1 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,259 And in weird things in space news, 2 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,386 that mysterious "rift" is still there. 3 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,263 Not gone yet. You remember that, don't you? 4 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:14,573 It's probably important. 5 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:15,807 Back to you, Tabitha. 6 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,576 Rick, Mom's working, and Dad's still sleeping. 7 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,703 I'm... I'm... I'm gonna be late. 8 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:20,603 Yeah, yeah. I-I got you. 9 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,980 Here. Holy shit. 10 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,648 I-Is the portal gun working again? 11 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,983 Yeah, pretty much. 12 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,361 Sometimes that happens. 13 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,408 Just get the keys. 14 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:36,870 It's actually been nice taking a break 15 00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,288 from the portal travel stuff. 16 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,349 I-I've been racking up a lot of high-school adventures. 17 00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,250 I have a process, Morty. Huh? 18 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,437 I'm fixing my portal gun, and every time you bring it up, 19 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,879 it blocks my creative flow. 20 00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,964 A-And then I'm forced to take longer on purpose 21 00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:49,487 just to train you to not bring it up. 22 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,301 Geez. Do you know what "projection" is? 23 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,761 Do you? No. 24 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,429 I-I-I heard Mom use it. 25 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,307 Lord, no. He's here again? 26 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,076 Morty protocol, children. 27 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,852 Oh, what's it now? 28 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,604 Brain bugs? Space worms? 29 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,007 Have I been "The Faculty'd" again? 30 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,191 You guys don't have to react like this every day. 31 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:09,569 Last time, the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats. 32 00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:10,737 That's right... made me. 33 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,071 I see that look on your faces. 34 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,617 What did you do, ya tiny monster? 35 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,910 This isn't me. 36 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,752 The people demand to know... 37 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,171 Do these visitors come in peace? 38 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,465 But first, "Peter's Pizza Corner." 39 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,091 What slice we reviewing today, Petey? 40 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,593 Cheese. 41 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,558 If these aliens want Earth, 42 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,477 they'll have to go through Egypt. 43 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,230 And they can ask mummies how that goes. 44 00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:49,776 Mummy mia! 45 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,034 Dinosaurs are back? 46 00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:00,703 Monkeys went bald? 47 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,509 Shh! 48 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,034 Before we start... 49 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,703 where are the rest of... 50 00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:43,162 us? 51 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,289 Uh... 52 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,665 They died. Uh... 53 00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:47,000 Long time ago. 54 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,794 Way before us. We didn't see nothin'. 55 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:54,048 But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind. 56 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,051 Why is he nervous? 57 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:02,640 Because, uh, you're dinosaurs. 58 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,058 It's weird. 59 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,227 Thought you were dead. 60 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:10,815 Moving on, we "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth 61 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,027 until our technology was planetarily harmonic. 62 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,612 That being the goal 63 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,614 with technology. 64 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,366 After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth, 65 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,202 our best and bravest left to help other planets. 66 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,122 Over millions of years, we've called many worlds home 67 00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,041 and helped each one flourish. 68 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,043 Imagine our surprise upon returning home 69 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:34,797 to find our species extinct and Earth now in the care of... 70 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,132 you guys. 71 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,927 When we left, you were basically squirrels. 72 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,137 Well, uh, we've come a long way, 73 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,681 and we... We've buried a lot more than nuts. 74 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,225 We've evolved past nonconstructive criticism, 75 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,561 so let's agree you've done your best. 76 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,938 You're still alive. 77 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,190 But surely there was some point between gunpowder 78 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,400 and something called Amazon Prime 79 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,652 that you folks had to think, 80 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,904 "Are we supposed to be running a planet? 81 00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,027 Wouldn't we rather make... 82 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,239 Marvel movies?" 83 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,763 How many Marvel movies have you made? 84 00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,618 29, and 14 more on the way. 85 00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:05,161 See, you love doing that. 86 00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:07,622 And we love helping new life-forms get their footing. 87 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,459 So now that we're back, we can respectfully take it from here. 88 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,169 Now, hold on. If you've seen "Endgame," 89 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,796 you know invasion is not something 90 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,089 Earth takes lying down. 91 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,590 This is not an invasion. 92 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,927 Besides, wouldn't you like to lie down? 93 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,054 Ugh. You must be exhausted. 94 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,264 Put your feet up, get more tattoos, 95 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,308 finish rounding out this "Ant-Man" character. 96 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,894 Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation," 97 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,187 except permanent. 98 00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,855 I think I speak for all world leaders 99 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,979 when I say that the poor people would just murder us 100 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,484 if we made you leave, so... 101 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:40,029 welcome home, dinosaurs. 102 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,198 Oh. I could use a vacation. 103 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,409 Should we nuke them? I'm on vacation, Curtis. 104 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,411 Well, you leaned into this fast. 105 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:28,411 Ugh. I can't even pretend to feel useful in a game. 106 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,246 This is how humanity's story ends? 107 00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:32,457 Relieved of duty and sat at the kids' table? 108 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,000 I gotta respect these dinosaurs. 109 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,585 They dominated a whole species 110 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,087 just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time. 111 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,338 They didn't even dominate us 112 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,858 because we're not worth a fight to them. 113 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,484 We've become biological Tyler Perry movies. 114 00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,677 All they've done is help. We didn't need their help. 115 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,928 We were not the problem. 116 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,431 This house recycles. 117 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:50,892 They sort it at the trash facility. 118 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,727 What the "F"? My dance videos 119 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,228 are getting, like, zero likes now. 120 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,773 Oh, yeah. The dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok. 121 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,357 Great. So now I'm broke? 122 00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,859 You don't need money anymore. 123 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:00,985 So what's this for now? 124 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,695 Phone calls? Ugh. 125 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,173 Oh, c'mon, Dad. You don't hate this, too? 126 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,240 Why would I? I-I was already doing what I wanted. 127 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,533 I do think it's kind of funny 128 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,994 that you're all basically Jerry now. 129 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,829 Fuck. 130 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,456 Jerry, how do you do it? 131 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:16,417 - Yeah, Dad, how do you do it? - How do you do it, Dad? 132 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,544 - Huh? - How do you do it? 133 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,505 It's finally happened. 134 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,064 All right. 135 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:41,150 Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers? 136 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,778 Uhp. President only pages me 137 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,280 if it's an emergency or he needs Molly. 138 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,328 I'm sure glad you stayed open, Beau. 139 00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:53,411 Wish we could pay, 140 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,498 but no more capitalism. 141 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,501 I never make ribs for the money, Mr. President. 142 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,795 Oh, um, here ya go. 143 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,088 That's not why I called. 144 00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,756 Drugs can't solve this problem. 145 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,091 I can't live like this anymore. 146 00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,009 At first it was fun spending all day 147 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,678 watching whatever YouTube autoplays 148 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,096 after the last one autoplayed, 149 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,431 but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly. 150 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:13,599 Rick. Please. 151 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,017 You're not bound by morality. 152 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,853 Get rid of them. Slit their necks. 153 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,248 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species. 154 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,190 I won't tell. Help us go back to the old days, 155 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,192 where we pretend to fix the problems we caused. 156 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,503 You think I'm gonna side with you 157 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,754 over hyper-intelligent creatures 158 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,613 operating way beyond your comprehension? 159 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,448 I have more in common with them than you. 160 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,492 You pompous autistic cadaver! 161 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,494 You think you're above this? I ought to... 162 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,954 Look here, Mr. President. 163 00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:37,206 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious, 164 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,457 I pamper them. 165 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,960 See, if you give someone what they want, 166 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,753 they'll give you what you need. 167 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,338 I'm jus' saying. 168 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,715 I see your point, Beau. 169 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,216 All right, Rick. Ha ha. 170 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,759 Name your price. 171 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,678 - Aw, crap. - God damn it. 172 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,430 How often are you "Westworld-ing" me? 173 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:55,766 Hang on. Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again. 174 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,226 Ol' reliable Rick. 175 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,853 Always k-knows what to do. 176 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:00,396 What do you want, Rick? Trustworthy. 177 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,040 I won't stoop to answering that again. Honest. 178 00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,482 You know exactly what I want. 179 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,526 I can't just snap my fingers and get you that job. 180 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,195 Yeah, yeah. Thanks for lunch. 181 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,321 Fine. Fine! 182 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,989 If you get rid of the dinosaurs... 183 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,407 you can host the Oscars. 184 00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,117 Yes! Righteous R-Rick. 185 00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,702 Straight shootin', t-truth-tellin', 186 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,622 never wets the bed. 187 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,375 Goodbye, old friends. 188 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,211 May you rest in peace, 189 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,338 rather than the tank of an S.U.V. 190 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:27,673 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers. 191 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,008 Can we help you? 192 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,801 Actually, I can probably help you. 193 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,387 See, I'm technically human, but I've come to be more, 194 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,805 you know, on your level. 195 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,057 We're fine, thank you. 196 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,391 Maybe I'm being too indirect. 197 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,310 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel, 198 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,812 and I could probably zap you guys to an alternate Earth. 199 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,191 We used portal travel eons ago, but evolved to a one-universe, 200 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:48,527 one-truth policy as the highest form of existence. 201 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,529 Sort of a "put your own oxygen mask on 202 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,865 before helping others" type of a thing. 203 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,367 Have you been on a plane? 204 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,952 Yes, I've been on a plane. 205 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,746 We have no problem if you jump dimensions. 206 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:01,666 Although we sense your gateway device is suboptimal. 207 00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,543 Let us help. I don't need help. 208 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:04,919 I-I'm here to help you. 209 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,629 What the hell is this? 210 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,047 A "Portal Pistol." 211 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,299 The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl, 212 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,218 so now you can see where you're going. 213 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,344 Clever girl. 214 00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:14,762 If you'd like, we could patch up 215 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,323 your little interdimensional rift too. 216 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,307 No, leave it. I know how to close that. 217 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,059 That's there for a reason. Very canonical. 218 00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,560 Don't you just want it closed? 219 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,853 Morty, whose team are you on?! 220 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,606 It's normal to be frustrated. Here. 221 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,650 Oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me? 222 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,818 Goodbye. No. Wait. 223 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,945 What the fuuuuu... 224 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:35,116 Aah! Dr. Manhattan high-road assholes teleporting me? Ah! I saw my bones! 225 00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:36,659 Why... Why wasn't that painful? 226 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,804 They didn't even do it right. My... My... My fly is down. 227 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,621 Your fly was already down. 228 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,498 What are you doing with that? 229 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,624 Rick, it was a better... 230 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,084 Nothing from them is better. 231 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,461 That thing had uptight Zen snob germs all over it. 232 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,981 So, what, now you're gonna fight them? 233 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,423 And prove we're violent and stupid? 234 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,266 No. We're gonna find out what they're hiding. 235 00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:54,510 Only people who have really fucked up in the past 236 00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:55,737 have to virtue signal this hard. 237 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,221 Look at Sean Penn. But, Rick, 238 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,598 aren't these feelings, like, what they're talking about? 239 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,183 Like, life gets, um... 240 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,312 "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution." 241 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,439 Like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy, 242 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:09,275 but once a species can get enough sugar from a machine 243 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,651 to give itself diabetes, 244 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,695 it's allowed to start thinking beyond conflict. 245 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,197 I mean, it's all in their pamphlet. 246 00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,575 Morty, you're a genius. 247 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,702 I clearly mean that in the '90s ironic sense, 248 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,871 but this self-fellating zine is a treasure map 249 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,790 to every fossilized bone in their skeleton closet. 250 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,334 They're gonna call us Laura Dern 251 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,045 because we're about to get elbow deep in dino doo-doo. 252 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,338 Get it, Morty? The gloves? 253 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:31,565 You... You remember the big gloves? 254 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,090 Yeah, no, I get it, Rick. 255 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,860 I said "clever girl" earlier. You didn't even react. 256 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,968 I was angry. 257 00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:45,728 Um, I'm looking for a few of my, uh, friends. 258 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,438 Hmm. Kinda look like the Skullfeet 259 00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,565 that used to live on our planet way before us. 260 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,817 They're long gone now. Really? 261 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,486 They're extinct here, too? Yeah. 262 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,946 We keep their bones in that museum over there. 263 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,990 Um, wow. 264 00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,575 These guys aren't gonna be much help. 265 00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,118 The leading theory is, the Skullfeet 266 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:04,205 stepped on their own brains so much they straight-up died. 267 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,582 Such a shame. Would have loved to hear them sing. 268 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:07,917 Sing? Yeah. 269 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,728 We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts 270 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:10,832 in their land amphitheater. 271 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,004 You people are idiots. Hey. 272 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,422 We didn't have much to go by. 273 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,007 Bones aren't big on conversation. 274 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,093 Yeah, neither are you, pal. 275 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,554 The majestic Basketsaur. Aren't they incredible? 276 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,432 We're even making a series of increasingly terrible movies 277 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,351 about cloning them in a theme park. 278 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,603 So what happened to them? No idea. 279 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,147 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup 280 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,982 out of the Great Dirt Bowl. 281 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,610 Starting to see a pattern here. 282 00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:36,278 Breathtaking, aren't they? 283 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,323 It's a common misconception that they roamed our planet. 284 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,950 The truth is, they rolled. 285 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,576 Street-style mostly. 286 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,828 Some vert. Lemme guess. 287 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:46,288 There's a very large, deep circular indentation 288 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,958 in which these "Grindasaurs" used to shred. 289 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,752 We think they had a second brain in their butt 290 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,587 dedicated to pulling 1080s. 291 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,464 Three planets visited by dinosaurs, 292 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,633 three apocalyptic meteor impacts. 293 00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:58,884 Gi... Gi... Gimme the board. 294 00:11:58,968 --> 00:11:59,969 I'm dropping in for data. 295 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,554 Aah! Rick! 296 00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,448 That's the hardest thing in skateboarding. Oh! Ow! 297 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:06,600 It looked so easy on... Aah... "Pro Skater 3." 298 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,726 Oww. 299 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,396 Hello. 300 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,607 Jackpot, Morty. 301 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,460 You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide? 302 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:17,695 No, Morty, they have a reason to hide. 303 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,989 Come here, ya little whippersnapper. No, Rick, stop! 304 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,217 C'mere, Morty. Come on, gimme a hug. No, don't touch me. Your hands are greasy. 305 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,826 What's the matter with you? 306 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,912 It's become clear your species is having a hard time 307 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,540 adjusting to its reduced accountability. 308 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:33,461 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks, 309 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,046 which you used to launch new phones and religions. 310 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,549 Uhp, I see someone's eager to speak. 311 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:41,635 Hi. Um, what do you do when you want to kill yourself? 312 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,971 You don't do that. Thank you for asking, though. 313 00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:45,473 Ver... Very important. 314 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,225 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature 315 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,186 that we think everyone should read. 316 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:53,606 Holy shit! I'm a famous author! 317 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:54,940 Wait, where's my name? 318 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,611 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow. 319 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,155 Excuse me. Aren't you gonna say who wrote it? 320 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,158 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit. 321 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,952 It's all here in this book that belongs to everyone. 322 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,287 For free. 323 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,289 You Communist lizard scumbags! 324 00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:11,373 I wrote that. 325 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:12,833 Me, Jerry Smith! 326 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,254 Hey, hey, hey! 327 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,555 Guess what. Dinosaurs are not secretly evil, 328 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,474 and they're not out to cause anybody trouble, 329 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,644 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them. 330 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,730 Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's showtime. 331 00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:36,815 Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it 332 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,984 is eventually smashed by a huge space rock 333 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,445 that takes out them and most existing life. 334 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,988 What? That can't be true. 335 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,573 It's all right to be frustrated. 336 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,824 Let me explain. 337 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,786 Why would planet-killing meteors follow dinosaurs? 338 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,372 As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels 339 00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,082 of loving vegan godhood, 340 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,960 another life-form devolved into an equally selfless, 341 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,921 hate-filled species of barely sentient rocks. 342 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,131 They hurtle through space and do as much damage 343 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:04,009 as they can to their chosen enemy, which is guess who. 344 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,761 Yup, everywhere these dinos go, 345 00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,805 these rocks, they come a-crashing. 346 00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:08,973 And this one... 347 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:13,018 is headed directly towards us. 348 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,688 And all of our work? It was for... 349 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,773 Nothing. Bingo. Welcome to life. 350 00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,275 It's a big boat with a lot of holes, 351 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,609 but we're all in it together. 352 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,610 - Oh, my. - Ohhhhh. 353 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,529 Mm. So much death. 354 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,698 Congratulations, primates. 355 00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:28,117 Looks like Earth could have done worse. 356 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,577 Rick out. Oh. 357 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,705 And don't forget to tune in to this year's Oscars. 358 00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:36,584 Well, this is a... a lot to take in. 359 00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,504 I like trains now. 360 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,172 Okay, that hurt. 361 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,258 Trains rule! 362 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,302 Dinos drool! 363 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,013 And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors 364 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:50,306 that followed in your wake? 365 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,099 We just learned about it like you. 366 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,684 Truly heartbreaking news. 367 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,811 But I assume you're gonna destroy it 368 00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,146 when it arrives here, right? 369 00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:00,482 Um, we're in the process of finding a solution 370 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,818 that, um, doesn't involve violence. 371 00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:05,195 Hold on. You're in the process?! 372 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,799 Well, there you have it, Cooperheads. 373 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,825 An angry species of rock is gonna slam into our... 374 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:13,245 Sorry... their planet, and our new planet runners 375 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,414 are weighing whether to let it happen. 376 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:20,252 I mean, no one knows if the meteor species is even real. 377 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,587 No. It's very real. 378 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,672 We all know that. You know what's real? 379 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,716 A rear naked choke hold. I'll show you 380 00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:26,925 - Hmm? - What? 381 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,721 Final question... How we doing? 382 00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:33,682 We have come to the conclusion the only way 383 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:37,353 to ensure humanity will be safe is for us to go. 384 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,313 We are leaving the planet for good. 385 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:17,142 Maybe it's the Molly, but I fucking love you, Rick. 386 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,311 It's the Molly. Isn't this nice? 387 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:22,106 Rivalries behind us, dinos gone, 388 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,608 two cool guys living in the moment. 389 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,402 So, uh, like, uh 390 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,004 you know what you're gonna wear? Because... 391 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,571 I can't get another plus-one. What?! 392 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,990 I'm the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch! 393 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:32,950 I feel this napkin... 394 00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,743 Feel this napkin. 395 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,246 So soft. 396 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:41,250 This is the 95th annual Academy Awards. 397 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,252 Now, please welcome your host, 398 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,422 an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs... 399 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,383 Rick Sanchez. 400 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,263 Suck my gray tits Hollywood pinkos. 401 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,431 Where's the mic? 402 00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,765 The... The... The raising mic? 403 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,350 Ha. 404 00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,768 Bring it up! 405 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,523 Tommy. 406 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:07,276 Tom Hanks is here. 407 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,028 C'mon. Do it. 408 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,572 Come on. 409 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:13,240 Do ittttt. 410 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,534 Okay, okay, one time. 411 00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:18,203 "Wilson!" 412 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,623 I'm Oscar host Rick. 413 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,586 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool. 414 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,921 That microphone bit killed. Yeah, told you it would. 415 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,048 That was all scripted? 416 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,632 Every moment at the Oscars is. 417 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,967 Even that one thing. - Ha ha! 418 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,761 Look who stole themselves a swag bag. 419 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,764 - Ah, fucking Sprinkles coupon! - We're splitting that. 420 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,932 Hey, so I was thinking it might be funny 421 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,559 to add dinosaurs to the "In Memoriam." 422 00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:42,019 Eh, it feels beneath us. 423 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,955 It's funnier that they left and we don't even care. 424 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,982 Oh, yeah, they left, but they keep begging for attention. 425 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,358 You haven't heard? 426 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,878 The dinos are just standing up there on Mars 427 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,237 with their dicks in their hands. So dramatic. 428 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,282 What, they're just gonna let the meteor hit them a-and die? 429 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,494 Good. If being superior to everyone makes you die, 430 00:17:58,577 --> 00:17:59,953 I call that balance. 431 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,164 It's all in my globally published book 432 00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,666 the dinos stripped my name from! 433 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,877 Ugggh. Oscars are over. 434 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,670 Where are my keys? 435 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,131 God damn it, I need to fix portal travel. 436 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,592 And... And I'm going to. I have a process. 437 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,763 Our final act of kindness. 438 00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:20,140 It's been an honor serving the sanctity of life 439 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,224 with you all. 440 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,435 Hee-aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh! 441 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,526 Rick, what are you doing? 442 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,027 Standing here with you guys. 443 00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:33,195 You don't want to do that. 444 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,655 We're sacrificing ourselves here. 445 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,115 Then so am I. Y'know? 446 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,450 Elon Musk be damned, we're blowing up Mars. 447 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,744 No. We're doing something selfless. 448 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,371 You're doing it out of pettiness. 449 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,623 How is anyone supposed to know the difference? 450 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,000 Consider it a game of virtue chicken. 451 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,466 Okay, if you won't go, we'll make you go. 452 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,970 Oh. Sorry. I-I dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys. 453 00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,973 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness 454 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,141 are two sides of the same coin, so what's the point? 455 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,236 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter 456 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,655 is dying on Mars with an old dickhead. 457 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,283 Hyaaaa! 458 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:20,826 Aaaah! 459 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,620 All right! Welcome back. 460 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,581 You obnoxious little twat! 461 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,915 Yeah, but you're alive. 462 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,334 No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy. 463 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,669 You don't get to be so smart 464 00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,272 that you remove yourself from everybody. 465 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,048 From one god being to another, you're welcome. 466 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:38,093 Well, as long as we're doing each other favors... 467 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,929 Hey. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? 468 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,351 You fixed my rift? 469 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,978 You fucking hypocritical cocks. 470 00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:49,521 I-It was all canonical and shit. 471 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,332 We coulda milked that thing for a whole season. 472 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:54,067 O-Or, like, a three-episode arc at least. 473 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,444 Sorry. That's just us. 474 00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:56,695 We love helping, 475 00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,448 god beings to god being. 476 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,867 Seriously. I was gonna fix that. 477 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,624 Shit. They're coming back. 478 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,042 Can we turn on the A.C.? 479 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,628 It's, like, a thousand degrees outside. 480 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,713 Yes! New follower. 481 00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:17,424 Named... CryptoForBareToes? 482 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,801 Not sure I get it, but sounds like business. 483 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,802 Proud of you, honey. 484 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:21,929 Is Dad okay? 485 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,472 Yes. I'm just... 486 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,723 writing my second book. 487 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:26,159 I don't know what it's gonna be about, 488 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,393 but I can tell you one thing... The title is 489 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:32,147 A Book by Jerry Smith." 490 00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,149 Chapter one... 491 00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:38,820 Fuck! 492 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,157 Morty, get your ass in the garage! 493 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,622 Hoo-ha! Check it out. 494 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,916 A... A dimension where hats wear people. 495 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,918 Mmmmm! Oh! 496 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,503 I did it! I fixed portal travel. 497 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,921 Oh, shit. 498 00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:57,673 Figured my guy deserves a vacation. 499 00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,174 Boob World! You're damn right. 500 00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:00,425 And it's Areola Week. 501 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,760 All right! 502 00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,387 Good old-fashioned portal fun. 503 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,638 Yep. Like this. 504 00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:05,931 Ohh! Whoa! 505 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:07,241 It's gonna be classic episodes, Morty. 506 00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,534 Oh, I'm gonna puke, Rick! Portaling in. 507 00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,435 Wrecking shit, portaling out, Morty. 508 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,812 Oh, my Go... Adventures, Morty. 509 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,438 Aah! Aah! Social commentary. 510 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,357 Crude characters. Here we go. 511 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,067 Rick and Morty time! 512 00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,559 This is our home now. 513 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,561 We shall live out the rest of our days here. 514 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:55,689 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again. 515 00:21:55,772 --> 00:21:57,274 We are content. 516 00:21:57,357 --> 00:21:58,567 It was a good run. 517 00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:00,235 Speaking of a good run... 518 00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:02,088 I bet I could switch heel onto that manny pad, 519 00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:04,322 big spinout, tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail, 520 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,366 drop into the bowl, stalefish into a Christ Air, 521 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,826 and then we get fucking wrecked. 522 00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:09,619 Ho-ho. It's on, Iguanadon. 523 00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,302 Did you get any of that? 524 00:22:25,326 --> 00:22:27,326