1
00:00:02,275 --> 00:00:03,276
[TRIANGLE CHIMES]
2
00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:06,611
Attention, squad.
3
00:00:06,695 --> 00:00:08,905
Hmm.
Pretty dainty way to make an announcement.
4
00:00:08,989 --> 00:00:10,782
It's a workplace.
I want to be respectful.
5
00:00:10,866 --> 00:00:13,701
Well, as someone at a high risk
for a spook-related death, thank you.
6
00:00:13,785 --> 00:00:17,580
As I was saying, it's time for
round four of the Halloween Heist.
7
00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:19,514
-[AIR HORN SOUNDING]
-[EXCLAIMING]
8
00:00:21,374 --> 00:00:22,792
If I don't make it, tell Gina I love her!
9
00:00:22,876 --> 00:00:24,502
What's up, Nine-Nine?
10
00:00:24,586 --> 00:00:28,797
Jake Peralta here to tell you that
tonight is the night for the Halloween…
11
00:00:28,881 --> 00:00:31,133
Heist. Amy already went over this.
12
00:00:31,217 --> 00:00:32,676
What? Ames, what are you doing?
13
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:33,802
I always announce the heist.
14
00:00:33,886 --> 00:00:35,386
Yeah, Amy, what the hell are you doing?
15
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,890
Exercising my right to announce
the heist as the defending champion.
16
00:00:39,015 --> 00:00:40,057
"Defending champion."
17
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,642
The only reason you won is 'cause
no one knew you were even playing.
18
00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:45,103
It was a pathetic act of pure cowardice.
19
00:00:45,187 --> 00:00:46,479
Whoa. She's your girlfriend, Peralta.
20
00:00:46,563 --> 00:00:47,814
Not tonight, she isn't.
21
00:00:47,898 --> 00:00:49,815
Although, don't kiss anyone else.
I love you so much.
22
00:00:49,899 --> 00:00:52,484
Now, then, this one's for all…
23
00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:54,368
[BAND PLAYING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES"]
24
00:01:01,785 --> 00:01:02,827
Such a dork. So cool.
25
00:01:02,911 --> 00:01:05,120
Attention, squad. Tonight… Nope.
26
00:01:05,204 --> 00:01:07,456
Y'all three really
should have coordinated.
27
00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:09,541
What? I really should be
the one to introduce the heist,
28
00:01:09,625 --> 00:01:11,793
as the last legitimate champion.
29
00:01:11,877 --> 00:01:14,795
Peralta hasn't won since the first year.
He's a has-been.
30
00:01:14,879 --> 00:01:18,424
Yeah, well, this has-been has
been with yo' mama all week.
31
00:01:18,508 --> 00:01:20,341
Sorry, I feel like I crossed a line.
I apologize.
32
00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:21,468
[SIREN WAILING]
33
00:01:21,552 --> 00:01:22,802
Attention, everyone!
34
00:01:22,886 --> 00:01:24,804
Enough. We know. The heist is happening.
35
00:01:24,888 --> 00:01:29,392
No! My ex-wife just died.
No more alimony, baby!
36
00:01:29,517 --> 00:01:31,519
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
37
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,745
This year's Halloween Heist
is a three-way tiebreaker
38
00:01:52,829 --> 00:01:54,497
to determine the champion of champions.
39
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,915
We'll be playing for this,
40
00:01:55,999 --> 00:01:58,917
a plaque that reads, "The
Ultimate Detective/Genius."
41
00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:00,752
You and Santiago should quit now.
42
00:02:00,878 --> 00:02:02,588
I'm going to stomp on your dreams.
43
00:02:02,754 --> 00:02:04,130
It's fun to see you so passionate.
44
00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:07,714
I will slit you both open from mouth
to anus and wear you like jackets.
45
00:02:08,050 --> 00:02:10,344
Ha. Is it weird that that
turned me on a little bit?
46
00:02:10,428 --> 00:02:12,638
Doesn't matter. But let's move on.
47
00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:14,931
The plaque will be held in this.
48
00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:17,058
Is that my childhood caboodle?
It most certainly is.
49
00:02:17,142 --> 00:02:20,092
But don't worry, I removed
the scrunchies, old report cards,
50
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,729
and photos of young Al Gore.
I'm better-looking than him, anyway.
51
00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:25,232
We're talking a young Al Gore? [CHUCKLES]
52
00:02:26,483 --> 00:02:27,943
Peralta, you do make me laugh.
53
00:02:28,027 --> 00:02:29,443
Okay, stings a little bit.
54
00:02:29,527 --> 00:02:31,737
It will be secured with
this brand-new lock.
55
00:02:31,821 --> 00:02:35,575
Hitchcock, if you would do the honors.
There you are.
56
00:02:36,992 --> 00:02:38,201
You can have that back in three…
57
00:02:38,285 --> 00:02:39,494
No, don't ever need it back.
58
00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:41,914
PERALTA: Now, then, locking the caboodle.
59
00:02:42,789 --> 00:02:45,916
The ca-boo-dale will be placed
in the center of the bullpen.
60
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,417
Right, and what is the
name of the store at the mall
61
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,544
that sells the sticky pastries?
62
00:02:48,628 --> 00:02:49,670
You mean the "See-nay-bone"?
63
00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:51,213
Yeah, that was it. Thanks. Continue.
64
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,340
Whoever possesses
the plaque at sunup wins.
65
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,176
Now, let's pick teams.
66
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:59,351
I've got a ton of work.
You could just leave me out this year.
67
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,055
Interesting. Interesting.
Terry, Terry, Terry…
68
00:03:02,139 --> 00:03:03,181
What?
69
00:03:03,265 --> 00:03:04,599
How naive do you think we are?
70
00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:06,560
You're "not participating" so you can
71
00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:08,561
sneak under our noses
and steal a victory,
72
00:03:08,645 --> 00:03:10,271
like Santiago did last year.
73
00:03:10,355 --> 00:03:12,815
I'm going to my desk. Heists are dumb.
74
00:03:12,899 --> 00:03:15,149
If you have nothing to hide, then
I'm sure you won't mind me asking
75
00:03:15,233 --> 00:03:17,026
Hitchcock and Scully
to keep an eye on you.
76
00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:20,029
Whatever.
My eyes will be glued to that ass.
77
00:03:20,113 --> 00:03:22,739
Great! It's now time to choose
from the remaining players.
78
00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:25,325
Amy, since you're last
year's champion, you go first.
79
00:03:25,409 --> 00:03:26,827
I choose Rosa. Dope.
80
00:03:26,911 --> 00:03:28,537
I select Charles Boyle.
81
00:03:28,621 --> 00:03:29,663
What?
82
00:03:29,747 --> 00:03:30,955
What's the matter, Peralta?
83
00:03:31,039 --> 00:03:33,583
Were you expecting to have
Detective Boyle on your team?
84
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,794
Have I thrown a wrench into your plans?
85
00:03:36,294 --> 00:03:38,336
Absolutely not.
I'm just surprised, because you have
86
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:39,754
such a strong connection with Gina.
87
00:03:39,838 --> 00:03:43,676
But I'm glad she's on my team. I had
absolutely nothing planned for Charles.
88
00:03:43,926 --> 00:03:46,510
I totally planned everything for Charles.
This is a nightmare!
89
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,013
Ew.
What can Charles Boyle do that I can't?
90
00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:50,389
Roller-skate like an angel.
91
00:03:50,473 --> 00:03:52,183
Whore, I'm great on skates.
92
00:03:52,308 --> 00:03:55,059
Or are you forgetting Jenn
Sutton's fourth-grade birthday party?
93
00:03:55,143 --> 00:03:56,519
I have definitely forgotten that.
94
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,605
Well, I skated like a pro,
95
00:03:58,689 --> 00:04:02,608
and then I spent seven minutes
in heaven with the Todd Cohen.
96
00:04:02,692 --> 00:04:05,944
It was dope. My point is, I
can do anything Charles can.
97
00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,446
Except look exactly like
the body double I got for him.
98
00:04:08,530 --> 00:04:10,365
Bill, you can come out now.
99
00:04:12,409 --> 00:04:13,451
Hi.
100
00:04:13,535 --> 00:04:16,787
Okay, yeah, this pasty white
guy is going to be a problem.
101
00:04:17,204 --> 00:04:19,289
So, I believe the key to good teamwork
102
00:04:19,373 --> 00:04:20,832
is an equal exchange of ideas…
103
00:04:20,916 --> 00:04:23,959
Stop. I know you already
have a plan, and I want to win.
104
00:04:24,043 --> 00:04:27,193
So, for the next eight hours,
I'm down with all your nerdy crap.
105
00:04:27,463 --> 00:04:29,632
Come on, Amy. Show me the binder.
106
00:04:29,757 --> 00:04:31,883
Okay, but it's not a binder.
107
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:35,637
It's a virtual binder, and it's
encrypted on this flash drive.
108
00:04:35,721 --> 00:04:38,680
That's my girl.
Now, where's the 3D model of the precinct?
109
00:04:38,764 --> 00:04:40,265
Inside the key chain.
110
00:04:40,349 --> 00:04:41,851
It's a frickin' hologram.
111
00:04:41,976 --> 00:04:43,436
Yes.
112
00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:47,230
I'm so excited, Captain.
So, how are we going to do it?
113
00:04:47,605 --> 00:04:49,355
Here's everything you need to know.
114
00:04:55,571 --> 00:04:56,738
It's blank. It's a metaphor.
115
00:04:56,822 --> 00:04:59,283
You get nothing. You lose. Good day, sir.
116
00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:01,367
But we're teammates. You chose me.
117
00:05:01,451 --> 00:05:03,827
You're too close with Peralta.
I don't trust you.
118
00:05:03,911 --> 00:05:06,455
I only chose you to disrupt his plans.
119
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:09,739
And now that you've served your
purpose, you're no longer needed.
120
00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:11,752
I feel so used.
121
00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:13,169
Am I just a piece of meat to you?
122
00:05:13,253 --> 00:05:14,379
Yes.
123
00:05:14,463 --> 00:05:16,589
Now, put on a smile, Pork Chop.
124
00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:20,049
So, what are you planning for the heist?
125
00:05:20,134 --> 00:05:22,511
The only thing I'm planning
is getting my work done.
126
00:05:22,595 --> 00:05:23,720
HITCHCOCK: Sure you are.
127
00:05:23,804 --> 00:05:26,765
Come clean, or we'll tell
everybody about your mistress.
128
00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:28,057
I don't have a mistress.
129
00:05:28,141 --> 00:05:31,436
You don't? But you're so good-looking.
What's the point?
130
00:05:33,771 --> 00:05:37,900
As expected, all eyes are on the caboodle.
It's go time. Now, Gina.
131
00:05:38,025 --> 00:05:39,068
Whoopsie.
132
00:05:39,942 --> 00:05:41,360
GINA [WHISPERING]: Bill,
but you got to stand like me.
133
00:05:41,444 --> 00:05:44,572
I'm kind of like a young
Brando, so give it that energy.
134
00:05:45,656 --> 00:05:46,740
Okay, yeah.
135
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,700
You're doing the best you
can with the tools that you have.
136
00:05:48,784 --> 00:05:50,684
Looks like nobody's onto us. Go, Gina.
137
00:05:52,788 --> 00:05:55,247
So, Bill, do you have a real job or…
138
00:05:55,498 --> 00:05:57,040
I'm the third in a lot of marriages.
139
00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,024
I got a nice soft face, so I
don't intimidate the husbands.
140
00:06:00,211 --> 00:06:03,212
Hm. Strange. The random person I hired
off the streets of Brooklyn is a weirdo.
141
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,339
What? Hmm? Nothing.
142
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:05,882
There she goes.
143
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,427
Now, Bill, the key here is
that I came in before work
144
00:06:09,511 --> 00:06:12,811
and replaced the door handles
with ones that lock from the outside.
145
00:06:13,013 --> 00:06:14,515
Pretty smart.
146
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,766
All right, Bill. The time is now.
147
00:06:17,850 --> 00:06:20,561
Show your face.
Show your face to the world.
148
00:06:23,314 --> 00:06:24,607
What the hell? Amy!
149
00:06:26,983 --> 00:06:28,985
Pick your jaws up off the floor, ladies.
150
00:06:29,069 --> 00:06:30,111
Where did Gina come from?
151
00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:32,947
And here comes Jake!
152
00:06:33,239 --> 00:06:34,281
[WHOOPS]
153
00:06:34,657 --> 00:06:38,493
Welcome to the big show.
154
00:06:38,577 --> 00:06:41,203
I was going to sneak the plaque
out without anybody knowing,
155
00:06:41,287 --> 00:06:44,082
but then I thought, so much
more fun to make you watch.
156
00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:48,002
Now, enjoy, as I steal
the plaque of destiny.
157
00:06:51,338 --> 00:06:52,881
Trying to pick the lock, el Capitán?
158
00:06:52,965 --> 00:06:54,382
That'll take at least three minutes,
159
00:06:54,466 --> 00:06:56,550
by which time I will
have hidden this plaque
160
00:06:56,634 --> 00:06:58,636
somewhere you will never find it.
161
00:07:02,348 --> 00:07:03,389
Voilà.
162
00:07:03,473 --> 00:07:05,475
Of course, you could break the window,
163
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:09,229
but you would never knowingly
destroy government property, would you?
164
00:07:09,354 --> 00:07:13,065
Well, misread that one.
Gina, skate! Skate like the wind!
165
00:07:15,359 --> 00:07:18,362
GINA: So long, suckers… [GRUNTS]
166
00:07:20,321 --> 00:07:21,656
Gina, are you okay?
167
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,243
It's cool. I'm fine. Ain't no thang.
168
00:07:25,368 --> 00:07:29,079
Totally, girl! You look good!
169
00:07:31,165 --> 00:07:35,835
Ooh. It hurts so bad.
I hope to God I'm not humbled by this.
170
00:07:36,169 --> 00:07:39,088
I'm so sorry, Gina. It should
have been Charles on those skates.
171
00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:40,756
This is why you should
always roller-skate
172
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,340
with a helmet and a mouth guard.
173
00:07:42,424 --> 00:07:43,800
Don't blame the victim.
174
00:07:43,884 --> 00:07:46,719
I'm just so sick of roller
skating's dangerous image.
175
00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:47,953
We're not all bad boys.
176
00:07:48,054 --> 00:07:49,137
Yeah, none.
177
00:07:49,221 --> 00:07:51,181
All right, Gina, get your stuff.
I'm taking you to the dentist.
178
00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:55,435
No, no, no. I'll go alone.
I don't need anyone's help.
179
00:07:55,519 --> 00:07:57,478
Just order me an UberSELECT or better.
180
00:07:57,562 --> 00:08:00,898
And despite our natural
desire to stop everything,
181
00:08:00,982 --> 00:08:03,442
you'd like us to soldier on in your
absence and keep the heist going?
182
00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:04,567
Yeah, that's fine.
183
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,528
Well, you heard the lady.
She insists we continue.
184
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,530
Let's mop up this
blood and get back at it.
185
00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:11,616
With all due respect, sir, I
don't think that's the best idea.
186
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,659
The blood is dry.
We could just clean it up after.
187
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:14,785
Ah, agreed.
188
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,029
PERALTA: I love tonight.
189
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,623
However, there is the small
issue of me losing my partner.
190
00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:23,292
Now, Terry, I know that you were
upset that no one picked you earlier.
191
00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:25,294
Not what happened.
Regardless, please be my partner.
192
00:08:25,378 --> 00:08:27,045
Please, please, please. No!
193
00:08:27,129 --> 00:08:28,713
Heists are dumb, and I have work to do.
194
00:08:28,797 --> 00:08:31,550
You're dumb, and I have heist to do.
195
00:08:32,051 --> 00:08:35,345
[YELLING] Overreacted. Damn it.
You know what? Forget Terry.
196
00:08:35,595 --> 00:08:37,680
At the time of the accident,
my team had the plaque,
197
00:08:37,764 --> 00:08:40,474
so I will just grab it and give
myself a four-minute head start.
198
00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:44,477
Not so fast, Peralta.
I say we reset the plaque and start over.
199
00:08:44,561 --> 00:08:46,897
What? But my team had it.
Charles, tell him.
200
00:08:49,608 --> 00:08:52,068
No, Jake. We're resetting.
201
00:08:52,193 --> 00:08:54,612
Charles, what are you saying?
202
00:08:54,737 --> 00:08:55,821
The plaque
203
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,323
goes
204
00:08:58,323 --> 00:08:59,407
back.
205
00:09:01,534 --> 00:09:04,246
Yes, Pork Chop. Yes.
206
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,706
I have eyes on Kristy,
Stacey and Claudia.
207
00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:09,249
You used their code names.
208
00:09:09,333 --> 00:09:11,418
You read the plans, addenda and all!
209
00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:13,593
Damn right, I did.
I told you, I'm all in.
210
00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:16,338
And you didn't make fun of me for
basing it all on The Baby-Sitters Club.
211
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,966
And I even did your suggested
reading of Kristy's Big Day.
212
00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:20,759
You did? Calm down.
213
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:22,510
You're such a Mary Anne.
214
00:09:22,594 --> 00:09:24,096
I am! It's true!
215
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,723
So, Boyle, I was impressed
with how you stood up to Peralta
216
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:28,683
and demanded a reset.
217
00:09:28,808 --> 00:09:30,643
I'm Team Holt all the way, baby.
218
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:32,352
Also, I'm pretty upset with him
219
00:09:32,436 --> 00:09:34,021
for letting Gina sweat up my skates.
220
00:09:34,105 --> 00:09:36,305
Well, perhaps I can
use a teammate after all.
221
00:09:36,773 --> 00:09:38,223
Do you swear I can trust you?
222
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,152
Yes. I swear.
223
00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:46,824
Let's unleash hell.
224
00:09:47,366 --> 00:09:50,160
Thanks for coming back, Bill.
I really needed a teammate.
225
00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:51,577
Hey, man, you're paying.
226
00:09:51,661 --> 00:09:54,706
Yeah.
You can take the wig off if you want.
227
00:09:54,914 --> 00:09:56,665
Whatever you want, man. You're paying.
228
00:09:56,749 --> 00:09:58,875
Could you stop saying that?
It's making me a little uncomfortable.
229
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,335
All right, man. It's your money.
230
00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:01,712
That's the same thing.
231
00:10:01,878 --> 00:10:03,130
SCULLY: What is this?
232
00:10:03,255 --> 00:10:04,505
It's a jack-o'-lantern. Don't touch it.
233
00:10:04,589 --> 00:10:06,465
Why not, because you're
hiding something in there?
234
00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:09,176
Because my daughters made
it and your palms are all black.
235
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,137
What have you been touching?
236
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,096
Well, this has got me stumped.
237
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,056
I got a pizza here for Raymond Holt.
238
00:10:15,307 --> 00:10:16,558
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
239
00:10:17,475 --> 00:10:20,144
Holt hates pizza.
He's trying to distract us.
240
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:21,394
If I were trying to distract you,
241
00:10:21,478 --> 00:10:22,520
I would have sent you the pizza.
242
00:10:22,604 --> 00:10:24,814
This is your doing, you
and your male prostitute.
243
00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:27,901
Bill is not a male
prostitute, I don't think.
244
00:10:27,985 --> 00:10:29,235
I have a pizza here for Raymond Holt.
245
00:10:29,319 --> 00:10:30,569
What's going on?
246
00:10:30,653 --> 00:10:32,112
I have a pizza here for Raymond Holt.
247
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:33,864
Which one of you bozos did this?
248
00:10:33,948 --> 00:10:35,449
Us? You know how much planning it takes
249
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,242
to get this many pizza
guys here at the same time?
250
00:10:37,326 --> 00:10:40,453
A binder full of planning.
This has Amy written all over it.
251
00:10:40,537 --> 00:10:43,414
If I had done this, it would
say "Captain Raymond Holt."
252
00:10:43,498 --> 00:10:44,831
I'm not going to disrespect you, sir,
253
00:10:44,915 --> 00:10:46,208
even for the sake of the heist.
254
00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:47,376
I'll guard the plaque!
255
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:48,502
You're not leaving my sight.
256
00:10:48,586 --> 00:10:49,920
Bill, can you see what's going on?
257
00:10:50,004 --> 00:10:51,255
Do you have eyes on Charles and Rosa?
258
00:10:51,339 --> 00:10:52,546
BILL: I don't know who anybody is.
259
00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:53,881
There's too much pizza!
260
00:10:53,965 --> 00:10:55,591
I see Holt. I see Charles. Where's Terry?
261
00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:58,010
Terry's leaving, because
Terry's got work to do.
262
00:10:58,094 --> 00:10:59,387
Hitchcock! Scully!
263
00:10:59,678 --> 00:11:01,347
Follow Terry! On it!
264
00:11:01,555 --> 00:11:03,598
Getting bounced around like a pinball!
265
00:11:03,682 --> 00:11:04,724
This is madness!
266
00:11:04,808 --> 00:11:07,852
Who hired you?
Who do you work for, pizza man?
267
00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:09,228
[AIR HORN SOUNDS]
268
00:11:09,395 --> 00:11:12,023
Everyone with a pizza, get out of here!
269
00:11:16,985 --> 00:11:18,236
The caboodle! The caboodle!
270
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,696
The ca-boo-dale!
271
00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:24,658
PERALTA: I know one
of you took the plaque.
272
00:11:24,742 --> 00:11:26,994
And I swear on my living
mother's future grave,
273
00:11:27,078 --> 00:11:28,662
I'm not going to let
you get away with it.
274
00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:31,289
Or it was you, Jake. You love pizza.
275
00:11:31,498 --> 00:11:33,916
It's true.
You had it for breakfast this morning.
276
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,419
When pizza's on a bagel,
you can eat pizza any time.
277
00:11:36,503 --> 00:11:38,378
Well, it certainly wasn't Boyle and me.
278
00:11:38,462 --> 00:11:39,754
We were out here the whole time.
279
00:11:39,838 --> 00:11:41,047
Plus, we already ate.
280
00:11:41,131 --> 00:11:43,008
Autumn salads with farm-fresh squash.
281
00:11:43,092 --> 00:11:45,092
That's right, I'm catering for our team.
282
00:11:45,301 --> 00:11:47,261
Look who I found hiding
in the interrogation room.
283
00:11:47,345 --> 00:11:48,695
This guilty son of a bitch.
284
00:11:48,805 --> 00:11:50,097
Still your sergeant.
285
00:11:50,181 --> 00:11:51,682
Look, I wasn't hiding.
I was doing my work.
286
00:11:51,766 --> 00:11:53,224
Hitchcock and Scully were with me.
287
00:11:53,308 --> 00:11:57,520
Were they, or perhaps were they
distracted by your brilliant pizza ruse?
288
00:11:57,604 --> 00:12:01,315
Totally distracted. I ate two whole pies.
Folded 'em up like tacos.
289
00:12:01,399 --> 00:12:02,983
You're suspect number one, Jeffords.
290
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,109
Whatever.
291
00:12:04,193 --> 00:12:07,112
"Whatever."
Spoken like a common criminal.
292
00:12:07,196 --> 00:12:08,780
Still a long time till sunup.
293
00:12:08,905 --> 00:12:10,364
All I have to say is,
294
00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:13,993
whoever took that plaque,
you better watch out.
295
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:15,245
Come on, Rosa.
296
00:12:16,954 --> 00:12:18,372
Come on, Boyle.
297
00:12:18,497 --> 00:12:19,914
Yes, sir.
298
00:12:19,998 --> 00:12:21,041
Come on…
299
00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:24,377
Bill.
300
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:28,131
Okay, was the operation a success?
301
00:12:29,298 --> 00:12:30,341
You tell me.
302
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,886
Blended right in with the pizza guys.
Got out my bolt cutters.
303
00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:37,638
Lock snapped on the first try.
No one saw me leave.
304
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:38,847
Got to hand it to you…
305
00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,974
Beautiful plan. Beautiful execution.
306
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:42,684
It's kind of like we're
our own baby-sitters club.
307
00:12:42,768 --> 00:12:45,229
Oh, my God, I don't
want tonight to ever end.
308
00:12:45,354 --> 00:12:48,230
Did you by chance read the
excerpt from The Truth About Stacey?
309
00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:49,440
The one about the rival baby-sitters.
310
00:12:49,524 --> 00:12:51,025
That get caught smoking cigarettes?
311
00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:53,444
Well, let's just say that
these two baby-sitters
312
00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,821
aren't getting caught with squat.
313
00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,573
This is where I stash a few cigarettes
314
00:12:58,657 --> 00:13:00,657
on the rare occasion that I need a puff.
315
00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:04,244
DIAZ: Dope.
316
00:13:04,328 --> 00:13:07,707
The hiding place, not the smoking.
Mary Anne is better than that.
317
00:13:08,207 --> 00:13:10,000
She's a work in progress.
318
00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:13,336
This is so frustrating.
319
00:13:13,503 --> 00:13:15,338
There's no way of knowing
who has the plaque.
320
00:13:15,422 --> 00:13:17,255
Amy and Rosa have it.
What? How do you know?
321
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,757
Diaz usually favors her left leg,
322
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,593
but after Zero Dark Pizza, she
was suddenly favoring her right.
323
00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:26,389
Yes, yes, which means that she was…
324
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,533
You trailed off and didn't
finish speaking. Continue.
325
00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:33,770
I don't want to.
326
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,523
Her gait was thrown off because
she was carrying the plaque.
327
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,901
And I know exactly where it's hidden,
328
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:41,318
in Santiago's secret cigarette stash.
329
00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,444
How did you find that?
330
00:13:42,528 --> 00:13:44,530
Whenever she gets
stressed out, she smokes.
331
00:13:44,614 --> 00:13:46,714
And it's almost too
easy to stress her out.
332
00:13:46,949 --> 00:13:48,617
Santiago, I…
333
00:13:49,868 --> 00:13:50,911
Never mind.
334
00:13:51,786 --> 00:13:54,914
What is it? What? I got to go.
335
00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:00,544
Bing-pot.
336
00:14:00,711 --> 00:14:04,297
And now, it's time to send in
our cute little secret weapon.
337
00:14:04,464 --> 00:14:06,465
I'm ready, Captain. I love the nickname.
338
00:14:06,549 --> 00:14:09,052
No, Charles, not you.
I was talking about Cheddar.
339
00:14:09,177 --> 00:14:10,760
Oh, right, obviously.
340
00:14:10,844 --> 00:14:13,430
Over the past month, I've had
him trained to retrieve plaques.
341
00:14:13,514 --> 00:14:16,099
And now, boy, it's time
to make Daddy proud.
342
00:14:16,183 --> 00:14:17,225
Yes, sir.
343
00:14:17,309 --> 00:14:20,228
I could not have been more
clearly talking to the dog.
344
00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:30,403
Time is running out.
345
00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:32,155
We got to stop playing by the rules
346
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:33,989
and start playing dirty.
Follow my lead, Bill.
347
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:37,243
Okay, but first, I should tell
you my safe word is "cabbage."
348
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,661
Why? You know what, never mind.
It doesn't matter.
349
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:42,580
Hey Charles!
Charles, get in here. Come on.
350
00:14:42,747 --> 00:14:44,790
What is Holt up to?
Does he have the plaque?
351
00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:46,834
Does he know who does?
I'm not telling you that, Jake.
352
00:14:46,918 --> 00:14:48,085
I'm Team Holt, and there's nothing
353
00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:49,252
you could say that'll change that.
354
00:14:49,336 --> 00:14:53,715
Okay, fine, then I guess I have a
new best friend, and his name is Bill.
355
00:14:54,591 --> 00:14:56,675
You're not serious.
He's just a prop for the heist.
356
00:14:56,759 --> 00:15:01,013
Sure, it started out that way,
but you know how these things go,
357
00:15:01,097 --> 00:15:02,598
spending time together,
358
00:15:02,682 --> 00:15:06,893
sharing intimate secrets,
laughing about nothing in particular.
359
00:15:06,977 --> 00:15:08,728
Cabbage. Holt has the plaque.
360
00:15:08,812 --> 00:15:10,188
It's hidden in the evidence room
361
00:15:10,272 --> 00:15:11,813
in a box marked "Cold Cases 1972."
362
00:15:11,897 --> 00:15:14,047
Thanks, bud.
We will always be best friends.
363
00:15:15,776 --> 00:15:18,529
You hear that, Bill? Nobody likes you!
364
00:15:21,364 --> 00:15:22,532
Ain't she a beaut?
365
00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:23,782
Sexy.
366
00:15:23,866 --> 00:15:26,451
Immediately ruined it, Bill. Immediately.
367
00:15:26,535 --> 00:15:27,619
Here you go.
368
00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:30,455
[HOLT MAKING SWISHING SOUNDS]
369
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,041
What is happening right now?
370
00:15:33,125 --> 00:15:36,627
The last sands are running through the
hourglass… [MAKING SWISHING SOUNDS]
371
00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:38,588
Because your time is running out,
372
00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:40,547
and you are never
going to get the plaque.
373
00:15:40,631 --> 00:15:43,674
Captain, stop.
I just can't let you embarrass yourself.
374
00:15:43,758 --> 00:15:45,259
I told Jake everything.
375
00:15:45,343 --> 00:15:48,304
He threatened to replace
me, and I freaked out hard.
376
00:15:48,388 --> 00:15:49,429
I'm sorry.
377
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,974
It's okay. I knew you would betray me.
378
00:15:52,141 --> 00:15:53,558
That's why I fed you fake intel.
379
00:15:53,642 --> 00:15:54,684
BOTH: What?
380
00:15:54,768 --> 00:15:57,895
The plaque was never
in "Cold Cases 1972."
381
00:15:57,979 --> 00:16:00,079
As if I'd just put it
in a box, unattended.
382
00:16:00,898 --> 00:16:02,650
But you did. No, I didn't.
383
00:16:02,734 --> 00:16:05,026
Then how do you explain this?
384
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:08,989
I have no idea.
I put the plaque in my office. Cheddar?
385
00:16:10,198 --> 00:16:11,241
Come here. Come here, baby.
386
00:16:11,325 --> 00:16:12,366
What the hell?
387
00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:14,827
Yeah, thank you.
Return to my office, please.
388
00:16:14,994 --> 00:16:18,580
What's up, you little turds? Wait,
what is going on? We have the plaque.
389
00:16:18,664 --> 00:16:21,040
Yeah, I just got it out of the
vent to rub it in your faces.
390
00:16:21,124 --> 00:16:22,708
"I Just Got It Out of the
Vent to Rub It in Your Faces."
391
00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:24,377
Name of your sex tape. What?
392
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:28,130
Something strange is afoot.
Which of these is real?
393
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:29,756
Black lights. What the hell?
394
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,634
Oh, my God. Our precinct is disgusting.
395
00:16:32,718 --> 00:16:33,760
Dear God!
396
00:16:33,844 --> 00:16:36,595
Hitchcock and Scully's desk.
397
00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:38,013
Wait. Look at the plaques.
398
00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:39,348
"Are…" "Heists…"
399
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:40,474
"Dumb."
400
00:16:40,558 --> 00:16:43,434
Are heists dumb? Of course not.
That was a stupid question.
401
00:16:43,518 --> 00:16:46,854
No, Jake, it says, "Heists are dumb."
402
00:16:46,938 --> 00:16:48,315
ALL: Terry!
403
00:16:51,859 --> 00:16:54,695
The Oscar for Best Liar goes to you!
404
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:57,531
That's not an Oscars category.
What's going on?
405
00:16:57,615 --> 00:16:58,948
Not to be harsh, Sarge,
406
00:16:59,199 --> 00:17:01,242
but you're setting a terrible
example for your daughters,
407
00:17:01,326 --> 00:17:03,578
and they're going to
grow up to be total failures.
408
00:17:03,662 --> 00:17:04,870
You take that back.
409
00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:07,163
No, she's right, Jeffords.
Your children are doomed.
410
00:17:07,247 --> 00:17:08,290
Where's the plaque?
411
00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:10,417
For the last time, I don't know!
412
00:17:10,542 --> 00:17:12,544
I've been working here the whole time.
413
00:17:12,628 --> 00:17:13,669
Ask them.
414
00:17:13,753 --> 00:17:15,588
Well, actually, we both fell asleep.
415
00:17:15,713 --> 00:17:17,506
And Jeffords never woke us up.
416
00:17:17,590 --> 00:17:18,925
Coincidence?
417
00:17:19,050 --> 00:17:20,426
I don't need this.
418
00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:22,010
You're not going anywhere.
419
00:17:22,135 --> 00:17:23,595
Damn, Rosa!
420
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:24,804
BOYLE: He's trying to get away!
421
00:17:24,888 --> 00:17:25,972
Everyone start panicking!
422
00:17:26,056 --> 00:17:27,506
He had someone lock the door.
423
00:17:28,557 --> 00:17:30,559
'Sup, losers?
424
00:17:30,643 --> 00:17:32,186
I have the real plaque!
425
00:17:33,771 --> 00:17:35,523
Gina! Of course!
426
00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:38,190
It all makes sense, except
for the parts I don't understand
427
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,192
and the fact that I still
kind of think Terry did this.
428
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,529
Nope, it was all me.
429
00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:43,695
Three weeks ago,
430
00:17:43,779 --> 00:17:46,740
Captain Holt asked me
to order a plaque that read,
431
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:49,660
"The Ultimate Detective/Genius."
432
00:17:49,952 --> 00:17:52,369
I did it, and I ordered three copies
433
00:17:52,453 --> 00:17:55,039
and a statue of Tyrese riding a dolphin.
434
00:17:55,164 --> 00:17:56,249
Is that relevant?
435
00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:57,417
To my life, yes.
436
00:17:57,542 --> 00:18:00,501
Once I had the plaques, I
manipulated Captain Holt
437
00:18:00,585 --> 00:18:03,212
into choosing Boyle as his partner.
438
00:18:03,296 --> 00:18:06,133
All it took was six bottles of dish soap.
439
00:18:06,258 --> 00:18:09,551
See, this is what happens when
Jake tries to wash dishes by himself.
440
00:18:09,635 --> 00:18:11,679
It's like he's helpless without Boyle.
441
00:18:11,971 --> 00:18:16,141
Yes. He is helpless without Boyle.
442
00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:19,685
And you fell for my trap
like a greedy little rat.
443
00:18:19,769 --> 00:18:20,853
Easy.
444
00:18:20,937 --> 00:18:25,107
Yes, it was easy.
And the next phase of my plan,
445
00:18:25,399 --> 00:18:27,985
a "skating accident."
446
00:18:28,152 --> 00:18:30,194
But you knocked out your two front teeth.
447
00:18:30,278 --> 00:18:31,528
False teeth.
448
00:18:31,612 --> 00:18:33,072
Fake blood.
449
00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:35,533
I lost my real teeth at Jenn Sutton's
450
00:18:35,658 --> 00:18:38,076
birthday party in fourth grade.
451
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,203
You made sure I didn't remember that!
452
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:43,456
It was minute five of seven
minutes in heaven with Todd Cohen
453
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:46,166
when he bumped the wall and
the bowling ball fell on my face.
454
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,918
Maybe I just wasn't at that party.
455
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:49,711
Once I had faked the skating mishap,
456
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,797
I swapped out a dummy
plaque for the real one.
457
00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:54,382
Then I left to go to the dentist.
458
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,385
And you convinced your dentist to
help you carry out the rest of the heist.
459
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:58,844
No. Of course not. Go ahead.
460
00:18:58,928 --> 00:19:01,138
I came back, wearing the perfect disguise
461
00:19:01,305 --> 00:19:03,473
to make sure I was
never noticed by anyone.
462
00:19:03,557 --> 00:19:06,226
Something so drab and uninspiring…
463
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,893
This feels like it's
going to be a dig on me.
464
00:19:07,977 --> 00:19:09,677
I wore Amy's clothes. There it is.
465
00:19:09,812 --> 00:19:11,939
This is your doing, you
and your male prostitute.
466
00:19:12,023 --> 00:19:14,484
Bill is not a male
prostitute, I don't think.
467
00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:17,527
That suit is not drab.
It has a fun salmon lining.
468
00:19:17,611 --> 00:19:19,445
No, Amy, it made me invisible.
469
00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:21,030
And now that I had that power,
470
00:19:21,114 --> 00:19:24,658
every time one of you stole a
plaque, I replaced it with a fake.
471
00:19:24,742 --> 00:19:27,911
And no one had any idea
until the lights went out,
472
00:19:27,995 --> 00:19:30,955
revealing a secret
message, "Heists are dumb."
473
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:33,874
Then we raced in here to
blame Terry, and you trapped us.
474
00:19:33,958 --> 00:19:36,127
But how did you know he was
going to say, "Heists are dumb"?
475
00:19:36,211 --> 00:19:37,586
Terry says that about everything.
476
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:38,920
Everyone should wear suspenders.
477
00:19:39,004 --> 00:19:40,046
Belts are dumb.
478
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:41,256
People should swim forward.
479
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,507
The backstroke is dumb.
480
00:19:42,591 --> 00:19:43,925
Thirty grams of fat?
481
00:19:44,009 --> 00:19:45,176
Hummus is dumb.
482
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,428
And now, here you all are,
483
00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:51,516
locked up behind the glass
like a bunch of loser fish.
484
00:19:51,682 --> 00:19:53,433
I bet you're wondering why I did it.
485
00:19:53,517 --> 00:19:54,600
Because you wanted to win?
486
00:19:54,684 --> 00:19:57,229
No! I had a loftier goal in mind.
487
00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:59,772
Can you do me a favor and
tell me what that says right there?
488
00:19:59,856 --> 00:20:01,565
"The Ultimate Detective/Genius."
489
00:20:01,649 --> 00:20:02,691
"Detective."
490
00:20:03,025 --> 00:20:04,651
Can you imagine what
that word sounds like
491
00:20:04,735 --> 00:20:06,361
to someone who's not a detective?
492
00:20:06,445 --> 00:20:10,073
Discriminatory.
It's worse than segregation.
493
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,282
BOTH: Uh-uh.
494
00:20:11,366 --> 00:20:14,369
Too far? I'm sorry.
But I think I've proved a point.
495
00:20:14,494 --> 00:20:17,120
And that's why we're changing
the name of the plaque forever!
496
00:20:17,204 --> 00:20:18,497
To what?
497
00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:22,876
ALL: Gina Linetti is the
Ultimate Human/Genius.
498
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,669
Thank you.
And now, I'd like to say a few words.
499
00:20:25,753 --> 00:20:27,004
You talked for an hour when you had us
500
00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:28,297
locked in that interrogation room.
501
00:20:28,381 --> 00:20:30,924
I'm a fair ruler.
Your comment has been heard.
502
00:20:31,008 --> 00:20:33,634
But seriously, you
guys, I just want to say,
503
00:20:33,718 --> 00:20:36,847
I friggin' love you losers.
Happy Halloween.
504
00:20:36,972 --> 00:20:39,431
Happy Halloween!
505
00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:41,099
Take out your teeth. Yeah.
506
00:20:41,183 --> 00:20:44,353
ALL: Take out your teeth!
Take out your teeth!
507
00:20:44,728 --> 00:20:46,230
Take out your teeth!
508
00:20:46,355 --> 00:20:47,397
[ALL CHEERING]
509
00:20:47,522 --> 00:20:49,065
I'm invincible!