1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:02,895 TED: And so after six months apart, 2 00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:06,510 Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were finally back together. 3 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,214 Oh, my God. 4 00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:10,176 These pancakes are delicious! 5 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,884 Yes. Thank you. 6 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,905 Um, I learned how to cook while you were gone this summer. 7 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,451 Oh. Do you want to cook dinner tonight? 8 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,347 Yeah, sure. 9 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:19,689 (chuckles) 10 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,193 How about pancakes? 11 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:23,985 And things were back to normal... almost. 12 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:26,888 You may not have much range, but at least I'm marrying a guy 13 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,230 who knows how to make pancakes. 14 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,972 Oh, um... 15 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,574 I mean, um... 16 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:36,766 Well, I realize 17 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:40,067 that we haven't really discussed 18 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,311 whether us getting back together 19 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,446 means us getting married, but... 20 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,252 I still wanna. 21 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,684 Do you still wanna? 22 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:50,378 Really? 23 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,191 (chuckles) Of course, I love you. 24 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:55,324 No, I mean, that's how you're gonna do it? 25 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,559 "Do you still wanna?" 26 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,464 That's like the lamest proposal ever. 27 00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:00,357 When I did it, 28 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,858 I got down on my knees... 29 00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,559 I don't know, I'm just saying. 30 00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:10,235 Marshall Eriksen, will you ma... 31 00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:11,614 No, no, no, no, no, no. 32 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:12,842 What?! You can't lead with that. 33 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,066 You got to... 34 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,382 build up to that. 35 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,613 You got to have, like, a little speech. 36 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,808 Do you remember your proposal to me? 37 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,051 I had a speech prepared. 38 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,987 What do you want to hear? 39 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,522 I don't know. 40 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,087 I mean, you could tell me, like, about how good-looking 41 00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:32,187 and funny and smart I am 42 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,590 and I've been working out lately. 43 00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:38,331 It might be nice for you to mention something... about that. 44 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,329 Hmm. 45 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,000 Marshall, you are good-looking... 46 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,070 Thank you. 47 00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:44,938 You're funny. Oh, thanks. 48 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,205 You're smart. 49 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,514 And a few tears wouldn't hurt. 50 00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:48,805 Okay, would you freakin' marry me already? 51 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:49,876 Of course I'll marry you. 52 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,253 Of course. 53 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:54,182 But, um, until you see a ring on this finger, 54 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,818 don't expect me to put out. 55 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,323 Yeah, right. 56 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,398 (sighs) 57 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,870 (sighs) 58 00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,738 I'll give you this. 59 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,177 That was a very creative use of syrup. 60 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,583 (chuckles) 61 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,854 I can't even look Mrs. Butterworth in the eye. 62 00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,216 Oh, my God. 63 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,645 We're getting married! 64 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:33,750 I know, I know. 65 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:34,961 (both moan) 66 00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:36,692 TED: It was a moment of happiness, 67 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,527 followed of course by a moment of total panic. 68 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,533 See, when they called off their first wedding, 69 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,495 Aunt Lily took off for San Francisco 70 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,465 leaving Uncle Marshall with the unfortunate task 71 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,474 of telling his entire family. 72 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:50,896 Yeah, so now she's gone and the wedding's off. 73 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:52,812 What do you call someone 74 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,383 who just takes off and leaves like that? 75 00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,312 What do you call that? 76 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,277 I think that that's a little strong. 77 00:02:58,346 --> 00:02:59,306 I can't even believe 78 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,850 you would use a word like that. 79 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,245 Geez, Grandma. 80 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,193 Man, I made a big mess 81 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,885 by canceling this wedding, didn't I? 82 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,656 It's okay, baby. 83 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,355 You're not just realizing that now, are you? 84 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,669 God, the idea of standing 85 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:21,501 up there in front of all those people who hate my guts... 86 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,869 just makes me want to run off to Atlantic City 87 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,237 and get married today. 88 00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:26,906 (chuckling): Yeah. 89 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,610 Coming up at 11:00: 90 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,779 Are there piranhas in the East River? 91 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:37,917 What you don't know... could eat you. 92 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,985 Robin! Stop the news! 93 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,163 What the hell? It's okay. They're my friends. 94 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,522 We're going to Atlantic City to elope. 95 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,731 You got to come with us. 96 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,892 Oh, my God, that is so fantastic! 97 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,700 I-I don't know if I can just leave work. 98 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,762 It's okay; Mike can read the news tonight. 99 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,972 Hey, Mike... you can read, right? 100 00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,844 Yeah, I'm the best at reading. 101 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,241 Let's go to Atlantic City! 102 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:00,707 Yeah! Yeah! 103 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,279 You guys are eloping! 104 00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:05,354 Oh, that's fantastic. 105 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,953 Wait, is this because there's a time crunch 106 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,454 Uncle Ted should know about? 107 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:11,516 I hope not because I plan on getting hammered. 108 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,045 Guys, this sounds like so much fun, 109 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,420 but I can't really take off work. 110 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,118 I'm kind of important around here, you know? 111 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,329 I'm the project manager. 112 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:18,931 Ted, for the rest of our lives, 113 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,662 we are going to be telling the amazing story 114 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,799 of how we went to Atlantic City and got married. 115 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,004 Don't you want to be in that story? 116 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,666 Of course I do. 117 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,435 Let's go to Atlantic City! 118 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,413 Yeah! Yeah! Oh, but when we tell the story, 119 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,942 can you leave out the part where I hesitate? 120 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,806 You got it. 121 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,751 Hey, guys. 122 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,752 Wow. A pedicure. 123 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,484 Uh, if there were any shame in a dude getting a pedicure 124 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,551 I don't think there would have been a feature 125 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,859 about it in Details magazine. 126 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:51,592 We're going to Atlantic City to elope right now! 127 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,729 Oh, congratulations, Lily. 128 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,334 Marshall, you're getting married? 129 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,596 What the hell? 130 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:59,034 So are you in or not? 131 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,599 Hell, yeah, I'm in! 132 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,138 Just... I'm almost done. 133 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,542 No, we got to get going to the... 134 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:04,944 Well, actually, I mean... 135 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:08,005 It is my wedding day, and since we're here... 136 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:12,145 TED: So we all got a pedicure and then headed down... 137 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,752 to Atlantic City. 138 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,363 (Marshall laughing) 139 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:25,062 Wow. Look at this place. 140 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:26,985 I guess I'll have my pick of something old. 141 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:27,960 And something blue. 142 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,398 Somebody should really check on this lady. 143 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,895 Ah, A.C., always in decline, 144 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,237 never hitting bottom. 145 00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:38,513 It's good to be back, old friend. 146 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:39,442 You been here before? 147 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,807 Oh, uh, once or twice. 148 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:42,475 MAN: Barney! 149 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,013 (speaking foreign language) 150 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,877 Ah, good to see you, too. 151 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,776 Three times, maybe. 152 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,952 The wedding chapel-- this is it. 153 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,288 Are you ready to do this? 154 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,792 I'm ready. 155 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,792 Let's get married. TED: Yeah. 156 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:57,887 Oh, crap. 157 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,088 I don't have a veil. 158 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,359 I'm a bride; I can't get married without a veil. 159 00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,399 And a bouquet. 160 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,674 I need a veil and a bouquet. 161 00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,832 Oh, my God, we're getting married. 162 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,200 ROBIN: Don't worry. Relax. 163 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,038 We'll get you a veil, honey. 164 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,472 Oh, Robin, that's a really cute outfit. 165 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,239 Oh, really? Thanks. 166 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,676 Yeah, it has to go. I'm the bride; you can't look 167 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,553 better than me. Done. 168 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:18,911 I'm going to get the bouquet. 169 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,079 You guys get the veil. 170 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,877 We'll meet in the chapel in 20 minutes. 171 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:23,849 Ready, break. 172 00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,693 You guys want to go gamble? 173 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,085 No, we got to go get the veil. 174 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,056 Or we looked everywhere, and we couldn't find one. 175 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,464 Yeah, okay. 176 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,726 No, you guys go ahead. 177 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,934 I'm going to find the veil. 178 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,401 So this is it, right? 179 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,097 The last 20 minutes of your single life. 180 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,168 I'm proud of you, buddy. 181 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,735 Thanks. How are you feeling? 182 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,114 Great, a little nervous. Yeah? Craps? 183 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,242 Not that nervous. No, I mean do you want to play craps. 184 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,977 Oh, yeah, definitely. 185 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,282 Okay, I got the veil. 186 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,913 She wasn't ready to be married. 187 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,279 All right, let's talk bachelor party. 188 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:54,546 Are we thinking full-on strip club, 189 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,675 or should we rent a room 190 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,689 and have a private toy show-- whew. 191 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,391 What did you just say? 192 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,153 Barney, no. 193 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,621 Marshall, I'm your best man. 194 00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:04,190 You're not my best man. Right here. 195 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,887 And as your best man, I have to throw you a bachelor party. 196 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,800 That's part of being a best friend. 197 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,032 You're not my best friend. Right here. 198 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,197 Barney, I don't have any time for a bachelor party. 199 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,165 I've got, like, 18 minutes. 200 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,638 18 minutes. 201 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,866 Oh, good. Did you get the veil? 202 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:21,811 Of course. 203 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:25,105 And it took us exactly 18 minutes. 204 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,578 We went to a strip club. 205 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:27,877 Dude! Unbelievable! 206 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,248 We weren't there for very long. 207 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,276 It's not like I had time to have a lap dance or anything. 208 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,151 I got a lap dance. You... ! 209 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,520 Aw, your last lap dance ever. 210 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,258 (chuckling): Right... What? 211 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,133 Okay, I'm here. 212 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,231 Right? Ooh. 213 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,433 Oh, God, the things people waste money on in Atlantic City. 214 00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:44,767 Does it smell like strippers in here? 215 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,072 That's weird, right? 216 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,203 Marshall and Lily are getting married! 217 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,398 Yeah. Whoo! Hell, yeah, look at this. 218 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,970 (bouquet playing wedding recessional melody) 219 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:56,281 Oh, baby, this is it. 220 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,443 Let's do this thing. 221 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:58,851 All right. All right. 222 00:07:58,912 --> 00:07:59,982 Hi. 223 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,547 We're here to get married. 224 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:02,975 (dryly): Congratulations. 225 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:06,150 We offer a variety of packages to give you the special day 226 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,789 you've always dreamed about. 227 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,855 We don't want any of that. 228 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,533 Just your basic quickie wedding will be fine. 229 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,962 Yeah. (melody playing) 230 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,502 You know this isn't Vegas, right? 231 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,465 ROBIN: Well, sure. 232 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,632 In Vegas, the casinos pump in oxygen. 233 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,771 Here, it looks like everyone brought their own. 234 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,767 What? 235 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,609 It also takes three days 236 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,705 to get a marriage license in New Jersey. 237 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,847 The earliest I could book you for is Monday. 238 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,852 No, no, no, it has to be today. 239 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,254 That's the whole point. 240 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,675 Look, I don't know what to say, 241 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,250 but if you guys don't want to book a wedding for Monday 242 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,689 or play a round of keno, I can't help you. 243 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,063 Thirty-five. 244 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,000 Wait, wait, wait, I don't understand. 245 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,867 People get married in Atlantic City all the time. 246 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,006 Yes, they do, but they don't elope. 247 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,941 They choose Atlantic City for its white sand beaches, 248 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:05,048 world-class amenities, and exotic Riviera feel. 249 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,352 Have you been outside? 250 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,783 There is half an orca whale 251 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,948 rotting not 20 feet from the cabana. 252 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,517 You guys, take it easy, guys. 253 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:12,545 Are you sure about this? 254 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,350 About the marriage laws of the state 255 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,221 where I work in a wedding chapel? 256 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,089 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 257 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:21,388 Bright side: the bachelor party continues! 258 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:22,731 Yes! 259 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,126 Continues? You mean "start." He means "start." 260 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,368 We went to a strip club. 261 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,674 Twenty-seven. 262 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,335 Is there any way that we could get a license today? 263 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,777 You could go to the courthouse. 264 00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:38,913 In some extreme circumstances, the waiting period 265 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:41,509 can be waived, but you have to have a good reason. 266 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,921 Well, we're in love. 267 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,793 What better reason could there be? 268 00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,352 The last one I heard was, "I'm going to Iraq tomorrow 269 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:51,360 to defend my country," but, you know, give yours a whirl. 270 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,233 TED: So we went to the courthouse. 271 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,369 God, this is taking forever. 272 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,373 Can't believe they're getting married. 273 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,474 I know. 274 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,865 I am so proud of these two. 275 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,037 After all they've been through. 276 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,435 In fact, that crazy road has led them 277 00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,178 all the way here to Atlantic City. 278 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,513 Ted, up here. 279 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:12,948 Huh? 280 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,823 You were just staring at my shirt boobs. 281 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,023 No! I wasn't. 282 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,594 I-I was checking out the hot bod 283 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,792 underneath the shirt. 284 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,824 Okay, look, maybe I was looking at your shirt, 285 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:27,591 but it's a, it's a funny, funny shirt. 286 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,801 (man shouting in foreign language) 287 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,833 Barney! Hi. 288 00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:33,999 (speaking foreign language) 289 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,398 ...suit up. 290 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,712 ...legend. 291 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,321 ...Daddy. 292 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,122 Ah! American daddy. 293 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,430 What the hell was that? 294 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,031 A... Chinese guy? 295 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,725 Hi. Hello. 296 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,027 Uh, we need a marriage license, 297 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,738 but we need to skip the waiting period because... 298 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,241 we're in love. 299 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,802 Aw. I'm gonna waive 300 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:13,011 this waiting period right now. 301 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,443 Oh, really?! 302 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,237 Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period, 303 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,110 but unfortunately, only a judge can do that. 304 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,079 Oh. Well, so can we see a judge? 305 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,049 Absolutely. 306 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,146 Really?! 307 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,787 Is what I would say if there was any chance 308 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,824 of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't. 309 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,989 Why are you doing this to us?! 310 00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:35,199 'Cause you're on Candid Camera! 311 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,262 Really?! 312 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,359 Is what I would say... 313 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,430 You know what? We get it. 314 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,738 Okay, this is a good plan B. 315 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,314 Judges are people. 316 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,542 People go to the bathroom. A judge is bound to come by eventually, 317 00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,808 and we'll get married. 318 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,907 I'm sure we won't be waiting long. 319 00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:02,058 Geez, you go to a vending machine for 30 seconds. 320 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,922 Vultures. 321 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,485 Psst. 322 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:11,833 What? 323 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,530 Here? 324 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:18,041 Yeah. Got a little time to kill. 325 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:20,635 Oh, my God, it's the T-shirt, isn't it? 326 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,077 No. 327 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,282 A little. 328 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,853 Something is seriously wrong with you. 329 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,383 So what, is that a no? 330 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,281 All right, let's do it. 331 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,550 All right. Um, also...? 332 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:33,489 Yes, I'll leave it on. 333 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:34,593 Sweet. 334 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:35,924 Guys, let's bail. 335 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,389 This is never gonna happen. Look, 336 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,588 I know this is turning into a bit of a disaster, 337 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,530 but believe me, it's better than the alternative. 338 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,466 You throwing a big, free party 339 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,302 with lots of booze and food and all your single, 340 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,037 desperate girlfriends from college? 341 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,872 Yeah, glad we dodged that bullet. 342 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,470 (gasps): Judge! Judge, come on. 343 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,381 Come on, come on, come on! 344 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,022 (tape plays "Wedding March") 345 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,216 Turn it off. Okay. 346 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,086 May we please get married today? 347 00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,256 Now, normally I would say no 348 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,034 to a request like that, but you two impress me. 349 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,604 Hmm, just the fact that you've 350 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,562 been together for ten years, 351 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:21,270 standing by each other's side through thick and thin, 352 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,574 never wavering. 353 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,474 What was that? 354 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:26,938 What was what? 355 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,877 That little look. What was that? 356 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,883 A look of love. Mmm. 357 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,745 You two have stood together 358 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,353 through thick and thin, right? 359 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,945 You know, man, listen, Yeah, I mean, 360 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,417 what's thick, what's thin? all... yeah. 361 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,315 I have. 362 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,917 All right, what was that look? 363 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,220 What's going on? 364 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,961 They broke up over the summer. 365 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,956 Lily totally ran off to San Francisco 366 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,358 and these two just had sex in the closet. 367 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,774 What? We're under oath. 368 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,502 No, we're not. 369 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,037 Yeah, we are. 370 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,773 He's a judge. 371 00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,737 Wh-- did we take an oath? 372 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,606 Do you even know what an oath is? 373 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,714 Uh, yeah. 374 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:06,606 Courthouse. Oath. We're under it. 375 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,251 Guys. 376 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,990 It's looking like this isn't gonna happen. 377 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,585 No, Marshall, we are gonna get married today. 378 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,087 Baby, anyplace we go, we're gonna need a marriage license. 379 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,260 Except international waters. 380 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,270 So-so let's find a ship captain. 381 00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,102 A ship captain can marry us. 382 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,397 There's boats all over this place. 383 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,739 Oh, is that what those wooden things are 384 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:31,973 floating between the garbage? 385 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,939 This is a great idea. 386 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,477 This is gonna work. Let's go. 387 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,807 Excuse me. 388 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,078 Are you a ship captain? 389 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,247 This is my machine. 390 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,647 I should go talk to her. 391 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,388 No, let me. 392 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,655 Blackjack? Yeah. 393 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,131 Well, I found a guy who said he'd be willing 394 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,866 to put his boat in my slip, so we're getting closer. 395 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,272 Okay, Lil, 396 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,943 why is it so important to do this today? 397 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,343 Because... 398 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,205 if we don't do it today, I just know we're gonna wind up 399 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,005 having a huge wedding with a huge crowd 400 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,348 full of huge Midwestern people 401 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,283 looking all disapproving and judging me 402 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,248 while sipping little cups of mayonnaise 403 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,987 and-and cracking runaway bride jokes all night long. 404 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,153 Nobody's gonna do that. 405 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,361 No, they're not because 406 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,762 I'm not gonna give them the chance. 407 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,063 I'm gonna find a ship captain 408 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,625 and we're gonna be married tonight. 409 00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,133 Sweetie, this is crazy. 410 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,225 You're never gonna find a ship capt... Hey, Lily. 411 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,327 Found a ship captain. What? 412 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,329 Yeah. First guy we talked to. 413 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,401 Ship captain. 414 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,968 How great is that? 415 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:40,007 See? See, this is destiny. 416 00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,513 So, captain, can you take us out 417 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,684 to international waters and marry us? 418 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,253 I sure can. If there's two things I love, 419 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,123 it's bringing people together in marriage 420 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,051 and making $5,000. 421 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,417 What? Deal. 422 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,054 $5,000, okay, we can do that. Come on, everybody. 423 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,661 Fork over your cash. Don't think. 424 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:56,962 Just do it. 425 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,334 I can get us that money. How? 426 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,362 Have you noticed that all day today 427 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,658 Chinese guys have been coming up and saying hi to me? 428 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,500 Yes. Have you noticed I haven't asked about it 429 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,166 because I'm too scared of the answer? 430 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,972 Well, those are my old gambling buddies. 431 00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:13,368 Truth is... I used to come here all the time. 432 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,080 Play an old Chinese game called 433 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,042 "Shing Hasabu Shing". 434 00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,975 Had a small gambling problem. 435 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,507 Actually, it wasn't so small. 436 00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:25,121 I... kind of lost my entire life's savings. 437 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,745 But tonight, I don't know, I'm feeling hot. 438 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:29,518 I think I can win us that money. 439 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:31,189 No, we're not letting you gamble 440 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:32,658 all our money away. 441 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,025 Uh, it's not gambling 442 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,234 if you absolutely know you're going to win. 443 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,667 I'll get us that money. 444 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,902 I swear it, nay... 445 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,198 I oath it. 446 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:46,211 Now, I had been to a lot 447 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,683 of casinos before that night, and I've been to a lot 448 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:50,241 of casinos since, 449 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,550 but in all that time I've never seen a game 450 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,112 quite like this one. 451 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:56,581 To this day, I have no idea how it was played. 452 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:57,819 But luckily, Barney did. 453 00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,094 (speaking Chinese) 454 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,393 Do you understand what's happening? 455 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,524 Not a clue. 456 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,131 (humming) 457 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,097 (speaking Chinese) 458 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:21,268 (shouts) 459 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,610 Do you think he's winning? 460 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:27,407 I don't even know if he's playing. 461 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,086 Wait, I get it. I understand this game. 462 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,615 No, you don't. 463 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,159 I totally understand the game, Theodore. 464 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,525 Barney, split your tiles. 465 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,132 You can triple your money if you find the jellybean. 466 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:42,564 Marshall, please. 467 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,699 Don't you think I know what I'm... 468 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,068 My God, you're right. 469 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,165 (speaks Chinese) 470 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:09,621 (speaks Chinese) 471 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,631 (screaming excitedly) 472 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:28,776 Wow. 473 00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,111 It's beautiful. 474 00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,177 Thanks, Barney. Did you guys see me? 475 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,445 I was on fire tonight. 476 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:34,653 Man, I can't wait to get back to the shore. 477 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,284 God, I love gambling! 478 00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,679 When we get home, we're gonna go 479 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,390 to a little meeting. Okay? 480 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,322 Why can't I do it just a little? 481 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,422 Okay. 482 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,761 Let's get this started. 483 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,527 All right. 484 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,726 Okay, uh... 485 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,997 you guys want the serious one or the funny one? 486 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,896 Oh, I think... serious would be best. 487 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,409 You sure? 488 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,911 I got a lot of great nautical jokes in there. 489 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,183 Like how you two float each other's boat, stuff like that. 490 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,654 Yeah, serious is probably good. 491 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,653 All right. 492 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,350 "We stand witness today 493 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,190 "to celebrate the union of Lily 494 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:18,286 "and Marshall. 495 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,328 "Today, you two will become one, 496 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,533 "sharing your lives, 497 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,625 "the happiness, the sadness, 498 00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:27,067 the frustrations and the joy..." 499 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,473 This is pretty cool. 500 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,696 I can't believe you never want to get married. 501 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:33,741 I never said "never." 502 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,506 "...to declare your love 503 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,575 "and devotion to each other 504 00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:40,154 "in front of friends and family, 505 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:43,953 all the people who matter most to you." 506 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,216 What was that? 507 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,685 What was what? 508 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,264 That little look. 509 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,692 You two just shared a look. 510 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,755 We don't want to do this. 511 00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,399 We don't. 512 00:19:58,465 --> 00:20:00,495 Are you kidding me? 513 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,337 You guys are calling off another wedding? 514 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,042 After I spent all this money 515 00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,643 on a bridesmaid shirt? 516 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:07,736 Did I bet someone that they'd call it off? 517 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,807 I did, didn't I? Who'd I bet? 518 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,406 You actually expect any of us are gonna 519 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:12,608 come to your third wedding? 520 00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:16,379 Yes. 'Cause it's gonna be amazing. 521 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,817 Look, before I was afraid 522 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,285 to face Marshall's family and-and I didn't 523 00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:23,324 want to do all that work, 524 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,530 but now that we're here... 525 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,532 I realize that I have to face Marshall's family 526 00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:31,225 and I really want to do all that work. 527 00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,698 So do I. 528 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:33,825 And yeah... 529 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,240 my family might still be upset with you. 530 00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:37,843 But when they see us up there, 531 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,814 they're gonna see how much we love each other 532 00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:42,042 and none of that other stuff is gonna matter. 533 00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,478 I love you, Marshall. 534 00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,653 I love you, too, Lily pad. 535 00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,412 I now pronounce you man and wife. 536 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,080 What?! What?! 537 00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,178 What, is that not right? 538 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,879 Are... we married? 539 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,651 Did you just marry us? Weren't you listening? 540 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,050 We don't want to be married. 541 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,221 Uh... I-I suppose 542 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,930 I could unpronounce you. 543 00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,631 BOTH: Unpronounce us. Unpronounce us! 544 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:04,034 All right, I unpronounce you man and wife. 545 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,726 Oh, whew... that was close. 546 00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,033 And that's the story of how 547 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,340 Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily got married for 12 seconds 548 00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:14,044 somewhere off the coast of Atlantic City. 549 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,679 Hey, guys. BOTH: Hey. 550 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:23,718 Ted. Ted. 551 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:33,894 Is Robin here? 552 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:34,760 Man, I hope so.