1 00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:03,139 TED: Kids, in the spring of 2007, 2 00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,171 everything was great between me and Robin. 3 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,276 So we decided to try and make it even better. 4 00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:09,508 We decided to move in together. 5 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,413 So, I can have the moving truck here by 8:00 am. 6 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:12,605 Does that sound good to everybody? 7 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:13,706 (Lilly, Barney groaning) 8 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,747 By the way, what are you guys doing with Ted's room? 9 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,893 'Cause if you need help with the rent, I'll take it. 10 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,588 Why would you want to live with us? 11 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,390 I don't call what you guys do "living." 12 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,923 BARNEY: Here's the deal, 13 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,127 I need a room closer to the bar. 14 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,400 It takes me 15 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,398 exactly 23 minutes to get a girl 16 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,430 from the bar back to my apartment. 17 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:34,335 A lot can go wrong in 23 minutes. 18 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:38,808 This is going to be so hot. 19 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,580 Mm. 20 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:44,249 (snoring) 21 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,878 (buzzer sounding) 22 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,253 She's paying. 23 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,049 I swear, 24 00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,594 if he doesn't call me back, 25 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,089 I'm going to go through with this. 26 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:54,921 Please hurry, sir. 27 00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,755 I want to do dirty stuff with you. 28 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,960 Stuff I won't let him do. 29 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,892 Every red light run is an extra $20. 30 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:01,928 (phone rings) 31 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,302 Baby? 32 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:05,171 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 33 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,629 It was all my fault. 34 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:07,867 (buzzer sounds) 35 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,801 I am so drunk. 36 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:11,968 (chuckling) 37 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:16,475 When I'm this drunk, I go crazy! 38 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,980 I bet you do. 39 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,851 Check this out. 40 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,820 Woo-hoo! 41 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,819 What up NYPD? 42 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:25,451 (siren blares) 43 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,256 (buzzer sounds) So close. 44 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,088 See? If I had a room here 45 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,923 all I have to do is get them upstairs. 46 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,128 Come on, guys. It'll be great! 47 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,201 We'll come in after you guys are asleep 48 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,899 and I'll be gone before you wake up. 49 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,470 So, you get to have sex 50 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,469 and we get to wake some skanky girl up 51 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,001 in the morning and kick her out? 52 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,295 God, Lily. 53 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,307 Some guy just told her that he loved her 54 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,509 then pretended to go to the bathroom and never came back 55 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:50,611 you can't make her a cup of coffee? Real nice. 56 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:09,800 I put all your heavy jackets in this box marked "winter." 57 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,700 And all your colorful sweaters in this box 58 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,773 marked "Bill Cosby." 59 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,812 Make fun, but America loved that guy for a reason. 60 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,408 (grunts) 61 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,640 Wow! 62 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:21,844 Almost done. 63 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,605 Not so fast. 64 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:27,824 Take your sword. 65 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,718 Wow. 66 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,350 End of an era. Yeah. 67 00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,445 It's a bummer to break up the set, 68 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,417 but you're going to need that sword. 69 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,926 It's true-- my building is infested with dragons. 70 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,229 Aw, Ma. 71 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,931 Looks like our little boy is finally moving out. 72 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,202 It seems like just yesterday 73 00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:46,202 he was a cute little freshmen. 74 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,544 Discovering 75 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,338 Reggae and ultimate Frisbee. 76 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,040 He did it later than the other kids 77 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,341 but we never pushed him. No. 78 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,113 We knew he'd get there. 79 00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,781 You haven't moved in yet, have you? 80 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:56,939 Good. 81 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,247 You guys have to take this quiz. 82 00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,709 I found it in a magazine. 83 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,317 It's called the "Are you ready to move in together?" quiz. 84 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,620 Well, if it's anything like you're 85 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,991 "Are you wearing panties" quiz, I'm out. 86 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,119 (giggles) 87 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,424 Question one, 88 00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:11,486 Ted, "Do you want to move in with Robin?" 89 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,355 Mm. Yes. 90 00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,733 Oh, you got the first one wrong. 91 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,601 The answer is "no, 92 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,329 "you secretly want to be single 93 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,395 and hang out with your awesome friend Barney." 94 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,543 Question two, Robin. 95 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,539 "Do you think you can score a hotter guy than Ted?" 96 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,539 Correct. The answer was awkward silence. 97 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,813 Question three, 98 00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:34,575 "Did I just make up this quiz to prove a point?" 99 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:35,875 Yes. 100 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,046 Yes, I did. 101 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,824 Really? You mean 102 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,762 it's not from Old Yellow Legal Pad Magazine? 103 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:42,889 (chuckles) 104 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,093 So? We all agree? 105 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,825 We move Ted's stuff back up here? 106 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,560 Mm... no. We're still moving in together. 107 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:49,726 Why? 108 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:50,803 This is crazy. 109 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,171 Ted you're throwing your life away. 110 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,469 This girl is blinding you. 111 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,241 With her shiny hair and her boobed shaped boobs. 112 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,970 This is bad for you, too, you know. 113 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,466 How are you going to feel 114 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,278 when he sees you without any makeup? 115 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:04,510 I'm not wearing makeup right now. 116 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,875 Holy crap, you're beautiful. 117 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,979 All right then, how will you feel 118 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,287 when you can't sneak the occasional cigarette? 119 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,460 Oh, come on, Robin doesn't smoke. 120 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,263 Wait, do you? Of course not. 121 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,731 Why? 122 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,299 Don't tell me how to live my life! 123 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:23,299 Ted, I can't let you do this. 124 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,231 Come on. 125 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,734 This is happening. 126 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,136 So instead of fighting it why, why don't you just help? 127 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,138 You want me to help you? 128 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,010 Yeah. 129 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:34,039 Okay, Ted. 130 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,014 I'll help you. 131 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,978 Can't believe we actually got him to take a box down. 132 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,013 Mm. Maybe he's 133 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,078 finally getting on board. 134 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,545 (both moan) 135 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:44,994 Where's the truck? 136 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,658 Where's Barney? 137 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,288 Wait for it. 138 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:51,691 I can't believe this! 139 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,255 Everything I own in the world is in there. 140 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,263 Except for this box of pot lids. 141 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,666 And the sword. 142 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,498 I'm going to kill him. 143 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,903 I swear to God I'm going to kill him! 144 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,935 Right. Maybe I'll just hold onto that. 145 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,841 For now. 146 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,779 Marshall, we live alone. 147 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,321 This is so great! 148 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,920 We can finally do all the things 149 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,191 we always said we wanted to do if we lived alone. 150 00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,920 Oh, I know what I want to start with. 151 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,596 So, here we are, right? 152 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,531 Sitting around the apartment naked. 153 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,541 Awesome. Yep. 154 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,407 It's not as awesome as I thought it would be. 155 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,453 My butt itches. 156 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,548 I'm cold. I noticed. 157 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,418 Yeah, like you're one to talk, Pointy. 158 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,090 Barney, I don't know if you got my other 47 messages, 159 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,022 but if my stuff isn't here within the hour 160 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,387 I'm calling the cops. 161 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,186 This is the last time I'm calling you. 162 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,727 Because my charger's in the back of the truck. 163 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,673 Don't worry, it's Barney. 164 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,068 He'll bring the stuff back. 165 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,399 No, it's just... 166 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:08,435 I was really looking forward 167 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,569 to settling in, you know? 168 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,073 Maybe setting up my TV. 169 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:12,944 Watching a movie in bed. 170 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,413 (inhales sharply) 171 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:15,642 What? 172 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,176 Do we really want a TV in the bedroom? 173 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,481 I thought we did. 174 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,824 I'm not sure that we do. 175 00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:24,349 Well, where else would we put my TV? 176 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,494 We could just put it in our storage unit 177 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,660 in the basement. 178 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,188 But wouldn't we miss my TV? 179 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,323 Would we? 180 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,428 Yes, we would. 181 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,361 We've had that TV for a long time 182 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,795 and we would feel more at home 183 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,470 if it were setup in our bedroom. 184 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,201 We need wine, don't we? 185 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,506 Yes, we do. 186 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,769 (cork pops) 187 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,712 (moaning) 188 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,184 Should we, um, move this to the bedroom? 189 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,923 Why? 190 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,678 Ted doesn't live here anymore. 191 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,047 We can do it wherever we want. 192 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,946 You know what else? Hmm? 193 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,858 We don't have to be quiet anymore. 194 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,730 We can be as loud as we want. 195 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,299 (giggles) (moans) 196 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,798 Okay, I think we need 197 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,930 to lay down some ground rules. 198 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:15,635 Just because we can be loud doesn't mean we have to be loud. 199 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,239 And although it might turn you on, 200 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,581 you screaming, "I'm the best," doesn't do much for me. 201 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:23,579 Well, it's a lot better than yelling, 202 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:26,581 "Ted's not here," over and over again. 203 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,184 Well, at least what I said is true. 204 00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,048 Well, that was unnecessary. 205 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,492 Well, since I only have one box 206 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,564 I figure I might as well unpack it. 207 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:39,892 Mm, where do you think we should put it? 208 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,157 Well, unless you have a separate pot lid room, 209 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,164 I was thinking the cupboard. 210 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,895 (inhales sharply) What? 211 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:47,502 Uh, the thing is my kitchen is kind of small. 212 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,795 And, um, I already have a bunch of pot lids 213 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:52,837 and mine come with pots, so... 214 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,943 You're saying there's no way to make room 215 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,945 for the single box of stuff I try to move into our place? 216 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,078 Well, why don't you just take it down to the... 217 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,483 Do not say storage space. 218 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,915 I was going to say Dumpster. 219 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,051 Damn it, Robin, this is all I have left 220 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,556 in the world-- eight pot lids and a sword. 221 00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,719 Yeah, about the sword. 222 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,828 (cell phone rings) 223 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,058 Hello. 224 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:18,126 (in deep voice): Put on the suit, Mr. Mosby. 225 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,495 Barney, I know it's you. 226 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,603 Where's my stuff? 227 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,044 It's not me. 228 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,569 If you want to see 229 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,514 your precious possessions again, put on the suit. 230 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,509 What suit? Ding-dong. 231 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,681 Oh, what's that? The doorbell. 232 00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,409 That's the suit I'm talking about. 233 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:34,446 I haven't gotten to the door yet. 234 00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,451 Oh, okay, let me know when you get there. 235 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,793 Okay, I opened it. 236 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,549 And there's a suit there. 237 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,418 That's the suit I'm talking about. 238 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,415 Barney.... This isn't Barney. 239 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,187 But I hear that guy's awesome. 240 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,596 All right. 241 00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,498 Listen very carefully. 242 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,899 You will get your stuff back 243 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,431 if you are able to complete a series of challenges. 244 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,466 Number one, 245 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:55,971 put on the suit. 246 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:59,073 Number two, meet me at McClaren's in an hour. 247 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,906 How will I know who to look for since we've never met? 248 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,148 I look like Barney. 249 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,221 Oh, hey, Ted. 250 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,226 Suit and sneakers. 251 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,588 A little Ellen DeGeneres but you pull it off. 252 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,358 I don't have any other shoes 253 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,225 because you stole them along 254 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,973 with everything else I own in the world. 255 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,198 Where's the truck, Barney? 256 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,743 Barney. 257 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:30,238 People's whose trucks I'm not holding for ransom 258 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,500 call me Barney. 259 00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:34,368 I think you should call me The Commodore. 260 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,137 I'm not calling you... 261 00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,676 Then you're not getting your stuff back. 262 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,182 Can I please have my stuff back... 263 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:42,654 The Commodore? 264 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,253 (giggles): No. 265 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,594 Here's the deal, 266 00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,019 Ted, you're my bro. 267 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,224 And you're about to become a henpecked, 268 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,486 beaten down, shell of a man. 269 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,733 So tonight, 270 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:52,889 we are going to have 271 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,356 one last awesome night together as bros. 272 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,766 It's a bro-ing away party. 273 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,732 A special bro-casion. 274 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,498 A bro-choice rally. 275 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,595 Bro-time at the Apollo. 276 00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,708 Oh, bro me. 277 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,910 Well, so what do I have to do? 278 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,182 No, it's not what you have to do, 279 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,081 it's what you want to do, and you want to have a good time 280 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,624 before you go take Fun Ted out back and shoot him. 281 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:17,690 So... 282 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,448 first thing on the docket... 283 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,487 get me that girl's number. Absolutely not. 284 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:23,722 Mm. That's too bad. 285 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,287 Hey, hypothetical question: 286 00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,795 if I was all your stuff, would I rather be 287 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:30,798 at the bottom of the East River or The Hudson? 288 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,297 Hey, look, world's strongest man is on. 289 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,006 Ooh, it's the one 290 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,608 where Lou Ferrigno pulls the bus 291 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,409 from the Partridge family with his teeth. 292 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,511 It's the best one. 293 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,112 Hey, Ted, get in... 294 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,446 We live alone. 295 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,723 (softly): Yay. 296 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,364 Well, I win. 297 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,418 You need to give my friend your phone number. 298 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,127 Wow, I really 299 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,459 didn't think Lou Ferrigno could pull that bus. 300 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,804 Are you sure this is live? 301 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,200 It looks pretty old. 302 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,971 Yeah, that's 'cause the, uh, TV is old. 303 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,000 Oh. Oh. 304 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,570 So, I'll, uh, call you tomorrow? 305 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:14,374 Yeah. Um, not too early. I have church. 306 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,610 You were impressive, buddy. 307 00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,646 Nice work. All right, next challenge. 308 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,881 No. No next challenge. 309 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,316 Look, this is my first night living with Robin. 310 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,121 She's probably pissed I'm spending it out with you. 311 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:32,032 This might be our last hurrah, my little friend. 312 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,830 Marshall, I am gonna cook you 313 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,002 the best dinner of your life. 314 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,400 How would you like a... 315 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:45,441 one-egg omelet with some ketchup and film? 316 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,512 Guess Ted's the one who did the shopping. 317 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,181 Ooh, look, a microwave pizza! 318 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,481 Guess the microwave was Ted's, too. 319 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,016 Yeah. 320 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,691 (shivering): So were all the towels. 321 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,059 Turns out that everything that was useful 322 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,259 in this apartment was Ted's. 323 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,490 Everything that was 324 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:07,804 a Foghat poster we bought ironically in college was mine. 325 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,458 Marshall. 326 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,826 Yeah, baby? 327 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,904 I miss Ted. 328 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,343 Is it too soon to call him? 329 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,668 No, we shouldn't. 330 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:19,873 I don't want to interrupt his first night living with Robin. 331 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,567 (electronic laser blasting) 332 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:22,778 Ha, nice shooting. 333 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,340 You know, if we win this one 334 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,507 it's free onion rings at the Intergalactic Snack Shack. 335 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:27,776 Oh, what a bargain. 336 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,645 We only had to spend 20 bucks a game. 337 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,282 Admit it, you're having fun. 338 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,418 Ah, maybe. 339 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,792 I mean, it was pretty funny when that little girl 340 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,292 fell over that space barrel. (both laughing) 341 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,233 (shouting) 342 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,388 Nice... 343 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,256 We win. 344 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,804 Oh, walk of shame, 345 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,400 walk of game-- what up? 346 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,872 Okay. Let's go one more. 347 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,240 I don't know. You know you want to. 348 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,639 All right, let's do it-- I just got to call Robin real quick. 349 00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:55,081 Oh, so that's what it's gonna be like from now on? 350 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,678 No. Okay, okay. You call your old lady 351 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,610 and ask permission to have fun. 352 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,306 Me, I will be at the Snack Shack 353 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:04,018 eating our victory onion rings Han style. 354 00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:06,491 Solo. 355 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,834 Hey, Ted. 356 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,160 Hey, sweetie listen, I'm really sorry 357 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,064 but I'm gonna be pretty late, so don't wait up. 358 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,226 Oh, it's totally fine. You do what you got to do. 359 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,895 Thanks. You're the best. I love you. 360 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,774 I love you, too. Bye. 361 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,973 Hey, sorry about that. Thanks for holding. 362 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,906 Um, so if you could go ahead and cancel my subscription 363 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,282 to Guns and Ammo, that would be great. 364 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,051 No, it's a great magazine. Really great. 365 00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,981 They've printed three of my letters. 366 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,646 It's just that my boyfriend is moving in 367 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:40,094 and he kind of doesn't approve of the whole gun thing. 368 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,962 A free hand grenade phone? 369 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,731 You know what? 370 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,158 Let me give you my work address. 371 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,663 I did it, baby! 372 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,098 I got beer. 373 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,573 I got food. (door closes) 374 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,341 We don't need Ted anymore. 375 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,669 I am the provider of this apartment now, 376 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,035 and I have provided! 377 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,283 "Provode"? Provided. 378 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,709 Anyway, I got us everything we need. 379 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,054 Could you toss me the toilet paper? 380 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,318 Be right back, baby. Sit tight. 381 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,092 Hey, I got to admit, um... 382 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,964 I didn't think I would, but, uh... 383 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,932 I had a really good time tonight. 384 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,328 You're a good friend, Barney. 385 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,603 (clinking) 386 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,000 Hey, man, why don't you, uh... 387 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:30,936 why don't you tell me where my truck is. 388 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,174 No, I don't think so. 389 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,836 Where's my truck?! 390 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,684 Do you know why 391 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,979 I haven't given you any of your possessions back yet? 392 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:42,882 Uh, because you're Admiral Jerk of the British Royal Douchery? 393 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,286 Because you don't want them back. 394 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,348 Oh. You could've left at anytime tonight 395 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,017 but you didn't, Ted. Why is that? 396 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,386 Because I didn't want to go back to Robin's without my stuff. 397 00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,894 False. You know what I think? 398 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,757 I think you spent one day with her 399 00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,025 and it already sucked. 400 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,804 I think you didn't like being there, 401 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,001 she didn't like having you there 402 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,333 and you both realized 403 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,738 that you made a huge mistake. 404 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,099 And that's why 405 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,007 you spent your first night living with Robin 406 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,839 out playing laser tag with me. 407 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:10,114 And that's why three seconds ago 408 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,643 you didn't call it "my place" 409 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,978 or "our place" or "home," 410 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,524 you called it "Robin's." 411 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:19,948 You know what? 412 00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,387 You can keep my stuff. 413 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,958 Hey. Hey, did you get the truck back? 414 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,864 No. Why not? What happened? 415 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,596 Oh, he pissed me off so much, I left. 416 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,002 Anyway, 417 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,804 I just wanted to come back here, space out 418 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:38,165 and watch a movie. 419 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,035 Do you anything that wasn't made by John Woo? 420 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:42,313 Why, do you? 421 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,012 You know, forget the movie. 422 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,505 I just want to sit. 423 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,146 (sighing) 424 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,481 (inhales sharply) 425 00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:51,777 What? 426 00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:54,148 It's just I eat at that table. 427 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,287 Fine, I'll take my shoes off. (inhales sharply) 428 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:58,564 You know, why don't you just throw me down 429 00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,061 in the storage space where you have room for me. 430 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,793 Ted, come on. No, you come on. 431 00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:04,128 I had to jump through hoops all night for Barney 432 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,274 and then it took me an hour to get home 433 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,239 because his place is so far away from the bar. 434 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,098 Oh, my God. What? 435 00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:13,037 I know where Barney put my truck. 436 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,783 Mm. 437 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,409 Let's go back to my place. 438 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,509 I bet you my place is closer. 439 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,053 Here we are. 440 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,885 You live in the loading dock 441 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,419 behind the bar? 442 00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,715 I don't live here, baby. This is just my ride. 443 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,026 No, no, no, no. I'm not getting into any van, 444 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,433 I've seen Silence of the Lambs. 445 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,737 (slow RandB music plays) 446 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,641 Oh, my God. 447 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,836 We're drinking champagne in the back of a moving van. 448 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,978 Why, yes, Sara. Yes, we are. 449 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,423 Those other Rockettes 450 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,088 who called you slow are crazy. 451 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,225 (engine starts) 452 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,829 Oh, my God. I knew it. 453 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,374 You're kidnapping me. Help! 454 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,770 No, no, no, no. Help! 455 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,301 I can explain. 456 00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,805 (cell phone chimes) 457 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,440 Hello? 458 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,005 (sinister voice): Enjoying the ride? 459 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,484 Ted? Ted, you let us out of here. 460 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,153 You let us out of here this instant! 461 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,051 This isn't Ted. 462 00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:31,723 But I hear that guy's awesome. 463 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,751 (phone snaps shut) 464 00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,534 So I took Sara home 465 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,629 and I took Barney to a bar near his apartment. 466 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,661 Apparently, that strategy had never occurred to him. 467 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:47,466 That poor girl must've been so confused. Yeah. 468 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,100 Well, at least Barney learned a valuable lesson. 469 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:52,236 You do not want to get scissor kicked in the groin by a Rockette. 470 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,810 So, uh, I guess we should get you unpacked. 471 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,176 Yeah. 472 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,424 Yeah, I guess we should. 473 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,552 Lily... 474 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,057 deep within the Amazonian rain forest, 475 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,188 there is a type of tree that only grows 476 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,464 around the body of an existing tree. 477 00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,303 It cannot survive without this tree. 478 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:21,199 It is supported... by this tree. 479 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,304 Lily, we are that tree. 480 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,206 The inside tree or the outside tree? 481 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,238 The outside tree. 482 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,613 Shouldn't there be three trees? 483 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,510 You and I are one tree. Okay, look, Lily, 484 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,282 the point is that we grew around Ted 485 00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,812 and without him, we're slowly dying. 486 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,177 What do we do? 487 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,192 I think we can marry each other. 488 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:45,022 But we also have to marry Ted. 489 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,487 I'll tell you right now, my Dad 490 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,127 is not gonna pay for that wedding. 491 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,727 Ted! What are you doing here? 492 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,996 Robin and I aren't gonna move in together after all. 493 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,665 What happened? 494 00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:02,476 I thought we decided we were ready? I know. 495 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,339 How did we come to that again? 496 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,947 I don't remember. 497 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,908 We were fighting? 498 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:10,177 It's all so blurry. Yeah. 499 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:11,577 The "let's move in together" sex 500 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,548 was pretty amazing. I know. 501 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,146 I did that thing with no hands 502 00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,688 I normally need both to do. Mm-hmm. 503 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,585 You know... 504 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,197 I'm really happy with you. 505 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,759 I really happy with you. The way things are. 506 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,997 Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't mess with that. 507 00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,373 I don't know that we should. 508 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:34,271 Hey... 509 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,437 I hear the "let's not move in together" sex 510 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,346 is pretty incredible. 511 00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:40,906 Let's go back to my place. 512 00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:41,907 Mm.... 513 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,189 Thank you. You're welcome. 514 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,297 No, thank you. You'll be very happy. 515 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,068 Uh, look, I-I know you guys are really excited 516 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,840 about having the place to yourself. 517 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,839 Until after the wedding, I mean, if it's not 518 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,371 too much of an imposition... 519 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:13,282 Um... God, this feels so right. 520 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,953 Mm.... Never leave us again. 521 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,121 Guys, Robin's down in the truck and there's actually 522 00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,793 a lot of boxes, so maybe we should... 523 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,292 Shh... 524 00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:30,101 Do we have time for this? 525 00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:31,499 Ladies and gentlemen, 526 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,701 I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. 527 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,003 The category: top ten things I would've called my truck... 528 00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:37,966 It was never your truck. 529 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,314 if Ted hadn't been a jerk 530 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,769 and given it back. 531 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:41,767 It was a rental. 532 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:42,778 Number ten, 533 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,309 "The Winne-Bango." 534 00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:47,405 Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." 535 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,615 Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." 536 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:54,888 Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." 537 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,758 You Scream. 538 00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,390 (all laughing) 539 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:02,256 Number six, "Feels On Wheels." Hello! 540 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,895 Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." 541 00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:08,025 Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." 542 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:09,537 (laughing) 543 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,799 Number three, "The Esca-Laid." 544 00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,535 (chuckles) 545 00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:17,844 Number two, "The Slam-Boney." 546 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,107 and... 547 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,945 the number one thing I would've called my truck 548 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,080 if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... 549 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,115 (table drumroll) 550 00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,820 "The '69 Chevy." 551 00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:27,052 (scatting theme song) 552 00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:29,356 (glass breaking) 553 00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:31,956 Sorry. 554 00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:33,991 (scatting)