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It's an important and popular fact
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00:00:33,849 --> 00:00:37,785
that things are not always
what they seem.
3
00:00:37,853 --> 00:00:41,653
For instance, on the planet Earth,
man had always assumed
4
00:00:41,757 --> 00:00:45,318
that he was the most intelligent
species occupying the planet,
5
00:00:45,394 --> 00:00:48,090
instead of the third most intelligent.
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The second most intelligent creatures
were dolphins, who, curiously enough,
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had long known of the impending
destruction of the planet Earth.
8
00:00:56,739 --> 00:00:59,071
They'd made many attempts
to alert mankind,
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00:00:59,175 --> 00:01:02,167
but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
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00:01:02,244 --> 00:01:05,736
as amusing attempts to punch footballs
or whistle for tidbits.
11
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So they eventually decided they would
leave Earth by their own means.
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The last ever dolphin message
was misinterpreted
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as a sophisticated attempt
to do a backward somersault
14
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through a hoop, whistling
The Star-Spangled Banner.
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In fact, the message was this:
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"So long and thanks for all the fish."
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The extraordinary story
of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
18
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begins very simply.
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It begins with a man.
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Ooh!
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An Earthman, to be precise.
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Who no more knows his destiny,
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than a tea leaf knows the history
of the East India Company.
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His name is Arthur Dent.
25
00:04:31,387 --> 00:04:34,686
He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall
ape descendant
26
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and someone is trying to drive
a bypass through his house.
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What do I want you to do about it?
Find him
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and tell him I'm currently lying
flat on my back in front of...
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Fine, I'll hold.
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You can't lie in front
of the bulldozers for ever.
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I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.
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This bypass has got to be built
and it is going to be built.
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00:05:00,215 --> 00:05:04,242
- Why has it got to be built?
- It's a bypass.
34
00:05:04,353 --> 00:05:08,881
You've got to build bypasses. Besides,
you should've protested months ago.
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The plans have been on display
at the planning office for a year.
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On display?
I had to go down to a cellar.
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Mr. Dent, have you any idea how much
damage this bulldozer would suffer
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if I just let it roll straight over you?
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- How much?
- None at all.
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By a strange coincidence,
none at all
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is exactly how much suspicion
ape-descendant Arthur had
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that one of his closest friends
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was not descended from an ape,
but was, in fact, from a small planet
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somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.
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Arthur! Arthur!
46
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- Ford!
- Yes?
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Here.
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00:05:49,832 --> 00:05:51,231
Ah, there you are!
49
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:53,131
Eat, drink. We gotta talk.
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00:05:53,202 --> 00:05:56,433
Now's not the best time.
They're going to demolish my home.
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Whoa! You already...
You already know? How?
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What do you m...?
53
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,808
Oh, they, they? When you say
"they" you mean they? Got it.
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Listen. I got somethin' important
I gotta tell you. Right now.
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Well, what about my house?
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00:06:19,628 --> 00:06:25,123
Workers of the Earth, I bring
good tidings of peanuts and beer!
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- Good. Let's go to the pub.
- Huh?
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They won't demolish it
until they've finished the beers.
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- Can we trust 'em?
- To the end of the Earth.
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- How far's that?
- About 12 minutes away.
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Huh?
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00:06:46,789 --> 00:06:50,791
Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly.
The world's about to end.
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00:06:50,859 --> 00:06:52,759
Six pints coming up.
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Keep the change.
You got about ten minutes to spend it.
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Three pints each? At lunchtime?
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Sorry. Ah. Time is an illusion.
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Lunchtime, doubly so.
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And eat those peanuts,
because you'll need the salt.
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- Look, what is going on, Ford?
- Arthur...
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What if I told you
I really wasn't from Guildford?
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I was from a small planet
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
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Is that something
you're likely to say?
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Remember when we met?
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Out the way!
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- Oof!
- Hi.
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Wasn't it strange I was trying
to shake hands with a car?
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I assumed you were drunk.
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I thought cars were the dominant
life form. I was introducing myself.
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You saved my life. And now
I'm saving yours. Please drink.
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00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:03,862
It must be Thursday. I could never get
the hang of Thursdays.
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- If this is about your house...
- No, it's not about the house.
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- Who's he?
- She. She.
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Tricia McMillan.
We met at a fancy-dress party.
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I hate those kind of parties.
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I'd rather have stayed at home
and ironed my hankies.
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- But there I was.
- Who are you?
87
00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:27,750
- Oh!
- And there she was.
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00:08:27,823 --> 00:08:32,556
- Uh, Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Oh, no. I mean, who are you?
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Oh, the costume? Right.
"Livingstone, I presume!"
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Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin,
but the best I could do at short notice.
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You're the first to get that right.
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- Really?
- Yes. Everyone calls me Santa.
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- Right.
- I thought the beagle was a giveaway.
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So did I.
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People at these parties
are drunken idiots.
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What?
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All these people are idiots!
God!
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That's awkward.
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Tell me.
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She was amazing though, Ford.
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00:09:09,631 --> 00:09:12,623
Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.
102
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Uh, without the beard,
you look at least 80 years younger.
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Maybe I'm de-evolving.
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Well, I should tell you
that I do not date
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single-celled organisms, okay?
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Let's go somewhere.
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Yeah. Definitely.
Um, where do you have in mind?
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- Madagascar.
- Is that that new club on Dean Street?
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00:09:41,897 --> 00:09:45,230
No, it's a country
off the coast of Africa.
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That Madagascar?
Why are we waiting here?
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Wait a sec.
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Go.
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God, you're serious.
Um, I can't go to Madagascar.
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- Why not?
- Because, I just, you know...
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00:10:03,919 --> 00:10:05,318
- You're serious?
- Yeah.
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I want to go somewhere I've never been
and I'd like to go with you, so...
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...what do you say, Dr Livingstone?
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I say that's
an extraordinary proposition.
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I can't go. I mean, I've got a job.
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Quit. Get a new one
when you come back.
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I don't even know your real name.
Ow! Ow!
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- Tricia McMillan.
- Well, Tricia McMillan.
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Um, I have a proposition for you.
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Why don't we go somewhere
a little closer first, say Cornwall,
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and we'll see how it goes.
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Right, of course, Cornwall.
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Hey, excuse me.
128
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Is this guy boring you?
129
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Why don't you talk to me instead?
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I'm from a different planet.
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It's true. You want to see my spaceship?
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00:11:07,949 --> 00:11:11,612
"Do you want to see my spaceship?"
What kind of chat-up line is that?
133
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Mm, that does happen.
134
00:11:14,956 --> 00:11:17,925
Speaking of...
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00:11:18,026 --> 00:11:20,290
We've got two minutes.
Drink up.
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That's my house.
137
00:11:30,138 --> 00:11:34,199
People of Earth, a round of drinks,
for everyone, on me.
138
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,972
You really think
the world's going to end?
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00:11:37,045 --> 00:11:38,569
Yes.
140
00:11:38,647 --> 00:11:43,107
Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper
bag over our heads, or something?
141
00:11:43,218 --> 00:11:46,153
- If you like.
- Will it help?
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00:11:46,221 --> 00:11:48,917
Not at all. See you.
143
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:50,218
Last orders!
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00:12:06,575 --> 00:12:08,873
- What is that?
- Run!
145
00:12:08,944 --> 00:12:10,912
Look out!
146
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,769
Aha! Towel!
147
00:12:41,843 --> 00:12:43,834
Arthur!
148
00:12:43,912 --> 00:12:45,880
What the hell are those things?
149
00:12:45,981 --> 00:12:49,508
Yeow! They're ships
from a Vogon constructor fleet.
150
00:12:49,584 --> 00:12:52,781
I picked up their signal this morning.
You'll need this.
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00:12:54,256 --> 00:12:57,384
- What are you doing?
- We're hitching a ride.
152
00:13:00,629 --> 00:13:02,221
Um, people of Earth,
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00:13:02,330 --> 00:13:07,768
this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the
Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.
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00:13:07,836 --> 00:13:09,428
As you are probably aware,
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00:13:09,504 --> 00:13:13,099
plans for the development of the
outlying regions of the galaxy
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00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:17,736
involve the building of a hyperspace
express route through your star system.
157
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And your planet is one of those
scheduled for demolition.
158
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There's no point
acting surprised about it.
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00:13:32,627 --> 00:13:35,152
The plans have been on display
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00:13:35,263 --> 00:13:38,994
at your local planning office
in Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
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00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:43,865
If you can't be bothered with
local affairs, that's your lookout.
162
00:13:43,939 --> 00:13:46,407
Apathetic bloody planet.
163
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I've no sympathy at all.
164
00:15:36,918 --> 00:15:40,115
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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is a wholly remarkable book.
166
00:15:42,257 --> 00:15:45,522
Perhaps the most remarkable,
certainly the most successful,
167
00:15:45,593 --> 00:15:49,689
ever to come out of the great publishing
corporations of Ursa Minor.
168
00:15:49,764 --> 00:15:53,063
More popular than
The Celestial Homecare Omnibus,
169
00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:56,934
better selling than
53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity,
170
00:15:57,038 --> 00:16:00,030
and more controversial than
Oolon Colluphid's trilogy
171
00:16:00,108 --> 00:16:03,271
of philosophical blockbusters,
Where God Went Wrong,
172
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,869
Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes,
173
00:16:05,947 --> 00:16:08,279
and Who Is This God Person Anyway?
174
00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:12,085
It's already supplanted
the Encyclopedia Galactica
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00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:15,156
as the standard repository
of all knowledge and wisdom
176
00:16:15,223 --> 00:16:17,817
for two important reasons.
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00:16:17,892 --> 00:16:20,486
First, it's slightly cheaper,
178
00:16:20,595 --> 00:16:23,689
and second, it has the words
"Don't Panic"
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00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:27,257
printed in large,
friendly letters on its cover.
180
00:16:35,877 --> 00:16:38,675
So you're not from Guildford?
181
00:16:38,813 --> 00:16:42,874
Which would explain the accent,
which I've always wondered about.
182
00:16:42,951 --> 00:16:46,751
Um, you're not an out-of-work actor,
183
00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:52,282
but rather a writer for this,
this book thing.
184
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,794
Good, huh?
185
00:16:54,863 --> 00:16:57,297
I don't feel well.
I need a cup of tea.
186
00:16:57,365 --> 00:17:00,766
If I asked where we were,
would I regret it?
187
00:17:00,869 --> 00:17:04,100
- We're safe for now.
- Good.
188
00:17:04,205 --> 00:17:08,039
We're in the washroom on one of the
ships of the Vogon constructor fleet.
189
00:17:08,143 --> 00:17:11,635
- Oh, get me home, Ford.
- Arthur, your home is...
190
00:17:11,746 --> 00:17:16,308
Oh, God, my home.
My home was demolished.
191
00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:24,056
You don't remember.
192
00:17:24,159 --> 00:17:30,496
Okay, Arthur, I've got something to tell
you. It's unfortunate, but it's true.
193
00:17:30,565 --> 00:17:33,762
Your home planet has been blown up.
194
00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:46,444
Huh, blown up.
195
00:17:51,519 --> 00:17:53,510
Couldn't you have done something?
196
00:17:53,588 --> 00:17:57,615
I saved your life.
Okay, that makes us even.
197
00:17:57,725 --> 00:18:01,661
It's a tough galaxy. If you want
to survive out here, you've...
198
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:05,392
...gotta know where your towel is.
199
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:07,992
Okay, give me a hand over here.
200
00:18:10,438 --> 00:18:14,465
Careful. It's hot.
We've gotta get off this ship.
201
00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:16,635
Before the Vogons find us.
202
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:19,737
Vogons, they hate hitchhikers. Pull.
203
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:23,147
Huh?
204
00:18:25,553 --> 00:18:28,886
- Now we'll get a signal.
- What is a Vogon?
205
00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:30,821
Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".
206
00:18:31,559 --> 00:18:34,653
Vogons.
207
00:18:35,463 --> 00:18:39,866
Vogons are one of the
most unpleasant races in the galaxy.
208
00:18:39,934 --> 00:18:44,268
Not evil, but bad-tempered,
bureaucratic, officious and callous.
209
00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:47,866
They wouldn't even lift a finger
to save their own grandmothers
210
00:18:47,942 --> 00:18:51,207
from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast
of Traal without orders
211
00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:53,747
signed in triplicate,
sent in, sent back,
212
00:18:53,815 --> 00:18:57,148
queried, lost, found,
subjected to public inquiry,
213
00:18:57,285 --> 00:19:00,686
lost again and finally buried
in soft peat for three months
214
00:19:00,755 --> 00:19:03,588
and recycled as firelighters.
215
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:09,727
On no account should you allow
a Vogon to read poetry to you.
216
00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:15,962
They can't think or imagine.
Most can't spell. They just run things.
217
00:19:19,107 --> 00:19:20,631
Hmm?
218
00:19:22,277 --> 00:19:24,268
And if we don't get a ride soon,
219
00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:27,780
we won't need the Guide to tell us
how unpleasant the Vogons are.
220
00:19:27,849 --> 00:19:30,215
They've already destroyed
a planet today.
221
00:19:30,285 --> 00:19:32,617
That always makes them a little eee!
222
00:19:37,025 --> 00:19:39,687
Ughh! What is that?
223
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:42,787
- Put this in your ear.
- Huh?
224
00:19:46,568 --> 00:19:50,436
We have unwittingly
picked up a couple of hitchhikers.
225
00:19:50,505 --> 00:19:53,201
The fish is translating for you.
226
00:19:54,175 --> 00:19:57,303
The Babel fish
is small, yellow, leech-like,
227
00:19:57,378 --> 00:20:01,747
and probably the oddest thing
in the universe.
228
00:20:01,816 --> 00:20:06,276
It feeds on brainwave energy,
absorbing unconscious frequencies,
229
00:20:06,354 --> 00:20:08,914
and excreting a matrix
of conscious frequencies
230
00:20:09,057 --> 00:20:11,252
to the speech centers of the brain.
231
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,886
The practical upshot of which is that,
if you stick one in your ear,
232
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:20,560
you instantly understand
anything said to you in any language.
233
00:20:28,676 --> 00:20:31,144
Resistance is useless.
234
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:37,041
- All right.
- Someone's coming.
235
00:20:37,151 --> 00:20:39,551
Here we go. Look lively.
236
00:21:00,241 --> 00:21:01,674
Wheee!
237
00:21:06,781 --> 00:21:10,182
Ha, ha!
238
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:18,553
- Hmmm.
- Sir.
239
00:21:18,626 --> 00:21:21,390
- What?
- Hitchhikers.
240
00:22:00,802 --> 00:22:04,033
"O freddled gruntbuggly..."
241
00:22:04,105 --> 00:22:06,665
No, really, you don't have to read.
242
00:22:06,774 --> 00:22:09,470
We've put you through
enough trouble already.
243
00:22:09,577 --> 00:22:14,708
"... as plerdled gabbleblotchits
on a lurgid bee."
244
00:22:14,782 --> 00:22:20,152
Vogon poetry is widely accepted
as the third worst in the universe.
245
00:22:21,322 --> 00:22:24,553
The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria.
246
00:22:24,625 --> 00:22:28,186
During a recitation by their
Poet Master, Grunthos the Flatulent,
247
00:22:28,296 --> 00:22:31,197
of his poem
Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty
248
00:22:31,299 --> 00:22:33,859
I Found in my Armpit
One Midsummer Morning,
249
00:22:34,001 --> 00:22:37,198
four of his audience
died of internal hemorrhaging,
250
00:22:37,305 --> 00:22:40,832
and the President of the
Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council
251
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:43,308
survived by gnawing
one of his own legs off.
252
00:22:43,377 --> 00:22:48,337
"Or I will rend thee
in the gobberwarts..."
253
00:22:48,416 --> 00:22:51,351
"... with my blurgle..."
254
00:22:51,452 --> 00:22:55,855
The absolute worst poetry was
by Paula Millstone Jennings of Sussex.
255
00:22:55,923 --> 00:22:58,448
Luckily, it was destroyed
when the Earth was.
256
00:22:58,559 --> 00:23:03,223
"See if I don't." Yeah.
257
00:23:05,399 --> 00:23:10,803
So, Earthlings,
I present you with a choice.
258
00:23:10,872 --> 00:23:14,000
Either die in the vacuum of space,
259
00:23:14,108 --> 00:23:18,909
or tell me what you thought of my poem.
260
00:23:20,515 --> 00:23:24,451
A... a... actually, I rather liked it.
261
00:23:24,585 --> 00:23:26,553
- Hmm?
- Yeah.
262
00:23:26,654 --> 00:23:29,350
- That's good. Run with it.
- Hmmm.
263
00:23:29,457 --> 00:23:31,857
Uh, some of the words
I didn't understand,
264
00:23:31,959 --> 00:23:35,360
but I found the imagery quite effective.
265
00:23:36,230 --> 00:23:37,595
Continue.
266
00:23:37,665 --> 00:23:41,362
Well, uh, yes,
interesting rhythmic devices,
267
00:23:41,435 --> 00:23:43,903
which seemed to counterpoint
268
00:23:43,971 --> 00:23:46,667
the underlying metaphor
of the humanity of...
269
00:23:46,741 --> 00:23:49,972
- Vogonity!
- Vogonity, sorry, vogonity...
270
00:23:50,044 --> 00:23:53,377
of the poet's soul.
271
00:23:56,083 --> 00:24:00,213
So what you're saying is,
272
00:24:00,288 --> 00:24:02,882
I write poetry because
273
00:24:02,990 --> 00:24:07,393
underneath this mean,
callous, heartless exterior,
274
00:24:07,461 --> 00:24:11,420
I just want to be loved?
275
00:24:12,733 --> 00:24:14,758
Yes, yes, yes.
276
00:24:14,836 --> 00:24:17,270
Yes, yes, yeah, please.
277
00:24:17,338 --> 00:24:22,799
Ahh, ooh, ooh, mmm.
278
00:24:22,944 --> 00:24:24,502
Throw them off the ship!
279
00:24:24,612 --> 00:24:27,979
- No! No!
- Ford. Ford!
280
00:24:28,049 --> 00:24:29,539
Ahh!
281
00:24:29,650 --> 00:24:31,914
All right! All right!
282
00:24:31,986 --> 00:24:35,547
Resistance is useless!
283
00:24:38,226 --> 00:24:42,754
Shut up! Get a job!
Wash your filthy hands!
284
00:24:42,864 --> 00:24:45,560
Don't panic. Don't panic.
285
00:24:45,633 --> 00:24:51,663
So this is it?
We're going to die?
286
00:24:51,772 --> 00:24:55,367
Yeah, we're gonna die.
287
00:24:55,476 --> 00:24:58,411
No, no, what's this?
288
00:24:58,479 --> 00:25:00,106
What is this?
289
00:25:00,214 --> 00:25:04,548
What's this? This is... nothing.
Yeah, we're gonna die.
290
00:25:15,196 --> 00:25:17,289
You're sweating.
291
00:25:25,573 --> 00:25:27,837
- Would you like a hug?
- No.
292
00:25:41,355 --> 00:25:44,950
"Space," says the introduction
to The Hitchhiker's Guide,
293
00:25:45,026 --> 00:25:47,517
"is big. Really big."
294
00:25:47,595 --> 00:25:52,999
"You just won't believe how vastly,
hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is."
295
00:25:53,067 --> 00:25:54,932
A... a... and so on.
296
00:25:55,036 --> 00:25:58,096
It also says that
if you hold a lungful of air,
297
00:25:58,205 --> 00:26:03,575
you can survive in the total vacuum
of space for about 30 seconds.
298
00:26:03,678 --> 00:26:05,873
But with space being really big and all,
299
00:26:05,980 --> 00:26:08,505
the chances of being picked up
within that time
300
00:26:08,582 --> 00:26:10,812
are two to the power of two billion,
301
00:26:10,885 --> 00:26:13,911
79 million, 460 thousand,
302
00:26:14,021 --> 00:26:16,990
347 to one against.
303
00:26:17,091 --> 00:26:18,854
By a staggering coincidence,
304
00:26:18,993 --> 00:26:21,587
it's also the phone number
of the Islington flat,
305
00:26:21,696 --> 00:26:23,891
where Arthur went to a fancy dress party
306
00:26:23,998 --> 00:26:27,331
and met a very nice young woman
whom he totally blew it with.
307
00:26:30,838 --> 00:26:34,865
Though the planet Earth,
the Islington flat and telephone
308
00:26:34,942 --> 00:26:40,608
have all now been demolished, Ford
and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.
309
00:26:40,681 --> 00:26:43,514
- Ford?
- Yes.
310
00:26:43,584 --> 00:26:47,680
- I think I'm a sofa.
- I know how you feel.
311
00:26:55,129 --> 00:26:57,825
So much for the laws of physics.
312
00:26:57,932 --> 00:26:59,763
And our top story.
313
00:26:59,867 --> 00:27:04,133
The sensational theft of the most
coveted ship in the universe,
314
00:27:04,238 --> 00:27:06,172
the starship Heart of Gold.
315
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,765
Stolen at the launch ceremony
by none other
316
00:27:08,876 --> 00:27:11,709
than Galactic President
Zaphod Beeblebrox.
317
00:27:11,812 --> 00:27:17,079
In the name of people, freedom,
and, uh... democracy, stuff like that,
318
00:27:17,151 --> 00:27:21,247
I hereby kidnap myself
and I'm taking the ship with me. Whoo!
319
00:27:21,322 --> 00:27:23,347
Come on!
320
00:27:23,424 --> 00:27:25,892
Beeblebrox,
universally considered
321
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,929
to be the dimmest star
in several solar systems,
322
00:27:29,063 --> 00:27:32,692
is most famous for his controversial
defeat of Humma Kavula
323
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:36,759
who claimed many thought they were
voting for the worst-dressed being
324
00:27:36,837 --> 00:27:39,829
in the universe contest.
325
00:27:39,940 --> 00:27:41,032
Great.
326
00:27:41,108 --> 00:27:44,009
Kavula is best remembered
for his slanderous
327
00:27:44,111 --> 00:27:46,705
"Don't Vote for Stupid!" campaign.
328
00:27:46,781 --> 00:27:50,273
Put your ego aside.
Something important has happened.
329
00:27:50,351 --> 00:27:54,754
If there's anything more important than
my ego, I want it caught and shot now.
330
00:27:54,855 --> 00:27:56,550
Come on, I love it.
331
00:27:56,624 --> 00:27:59,650
Zaphod's just this guy, you know.
332
00:28:01,095 --> 00:28:03,586
Hey, hey, hey, hey. What d'you...?
333
00:28:03,697 --> 00:28:07,963
- I was just watching myself.
- We have a couple of hitchhikers.
334
00:28:08,069 --> 00:28:10,629
Hitchhikers?
Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?
335
00:28:10,704 --> 00:28:12,604
I didn't. The ship did.
336
00:28:12,706 --> 00:28:14,970
What? Wh... wh... Say what?
337
00:28:15,042 --> 00:28:19,672
When we engaged the
Improbability Drive... The big button.
338
00:28:19,747 --> 00:28:22,580
- I know.
- They were picked up here.
339
00:28:22,650 --> 00:28:26,211
In sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Wait.
That's where you picked me up.
340
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,254
- On Earth.
- That's impossible.
341
00:28:28,322 --> 00:28:31,655
- No, just very improbable.
- Listen. I don't have time for this.
342
00:28:31,792 --> 00:28:36,024
We've got the police of half the galaxy
after us. We've stopped for hitchhikers.
343
00:28:36,097 --> 00:28:38,497
So ten out of ten for style, but...
344
00:28:38,566 --> 00:28:41,000
...minus several million
for good thinking.
345
00:28:41,068 --> 00:28:44,367
You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.
You drive me crazy.
346
00:28:45,439 --> 00:28:47,805
Don't. I'll send Marvin.
347
00:28:49,076 --> 00:28:50,805
Marvin.
348
00:28:53,948 --> 00:28:56,883
You ought to know,
I'm feeling very depressed.
349
00:28:58,018 --> 00:29:01,351
Well, we have something
that should take your mind off things.
350
00:29:01,455 --> 00:29:06,154
It won't work.
I have an exceptionally large mind.
351
00:29:06,227 --> 00:29:12,166
Yeah, we know. But we need you to go
down to the number two entry bay
352
00:29:12,266 --> 00:29:15,099
and pick up our stowaways
and bring them up here.
353
00:29:15,202 --> 00:29:18,501
Just that? I won't enjoy it.
354
00:29:18,606 --> 00:29:21,200
Yeah, well, that's life.
355
00:29:21,308 --> 00:29:25,574
Life?
Don't talk to me about life.
356
00:29:34,755 --> 00:29:37,223
- Commander Kwaltz.
- Yes.
357
00:29:37,291 --> 00:29:41,625
We have located the spaceship
Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox.
358
00:29:41,695 --> 00:29:45,893
- Where?
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.
359
00:29:45,966 --> 00:29:48,457
Requesting hyperspace clearance.
360
00:29:48,569 --> 00:29:54,508
Hold your position, captain,
until clearance is granted.
361
00:29:54,575 --> 00:30:00,309
- Yes, sir.
- Get me Vice-President Questular.
362
00:30:02,249 --> 00:30:06,515
Hyperspace permission granted, captain.
363
00:30:06,620 --> 00:30:08,952
Here we go.
364
00:30:30,544 --> 00:30:33,274
I think that door just sighed.
365
00:30:33,347 --> 00:30:35,815
Ghastly, isn't it?
366
00:30:35,883 --> 00:30:38,283
All the doors have been programmed
367
00:30:38,352 --> 00:30:41,583
to have a cheerful
and sunny disposition.
368
00:30:43,757 --> 00:30:48,558
Anyway, come on. I've been ordered
to take you up to the bridge.
369
00:30:50,397 --> 00:30:52,388
Please yourselves.
370
00:30:52,466 --> 00:30:55,697
Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
371
00:30:55,769 --> 00:30:58,329
and they ask me to take you
up to the bridge.
372
00:30:58,472 --> 00:31:01,930
Call that job satisfaction?
'Cause I don't.
373
00:31:02,042 --> 00:31:07,036
You can thank the Sirius Cybernetics
Corp. For building robots with G.P.P.
374
00:31:07,114 --> 00:31:11,312
- What's G.P.P.?
- Genuine People Personalities.
375
00:31:11,452 --> 00:31:15,855
I'm a personality prototype.
You can tell, can't you?
376
00:31:20,728 --> 00:31:23,526
Arthur?
377
00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:29,027
Hey, Slim, are you wearing
my underwear? 'Cause I'm wearing yours.
378
00:31:29,103 --> 00:31:31,901
And they ain't doing the trick.
Come on. All right.
379
00:31:33,974 --> 00:31:38,070
Oh, for heaven's sake.
380
00:31:38,145 --> 00:31:41,012
I've brought the aliens.
Don't thank me or anything.
381
00:31:41,081 --> 00:31:43,208
Ah-ha! Ow!
382
00:31:43,317 --> 00:31:45,342
Freeze!
383
00:31:45,452 --> 00:31:48,979
Freeze?
I'm a robot. Not a refrigerator.
384
00:31:49,056 --> 00:31:52,651
- I wasn't talking to you, Giggles.
- Oh, why do I bother?
385
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,523
- Zaphod?
- Ford!
386
00:31:54,662 --> 00:31:59,065
Is that you?
Ford! Praxibetel Ix!
387
00:31:59,133 --> 00:32:01,158
What the hell are you doing here?
388
00:32:01,235 --> 00:32:04,671
I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.
389
00:32:04,772 --> 00:32:07,570
- That is so you.
- Look at you!
390
00:32:07,708 --> 00:32:12,077
President of the Galaxy.
I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.
391
00:32:12,146 --> 00:32:13,807
You zarkin' frood.
392
00:32:13,881 --> 00:32:18,284
I want you to meet a friend.
Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
393
00:32:18,385 --> 00:32:19,409
Oh.
394
00:32:19,486 --> 00:32:24,480
President of the Galaxy. This is my
cousin. He's a semi-half brother...
395
00:32:24,558 --> 00:32:28,153
- We share three of the same mothers.
- We've met.
396
00:32:28,262 --> 00:32:33,723
Have we? I'm sorry.
I've got a terrible memory for species.
397
00:32:33,801 --> 00:32:38,135
This is him, Ford. The would-you-like-
to-see-my-spaceship bloke.
398
00:32:38,205 --> 00:32:39,638
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
399
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:44,974
- Hello, Arthur.
- Tricia!
400
00:32:45,045 --> 00:32:47,411
- How you doin'?
- Hey, Trillian.
401
00:32:47,514 --> 00:32:51,314
This is my semi-half-brother Ix,
I'm sorry, Ford.
402
00:32:51,385 --> 00:32:54,183
- Hi.
- Hi.
403
00:32:54,288 --> 00:32:58,281
Um, would you excuse us
for a second, please?
404
00:32:58,359 --> 00:33:01,590
You went down on that little planet
and didn't call me?
405
00:33:01,695 --> 00:33:04,562
Sorry, I didn't know.
I had a galaxy to run.
406
00:33:04,598 --> 00:33:06,896
Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?
407
00:33:06,967 --> 00:33:10,164
I think he called you Trillian.
Which of us got the right one?
408
00:33:10,237 --> 00:33:12,762
I shortened it.
Something a little more spacey.
409
00:33:12,906 --> 00:33:15,466
Right. I was thinking
of changing mine to,
410
00:33:15,542 --> 00:33:17,533
I don't know, Arthoolia.
411
00:33:17,611 --> 00:33:21,638
That's a good one.
Well, this is weird.
412
00:33:21,749 --> 00:33:25,276
- How'd you get here?
- I just stuck out my thumb.
413
00:33:25,352 --> 00:33:28,981
- Right. In your pajamas?
- I was in a hurry.
414
00:33:29,123 --> 00:33:31,182
Okay. Did you know I was here?
415
00:33:31,258 --> 00:33:33,954
Don't flatter yourself.
I've got a spaceman too.
416
00:33:34,094 --> 00:33:36,756
Yeah, that's kinda like
the Dingo Shuffle, yeah.
417
00:33:36,864 --> 00:33:38,923
Okay, um, look.
418
00:33:38,999 --> 00:33:42,833
I left you at the party. I feel bad, but
I was gonna call you when I got back.
419
00:33:42,970 --> 00:33:45,905
Well, there is no
going back now, is there?
420
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:48,598
You do know what happened?
421
00:33:48,709 --> 00:33:51,507
Enough small talk.
We're on the run, remember?
422
00:33:51,578 --> 00:33:53,512
Excuse me, we're having a chat.
423
00:33:53,647 --> 00:33:56,081
Well, I think the girl's getting...
Boo!
424
00:33:56,183 --> 00:34:01,450
You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut
your face or I'll kick you in the zatch.
425
00:34:01,555 --> 00:34:03,147
- You wanna fight?
- Okay.
426
00:34:03,257 --> 00:34:06,021
- No. No.
- I'm just kidding.
427
00:34:06,093 --> 00:34:09,529
I'm a kidder. Let's be friends.
Let's connect. You and I.
428
00:34:10,431 --> 00:34:12,365
Didn't see that one coming, did you?
429
00:34:12,433 --> 00:34:15,925
Popped right out of the box.
You foxy, yeah!
430
00:34:16,303 --> 00:34:19,500
Teach your pal a lesson, Ford.
He's a guest on my ship.
431
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,972
He's a guest on my ship!
432
00:34:22,976 --> 00:34:25,001
I thought you said you stole it.
433
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,547
Stole what?
What are we talking about?
434
00:34:29,616 --> 00:34:33,177
Whoa! That doesn't sound good.
435
00:34:37,758 --> 00:34:41,125
- Are you okay?
- Just fabulous, thanks, "Trill".
436
00:34:41,228 --> 00:34:43,992
A little help over here.
I'm in over my head.
437
00:34:44,097 --> 00:34:47,464
I'll take care of this. Good Zarquon,
do I have to do everything?
438
00:34:47,568 --> 00:34:48,830
Yes, I do!
439
00:34:48,902 --> 00:34:51,097
Hey, this is really pretty.
440
00:34:51,171 --> 00:34:53,731
- Don't!
- Whoo! They're on our tail.
441
00:34:53,874 --> 00:34:56,206
Fire a gun. Launch a missile.
Do some damage!
442
00:35:05,185 --> 00:35:06,743
Ow! Stop that! Ow!
443
00:35:06,887 --> 00:35:08,912
Just kiddin'. I love it rough. Hit me.
444
00:35:08,989 --> 00:35:11,924
- Uh, computer?
- Hi, there.
445
00:35:11,992 --> 00:35:14,085
I'm Eddie, your computer.
446
00:35:14,228 --> 00:35:17,959
I'm pleased to report that it's
a fleet of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.
447
00:35:18,031 --> 00:35:20,329
They're sending you a message.
448
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,766
This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.
449
00:35:22,836 --> 00:35:26,272
I am speaking to the kidnapper
of the President?
450
00:35:26,373 --> 00:35:27,533
She digs me.
451
00:35:27,641 --> 00:35:29,836
Surrender the stolen vessel at once
452
00:35:29,943 --> 00:35:35,404
or we will take action
as defined and permitted by...
453
00:35:35,482 --> 00:35:39,418
section 1-8 of the Galactic Interstellar
Space Bylaws...
454
00:35:39,553 --> 00:35:42,920
Zaphod, please come back now.
This is ridiculous.
455
00:35:42,990 --> 00:35:45,754
Leap to hyperspace! Come on!
456
00:35:45,859 --> 00:35:48,453
Sure thing, fella!
457
00:35:55,035 --> 00:35:56,468
No.
458
00:35:56,603 --> 00:36:02,007
Did they have proper
hyperspace authorization?
459
00:36:02,109 --> 00:36:05,943
- No, commander.
- Oh.
460
00:36:06,013 --> 00:36:11,451
Bring me the request
to pursue fugitive forms.
461
00:36:11,518 --> 00:36:14,385
I'm coming, sir.
462
00:36:16,056 --> 00:36:21,187
I'm boiling!
Oh, oh. Here's the form, sir.
463
00:36:21,862 --> 00:36:26,128
So are you along for the ride
or am I just dropping you somewhere?
464
00:36:26,199 --> 00:36:29,566
That depends. Where are you going?
465
00:36:29,636 --> 00:36:31,627
Where am I going?
466
00:36:32,706 --> 00:36:37,166
- You okay?
- Yeah. Don't suppose there's any tea.
467
00:36:37,277 --> 00:36:40,371
Yes, there is. Come on.
I'll show you the kitchen.
468
00:36:40,447 --> 00:36:44,907
When you see what I'm about to show you,
you'll beg me to take you with us.
469
00:36:45,018 --> 00:36:49,421
The best drink in existence
is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster,
470
00:36:49,489 --> 00:36:54,222
the effect of which is like having your
brains smashed out by a slice of lemon
471
00:36:54,294 --> 00:36:56,888
wrapped round a large gold brick.
472
00:37:01,635 --> 00:37:04,536
- Belgium. Hold it one second.
- Belgium.
473
00:37:05,505 --> 00:37:08,406
Ape-man, Earth dude, sorry,
what's your name again?
474
00:37:08,508 --> 00:37:10,942
- Arthur.
- Right. Gorgeous.
475
00:37:11,044 --> 00:37:14,445
No hard feelings, okay?
Sorry to hear about your planet...
476
00:37:14,514 --> 00:37:16,311
- Earth.
- Yeah. I liked Earth.
477
00:37:16,383 --> 00:37:19,352
Got these boots there.
But don't mention it to the girl.
478
00:37:19,453 --> 00:37:23,219
Because if you do... I'll pull your
spleen out through your throat.
479
00:37:23,290 --> 00:37:26,225
- All right. Thanks, buddy.
- Okay.
480
00:37:26,293 --> 00:37:29,319
Good stuff. Like those jammies.
481
00:37:30,664 --> 00:37:35,158
Hey, hey, Zaphod,
what's with the two-head thing?
482
00:37:35,902 --> 00:37:39,895
Oh, yeah. Apparently, you can't be
president with a whole brain.
483
00:37:40,007 --> 00:37:41,998
It's crazy.
484
00:37:42,109 --> 00:37:44,236
- Oh, so you carved it up?
- Yes.
485
00:37:44,311 --> 00:37:48,441
Parts of my personality weren't exactly
what you'd call presidential.
486
00:37:48,515 --> 00:37:50,483
You know what I'm talkin' about.
487
00:37:54,154 --> 00:37:56,748
Your tea is ready.
488
00:38:08,869 --> 00:38:13,465
I suppose I should've said
it resembles tea.
489
00:38:13,573 --> 00:38:16,303
So, two heads
is what does it for a girl?
490
00:38:16,376 --> 00:38:18,776
I mean, if I'd had two heads,
or three...
491
00:38:18,845 --> 00:38:20,972
Or your own spaceship.
492
00:38:22,082 --> 00:38:23,845
Anything else he's got two of?
493
00:38:23,917 --> 00:38:26,408
Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.
494
00:38:26,553 --> 00:38:30,751
What am I supposed to be like?
Green? Bleeping?
495
00:38:30,824 --> 00:38:33,622
I can fold my eyelids
inside out if you like.
496
00:38:33,727 --> 00:38:37,561
Okay, look. Do you see this?
497
00:38:37,664 --> 00:38:41,691
This detects what you're craving
and makes it for you.
498
00:38:41,768 --> 00:38:44,032
Enjoy your doughnut.
499
00:38:47,774 --> 00:38:50,504
Do you see this?
500
00:38:52,913 --> 00:38:59,375
This toasts bread
while you're slicing it.
501
00:39:00,353 --> 00:39:05,256
We're on a spaceship, Arthur. In space.
502
00:39:05,358 --> 00:39:08,293
- I told you I wanted to get away.
- To Madagascar.
503
00:39:08,361 --> 00:39:14,596
That was... some sort of test.
And I failed.
504
00:39:14,668 --> 00:39:18,160
- How badly does it hurt?
- It doesn't feel great.
505
00:39:18,238 --> 00:39:20,297
No, I mean your chin.
506
00:39:20,373 --> 00:39:22,568
- Ah...
- I might have an aspirin.
507
00:39:22,642 --> 00:39:24,041
Right.
508
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:28,905
Hey!
509
00:39:30,684 --> 00:39:35,849
Tricia... Trillian, sorry.
There's something I have to tell you.
510
00:39:35,922 --> 00:39:39,221
- Please, don't.
- Showtime, Trill.
511
00:39:45,966 --> 00:39:48,491
I'm going to set up.
Buttons aren't toys.
512
00:39:48,602 --> 00:39:50,263
Buttons aren't toys.
513
00:39:50,337 --> 00:39:53,431
Anyway... When I saw
what I'm about to show you,
514
00:39:53,507 --> 00:39:58,171
that's when I realized
why I had to do what I did to my brain.
515
00:39:58,278 --> 00:40:01,406
I think. It's all a little...
516
00:40:02,215 --> 00:40:03,239
...shaky.
517
00:40:06,319 --> 00:40:09,446
I've seen it. It's rubbish.
518
00:40:13,026 --> 00:40:15,290
Many millions of years ago,
519
00:40:15,362 --> 00:40:18,798
a race of hyper intelligent,
pan-dimensional beings
520
00:40:18,865 --> 00:40:22,801
got so fed up with the constant
bickering about the meaning of life,
521
00:40:22,869 --> 00:40:25,861
that they commissioned
two of their brightest and best
522
00:40:25,972 --> 00:40:29,271
to design and build
a stupendous super-computer
523
00:40:29,342 --> 00:40:33,745
to calculate the answer to life,
the universe and everything.
524
00:40:33,814 --> 00:40:36,806
O Deep Thought,
525
00:40:36,917 --> 00:40:41,149
we want you to tell us the answer.
526
00:40:41,254 --> 00:40:43,484
The answer to what?
527
00:40:43,590 --> 00:40:48,186
The answer to life,
the universe, everything.
528
00:40:48,295 --> 00:40:52,356
We'd really like an answer.
Something simple.
529
00:40:52,432 --> 00:40:55,128
Hmm, I'd have to think about that.
530
00:40:55,202 --> 00:41:02,040
Return to this place in exactly
seven-and-a-half million years.
531
00:41:02,142 --> 00:41:05,839
- Is it finished?
- No, there's more. They go back.
532
00:41:05,912 --> 00:41:11,009
- Seven-and-a-half million years later?
- That's right, they do.
533
00:41:27,701 --> 00:41:30,192
Deep Thought, do you have...
534
00:41:30,270 --> 00:41:34,707
An answer for you?
Yes, but you're not going to like it.
535
00:41:35,876 --> 00:41:38,936
- It doesn't matter. We must know it.
- All right.
536
00:41:39,012 --> 00:41:41,947
The answer to the ultimate question...
537
00:41:43,917 --> 00:41:47,546
...of life, the universe
and everything...
538
00:41:49,222 --> 00:41:50,314
...is...
539
00:41:57,130 --> 00:41:58,722
...42.
540
00:41:58,832 --> 00:42:01,528
Yeah? What?
541
00:42:01,635 --> 00:42:04,195
42?
542
00:42:04,271 --> 00:42:08,435
Yes, I thought it over
quite thoroughly. It's 42.
543
00:42:08,541 --> 00:42:11,806
It would've been simpler
to have known what the question was.
544
00:42:11,912 --> 00:42:16,781
But it was the question.
The ultimate question. Of everything!
545
00:42:16,850 --> 00:42:18,750
That's not a question.
546
00:42:18,852 --> 00:42:22,583
Only when you know the question
will you know what the answer means.
547
00:42:22,656 --> 00:42:27,286
- Give us the ultimate question then.
- I can't. But there is one who can.
548
00:42:27,394 --> 00:42:31,330
A computer that will calculate
the ultimate question.
549
00:42:31,431 --> 00:42:34,025
A computer of such infinite complexity,
550
00:42:34,134 --> 00:42:38,195
that life itself will form part
of its operational matrix.
551
00:42:38,338 --> 00:42:42,434
And you yourselves shall take on new,
more primitive forms,
552
00:42:42,542 --> 00:42:48,276
and go down into the computer to
navigate its 10-million-year program.
553
00:42:48,381 --> 00:42:52,112
I shall design this computer for you,
and it shall be called...
554
00:42:57,624 --> 00:43:01,185
- That's it?
- That's it.
555
00:43:01,294 --> 00:43:05,128
You're looking for
the ultimate question? You? Why?
556
00:43:05,231 --> 00:43:07,995
I tried that.
Why? 42. Doesn't work.
557
00:43:08,101 --> 00:43:10,968
- Let's get it ready, baby.
- Why...
558
00:43:11,071 --> 00:43:14,598
...do you want to know
the ultimate question?
559
00:43:14,674 --> 00:43:17,234
Partly curiosity,
partly a sense of adventure,
560
00:43:17,377 --> 00:43:20,778
but, uh, mostly I think
it's for the fame and the money.
561
00:43:20,847 --> 00:43:23,008
You're President of the Galaxy.
562
00:43:23,116 --> 00:43:24,981
- Yes, Arman.
- Arthur.
563
00:43:25,085 --> 00:43:27,451
Whatever.
Presidential fame is temporary.
564
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:31,320
I find the question, that's permanent.
It sticks.
565
00:43:31,424 --> 00:43:33,915
Plus, everyone thinks you're deep.
Win-win.
566
00:43:34,661 --> 00:43:39,360
We just hit that button and bam,
we're at Magrathea, I think.
567
00:43:39,432 --> 00:43:42,629
We've hit it twice and
we're still not there, but anyway...
568
00:43:42,736 --> 00:43:45,136
- You in?
- Always.
569
00:43:45,238 --> 00:43:48,036
- All right!
- Uh, I want to get off.
570
00:43:48,108 --> 00:43:51,566
- Uh, sorry, what exactly are we doing?
- This!
571
00:43:55,782 --> 00:43:59,513
The Infinite Improbability Drive
is a wonderful new method
572
00:43:59,586 --> 00:44:02,453
of crossing interstellar distances
in a few seconds,
573
00:44:02,522 --> 00:44:05,685
without all that tedious
mucking about in hyperspace.
574
00:44:05,792 --> 00:44:09,023
As the Improbability Drive
reaches infinite improbability,
575
00:44:09,095 --> 00:44:13,122
it passes through every conceivable
point in every conceivable universe
576
00:44:13,199 --> 00:44:14,928
almost simultaneously.
577
00:44:15,035 --> 00:44:17,128
So you're never sure
where you'll end up
578
00:44:17,203 --> 00:44:19,831
or even what species you'll be
when you get there.
579
00:44:19,906 --> 00:44:22,875
It's therefore important
to dress accordingly.
580
00:44:22,942 --> 00:44:27,311
The Drive was invented following
research into finite improbability
581
00:44:27,447 --> 00:44:29,506
often used to break the ice at parties
582
00:44:29,582 --> 00:44:32,847
by making all the molecules
in the hostess's undergarments
583
00:44:32,919 --> 00:44:34,944
leap one foot to the left
584
00:44:35,021 --> 00:44:37,581
in accordance with
the theory of indeterminacy.
585
00:44:37,690 --> 00:44:41,285
Many physicists said they
wouldn't stand for that sort of thing,
586
00:44:41,361 --> 00:44:43,454
partly because it debased science,
587
00:44:43,563 --> 00:44:47,522
but mostly because they didn't get
invited to those sort of parties.
588
00:44:57,777 --> 00:45:01,235
Wow, is this gonna happen
every time we hit that button?
589
00:45:01,347 --> 00:45:03,247
Very probably, yes.
590
00:45:03,349 --> 00:45:06,318
Ah, I think
the Earthman's about to be sick.
591
00:45:06,419 --> 00:45:09,252
In the trashcan, ape-man.
This ship's new.
592
00:45:09,355 --> 00:45:11,983
Aw, come on!
593
00:45:12,092 --> 00:45:14,617
We have normality.
594
00:45:14,727 --> 00:45:16,388
Did it work? Are we there?
595
00:45:18,231 --> 00:45:22,395
Yeah. We're here. Magrathea!
596
00:45:22,469 --> 00:45:24,198
I don't think so. Eddie...
597
00:45:24,304 --> 00:45:26,272
- Ow!
- What planet is this?
598
00:45:26,372 --> 00:45:28,169
I'm checking for you.
599
00:45:28,274 --> 00:45:33,268
Did you just pluck
one of my hairs? Off my head?
600
00:45:34,047 --> 00:45:36,914
Thank you for waiting.
Sorry to disappoint,
601
00:45:36,983 --> 00:45:39,042
but this is not Magrathea.
602
00:45:39,185 --> 00:45:42,951
We are currently in orbit around
the planet Viltvodle Six.
603
00:45:43,022 --> 00:45:46,788
Humma Kavula!
604
00:45:46,860 --> 00:45:51,797
Magrathea's gonna have to wait.
I got a score to settle on this planet.
605
00:45:52,632 --> 00:45:56,864
Humma Kavula!
606
00:45:59,806 --> 00:46:04,038
In the beginning,
the universe was created.
607
00:46:04,144 --> 00:46:08,945
This made a lot of people very angry,
and is widely regarded as a bad move.
608
00:46:11,084 --> 00:46:14,349
Many races believed it was created
by some sort of god,
609
00:46:14,454 --> 00:46:17,014
though the Jatravartid people
of Viltvodle Six
610
00:46:17,123 --> 00:46:22,060
firmly believe that the entire universe
was sneezed out of the nose of a being
611
00:46:22,162 --> 00:46:24,960
called the Great Green Arkleseizure.
612
00:46:25,031 --> 00:46:26,692
Humma Kavula!
613
00:46:26,799 --> 00:46:29,131
The Jatravartids,
who lived in fear
614
00:46:29,202 --> 00:46:32,694
of the time they called the
Coming of the Great White Handkerchief,
615
00:46:32,772 --> 00:46:36,538
were small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each.
616
00:46:36,643 --> 00:46:39,203
They were unique in being
the only race in history
617
00:46:39,279 --> 00:46:42,976
to have invented
the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
618
00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:46,909
Mr. President!
619
00:46:46,986 --> 00:46:48,715
Hey, all right. How you doin'?
620
00:46:48,821 --> 00:46:51,449
Hey, what have we here? I love it!
621
00:46:56,362 --> 00:46:58,455
Hey, I love you. Fantastic!
622
00:46:58,531 --> 00:47:01,193
You guys related? Don't go changing.
623
00:47:01,267 --> 00:47:03,360
Arthur, I want a drink.
624
00:47:03,436 --> 00:47:07,600
I think I've been here before.
Have I been here before?
625
00:47:11,211 --> 00:47:13,270
Ixxie!
626
00:47:13,379 --> 00:47:16,371
- I've been here before.
- Humma Kavula!
627
00:47:16,449 --> 00:47:18,246
Come on.
628
00:47:18,318 --> 00:47:21,116
Tricia! Tricia, I...
629
00:47:49,716 --> 00:47:51,547
Hello, Humma.
630
00:47:53,019 --> 00:47:57,422
- Join us. Sit down.
- Good to see you. Thanks. All right.
631
00:47:57,490 --> 00:47:59,617
The handkerchief is coming.
632
00:47:59,726 --> 00:48:05,596
Let us pray the Almighty will exhale
a breath of compassion on us all.
633
00:48:07,267 --> 00:48:11,203
So that's Humma Kavula.
I thought he was just swearing.
634
00:48:11,904 --> 00:48:16,204
We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,
635
00:48:16,309 --> 00:48:18,402
in reverence to you.
636
00:48:20,179 --> 00:48:25,116
Send the handkerchief, O Blessed One,
so that it may wipe us clean.
637
00:48:25,184 --> 00:48:30,884
We ask this and all things
in Thy precious and alliterative name.
638
00:48:39,832 --> 00:48:41,697
Bless you.
639
00:48:42,135 --> 00:48:44,501
We goin' in here?
640
00:48:44,604 --> 00:48:48,438
All right, I like it. It's big,
it's gold, it's fancy. Fancy pants.
641
00:48:48,508 --> 00:48:52,035
Zaphod Beeblebrox,
our infamous President.
642
00:48:52,145 --> 00:48:54,841
What brings you to our humble planet?
643
00:48:54,947 --> 00:48:57,472
Oh, I think you know
why I'm here.
644
00:48:57,550 --> 00:48:59,108
No, I don't think I do.
645
00:48:59,218 --> 00:49:05,680
I think you think you don't.
But we both know... you do.
646
00:49:05,725 --> 00:49:07,522
Eloquent as always.
647
00:49:07,593 --> 00:49:11,461
Your ability to articulate
never ceases to amaze.
648
00:49:11,531 --> 00:49:14,625
That's funny.
During the campaign, Humma,
649
00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:17,135
when you were my opponent
running against me,
650
00:49:17,203 --> 00:49:20,138
you said I was stupid.
651
00:49:38,825 --> 00:49:44,263
The election is ancient history,
Zaphod, but...
652
00:49:45,698 --> 00:49:47,563
...if memory serves, you won,
653
00:49:47,667 --> 00:49:50,966
proving that good looks
and charm win
654
00:49:51,037 --> 00:49:55,974
over brilliance
and the ability to govern.
655
00:50:00,246 --> 00:50:03,511
And, incidentally, you are stupid.
656
00:50:03,583 --> 00:50:06,143
Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir.
657
00:50:06,252 --> 00:50:10,450
Uh, I just want to say, there's been
some sort of terrible mix up
658
00:50:10,523 --> 00:50:12,889
'cause, actually, he's not with us.
659
00:50:12,992 --> 00:50:15,927
We came to worship you.
He followed us and...
660
00:50:15,995 --> 00:50:18,759
He grew, didn't he. He's not that tall.
661
00:50:18,865 --> 00:50:23,859
You didn't come half-way across the
galaxy to settle a campaign grudge.
662
00:50:25,371 --> 00:50:27,396
Why are you here?
663
00:50:29,008 --> 00:50:31,670
Of course not,
that's, that's ridiculous.
664
00:50:31,744 --> 00:50:37,376
I've been stranded on a strange planet
for years, I haven't been avoiding you.
665
00:50:37,450 --> 00:50:40,476
You look great. You're doing well.
666
00:50:40,586 --> 00:50:42,247
You've grown, obviously.
667
00:50:42,355 --> 00:50:46,416
- Aggh! Oomph!
- Wait! We don't know why we're here.
668
00:50:46,526 --> 00:50:50,087
We were trying to get to Magrathea
and our ship brought us here.
669
00:50:51,697 --> 00:50:55,155
How very, very improbable.
670
00:51:02,608 --> 00:51:05,441
I kept a few souvenirs
from my former life.
671
00:51:05,511 --> 00:51:08,412
Ah, the heady days of space piracy.
672
00:51:09,415 --> 00:51:16,184
But... even an Infinite Improbability
Drive requires coordinates.
673
00:51:16,289 --> 00:51:18,723
Which I happen to have.
674
00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:20,417
No, no, no.
675
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:22,960
You don't get something
for nothing, Zaphod.
676
00:51:23,062 --> 00:51:25,690
You must bring me something in return.
677
00:51:25,798 --> 00:51:28,699
- Wh... What?
- A gun.
678
00:51:28,768 --> 00:51:30,759
- A gun?
- A very special gun.
679
00:51:30,837 --> 00:51:34,136
Designed by the greatest computer
ever invented.
680
00:51:34,207 --> 00:51:37,176
But the only way to find it
is to go to Magrathea.
681
00:51:37,276 --> 00:51:41,736
Fine. I'll get your gun.
Just give me the coordinates.
682
00:51:41,814 --> 00:51:44,612
And what will you give me
to ensure your return?
683
00:51:45,485 --> 00:51:47,851
My word as President.
684
00:51:49,188 --> 00:51:52,646
No. I need a hostage.
685
00:51:55,194 --> 00:52:02,362
Only... what does
Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?
686
00:52:05,071 --> 00:52:08,165
Come on.
687
00:52:08,241 --> 00:52:13,042
Oh, no!
688
00:52:13,145 --> 00:52:15,943
Hey, take it easy now.
689
00:52:16,015 --> 00:52:19,178
No, stop it.
Ah! Oh, that kind of tickles.
690
00:52:19,285 --> 00:52:22,846
Two heads are better than one.
Double your pleasure.
691
00:52:22,922 --> 00:52:26,722
You need me!
692
00:52:26,826 --> 00:52:31,024
Come back! Come back!
Don't leave me alone.
693
00:52:33,982 --> 00:52:35,973
Come back!
694
00:52:36,117 --> 00:52:39,917
I thought I alone
considered your boyfriend
695
00:52:39,988 --> 00:52:42,684
a narcissistic moron,
but the whole galaxy does.
696
00:52:42,757 --> 00:52:45,590
What about you?
"Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir."
697
00:52:45,660 --> 00:52:50,097
"We're not with him. We just came
to worship you." Very brave.
698
00:52:50,198 --> 00:52:54,464
Where the hell is Ford?
699
00:52:56,170 --> 00:53:02,700
By the left, march.
Left, right, left, right.
700
00:53:02,810 --> 00:53:07,008
Mr. President,
we're here for your protection.
701
00:53:07,515 --> 00:53:10,780
Fire upon the kidnapper!
702
00:53:10,852 --> 00:53:12,251
Hey, come on!
703
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:14,914
The President is the kidnapper.
You'll kill him!
704
00:53:15,757 --> 00:53:16,917
Bang! Bang!
705
00:53:16,991 --> 00:53:18,959
It's locked!
706
00:53:21,863 --> 00:53:24,229
Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.
707
00:53:29,504 --> 00:53:31,995
Come on, Zaphod.
708
00:53:35,510 --> 00:53:38,274
- Hey, what did I miss?
- What have you been doing?
709
00:53:38,346 --> 00:53:41,838
Field research. So they found
where we are? Belgium bummer!
710
00:53:41,916 --> 00:53:44,680
They're shooting at us!
What are we going to do?
711
00:53:44,786 --> 00:53:48,085
- I have an idea.
- Pushing him out and running away?
712
00:53:48,156 --> 00:53:50,624
What? He's the one they want.
713
00:53:50,691 --> 00:53:52,989
You can't go out there.
What are you doing?
714
00:53:54,262 --> 00:53:57,231
- Back off!
- What's going on?
715
00:53:58,900 --> 00:54:02,199
I have the President
and I will kill him, I swear.
716
00:54:02,270 --> 00:54:06,229
- Could that actually kill him?
- I don't think so.
717
00:54:06,340 --> 00:54:08,501
- It's an aerosol can.
- Oh.
718
00:54:08,576 --> 00:54:12,103
Okay, frightened now,
frightened.
719
00:54:12,747 --> 00:54:16,205
- Hi, little guy.
- Get her!
720
00:54:16,284 --> 00:54:19,276
- Zaphod, no, come on!
- Arthur!
721
00:54:20,088 --> 00:54:22,921
- Arthur!
- Tricia!
722
00:54:22,990 --> 00:54:25,982
- Arthur!
- Tricia! Wait!
723
00:54:34,936 --> 00:54:37,461
Arthur!
724
00:54:40,208 --> 00:54:44,110
Resistance is useless!
725
00:54:53,187 --> 00:54:56,953
Bring her to Vogsphere
for processing, captain.
726
00:54:57,024 --> 00:55:00,460
Where's the circus?
727
00:55:00,528 --> 00:55:03,190
They got her and it's my fault.
We have to go!
728
00:55:03,264 --> 00:55:04,731
Let's go!
729
00:55:06,667 --> 00:55:10,364
Whoo! Computer, take us to Magrathea!
730
00:55:10,438 --> 00:55:12,906
What? No, no, no.
We've got to go after Tricia.
731
00:55:12,974 --> 00:55:14,407
- Who?
- Trillian.
732
00:55:14,475 --> 00:55:18,002
They've got Trillian,
you stupid half-brained git!
733
00:55:18,112 --> 00:55:21,206
Right, you're coming out!
734
00:55:21,282 --> 00:55:25,218
Computer, we don't want to go to
Magrathea, we want to follow the ships.
735
00:55:25,286 --> 00:55:28,949
I'd love to, but my
guidance system has been deactivated.
736
00:55:29,056 --> 00:55:30,148
Oh, come on!
737
00:55:30,258 --> 00:55:32,658
I'm sorry.
It wasn't my fault.
738
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:34,785
What you doing on this ship?
739
00:55:34,896 --> 00:55:36,488
- Ford?
- Marvin.
740
00:55:36,597 --> 00:55:38,997
I've been talking
to the ship's computer.
741
00:55:39,100 --> 00:55:40,795
And?
742
00:55:40,868 --> 00:55:42,392
It hates me.
743
00:55:42,770 --> 00:55:45,705
No, uh-uh. Eddie, computer,
744
00:55:45,806 --> 00:55:49,298
is there another way
to follow the ships?
745
00:55:49,410 --> 00:55:53,870
Activating Emergency Escape
Pod. It's super-neat and fun to fly!
746
00:55:53,981 --> 00:55:56,211
Ow!
747
00:55:56,317 --> 00:55:57,784
Unbelievable!
748
00:55:57,852 --> 00:56:02,221
I'm in. I'm in.
Okay, Ford, do you have any idea?
749
00:56:02,356 --> 00:56:03,914
We'll press this.
750
00:56:03,991 --> 00:56:06,118
Oh, no, no, no, no.
751
00:56:06,194 --> 00:56:09,186
- This button.
- Okay. Nothing's... Okay!
752
00:56:09,297 --> 00:56:12,266
Good man, good man, good man.
753
00:56:12,333 --> 00:56:15,962
- Okay, we're wobbling...
- You forgot your towel.
754
00:56:16,037 --> 00:56:18,528
Get him off me! I'll kill him!
755
00:56:18,639 --> 00:56:21,164
- Okay, Ford, there's a...
- Is that better?
756
00:56:21,275 --> 00:56:23,243
No, that's worse, that's worse.
757
00:56:23,344 --> 00:56:26,677
- Do what... I don't need that.
- Okay.
758
00:56:26,781 --> 00:56:29,477
Stop the rocking.
Marvin, any ideas?
759
00:56:29,550 --> 00:56:33,179
I have a million ideas.
They all point to certain death.
760
00:56:33,287 --> 00:56:34,686
Thanks, Marv.
761
00:56:46,434 --> 00:56:51,667
Ooh, ooh. Eee. Ooh, ooh.
762
00:56:56,210 --> 00:56:59,771
Whoo!
763
00:57:01,349 --> 00:57:04,341
Whee! Whee!
764
00:57:13,294 --> 00:57:15,023
Yeah! Yeah!
765
00:57:19,700 --> 00:57:24,831
- Magrathea!
- No, we're on the Vogon planet.
766
00:57:24,905 --> 00:57:27,533
- Yes, it is. It's Magrathea!
- This is Vogsphere.
767
00:57:27,608 --> 00:57:30,771
- Yeah, Magrathea. I know it.
- No, it's not.
768
00:57:30,878 --> 00:57:34,405
- There is no Magrathea.
- Yes, it is.
769
00:57:35,016 --> 00:57:37,712
- What are you doing?
- They took my head.
770
00:57:37,818 --> 00:57:40,651
They have these
on Arcturan mega freighters.
771
00:57:40,755 --> 00:57:43,246
They use them when
they need to concentrate.
772
00:57:43,357 --> 00:57:45,621
- What is it?
- It's a thinking cap.
773
00:57:50,331 --> 00:57:52,492
There you go.
774
00:57:56,537 --> 00:58:00,303
Should give him some zest
for about ten minutes or so.
775
00:58:00,374 --> 00:58:04,811
Now I'm feeling
much better about our predicament.
776
00:58:25,166 --> 00:58:29,296
I checked the Guide for how
to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere.
777
00:58:29,370 --> 00:58:32,567
It said don't.
I'm assuming you have a better plan.
778
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:35,165
Well, I kind of had this idea
that we could... Ow!
779
00:58:37,211 --> 00:58:39,475
- Did anyone see that?
- See what?
780
00:58:39,580 --> 00:58:41,480
- What was it?
- Uh...
781
00:58:41,582 --> 00:58:45,882
Nothing, it's, uh, nothing.
It's just my imagination.
782
00:58:45,986 --> 00:58:50,252
Okay, right. Now, everyone just stop
a minute, please, and look at me.
783
00:58:50,324 --> 00:58:55,227
There's... definitely
something going on here.
784
00:58:55,296 --> 00:58:59,232
Just... just watch.
785
00:58:59,300 --> 00:59:02,758
Just watch.
786
00:59:04,705 --> 00:59:07,173
Okay, I think we...
787
00:59:07,274 --> 00:59:09,333
- Oooh!
- Ah-ha! You too!
788
00:59:11,078 --> 00:59:13,410
Yeah, what was that?
789
00:59:13,514 --> 00:59:15,573
I thi...
790
00:59:16,817 --> 00:59:18,808
Zaphod, what do you think?
791
00:59:22,123 --> 00:59:26,822
I think... Ow! Zarquon!
What was that? Jeez!
792
00:59:26,927 --> 00:59:30,556
I'd make a suggestion,
but you wouldn't listen.
793
00:59:30,664 --> 00:59:33,565
- No one ever does.
- I have an idea.
794
00:59:33,667 --> 00:59:36,795
Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ford!
Kill it! Get rid of it!
795
00:59:45,179 --> 00:59:48,012
Okay, don't think.
796
00:59:48,115 --> 00:59:50,606
Nobody think. No ideas.
797
00:59:50,684 --> 00:59:52,845
No theories. No nothing.
798
00:59:56,390 --> 00:59:58,915
Ow!
799
00:59:59,026 --> 01:00:01,654
This is crazy.
Trillian is in there somewhere.
800
01:00:01,762 --> 01:00:06,597
- We need an idea to save her.
- I have an ide...
801
01:00:06,667 --> 01:00:08,794
- Ah! Run!
- Yeeaaghh!
802
01:00:33,494 --> 01:00:35,860
Ooh! Ah!
803
01:00:38,132 --> 01:00:40,259
You're supposed to stop.
804
01:00:49,510 --> 01:00:53,776
Okay, so I'm not thinking.
Not thinking. No ideas coming.
805
01:00:56,617 --> 01:00:59,745
Okay, this isn't an idea
that has any merit at all,
806
01:00:59,854 --> 01:01:03,756
but, Marvin, can you give me a hand?
807
01:01:06,193 --> 01:01:08,320
Okay, where is she?!
808
01:01:11,298 --> 01:01:14,131
Who, the director of robot arm repair?
809
01:01:15,836 --> 01:01:20,330
Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus
of... Blaard?
810
01:01:20,441 --> 01:01:23,672
No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.
811
01:01:23,777 --> 01:01:25,335
Oh. Right.
812
01:01:30,484 --> 01:01:35,353
Sorry, no record of Earth.
813
01:01:35,422 --> 01:01:39,222
Galactic sector
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?
814
01:01:39,326 --> 01:01:42,762
- Oh, yes.
- She's lying.
815
01:01:44,265 --> 01:01:47,598
She's skinny, and she's pretty,
and she's lying.
816
01:01:47,735 --> 01:01:51,466
- Mmmm.
- Here we are. Earth.
817
01:01:51,539 --> 01:01:54,940
Oh. Um, "destroyed."
818
01:01:55,075 --> 01:01:58,476
Um, do you have
a second home planet?
819
01:01:58,579 --> 01:02:02,106
- Destroyed? That's impossible.
- That's what it says here.
820
01:02:02,182 --> 01:02:07,347
Says it was destroyed to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
821
01:02:13,294 --> 01:02:17,993
Who in their right mind
gives an order to destroy a planet?
822
01:02:20,100 --> 01:02:24,093
- He said the gray building, right?
- All the buildings are gray.
823
01:02:24,204 --> 01:02:27,537
"Give me a hand." Ha-ha, very funny.
824
01:02:27,608 --> 01:02:31,100
How am I supposed to drive this pod
with one arm? Stupid human.
825
01:02:36,717 --> 01:02:38,708
Go and fill that in.
826
01:02:38,786 --> 01:02:42,119
Then, make sure, when you fill in
the facilitating form...
827
01:02:42,222 --> 01:02:47,091
Leave this to me. I'm British.
I know how to queue.
828
01:02:47,161 --> 01:02:51,063
If you'd fill that form in for me,
829
01:02:51,131 --> 01:02:53,861
and return it as soon as possible.
830
01:02:53,934 --> 01:02:58,303
- Writing implements to your left...
- You're President. Can you do anything?
831
01:02:58,405 --> 01:03:03,274
Presidents don't have power. Their job
is to draw attention away from it.
832
01:03:05,346 --> 01:03:07,405
Hey, how you doin'?
833
01:03:07,481 --> 01:03:12,214
Hey, it's me, your President!
What's goin' on? Thanks for coming.
834
01:03:12,286 --> 01:03:15,119
All right. I know that sponge.
All right!
835
01:03:15,222 --> 01:03:17,588
- Next!
- President coming through.
836
01:03:17,691 --> 01:03:20,660
How you doin', Pinhead?
No, really, it's me.
837
01:03:21,528 --> 01:03:23,359
I love kabuki. Look at that.
838
01:03:23,430 --> 01:03:26,331
Out the way.
839
01:03:27,167 --> 01:03:29,465
Give us a kiss!
840
01:03:30,504 --> 01:03:33,439
Hi, I've come about
release of a prisoner.
841
01:03:33,507 --> 01:03:37,238
Prisoner release form.
842
01:03:37,311 --> 01:03:38,903
Oh, wha...?
843
01:03:38,979 --> 01:03:41,209
I don't believe you.
844
01:03:41,281 --> 01:03:43,909
These are the orders.
845
01:03:48,389 --> 01:03:49,856
"Love and kisses"?!
846
01:03:49,957 --> 01:03:54,621
Mm. Now, according
to the Galactic Penal Code,
847
01:03:54,695 --> 01:03:59,428
the punishment for
a presidential kidnapping
848
01:03:59,533 --> 01:04:03,299
is to be fed to
the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
849
01:04:04,171 --> 01:04:06,139
Good day.
850
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:08,970
Ow, get off of me!
851
01:04:09,076 --> 01:04:12,705
Ow! What the hell is that?
852
01:04:12,813 --> 01:04:19,184
Ow, no, wait, wait! There's been
some kind of mistake. Ah!
853
01:04:20,254 --> 01:04:25,886
- Tick all the boxes on the right.
- Right. Got it.
854
01:04:25,959 --> 01:04:27,950
Not that one!
855
01:04:28,028 --> 01:04:32,328
What to do if you find yourself
stuck with no hope of rescue.
856
01:04:32,433 --> 01:04:36,802
Consider how lucky you are
that life has been good to you so far.
857
01:04:36,870 --> 01:04:40,271
Alternatively, if life
hasn't been good to you so far,
858
01:04:40,374 --> 01:04:43,537
which, given your current circumstances
seems more likely,
859
01:04:43,610 --> 01:04:47,740
consider how lucky you are that
it won't be troubling you much longer.
860
01:04:51,185 --> 01:04:54,086
Right, there we go.
861
01:04:54,188 --> 01:04:56,588
Oh, kidnapping the President.
862
01:04:56,690 --> 01:05:01,127
Oh, no, she's not eligible
for release at this time.
863
01:05:01,195 --> 01:05:04,358
Okay. Right.
Look, this is the President.
864
01:05:04,465 --> 01:05:06,592
- Oh!
- Okay. See, there?
865
01:05:06,667 --> 01:05:10,330
He says the kidnapping business
was a horrible misunderstanding.
866
01:05:10,404 --> 01:05:11,928
Oh, yeah.
867
01:05:12,039 --> 01:05:15,736
She meant nothing by it.
He's ordering you to let her go.
868
01:05:15,843 --> 01:05:20,576
But this isn't a presidential
release of prisoner form.
869
01:05:20,681 --> 01:05:23,878
Those are blue.
870
01:05:23,984 --> 01:05:28,045
- I'll stay here.
- All right. Hold that. Okay. Wai...
871
01:05:32,693 --> 01:05:36,789
Oh, he's hungry today.
872
01:05:37,664 --> 01:05:39,188
That's blue. Right.
873
01:05:41,435 --> 01:05:44,404
- I'm not a journalist.
- We're just hanging out.
874
01:05:44,471 --> 01:05:47,736
Okay, this is, uh,
it's for Tricia McMillan.
875
01:05:47,808 --> 01:05:52,108
Tricia McMillan. Mm. Okay.
876
01:05:53,347 --> 01:05:57,477
Sir, it's a release form.
877
01:05:57,584 --> 01:05:58,915
Thank you.
878
01:05:59,019 --> 01:06:02,079
She's free to go.
879
01:06:02,189 --> 01:06:05,420
Release her.
880
01:06:07,060 --> 01:06:10,894
Zaphod's here.
Well, then, uh, that's fine then.
881
01:06:17,674 --> 01:06:20,370
Who are we waiting for again?
882
01:06:24,415 --> 01:06:25,677
No, I'm serious.
883
01:06:28,385 --> 01:06:30,649
Tricia!
884
01:06:33,690 --> 01:06:36,250
- Tricia.
- Trill.
885
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:39,295
- Hey, come on.
- You idiot!
886
01:06:39,363 --> 01:06:41,388
You signed the order to destroy Earth.
887
01:06:41,465 --> 01:06:43,296
- He did?
- I did?
888
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:47,860
Yes."Love and kisses, Zaphod"?
You didn't even read it, did you?
889
01:06:47,938 --> 01:06:52,739
Honey, I'm President of the Galaxy.
I don't get a lot of time for reading.
890
01:06:54,845 --> 01:06:56,676
An entire planet, my home,
891
01:06:56,747 --> 01:06:59,875
destroyed because you thought
they wanted your autograph.
892
01:06:59,950 --> 01:07:02,748
- They framed me!
- Are you an idiot?
893
01:07:02,820 --> 01:07:06,756
- Trillian.
- You knew. Why didn't you tell me?
894
01:07:06,824 --> 01:07:10,920
- He threatened me.
- Get a backbone, Arthur.
895
01:07:10,994 --> 01:07:16,125
Oh, a backbone? What about coming here
to rescue you? Thank you. My idea. Oh!
896
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:20,393
Stupid!
897
01:07:23,674 --> 01:07:26,040
- Got your arm.
- How considerate.
898
01:07:26,109 --> 01:07:30,443
Right, then, all those lucky enough
to have two arms, hold tight.
899
01:07:45,863 --> 01:07:50,300
Oh, the President tests my patience.
900
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:55,235
This time I shall pursue him myself.
Ready my ship.
901
01:07:55,305 --> 01:07:58,240
Fantastic. At last.
902
01:08:02,846 --> 01:08:06,839
Oh. That's one hour for lunch,
everybody.
903
01:08:07,684 --> 01:08:11,142
I think I'll have soup today.
904
01:08:11,889 --> 01:08:15,416
The Encyclopedia Galactica,
in its chapter on love,
905
01:08:15,492 --> 01:08:18,928
states that it is
far too complicated to define.
906
01:08:18,996 --> 01:08:23,433
The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy has this to say on love.
907
01:08:23,567 --> 01:08:26,092
"Avoid, if at all possible."
908
01:08:26,169 --> 01:08:29,070
Unfortunately,
Arthur Dent has never read
909
01:08:29,172 --> 01:08:31,606
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
910
01:08:31,742 --> 01:08:35,701
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, come in.
911
01:08:35,812 --> 01:08:38,076
I... I didn't...
912
01:08:38,148 --> 01:08:42,676
Um, look, uh...
913
01:08:42,753 --> 01:08:45,688
Trillian, I just wanted to say,
you were right,
914
01:08:45,789 --> 01:08:50,624
I should've told you, and I understand
totally if you're angry with me.
915
01:08:50,694 --> 01:08:55,097
Um, for what it's worth,
I know how you must be feeling...
916
01:08:56,867 --> 01:09:01,201
- Can you hand me a towel?
- Yeah, sure, this...
917
01:09:02,673 --> 01:09:04,664
Thank you.
918
01:09:04,741 --> 01:09:07,733
Actually,
what I was going to say was...
919
01:09:09,046 --> 01:09:14,109
...if I'd said yes to you
and gone to Madagascar,
920
01:09:14,184 --> 01:09:18,052
then neither of us would be here now.
921
01:09:18,155 --> 01:09:21,921
I just thought that might
count for something.
922
01:09:25,295 --> 01:09:27,195
It doesn't matter.
923
01:09:50,253 --> 01:09:55,850
All right, computer, take us to...
Where are we... Where we headed again?
924
01:09:55,926 --> 01:09:59,384
Okay, I'm gonna get you
another lemon.
925
01:09:59,463 --> 01:10:01,454
All right.
926
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:08,198
Engaging Improbability Drive.
927
01:10:08,271 --> 01:10:12,173
No, Zaphod, no.
Buttons are not toys. What did you do?
928
01:10:12,242 --> 01:10:14,107
Magrathean coordinates accepted.
929
01:10:21,952 --> 01:10:24,580
It blows my circuits to tell you
930
01:10:24,654 --> 01:10:28,055
that we're in orbit,
at an altitude of 300 miles,
931
01:10:28,158 --> 01:10:31,787
around the legendary planet
of Magrathea.
932
01:10:31,895 --> 01:10:34,591
Magrathea! Magrathea!
933
01:10:35,766 --> 01:10:38,257
Magrathea!
934
01:10:40,070 --> 01:10:42,197
Unbelievable.
935
01:10:45,742 --> 01:10:48,711
Incredible.
936
01:10:48,779 --> 01:10:51,247
It's even worse
than I thought it would be.
937
01:10:52,449 --> 01:10:56,749
Greetings. This is a recorded
announcement as we are all out.
938
01:10:56,853 --> 01:11:00,289
The Commercial Council of Magrathea
thanks you for your visit,
939
01:11:00,390 --> 01:11:03,757
but regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed.
940
01:11:03,827 --> 01:11:07,627
If you'd like to leave your name
and a planet where you can be contacted,
941
01:11:07,731 --> 01:11:09,824
kindly do so at the tone.
942
01:11:10,934 --> 01:11:14,870
- How can a planet be closed?
- Zarkin' A, cousin.
943
01:11:14,938 --> 01:11:18,374
Okay, computer, keep going.
Take us down.
944
01:11:18,475 --> 01:11:20,033
I'd be happy to.
945
01:11:21,678 --> 01:11:24,374
It is gratifying
that your enthusiasm
946
01:11:24,447 --> 01:11:26,506
for our planet continues unabated.
947
01:11:26,883 --> 01:11:29,477
As a token of our appreciation,
948
01:11:29,586 --> 01:11:32,612
we hope you will enjoy
the two thermo-nuclear missiles
949
01:11:32,722 --> 01:11:35,987
we've just sent
to converge with your craft.
950
01:11:36,726 --> 01:11:39,126
To ensure on-going quality of service,
951
01:11:39,229 --> 01:11:43,461
your death may be monitored
for training purposes. Thank you.
952
01:11:43,533 --> 01:11:45,501
I'm delighted to tell you
953
01:11:45,602 --> 01:11:48,469
there are two nuclear missiles
heading right for us.
954
01:11:48,538 --> 01:11:51,871
If you don't mind,
I'm going to take evasive action.
955
01:11:56,213 --> 01:11:59,444
Something's jamming
my guidance system.
956
01:11:59,516 --> 01:12:01,484
Impact minus 45 seconds.
957
01:12:05,255 --> 01:12:07,416
Computer, do something!
958
01:12:07,557 --> 01:12:11,823
Sure. Handing over
manual control. Good luck.
959
01:12:22,539 --> 01:12:25,269
I need some help.
960
01:12:25,375 --> 01:12:27,900
I can't do this without my third arm.
961
01:12:30,180 --> 01:12:32,978
Arthur, grab my hand!
962
01:12:43,426 --> 01:12:47,157
- Did we lose 'em?
- No, they're coming right at us.
963
01:12:49,799 --> 01:12:53,530
- Why don't I just press this?
- No, we're not back to normal yet.
964
01:12:53,603 --> 01:12:55,628
- What will happen?
- I don't know.
965
01:12:55,705 --> 01:12:59,698
Don't do it! We're here.
No telling where it'll send us.
966
01:13:03,179 --> 01:13:04,646
- Sod it all.
- No!
967
01:13:08,652 --> 01:13:12,019
Wow. Where are we?
968
01:13:14,491 --> 01:13:19,190
Exactly where we were.
969
01:13:19,329 --> 01:13:20,626
And the missiles?
970
01:13:21,698 --> 01:13:27,227
Apparently, they've turned...
into a bowl of petunias.
971
01:13:27,871 --> 01:13:31,602
And a very surprised-looking whale.
972
01:13:31,708 --> 01:13:39,012
And an improbability factor
of 8,767, 128 to 1 against.
973
01:13:39,916 --> 01:13:42,783
We have norm... normality.
974
01:13:42,886 --> 01:13:45,320
Normality, right.
975
01:13:45,388 --> 01:13:48,323
We can talk about normality
till the cows come home.
976
01:13:49,492 --> 01:13:52,518
- What is normal?
- What's home?
977
01:13:52,662 --> 01:13:54,323
What are cows?
978
01:13:55,498 --> 01:13:58,399
A proper cup of tea
would restore my normality.
979
01:13:58,468 --> 01:14:02,734
It is important to note that
suddenly, and against all probability,
980
01:14:02,806 --> 01:14:05,707
a sperm whale had been
called into existence
981
01:14:05,775 --> 01:14:09,871
several miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
982
01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:12,813
Since this is not a tenable
position for a whale,
983
01:14:12,882 --> 01:14:17,910
this innocent creature had very little
time to come to terms with its identity.
984
01:14:17,988 --> 01:14:20,582
This is what it thought as it fell:
985
01:14:20,657 --> 01:14:23,888
Ah, whoa, what's happening? Who am I?
986
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:27,589
Why am I here? What's my purpose?
What do I mean by who am I?
987
01:14:27,731 --> 01:14:29,858
Okay, Okay, calm down, get a grip now.
988
01:14:29,966 --> 01:14:34,027
Ooh, this is an interesting sensation.
A sort of tingling in my...
989
01:14:34,104 --> 01:14:39,167
I better start finding names for things.
Let's call it a tail. Yeah, tail.
990
01:14:39,275 --> 01:14:43,336
What's this roaring sound whooshing past
what I'm gonna call my head?
991
01:14:43,446 --> 01:14:45,539
Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.
992
01:14:45,648 --> 01:14:48,913
Yay, this is really exciting.
I'm dizzy with anticipation.
993
01:14:48,985 --> 01:14:51,579
Or is it the wind?
There's a lot of that now.
994
01:14:51,654 --> 01:14:55,715
And what's this thing coming towards me
very fast? So big and flat and round.
995
01:14:55,825 --> 01:15:00,922
It needs a big wide-sounding name
like ow, ound, round, ground!
996
01:15:01,031 --> 01:15:05,559
That's it, ground. I wonder if it will
be friends with me. Hello, ground.
997
01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:11,771
The only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias
998
01:15:11,841 --> 01:15:15,868
as it fell was, "Oh, no, not again!"
999
01:15:17,113 --> 01:15:22,745
Many have speculated that if we knew
why the petunias had thought that,
1000
01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:28,222
we should know a lot more about the
nature of the universe than we do now.
1001
01:15:32,562 --> 01:15:34,826
What are those things?
1002
01:15:34,898 --> 01:15:38,265
They're portals
to another dimension.
1003
01:15:38,368 --> 01:15:42,828
Right. I don't suppose this
portal has central heating, does it?
1004
01:15:48,178 --> 01:15:50,669
Ah, this is the one.
1005
01:15:50,814 --> 01:15:55,251
This will all end in tears,
I just know it.
1006
01:15:58,121 --> 01:16:00,282
Right here.
1007
01:16:00,390 --> 01:16:04,588
Hey! Whoa!
1008
01:16:04,694 --> 01:16:07,162
Okay, in we go!
1009
01:16:07,230 --> 01:16:12,395
We can't just step into that... that!
We don't know where it leads.
1010
01:16:12,469 --> 01:16:14,596
If we pick the wrong one,
1011
01:16:14,704 --> 01:16:18,435
we just... we come back,
we pick another one. It's no biggie.
1012
01:16:18,541 --> 01:16:22,136
What? Yeah, it's a big biggie,
Ford. A big biggie.
1013
01:16:22,245 --> 01:16:27,239
What if it rips us all into
tiny little atomic particle thingies?
1014
01:16:27,317 --> 01:16:30,878
This is the right one. I have a hunch.
1015
01:16:30,954 --> 01:16:35,152
- Ford!
- His hunches are good.
1016
01:16:35,258 --> 01:16:37,658
Arthur, I say we go.
1017
01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:43,630
Go with the hunch of a man
whose brain is fuelled by lemons?!
1018
01:16:43,700 --> 01:16:45,361
This is suicide!
1019
01:16:45,435 --> 01:16:49,496
- I think I resent that.
- I don't care.
1020
01:16:49,572 --> 01:16:52,473
I'm getting hostility
from you, Alex...
1021
01:16:52,542 --> 01:16:56,103
- Arthur!
- Have you ever tried yoga?
1022
01:16:57,313 --> 01:17:00,908
- Trillian!
- I think that's supposed to happen.
1023
01:17:05,755 --> 01:17:09,156
She's gone!
Ford, she's gone!
1024
01:17:09,259 --> 01:17:12,251
Arthur, don't panic!
1025
01:17:13,963 --> 01:17:17,899
- Ford!
- Hey, wait for me!
1026
01:17:18,635 --> 01:17:20,967
Whoo!
1027
01:17:31,447 --> 01:17:33,210
Come on.
1028
01:17:33,283 --> 01:17:39,313
Idiot! Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
1029
01:17:43,026 --> 01:17:45,426
Ahhh!
1030
01:18:00,343 --> 01:18:04,040
No, no, no, don't leave.
Come on, come on, just start!
1031
01:18:04,113 --> 01:18:07,241
I told you this would end in tears.
1032
01:18:07,350 --> 01:18:09,443
Did you? Did you?
1033
01:18:17,260 --> 01:18:20,457
Geronimo!
1034
01:18:20,563 --> 01:18:23,054
Ooomph!
1035
01:18:23,166 --> 01:18:27,660
Far out! Far out! Ha-ha!
1036
01:18:27,737 --> 01:18:32,436
This is it. This is it!
Deep Thought. I'm a-coming.
1037
01:18:35,245 --> 01:18:41,582
So, this is how
it's all going to end, is it?
1038
01:18:41,651 --> 01:18:46,588
Me, alone on a dead planet,
with a manically depressed robot.
1039
01:18:46,656 --> 01:18:49,124
You think you've got problems.
1040
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:51,750
What if you are
a manically depressed robot?
1041
01:18:51,861 --> 01:18:53,055
Excuse me.
1042
01:18:53,129 --> 01:18:57,088
- Aaaaagghhh!
- Whoa, whoa.
1043
01:19:00,136 --> 01:19:04,766
- Who are you?
- No, uh, my name is not important.
1044
01:19:04,874 --> 01:19:08,435
Uh, you must come with me.
1045
01:19:08,511 --> 01:19:12,777
- Get away.
- Terrible events are afoot.
1046
01:19:12,882 --> 01:19:16,409
Um, you... you must come
or you'll be late.
1047
01:19:16,486 --> 01:19:18,750
- Late? What for?
- What?
1048
01:19:18,821 --> 01:19:24,350
No, no. What's...
what's your name, Earthman?
1049
01:19:25,328 --> 01:19:27,728
- Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Well...
1050
01:19:27,797 --> 01:19:30,527
late as in
"the late Dentarthurdent."
1051
01:19:31,267 --> 01:19:35,169
It's a sort of threat, do you see? No.
1052
01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:38,263
- No.
- Your friends are safe.
1053
01:19:38,341 --> 01:19:41,606
- You can trust me.
- A man who won't tell me his name?
1054
01:19:41,678 --> 01:19:46,445
Okay, my name is, um...
1055
01:19:46,516 --> 01:19:50,452
...my name is... is...
is... Slartibartfast.
1056
01:19:52,588 --> 01:19:55,682
I... I... I said it wasn't important.
1057
01:19:57,360 --> 01:20:01,558
Well... so my friends are safe?
1058
01:20:01,664 --> 01:20:03,131
Let me show you.
1059
01:20:03,199 --> 01:20:09,104
I could calculate your chances
of survival, but you won't like it.
1060
01:20:34,030 --> 01:20:36,828
Did you know we built planets?
1061
01:20:36,933 --> 01:20:40,960
Oh, yes, fascinating trade.
1062
01:20:41,037 --> 01:20:45,736
Doing the, um... doing the coastlines
was always my favorite.
1063
01:20:45,808 --> 01:20:51,474
We used to have endless fun doing the
little fiddly bits around the fjords.
1064
01:20:51,547 --> 01:20:56,541
But then the galactic economy collapsed,
and seeing that custom-built planets
1065
01:20:56,652 --> 01:21:02,181
are a... are a bit of
a luxury commodity...
1066
01:21:02,258 --> 01:21:06,126
Come with me because there's
been a terrible mix-up with your planet.
1067
01:21:06,195 --> 01:21:08,459
Best laid plans of mice, you know.
1068
01:21:08,564 --> 01:21:12,022
- And men.
- What?
1069
01:21:12,101 --> 01:21:14,092
Best laid plans of mice and men.
1070
01:21:14,170 --> 01:21:18,937
Yes, well, I don't think men
have much to do with it. Here.
1071
01:21:58,948 --> 01:22:01,917
Um, I must warn you,
1072
01:22:01,984 --> 01:22:05,476
we're going to pass through,
well, a sort of gateway thing.
1073
01:22:05,588 --> 01:22:07,818
- Huh?
- It may disturb you.
1074
01:22:07,890 --> 01:22:11,690
It scares the willies out of me.
1075
01:22:11,794 --> 01:22:13,785
Aghh! Aghh!
1076
01:22:40,156 --> 01:22:45,992
Ha, ha, ha.
Welcome to our factory floor.
1077
01:23:07,083 --> 01:23:08,880
Okay.
1078
01:23:08,951 --> 01:23:12,409
All right. All right.
1079
01:23:12,488 --> 01:23:15,355
Yeah, this is it.
1080
01:23:18,394 --> 01:23:20,919
This is it.
1081
01:23:21,030 --> 01:23:24,898
O great Deep Thought!
1082
01:23:25,001 --> 01:23:26,696
We have traveled long...
1083
01:23:28,804 --> 01:23:30,567
...and far.
1084
01:23:30,673 --> 01:23:36,168
Have you calculated
the ultimate question of life,
1085
01:23:36,245 --> 01:23:38,645
the universe and everything?
1086
01:23:38,714 --> 01:23:40,477
No.
1087
01:23:40,550 --> 01:23:43,144
- What?
- I've been watching TV.
1088
01:23:43,252 --> 01:23:44,310
Oh.
1089
01:23:44,387 --> 01:23:48,084
I designed
another computer to do that.
1090
01:23:48,157 --> 01:23:50,455
Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?
1091
01:23:50,560 --> 01:23:53,324
No, it's not here. It's another world.
1092
01:23:53,429 --> 01:23:55,590
It's on another world.
1093
01:23:55,665 --> 01:23:59,157
It is another world, stupid.
1094
01:23:59,235 --> 01:24:01,703
Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it
1095
01:24:01,771 --> 01:24:04,103
to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
1096
01:24:04,307 --> 01:24:06,571
Well... Okay.
1097
01:24:06,642 --> 01:24:08,735
You sure you don't have the question,
1098
01:24:08,844 --> 01:24:12,371
or a way to, you know,
access it or something?
1099
01:24:12,448 --> 01:24:14,416
'Cause I think I've done
a lot to get here.
1100
01:24:14,517 --> 01:24:18,977
Oh, shh, shh. The show's back on.
1101
01:24:23,326 --> 01:24:27,387
Well, I don't wanna bother you,
so I'm gonna... Good stuff.
1102
01:24:27,496 --> 01:24:31,933
Great. I'm gonna go and find something
else for my entire life to be about.
1103
01:24:32,001 --> 01:24:35,300
Zaphod, Zaphod,
there's the... the gun.
1104
01:24:35,371 --> 01:24:37,669
- Gun?
- That Humma sent you for.
1105
01:24:37,773 --> 01:24:42,233
- You gave him your head.
- Why'd I... Why'd I do that?
1106
01:24:42,311 --> 01:24:44,006
- Okay.
- That's stupid.
1107
01:24:44,113 --> 01:24:49,210
O Deep Thought,
we were told that there is a gun.
1108
01:25:04,033 --> 01:25:06,297
- There you are.
- Hm?
1109
01:25:06,369 --> 01:25:08,064
Look familiar?
1110
01:25:08,137 --> 01:25:11,629
So it wasn't destroyed?
1111
01:25:11,707 --> 01:25:16,007
Actually, it was.
This is a backup. Earth Mark II.
1112
01:25:19,115 --> 01:25:20,912
So you... you made the Earth?
1113
01:25:21,017 --> 01:25:24,646
Not me alone,
but I... I did my part.
1114
01:25:24,754 --> 01:25:28,019
Ever heard of a place,
I think it's called Norway?
1115
01:25:28,124 --> 01:25:31,992
That was one of mine.
I... I got an award for it.
1116
01:25:39,368 --> 01:25:41,598
Oh, hoo!
1117
01:25:41,671 --> 01:25:45,129
All right, Frank?
That's... that's Frank.
1118
01:25:46,075 --> 01:25:50,842
Ah-ha. They...
they've nearly finished the oceans.
1119
01:25:59,021 --> 01:26:00,352
Zaphod.
1120
01:26:00,456 --> 01:26:02,447
Here, it's...
1121
01:26:04,960 --> 01:26:08,020
...it's just like Humma said.
1122
01:26:08,097 --> 01:26:10,691
- Now you can go get your head back.
- Hey, Ford.
1123
01:26:10,800 --> 01:26:13,268
It's been nice knowing you,
you zarking frood.
1124
01:26:13,335 --> 01:26:14,359
No!
1125
01:26:14,437 --> 01:26:16,701
- Whoa!
- This is a bust too.
1126
01:26:16,806 --> 01:26:22,369
H... H... Hey, man. You know,
you must really be frustrated.
1127
01:26:22,478 --> 01:26:25,379
You go through all you have,
you don't get an answer,
1128
01:26:25,481 --> 01:26:28,075
which means no money or fame,
which you deserve...
1129
01:26:28,184 --> 01:26:30,778
The Point-of-View Gun,
conveniently,
1130
01:26:30,886 --> 01:26:33,286
does precisely what its name suggests.
1131
01:26:33,389 --> 01:26:35,914
Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic.
1132
01:26:37,026 --> 01:26:39,995
If you point it at
someone and pull the trigger,
1133
01:26:40,129 --> 01:26:42,723
they instantly see things
from your point of view.
1134
01:26:42,832 --> 01:26:44,800
Give me that thing.
1135
01:26:44,900 --> 01:26:46,868
It was designed by Deep Thought,
1136
01:26:46,936 --> 01:26:50,838
but commissioned by a consortium
of intergalactic angry housewives
1137
01:26:50,906 --> 01:26:53,374
who, after arguments
with their husbands,
1138
01:26:53,442 --> 01:26:56,809
were sick of ending
those arguments with the phrase,
1139
01:26:56,912 --> 01:26:58,971
"You just don't get it, do you?"
1140
01:27:00,216 --> 01:27:04,050
Uh, uh, and you're right,
I shouldn't be so upset
1141
01:27:04,120 --> 01:27:06,384
because life goes on, you know,
1142
01:27:06,455 --> 01:27:09,253
and I should just go on with it.
1143
01:27:09,325 --> 01:27:11,623
Shoot him again.
1144
01:27:11,694 --> 01:27:13,685
Whoa.
1145
01:27:14,930 --> 01:27:18,696
Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good too.
1146
01:27:18,768 --> 01:27:22,101
- Say what?
- That is brilliant.
1147
01:27:22,171 --> 01:27:24,230
What's goin'...?
1148
01:27:24,306 --> 01:27:27,104
I can see why Humma Kavula
would want one of these.
1149
01:27:28,344 --> 01:27:31,074
- We better get back. Arthur's waiting.
- Who cares?
1150
01:27:31,147 --> 01:27:35,709
I do. Especially since we're somewhat
of an endangered species, thanks to you.
1151
01:27:35,785 --> 01:27:37,912
Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
1152
01:27:38,053 --> 01:27:40,817
You wanna know why I'm edgy?
1153
01:27:40,923 --> 01:27:44,859
Argh. Of course you're edgy.
Your planet's been blown up
1154
01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:48,589
and you've been tooling around
with the guy who signed the order.
1155
01:27:48,697 --> 01:27:50,221
Huh?
1156
01:27:50,299 --> 01:27:53,097
Ugh! You actually wanted
to know the question
1157
01:27:53,202 --> 01:27:56,103
because you always wondered
if there was more to life
1158
01:27:56,138 --> 01:28:00,040
and now you're crushed
because you find out there really isn't.
1159
01:28:00,109 --> 01:28:04,637
Hey, fantastic. Psychedelic.
1160
01:28:06,448 --> 01:28:10,214
You've got no home, no family,
and you're stuck with me,
1161
01:28:10,319 --> 01:28:13,948
another in a long line of men
who doesn't really get you.
1162
01:28:14,023 --> 01:28:17,652
Huh? That's not true.
1163
01:28:21,063 --> 01:28:25,466
And you're worried you might have blown
it with the one guy who really does.
1164
01:28:27,169 --> 01:28:28,966
Hey, whoops.
1165
01:28:31,073 --> 01:28:33,701
Oh, baby doll.
1166
01:28:33,809 --> 01:28:37,176
Give me that thing.
1167
01:28:38,614 --> 01:28:42,880
It won't affect me.
I'm already a woman.
1168
01:28:53,996 --> 01:28:56,294
It's okay.
It's only a couple of little mice!
1169
01:29:00,035 --> 01:29:03,527
Voil�!
Himalayas. Good, eh?
1170
01:29:07,009 --> 01:29:09,375
Earthman, you must realize
1171
01:29:09,478 --> 01:29:16,008
that the planet you lived on was
commissioned, paid for and run by mice.
1172
01:29:18,787 --> 01:29:22,086
When you say mice, do you mean
the little furry white creatures
1173
01:29:22,157 --> 01:29:24,057
with whiskers, ears, cheese?
1174
01:29:24,159 --> 01:29:29,222
Yeah, but they're protrusions into our
dimension of hyper intelligent beings.
1175
01:29:29,298 --> 01:29:32,790
I don't know this cheese
of which you speak,
1176
01:29:32,902 --> 01:29:36,633
but they were there on Earth
as mice experimenting on you.
1177
01:29:36,739 --> 01:29:41,642
I see where you've become confused now.
You see, we were experimenting on them.
1178
01:29:41,744 --> 01:29:45,612
Ah, no, well, yeah, no.
That's what they wanted you to think,
1179
01:29:45,681 --> 01:29:49,640
but you were actually
elements in their computer program.
1180
01:29:51,353 --> 01:29:53,821
Actually, this explains a lot.
1181
01:29:53,923 --> 01:29:56,551
All my life,
I've had this strange feeling
1182
01:29:56,625 --> 01:29:59,651
there's something big and sinister
going on in the world.
1183
01:29:59,762 --> 01:30:03,493
No, that's normal paranoia.
Everyone in the universe gets that.
1184
01:30:06,835 --> 01:30:10,362
Perhaps I'm old and tired,
but the chances of finding out
1185
01:30:10,439 --> 01:30:13,135
what's actually going on
are so absurdly remote
1186
01:30:13,242 --> 01:30:17,338
that the only thing to do is say hang
the sense of it and keep yourself busy.
1187
01:30:17,446 --> 01:30:19,880
I'd much rather be happy
than right any day.
1188
01:30:19,982 --> 01:30:21,950
- And are you?
- Uh... no.
1189
01:30:22,051 --> 01:30:24,713
That's where
it all falls down, of course.
1190
01:30:35,998 --> 01:30:38,091
Here you are then.
1191
01:30:52,614 --> 01:30:54,241
Is this...?
1192
01:31:08,230 --> 01:31:10,494
It's, um... It's all there.
1193
01:31:11,633 --> 01:31:13,897
You know, it all works.
1194
01:31:13,969 --> 01:31:16,028
Welcome home.
1195
01:31:35,591 --> 01:31:37,923
- Hey!
- Hey, man!
1196
01:31:38,027 --> 01:31:40,120
- There you are!
- Surprise!
1197
01:31:40,195 --> 01:31:43,130
What are you doing?
What happened to you?
1198
01:31:43,265 --> 01:31:44,732
Is that tea?
1199
01:31:44,800 --> 01:31:49,134
- First, our hosts attacked us.
- Right.
1200
01:31:49,204 --> 01:31:52,696
But then they made up for it
by making us...
1201
01:31:52,775 --> 01:31:55,073
...this amazing meal.
1202
01:31:56,111 --> 01:31:59,308
It's so... Everything's right.
Everything's delicious.
1203
01:32:00,916 --> 01:32:03,612
Oh, come on, that's lovely.
1204
01:32:03,685 --> 01:32:05,949
We're glad you like it, Earth creature.
1205
01:32:10,159 --> 01:32:14,823
The, um, talking... talking mice. Cool.
1206
01:32:14,930 --> 01:32:20,061
- Sit, Earthman.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.
1207
01:32:21,036 --> 01:32:24,472
- Please, drink.
- Um, uh, excuse me.
1208
01:32:24,573 --> 01:32:27,940
- Uh, is there anything else?
- No, we're quite happy, thank you.
1209
01:32:28,043 --> 01:32:31,774
Um, good, I'll be outside, so...
1210
01:32:31,847 --> 01:32:34,077
You were right.
1211
01:32:34,149 --> 01:32:35,946
- Please, drink.
- Yes.
1212
01:32:36,618 --> 01:32:38,552
He was right.
1213
01:32:38,687 --> 01:32:40,518
Now, to business.
1214
01:32:40,589 --> 01:32:42,420
To business!
1215
01:32:42,491 --> 01:32:43,788
Eat!
1216
01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:45,655
- Shh.
- Sorry.
1217
01:32:45,761 --> 01:32:48,252
We've spent a lot of time
on your planet
1218
01:32:48,330 --> 01:32:50,298
looking for this ultimate question.
1219
01:32:50,399 --> 01:32:53,960
Only to have it blow up
in our faces. Literally.
1220
01:32:54,069 --> 01:32:57,596
Which is why you're here.
We've been offered a lucrative contract
1221
01:32:57,639 --> 01:32:59,664
to do several 5-D TV chat shows.
1222
01:32:59,741 --> 01:33:02,335
But here's the point.
We must have product.
1223
01:33:02,411 --> 01:33:05,608
We need the ultimate question,
or one that sounds ultimate.
1224
01:33:05,714 --> 01:33:07,773
- Of course.
- We've rebuilt the planet.
1225
01:33:07,850 --> 01:33:11,013
Now all we need
is the missing piece of the puzzle.
1226
01:33:11,086 --> 01:33:13,281
- Which happens to be your brain.
- Right.
1227
01:33:13,355 --> 01:33:14,652
More tea?
1228
01:33:14,756 --> 01:33:17,486
Sorry, did you just say
you need my brain?
1229
01:33:17,559 --> 01:33:19,823
Yes, to complete the program.
1230
01:33:22,798 --> 01:33:25,528
You can't have my brain. I'm using it.
1231
01:33:25,634 --> 01:33:30,469
- Hardly.
- Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse.
1232
01:33:34,943 --> 01:33:37,503
Zaphod! Trillian!
1233
01:33:37,613 --> 01:33:39,911
Ford.
1234
01:33:39,982 --> 01:33:41,472
What was in that food?
1235
01:33:41,583 --> 01:33:45,314
What was in my tea?
1236
01:33:45,387 --> 01:33:47,981
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
1237
01:33:51,426 --> 01:33:53,451
Just wait a sodding minute.
1238
01:33:53,595 --> 01:33:56,120
You want a question
that goes with the answer 42?
1239
01:33:56,198 --> 01:33:57,859
What about, what's 6x7?
1240
01:33:57,966 --> 01:34:01,527
Or, um, uh, how many Vogons
does it take to change a light bulb?
1241
01:34:01,603 --> 01:34:05,403
Here's one: How many roads
must a man walk down?
1242
01:34:06,775 --> 01:34:08,743
Hey, that's not bad.
1243
01:34:08,844 --> 01:34:15,249
Fine. Fine, take it, 'cause my head
is filled with questions,
1244
01:34:15,350 --> 01:34:17,580
and no answer to any one of them
1245
01:34:17,686 --> 01:34:21,315
has ever brought me
one iota of happiness.
1246
01:34:21,390 --> 01:34:22,982
Except for one.
1247
01:34:23,058 --> 01:34:26,027
The one. The only question
I've ever wanted an answer to.
1248
01:34:26,094 --> 01:34:27,721
Is she the one?
1249
01:34:28,797 --> 01:34:32,233
The answer bloody well isn't 42,
it's yes.
1250
01:34:32,334 --> 01:34:37,863
Undoubtedly, unequivocally,
unabashedly, yes.
1251
01:34:37,940 --> 01:34:40,841
And for one week,
1252
01:34:40,943 --> 01:34:45,710
one week in my sad little...
blip of an existence...
1253
01:34:48,016 --> 01:34:50,484
...it made me happy.
1254
01:34:52,187 --> 01:34:53,620
That's a good answer.
1255
01:34:53,722 --> 01:34:56,919
We don't want to be happy.
We want to be famous.
1256
01:34:56,992 --> 01:35:00,689
- What's this "Is she the one" tripe?
- Take his brain!
1257
01:35:00,762 --> 01:35:03,959
No, don't take the brain!
Don't take the brain, mice!
1258
01:35:13,075 --> 01:35:14,702
It wasn't me!
1259
01:35:14,776 --> 01:35:16,676
I'm famous.
1260
01:35:16,745 --> 01:35:19,145
Shoot him, quickly, shoot him!
1261
01:35:19,214 --> 01:35:20,681
Oh, bollocks!
1262
01:35:20,816 --> 01:35:22,306
Agghh!
1263
01:35:29,725 --> 01:35:31,215
I'm gonna be sick.
1264
01:35:34,029 --> 01:35:35,496
Belgium.
1265
01:35:44,673 --> 01:35:46,106
Follow me.
1266
01:35:46,742 --> 01:35:49,267
Left, right, left, right.
1267
01:35:49,378 --> 01:35:51,869
Attention!
1268
01:35:55,350 --> 01:35:58,319
Thanks a lot
for leaving me behind.
1269
01:35:58,420 --> 01:36:00,684
Though I can't say I blame you.
1270
01:36:00,756 --> 01:36:04,453
Mr. President,
we're here for your protection.
1271
01:36:04,526 --> 01:36:06,858
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
1272
01:36:06,962 --> 01:36:08,293
Fire!
1273
01:36:10,098 --> 01:36:11,725
No! No!
1274
01:36:14,770 --> 01:36:16,863
What's all the fuss about?
1275
01:36:16,972 --> 01:36:19,805
Vogons are the worst marksmen
in the galaxy. Ooh.
1276
01:36:19,875 --> 01:36:25,006
- For God's sake, stop!
- Cease fire.
1277
01:36:31,653 --> 01:36:36,147
Now I've got a headache...
headache... headache...
1278
01:36:44,366 --> 01:36:46,334
Marvin!
1279
01:36:46,435 --> 01:36:47,697
Oh, no.
1280
01:36:47,769 --> 01:36:53,207
He's got a towel, run away!
1281
01:36:55,444 --> 01:36:58,413
I'm gonna get us outta here.
How do you drive this thing?
1282
01:37:02,250 --> 01:37:05,310
We need that gun.
1283
01:37:05,387 --> 01:37:08,322
Come on. Get this ship started.
Come on. Start!
1284
01:37:09,424 --> 01:37:11,449
Come on. Oh, fire, fire!
1285
01:37:11,593 --> 01:37:12,890
Fire, fire!
1286
01:37:13,895 --> 01:37:16,125
Oo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
1287
01:37:17,499 --> 01:37:19,763
He's locked it
from the other side.
1288
01:37:19,835 --> 01:37:21,962
We'll have to go the other way.
1289
01:37:22,070 --> 01:37:24,004
Come on, let's go!
1290
01:37:29,311 --> 01:37:31,802
Stop!
1291
01:37:34,049 --> 01:37:36,074
Oh, no!
1292
01:37:37,853 --> 01:37:41,983
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop shooting at us!
1293
01:38:01,076 --> 01:38:04,739
Oh, I feel so depressed.
1294
01:38:06,148 --> 01:38:11,085
I can't face another day.
1295
01:38:12,954 --> 01:38:14,751
What's the point?
1296
01:38:22,798 --> 01:38:25,062
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1297
01:38:30,772 --> 01:38:33,639
Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.
1298
01:38:39,181 --> 01:38:41,411
Marvin, you saved our lives.
1299
01:38:41,483 --> 01:38:44,748
I know. Wretched, isn't it?
1300
01:38:50,225 --> 01:38:53,251
You got to ask yourself,
what's the point?
1301
01:38:53,395 --> 01:38:56,125
Take it away.
1302
01:39:03,705 --> 01:39:08,972
You could do all of that, but it's not
gonna... Well, I'll ask... I'll just ask.
1303
01:39:09,077 --> 01:39:12,877
I... I... I've just been informed
by some of the lads
1304
01:39:12,981 --> 01:39:15,415
that since we're so near completion,
1305
01:39:15,484 --> 01:39:17,884
we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.
1306
01:39:17,953 --> 01:39:19,477
Oh.
1307
01:39:19,588 --> 01:39:23,615
We, well, we can put it back exactly
as it was when you left, you know.
1308
01:39:23,692 --> 01:39:27,059
Unless there's, um...
1309
01:39:27,162 --> 01:39:30,654
...there's, you know,
anything you want to change.
1310
01:39:32,801 --> 01:39:38,103
Something you think
your planet could do without.
1311
01:39:39,541 --> 01:39:42,840
Yeah. Me.
1312
01:39:43,311 --> 01:39:45,575
Oh! Um, hello?
1313
01:39:45,647 --> 01:39:49,344
No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.
1314
01:39:51,319 --> 01:39:52,911
Let's go somewhere.
1315
01:39:52,988 --> 01:39:55,582
Definitely. Where did you have in mind?
1316
01:39:55,690 --> 01:39:58,921
I know this great restaurant
at the end of the universe.
1317
01:39:59,027 --> 01:40:02,053
I am a little peckish.
1318
01:40:04,065 --> 01:40:06,863
I need to go to Humma's.
He's got something of mine.
1319
01:40:06,968 --> 01:40:12,565
- I think. I'm so confused.
- Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.
1320
01:40:12,674 --> 01:40:16,303
All right, let's trip the
light fantastic, baby. Just you and me.
1321
01:40:16,411 --> 01:40:18,242
Come on.
1322
01:40:18,346 --> 01:40:22,407
- You got your towel?
- Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?
1323
01:40:22,517 --> 01:40:25,953
- Only always.
- Right. Yeah.
1324
01:40:26,054 --> 01:40:29,990
I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel.
1325
01:40:35,063 --> 01:40:37,964
Okay. Hold tight.
1326
01:40:41,469 --> 01:40:46,668
Stand by for commencement
of life cycle. In three, two, one...
1327
01:40:46,741 --> 01:40:50,302
All right! Whoo!
1328
01:41:32,854 --> 01:41:35,152
Not that
anyone cares what I say,
1329
01:41:35,223 --> 01:41:38,454
but the restaurant
is at the other end of the universe.
1330
01:43:41,683 --> 01:43:42,980
Yeah!
1331
01:43:54,129 --> 01:43:55,562
Play it!
1332
01:44:53,822 --> 01:44:58,054
It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives.
1333
01:44:58,159 --> 01:45:01,253
But the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
1334
01:45:01,362 --> 01:45:04,991
For instance, at the very moment
that Arthur Dent said,
1335
01:45:05,099 --> 01:45:08,660
"I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel"
1336
01:45:08,736 --> 01:45:13,332
a freak wormhole opened up in
the fabric of the space-time continuum
1337
01:45:13,408 --> 01:45:16,900
and carried his words far,
far back in time,
1338
01:45:16,978 --> 01:45:21,039
across almost infinite reaches of space,
to a distant galaxy
1339
01:45:21,115 --> 01:45:24,812
where strange and warlike beings
were poised on the brink
1340
01:45:24,886 --> 01:45:27,377
of frightful interstellar battle.
1341
01:45:27,455 --> 01:45:32,017
The two opposing leaders, resplendent
in their black-jeweled battle shorts
1342
01:45:32,093 --> 01:45:34,118
were meeting for the last time,
1343
01:45:34,262 --> 01:45:37,026
when a dreadful silence fell.
1344
01:45:37,098 --> 01:45:39,066
And at that very moment,
1345
01:45:39,167 --> 01:45:43,160
the words "I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel"
1346
01:45:43,304 --> 01:45:46,273
drifted across the conference table.
1347
01:45:46,341 --> 01:45:49,037
Unfortunately, in their native tongue,
1348
01:45:49,110 --> 01:45:52,102
this was the most appalling
insult imaginable.
1349
01:45:52,213 --> 01:45:53,840
So the opposing battle fleets
1350
01:45:53,915 --> 01:45:56,509
decided to settle
their remaining differences,
1351
01:45:56,584 --> 01:45:59,985
in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
1352
01:46:00,088 --> 01:46:04,184
now positively identified
as the source of the offending remark.
1353
01:46:04,292 --> 01:46:07,523
For thousands of years,
the mighty starships tore across
1354
01:46:07,662 --> 01:46:13,100
the empty wastes of space and finally
dived screaming onto the planet Earth,
1355
01:46:13,167 --> 01:46:17,194
where, due to
a terrible miscalculation of scale,
1356
01:46:17,305 --> 01:46:22,140
the entire battle fleet was
accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
1357
01:46:22,210 --> 01:46:25,805
Those who study the complex
interplay of cause and effect
1358
01:46:25,914 --> 01:46:27,643
in the history of the universe,
1359
01:46:27,749 --> 01:46:32,277
say that this sort of thing
is going on all the time.