1 00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:04,872 - * Oh, I can't get home fast enough, Santa Claus * 2 00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,507 - I thought you weren't allowed to do electrical work. 3 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,242 - Oh, no, I'm not allowed to legally call myself 4 00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:11,145 an electrician, but in my own home, 5 00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,181 I can do as much subpar work as I want. 6 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,486 - He'll be right there! 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,154 Hold your horses, Susan! 8 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,889 I'm making freakin' family memories here! 9 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,357 - Mom. - Sorry. 10 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,259 Susan's just a little, you know... 11 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:26,860 Have a great time at practice. 12 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:30,364 I love you! - Love you, too. 13 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,999 - So I think we need to talk 14 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,701 about what happened on Thanksgiving. 15 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,170 - You mean the sex thing? I blame the tryptophan. 16 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:39,107 It probably gave me that cute-sleepy-koala-bear look. 17 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,242 - It did. 18 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,611 But we cannot do it again, okay? 19 00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,513 I don't want things to get muddled for Cash. 20 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,215 Or for me. - Agreed. 21 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,717 Won't happen again. 22 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,921 Okay, if we're gonna do this, 23 00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,390 it has to be just a holiday fling, okay? 24 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,126 It'll all be done by New Year's. 25 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,461 And before you ask, American New Year's, 26 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,196 not Chinese. 27 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:06,867 Oh, and we have to keep it casual, so no strings. 28 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,436 Do you think you can do that? 29 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:11,472 - Am I okay with just having sex and not doing any other 30 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,274 relationship stuff I'm terrible at? 31 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:14,708 - Mm-hmm. 32 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,445 Hell, yeah. 33 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:20,448 Oh, fudge, we're gonna be late for choir practice! 34 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,950 Oh, and remember, nobody can know about this. 35 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,454 - Mornin'. - Mornin'. 36 00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,389 - Hey, Jenny, you beat me here. - What? 37 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,990 No, I didn't. Wait, of course I did. 38 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,159 Wait, what? - What? 39 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,626 - Huh? - Yeah. 40 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,094 - Okay, everybody, um-- 41 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,664 Wow. 42 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,967 We have this, but we don't have a lock on the bathroom door? 43 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,636 - Oh, what a shock, Arthur is the Grinch who hates Christmas. 44 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,605 - Such a shame, 'cause you look just like Santa. 45 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,274 - No, I love Christmas. 46 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,841 I used to conduct a sold-out Christmas concert 47 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,310 every year at Princeton. 48 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,978 - Oh, is that where you used to work? 49 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,680 I almost forgot. - Yeah, Princeton. 50 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,014 - Mm-hmm. - Quick! 51 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,649 Help me take this down. 52 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,084 - Okay, now we have to take it down. 53 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,986 Can we trade it in for a lock on the bathroom door? 54 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,288 - I just found out my parents are in town, 55 00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:01,855 and they're headed here. 56 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,291 - The idea of you having parents 57 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,358 is somehow disorienting. 58 00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:05,359 - They're world-famous. 59 00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,827 - His parents are missionaries, 60 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,996 and when it comes to religion, they're... 61 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,264 What's the right way to say it? 62 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,533 - Strict. - Puritanical. 63 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,435 - Can we not say white? - You can't. 64 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,170 - My parents are wonderful people, 65 00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:18,272 but they live by 1 John 2:15-- 66 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,874 "Do not love this world or the things it offers you." 67 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,943 I'm sorry, Santa-- I love everything about you, 68 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,812 but my parents can't see my secular side. 69 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,547 I can't handle the judgment. 70 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,948 - Well, they're the ones 71 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,817 that should be worried about judgment. 72 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,620 Missionaries have no business coming into populations 73 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,623 and imposing their supposedly superior values. 74 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,491 - You mean like you do to us with music. 75 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,126 - Nah, that's different. I have taste. You don't. 76 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,728 - Taste this. 77 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,530 - Arthur, I've never kicked anyone out of this church, 78 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,164 but I think it would be best if you go home for a while 79 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,733 and don't come back. 80 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,502 - Well, you can tell your imperialist missionary parents 81 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:50,904 that they can spread the good word up my-- 82 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,573 - Jax. - Hello, son. 83 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,141 - Ass. I was gonna say "ass." 84 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,043 - Mom, Dad! 85 00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:58,546 It's such a blessing you're here. 86 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,849 One that was sprung on me with no time for mental preparation. 87 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,418 - Sorry for the short notice, but we thought it might be nice 88 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,687 for you to spend some time with your sister. 89 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,256 - Which one? 90 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,557 Not Graciela. She's finishing up med school. 91 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,091 Not Mishki. She's on her honeymoon. 92 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,526 Wei-Lin? 93 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,095 - No, you have a new sister. 94 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,898 Anjali. 95 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,603 - Wow. 96 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:25,539 Your parents definitely have a type. 97 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,342 - * Hallelujah, Thine the glory * 98 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:33,947 * Revive us again 99 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:37,117 - We found Anjali in the same orphanage 100 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:40,254 where we found you, Jax, and just like then, 101 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:43,056 we fell in love and had to bring her into our family. 102 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,360 - Can I read my Bible in the car? 103 00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:49,263 - Just crack the windows so the Holy Ghost can get in. 104 00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:51,732 What a shy one. - Aw. 105 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:55,436 Your church is so... 106 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,070 cozy. 107 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,572 - Well, you're seeing it empty. 108 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,474 I wish you could see it at a service. 109 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,310 It's so full... 110 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,111 of people... - Mm... 111 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,213 - Because I'm a good minister. 112 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,915 - I assume choir practice is off. 113 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,717 I'm just get out of here before I get adopted. 114 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,252 - That's Dr. Arthur Cochran-- 115 00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,455 our choir director and resident quipster. 116 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,990 Ha ha, Arthur. Bye! 117 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,493 - Were we just in the presence of the Arthur Cochran, 118 00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,161 the--the famous conductor? 119 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,796 - Throw in "rumpled" and "handsome," 120 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,665 and, yes, you would be correct. 121 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,967 Hi. - We are such huge fans. 122 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,502 - Well, thank you. 123 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,838 - Your Princeton Chamber Choir recording 124 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,606 of Handel's "Messiah" was exulting. 125 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,074 - Well, actually, "The New York Times" 126 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,676 used the word "revelatory," 127 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:36,910 but let's not get caught up in semantics. 128 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,111 "Exulting" will do. 129 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,447 You know what I'm gonna do for you? 130 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,014 I've got some 8x10s in my bag. 131 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,850 I keep 'em handy for fans like you. 132 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,452 - Oh. - Whoop. 133 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,187 - Oh, no. - Jax. 134 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,423 - A Santa Claus in a church? 135 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,359 - Well, we have a lot of families here. 136 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,827 And the kids love it. - Yeah, of course they do. 137 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:58,198 But only God can give you the true gift of everlasting life. 138 00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,601 - Thank goodness Anjali didn't see this. 139 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,704 - Okay, who should I make this out to--is it Luke? 140 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,674 It's fans like you that make stars like me. 141 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,642 How about that? - Excuse me, I'll just... 142 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,112 - Oh. You okay, Jax? - Yes. 143 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,784 - Amen! 144 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,320 - Oh, hey, Jenny, do you still need me to swing by later 145 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,790 and install that, uh-- - Please don't say "pipe." 146 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,024 - Pipe. 147 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,461 Yeah, okay, I'll bring my toolbox. 148 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,530 - So how long have you two been hooking up? 149 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,965 - What? Oh, no, that's crazy. 150 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,200 - Is it? 151 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,135 - Okay, fine. How did you know? 152 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,404 - I have a sixth sense. 153 00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,171 I know when stuff is gonna happen. 154 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,140 Like, I knew the ending of "The Sixth Sense." 155 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,975 - Please, just don't make a big thing out of this. 156 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,844 - I won't, but you have to tell me why. 157 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,646 - I don't know. 158 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,749 Sneaking around is kind of hot, you know? 159 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,851 I mean, it reminds me of when we were in high school 160 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,987 and my parents thought Wayne was a stone-cold loser 161 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,923 just 'cause he was on unemployment. 162 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,692 - You have grown since then. 163 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,093 Wayne has not. 164 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,862 Isn't that why you wanted to divorce him? 165 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,230 - We're just having fun. 166 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,698 It'll all be over by New Year's. 167 00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,366 I just--I need to get him out of my system. 168 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,902 - Ugh, like a bad taco or a blood-borne illness. 169 00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:11,405 It sounds fun. - Shh. 170 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,842 - This is so much better than the food we had in Indonesia. 171 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,944 - We ate so much Sbarro's there. 172 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,279 - I'll be right back. 173 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,881 Oh, milk. 174 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,285 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, tiger. 175 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,120 - I love having my parents in town, 176 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,889 but they're so successful. 177 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,958 I can't help but feeling like a loser around them. 178 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,761 - You're not a loser. You got a lot going for you. 179 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:37,130 Number one--you know me, and your parents love me. 180 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,433 Watch this. 181 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,902 Hey, guys, how's lunch going? Can I get you anything? 182 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:45,238 Maybe, uh, I don't know, a selfie with a famous conductor? 183 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,940 Are there any around? 184 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,809 Oh, wait, that's right. Me! 185 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,278 - That would be such a treat. 186 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,080 - You know, I'm sure the real treat 187 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,048 would be for you to watch me conduct. 188 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,917 I'm so sorry you won't be here for our Christmas concert. 189 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,619 - Oh, we could have had the live broadcast. 190 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,320 Our two million YouTube subscribers 191 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,456 would have loved that. - Two million? 192 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,258 - Yes, but, sadly, we are boarding a plane for Thailand 193 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,460 on Saturday. - Aw. 194 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,462 - Well, that's ridiculous. 195 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:10,097 We can j--we'll move the concert up. 196 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,565 We'll just do it on Friday, right? 197 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,066 Could we? - Yes! 198 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,335 Then you can see the church packed to capacity. 199 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,738 - Oh, wonderful. - Friday it is. 200 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,507 - Are you insane? 201 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,609 - That's the night of the big UK game. 202 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,611 - Everyone'll be watching. The church'll be empty. 203 00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:27,014 Yeah, I think I'm coming down with something. 204 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,516 I don't think I can be there either. 205 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:29,950 - My parents want to see a concert, 206 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,485 and you are not going to disappoint them. 207 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,488 So you will show up, and you will like it! 208 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:37,491 - Wow, you really went Full Metal Cardigan there, 209 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,458 didn't you? 210 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,631 - How are we gonna find 100 people who don't want 211 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,198 to watch the UK game? - They can DVR it. 212 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,034 Everyone knows the game is so much more exciting to watch 213 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,836 after it's ended and you know the score from social media. 214 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,671 - Who cares about the people in the church? 215 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,506 There'll be over two million people around the world 216 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,941 watching it on YouTube. 217 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,376 - Two million people? Well, that's amazing. 218 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:57,978 - No, no celebrating yet. You still suck. 219 00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,847 - We don't even have an audience. 220 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,550 Brains, brawn, you're in charge of getting butts in the seats. 221 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,885 I'm sorry--when I get stressed, I lose my filter. 222 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,453 - Okay, shall we dive in? 223 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,055 - You heard the man. Focus. 224 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,223 We need to practice 24-7 and find an audience 225 00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,825 the other 24-7. 226 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,528 - This schedule's gonna cut into our fun. 227 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,396 - We found out a way to have sex on our class field trip 228 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,899 to Abraham Lincoln's birthplace--we can do this. 229 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,834 - I still have that hat. - I still have that beard. 230 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,803 - Ginny, Wayne! Pay attention! 231 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,371 Carla! 232 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,006 Stop hitting those chimes! 233 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,875 - They're for "Carol of the Bells." 234 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,743 - Carla, don't just stand there! 235 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,411 Hit those chimes! 236 00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,547 all: * Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells * 237 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,749 * All seem to say, throw cares away * 238 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,985 * Christmas is here, bringing good cheer * 239 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,588 * To young and old, meek and the bold * 240 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,422 * Ding-dong, ding-dong, that is their song * 241 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,525 * With joyful ring, all caroling * 242 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,661 * One seems to hear, words of good cheer * 243 00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,396 * From everywhere, filling the air * 244 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,065 * Oh, how they pound, raising the sound * 245 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,201 * O'er hill and dale, telling their tale * 246 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,403 * Gaily they ring while people sing * 247 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,005 * Songs of good cheer - Be better! 248 00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,707 all: * Christmas is here 249 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,374 * Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas * 250 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,510 * Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas * 251 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,879 * On, on they send, on without end * 252 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:08,215 * Their joyful tone to every home * 253 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,550 * Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells * 254 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,953 * All seem to say, throw cares away * 255 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,455 * Christmas is here, bringing good cheer * 256 00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,691 * To young and old, meek and the bold * 257 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,960 * Ding-dong, ding-dong, that is their song * 258 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,362 * With joyful ring, all caroling * 259 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,632 * One seems to hear, words of good cheer * 260 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,034 * From everywhere, filling the air * 261 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,269 * Oh, how they pound, raising the sound * 262 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,271 * O'er hill and dale, telling their tale * 263 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,874 * Gaily they ring while people sing * 264 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,876 * Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here * 265 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,545 * Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas * 266 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,948 * Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas * 267 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:43,416 * On, on they send, on without end * 268 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,919 * Their joyful tone to every home * 269 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,321 * On, on they send on without end * 270 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:53,226 * Their joyful tone to every home * 271 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:57,631 * Ding-dong, ding-dong 272 00:09:57,665 --> 00:10:00,634 * Bom 273 00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,939 - what, you have a fly, right? 274 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,675 - Hey. - Oh. 275 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,142 - Hi, there. 276 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:13,647 - Um, we like to pray in the supply closet 277 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:17,117 'cause, you know... Jesus was a carpenter. 278 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,120 - Ah. 279 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,922 - Mom and Dad. - Oh, hi, sweetheart. 280 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,490 We are going to a fundraiser, 281 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,358 and I wonder if you could watch Anjali for a bit. 282 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,928 She's slow to warm up, but-- - Of course. 283 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:31,498 It'll be fun to connect with someone 30 years younger. 284 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,033 - Hey. 285 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,936 Everyone is so excited about this concert on Friday. 286 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,938 I was thinking, at the risk of blowing out the Internet, 287 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,473 maybe I should record a promo for the fans. 288 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,209 - You mean build a little buzz? 289 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,643 - Yeah. - Rolling. 290 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,279 - Hello, I'm Dr. Arthur Cochran, 291 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:49,683 and I want you to tune into our Christmas concert this Friday. 292 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:52,019 It's doctor's orders! 293 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,887 - Fantastic. Nice take. 294 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,155 - It's not a take. It's a gift. 295 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,891 - See ya later. - See ya. 296 00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,327 - So you want to watch your big brother sing in a choir? 297 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,165 Okay. 298 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:07,400 Cash! You're a child. 299 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,069 Anjali's a child, too. 300 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,038 Why don't you two go play in my office? 301 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,472 - Actually, I-- 302 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,374 - Wouldn't want to disappoint God? 303 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,016 - Can I try? 304 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,718 - I mean, I guess. 305 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,987 It's kind of complicated, though. 306 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,559 Did you just make a pipe bomb out of a sneaker? 307 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,328 I didn't know you could do that. 308 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,497 - How do I get one of these? - I don't know. 309 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,699 Ask Santa. - Who? 310 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,435 - You don't know who Santa is? 311 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,038 I'm about to blow your mind. 312 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,775 - Athanasios, you like music. 313 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,543 Come to the Christmas concert on Friday. 314 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,747 - Ah. No, thank you. 315 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,682 - A little less second-grade teacher, 316 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,417 a little more "Godfather." 317 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,020 Make him an offer he can't refuse. 318 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,722 Hey, isn't your family in town? - They are. 319 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,125 - Bring them to the concert, and I'll give you a day off. 320 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,796 - Throw in Greek Easter and my yia-yia's birthday, and I'm in. 321 00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,463 - You drive a hard bargain. - Hmm. 322 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,434 - He should've held out. 323 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,070 I was gonna give him health insurance. 324 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,939 - I am so excited about this concert. 325 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,641 I just hope I can whip the choir into shape by Friday. 326 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,743 - Ask Santa for help. - What? 327 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,612 Santa? Who's that? 328 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,580 No one, that's who. - You've never heard of Santa? 329 00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,149 He's just like Jesus, 330 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,084 but he rewards people who behave righteously with toys. 331 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,053 - Interesting-- they are kind of similar, 332 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,587 aside from the obvious weight difference. 333 00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:37,124 - No, he's nothing like Jesus, okay? 334 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,126 - So did you two have fun? - So much fun. 335 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,627 I learned about Santa. 336 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,629 He's gonna bring me this game called "Murder Car," 337 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,597 where you kill people and then steal their cars. 338 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,299 - There's also prostitutes. 339 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,768 - What? What can I talk about? 340 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:51,604 - Jax--sweetheart, your brother has led you astray. 341 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,643 That was so fun, 342 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:59,913 I am not even gonna eat my feelings about it later. 343 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,681 - That's good, 'cause Dwayne only eats rabbit food. 344 00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,517 Ew, gross! 345 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,486 I thought you gave up chewing tobacco. 346 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,321 - Oh. - Oh. 347 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,194 That's my birthstone. 348 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,496 - Mm-hmm. 349 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,265 - What happened to no strings? 350 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,468 - Yeah, see, I don't think I can do no strings, 351 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,703 especially with you, 352 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,605 'cause I never wanted to break our strings. 353 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,807 - Whoa. 354 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,509 I need to think about this. 355 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:30,710 - I understand. It's a lot. 356 00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,179 - Mm-hmm. - I'll take 'em back. 357 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,646 - Whoa, no. You just gave 'em to me. 358 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,782 No backsies. - They're real, too. 359 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,650 They won't turn your ear green or nothing. 360 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,655 - So, Barb, what are you doing this Friday? 361 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:45,558 - I'm going to the Wildcats game, obviously. 362 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:49,496 - It would mean a lot if you came to the Christmas concert. 363 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:52,632 - Can I have a solo? - You're not in the choir. 364 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,969 - Can I be in the choir? - Um... 365 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,205 If you bring three friends, sure. 366 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,040 - All right. 367 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:03,676 - Ah, please tell me Wayne didn't buy you those earrings. 368 00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,412 - He's a new man. 369 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,414 They're the first gift he gave me that I don't have to feed. 370 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:10,183 - You know Wayne better than I do. 371 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:12,552 - Mm-hmm. - So you'd know how a man 372 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:14,554 who tries to pay his tab in snake eggs 373 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,223 would be able to afford fancy earrings. 374 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,725 - I don't have to ask. I trust him. 375 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:22,595 - Trust him enough to still have a joint bank account? 376 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,705 Son of a B! 377 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,010 - Where's Mom and Dad? 378 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:38,845 - They're in the back recording a sermon for YouTube. 379 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,848 I'm sure it's "prodigal son" related. 380 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,384 You sure love the Bible, don't you? 381 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,852 - Well, we move around a lot. 382 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,454 It's one thing I can always count on. 383 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,456 - It's not easy bouncing around all the time. 384 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,025 I used to sneak away and watch movies. 385 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,061 You should've seen the look on Dad's face 386 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,363 when he caught me watching "If Rosemary had Baptized her Baby, 387 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,897 None of This Would've Happened." 388 00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:00,033 - I used to love watching movies. 389 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,202 I watched them all the time back in India. 390 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,370 - What was your favorite? 391 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,138 - Anything with Priyanka Chopra. 392 00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:06,940 - I love her. - Her Bollywood stuff. 393 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,575 Not the lifeguard movie called 394 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,477 "Running Around in Red Swimsuits is a Sin." 395 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,912 - Would it be all right if I tousled your hair? 396 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,948 - I'd rather you didn't. - And that's why I asked. 397 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,887 - That was nice. Except for that hair tousle. 398 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,622 That was weird. - It felt weird. 399 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,224 - Yeah, it creeped me out. 400 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,126 - Do you think my parents will get mad 401 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,395 about the whole movie thing? 402 00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,464 - What, you connected with her. You--you made her smile. 403 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,433 Isn't that what church is all about? 404 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,602 - Could you repeat that when my parents are around 405 00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:38,671 so they know I successfully ministered to an atheist? 406 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,673 - Jax, forget about what your parents think. 407 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:43,143 This is your church. 408 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,945 You need to think about how you want to reach people. 409 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,117 We have 24 hours before the concert. 410 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:53,020 What do you say--you want to Jax it up a little bit? 411 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:56,589 - Maybe, but it'll still be to an empty church. 412 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,691 - You worry about the music. I'll worry about the crowd. 413 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,994 Actually, I'll worry about the music and the crowd. 414 00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,795 - Can someone take this? 415 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,765 I don't want to be seen with a big pair of scissors. 416 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,767 People project aggression onto men of my stature. 417 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,136 - Don't pass them to me. 418 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,637 I can't look my friends in the eye 419 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:11,938 knowing I cut off the UK game. 420 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,440 - Come on, give it to me. 421 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,775 The only thing people project on me is privilege. 422 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:19,979 Remember, after all, this is for Jax. 423 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,681 - It's this one right here. 424 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,551 I appreciate you making such a huge sacrifice for a friend. 425 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:25,985 - What sacrifice? 426 00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,320 - This is the Internet connection 427 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:28,721 as well as the cable. 428 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,323 You're cutting off our chances to broadcast the concert 429 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,958 on YouTube. 430 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,028 - Torn between a return to relevance 431 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:36,863 and helping a weirdo in a cardigan 432 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,998 who I didn't even know four months ago. 433 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,733 - He looks really cute in that cardigan, though. 434 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,302 - Damn it. 435 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,137 He does. 436 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:46,173 Let's go! 437 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,007 Go, go! - Got it. 438 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,383 - There you are. 439 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,917 Did you take money from our joint account 440 00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:58,985 to buy those earrings? 441 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,020 - Part of it, yeah, 442 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,989 but then the rest I invested in my buddy Dookie's business. 443 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,024 - I can't believe I thought you changed. 444 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:07,060 This is something the old Wayne would've done, 445 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,396 and in case you forgot, he's the one I'm divorcing. 446 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,098 - It's a can't-miss. 447 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,100 He's turning Tracy Chapman lyrics 448 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,568 into inspirational towels. 449 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,506 - Take these back. 450 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,740 I think it's best we start 451 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,675 our New Year's resolution early this year. 452 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,277 - Oh, but, Jenny... 453 00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,579 Tracy Chapman's never been hotter. 454 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,081 This is her year. 455 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,284 - Look at this crowd. 456 00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,253 We haven't had this many people since Google Maps 457 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:36,289 accidentally listed us as a "Second First Churros." 458 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,859 - What is Barb doing here? 459 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,728 - Oh, she's in the choir now, and she has a solo. 460 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,797 - What? - Go with it. 461 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:47,134 Good evening, everyone! 462 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,569 Welcome to The Second First Church of the Cumberlands. 463 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,704 I, of course, am world-renowned choir director 464 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,140 Dr. Arthur Cochran. 465 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,108 I have worked with bigger choirs. 466 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,876 I have worked with better choirs. 467 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,445 But I have never worked with a choir 468 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,813 that has made me so happy, and that is because of one man-- 469 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:01,914 Our Reverend Jax. 470 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,484 Give him a hand. 471 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:08,155 So, this year, we're celebrating Christmas his way. 472 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:12,259 And apparently anyone is allowed to join. 473 00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:16,329 all: * Joy to the world, the Lord has come * 474 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:20,500 * Let Earth receive her King 475 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,135 * Yeah 476 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:25,004 - You guys! It's a Bollywood Christmas! 477 00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:28,641 * Joy to the World 478 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:32,312 * The Lord has come 479 00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,581 * Let Earth - * Let Earth 480 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,516 - * Receive - * Receive 481 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,084 all: * Her King! 482 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,187 * Santa Claus is coming to town * 483 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:44,691 * Let every heart 484 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:48,528 * Prepare Him room 485 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:52,999 * You better watch out, you better not cry * 486 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:56,269 * You better not pout, I'm telling you why * 487 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,605 * And Heaven - * And Heaven 488 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:05,312 all: * And Heaven and Nature sing * 489 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:09,482 * Santa Claus is coming to town! * 490 00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:12,719 * Joy to the world, joy to the world! * 491 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:19,226 * Santa Claus is coming to town * 492 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,794 - Ho, ho, ho, ho! 493 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,532 all: * Santa Claus is coming to town * 494 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:28,901 * Joy to the world, joy to the world * 495 00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:33,673 * Santa Claus is coming to town * 496 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:37,009 - Don't forget-- keep the Christ in Christmas. 497 00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:41,681 all: * Santa Claus is coming 498 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,550 * To town 499 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:50,223 * Joy to the world 500 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:04,371 - That service was awesome! Is it always like this? 501 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,872 - We try. 502 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,674 Next week I'll be improv'ing my sermon. 503 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,076 Like, I'll ask for a place, and someone will yell, "Heaven!" 504 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,178 And then I'll, like, riff for 30 to 40 minutes. 505 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,881 - I'll be back for that. 506 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,884 So, uh, I know my service was a little, uh... 507 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,052 unorthodox. 508 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,422 - Unorthodox, uncouth, uncalled for... 509 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:25,224 - But you did get Anjali to come out of her shell. 510 00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,926 - So you must be doing something right. 511 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,629 - Boy, I'll say. That service was so moving, 512 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,298 it almost caused me to doubt my atheism. 513 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,767 - I'm kidding. Merry Christmas. 514 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:37,270 - I, uh--I thought about what you said, 515 00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:39,472 and, uh, I'm gonna go to the bank tomorrow 516 00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:41,073 and open up my own account. 517 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,576 - Oh, well, thank you, but that doesn't change anything. 518 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,111 - I know. 519 00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:47,314 I also started a college fund for Cash. 520 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,482 - With what money? 521 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,050 - Well, it turns out that Costco 522 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,785 picked up Dookie's towels. 523 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:56,289 We made our investment back plus a little something extra. 524 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:59,559 - Well, I guess it is Tracy Chapman's year. 525 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,928 - Sure is. Look at us. 526 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,431 We made it through this no strings attached. 527 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:09,436 There is one tiny string. 528 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,438 I might be pregnant. 529 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,809 - Well... 530 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,979 Cash won't be happy that half his $38 531 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,515 is going into the baby's account, but... 532 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,552 - It's only right.