1
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:03,163
At Christmas, they gave this to

2
00:01:05,216 --> 00:01:08,016
the old ladies and the old men

3
00:01:09,051 --> 00:01:12,299
in the retirement home
my mother was in.

4
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,768
She had it in front of her
and I asked her to take it back,

5
00:01:17,888 --> 00:01:19,988
to Paris, to keep it here.

6
00:01:21,416 --> 00:01:24,098
Since my mother's, the feeling

7
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:27,957
to be, of having become dull.

8
00:01:31,143 --> 00:01:34,844
The first one, the small one, 1970.

9
00:01:35,910 --> 00:01:37,228
The second,

10
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,546
71.

11
00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:46,752
And then the third, 72.

12
00:01:55,069 --> 00:01:56,889
Day after day.

13
00:02:00,017 --> 00:02:02,660
I'm reading my journal

14
00:02:04,294 --> 00:02:06,081
from 1970.

15
00:02:09,019 --> 00:02:11,819
Only difficulties, lack of money,

16
00:02:12,435 --> 00:02:13,437
only

17
00:02:14,866 --> 00:02:19,115
still confused ideas about cinema
about

18
00:02:19,235 --> 00:02:21,816
how to live about love:

19
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:23,979
disorder.

20
00:02:25,133 --> 00:02:28,633
How did I get out of it,
my God, how did I do it?

21
00:02:30,045 --> 00:02:31,513
I start to read

22
00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:33,310
my journal

23
00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:35,484
from 35 years ago,

24
00:02:36,972 --> 00:02:41,277
and I get an attack of gout.

25
00:02:44,778 --> 00:02:46,178
Worse swollen.

26
00:02:47,579 --> 00:02:48,699
Oedema.

27
00:02:50,049 --> 00:02:51,169
Oedipus.

28
00:02:51,674 --> 00:02:54,129
18th August 1971.

29
00:02:55,994 --> 00:02:57,814
I find fault with Germaine,

30
00:02:58,193 --> 00:03:00,215
my mother, I call her
by her first name,

31
00:03:00,335 --> 00:03:02,636
for listening to my phone calls

32
00:03:02,756 --> 00:03:07,437
and then giving me advise
on how to do my job.

33
00:03:08,032 --> 00:03:11,532
She's at her dressing table
brightening up her face, so gray.

34
00:03:12,221 --> 00:03:13,621
She's crying.

35
00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:17,696
I know I talk too much, she's sobs.

36
00:03:18,142 --> 00:03:22,139
It wrings my heart,
I want to cry too.

37
00:03:23,602 --> 00:03:26,862
Germaine put on her dress
with the filigree embroidery.

38
00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:30,144
I took a jacket, a white shirt

39
00:03:30,264 --> 00:03:32,731
and a yellow tie
belonging to my father,

40
00:03:32,851 --> 00:03:34,556
And we drove in the Alfa

41
00:03:34,676 --> 00:03:37,699
to hear to "The Pearl Fishers"
at the Casino.

42
00:03:38,813 --> 00:03:41,573
Germaine and Tony, Tony is my father,

43
00:03:41,693 --> 00:03:44,263
are waiting for us at the station
and we go to Busset

44
00:03:44,383 --> 00:03:46,960
in the fog
cut by our dipped headlights.

45
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:50,468
Ir�ne puts her sea salt and her
olive oil in the kitchen.

46
00:03:51,887 --> 00:03:54,267
She tells Germaine
that she's welcome to use them.

47
00:03:54,387 --> 00:03:56,963
That draws the unfriendly response:

48
00:03:57,083 --> 00:03:59,883
Oh, I'm not that fussy you know.

49
00:04:01,804 --> 00:04:04,926
The salt, the leaven

50
00:04:05,741 --> 00:04:08,119
and at the same time, the danger

51
00:04:08,531 --> 00:04:11,444
in these books is Ir�ne.

52
00:04:13,489 --> 00:04:16,711
I've reached 1971

53
00:04:17,222 --> 00:04:18,514
in June,

54
00:04:20,030 --> 00:04:21,850
and my throat...

55
00:04:23,323 --> 00:04:27,041
there are seven months left to live

56
00:04:28,272 --> 00:04:29,392
for Ir�ne.

57
00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:36,097
When I lived with Ir�ne and I wrote

58
00:04:36,217 --> 00:04:39,090
every day in this notebook,

59
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,448
I used to leave it on my table.

60
00:04:44,190 --> 00:04:47,712
So she could have consulted it
any time she wanted to. I never knew

61
00:04:47,832 --> 00:04:49,610
whether she had or not.

62
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:56,345
For months and in nearly two years
seeing that I had written for 2 years.

63
00:04:57,956 --> 00:05:00,756
Obviously I didn't ask her.

64
00:05:02,029 --> 00:05:06,877
And I wrote by the light of this lamp
she had given me,

65
00:05:07,743 --> 00:05:10,793
and she loved it because of the bird.

66
00:05:13,227 --> 00:05:15,047
She knew things.

67
00:05:15,962 --> 00:05:18,063
In my, in two films,

68
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,636
I asked her to write

69
00:05:22,158 --> 00:05:25,420
two sequences, two or even three,

70
00:05:26,230 --> 00:05:30,331
and I remember a bit dialogue,
but I must find it again.

71
00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:34,490
I almost called you at your office
this afternoon

72
00:05:35,124 --> 00:05:38,693
to steal you, even for an hour.

73
00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:42,771
I had thought of a small hotel,
the Hotel Cristal,

74
00:05:42,891 --> 00:05:46,391
my mother always stayed there
when she came to Paris to see me.

75
00:05:47,242 --> 00:05:49,342
I nearly took a room

76
00:05:50,282 --> 00:05:51,402
but I didn't.

77
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:55,576
Will you be long?

78
00:05:56,876 --> 00:05:58,276
Seven minutes.

79
00:06:05,488 --> 00:06:08,288
I almost called you at your office
this afternoon

80
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,960
to steal you,

81
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,717
It happened like this...

82
00:06:11,837 --> 00:06:13,034
even for an hour.

83
00:06:13,154 --> 00:06:14,974
between Ir�ne and me.

84
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:17,738
This is word for word.

85
00:06:17,858 --> 00:06:20,658
I thought of a small hotel,
the Hotel Cristal,

86
00:06:21,627 --> 00:06:24,840
my mother always stayed there
when she came to Paris to see me.

87
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,165
You won't say a word about it
to your mother.

88
00:06:27,285 --> 00:06:29,482
No, but it's right next
to your office,

89
00:06:29,603 --> 00:06:31,703
and my mother always went there.

90
00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:35,021
I nearly took a room.

91
00:06:37,383 --> 00:06:39,192
Then I didn't.

92
00:06:40,436 --> 00:06:41,610
Why not?

93
00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:47,835
Because, I don't know,
your work is important,

94
00:06:47,955 --> 00:06:49,891
I didn't dare lead you astray.

95
00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:51,411
This is beautiful.

96
00:06:52,165 --> 00:06:54,487
You know I'd rather be the one
you led astray.

97
00:06:54,607 --> 00:06:56,226
I'm talking about you,

98
00:06:56,346 --> 00:06:59,242
I said to lead you astray,
it isn't a general idea,

99
00:06:59,362 --> 00:07:03,682
it's something very specific that
I'm telling you now.

100
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:15,644
I dreamt that Sophie Marceau
phoned me,

101
00:07:17,185 --> 00:07:21,466
arranged to meet me in a cafe
I know, the Lamartine.

102
00:07:23,139 --> 00:07:26,821
She said: I'll sit inside
at the back, in the afternoon.

103
00:07:29,105 --> 00:07:32,488
And she told me
she was Ir�ne's daughter,

104
00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:38,017
and she had the notebooks
in her hands

105
00:07:38,979 --> 00:07:40,480
to prove it.

106
00:07:42,641 --> 00:07:44,761
And then she told me, but eh,

107
00:07:45,748 --> 00:07:50,363
if you have, if you want
to make a film about her,

108
00:07:51,978 --> 00:07:54,778
I am the only one who can do it.

109
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,904
I hide her here.

110
00:08:02,343 --> 00:08:05,676
I have a very old conversation
that's been going on

111
00:08:06,105 --> 00:08:09,605
for ages with her,
I have never met her.

112
00:08:10,413 --> 00:08:13,944
And I've always wanted to film her.

113
00:08:16,337 --> 00:08:19,464
So where have I got to with you?

114
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,622
I am looking for a trick.

115
00:08:25,169 --> 00:08:27,269
How should I film you, how...

116
00:08:27,947 --> 00:08:29,347
bring back

117
00:08:31,605 --> 00:08:33,087
your magic?

118
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,820
I haven't found yet,
I haven't found, that's it.

119
00:08:49,034 --> 00:08:50,253
Resist.

120
00:08:53,665 --> 00:08:57,306
Yes, I must let go of the camera.

121
00:08:58,398 --> 00:09:01,684
Camera charger,

122
00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,328
tapes, just in case

123
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,456
we could shoot

124
00:09:09,725 --> 00:09:11,125
something.

125
00:09:11,607 --> 00:09:13,427
The film or the work.

126
00:09:13,964 --> 00:09:17,995
The little black book
of the novel for my film.

127
00:09:18,598 --> 00:09:22,440
Will it succeed or will it implode?

128
00:09:22,999 --> 00:09:26,717
Three days here without going out.

129
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:28,959
Not fleeing from you.

130
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,272
Without fear.

131
00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:40,118
A lake, a small lake in the Vosges,

132
00:09:40,785 --> 00:09:42,424
Retournemer.

133
00:09:43,579 --> 00:09:46,379
We decide to swim across it.

134
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:50,758
In the middle of it, I've a cramp

135
00:09:51,036 --> 00:09:52,856
in my right leg.

136
00:09:53,568 --> 00:09:55,668
Had I been alone, I'd have died.

137
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:57,661
She drags me,

138
00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:01,827
she was strong,

139
00:10:02,655 --> 00:10:03,808
ashore.

140
00:10:05,288 --> 00:10:08,700
My future life, for a few years,

141
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:10,554
was set.

142
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,860
It's Ir�ne, it's her, lurking

143
00:10:16,379 --> 00:10:18,479
around the house at night.

144
00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:21,163
She is there.

145
00:10:22,779 --> 00:10:25,579
She's come to ask me something.

146
00:10:29,488 --> 00:10:30,582
A film

147
00:10:31,856 --> 00:10:33,256
a whole film about...

148
00:10:35,348 --> 00:10:37,448
on a missing person, on a...

149
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:41,283
Then I tell myself it's only

150
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:45,090
the existence of these notebooks
that is forcing me to make a film.

151
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:47,310
But in my opinion,
there is something else

152
00:10:48,492 --> 00:10:49,892
that attracts me

153
00:10:50,557 --> 00:10:52,657
to her, to go to her.

154
00:10:57,895 --> 00:11:00,347
I am looking for the men's room,
I come

155
00:11:01,091 --> 00:11:02,908
across Fellini.

156
00:11:05,187 --> 00:11:07,987
Exit. The men's room
is not indicated.

157
00:11:09,774 --> 00:11:12,574
I'm at the cinema
in the Trouville Casino.

158
00:11:15,773 --> 00:11:17,563
Push. I push.

159
00:11:20,863 --> 00:11:24,231
I come across The Passion of Christ.

160
00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:31,981
Outside.

161
00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:35,173
Ha! Toilets.

162
00:11:36,031 --> 00:11:38,877
I find my ideas too much,

163
00:11:39,934 --> 00:11:41,054
scattered,

164
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:45,920
and I thought that

165
00:11:46,677 --> 00:11:49,938
it would be quite good
if it all took place

166
00:11:50,058 --> 00:11:51,908
in hotel rooms.

167
00:11:54,229 --> 00:11:55,629
I remember

168
00:11:56,443 --> 00:11:58,392
a girl who said to me:

169
00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:04,067
"All the little Cavaliers
who went through there".

170
00:12:06,382 --> 00:12:09,882
When I think that when I die
I'll be as stiff as a poker,

171
00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:13,698
like some I've known along the way.

172
00:12:43,979 --> 00:12:45,718
At noon, I ask

173
00:12:45,838 --> 00:12:48,638
at reception, for a room until 7 pm.

174
00:12:49,321 --> 00:12:52,532
Why these bars, that lock?

175
00:12:54,084 --> 00:12:56,837
It amuses me to picture Ir�ne

176
00:12:56,957 --> 00:12:59,983
who always walked very briskly,

177
00:13:00,103 --> 00:13:02,919
because she thought
her bum a little flabby.

178
00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:05,870
But how to shoot that?

179
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:09,374
Am I looking for

180
00:13:09,871 --> 00:13:13,232
an hidden, forbidden image

181
00:13:14,675 --> 00:13:17,924
that I'd believe essential
if I find it?

182
00:13:29,828 --> 00:13:31,648
My mind and body

183
00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:36,179
thank Ir�ne for her death.

184
00:13:40,265 --> 00:13:42,196
They've learned

185
00:13:43,362 --> 00:13:45,182
because of my suffering

186
00:13:49,338 --> 00:13:51,120
and are better.

187
00:13:51,877 --> 00:13:55,203
It's all very well having said that,

188
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:58,037
but I'm still waiting for the person

189
00:13:58,157 --> 00:14:01,060
whom I will film and who will be

190
00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:03,000
the body of my film.

191
00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:30,749
Am I going to you?

192
00:14:31,434 --> 00:14:34,446
Back to my first love?

193
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,776
Oh beautiful woman,

194
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:40,989
intelligent and lively,

195
00:14:41,844 --> 00:14:43,664
who confirms the planet's faith

196
00:14:45,403 --> 00:14:46,803
in the quality

197
00:14:47,863 --> 00:14:49,672
of the human race.

198
00:14:52,251 --> 00:14:55,810
Sunday, November 14th, 1971.

199
00:14:57,024 --> 00:15:00,135
Ir�ne in the darkness of the room

200
00:15:00,564 --> 00:15:02,983
gets her grub at 5 am.

201
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,871
I can hear her chewing her bread.

202
00:15:08,848 --> 00:15:10,948
The wine flows into the glass.

203
00:15:15,197 --> 00:15:18,707
She used to say boys, guys.

204
00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:22,726
When she said men,

205
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,560
she meant bastards.

206
00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:30,220
She'd rather make love
in the morning.

207
00:15:30,565 --> 00:15:35,124
In the evening it got in the way of
her skilful preparations for the sleep.

208
00:15:36,141 --> 00:15:39,902
Quite often, after she had
a powerful orgasm,

209
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:42,630
she would sob her heart out.

210
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:46,408
At first I used to ask her
what was the matter.

211
00:15:47,226 --> 00:15:48,987
She didn't know.

212
00:15:49,107 --> 00:15:52,219
She said, I love you, I love you

213
00:15:52,998 --> 00:15:54,818
and cried and cried.

214
00:15:57,117 --> 00:15:59,217
I stopped questioning her,

215
00:15:59,939 --> 00:16:01,787
I wiped her tears

216
00:16:01,907 --> 00:16:03,727
and stroked her hair.

217
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,689
She held me tightly against her.

218
00:16:07,943 --> 00:16:10,743
I don't remember why
I crossed that out here

219
00:16:11,711 --> 00:16:14,077
back then.

220
00:16:15,390 --> 00:16:18,026
This is Caroline's torch.

221
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:22,367
She owns this place
that she's lending me.

222
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:25,662
Then

223
00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:29,161
these are small pebbles

224
00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:33,263
that I found here too,

225
00:16:35,901 --> 00:16:37,301
and the balls

226
00:16:39,936 --> 00:16:43,195
were, there were everywhere,
all round the place.

227
00:16:43,315 --> 00:16:45,415
What she wanted most

228
00:16:47,334 --> 00:16:49,434
was to have a child.

229
00:16:51,956 --> 00:16:53,356
This was linked to

230
00:16:55,826 --> 00:16:56,946
the one

231
00:16:57,661 --> 00:16:59,481
in her teens years

232
00:17:01,243 --> 00:17:03,343
she had to get shot of

233
00:17:04,127 --> 00:17:05,527
throw away.

234
00:17:06,976 --> 00:17:09,076
And then she had her accident.

235
00:17:10,722 --> 00:17:12,822
They took her to the hospital,

236
00:17:13,568 --> 00:17:18,392
they took her out of her car, they took
her to the hospital at Versailles.

237
00:17:18,854 --> 00:17:20,674
They shaved her.

238
00:17:21,579 --> 00:17:23,399
They shaved her there too.

239
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,534
On account of

240
00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:29,346
her big belly,

241
00:17:31,256 --> 00:17:33,076
they put her on an

242
00:17:34,061 --> 00:17:35,881
operating table,

243
00:17:36,666 --> 00:17:37,786
and then

244
00:17:40,558 --> 00:17:42,378
that is where she drew

245
00:17:43,118 --> 00:17:44,938
her last breath.

246
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,411
And she left me,

247
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:51,710
she left me,

248
00:17:54,354 --> 00:17:56,934
with the little flame, she left me.

249
00:18:06,856 --> 00:18:08,956
And she saved me at the same time.

250
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:13,368
This duvet

251
00:18:14,444 --> 00:18:16,544
really makes me think about her.

252
00:18:18,518 --> 00:18:23,508
This kind of stillness
a little animal like, of waiting.

253
00:18:26,967 --> 00:18:29,372
And then suddenly she spoke

254
00:18:31,084 --> 00:18:32,178
and

255
00:18:33,147 --> 00:18:35,138
appeared in public.

256
00:18:36,714 --> 00:18:38,814
But when she was alone,

257
00:18:39,463 --> 00:18:40,583
then,

258
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,268
when she was at home,

259
00:18:49,814 --> 00:18:51,115
she had

260
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,017
a grace.

261
00:18:54,776 --> 00:18:56,876
This is what I preferred.

262
00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,826
I watched her.

263
00:19:02,345 --> 00:19:04,482
She had brown eyes

264
00:19:04,837 --> 00:19:07,263
a genuine focused look.

265
00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:11,471
Nevertheless I had noticed
the last 2 or 3 years,

266
00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:15,245
that they were becoming a little...

267
00:19:15,365 --> 00:19:18,429
not opaque, but a little misty,

268
00:19:18,549 --> 00:19:21,349
as if there were
a fine veil over them,

269
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,679
and this struck me.

270
00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:31,370
But when she felt that

271
00:19:33,594 --> 00:19:34,594
she

272
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:37,636
she wasn't getting her role

273
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,137
across, it wasn't working,

274
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,940
it made her furious, she wanted

275
00:19:46,474 --> 00:19:47,874
to go back home.

276
00:19:51,826 --> 00:19:53,635
This is the little ferryman

277
00:19:54,392 --> 00:19:56,582
who took her to...

278
00:19:57,347 --> 00:19:58,948
to the river,

279
00:20:00,228 --> 00:20:03,346
he made her cross it,
it was very very wide,

280
00:20:03,466 --> 00:20:07,249
and he led her into the Underworld.

281
00:20:09,468 --> 00:20:12,388
There are three things
that are beyond me

282
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,260
and four I do not know:

283
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,849
the path of the eagle in the heavens,

284
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:22,651
the path of the snake on the rock,

285
00:20:23,108 --> 00:20:26,518
the path of the ship on the open sea

286
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:31,832
the path of man in young women.

287
00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:41,693
I bought this for my hostess,

288
00:20:42,887 --> 00:20:44,707
as a small welcome home bouquet.

289
00:20:48,201 --> 00:20:49,321
And then

290
00:20:52,097 --> 00:20:53,497
the problem

291
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:57,273
is, is to say

292
00:20:59,231 --> 00:21:01,331
that when she was in so much pain,

293
00:21:02,088 --> 00:21:04,188
when she wanted to disappear,

294
00:21:06,783 --> 00:21:08,404
I was so,

295
00:21:09,447 --> 00:21:12,151
involved, terrified,

296
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:16,053
I wanted to save her,

297
00:21:17,074 --> 00:21:19,174
to save her and at the same time

298
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:21,945
I thought I was going
to lose everything,

299
00:21:22,065 --> 00:21:24,351
I was going to disappear with her,

300
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:30,253
and sometimes I wished she would die.

301
00:21:44,318 --> 00:21:48,841
One day I was out for a walk
with her, she was ahead of me,

302
00:21:49,864 --> 00:21:53,746
and there were stones on the ground,

303
00:21:54,802 --> 00:21:57,362
I had split myself in two,
had stepped outside myself,

304
00:21:57,610 --> 00:22:02,581
I picked up a stone,
and smashed the back of her neck,

305
00:22:04,521 --> 00:22:06,707
and afterwards I became one again.

306
00:22:08,842 --> 00:22:13,334
Oh I've had a quiet nap, and then I
got a small very powerful image,

307
00:22:14,272 --> 00:22:16,037
I put

308
00:22:17,075 --> 00:22:19,407
my notebook for '71

309
00:22:20,495 --> 00:22:22,971
on my camping stove.

310
00:22:24,568 --> 00:22:27,123
But still it's very strange,

311
00:22:27,243 --> 00:22:30,092
I mean, I wanted... Phew!

312
00:22:30,387 --> 00:22:34,807
I would really have liked
to burn right through it,

313
00:22:35,498 --> 00:22:38,298
to destroy it,
the images are too intense,

314
00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:41,825
it's too difficult,

315
00:22:42,886 --> 00:22:44,706
but at the same time

316
00:22:46,143 --> 00:22:47,963
it holds the spell.

317
00:22:52,286 --> 00:22:53,686
Dear Ir�ne.

318
00:23:01,436 --> 00:23:05,612
This window in front of my work table

319
00:23:07,691 --> 00:23:09,791
reminds me that one day she

320
00:23:11,246 --> 00:23:14,571
had come in and gone to the window.

321
00:23:14,691 --> 00:23:19,155
And she had a small old-style
salad basket,

322
00:23:19,275 --> 00:23:21,393
with salad, for shaking the salad.

323
00:23:21,513 --> 00:23:24,074
She had opened the window,
shaken the salad

324
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:27,495
we were on the 4th floor,
overlooking the garden,

325
00:23:29,026 --> 00:23:31,826
and then she turned towards me

326
00:23:33,419 --> 00:23:35,519
and shook the salad

327
00:23:36,917 --> 00:23:39,717
in front of my desk,
on the floor, just like that,

328
00:23:43,279 --> 00:23:45,379
several times, looking at me.

329
00:23:47,928 --> 00:23:49,864
Earlier I had taken notes

330
00:23:50,823 --> 00:23:53,020
on the desk, to...

331
00:23:54,554 --> 00:23:55,954
forget nothing,

332
00:23:56,948 --> 00:23:59,070
and then I actually forgot
everything.

333
00:23:59,190 --> 00:24:02,615
Text on the table: To play with fire -
Respect - Ir�ne - Me - Risk - Spectator

334
00:24:02,735 --> 00:24:05,255
Devil - Opposite - Provocation -
the piece of paper the 2

335
00:24:05,936 --> 00:24:07,756
I don't remember,

336
00:24:08,502 --> 00:24:12,025
these scales,
perhaps they were there.

337
00:24:19,376 --> 00:24:21,439
Then I remember very well the...

338
00:24:23,289 --> 00:24:24,689
soap dish

339
00:24:30,918 --> 00:24:32,038
and the mirror.

340
00:24:33,696 --> 00:24:36,411
Now that's what I like,

341
00:24:36,914 --> 00:24:38,314
this noise,

342
00:24:41,525 --> 00:24:42,645
that.

343
00:24:53,542 --> 00:24:55,642
She slept by the door,

344
00:25:00,549 --> 00:25:02,112
me on the inside.

345
00:25:04,041 --> 00:25:06,207
No, she was on the inside.

346
00:25:07,474 --> 00:25:12,363
She was a light sleeper,
and I was by the door.

347
00:25:16,941 --> 00:25:19,521
The waiting in January,

348
00:25:21,922 --> 00:25:26,041
until midnight, until the phone call.

349
00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:48,468
We slept

350
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,440
in this room

351
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:55,229
in a friend's house

352
00:25:56,472 --> 00:25:59,962
where we used to go, regularly.

353
00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:04,067
We had

354
00:26:05,758 --> 00:26:06,840
lunch,

355
00:26:08,696 --> 00:26:10,516
and after the lunch

356
00:26:14,631 --> 00:26:18,011
she decided to take a walk

357
00:26:19,866 --> 00:26:21,266
in the forest.

358
00:26:22,949 --> 00:26:27,882
I said all right, but
wait a minute, I'm not ready.

359
00:26:31,701 --> 00:26:34,501
I was in the bedroom and I heard her,

360
00:26:34,822 --> 00:26:37,622
getting impatient and
she said, well, are you coming,

361
00:26:38,179 --> 00:26:40,520
and I said to her, hold on,

362
00:26:41,330 --> 00:26:42,730
hold on a minute.

363
00:26:43,461 --> 00:26:46,261
And suddenly she said I'm off.

364
00:26:47,437 --> 00:26:49,537
And she got into the car.

365
00:26:50,247 --> 00:26:54,094
Now you can't see the street, the car

366
00:26:55,063 --> 00:26:57,579
was parked behind the gate.

367
00:27:00,406 --> 00:27:03,195
A 6 pm she wasn't back,

368
00:27:04,776 --> 00:27:05,894
nor at 8 pm.

369
00:27:10,984 --> 00:27:12,857
We made a few phone calls,

370
00:27:14,439 --> 00:27:16,698
to this one and that,
we weren't too worried.

371
00:27:20,794 --> 00:27:22,504
By 11 o'clock

372
00:27:25,156 --> 00:27:26,276
nothing.

373
00:27:27,819 --> 00:27:29,867
I sat there

374
00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,774
at the end of the sofa,

375
00:27:35,421 --> 00:27:37,092
and suddenly

376
00:27:38,296 --> 00:27:40,377
the phone rings.

377
00:27:41,728 --> 00:27:43,548
I think it was

378
00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:46,107
the same phone.

379
00:27:47,278 --> 00:27:50,230
And from where I am,

380
00:27:54,217 --> 00:27:56,462
I can see the legs

381
00:27:57,725 --> 00:27:59,545
of the householder

382
00:28:00,777 --> 00:28:04,128
give way under him.

383
00:28:06,364 --> 00:28:08,184
I learned later

384
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,909
that they had told him
his wife was dead,

385
00:28:15,587 --> 00:28:18,387
because it was his wife's car,

386
00:28:19,225 --> 00:28:21,716
there were no papers,

387
00:28:21,836 --> 00:28:25,705
the police station, it was
on a Sunday, had to investigate.

388
00:28:27,041 --> 00:28:30,703
He realized after a few moments
that it was not his wife who had died,

389
00:28:32,437 --> 00:28:33,557
but mine.

390
00:28:39,482 --> 00:28:41,302
He broke the news to me,

391
00:28:45,258 --> 00:28:47,358
and I remember crying out

392
00:28:49,702 --> 00:28:51,003
loudly

393
00:28:54,784 --> 00:28:56,604
and then collapsing.

394
00:28:58,674 --> 00:29:02,479
Then faces and visits.

395
00:29:10,709 --> 00:29:14,109
And I stayed here alone

396
00:29:17,082 --> 00:29:21,560
in the room,
in this large room, in this bed.

397
00:29:33,822 --> 00:29:35,642
I ended up falling asleep

398
00:29:40,489 --> 00:29:44,483
Yes, I leaned over,
she was there, down there.

399
00:29:45,870 --> 00:29:49,668
No, wait a minute, there's no rush.

400
00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:53,907
She says I'm going, I'm going,
well, go ahead, go ahead.

401
00:29:55,609 --> 00:29:58,553
Maybe even a little rougher
than that.

402
00:29:59,419 --> 00:30:02,919
And I clearly saw the car starting,
saw it clearly, clearly

403
00:30:03,663 --> 00:30:07,386
and the empty parking space afterwards,
I remember it very well.

404
00:30:09,317 --> 00:30:11,932
Now it's 7 pm,

405
00:30:13,660 --> 00:30:15,760
she'd been gone for three hours.

406
00:30:18,212 --> 00:30:20,312
It was still possible

407
00:30:20,784 --> 00:30:25,209
she's got a bit lost
going back to the car.

408
00:30:27,542 --> 00:30:32,443
But I was forgetting, after all
it was January,

409
00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:36,373
and sunset is about 5 o'clock.

410
00:30:37,222 --> 00:30:39,966
In fact we were terribly worried.

411
00:30:41,656 --> 00:30:44,959
But how... she is, she went
into the forest of Rambouillet,

412
00:30:45,079 --> 00:30:47,907
how to find her, where to find her?

413
00:30:49,377 --> 00:30:52,806
I think we phoned the police station,
I think...

414
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,055
I don't remember, I should ask.

415
00:30:58,286 --> 00:31:00,983
But I daren't ask,
I don't want to ask.

416
00:31:04,452 --> 00:31:05,474
There.

417
00:31:09,219 --> 00:31:10,619
That's it.

418
00:31:18,322 --> 00:31:21,106
Back to the present.

419
00:31:26,358 --> 00:31:28,458
I'm breathing more easily anyway.

420
00:31:32,547 --> 00:31:36,574
I got hold of your mobile number

421
00:31:38,118 --> 00:31:40,218
and I can't dial it.

422
00:31:43,435 --> 00:31:44,846
I can't

423
00:31:46,578 --> 00:31:48,398
take the plunge

424
00:31:48,994 --> 00:31:51,794
and suggest that you be in this film

425
00:31:52,789 --> 00:31:56,466
in the little time, in the few
free moments you have

426
00:31:57,455 --> 00:32:00,098
that we meet briefly, and that then

427
00:32:00,402 --> 00:32:01,802
you go back

428
00:32:02,404 --> 00:32:03,804
to your normal life.

429
00:32:07,662 --> 00:32:11,504
I even met a beautiful girl, Vanessa.

430
00:32:16,341 --> 00:32:17,741
She came here.

431
00:32:23,603 --> 00:32:26,468
She has this way, just like
Ir�ne, of going,

432
00:32:26,588 --> 00:32:31,115
in a split second from brightness
to sadness, to absence.

433
00:32:37,216 --> 00:32:40,836
She moved me, she told me
that her father came to see her,

434
00:32:41,287 --> 00:32:43,444
they drove

435
00:32:43,973 --> 00:32:45,856
up on to a mountain,

436
00:32:45,976 --> 00:32:49,476
and together they had looked out
over the vast landscape,

437
00:32:50,008 --> 00:32:53,801
and she had wanted it
to last all her life.

438
00:33:01,768 --> 00:33:03,577
I'm having trouble here.

439
00:33:03,917 --> 00:33:08,252
What I have to say to him is so long,
I'll need t o shorten it.

440
00:33:09,181 --> 00:33:12,725
- But why?
- I can't be concise.

441
00:33:14,464 --> 00:33:16,519
But why would you be?

442
00:33:16,639 --> 00:33:19,168
Well, otherwise, it's going
to take 25 pages.

443
00:33:19,612 --> 00:33:22,335
- Doesn't it matter?
- No, you can read it,

444
00:33:23,604 --> 00:33:27,980
25 pages of tenderness,
you can read it in a second.

445
00:33:28,718 --> 00:33:29,860
True.

446
00:33:39,946 --> 00:33:43,239
Ir�ne is so alive, so clear,

447
00:33:43,359 --> 00:33:45,536
so unique in my head, that...

448
00:33:46,573 --> 00:33:49,406
impossible to piece it together
with her,

449
00:33:50,433 --> 00:33:52,253
or with others.

450
00:33:55,644 --> 00:34:00,228
Well, I'm going to clear
them all out, get rid of them.

451
00:34:01,331 --> 00:34:05,109
They will never be her, never, her.

452
00:34:08,159 --> 00:34:10,715
My phone is calling me.

453
00:34:11,751 --> 00:34:12,960
It's a sign.

454
00:34:29,777 --> 00:34:30,859
Ir�ne,

455
00:34:32,396 --> 00:34:35,800
when we went to an hotel together...

456
00:34:38,274 --> 00:34:39,394
I didn't mind

457
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,920
being taken for a sex maniac,
I was one.

458
00:34:46,318 --> 00:34:47,438
She fell asleep.

459
00:34:52,557 --> 00:34:55,371
A man alone, it's nothing,
it's light,

460
00:34:56,941 --> 00:34:58,035
it passes.

461
00:35:03,147 --> 00:35:06,607
Mummy, little boats
that go on the water

462
00:35:07,594 --> 00:35:09,414
do they have legs?

463
00:35:11,883 --> 00:35:13,703
I'm going to a friend,

464
00:35:14,506 --> 00:35:16,458
of mine and Ir�ne

465
00:35:17,795 --> 00:35:21,225
and I will ask no questions.

466
00:35:40,130 --> 00:35:44,776
I prefer to go down alone
to the darkness.

467
00:36:46,161 --> 00:36:50,230
Fall, escalator,
while holding the camera.

468
00:36:54,699 --> 00:36:57,449
I took a hell of a blow on my nut.

469
00:36:59,687 --> 00:37:02,091
It can be said that...

470
00:37:06,718 --> 00:37:08,110
I'm looking at myself.

471
00:37:08,777 --> 00:37:10,597
I'm not wearing my glasses,

472
00:37:11,428 --> 00:37:14,228
but for once, I see myself very well.

473
00:37:16,494 --> 00:37:19,497
My new and latest face

474
00:37:20,481 --> 00:37:24,329
has arrived, old chap,
have a good look,

475
00:37:25,822 --> 00:37:27,222
have a good look.

476
00:37:30,283 --> 00:37:32,918
The fall on the escalator,

477
00:37:33,894 --> 00:37:35,294
while filming,

478
00:37:35,945 --> 00:37:38,045
in the m�tro station,
rue de la Pompe.

479
00:37:40,536 --> 00:37:41,739
Drop it.

480
00:37:49,846 --> 00:37:54,778
Don't make this film. Don't make
this film. Don't make this film.

481
00:37:58,204 --> 00:38:03,194
Drop it, you fell, on the escalator,
it's a sign, stop.

482
00:38:04,966 --> 00:38:08,466
This is the expression she had when
I wanted to make a film about her,

483
00:38:10,126 --> 00:38:13,769
the slight panic, the touch of anxiety
you had,

484
00:38:14,553 --> 00:38:18,053
a fortnight before shooting.

485
00:38:19,450 --> 00:38:21,736
And at the same time
you were tempted,

486
00:38:23,390 --> 00:38:25,210
as I would film you,

487
00:38:26,295 --> 00:38:29,095
as I would be deeply interest in you.

488
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:31,860
I found a little money,

489
00:38:32,402 --> 00:38:35,902
a flat, we were going to retreat
there for 4 or 5 weeks.

490
00:38:37,452 --> 00:38:40,116
If you like, it was to be about
you and me, in reality

491
00:38:40,236 --> 00:38:43,483
a mutual investigation,
a short inventory,

492
00:38:45,012 --> 00:38:47,812
very tender, but at the same time,

493
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,779
it might be rough,
and you could sense that.

494
00:38:54,020 --> 00:38:56,820
A few days before the shooting,
your accident,

495
00:38:57,780 --> 00:38:59,180
a lightning strike.

496
00:39:02,107 --> 00:39:04,682
A trace lost forever.

497
00:39:11,308 --> 00:39:14,852
What horror! What horror!

498
00:39:16,505 --> 00:39:18,325
So, let's recap.

499
00:39:20,552 --> 00:39:23,352
I am filming on the escalator

500
00:39:24,157 --> 00:39:25,349
I fall,

501
00:39:26,102 --> 00:39:27,502
I go back home,

502
00:39:28,586 --> 00:39:31,810
three weeks later, I have
terrible shingles.

503
00:39:32,479 --> 00:39:36,128
I remember that I lived, that I lived

504
00:39:41,885 --> 00:39:44,773
50 metres away from
the Pompe m�tro station, why?

505
00:39:45,472 --> 00:39:47,572
When I first met Ir�ne,

506
00:39:49,947 --> 00:39:52,581
I had a tiny studio.

507
00:39:53,974 --> 00:39:55,794
When I met her,

508
00:40:05,777 --> 00:40:09,447
I lived a minute away from the m�tro
station, 50 metres away from the station

509
00:40:10,227 --> 00:40:15,212
where I almost died,
where I was almost crushed,

510
00:40:29,029 --> 00:40:31,129
in a small caf� that's still there,

511
00:40:34,703 --> 00:40:37,503
a small traditional caf�,
from the 50's.

512
00:40:38,017 --> 00:40:40,222
I had a little studio up there,

513
00:40:40,342 --> 00:40:44,453
she used to park discreetly
behind the secondary school

514
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,727
and come to see me.

515
00:41:00,207 --> 00:41:02,374
I am 50 metres away

516
00:41:03,110 --> 00:41:06,759
from my birth place.

517
00:41:11,274 --> 00:41:15,313
My mother gave birth at dawn,
and my father

518
00:41:16,655 --> 00:41:17,745
wanted

519
00:41:18,488 --> 00:41:22,126
to leave for his work in Paris
and he took the train

520
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:27,673
at that same moment,
leaving me there.

521
00:41:46,471 --> 00:41:49,891
I was born behind those gates,

522
00:41:51,198 --> 00:41:55,237
3 rue Charles Chautard,

523
00:41:56,246 --> 00:41:57,646
at Vend�me.

524
00:42:02,351 --> 00:42:04,837
A slice of watermelon

525
00:42:05,539 --> 00:42:06,710
from the market at

526
00:42:06,830 --> 00:42:10,083
the Avenue de Versailles, which
immediately attracted my attention, then

527
00:42:10,203 --> 00:42:12,775
once home, I hollowed it out

528
00:42:12,895 --> 00:42:15,399
and put an egg inside.

529
00:42:16,253 --> 00:42:17,824
It's me

530
00:42:18,342 --> 00:42:22,359
waiting to come
out of my mother's womb.

531
00:42:23,001 --> 00:42:26,722
But there was a small problem, I was
positioned buttocks first,

532
00:42:26,842 --> 00:42:30,524
that is, I was a breech, when
I should have been head first.

533
00:42:30,856 --> 00:42:32,197
Then they

534
00:42:33,147 --> 00:42:34,324
stuck

535
00:42:34,924 --> 00:42:38,241
a pair of forceps
into my mother's womb,

536
00:42:38,486 --> 00:42:40,836
what is called forceps,

537
00:42:44,315 --> 00:42:48,858
and they turned me right over,
inside her.

538
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:51,562
There.

539
00:42:52,482 --> 00:42:55,262
It was rather hard,

540
00:42:56,290 --> 00:42:58,442
and they got me out

541
00:43:00,044 --> 00:43:01,444
by the head.

542
00:43:05,501 --> 00:43:10,028
The problem is that
I broke the mould, that's to say after

543
00:43:10,504 --> 00:43:13,457
this butchery,

544
00:43:14,637 --> 00:43:18,296
my mother couldn't have children,
other children,

545
00:43:18,868 --> 00:43:21,979
and that's what happened to Ir�ne

546
00:43:23,024 --> 00:43:26,166
early in her life as a woman,

547
00:43:27,101 --> 00:43:28,754
that is

548
00:43:31,242 --> 00:43:33,975
to remove her child

549
00:43:34,095 --> 00:43:37,276
they stuck a probe

550
00:43:39,019 --> 00:43:41,037
into her womb,

551
00:43:43,925 --> 00:43:47,768
to widen the passage and

552
00:43:47,888 --> 00:43:52,583
empty this embryonic child
out of the womb

553
00:43:52,868 --> 00:43:57,784
and it came out a little way,
and as she said, it bumped against

554
00:43:58,711 --> 00:44:00,111
her pants.

555
00:44:01,095 --> 00:44:05,896
The father was a very young
medical student.

556
00:44:07,837 --> 00:44:10,198
Ir�ne said that she went

557
00:44:11,341 --> 00:44:14,031
straight to the bourgeoisie.

558
00:44:18,284 --> 00:44:20,704
Fortunately her father
knew nothing about it,

559
00:44:20,824 --> 00:44:22,966
because he would have beaten her
to a pulp.

560
00:44:23,541 --> 00:44:26,718
He crashed into me, she said,
he crashed into me.

561
00:44:28,551 --> 00:44:29,887
And nevertheless,

562
00:44:31,007 --> 00:44:35,829
when she was a child he used to
lift her up with... he was strong,

563
00:44:36,260 --> 00:44:38,755
so lightly, with such tenderness,

564
00:44:39,888 --> 00:44:42,175
that she almost fainted.

565
00:44:44,826 --> 00:44:47,440
And all those men

566
00:44:48,093 --> 00:44:51,293
who wanted to have sex, men who
wanted to have sex with her,

567
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:53,843
she ended up...

568
00:44:54,396 --> 00:44:57,649
they were so insistent,
she ended up saying yes,

569
00:44:58,111 --> 00:44:59,511
but in the morning...

570
00:45:01,592 --> 00:45:05,060
Ir�ne got up early
(she didn't hear her alarm clock)

571
00:45:05,180 --> 00:45:08,680
to go to the Cohen Clinic,
on the rue de Marignan.

572
00:45:09,179 --> 00:45:13,101
He ventilated her tubes,
to unblock them.

573
00:45:13,631 --> 00:45:15,463
She came back rather sad,

574
00:45:15,583 --> 00:45:19,083
because there was no contact
between her and the doctor.

575
00:45:20,103 --> 00:45:21,240
I bled.

576
00:45:24,091 --> 00:45:25,911
She still believed in it.

577
00:45:28,292 --> 00:45:29,692
She believed in it.

578
00:45:30,161 --> 00:45:32,378
She's driving, I am sitting

579
00:45:33,037 --> 00:45:37,829
on her right and I
surreptitiously look at

580
00:45:38,234 --> 00:45:41,488
her foot on the accelerator,

581
00:45:42,095 --> 00:45:46,625
and then she stops...
We were staying in a...

582
00:45:46,745 --> 00:45:50,934
house for the weekend,
where I'd met her, and

583
00:45:51,783 --> 00:45:56,059
she had a spare seat, she'd taken me
and brings me back to Paris.

584
00:45:56,179 --> 00:46:00,703
And she stops, we have a walk,
a kind of

585
00:46:00,823 --> 00:46:04,194
tiny forest, very sparse,

586
00:46:04,314 --> 00:46:06,791
we chat and then,

587
00:46:06,911 --> 00:46:12,729
as we're walking,
she takes my arm, very lightly,

588
00:46:14,957 --> 00:46:17,057
and then we get back into the car.

589
00:46:17,426 --> 00:46:21,640
And when we arrive in Paris,
then what is the...

590
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:26,452
I'll go home, I'll drop you,

591
00:46:26,572 --> 00:46:28,429
what do we do, etc... etc...

592
00:46:28,549 --> 00:46:30,805
And finally it was

593
00:46:31,353 --> 00:46:34,932
quicker to drop me home first.

594
00:46:35,863 --> 00:46:37,031
In fact,

595
00:46:37,951 --> 00:46:41,103
she came up for a drink,

596
00:46:42,851 --> 00:46:46,456
and stayed
and left early in the morning.

597
00:46:47,846 --> 00:46:51,000
When she left, she told me
she would phone.

598
00:46:51,496 --> 00:46:54,091
I slept, I waited.

599
00:46:55,004 --> 00:46:57,867
I stared at the phone.

600
00:46:58,587 --> 00:47:00,407
I didn't go out,

601
00:47:01,293 --> 00:47:02,801
in case she called.

602
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:06,004
And then finally I understood

603
00:47:07,147 --> 00:47:10,886
that she'd gone back
to her normal life and that a repeat

604
00:47:11,510 --> 00:47:13,330
of the free ride, as they say,

605
00:47:14,231 --> 00:47:17,175
might be light years away.

606
00:47:17,819 --> 00:47:18,939
But I kept

607
00:47:21,340 --> 00:47:25,369
hoping, and one day she did call and
told me I'm leaving for the Vosges.

608
00:47:27,274 --> 00:47:29,094
And I went with her

609
00:47:30,675 --> 00:47:32,495
to the small lake

610
00:47:34,170 --> 00:47:35,290
of Retournemer.

611
00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:46,027
That sterility that tormented her
so much,

612
00:47:47,804 --> 00:47:50,438
actually, being a man

613
00:47:52,157 --> 00:47:53,557
suited me.

614
00:47:53,818 --> 00:47:58,334
She used to reproach me regularly
with two things.

615
00:48:00,033 --> 00:48:03,400
The first for getting her
to drink wine.

616
00:48:05,305 --> 00:48:07,405
I told her, but listen, wine

617
00:48:08,083 --> 00:48:09,903
is the blood of Christ.

618
00:48:12,215 --> 00:48:15,482
In the gospels, you
read them as I did,

619
00:48:16,133 --> 00:48:20,506
he pours wine
and says to his disciples:

620
00:48:21,500 --> 00:48:23,833
"Take, drink for this is my blood."

621
00:48:24,980 --> 00:48:27,428
The second thing was that

622
00:48:27,548 --> 00:48:30,555
I had caused her to lose her faith,

623
00:48:31,821 --> 00:48:34,197
and I replied, listen

624
00:48:34,708 --> 00:48:39,688
what I really want
is for you to have faith in you,

625
00:48:40,654 --> 00:48:44,154
while you spend your time
saying, I do everything wrong.

626
00:48:46,237 --> 00:48:50,419
Then at that moment, she began

627
00:48:50,539 --> 00:48:54,307
to think about that and she said,

628
00:48:54,427 --> 00:48:57,192
you're muddling me up.

629
00:48:58,468 --> 00:49:01,570
And she always had
that wonderful phrase,

630
00:49:01,690 --> 00:49:04,490
I wish I knew my secret.

631
00:49:05,890 --> 00:49:09,201
I wish I knew my secret.

632
00:49:11,207 --> 00:49:12,965
I also loved:

633
00:49:13,693 --> 00:49:17,342
I can die open-mouthed, sir...

634
00:49:18,575 --> 00:49:19,975
I loved it.

635
00:49:20,733 --> 00:49:24,233
She knew that inside her
she had something

636
00:49:25,042 --> 00:49:28,354
difficult, and she couldn't
manage to...

637
00:49:54,065 --> 00:49:56,700
We're having dinner in the kitchen

638
00:49:57,383 --> 00:49:59,092
and Ir�ne says to me:

639
00:49:59,322 --> 00:50:02,377
- Listen, something happened to me,
I'm going to tell you a story.

640
00:50:02,497 --> 00:50:04,052
I was at a dinner

641
00:50:05,303 --> 00:50:08,986
and as usual, you're never there,
you're filming, you are on location...

642
00:50:09,106 --> 00:50:11,906
I was at a dinner,
and then the conversation

643
00:50:12,479 --> 00:50:17,327
turned to love,
to what each of us liked to do.

644
00:50:18,456 --> 00:50:20,872
Then one man said,

645
00:50:21,340 --> 00:50:23,776
what I like is to pay women,

646
00:50:23,896 --> 00:50:27,272
to pay women, not professionals,

647
00:50:27,776 --> 00:50:31,891
and just then, his eye fell on me
and he saw me look down.

648
00:50:32,011 --> 00:50:33,280
I looked down.

649
00:50:34,796 --> 00:50:36,134
He phoned me,

650
00:50:37,327 --> 00:50:41,997
suggested we get together and I went.

651
00:50:45,377 --> 00:50:49,413
And it wasn't too bad, I didn't like
him when I first saw him,

652
00:50:49,533 --> 00:50:53,033
and then I must say
it wasn't unpleasant.

653
00:50:54,163 --> 00:50:57,663
And she said to me, doesn't it
bother you what I'm telling you?

654
00:50:58,168 --> 00:51:00,553
And do you know why
I'm telling you this?

655
00:51:00,673 --> 00:51:04,225
Because I would like you to beat me,
but I would like to deserve it,

656
00:51:04,345 --> 00:51:06,165
and now I deserve it.

657
00:51:07,222 --> 00:51:10,300
I don't move.

658
00:51:11,114 --> 00:51:14,694
And then all of a sudden
she flies into some sort of rage.

659
00:51:15,456 --> 00:51:19,271
She starts by smashing her plate
on the floor,

660
00:51:19,391 --> 00:51:23,422
then opens the cupboard and the whole
service goes, piece by piece.

661
00:51:23,542 --> 00:51:27,158
I slip out,
I go for a walk down the street.

662
00:51:35,873 --> 00:51:38,848
I wouldn't want to lose anything
of my little sweetie.

663
00:51:41,357 --> 00:51:44,777
Where did I get the energy,
only a few days after her death,

664
00:51:44,897 --> 00:51:46,997
to write down her erotic litany.

665
00:51:48,894 --> 00:51:51,694
Today I could not piece it together.

666
00:51:53,152 --> 00:51:57,183
My pen has left nothing out,
not a single invocation,

667
00:51:58,157 --> 00:52:01,799
not a single cry,
I've written it all.

668
00:52:02,260 --> 00:52:05,640
But words get colder and colder
season after season.

669
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:10,724
Now they scarcely help me
to feel any emotion.

670
00:52:10,844 --> 00:52:15,279
They are death and no longer
that illusion of life going on

671
00:52:15,399 --> 00:52:18,199
that I kept as long as I could.

672
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:27,393
"The Lady of the Camellias",
she's watching Greta Garbo

673
00:52:27,513 --> 00:52:31,662
dying in the arms of Armand
on television.

674
00:52:33,141 --> 00:52:36,963
She's sitting against the wall,

675
00:52:37,793 --> 00:52:42,359
on the bed, it's very hot,
we have no clothes on,

676
00:52:42,767 --> 00:52:49,617
and I'm lying across the bed
with my head resting on her lap,

677
00:52:50,149 --> 00:52:52,362
and from that low angle I see

678
00:52:52,482 --> 00:52:56,671
tears rolling down her face

679
00:52:56,791 --> 00:52:58,680
and I feel against my ear

680
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:02,172
the jolts of the sobs in her stomach,

681
00:53:03,199 --> 00:53:07,319
tears flowing across her breast
and on my face,

682
00:53:09,406 --> 00:53:12,057
and then the drama stops.

683
00:53:12,834 --> 00:53:14,762
She says, but it's too stupid,

684
00:53:14,882 --> 00:53:18,151
there are so many people
who don't love,

685
00:53:18,271 --> 00:53:20,585
that when it happens,

686
00:53:21,301 --> 00:53:24,063
it's foolish not to make it work.

687
00:53:24,761 --> 00:53:26,861
I found back this photograph again

688
00:53:28,935 --> 00:53:31,227
I took one evening,

689
00:53:31,565 --> 00:53:35,079
of Ir�ne comforting her sick dog.

690
00:53:36,454 --> 00:53:38,554
He died two days later.

691
00:53:39,494 --> 00:53:41,332
I've never seen a face

692
00:53:41,839 --> 00:53:45,406
as tormented by pain as Ir�ne's.

693
00:53:48,517 --> 00:53:50,617
And while she looked at

694
00:53:51,666 --> 00:53:54,300
"The Lady of the Camellias",
I was exactly, my head

695
00:53:54,420 --> 00:53:57,220
was exactly where Ignace had been.

696
00:53:59,634 --> 00:54:01,911
It's a beautiful picture of her,
because,

697
00:54:02,031 --> 00:54:04,831
I prefer to keep her
alive in my head,

698
00:54:07,010 --> 00:54:09,110
rather than frozen in photographs.

699
00:54:16,494 --> 00:54:19,501
He is saying to her there
that he's going to leave her soon.

700
00:54:23,696 --> 00:54:27,598
I could see it,
but she didn't want to.

701
00:54:32,072 --> 00:54:36,439
I remember, she was on the couch
in the living room.

702
00:54:48,737 --> 00:54:52,410
Ir�ne at 15 with her mother
on her right

703
00:54:52,530 --> 00:54:53,999
and her father

704
00:54:54,794 --> 00:54:58,839
between his wife's parents.

705
00:54:59,666 --> 00:55:03,919
And her father loved his
parents-in-law, because his were dead,

706
00:55:04,039 --> 00:55:06,348
asphyxiated by a stove.

707
00:55:08,388 --> 00:55:11,188
They were on holiday at Ste-Maxime.

708
00:55:11,532 --> 00:55:14,271
Ir�ne is pushed by her friends,

709
00:55:14,391 --> 00:55:17,303
wins Miss Ste-Maxime, Miss Riviera

710
00:55:17,423 --> 00:55:18,823
and Miss France.

711
00:55:19,732 --> 00:55:24,320
She was really 15 because it's on
the back, in her mother's writing.

712
00:55:31,546 --> 00:55:35,379
Her father was a boilermaker.

713
00:55:35,499 --> 00:55:38,268
He bought an old truck.

714
00:55:38,518 --> 00:55:41,366
He started to transport furniture,

715
00:55:41,486 --> 00:55:45,677
and he ended up having
a shop with kitchen furniture

716
00:55:45,797 --> 00:55:47,617
and rustic furniture.

717
00:55:49,384 --> 00:55:52,738
Her mother worked in a delicatessen

718
00:56:02,969 --> 00:56:04,629
in Brittany.

719
00:56:06,804 --> 00:56:08,904
A short time before her death,

720
00:56:13,448 --> 00:56:15,268
she looked at me...

721
00:56:15,950 --> 00:56:19,032
sometimes... like that...

722
00:56:27,864 --> 00:56:29,264
she was waiting.

723
00:56:38,158 --> 00:56:40,966
The house where I learned
of Ir�ne's death

724
00:56:41,086 --> 00:56:44,819
has been sold by our hostess,
so thoughtful.

725
00:56:51,207 --> 00:56:55,619
I can no longer see, hear Ir�ne,

726
00:56:57,219 --> 00:56:58,392
moving.

727
00:57:13,766 --> 00:57:15,586
I was standing at this window

728
00:57:17,362 --> 00:57:20,183
when she said,
well are you coming then,

729
00:57:20,304 --> 00:57:22,828
I said, wait a minute...
she told me she was leaving.

730
00:57:23,653 --> 00:57:26,453
And she got into the car there.

731
00:57:27,164 --> 00:57:28,765
And she left.

732
00:57:29,449 --> 00:57:31,048
She never came back.

733
00:57:31,168 --> 00:57:35,469
She went out, she went out
through this door.

734
00:57:47,079 --> 00:57:49,886
Two minutes after she left,

735
00:57:50,006 --> 00:57:53,426
at the next crossroads,
someone crashed into her.

736
00:57:55,448 --> 00:57:59,704
She is still lucid,
she tells the rescuer

737
00:57:59,824 --> 00:58:03,580
how best to get her out
of the wreckage.

738
00:58:05,208 --> 00:58:08,604
So it was just a few minutes
after 3 pm.

739
00:58:09,855 --> 00:58:12,655
She didn't give them the number

740
00:58:13,991 --> 00:58:15,466
for where I was,

741
00:58:15,586 --> 00:58:19,492
the number for the owner of the car.

742
00:58:19,612 --> 00:58:23,820
She thought she'd come out of it
all right,

743
00:58:23,940 --> 00:58:26,740
I'm no good, I did
a bloody stupid thing.

744
00:58:56,161 --> 00:59:00,503
Edouard Manet,
Mus�e des Beaux-arts in Lyon

745
00:59:01,091 --> 00:59:03,450
Jacqueline Delubac donation.

746
00:59:05,118 --> 00:59:08,157
This is exactly Ir�ne's look.

747
00:59:09,231 --> 00:59:12,175
I've never found it anywhere else.

748
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:15,455
Her father

749
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:20,018
used to say,
that money I earned, I sweated it.

750
00:59:21,329 --> 00:59:23,149
Commies, they work

751
00:59:24,580 --> 00:59:29,021
they're workers like me,
but then, they go to the pub.

752
00:59:31,651 --> 00:59:34,773
He had a gun for self-defence,

753
00:59:35,456 --> 00:59:38,360
in case of burglary, and he said,

754
00:59:39,940 --> 00:59:43,602
I'd fire the second bullet
into the ceiling.

755
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:48,776
I'd preferred have the butcher
than the pig, and he slept

756
00:59:51,190 --> 00:59:52,242
with

757
00:59:53,792 --> 00:59:56,794
a gun under his pillow.

758
00:59:58,097 --> 01:00:02,075
When she was a child and
a teenager, she lived there,

759
01:00:02,636 --> 01:00:04,476
his parents had the apartment above,

760
01:00:04,596 --> 01:00:08,160
on the corner of the rue de l'Annonciade
and the mont�e des Carmelites.

761
01:00:09,166 --> 01:00:12,420
And she was an only child,
closely watched,

762
01:00:13,682 --> 01:00:17,182
and she had learned to present two
sides of herself in order to get on.

763
01:00:19,214 --> 01:00:22,172
One day she was at a party

764
01:00:22,541 --> 01:00:25,341
with some young people
in the posh part of town.

765
01:00:27,151 --> 01:00:32,132
Some jewelry was stolen.
The parents realized it,

766
01:00:33,115 --> 01:00:34,410
and suspicion

767
01:00:35,287 --> 01:00:40,190
fell on the little prole, on Ir�ne.

768
01:00:41,848 --> 01:00:45,403
And her boyfriend
didn't exactly stand up for her.

769
01:00:46,732 --> 01:00:48,552
Her bag was searched.

770
01:00:49,858 --> 01:00:52,990
And I think there were guys

771
01:00:54,153 --> 01:00:56,074
who paid dearly afterwards.

772
01:00:59,131 --> 01:01:03,266
I believe Ir�ne felt caged

773
01:01:04,888 --> 01:01:07,277
in her hometown of Lyons, I think so.

774
01:01:11,218 --> 01:01:13,038
She wanted to go.

775
01:01:17,201 --> 01:01:20,081
I've drunk a little Beaujolais,
I'm at the end of the meal,

776
01:01:20,201 --> 01:01:22,725
I must speak softly
so that you don't hear me.

777
01:01:22,845 --> 01:01:25,725
I've been in her hometown
for 3 days, I'm

778
01:01:25,845 --> 01:01:27,893
at the same time
elated and oppressed.

779
01:01:28,013 --> 01:01:29,534
I see her all the time,

780
01:01:30,667 --> 01:01:33,053
as a child, as a girl,

781
01:01:33,173 --> 01:01:35,973
and even at the age
she would have been now.

782
01:01:36,379 --> 01:01:40,546
And at the same time I think
that she got here, in this city,

783
01:01:40,666 --> 01:01:44,881
I could almost touch it,
but it is indistinct, a hard blow.

784
01:01:45,613 --> 01:01:49,129
A hard blow, and she never
recovered from it.

785
01:01:51,407 --> 01:01:56,049
And she was extremely open
and passionate,

786
01:01:56,169 --> 01:02:01,101
and when she was a child, she was asked
to write a composition about a dream,

787
01:02:01,673 --> 01:02:04,199
and she told the story

788
01:02:04,319 --> 01:02:07,503
of a child who suddenly, like her,

789
01:02:07,623 --> 01:02:10,482
a little boy,
who turned into a plane,

790
01:02:10,602 --> 01:02:15,498
and he was the little boy
she loved, and she got no marks.

791
01:02:19,686 --> 01:02:22,445
I leave Lyon, the city of Ir�ne.

792
01:02:39,496 --> 01:02:43,353
I find the small courtyard again,
a bird has died on the table.

793
01:02:44,466 --> 01:02:48,094
I find again my child from Chernobyl
again.

794
01:02:50,285 --> 01:02:52,105
Saddam Hussein hanged

795
01:02:53,133 --> 01:02:55,950
photographed on a mobile.

796
01:02:58,022 --> 01:02:59,842
And her, meditating,

797
01:03:00,961 --> 01:03:03,061
looking for some light

798
01:03:04,422 --> 01:03:05,822
still bare,

799
01:03:06,691 --> 01:03:08,091
the books,

800
01:03:09,020 --> 01:03:10,420
meditation,

801
01:03:13,449 --> 01:03:14,849
the knees,

802
01:03:16,527 --> 01:03:17,927
and the shoulders.

803
01:03:22,979 --> 01:03:26,113
After so many years,
I'm almost certain

804
01:03:26,233 --> 01:03:30,510
that Ir�ne wanted to die
for a reason only she knew,

805
01:03:31,426 --> 01:03:34,613
and she knew that she would never
talk to anyone about it,

806
01:03:35,771 --> 01:03:37,871
she could not talk about it.

807
01:03:41,119 --> 01:03:44,638
My notebooks, '71,

808
01:03:45,265 --> 01:03:47,987
I restored it after burning it.

809
01:03:49,130 --> 01:03:53,214
Fortunately, I didn't burn it
right through.

810
01:03:53,769 --> 01:03:55,169
I open them.

811
01:04:04,015 --> 01:04:05,665
I search for her.

812
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:16,107
6th October 1971.

813
01:04:19,721 --> 01:04:23,138
Ir�ne's father says
that he succeeded,

814
01:04:23,814 --> 01:04:25,371
and that she is useless.

815
01:04:26,123 --> 01:04:27,661
This is not the time to go

816
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:30,804
to take a trip to Lyons,
for a visit to Lyons.

817
01:04:30,924 --> 01:04:33,724
Ir�ne left to become someone,

818
01:04:34,201 --> 01:04:37,001
she won't go back empty handed.

819
01:04:37,585 --> 01:04:40,283
Ir�ne arrives in the old 404,

820
01:04:40,975 --> 01:04:42,850
Marianne's convertible.

821
01:04:42,970 --> 01:04:45,770
She brings her oil, her salt
and her wine.

822
01:04:46,266 --> 01:04:49,066
She's been horribly depressed
all day.

823
01:04:49,914 --> 01:04:51,492
My mother sent me a cheque

824
01:04:51,612 --> 01:04:54,996
for 600 francs that will go straight
to the taxman, she said.

825
01:04:55,567 --> 01:04:57,387
Threat of bailiffs.

826
01:04:57,895 --> 01:05:01,395
During dinner I drink a lot
of Alain's local wine.

827
01:05:01,718 --> 01:05:04,797
To soothe, to numb my poor head.

828
01:05:05,691 --> 01:05:09,712
Ir�ne would really like me
to grow a moustache.

829
01:05:12,611 --> 01:05:17,602
Ir�ne heard Lederman (C�line)
on the radio

830
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:20,315
boasting about his shoes
with the built-up heels

831
01:05:20,435 --> 01:05:22,047
to raise short people,

832
01:05:22,167 --> 01:05:25,166
without joking,
she talks seriously about it,

833
01:05:25,286 --> 01:05:29,720
and says that she could wear
high heels.

834
01:05:30,209 --> 01:05:32,231
See Jean-Louis,
he has some of them...

835
01:05:32,351 --> 01:05:35,151
This morning I heard Ir�ne
getting up.

836
01:05:35,393 --> 01:05:38,116
Her movements made me realize
that she wasn't well.

837
01:05:38,236 --> 01:05:41,036
She came towards me,
her face haggard,

838
01:05:41,784 --> 01:05:43,246
and she said:

839
01:05:43,887 --> 01:05:46,687
I feel like committing suicide,
it's terrible.

840
01:05:47,558 --> 01:05:49,658
I said: I'll tie you up.

841
01:05:50,899 --> 01:05:52,999
Her disillusioned answer was:

842
01:05:53,454 --> 01:05:55,274
you'll be well rid of me...

843
01:06:00,516 --> 01:06:03,129
I've just arrived at the chateau

844
01:06:04,549 --> 01:06:06,369
belonging to my old school friend.

845
01:06:07,698 --> 01:06:09,798
Something's waiting for me, I think.

846
01:06:13,910 --> 01:06:18,447
I couldn't decide between
a convent cell and this place.

847
01:06:22,849 --> 01:06:24,690
I almost tossed a coin.

848
01:06:26,889 --> 01:06:28,709
The bed of my host,

849
01:06:29,427 --> 01:06:32,311
of my childhood friend.

850
01:06:33,429 --> 01:06:37,690
He has sprained his ankle in Paris,
so

851
01:06:38,780 --> 01:06:40,880
he is not here to welcome me.

852
01:06:42,648 --> 01:06:47,614
What can I do in such a large house,
I'm used to living

853
01:06:48,980 --> 01:06:51,410
in small city flats.

854
01:06:52,110 --> 01:06:54,189
The mistress of the place

855
01:06:54,875 --> 01:06:55,878
dead.

856
01:06:56,986 --> 01:06:58,477
Our dear dead.

857
01:07:01,064 --> 01:07:04,365
My friend knew Ir�ne very well

858
01:07:06,577 --> 01:07:08,593
when we lived together.

859
01:07:09,421 --> 01:07:14,196
They very kindly offered to let me
choose my wine from the cellar,

860
01:07:15,244 --> 01:07:17,560
where I... I didn't go.

861
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:21,990
After the death
of his daughter Ir�ne,

862
01:07:22,110 --> 01:07:24,288
Joseph used to say:

863
01:07:24,646 --> 01:07:28,661
"But what did I ever do
to God to deserve this?"

864
01:07:29,120 --> 01:07:31,238
"What did I do to him?"

865
01:07:32,788 --> 01:07:34,888
Here I am, asking him the question.

866
01:07:35,875 --> 01:07:38,826
I'll turn on the light or I won't
have any landmarks in the dark.

867
01:07:38,946 --> 01:07:41,093
I might break my neck
on the stairs...

868
01:07:44,028 --> 01:07:47,226
There, I've switched on the light,
I can go to my sleeping quarters.

869
01:07:48,827 --> 01:07:51,930
This staircase is dreadful.

870
01:07:53,410 --> 01:07:56,798
The last two steps in the dark,
you can't see them.

871
01:07:56,918 --> 01:07:59,679
Because she was a light sleeper,

872
01:07:59,799 --> 01:08:02,847
we had a room each.

873
01:08:05,022 --> 01:08:08,482
When we stayed at a hotel,
we always asked for two beds.

874
01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:11,979
And a room for each of us
meant a flat rather...

875
01:08:12,099 --> 01:08:14,199
whose rent was rather expensive.

876
01:08:15,163 --> 01:08:17,263
I made commercials

877
01:08:18,107 --> 01:08:20,207
at one point, to pay for it.

878
01:08:21,408 --> 01:08:25,284
The difference between us was that

879
01:08:26,525 --> 01:08:29,325
she tended to ask me everything,

880
01:08:29,727 --> 01:08:31,821
and she had the feeling that

881
01:08:32,872 --> 01:08:34,692
I never asked her anything,

882
01:08:36,065 --> 01:08:38,847
just to exist, to be there.

883
01:08:40,212 --> 01:08:43,735
I remember almost with tenderness,

884
01:08:43,855 --> 01:08:46,133
her stubborn,

885
01:08:46,751 --> 01:08:50,393
stupid look
when she denied the evidence,

886
01:08:52,402 --> 01:08:55,202
and she swore that it wasn't true

887
01:08:55,524 --> 01:08:58,810
on someone's head,
who was very dear to me.

888
01:09:01,469 --> 01:09:06,097
She told me, still, you know
I might feel better

889
01:09:06,892 --> 01:09:10,922
if you were a famous director,

890
01:09:12,213 --> 01:09:16,039
You see, I can dare say that to you,
I know it's terrible,

891
01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:21,605
but for once I'm honest with you,
I'm saying it to you.

892
01:09:22,081 --> 01:09:24,181
It would do me good, it's silly,

893
01:09:25,622 --> 01:09:27,442
but it's like that.

894
01:09:28,606 --> 01:09:30,720
And it killed me to be

895
01:09:31,804 --> 01:09:35,211
the source of her well-being,
of her pain,

896
01:09:35,836 --> 01:09:37,228
always

897
01:09:38,488 --> 01:09:41,198
guilty but responsible.

898
01:09:43,294 --> 01:09:44,857
And it bugged me,

899
01:09:46,691 --> 01:09:48,286
and I wanted it to stop,

900
01:09:50,664 --> 01:09:53,275
and I was waiting for our separation,

901
01:09:55,288 --> 01:09:57,351
but I wished it
to come from elsewhere.

902
01:09:58,626 --> 01:10:01,426
I couldn't instigate it myself.

903
01:10:26,476 --> 01:10:29,276
I came on this drawing,
I thought that

904
01:10:30,239 --> 01:10:32,257
it was the sign,

905
01:10:32,967 --> 01:10:35,910
I had to go there.

906
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:44,976
Where is the   missing? / Incision on
milk / curds truffles / Find forgiveness

907
01:10:46,616 --> 01:10:49,457
Now there is, since 4 o'clock
I've been awake since 4 o'clock.

908
01:10:53,366 --> 01:10:56,090
I've found here,

909
01:10:56,875 --> 01:10:58,556
"Mon plaisir" by Paul Morand.

910
01:11:00,292 --> 01:11:03,537
I've been alone
in this huge chateau for

911
01:11:03,657 --> 01:11:05,477
over 15 hours,

912
01:11:06,103 --> 01:11:07,223
and here I can

913
01:11:08,373 --> 01:11:11,189
wander around in my mind.

914
01:11:11,309 --> 01:11:15,911
I take the little ferryman's boat,
cross the river

915
01:11:16,031 --> 01:11:19,276
and arrive in the land of dead souls.

916
01:11:25,912 --> 01:11:29,209
I found the little ferryman again.

917
01:11:29,329 --> 01:11:34,177
He took me in his boat,
we crossed the river.

918
01:11:34,297 --> 01:11:37,797
We entered the land of shades,
I looked for you,

919
01:11:38,184 --> 01:11:41,795
and then I found you,
you were in front of me,

920
01:11:42,748 --> 01:11:43,868
silent,

921
01:11:45,466 --> 01:11:46,866
thoughtful,

922
01:11:47,268 --> 01:11:49,368
a little preoccupied,
I spoke quickly,

923
01:11:50,617 --> 01:11:52,717
before you could disappear,

924
01:11:54,942 --> 01:11:58,363
I reminded you about that dinner
you had prepared

925
01:11:59,724 --> 01:12:02,524
when you made me drink champagne,

926
01:12:03,338 --> 01:12:06,138
one bottle, then another bottle,

927
01:12:07,801 --> 01:12:11,182
and then you were irresistible

928
01:12:13,596 --> 01:12:16,317
and at one point
you looked hard at me, remember,

929
01:12:16,437 --> 01:12:19,818
you remember it very well,
you looked hard at me,

930
01:12:19,938 --> 01:12:21,100
and you

931
01:12:22,037 --> 01:12:23,157
asked me for

932
01:12:23,931 --> 01:12:26,993
a specific humiliation.

933
01:12:31,433 --> 01:12:35,943
You told me: you are the one
to give it to me,

934
01:12:37,598 --> 01:12:38,998
no one else,

935
01:12:39,466 --> 01:12:41,566
because you are the one I love.

936
01:12:44,723 --> 01:12:48,718
My heart was pounding,
I didn't know how to answer you,

937
01:12:48,838 --> 01:12:51,638
I was struggling to leave you,

938
01:12:52,769 --> 01:12:55,562
you had tried to commit suicide,

939
01:12:55,682 --> 01:12:58,399
the gas had spread
into the stairwell,

940
01:12:58,519 --> 01:13:00,909
the whole building almost blew up.

941
01:13:02,873 --> 01:13:04,693
And then I agreed

942
01:13:06,103 --> 01:13:09,254
to enter your secret room.

943
01:13:14,268 --> 01:13:16,088
You took my hand.

944
01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:21,300
And afterwards, your face

945
01:13:22,836 --> 01:13:24,744
your face was,

946
01:13:25,240 --> 01:13:27,835
so relieved, so peaceful,

947
01:13:30,068 --> 01:13:34,311
irradiated, irradiated
by your own light,

948
01:13:34,431 --> 01:13:37,391
which now came solely from you.

949
01:13:39,372 --> 01:13:41,192
And that was for me

950
01:13:43,042 --> 01:13:47,110
an absolutely unique joy in my life.

951
01:13:52,457 --> 01:13:54,277
You had waited.

952
01:13:55,737 --> 01:13:57,557
You had waited.

953
01:13:59,216 --> 01:14:01,316
You were waiting,
you were waiting for me.

954
01:14:05,178 --> 01:14:10,158
And then, your death... Stay here!
Your death, your death afterwards,

955
01:14:12,131 --> 01:14:13,251
so soon,

956
01:14:15,499 --> 01:14:17,319
and so short a joy.

957
01:14:21,118 --> 01:14:23,218
Today I ask your forgiveness.

958
01:14:25,146 --> 01:14:27,946
Here, I have come to ask for
your forgiveness.

959
01:14:31,271 --> 01:14:34,041
I'm here to ask for your forgiveness.

960
01:14:35,671 --> 01:14:37,491
Don't go away yet.

961
01:14:41,130 --> 01:14:42,950
Ir�ne's dear wounds

962
01:14:44,093 --> 01:14:47,255
that still keep me alert.

963
01:14:49,637 --> 01:14:53,089
They are hers, and they are ours.

964
01:14:57,413 --> 01:15:00,192
With Ir�ne you can make reine/queen

965
01:15:00,312 --> 01:15:03,344
or renie/deny, she denies.

966
01:15:06,679 --> 01:15:08,779
We won't go back to the woods,

967
01:15:10,214 --> 01:15:12,034
the laurels have been cut.

968
01:15:13,840 --> 01:15:15,660
This beautiful girl,

969
01:15:17,010 --> 01:15:18,830
will go and pick them up.

970
01:15:20,512 --> 01:15:24,015
Join the dance, see how we dance,

971
01:15:24,905 --> 01:15:28,756
Sing, dance, kiss whoever you want.

972
01:15:31,709 --> 01:15:33,109
That was yesterday.

973
01:15:46,570 --> 01:15:49,670
January 14th, 1972

974
01:15:50,308 --> 01:15:52,408
the day before her death.

975
01:15:53,494 --> 01:15:55,314
It's Saint Nina's day.

976
01:15:55,655 --> 01:15:57,755
We went to the balcony

977
01:15:58,628 --> 01:16:01,739
for the premi�re of her film
"Faustine et le bel �t�".

978
01:16:05,536 --> 01:16:08,213
On the way out, I meet Ferry

979
01:16:09,210 --> 01:16:12,338
who agrees to my film about Ir�ne.

980
01:16:13,219 --> 01:16:16,632
Under my skin,
I feel faint with pleasure.

981
01:16:17,450 --> 01:16:20,341
Ir�ne stands a little apart,

982
01:16:20,461 --> 01:16:22,281
discreet, chic.

983
01:16:23,056 --> 01:16:25,856
The die is cast, it's wonderful.

984
01:16:27,797 --> 01:16:31,297
At the hospital in Versailles
where Ir�ne had been operated on

985
01:16:31,893 --> 01:16:33,313
and had died,

986
01:16:33,702 --> 01:16:36,439
they were ready to put the lid

987
01:16:36,559 --> 01:16:39,352
on the coffin, I had to be there,

988
01:16:39,472 --> 01:16:42,757
as a witness that it was she
who was in it.

989
01:16:42,877 --> 01:16:46,377
They came to the car to get me,
in the hospital courtyard.

990
01:16:47,160 --> 01:16:51,281
And I didn't move, I didn't get out.

991
01:16:52,069 --> 01:16:55,426
And it was my brother who was sitting
next to me who took my place,

992
01:16:56,009 --> 01:16:58,317
and who did the work for me,

993
01:16:58,437 --> 01:16:59,943
he said it was she,

994
01:17:00,063 --> 01:17:03,310
and they closed it,
they screwed down the lid.

995
01:17:05,355 --> 01:17:07,847
If I had gone to see her dead face,

996
01:17:07,967 --> 01:17:10,509
perhaps I wouldn't have made
this film.

997
01:17:18,299 --> 01:17:20,735
I'm waiting for a train to Paris

998
01:17:28,645 --> 01:17:30,465
and I'm the only one.

999
01:17:47,534 --> 01:17:50,426
May 13th, 1972.

1000
01:17:50,854 --> 01:17:54,084
Five months after her accident.

1001
01:17:55,699 --> 01:17:57,799
I try to think aggressively

1002
01:17:58,310 --> 01:18:01,810
of all the harm that she could have
done me. Idiotic remedy.

1003
01:18:02,520 --> 01:18:06,039
Today, the harm seems wonderful.

1004
01:18:06,846 --> 01:18:08,377
It was life,

1005
01:18:08,925 --> 01:18:11,466
like the life she had put up with
from me.

1006
01:18:11,586 --> 01:18:14,338
That volley I gave her on

1007
01:18:14,458 --> 01:18:17,266
our wedding day,
the morning of our wedding,

1008
01:18:17,386 --> 01:18:20,731
becomes a gesture
from our time of light.

1009
01:18:21,807 --> 01:18:24,449
Betrayal, injustice, cowardice

1010
01:18:25,270 --> 01:18:29,931
are as precious as love,
tenderness, strength.

1011
01:18:31,735 --> 01:18:33,835
She thoughts life was hard.

1012
01:18:34,645 --> 01:18:37,335
She savoured every little joy.

1013
01:18:37,789 --> 01:18:41,230
She had a naivety about happiness
that moved me.

1014
01:18:42,143 --> 01:18:44,973
We used to celebrate with no
hesitation at a good restaurant,

1015
01:18:45,093 --> 01:18:47,513
at the Lou Landes for instance.

1016
01:18:48,965 --> 01:18:51,765
She said:
"when I'm happy, you'll see".

1017
01:18:52,585 --> 01:18:54,405
If I were happy.

1018
01:18:54,688 --> 01:18:58,188
I'm no interested in travelling till
I'm happy.

1019
01:18:59,198 --> 01:19:02,293
I was certain that she would succeed
some day.

1020
01:19:03,047 --> 01:19:04,867
I was obsessed with that.

1021
01:19:05,822 --> 01:19:08,869
I was loosing myself
in that obsession.

1022
01:19:15,417 --> 01:19:16,569
Sunday,

1023
01:19:18,553 --> 01:19:20,373
bells come to me.

1024
01:19:29,404 --> 01:19:31,224
After Ir�ne's death,

1025
01:19:31,896 --> 01:19:34,696
my mother always had a picture of her

1026
01:19:35,324 --> 01:19:37,144
on her bedside table,

1027
01:19:38,721 --> 01:19:40,821
and I always thought that

1028
01:19:41,237 --> 01:19:43,337
she did it to please me.

1029
01:19:45,343 --> 01:19:48,920
Well, today I think differently.

1030
01:20:09,894 --> 01:20:12,751
I would like to thank...