1 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:25,172 Oh Freedom 2 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:45,413 Oh Freedom 3 00:00:52,103 --> 00:01:00,095 Oh Freedom is upon me 4 00:01:06,701 --> 00:01:14,541 I will never be a slave 5 00:01:17,548 --> 00:01:25,419 I will go down to my grave silently 6 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:33,160 When I go home 7 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:39,754 I will be strong 8 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:45,160 And I will be free 9 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,965 There's no point, it's unfair crying... 10 00:01:49,989 --> 00:01:53,234 With anger in public The explosion also... 11 00:01:53,258 --> 00:01:56,249 They are loose hands and with his teary eyes... 12 00:01:56,273 --> 00:01:58,239 They just look at you with sympathy... 13 00:01:58,263 --> 00:02:01,676 Confession process Can it make it easier? 14 00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:04,194 It is the companionship of those who mourn... 15 00:02:04,218 --> 00:02:06,147 Keeping themselves afloat... 16 00:02:06,171 --> 00:02:08,883 Heartbreaking pity with his feelings... 17 00:02:08,907 --> 00:02:11,019 They bend bravely in corners... 18 00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:14,902 While wandering away with empty eyes 19 00:02:24,338 --> 00:02:26,413 Translation: nutuzar 20 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:30,518 When I found out, I was already waiting. 21 00:02:32,387 --> 00:02:38,493 Until then my close friends I took care of most of them and buried them. 22 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:46,633 And in the 70s and early 80s their There was nothing he could do that I didn't do. 23 00:02:46,935 --> 00:02:49,102 So I was kind of waiting. 24 00:02:49,504 --> 00:02:55,601 When the counselor told me, I remember smiling... 25 00:02:55,625 --> 00:03:01,715 and I thought to myself, “Bitch, did you think you were going to get away?” 26 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:06,454 I am a recovering person I'm an alcoholic. I must say this. 27 00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:10,757 For the last ten years a I'm in a recovery program. 28 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:17,174 Just worthlessness, lack of self-confidence, overcame feelings such as low self-esteem... 29 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:22,837 I was starting to get myself together again. I found out that I carry the virus. 30 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:25,494 I carry the virus After learning... 31 00:03:25,518 --> 00:03:27,588 Coming from the black community... 32 00:03:27,612 --> 00:03:32,473 Going through the devastation I've been through The devastation I felt I was experiencing... 33 00:03:32,497 --> 00:03:37,216 Being black and overcoming obstacles All those emotions that I struggled through... 34 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,454 shot me and He knocked him down again. 35 00:03:39,554 --> 00:03:42,716 Life is no longer to live I felt like it wasn't worth it. 36 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,536 Did you think you could escape? 37 00:03:45,026 --> 00:03:47,128 talk about it It wasn't easy at all. 38 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:55,138 About communicating with people It remains a real lesson... 39 00:03:55,162 --> 00:04:00,677 Because, of course, the obvious things yes, including stigma... 40 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:05,242 but at the same time As an experience... 41 00:04:05,266 --> 00:04:11,986 about transforming into experience also because of reluctance. 42 00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,822 I guess we call this denial. 43 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:19,499 But, my, about that My reluctance to talk... 44 00:04:19,523 --> 00:04:22,675 be perceived as sick I don't want to... 45 00:04:22,699 --> 00:04:26,768 being treated as "other" It had a lot to do with me not wanting it. 46 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:33,607 What I've heard in my life, all my life It was one of the most depressing things. 47 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,476 I was extremely depressed. 48 00:04:36,878 --> 00:04:41,982 And back then there wasn't much about it. Since I have no knowledge... 49 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:47,755 very soon or in a year I thought I was going to die inside. 50 00:04:48,823 --> 00:04:52,460 And all about the disease Clichés came to my mind. 51 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:56,331 And coping with it at first I had a hard time. It was extremely difficult. 52 00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,003 I just panicked 53 00:04:58,032 --> 00:05:01,035 I remember one day very clearly. 54 00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:05,939 Call it... Now call it "AIDS" "It's my panic day," I say. 55 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:11,073 I woke up in the morning and went to work I was getting dressed to go... 56 00:05:11,097 --> 00:05:14,282 I was getting ready and I was home alone. 57 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:17,517 I think my darling he was already gone. 58 00:05:18,119 --> 00:05:22,910 And the shower in the bathroom I opened it, took a shower... 59 00:05:22,934 --> 00:05:26,427 and suddenly I panicked. 60 00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:33,534 And I started to cry, alone in the shower I was screaming in my head. 61 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:41,376 And it's just what I feel, it's inside me There was a feeling of fear, death and general panic. 62 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:52,440 Time waits for no one... 63 00:05:52,464 --> 00:05:56,184 He comes alone to get you drooling... 64 00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:58,573 You pull it out his flaccid limb... 65 00:05:58,597 --> 00:06:02,833 To the young people making love next to you You cry with envy... 66 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:15,864 With awkward ammunition you respond... 67 00:06:15,888 --> 00:06:19,925 Drop pattern resists grief... 68 00:06:19,949 --> 00:06:22,771 You take the violet in your hand... 69 00:06:22,795 --> 00:06:26,458 He rubs it with the oil of his heart... 70 00:06:26,482 --> 00:06:30,014 You wash your battered soul... 71 00:06:30,038 --> 00:06:33,693 The one you distilled from pure pain miss salty. 72 00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:05,611 I am HIV positive The day I learned... 73 00:07:05,635 --> 00:07:08,422 from my mother in the afternoon I received a phone call... 74 00:07:09,441 --> 00:07:13,281 me my dog Mickey... 75 00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:22,327 Although he had the dog but it was mine It was the dog I had growing up... 76 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,476 to be put to sleep He said it was necessary... 77 00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:29,749 because he was in so much pain And he was an old dog. 78 00:07:30,218 --> 00:07:32,252 Could I come? 79 00:07:32,587 --> 00:07:35,590 And his dog is a veterinarian We took him to the clinic. 80 00:07:36,324 --> 00:07:41,962 And while they were putting the dog to sleep, I heard my mother's big I remember you making a scene. 81 00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:47,363 that I can tell my mother I didn't think so because... 82 00:07:47,387 --> 00:07:51,338 personally a new burden for him I didn't want to put it on anymore. 83 00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:54,008 He had nine children. 84 00:07:54,108 --> 00:07:57,416 My oldest brother is a couple He was killed years ago... 85 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,292 so with his death Going through the whole process involved... 86 00:08:01,316 --> 00:08:04,585 and accept it He had to work. 87 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:10,725 Also drug addiction problems I had a few other brothers living and... 88 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,190 Therefore, this information my knowledge... 89 00:08:15,214 --> 00:08:20,535 At that point sharing with him I felt like it would be another burden. 90 00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:25,997 And here's my mother, just my HIV The day I found out I was positive... 91 00:08:26,779 --> 00:08:30,076 at the vet He was experiencing trauma. 92 00:08:31,252 --> 00:08:36,457 I couldn't tell her, I just I couldn't explain to him what I had learned. 93 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:39,340 My extreme coolness I protected... 94 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:43,891 from what almost happened by isolating myself. 95 00:08:44,859 --> 00:08:46,761 By trying to be objective. 96 00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:49,864 Trying to support my mother. 97 00:08:50,911 --> 00:08:56,436 And keeping the dog on the stretcher... 98 00:08:57,025 --> 00:09:04,444 we said goodbye to him I remember the moment. 99 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,915 My mother was in tears. 100 00:09:08,976 --> 00:09:14,154 And somehow, in my mind... 101 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:22,295 How was it for my mother the day I died? I kept dreaming it would happen. 102 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:27,422 I was 30 years old... 103 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,771 And I was my mother's only child. 104 00:09:34,709 --> 00:09:35,798 This hurt. 105 00:09:35,932 --> 00:09:37,654 Talking about this topic It was never easy. 106 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:41,247 Finally I told my mother. 107 00:09:41,382 --> 00:09:45,585 In fact, in a letter last week I said, which for me... 108 00:09:46,145 --> 00:09:50,551 how to tell him It really took me thinking. 109 00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:56,017 So, a feeling of obligation I didn't want to wake you up... 110 00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:59,287 I mean, like a patient... 111 00:09:59,311 --> 00:10:06,040 or in some other way I didn't want to be treated. 112 00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:08,240 Just what I have to say I wanted it to be heard... 113 00:10:08,264 --> 00:10:10,541 So I wrote a letter to him. I decided to send... 114 00:10:10,565 --> 00:10:12,980 and that's the best way to tell him I felt it was a good way. 115 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:18,119 My mother was finally one of my aunts. He learned it from someone, his sister. 116 00:10:18,219 --> 00:10:22,288 My mother two years ago He passed away from cancer. 117 00:10:22,657 --> 00:10:30,436 And when you're in the early stages of the disease, you actually While I was undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy... 118 00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:35,210 we talked almost every day and he always said to me: 119 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:41,000 'You know baby, about AIDS They are doing great things... 120 00:10:41,024 --> 00:10:45,112 also about cancer They're doing great things. 121 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,480 And we can beat this. 122 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:49,849 "He just has to be strong and we must hold on.'" 123 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,422 He said these things to me I will never forget it for. 124 00:10:56,991 --> 00:11:03,130 I was literally face to face with my mother and said, 'Here This is the real me. 'This is who I am.' I was saying. 125 00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:06,734 Excuse me. I... 126 00:11:07,535 --> 00:11:12,924 I won't hide it and I'm an invalid I don't want to be treated like... 127 00:11:12,948 --> 00:11:18,478 Your reactions have to be my mother I don't want it to happen because you feel it.' 128 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:23,116 'Truly person to person I want a reaction.' 129 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,389 And that's really It was quite honest... 130 00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:27,681 and for the first time I really face it honestly... 131 00:11:27,705 --> 00:11:31,224 Without any apology, my life I said this is what it actually is. 132 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:36,729 My mother had a hard time. 133 00:11:37,598 --> 00:11:40,434 Because there is an element of shame. 134 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:41,936 I'm from Haiti. 135 00:11:45,239 --> 00:11:51,144 And AIDS in Haiti Even though there is an epidemic... 136 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:58,274 We came to Haiti in the kind of social class... 137 00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,255 about this We shouldn't talk. 138 00:12:03,858 --> 00:12:06,226 But like I said, I'm open. 139 00:12:06,594 --> 00:12:10,131 This is something I should be ashamed of You're welcome. 140 00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:12,533 This is a virus. this a medical problem. 141 00:12:12,633 --> 00:12:14,897 When people get cancer... 142 00:12:14,921 --> 00:12:19,240 when they have a heart attack, etc., etc., they are not put to shame. 143 00:12:19,340 --> 00:12:21,308 No! I will not be ashamed. 144 00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:24,878 This is a virus. this is really Let's start by starting out. 145 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:30,972 No more silence... 146 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:37,278 Let there be no silence... 147 00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:42,488 Hold on to your heart, this ungrateful one against the duty to live... 148 00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:46,281 Breathe through your nose Taste the fruit with your tongue... 149 00:12:46,305 --> 00:12:52,371 Let your steps linger on the pedestrian crossing As the crowds pass by... 150 00:12:52,395 --> 00:12:55,664 And the rose of joy sudden explosion... 151 00:12:55,688 --> 00:13:00,084 When your mother calls you Wake up from a sweaty sleep... 152 00:13:00,108 --> 00:13:01,657 Yawn loudly... 153 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:06,108 Give voice to yourself Owner make love with the body you are... 154 00:13:06,132 --> 00:13:09,277 Now it's Africa wash with oils... 155 00:13:09,301 --> 00:13:13,187 Now fit for kings dress with fabrics... 156 00:13:13,211 --> 00:13:16,119 Now for one person put it to bed... 157 00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:17,193 And listen to him... 158 00:13:17,217 --> 00:13:21,867 Digesting grapes and bananas Filled with yourself... 159 00:13:21,891 --> 00:13:25,473 Get ready to fight With a horny fool... 160 00:13:25,497 --> 00:13:28,794 A poisonous one with the son of a bitch... 161 00:13:28,818 --> 00:13:32,347 A green one is hiding behind the door... 162 00:13:32,371 --> 00:13:35,991 Shame, pain, guilt and with the nonsense 163 00:13:36,124 --> 00:13:41,721 For me now no tears will be shed 164 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:47,205 I saw it in church... maybe that's why About seven years ago... or eight... 165 00:13:47,229 --> 00:13:51,237 A young man came to church and sat in the front row. 166 00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:54,635 And see it melt away before our eyes I have seen it. He was skin and bones. 167 00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:57,204 Then to receive communion He even stopped going. 168 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:58,772 The priest had to go to him. 169 00:13:58,873 --> 00:14:00,941 And people I saw you running away. 170 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,613 This happened to me too I knew you could come. 171 00:14:03,687 --> 00:14:05,585 Society thinks it's dirty He wants you to think that he is. 172 00:14:05,695 --> 00:14:07,818 The truth is... 173 00:14:07,842 --> 00:14:14,234 we black gay men We live in the world... 174 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:22,729 people with HIV, people with AIDS In the same world that sacrifices. 175 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:26,233 It's not just people dying. 176 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:32,339 And that's exactly the equation, so, AIDS and death mean the same thing. 177 00:14:32,529 --> 00:14:38,520 But also people, for you There's very little they can do... 178 00:14:40,232 --> 00:14:43,715 They have little to offer you. It sacrifices as much as possible. 179 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:48,359 And to simply say If necessary, this... 180 00:14:49,412 --> 00:14:53,994 A comfort zone, so to speak. Not sharing this information... 181 00:14:54,018 --> 00:15:00,852 among excluded people An area where it means you are not. 182 00:15:01,121 --> 00:15:04,367 The black community does not accept There are so many things... 183 00:15:04,391 --> 00:15:06,093 especially the church community. 184 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,576 They say, "These things cannot happen." 185 00:15:08,676 --> 00:15:14,915 "Our men are gay "He doesn't get into relationships," they say. 186 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:19,253 Which is not true. I am living proof. 187 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:22,222 I... I... Now I can say this. 188 00:15:22,323 --> 00:15:25,025 This is my epidemic Something he did for. 189 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,494 I was hiding... 190 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,897 40 years passed before it opened... 191 00:15:30,921 --> 00:15:35,682 to join my peers Before I could feel like one. 192 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:40,807 Opening up about sexuality It was a real challenge... 193 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:45,121 So, I guess everyone It is for... 194 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:50,395 talking about sexuality So much burden on people... 195 00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:53,086 In a culture that is so rigid. 196 00:15:55,164 --> 00:16:00,560 But talking openly about HIV is very difficult. It's different because what this culture does... 197 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:08,002 and surprisingly still doing it because of the things he keeps going on. 198 00:16:08,102 --> 00:16:15,848 Sometimes I think about understanding We have passed certain milestones... 199 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,279 that is, as a culture. 200 00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:24,702 But culture this disease, This health condition... 201 00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:30,656 with these big moral issues continues to hold together... 202 00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:40,501 and people, for their health They are forced to apologize. 203 00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:48,609 This means society is dirty It's something he wants you to think about. 204 00:16:48,709 --> 00:16:50,678 It's something you should be ashamed of. 205 00:16:50,778 --> 00:16:53,846 It's something you pick up through sex. 206 00:16:54,114 --> 00:17:00,454 And "sex", so-called Puritan It's a dirty word in our society. 207 00:17:01,094 --> 00:17:06,431 So, about HIV Being open means... 208 00:17:06,462 --> 00:17:14,351 All this ongoing moralism is a It means taking sides. 209 00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:23,603 Now celebrities are suffering from a disease, so to speak. They apologize for getting caught. 210 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:28,987 And that's it for me There is a real problem... 211 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:33,854 because no one has this disease He doesn't choose to live. 212 00:17:33,954 --> 00:17:35,823 But this is a situation. 213 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:44,937 So, again, opening up about it and talking to people talking, with everyone's individual reactions... 214 00:17:44,961 --> 00:17:50,768 with its moralism and what it means With his judgments that he came... 215 00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:53,090 It means to confront. 216 00:17:53,894 --> 00:18:01,402 And that's probably me This is the hardest part for you. 217 00:18:01,727 --> 00:18:03,795 WANTED: Black gay man 218 00:18:03,819 --> 00:18:07,843 intelligent, able to express himself well, activist, exclusively HIV-negative. 219 00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,675 For me, many people know... 220 00:18:10,699 --> 00:18:13,943 because it is related to my HIV disease I have a public identity... 221 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:18,465 so many people publicly said that I He knows I have this disease. 222 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:25,072 It's part of who I am I have no hesitation in asserting that. 223 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:29,775 This is "Reggie Williams" part of the public persona. 224 00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:31,532 And that's why... 225 00:18:31,556 --> 00:18:37,666 There are many people out there who know my HIV status. I know there is a mass of people... 226 00:18:37,690 --> 00:18:43,189 Not necessarily because I said so, But this is kind of public knowledge. 227 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:48,830 But I have a fear, all These people are in public... 228 00:18:48,854 --> 00:18:54,294 I am infected with HIV Since you know that I am... 229 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,417 I still find myself desirable... 230 00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:03,709 they may want to get closer to Do they see themselves as one? 231 00:19:04,106 --> 00:19:05,466 I'm still attractive 232 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:13,742 HIV is somehow old about sex It also affected my religious beliefs and taboos. 233 00:19:13,766 --> 00:19:18,990 It moved so many things inside me. Which is what sexuality really is... 234 00:19:19,014 --> 00:19:22,076 and honest people relations between... 235 00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:25,442 on what it means I had to rethink. 236 00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:28,734 So, a relationship How it looks from the outside... 237 00:19:28,758 --> 00:19:31,538 or how it should be rather than necessary... 238 00:19:31,562 --> 00:19:34,627 about the essence of relationships I questioned my perceptions. 239 00:19:34,975 --> 00:19:40,747 So, really, honestly, quite I isolated myself for a long time. 240 00:19:40,858 --> 00:19:42,929 Black Gay Male, tall tall, muscular, educated... 241 00:19:42,953 --> 00:19:44,794 HIV-positive with the same characteristics The owner is looking for someone. 242 00:19:44,818 --> 00:19:46,206 My... 243 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:54,094 my sexual self through the experience of HIV decreased tremendously. 244 00:19:54,194 --> 00:20:01,775 My right to sex and sexuality, for the sake of It feels like something I have to fight against. 245 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:05,972 I feel like my... 246 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:12,759 And then the actual disease physical experience... 247 00:20:12,783 --> 00:20:17,479 not having a body not reacting... 248 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:26,093 not what it once was It almost creates a kind of anger about it. 249 00:20:26,447 --> 00:20:31,665 I gave up sex in 1983 because AIDS I knew it was a sexual disease. 250 00:20:31,765 --> 00:20:35,669 by having sex I knew you could get caught. 251 00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:41,440 And I, undiagnosed, but I didn't want to kill anyone. 252 00:20:41,775 --> 00:20:46,613 Don't pass this on to anyone else I knew I had the possibility. 253 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:48,482 Then I knew something else. 254 00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:51,942 I knew what I had I knew and in the back of my mind... 255 00:20:51,966 --> 00:20:53,921 maybe i'm something I thought it might be. 256 00:20:54,021 --> 00:20:56,623 But something else I didn't want to catch it. 257 00:20:56,723 --> 00:21:00,294 Diseases associated with it I didn't want to catch it. 258 00:21:00,394 --> 00:21:03,163 I didn't want to get herpes. I didn't want to get meningitis. 259 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:08,869 Another infection, from someone else I didn't want to catch a cold. 260 00:21:08,969 --> 00:21:14,241 So I decided, back then sex wasn't the most important thing. 261 00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:17,209 without sex I felt like I could do it. 262 00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:19,522 There is no reason for this embarrassment. 263 00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:25,702 I was very interested in the phone, many Well, too much phone sex... 264 00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:30,090 actually avoiding intimacy for things like this. 265 00:21:30,891 --> 00:21:33,760 And now I realize... 266 00:21:34,995 --> 00:21:36,897 It's like I'm waking up again I feel like. 267 00:21:36,997 --> 00:21:40,022 And I guess it's against myself Being truly honest... 268 00:21:40,046 --> 00:21:43,403 And there's no reason to be ashamed It's a kind of reward for saying it. 269 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,706 And from this kind of shame I'm really tired. 270 00:21:45,806 --> 00:21:49,376 What caused the transformation... 271 00:21:50,744 --> 00:21:57,394 Just being outside and carrying the virus being in contact with men... 272 00:21:57,418 --> 00:22:00,922 more about the virus knowing too much... 273 00:22:00,946 --> 00:22:03,953 and safe sex that I can... 274 00:22:03,977 --> 00:22:09,095 And I won't hurt anyone, Knowing that I won't hurt myself either. 275 00:22:09,463 --> 00:22:13,193 And learn more, going to seminars... 276 00:22:13,217 --> 00:22:17,804 and on human sexuality work, which, I am a sexual person. 277 00:22:17,904 --> 00:22:22,042 Just because I have a virus, Doesn't mean I can't participate. 278 00:22:22,142 --> 00:22:25,112 I believe in safe sex and I believe in condoms. 279 00:22:25,212 --> 00:22:31,852 And just get used to the disease and living with it day by day. 280 00:22:32,486 --> 00:22:37,079 This is a virus and we constantly... 281 00:22:39,133 --> 00:22:41,770 the problem is sexuality We must remember that it is not. 282 00:22:41,795 --> 00:22:45,264 Go and possible Have as much sex as possible. 283 00:22:45,599 --> 00:22:49,535 Go and have relationships. 284 00:22:49,803 --> 00:22:51,471 one night stand I believe in relationships. 285 00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:55,674 Extended one night stand I believe in relationships. 286 00:22:55,942 --> 00:22:59,078 always with my lover We had an open relationship. 287 00:22:59,413 --> 00:23:01,013 But be safe. 288 00:23:01,415 --> 00:23:02,883 Use condoms. 289 00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:08,555 And your sex, your sexuality It has so many aspects. 290 00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,611 Just fuck... 291 00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,693 Not fucking and licking. 292 00:23:13,794 --> 00:23:16,984 Masturbation is involved... 293 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,621 dirty talk... 294 00:23:21,534 --> 00:23:23,736 and there is also the listening part. 295 00:23:25,072 --> 00:23:27,104 Discover new directions... 296 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,830 research... 297 00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:32,279 You'll be surprised at what you find. 298 00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:37,217 So I say, go ahead, worship each other's bodies. 299 00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:39,920 Love them. 300 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:28,953 Immediately after being positive Then I told my priest... 301 00:24:28,977 --> 00:24:32,038 because you have a support system I knew I would need it. 302 00:24:32,139 --> 00:24:35,769 Many other men before this I supported and they... 303 00:24:35,793 --> 00:24:39,679 secretly, quietly and very I knew they died angry. 304 00:24:39,779 --> 00:24:43,616 And I didn't want to die like that, I didn't want to live like that either. 305 00:24:44,217 --> 00:24:52,012 gay and lesbian in our community... 306 00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:58,785 nobody gets sick Even though he doesn't know... 307 00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:06,272 Many deaths due to HIV We have examples of many leaders. 308 00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:15,118 About their illness by staying silent... 309 00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:20,256 community reach out to them They deny you your chance. 310 00:25:22,155 --> 00:25:25,178 But the strange phenomenon... 311 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,430 usually in obituaries... 312 00:25:29,454 --> 00:25:34,044 as if he had survived this disease gloriously They are to be revealed as if they were dead. 313 00:25:34,069 --> 00:25:36,100 No one suffers from this disease He doesn't die a glorious death... 314 00:25:36,124 --> 00:25:37,666 But what do I mean? You understand. 315 00:25:37,691 --> 00:25:41,091 Get an obituary So and so author... 316 00:25:41,115 --> 00:25:45,773 so-and-so designer from AIDS When you see him die... 317 00:25:45,797 --> 00:25:49,382 "But wait a minute. This The person never opened up." 318 00:25:49,482 --> 00:25:52,285 This person is positive He never stated that he was. 319 00:25:52,385 --> 00:25:55,120 "This person does a lot of good deeds. He could." you say. 320 00:25:55,388 --> 00:26:02,112 And the famous choreographer, the famous designer, famous writers, etc., etc. 321 00:26:02,344 --> 00:26:10,270 sometimes death of famous singer We have examples where it opened on its bed. 322 00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:14,080 Shameful. 323 00:26:16,876 --> 00:26:18,578 "It's a shame," I say. 324 00:26:20,206 --> 00:26:23,649 AIDS and HIV... 325 00:26:25,784 --> 00:26:32,119 In this culture, class, gender And definitely like homophobia... 326 00:26:32,143 --> 00:26:35,327 crossing many boundaries... 327 00:26:35,567 --> 00:26:41,567 so many issues brought up that. 328 00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:47,298 And living with infection as humans... 329 00:26:47,322 --> 00:26:51,636 and back to the community as the rest... 330 00:26:51,660 --> 00:26:57,817 What do we do in response? is of critical importance. 331 00:26:57,917 --> 00:27:00,161 People carrying the virus... 332 00:27:00,185 --> 00:27:05,814 Knowing that there are all kinds of people I think it is very important... 333 00:27:05,838 --> 00:27:09,296 only one of this that it is not the basic cliché. 334 00:27:09,396 --> 00:27:12,165 carrying the virus It's not just Magic. 335 00:27:12,265 --> 00:27:14,205 Only those who carry the virus... 336 00:27:15,334 --> 00:27:20,940 young people, old people, not homosexuals. 337 00:27:20,965 --> 00:27:23,432 Anyone carrying the virus There are kind of people. 338 00:27:26,346 --> 00:27:29,629 Important milestone for me One of the points... 339 00:27:29,653 --> 00:27:34,254 tell people about it and was to get them to react. 340 00:27:34,354 --> 00:27:40,215 And now it's even more Since I started doing it... 341 00:27:40,239 --> 00:27:45,760 much more than I thought I see it's simple... 342 00:27:45,784 --> 00:27:53,573 and the reaction, even within the community, I see you are less distant. 343 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,462 In a funny way... 344 00:27:57,276 --> 00:28:02,193 The less I hide, the more of the story I learned so much about his side... 345 00:28:02,217 --> 00:28:05,096 and other people too He is HIV positive... 346 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:09,255 Many people with HIV in the world I realize that I have learned that it is. 347 00:28:09,356 --> 00:28:11,257 There are many people with AIDS. 348 00:28:11,358 --> 00:28:16,396 This is what America dreams of It's much bigger than you like. 349 00:28:16,496 --> 00:28:17,997 It's a much bigger issue. 350 00:28:18,098 --> 00:28:19,550 The lives of many people... 351 00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:22,435 more than you really know It affects more... 352 00:28:24,308 --> 00:28:26,872 In a way, this legend I want to finish. 353 00:28:27,941 --> 00:28:33,480 No more crying 354 00:28:34,714 --> 00:28:41,520 No more crying for me 355 00:28:44,123 --> 00:28:48,827 I was once a slave 356 00:28:50,028 --> 00:28:56,201 Now I'm free from all shame 357 00:28:57,703 --> 00:29:00,606 When I go home 358 00:29:02,342 --> 00:29:06,512 I will go strong 359 00:29:08,281 --> 00:29:12,038 I will go strong... 360 00:29:12,062 --> 00:29:16,155 And free 361 00:29:20,994 --> 00:29:26,098 Sometimes you just stop and To take care of myself... 362 00:29:26,122 --> 00:29:30,670 nice to spend time I think it will happen. 363 00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:37,277 But then I... This epidemic... 364 00:29:38,411 --> 00:29:42,787 We've ruined our community so badly. It continues to wreak havoc... 365 00:29:42,811 --> 00:29:45,687 stop and take care of myself If I make time for... 366 00:29:45,711 --> 00:29:48,588 catch up with us and all of us I feel like it will consume. 367 00:29:48,688 --> 00:29:54,294 And so on and on It's like a need to do something. 368 00:29:55,094 --> 00:29:58,731 I got more involved in this... 369 00:30:00,133 --> 00:30:02,735 Personally to AIDS education. 370 00:30:02,836 --> 00:30:09,141 Immersed in this field, so to speak, or To have emerged in this field... 371 00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:16,282 learning experience me He taught a tremendous amount. 372 00:30:16,382 --> 00:30:20,699 And my silence in this work... 373 00:30:20,723 --> 00:30:26,124 me after some point It didn't make much sense. 374 00:30:26,493 --> 00:30:31,112 But in the same way, that challenge... 375 00:30:31,136 --> 00:30:36,209 for my health Difficulties make me... 376 00:30:36,233 --> 00:30:41,975 with the reality of it forced to confront it. 377 00:30:42,774 --> 00:30:47,486 With different symptoms and so on As you start to fight things... 378 00:30:47,510 --> 00:30:50,309 will support me and this experience... 379 00:30:50,333 --> 00:30:54,347 will understand what it means As long as you have people... 380 00:30:54,371 --> 00:30:57,023 about this talking was inevitable. 381 00:30:57,123 --> 00:31:01,127 So, this is also my It required me to talk more about it. 382 00:31:02,061 --> 00:31:06,565 There are people with HIV in the church I started meetings for 383 00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:11,724 And so, people understand what's going on Knowing that he knows a little about... 384 00:31:11,748 --> 00:31:15,208 When it's my turn, accept it They would accept it as they are. 385 00:31:15,308 --> 00:31:19,145 Now no one even questions me. Nobody even approached me about it. 386 00:31:19,245 --> 00:31:23,483 Not many people in church A few people I sat and talked to. 387 00:31:23,583 --> 00:31:25,084 But other than that, they didn't. 388 00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:27,587 Even there recently We did the Quilt project. 389 00:31:27,687 --> 00:31:29,622 Quilt project I brought it there. 390 00:31:29,722 --> 00:31:32,025 And we had Harlem Week of Prayer. 391 00:31:32,125 --> 00:31:36,904 And we joined and we helped and people from other churches... 392 00:31:36,928 --> 00:31:40,733 We brought it to church and the clergy We included the class. 393 00:31:40,833 --> 00:31:43,362 about what's going on their awareness... 394 00:31:43,386 --> 00:31:45,305 this way I thought I could expand it. 395 00:31:46,673 --> 00:31:49,614 Now in my life, it's really a matter of trying to be honest... 396 00:31:49,638 --> 00:31:52,579 But this honesty is more than anything To be honest with myself first. 397 00:31:52,679 --> 00:31:55,848 This is more than revealing For myself, really. 398 00:31:55,949 --> 00:31:59,773 In a way, this really in my life... 399 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:04,324 valuable and honest relationships It's about trying to establish. 400 00:32:04,424 --> 00:32:07,744 What I see is... 401 00:32:08,084 --> 00:32:15,868 people most deeply They are moved by the personal. 402 00:32:17,968 --> 00:32:24,009 “I”, what is about “me” There is tremendous power in telling... 403 00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:32,051 and people relate to it They find places to set up. 404 00:32:32,151 --> 00:32:35,190 My hope is that by doing this... 405 00:32:35,214 --> 00:32:40,461 what's going on with myself By telling it to someone else... 406 00:32:40,485 --> 00:32:45,100 "Okay, this is for me It means something." 407 00:32:45,124 --> 00:32:50,685 This reminds me of living with HIV, Caring for someone with AIDS... 408 00:32:50,709 --> 00:32:54,706 or an activist going out on the streets as... 409 00:32:55,407 --> 00:32:59,646 "somehow helpful It's happening," he can say. 410 00:32:59,746 --> 00:33:01,947 So, whatever. 411 00:33:02,181 --> 00:33:08,241 And not necessarily all this. I don't share it thinking you will do it... 412 00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:13,092 but for someone else Hoping it makes sense. 413 00:33:20,766 --> 00:33:23,723 Endure, permanence fight what is... 414 00:33:23,747 --> 00:33:27,827 Soothing with the melody in your head... 415 00:33:27,851 --> 00:33:31,030 said over and over again In the name of Jesus... 416 00:33:31,186 --> 00:33:34,767 On feet with sandals fight with nail polish... 417 00:33:35,447 --> 00:33:37,604 Fight fibrous things... 418 00:33:37,628 --> 00:33:39,038 With your own spinach... 419 00:33:39,062 --> 00:33:40,607 With your spiritual broccoli... 420 00:33:40,631 --> 00:33:42,308 Call out to the medicinal herbs... 421 00:33:42,332 --> 00:33:44,244 Ginseng for heartache... 422 00:33:44,268 --> 00:33:48,581 An empty stomach covering seamoss... 423 00:33:48,605 --> 00:33:51,417 For full kisses a hungry stomach... 424 00:33:51,441 --> 00:33:53,520 Treat time... 425 00:33:53,544 --> 00:33:59,659 Hours Moments Growing on your temples... 426 00:33:59,683 --> 00:34:02,463 And to its fibers with the spreading mantra... 427 00:34:02,488 --> 00:34:06,466 Those busy weekdays and With your quiet evenings... 428 00:34:06,490 --> 00:34:11,437 Trouble with your own arms resist the sea... 429 00:34:11,461 --> 00:34:17,644 Take them and wrap them tightly Everything you have... 430 00:34:17,668 --> 00:34:21,636 And hold it tight Hold it tight... 431 00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:24,097 Hold gently and tightly 432 00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:22,039 Anne Piaf's greatest second hit song... 433 00:37:22,063 --> 00:37:24,113 With a tape on my brain pinned... 434 00:37:24,137 --> 00:37:26,186 And silently a mantra repeating like: 435 00:37:26,210 --> 00:37:28,363 'Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien.' 436 00:37:28,403 --> 00:37:34,387 Yes. A sexual revolution I was a part of it and I don't regret it at all. 437 00:37:34,453 --> 00:37:36,221 I did it all. 438 00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:39,025 In bathhouses and bars. 439 00:37:39,959 --> 00:37:41,427 In trucks. 440 00:37:42,828 --> 00:37:46,799 In Europe, Africa, America In the United States, in Canada. 441 00:37:46,899 --> 00:37:50,235 I did it all and nothing I don't regret anything.