1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Translated by eredtir 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:13,074 3 00:00:43,957 --> 00:00:48,394 -So, what are we going to call it? - Men who look like old lesbians. 4 00:00:48,677 --> 00:00:51,191 Ta-da! 5 00:00:51,237 --> 00:00:52,670 The Muffia? 6 00:00:52,717 --> 00:00:54,549 Jon Voight. Denis Leary. 7 00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,986 Phil Spector. Tony Curtis. 8 00:00:57,037 --> 00:00:59,790 Why do they all look like tomboyish spinsters? 9 00:00:59,836 --> 00:01:03,988 They wear pants, they never got married and they had a close friend named Jean? 10 00:01:04,035 --> 00:01:06,948 Did they have their eyes operated on? 11 00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:13,148 Note to self: Stop from here to here to nature. 12 00:01:13,195 --> 00:01:16,266 There is nothing wrong with look like a dyke you know? 13 00:01:16,314 --> 00:01:18,704 Give it to Chastity Bono. 14 00:01:18,755 --> 00:01:20,745 Sacha, no! 15 00:01:27,075 --> 00:01:29,907 Simon, it's just a garden. 16 00:01:29,954 --> 00:01:31,831 It's a Vase. 17 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:34,387 Simon, it's just a Vase. 18 00:01:35,514 --> 00:01:38,072 Do you know what you're saying? 19 00:01:40,114 --> 00:01:43,348 (HOW I GOT MY VASE) 20 00:01:43,392 --> 00:01:47,466 (Reading 1997) I haven't always been a crazy window dresser in glamorous New York. 21 00:01:47,513 --> 00:01:50,743 I've been a crazy schoolboy in monotonous Reading. 22 00:01:50,792 --> 00:01:55,105 Well, when I saw something really glamorous, I coveted it, 23 00:01:55,153 --> 00:01:59,145 believing that by having it, I would also make myself more glamorous. 24 00:01:59,192 --> 00:02:00,990 How was school today, son? 25 00:02:02,592 --> 00:02:05,424 Please note that this a long time ago, 26 00:02:05,471 --> 00:02:09,750 and that there were no things like him "Heat magazine" or "X Factor". 27 00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:12,864 As children in need, we had to find our own fun, 28 00:02:12,912 --> 00:02:16,267 especially with the ugly teachers. 29 00:02:16,311 --> 00:02:21,667 Miss, who cut you off? the hair? social protection? 30 00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:25,545 Where were the clothes purchased? 31 00:02:25,590 --> 00:02:26,819 At Oxfam? 32 00:02:27,951 --> 00:02:30,180 This is my best friend, Kylie. 33 00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:32,266 Then I will talk about him. 34 00:02:33,789 --> 00:02:36,908 Miss, those are shoes, or empanadas? 35 00:02:38,669 --> 00:02:40,547 Where did you get that voice from, faggot? 36 00:02:41,469 --> 00:02:43,061 From Gays'R'Us? 37 00:02:44,550 --> 00:02:50,261 Well, the winner of the competition Editorial... it's Simon Doonan. 38 00:02:50,310 --> 00:02:52,106 ��You�!? 39 00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:55,027 - What was your essay about, honey? - From my family. 40 00:02:55,069 --> 00:02:58,299 Have you heard, Hayls? He has written an essay about us. 41 00:02:58,348 --> 00:03:02,101 Do you know Melody Crescent? He had been to All Saints. 42 00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:06,060 He left it when he hit his foot on the cobblestones of Shaznay's mother. 43 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,300 Long, baby! 44 00:03:09,547 --> 00:03:12,937 Melody Crescent is the street where I live, here in Reading, 45 00:03:12,987 --> 00:03:15,705 with my skinny aunt Hayley, who is also blind. 46 00:03:15,746 --> 00:03:18,387 Although she's not really my aunt, 47 00:03:18,427 --> 00:03:20,418 And she's not that thin either. 48 00:03:21,187 --> 00:03:23,654 Stay with the beauty of the syntax, treasure. 49 00:03:26,867 --> 00:03:28,538 Then there's my sister, Ashlene. 50 00:03:28,586 --> 00:03:31,304 He's been with all the boys of our street. 51 00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:36,101 In fact, I heard my mother say "It's had more 'exes' than Littlewoods Pools." 52 00:03:37,346 --> 00:03:42,293 I haven't been with everyone! I haven't been with... Frank, the retard. 53 00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:46,703 My father is a plumber and, when my mother is working, 54 00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:50,054 He checks the pipes the women of our street. 55 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:53,177 Dirty and obscene dwarf... 56 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:59,820 And last but not least, my mother 57 00:03:59,866 --> 00:04:01,617 Her name is Debbie. 58 00:04:01,665 --> 00:04:04,462 He bleaches his hair and drinks gin. 59 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:09,777 Just because I won a year's supply in that poetry contest. 60 00:04:10,543 --> 00:04:12,534 It's true. 61 00:04:12,584 --> 00:04:16,292 Gin gin, where do I start? 62 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:19,813 Having you inside is like an old friend beating in me. 63 00:04:19,863 --> 00:04:22,854 I wonder if Philip Larkin would wear stripes. 64 00:04:23,703 --> 00:04:27,854 In fact, she and my father drank a lot when they got married, 65 00:04:28,663 --> 00:04:30,494 they don't remember the date in which they did it. 66 00:04:30,543 --> 00:04:32,851 - Don't exaggerate. - So when was it? 67 00:04:32,902 --> 00:04:35,211 - June 14. - May 8. 68 00:04:36,303 --> 00:04:38,577 Give me a glass. I'm on edge. 69 00:04:40,621 --> 00:04:44,774 Better not. Obviously my son thinks I have a drinking problem. 70 00:04:44,822 --> 00:04:47,494 I will show him that he is wrong. Make me some tea. 71 00:04:47,541 --> 00:04:51,419 A good, sweet and relaxing cup of non-alcoholic tea. 72 00:04:51,461 --> 00:04:54,656 Mother, my writing is not a criticism. 73 00:04:54,699 --> 00:04:57,579 It is a statement of facts. Pure and simple. 74 00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:01,249 You think I can't live without gin? Well, I'll show you. 75 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,937 I will give up alcohol for a week. 76 00:05:02,981 --> 00:05:08,896 You'll see. I can do it. one week without bending over backwards, starting right now. 77 00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:13,455 My mother has experience helping people to stop doing things. 78 00:05:13,499 --> 00:05:18,857 Aunty Hayley was hooked not only to the classics, but also to amphetamines. 79 00:05:22,057 --> 00:05:25,257 He moved with us to that mom would help him leave them. 80 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:33,493 - It made my father stop swearing. - Hand! 81 00:05:33,538 --> 00:05:35,493 - Damn! - Ah ah! 82 00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:41,691 It made me stop biting my nails. 83 00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:51,171 Made Ashlene stop hanging out with ugly boys. 84 00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:53,972 Ashlene Doonan, stay away from the big nerd. 85 00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:56,007 Stay away from the big nerd. 86 00:05:58,017 --> 00:06:02,090 He couldn't get Pauline Fowler to leave his haircut and his tough attitude. 87 00:06:03,776 --> 00:06:07,690 But could she stop being Reading's response to Oliver Reed? 88 00:06:07,737 --> 00:06:11,968 Do you know? This nonsense about stopping drinking It's going very, very well. 89 00:06:12,016 --> 00:06:15,370 I have no desire, I have not fallen into any well, 90 00:06:15,414 --> 00:06:17,929 and I'm getting a lot of support by Michael Barrymore. 91 00:06:17,975 --> 00:06:21,125 "It's all up to me, okay?" 92 00:06:21,134 --> 00:06:24,366 Debbie, just 30 seconds ago that you put it in your head. 93 00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:26,650 Little by little Hayley, little by little. 94 00:06:27,615 --> 00:06:32,051 When I grew up, on Saturdays it was programming children and experiments with hair. 95 00:06:32,093 --> 00:06:34,085 Wow! Simon, it hurts! 96 00:06:34,135 --> 00:06:38,286 You know what they say about Ashlen buns. To boast you have to suffer. 97 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,445 - How did you sleep, darling? - Like a log. 98 00:06:42,494 --> 00:06:45,132 And it's lovely to wake up no hangover. 99 00:06:46,252 --> 00:06:48,606 Something that doesn't usually happen. 100 00:06:48,651 --> 00:06:51,120 Aunt Hayley always gives him the most varied names for their dogs. 101 00:06:51,173 --> 00:06:53,687 Mummy! 102 00:06:53,732 --> 00:06:56,451 Sorry. What time is it? 103 00:06:56,491 --> 00:06:58,242 The time you have a dog that can see. 104 00:06:58,291 --> 00:07:01,920 - Quarter to eleven. - I'm going crazy. 105 00:07:01,971 --> 00:07:05,282 Today I'm going to a conference of the Muesli Guru, Gaylord Greenstein, 106 00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:07,323 At the Gurt Gordon Greenpeace Gallery. 107 00:07:07,372 --> 00:07:10,442 I think it's great. I wouldn't mind give it a good shake. 108 00:07:11,651 --> 00:07:14,847 Aunt Hayley has chosen the letter G. 109 00:07:14,891 --> 00:07:18,884 And Simon, I've thought about what you said. and I'm going to lose weight. 110 00:07:20,971 --> 00:07:23,803 - You're there, right, Simon? - Yes. 111 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:27,246 - I thought I could smell your Egoiste - Oh, there we go. 112 00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:30,161 You surely remember My family's favorite ad. 113 00:07:30,210 --> 00:07:31,325 Egoiste! 114 00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:33,322 Egoiste! 115 00:07:33,571 --> 00:07:35,241 Egoiste! 116 00:07:35,491 --> 00:07:36,604 Egoiste! 117 00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:38,726 Egoiste! 118 00:07:39,289 --> 00:07:41,281 YOU EGOIST! 119 00:07:44,129 --> 00:07:47,838 I often consider where my creativity comes from. 120 00:07:47,890 --> 00:07:51,643 Possibly from my ability father to turn carrots, jam, 121 00:07:51,689 --> 00:07:57,365 and it is said that once, even lubricant, in homemade wine. 122 00:07:57,408 --> 00:07:59,524 I'm going with the boys. 123 00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:06,767 My mother was not very creative, but it had two faces. 124 00:08:06,808 --> 00:08:09,367 - Hello, Debbie. - Hello, Reba. 125 00:08:10,368 --> 00:08:11,641 Bitch. 126 00:08:11,687 --> 00:08:13,722 - Is everything okay, Kylie? - Girl power! 127 00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:17,396 Don't call her Kylie. His name is Kyle, okay? 128 00:08:17,447 --> 00:08:19,836 Well...Kylie. 129 00:08:19,887 --> 00:08:24,755 His real name was Kyle, but he He only responded to the name of his idol. 130 00:08:24,806 --> 00:08:27,366 We did everything together. 131 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:29,795 Everything normal kids do. 132 00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:32,520 Pretend to be Canadian in public places... 133 00:08:32,566 --> 00:08:36,115 What a hell of a trip we've had from Vancouver, man. 134 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,961 Yaah! 135 00:08:38,004 --> 00:08:41,792 ...work complex choreographies of the hits of the 80's... 136 00:08:46,045 --> 00:08:52,483 And our favorite game, sharing opinions fashionable to the lower class of Reading. 137 00:08:52,524 --> 00:08:54,999 Leave it darling. It's not working. 138 00:08:56,564 --> 00:08:59,442 Eugh! The chichi is marked! 139 00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:03,324 I hadn't realized that Miss Byrite was here. 140 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:09,598 - Where are you going? - Let's see the world. 141 00:09:09,643 --> 00:09:11,155 To Slough. 142 00:09:14,203 --> 00:09:15,683 Come on. 143 00:09:15,724 --> 00:09:18,442 It was more or less then when I realized 144 00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:22,031 that a glamorous life would be better than what was offered to me. 145 00:09:32,283 --> 00:09:34,000 Shut up, Alice! 146 00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:49,272 I was a serious record executive accompanying Amy Winehouse. 147 00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:52,040 But, if my mother was an Amy without a boy, 148 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,831 what was my father? 149 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,237 Andy. 150 00:10:03,279 --> 00:10:05,271 Irresistible, one supposes. 151 00:10:06,399 --> 00:10:08,994 I have drafts in my slit. 152 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,831 I mean... in my house. 153 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,472 Good. 154 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:19,591 Could you come over and bleed my radiators? 155 00:10:20,239 --> 00:10:23,470 Oh, Andy, you're so good with your hands. 156 00:10:28,599 --> 00:10:29,998 Ooh... 157 00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:34,715 oh... I feel my blood rushing. 158 00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:40,428 That's it. I finished. 159 00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:42,468 See you later, Reba. 160 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,908 Oh, here comes Amy again. 161 00:10:50,956 --> 00:10:53,071 I went into the lab for a moment. 162 00:10:53,117 --> 00:10:55,107 Mom! 163 00:10:57,717 --> 00:11:00,026 It has been the worst day of my life. 164 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:03,908 What, worse than when we queued to see to Princess Anne at the special school? 165 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,466 Much worse. 166 00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:07,791 Come in and see my new move. 167 00:11:07,836 --> 00:11:13,431 Dad wasn't the only one who ran into temptations at Kylie's house that day. 168 00:11:18,274 --> 00:11:21,186 But unlike him, I fell. 169 00:11:24,114 --> 00:11:27,151 Well what are we doing tonight baby? 170 00:11:27,194 --> 00:11:29,264 I'll tell you what you're going to do, baby. 171 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:34,388 Are you going to stop acting like a nut? and stop calling her baby, BABY! 172 00:11:37,393 --> 00:11:41,626 Don't worry Kylie, when you're older We will leave Reading. 173 00:11:42,392 --> 00:11:44,906 -And where will we go? - To London 174 00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:46,750 And who will we live next to? 175 00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:48,591 With the beautiful people. 176 00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:52,785 He will be the personification of fabulousness. I promise. 177 00:11:52,833 --> 00:11:56,302 Okay. It's a shame you haven't seen my move before. 178 00:11:56,172 --> 00:11:59,901 - It's like a cross between... - Kylie, I have to leave you. 179 00:12:05,153 --> 00:12:06,585 I know, I know. 180 00:12:06,632 --> 00:12:08,912 We are in autumn and this color It's winter. 181 00:12:09,471 --> 00:12:11,826 No, no, please no! Ashlene! 182 00:12:13,631 --> 00:12:16,942 What are you going to do with that? Please. I'll do anything. 183 00:12:16,992 --> 00:12:19,710 What value does it have for you? Put a price on it. 184 00:12:21,231 --> 00:12:24,824 I want you to comb my hair like Heather Small from M people. 185 00:12:27,069 --> 00:12:32,349 If you don't, I'll show him to everyone you know. 186 00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:37,702 Mom, dad and all those from school They think you're a freak. 187 00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:41,457 As a teenager, I saw a lot from Tennessee Williams movies, 188 00:12:41,508 --> 00:12:44,626 And I always saw myself as the heroine. 189 00:13:26,345 --> 00:13:28,018 I'll try. 190 00:13:31,866 --> 00:13:34,379 But Heather Small wasn't built on four Sundays. 191 00:13:40,264 --> 00:13:42,302 Oh! Oh, how good. 192 00:13:43,065 --> 00:13:47,297 Mmm, it's like... It's like the pee of angels. 193 00:13:47,345 --> 00:13:52,293 That is. It is as if the archangel Gabriel had pissed on Reading and would have filled my glass. 194 00:13:52,294 --> 00:13:55,856 - You have to be weird for that to tempt you. - Well, to me, a little. 195 00:13:55,866 --> 00:13:59,982 That makes you wonder why all the fuss with the vineyards of France, 196 00:14:00,025 --> 00:14:04,017 when you can make delicious wine with some potato skins. 197 00:14:04,064 --> 00:14:06,577 In the comfort of your own home. 198 00:14:07,424 --> 00:14:11,302 - Cheers, then. - Pass me the salt, slave. 199 00:14:18,222 --> 00:14:20,132 How was your Muesli Guru, Hayls? 200 00:14:20,181 --> 00:14:21,901 Not good enough to get me hooked. 201 00:14:21,912 --> 00:14:24,416 But like many men, no So bad when you're already hooked, right? 202 00:14:24,422 --> 00:14:27,493 Ha! No, I went through the wrong door. 203 00:14:27,542 --> 00:14:32,172 I sat there, listening to some women chatting about their hysterectomies. 204 00:14:32,221 --> 00:14:34,859 Then I realized that that It was like a hair salon. 205 00:14:34,901 --> 00:14:38,051 Hayley, don't you think that would be a good idea? change guide dog? 206 00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:41,060 Debbie, she is the Yin to my Yang. 207 00:14:41,101 --> 00:14:43,092 You see more than her. 208 00:14:43,141 --> 00:14:47,418 So I got a perm and came to the last 5 minutes of Gaylord, 209 00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:51,009 who, I have to say Which was, oh, inspiring. 210 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:55,258 -Has your life changed Hayley? - He has given me a life, Andy. 211 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:58,575 And a deep concept of sunflower seeds. 212 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:03,568 I will not eat more than seeds, nuts and berries, 213 00:15:03,618 --> 00:15:05,610 Until the day I die. 214 00:15:05,659 --> 00:15:09,015 - This is loose. - I'm also going to go loose. 215 00:15:09,059 --> 00:15:12,255 Mom looked for a life without drunkenness. 216 00:15:12,298 --> 00:15:16,416 And he came with crazy ideas to avoid the monkey. 217 00:15:17,178 --> 00:15:22,127 Never disparage the word "far-fetched." 218 00:15:22,179 --> 00:15:25,807 Who wants to see me putting on the bracelets like Baccara? 219 00:15:40,418 --> 00:15:42,805 Who wants to play envelope self adhesive? 220 00:15:42,857 --> 00:15:44,972 Blessed are the poor. 221 00:15:51,457 --> 00:15:54,732 Uh-oh! Let's play "guess who's there" in the laundry basket" 222 00:15:56,657 --> 00:15:59,534 Debs, I have to tell you that you are making a fool of yourself. 223 00:15:59,895 --> 00:16:01,647 Oh! 224 00:16:04,336 --> 00:16:07,373 Now you know what it feels like. 225 00:16:07,415 --> 00:16:11,009 Faster. Come on! 226 00:16:13,374 --> 00:16:16,285 And in the Singlerton gallery, there it was again, 227 00:16:16,334 --> 00:16:20,009 what was going to make me more fabulous. 228 00:16:20,054 --> 00:16:22,443 Although of course This was 10 years ago, 229 00:16:22,494 --> 00:16:26,299 and it was like... in today's money, 230 00:16:27,972 --> 00:16:29,884 Hey! Why have we stopped? 231 00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:31,685 Take me to the ghetto. 232 00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:48,571 - How are you? -What has happened to your hair? 233 00:16:48,612 --> 00:16:50,921 I look like Heather Small, right? 234 00:16:53,691 --> 00:16:57,595 You sure haven't been messing around the tongue in the sockets, whore? 235 00:16:57,611 --> 00:17:00,409 You called me a whore. 236 00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:04,569 The neighborhood hairdresser was well-known for his love of 3 things: 237 00:17:04,611 --> 00:17:08,160 The gossip, the howling and the rum. 238 00:17:08,212 --> 00:17:12,601 It's hard when you're a kid and you discover that you can't trust your parents. 239 00:17:18,849 --> 00:17:21,318 - Oh, it's not left! 240 00:17:21,370 --> 00:17:23,645 But you still want me to comb your hair, right? 241 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,760 The closest to fame who has been Tameka Tula, 242 00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:38,126 was when I became a finalist for the Shake'N'Vac ad. 243 00:17:38,169 --> 00:17:41,639 He also proclaimed to have secretly married with George Michael. 244 00:17:41,688 --> 00:17:47,002 And since that was a year before came out of the closet, we believed her. 245 00:17:47,050 --> 00:17:49,960 He said he couldn't beat her energetic vibrato. 246 00:17:50,009 --> 00:17:52,397 Maybe I understood it wrong. 247 00:17:52,448 --> 00:17:57,887 I heard you've been wandering, seeing the world, Debbie Doonan. Very good, very good. 248 00:17:57,928 --> 00:18:01,762 - Well, I've been out for a couple of days. - Girls deserve to go out once in a while, Debbie Doonan. 249 00:18:01,808 --> 00:18:06,244 Let me set you on your way. you need change your appearance, miss. 250 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:09,164 A good hairstyle. Nails like claws. 251 00:18:09,206 --> 00:18:13,882 They say you shouldn't be excessive. I say screw not excessive. 252 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,000 - Well, that's why I'm here, right? - TRUE. 253 00:18:16,006 --> 00:18:19,919 Oh, and you want to tighten the leash to that so-called husband of yours. 254 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:23,799 Using your weapons against that whore, Reba Parkinson. 255 00:18:23,846 --> 00:18:25,757 - What? - Yes. 256 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,921 I was plucking his mustache the other day, 257 00:18:27,965 --> 00:18:32,914 And I told all over my living room how he sneaked in and bled its radiators. 258 00:18:32,964 --> 00:18:37,162 The last time a man did that to me, I couldn't sit down for a week. 259 00:19:17,602 --> 00:19:21,834 Oh my god. Baby, the tracksuit is back suddenly and bang. 260 00:19:21,842 --> 00:19:23,953 - Whore! - What did I say? 261 00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:27,074 Aunty Hayley, eating hamburgers. 262 00:19:27,922 --> 00:19:30,151 Nothing surprises me about that woman. 263 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,716 You know he made me dress in nylon last week? 264 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,476 Oh Simon. Aunty Hayley is not generous when you buy that? 265 00:19:38,521 --> 00:19:43,515 Two commandments of fashion: never wear nylon, and you have never seen nylon bought by a blind person. 266 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,711 Please, can I take it off? Please! 267 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,196 Simon, all the kids around here wear it. You will become ingrained. 268 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,470 Integrate? I don't want to integrate! 269 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,428 Don't do it! Don't do it Simon! 270 00:19:59,478 --> 00:20:03,233 I'm sorry Simon. Very sorry. 271 00:20:08,838 --> 00:20:10,511 Do you know what happened? 272 00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:12,992 His aunt made him dress in nylon. 273 00:20:13,038 --> 00:20:15,029 How can someone do that to a child? 274 00:20:18,357 --> 00:20:24,876 Oh yes. Remember my words. I'm going to do it pay that whore for her crimes against fashion. 275 00:20:25,957 --> 00:20:28,677 So much for nuts and berries until the day you die. 276 00:20:29,838 --> 00:20:31,828 Mom says you are her inspiration. 277 00:20:33,596 --> 00:20:35,154 How much to shut up? 278 00:20:35,196 --> 00:20:37,506 Well, let me see... 279 00:20:39,717 --> 00:20:41,434 30 pounds? 280 00:20:41,476 --> 00:20:43,706 Alan Sugar, eat that one. 281 00:20:57,275 --> 00:21:00,471 Ashlene says you've been to the hair salon. 282 00:21:00,515 --> 00:21:02,926 You've had a drink like who You don't want the thing, right? 283 00:21:03,356 --> 00:21:06,427 -Leave me, Andy. - Hey, come here. 284 00:21:06,475 --> 00:21:08,466 Andy! 285 00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:13,667 - Dad? - Yes? 286 00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:17,465 My teachers say secrets are bad. 287 00:21:19,035 --> 00:21:22,788 - But, are they? - We all have secrets, Simon. 288 00:21:24,313 --> 00:21:26,622 It depends on what you decide to do with them. 289 00:21:48,633 --> 00:21:50,942 When my mother got angry, she got angry... 290 00:21:50,992 --> 00:21:53,300 - Reba! - ...a lot, a lot, a lot. 291 00:21:53,351 --> 00:21:54,909 Reba Parkington! 292 00:21:54,951 --> 00:21:58,990 And when she screamed, all of Reading could hear her. 293 00:21:59,751 --> 00:22:03,266 Reba Parkington, get out now! 294 00:22:06,550 --> 00:22:08,619 Keep your hands away from my husband. 295 00:22:08,669 --> 00:22:12,983 - Give me that back, you thieving cow! - As if I like to tear your clothes, whore! 296 00:22:13,031 --> 00:22:16,739 I know, freak, because it's too small for you, fat bitch! 297 00:22:16,789 --> 00:22:18,861 Next time you'll drop your pants, skiing, pretty, 298 00:22:18,910 --> 00:22:21,470 mess with someone at your level, like a stray dog! 299 00:22:26,348 --> 00:22:29,660 (Reba) Hey! I said give it back to me! 300 00:22:29,709 --> 00:22:33,543 - That cost me a fortune! - What, 3 pounds at the Jumble? 301 00:22:34,588 --> 00:22:36,580 Debbie! Debbie, what are you doing? 302 00:22:36,629 --> 00:22:40,017 I haven't even started with you! How do you explain this? 303 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:43,538 What the hell are you talking about? What did he tell you? 304 00:22:45,789 --> 00:22:49,098 Mom! Look at your hair extensions, They are beautiful. 305 00:23:06,587 --> 00:23:11,377 Ice cream! Chocolate ice cream! 306 00:23:11,427 --> 00:23:14,305 Second round. Second round. 307 00:23:42,425 --> 00:23:44,416 One... Two... 308 00:23:44,663 --> 00:23:47,461 Mom, leave it. Simon took the dress. 309 00:23:47,503 --> 00:23:50,461 -Ashlene! - Simon took it. 310 00:23:54,423 --> 00:23:56,653 But why would you want to wear Reba's dress? 311 00:23:56,703 --> 00:23:58,898 Mom, I know I'm weird. 312 00:23:58,942 --> 00:24:01,616 You're not weird, you're different. 313 00:24:02,863 --> 00:24:05,536 But I was just wondering how A dress would suit me. 314 00:24:06,262 --> 00:24:08,493 Now I know. 315 00:24:08,542 --> 00:24:10,339 Disgusting! 316 00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:14,341 - And what the hell did you say to him? - What any responsible mother would say. 317 00:24:14,382 --> 00:24:16,895 And what's wrong with my fucking dresses!? 318 00:24:20,822 --> 00:24:22,813 I'm sorry I doubted you. 319 00:24:24,181 --> 00:24:26,900 I already know that you would never look twice to another woman. 320 00:24:27,702 --> 00:24:29,692 Especially a bitch. 321 00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:36,580 - You don't find her attractive, then? - Who, Reba? No. 322 00:24:36,621 --> 00:24:39,930 Because if you were attracted to me, I wouldn't care. You know I'm a tolerant person, honey. 323 00:24:41,261 --> 00:24:45,731 Well, you see, it's not a dog either. - So you like it. 324 00:24:45,780 --> 00:24:48,614 - I didn't say that. - It doesn't matter if you like someone, honey. 325 00:24:48,660 --> 00:24:51,220 Well... 326 00:24:51,259 --> 00:24:53,251 It's easy to look at. 327 00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:55,734 - Wow! What is that about? - Look how you like our neighbor... 328 00:24:55,779 --> 00:24:57,370 - Today you sleep on the couch. - But if you said that... 329 00:24:57,419 --> 00:24:59,887 Easy to look at? I'm going to give you "easy to look at"! 330 00:25:01,019 --> 00:25:03,453 Damn buzz! 331 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,855 Quiet there. I'm not done with you. 332 00:25:05,899 --> 00:25:10,575 You told Simon earlier that everyone has secrets. And if it's not Reba, what secret do you have? 333 00:25:10,618 --> 00:25:12,256 - Don't have. - I don't believe you. 334 00:25:12,298 --> 00:25:14,210 - I don't mind. - You're fucking Reba! 335 00:25:14,258 --> 00:25:16,646 No, I don't. 336 00:25:17,419 --> 00:25:21,093 My secret is that... I hate it when you're sober. 337 00:25:22,018 --> 00:25:23,006 What? 338 00:25:23,058 --> 00:25:26,812 I mean, come on Debs. Congratulations for not drinking and all that. 339 00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:31,090 But God, you become a son of a bitch! 340 00:25:34,938 --> 00:25:36,575 Oh, come on. 341 00:25:38,456 --> 00:25:39,445 Honey? 342 00:25:42,576 --> 00:25:44,567 Have a drink. 343 00:25:45,455 --> 00:25:48,687 A nice cool glass of... 344 00:25:48,736 --> 00:25:51,296 a pickle and cucumber Riesling.. 345 00:25:52,216 --> 00:25:53,614 Do it for me. 346 00:26:06,175 --> 00:26:07,605 That's my girl. 347 00:26:08,774 --> 00:26:11,242 A new day is born, don't you think? 348 00:26:14,374 --> 00:26:16,842 There are things you can't stop. 349 00:26:16,894 --> 00:26:20,966 Like you feel like drinking, or dressing like a girl from time to time. 350 00:26:22,813 --> 00:26:25,886 But surely I wouldn't have won my writing contest, 351 00:26:25,933 --> 00:26:30,246 if my father had been entertained in your pipes, 352 00:26:30,293 --> 00:26:33,329 and I would never have looked twice to another woman. 353 00:26:33,372 --> 00:26:36,843 My sister was mistaken for a prostitute because of his hairstyle. 354 00:26:36,892 --> 00:26:40,042 Aunty Hayley was still a bit of a hippy, but, so what? 355 00:26:40,091 --> 00:26:46,327 and, "My mom's name is Debbie, she bleaches her hair and drink gin" would be wrong. 356 00:26:46,372 --> 00:26:49,841 I actually had extensions. and he preferred homemade wine. 357 00:26:49,891 --> 00:26:52,042 Simon, I just wanted to... Aw! 358 00:27:33,089 --> 00:27:39,004 Tony Curtis is suing you. and there is a message really weird Phil Spector. 359 00:27:39,048 --> 00:27:41,608 - From the looks of it, he's a lesbian. - Hmm. 360 00:27:42,608 --> 00:27:44,563 I want a drink. 361 00:27:44,608 --> 00:27:47,280 A nice cool glass of white wine. 362 00:27:48,647 --> 00:27:50,638 Oh, I know that cool bar. 363 00:27:50,688 --> 00:27:53,997 - No, it has to be homemade wine. - Huh? 364 00:27:54,048 --> 00:27:57,322 In fact, it has to be cucumber pickle wine. 365 00:27:57,366 --> 00:27:59,198 Are you kidding me? 366 00:27:59,247 --> 00:28:02,682 No, but I will take your pickle If you play your cards right. 367 00:28:03,305 --> 00:28:09,443 Support us and become a VIP member To remove all OpenSubtitles.org ads