1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,086 (DAVID READING) 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,010 DAVID: Mom, can you come here, please? 3 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,180 -MOIRA: What? -I said, come here, please. 4 00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:14,306 MOIRA: You come here. 5 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,517 We got a big box sent to us. 6 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:17,977 -We did? -It's a package. 7 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,394 -Who's it from? -I don't know. 8 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,647 Oh! It's for me. 9 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,149 "Thinking of you." 10 00:00:25,818 --> 00:00:27,987 "Dear M, hope this helps, 11 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:32,199 "I only wish I could do more, xoxo J.S.P." 12 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,242 Justine St. Pierre! 13 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:37,621 David, one of my dear friends is finally reaching out, 14 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,040 and you know what, I knew it would be Justine. 15 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,710 She can be an angry drunk, but we were always close. 16 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,923 "Congratulations on your Allez Vous starter kit." 17 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,174 That frigid whore. 18 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,258 What's Allez Vous? 19 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,426 It's a scam, 20 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,971 -it's her stupid cosmetics company. -(GASPS) 21 00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:56,431 It's a pyramid scheme for desperate housewives 22 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,017 and struggling actors. 23 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,434 Well, how much can we make from this? 24 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:02,103 David, it's an insult. We're sending it back. 25 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,313 Well, apparently you can win an Audi. 26 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,190 What colour? 27 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,984 A champagne Audi, look at that. 28 00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:09,110 As if you could ever sell 29 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,988 enough of this crap to get a car. 30 00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,198 Well, Kristi Stubbs and her team out of Montreal 31 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,116 have sold enough to get the car, so... 32 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,285 Don't believe everything you read, dear, please. 33 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,496 (GASPS) 34 00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:21,456 Burn it. Except this mascara. 35 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:32,300 So, Ray can't lend me his car today, because he has to drive 36 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,803 his 92-year-old mother somewhere. 37 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,723 Where does a 92-year-old woman need to go? 38 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,975 I don't know, John, perhaps the hospital? 39 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,519 Yeah, well, it's just I needed that car 40 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,521 to get to my appointment today. 41 00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:45,981 What appointment? 42 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,191 Well, you know, the, uh... 43 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,318 Thing that I had, I had a thing that I... 44 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,237 What thing? 45 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:55,574 (SIGHS) An unemployment thing, okay? 46 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,451 To get unemployment insurance, 47 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,869 I have a meeting this afternoon, 48 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:01,789 and now I have to grovel to Roland, 49 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:06,501 to get his truck, in order to get to Elmdale, to get this money... 50 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,712 Well, I think you're brave, 51 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,715 and while I didn't see us living off of food stamps, 52 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:15,052 I think there is something very masculine 53 00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:17,679 about the way you're taking control of the situation. 54 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,390 Sweetheart, I'm about to beg for a truck, 55 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,183 in order to beg for money, 56 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,895 I think you've gotta raise that masculinity bar just... 57 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:25,980 Just a little. 58 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,149 (LAWNMOWER BUZZING) 59 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,362 Roland. 60 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,197 -Hey, Johnny. -Hi. 61 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,283 -What? -(LOUDLY) Hi. 62 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,619 -Can't hear you. -Hey, turn the motor off. 63 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,621 I can't hear you, the motor's on. 64 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,124 Turn the motor off! 65 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,543 -Turn the motor off, you dumb son of a... -(BUZZING STOPS) 66 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,840 (CHUCKLING) Well, what can I do for you, you dumb son of a... 67 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,716 (BOTH LAUGHING) 68 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:58,219 Hey, Roland, I need to... I need to borrow your truck. 69 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:01,140 I've got a very important appointment today, 70 00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,475 and, uh, I sure could use it. 71 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,644 Well, of course, Johnny. You know my truck is your truck, 72 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,354 any time you wanna borrow it, 73 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,024 -it's fine with me. No problem whatsoever. -Well, that's very nice. 74 00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:12,818 Listen, as the owner of the truck, 75 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,277 would you do me one favour though? 76 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,363 When you return it, can you bring the seats back up 77 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,157 -the way I had 'em? I'd appreciate that. -(STUTTERS) I do. 78 00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,408 Well, you don't. But if you could, I'd appreciate it. 79 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,995 -Well, I think I do. -Here's the keys, 80 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,372 -and, uh, also, uh, when you return it... -Thank you. 81 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,206 ...if you don't mind just backing it in, 82 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,959 because in the morning I have to kinda crick... 83 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,251 Yeah, I'll back it in, I'll back it in. 84 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,379 ...my neck like that, if you could back it in, 85 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:33,547 -that would be terrific. -Sure, I'll back it in. 86 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,216 The wiper fluid, um... 87 00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,593 I had to replace sooner than usual. 88 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,721 -Now, I'm not asking... -I don't touch the wiper fluid. 89 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,764 -Well, okay, somebody did. -I never use it. 90 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,684 Yeah, well, I guess your "Imaginary friend" uses wiper fluid, right? 91 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,519 (CHUCKLES) I don't know. I'm not asking for payback here, 92 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,021 but whatever you think's fair would be terrific. 93 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:50,564 Okay, I never use it, though. 94 00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:52,983 -The radio was at a four. I like it at a 10, so... -Okay. 95 00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,275 You know what, I'm gonna walk, so... 96 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,861 -Where are you going? -I'm gonna walk, Roland. 97 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,445 -What do you mean you're walking? -I don't want your truck! 98 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,947 -No, no, the truck's right there. -I don't need your truck. 99 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,949 It's gonna be there all day. 100 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:04,119 I'm just asking, maybe you could put a little air in the tyres from time to time. 101 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:05,913 Bonjour. 102 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,331 Now that you've opened your Allez Vous starter kit, 103 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,043 let's begin with those essential tips and tricks 104 00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:14,671 you'll need to make up to $600,000 a year. 105 00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,673 That's $50,000 a month. 106 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:19,051 That's $7,000 a week. 107 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:22,345 No, it isn't. She didn't finish high school. 108 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,848 Now, you've heard of other get rich quick schemes, 109 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:27,601 but this isn't a scheme, it's a system. 110 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,644 Look at the work she's had done. 111 00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,814 It's grotesque. 112 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,566 Go grab a pen and paper, because I'm about to share with you 113 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,317 some essential tips and tricks 114 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:39,279 to maximize your sales productivity. 115 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,156 If this seems like a dream come true, 116 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:44,034 you need to pay attention to my tips and tricks. 117 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,661 But the best part is... 118 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,455 Okay, where are the tips and tricks? 119 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,916 We've been watching this for five minutes, she's talking in circles. 120 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,252 Because it's a scam. 121 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,754 But if your father's willing to go out there and sell his soul, dear, 122 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,048 the least we can do is try to sell this garbage. 123 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,468 -What's this? -Huh? 124 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,929 Oh, it's a sunless bronzing. 125 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,640 Okay, let's sell it. How hard could it be? 126 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:11,061 You sell you. You sell you using Allez Vous. 127 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,981 -Okay, we're going to have a luncheon. -A luncheon? 128 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,650 Mmm-hmm. A luncheon for our little townie friends. 129 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,778 It's the least we could do. 130 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,447 -DAVID: Hmm. -...tricks, community, opportunity, tips... 131 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,366 ALEXIS: Twyla? 132 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,702 -Hey, what's up? -Nothing. 133 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,205 So, um, Ted ordered toast, 134 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,291 not home fries, and he got home fries. 135 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,042 -So, would you just be a peach, and... -Oh, sorry. 136 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,628 No, you know what? It's okay. I'm... I'm good with it. 137 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,673 I like home fries. I'm gonna eat 'em, so... 138 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,800 First day of a cleanse, so she's a little... 139 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,885 (TWYLA CHUCKLES) 140 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,595 Okay, so I can take it back. 141 00:05:45,637 --> 00:05:47,430 -That'd actually be great, if you wouldn't... -No. No, thank you. 142 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,225 Lex, if you'll just let me eat my breakfast here. 143 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,518 It's not like there's broken glass in it. 144 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:52,811 There's broken glass? 145 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,353 No, there is not broken glass in it, 146 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:58,025 just a lot of great flavours that I can't wait to taste. 147 00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,609 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Great. 148 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,112 Thank you. 149 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:05,448 I'm just trying to help you. 150 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:09,368 Well, if you wanna help, eat something. 151 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,412 I do not like what this cleanse is doing to your brain. 152 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:13,790 You're being very rude. 153 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,293 I'm sorry for yelling. 154 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,306 Ain't she a beaut? 155 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:32,309 Boy, is she ever, Bob. You know, I, uh... 156 00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:34,144 I woke up this morning, I said to myself, 157 00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:36,188 "Johnny, you've gotta buy yourself a car." 158 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:39,733 You may have a business meeting in Elmdale one day and you're gonna be in trouble. 159 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,443 Oh, yeah, I wouldn't have thought this was your cup of tea. 160 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,989 Oh, this is exactly what I was looking for. 161 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:49,826 Yeah, I'd love to, uh, take this baby out for a test drive. 162 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:52,662 Yeah? I've got the keys, let's, uh, take her for a spin. 163 00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,332 Not with you, Bob, I, I don't wanna bother you. 164 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:57,584 It's no bother. 165 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:00,087 I would just love to take this out myself, Bob, you know, 166 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,421 a little peccadillo of mine when I'm buying a car. 167 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,550 I like to experience the car one-on-one, 168 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,303 just me and the machine, you know what I mean? 169 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,305 No, I don't. 170 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:13,183 I just wanna take it out for a test drive, Bob, just for a spin. 171 00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,518 So, once around the block? 172 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,020 Oh, yeah, once around the block, 173 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,231 you know, maybe around the corner, up the road a bit. 174 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,857 What road? 175 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:23,110 Well, this road, I'll take it up this road. 176 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,613 Okay, but, uh, no lefts, okay? Because they lead to the highway, 177 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:29,657 and I... I really don't want her on the highway. 178 00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,661 Why would I take it on the highway? 179 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,955 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 180 00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:37,958 ♪ Driving down that highway of life 181 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:41,669 ♪ Feelin' fine and feelin' sunny 182 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,631 ♪ Going to pick me up some money ♪ 183 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:47,092 (HAMMERING) 184 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:50,762 You do know that just staring at the fence isn't gonna help me fix it, right? 185 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,140 Yeah, I am. 186 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,725 I'm just thinking about Ted, and how nice he is 187 00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:59,271 and generous... Like, almost too generous. 188 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,731 And I just wanna grab him by the sweater sometime, 189 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:05,526 and be like, "Stop being so generous and nice." (CHUCKLES) 190 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,404 He always has been. 191 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,990 I feel bad thinking about all those times I pinned him against a locker. 192 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:13,743 You pinned somebody against a locker? 193 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:16,455 Well, I was a different person then, 194 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,166 a lot changed since after high school. 195 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,085 So what did he do to make you such a teenage cliche? 196 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,878 He always said "hi" when he passed me in the halls 197 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,630 and for some reason, it bugged me. 198 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,924 Yeah, I can see that. 199 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,510 So, he's bugging you. 200 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,762 -What? No. Oh, my God, no. -Oh, yes. 201 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,723 No, I'm just saying, generally speaking, 202 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,768 when you order breakfast and they give you the wrong order, 203 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,646 send it back and get the right order. 204 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,857 I never return food. I think that's so rude. 205 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,943 (SCATTING) 206 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,822 (ENGINE BREAKS DOWN) 207 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,074 Oh, no. 208 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,452 Oh, son of a bum! 209 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,788 Son of a bitch! 210 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,419 (GROANS) 211 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,129 What the hell? 212 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,131 Oh. 213 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:11,843 Oh! 214 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,887 Oh! 215 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:18,599 (SIGHS) 216 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,860 Well, the good news is all you need is a new fan belt, 217 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,112 -and then you'll be right back on the road. -Good, good. 218 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:34,157 Well, it was important I get to Elmdale today, Roland. 219 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,992 I appreciate you, uh, helping me out. 220 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,869 (CLICKS TONGUE) Ah, it's no problem, Johnny. 221 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:41,206 So, where in, uh, Elmdale am I taking you? 222 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:45,835 Oh, just the, uh, general downtown area will be fine. 223 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:49,256 Okay, don't wanna tell me where we're going. Interesting. 224 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,466 It's, uh, just a business meeting, 225 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:54,135 -uh, just I've gotta meet a guy. -Uh-huh. What guy? 226 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,596 A financial guy, it's a financial matter. 227 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,932 Well, Johnny, it's gonna be awfully hard for me to get you to this meeting 228 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,392 if I don't know where we're going. 229 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,185 I mean, why is this such a big secret? 230 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,189 and you're only doing 25, if we could pick it up... 231 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:07,857 Oh, my God, now you're in such a hurry. 232 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,776 What's the big rush here? I don't get that, either. 233 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,528 The office closes at 4:00, that's all. 234 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:12,653 What office are you talking about? 235 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:13,947 The financial guy that... 236 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,656 What financial guy? 237 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,076 -The guy I'm doing business with, I told you. -Where are we going? 238 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,911 The unemployment office! 239 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,788 Okay? 240 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,290 I'm applying for unemployment. 241 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,625 Pfft. 242 00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:27,627 Jeez, pal, your business is your business. 243 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,212 I don't know why you're telling me. 244 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,717 Well, good afternoon. 245 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,095 Everyone have a full glass, I hope? 246 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,055 We've wanted to have you all here for ages. 247 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,224 You've all so graciously welcomed us 248 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:44,018 into your heavenly hamlet. 249 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,147 Now, if you'll be so good as to follow me, 250 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:51,318 David is setting out some hors d'oeuvres in our adjoining suite. 251 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,820 -David, we have guests. -(GASPS) 252 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,280 You were supposed to have cleaned up 253 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,823 all these quality products. 254 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,575 I must've lost track of time. 255 00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:00,494 Now the seating areas are covered 256 00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,162 in Allez Vous cosmetics. 257 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,788 I know, I just didn't want to put 258 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,332 such high quality paraben 259 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,667 and PABA-free product on the floor. 260 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,337 Come on in. 261 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,049 Okay, well, everything's going super well, I can see, so... 262 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,093 Well, no, come on, we've gotta stay for a bit. 263 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,346 No, we've made our appearance and now we can go. 264 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,431 Your mom asked me to come. 265 00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,391 Well, she asked everybody to come. 266 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,560 Can you not just say "no" for one time, Ted? 267 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,190 Jocelyn, you can hold this lip plumper. 268 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,443 Ronnie, this is a mineral moisturizer. 269 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,445 You could keep it on your lap, or sample it. 270 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:37,989 David, now is not the time to discuss 271 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,492 Allez Vous' preferred customer discounts. 272 00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:45,163 Actually, I think, I'm going to be getting lunch elsewhere. 273 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,581 Can I come with you? 274 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,915 I don't think so. 275 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,417 Now you get all decisive-y? 276 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:53,046 I was just so excited about Allez Vous' 277 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,922 exclusive anti-aging formula, 278 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,342 and rejuvenation serums. 279 00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,302 Alexis, you'd like this product. 280 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,762 It's all about aging and dry skin. 281 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,598 Oh, my God, ew, David. 282 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,392 MOIRA: David, I know you're excited 283 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:06,851 to be part of the fastest growing 284 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,978 multilevel marketing community 285 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:12,273 on the continent, but honestly. 286 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,484 There's something wrong with your face. 287 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:15,734 With my face? (SCOFFS) 288 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:18,238 Well, if any of you do happen to have 289 00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,906 questions about the products, 290 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:24,202 or how to make up to $600,000 a year, 291 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,996 I suppose I'd be willing to share with you what I know. 292 00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:36,464 In the meantime, please, eat, drink. 293 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,133 To your possible beauty. 294 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,221 How can I help you today, sir? 295 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,347 Uh, yes, Johnny Rose, 296 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,973 I have an appointment to get some money. 297 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,975 Get some money? 298 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,604 I need a check, preferably today. 299 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,105 Ideally in the next few minutes 300 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,190 'cause I have somebody waiting in the car. 301 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:57,902 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Well, we don't just give out money. 302 00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,362 First, we need some information. 303 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,322 Oh, yeah, sure, yeah. Mm-hmm. 304 00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,032 -Your name? -Johnny Rose. 305 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,661 -Uh, last employer? -Johnny Rose. 306 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,787 And how long did you work for yourself? 307 00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,206 All my life. 308 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,792 And your reason for being out of work? 309 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,169 I sold my business 310 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:18,131 and I got screwed by my business manager. 311 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,383 Did you pay into unemployment insurance? 312 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:23,428 I don't know. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. 313 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,139 It never came across my desk, I... 314 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:29,100 (CHUCKLES) We can't give you money 315 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,851 unless you contributed to the program. 316 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,605 I don't think you're understanding. 317 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:37,442 I employed people, hundreds of people. 318 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,653 You see, and now I'm unemployed. 319 00:13:39,694 --> 00:13:42,947 But that doesn't mean you qualify for unemployment. 320 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,073 I lost my job. 321 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,325 You lost your business. 322 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,910 Okay, let me walk you through this. 323 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,163 You see, I need money 324 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,539 to get back on my feet 325 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,625 so I can employ more people, 326 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:54,709 that might actually end up 327 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,169 saving you money in the long run. 328 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,671 Now, am I the only one who understands 329 00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,088 how an economy works around here? 330 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,840 Let me walk you through this, Mr. Rose. 331 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,760 Unless you can prove that you contributed, 332 00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,011 you don't qualify. 333 00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,387 If you were laid off, or fired, 334 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:07,722 or could show that you were out looking for work, 335 00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,098 that would be a different story. 336 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,518 I'd like to talk to your supervisor, please. 337 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:12,811 I am the supervisor. 338 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:16,272 And, may I say, doing... 339 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,982 ...a fantastic job. 340 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,069 BOTH: Who's interested? 341 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:26,741 Well, it doesn't look like anybody's really interested. 342 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,369 Get out. 343 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:34,207 I know someone here wants in on this exclusive opportunity. 344 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,375 Moira, honey, 345 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,877 that champagne Audi is really hard to get. 346 00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,420 -Excuse me? -Take it from me. 347 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,881 Roland and I have been Allez Vous reps for two years 348 00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,800 and we're still driving that old truck. 349 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,011 -Sorry, you're... -(INHALES SHARPLY) 350 00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,722 You're an Allez Vous consultant? 351 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:52,308 I'm actually an executive area manager. 352 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,060 I'm a district manager. 353 00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:56,479 I'm an executive district manager. 354 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,565 -I gave up. -What? 355 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,107 -(LAUGHS) -The Allez Vous craze 356 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,401 hit the town a couple years ago, 357 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,194 and you should've seen us. 358 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,071 In two weeks we had sold everything 359 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:07,156 to the other half of town, and vice versa. 360 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,325 That's... That's funny. 361 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,118 It became a bit incestuous, yeah, 362 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,829 very small sales pool. 363 00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:16,583 It became literally impossible to climb the ladder. 364 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:19,001 Anywho, good luck. 365 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,926 Somehow, we got off on the wrong foot, okay? 366 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:30,263 So, if I in any way gave you the impression that... 367 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,765 I am locking up now, Mr. Rose. 368 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,182 Johnny, how long is this gonna take? 369 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,809 'Cause I got a couple... 370 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,604 Roland? 371 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:41,608 Well, Marnie, hello. How are you? 372 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,234 Haven't seen you in a while. 373 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,445 Yeah, it has been a while, hasn't it? 374 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,113 (CHUCKLES) 375 00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:50,450 Marnie and I were, um... How shall I say it? 376 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:53,453 Close friends in high school. 377 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,621 Isn't that right, Marnie? 378 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,789 Okay, that's enough of that. 379 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,956 (LAUGHING) 380 00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,666 Marnie likes the bad boys. 381 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,167 Roland. 382 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,628 Are you taking care of my bad boy over there? 383 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,129 No, she's being quite obstinate 384 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,380 about this whole situation. 385 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,299 I'm getting nothing. 386 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,675 Well, unfortunately, Mr. Rose 387 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,302 doesn't qualify for unemployment 388 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:11,137 because he's never had a job. 389 00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,346 Oh, well, didn't he tell you 390 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,223 about the job he was doing for me? 391 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,433 No, what job? 392 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,811 (SCOFFS) You didn't tell her? 393 00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:20,939 No, not specifically, I... (STAMMERS) 394 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,982 Well, that's important information, Mr. Rose. 395 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,151 You working for Roland makes you an employee. 396 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:27,111 -Yes. -Oh. 397 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,362 I forgot. 398 00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:29,697 Well, what were your duties? 399 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:33,159 Well, I was in more of a, uh, consulting position. 400 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,285 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 401 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,620 No, no, no. 402 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,204 It was not a consulting position, 403 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,414 he was my assistant. 404 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,958 He was like my little guy Friday. 405 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,167 He would fetch things for me. 406 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:43,503 I'd tell him where to go and he'd go running off 407 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:44,963 and fetching things for me. 408 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,464 What were some of the things you fetched? 409 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,048 -You fetched like, uh... -Coffee. 410 00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,259 -Coffee, you'd get that, and, um... -I get his coffee. 411 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,261 -Sometimes you'd have to... -Get a hanky? 412 00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:53,763 No, you'd pick up... 413 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,222 His dry-cleaning. 414 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,850 Yeah, you had to do that and then... 415 00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,726 How about these guys down there? Those are boots. 416 00:16:58,768 --> 00:16:59,978 Nothing with the boots. 417 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,187 Oh, there was something with the boots. 418 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,856 Polish them every once in a while. 419 00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,440 Every now and then, he had to do that, too. 420 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,859 He was a hell of a worker 421 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,610 and I really, really needed him, 422 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,737 because you know how busy... 423 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:11,906 I can get. 424 00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,200 Yes, I do. 425 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,744 (BOTH LAUGHING) 426 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,622 Yeah, unfortunately I had to can his ass though, 427 00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:22,876 because of that whole "cut the gravy" thing, so. 428 00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,335 Oh. 429 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,837 Well... 430 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,922 I think we can make this work. 431 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,174 (DOOR OPENS) 432 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,592 (POP MUSIC PLAYING) 433 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,224 Hey, I come in peace. 434 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,392 What's this? 435 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,602 I don't know, it's, um, a pre-shave 436 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,229 follicle mask or something. 437 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:46,816 I took it from the, um, pile of product that nobody bought. 438 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,861 Sweet gesture. 439 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,783 I'm sorry for being rude. 440 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,410 You have to understand that 441 00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,412 you're the first nice guy that I've dated. 442 00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:02,081 Lex, I am not always nice. 443 00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:04,083 I just really want my family to like you. 444 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,210 -They don't like me? -No, they do. 445 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,629 They do. They've just always seen nice as a sign of weakness, 446 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:09,964 they take advantage of nice. 447 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:13,927 No, nice does not always mean weak, it's... 448 00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,595 Okay. 449 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:18,014 So, get mad then. 450 00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,766 Say something super mean. 451 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:23,937 What, I can't just turn it on in an instant, like you can. 452 00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:26,522 Okay, well, um... 453 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,816 Consider it a kind of role play then, 454 00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,401 and just let it out. 455 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,447 I don't know. 456 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,199 I find your brother can be 457 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,660 a little pretentious sometimes. 458 00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,956 Yes, yes. He is so pretentious, and it is so gross. 459 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,498 This is good, keep going. 460 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,626 -Well, and your mother... -Mmm. 461 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,295 Seems to be a little uninformed at times. 462 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:52,214 She's uninformed most of the time. 463 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,801 This is great, this is really good. Keep going. 464 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,594 Well, and you, what about you? 465 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,804 Are you just going to sit around all day, 466 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,138 while I work and buy you dinners? 467 00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:01,390 You've gotta go out there and get a job... 468 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:03,183 -Too far. Okay. -Mm-hmm. 469 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,144 That's too far. 470 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,605 All right, and there we go. 471 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,856 Boy, thank you. 472 00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,274 Oh, stop it. 473 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:14,445 No, no, Roland. I owe you big. 474 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,489 Well, um, one day, 475 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,491 and that day may never come, 476 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:20,701 I may call upon you to perform a function. 477 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,329 Marlon Brando. 478 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:24,872 Yes, but from what movie? 479 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,333 The Godfather. 480 00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:30,003 No, it's the one where he's the big mafia guy. 481 00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,337 The Godfather. 482 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:33,213 Hold on a second, I'll think of it. 483 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,633 Anyway, I appreciate 484 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,259 what you've done, Roland, I really do, I'm... 485 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,804 Don't you worry about it, Johnny, I'm happy to do it. 486 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,264 Why don't you just get me, uh, a little wiper fluid, 487 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,017 and we'll call it even, okay? 488 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,184 Okay, wiper fluid, you got it. 489 00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:47,227 And also maybe a Kleenex caddy? 490 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,980 I've always wanted one of those. 491 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,397 That's funny. 492 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,025 It is, but I'm not joking. 493 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:56,236 All right, one Kleenex caddy, and wiper fluid. 494 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,279 (ENGINE STARTING) 495 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:01,868 (TIRES SCREECHING) 496 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,329 (ENGINE SPUTTERING) 497 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,082 Roland, you screwed it up! 498 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,335 Roland! 499 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,172 Roland! 500 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,176 Son of a bitch! 501 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,513 Oh, Johnny, 502 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,515 I told you not to take her on the highway. 503 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,766 Yeah, I'm sorry, Bob, 504 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,393 I guess I, uh, took one of those 505 00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,520 left turns, and, yeah. 506 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,731 Okay, well, uh, let's get her hooked up, 507 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,607 get you back to the garage, 508 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,401 and we'll start on the paperwork. 509 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,945 What paperwork? 510 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:40,573 It's all filled in, you just have to sign it, 511 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,825 and she's all yours. 512 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,203 I'm not buying this car. 513 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,704 You change your mind? 514 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,999 It broke, twice. It's a broken car. 515 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,751 We'll play a little hardball, okay. (CHUCKLES) 516 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,170 I'll knock 20 bucks off. 517 00:20:54,212 --> 00:20:56,505 You couldn't get 20 bucks for scrap. 518 00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:57,631 (CHUCKLES) Oh. 519 00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:59,759 All right, 30 bucks. 520 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,094 How about zero bucks? 521 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:03,096 I wouldn't give you a dime for this. 522 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:05,098 Johnny, you're killing me here. 523 00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,599 -Fifty bucks. -Oh, you know what, Bob, 524 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,392 I'm walking. I'm walking. 525 00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,688 I'll throw in a couple of floor mats, 526 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,107 but that's my final offer. 527 00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:15,274 Walking.