No, I haven't! Come on. 648 00:43:03,517 --> 00:43:06,796 They're about to announce the winner of the dance competition. 649 00:43:06,798 --> 00:43:10,156 We can't just leave him here in the middle of the street! 650 00:43:10,158 --> 00:43:16,238 OK, ladies and gentlemen, it's Gavin Ramsbottom and partner! 651 00:43:25,158 --> 00:43:29,397 Well done, everybody. And remember, it's not the taking part... 652 00:43:29,397 --> 00:43:31,596 it's the winning - that counts. 653 00:43:31,598 --> 00:43:36,558 Now, if you'd like to all join in, it's the last dance of the evening. 654 00:43:45,118 --> 00:43:50,517 ♪ I wonder should I go or should I stay ♪ 655 00:43:52,437 --> 00:43:58,037 ♪ The band had only one more song to play...♪ 656 00:43:58,037 --> 00:44:01,156 So on scale of one to ten, how much have you missed me? 657 00:44:01,158 --> 00:44:03,196 Is everything all right with the shop? 658 00:44:03,198 --> 00:44:05,837 Did they find out the cause of the fire? Oh, that much? 659 00:44:05,837 --> 00:44:08,877 Of course I've missed you, silly sod. I'm just asking. 660 00:44:08,877 --> 00:44:11,238 The cause of the fire were them cheap tanning tubes 661 00:44:11,238 --> 00:44:14,997 I bought off Chinese Eric. The place went up like a bunch of dried twigs. 662 00:44:14,997 --> 00:44:18,116 Bloody hell. Well thank God we only tried them out in one shop. 663 00:44:18,118 --> 00:44:20,118 Yeah. Thank God. 664 00:44:26,158 --> 00:44:28,596 Joyce, I don't know what to say. 665 00:44:28,598 --> 00:44:31,116 I'm not the man I used to be. 666 00:44:31,118 --> 00:44:34,236 I can hardly compete with your young chap. 667 00:44:34,238 --> 00:44:37,397 He never was my chap. 668 00:44:37,397 --> 00:44:42,957 I leave for Thailand tomorrow. A month-long contract 669 00:44:42,957 --> 00:44:45,837 choreographing for The Bobby Chung Situation. 670 00:44:45,917 --> 00:44:49,877 The what? A lady boy revue in Bangkok. 671 00:44:49,877 --> 00:44:51,676 Oh. 672 00:44:51,678 --> 00:44:53,837 I'll be back in four weeks. 673 00:44:53,837 --> 00:44:56,236 Wait for me. 674 00:44:56,238 --> 00:44:58,238 You know where to find to find me. 675 00:45:05,598 --> 00:45:07,837 What are we gonna do? What do you mean? 676 00:45:07,837 --> 00:45:10,236 What do you think I mean? Everything's insured. 677 00:45:10,238 --> 00:45:13,517 There's nothing to worry about. When you took over the shops from Mel 678 00:45:13,517 --> 00:45:16,316 you said insurance was a mug's game and refused to pay it. 679 00:45:16,317 --> 00:45:18,517 Of course I paid it. Now stop worrying. 680 00:45:18,517 --> 00:45:20,238 One of the shop's burns to the ground 681 00:45:20,238 --> 00:45:23,517 and he says stop worrying? Oi, come here. 682 00:45:23,517 --> 00:45:26,517 Just tell me you've paid the insurance premium, Mick. 683 00:45:26,517 --> 00:45:29,116 What do you take me for? Some kind of idiot? 684 00:45:29,118 --> 00:45:31,238 Now come here. 685 00:45:47,037 --> 00:45:49,037 Can somebody help me, please? 686 00:45:50,517 --> 00:45:52,598 Hello! 687 00:45:53,877 --> 00:45:56,158 Can somebody help me, please?