1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,338
[AS WAGNER'S "BRIDAL MARCH"]
♪ Here comes the bachelor ♪
2
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:07,507
♪ All dressed in my nice jacket
I only wear for special events ♪
3
00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,842
Oh, you're already on fire.
Thank you, my friend.
4
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,969
And, gentlemen, welcome
to my bachelor party.
5
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,346
This is the elite party squad.
6
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,681
That is, assuming the
Captain is ready to let loose?
7
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:16,890
HOLT: Captain? I don't think so.
8
00:00:16,974 --> 00:00:18,809
I want you guys to think
of me as one of the boys.
9
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,978
So tonight I'll be swapping
out my captain's hat for my…
10
00:00:22,062 --> 00:00:24,563
Kangol hat. Call me Raymond.
11
00:00:24,647 --> 00:00:26,148
Okay, Raymond in the Kangol hat, I will
12
00:00:26,232 --> 00:00:27,983
definitely call you Raymond,
Raymond in the Kangol hat.
13
00:00:28,067 --> 00:00:29,151
This is the best night of my life.
14
00:00:29,235 --> 00:00:30,403
Mine too. Sharon gave me permission
15
00:00:30,487 --> 00:00:31,571
to get wasted.
16
00:00:31,946 --> 00:00:33,321
She's even putting a pasta pot
17
00:00:33,405 --> 00:00:34,823
next to the bed in case I hurl. Smart.
18
00:00:34,907 --> 00:00:36,866
I'm definitely putting a pasta
pot on our wedding registry.
19
00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:38,868
Charles, tell us everything
we're doing tonight.
20
00:00:38,952 --> 00:00:40,328
Well, that could take a long time.
21
00:00:40,412 --> 00:00:42,788
I've been planning this
bachelor party for 10 years.
22
00:00:42,872 --> 00:00:44,373
But I met Amy eight years ago.
23
00:00:44,457 --> 00:00:45,457
What does she have to do with this?
24
00:00:45,541 --> 00:00:46,709
JK. I'm happy for you both.
25
00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:49,211
No, no, tonight is about
26
00:00:49,295 --> 00:00:51,422
creating a bond that will last forever.
27
00:00:51,506 --> 00:00:53,881
Tonight is about The Batch Boys.
28
00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:55,341
Eh, we can brainstorm the name later.
29
00:00:55,425 --> 00:00:57,760
No, we can't because I
already made fanny packs.
30
00:00:57,844 --> 00:00:59,220
Ah, well, that settles that.
31
00:00:59,304 --> 00:01:00,888
This, uh, clearly says "Bach Boys."
32
00:01:00,972 --> 00:01:02,389
No, it's "batch."
33
00:01:02,473 --> 00:01:03,807
You know, like the
beginning of "bachelor."
34
00:01:03,891 --> 00:01:05,308
I've been working on this for 10 years.
Don't ruin it!
35
00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:07,811
Okay, so let's fanny up, Batch Boys,
36
00:01:07,895 --> 00:01:09,271
because it's time to party.
37
00:01:09,355 --> 00:01:10,480
Whoop, whoop!
38
00:01:10,564 --> 00:01:11,772
Yes.
39
00:01:11,856 --> 00:01:13,816
Whoop, whoop, Raymond in the Kangol.
40
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,443
[SOFTLY] Let's go.
41
00:01:15,735 --> 00:01:17,737
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
42
00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:38,046
SANTIAGO: I'm so excited for tonight.
43
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:41,048
Thank you to my best friend,
Kylie, for organizing this.
44
00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:43,259
And thank you for coming, ladies
45
00:01:43,343 --> 00:01:44,343
and gentlemen.
46
00:01:44,427 --> 00:01:45,678
I still don't get why you guys are here.
47
00:01:45,762 --> 00:01:47,013
Well, as I understand it, Amy
48
00:01:47,097 --> 00:01:48,638
lost some sort of bet with Jake.
It's true.
49
00:01:48,722 --> 00:01:50,056
In hindsight, we should probably stop
50
00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:52,225
making major decisions
through bets and competitions.
51
00:01:52,309 --> 00:01:53,977
More importantly, why are
you guys dressed like that?
52
00:01:54,061 --> 00:01:55,604
You look like you're on Empire.
53
00:01:55,688 --> 00:01:57,731
That's what we were going for.
Drip, drop.
54
00:01:57,815 --> 00:01:58,814
We brought you a little gift.
55
00:01:58,898 --> 00:02:00,316
I had to guess on cup size.
56
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,817
Just gonna burn that for you. Thank you.
57
00:02:01,901 --> 00:02:04,028
Amy, I too have a gift, okay?
58
00:02:04,112 --> 00:02:06,697
Tonight, until the stroke of midnight,
59
00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:09,574
I will not make fun of
you in any way at all,
60
00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:10,742
no matter what.
61
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:11,910
That is so sweet.
62
00:02:11,994 --> 00:02:13,203
And my gift to you
63
00:02:13,287 --> 00:02:16,955
is a cray-cray night of funky fun!
64
00:02:17,039 --> 00:02:19,789
I fear I've already made
the biggest mistake of my life.
65
00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:21,668
So, Kylie.
66
00:02:21,752 --> 00:02:22,836
What's the first event of the night?
67
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,088
I thought we'd start by
discussing the etymology
68
00:02:25,172 --> 00:02:27,132
of the word "bachelorette."
69
00:02:27,257 --> 00:02:28,466
Whoo-whoo!
70
00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:29,759
Or we could just play Never Have I Ever.
71
00:02:29,843 --> 00:02:30,927
Maybe later? I'll start.
72
00:02:31,011 --> 00:02:32,011
Never have I ever
73
00:02:32,095 --> 00:02:34,095
flashed a bartender to get a free drink.
74
00:02:35,682 --> 00:02:37,432
You guys know how the game works, right?
75
00:02:37,516 --> 00:02:38,725
You drink if you have done it.
76
00:02:38,809 --> 00:02:40,561
Oh. We understand.
77
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:45,648
Okay, Batch Boys, the
festivities officially begin now.
78
00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,525
Let's just grab a couple cabs or…
79
00:02:47,609 --> 00:02:49,777
Oh, my God. What do we have here?
80
00:02:49,861 --> 00:02:50,861
-Damn!
-[HORN HONKS]
81
00:02:50,945 --> 00:02:52,905
-Nice work on the limo, Charles.
-[TIRES SCREECH]
82
00:02:52,989 --> 00:02:55,657
What… What just happened?
83
00:02:55,741 --> 00:02:57,158
Well, that was weird.
84
00:02:57,242 --> 00:02:58,493
A suspicious bag.
85
00:02:58,577 --> 00:02:59,911
Maybe we should see what's in it?
86
00:02:59,995 --> 00:03:01,287
Ooh. A mystery bag.
87
00:03:01,371 --> 00:03:02,914
I hope it's got those light-up necklaces.
88
00:03:02,998 --> 00:03:05,290
People love seeing large groups
of drunk men wearing those.
89
00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:07,501
Nope. It's a bunch of school supplies.
90
00:03:08,085 --> 00:03:09,670
Is this gonna be one of
those scavenger hunts, Boyle?
91
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,463
'Cause that pasta
pot isn't filling itself.
92
00:03:11,547 --> 00:03:13,589
Come on, Terry.
Let's just see what the plan is.
93
00:03:13,673 --> 00:03:14,715
Charles, what are we doing?
94
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:15,842
I don't know anything about it.
95
00:03:15,926 --> 00:03:19,011
But why don't we take
this map and this sextant
96
00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:21,180
and chart a course to the restaurant?
97
00:03:21,264 --> 00:03:23,014
Title of your sex-tant tape.
98
00:03:23,098 --> 00:03:24,266
Ah, did not work at all,
99
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:25,684
but I love that you attempted it.
100
00:03:25,768 --> 00:03:26,852
Title of your sex-tant tape.
101
00:03:26,936 --> 00:03:28,019
All right, let's go!
102
00:03:28,103 --> 00:03:29,437
Never have I ever
103
00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:31,815
had sex in the back of a car.
104
00:03:32,523 --> 00:03:34,233
No way. Everyone's done that?
105
00:03:34,317 --> 00:03:35,442
Yeah. Except for you.
106
00:03:35,526 --> 00:03:37,528
Kylie, you're telling me you
had sex in the back of a car?
107
00:03:37,612 --> 00:03:38,988
Actually, it was a school bus,
108
00:03:39,072 --> 00:03:40,823
on the way back from Model UN
109
00:03:40,907 --> 00:03:42,031
with Myanmar.
110
00:03:42,115 --> 00:03:43,658
It's like I don't even know you.
111
00:03:43,742 --> 00:03:45,285
Look, we've done
like nine rounds of this,
112
00:03:45,369 --> 00:03:46,494
and you haven't drunk once.
113
00:03:46,578 --> 00:03:47,579
Maybe we should play something else
114
00:03:47,663 --> 00:03:48,663
that actually gets you drunk.
115
00:03:48,747 --> 00:03:50,498
I love you, dude, but you
haven't had the craziest life.
116
00:03:50,582 --> 00:03:52,165
That's not true. I've done stuff.
117
00:03:52,249 --> 00:03:54,459
Just say ones that
are a little less wild.
118
00:03:54,543 --> 00:03:57,588
Uh, never have I ever
made a turn without signaling.
119
00:03:58,255 --> 00:04:00,798
Okay, a turn is a big deal.
120
00:04:00,882 --> 00:04:02,550
It's not like you said, never have I ever
121
00:04:02,634 --> 00:04:03,968
changed lanes without signaling.
122
00:04:04,052 --> 00:04:06,429
Never have I ever changed
lanes without signaling.
123
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,264
You guys are insane!
124
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:09,807
Never have I ever
125
00:04:09,891 --> 00:04:12,392
accepted the terms and
conditions without reading them.
126
00:04:12,476 --> 00:04:13,727
It's too risky.
127
00:04:13,811 --> 00:04:15,353
Left a movie without
watching the credits.
128
00:04:15,437 --> 00:04:16,813
Those people worked hard.
129
00:04:16,897 --> 00:04:20,149
Used more than the
recommended amount of conditioner.
130
00:04:20,233 --> 00:04:22,985
They make the conditioner.
They know what they're doing.
131
00:04:23,069 --> 00:04:24,486
This is lame. Let's play something else.
132
00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:26,113
No. No, no, no, okay.
133
00:04:26,197 --> 00:04:27,406
Never have I ever
134
00:04:27,490 --> 00:04:30,325
had a one-night stand
with a guy from a band.
135
00:04:30,409 --> 00:04:31,993
Whoops! Yes, I have!
136
00:04:32,077 --> 00:04:35,455
Whoa, I am V impressed, Amy. V impressed.
137
00:04:35,539 --> 00:04:36,956
In fact, Kylie,
138
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,582
it was the lead singer
of your wedding band.
139
00:04:38,666 --> 00:04:40,125
Boom! That's right.
140
00:04:40,209 --> 00:04:41,460
I'm a wild girl!
141
00:04:41,544 --> 00:04:43,337
Watch out, Madonna. [LAUGHS]
142
00:04:43,421 --> 00:04:44,463
Uh, Ames?
143
00:04:44,547 --> 00:04:45,964
I told Jake that you
really liked that band
144
00:04:46,048 --> 00:04:48,398
and he booked it for your
wedding as a surprise.
145
00:04:48,925 --> 00:04:49,926
What?
146
00:04:50,010 --> 00:04:51,386
[SOFTLY] Surprise!
147
00:04:52,637 --> 00:04:54,972
So, according to this map,
148
00:04:55,056 --> 00:04:57,807
the restaurant should be right here.
149
00:04:57,891 --> 00:04:59,476
But it's just an old abandoned building.
150
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,645
That's odd. Unless…
151
00:05:01,729 --> 00:05:04,147
You don't think when the sun sets that
152
00:05:04,231 --> 00:05:07,358
certain letters on that
graffiti wall will be illuminated
153
00:05:07,442 --> 00:05:08,651
by a shaft of light?
154
00:05:08,735 --> 00:05:09,818
I don't think that.
155
00:05:09,902 --> 00:05:11,195
We've been at this bachelor party
156
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,405
for over an hour,
wandering around aimlessly
157
00:05:13,489 --> 00:05:15,950
and we haven't done
one bachelor party thing!
158
00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:18,618
Well, Terry, if you'd like, I
could share a lewd story.
159
00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,453
Kevin got me quite horny this morning.
160
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:21,621
[LAUGHS] Oh, see?
161
00:05:21,705 --> 00:05:23,706
Come on, guys. I'm hungry!
162
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,458
Oh, you're in luck. The fanny pack
163
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,042
is filled with granola.
164
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:30,504
Mmm! Loose granola.
165
00:05:30,588 --> 00:05:32,881
I don't want fanny granola!
166
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,549
I want steaks and whiskey!
167
00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:36,258
Is this whole night
just gonna be puzzles?
168
00:05:36,342 --> 00:05:38,344
Good question. Perhaps that's something
169
00:05:38,428 --> 00:05:39,929
-the limo can answer!
-[TIRES SCREECH]
170
00:05:40,013 --> 00:05:41,305
Oh. Oh, yes, the limo's back!
171
00:05:41,389 --> 00:05:42,598
We finally get to ride in the limo.
172
00:05:42,682 --> 00:05:44,641
Nope. The limo is not for us.
This is something else.
173
00:05:44,725 --> 00:05:46,101
Oh, no, I'm being kidnapped!
174
00:05:46,185 --> 00:05:49,854
We have your friend!
Your mission is to find him!
175
00:05:49,938 --> 00:05:51,189
Is that a Serbian accent?
176
00:05:51,273 --> 00:05:52,732
It is. Write that down for later.
177
00:05:52,816 --> 00:05:54,483
Oh! I'll see you in six hours.
178
00:05:54,567 --> 00:05:55,609
Six hours?
179
00:05:55,693 --> 00:05:58,153
Charles, let us get in the limo, please!
180
00:05:58,237 --> 00:05:59,947
Terry's so hungry!
181
00:06:00,031 --> 00:06:01,199
No!
182
00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:06,786
Okay, let's not get
discouraged just because…
183
00:06:06,870 --> 00:06:08,204
We've been doing this for 93 minutes
184
00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:10,123
and we haven't figured out one damn clue.
185
00:06:10,207 --> 00:06:11,958
That's why I said to not get discouraged.
186
00:06:12,042 --> 00:06:14,167
All right, what about book two?
Maybe it's a code.
187
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:15,585
All we have to do is decipher
188
00:06:15,669 --> 00:06:17,421
this list of thousands of random numbers.
189
00:06:17,505 --> 00:06:20,048
Huh, I wonder if one of them is… 6-9?
190
00:06:20,132 --> 00:06:21,550
Pretty sure he means
69, but I'm so hungry
191
00:06:21,634 --> 00:06:23,217
I can't even appreciate horndog Raymond.
192
00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:24,969
I say we bail on the scavenger hunt.
193
00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:26,679
There's a restaurant one block away that
194
00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:28,597
rolls meat to you on a cart.
195
00:06:28,681 --> 00:06:30,683
Charles would be so upset if we bailed.
196
00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:31,975
But what if Charles never knew?
197
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,309
If we can figure out
where he's going to be
198
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,769
at the end of the night,
we don't have to do
199
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,604
-any of his dumb puzzles.
-HOLT: Right.
200
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,023
Instead, we can spend the next six hours
201
00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:39,274
eating and drinking and
202
00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:41,108
talking about how we lost our V cards.
203
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,818
And then we show up at the final location
204
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,278
and pretend we did the stupid hunt.
205
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,280
Yeah, yeah… Interesting.
206
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,073
All right, I'm not saying
I'm on board with this
207
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,034
'cause it's a little bit
cruel, but hypothetically,
208
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,617
-if we were to cheat…
-JEFFORDS: Got it.
209
00:06:51,701 --> 00:06:52,994
I hacked his email.
210
00:06:53,370 --> 00:06:55,205
His password's really easy to guess.
211
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:57,280
BOTH: Dianne Wiest. And look here.
212
00:06:57,624 --> 00:06:59,625
There's a receipt for a party boat rental
213
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:01,126
and also a cake delivery
214
00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:02,961
to a dock down in Bergen Beach.
215
00:07:03,045 --> 00:07:04,755
That's got to be where this night ends.
216
00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:05,964
All right, fine.
217
00:07:06,048 --> 00:07:07,924
We will stop and get
one tiny, little snack
218
00:07:08,008 --> 00:07:09,967
just to recharge our brains and bods,
219
00:07:10,051 --> 00:07:11,969
but under no circumstances will we
220
00:07:12,053 --> 00:07:14,472
do any bachelor partying without Charles.
221
00:07:14,556 --> 00:07:16,474
Whoo! I'm getting married!
222
00:07:16,558 --> 00:07:18,975
This is my bachelor party! [CHUCKLES]
223
00:07:19,059 --> 00:07:20,226
You guys, I can't have
224
00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:22,395
some rando one-night stand at my wedding.
225
00:07:22,479 --> 00:07:23,813
GINA: I'm on the band's website.
226
00:07:23,897 --> 00:07:25,440
Not to tease you, but
227
00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:28,192
just so we all have the
complete information.
228
00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:30,402
Which one is he? Constantine Kane.
229
00:07:30,486 --> 00:07:31,529
Yes.
230
00:07:32,822 --> 00:07:33,864
I see.
231
00:07:33,948 --> 00:07:35,032
Why don't you just cancel the band?
232
00:07:35,116 --> 00:07:36,450
If I cancel, I'll have to
233
00:07:36,534 --> 00:07:38,618
tell Jake why, and I
don't want to do that.
234
00:07:38,702 --> 00:07:40,828
Well, it says he's playing a
solo show in Bed-Stuy tonight.
235
00:07:40,912 --> 00:07:42,246
We can just go down there and ask him
236
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:43,915
to pull out of the wedding. I don't know.
237
00:07:43,999 --> 00:07:46,084
Tonight was supposed
to be about us bonding,
238
00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:48,210
and instead, it's just starting
to be about some dude.
239
00:07:48,294 --> 00:07:50,504
No, it's about your
bachelorettes having your back.
240
00:07:50,588 --> 00:07:51,922
But I wanted tonight to be fun.
241
00:07:52,006 --> 00:07:53,006
KYLIE: And it will be.
242
00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:54,466
We're having a drunken adventure!
243
00:07:54,550 --> 00:07:55,634
Really?
244
00:07:56,759 --> 00:07:58,636
Okay. Yeah. Let's do it.
245
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,971
Yay! Bachelorette adventure!
246
00:08:01,055 --> 00:08:03,265
Kylie, you should talk less.
247
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,434
Sorry, I have to direct it somewhere.
248
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:06,935
Nice to meet you, by the way.
249
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,311
Hey, guys, if you're running out,
250
00:08:08,395 --> 00:08:09,938
I'm just gonna take
Hitchcock to the hospital.
251
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,022
Is he okay?
252
00:08:11,106 --> 00:08:12,273
He drank a lot during Never Have I Ever.
253
00:08:12,357 --> 00:08:13,775
We're gonna get his stomach pumped,
254
00:08:13,859 --> 00:08:15,409
try to get ahead of this thing.
255
00:08:16,152 --> 00:08:17,444
HOLT: That meat was good.
256
00:08:17,528 --> 00:08:18,862
You know what we should order?
257
00:08:18,946 --> 00:08:20,072
More meat.
258
00:08:20,156 --> 00:08:21,365
JEFFORDS: Yeah, we should.
259
00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:22,616
We're the Steak Studs!
260
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,159
The Steak Studs!
261
00:08:24,243 --> 00:08:25,326
No, no, no… Wait!
262
00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:27,120
Charles already gave us a name.
263
00:08:27,204 --> 00:08:29,288
And that is the only one we're gonna use.
264
00:08:29,372 --> 00:08:31,249
ALL: Steak Studs! Steak Studs!
265
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:32,959
-Steak Studs! Steak Studs!
-[CELL PHONE RINGS]
266
00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:34,459
Wait, wait. Steak Studs…
267
00:08:34,543 --> 00:08:35,669
It's Charles. Oh, no. Oh, no.
268
00:08:35,753 --> 00:08:36,878
What do we do? What do we do?
269
00:08:36,962 --> 00:08:37,963
Everyone, calm down.
270
00:08:38,047 --> 00:08:39,214
It'll be fine. I have an idea.
271
00:08:39,298 --> 00:08:40,549
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
272
00:08:40,716 --> 00:08:42,175
Why is everyone looking at me?
273
00:08:42,259 --> 00:08:44,343
You just said you had an
idea, then you stopped talking.
274
00:08:44,427 --> 00:08:46,262
Oh, my goodness. I'm very intoxicated.
275
00:08:46,346 --> 00:08:47,555
Oh, he's FaceTiming me, you guys.
276
00:08:47,639 --> 00:08:48,681
What do I do?
277
00:08:48,765 --> 00:08:49,974
He can't know we're at the restaurant.
278
00:08:50,058 --> 00:08:51,058
I need a neutral background.
279
00:08:51,142 --> 00:08:52,143
I'm a neutral background!
280
00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:54,102
-I'm huge!
-PERALTA: Yes. Genius.
281
00:08:54,186 --> 00:08:56,521
Let me put on my jacket. Okay.
282
00:08:56,688 --> 00:08:58,231
Hey, best man.
283
00:08:58,315 --> 00:09:00,275
Jake! Oh, I'm so scared.
284
00:09:00,359 --> 00:09:02,194
The kidnappers have me tied up and…
285
00:09:02,902 --> 00:09:04,570
[STAMMERS] Where are you guys?
286
00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:06,905
I don't want to say, in case
the kidnappers are listening.
287
00:09:06,989 --> 00:09:08,448
Smart. But please hurry.
288
00:09:08,532 --> 00:09:11,076
They're torturing me like
James Bond in Casino Royale.
289
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,661
It's all groin stuff! Oh, my God.
290
00:09:13,745 --> 00:09:17,540
Save me! Save… [EXHALES]
291
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:18,958
PERALTA: That was close.
292
00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:20,085
So…
293
00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:22,544
Should we order another round?
294
00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:25,256
♪ And that's why I cry ♪
295
00:09:25,381 --> 00:09:32,381
♪ Every time I eat my pecan pie…
à la mode ♪
296
00:09:33,888 --> 00:09:36,056
-Yeah, Constantine!
-Thank you.
297
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,141
Namaste.
298
00:09:37,225 --> 00:09:38,267
Look, in my defense,
299
00:09:38,351 --> 00:09:39,935
he didn't used to have that man bun.
300
00:09:40,019 --> 00:09:41,394
It was just a ponytail.
301
00:09:41,478 --> 00:09:43,104
I'm just gonna write
some of my thoughts down
302
00:09:43,188 --> 00:09:45,356
Just to let them out, so I don't explode.
303
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:49,068
Okay, look, no matter how
lame that dude's man purse is,
304
00:09:49,152 --> 00:09:51,202
Amy Santiago still had a one-night stand.
305
00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:53,280
-To Amy!
-ALL: Amy!
306
00:09:53,364 --> 00:09:54,448
Yeah.
307
00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:58,535
Actually, it technically
wasn't just one night.
308
00:09:58,619 --> 00:09:59,619
Explain.
309
00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,954
Well, he caught me trying to
sneak out the next morning,
310
00:10:02,038 --> 00:10:04,165
and then he started crying,
311
00:10:04,249 --> 00:10:05,541
so I hugged him, and
312
00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:07,627
while we were hugging, um,
313
00:10:07,711 --> 00:10:10,629
his mom FaceTimed, and he
introduced me as his girlfriend.
314
00:10:10,713 --> 00:10:12,214
Okay, so then right after the call,
315
00:10:12,298 --> 00:10:13,381
you broke up with him, ended it.
316
00:10:13,465 --> 00:10:15,300
Uh… How long were you with
317
00:10:15,384 --> 00:10:16,718
crying wedding-band man bun?
318
00:10:16,802 --> 00:10:18,594
Not that long.
I doubt he even remembers me.
319
00:10:18,678 --> 00:10:20,095
Oh, my God. Amy Santiago.
320
00:10:20,179 --> 00:10:21,513
Ladies and gentlemen,
321
00:10:21,597 --> 00:10:23,683
the love of my life is here.
322
00:10:24,517 --> 00:10:26,143
Three months. We dated for three months.
323
00:10:26,227 --> 00:10:28,478
[SIGHS] All right. This is the boat.
324
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:30,813
Now, Charles has to
think we're totally sober
325
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:32,106
and we solved his puzzle.
326
00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:33,691
So we good? Yep, I'm drunk as hell!
327
00:10:33,775 --> 00:10:35,652
That's not what I asked.
Don't worry about me.
328
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,486
I've seen you do enough of
these harebrained schemes
329
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,654
to know how to play along.
330
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,197
If Charles asks what's wrong,
331
00:10:40,281 --> 00:10:42,700
I'll just put on a quaint smile and say,
332
00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:44,952
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "Nothing."
333
00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:46,786
Amazing. That is actually perfect.
334
00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:48,621
All right, now let's hold
on to each other for balance
335
00:10:48,705 --> 00:10:50,581
like three totally sober grown men.
336
00:10:50,665 --> 00:10:51,750
Come here.
337
00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:53,835
And here we go.
338
00:10:54,669 --> 00:10:56,545
Oh, yeah, we're nailing this.
339
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,340
Hello? Charles?
340
00:11:00,424 --> 00:11:01,424
[MUSIC PLAYS]
341
00:11:01,508 --> 00:11:04,094
Surprise! Welcome to the party, pal!
342
00:11:04,178 --> 00:11:06,512
Wow! This is amazing!
343
00:11:06,596 --> 00:11:08,430
Yeah! Now we get to the best part.
344
00:11:08,514 --> 00:11:09,682
Steaks and shots!
345
00:11:09,766 --> 00:11:12,393
Oh, more meat and alcohol.
346
00:11:12,477 --> 00:11:14,103
"More?" What does that mean?
347
00:11:14,187 --> 00:11:16,854
ALL: Uh…
348
00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:18,774
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Nothing?
349
00:11:25,613 --> 00:11:27,364
Isn't this great? Uh-huh.
350
00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:29,992
So there is one question
about the scavenger hunt
351
00:11:30,117 --> 00:11:31,243
you have to answer.
352
00:11:31,327 --> 00:11:33,453
Was he everything you thought he'd be?
353
00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:34,829
Yes.
354
00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:37,164
He was everything I thought he'd be.
355
00:11:37,248 --> 00:11:40,918
Never before has a person so
perfectly met my expectations.
356
00:11:41,002 --> 00:11:42,128
I know!
357
00:11:42,212 --> 00:11:43,670
Isn't Reginald VelJohnson the best?
358
00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:45,630
Reginald VelJohnson? From Die Hard?
359
00:11:45,714 --> 00:11:48,064
Sergeant Powell was a
part of my bachelor party?
360
00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:51,011
Is what I said upon meeting him.
361
00:11:51,095 --> 00:11:52,469
I'm just still emotional about it.
362
00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:54,847
I can't believe you pulled that off!
363
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,098
[CHUCKLING] Yeah, I did.
364
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,832
I have one more surprise for you.
365
00:11:58,142 --> 00:12:00,644
If I could have your eyes, ears,
366
00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:04,022
-and emotional cores…
-[MUSIC PLAYS]
367
00:12:04,106 --> 00:12:06,024
I'd like to take you all on a journey.
368
00:12:06,108 --> 00:12:07,859
Wow, you got a lot of photos of my birth.
369
00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:09,569
Your mom didn't have any
pics, so I had to call the hospital.
370
00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:10,737
Ah. Jake Peralta.
371
00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:12,612
My partner. My best friend.
372
00:12:12,696 --> 00:12:14,698
My brother. My idol.
373
00:12:14,782 --> 00:12:17,701
The one man who has never let me down.
374
00:12:17,785 --> 00:12:19,494
Oh, that's very kind.
375
00:12:19,578 --> 00:12:21,871
Tonight had to be the biggest,
376
00:12:21,955 --> 00:12:24,207
most special bachelor party ever.
377
00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:27,335
It had to be extraordinary because you,
378
00:12:27,419 --> 00:12:30,003
my friend, are no ordinary man.
379
00:12:30,087 --> 00:12:35,551
In fact, you are 24 karat gold.
380
00:12:37,261 --> 00:12:39,678
♪ So if we get the big jobs and we make ♪
381
00:12:39,762 --> 00:12:43,390
24 karat gold!
382
00:12:43,474 --> 00:12:44,516
Is that a phrase I say? No.
383
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:45,684
Like the coins from the hunt!
384
00:12:45,768 --> 00:12:47,227
Yes, of course. From those.
385
00:12:47,311 --> 00:12:50,396
[BRITISH ACCENT] Now,
Terry, please present your gold coin.
386
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,440
My gold coin? The hell?
387
00:12:52,524 --> 00:12:54,484
From the last stop, the one
with Reginald VelJohnson.
388
00:12:54,568 --> 00:12:56,527
Yes, right, I already told you
that I was there and I met him.
389
00:12:56,611 --> 00:12:58,570
Stop bringing it up.
Terry, give the man his coin!
390
00:12:58,654 --> 00:12:59,780
The hell are you talking about, Jake?
391
00:12:59,864 --> 00:13:01,615
The coin. Give him the coin.
What coin? I don't have a…
392
00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:03,367
You give him a coin.
Give him his gold coin.
393
00:13:03,451 --> 00:13:05,786
What's going on, guys?
All right, here's the deal.
394
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:09,080
Terry's coin fell out of
his pocket, and we lost it.
395
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,539
We just didn't have
the heart to tell you.
396
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,833
BOYLE: Oh, no. That cost $800.
397
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,126
All right, Terry will pay me back later.
398
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,588
What? Captain, your coin, please.
399
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,172
♪ And as our lives change… ♪
400
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:20,799
I ate mine. You ate your coin?
401
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,050
Yes, I thought it was chocolate.
402
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,552
But you hate chocolate.
403
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,011
It has "too much taste."
404
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,679
[SIGHS] Oh, man.
405
00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:30,189
You guys didn't do the
scavenger hunt, did you?
406
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,684
And you call yourselves The Batch Boys?
407
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,269
Actually, we call
ourselves The Steak Studs.
408
00:13:34,353 --> 00:13:35,563
Raymond!
409
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:36,938
Why?
410
00:13:37,898 --> 00:13:39,565
I know why you're here, Turtle Bug.
411
00:13:39,649 --> 00:13:41,067
I feel like the fact that you just
412
00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:42,568
called me that means you don't.
413
00:13:42,652 --> 00:13:45,238
Uh, quick question.
If I make fun of Constantine,
414
00:13:45,322 --> 00:13:47,030
does that count as making fun of you?
415
00:13:47,114 --> 00:13:48,490
Yes. Okay.
416
00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:50,492
Can I make fun of you?
I'd rather you didn't.
417
00:13:50,576 --> 00:13:52,494
Well, I have to remove
myself from this situation.
418
00:13:52,578 --> 00:13:55,287
Look, I want to talk to you
about a gig you have coming up.
419
00:13:55,371 --> 00:13:57,081
Jake Peralta booked it. Yeah.
420
00:13:57,165 --> 00:13:58,207
Your wedding. What?
421
00:13:58,291 --> 00:13:59,792
If you knew that, then
why did you take it?
422
00:13:59,876 --> 00:14:01,001
I wrote you a love song.
423
00:14:01,085 --> 00:14:02,670
I'm gonna sing it, and
I'm gonna win you back.
424
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,838
Then we're gonna be on The Today Show.
425
00:14:04,922 --> 00:14:06,881
I love Hoda. Yeah, no.
426
00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:08,550
No, we will not.
427
00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,176
This is what's gonna happen, okay?
428
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,469
You're gonna call Jake,
429
00:14:11,553 --> 00:14:13,179
tell him something came up,
430
00:14:13,263 --> 00:14:14,513
and you have to cancel the gig.
431
00:14:14,597 --> 00:14:16,432
Not happening.
I'm gonna get on that stage.
432
00:14:16,516 --> 00:14:18,058
And I'm gonna play Amy Come Back.
433
00:14:18,142 --> 00:14:20,310
Fine. I'm gonna tell Jake everything.
434
00:14:20,394 --> 00:14:22,813
I'm canceling your band. Boom.
435
00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:25,857
Okay! That'll just cost you $15,000.
436
00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:26,941
Excuse me?
437
00:14:27,025 --> 00:14:28,317
Well, when I heard it was your wedding,
438
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,153
I knew your fiancé would cancel
439
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,321
when he found out about us, so…
440
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,656
I put in a huge kill fee.
441
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:37,076
[GASPS] Yeah, he never even noticed.
442
00:14:37,535 --> 00:14:39,535
He didn't read the terms and conditions.
443
00:14:40,204 --> 00:14:42,746
Look, Charles, I'm sorry that we cheated,
444
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:43,998
but your puzzle was too hard.
445
00:14:44,082 --> 00:14:45,624
Oh, don't give me that excuse.
446
00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:47,001
I worked hard on this night!
447
00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,419
And it all led up to this moment
448
00:14:48,503 --> 00:14:50,921
where everyone gives
you $3,200 in gold coins!
449
00:14:51,005 --> 00:14:53,381
Again, is the gold coin thing
based on something I said?
450
00:14:53,465 --> 00:14:55,550
You're 24 karat gold!
451
00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:56,885
Yeah, right, okay.
You guys are the worst.
452
00:14:56,969 --> 00:14:59,095
You're right, and we
shouldn't have lied to you.
453
00:14:59,179 --> 00:15:00,971
But all of this, the puzzle,
454
00:15:01,055 --> 00:15:02,806
it's what you wanted, not me.
455
00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:04,766
I just wanted to hang
out with my friends.
456
00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,894
Well, don't let me stop you.
457
00:15:07,061 --> 00:15:08,520
You can hang out with
your friends all you want,
458
00:15:08,604 --> 00:15:09,646
because I'm leaving.
459
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:10,771
PERALTA: Charles!
460
00:15:10,855 --> 00:15:11,940
[FIREWORKS POPPING]
461
00:15:12,399 --> 00:15:13,900
Come on, slideshow.
462
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:18,905
Boyle isn't picking up,
and I called Genevieve.
463
00:15:18,989 --> 00:15:20,655
She doesn't know where he is. Wait.
464
00:15:20,739 --> 00:15:22,908
I bet Charles is looking for
the coins he hid all over the city.
465
00:15:22,992 --> 00:15:24,326
They were so expensive.
466
00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,369
Also, why does he keep
saying I'm 24 karat gold?
467
00:15:26,453 --> 00:15:27,787
No idea. Makes zero sense.
468
00:15:27,871 --> 00:15:28,872
We'll have to figure it out later.
469
00:15:28,956 --> 00:15:30,414
In the meantime, we
gotta find those coins.
470
00:15:30,498 --> 00:15:31,874
Yes, but how do we
figure out where they are?
471
00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:33,334
All we have to do is solve
472
00:15:33,418 --> 00:15:35,294
the entire six-hour
scavenger hunt immediately.
473
00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:37,379
Raymond, toss me that sextant.
474
00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:39,088
Guys, we can do this!
475
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,798
-[SEXTANT THUDS]
-We cannot do this.
476
00:15:40,882 --> 00:15:42,217
We're way too drunk. [SIGHS]
477
00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:43,635
But there has to be someone that knows
478
00:15:43,719 --> 00:15:45,386
-where those coins are, right?
-Charles.
479
00:15:45,470 --> 00:15:47,055
Charles would know. Brilliant!
480
00:15:47,139 --> 00:15:48,639
We just have to find Charles,
but where might he be?
481
00:15:48,723 --> 00:15:50,307
He's probably digging up the gold coins.
482
00:15:50,391 --> 00:15:52,142
But who would know
where the gold coins are?
483
00:15:52,226 --> 00:15:54,144
Charles! Charles knows where they are.
484
00:15:54,228 --> 00:15:56,021
But where is he…
No, wait, we're stuck in a loop.
485
00:15:56,105 --> 00:15:57,480
We're super drunk and we're in a loop.
486
00:15:57,564 --> 00:15:59,815
We need to find someone who isn't Charles
487
00:15:59,899 --> 00:16:01,150
who knows where the coins are.
488
00:16:01,234 --> 00:16:02,985
[KNOCKING]
489
00:16:03,069 --> 00:16:04,571
[GASPS]
490
00:16:04,904 --> 00:16:06,197
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
491
00:16:06,281 --> 00:16:07,822
It's Reginald VelJohnson.
What's going on?
492
00:16:07,906 --> 00:16:09,032
Who are you? I'm Jake Peralta.
493
00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:10,492
You were part of my
bachelor party tonight.
494
00:16:10,576 --> 00:16:11,993
Oh, you're the jerk who didn't show.
495
00:16:12,077 --> 00:16:14,371
He knows who I am.
496
00:16:15,789 --> 00:16:17,415
[SOFT SQUEAL]
497
00:16:17,874 --> 00:16:20,167
Okay, so I need to come up with 15 grand
498
00:16:20,251 --> 00:16:23,254
or my father-daughter dance
is going to be performed by that.
499
00:16:23,338 --> 00:16:25,297
Wrong.
You're forgetting the most obvious option.
500
00:16:25,381 --> 00:16:26,714
Steal the contract and destroy it.
501
00:16:26,798 --> 00:16:28,883
Destroy a legal document?
I can't do that.
502
00:16:28,967 --> 00:16:30,927
You were right, I'm a boring square
503
00:16:31,011 --> 00:16:34,973
who's never actually had a
crazy, stranger bone session.
504
00:16:35,057 --> 00:16:37,224
Gina, your looks are just
as hurtful as your words.
505
00:16:37,308 --> 00:16:39,476
I'm sorry. I can only control so much.
506
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,353
I shouldn't have come back. Okay. Look.
507
00:16:41,437 --> 00:16:42,980
You don't have to steal it. We will.
508
00:16:43,064 --> 00:16:44,273
Right? Hell yeah.
509
00:16:44,357 --> 00:16:45,439
You guys don't have to do this.
510
00:16:45,523 --> 00:16:46,607
We told you. We're your bridesmaids.
511
00:16:46,691 --> 00:16:47,900
We have your back. Okay.
512
00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:49,360
I think if we distract
him, I can sneak in
513
00:16:49,444 --> 00:16:51,320
and take the contract
out of his man purse.
514
00:16:51,404 --> 00:16:52,863
Won't he know what's going on?
515
00:16:52,947 --> 00:16:54,155
He saw all of us with Amy.
516
00:16:54,239 --> 00:16:55,240
Not all of us.
517
00:16:56,367 --> 00:16:57,492
Sick set.
518
00:16:57,576 --> 00:16:58,952
You were really jamming up there.
519
00:16:59,036 --> 00:17:00,537
Oh. I'm Lucious Lyon.
520
00:17:00,621 --> 00:17:02,956
Record executive at… Executive Records.
521
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,416
Lucious Lyon. I've heard that name.
522
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,293
Anyway, we're always
looking for new talent.
523
00:17:07,377 --> 00:17:09,295
"We" being me and my partner.
524
00:17:09,379 --> 00:17:11,381
That's Cookie. Let me introduce you.
525
00:17:13,882 --> 00:17:15,467
[IMITATES BIRD SCREECHING]
526
00:17:16,885 --> 00:17:18,970
Where is it? Where is it?
527
00:17:19,054 --> 00:17:20,638
Why are there so many scarves in here?
528
00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:21,931
You looking for this?
529
00:17:22,015 --> 00:17:23,974
[IMITATES BIRD SCREECHING, TRILLING]
530
00:17:24,141 --> 00:17:25,684
I see him, Gina. Thank you.
531
00:17:25,768 --> 00:17:26,918
[IMITATES BIRD SCREECH]
532
00:17:27,061 --> 00:17:28,270
Look, Sergeant Powell…
533
00:17:28,354 --> 00:17:29,646
Oh, I'm sorry, is it
okay if I call you by
534
00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:30,939
your character name from Die Hard?
535
00:17:31,023 --> 00:17:32,356
No. Okay.
536
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,442
Look, Reginald, do you
know why Charles hired you?
537
00:17:34,526 --> 00:17:36,736
Because I love Die Hard
more than any other movie,
538
00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:37,820
and I loved you in it.
539
00:17:37,904 --> 00:17:40,156
For the record, I loved
you from Family Matters.
540
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,366
Carl Winslow made me
want to become a cop.
541
00:17:42,741 --> 00:17:43,908
Come on, Terry, you already have
542
00:17:43,992 --> 00:17:45,201
like six other reasons you became a cop.
543
00:17:45,285 --> 00:17:46,286
This is not your moment.
544
00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:47,746
And for the record, that's the first time
545
00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:49,331
I've ever heard him even
mention Family Matters.
546
00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:51,165
Look, it's late. Please leave.
547
00:17:51,249 --> 00:17:53,626
Come on. Look…
My best friend is out there.
548
00:17:54,001 --> 00:17:55,628
And you're the only one
who knows where he is.
549
00:17:55,712 --> 00:17:57,296
So, as much as I hate to do this,
550
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,465
you're gonna tell us where
those coins are hidden,
551
00:17:59,549 --> 00:18:00,590
or you're gonna regret it.
552
00:18:00,674 --> 00:18:01,716
What are you gonna do to me?
553
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,926
Stay here all night, making this sound.
554
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:08,765
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREECH]
555
00:18:08,849 --> 00:18:10,140
Fine, fine.
556
00:18:10,224 --> 00:18:11,600
-I'll tell you where he is.
-PERALTA: Yes.
557
00:18:11,684 --> 00:18:12,684
Thank you so much.
558
00:18:12,768 --> 00:18:14,144
Also, we're gonna need
you to take us there,
559
00:18:14,228 --> 00:18:15,771
'cause we're all too drunk to drive.
560
00:18:15,855 --> 00:18:18,440
You thought you could
distract me with a record deal?
561
00:18:18,524 --> 00:18:21,150
Please, I'm already represented.
562
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,234
By my mom.
563
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:23,486
God, you're a turd.
564
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,820
Well, this turd
565
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,739
is your best friend's future husband.
566
00:18:26,823 --> 00:18:28,490
Doink! Hey, wait, no!
567
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,450
Give that back to me! I'm wild!
568
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:33,578
-Keep going! Keep going!
-[SCREAMING]
569
00:18:33,662 --> 00:18:36,164
He's gaining on you. Not for long.
570
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:38,040
Free shots for everyone!
571
00:18:38,124 --> 00:18:39,124
[CHEERS]
572
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:40,876
Turtle Bug!
573
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,419
[CHEERS]
574
00:18:42,503 --> 00:18:43,962
Whoo!
575
00:18:44,046 --> 00:18:45,255
Buh-bye, Connie!
576
00:18:45,339 --> 00:18:47,298
Tell your mother I
said I never loved you,
577
00:18:47,382 --> 00:18:50,134
and that your whole
family is a bunch of friggin'…
578
00:18:50,218 --> 00:18:52,345
-[HEAVY THUD]
-[CROWD GASPS]
579
00:18:52,429 --> 00:18:54,722
[SCATTERED GASPS]
580
00:18:54,806 --> 00:18:56,973
Whoo, I broke a rule!
581
00:18:57,057 --> 00:18:58,850
[CHEERS]
582
00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:00,727
Never have I ever slept with a guy,
583
00:19:00,811 --> 00:19:02,771
broken his heart, hired
him to play at my wedding,
584
00:19:02,855 --> 00:19:04,314
stolen a legally binding
contract from him,
585
00:19:04,398 --> 00:19:06,273
jumped on a bar and
dumped booze on everyone,
586
00:19:06,357 --> 00:19:08,609
fallen off the bar, probably
given myself a concussion
587
00:19:08,693 --> 00:19:09,777
[SLAMS TABLE] and a permanent scar.
588
00:19:09,861 --> 00:19:11,946
I have ever! [CHEERS]
589
00:19:12,030 --> 00:19:14,490
Well, it is officially after midnight,
590
00:19:14,574 --> 00:19:16,741
so I can now say whatever I want.
591
00:19:16,825 --> 00:19:17,826
Uh-oh.
592
00:19:17,910 --> 00:19:19,411
Tonight was awesome,
593
00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:21,371
and I loved hanging out with your dorks.
594
00:19:21,455 --> 00:19:23,415
What? Aw, yeah.
595
00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:25,833
You know, the word "dork"
596
00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:28,293
is actually a Celtic
word meaning "lungfish."
597
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:30,505
Kylie, I'm trying so hard.
598
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,172
This is where he told me to wait for you.
599
00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:33,799
Oh, my God. This is the corner where
600
00:19:33,883 --> 00:19:36,134
John McClane met Zeus
Carver in Die Hard 3.
601
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,094
Oh, Charles. Yes, you're here.
602
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,595
What's going on? How did you find me?
603
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,763
Did you solve the puzzle?
604
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,056
No, they didn't.
605
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,224
They cheated again.
606
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,391
Reginald.
607
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,518
Hey, man, look.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
608
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,437
No, I'm the one who should apologize.
609
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:49,813
I overdid it tonight.
610
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,773
I wanted everything
to be perfect, because
611
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,359
it's our last big night
before you get married.
612
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:56,444
I guess I was a little worried
613
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:57,945
things were gonna change between us.
614
00:19:58,029 --> 00:20:00,781
Oh, Charles. Come on.
615
00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,782
Of course, things are gonna change.
616
00:20:02,866 --> 00:20:04,117
I'm getting married.
617
00:20:04,201 --> 00:20:06,494
I mean, didn't you
make me less of a priority
618
00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:08,378
when you and Genevieve got together?
619
00:20:10,833 --> 00:20:12,375
Yes. See?
620
00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:15,308
I mean, no matter what,
we'll always be best friends.
621
00:20:15,753 --> 00:20:17,546
Hey, you know why I didn't
like your scavenger hunt?
622
00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:19,256
'Cause it was stupid and overcomplicated.
623
00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:20,507
And way too long.
624
00:20:20,591 --> 00:20:21,966
There was no food. Or drinks.
625
00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:23,301
This is not a group conversation, guys.
626
00:20:23,385 --> 00:20:24,469
Well, you could have stood
627
00:20:24,553 --> 00:20:25,720
a little farther away from us then.
628
00:20:25,804 --> 00:20:26,846
Point taken.
629
00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:28,222
I didn't like it because
630
00:20:28,306 --> 00:20:30,475
you got kidnapped right at the beginning.
631
00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:31,933
You were gone for six hours.
632
00:20:32,017 --> 00:20:34,687
I wanted to spend my
bachelor party with you.
633
00:20:35,271 --> 00:20:36,355
[SOFT LAUGH]
634
00:20:36,939 --> 00:20:38,064
I can't believe you pissed off
635
00:20:38,148 --> 00:20:39,900
Reginald VelJohnson just to find me.
636
00:20:39,984 --> 00:20:41,567
Oh, please. He'll get over it.
637
00:20:41,651 --> 00:20:44,028
No, I won't.
You've made an enemy for life.
638
00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,030
And I'm telling Bruce Willis you suck.
639
00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:47,198
[GUTTURAL GASP]
640
00:20:50,409 --> 00:20:52,009
That's fine. I'm fine with that.
641
00:20:52,411 --> 00:20:53,578
It's good. What's important is that
642
00:20:53,662 --> 00:20:55,289
we made up, my best friend.
643
00:20:55,664 --> 00:20:56,915
Not Bruce Willis.
644
00:20:57,541 --> 00:20:58,541
BOYLE: To Jake and Amy!
645
00:20:58,625 --> 00:20:59,958
ALL: To Jake and Amy!
646
00:21:00,042 --> 00:21:01,210
BOTH: To us!
647
00:21:02,587 --> 00:21:04,546
Hey, so I need to tell you something.
648
00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:06,965
I had to cancel the wedding band,
649
00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:09,550
because I kind of dated
one of the dudes in it.
650
00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:10,802
Yeah, I know. Man bun.
651
00:21:10,886 --> 00:21:12,637
He left me a very long message
652
00:21:12,721 --> 00:21:14,722
-with a lot of details.
-Oh, no.
653
00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:16,516
He seems like a really passionate guy.
654
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,767
I'm never gonna live this down.
655
00:21:17,851 --> 00:21:19,351
-No, you are not.
-[SOFT LAUGH]
656
00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:20,811
I'm just kidding.
I'll never bring it up again.
657
00:21:20,895 --> 00:21:22,445
Thank you. You're the sweetest.
658
00:21:22,813 --> 00:21:24,773
I love you. I love you too, Turtle Bug.
659
00:21:24,857 --> 00:21:25,982
Oh, my… Yeah.
660
00:21:26,066 --> 00:21:27,650
Uh, do I still need to be here?
661
00:21:27,734 --> 00:21:28,818
Yes, Reginald.
662
00:21:28,902 --> 00:21:31,529
We're all toasted and we need rides home!
663
00:21:31,696 --> 00:21:33,698
[SOFTLY] It's Reginald VelJohnson!