1 00:00:04,591 --> 00:00:05,592 [SIGHS] 2 00:00:07,303 --> 00:00:09,639 Oh, hello. 3 00:00:09,764 --> 00:00:11,314 Guys! Guys, guys, check it out. 4 00:00:11,474 --> 00:00:12,850 Hitchcock fell asleep in the break room, 5 00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:14,894 so I put his hand in a bowl of warm water. 6 00:00:14,978 --> 00:00:16,353 Come on, man. That's the stupidest prank ever. 7 00:00:16,437 --> 00:00:19,983 Uh, no, it's the smartest, because it involves biology. 8 00:00:20,067 --> 00:00:22,152 I bet it worked already. Let's go check. 9 00:00:23,237 --> 00:00:24,279 Hitchcock, no! 10 00:00:24,363 --> 00:00:25,697 He's drowning. He's drowning! 11 00:00:25,781 --> 00:00:27,241 JEFFORDS: Save him, man! 12 00:00:27,449 --> 00:00:28,993 -[GRUNTS] -[GASPING] 13 00:00:30,495 --> 00:00:32,121 I take it back, Jake. Great prank. 14 00:00:32,205 --> 00:00:34,207 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 15 00:00:52,518 --> 00:00:55,980 Is everyone packed for the 28th Annual Tri-State Police Officer's Convention? 16 00:00:56,064 --> 00:00:57,565 I hear Bill Powell is giving a lecture 17 00:00:57,649 --> 00:01:00,735 on advances in appellate court e-filing techniques. 18 00:01:00,819 --> 00:01:02,445 Whew. Talk about "can't miss". 19 00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,905 Yeah, we don't really go for the talks. 20 00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:07,159 We're more interested in the extracurriculars. 21 00:01:07,243 --> 00:01:08,661 -Fart-five. -[BOTH BLOW RASPBERRY] 22 00:01:08,745 --> 00:01:11,080 Of course, Rochester has much to offer in that sphere. 23 00:01:11,164 --> 00:01:13,165 For instance, its famed thermometer museum. 24 00:01:13,249 --> 00:01:15,376 "Thermometer museum"? Uh, no, thanky. 25 00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:17,837 Here's what we are all about. 26 00:01:17,921 --> 00:01:19,214 One, free hotel rooms. 27 00:01:19,298 --> 00:01:21,174 I get to sleep in a bed by myself. 28 00:01:21,258 --> 00:01:22,342 No wife, no kids, 29 00:01:22,426 --> 00:01:24,594 just Terry starfishing on a Cal King! 30 00:01:24,678 --> 00:01:26,846 Two, a huge hall full of cool police tech. 31 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:28,724 Last year, I got to try out a heat ray. 32 00:01:28,808 --> 00:01:31,852 Three, the Buffalo PD always throws an insane party. 33 00:01:31,936 --> 00:01:34,772 Last year, Amy got so drunk, she jumped a police horse into the pool. 34 00:01:34,856 --> 00:01:36,607 Eight-drink Amy is an equestrian. 35 00:01:36,691 --> 00:01:37,817 And she's real bad at it. 36 00:01:37,901 --> 00:01:39,778 This isn't an excuse for you to party. 37 00:01:39,862 --> 00:01:42,698 This is a police convention, not the Newport Folk Festival. 38 00:01:42,782 --> 00:01:44,700 Come on, sir, it's been a hard year. 39 00:01:44,784 --> 00:01:47,160 I mean, frankly, we could all use a party to blow off some steam. 40 00:01:47,244 --> 00:01:48,453 First, we were on the night shift, 41 00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,247 then the precinct almost got shut down. 42 00:01:50,331 --> 00:01:52,083 I got hit by a bus! 43 00:01:52,167 --> 00:01:53,251 Well, we have been through a lot, 44 00:01:53,335 --> 00:01:56,588 but, frankly, our reputation has taken a hit. 45 00:01:56,672 --> 00:01:57,880 That's why I'm running for a seat 46 00:01:57,964 --> 00:01:59,215 on the convention's board of directors. 47 00:01:59,299 --> 00:02:01,843 If I win, it will look good for the precinct. 48 00:02:01,927 --> 00:02:05,098 So, please, don't do anything to jeopardize that. Understood? 49 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,891 Dismissed. 50 00:02:08,309 --> 00:02:09,560 That's a big old bummer. 51 00:02:09,644 --> 00:02:10,894 All right. Everybody, just relax. 52 00:02:10,978 --> 00:02:12,605 We're still gonna have a great time. 53 00:02:12,689 --> 00:02:13,897 If there's one thing I know, 54 00:02:13,981 --> 00:02:14,983 it's how to sneak out to a party 55 00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:16,901 without your parents finding out. 56 00:02:16,985 --> 00:02:19,279 I used to do it all the time. 57 00:02:19,363 --> 00:02:20,713 Well, I did it a few times. 58 00:02:21,615 --> 00:02:22,741 Once, 59 00:02:22,825 --> 00:02:24,925 to go to a Magic: The Gathering tournament. 60 00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:27,455 I got stuck in the window like Winnie-the-Pooh. There! Okay? 61 00:02:27,539 --> 00:02:29,791 Now you know everything. 62 00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:33,252 My mom had to pull me back in by my ponytail. All right, let's party! 63 00:02:33,336 --> 00:02:34,503 JEFFORDS: What is taking so long 64 00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,547 with those keys? I gotta hit that pillow top. 65 00:02:36,631 --> 00:02:37,798 It's starfish o'clock. 66 00:02:37,882 --> 00:02:38,925 Guys, guys, they're here. 67 00:02:39,009 --> 00:02:42,804 Hey, hey. What's up, BPD, aka Buffalo Party Department? 68 00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:44,931 [LAUGHS] That is gold. 69 00:02:45,015 --> 00:02:46,475 You guys coming tonight, right? 70 00:02:46,559 --> 00:02:48,810 Obviously. It's the only reason any of us are cops. 71 00:02:48,894 --> 00:02:53,024 All right, Detectives, here are your room assignments, uh… 72 00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:54,859 Wait a minute, what's going on here? 73 00:02:54,943 --> 00:02:56,110 You guys planning a party? What? 74 00:02:56,194 --> 00:02:58,863 No, we're just debating our favorite parts of the conference. 75 00:02:58,947 --> 00:03:01,993 He likes his QandAs moderated. I like mine unmoderated. 76 00:03:02,368 --> 00:03:03,410 Why is that? 77 00:03:03,494 --> 00:03:05,747 I just… I'm just… 78 00:03:06,539 --> 00:03:08,458 Sick of the moderator bias. 79 00:03:10,752 --> 00:03:12,962 I couldn't agree more. Your story checks out. 80 00:03:13,756 --> 00:03:14,839 [WHISPERING] See you at the party. 81 00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:16,223 Let's check out some tech. 82 00:03:17,134 --> 00:03:19,928 Ooh, look, this is a long-range heartbeat detector. 83 00:03:20,012 --> 00:03:22,097 You can hear a human pulse through walls. 84 00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:25,393 Oh. Whoa. Oh, I'm so sorry, excuse me. 85 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,896 Oh, my God. It's like a she-Scully. 86 00:03:28,062 --> 00:03:30,815 I'm hi… Uh, Norm. 87 00:03:30,899 --> 00:03:32,525 Who are you? Shatz. 88 00:03:32,984 --> 00:03:34,610 Cindy Shatz. 89 00:03:34,694 --> 00:03:35,736 Scully, shake her hand. 90 00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:37,739 Oh, uh. Here I go. 91 00:03:37,823 --> 00:03:38,824 Meet to please you, Shatz. 92 00:03:38,908 --> 00:03:39,908 Your hands are so clammy. 93 00:03:39,992 --> 00:03:41,993 I ate a bunch of clams earlier and they still smell. 94 00:03:42,077 --> 00:03:43,078 Yeah. That's not what she meant. 95 00:03:43,162 --> 00:03:44,288 No, it was. 96 00:03:44,497 --> 00:03:46,915 Anyway, it was so nice to meet you. 97 00:03:46,999 --> 00:03:48,042 Why? 98 00:03:48,835 --> 00:03:51,546 Okay, I'll see you around. 99 00:03:54,216 --> 00:03:57,844 Guys, I was just talking to that amazing woman and I blacked out. 100 00:03:57,928 --> 00:04:00,222 Did I get her number? No, you chunked it. 101 00:04:00,348 --> 00:04:03,559 Of course, I did. I'm no Hitchcock when it comes to the ladies. 102 00:04:03,684 --> 00:04:05,310 You don't want to be. Oh, he's fearless. 103 00:04:05,394 --> 00:04:07,855 I once saw him ask out a breastfeeding mother. 104 00:04:07,939 --> 00:04:10,816 Ooh, look, it's a robot that can patrol an empty building 105 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:11,901 all by itself. 106 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:15,029 [GASPS] Oh, no. This is how it starts. 107 00:04:15,113 --> 00:04:16,614 It's Skynet all over again. 108 00:04:16,698 --> 00:04:17,741 Here, let's wait here a second 109 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,925 and see if our future selves show up and tell us to destroy it. 110 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,248 Nope. Looks like we're in the clear. It's kind of cute. 111 00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:27,335 Hey, check it out. It's called "the Wasp." 112 00:04:27,544 --> 00:04:29,211 It's for dispersing crowds of young people. 113 00:04:29,295 --> 00:04:31,881 It emits a sound that you can only hear if you're 35 or under. 114 00:04:31,965 --> 00:04:33,465 -[HIGH-PITCHED TONE] -[SCREAMING] 115 00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:35,385 [BOTH SCREAMING] 116 00:04:35,469 --> 00:04:37,846 I also hate the sound that I definitely hear. 117 00:04:37,930 --> 00:04:40,180 Me, too. It's so high-pitched, or low-pitched! 118 00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:42,976 [SIGHS] That was bogus to the extreme. 119 00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:44,895 So bogus. Not tubular. 120 00:04:44,979 --> 00:04:47,022 My ears are ringing from the pain of being young. 121 00:04:47,106 --> 00:04:48,149 So not gnarly. 122 00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:50,318 Captain, you missed the tech expo. 123 00:04:50,402 --> 00:04:51,736 We got all this swag. 124 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:54,071 Six tote bags. Terry can tote anything. 125 00:04:54,155 --> 00:04:55,865 Look, point at something, I'll tote it! 126 00:04:55,949 --> 00:04:58,201 Oh, no. Hold still. 127 00:04:59,871 --> 00:05:01,830 I'm gonna hide behind you like you're a tree. 128 00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:03,332 Uh, why are you doing that? 129 00:05:03,416 --> 00:05:04,583 On the other side of your trunk 130 00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:08,045 is the worst person I've ever met, Captain Jeffrey Bouché. 131 00:05:08,129 --> 00:05:09,797 The living embodiment of evil. 132 00:05:09,922 --> 00:05:13,176 Raymond Holt, as I live and breathe! 133 00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:15,178 You have not aged a day. 134 00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:17,096 So, how's Kevin? How's Cheddar? 135 00:05:17,180 --> 00:05:18,181 Come on. Tell me everything. 136 00:05:18,265 --> 00:05:19,390 Kevin is fine. Cheddar is a dog, 137 00:05:19,474 --> 00:05:21,100 he has no concept of good or bad. 138 00:05:21,184 --> 00:05:24,438 I wouldn't be so sure about that. He's a very clever dog. [CHUCKLES] 139 00:05:24,522 --> 00:05:27,274 Hey, I wanted to tell you that I am also running for the board of directors. 140 00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:28,442 You are what? 141 00:05:28,526 --> 00:05:29,944 Yeah. I had no idea that you were running, 142 00:05:30,028 --> 00:05:31,153 but, listen, it doesn't matter, 143 00:05:31,237 --> 00:05:32,404 'cause you're gonna win, anyway. 144 00:05:32,488 --> 00:05:34,366 I mean, you're Ray Holt. [LAUGHS] 145 00:05:34,617 --> 00:05:36,994 Well, look, I gotta go. I will see you soon. 146 00:05:37,202 --> 00:05:38,829 I hope not. [CHUCKLING] 147 00:05:38,913 --> 00:05:40,872 You're being a little harsh on him, Captain. 148 00:05:40,956 --> 00:05:43,542 I've been up for promotions against that man on six occasions. 149 00:05:43,626 --> 00:05:47,964 And he's prevailed every single time. Why? Because he's a snake. 150 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,924 Isn't it possible he gets promotions 151 00:05:50,008 --> 00:05:52,677 because he's nice and people like him? 152 00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:54,679 Please. I hate to say this about anyone, 153 00:05:54,763 --> 00:05:55,972 let alone a fellow officer, 154 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,142 but that man is full of bologna. 155 00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:00,144 "Baloney." You're right. 156 00:06:00,269 --> 00:06:03,647 He's so vile, we should use the crude Americanization of the word. 157 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,107 He's full of baloney. 158 00:06:05,483 --> 00:06:08,277 Holt went to bed early, 'cause his big speech is in the morning. 159 00:06:08,361 --> 00:06:09,863 Well, how do you know he's in for the night? 160 00:06:09,947 --> 00:06:12,198 Because his breakfast order is hanging on the doorknob. 161 00:06:12,282 --> 00:06:14,993 "Water, comma, hot. Muffin, comma, English." 162 00:06:15,077 --> 00:06:18,455 And that means it's time for us to "hard, comma, party." 163 00:06:19,957 --> 00:06:20,958 Hey, what happened? 164 00:06:21,042 --> 00:06:22,459 Sorry, bro. They busted us. 165 00:06:22,543 --> 00:06:23,544 'Cause the party got too crazy? 166 00:06:23,628 --> 00:06:24,712 Yeah, totally. 167 00:06:24,796 --> 00:06:26,005 They've been taking bribes. 168 00:06:26,089 --> 00:06:27,089 No, it was because of the party. 169 00:06:27,173 --> 00:06:28,507 That's what you should tell everyone. 170 00:06:28,591 --> 00:06:31,010 [SIGHS] Oh, no! 171 00:06:31,094 --> 00:06:32,394 The party's not happening? 172 00:06:32,553 --> 00:06:37,183 That means we're just in a hotel in Rochester. This is a nightmare. 173 00:06:37,267 --> 00:06:39,060 I learned a bunch of new dance moves for tonight. 174 00:06:39,144 --> 00:06:40,645 Ones where you move your butt! 175 00:06:40,729 --> 00:06:43,273 Screw this. I'm gonna get a ride back to Brooklyn with some drifter. 176 00:06:43,357 --> 00:06:44,901 No. We came here to blow off steam 177 00:06:44,985 --> 00:06:46,068 and we're not gonna give up yet. 178 00:06:46,152 --> 00:06:47,820 'Cause we're the Nine-Nine. 179 00:06:47,904 --> 00:06:50,904 We're gonna take matters into our own hands, Nine-Nine style. 180 00:06:50,991 --> 00:06:53,951 That's right, my friends. The Nine-Nine is throwing a… 181 00:06:54,035 --> 00:06:55,996 -Babe, can I borrow $200 for alcohol? -SANTIAGO: Mmm-hmm. 182 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,957 The Nine-Nine is throwing a party! 183 00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:03,712 Okay, I talked to some of the vendors at the tech expo, 184 00:07:03,796 --> 00:07:05,380 and they agreed to hook us up for the party. 185 00:07:05,464 --> 00:07:08,677 Check it out. Disco lights. Sound system. 186 00:07:09,386 --> 00:07:13,139 And beer cooler… Leak-free, insulated body bag. 187 00:07:13,223 --> 00:07:15,600 Our beer is dying to get inside. [GIGGLES] 188 00:07:15,684 --> 00:07:16,976 JEFFORDS: I don't know, man. 189 00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,686 Holt didn't want us going to a party, 190 00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,481 he certainly doesn't want us throwing one. 191 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,607 Poor, simple Terry. 192 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,443 For such a bemuscled specimen, you certainly do frighten easily. 193 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,236 I promise you, Holt won't find out. 194 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,863 His room is all the way across the hotel from ours. 195 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,240 He insisted, so he'd have a view of the Rochester skyline. 196 00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,327 Ah, drink it in, Peralta. 197 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,621 The Mustard City. 198 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:37,499 Besides, if he does leave his room, my new partner will warn me. 199 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,168 New partner? K-13. 200 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,669 Hello. It's a robot! 201 00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:42,504 I can program it to wait outside Holt's door, 202 00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:44,382 and if there's any movement, it'll send us an alert. 203 00:07:44,466 --> 00:07:47,259 All right, I'm in. But only because your robot is so cool. 204 00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:48,761 I don't know, it's not that cool. 205 00:07:48,845 --> 00:07:50,554 I mean, all he's doing is standing guard. 206 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,139 -I mean, I could do that. -PERALTA: Awesome. 207 00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:54,433 If you do that, then K-13 can come to the party. 208 00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,269 [ROBOT VOICE] "I am programmed to boogie my butt." 209 00:07:56,353 --> 00:08:01,484 No, I'm going to the party! People prefer me over a robot! Right? 210 00:08:02,818 --> 00:08:04,778 Hey. Going pretty good, right? 211 00:08:04,862 --> 00:08:07,448 Hell, yes! It's like a Bonnie Raitt concert in here. 212 00:08:07,532 --> 00:08:08,783 No. Hey. 213 00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:10,743 We're about to do the Taser Challenge, you guys want in? 214 00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:11,953 What's the Taser Challenge? 215 00:08:12,037 --> 00:08:13,287 We Tase each other, then drink. 216 00:08:13,371 --> 00:08:14,747 How do you win? What are you, a lawyer? 217 00:08:14,831 --> 00:08:16,874 You want in, or not? Yeah, Terry. What are you, a lawyer? 218 00:08:16,958 --> 00:08:19,378 It's Tasers. Let's get Tased at a party, man. Come on. 219 00:08:19,462 --> 00:08:23,048 She's here. She's here. Cindy Shatz is here. What do I do? 220 00:08:23,132 --> 00:08:25,426 My face is so wet and my mouth is so dry. 221 00:08:25,593 --> 00:08:27,845 Okay. Calm down. Remember, be direct. 222 00:08:27,929 --> 00:08:29,471 Women don't like to play a lot of games. 223 00:08:29,555 --> 00:08:31,099 I think we gotta start simpler. 224 00:08:31,183 --> 00:08:34,310 Okay, Scully, smile at her, don't fart. 225 00:08:34,394 --> 00:08:36,271 He knows not to… Oh, you're writing that down. 226 00:08:36,355 --> 00:08:37,731 This is good stuff. What else you got? 227 00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:39,274 Don't talk about your foot fungus. 228 00:08:39,358 --> 00:08:40,650 Don't talk about your eye fungus. 229 00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:42,611 Let's just say fungus is off the table. 230 00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:45,156 Oh. No, see, you just wrote the word "fungus" down, 231 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,241 and I feel like we're barreling towards a misunderstanding. 232 00:08:47,325 --> 00:08:49,660 Draw a circle around it, and then put a line through it. 233 00:08:49,744 --> 00:08:51,495 -There you go. -SANTIAGO: Believe in yourself. 234 00:08:51,579 --> 00:08:53,832 Be confident. You're a sweet guy with a big heart. 235 00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:56,752 It's the size of a giraffe's. It pushes on my other organs. 236 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:57,878 Okay. You got this. 237 00:08:58,045 --> 00:08:59,337 Don't talk about the giraffe heart. 238 00:08:59,421 --> 00:09:01,549 All right! Get out of here! [LAUGHS] 239 00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:04,551 Hi, Cindy. Hey. 240 00:09:04,635 --> 00:09:06,512 So, guess what my eye and foot have in common? 241 00:09:06,596 --> 00:09:07,597 What? 242 00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,307 Uh. 243 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:13,228 I can't say. Well, bye. 244 00:09:15,105 --> 00:09:16,397 ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug! 245 00:09:16,481 --> 00:09:18,358 Jake, this party is insane! 246 00:09:18,442 --> 00:09:21,320 Forget Bonnie Raitt, it's like the video to Love Shack in here! 247 00:09:21,404 --> 00:09:22,488 -This is the greatest. -[CELL PHONE VIBRATES] 248 00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:23,573 Oh! 249 00:09:24,323 --> 00:09:26,283 Oh, God. It's my new partner. 250 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,534 You guys are texting each other now? 251 00:09:27,618 --> 00:09:28,703 It sends alerts. 252 00:09:28,787 --> 00:09:30,455 Holt left his room. He's on his way here. 253 00:09:30,539 --> 00:09:33,374 We gotta get everyone out of the hallway. All right, be quiet! 254 00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:34,584 Everybody be quiet! 255 00:09:34,668 --> 00:09:35,960 They're not listening to you. 256 00:09:36,044 --> 00:09:37,879 Where's Amy? She's great at shushing! 257 00:09:37,963 --> 00:09:40,049 Wait. All these dumdums are under 35. 258 00:09:41,342 --> 00:09:42,927 Let's use the Wasp. No! 259 00:09:43,011 --> 00:09:44,303 It'll hurt my young little ears so much. 260 00:09:44,387 --> 00:09:45,847 Ah, come on. 261 00:09:46,639 --> 00:09:47,640 [HIGH-PITCHED TONE] 262 00:09:48,391 --> 00:09:50,476 Attention! Our boss is headed this way. 263 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,312 Everyone has to clear the hallway right now. 264 00:09:52,396 --> 00:09:53,438 [CROWD GRUMBLING] 265 00:09:53,522 --> 00:09:55,441 -Shh! -[GRUMBLING STOPS] 266 00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:57,484 Wow. She is great at shushing. 267 00:09:57,568 --> 00:09:58,944 I know. She's like a librarian. 268 00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:00,862 You mean, like a sexy librarian? No. 269 00:10:00,946 --> 00:10:02,114 A regular one. 270 00:10:02,198 --> 00:10:05,118 Everyone, you will go in the rooms and you will go right now! 271 00:10:05,202 --> 00:10:06,652 Don't make me count to three. 272 00:10:17,632 --> 00:10:18,883 Hey, Captain, what's up? 273 00:10:19,050 --> 00:10:20,259 Uh, which room is Sergeant Jeffords'? 274 00:10:20,343 --> 00:10:22,052 Oh, Terry's in here with me and Amy. 275 00:10:22,136 --> 00:10:23,262 You know, just having a low-key night, 276 00:10:23,346 --> 00:10:25,013 watching House Hunters International. 277 00:10:25,097 --> 00:10:27,308 This orthodontist wants to live in Panama 278 00:10:27,392 --> 00:10:29,519 with his strangely old wife, and won't say why. 279 00:10:29,603 --> 00:10:31,403 Can I talk to him? Oh, let me check. 280 00:10:34,942 --> 00:10:37,360 Yeah, no, he's asleep. Can I help you with something? 281 00:10:37,444 --> 00:10:39,113 I'm concerned that my presentation isn't 282 00:10:39,197 --> 00:10:40,739 jazzy enough to compete with Jeffrey's. 283 00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:42,491 He's such a showman. Yeah. 284 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:45,578 I'm thinking about augmenting the graphs with, um 285 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:48,581 color. Sir! 286 00:10:48,665 --> 00:10:50,375 I know. I'm debasing myself. 287 00:10:50,459 --> 00:10:52,836 Anyway, give this to Jeffords. 288 00:10:53,045 --> 00:10:55,338 He's the artist, I'd like him to choose the, um… 289 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,590 Color? All right. Yes. 290 00:10:56,674 --> 00:10:57,716 [GROANS] 291 00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,760 Time to turn in. Nighty-night. 292 00:11:01,553 --> 00:11:03,139 Okay, he's gone. 293 00:11:03,265 --> 00:11:05,349 Now, I just gotta wait for K-13 to give us the all-clear. 294 00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:06,767 Yeah, I wouldn't hold your breath. 295 00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:08,644 Dumb robot probably rolled into the stairwell. 296 00:11:08,728 --> 00:11:10,438 That's why you shouldn't be best friends with this… 297 00:11:10,522 --> 00:11:13,107 -[CELL PHONE VIBRATES] -K-13 says we are "G" to "G." Amy? 298 00:11:13,191 --> 00:11:15,277 The shush is lifted. Party time! 299 00:11:15,361 --> 00:11:16,737 [ALL CHEERING] 300 00:11:17,571 --> 00:11:19,323 Beer me! 301 00:11:20,074 --> 00:11:21,075 [THUDDING] 302 00:11:22,410 --> 00:11:23,703 Yeah! 303 00:11:34,548 --> 00:11:35,549 [KNOCKING AT DOOR] 304 00:11:42,974 --> 00:11:44,183 Hey, Captain. 305 00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:45,559 Are you just waking up? It's 11 a.m. 306 00:11:45,643 --> 00:11:47,645 [CHUCKLES] No, no, 307 00:11:47,729 --> 00:11:50,649 I'm just tired 'cause, um, I worked out so much this morning. 308 00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,943 Ah. You know, squat 400 on the bench push. 309 00:11:53,027 --> 00:11:54,778 Fitness. And whatnot. What's up? 310 00:11:54,862 --> 00:11:56,613 I need my laptop. I want to practice my speech 311 00:11:56,697 --> 00:11:57,948 with the new colors beforehand, 312 00:11:58,032 --> 00:11:59,491 so I'm not alarmed when they pop up. 313 00:11:59,575 --> 00:12:03,371 Right, right. Um, I know that Terry definitely did do that work. 314 00:12:03,455 --> 00:12:04,872 So, I'll just go grab him. Okay. 315 00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:07,056 You wait here. You can't come in because… 316 00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:10,712 Amy's naked, and she's embarrassed of her weird body. 317 00:12:13,257 --> 00:12:16,761 Terry? Terry? 318 00:12:17,011 --> 00:12:19,096 [GROANS] Why's my tongue so big? 319 00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:20,305 Because you're a big person. 320 00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:21,848 Holt is here. He wants his presentation. 321 00:12:21,932 --> 00:12:24,477 The presentation! I didn't do it! 322 00:12:24,561 --> 00:12:27,355 Okay, I just need to add color, that'll only take two minutes. 323 00:12:27,439 --> 00:12:29,024 Stall him. Okay. No problem. 324 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,025 I've definitely got two minutes' worth of stall material. 325 00:12:31,109 --> 00:12:33,445 Okay. Sarge will be right out. 326 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,407 In the meantime, why don't you and I just chat, 327 00:12:36,699 --> 00:12:38,618 you know, for a couple minutes about 328 00:12:39,869 --> 00:12:41,829 brumst. 329 00:12:41,913 --> 00:12:43,122 "Brumst"? 330 00:12:43,581 --> 00:12:44,665 Hold on. 331 00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,378 I couldn't stall him. He's too good. It's not my fault. 332 00:12:48,462 --> 00:12:49,504 Where are you on the presentation? 333 00:12:49,588 --> 00:12:53,175 Jake, Holt's laptop isn't here. It's gone! 334 00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,596 Where are you on my graphs? The presentation is in 90 minutes. 335 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,975 I'm definitely all done. But I'm worried. 336 00:13:01,309 --> 00:13:04,103 If you're going up against Jeffrey, will color be enough? 337 00:13:04,187 --> 00:13:06,773 I was thinking slide transitions. 338 00:13:06,981 --> 00:13:08,066 Oh, good grief. 339 00:13:08,566 --> 00:13:10,234 Very well. You may add cross dissolves. 340 00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:13,071 But, so help me God, Jeffords, if I see even one star wipe… 341 00:13:13,155 --> 00:13:14,448 I just need a half an hour. 342 00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:15,574 Perhaps I should supervise? 343 00:13:15,658 --> 00:13:17,367 No, you should clear your head. 344 00:13:17,451 --> 00:13:19,286 Work out! Rosa was just headed to the gym. 345 00:13:19,370 --> 00:13:21,220 She'll keep you there. Be right back. 346 00:13:22,081 --> 00:13:24,751 Rosa, I need you to work out with Holt for the next half hour, cool? 347 00:13:24,835 --> 00:13:26,336 [GRUNTING] 348 00:13:26,545 --> 00:13:28,045 Great, I'll get your sneakers. 349 00:13:29,089 --> 00:13:31,383 This is invigorating, isn't it? 350 00:13:31,508 --> 00:13:32,968 [GROANING] 351 00:13:34,387 --> 00:13:37,014 I can't believe you lost the Captain's laptop. 352 00:13:37,098 --> 00:13:39,099 You were kind of out of control last night. 353 00:13:39,183 --> 00:13:42,644 I was not. Although… Pretty sure my ribs are broken. 354 00:13:42,728 --> 00:13:45,105 And I think I'm wearing a pillowcase I cut holes in as a shirt. 355 00:13:45,189 --> 00:13:48,819 We have to think. Does anyone remember having the laptop? 356 00:13:49,153 --> 00:13:51,696 Wait! We all left the room and went somewhere, 357 00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,615 and I didn't want to leave the computer behind 358 00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,450 with so many strangers, so I took it. 359 00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,034 Yes. Charles, you're a genius! 360 00:13:57,202 --> 00:14:00,289 All right. We gotta split up and search the hotel. 361 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:04,043 Wait a minute. Why's my shoe all wet? The pool! 362 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:08,214 Damn it! No sign of the laptop. What were we doing here? 363 00:14:08,298 --> 00:14:11,051 Look, there's Jake's shirt. It looks burnt. 364 00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:12,135 Because I was on fire! 365 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,596 Hence the pillow shirt. It's all coming back to me. 366 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,016 I'm a human torch! 367 00:14:18,893 --> 00:14:21,144 Nope, it was just that one memory. This was a dead end. 368 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,480 I remember why you were on fire. 369 00:14:22,564 --> 00:14:23,981 The state troopers brought fireworks! 370 00:14:24,065 --> 00:14:26,275 Yes! We're unraveling the mystery. It's like we're detectives! 371 00:14:26,359 --> 00:14:27,610 We are detectives. Right! 372 00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:30,144 Another thing we remembered! This is going great! 373 00:14:31,364 --> 00:14:34,034 Raymond! Of course you have beaten me to the gym. 374 00:14:34,118 --> 00:14:36,286 You live life right. It's amazing. 375 00:14:36,370 --> 00:14:38,205 Work out your legs, Jeffrey, not your mouth. 376 00:14:38,289 --> 00:14:39,581 [CHUCKLES] 377 00:14:39,665 --> 00:14:40,958 You are hilarious. 378 00:14:41,042 --> 00:14:43,293 I am so psyched for your presentation to the board. 379 00:14:43,377 --> 00:14:44,461 I'm sure it's gonna be amazing. 380 00:14:44,545 --> 00:14:47,132 I'm gonna crush you like a can of diet seltzer water. 381 00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:50,302 I don't doubt it. Well, I'm off to do some squats. 382 00:14:51,303 --> 00:14:52,346 Dumbass. 383 00:14:54,097 --> 00:14:55,890 Okay. So, this is definitely where 384 00:14:55,974 --> 00:14:58,519 we set off the fireworks, but still no laptop. 385 00:14:58,603 --> 00:15:00,146 How did I catch on fire? 386 00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:03,065 Oh, no. I just remembered something. 387 00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:04,234 Terry feels bad. 388 00:15:05,026 --> 00:15:06,068 [CRASHING] 389 00:15:06,152 --> 00:15:07,362 What the hell was that? 390 00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,201 [SCREAMING] 391 00:15:12,326 --> 00:15:13,327 [JEFFORDS SCREAMING] 392 00:15:13,911 --> 00:15:16,956 Hence the chest pain! But what was that loud crash? 393 00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,623 I think that might have been me. 394 00:15:18,707 --> 00:15:20,585 See you in hell, partner. 395 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:22,921 [CRASHING] 396 00:15:23,338 --> 00:15:24,839 You killed her? "Her"? 397 00:15:25,048 --> 00:15:28,551 Oh my God, it was a "her"! You were replacing Amy, not me! 398 00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:29,719 What have I done? 399 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,012 Wait. The robot has a camera. 400 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,598 Maybe she saw who took the laptop. 401 00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,832 There's the laptop bag. 402 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,894 You think you're so much better than me? 403 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:39,021 You're right. I'm just gonna fast-forward. 404 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:42,858 Hey, robot, I got something really cool to show you on the balcony. 405 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,742 I think you're really gonna like it. 406 00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:48,072 -[GRUNTS] Boy, you're heavy. -Fast-forward. 407 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,658 Did you guys see that? He put the bag down behind the plant. 408 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,202 Let's go. 409 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,329 Is it there? Is it there? 410 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,415 It's here! We did it! 411 00:15:56,499 --> 00:15:57,750 We found the bag! 412 00:15:58,001 --> 00:15:59,002 [BOTH LAUGHING] 413 00:15:59,419 --> 00:16:01,337 Wait. Hungover. No spinning. No spinning. 414 00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:03,256 Okay. [BREATHING HEAVILY] 415 00:16:04,215 --> 00:16:06,175 I'm good. [RETCHES] Oh! 416 00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:09,387 Aw, Scully, are you bummed about Cindy, 417 00:16:09,471 --> 00:16:11,765 or do you just feel at home in a body bag? 418 00:16:11,849 --> 00:16:15,101 We use the same medicated powder. I could smell it. 419 00:16:15,185 --> 00:16:16,269 She's my soul mate, Amy. 420 00:16:16,353 --> 00:16:18,940 So she doesn't like you. It happens. 421 00:16:19,024 --> 00:16:22,360 I mean, not to me, but not everyone has my combination 422 00:16:22,444 --> 00:16:25,614 of elegance, and charm, and grace, and poise, 423 00:16:25,739 --> 00:16:27,281 and then just GIF-ability. 424 00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:30,118 Some would say "jiff", but then some would also say "syrup". 425 00:16:30,202 --> 00:16:32,704 Wait, what if we could give Scully our personalities? 426 00:16:32,788 --> 00:16:34,582 [GASPS] He would love that. 427 00:16:34,749 --> 00:16:37,125 We could talk to him through an earpiece and tell him what to say. 428 00:16:37,209 --> 00:16:40,295 Okay. But can we attach a string to it? 429 00:16:40,379 --> 00:16:42,429 Last time I wore an earpiece, it fell in. 430 00:16:42,674 --> 00:16:44,175 -SANTIAGO: How you doing, Scully? -Nervous. 431 00:16:44,259 --> 00:16:47,220 I can feel my legs. That never happens, something's wrong. 432 00:16:47,304 --> 00:16:49,604 Okay, just go up to her and repeat what we say. 433 00:16:50,474 --> 00:16:52,684 Hi there. Scully, hey. 434 00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:54,186 -"Cindy…" -Cindy… 435 00:16:54,270 --> 00:16:55,437 -"There's…" -There's something I wanna say to you. 436 00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:56,855 "The moment I first saw you…" 437 00:16:56,939 --> 00:16:58,190 You took my breath away… 438 00:16:58,274 --> 00:17:00,109 -SANTIAGO: "Whenever I'm around you…" -Whenever I'm around you 439 00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,652 "my heart beats faster. 440 00:17:01,736 --> 00:17:02,778 "I know you're going home today," 441 00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:05,155 but I couldn't let you leave without asking you out. 442 00:17:05,239 --> 00:17:06,741 -"Cindy Shatz…" -Cindy Shatz 443 00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:09,425 -"can I buy you a drink?" -…can I buy you a drink? 444 00:17:10,913 --> 00:17:14,249 No, I'm sorry. I'm not interested. 445 00:17:14,541 --> 00:17:16,293 What? No! 446 00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:18,755 Guys! Earpiece fell in! 447 00:17:19,297 --> 00:17:20,631 What on earth took you so long? 448 00:17:20,715 --> 00:17:22,258 Yeah, where the frickin' hell were you? 449 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,509 I was trying to get the colors right, 450 00:17:23,593 --> 00:17:26,137 but in the end, I decided to just go 451 00:17:26,221 --> 00:17:27,805 with your original black and white. 452 00:17:27,889 --> 00:17:31,310 Yeah, it's probably even one color too many. Anyways, in you go. 453 00:17:31,394 --> 00:17:32,395 [SIGHS] 454 00:17:33,062 --> 00:17:34,313 Looking good, Diaz. Bite me. 455 00:17:34,397 --> 00:17:35,397 Okay. 456 00:17:35,481 --> 00:17:37,149 Hello, I'm Captain Raymond Holt 457 00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:38,984 and if I had the pleasure of joining your board, 458 00:17:39,068 --> 00:17:40,486 here are some of the things I would do. 459 00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:42,071 See? It all worked out. 460 00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:45,199 We threw a wild party with absolutely zero consequences. 461 00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:46,952 Jake. Something's wrong. 462 00:17:47,285 --> 00:17:48,412 Oh. Um… 463 00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:52,333 Oh, I don't know how that got in there, or what it is. 464 00:17:52,417 --> 00:17:53,876 Um, I'll just… Next slide. 465 00:17:54,335 --> 00:17:58,756 Well, that's strange. Next slide. Next. Next. 466 00:17:59,090 --> 00:18:01,216 Oh. I see what's happening here. 467 00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:03,218 Due to an issue with the Internet cloud, 468 00:18:03,302 --> 00:18:04,971 you are seeing a series of pictures 469 00:18:05,055 --> 00:18:09,017 that have nothing to do with me or the 99th Precinct. 470 00:18:09,184 --> 00:18:11,311 I don't get it. Who even took these pictures? 471 00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:12,521 I did! 472 00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:14,898 You guys should really be a lot more careful 473 00:18:14,982 --> 00:18:16,776 about leaving laptops lying around. 474 00:18:18,069 --> 00:18:19,821 For next year. [CHUCKLES] 475 00:18:20,989 --> 00:18:22,449 Consequences. 476 00:18:24,826 --> 00:18:26,786 My, oh, my. 477 00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:29,831 Boyle, can you even tell me what is happening in this picture? 478 00:18:29,915 --> 00:18:33,377 Uh, that's me doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme split between two beds. 479 00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:34,961 I had to wear my underwear for flexibility. 480 00:18:35,045 --> 00:18:37,631 Mmm-hmm. And, Santiago? 481 00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:40,259 I believe that is me throwing up into a pillowcase. 482 00:18:40,343 --> 00:18:41,344 Uh-oh. 483 00:18:41,428 --> 00:18:42,845 HOLT: You have all embarrassed the precinct. 484 00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:44,597 Now, when people think of the Nine-Nine, 485 00:18:44,681 --> 00:18:46,099 they'll think of, um… 486 00:18:46,183 --> 00:18:49,769 Oh, Detective Diaz filling an iron with tequila. 487 00:18:49,853 --> 00:18:50,938 So I could make tequila steam. 488 00:18:51,022 --> 00:18:52,731 HOLT: I can't quite believe I'm gonna say this, 489 00:18:52,815 --> 00:18:54,901 but I'm sorry I even came to Rochester. 490 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:58,920 -[DOOR CLOSES] -[SCULLY SOBS] 491 00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:01,657 Hey, it's all right, Scully, we'll find a way to make it up to him. 492 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,618 No, it's not about him, Jake. 493 00:19:03,702 --> 00:19:06,621 I'm just sad because I'm an unlovable sack of fungus 494 00:19:06,705 --> 00:19:08,255 and I'm gonna be alone forever. 495 00:19:08,499 --> 00:19:09,708 Oh. Um… 496 00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:12,419 Hey, there's probably someone out there… 497 00:19:12,503 --> 00:19:13,879 We got this. Oh, thank God. 498 00:19:14,589 --> 00:19:15,631 GINA: Wow. 499 00:19:15,715 --> 00:19:17,925 Pint of milk on the rocks. A real Scully move. 500 00:19:18,009 --> 00:19:19,051 Can I help you? 501 00:19:19,135 --> 00:19:22,764 Hi, we're friends of Scully's. And we're not sure why you rejected him. 502 00:19:22,889 --> 00:19:24,724 Now, we know Scully's not perfect. 503 00:19:24,808 --> 00:19:27,269 His hands smell like clams, and, yeah, 504 00:19:27,353 --> 00:19:29,771 over 75% of his body has died, and… 505 00:19:29,855 --> 00:19:31,481 Gina, you can stop listing things. 506 00:19:31,565 --> 00:19:34,693 The point is, he's a good guy. You should give him a chance. 507 00:19:34,777 --> 00:19:37,655 I know. When I first met him, I was intrigued. 508 00:19:37,739 --> 00:19:40,158 But then Mr. Confident showed up. 509 00:19:40,242 --> 00:19:43,661 I'm not interested in that. Confident people are mean and selfish. 510 00:19:43,745 --> 00:19:46,789 Wait. You liked awkward Scully? 511 00:19:46,873 --> 00:19:48,124 Giraffe-heart Scully? 512 00:19:48,208 --> 00:19:50,461 Oh, my God. He has a giraffe heart? 513 00:19:50,545 --> 00:19:52,880 Aw, I bet it pushes on his organs. 514 00:19:53,005 --> 00:19:54,006 [LAUGHS] 515 00:19:55,258 --> 00:19:57,342 We'll be back in five minutes. Wait right here. 516 00:19:57,426 --> 00:19:59,226 Bartender, can you top off her milk? 517 00:20:00,847 --> 00:20:02,474 Hey. Hey. 518 00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:04,058 You want to hear a joke? Okay. 519 00:20:04,142 --> 00:20:05,602 I don't know any jokes. I should go. 520 00:20:05,686 --> 00:20:08,438 Oh, that's okay. I don't know any jokes, either. 521 00:20:09,731 --> 00:20:11,483 I slept in a body bag last night. 522 00:20:11,859 --> 00:20:12,861 [EXHALING] 523 00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:14,946 [KISSING] 524 00:20:15,572 --> 00:20:16,573 GINA: Whoa. 525 00:20:16,739 --> 00:20:18,699 They're so cute. 526 00:20:18,783 --> 00:20:21,160 Oh, no, Scully, don't put your finger in her mouth. 527 00:20:21,244 --> 00:20:23,580 Oh. She likes it. 528 00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:29,753 Captain, I'm sorry that things got out of hand. 529 00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,881 But you can still be on the board. 530 00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:33,965 I read 85 pages of the convention bylaws and… 531 00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:36,677 That was unnecessary. I don't want to be on the board. 532 00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:37,804 But I read bylaws. 533 00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:40,014 I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me. 534 00:20:40,098 --> 00:20:42,141 Okay, but, in my defense, Rosa bet me 50 cents 535 00:20:42,225 --> 00:20:43,518 that I couldn't drink all that shampoo. 536 00:20:43,602 --> 00:20:45,770 That's not what I wanted… You drank shampoo? 537 00:20:45,854 --> 00:20:48,816 What? No, you're the one farting bubbles. 538 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:50,567 This is what I wanted to show you. 539 00:20:50,651 --> 00:20:52,861 Do you know what disappoints me most about this picture? 540 00:20:52,945 --> 00:20:53,988 That I'm not in it. 541 00:20:54,488 --> 00:20:58,450 I can't remember the last time I saw the Nine-Nine so happy. 542 00:20:58,534 --> 00:20:59,535 And I wasn't there. 543 00:20:59,620 --> 00:21:01,621 'Cause you were working on your presentation to get us a win. 544 00:21:01,705 --> 00:21:04,332 Yeah, well, it wasn't a real win. 545 00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:06,000 I wish I had been in that photo. 546 00:21:06,084 --> 00:21:10,255 I know. And I'm sorry you didn't have more fun this weekend. 547 00:21:10,339 --> 00:21:11,924 But it's not over. 548 00:21:12,008 --> 00:21:14,218 And we are still in Rochester. 549 00:21:14,594 --> 00:21:15,678 What are you saying? 550 00:21:15,762 --> 00:21:17,412 I think you know what I'm saying. 551 00:21:17,931 --> 00:21:19,098 HOLT: What a thermometer! 552 00:21:19,182 --> 00:21:22,101 Look at the mercury reservoir on that mamacita! 553 00:21:22,226 --> 00:21:25,648 Oh, Peralta, this is amazing. I'm floating on air. 554 00:21:25,856 --> 00:21:27,774 Hey, everybody, get in for a picture. 555 00:21:27,858 --> 00:21:29,651 Excuse me, sir, can you take a picture of us? 556 00:21:29,735 --> 00:21:30,736 Sure. Thanks. 557 00:21:30,945 --> 00:21:33,739 Everybody say, "Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit!" 558 00:21:33,864 --> 00:21:35,867 ALL: Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit!