1 00:00:08,232 --> 00:00:13,232 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:19,926 --> 00:00:21,662 [soft rumbling] 3 00:00:51,992 --> 00:00:53,959 [sparks zapping] 4 00:00:53,961 --> 00:00:55,729 [electronic humming] 5 00:01:03,403 --> 00:01:05,506 [zapping and humming growing louder] 6 00:01:16,849 --> 00:01:19,753 [rhythmic music pounding] 7 00:01:28,861 --> 00:01:30,429 [door slams] 8 00:01:30,431 --> 00:01:31,733 [music continues] 9 00:01:52,753 --> 00:01:55,390 [electronic roar over music] 10 00:02:00,893 --> 00:02:02,796 [static over music] 11 00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:15,410 [music growing louder] 12 00:02:28,821 --> 00:02:30,389 [music stops] 13 00:02:30,391 --> 00:02:34,592 [distorted echoes, static] 14 00:02:34,594 --> 00:02:37,564 [rhythmic footsteps echoing] 15 00:02:54,447 --> 00:02:56,083 [girl] When I remember it... 16 00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:00,519 I remember thinking... 17 00:03:00,521 --> 00:03:02,621 [rhythmic pounding] 18 00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:05,890 ...the entire population of Greensburg, Pennsylvania, 19 00:03:05,892 --> 00:03:09,593 is 14,892. 20 00:03:09,595 --> 00:03:11,096 [pounding growing louder] 21 00:03:11,098 --> 00:03:14,132 If you divide that by the number of days in the year, 22 00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:18,170 there should be 41 people with the same birthday every day. 23 00:03:18,172 --> 00:03:20,771 [rhythmic pounding continues] 24 00:03:20,773 --> 00:03:26,478 In my lifetime, the population has decreased by 12.6%. 25 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:31,550 Soon, another 12.6% will be gone. 26 00:03:31,552 --> 00:03:33,919 And another. 27 00:03:33,921 --> 00:03:35,653 And another. 28 00:03:35,655 --> 00:03:37,492 Then another. 29 00:03:44,864 --> 00:03:46,833 Until all that's left here is me. 30 00:03:50,102 --> 00:03:51,735 Me without you. 31 00:03:51,737 --> 00:03:53,640 [rhythmic pounding continues] 32 00:04:00,814 --> 00:04:02,417 [lighter clicks] 33 00:04:06,018 --> 00:04:08,688 Me and the one thing I was waiting to find out about. 34 00:04:14,027 --> 00:04:16,927 [patient coughing] 35 00:04:16,929 --> 00:04:18,598 [girl] They were also waiting. 36 00:04:20,968 --> 00:04:22,869 In the middle of nowhere. 37 00:04:25,204 --> 00:04:27,040 In this doctor's office. 38 00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:30,877 At 7:30 in the morning. 39 00:04:35,782 --> 00:04:38,983 Twenty days ago, I turned 20. 40 00:04:38,985 --> 00:04:40,954 [rhythmic pounding continues] 41 00:04:45,525 --> 00:04:47,158 Now we were all waiting to see 42 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,996 how many more birthdays we'd have. 43 00:04:51,163 --> 00:04:53,200 If there'd be one or 100. 44 00:04:55,602 --> 00:04:58,168 If there'd be anyone new to share them with. 45 00:04:58,170 --> 00:05:00,974 [flame roars, cigarette sizzles] 46 00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:08,716 I've spent every birthday in Greensburg. 47 00:05:10,249 --> 00:05:12,817 Every day. 48 00:05:12,819 --> 00:05:14,554 Every minute. 49 00:05:15,855 --> 00:05:17,055 Every second. 50 00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:18,259 [pounding stops] 51 00:05:30,237 --> 00:05:31,636 [patient coughing] 52 00:05:31,638 --> 00:05:32,840 [door closes] 53 00:05:40,146 --> 00:05:42,280 - [phone ringing] - [coughing continues] 54 00:05:42,282 --> 00:05:44,615 [coughing growing louder, echoing] 55 00:05:44,617 --> 00:05:48,086 - [ringing continues] - [distorted PA announcement] 56 00:05:48,088 --> 00:05:53,023 [girl] When I remember it, I remember believing 57 00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:55,997 everything begins with one exact moment. 58 00:06:27,026 --> 00:06:29,060 [keying on cell phone] 59 00:06:29,062 --> 00:06:30,331 [keying stops] 60 00:06:37,937 --> 00:06:39,839 [indistinct whispering] 61 00:07:40,766 --> 00:07:42,403 [Lissa whispering] Daniel. 62 00:07:44,336 --> 00:07:45,805 Daniel. 63 00:07:47,973 --> 00:07:49,743 Daniel. 64 00:07:56,816 --> 00:07:58,917 [roaring sound] 65 00:07:58,919 --> 00:08:03,924 [indistinct whispering, distorted choral music] 66 00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:18,806 Did you hear what I just said? 67 00:08:22,843 --> 00:08:24,341 You don't care. 68 00:08:24,343 --> 00:08:27,045 You don't know anything. Everything's fucked up. 69 00:08:27,047 --> 00:08:29,180 What's the point of even talking to you? 70 00:08:29,182 --> 00:08:31,882 [Lissa] How can you say that? 71 00:08:31,884 --> 00:08:35,419 After, after last year, after how my mom's been acting, after my dad? 72 00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:37,187 - I don't... - Don't. Just don't. 73 00:08:37,189 --> 00:08:39,392 Don't say I don't want to end up like him? 74 00:08:41,328 --> 00:08:44,262 Neither do you. 75 00:08:44,264 --> 00:08:48,332 Here's the truest thing I've ever said: fuck you. 76 00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,100 Whatever. 77 00:08:50,102 --> 00:08:52,202 And what about your mom, have you talked to her? 78 00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:53,807 Not since graduation. 79 00:08:56,275 --> 00:08:59,076 Look, I didn't mean you don't care, I didn't mean it that way. 80 00:08:59,078 --> 00:09:02,312 - It's pretty clear how you meant it. - Was it? 81 00:09:02,314 --> 00:09:04,081 I'm hungry. 82 00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:05,850 What? What are you talking about? 83 00:09:05,852 --> 00:09:08,186 That's an example of being clear, "I'm hungry," 84 00:09:08,188 --> 00:09:10,388 which is what I am, hungry. 85 00:09:10,390 --> 00:09:12,289 Come on, that doesn't make any sense. 86 00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:14,793 And bored. Hungry and bored. 87 00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:17,098 What do you wanna do, then? 88 00:09:19,532 --> 00:09:21,231 I don't know. 89 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:24,536 Go to the porn store. I'm legal now. 90 00:09:24,538 --> 00:09:27,071 That one where the girls wear nothing but a smile? 91 00:09:27,073 --> 00:09:29,143 No, that's a strip club. 92 00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:32,847 I was talking more about the ones that flank the Barnes and Noble. 93 00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:38,148 All that I was trying to say is that... 94 00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:40,485 it's got nothing to do with your family. 95 00:09:40,487 --> 00:09:43,120 I just meant that you'll be out of here soon. 96 00:09:43,122 --> 00:09:44,855 You're going to college. 97 00:09:44,857 --> 00:09:47,124 - [Daniel] It's only a state school. - [Lissa] So what? 98 00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:49,360 [Daniel] Not far away. 99 00:09:49,362 --> 00:09:52,197 Still better than being stuck here. 100 00:09:52,199 --> 00:09:55,299 Did you know Mount Pleasant used to be called Hell Town? 101 00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:57,402 [laughs] That's not true. 102 00:09:57,404 --> 00:10:00,138 - It is. - Why? 103 00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,841 [Daniel] Something to do with, this was in the '20s or something. 104 00:10:02,843 --> 00:10:04,509 Coal miners lived in Mount Pleasant, 105 00:10:04,511 --> 00:10:07,247 whereas the rich bosses lived in Scottdale, on the hill. 106 00:10:09,549 --> 00:10:11,148 They should just go back 107 00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,453 and rename the whole goddamn area Hell Town. 108 00:10:19,492 --> 00:10:22,563 [rap music pounding on car speakers] 109 00:10:33,305 --> 00:10:36,073 Sorry about earlier. I was being a sharktopus. 110 00:10:36,075 --> 00:10:39,076 - [Lissa] I was gonna say a sea hag. - [Daniel] I don't get it. 111 00:10:39,078 --> 00:10:40,445 A sharktopus would make a good pet. 112 00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:42,346 Sea hag is Jennifer Aniston. 113 00:10:42,348 --> 00:10:44,115 I like Jennifer Aniston. We go way back. 114 00:10:44,117 --> 00:10:46,250 We're tight like spandex. 115 00:10:46,252 --> 00:10:48,552 - Also, bumps, not lines. - What? 116 00:10:48,554 --> 00:10:50,254 I definitely wasn't a sea monster. 117 00:10:50,256 --> 00:10:52,423 - It's not coke. - A sea hag, and yes you were. 118 00:10:52,425 --> 00:10:54,158 It's cheap trucker's meth. 119 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,061 It's just that, for real, I can't stand this place. 120 00:10:57,063 --> 00:10:59,630 At least now I don't have to worry about finding a job with dental insurance. 121 00:10:59,632 --> 00:11:01,666 I can't end up like these disgusting people. 122 00:11:01,668 --> 00:11:04,235 I don't wanna drive my 12-year-old car to a stupid job. 123 00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:07,337 - I don't want to think about cheating on my fat wife. - [girl] See those lights? 124 00:11:07,339 --> 00:11:10,942 I don't wanna work at my shit job for shit pay so I can afford another used shit car. 125 00:11:10,944 --> 00:11:13,211 Lissa, do you see them? 126 00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:17,347 - Shit! - What should we do? 127 00:11:17,349 --> 00:11:19,116 [Lissa] Daniel, take care of the phone. 128 00:11:19,118 --> 00:11:21,919 [siren chirps twice] 129 00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:23,153 I can't believe this is happening. 130 00:11:23,155 --> 00:11:25,188 Everyone, dust off your hands. 131 00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:26,626 I'm going to M-I-fucking-T. 132 00:11:29,328 --> 00:11:30,897 I have an idea. 133 00:11:35,935 --> 00:11:38,168 [taps on window] 134 00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,138 Can I help you, officer? 135 00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,909 What have you got going on here? 136 00:11:44,376 --> 00:11:46,380 ♪ ♪ 137 00:11:56,189 --> 00:11:58,958 Not sure yet... sir. 138 00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,328 Take it elsewhere. 139 00:12:17,209 --> 00:12:19,512 [rap music pounding] 140 00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:25,251 - [Lissa] Fuck it all, fuck. - [Aimee] Fuck you, copper. 141 00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:30,189 [nurse] Lissa Maruska? 142 00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:50,041 How are you today? Ready to order? 143 00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:52,043 I've been waitressing for about two years. 144 00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,278 A little under two years. 145 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,181 - I'm a human resources manager. - I'm a chef and owner. 146 00:12:57,183 --> 00:13:00,518 I teach family consumer science, which used to be known as home economics. 147 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,452 [woman] I am a custodian. 148 00:13:02,454 --> 00:13:05,690 I work for the county, which is a good job, 149 00:13:05,692 --> 00:13:07,191 although it's a crappy shift. 150 00:13:07,193 --> 00:13:09,126 I am actually a stay-at-home mom. 151 00:13:09,128 --> 00:13:12,663 Some days you feel like you don't talk to any other adults. 152 00:13:12,665 --> 00:13:15,499 I spent 25 years as a Pennsylvania state trooper. 153 00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,769 I'm a union rep for public employees in schools, 154 00:13:17,771 --> 00:13:20,471 meaning teachers and their support staffs, 155 00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:23,541 such as bus drivers, cafeteria workers, custodians. 156 00:13:23,543 --> 00:13:25,279 Worst part is the repetition. 157 00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:30,184 Maybe it's having to balance multiple things like a circus clown. 158 00:13:35,054 --> 00:13:36,256 No. 159 00:13:37,524 --> 00:13:39,460 It's the repetition. 160 00:13:41,294 --> 00:13:43,360 So, how are you doing? 161 00:13:43,362 --> 00:13:45,096 Wanna hear the specials? 162 00:13:45,098 --> 00:13:47,164 What can I get for you? 163 00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:48,535 Want something to drink? 164 00:13:49,803 --> 00:13:51,735 How would you like that prepared? 165 00:13:51,737 --> 00:13:53,674 Can I get you something else? 166 00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:57,575 And on... 167 00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:59,443 and on... 168 00:13:59,445 --> 00:14:00,812 and on. 169 00:14:00,814 --> 00:14:02,783 [loud thud] 170 00:14:19,131 --> 00:14:20,333 Ready? 171 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,165 [Lissa] When I remember it, I remember hearing... 172 00:14:59,372 --> 00:15:01,672 14% of the population 173 00:15:01,674 --> 00:15:04,111 lives below the poverty line in Greensburg. 174 00:15:06,411 --> 00:15:11,384 The average annual income per person is $24,599. 175 00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,559 One out of six have a college degree. 176 00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:27,434 Nine out of ten have at least one child. 177 00:15:31,771 --> 00:15:35,409 About 90 people die of drug overdoses every year. 178 00:15:39,179 --> 00:15:40,380 When I remember it... 179 00:15:43,815 --> 00:15:45,718 I remember knowing... 180 00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,560 I will never do any better. 181 00:16:04,337 --> 00:16:07,337 [nurse] Dr. Woods will see you in a minute. First, I just need your... 182 00:16:07,339 --> 00:16:08,940 I thought... 183 00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:11,274 Never mind, sorry. 184 00:16:11,276 --> 00:16:13,411 Do you wanna use your mom's insurance? 185 00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:16,246 If that's okay. 186 00:16:16,248 --> 00:16:18,448 [nurse] Do you have her policy number? 187 00:16:18,450 --> 00:16:20,453 Her policy number? 188 00:16:23,488 --> 00:16:25,691 [nurse] Do you know who her provider is? 189 00:16:26,825 --> 00:16:28,893 I guess... 190 00:16:28,895 --> 00:16:31,562 no, not really. 191 00:16:31,564 --> 00:16:34,501 [nurse] Do you have any information about her insurance at all? 192 00:16:37,002 --> 00:16:39,003 Uh... 193 00:16:39,005 --> 00:16:41,808 My mom and I don't really talk anymore. 194 00:16:43,809 --> 00:16:47,613 [nurse] Lissa, I'm sorry about your dad. 195 00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:51,885 Not your fault. 196 00:16:53,852 --> 00:16:55,923 [nurse] I'm sure I can find your mom's insurance here. 197 00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:20,478 Looks like you've put on a little bit of weight 198 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,249 since last time you were in. 199 00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:58,615 Your heart rate's a little fast. 200 00:17:58,617 --> 00:18:00,817 Have you been doing anything you shouldn't? 201 00:18:00,819 --> 00:18:04,555 No. I don't do anything. 202 00:18:04,557 --> 00:18:06,492 ♪ ♪ 203 00:18:43,128 --> 00:18:45,730 Your blood pressure's 136 over 94. 204 00:18:45,732 --> 00:18:47,664 Is that normal? 205 00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,703 Normal's 120 over 80. 206 00:19:10,990 --> 00:19:14,328 [indistinct voices] 207 00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:49,929 - [indistinct voices] - [woman] Get up! Do something! 208 00:19:57,537 --> 00:19:58,905 [woman] Don't... 209 00:20:04,609 --> 00:20:07,414 [metallic pounding] 210 00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,886 [Daniel] I can't believe it's been a year. 211 00:20:16,888 --> 00:20:19,557 I just finished this philosophy class. Fucking awesome. 212 00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:21,724 It was about Wittgenstein. He said this great thing, 213 00:20:21,726 --> 00:20:24,761 he said, "Death is not an event of life, death is not lived through." 214 00:20:24,763 --> 00:20:26,632 What do you think about that? 215 00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:32,973 I don't. Don't other people live through it? 216 00:20:34,674 --> 00:20:36,710 Do you wanna sit down? 217 00:20:39,479 --> 00:20:42,712 [pounding echoes] 218 00:20:42,714 --> 00:20:45,816 I, um... I have a surprise for you. 219 00:20:45,818 --> 00:20:50,056 - Yeah? - I'm gonna take you to a bad place for good drugs. 220 00:20:51,957 --> 00:20:53,592 Happy birthday. 221 00:20:58,798 --> 00:21:00,599 [techno music playing] 222 00:21:09,642 --> 00:21:12,479 [Daniel, voice echoing] My professor said I wrote the perfect essay. 223 00:21:14,579 --> 00:21:16,614 Those were his words. 224 00:21:16,616 --> 00:21:18,452 "Perfect." 225 00:21:20,619 --> 00:21:23,223 I focused on Wittgenstein's propositions. 226 00:21:24,656 --> 00:21:26,193 We should read them. 227 00:21:30,896 --> 00:21:32,563 I focused on... 228 00:21:32,565 --> 00:21:34,868 ♪ ♪ 229 00:21:40,806 --> 00:21:43,574 [voice fading under music] "If by eternity is understood 230 00:21:43,576 --> 00:21:45,879 "not endless temporal duration but timelessness... 231 00:22:11,736 --> 00:22:15,107 ...then he lives eternally who lives in the present." 232 00:22:18,911 --> 00:22:20,547 And that's true... 233 00:22:22,114 --> 00:22:25,149 It's about being present now. 234 00:22:25,151 --> 00:22:26,686 Right now. 235 00:22:49,742 --> 00:22:53,713 There's so much to see... to do... 236 00:22:55,915 --> 00:22:57,317 to become... 237 00:23:01,220 --> 00:23:03,589 I can't be trapped by home... 238 00:23:14,165 --> 00:23:15,835 in Greensburg. 239 00:23:18,703 --> 00:23:20,005 Family. 240 00:23:23,274 --> 00:23:24,743 Belief. 241 00:23:28,947 --> 00:23:31,048 I ended with what he wrote. 242 00:23:31,050 --> 00:23:35,888 "Our life is endless in the way our visual field is without limit." 243 00:23:56,041 --> 00:23:58,845 [foot pounding rhythmically] 244 00:24:02,348 --> 00:24:03,881 I'm tired. 245 00:24:03,883 --> 00:24:06,019 I feel like I've been talking all night. 246 00:24:07,286 --> 00:24:08,688 It's okay. 247 00:24:36,448 --> 00:24:38,817 Thank you for seeing me. 248 00:24:53,232 --> 00:24:55,402 So, why did you come in? 249 00:24:57,837 --> 00:25:01,441 Relax. Take it easy. Tell me what's wrong. 250 00:25:05,174 --> 00:25:05,377 I'm sorry, I... 251 00:25:08,379 --> 00:25:11,914 Okay, how about this? Can you at least tell me your chief symptom? 252 00:25:11,916 --> 00:25:15,384 - It's not... - Lissa, whatever you say to me is confidential. 253 00:25:15,386 --> 00:25:17,253 - I understand. - No, I'm not your mother. 254 00:25:17,255 --> 00:25:18,457 No, no. 255 00:25:24,129 --> 00:25:25,895 Do you have any kids, Dr. Woods? 256 00:25:25,897 --> 00:25:27,096 Do I? 257 00:25:27,098 --> 00:25:29,799 Yes, my wife and I have a daughter. 258 00:25:29,801 --> 00:25:31,468 - What's her name? - Kim. 259 00:25:31,470 --> 00:25:36,440 - How old is she? - She just turned two. 260 00:25:36,442 --> 00:25:38,842 And what do you want for her? 261 00:25:38,844 --> 00:25:40,443 What do you mean? 262 00:25:40,445 --> 00:25:42,945 Like when she grows up, what do you want her to be? 263 00:25:42,947 --> 00:25:44,381 [Woods] I hold her sometimes. 264 00:25:44,383 --> 00:25:48,117 When I look at her legs, I wonder where she'll go, 265 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:49,723 where her legs will take her. 266 00:25:52,090 --> 00:25:55,025 Away from here? 267 00:25:55,027 --> 00:25:57,097 Whatever's best for her. 268 00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:03,400 I came to see you because 20 days ago was my birthday. 269 00:26:03,402 --> 00:26:06,170 - And you just turned 20, right? - [Lissa] Yep. 270 00:26:06,172 --> 00:26:08,505 Only my 20th birthday. 271 00:26:08,507 --> 00:26:10,176 [rumbling noise] 272 00:26:16,447 --> 00:26:18,448 [romantic music playing] 273 00:26:18,450 --> 00:26:20,987 [indistinct romantic whispering] 274 00:26:32,463 --> 00:26:35,464 ♪ ♪ 275 00:26:35,466 --> 00:26:37,870 [Lissa whispering] I can't believe I'm 20. 276 00:26:44,143 --> 00:26:47,012 [whispering] This is the only birthday present I wanted. 277 00:27:01,559 --> 00:27:06,031 When I remember it, I remember feeling... 278 00:27:08,533 --> 00:27:10,435 everything at once... 279 00:27:11,569 --> 00:27:15,105 everything all together... 280 00:27:15,107 --> 00:27:18,442 everything in place... 281 00:27:18,444 --> 00:27:20,445 everything right now. 282 00:27:36,595 --> 00:27:39,399 ♪ ♪ 283 00:28:02,553 --> 00:28:04,221 [door slams, echoing] 284 00:28:04,223 --> 00:28:07,426 [static, sparks zapping] 285 00:28:20,172 --> 00:28:22,673 [Woods] And how many partners have you had? 286 00:28:22,675 --> 00:28:26,609 - Two. Just two. - Men, women, or both? 287 00:28:26,611 --> 00:28:28,278 Only men. 288 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,248 At what age did you have your first sexual encounter? 289 00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:35,419 I was 13. Is that... 290 00:28:35,421 --> 00:28:38,422 - Was it vaginal intercourse? - Regular, vaginal. 291 00:28:38,424 --> 00:28:41,290 - When was the last time you had intercourse? - [Lissa] Twenty days ago. 292 00:28:41,292 --> 00:28:44,294 - And have you been using any birth control? - No. 293 00:28:44,296 --> 00:28:45,729 Did you use protection? 294 00:28:45,731 --> 00:28:49,165 Uh... we... 295 00:28:49,167 --> 00:28:51,401 No. No, we didn't. 296 00:28:51,403 --> 00:28:53,636 [Woods] Are you experiencing any burning when you urinate? 297 00:28:53,638 --> 00:28:55,471 - No. - Any urethral discharge? 298 00:28:55,473 --> 00:28:59,442 - No. - When was your last menstrual period? 299 00:28:59,444 --> 00:29:02,314 That's kind of the reason I'm here. 300 00:29:37,549 --> 00:29:39,085 [urinating] 301 00:29:53,598 --> 00:29:54,798 [plastic rattles] 302 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,735 [water running] 303 00:29:58,337 --> 00:29:59,539 [water stops] 304 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,155 [coughs] 305 00:30:35,139 --> 00:30:37,075 [timer clicking] 306 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,149 [line ringing] 307 00:31:19,184 --> 00:31:21,852 [Daniel] You are now listening to the sound of Daniel's voice. 308 00:31:21,854 --> 00:31:25,188 When you hear a beep, you will leave the sound of your own voice. 309 00:31:25,190 --> 00:31:27,693 - [beep] - [timer clicking loudly] 310 00:31:41,540 --> 00:31:43,276 [timer slowing down] 311 00:32:10,536 --> 00:32:12,238 [timer slowing down] 312 00:32:25,684 --> 00:32:27,483 [timer clicking slowly] 313 00:32:27,485 --> 00:32:29,155 [sniffles] 314 00:32:39,530 --> 00:32:41,200 [sighs] 315 00:32:58,951 --> 00:33:01,287 [timer echoing, slowing down] 316 00:33:09,994 --> 00:33:14,433 [timer rings] 317 00:33:48,567 --> 00:33:51,537 [loud ticking] 318 00:33:53,605 --> 00:33:55,441 [ticking stops] 319 00:34:25,037 --> 00:34:27,872 [rhythmic music pounding] 320 00:35:08,379 --> 00:35:11,113 At this point, a blood test is the only way to be certain. 321 00:35:11,115 --> 00:35:14,584 I don't like blood, and I'm afraid of needles. Is there any... 322 00:35:14,586 --> 00:35:17,386 - This isn't typical. - It isn't? 323 00:35:17,388 --> 00:35:19,022 No, not really, no. 324 00:35:19,024 --> 00:35:22,459 I don't know, I didn't know what to do or where to go. 325 00:35:22,461 --> 00:35:25,694 - Just go see the nurse. - Do I need to come back another day? 326 00:35:25,696 --> 00:35:29,432 She'll take care of it. She's excellent at drawing blood. 327 00:35:29,434 --> 00:35:31,703 It'll be fine. Promise. 328 00:35:39,477 --> 00:35:43,046 [Lissa] When I remember it, I remember fearing... 329 00:35:43,048 --> 00:35:45,080 [heart beating] 330 00:35:45,082 --> 00:35:47,653 ...inside my body is a body... 331 00:35:52,990 --> 00:35:54,957 - [static buzzing] - Morning sickness, 332 00:35:54,959 --> 00:35:56,526 backaches, stretch marks, 333 00:35:56,528 --> 00:35:59,928 hemorrhoids, varicose veins, fatigue, 334 00:35:59,930 --> 00:36:02,399 [voice echoing] indigestion, heartburn, 335 00:36:02,401 --> 00:36:05,667 breast tenderness, nausea, nine months until a birthday. 336 00:36:05,669 --> 00:36:08,171 Shortness of breath, rashes, mood swings, dry skin, 337 00:36:08,173 --> 00:36:11,674 constipation, engorged genitals, vaginal discharge, faintness, 338 00:36:11,676 --> 00:36:13,546 bloating disease, leg cramps. 339 00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:19,015 The most difficult part of giving birth was... 340 00:36:19,017 --> 00:36:21,417 The clock on the wall was the worst enemy. 341 00:36:21,419 --> 00:36:24,888 You remember everything about that day to the second. 342 00:36:24,890 --> 00:36:26,656 Every minute was like an hour. 343 00:36:26,658 --> 00:36:29,993 The moment that the contractions first start... 344 00:36:29,995 --> 00:36:34,730 - It was painful. - Pain is so horrific that it doesn't seem natural. 345 00:36:34,732 --> 00:36:36,765 I just wanted to rip my hair out. 346 00:36:36,767 --> 00:36:38,535 [woman] I just remember screaming. 347 00:36:38,537 --> 00:36:42,439 That needle was so long. 348 00:36:42,441 --> 00:36:44,540 And the contractions just kept getting stronger. 349 00:36:44,542 --> 00:36:46,642 All the blood vessels in my face broke. 350 00:36:46,644 --> 00:36:49,611 Felt like my face was turning inside out. 351 00:36:49,613 --> 00:36:52,048 All of the sudden, they're telling you they have to cut you open. 352 00:36:52,050 --> 00:36:54,616 And there was just blood everywhere. 353 00:36:54,618 --> 00:36:59,189 And you realize like you're going to have this baby 354 00:36:59,191 --> 00:37:01,591 and be responsible. 355 00:37:01,593 --> 00:37:04,194 [metallic echoes, sparks zapping] 356 00:37:04,196 --> 00:37:05,964 [liquid sloshing] 357 00:37:09,133 --> 00:37:10,902 [static buzzing] 358 00:38:02,787 --> 00:38:04,153 [static buzzing] 359 00:38:04,155 --> 00:38:07,122 [Lissa] Listen, I have really bad veins. 360 00:38:07,124 --> 00:38:09,591 I got them from my dad. 361 00:38:09,593 --> 00:38:12,261 - [knock on door] - [Woods] Could you please come here? 362 00:38:12,263 --> 00:38:15,098 There's an issue that requires your immediate attention. 363 00:38:15,100 --> 00:38:16,635 [sighs] 364 00:38:22,606 --> 00:38:23,775 [Lissa] When I remember it... 365 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,149 I remember wanting... 366 00:38:32,651 --> 00:38:34,153 more time with him. 367 00:38:47,198 --> 00:38:48,701 More hours. 368 00:38:52,336 --> 00:38:53,638 More minutes. 369 00:38:55,073 --> 00:38:57,339 More words. 370 00:38:57,341 --> 00:38:59,677 Even more silence. 371 00:39:29,841 --> 00:39:31,710 Dad, can you pass the bread? 372 00:39:45,189 --> 00:39:46,691 Robert? 373 00:39:48,892 --> 00:39:50,095 Please. 374 00:40:00,905 --> 00:40:03,341 - Here you go, honey. - Thanks, Mom. 375 00:40:05,075 --> 00:40:06,844 [indistinct conversation] 376 00:40:28,098 --> 00:40:29,635 Robert? 377 00:40:39,810 --> 00:40:42,314 Robert, did you take the car in? 378 00:40:43,981 --> 00:40:45,747 Robert? 379 00:40:45,749 --> 00:40:47,318 What are you doing? 380 00:40:50,021 --> 00:40:51,289 Robert? 381 00:40:52,723 --> 00:40:53,926 Look at me. 382 00:40:55,727 --> 00:40:56,959 Robert. 383 00:40:56,961 --> 00:41:00,196 Did you take the car...? 384 00:41:00,198 --> 00:41:01,767 [slams table] 385 00:41:24,254 --> 00:41:25,990 Sorry. 386 00:41:30,028 --> 00:41:32,127 - Shouldn't have done that. - But I... 387 00:41:32,129 --> 00:41:34,232 Listen, I've been doing this for a long time. 388 00:42:13,872 --> 00:42:16,805 [nurse] Now, make a fist. 389 00:42:16,807 --> 00:42:18,875 [Lissa sighs] 390 00:42:18,877 --> 00:42:21,113 [nurse tapping arm] 391 00:42:26,251 --> 00:42:27,450 Faster. 392 00:42:27,452 --> 00:42:29,988 Faster. 393 00:42:32,524 --> 00:42:36,161 Come on. Almost there. 394 00:42:38,562 --> 00:42:40,198 Don't stop now, Lissa. 395 00:43:22,140 --> 00:43:25,077 [metallic clanging, electronic humming] 396 00:43:26,544 --> 00:43:29,611 [clanging grows louder] 397 00:43:29,613 --> 00:43:32,214 [liquid sloshing] 398 00:43:32,216 --> 00:43:34,250 [boards clattering] 399 00:43:34,252 --> 00:43:36,618 [high-pitched whirring] 400 00:43:36,620 --> 00:43:38,220 [thud] 401 00:43:38,222 --> 00:43:40,892 [rhythmic clanging] 402 00:43:56,106 --> 00:43:58,506 Couldn't find the vein. 403 00:43:58,508 --> 00:44:01,012 Gotta try again. 404 00:44:03,647 --> 00:44:05,448 [clang] 405 00:44:05,450 --> 00:44:07,486 [rhythmic cranking] 406 00:44:11,289 --> 00:44:14,827 [Lissa] He started working in the mine on his 18th birthday. 407 00:44:17,095 --> 00:44:19,361 He was a beltman. 408 00:44:19,363 --> 00:44:22,600 He said it paid well, that it wasn't too dangerous. 409 00:44:24,301 --> 00:44:26,104 He did it for 26 years. 410 00:44:28,071 --> 00:44:30,041 He took pride in his work. 411 00:44:36,580 --> 00:44:39,852 [nurse] Can't see the vein, but I can feel it. 412 00:44:47,292 --> 00:44:50,629 [Lissa] His grandfather was a coal miner before his father. 413 00:44:52,930 --> 00:44:55,631 His father before his brother. 414 00:44:55,633 --> 00:44:57,401 His brother before him. 415 00:44:58,937 --> 00:45:00,468 His brother with him. 416 00:45:00,470 --> 00:45:03,074 [loud thud] 417 00:45:09,546 --> 00:45:12,247 The Steelers are on at 1:00 Sunday. 418 00:45:12,249 --> 00:45:13,551 Kids coming over? 419 00:45:16,321 --> 00:45:18,490 It's been a while since you've been over. 420 00:45:24,361 --> 00:45:25,597 Robert. 421 00:45:31,702 --> 00:45:33,137 [voice muffled] Robert. 422 00:45:36,140 --> 00:45:38,441 Hey, Gus, could you give us a second, please? 423 00:45:38,443 --> 00:45:39,977 Thank you. 424 00:45:42,981 --> 00:45:45,413 Look, no shit. 425 00:45:45,415 --> 00:45:47,649 These last couple weeks, you're fucked up. 426 00:45:47,651 --> 00:45:50,618 Yeah. No, I'm good. 427 00:45:50,620 --> 00:45:53,055 Look, you're my kid brother. 428 00:45:53,057 --> 00:45:56,459 If you need anything, if there's anything I can do for you... 429 00:45:56,461 --> 00:45:58,426 You know, whatever. 430 00:45:58,428 --> 00:45:59,627 I'm here for you. 431 00:45:59,629 --> 00:46:01,098 [Robert] I know. 432 00:46:09,240 --> 00:46:11,240 [nurse tapping arm] 433 00:46:11,242 --> 00:46:12,577 [nurse] Got it. 434 00:46:19,617 --> 00:46:22,220 [wind whistling] 435 00:46:23,287 --> 00:46:26,388 That's it. 436 00:46:26,390 --> 00:46:29,327 - That's it? - Now you just have to wait for your results. 437 00:46:31,194 --> 00:46:33,131 [wind whistling] 438 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,764 [muffled horn blaring] 439 00:47:09,100 --> 00:47:12,069 [indistinct voices echoing] 440 00:47:42,300 --> 00:47:44,669 It isn't much of a dinner, but... 441 00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,243 You're what? 442 00:47:54,711 --> 00:47:57,178 What grade are you in? 443 00:47:57,180 --> 00:47:59,417 Eleventh. Duh. 444 00:48:01,185 --> 00:48:02,387 Ha. 445 00:48:05,622 --> 00:48:08,624 Your mom expects you to go to college. 446 00:48:08,626 --> 00:48:10,292 So do I. 447 00:48:10,294 --> 00:48:11,496 I know. 448 00:48:13,564 --> 00:48:15,767 Nobody pushed me into doing anything. 449 00:48:17,368 --> 00:48:19,404 Except work in the mines. 450 00:48:21,171 --> 00:48:23,607 - Was that with Uncle Keith? - Yeah, but he's... 451 00:48:27,345 --> 00:48:28,680 You okay? 452 00:48:34,519 --> 00:48:36,354 I'm so proud of you. 453 00:48:38,421 --> 00:48:40,858 You sure you're okay? 454 00:48:43,260 --> 00:48:45,529 You're the best part of me. 455 00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:53,872 I want you to have everything that I didn't have. 456 00:48:57,307 --> 00:49:01,213 You know, your mother can be... 457 00:49:02,613 --> 00:49:04,281 But she loves you. 458 00:49:06,751 --> 00:49:08,883 She's so... 459 00:49:08,885 --> 00:49:12,123 Just remember that. 460 00:49:14,725 --> 00:49:17,225 Seriously, is everything okay? 461 00:49:17,227 --> 00:49:18,829 Everything's fine. 462 00:49:20,464 --> 00:49:22,234 Sure? 463 00:49:28,305 --> 00:49:30,474 [Robert] Everything's gonna be fine. 464 00:49:33,343 --> 00:49:35,310 Everything... 465 00:49:35,312 --> 00:49:37,479 is gonna be fine. 466 00:49:37,481 --> 00:49:39,850 [static hissing, dog barking] 467 00:50:02,573 --> 00:50:04,276 [sobbing] 468 00:50:07,377 --> 00:50:09,347 [alarm clock beeping] 469 00:50:17,455 --> 00:50:20,955 - [beeping stops] - [Lissa] On that day, he woke up at 7 a.m. 470 00:50:20,957 --> 00:50:23,993 [alarm beeping] 471 00:50:23,995 --> 00:50:26,761 - [beeping stops] - Or he woke up at 7:30 a.m. 472 00:50:26,763 --> 00:50:28,966 No one knows for certain. 473 00:50:30,368 --> 00:50:32,834 He had slept for three hours. 474 00:50:32,836 --> 00:50:35,404 Or for three and a half hours. 475 00:50:35,406 --> 00:50:38,710 His morning was the same as it had been for 26 years. 476 00:51:00,798 --> 00:51:03,966 He always drank two cups of coffee, 477 00:51:03,968 --> 00:51:08,837 but the autopsy report said that there was alcohol in his system. 478 00:51:08,839 --> 00:51:10,942 I prefer to think there wasn't. 479 00:51:26,957 --> 00:51:29,594 [truck engine starts] 480 00:51:31,461 --> 00:51:34,765 At about 8:15 a.m., he bought a pack of cigarettes. 481 00:51:36,700 --> 00:51:40,669 - The last words he ever heard were... - Have a good one. 482 00:51:40,671 --> 00:51:43,604 - [Lissa] Or he heard... - See you tomorrow. 483 00:51:43,606 --> 00:51:46,975 - [Lissa] Or he heard... - Need any matches? 484 00:51:46,977 --> 00:51:49,912 [Lissa] Or he heard nothing. 485 00:51:49,914 --> 00:51:52,013 [truck drives off] 486 00:51:52,015 --> 00:51:53,751 [Lissa] He drove south on Church Street... 487 00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,690 turned right on route 31... 488 00:52:00,124 --> 00:52:03,828 took the ramp to route 70 heading east... 489 00:52:05,729 --> 00:52:07,998 continued on 119 north... 490 00:52:11,502 --> 00:52:14,535 took a right... 491 00:52:14,537 --> 00:52:16,440 then another right. 492 00:52:20,577 --> 00:52:23,380 As he drove, he smoked five cigarettes. 493 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,397 He arrived at his destination some time late in the morning. 494 00:52:44,468 --> 00:52:47,703 Was he crying? 495 00:52:47,705 --> 00:52:51,776 Did he think of his wife, his daughter? 496 00:52:53,711 --> 00:52:55,979 Did he ask for forgiveness? 497 00:52:58,048 --> 00:53:00,051 Was his last feeling relief? 498 00:53:14,432 --> 00:53:15,934 [cocks gun] 499 00:53:31,147 --> 00:53:32,848 [gunshot] 500 00:53:32,850 --> 00:53:34,853 [inaudible] 501 00:53:41,725 --> 00:53:44,125 Took over six hours for his body to be found. 502 00:53:44,127 --> 00:53:46,131 [exhales] 503 00:53:53,203 --> 00:53:55,707 [engine starts] 504 00:54:03,948 --> 00:54:05,950 ♪ ♪ 505 00:54:20,497 --> 00:54:22,533 When I remember it... 506 00:54:24,834 --> 00:54:26,771 I remember wishing... 507 00:54:28,705 --> 00:54:29,973 I could start over. 508 00:54:32,542 --> 00:54:34,546 I could go back to the first day of school. 509 00:54:36,546 --> 00:54:38,515 I could try harder. 510 00:54:40,283 --> 00:54:42,019 I could get better grades. 511 00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,457 I could take back that first kiss. 512 00:54:48,258 --> 00:54:50,994 I could erase the mistakes I've made. 513 00:54:53,597 --> 00:54:55,767 I could say goodbye to him. 514 00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:01,203 I could tell him not to make that drive. 515 00:55:01,205 --> 00:55:04,209 I could explain what he left us with. 516 00:55:06,142 --> 00:55:08,545 I could listen to my mom more. 517 00:55:10,281 --> 00:55:12,016 I could be more patient. 518 00:55:13,617 --> 00:55:14,819 More understanding. 519 00:55:16,287 --> 00:55:17,521 More empathetic. 520 00:55:21,591 --> 00:55:24,028 I could do all of those things. 521 00:55:26,129 --> 00:55:27,664 I could start over. 522 00:55:46,350 --> 00:55:48,553 ♪ ♪ 523 00:55:57,093 --> 00:55:58,727 I'm Joan Maruska. 524 00:55:58,729 --> 00:56:00,761 Thank you so much for coming out. 525 00:56:00,763 --> 00:56:03,832 I'm going to talk to you about the importance of unions in our lives, 526 00:56:03,834 --> 00:56:05,633 in our country's life. 527 00:56:05,635 --> 00:56:09,136 Unions are important because they are the only organized 528 00:56:09,138 --> 00:56:12,577 collective voice for workers in America. 529 00:56:15,111 --> 00:56:16,880 [rhythmic slicing] 530 00:57:01,792 --> 00:57:03,694 [doorbell rings] 531 00:57:07,664 --> 00:57:08,897 Mom? 532 00:57:08,899 --> 00:57:13,738 I know it's been a long time, but something's happened. 533 00:57:16,874 --> 00:57:18,240 [sighs] 534 00:57:18,242 --> 00:57:20,678 Why don't you come in and we'll talk about it? 535 00:57:39,363 --> 00:57:41,665 It's Daniel's, isn't it? 536 00:57:43,232 --> 00:57:45,167 I'm not sure it's anything yet. 537 00:57:45,169 --> 00:57:47,903 But yeah. 538 00:57:47,905 --> 00:57:52,274 You know, you're gonna have to start taking care of yourself. 539 00:57:52,276 --> 00:57:55,877 You're gonna have to eat better and you're... 540 00:57:55,879 --> 00:58:00,816 - Stop, I get it. - You are going to have to be responsible 541 00:58:00,818 --> 00:58:02,350 for someone else. 542 00:58:02,352 --> 00:58:05,252 - I need... - You need to grow up. 543 00:58:05,254 --> 00:58:08,756 - I can't fucking... - Stop that language and don't you raise... 544 00:58:08,758 --> 00:58:10,825 - You're judging me. - Don't you raise your... 545 00:58:10,827 --> 00:58:12,026 I came here for help, 546 00:58:12,028 --> 00:58:15,132 and all you can do is stare at your fucking wine glass. 547 00:58:28,845 --> 00:58:30,979 All you can think about is yourself. 548 00:58:30,981 --> 00:58:32,814 What does that even mean? 549 00:58:32,816 --> 00:58:34,515 Look, I feel bad. 550 00:58:34,517 --> 00:58:38,053 The situation is bad, it's really bad. 551 00:58:38,055 --> 00:58:39,821 I'm glad to hear that you feel bad, 552 00:58:39,823 --> 00:58:41,325 because if you didn't feel bad... 553 00:58:43,127 --> 00:58:46,130 I would be worried that you wouldn't feel anything at all. 554 00:58:48,031 --> 00:58:49,967 Wonder where I get that from. 555 00:58:51,334 --> 00:58:54,269 I can't live up to your bullshit expectations. 556 00:58:54,271 --> 00:58:58,973 I try, I try every day. That's all I do. 557 00:58:58,975 --> 00:59:01,343 You're a constant disappointment to me. 558 00:59:01,345 --> 00:59:05,980 Every day I think of you, and you know what I think? 559 00:59:05,982 --> 00:59:09,517 You think I'm okay with this, to be stuck here? 560 00:59:09,519 --> 00:59:11,553 What makes you think I'm okay with my life? 561 00:59:11,555 --> 00:59:13,825 I think, what a waste. 562 00:59:15,359 --> 00:59:18,225 I don't expect you to go to Harvard, 563 00:59:18,227 --> 00:59:20,395 to win a Rhodes Scholarship. 564 00:59:20,397 --> 00:59:23,064 - I don't expect much out of you. - I hate it. 565 00:59:23,066 --> 00:59:26,066 I hate Dad for what he did, I hate you for how you are. 566 00:59:26,068 --> 00:59:28,569 I expect you to do something. 567 00:59:28,571 --> 00:59:30,404 You've squandered every opportunity, 568 00:59:30,406 --> 00:59:32,207 everything your father wanted for you. 569 00:59:32,209 --> 00:59:35,343 - I hate everything. - Look at you, just look at you. 570 00:59:35,345 --> 00:59:39,180 - I hate my stupid life. - That's your answer for everything. 571 00:59:39,182 --> 00:59:42,216 Oh, I hate this. Oh, everything sucks. 572 00:59:42,218 --> 00:59:43,584 Yeah, Mom, keep mocking. 573 00:59:43,586 --> 00:59:46,053 "I'm just a poor little victim baby with nothing, 574 00:59:46,055 --> 00:59:48,256 and everybody sucks but me." - Keep it coming. 575 00:59:48,258 --> 00:59:50,058 - What else? What else? - You know what? 576 00:59:50,060 --> 00:59:52,993 I'm sick of trying with you. I am sick. 577 00:59:52,995 --> 00:59:54,361 Yeah, you're right. 578 00:59:54,363 --> 00:59:56,330 That's the first right thing you've ever said, you're sick. 579 00:59:56,332 --> 00:59:58,366 And you sicken me. 580 00:59:58,368 --> 01:00:01,937 At least I do something with myself. 581 01:00:01,939 --> 01:00:03,872 [muffled shouting] 582 01:00:03,874 --> 01:00:06,341 - Talk talk, that's all it is. - You are 20 years old. 583 01:00:06,343 --> 01:00:09,276 - And what do you do? - When I really need you, you're not present! 584 01:00:09,278 --> 01:00:11,979 - I came to you, I need your help. - I don't even know you! 585 01:00:11,981 --> 01:00:15,552 - I need you. - And the shit you do! The shit you do! 586 01:00:17,453 --> 01:00:21,522 I didn't kill him. It's not my fault. 587 01:00:21,524 --> 01:00:24,526 You say you try. I don't see you trying. 588 01:00:24,528 --> 01:00:27,863 You say you try? I try. 589 01:00:27,865 --> 01:00:30,001 And I tried. 590 01:00:31,368 --> 01:00:33,203 And I still try. 591 01:00:36,073 --> 01:00:37,375 You just wallow in it. 592 01:00:41,310 --> 01:00:43,580 I loved him and... 593 01:00:46,649 --> 01:00:48,385 As if I didn't. 594 01:00:49,519 --> 01:00:51,823 That is not what I meant. 595 01:01:00,564 --> 01:01:04,633 And you know what? You did kill him. 596 01:01:04,635 --> 01:01:08,669 The same way, when I was, what, 8, you told me my lower lip was too big. 597 01:01:08,671 --> 01:01:10,205 My eyes were too close together. 598 01:01:10,207 --> 01:01:11,973 I didn't do that. 599 01:01:11,975 --> 01:01:15,509 You did. You did the same thing to him, slowly, over time. 600 01:01:15,511 --> 01:01:17,912 Like when you belittled me when I was learning to count. 601 01:01:17,914 --> 01:01:20,483 I'd always mess up four and five. 602 01:01:22,252 --> 01:01:24,519 I'm sorry that happened. 603 01:01:24,521 --> 01:01:29,357 It didn't just happen. It wasn't an accident. 604 01:01:29,359 --> 01:01:32,160 You did it. 605 01:01:32,162 --> 01:01:34,298 Again and again. 606 01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,176 I'm sorry. 607 01:01:47,611 --> 01:01:50,013 [softly] I'm sorry I did that to you. 608 01:01:53,182 --> 01:01:55,352 You fucking should be. 609 01:02:11,667 --> 01:02:13,970 Happy birthday, by the way. 610 01:02:18,307 --> 01:02:20,343 I thought you forgot. 611 01:02:36,993 --> 01:02:40,064 Okay. Okay, Lissa. 612 01:02:41,131 --> 01:02:43,334 What do you want to talk about? 613 01:03:03,220 --> 01:03:04,988 [gun cocks] 614 01:03:37,453 --> 01:03:39,289 [soft panting] 615 01:04:05,848 --> 01:04:08,486 [electronic buzzing] 616 01:04:43,385 --> 01:04:45,486 [gunshot] 617 01:04:45,488 --> 01:04:47,557 [wings fluttering] 618 01:05:18,254 --> 01:05:20,290 Did you know... 619 01:05:22,658 --> 01:05:24,625 Did you think... 620 01:05:24,627 --> 01:05:27,597 Did you know he would ever do anything like that? 621 01:05:29,198 --> 01:05:30,765 [sighs] 622 01:05:30,767 --> 01:05:32,834 No, no. 623 01:05:32,836 --> 01:05:36,171 I was working so much, you know. 624 01:05:36,173 --> 01:05:38,272 Seventy hours a week, I wasn't around. 625 01:05:38,274 --> 01:05:43,611 I mean, I think if I had been, maybe I, maybe I could have... 626 01:05:43,613 --> 01:05:46,580 Yeah, I think the same things. 627 01:05:46,582 --> 01:05:49,383 [Joan] I want you to know something about your father. 628 01:05:49,385 --> 01:05:52,553 He was never happy. 629 01:05:52,555 --> 01:05:55,723 Even when we were young and I first met him 630 01:05:55,725 --> 01:05:57,491 at the union rally, he wasn't happy. 631 01:05:57,493 --> 01:05:59,861 He never thought anything he did was good. 632 01:05:59,863 --> 01:06:03,497 He never thought anything he did was worthwhile, except for one thing. 633 01:06:03,499 --> 01:06:06,433 He loved you. 634 01:06:06,435 --> 01:06:09,303 More than anything in the world. 635 01:06:09,305 --> 01:06:12,208 And he was proud of you. 636 01:06:14,377 --> 01:06:17,312 I remember the day you were born. 637 01:06:17,314 --> 01:06:20,982 [laughs] You were... you were so little. 638 01:06:20,984 --> 01:06:25,689 You fit into his, his arm, just... 639 01:06:27,457 --> 01:06:29,890 your whole length of your body, and he held you 640 01:06:29,892 --> 01:06:33,597 and he pulled you to his heart, and I want you to know... 641 01:06:35,231 --> 01:06:37,734 it was your father that wanted to have you. 642 01:06:39,336 --> 01:06:42,669 I wasn't sure that I would be a good mother. 643 01:06:42,671 --> 01:06:45,973 And I know I'm not a lot of the time. 644 01:06:45,975 --> 01:06:49,310 - I know I mess up. - Yeah, so do I. 645 01:06:49,312 --> 01:06:52,779 [Joan] But to answer your question, 646 01:06:52,781 --> 01:06:56,551 yes, I knew he was getting worse. 647 01:06:56,553 --> 01:06:58,752 He was drinking all the time. 648 01:06:58,754 --> 01:07:00,687 Just like his father, you must have noticed that. 649 01:07:00,689 --> 01:07:02,991 I don't know, I think so. 650 01:07:02,993 --> 01:07:05,729 I knew that something was very wrong with him. 651 01:07:08,365 --> 01:07:10,932 And I wanted him to get help. 652 01:07:10,934 --> 01:07:13,303 Did you like force him? 653 01:07:14,803 --> 01:07:15,870 [Joan sighs] 654 01:07:15,872 --> 01:07:18,605 It was more complicated than that. 655 01:07:18,607 --> 01:07:21,843 Nobody forced anybody. 656 01:07:21,845 --> 01:07:24,915 Okay, well, explain it to me. 657 01:07:44,901 --> 01:07:46,870 Why do you always do that? 658 01:07:50,939 --> 01:07:53,510 Why can't you just tell me? 659 01:08:04,354 --> 01:08:06,453 This is... 660 01:08:06,455 --> 01:08:09,089 uh, very... 661 01:08:09,091 --> 01:08:12,060 hard for me to talk about. 662 01:08:12,062 --> 01:08:13,694 That's not fair. 663 01:08:13,696 --> 01:08:15,763 I don't care if it's fair or not. 664 01:08:15,765 --> 01:08:17,432 - He was my dad. - Hmm. 665 01:08:17,434 --> 01:08:20,902 Yeah, great. That's a stunning observation. 666 01:08:20,904 --> 01:08:24,839 Fuck you. I fucking hate you. 667 01:08:24,841 --> 01:08:27,375 That's better, but still not original. 668 01:08:27,377 --> 01:08:29,676 - What the fuck is wrong with you? - I think it's better 669 01:08:29,678 --> 01:08:31,712 for you just to stay in your fantasy world. 670 01:08:31,714 --> 01:08:36,686 You're the worst fucking thing that has ever happened to me. 671 01:08:38,855 --> 01:08:43,858 I can't believe you won't tell... 672 01:08:43,860 --> 01:08:45,727 I can't believe... 673 01:08:45,729 --> 01:08:48,798 I can't believe you won't tell me. 674 01:08:50,632 --> 01:08:52,066 I can't bel... 675 01:08:52,068 --> 01:08:54,501 I can't believe... 676 01:08:54,503 --> 01:08:57,004 I can't believe you won't tell me. 677 01:08:57,006 --> 01:09:00,377 I can't fucking believe you won't tell me! 678 01:09:18,561 --> 01:09:20,597 Just tell me! 679 01:09:22,998 --> 01:09:24,702 Okay. 680 01:09:51,461 --> 01:09:53,627 It was Wednesday. 681 01:09:53,629 --> 01:09:55,196 The day before. 682 01:09:55,198 --> 01:09:58,032 - [Lissa] The day before he died? - [Joan] Yeah. 683 01:09:58,034 --> 01:09:59,970 [Lissa] The day with the door. 684 01:10:02,038 --> 01:10:03,571 The door. 685 01:10:03,573 --> 01:10:04,874 Yeah. 686 01:10:11,448 --> 01:10:14,785 But what I didn't tell you is that I was there. 687 01:10:20,489 --> 01:10:23,691 - You'd always said... - I know. 688 01:10:23,693 --> 01:10:27,562 [Joan] But I didn't want you to think of him that way. 689 01:10:27,564 --> 01:10:30,133 [Lissa] It's hard to even imagine him like that. 690 01:10:31,767 --> 01:10:34,635 [Joan] I wish I could have hid that from you. 691 01:10:34,637 --> 01:10:37,138 [Lissa] It was there when I got home. 692 01:10:37,140 --> 01:10:40,107 Everything I did was to protect you from him. 693 01:10:40,109 --> 01:10:42,609 And from that, and from knowing that. 694 01:10:42,611 --> 01:10:43,980 [door slams] 695 01:10:45,515 --> 01:10:50,587 - [banging on door] - [Joan gasping] 696 01:10:57,560 --> 01:10:59,696 [banging continues] 697 01:11:03,999 --> 01:11:06,000 [Joan] I was just... 698 01:11:06,002 --> 01:11:08,669 - Reacting? - Something like that. 699 01:11:08,671 --> 01:11:13,206 [banging on door] 700 01:11:13,208 --> 01:11:14,744 [banging stops] 701 01:11:20,617 --> 01:11:22,718 [banging resumes] 702 01:11:28,223 --> 01:11:32,762 I don't even know what I... what I... what I did. 703 01:11:44,073 --> 01:11:45,305 Stop. 704 01:11:45,307 --> 01:11:46,642 He came towards me... 705 01:11:47,644 --> 01:11:49,480 - Mom. - Please. 706 01:11:51,314 --> 01:11:53,313 [gasping, whimpering] 707 01:11:53,315 --> 01:11:54,916 Don't. 708 01:11:54,918 --> 01:11:57,718 Stop! [whimpering] 709 01:11:57,720 --> 01:11:59,554 Robert! Stop! Stop! 710 01:11:59,556 --> 01:12:02,826 You don't have to do whatever you're thinking of doing! 711 01:12:06,162 --> 01:12:07,798 [gasping] 712 01:12:14,102 --> 01:12:16,970 And he said, "First you..." 713 01:12:16,972 --> 01:12:20,041 - [Lissa] No. - "...then Lissa, then me." 714 01:12:20,043 --> 01:12:23,146 No. He would never say that. 715 01:12:24,846 --> 01:12:26,913 [gasping] 716 01:12:26,915 --> 01:12:28,651 [gagging] 717 01:12:33,221 --> 01:12:34,957 There are things I'm not gonna tell you. 718 01:12:36,693 --> 01:12:38,628 There are parts of this you're never gonna know. 719 01:12:40,329 --> 01:12:41,996 [sighs] 720 01:12:41,998 --> 01:12:43,229 [gasping] Robert. 721 01:12:43,231 --> 01:12:45,101 [coughing] 722 01:12:57,980 --> 01:12:59,849 I told him I was leaving him. 723 01:13:01,016 --> 01:13:03,149 And that I was taking you with me. 724 01:13:03,151 --> 01:13:06,120 And that we couldn't live like this. 725 01:13:06,122 --> 01:13:07,324 And he... 726 01:13:18,900 --> 01:13:20,604 [Joan crying] 727 01:13:27,275 --> 01:13:28,744 [electronic whirring] 728 01:13:39,254 --> 01:13:42,055 [Robert sobbing] Don't... 729 01:13:42,057 --> 01:13:43,760 Don't tell her. 730 01:13:51,833 --> 01:13:52,933 [door slams] 731 01:13:52,935 --> 01:13:56,937 And I went looking for you, and I looked all over. 732 01:13:56,939 --> 01:13:59,240 I went to school, and you weren't there. 733 01:13:59,242 --> 01:14:01,908 I went over to Daniel's parents' house, you weren't there. 734 01:14:01,910 --> 01:14:03,911 I went to Aimee's house, I looked all over, 735 01:14:03,913 --> 01:14:06,913 and then I came home and you were there. 736 01:14:06,915 --> 01:14:08,749 With him. 737 01:14:08,751 --> 01:14:10,721 He was so calm. 738 01:14:12,754 --> 01:14:14,824 He made me a sandwich. 739 01:14:16,825 --> 01:14:20,096 And he said, "Everything's gonna be fine." 740 01:14:22,832 --> 01:14:24,331 [Joan] I know. 741 01:14:24,333 --> 01:14:27,100 What I really thought is that everything was okay 742 01:14:27,102 --> 01:14:28,803 and that it was over. 743 01:14:28,805 --> 01:14:30,307 And then he left. 744 01:14:32,307 --> 01:14:34,908 And that's the last time... 745 01:14:34,910 --> 01:14:37,411 He did come back. He came back later that night 746 01:14:37,413 --> 01:14:41,182 and he got into bed with me and I was too tired to say anything 747 01:14:41,184 --> 01:14:42,849 or to do anything. 748 01:14:42,851 --> 01:14:45,421 And then the next morning, he was gone. 749 01:14:47,222 --> 01:14:49,889 There's nothing you could have done, you know that, right? 750 01:14:49,891 --> 01:14:53,029 - Yeah. Yeah, I know. - Listen to me. 751 01:14:54,963 --> 01:14:58,465 There is nothing you could have done. 752 01:14:58,467 --> 01:15:00,870 I miss him a lot. 753 01:15:04,841 --> 01:15:08,845 Despite everything that happened, I miss him all the time. 754 01:15:12,914 --> 01:15:15,316 [woman] I never thought you can love a human being 755 01:15:15,318 --> 01:15:17,785 as much as you love your kids. 756 01:15:17,787 --> 01:15:20,757 And you'll do anything for them, anything. 757 01:15:22,458 --> 01:15:23,994 [sighing] 758 01:15:28,230 --> 01:15:30,865 The best part of the day is whenever my kids smile at me 759 01:15:30,867 --> 01:15:32,899 or they give me a hug and say, "I love you, Mommy." 760 01:15:32,901 --> 01:15:35,169 My kids are my best friends. They are. 761 01:15:35,171 --> 01:15:38,938 They are my world. They're funny. 762 01:15:38,940 --> 01:15:41,876 [giggles] You know, I just love 'em, I love 'em. 763 01:15:41,878 --> 01:15:44,844 No matter what they do, 764 01:15:44,846 --> 01:15:50,184 that you will, as a mother, love them unconditionally. 765 01:15:50,186 --> 01:15:54,921 They're the reason that I've chosen to go on with life, 766 01:15:54,923 --> 01:15:57,258 when I didn't want to. 767 01:15:57,260 --> 01:16:01,127 As long as they can grow up happy and healthy 768 01:16:01,129 --> 01:16:03,798 and be good people, 769 01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:07,268 that you'll do anything that you need to do 770 01:16:07,270 --> 01:16:09,205 to make that happen. 771 01:16:16,244 --> 01:16:18,114 I love her. 772 01:16:21,551 --> 01:16:23,053 Everything... 773 01:16:24,153 --> 01:16:26,487 would be okay... 774 01:16:26,489 --> 01:16:28,988 if he just hadn't... 775 01:16:28,990 --> 01:16:31,394 It can still be okay. 776 01:16:33,596 --> 01:16:36,095 Well, we have to find out whether, um... 777 01:16:36,097 --> 01:16:37,767 Either way. 778 01:16:39,401 --> 01:16:42,172 Everything in the past has just gone so wrong. 779 01:16:44,406 --> 01:16:47,575 I wish... I wonder... 780 01:16:47,577 --> 01:16:49,943 Listen to me. 781 01:16:49,945 --> 01:16:55,184 You can question everything in the past. 782 01:16:56,385 --> 01:16:59,586 All the whos, the whats, the wheres, 783 01:16:59,588 --> 01:17:03,126 but what matters is here now. 784 01:17:06,061 --> 01:17:07,863 I'm here for you. 785 01:17:11,167 --> 01:17:12,936 You're not alone. 786 01:17:24,913 --> 01:17:29,218 When I remember it, I remember understanding. 787 01:18:06,288 --> 01:18:08,123 When the test results came in... 788 01:18:16,399 --> 01:18:18,368 I knew it wasn't my time. 789 01:18:22,003 --> 01:18:23,606 But one day it will be. 790 01:18:32,515 --> 01:18:35,416 [alarm beeping] 791 01:18:35,418 --> 01:18:37,287 [beeping stops] 792 01:18:41,257 --> 01:18:43,093 Then I'll be ready. 793 01:20:02,038 --> 01:20:05,075 [rhythmic techno music playing] 794 01:20:24,526 --> 01:20:27,493 [Lissa] Gonna make a wish? 795 01:20:27,495 --> 01:20:29,132 [Joan] Absolutely. 796 01:20:30,632 --> 01:20:32,832 - [Lissa] What is it? - [Joan] I can't tell you. 797 01:20:32,834 --> 01:20:36,202 - [Lissa sighs] - [Joan laughing] It won't come true. 798 01:20:36,204 --> 01:20:39,242 Want to know what mine is? 799 01:20:41,077 --> 01:20:42,345 On the count of three. 800 01:20:43,712 --> 01:20:46,345 One... 801 01:20:46,347 --> 01:20:48,648 two... 802 01:20:48,650 --> 01:20:50,384 three. 803 01:20:50,386 --> 01:20:51,588 [both inhale] 804 01:20:53,088 --> 01:20:54,524 [both exhale] 805 01:20:57,258 --> 01:21:00,262 ♪ ♪ 806 01:21:00,264 --> 01:21:05,264 Subtitles by explosiveskull