1 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,111 ♪ Love ♪ 2 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:17,949 ♪ Exciting and new ♪ 3 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,852 ♪ Come aboard ♪ 4 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:26,703 ♪ We're expecting you ♪ 5 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,260 ♪ And love ♪ 6 00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:34,945 ♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪ 7 00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:36,901 ♪ Let it flow ♪ 8 00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:43,119 ♪ It floats back to you ♪ 9 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:46,523 ♪ The Love Boat ♪ 10 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:51,494 ♪ Soon will be making Another run ♪ 11 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:54,764 ♪ The Love Boat ♪ 12 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:59,269 ♪ Promises something For everyone ♪ 13 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,537 ♪ Set a course for adventure ♪ 14 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:05,798 ♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪ 15 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:11,081 ♪ And love ♪ 16 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,206 ♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪ 17 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:19,255 ♪ It's an open smile ♪ 18 00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:23,593 ♪ On a friendly shore ♪ 19 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:28,064 ♪ It's love ♪ 20 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:31,489 ♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪ 21 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,580 What's all this stuff? 22 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,649 Well, maybe Sammy Davis is coming onboard, 23 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,251 and he sent his jewelry on ahead. 24 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:24,754 Oh, Isaac. All that stuff belongs to the new chef. 25 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,389 Well, what happened to the regular chef? 26 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,991 He's in the hospital. 27 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,659 You think it was something he ate? 28 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,629 No, he's got appendicitis. Oh. 29 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,999 Gee, I hope everything comes out all right. 30 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,096 Borga. 31 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,478 Uh, Borga. Borga. 32 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,113 Borga. 33 00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,870 Chef Borga. 34 00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:55,051 Oh, Chef Borga. 35 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,853 Well, welcome aboard. 36 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,988 I'm your cruise director, Miss McCoy. 37 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,758 Miss McCoy. 38 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,561 No wonder you're not married. 39 00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:08,064 I beg your pardon? Too skinny. 40 00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:12,068 Men want women with something to hold onto. 41 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,503 But don't worry, 42 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,239 a little fettuccine, a little ravioli, 43 00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:18,541 il poco di linguine. Mmm. 44 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,743 We'll have ten pounds on you by Mazatlán. 45 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,645 Fifteen by Puerto Vallarta. 46 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,989 By Acapulco, you could be the anchor. 47 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,017 Well, uh, I'm sure, chef, 48 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,486 that you'll just have a very pleasant cruise here. 49 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,989 We have a beautiful ship and a very cooperative crew. 50 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,591 And a jackass for a captain. 51 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,394 What did you say? 52 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,762 He said we have a jackass... I heard what he said. 53 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,565 Don't tell me I'm stuck with you for an entire cruise. 54 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:43,800 You're stuck? 55 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:47,992 Ha! This peasant put ketchup on my bouillabaisse. 56 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,841 It didn't help. 57 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:55,444 You have the taste buds of a goat. 58 00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:57,446 Before we sail, 59 00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:00,316 run out and get me a TV dinner. 60 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,952 Make that plural, TV dinners. 61 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:15,164 What did he say? 62 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,999 Well, I only speak a little Italian, 63 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:20,625 but I think he said, "Have a nice day." 64 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,479 Hi, welcome aboard. 65 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:32,081 Hello. Hello. 66 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,617 Well, look who's here. 67 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,384 If it isn't Mr. Travel himself. 68 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,420 Hello, Jeff, how are you? 69 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,455 Hiya, gorgeous. Oh, thank you. 70 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,858 What's this? Another free traveling junket? 71 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,460 Just the line of duty, Julie. 72 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:47,018 Boy, I envy you guys. Free cruises all the time. 73 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,788 I envy me too. 74 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,335 It's just a job, Gopher. 75 00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,503 I'm putting together another holiday package 76 00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:55,905 for one of the airlines. Believe me, 77 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,340 the thrill wore off a long time ago. 78 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,908 Well, see you guys. 79 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,378 Bye. 80 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,912 Mm. Gee, what's with him? 81 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,948 He used to be such a live wire. 82 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,550 I don't know. I heard he broke up with his wife. 83 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,452 Hmm. 84 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,554 What do you mean, hmm? 85 00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,289 Just, hmm. 86 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,092 Well, was it a "Gee, that's too bad" hmm, 87 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,261 or a "Maybe there's hope for me" hmm, hmm? 88 00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:21,130 Gopher, get lost. 89 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,388 Get lost. Hmm. 90 00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:27,737 Hmm. 91 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,906 I wouldn't miss your column, neither would my sister. 92 00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:32,208 That's right. 93 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,176 First thing we turn to in the morning newspaper 94 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,978 is "Dear Beverly." 95 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,181 Even before the obituaries. 96 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:41,518 Oh, that's very nice, thank you. 97 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:45,321 And, your afternoon TV show is wonderful. 98 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,423 Heh. Thank you. Thank you very much. 99 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:50,292 You know, you're even more beautiful in person. 100 00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:52,328 Why, that's very kind of you. 101 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,430 Nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you. 102 00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,632 I'm sorry, ladies, but I really must get Mrs. Blanchard 103 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:57,733 checked into her cabin. 104 00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:59,903 But we have a terrible family problem. 105 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:03,428 We have an uncle who refuses to bathe. 106 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,574 Oh? 107 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,265 Is he with you? 108 00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:09,412 No. 109 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:10,779 Good. 110 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,915 Ladies, 111 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,151 Mrs. Blanchard will be glad to answer all your questions 112 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,207 in her lecture on Sunday. 113 00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,389 This is a new one, ring around the family. 114 00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:21,523 Uh, purser. 115 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:22,759 Sir, I'm sorry, 116 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,894 Mrs. Blanchard has been waiting for her cabin number. 117 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,362 I'm Mr. Blanchard. 118 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,766 Oh. Well, gosh, I didn't know there was a Mr. Blanchard. 119 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:30,967 You're not alone. 120 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,602 Come on, darling. 121 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:33,936 Oh, well, let's... Now, let's see. 122 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,673 Okay, cabin 342, Promenade Deck. 123 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,475 Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. 124 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,109 You bet. 125 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,878 Listen, if you need any advice... 126 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,914 I mean, if you have any problems... 127 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,471 Have a wonderful cruise. 128 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,124 Can I help you? 129 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,625 I'm Adam Bricker, the ship's doctor. 130 00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,095 Oh, thanks, but I'm fine. We're both fine. 131 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,896 All we need is a place to lay our heads. 132 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,532 Well, I-I wasn't speaking medically. 133 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,134 But if you'll give me your name, 134 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:05,902 I'll give you your cabin number. 135 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,937 Oh, I see. Gail Smith. 136 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,739 Uh, Smith. Gail Smith. 137 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,343 That'll be P206, right up those stairs. 138 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,511 I hope you and Mr. Smith have a pleasant trip. 139 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,981 Thanks, but there is no Mr. Smith. 140 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,249 Well, if you get right down to it, 141 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,984 there are probably thousands of Mr. Smiths, 142 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,986 but there isn't one traveling with me. 143 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,254 Then I think all those Mr. Smiths 144 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,745 are making a big mistake. 145 00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:30,626 Not in the case of my Mr. Smith. 146 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,451 I'm afraid it was me who made the mistake. 147 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:13,302 Darling, it's going to be fun. 148 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,237 We'll have a lovely vacation. 149 00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:17,373 Yep. Yep, sure. 150 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,510 Oh, no, come on. Don't be so grouchy. 151 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:23,879 Look at this lovely suite, and this beautiful ship. 152 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,481 Come on, let's enjoy it. 153 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,650 I'd enjoy it a lot more if I was paying for it. 154 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,353 I don't enjoy, uh, freeloading on my wife's name. 155 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,555 Now, isn't this silly? 156 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,524 Now, why shouldn't we take this free cruise? 157 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,527 All I have to do is give a little lecture. 158 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,862 Because I can afford to pay for a vacation, 159 00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,664 take you someplace where we could be alone, 160 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,999 without all these people around. 161 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,667 And you wouldn't have to do work, either. 162 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,837 Oh, darling, it isn't work. I love it. 163 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,440 And I love you. 164 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,446 Well, if you love your work that much... 165 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,281 Dear Beverly, uh, 166 00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:01,417 I have a big problem I think you can solve. 167 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:05,555 I would like to make mad... 168 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:08,358 Mad, passionate love to my wife. 169 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,160 Signed, Panting on the Princess. 170 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,795 Oh, dear Panting, 171 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:16,098 I'd love to give your problem my personal attention. 172 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,366 Mm. 173 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,201 But it's very difficult to make love 174 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,137 while you are typing. 175 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:22,805 W-what typing? 176 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,707 Oh, darling, I'm sorry. 177 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,076 I'd love you to make passionate love to me, 178 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,680 but I still have to finish that column. 179 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,448 Oh, boy. 180 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,583 Oh. 181 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,885 Oh, that's great. 182 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,954 Darling, it won't take long. I promise. 183 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:42,324 And don't make it more difficult for me by looking so sexy. 184 00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:44,193 Oh, ho, ho. I'll tell you what. 185 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:47,363 Why don't you go up on deck, and I'll be there in a moment? 186 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:51,701 Oh, please, darling, don't make me feel guilty. 187 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:55,705 Well, it's either a shower or a walk. 188 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:58,908 I'll walk. 189 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,264 Heh-heh-heh. 190 00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,337 Oh, dear. 191 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,822 "Dear Beverly, my son is a 250-pound fullback 192 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,857 "on his college football team, 193 00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,626 "but the other day when I came home, 194 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:20,362 "I found him wearing one of my dresses. 195 00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,120 What shall I do?" 196 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,189 Go on a diet. 197 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,989 Oh, thank you, Lance. 198 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,103 May I have the ketchup, please? 199 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,740 Thank you. 200 00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:44,847 I'm certainly glad you finished that column. 201 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,349 Oh, so am I, darling. 202 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,085 I'm all yours now. 203 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,853 Oh, excuse me, are you waiting to be seated? 204 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,156 Yes, they had us at a table for two, 205 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:57,960 but we wanted a larger table so we could meet more people. 206 00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:00,963 Aren't you Dear Beverly? 207 00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,431 Oh, I-I'm sorry. 208 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,867 Don't worry about it. It happens all the time. 209 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,635 Yes, I'm Beverly Blanchard, 210 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,938 and this is my husband, Russ. Hello. 211 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,174 And, you know, I really understand your problem. 212 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,709 It's very important to meet new people, 213 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,045 and sometimes it's terribly difficult. 214 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,970 Well, if Dear Beverly can't help us, nobody can. 215 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,553 Darling, I know this was going to be our evening, 216 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,089 but they are such nice people. 217 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:28,412 Do you mind? 218 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,149 Heh. Sure. 219 00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,129 Then it's all settled. 220 00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:36,498 We are your first new people. 221 00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:37,733 Oh. 222 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,002 Go ahead. 223 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,413 Now, that's a nice couple. 224 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,750 So when are you getting your divorce? 225 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,153 Bum. 226 00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,289 You think they're trying to tell us something? 227 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:03,825 The late sitting of dinner 228 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,528 is now being served in the Coral Dining Room. 229 00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:08,230 Bon appetito. 230 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,865 You ready for dinner? 231 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,433 Well, uh, 232 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,335 I'd rather hang out in the moonlight with you. 233 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,638 Mm. 234 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,274 Jeff, we've known each other a long time. 235 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,198 How come all of a sudden? 236 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,379 Well, uh, 237 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,315 I guess I've been too busy messing up my life. 238 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,617 First I loused up my marriage, 239 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,419 and then I was living with someone for a while. 240 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,988 That didn't work. 241 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:35,293 Maybe this time, I'll get lucky. 242 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:50,106 Um, what is it, Jeff? 243 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,897 Why do I feel like your heart isn't in this? 244 00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:56,712 What are you talking about? 245 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,747 You're a fantastic girl. 246 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:03,018 I've always thought you were beautiful and sensitive. 247 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,742 I think you're great. 248 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,193 This isn't gonna work, is it? 249 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,961 Nope. 250 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,030 Hmm. 251 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,431 Is it your wife? 252 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,654 Yep. 253 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,225 Still hung up on Gail. 254 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,278 Evening, Doc. Hello. Hi. 255 00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:31,814 Gail, I'd like you to meet Gopher Smith, 256 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,249 our assistant purser. 257 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,218 Hi. BRICKER: Hey, how about that? 258 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,752 You both have the same name. 259 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:39,255 Gee, I've been called many things, but never Gail. 260 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:42,558 Heh. I've been called many things, but never Gopher. 261 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,626 Ah, you both have the same sense of humor: terrible. 262 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,061 Hey, look out, Doc, 263 00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:48,430 a lot more Smiths in the world than Brickers, you know. 264 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,533 And our numbers are increasing. 265 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,000 Congratulations. 266 00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,435 Uh, may I join you? 267 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,503 Please do. Of course. 268 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,604 Thank you. 269 00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,806 So, what are you gonna call the baby? 270 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,041 Oh, I don't know. 271 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,210 I like the old-fashioned names, like Johnny. 272 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,511 As in Walker. 273 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:03,812 Or Jack. 274 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:04,980 As in Daniels. 275 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:06,249 How about Jim? 276 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,583 As in Beam. 277 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,319 Nobody would ever guess he's a bartender. 278 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,588 Gail Smith, Isaac Washington. 279 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:13,622 How do you do? Hi. 280 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,158 Listen, how about the name "Cleophus"? 281 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,061 Now, that's a nice name. 282 00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:22,987 Henry? 283 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,167 I got it. 284 00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,323 How about Jeff? 285 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,405 Jeff Smith? 286 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,494 I like it. 287 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,011 Would you excuse me? 288 00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,613 Gail? 289 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,836 Wait a minute. 290 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,120 Gee, wish I'd said Harvey. 291 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,276 As in Wallbanger. 292 00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,305 Can I help? 293 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,507 Oh, Doc. 294 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:07,743 Hey, hey, it's okay. 295 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,012 I'm sorry. 296 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,881 Being around me is like not having to take a shower. 297 00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:16,585 It's okay. I'll save on soap. 298 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,453 What happened in there? 299 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:23,759 Well, Jeff Smith is my husband's name. 300 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:27,195 Except, in two weeks from now, he'll be my ex.husband. 301 00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:30,099 Now, I thought that would make me very happy, but, uh, 302 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,001 a funny thing happened on the way to the divorce. 303 00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:35,737 Found out I'm still in love with him. 304 00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:39,074 How does a man divorce the lady who's carrying his child? 305 00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:40,576 He doesn't know about it. 306 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,445 You see, he walked out on me before I found out, and I'm... 307 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,948 I'm not gonna use the baby to try and get him back. 308 00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,017 But surely, he has the right to know. 309 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,951 Well, I tried to reach him. 310 00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:51,920 I was gonna sort of sound him out 311 00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,690 and see if we... But a woman answered. 312 00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:58,182 He's living with somebody else. 313 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,063 Here. Try this one. 314 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,130 It's dry. 315 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:03,821 Oh, Doc. 316 00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:26,822 Darling, I'm sorry I neglected you, 317 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:30,058 but I thought I'd sneak in a couple of hours on my book. 318 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:31,593 Your book? Uh-huh. 319 00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,263 First the column, now a book? What am I doing here? 320 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,898 You could have brought my picture. 321 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,867 Oh, Russ, don't spoil things. 322 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,003 Do you have any idea how long it's been 323 00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,905 since we've been away on a holiday? 324 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,473 Yeah, I was 7, you were 4. 325 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:47,209 Oh, I didn't know it was that recent. 326 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,580 Oh, darling, I do love to be away with you. 327 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:54,049 Well, I like hanging out with you too. 328 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,786 Listen, why don't we start the cocktail hour early today? 329 00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,155 Are you trying to take advantage 330 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,558 of a poor, defenseless woman? 331 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,926 Exactly. 332 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,228 Good. Mm. Hee-hee. 333 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,497 I'll be a minute. 334 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,835 Then she said yes, and I... Oh... Oh, sure. 335 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,136 Two rum Collins, please. 336 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,438 You got it, sir. 337 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:18,406 Excuse me. Is that your wife over there? 338 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,342 The Dear Beverly? Yeah. 339 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:21,343 See? 340 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,545 Oh, yeah? 341 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,146 Hey, man, she is really something else. 342 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,182 She always has the right answer. 343 00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:30,219 That's right. And she just gave me the right answer. 344 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:33,210 That's way I'm taking a drink to her. 345 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,558 Hey, how about that, man? 346 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,026 Guy left you a three-dollar tip 347 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,961 and forgot to pay for the drinks. 348 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,366 When a mother-in-law comes to visit, 349 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,134 how long should she stay? 350 00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:49,104 Well, it depends whether you're home or not. 351 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,274 Uh, you ready for your drink, darling? 352 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,043 In a moment, love. 353 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,579 But why do we always pick on mother-in-laws? 354 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,747 Why don't we pick on father-in-laws? 355 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,917 Or for that matter, why don't we pick on ourselves? 356 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:05,020 After all, none of us are perfect. 357 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:08,657 Well, almost none of us. 358 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,568 You have a very popular wife. 359 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,873 Oh, yeah. 360 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,374 Hey, how would you like the specialty of the house? 361 00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:28,276 Supervised and given the careful attention 362 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,945 of Russ Blanchard himself. 363 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,815 Well, you just made me an offer I can't refuse. 364 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,171 Good. 365 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,678 Now, that's a nice couple. 366 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,551 That's Dear Beverly's husband. 367 00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,392 What are you doing? 368 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,294 Huh? Ha-ha. You like ketchup? 369 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,862 Swim for it. 370 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,064 Get back to the kitchen, and take this ketchup with you. 371 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,598 I'd rather die. 372 00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:26,435 Don't tempt me. 373 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,936 I don't understand. 374 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,239 I've never had problems like this with any other chef. 375 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:33,209 I'm not any other chef. I am numero uno. 376 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,543 Ha-ha-ha. 377 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,179 It's not easy creating masterpieces for 600 people. 378 00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:39,615 How would you know? 379 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:43,552 Look who's talking. Christopher Columbus. 380 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,454 He aims his ship to Mexico, 381 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,489 and then he goes dancing for a week. 382 00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,592 Commanding a ship is a tad more complicated 383 00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:52,293 than scrambling eggs. 384 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,996 Scrambling eggs, heh? 385 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,131 You happen to be talking to a man 386 00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:58,267 who performs miracles with eggs. 387 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,023 Mostly, you lay them. 388 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:02,426 Stupido. 389 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:17,886 Italian semaphore. 390 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:29,119 Alvin, take this below deck, please. 391 00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:50,385 Two bars and a lemon. 392 00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:53,989 It's the story of my life. I was born to lose. 393 00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:57,660 Jeff, why are you putting yourself through all this? 394 00:21:57,684 --> 00:21:59,194 If you love your wife so much, 395 00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:02,130 why don't you try to get back together with her? 396 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,999 I blew it, Julie. 397 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:05,534 I burned my bridges. 398 00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:07,969 I walked out the door, and I moved in with somebody else. 399 00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,238 I know Gail. She'll never forgive me for that. 400 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,107 Well, how are you gonna know that for sure 401 00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:13,775 if you don't get in touch with her? 402 00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:15,076 I'm not. 403 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,912 Aren't you gonna try? 404 00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:18,502 Nope. 405 00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:22,651 Well, you're sure trying with that machine. 406 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,409 Yeah. And it keeps coming up lemons too. 407 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,864 Do you have a quarter? I want to play a machine. 408 00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:37,566 Oh, sure. 409 00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:38,634 There you go. 410 00:22:38,658 --> 00:22:40,502 Uh, split the winnings? 411 00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:42,259 Of course. 412 00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:50,278 Oh. I won. Look at that. 413 00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:52,047 That's incredible. 414 00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:56,818 Uh, Gail, I thought we were gonna split the winnings. 415 00:22:56,842 --> 00:22:58,687 Oh, yeah. 416 00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:00,143 Here's your quarter. 417 00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:12,934 Well, you really get unbelievable letters. 418 00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:16,771 Oh, uh, they usually are from normal, everyday people. 419 00:23:16,795 --> 00:23:18,640 You know, with real problems. 420 00:23:18,664 --> 00:23:20,108 There are some exceptions. 421 00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:23,345 Like, this woman wrote that her husband's secretary 422 00:23:23,369 --> 00:23:26,614 only wears a bra and little panties to the office. 423 00:23:26,638 --> 00:23:29,251 Like that, he saves money on the air conditioning. 424 00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:33,622 And what did you advise her? 425 00:23:33,646 --> 00:23:35,758 Well, I told her to tell her husband 426 00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:38,260 to cool it in the office. 427 00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:39,961 Sorry to be late. 428 00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:41,062 Tell me more. 429 00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:43,399 Well, as the man said, 430 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:45,066 I got millions of them. 431 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,001 We meet again. 432 00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:49,971 This 40-year-old spinster read a book titled, 433 00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:51,840 Sex After 70, 434 00:23:51,864 --> 00:23:55,010 and she wanted to know if she has to wait until then. 435 00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:58,447 Oh, that's marvelous. 436 00:23:58,471 --> 00:24:00,682 Marvelous. 437 00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:03,752 Well, what would you like to have for dinner? 438 00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:06,087 Oh. Well, let me see. 439 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:09,792 I think I'll have a steak, very rare, please. 440 00:24:09,816 --> 00:24:12,127 Uh, and a salad. 441 00:24:12,151 --> 00:24:15,496 Oh, dear, my favorite is chocolate soufflé, 442 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:16,932 but it isn't on the menu. 443 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:19,968 Oh. Chocolate soufflé? 444 00:24:19,992 --> 00:24:23,037 Your wish is my command. Uh, Gopher. Come here, please. 445 00:24:23,061 --> 00:24:24,673 Uh, would you please tell the chef 446 00:24:24,697 --> 00:24:27,342 that the captain requests a chocolate soufflé for dessert? 447 00:24:27,366 --> 00:24:28,877 Yes, sir. Oh, captain. 448 00:24:28,901 --> 00:24:30,479 I am most impressed. 449 00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:32,114 It was nothing. 450 00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:34,938 Oh, but it is. You're a born leader. 451 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:38,687 Well... Oh, come on, captain, admit it. 452 00:24:38,711 --> 00:24:41,657 You are the kind of a man who gets what he wants. 453 00:24:41,681 --> 00:24:44,080 Someone has to be boss. 454 00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:50,220 Chef Borga says no way. 455 00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:56,070 Th... Ahem. There has been some misunderstanding. 456 00:24:56,094 --> 00:24:57,472 No, I don't think so, sir. 457 00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,741 He used a lot of colorful Italian adjectives and gestures. 458 00:24:59,765 --> 00:25:00,965 Are you familiar with...? 459 00:25:03,435 --> 00:25:04,812 Please excuse me. 460 00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:06,648 Excuse me. Excuse me. 461 00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,912 This way, please. Excuse me. 462 00:25:18,984 --> 00:25:21,229 Out, out. Out of my kitchen. 463 00:25:21,253 --> 00:25:23,632 Your kitchen is part of my ship, 464 00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:27,068 and I am requesting a chocolate soufflé for dessert. 465 00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:30,327 You want requests, go talk to the bandleader. 466 00:25:31,764 --> 00:25:34,031 I don't have to take this from a short-order cook. 467 00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:38,780 Short-order cook? 468 00:25:38,804 --> 00:25:40,314 Borga? 469 00:25:40,338 --> 00:25:42,951 I demand an apology. Never. 470 00:25:42,975 --> 00:25:46,488 If I don't have an apology in writing in my hand by tomorrow, 471 00:25:46,512 --> 00:25:48,857 this is the last dinner I cook on this ship. 472 00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:50,047 You call this dinner? 473 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:54,029 Out, or I make mince meat out of you. 474 00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:56,013 Where would you steal the recipe? 475 00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:05,940 If I told you once, I told you a thousand times, 476 00:26:05,964 --> 00:26:07,509 one tomato on each plate. 477 00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:08,977 What's the matter with you. 478 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:14,148 My apologies, but the chef ran out of chocolate. 479 00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:16,184 Oh, well, that's perfectly all right. 480 00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:18,119 I really don't need the extra calories, 481 00:26:18,143 --> 00:26:21,656 and Russ doesn't like... Russ? 482 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:22,680 He left. 483 00:26:23,816 --> 00:26:25,260 He did? 484 00:26:25,284 --> 00:26:27,295 You even said goodbye to him. Don't you remember? 485 00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:28,797 No. Heh-heh. 486 00:26:28,821 --> 00:26:31,633 You know, when I start talking about my work, 487 00:26:31,657 --> 00:26:33,268 I'm in another planet. 488 00:26:33,292 --> 00:26:35,237 Like the other night in New York, 489 00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:38,173 I was signing autographs after my TV show, 490 00:26:38,197 --> 00:26:41,009 and my mother came backstage, and I wrote, 491 00:26:41,033 --> 00:26:43,077 "Happiness always to..." 492 00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:46,415 Then I asked her, "How do you spell your name?" 493 00:26:47,974 --> 00:26:50,719 ♪ Ain't misbehavin' ♪ 494 00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:53,210 ♪ All by myself ♪ 495 00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:06,335 ♪ Your cheatin' heart ♪ 496 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:07,791 ♪ Will tell on you ♪ 497 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:27,689 Now, um, how about a lectern? You know, for your notes? 498 00:27:27,713 --> 00:27:30,692 Oh, I never use notes. It's a crutch. 499 00:27:30,716 --> 00:27:32,160 Right. 500 00:27:32,184 --> 00:27:34,663 Well, listen, Mrs. Blanchard, you just leave everything to me. 501 00:27:34,687 --> 00:27:36,531 I'll have it all set up for you by this afternoon. 502 00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:38,700 Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. 503 00:27:38,724 --> 00:27:40,023 You bet. 504 00:27:42,461 --> 00:27:44,372 That was Dear Beverly you were talking to. 505 00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:45,573 Yeah. 506 00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:48,076 I really like her. 507 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:51,313 Stick around. She may be available soon. 508 00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:52,614 What's that supposed to mean? 509 00:27:52,638 --> 00:27:55,372 Last night, when I was on deck, 510 00:27:58,109 --> 00:28:00,855 I saw her husband giving kissing lessons 511 00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,624 to one of our lady passengers. 512 00:28:02,648 --> 00:28:04,459 You're kidding. Hm. Hm-hm. 513 00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:05,960 Mm, mm-mm. 514 00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:09,131 And he's a good teacher. 515 00:28:09,155 --> 00:28:10,965 What a rotten creep. 516 00:28:10,989 --> 00:28:12,367 Now, wait a minute. 517 00:28:12,391 --> 00:28:14,736 Wait a minute, Gopher. It's her own fault. 518 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,272 I mean, she's been so busy with everybody else, 519 00:28:17,296 --> 00:28:19,207 she's been leaving him out in the cold. 520 00:28:19,231 --> 00:28:21,243 Oh, gee, that's a shame. 521 00:28:21,267 --> 00:28:22,310 Maybe I ought to tell her. 522 00:28:22,334 --> 00:28:23,478 Butt out. 523 00:28:23,502 --> 00:28:25,480 I mean, it's none of your business. 524 00:28:25,504 --> 00:28:26,581 Yeah, but if I don't tell her, 525 00:28:26,605 --> 00:28:29,051 her marriage may go on the rocks. 526 00:28:29,075 --> 00:28:30,618 But, if I do tell her, 527 00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:32,220 her marriage may go on the rocks. 528 00:28:32,244 --> 00:28:33,455 Maybe I should tell him. 529 00:28:33,479 --> 00:28:35,756 He already knows. 530 00:28:35,780 --> 00:28:38,315 Isaac, I don't know what to do. 531 00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:44,299 Sounds like a problem for Dear Beverly. 532 00:28:44,323 --> 00:28:46,802 Sounds more like Dear Beverly's problem. 533 00:29:09,181 --> 00:29:10,191 Want to sit for a minute? 534 00:29:10,215 --> 00:29:11,481 Oh, yeah. 535 00:29:14,619 --> 00:29:16,798 Ah. 536 00:29:16,822 --> 00:29:18,521 Beautiful day. 537 00:29:20,926 --> 00:29:22,504 Oh. 538 00:29:27,867 --> 00:29:31,379 Well, I thought it was a beautiful day. 539 00:29:31,403 --> 00:29:33,348 What's wrong? 540 00:29:33,372 --> 00:29:35,750 My mind's playing tricks on me. 541 00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:37,451 For a moment, 542 00:29:37,475 --> 00:29:39,788 I thought I smelled Jeff's pipe tobacco, 543 00:29:39,812 --> 00:29:42,691 and then the baby kicked. 544 00:29:42,715 --> 00:29:47,195 Oh, Doc, I'm having a terrible time. 545 00:29:47,219 --> 00:29:50,064 You see, I want the baby to know his father, 546 00:29:50,088 --> 00:29:53,101 and he would have if I hadn't been such a damn fool 547 00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:56,627 and pushed Jeff up into the arms of another woman. 548 00:29:59,597 --> 00:30:03,978 Gail, I don't have any more dry shoulders. 549 00:30:04,002 --> 00:30:06,180 You're not solving anything by telling all this to me. 550 00:30:06,204 --> 00:30:08,649 Tell it to him. 551 00:30:08,673 --> 00:30:11,119 You've got a whole jackpot's worth of quarters. 552 00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:13,676 Now, why don't you put some of 'em into a phone. 553 00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:19,783 Maybe I'll hit the jackpot again. 554 00:30:21,420 --> 00:30:23,698 Thanks, Doc. 555 00:30:23,722 --> 00:30:26,690 Uh, Doc? 556 00:30:43,542 --> 00:30:47,522 So remember, live by the good old golden rule, 557 00:30:47,546 --> 00:30:49,791 and with the price of gold nowadays... 558 00:30:49,815 --> 00:30:52,660 I mean, it's getting more valuable every day. 559 00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:54,329 Heh-heh. 560 00:30:54,353 --> 00:30:57,165 Thank you. Thank you very much. 561 00:30:57,189 --> 00:31:00,435 Oh, excuse me. May I get something to drink. 562 00:31:00,459 --> 00:31:02,570 I... my tummy's not feeling very well. 563 00:31:02,594 --> 00:31:04,271 It's something I ate, I guess. Certainly. 564 00:31:04,295 --> 00:31:05,640 Thank you. 565 00:31:05,664 --> 00:31:07,609 Uh, any questions? 566 00:31:07,633 --> 00:31:09,143 Yes? 567 00:31:09,167 --> 00:31:12,179 I'm planning to get married when I graduate next year. 568 00:31:12,203 --> 00:31:14,715 What are some of the most popular honeymoon places? 569 00:31:14,739 --> 00:31:17,774 Well, with me, it was blowing in my ear. 570 00:31:19,511 --> 00:31:22,157 But why don't you ask your travel agent. 571 00:31:22,181 --> 00:31:24,701 I'm sure she has better suggestions. 572 00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:27,350 Thank you. 573 00:31:32,057 --> 00:31:33,390 Any other questions? 574 00:31:34,593 --> 00:31:35,992 Yes? 575 00:31:36,995 --> 00:31:39,095 Oh, no. Never mind. 576 00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:42,465 Yes, Gopher? 577 00:31:44,803 --> 00:31:48,016 Uh, well, this isn't about me. 578 00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:52,186 Well, that's what they all say. 579 00:31:52,210 --> 00:31:53,220 Go on. 580 00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:58,526 Well, uh, this, um, friend of mine, 581 00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:02,930 she's very witty and charming and gorgeous. 582 00:32:02,954 --> 00:32:05,132 Um, but she's so wrapped up in her job, 583 00:32:05,156 --> 00:32:07,602 that she never pays any attention to her husband, 584 00:32:07,626 --> 00:32:12,307 and now he's beginning to wander. 585 00:32:12,331 --> 00:32:14,976 And, uh, I don't want to hurt my friend, 586 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,711 but how do I tell her? 587 00:32:16,735 --> 00:32:19,614 Oh, well, don't bother. 588 00:32:19,638 --> 00:32:21,249 If she's so insensitive 589 00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:23,919 that she can't give the time of day to her husband, 590 00:32:23,943 --> 00:32:26,087 then he's right to give the time of night 591 00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:28,523 to someone else. Heh. 592 00:32:34,787 --> 00:32:36,631 Well, ladies and gentlemen, 593 00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:39,367 I think my time is just about up. 594 00:32:39,391 --> 00:32:41,558 Uh, thank you very much. 595 00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:50,078 Captain, please write the apology. 596 00:32:50,102 --> 00:32:51,445 I'm telling you, he means it. 597 00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:52,847 He's gonna go out on strike 598 00:32:52,871 --> 00:32:54,515 and take the whole kitchen staff with him. 599 00:32:54,539 --> 00:32:56,050 It's absurd. He's bluffing. 600 00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:57,318 What if he's not? 601 00:32:57,342 --> 00:32:59,887 Miss McCoy, I have commanded everything 602 00:32:59,911 --> 00:33:01,822 from destroyer to cruise ship. 603 00:33:01,846 --> 00:33:04,625 I have weathered typhoon, enemy fire. 604 00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:07,784 Believe me, this isn't something I can't handle. 605 00:33:15,928 --> 00:33:18,106 Hey, Julie, you done with that salad yet? 606 00:33:18,130 --> 00:33:20,174 Hey, stop worrying about me 607 00:33:20,198 --> 00:33:23,377 and concentrate on that inferno you're cooking. 608 00:33:23,401 --> 00:33:25,213 What is that? What do I know? 609 00:33:25,237 --> 00:33:27,597 I'm only cooking it. I'm not gonna eat it. 610 00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:32,620 Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait. 611 00:33:32,644 --> 00:33:34,755 Keep your potato peelings out of my soup, man. 612 00:33:34,779 --> 00:33:35,856 Soup? 613 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,658 I thought this was the garbage. 614 00:33:37,682 --> 00:33:39,961 Listen, Doc, can you help me stir this? 615 00:33:39,985 --> 00:33:42,163 Okay. Just a second. 616 00:33:42,187 --> 00:33:43,965 Okay. 617 00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:46,701 Boy, this soup is really gonna stick to your ribs. 618 00:33:46,725 --> 00:33:48,470 How are you gonna get it out of the pot? 619 00:33:48,494 --> 00:33:51,861 Let me taste that. Excuse me, Mr. Washington, thank you. 620 00:33:56,335 --> 00:33:58,146 Needs ketchup. 621 00:33:58,170 --> 00:33:59,747 Hurry up with those potatoes, Mr. Smith. 622 00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:01,482 Sir, I've already peeled half of Idaho. 623 00:34:01,506 --> 00:34:02,483 How many more do you want? 624 00:34:02,507 --> 00:34:03,818 Just peel the other half of Idaho, 625 00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:05,253 That'll take care of it. 626 00:34:05,277 --> 00:34:07,521 Captain, if anybody needs anything well done, I've got it. 627 00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:10,391 You can't serve that. That's burnt to a crisp. 628 00:34:10,415 --> 00:34:13,527 Captain, pork has to be cooked very, very thoroughly. 629 00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:14,562 That's pork? 630 00:34:14,586 --> 00:34:17,165 That's, uh, filet of sole. 631 00:34:18,724 --> 00:34:21,669 Oh, captain, this whole thing is stupid. 632 00:34:21,693 --> 00:34:23,804 I... Not that I mind, 633 00:34:23,828 --> 00:34:26,975 but it's not fair to the passengers. 634 00:34:26,999 --> 00:34:29,076 Please apologize. 635 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:30,133 Never. 636 00:34:32,371 --> 00:34:35,004 Thank you, Miss McCoy. Thank you. 637 00:34:41,413 --> 00:34:43,491 Oh. 638 00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:48,118 So, uh, you came to apologize. 639 00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:52,455 Needs ketchup. 640 00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:00,183 Sir, what about your dinner rolls? 641 00:35:01,032 --> 00:35:02,110 Don't worry. 642 00:35:02,134 --> 00:35:04,768 I'll fry them when I get back. 643 00:35:08,574 --> 00:35:10,284 I'm sorry. 644 00:35:10,308 --> 00:35:12,453 But all you people don't have to do this 645 00:35:12,477 --> 00:35:14,889 if it wasn't for your stubborn captain. 646 00:35:14,913 --> 00:35:19,983 All I ask for is an apology, in writing. 647 00:35:21,186 --> 00:35:22,464 Oh. 648 00:35:22,488 --> 00:35:24,153 Ciao. 649 00:35:25,556 --> 00:35:27,235 How are you at forgery? 650 00:35:27,259 --> 00:35:28,936 Hey, a piece of cake. 651 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,560 Cake. What are we gonna do about dessert? 652 00:35:40,772 --> 00:35:45,119 Here you are, Chef Borga, just what you asked for. 653 00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:47,321 Ah. Ha-ha-ha. 654 00:35:47,345 --> 00:35:49,857 I knew he would apologize. 655 00:35:49,881 --> 00:35:51,759 Stubborn man, that captain, 656 00:35:51,783 --> 00:35:54,628 but at least he knows when he's been defeated. 657 00:35:54,652 --> 00:35:56,897 Then you will return to the kitchen? 658 00:35:56,921 --> 00:35:59,400 Of course. Oh. 659 00:35:59,424 --> 00:36:03,426 A maestro's place is with the orchestra, 660 00:36:04,929 --> 00:36:06,729 not in the audience. 661 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,313 "My sincere apologies, Antonio Borga." 662 00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:14,749 Ha-ha-ha. Didn't I tell ya he'd break first? 663 00:36:14,773 --> 00:36:16,950 I knew he'd crumble once he realized 664 00:36:16,974 --> 00:36:18,908 we could do his job as well as he could. 665 00:36:32,224 --> 00:36:34,335 Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I didn't know you were working. 666 00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:36,203 I'll be back later. Oh, Russ, come in, darling. 667 00:36:36,227 --> 00:36:39,028 This is a special column I want you to hear. 668 00:36:40,632 --> 00:36:41,764 Uh, sure. 669 00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:46,648 "Dear readers, 670 00:36:46,672 --> 00:36:48,883 "instead of you writing to me today, 671 00:36:48,907 --> 00:36:51,619 "I am writing this letter to you. 672 00:36:51,643 --> 00:36:55,089 "You won't be hearing from me for the next two weeks, 673 00:36:55,113 --> 00:36:58,760 "because I'll be going on a vacation with my husband. 674 00:36:58,784 --> 00:37:00,361 "I don't know where he's going to take me, 675 00:37:00,385 --> 00:37:03,364 "but I'm sure he'll pick a spot where the two of us 676 00:37:03,388 --> 00:37:07,501 "can be blissfully and marvelously alone. 677 00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:11,394 "You kept me very busy for a long time, 678 00:37:12,897 --> 00:37:16,344 "but if I am too busy to spend some time with my husband, 679 00:37:16,368 --> 00:37:19,213 "I... I might lose him, 680 00:37:19,237 --> 00:37:22,016 "and nothing in the world would be worth that. 681 00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:28,355 "Not fame, not fortune, "not anything. 682 00:37:28,379 --> 00:37:32,982 "Yours always, Mrs. Russell Blanchard." 683 00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:44,660 Am I too late? 684 00:37:52,337 --> 00:37:54,848 I have a life subscription. 685 00:37:54,872 --> 00:37:56,517 I love you, Bev. 686 00:37:56,541 --> 00:37:58,219 That Peggy, uh, she... 687 00:37:58,243 --> 00:38:00,388 Don't confess. Never confess. 688 00:38:00,412 --> 00:38:01,956 It... It just doesn't solve anything. 689 00:38:01,980 --> 00:38:03,357 What, is that advice? 690 00:38:03,381 --> 00:38:07,295 Oh, I'm not going to give any advice for the next two weeks. 691 00:38:07,319 --> 00:38:09,964 Why don't you write to Dear Abby? 692 00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:42,063 Ha-ha. Well, I'm glad to see everything is back to normal, 693 00:38:42,087 --> 00:38:43,230 Chef Borga. 694 00:38:43,254 --> 00:38:46,000 Ah. That makes two of us, Captain Stubing. 695 00:38:46,024 --> 00:38:48,335 You know, captain, maybe we should leave. 696 00:38:48,359 --> 00:38:51,005 I'm sure that Chef Borga has a lot of work to do, and... 697 00:38:51,029 --> 00:38:52,507 In a minute, in a minute. 698 00:38:52,531 --> 00:38:57,011 Antonio, I know that I am not the easiest man in the world 699 00:38:57,035 --> 00:38:58,178 to deal with. 700 00:38:58,202 --> 00:38:59,247 Heh. That's true. 701 00:38:59,271 --> 00:39:02,216 And I know I pushed you to your limit. 702 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:03,684 Ah. But, I want you to know 703 00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:06,054 that I think it was very big of you 704 00:39:06,078 --> 00:39:07,910 to, uh, apologize. 705 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:09,746 What? 706 00:39:11,249 --> 00:39:12,827 W-what did he say? 707 00:39:12,851 --> 00:39:16,397 I didn't apologize to you. You're the one who backed down. 708 00:39:16,421 --> 00:39:18,354 Me? Mm-hm. 709 00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:27,942 I never wrote that. 710 00:39:27,966 --> 00:39:29,109 I never wrote this. 711 00:39:29,133 --> 00:39:30,278 Then who did? 712 00:39:30,302 --> 00:39:31,367 Beats me. 713 00:39:33,171 --> 00:39:34,982 Uh, maybe we'd better go find out. 714 00:39:35,006 --> 00:39:37,418 Yeah. Captain, you never know, 715 00:39:37,442 --> 00:39:39,976 there might be a forger onboard. 716 00:39:43,247 --> 00:39:45,860 So you never did apologize, eh? 717 00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:47,962 Why should I? I wasn't at fault. 718 00:39:47,986 --> 00:39:49,663 Then what are you doing in my kitchen? 719 00:39:49,687 --> 00:39:51,799 This is my kitchen. 720 00:39:51,823 --> 00:39:53,500 You work for me. 721 00:39:53,524 --> 00:39:56,359 When will you ever get that through your head? 722 00:40:04,268 --> 00:40:06,102 All right. 723 00:40:07,639 --> 00:40:09,717 All right. 724 00:40:12,010 --> 00:40:13,488 I apologize. 725 00:40:16,548 --> 00:40:18,959 Because of my line, 726 00:40:18,983 --> 00:40:22,363 because of my crew, because of my passengers. 727 00:40:22,387 --> 00:40:25,399 Captain, you are a gentleman. 728 00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:29,536 And because, I happen to be the only captain afloat 729 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,794 with dishpan hands. 730 00:40:44,408 --> 00:40:45,920 Come on, Gail. 731 00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:48,288 You can't give up just because of one phone call. 732 00:40:48,312 --> 00:40:50,324 It wasn't just one phone call. 733 00:40:50,348 --> 00:40:51,726 It was a lot of phone calls. 734 00:40:51,750 --> 00:40:53,160 Finally, I called his office, 735 00:40:53,184 --> 00:40:54,729 and they said he'd gone on a trip. 736 00:40:54,753 --> 00:40:56,363 He's probably with her. 737 00:40:56,387 --> 00:40:57,698 Now, wait a minute. Back up. 738 00:40:57,722 --> 00:41:00,334 Look, your husband is a travel agent, right? 739 00:41:00,358 --> 00:41:02,336 Well, is he or isn't he? Yes, he is. 740 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,605 All right, he goes on trips all the time. 741 00:41:04,629 --> 00:41:08,409 And where is it written that he's with anybody? Hm? 742 00:41:08,433 --> 00:41:10,210 You're right. You're right. Mm. 743 00:41:10,234 --> 00:41:11,545 Why am I such a pessimist? 744 00:41:11,569 --> 00:41:13,313 I'm getting to be a real pain in the neck to you. 745 00:41:13,337 --> 00:41:14,682 That's all right, I'm a physician. 746 00:41:14,706 --> 00:41:17,774 I can heal myself. 747 00:41:18,777 --> 00:41:21,055 Cooking is very, very confusing. 748 00:41:21,079 --> 00:41:24,458 But then the captain finally did apologize. 749 00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:26,093 For real. 750 00:41:26,117 --> 00:41:28,229 I couldn't believe it. Heh. 751 00:41:28,253 --> 00:41:30,330 Well, anyway, that's why I haven't been around much 752 00:41:30,354 --> 00:41:32,299 all day. Well, that's okay. 753 00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:33,934 It gave me time to think. 754 00:41:33,958 --> 00:41:35,903 You're absolutely right. 755 00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:37,371 I'm gonna get in touch with Gail, 756 00:41:37,395 --> 00:41:39,006 and tell her that I love her. Oh! 757 00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:41,843 Because I do love her, and there's nothing I want more 758 00:41:41,867 --> 00:41:42,977 than to be with her. 759 00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:46,047 Oh, Jeff, I'm so happy for you. 760 00:41:46,071 --> 00:41:48,504 So I told him if he really expected me to... 761 00:41:49,741 --> 00:41:51,852 Oh, my God. What is it? 762 00:41:51,876 --> 00:41:54,889 Why, that's Jeff, and that must be her. 763 00:41:54,913 --> 00:41:57,057 That's Julie McCoy, our cruise director. 764 00:41:57,081 --> 00:41:58,092 Oh. 765 00:41:58,116 --> 00:41:59,359 Oh! 766 00:41:59,383 --> 00:42:01,095 Oh, Doc. What? 767 00:42:01,119 --> 00:42:02,629 I think the baby's coming. 768 00:42:04,155 --> 00:42:05,599 Okay, put your arm around my neck. 769 00:42:05,623 --> 00:42:07,335 Everything's gonna be okay. 770 00:42:07,359 --> 00:42:09,270 Jeff, what's wrong? 771 00:42:09,294 --> 00:42:10,704 Gail. 772 00:42:10,728 --> 00:42:12,073 My God, why didn't you tell me? 773 00:42:12,097 --> 00:42:13,907 Would you excuse us, please? I'm her husband. 774 00:42:13,931 --> 00:42:16,177 In just a little while, you're gonna be more than a husband, 775 00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:17,478 you're gonna be a father. 776 00:42:17,502 --> 00:42:18,479 Honey, I... I'm scared. 777 00:42:18,503 --> 00:42:19,946 Okay, hold on tight. 778 00:42:19,970 --> 00:42:21,782 I'm gonna pick you up and carry you to my office. 779 00:42:21,806 --> 00:42:24,185 May I, Doc? Please. Okay. Gently. 780 00:42:24,209 --> 00:42:26,287 Honey, I love you. I don't know what happened to us, 781 00:42:26,311 --> 00:42:27,621 but it's not gonna happen again. 782 00:42:27,645 --> 00:42:29,523 Doc, how can I help? Forget it. 783 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:31,025 I saw you make a salad. 784 00:42:31,049 --> 00:42:32,615 Honey. 785 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,698 Okay. Bear down. 786 00:42:38,890 --> 00:42:40,767 And I never stopped thinking about you one minute 787 00:42:40,791 --> 00:42:43,470 the whole time we were apart. 788 00:42:43,494 --> 00:42:44,838 Breathe. 789 00:42:44,862 --> 00:42:45,940 I am. 790 00:42:45,964 --> 00:42:47,930 Not you. Her. 791 00:42:52,504 --> 00:42:54,548 I was too proud to say I was wrong. 792 00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:57,485 But I'm not too proud now. 793 00:42:57,509 --> 00:42:59,854 Bear down. 794 00:43:02,013 --> 00:43:04,258 Jeff, I have so much to tell you, 795 00:43:04,282 --> 00:43:06,515 but it's gonna have to... To wait. 796 00:43:18,596 --> 00:43:20,608 Julie, Julie, listen: 797 00:43:20,632 --> 00:43:22,510 You sit, I'll pace. 798 00:43:22,534 --> 00:43:24,645 Thanks. 799 00:43:24,669 --> 00:43:27,081 What is taking so long? 800 00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:29,939 Don't ask me, I've never had any babies. 801 00:43:33,244 --> 00:43:35,678 Well, don't ask me, I've never had any babies either. 802 00:43:38,249 --> 00:43:39,860 Has Doc ever delivered a baby before? 803 00:43:39,884 --> 00:43:41,662 Listen, listen. 804 00:43:41,686 --> 00:43:44,898 I've never made soup for 600 people before 805 00:43:44,922 --> 00:43:48,068 but it turned out great. 806 00:43:48,092 --> 00:43:49,770 I'll be the judge of that. 807 00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:51,605 We have nothing to worry about. 808 00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:53,874 I'm sure Doc is doing a wonderful job. 809 00:43:53,898 --> 00:43:55,376 Oh, I'm sure he is. 810 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,944 I mean, that's one of the things 811 00:43:56,968 --> 00:43:59,780 that constantly amazes me about Doc. 812 00:43:59,804 --> 00:44:01,170 That he's really a doctor. 813 00:44:03,807 --> 00:44:06,975 He is, isn't he? I mean, it's not a nickname just...? 814 00:44:10,148 --> 00:44:14,628 Well, has my new passenger boarded? 815 00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:16,129 Not yet, sir. 816 00:44:16,153 --> 00:44:17,353 Ah. 817 00:44:18,723 --> 00:44:20,255 Hm. 818 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,905 Well, what's ta...? 819 00:44:24,929 --> 00:44:26,629 What's taking so long? 820 00:44:31,469 --> 00:44:33,702 Has the doc delivered a baby before? 821 00:44:37,809 --> 00:44:40,343 He really is a doctor, isn't he? 822 00:44:46,984 --> 00:44:48,128 Bear down. 823 00:44:48,152 --> 00:44:49,752 Baby's in a good position. 824 00:44:51,155 --> 00:44:53,134 What's taking so long? 825 00:44:53,158 --> 00:44:55,424 Towel. 826 00:44:57,228 --> 00:44:59,468 Okay, one more time now, and I think we've got it. 827 00:45:00,865 --> 00:45:04,000 Okay, bear down a little harder. 828 00:45:05,804 --> 00:45:08,370 Here we go, this is it. 829 00:45:11,342 --> 00:45:14,355 Well, hello, Mr. Smith. 830 00:45:16,047 --> 00:45:17,857 Mr. Smith? 831 00:45:17,881 --> 00:45:20,193 Oh! Honey, it's a boy! 832 00:45:20,217 --> 00:45:21,951 Oh. 833 00:45:31,329 --> 00:45:34,107 Doc, uh, tell me the truth. 834 00:45:34,131 --> 00:45:36,410 Is this the first baby you ever delivered? 835 00:45:36,434 --> 00:45:38,011 The first? Come on, 836 00:45:38,035 --> 00:45:41,370 I've been delivering babies since medical school, 1962. 837 00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,951 This is the second. 838 00:45:54,686 --> 00:45:57,298 He really is a doctor. 839 00:46:24,748 --> 00:46:25,992 Well, hi. 840 00:46:26,016 --> 00:46:27,494 Well, hello. 841 00:46:27,518 --> 00:46:30,664 Don't tell me the whole cruise went by and I never met you. 842 00:46:30,688 --> 00:46:32,933 Well, you're meeting me now. 843 00:46:32,957 --> 00:46:34,991 Better later than never. Uh-huh. 844 00:46:37,828 --> 00:46:40,340 That's the man who was with the pregnant lady. 845 00:46:40,364 --> 00:46:43,999 And that's the lady you was with Dear Beverly's husband. 846 00:46:46,370 --> 00:46:47,936 Sex fiend. 847 00:46:50,975 --> 00:46:54,477 Well, gee, now I am sorry I didn't meet you earlier. 848 00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,195 Oh, Gopher, Gopher. 849 00:47:01,219 --> 00:47:04,464 Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 850 00:47:04,488 --> 00:47:07,067 Looks like your advice is gonna work out for my friend. 851 00:47:07,091 --> 00:47:09,837 Oh, yes, they're going to live happily ever after. 852 00:47:09,861 --> 00:47:11,104 What's this all about? 853 00:47:11,128 --> 00:47:13,207 Oh, well, I have these two hamsters, 854 00:47:13,231 --> 00:47:15,408 and they just haven't been getting along 855 00:47:15,432 --> 00:47:17,044 as well as they should. 856 00:47:17,068 --> 00:47:18,846 Mm. Thank you. 857 00:47:18,870 --> 00:47:21,548 There you are, darling. 858 00:47:21,572 --> 00:47:22,615 You see? 859 00:47:22,639 --> 00:47:23,873 Ha, ha. Bye. 860 00:47:25,810 --> 00:47:29,456 Hey, you're a great chef and you can sail with me anytime. 861 00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:30,480 Oh. 862 00:47:31,950 --> 00:47:34,928 Thank you. And you are a fine captain. 863 00:47:34,952 --> 00:47:36,463 Thank you. Thank you. I want to tell you 864 00:47:36,487 --> 00:47:38,498 that that chocolate soufflé last night 865 00:47:38,522 --> 00:47:40,667 was the best I've ever tasted. 866 00:47:40,691 --> 00:47:42,369 I thought you would like it. 867 00:47:42,393 --> 00:47:45,406 It's the first time I ever made it with ketchup. 868 00:47:45,430 --> 00:47:46,873 What? 869 00:47:46,897 --> 00:47:48,242 Just a little joke. Oh. 870 00:47:48,266 --> 00:47:51,412 You see, Chef Borga has a sense of humor too. 871 00:47:51,436 --> 00:47:52,512 Yes. 872 00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:53,970 Arrivederci. 873 00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:57,684 Goodbye, Merrill. 874 00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:59,976 Ciao, Antonio. 875 00:48:03,981 --> 00:48:05,458 Isn't he beautiful? 876 00:48:05,482 --> 00:48:09,351 Jeff, you're not coming home because of the baby, are you? 877 00:48:10,822 --> 00:48:13,033 Yes, I am. What? 878 00:48:13,057 --> 00:48:17,404 I'm coming home for you, for us, 879 00:48:17,428 --> 00:48:19,161 especially for me. 880 00:48:21,332 --> 00:48:22,364 I need you, Gail. 881 00:48:34,545 --> 00:48:35,589 Bye-bye. Bye. 882 00:48:35,613 --> 00:48:37,123 Bye-bye. 883 00:48:37,147 --> 00:48:39,860 Well, look who's here. 884 00:48:39,884 --> 00:48:41,595 Ah. Oh! 885 00:48:41,619 --> 00:48:43,530 Time to say goodbye. 886 00:48:43,554 --> 00:48:45,332 How can I ever thank you, Doc? 887 00:48:45,356 --> 00:48:46,800 Yeah, thanks, Doc. 888 00:48:46,824 --> 00:48:48,969 I'll send you my bill in the morning. 889 00:48:48,993 --> 00:48:51,137 Heh. Julie, you're a good friend, 890 00:48:51,161 --> 00:48:52,873 and a heck of a marriage counselor. 891 00:48:52,897 --> 00:48:56,477 Well, I'll send you my bill in the morning too. 892 00:48:56,501 --> 00:48:58,411 Okay, partner, say goodbye to your Uncle Isaac. 893 00:48:58,435 --> 00:49:00,346 Bye, Cleophus. And your Uncle Gopher. 894 00:49:00,370 --> 00:49:03,049 Your Uncle Adam, and your Aunt Julie, 895 00:49:03,073 --> 00:49:04,184 and your Uncle Merrill. 896 00:49:04,208 --> 00:49:06,587 Uh, Uncle Merrill, sir. 897 00:49:06,611 --> 00:49:08,822 We'd better get going. We still gotta go through customs. 898 00:49:08,846 --> 00:49:11,758 And do you have something to declare. Heh-heh. 899 00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:13,227 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 900 00:49:13,251 --> 00:49:14,728 Bye. Bye. 901 00:49:14,752 --> 00:49:15,752 Bye.