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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1
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- Hey, Alan?
- Yeah?

2
00:00:21,912 --> 00:00:24,455
You had the "just say no" talk
with Jake, right?

3
00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:30,140
Of course. Why?
What talk did you have with him?

4
00:00:31,067 --> 00:00:33,148
No talk, it's just that he's...

5
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:35,952
It'll be more fun if you see it.

6
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,382
I'm guessing you don't mean
fun for me.

7
00:00:45,824 --> 00:00:49,367
Tell the truth.
How proud do you feel at this moment?

8
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,834
What the hell is he doing?

9
00:00:54,561 --> 00:00:58,984
I don't know. Ten bucks says he hits the
ceiling if we turn on the garbage disposal.

10
00:01:01,542 --> 00:01:04,800
- Jake, what are you doing?
- Breathing.

11
00:01:04,970 --> 00:01:08,144
Breathing. Any particular reason
you're doing that in the sink?

12
00:01:08,314 --> 00:01:09,978
I have to practice.

13
00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:13,747
Man, the girls are gonna love him
when he grows up.

14
00:01:16,717 --> 00:01:18,095
- Jake?
- Yes?

15
00:01:19,518 --> 00:01:22,097
- I'll bring him up.
- Yeah.

16
00:01:26,207 --> 00:01:28,750
Hey, that's not funny.
I could have drowned.

17
00:01:28,924 --> 00:01:32,716
And then we'd have found your body
days later, washed up on the dish rack.

18
00:01:34,317 --> 00:01:37,527
- Where did you get all this snorkel stuff?
- Greg bought it for me.

19
00:01:37,703 --> 00:01:39,581
- Greg?
- Yeah, you know, Dr. Melnick...

20
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,998
...Mom's boyfriend.
He's a real cool guy.

21
00:01:42,176 --> 00:01:45,303
He's gonna teach me how to scuba-dive
after I learn to snorkel.

22
00:01:45,478 --> 00:01:47,809
We're gonna need a bigger sink.

23
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:53,330
He's got a gigantic boat with bedrooms
on it, and scuba tanks and wet suits.

24
00:01:53,505 --> 00:01:58,011
We're gonna go diving off Catalina. Wait
till you see the flippers he bought me.

25
00:01:59,148 --> 00:02:01,526
Well, Judith's boyfriend
sounds like quite a guy.

26
00:02:01,698 --> 00:02:04,825
- Yeah.
- You okay with that?

27
00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:06,463
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

28
00:02:06,631 --> 00:02:09,009
This can be a sensitive area
for divorced guys.

29
00:02:09,181 --> 00:02:11,975
- I know.
- Ex-wife sleeping with another man.

30
00:02:12,149 --> 00:02:15,193
- Son starting to bond with him.
- Yeah. Yeah.

31
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:18,709
- Big boat.
- Charlie, what's your freaking point here?

32
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No point. Just drilling for the nerve.

33
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:57,455
So, what do you think? You wanna go
bowling today? Maybe catch a movie?

34
00:02:57,632 --> 00:03:00,176
No, I'm gonna take another bath.

35
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,922
He does know there's an ocean
out there, right?

36
00:03:11,511 --> 00:03:14,519
Well, Greg doesn't want him
in the ocean.

37
00:03:14,688 --> 00:03:16,852
He wants him to spend time
training in a pool.

38
00:03:17,029 --> 00:03:19,573
In fact, my son's a little unhappy
about being here...

39
00:03:19,747 --> 00:03:23,123
...because he wanted to go snorkeling
in Greg's pool.

40
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He's got a boat and a pool?

41
00:03:27,146 --> 00:03:28,858
I guess you can afford
cool stuff...

42
00:03:29,027 --> 00:03:33,081
...when you don't have to sell your blood
and sperm to make alimony payments.

43
00:03:33,249 --> 00:03:36,959
Hey, hey, my relationship with my son
is not based on having cool stuff.

44
00:03:37,137 --> 00:03:38,683
And lucky for you.

45
00:03:39,813 --> 00:03:42,773
- Come on, look at the bright side.
- What bright side, Charlie?

46
00:03:42,948 --> 00:03:44,279
Delineate the bright side.

47
00:03:44,453 --> 00:03:48,591
Maybe one weekend Greg will let us
take a couple of chicks out on the boat.

48
00:03:49,678 --> 00:03:51,723
Why on earth
would he lend us his boat?

49
00:03:52,438 --> 00:03:55,861
He's tight with Jake,
we're tight with Jake. We've got an in.

50
00:03:56,033 --> 00:03:59,790
Are you not hearing my pain? My son
likes Judith's boyfriend better than me.

51
00:03:59,962 --> 00:04:03,220
Hey, I don't even know him
and I like him better than you.

52
00:04:04,226 --> 00:04:05,688
You'd think I'd learn.

53
00:04:05,857 --> 00:04:10,910
Alan. Alan, your son loves you.
You're a big influence on him.

54
00:04:11,082 --> 00:04:14,590
- You are the most important role model.
- Oh, I guess.

55
00:04:14,761 --> 00:04:17,555
I mean, so what if you can't teach him
to scuba-dive.

56
00:04:17,729 --> 00:04:19,892
For that matter,
you can't teach him to ski...

57
00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:23,328
...or hit a curve ball
or anything cool, really.

58
00:04:24,334 --> 00:04:26,795
But you bring plenty of other things
to the table.

59
00:04:31,817 --> 00:04:33,149
Thank you, God.

60
00:04:37,753 --> 00:04:40,964
- Hello, Charlie.
- Always a price, isn't there?

61
00:04:42,310 --> 00:04:45,187
- Hello, Alan.
- Jake's taking a bath.

62
00:04:45,362 --> 00:04:48,869
As much as I'd love to spend time
with my grandson, I'm in a hurry.

63
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,454
Need to borrow your Mercedes.

64
00:04:50,629 --> 00:04:54,505
Well, since you're in a hurry,
I'll give you a quick answer. No.

65
00:04:54,684 --> 00:04:57,228
Charlie, please.
I'm showing a house in half an hour.

66
00:04:57,401 --> 00:05:00,077
What's wrong with that
little electric car you bought?

67
00:05:00,244 --> 00:05:04,333
Nothing, it's fine. It's what anybody
who cares about this planet is driving.

68
00:05:04,508 --> 00:05:07,432
If you're trying to sell real estate
to a Saudi oil prince...

69
00:05:07,601 --> 00:05:11,739
...you can't be driving up in some little
toy car with a plug in the bumper.

70
00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:14,825
You could use my car, Mom.

71
00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:19,129
You see? Now, that is how a loving son
treats his mother.

72
00:05:19,307 --> 00:05:22,314
Thank you, sweetheart,
but I need to look successful.

73
00:05:25,703 --> 00:05:28,544
- Charlie, your Mercedes.
- No, forget it.

74
00:05:28,754 --> 00:05:31,596
- Charlie, I am not leaving until you give...
- Happy motoring.

75
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:33,476
Thank you.

76
00:05:34,816 --> 00:05:37,194
My car is in your driveway.

77
00:05:39,749 --> 00:05:44,838
And if you lose power,
there's a kite and a key in the trunk.

78
00:05:51,956 --> 00:05:55,463
For the record, there are other ways
of measuring success besides cars.

79
00:05:55,634 --> 00:05:58,678
You're right. There's boats and pools.

80
00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:03,732
You know what? I hope Mom puts a dent
in your big, shiny, new Mercedes.

81
00:06:03,912 --> 00:06:05,409
Hey, don't say that.

82
00:06:05,584 --> 00:06:09,341
If you're gonna hope for something,
hope she drives it off a cliff.

83
00:06:14,070 --> 00:06:18,160
So this is pretty cool, huh, Jake?
An electric car.

84
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,831
I guess. What happens
when the batteries run out?

85
00:06:21,010 --> 00:06:23,589
You plug it in and recharge it.

86
00:06:24,103 --> 00:06:25,851
But what if there's a blackout?

87
00:06:26,528 --> 00:06:28,489
You sit in the back seat
with a pistol...

88
00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:31,239
...and wait for the looters,
just like any other car.

89
00:06:32,631 --> 00:06:36,507
- Charlie.
- It's a cool car, Jake.

90
00:06:36,686 --> 00:06:39,778
Greg has a really cool car.
He has a Hummer.

91
00:06:39,947 --> 00:06:42,990
You know, your Uncle Charlie's
no stranger to Hummers.

92
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Charlie.

93
00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:48,177
That's a cool car too, Jake.

94
00:06:49,478 --> 00:06:52,320
So, Jake, this is pretty cool, huh?

95
00:06:52,488 --> 00:06:55,580
Driving in a futuristic car,
going to see a movie.

96
00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:01,933
Hey, maybe afterwards
we can go get some pizza.

97
00:07:02,103 --> 00:07:03,649
Sure.

98
00:07:07,203 --> 00:07:11,044
And then, who knows, maybe...
Maybe your old dad will buy you...

99
00:07:11,216 --> 00:07:14,558
...an excessively violent and bloody
video game. How's that sound?

100
00:07:14,728 --> 00:07:16,356
Okay.

101
00:07:16,526 --> 00:07:18,189
You know,
when we go scuba diving...

102
00:07:18,365 --> 00:07:21,242
...Greg's gonna teach me
how to steer his boat.

103
00:07:21,417 --> 00:07:24,544
Well, I am sorry, Jake,
but, you know, I don't have a boat.

104
00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:28,678
I don't have a Hummer, and
I don't know how to scuba-dive.

105
00:07:28,858 --> 00:07:31,651
It's okay, Dad. Greg does.

106
00:07:34,752 --> 00:07:38,129
Hey, Jake, how'd you like your dad
to teach you how to drive a car?

107
00:07:38,306 --> 00:07:39,768
- What?
- Really?

108
00:07:39,936 --> 00:07:41,267
Charlie, he's 11.

109
00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:43,272
So? We'll find an empty parking lot.

110
00:07:43,447 --> 00:07:47,669
- What if he hits something?
- Alan, it's Mom's car.

111
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:51,677
Guess what? Daddy's gonna teach you
how to drive.

112
00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:53,514
Cool.

113
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:58,909
Can you reach the pedals?

114
00:07:59,082 --> 00:08:01,876
- Yeah. Can we turn on the radio?
- Forget the radio.

115
00:08:02,594 --> 00:08:04,140
Which one's the window squirter?

116
00:08:04,308 --> 00:08:06,555
Okay, forget the squirter.
Now, come on, focus.

117
00:08:06,732 --> 00:08:10,691
This is your rear-view mirror. It's very
important to check it before you back up.

118
00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:13,546
- Okay.
- Now... Well, what do you see?

119
00:08:13,714 --> 00:08:16,888
The top of Uncle Charlie's head.

120
00:08:17,058 --> 00:08:21,481
A shopping cart, a tree, soda can.

121
00:08:21,656 --> 00:08:24,118
- Looks like Mountain Dew.
- Okay.

122
00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:27,631
Forget the rear-view mirror. We're just...
We're just gonna go forward.

123
00:08:27,802 --> 00:08:30,762
Now, you know, this is the brake
and this is the gas.

124
00:08:30,937 --> 00:08:32,899
Thought it was electric.

125
00:08:35,117 --> 00:08:36,318
He's got you there, Alan.

126
00:08:37,877 --> 00:08:43,726
Okay, this is the brake
and this is the electric.

127
00:08:43,896 --> 00:08:46,988
They're very, very sensitive.
You don't have to press hard.

128
00:08:47,157 --> 00:08:48,239
Okay.

129
00:08:48,411 --> 00:08:49,825
Now, give it a little tap.

130
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,128
- It is on?
- No.

131
00:08:53,093 --> 00:08:55,424
- Brake! Brake! Brake!
- Brake! Brake! Brake!

132
00:08:58,319 --> 00:09:01,992
Okay. Apparently it is on.

133
00:09:02,499 --> 00:09:05,792
- This is awesome.
- You see how careful you have to be?

134
00:09:05,969 --> 00:09:08,930
And how much closer we are
to the Dumpsters?

135
00:09:09,104 --> 00:09:10,816
- Can I squirt the windows now?
- No.

136
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:14,243
Now... Okay, why don't you turn
the wheel slightly to the left...

137
00:09:14,413 --> 00:09:17,587
...and very gently press down on...

138
00:09:20,642 --> 00:09:22,723
Brake! Brake! Brake!

139
00:09:24,405 --> 00:09:26,866
Remember, if you wanna drive
Grandma's car again...

140
00:09:27,038 --> 00:09:29,250
...you can't be telling her about it.
- I know.

141
00:09:29,421 --> 00:09:33,012
Or Mom, or anybody else.
Daddy doesn't need the grief.

142
00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:35,145
That was really cool, Dad. Thanks.

143
00:09:36,402 --> 00:09:39,779
- Yeah. Yeah, it was.
- Hey, it just occurred to me.

144
00:09:39,956 --> 00:09:43,629
If Greg's here, we can ask him
about going out on the boat.

145
00:09:43,802 --> 00:09:46,381
No, I'm not going to ask Greg
about going...

146
00:09:46,561 --> 00:09:48,724
Hi, Judith.
Here he is, safe and sound.

147
00:09:49,487 --> 00:09:51,699
- Hey, honey.
- Hey, Mom. Guess what we just did.

148
00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:53,451
- What?
- Nothing in particular.

149
00:09:56,552 --> 00:10:00,011
That's a kids' joke.
"Nothing in particular."

150
00:10:00,189 --> 00:10:02,483
He's been doing it to us all weekend.

151
00:10:02,655 --> 00:10:07,043
- So, well, okay. Bye.
- Alan.

152
00:10:10,347 --> 00:10:12,011
Alan.

153
00:10:14,486 --> 00:10:15,769
Ask about the boat.

154
00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,923
- Listen, next weekend...
- Yeah, yeah.

155
00:10:22,094 --> 00:10:24,591
I know. You and Greg
are taking Jake scuba diving.

156
00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:26,601
No, that's the thing.

157
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,940
Greg and I have decided
not to see each other.

158
00:10:29,117 --> 00:10:32,494
So if you haven't made any plans,
you can have Jake.

159
00:10:32,671 --> 00:10:35,250
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'd love to have him.

160
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:38,854
And I'm sorry to hear
about you and Greg.

161
00:10:40,363 --> 00:10:43,787
- Thank you.
- Is there anything I can do?

162
00:10:44,418 --> 00:10:46,962
Yeah, you can wipe that smirk
off your face.

163
00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:51,436
- Okay. Well... Well, bye.
- Bye.

164
00:10:53,447 --> 00:10:55,909
<i>She broke up with Greg</i>
<i>She broke up with Greg</i>

165
00:10:56,081 --> 00:10:57,959
<i>She broke up with Greg</i>

166
00:10:58,130 --> 00:10:59,544
- Alan?
- Yeah?

167
00:10:59,718 --> 00:11:01,097
Peephole.

168
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:15,636
- Hey.
- Where have you been?

169
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:21,615
Car wash. They found something
real interesting in the back seat.

170
00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:24,080
Oh, yeah, what?

171
00:11:27,183 --> 00:11:28,847
Okay, now you're just showing off.

172
00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:31,399
No, Alan, I'm not.

173
00:11:31,615 --> 00:11:34,908
Although I have to admit,
that is a sexy little item.

174
00:11:35,084 --> 00:11:37,378
- It is, isn't it?
- Yeah, yeah.

175
00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:39,679
I'd like to meet the lady who fills this.

176
00:11:40,394 --> 00:11:42,272
Actually, you know her.

177
00:11:42,442 --> 00:11:45,735
- Oh, really? Lisa?
- No.

178
00:11:45,912 --> 00:11:48,873
- Jennifer?
- Who's Jennifer?

179
00:11:49,047 --> 00:11:51,294
Oh, right. No.

180
00:11:51,472 --> 00:11:52,886
Well, then who?

181
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:57,780
I can tell you, but once I do,
I can't untell you.

182
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:01,542
- What are you talking about?
- Who borrowed my car last weekend?

183
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,009
Holy mother of God.

184
00:12:08,068 --> 00:12:12,289
No. No. Unholy mother of us.

185
00:12:12,959 --> 00:12:14,291
Mom in a car?

186
00:12:14,464 --> 00:12:17,091
Mom in my car.

187
00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:21,354
If I'd known this was gonna happen,
I'd have gotten the vinyl seats.

188
00:12:21,529 --> 00:12:25,120
Wait. You're not just gonna leave it
in the middle of the floor, are you?

189
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:27,087
Really creeps you out, doesn't it?

190
00:12:28,301 --> 00:12:30,929
- No.
- Then pick it up.

191
00:12:47,448 --> 00:12:51,406
Hello? Oh, oh, hi, Jake. What's up?

192
00:12:52,464 --> 00:12:54,092
Slow down there.

193
00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:57,888
Yeah. No, I know your mom
broke up with Greg.

194
00:12:58,066 --> 00:13:01,442
Yes. I understand
that you're very upset, but...

195
00:13:02,079 --> 00:13:03,826
Well, no, no.

196
00:13:04,002 --> 00:13:07,878
I can't come over there and pick you up
just because you're mad at your mother.

197
00:13:11,778 --> 00:13:14,405
Well... I'm sorry, that's just the way it is.

198
00:13:14,578 --> 00:13:17,372
Now, why don't you let me
speak to her.

199
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:21,089
Yeah, Judith, hi.
Look, I am trying to back you up here.

200
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,560
No, I told him he had to work it out
with you.

201
00:13:27,663 --> 00:13:29,707
No, no... Really?

202
00:13:29,879 --> 00:13:32,840
You think it would be better
if he came over here to cool off?

203
00:13:33,014 --> 00:13:34,595
Okay, but...

204
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,978
Well, bring him over, then.

205
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:41,536
Well... No, I'll see you in a bit.

206
00:13:41,709 --> 00:13:43,457
- Jake's coming over?
- Yeah, yeah.

207
00:13:43,632 --> 00:13:46,640
Apparently he's furious with his mother
about this Greg thing.

208
00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:50,483
Well, that's understandable. He was just
getting to know this amazing guy...

209
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,366
...who had a boat and a pool
and a Hummer.

210
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:57,341
A guy who could teach him
all sorts of cool stuff.

211
00:13:57,511 --> 00:14:01,934
And then his mother just rips
this wonderful man out of his life.

212
00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:05,901
Too soon?

213
00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:08,831
Hello. Everybody decent?

214
00:14:09,384 --> 00:14:11,512
Oh, hi, Mom. What a surprise.

215
00:14:13,271 --> 00:14:16,279
Well, I was in the neighborhood
and I thought I'd drop by...

216
00:14:16,449 --> 00:14:18,910
...and see how my sons
are getting along.

217
00:14:19,082 --> 00:14:22,959
- Well, we're doing fine.
- Yep, just fine.

218
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:27,941
- Good. Jake?
- He's... He's fine.

219
00:14:28,112 --> 00:14:30,656
Just dandy.

220
00:14:34,299 --> 00:14:36,712
Oh, the hell with it.

221
00:14:38,396 --> 00:14:43,532
I left a $300 bra in the back seat
of your Mercedes, and I want it back.

222
00:14:43,705 --> 00:14:49,305
Oh, my. How in heaven's name
did that happen, Mother?

223
00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:53,397
- Well, if you must know...
- I don't need to know.

224
00:14:54,449 --> 00:14:56,493
Oh, Alan, grow up.

225
00:14:56,664 --> 00:15:00,885
I sold a 12-million-dollar house
and I wanted to celebrate.

226
00:15:01,054 --> 00:15:02,967
With the Saudi prince?

227
00:15:03,813 --> 00:15:08,652
Don't be ridiculous. He's got nine wives
and they're all like 11 years old.

228
00:15:08,829 --> 00:15:11,160
No, I was with the seller's realtor.

229
00:15:11,338 --> 00:15:13,881
Splitting that juicy commission
made us both so hot...

230
00:15:14,055 --> 00:15:16,766
...we barely made it
off the front lawn.

231
00:15:20,284 --> 00:15:22,079
Now, go get Mommy's bra.

232
00:15:33,828 --> 00:15:37,287
Oh, darling, that is just sick.

233
00:15:41,353 --> 00:15:43,481
Seek help.

234
00:15:51,553 --> 00:15:52,837
Hey.

235
00:15:53,016 --> 00:15:55,940
- Hey, what's going on?
- My mom broke up with Greg.

236
00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:57,441
I heard.

237
00:15:57,615 --> 00:16:00,028
I'm gonna live here with you and Dad
from now on.

238
00:16:00,207 --> 00:16:01,870
Wanna bet?

239
00:16:02,589 --> 00:16:04,634
- Why not?
- Two reasons:

240
00:16:04,805 --> 00:16:07,136
Your mother loves you,
and life is cruel.

241
00:16:08,149 --> 00:16:10,943
Wait, that may just be one reason.

242
00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:14,869
Well, maybe my dad can talk my mom
into getting back together with Greg.

243
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:19,308
Enjoy fifth grade, kid. You're obviously
gonna be there for a while.

244
00:16:21,569 --> 00:16:23,280
What am I supposed to do, Alan?

245
00:16:23,492 --> 00:16:25,239
I know how much he liked Greg...

246
00:16:25,415 --> 00:16:28,173
...but that can't be the reason
for me to keep seeing him.

247
00:16:28,341 --> 00:16:30,172
I understand. You're not wrong here.

248
00:16:30,347 --> 00:16:32,678
I'm not? Because I certainly feel wrong.

249
00:16:32,856 --> 00:16:35,816
I failed as a wife.
I'm failing as a mother.

250
00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:38,666
I even blew it as a lesbian.

251
00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:40,747
That might have been the problem.

252
00:16:42,972 --> 00:16:47,479
You're not a failure. We're both at fault
for the marriage not working.

253
00:16:47,654 --> 00:16:51,495
You're a great mother. And I'm sure you
would have made a heck of a lesbian...

254
00:16:51,668 --> 00:16:53,795
...if you just hung in there
a little longer.

255
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,886
I'm gonna take Jake out
so you guys can talk.

256
00:16:58,064 --> 00:16:59,395
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Charlie.

257
00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:03,195
- Where we going?
- I gotta trade in my car.

258
00:17:08,682 --> 00:17:11,440
Why are you trading this car in?
Didn't you just get it?

259
00:17:11,608 --> 00:17:15,032
Yeah, but there's a banging noise
that's driving me crazy.

260
00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:18,332
I don't hear anything.

261
00:17:18,506 --> 00:17:20,919
You're not in my head.

262
00:17:23,146 --> 00:17:27,153
Hey, as long as you're getting rid of it,
mind if I take it for a little spin?

263
00:17:28,831 --> 00:17:30,163
Get real.

264
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,877
I promise I'll go really slow.

265
00:17:33,054 --> 00:17:35,431
Forget it. It's not gonna happen.

266
00:17:38,196 --> 00:17:39,610
Is that a footprint up there?

267
00:17:43,923 --> 00:17:47,382
I never should have brought Jake
into the relationship. It was too soon.

268
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,022
Don't be too hard on yourself.

269
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:52,649
So Greg didn't turn out to be the great
guy you thought he was gonna be.

270
00:17:52,827 --> 00:17:56,881
Oh, he was a great guy.
My God, Alan, he took my breath away.

271
00:17:57,885 --> 00:18:02,273
Our first night together he picked me up
and carried me to bed in his arms.

272
00:18:04,072 --> 00:18:07,746
Well, the point is you brought Jake
into the relationship too soon.

273
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:11,089
Greg said I was too demanding.
I am, aren't I?

274
00:18:11,263 --> 00:18:13,676
- I am a demanding, angry shrew.
- Hey, hey.

275
00:18:13,855 --> 00:18:16,102
Don't say that. That...
That is not who you are.

276
00:18:16,279 --> 00:18:19,656
That's just who you've become.

277
00:18:23,261 --> 00:18:24,924
But, you know, underneath it all...

278
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,561
...I can still see the frightened,
neurotic girl...

279
00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:31,740
...with the minor eating disorder
that I fell in love with.

280
00:18:34,339 --> 00:18:36,002
Oh, Alan.

281
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:46,042
I don't get it.
This is exactly like your other car.

282
00:18:46,211 --> 00:18:50,052
No, it's not. Listen. No banging.

283
00:18:53,903 --> 00:18:57,030
Well, I think you should have gotten
a cool car like Greg.

284
00:18:57,206 --> 00:18:59,881
Hey, do yourself a favor
and stop worshiping this dude.

285
00:19:00,048 --> 00:19:02,759
There's a guy in your life
who's worth looking up to...

286
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,478
...and modeling yourself after.

287
00:19:04,647 --> 00:19:08,154
- Dad?
- Okay, two guys.

288
00:19:09,287 --> 00:19:12,545
Well, I still don't understand
why my mom had to break up with Greg.

289
00:19:12,715 --> 00:19:16,508
It could have been worse. She could
have married him and then broken up.

290
00:19:16,686 --> 00:19:19,444
When I was your age,
I was already on my third stepfather.

291
00:19:19,613 --> 00:19:21,526
And I kind of liked the second one.

292
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:23,536
Well, how did you feel?

293
00:19:23,709 --> 00:19:26,206
How do you think I felt?
I was pissed off.

294
00:19:26,845 --> 00:19:29,888
- Yeah, well, so am I.
- And I'm not saying you shouldn't be...

295
00:19:30,064 --> 00:19:33,523
...but you can't blame your mother.
She's gotta do what's right for her.

296
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:35,448
- You understand?
- I guess.

297
00:19:35,624 --> 00:19:37,287
Good.

298
00:19:37,463 --> 00:19:39,924
The next time you see her,
give her a big hug...

299
00:19:40,097 --> 00:19:43,854
...and let her know that there's still
one guy who's willing to live with her.

300
00:19:44,026 --> 00:19:45,857
Okay.

301
00:19:46,702 --> 00:19:49,163
Wait, you blame your mom
for everything.

302
00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:53,137
That's different. My mom's Satan.

303
00:20:15,254 --> 00:20:18,464
Come on, let's go boat shopping.

304
00:20:26,123 --> 00:20:27,502
If I'm old enough to drive...

305
00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:30,167
...I'm old enough to know
what's going on with you and Mom.

306
00:20:30,345 --> 00:20:32,723
You're not old enough to drive.

307
00:20:33,522 --> 00:20:37,030
I don't believe that you were carrying
her because she twisted her ankle.

308
00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:41,755
Believe what you want.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

309
00:20:42,552 --> 00:20:43,835
Tell him, Charlie.

310
00:20:45,646 --> 00:20:48,189
Your parents were about to have sex
when we walked in.

311
00:20:56,013 --> 00:20:57,559
Yeah, right.