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Ladies and gentlemen,
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we are gathered here today
to answer an age-old question.
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Right, what's Amy's deal? She single?
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No, we're dating. Come on.
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The question is, who here does the
best impression of Captain Raymond Holt?
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You'll be judged on voice, body
language, and overall lack of flair.
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Everyone will perform the same scenario,
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Captain Holt eating a
marshmallow for the very first time.
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Let the Holt-off begin!
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What is this glutinous
monstrosity before me?
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The sugar in this is quite sweet.
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Ooh, mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm!
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That's your Holt impression?
I can hear him doing that.
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Looks like a sticky pillow.
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I don't care for it, classical music.
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[LAUGHTER]
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What's going on here? What are you doing?
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Captain, hey, nothing, just eating
some marshmallows. Care for one?
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Marshed-mallow.
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Hmm. Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm! [LAUGHING]
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I knew it!
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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HOLT: That concludes our briefing.
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And now, on a personal note,
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I have some thoughts about
Beyoncé's Lemonade I'd like to share.
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Oh, my God, sir, as much as
I want to hear those thoughts,
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and it is so, so much, I think we
should probably let Amy speak.
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Oh, Santiago, the floor is yours.
Thank you.
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Okay, here's everyone's itineraries
for Thanksgiving at my place.
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I know a lot of your families are out
of town, and you just want to relax,
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but I think we'll all enjoy ourselves
more if we rigidly stick to the schedule.
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Whoa, did you assign us
individual bathroom break times?
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Keep asking questions about it,
Sarge, and your slot is after Scully's.
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All right, Santiago, damn.
It's your toilet.
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Sorry, it's just that my
dad is coming into town,
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and he can be a little uptight.
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Uh-oh. Santiago's calling someone uptight.
That can't be good.
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He's not crazy.
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He's just the kind of guy who
arranges the money in his wallet
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according to serial number.
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Yeah. That kind of guy.
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Boyle, are you set on the turkey?
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This year's bird will be as moist as..
. Nope.
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As juicy as… Nope.
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As wet as you can…
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Boyle, just say it'll be good, man.
It'll be good, man.
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Well, I gotta go start getting ready.
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Don't be late or I'll slit your throats.
[LAUGHS]
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You don't have to fake laugh.
We know you mean it.
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Good.
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So, meeting Amy's dad
for the first time, huh?
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You nervous? Yeah, a little.
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I was talking to Jake.
No, Sarge, I am not nervous.
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I'm confident that I'll make
a great first impression on…
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[BRITISH ACCENT] Mr. Victor Santiago.
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Why'd you do it with a British accent?
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I felt like doing the Cuban accent
would be a little dicey for me.
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Very good call. Yeah.
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My advice, don't be overconfident.
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The first time I met Kevin's parents, I
called Brahms' Fünf Gesänge, opus 106,
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when it is obviously opus 104.
They haven't spoken to me since.
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Really? Just for that? Yes.
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Also, because they're huge homophobes
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who think that I made Kevin
gay with my magic genitalia.
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That's super sad, but I do like
hearing you say the word "genitalia."
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Well, I am ready for this.
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I pulled a full Amy and researched the
crap out of him. Made this sweet binder.
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Just a couple of factoids about
Victor, he's an ex-cop, 65 years old,
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married for 36 years,
Cuban, his favorite food…
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Flavor First beefy dog food.
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Wait, no, sorry.
That's his dog's favorite food.
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His favorite food is corn.
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Makes more sense.
Dog food's not in the name.
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I know everything about him,
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therefore, I know exactly
the type of person I need to be
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in order for him to think
I'm good enough for Amy.
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No, Jake, you're fine.
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Just flash him your baby browns,
he'll love it. Just be yourself.
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Be myself? Charles, I have
one day to win over Amy's dad.
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How long did it take before
you guys started liking me?
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Couple weeks. Six months.
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Jury's still out. See, Charles?
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"Be myself," what kind
of garbage advice is that?
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I hope you're not telling
Nikolaj that crap. "Nikolaj."
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Ugh.
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[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
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Okay, we're running out of time.
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What do you guys like better,
classic Bishop Hat fold or Crown fold?
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Now, the Crown is more showy, but
the Bishop Hat has a certain dignity.
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I'll kill myself if it's
not the Crown fold.
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Oh, okay, thanks.
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Sometimes, you have to
pretend to care about napkins
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to stop hearing about napkins.
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Sorry I'm late, guys.
Had to get my ax sharpened.
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Why do you have an ax? Also, nice ax.
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Thank you. It's for the turkey,
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so, I can chop its head
off when it gets here.
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Chop its head off?
I ordered a live turkey.
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It's being delivered.
Because you know what they say,
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the yummiest turkey is the
one that just died in your hands.
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Charles, you can't
kill an animal in here.
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That's horrible. It's disgusting.
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We won't let you do it, right, Amy?
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It's getting late. Don't make a mess.
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Relax. It's not the first turkey
I've killed in a friend's bathtub.
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It isn't?
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ANNOUNCER: And now, back to the
Lexington Thanksgiving Day Dog Show.
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Oh, look at her. Sloping, clean-cut
forequarters, cocksure gait.
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She's majestic, and she knows it.
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PIMENTO: Pimento's here.
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Ah, Adrian. So, you made it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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Is it?
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Something wrong?
Feel no pressure to talk about it.
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Brass says I can't rejoin the force.
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Some crap about, "You can't just
disappear from your job for seven months."
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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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Oh, well, that's unfortunate.
I know how much being a cop meant to you.
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I don't know what I'm going to do.
I guess I could be a teacher.
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"Sorry, Travis, the answer's obviously
Istanbul. What did you say to me?
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"No, maybe you're wasting your life!
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"Sorry, Principal Ramos,
I didn't see you there.
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"Wait, Travis is your son?
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[SCOFFS] "Oh, well, I guess
you're just going to have to fire me.
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"Fired? Me? How dare you, sir?
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"We will settle…"
See, it just wouldn't work.
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Hmm. You know, I had a friend
that had to retire from the force.
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He became a private investigator.
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-Ooh, PI, huh? I like that.
-[LAUGHS] Mmm-hmm.
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"Hello, Mr. Branville,
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"I found out where your
wife's been going tonight.
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"Have a seat, you're not going
to like this. She's cheating on you.
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"What do you mean, you knew that already?
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"You killed her?
And are framing me for the murder?
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"I just left my prints all
over the crime scene!
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"Oh, you are an evil…"
This I could get on board for.
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Hmm. Only problem is, PI
license is, like, two grand.
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I could lend you the money.
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Think of it as an investment
from someone who believes in you.
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Wow, thanks, Captain.
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That means every… Whoa, hang
on, you carry a checkbook with you?
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Of course, you never know when
you're going to need groceries.
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So cool.
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-[BEEPING]
-Where are you?
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Picking up Amy's dad at the airport.
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Ooh, that's a strong move.
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Have you successfully changed
everything about yourself as planned?
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Oh, yeah, you wouldn't recognize me.
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I'm wearing a sweater,
I bought new shoes,
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I put something on my face
called "moisturizer." It's amazing.
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Did you clean your car?
I did, but it didn't really take,
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so I just rented a new one.
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But here's the best part,
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I printed out a sign especially for
him using his favorite font, Garamond.
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Who has a favorite font?
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The Santiagos do. All of them.
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Oh, here he comes. Gotta go, bye.
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Hey, Mr. Santiago.
I am Jake Peralta, Amy's boyfriend.
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Jake, nice to finally meet you. You, too.
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Ah, look at that.
You're a Garamond man, huh?
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Of course, what other
font would I use, Cambria?
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[BOTH LAUGH]
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Amy said you were a
crack-up, but, uh, I had no idea.
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Oh, it's working. What?
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Excuse me? Shall we?
165
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Let me get your bag. Sure.
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00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:08,782
The two hunks have arrived! Hi.
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So glad to have you here, Dad.
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00:07:11,952 --> 00:07:13,536
Happy to be here, darling. [CHUCKLING]
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How was your flight?
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Oh, good, good, you know,
I did The Times crossword.
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00:07:16,915 --> 00:07:18,166
Oh, great puzzle today, right?
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Oh, my God, 17 down?
173
00:07:19,751 --> 00:07:21,127
Oh, I know, what about 16 across?
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What about 34 across?
175
00:07:22,754 --> 00:07:24,005
Oh, what about 45 down?
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00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:25,840
What about 20 across?
What about 20 across?
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[BOTH LAUGH]
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I also did it. Yeah.
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00:07:28,385 --> 00:07:31,095
So, Jake and I had a great
conversation on the way here.
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You didn't tell me he was
so interested in mutual funds.
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00:07:33,556 --> 00:07:34,598
Uh…
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00:07:34,682 --> 00:07:38,018
Yeah, ugh, Amy is so bored of
hearing me talk about allocation,
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00:07:38,102 --> 00:07:40,062
asset mix, attribution analysis.
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00:07:40,146 --> 00:07:42,105
These are just terms I
throw around all the time.
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In alphabetical order.
That's just how my brain works.
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00:07:44,525 --> 00:07:46,324
I mean, how would
you list financial terms,
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00:07:46,408 --> 00:07:48,028
in random order? What are you, crazy?
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00:07:48,112 --> 00:07:49,947
He's got a point. I like this guy.
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00:07:50,031 --> 00:07:51,531
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
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00:07:51,615 --> 00:07:54,368
Oh! Captain Holt. Uh, this is my dad.
191
00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,078
Captain, heard a lot about you.
And I, you.
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00:07:56,162 --> 00:07:58,372
Do you mind passing me those crab puffs?
Oh, certainly.
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00:07:58,456 --> 00:07:59,999
There you go. Thank you.
194
00:08:00,124 --> 00:08:01,167
Yeah.
195
00:08:03,252 --> 00:08:05,796
That was everything.
196
00:08:05,921 --> 00:08:07,047
Yeah, pretty big night,
197
00:08:07,131 --> 00:08:09,383
the three most important
men in your life under one roof.
198
00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:10,717
Well, Will Shortz isn't here.
199
00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:14,179
Oh. Burn on Holt, probably.
That's the one you were talking about.
200
00:08:14,263 --> 00:08:16,102
ANNOUNCER: The
Cairn Terrier is intelligent
201
00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:17,975
and inquisitive with a bold personality.
202
00:08:18,059 --> 00:08:19,768
[CHUCKLES] "A bold personality."
203
00:08:19,852 --> 00:08:22,062
We know what that's
code for, she's a bitch.
204
00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:24,899
Pimento is back.
How's the dog show going?
205
00:08:25,066 --> 00:08:26,358
Well, it's not without its drama.
206
00:08:26,442 --> 00:08:27,609
Whoever groomed the Irish Setter
207
00:08:27,693 --> 00:08:29,569
might want to think about
blowing his brains out.
208
00:08:29,653 --> 00:08:32,364
Yeah, yeah, how's that Wire Fox Terrier?
Still in the lead?
209
00:08:32,448 --> 00:08:33,490
In the lead?
210
00:08:33,574 --> 00:08:36,368
I doubt she even wins her group. What?
211
00:08:36,452 --> 00:08:39,288
Oh, no, no, no, don't say that!
212
00:08:39,497 --> 00:08:41,915
What? She's not going to win?
213
00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:45,543
[GROANS] I bet the check you
gave me on the Wire Fox Terrier to win.
214
00:08:45,668 --> 00:08:48,879
Why would you do that? That
money was to help you get a PI license.
215
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,715
Yeah, but I wanted to pay you back fast.
216
00:08:50,799 --> 00:08:52,717
You made it sound like
the terrier was a sure thing.
217
00:08:52,801 --> 00:08:53,884
You said she was majestic!
218
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:57,138
They're all majestic!
This is a nationally-televised dog show.
219
00:08:57,222 --> 00:08:58,222
This is the big time.
220
00:08:58,306 --> 00:09:00,182
Listen, mister, I didn't
give you that money
221
00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,059
so you could throw it away.
I want it back.
222
00:09:02,143 --> 00:09:03,602
We're going to pay your bookie a visit.
What?
223
00:09:03,686 --> 00:09:05,229
And so help me God, you better hope
224
00:09:05,313 --> 00:09:06,981
I don't miss the "in memoriam."
225
00:09:07,107 --> 00:09:11,068
If it's dead dogs you want to see, I know
where to get my hands on dozens of them.
226
00:09:11,152 --> 00:09:12,653
All right. Choo-choo!
227
00:09:12,737 --> 00:09:15,156
Here comes the veggie
train, leaving the station.
228
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:16,907
Next stop, a healthy body.
229
00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:18,993
Terry has kids. Just carrots for me.
230
00:09:19,077 --> 00:09:20,619
I don't eat celery, hate the stuff.
231
00:09:20,703 --> 00:09:21,912
Oh, that's funny. Me, too.
232
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:24,123
Really? Get out of town.
Even though everybody says…
233
00:09:24,207 --> 00:09:26,125
BOTH: "They're basically the same thing."
234
00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:27,418
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
235
00:09:27,502 --> 00:09:28,919
I'm going to go get a refill.
236
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,047
Do you want something?
Oh, you know, if they have it,
237
00:09:31,131 --> 00:09:32,798
maybe, like, a dry Riesling?
238
00:09:32,882 --> 00:09:35,218
Excellent choice. Thank you.
239
00:09:35,718 --> 00:09:37,618
They definitely have it. I brought it.
240
00:09:37,846 --> 00:09:39,930
Wow, you are really pulling this off.
241
00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:42,564
I know, all this research
is actually going to work.
242
00:09:42,725 --> 00:09:43,934
Should I prepare for things all the time?
243
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,102
Yeah. No, that's crazy.
244
00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:48,606
Look, I can't believe you
memorized that whole, huge binder.
245
00:09:48,731 --> 00:09:51,192
Oh, I didn't. I brought it with
me and hid it out on the stoop.
246
00:09:51,276 --> 00:09:52,901
So, do you have a favorite watchmaker?
247
00:09:52,985 --> 00:09:56,280
I do, but I actually have to
run to the bathroom real quick.
248
00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:00,492
Watches. Gotcha.
249
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,453
I guess if I had to pick one watch,
it would be NOMOS Glashütte.
250
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,437
It's a German company based in Saxony.
251
00:10:05,581 --> 00:10:07,040
Speaking of which, I think I just dropped
252
00:10:07,124 --> 00:10:09,793
a bit of a Glashütte in the baño.
Steer clear.
253
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,878
The only downside is, I've
told him I have to pee so much,
254
00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:13,112
he thinks I have a UTI.
255
00:10:13,297 --> 00:10:14,798
I wonder if he's ever had a UTI.
256
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:18,802
You know what, I'm going to sneak
outside and get the 411 on the UTI. BRB.
257
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,036
He loves abbreviations.
258
00:10:23,348 --> 00:10:26,268
Hey, Jake. You looking for this?
259
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,896
[SQUEAKILY] What? Oh, no.
260
00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:30,814
DIAZ: Boyle, your turkey's here.
261
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:34,818
All right, let's do this.
Pretty cool, huh?
262
00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:38,238
I feel like Dexter, I think.
I never actually saw the show.
263
00:10:38,322 --> 00:10:39,697
Billboard gave me nightmares.
264
00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:41,991
Charles, are you crazy?
265
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:45,954
No, I don't want to watch a living
animal die and then consume its flesh.
266
00:10:46,038 --> 00:10:48,790
How's this different than eating a
turkey that's been killed in a factory?
267
00:10:48,874 --> 00:10:50,083
Because I don't have to see that.
268
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,918
It's called living in denial, you moron.
269
00:10:52,002 --> 00:10:55,088
Gina, I know it seems
cruel, but it's a swift death.
270
00:10:55,172 --> 00:10:56,798
One painless chop removes the head.
271
00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:58,007
That doesn't sound so bad.
272
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:01,802
And then its decapitated corpse
only flops around for, like, half an hour.
273
00:11:01,886 --> 00:11:03,971
You know what?
You won't be able to go through with this
274
00:11:04,055 --> 00:11:07,641
if I give this little guy a name.
He's now Nikolaj.
275
00:11:07,725 --> 00:11:09,184
[GASPS] That's my son's name.
276
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,979
Go ahead, cut Nikolaj's throat.
277
00:11:12,146 --> 00:11:13,981
Sorry, Gina, but we need a turkey,
278
00:11:14,065 --> 00:11:15,566
and you're the only one complaining.
279
00:11:15,650 --> 00:11:17,693
I don't like it either.
It's not a fair fight.
280
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,486
Give the bird a gun,
then see what happens.
281
00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:20,863
Sarge, this must bother you, too.
282
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,490
Yeah, but eating a big
drumstick on Thanksgiving
283
00:11:23,574 --> 00:11:24,783
makes Terry feel like a king.
284
00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,326
Sorry, but it's five against two.
285
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:28,787
Wait, you assume Hitchcock
and I want to eat that turkey?
286
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:30,289
Yeah? Thank you.
287
00:11:30,414 --> 00:11:32,250
Charles, do what you need to do.
288
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,001
Copy that.
289
00:11:34,085 --> 00:11:36,670
Uh-uh, no, hold up. Rosa, get the bird.
290
00:11:36,754 --> 00:11:37,838
On it.
291
00:11:37,922 --> 00:11:41,008
I'll stand here and sacrifice
my life to Charles' bloodlust.
292
00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:42,509
I'm not going to kill you, Gina.
293
00:11:42,593 --> 00:11:45,345
Huh, then you already lost.
294
00:11:45,429 --> 00:11:48,599
No, where are you going?
Hey, you can run, but you can't hide!
295
00:11:48,683 --> 00:11:51,310
The apartment will run
red with the blood of Nikolaj.
296
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,145
Please stop calling him that.
297
00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:56,357
So, uh, what are you doing out here?
298
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:59,443
Sneaking a cigarette. I just can't quit.
299
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:01,821
But you knew that, didn't you? Page 136.
300
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:05,199
What is that strange book you're holding?
I've never seen it before.
301
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:08,160
"Jake Peralta's Guide
to Tricking Amy's Dad."
302
00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:10,787
What? Who put that there?
Why did I use a title page?
303
00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:12,079
Relax, Jake, it's okay.
304
00:12:12,163 --> 00:12:13,915
Actually, I'm quite impressed. You are?
305
00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:16,250
You did a ton of research here.
You made a binder.
306
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:17,668
This is real Santiago stuff.
307
00:12:17,752 --> 00:12:20,421
Yeah, I guess it is. I even used tabs.
308
00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:21,547
The good ones. Yes.
309
00:12:21,631 --> 00:12:23,883
There are good and bad types of
tabs, that's something we all know.
310
00:12:23,967 --> 00:12:26,427
I can't believe you did all this.
You got my family tree,
311
00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:29,180
all of my case files, lot of photos.
312
00:12:29,306 --> 00:12:30,514
Yes, and might I add,
313
00:12:30,598 --> 00:12:32,642
your ponytail in the '90s
puts Amy's to shame.
314
00:12:32,726 --> 00:12:34,268
They used to call me "The Lion."
315
00:12:34,352 --> 00:12:37,230
Wow, cool nickname.
They call me "The Barracuda."
316
00:12:37,314 --> 00:12:39,065
Well, I call me that.
I'm hoping it catches on.
317
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:42,360
I was wondering what you
thought about one of my cases, uh…
318
00:12:42,444 --> 00:12:43,778
First Essex Bank heist.
319
00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,321
Yes, I read that one.
320
00:12:45,405 --> 00:12:47,490
They got robbed the day
before their grand opening.
321
00:12:47,574 --> 00:12:50,577
I never solved that one.
That bothered me for 20 years.
322
00:12:50,869 --> 00:12:52,828
But I see that you wrote
a note here that says,
323
00:12:52,912 --> 00:12:55,122
"Contractor did it. Come on, so obvious."
324
00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:59,418
Oh, what? Well, you know us
millennials, we're always exaggerating.
325
00:12:59,502 --> 00:13:00,711
But what I think happened there is,
326
00:13:00,795 --> 00:13:02,213
is that I was reading that file,
327
00:13:02,297 --> 00:13:04,757
and I noticed that the
contractor, Russo, was the, um…
328
00:13:04,841 --> 00:13:06,050
Obvious? Obvious suspect.
329
00:13:06,134 --> 00:13:08,761
But only in the sense that he was the
only one who could've possibly done it
330
00:13:08,845 --> 00:13:09,845
'cause he had the blueprint.
331
00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:12,014
I talked to Russo. He had an alibi.
332
00:13:12,098 --> 00:13:13,933
Of course, of course.
333
00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:15,893
But, you know, the name of the
company was Russo and Sons,
334
00:13:15,977 --> 00:13:20,147
so, I figure, probably, maybe,
definitely the sons did it.
335
00:13:20,231 --> 00:13:22,107
Maybe. Probably. For sure.
336
00:13:22,316 --> 00:13:25,986
Sons? Oh, my God, the sons.
I think you might be on to something.
337
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:28,196
Really? I don't know how I missed that.
338
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,698
I bet they still live here in New York.
339
00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:31,074
We should go talk to them right now.
340
00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:33,285
I mean, if that would be okay.
341
00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:35,662
"Okay," are you kidding me?
I would love to work a case with you.
342
00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:39,583
That's amazing. Looks like
The Lion is going to roar again!
343
00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:43,170
And the Barracuda is going to… What?
344
00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:44,671
[FLUTTERING]
345
00:13:45,506 --> 00:13:47,048
Anyway, you get it, let's go.
346
00:13:47,132 --> 00:13:48,175
[KNOCKING]
347
00:13:48,717 --> 00:13:50,343
Your bookie lives in a college dorm?
348
00:13:50,427 --> 00:13:54,639
He's a freshman. They don't let
them live off-campus first year. Doi.
349
00:13:54,723 --> 00:13:57,142
Hey, Adrian, come on in.
Happy Thanksgiving, man.
350
00:13:57,226 --> 00:13:58,518
Can it, Alan.
351
00:13:58,602 --> 00:14:01,688
Listen, I need the money
back, and I need it back now.
352
00:14:01,772 --> 00:14:03,523
Aw, geez, I'm sorry. I can't do that.
353
00:14:03,607 --> 00:14:05,734
I placed the bet online.
It's not like I can cancel it.
354
00:14:05,818 --> 00:14:07,193
You just placed the bet online?
355
00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:09,738
Yeah. He could've done it himself.
It's really easy.
356
00:14:09,822 --> 00:14:11,698
I kept telling him there's no
need for bookies anymore.
357
00:14:11,782 --> 00:14:13,658
No, no, I don't mess
with computers, okay?
358
00:14:13,742 --> 00:14:16,536
Ever since I died of dysentery
on the Oregon Trail, I was like,
359
00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:18,330
"No, thank you. I'm done with this."
360
00:14:18,414 --> 00:14:20,165
Okay, look, the money's
already in the Caribbean.
361
00:14:20,249 --> 00:14:24,127
There's nothing I can do.
Looks like we're going to the Caribbean.
362
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,171
[IMITATES GUITAR RIFF]
363
00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:29,257
You do know we're not
going to the Caribbean, right?
364
00:14:29,341 --> 00:14:31,884
I didn't know that. That is a bummer.
365
00:14:31,968 --> 00:14:35,387
[GRUNTS] Come on, guys.
It's getting late. Open the door.
366
00:14:35,471 --> 00:14:37,723
Not until you promise to
let this little turkey live out
367
00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:39,558
the rest of his life with Rosa.
368
00:14:39,642 --> 00:14:40,893
What? Why can't it live with you?
369
00:14:40,977 --> 00:14:42,311
I'm an ideas man.
370
00:14:42,395 --> 00:14:44,695
All right, that's it.
You've left me no choice.
371
00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:49,318
There we go. Thanks.
372
00:14:49,861 --> 00:14:51,821
Now, give us the bird. Gladly.
373
00:14:52,029 --> 00:14:54,073
Whoop, whoop… Not that bird.
374
00:14:54,157 --> 00:14:55,491
Don't take another step!
375
00:14:55,575 --> 00:15:00,245
This ends now. I am so sorry, girl.
Great party, but… Uh-uh.
376
00:15:00,329 --> 00:15:03,374
All right, here it is.
Be free, noble bird.
377
00:15:03,458 --> 00:15:06,418
Be free, fly away. Fly to freedom.
378
00:15:06,502 --> 00:15:08,128
Gina, turkeys can't fly.
379
00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:09,254
-[JAWS THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
-[GINA GASPS]
380
00:15:09,338 --> 00:15:10,631
Why is he looking at me like that?
381
00:15:10,715 --> 00:15:11,882
[GOBBLING]
382
00:15:11,966 --> 00:15:13,300
Nobody make any sudden moves.
383
00:15:13,384 --> 00:15:15,135
Yeah, and those talons
are super sharp, huh?
384
00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:17,096
That thing's a freaking dinosaur.
385
00:15:17,555 --> 00:15:19,140
[ALL SCREAMING]
386
00:15:23,561 --> 00:15:25,021
-[THUDS]
-[TURKEY SQUAWKS]
387
00:15:25,521 --> 00:15:28,107
So, where were you the
day the bank was robbed?
388
00:15:28,191 --> 00:15:30,150
I don't understand, Dad. What's going on?
389
00:15:30,234 --> 00:15:32,611
Well, honey, this man… The Barracuda.
390
00:15:32,695 --> 00:15:35,739
…wants to talk to me about
something that happened 20 years ago,
391
00:15:35,823 --> 00:15:38,534
and as I said to that man…
The Lion. [HISSES]
392
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:42,954
Twenty years ago, I was in
Pittsburgh, at a softball tournament.
393
00:15:43,038 --> 00:15:44,872
Oh, Pittsburgh, interesting.
Home of the Bengals.
394
00:15:44,956 --> 00:15:47,875
Home of the Steelers!
No, this is the home of the stealers.
395
00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:49,293
I set you up perfectly for that.
396
00:15:49,377 --> 00:15:50,753
While you were busy
establishing an alibi,
397
00:15:50,837 --> 00:15:52,713
your sons were back in
Brooklyn, robbing the bank.
398
00:15:52,797 --> 00:15:54,507
But we were at the
softball tournament, too.
399
00:15:54,591 --> 00:15:56,467
Oh, convenient you say that
now when you have no proof.
400
00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:59,512
Didn't you guys bring back a trophy?
A trophy's not really proof.
401
00:15:59,596 --> 00:16:01,931
We also have a framed
photograph of the team,
402
00:16:02,015 --> 00:16:04,976
a videotape of the whole
event, 39 eyewitnesses,
403
00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,811
a newspaper article about it,
404
00:16:06,895 --> 00:16:08,396
and security footage
from the gas stations
405
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,481
we stopped at on the
way to and from Pittsburgh.
406
00:16:10,565 --> 00:16:14,152
Okay, I gotta say, it seems a little weird
you're so prepared for these questions.
407
00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:15,361
No, it's not.
408
00:16:15,445 --> 00:16:18,531
My brother and I had to gather
all that information 20 years ago
409
00:16:18,615 --> 00:16:20,950
when we got accused of
the exact same stuff by him.
410
00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:22,077
Say what now?
411
00:16:22,244 --> 00:16:26,164
Captain, you seem upset.
Are you mad at me about something?
412
00:16:26,248 --> 00:16:28,583
Yes, obviously.
I gave you $2,000, and you threw it away.
413
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,627
Ugh, I knew that was it.
Stupid, Adrian, stupid!
414
00:16:31,711 --> 00:16:32,837
And it's not just the money.
415
00:16:32,921 --> 00:16:34,714
I know. You believed in me.
416
00:16:34,798 --> 00:16:36,507
And I took that belief, and I just
417
00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:38,009
-dumped all over it.
-[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
418
00:16:38,093 --> 00:16:39,844
Wait, Adrian, an SMS text alert.
419
00:16:39,928 --> 00:16:42,597
Just pulled my pants
down and squatted all…
420
00:16:42,681 --> 00:16:43,723
Adrian, be quiet.
421
00:16:43,807 --> 00:16:47,059
The beagle's been eliminated.
Our dog is in the top three!
422
00:16:47,143 --> 00:16:48,937
[WHEEZING]
423
00:16:51,730 --> 00:16:53,941
Put the dog show on, at once.
The game's on.
424
00:16:54,858 --> 00:16:56,610
Put on the dog show, Hank!
425
00:16:56,694 --> 00:16:58,070
It's in overtime.
426
00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:04,326
So what was that? You set me up?
427
00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:05,660
You already knew they had an alibi.
428
00:17:05,744 --> 00:17:08,288
Of course, I did.
I guess you must have missed that fact
429
00:17:08,372 --> 00:17:11,291
when you were putting together
your sloppy, lazy, garbage binder.
430
00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:12,542
What? I thought you loved my binder.
431
00:17:12,626 --> 00:17:13,752
You said I used all the good tabs.
432
00:17:13,836 --> 00:17:16,838
Those tabs weren't even cascading. Okay.
433
00:17:16,922 --> 00:17:19,549
Oh, I see.
I think I know what's happening here.
434
00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:22,511
You're upset because Amy and
I have seen each other's butts.
435
00:17:22,595 --> 00:17:23,803
What? Oh, God, it wasn't that.
436
00:17:23,887 --> 00:17:25,514
Please forget I said anything
about your daughter's butt.
437
00:17:25,598 --> 00:17:26,723
You know why I don't like you, Jake?
438
00:17:26,807 --> 00:17:28,058
'Cause of my binder, apparently?
439
00:17:28,142 --> 00:17:29,184
No.
440
00:17:30,227 --> 00:17:31,645
Because of my binder.
441
00:17:31,729 --> 00:17:34,064
What, you think I wouldn't
do my own research,
442
00:17:34,148 --> 00:17:37,359
find out everything I could about
whoever my daughter is dating?
443
00:17:37,443 --> 00:17:39,361
Okay, fine, but it's not like you
found anything bad about me.
444
00:17:39,445 --> 00:17:41,530
I mean, look at this credit score.
One hundred.
445
00:17:41,614 --> 00:17:43,198
Out of 850. Oh, no, really?
446
00:17:43,282 --> 00:17:47,536
This binder tells the story of a sloppy,
disorganized, irresponsible individual
447
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:50,455
who's not allowed within
500 feet of Taylor Swift.
448
00:17:50,539 --> 00:17:51,873
That was a misunderstanding.
449
00:17:51,957 --> 00:17:53,708
You're not good enough for my Amy.
450
00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:56,044
I don't want my only
daughter dating a screw-up.
451
00:17:56,128 --> 00:17:59,296
Oh, yeah? Well, I don't want my
only girlfriend daughtering a jerk-dad.
452
00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:00,715
Burn on you.
453
00:18:02,592 --> 00:18:03,801
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
454
00:18:03,885 --> 00:18:04,927
It's Amy.
455
00:18:05,011 --> 00:18:07,471
Can I answer it? Am I good enough
to have a conversation with her?
456
00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:08,597
Honestly, no.
457
00:18:08,681 --> 00:18:10,558
Well, I don't care. I'm doing it, anyway.
458
00:18:10,642 --> 00:18:13,435
-Hello, lover. How's that butt?
-SANTIAGO: What?
459
00:18:13,519 --> 00:18:16,397
-Are you with my dad?
-I sure am, and you're on speakerphone.
460
00:18:16,481 --> 00:18:20,526
So, feel free to tell me
all about your sexuality
461
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:24,280
and the intercourse we might
have together, getting it in.
462
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,991
I was just calling to tell you there's
a turkey loose in the apartment,
463
00:18:27,075 --> 00:18:30,025
but somehow that's not the
weirdest part of this phone call.
464
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:32,705
What's going on? Oh, nothing.
465
00:18:32,789 --> 00:18:35,165
Just had a real eye-opening
conversation with your dad.
466
00:18:35,249 --> 00:18:37,668
I wanted his approval, but he says
I'll never be good enough for you.
467
00:18:37,752 --> 00:18:39,044
What the hell? I know, right?
468
00:18:39,128 --> 00:18:40,254
Tell him he's wrong.
469
00:18:40,338 --> 00:18:41,714
No, I'm upset with you.
470
00:18:41,798 --> 00:18:43,048
That's right, go get 'em, tiger.
471
00:18:43,132 --> 00:18:46,427
I'm also upset with you.
What is this, 1950?
472
00:18:46,511 --> 00:18:48,887
I can't date someone unless
I have my father's approval?
473
00:18:48,971 --> 00:18:50,889
Oh, obviously, you can..
. You guys act like
474
00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:52,433
this is your decision to make,
475
00:18:52,517 --> 00:18:54,727
like the woman doesn't
even exist in this equation.
476
00:18:54,811 --> 00:18:55,894
Well, this woman…
477
00:18:55,978 --> 00:18:57,980
Wait, Amy, shut up. Excuse me?
478
00:18:58,064 --> 00:19:01,025
I'm so sorry, you were making a
totally valid point about gender equality,
479
00:19:01,109 --> 00:19:02,401
but I just thought of
something really important,
480
00:19:02,485 --> 00:19:04,570
so I'm going to hang up on you, okay?
I love you, bye.
481
00:19:04,654 --> 00:19:06,322
It wasn't Russo or his sons.
482
00:19:06,698 --> 00:19:08,906
It was the daughter! It was the daughter!
483
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:10,408
[TURKEY GOBBLING]
484
00:19:10,492 --> 00:19:12,452
All right, someone's gotta go out there
485
00:19:12,536 --> 00:19:14,086
and kill that feathery bastard.
486
00:19:14,579 --> 00:19:16,914
Rosa, you're always looking for
an excuse to behead something.
487
00:19:16,998 --> 00:19:20,376
Don't look at me. Terry wastes all that
time building muscles, make him do it.
488
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,754
Oh, come on, you all know
these are just for show.
489
00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:24,130
Gina's the one who set him free.
490
00:19:24,214 --> 00:19:26,174
How was I supposed to
know there'd be consequences
491
00:19:26,258 --> 00:19:27,843
-for my actions?
-BOYLE: Enough.
492
00:19:28,135 --> 00:19:32,013
I started this. I'm going to end it.
493
00:19:40,605 --> 00:19:41,856
It's turkey time.
494
00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:43,191
[TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING]
495
00:19:45,736 --> 00:19:46,778
[TURKEY SQUAWKS]
496
00:19:46,862 --> 00:19:48,404
HOLT: This is it, the final lap.
497
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,907
Bichon Frise dismissed.
498
00:19:51,032 --> 00:19:54,118
We're the top two, just us and
that stupid freaking Schnauzer.
499
00:19:54,202 --> 00:19:56,371
Come on, Wire Fox Terrier. Come on, baby.
500
00:19:56,455 --> 00:19:57,664
[SHUSHES]
501
00:19:58,206 --> 00:20:00,458
The judge has made his decision. Shut up!
502
00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,085
Hold my hand, Captain. Hold my hand.
503
00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:05,713
ANNOUNCER: And the Best in
Show goes to the Wire Fox Terrier.
504
00:20:05,797 --> 00:20:08,091
[YELLING, CHEERING]
505
00:20:09,593 --> 00:20:12,012
I'm going to live forever! Whoo!
506
00:20:14,598 --> 00:20:19,101
Charles? It's been quiet for a while.
Everything okay?
507
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,586
I was going to chop the
heck out of this bastard,
508
00:20:22,897 --> 00:20:24,774
but then he looked me in the eye,
509
00:20:25,399 --> 00:20:28,985
and I realized that nature is beautiful.
510
00:20:29,069 --> 00:20:30,404
He scratched you up real bad, didn't he?
511
00:20:30,488 --> 00:20:31,822
Yep, he got me good.
512
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,532
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
513
00:20:33,616 --> 00:20:37,327
It's okay. Once I started giving
him Gouda, he showed me mercy.
514
00:20:37,411 --> 00:20:39,746
So, we're not eating the turkey then?
Obviously not.
515
00:20:39,830 --> 00:20:41,791
Hello, everyone.
516
00:20:41,957 --> 00:20:44,751
Guess who just solved a
20-year-old unsolvable case?
517
00:20:44,835 --> 00:20:45,877
Wait, what?
518
00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,838
You guys figured out who
pulled the first Essex Bank job?
519
00:20:47,922 --> 00:20:51,425
Yep. We realized we never
checked the daughter's alibi.
520
00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:54,594
She wasn't at the softball trip,
she had access to the plans,
521
00:20:54,678 --> 00:20:57,264
-and then she just confessed.
-PERALTA: That's right.
522
00:20:57,348 --> 00:21:00,350
We arrested a woman today
because we are feminists.
523
00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:02,519
So, does this mean
you like each other now?
524
00:21:02,603 --> 00:21:03,645
Yep. Jury's still out.
525
00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:05,272
Uh-oh. Doesn't matter.
526
00:21:05,356 --> 00:21:08,526
It only matters what Amy thinks,
and apparently, she loves you.
527
00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:09,693
I do.
528
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:13,113
That's the first time we've ever kissed.
529
00:21:13,197 --> 00:21:17,284
Yeah! The Wire Fox boys are back! Yeah!
530
00:21:17,368 --> 00:21:19,078
[BOTH BARKING]
531
00:21:19,453 --> 00:21:20,996
PIMENTO: I just won 70 grand.
532
00:21:21,121 --> 00:21:23,582
So, Rosa, pack your
bags, we're going to Tampa.
533
00:21:23,666 --> 00:21:24,750
Tight. Can't wait.
534
00:21:24,834 --> 00:21:26,710
Guys, I'm out of Gouda.
535
00:21:26,794 --> 00:21:28,002
[SQUAWKS]