1 00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:26,582 Get your bag off the table. People eat there. 2 00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:28,334 They eat on plates. 3 00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:30,669 Don't give me crap, Maizy. 4 00:01:30,753 --> 00:01:32,880 I'm telling. You said ''crap.'' 5 00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:36,758 - There's nothing wrong with ''crap.'' - Really? I thought that was a swear. 6 00:01:36,884 --> 00:01:39,428 - You're thinking of ''shit.'' - Right. 7 00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:44,891 Do you mind? 8 00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:47,936 A sixth-grader chased me with his bike and I was running. 9 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,730 When I got exhausted and fell down, he waled me with his shoe. 10 00:01:50,814 --> 00:01:54,067 - Thankyour parents for that. - How come? 11 00:01:54,192 --> 00:01:56,235 It was their brilliant idea to move here. 12 00:01:56,319 --> 00:01:58,696 They weren't making enough cash in Indianapolis. 13 00:01:58,822 --> 00:02:00,615 Forget that we were perfectly happy. 14 00:02:00,699 --> 00:02:03,243 So thank them for getting treated like shit every day. 15 00:02:03,326 --> 00:02:06,829 - I'm telling on that one. - Shut your face. 16 00:02:12,043 --> 00:02:15,796 - Your book bag doesn't go on the floor. - Always have a cow. 17 00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:20,342 - Your nails are digging into my arm! - Pick it up! 18 00:02:22,469 --> 00:02:24,929 You'rejust supposed to open the door for us. 19 00:02:25,013 --> 00:02:26,973 You're not supposed to kick us around. 20 00:02:27,057 --> 00:02:29,601 I'm an American. I have rights! 21 00:02:29,685 --> 00:02:31,561 Maizy, did I kickyou around? 22 00:02:31,687 --> 00:02:35,023 No, but you said ''shit'' twice. But only once for real. 23 00:02:35,982 --> 00:02:39,151 I've got better things to do than baby-sit you, you little stain. 24 00:02:39,235 --> 00:02:42,404 Like what, hang out with friends you don't have? 25 00:02:42,489 --> 00:02:45,325 Why don't you just shut up? 26 00:02:45,408 --> 00:02:47,368 Want to make me? 27 00:02:47,493 --> 00:02:52,622 When our mother fii gure isn't here, I'm in charge. 28 00:02:52,748 --> 00:02:56,001 - I'm sick ofyou calling her that. - Too bad. 29 00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,422 You moron! 30 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:04,468 - Why do we need boys? They're so loud. - Shut up! 31 00:03:04,593 --> 00:03:07,595 - Shut up yourself! - We need boys... 32 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:12,684 so they can grow up, get married and turn into shadows. 33 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:17,104 Let the dog out. 34 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,689 Percy! 35 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:36,624 This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. How do you fii nd the time? 36 00:03:39,502 --> 00:03:40,920 Miles. 37 00:03:42,713 --> 00:03:44,923 Maizy, put that down. 38 00:03:45,049 --> 00:03:48,802 - Did you win at hockey yesterday? - Hockey's been over for two weeks. 39 00:03:54,391 --> 00:03:58,519 I guess you don't want a hockey stick foryour birthday. 40 00:04:03,483 --> 00:04:06,652 You know what? 41 00:04:06,736 --> 00:04:11,198 When Dad goes to New York, I'm going to take a week off work. 42 00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:13,409 So you can interview new housekeepers? 43 00:04:14,702 --> 00:04:18,121 - I've had enough ofyour ugliness. - Really? 44 00:04:20,124 --> 00:04:23,126 We're all a little tired ofthe act. 45 00:04:38,767 --> 00:04:41,519 - This is really a good idea. - Thankyou. 46 00:04:42,645 --> 00:04:45,564 - How's the pie? - Not bad. 47 00:04:46,899 --> 00:04:49,651 Will you be at work in the morning? 48 00:04:49,735 --> 00:04:51,611 I can't avoid it. 49 00:04:51,737 --> 00:04:53,780 You don't seem happy about it. 50 00:04:55,074 --> 00:04:59,703 Ifyou've got to know, I'm not excited about working for my girlfriend. 51 00:04:59,829 --> 00:05:01,455 There, I said it. 52 00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:04,332 Buck, I love you. 53 00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:08,461 I can't help myself. I want to get married and have a family with you. 54 00:05:08,545 --> 00:05:10,755 The clock is ticking away. 55 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,175 I would like to hear the pitter-patter oftiny feet before I die. 56 00:05:14,259 --> 00:05:17,428 I'll get you a mouse and a piece ofsheet metal. 57 00:05:19,306 --> 00:05:22,976 - Lighten up, will you? - Don't push my buttons. 58 00:05:23,059 --> 00:05:25,436 I'm not pushing your buttons. I know me. 59 00:05:25,561 --> 00:05:27,521 I know what I like. 60 00:05:27,647 --> 00:05:30,024 I like my friends, my freedom. 61 00:05:31,192 --> 00:05:35,654 I like knowing I can go golfii ng anytime I want. 62 00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:38,324 I don't hurt anybody. I don't see what the problem is. 63 00:05:38,449 --> 00:05:40,993 That is the best formula for loneliness I ever heard. 64 00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:44,663 - Why are we arguing? - We're talking. 65 00:05:44,747 --> 00:05:47,040 I said I'd be at work in the morning. I'll be there. 66 00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:50,251 Okay. 67 00:05:53,422 --> 00:05:55,298 I've got to get this out. 68 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:59,009 I know I'm harping, but let me say it. 69 00:05:59,094 --> 00:06:02,180 I'm working on history, on the past. 70 00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:05,724 You're gonna show up? Swear to God? In the a.m.? Promise? 71 00:06:05,808 --> 00:06:08,185 Chanice, I'll be honest with you. 72 00:06:08,311 --> 00:06:11,814 If I could think ofan excuse that you would buy, I'd use it. 73 00:06:27,329 --> 00:06:28,747 Hello. 74 00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:35,587 - Oh, God! - What? 75 00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:38,130 Just a second. It's your aunt. 76 00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:40,257 What happened? 77 00:06:40,341 --> 00:06:42,468 Your dad had a heart attack. 78 00:06:46,681 --> 00:06:49,141 Who's gonna watch the kids? 79 00:06:50,226 --> 00:06:52,936 Marcie. She's right across the street. 80 00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:55,564 She's the last person I'd ask for a favor. 81 00:06:57,733 --> 00:06:59,609 What about the Nevilles? 82 00:07:02,237 --> 00:07:04,197 Would you call them? 83 00:07:04,281 --> 00:07:06,741 I want to leave as soon as we can. 84 00:07:08,619 --> 00:07:10,996 I am so helpless here. 85 00:07:11,079 --> 00:07:14,832 Don't start getting down on why we moved. 86 00:07:14,916 --> 00:07:17,043 It has nothing to do with what happened. 87 00:07:17,168 --> 00:07:18,627 Sorry. 88 00:07:21,464 --> 00:07:23,674 This isjust a thought. 89 00:07:23,758 --> 00:07:26,844 What about Buck? I'm sure he'd be glad to help out. 90 00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:29,889 This is not the time to discuss your brother. 91 00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:33,225 - I don't want him here. - It'sjust a suggestion. 92 00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:37,437 He doesn't have kids. He isn't married. He doesn't even work! 93 00:07:39,106 --> 00:07:43,485 He's a little out there, but he's responsible and he's family. 94 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:49,198 Buck is not the kind of guy I feel comfortable leaving my kids with. 95 00:07:49,283 --> 00:07:51,910 The trashy people he hangs out with. 96 00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:55,496 That woman who sells tires. 97 00:07:55,622 --> 00:07:58,541 The horse racing, the gambling. Can you see him in this house? 98 00:07:59,626 --> 00:08:00,626 Okay. 99 00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:06,674 Call the Nevilles. 100 00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,764 Are we going to Indianapolis? 101 00:08:13,848 --> 00:08:16,058 Daddy and I are. 102 00:08:16,142 --> 00:08:18,852 And we're not? 103 00:08:18,936 --> 00:08:21,063 No, that's not a good idea. 104 00:08:23,774 --> 00:08:25,734 Thanks. 105 00:08:25,859 --> 00:08:27,986 I loved my father very much. 106 00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:30,530 So why did you move away from him? 107 00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:37,871 If my family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too. 108 00:08:44,502 --> 00:08:46,003 I see. 109 00:08:48,006 --> 00:08:50,842 - Who will take care of us? - Mr. and Mrs. Neville. 110 00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:53,761 - Is that a joke? - You don't like the Nevilles? 111 00:08:53,844 --> 00:08:57,180 - The dog's a ball sniffer. - Don't talk like that. 112 00:08:57,264 --> 00:09:01,309 Mr. Neville yelled at Michael because their dog was sniffii ng Michael's balls. 113 00:09:01,393 --> 00:09:03,520 - Don't use that word. - I don't know another word. 114 00:09:03,604 --> 00:09:06,231 We can talk to Mr. Neville about the dog. 115 00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:09,401 Sorry, honey. They're in Florida. 116 00:09:12,195 --> 00:09:14,071 You get in bed. 117 00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,490 You have to get up for school. 118 00:09:16,616 --> 00:09:19,160 - Who's in Florida? - Get back in bed. 119 00:09:19,244 --> 00:09:22,246 - What's the other word for balls? - Get in bed. 120 00:09:24,874 --> 00:09:26,417 Nuts. 121 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,964 What do we do? 122 00:09:32,089 --> 00:09:34,216 I don't think we have much choice. 123 00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:37,595 Can we trust him? 124 00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:41,639 Yeah? 125 00:09:41,724 --> 00:09:43,851 Buck, this is Bob. 126 00:09:43,976 --> 00:09:46,895 Bob? Bob who? 127 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,899 It's your brother. 128 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:56,946 Bobby! Hang on a minute. 129 00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:20,677 Just used your Christmas present. 130 00:10:20,761 --> 00:10:23,054 The Clapper. 131 00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:26,599 You little pissant, how you doing? 132 00:10:26,683 --> 00:10:28,643 Geez! Are you drunk? 133 00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:31,604 You knowsomething? 134 00:10:31,730 --> 00:10:35,650 We gotta get together. I haven't been overyour house since you moved in. 135 00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:40,363 I'm sorry about those bushes too. Ihadno idea... 136 00:10:40,488 --> 00:10:43,490 that they would catch on fii re like that. 137 00:10:43,575 --> 00:10:46,411 You were right. I should never have put the barbecue that close. 138 00:10:46,494 --> 00:10:49,747 Cindy's father had a heart attack tonight. 139 00:10:49,872 --> 00:10:53,375 We'dIike toget to IndianapoIis assoon aspossibIe. 140 00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:56,295 But we have a problem with the kids. 141 00:10:56,420 --> 00:11:00,548 We're stuck for somebody to watch them. Ifyou're not doing anything-- 142 00:11:00,674 --> 00:11:03,676 Is this okay with Cindy? It's got Cindy's approval? 143 00:11:04,428 --> 00:11:05,804 Oh, yeah. 144 00:11:05,929 --> 00:11:09,599 That'd be great. I'd be honored. 145 00:11:09,683 --> 00:11:13,186 I've still got the one bedroom. I'm going to get a bigger place. 146 00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:16,022 But they can bring their sleeping bags. We'll have fun. 147 00:11:16,106 --> 00:11:18,858 We'll make tents. Get some toys and peanut butter. 148 00:11:18,984 --> 00:11:21,820 - We'IIhave a bIast. - I thought you could come here. 149 00:11:21,903 --> 00:11:23,863 The kids have school. 150 00:11:23,988 --> 00:11:26,115 What am Ithinking?Sure. 151 00:11:26,199 --> 00:11:28,326 Tonight or in the morning? 152 00:11:28,409 --> 00:11:30,536 Tonight would be best ifyou could do it. 153 00:11:30,661 --> 00:11:34,331 Tonight will be fii ne. Don't worry. 154 00:11:34,457 --> 00:11:36,500 I'll pack a few things and I'm on my way. 155 00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:38,918 Thanks. See you soon. 156 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,925 He can do it. He was asleep and I woke him up. 157 00:11:46,718 --> 00:11:50,638 At this hour, that's a good sign. We're all set. 158 00:11:58,938 --> 00:12:01,482 Okay, this, this and this. 159 00:12:05,695 --> 00:12:07,655 Bag, bag, bag. 160 00:12:09,574 --> 00:12:11,450 This will do. 161 00:12:22,628 --> 00:12:23,879 Hello. 162 00:12:23,962 --> 00:12:25,922 Chanice, honey? 163 00:12:27,424 --> 00:12:29,384 I have bad news. 164 00:12:29,468 --> 00:12:31,595 Let me guess. 165 00:12:31,678 --> 00:12:33,888 You are not coming in to work in the morning. 166 00:12:37,809 --> 00:12:39,769 Just let-- 167 00:12:40,979 --> 00:12:43,022 No, but-- You don't-- 168 00:12:43,106 --> 00:12:46,192 Would you just-- Give me-- 169 00:12:46,276 --> 00:12:48,820 Let me get-- 170 00:12:48,903 --> 00:12:51,113 You're not-- Give me a-- 171 00:12:52,198 --> 00:12:53,657 Good-bye. 172 00:12:56,786 --> 00:12:59,788 Boy, I haven't seen those kids in a while. 173 00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:04,000 Tia's got to be nine. 174 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,003 Nine, maybe ten. Oh, boy. 175 00:13:07,129 --> 00:13:10,298 And the two new ones. They're-- 176 00:13:10,382 --> 00:13:12,175 Larry and-- 177 00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:14,969 Larry and... 178 00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:18,890 Betsy. 179 00:13:18,974 --> 00:13:20,433 Betsy-- 180 00:13:21,893 --> 00:13:24,103 Jennifer. 181 00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:26,397 Larry and Jennifer. Nice kids. 182 00:13:31,694 --> 00:13:36,573 Honey, he's 40 years old. He knows his way around. 183 00:13:36,657 --> 00:13:41,995 Why don't you fii nish packing? I'll watch out for Buck. 184 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,394 What the hell? 185 00:14:06,477 --> 00:14:08,353 Where is everybody? 186 00:14:16,153 --> 00:14:17,529 Bob? 187 00:14:21,283 --> 00:14:24,369 This isn't funny. Come on. Wake up! 188 00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:28,623 - I'm freezing my ass off out here. - Oh, shit! 189 00:14:28,707 --> 00:14:31,167 I'm getting mad, Bob. 190 00:14:33,879 --> 00:14:35,046 Buck? 191 00:14:39,009 --> 00:14:40,468 Over here! 192 00:14:48,601 --> 00:14:52,521 Do you know how many big white houses there are on this street? 193 00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:55,441 What? 194 00:14:55,566 --> 00:14:58,110 - Keep it down. - What? 195 00:14:58,194 --> 00:15:01,697 - What should I do with my car? - For crying out loud! 196 00:15:01,822 --> 00:15:03,365 Sorry, Mr. Hatfiield. 197 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:05,576 It's 2:00 a.m.! 198 00:15:05,659 --> 00:15:08,203 How you doing? Sorry I'm late. 199 00:15:08,328 --> 00:15:11,664 - No. Thanks for coming. - What happened to the mustache? 200 00:15:11,748 --> 00:15:14,041 - Had to shave it off. - How's Cindy? 201 00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:16,086 - Not well. - Her dad? 202 00:15:16,169 --> 00:15:19,422 - Hard to say. - Those medical terms. An infarction? 203 00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:32,351 I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? 204 00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:36,438 I'm on to cigars. I'm on a fiive-year plan. 205 00:15:36,564 --> 00:15:39,733 I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then to pipes... 206 00:15:39,817 --> 00:15:42,277 then to chewing tobacco, then the nicotine gum. 207 00:15:43,278 --> 00:15:44,654 Good. 208 00:15:46,281 --> 00:15:47,907 Money. 209 00:15:48,033 --> 00:15:51,786 - I'll leave you blank checks. - No, I've got lots of money. 210 00:15:53,455 --> 00:15:55,748 No, please. 211 00:15:55,874 --> 00:15:58,001 I've got the money. I'd like to do this. 212 00:15:58,084 --> 00:16:00,544 All right? Come on, please. 213 00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,380 I'll pay you back when we get home. 214 00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:09,470 I won't have any problem cashing... 215 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:12,305 a second-party out-of-state paycheck, will I? 216 00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:17,519 I've been so busy, I haven't been able to do my banking. 217 00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:20,230 - I don't think there'll be a problem. - Let me leave you the checks. 218 00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:22,941 - Only if it's comfortable foryou. - That'll be easier. 219 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,485 I guess. Do you have a plunger? 220 00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:29,614 While I'm thinking ofthese things. For the morning. 221 00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:32,158 My plumbing is bad. Ofcourse, yours is good. 222 00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,994 I would imagine. Don't worry about it. 223 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,830 Everything will be fii ne. I've been bound up lately. 224 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,375 It's driving me crazy. I've been eating a lot ofcheese for some reason. 225 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:45,338 I got a craving for the stuff. Do you think maybe that's an allergy? 226 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,298 Yeah. 227 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:52,678 I don't know, I can't get enough cheese. I feel like a big mouse. 228 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,056 - I don't know. - Oh, well. 229 00:16:56,140 --> 00:17:00,435 Let's see. Oh, Miles' birthday. 230 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,188 We'll be back by that time. 231 00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,482 Okay, then. This should do. 232 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:09,236 I probably won't use them. Just in case. 233 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,654 - Right. - Great. Okay. 234 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,833 I know I've forgotten something. What else? 235 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:28,129 All right? That looks nice. Give me your arm. 236 00:17:28,212 --> 00:17:32,049 It should only be a few days. I promise I'll call you tomorrow. 237 00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:34,468 - You've got all the phone numbers? - Yeah. 238 00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:37,888 - We're off. Thanks, Buck. - Take care ofyourself. 239 00:17:37,972 --> 00:17:41,141 - We appreciate this. - Thanks. Thankyou. 240 00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:44,895 - Say hi to your dad. Drive safely. - You can do it. 241 00:18:10,128 --> 00:18:11,587 That's for sure. 242 00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:28,395 Unbreakable. 243 00:18:35,152 --> 00:18:37,112 Shit! 244 00:18:38,571 --> 00:18:40,447 It's 7.:02 in the a.m. 245 00:18:40,573 --> 00:18:42,866 You're listening to W-I-Don't-Have-To-Go-To-Work-Today... 246 00:18:42,951 --> 00:18:44,827 brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. 247 00:18:44,953 --> 00:18:47,246 For the best in tires, see Chanice Kobolowski. 248 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:19,819 Tia! 249 00:19:23,114 --> 00:19:25,824 You remember me? 250 00:19:29,245 --> 00:19:31,288 Uncle Buck. 251 00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:33,290 The Uncle Buck. 252 00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:43,842 Coffee drinker, huh? 253 00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:01,817 - Hungry? - No. 254 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:05,654 Sure you are. Everybody loves breakfast. You gotta have a good breakfast. 255 00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,490 Start the day off right. 256 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:15,581 - So where are the other ones? - Other ones what? 257 00:20:15,706 --> 00:20:18,416 The other kids. 258 00:20:18,501 --> 00:20:22,004 They have names. Miles and Maizy. 259 00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,047 Are Miles and Maizy up yet? 260 00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:26,007 I woke them, thankyou. 261 00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:31,388 There you go. 262 00:20:31,471 --> 00:20:33,598 Are you deaf? I said I wasn't hungry. 263 00:20:33,682 --> 00:20:35,558 That's one of my specialties. 264 00:20:40,313 --> 00:20:41,856 I'd rather starve. 265 00:20:41,981 --> 00:20:44,024 Does your mom know you drink coffee? 266 00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:48,112 I'm not doing it to impress you. 267 00:20:48,237 --> 00:20:50,197 I appreciate that. 268 00:20:51,908 --> 00:20:54,535 Is there a reason why you're giving me a hard time? 269 00:20:56,412 --> 00:20:59,331 Am I giving you a hard time? 270 00:20:59,456 --> 00:21:02,875 Well, I don't know. 271 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,337 - How you doin'? - Who are you? 272 00:21:05,421 --> 00:21:07,047 I'm your Uncle Buck. 273 00:21:07,923 --> 00:21:10,216 - Do I have an uncle? - Unfortunately. 274 00:21:11,802 --> 00:21:13,220 Holy smokes! 275 00:21:13,303 --> 00:21:15,513 He's cooking our garbage. 276 00:21:22,187 --> 00:21:24,564 Where's your sister-- 277 00:21:24,647 --> 00:21:28,150 Her name is Maizy, for the second time. 278 00:21:29,444 --> 00:21:31,904 Sorry. 279 00:21:33,197 --> 00:21:35,574 You must be hungry. 280 00:21:35,658 --> 00:21:38,035 Just foryou. 281 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:42,164 Oh, my God! He put onions in the eggs. 282 00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:44,082 I'm gonna check on Maizy. 283 00:21:44,166 --> 00:21:47,419 I'll fiix you cereal when I get back. 284 00:22:03,935 --> 00:22:06,145 - Can I askyou something? - What? 285 00:22:07,230 --> 00:22:09,106 Is she always this pleasant? 286 00:22:09,232 --> 00:22:12,318 No, she's usually in a bad mood in the morning. 287 00:22:16,072 --> 00:22:19,408 Do you want knots in your hair? Cut it out. 288 00:22:19,533 --> 00:22:22,452 - I want Mom to do it. - Mom's not here. 289 00:22:22,578 --> 00:22:24,454 - She is too. - No, she's not. 290 00:22:24,580 --> 00:22:27,916 - She and Dad went to Indianapolis. - They did not. 291 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,460 - Okay, they didn't. - They did? 292 00:22:30,544 --> 00:22:33,296 Yes. And I'm taking care ofyou. 293 00:22:33,422 --> 00:22:35,966 But you can't drive. 294 00:22:37,592 --> 00:22:39,218 - Where do you live? - In the city. 295 00:22:39,344 --> 00:22:40,928 - Do you own a house? - Apartment. Rent. 296 00:22:41,012 --> 00:22:43,222 - What do you do for a living? - Lots ofthings. 297 00:22:43,348 --> 00:22:46,017 - Where's your offiice? - I don't have one. I don't need one. 298 00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:48,894 - Where's your wife? - Don't have one. It's a long story. 299 00:22:48,978 --> 00:22:52,064 - Do you have kids? - I don't. It's an even longer story. 300 00:22:52,190 --> 00:22:54,942 -Are you my dad's brother? -What's your record for questions asked? 301 00:22:55,026 --> 00:22:57,695 - Thirty-eight. - I'm your dad's brother. 302 00:22:57,778 --> 00:22:59,988 You have more nose hair than my dad. 303 00:23:00,114 --> 00:23:02,491 - Nice ofyou to notice. - I'm a kid. That's myjob. 304 00:23:36,524 --> 00:23:39,526 That is my car. 305 00:23:59,879 --> 00:24:02,172 Tying your shoe? 306 00:24:08,638 --> 00:24:12,850 - What time should I pickyou up? - Don't bother. I'll get a ride. 307 00:24:12,975 --> 00:24:15,018 No, I've got orders. What time? 308 00:24:16,103 --> 00:24:18,647 Are you really this stupid? I said I would get a ride. 309 00:24:18,772 --> 00:24:20,398 I always get a ride. 310 00:24:20,524 --> 00:24:23,610 I'll call the school, fii nd out what time and meet you here. 311 00:24:23,694 --> 00:24:26,947 Go ahead, call the school. I won't be here. 312 00:24:27,072 --> 00:24:30,491 Stand me up today, and tomorrow... 313 00:24:30,575 --> 00:24:34,787 I'll drive you to school in my pajamas and walkyou to your fii rst class. 314 00:24:35,747 --> 00:24:40,293 - 4:00 okay? - I'm stunned I'm related to you. 315 00:24:41,461 --> 00:24:44,255 You get the pole out ofyour keister, we'll get along fii ne. 316 00:24:47,216 --> 00:24:49,968 Did you ever have anyone embarrass you like this? 317 00:24:58,769 --> 00:25:00,979 No. 318 00:25:17,662 --> 00:25:20,915 - You think she hates me? - With a passion. 319 00:25:20,999 --> 00:25:24,001 - Is it the hat? - No. 320 00:25:24,127 --> 00:25:29,256 A lot of people hate this hat. The sight of it angers people. 321 00:25:29,340 --> 00:25:32,593 I'll tell you a story about that on the way to school. 322 00:25:37,181 --> 00:25:39,057 Right. Listen, Buck. 323 00:25:39,183 --> 00:25:43,020 For eight years you have been making plans and breaking plans. 324 00:25:43,145 --> 00:25:45,188 What are you talking about? 325 00:25:45,314 --> 00:25:49,234 Didn't we talk last night about this? 326 00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,278 What did we talk about? Me playing the father! 327 00:25:52,404 --> 00:25:56,699 I'm glad you can do it foryour brother. You sure can't do it for me. 328 00:25:56,783 --> 00:25:59,410 How could I do it foryou? We don't have kids. 329 00:25:59,494 --> 00:26:01,621 What areyou taIking about? 330 00:26:01,704 --> 00:26:05,290 Buck, I know you think thejob is pointless... 331 00:26:05,416 --> 00:26:08,835 and in some way I'm trying to manipulate you and control you... 332 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,922 andruinyourIife. 333 00:26:12,006 --> 00:26:16,635 I have to fii ll the position. It's important to the company and me. 334 00:26:16,761 --> 00:26:20,097 Unless you tell me different, I'll offer thejob to somebody else. 335 00:26:20,222 --> 00:26:25,185 Give me a week to think about it. I don't know how long I'll be here. 336 00:26:25,269 --> 00:26:28,438 If, during that week... 337 00:26:28,564 --> 00:26:31,358 you see somebody who will fii ll the bill... 338 00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:34,277 hire him on a part-time basis or whatever. 339 00:26:34,361 --> 00:26:38,990 That way I'll make up my mind and we'll see where we are at that point. 340 00:26:39,074 --> 00:26:41,451 Okay, I have to go now. 341 00:26:41,534 --> 00:26:43,577 Bye-bye, hon. 342 00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,757 Eight more. Come on. 343 00:26:56,841 --> 00:26:59,051 Work it. Get the circuIationgoing. 344 00:26:59,176 --> 00:27:01,052 Step it up. 345 00:27:02,054 --> 00:27:03,763 Isn 'tpeace wonderfuI? 346 00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:08,601 MikhaiI Gorbachev, the most improbabIe eviI emperorin captivity... 347 00:27:08,727 --> 00:27:10,937 captivates Manhattan... 348 00:27:11,021 --> 00:27:15,984 wows the U.N. by announcing a uniIateraI cut in theSoviet miIitary... 349 00:27:16,109 --> 00:27:20,821 smiIes and waves with erstwhiIe coId warriors RonaIdReagan-- 350 00:27:32,833 --> 00:27:36,670 Andthestockmarket has its best weeksinceJuIy. 351 00:27:36,754 --> 00:27:38,630 Take that, KarIMax. 352 00:28:09,202 --> 00:28:11,996 Would you like to talk about a possible lunch trade? 353 00:29:01,252 --> 00:29:03,545 Coveryour ears. Just do it. 354 00:29:10,302 --> 00:29:13,888 Do you know how whipped an engine has to be to blow that loud? 355 00:29:22,397 --> 00:29:24,357 Call me. 356 00:29:25,942 --> 00:29:29,111 You ever hear ofa tune-up? 357 00:29:31,197 --> 00:29:34,074 You ever hear ofa ritual killing? 358 00:29:35,326 --> 00:29:36,702 I don't get it. 359 00:29:36,827 --> 00:29:39,579 Gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. 360 00:29:51,133 --> 00:29:53,593 - Are you crazy? - I can be. 361 00:29:53,677 --> 00:29:56,346 - You could've taken his head off. - But would he notice? 362 00:29:56,429 --> 00:29:58,806 Can we get something straight? 363 00:29:58,932 --> 00:30:01,225 The guy's a predator and you're his prey. 364 00:30:01,351 --> 00:30:03,060 - Really? - You bet. 365 00:30:03,144 --> 00:30:05,854 - How do you know? - When I was his age, I was the guy... 366 00:30:05,939 --> 00:30:08,858 zooming the girls like you. 367 00:30:08,941 --> 00:30:10,734 Pretty face, big chip on your shoulder. 368 00:30:10,818 --> 00:30:13,570 I recommend you stay out of my personal life. 369 00:30:14,488 --> 00:30:16,364 Do your parents stay out ofyour personal lie? 370 00:30:16,490 --> 00:30:19,576 They don't know my personal life. 371 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,873 - Have they met Twiddle Dink? - His name is Bug. 372 00:30:27,543 --> 00:30:29,670 - First or last? - First. 373 00:30:29,795 --> 00:30:32,631 What's his last name, Spray? 374 00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:37,677 You should talk, Buck. 375 00:30:55,736 --> 00:30:57,863 No. No. 376 00:30:57,947 --> 00:31:01,700 N-O. Don't look at me like that. 377 00:31:02,785 --> 00:31:04,745 Don't! 378 00:31:04,828 --> 00:31:06,955 That's not fair. 379 00:31:12,252 --> 00:31:16,089 Don't you have a favorite doll or something? 380 00:31:16,172 --> 00:31:19,758 Why don't we get your doll and put your dad's pajamas on him? 381 00:31:26,724 --> 00:31:29,393 Your brother! What about your brother? 382 00:31:30,728 --> 00:31:32,688 How about the dog? You know the dog. 383 00:31:38,736 --> 00:31:40,946 You can't. You just can't. 384 00:31:42,531 --> 00:31:44,824 It's a new law. That's it. 385 00:31:44,908 --> 00:31:47,035 It's in the books. 386 00:31:48,370 --> 00:31:50,330 You don't want to sleep with me. 387 00:31:51,373 --> 00:31:54,459 Can somebody get that, please? 388 00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:59,297 Do I have to do everything around here? 389 00:32:04,052 --> 00:32:07,054 - Yo. - Hi, sweetie. Howareyou? 390 00:32:07,138 --> 00:32:11,266 Fine. I'm earning my keep. Uncle Buck's got me bustin' my hump. 391 00:32:11,392 --> 00:32:14,269 Hesays hard work wiIIput hair on my chest. 392 00:32:14,353 --> 00:32:16,062 At Ieast I'm Iearning a trade. 393 00:32:16,188 --> 00:32:19,774 That's good. Grandpa's feeling better. 394 00:32:19,900 --> 00:32:23,069 Hesendsyou big hugs andkisses. 395 00:32:23,195 --> 00:32:24,821 Tell him to hang in there. 396 00:32:26,115 --> 00:32:29,785 - Can you get Uncle Buck? - Will do, chickie. 397 00:32:29,868 --> 00:32:31,327 Mom? 398 00:32:31,411 --> 00:32:33,788 - Hi. - Next timeyou take off... 399 00:32:33,914 --> 00:32:36,583 why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house? 400 00:32:36,666 --> 00:32:39,293 Thisguy's ajoke. 401 00:32:39,377 --> 00:32:42,963 Why don't you go your way and let him go his? 402 00:32:43,965 --> 00:32:46,342 While he systematically dismantles my life? 403 00:32:46,467 --> 00:32:49,636 Another drawback is that I'm a big drooler. 404 00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,056 You could wake up thinking you were asleep in a swamp. 405 00:32:53,140 --> 00:32:55,934 - Mom's on the phone. - Good. I'll be right there. 406 00:32:56,018 --> 00:32:59,020 The guy took off and left Miles and Maizy alone. 407 00:33:00,689 --> 00:33:03,608 Plus he drinks. 408 00:33:03,692 --> 00:33:06,945 - Did you brush your teeth? - Yeah. Feel my toothbrush. 409 00:33:07,029 --> 00:33:11,324 I have a friend who works at the crime lab at the police station. 410 00:33:11,450 --> 00:33:14,536 I could give him your toothbrush and he could run a test on it to see... 411 00:33:14,619 --> 00:33:18,539 ifyou actually brushed your teeth or ran your toothbrush under the faucet. 412 00:33:26,881 --> 00:33:31,135 Ifthat's true, we're going to really have to start brushing our teeth. 413 00:33:32,511 --> 00:33:33,887 How are you? 414 00:33:33,971 --> 00:33:37,557 - I'm okay. How's everything? - Good, good. 415 00:33:37,641 --> 00:33:40,393 - Yousure? - Everything is fine here. 416 00:33:40,477 --> 00:33:43,021 - Everything's fine. - Kids are okay? 417 00:33:43,147 --> 00:33:46,149 The kids are great! We're having a great time together. 418 00:33:46,275 --> 00:33:47,901 How'syourdad? 419 00:33:47,985 --> 00:33:50,529 He's okay. He's getting better. Thanks. 420 00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:52,781 That'sgoodnews. That's encouraging. 421 00:33:52,906 --> 00:33:55,116 I've got agoodfeeIing about this. He'sgonna be fine. 422 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,327 I got a few questions foryou. 423 00:33:57,452 --> 00:34:00,955 Yougot an interesting set ofpIates in the Iiving room. 424 00:34:01,081 --> 00:34:02,665 -Are they oId? - Yeah. 425 00:34:02,749 --> 00:34:04,125 They are. 426 00:34:05,335 --> 00:34:07,378 Where would you fii nd something like that? 427 00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:09,796 In an antique shop downtown? 428 00:34:11,632 --> 00:34:13,008 In England. 429 00:34:20,266 --> 00:34:22,726 How many times a day do you feed a dog like that? 430 00:34:22,851 --> 00:34:27,397 How many times a day do you think he eats? 431 00:34:27,523 --> 00:34:29,066 Four or fiive. 432 00:34:29,149 --> 00:34:32,068 He eats once a day. 433 00:34:32,194 --> 00:34:34,654 Just once. 434 00:34:34,738 --> 00:34:37,991 What does he Iike to drink? Water? 435 00:34:38,074 --> 00:34:41,577 Yes, he drinks water. I would keep water out. 436 00:34:41,703 --> 00:34:44,789 I've been leaving the toilet seats up. 437 00:34:44,873 --> 00:34:46,749 Yeah. 438 00:34:46,874 --> 00:34:48,917 The blue water's not good for him? 439 00:34:51,170 --> 00:34:53,547 That might account for something. 440 00:34:53,673 --> 00:34:55,883 Nothing. 441 00:34:55,966 --> 00:34:59,052 Just an odd coloration out on the grass. 442 00:34:59,887 --> 00:35:01,346 Buck... 443 00:35:03,474 --> 00:35:07,060 I want you to know it makes me feel secure to know you're there. 444 00:35:10,564 --> 00:35:11,940 Thankyou very much. 445 00:35:12,065 --> 00:35:14,025 Okay, bye-bye. 446 00:35:20,782 --> 00:35:22,241 Bob? 447 00:36:57,291 --> 00:36:58,667 Cindy? 448 00:37:08,010 --> 00:37:09,636 Open up. 449 00:37:12,264 --> 00:37:13,682 Hello? 450 00:37:22,398 --> 00:37:24,441 I'm getting mad. All right. 451 00:37:24,567 --> 00:37:26,860 Get ready. Here I come. 452 00:37:26,986 --> 00:37:30,656 Come on! Do I have to talk dirty to you? 453 00:37:30,740 --> 00:37:33,117 Open up for daddy. 454 00:37:33,242 --> 00:37:35,118 There we go. 455 00:37:35,244 --> 00:37:37,704 Nice and easy. 456 00:37:37,830 --> 00:37:40,540 Come on, here we go. Take that! 457 00:37:40,624 --> 00:37:42,584 You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! 458 00:37:44,044 --> 00:37:45,462 Open up! 459 00:37:45,546 --> 00:37:46,964 Come on! 460 00:37:47,047 --> 00:37:49,966 I'm gonna shove my load into you whetheryou like it or not. 461 00:37:50,050 --> 00:37:51,593 Come on! 462 00:37:51,718 --> 00:37:55,137 Come on, you son ofa bitch, open up. 463 00:38:14,782 --> 00:38:17,159 - Freeze! - Who are you? 464 00:38:17,243 --> 00:38:19,787 - Cindy! - She's in Indianapolis. 465 00:38:19,912 --> 00:38:23,582 - What's she doing in Indianapolis? - Her father had a heart attack. 466 00:38:23,666 --> 00:38:26,835 Who are you, and how do you know her father had a heart attack? 467 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,586 I'm her brother-in-law. 468 00:38:28,670 --> 00:38:31,547 Yeah? Who you talking dirty to? 469 00:38:33,759 --> 00:38:35,135 The washing machine. 470 00:38:35,260 --> 00:38:38,679 I don't know how to work it, so I was kicking it and swearing at it... 471 00:38:38,763 --> 00:38:42,266 which is not an uncommon thing to do. 472 00:38:42,350 --> 00:38:44,226 And you thought-- 473 00:38:45,436 --> 00:38:47,896 - I apologize. - Okay. 474 00:38:49,899 --> 00:38:51,775 Boy, that's funny. 475 00:38:53,444 --> 00:38:55,654 I live across the street. 476 00:38:55,738 --> 00:38:58,657 - My name is Marcie. - Buck Russell. 477 00:38:59,909 --> 00:39:01,327 Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. 478 00:39:01,410 --> 00:39:04,329 Dahlgren is my maiden name. Frost is my married name. 479 00:39:04,413 --> 00:39:07,582 I'm single again, but I never bothered to lose the Frost. 480 00:39:09,251 --> 00:39:13,171 - I get compliments on the hyphen. - I'm sure you would. 481 00:39:14,339 --> 00:39:16,466 I came to invite Cindy to lunch... 482 00:39:16,591 --> 00:39:19,343 but since she's not here, do you have plans? 483 00:39:19,469 --> 00:39:22,805 I've got a lot ofthings to do around here. 484 00:39:22,931 --> 00:39:24,265 Rain check? 485 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:27,476 I'm only gonna be here a couple days. 486 00:39:27,602 --> 00:39:30,062 Cindy said it would only be a couple ofdays? 487 00:39:30,146 --> 00:39:32,523 She didn't specify. I just assumed. 488 00:39:32,607 --> 00:39:35,359 My father's heart attack, I was out oftown three weeks. 489 00:39:35,443 --> 00:39:37,903 No wonder Cindy didn't call me. 490 00:39:38,028 --> 00:39:42,031 You need a relative for an imposition ofthis size. 491 00:39:51,166 --> 00:39:52,959 Waiting foryour sex? 492 00:39:53,085 --> 00:39:54,711 Shut up! 493 00:39:54,795 --> 00:39:56,421 Tia? 494 00:40:01,176 --> 00:40:03,636 Why'd you blow all that makeup? We'rejust going bowling. 495 00:40:04,888 --> 00:40:06,472 I'm not going bowling. 496 00:40:06,556 --> 00:40:10,309 It's a great sport, and it's impossible to get pregnant while doing it... 497 00:40:10,393 --> 00:40:12,269 ifyou catch my drift. 498 00:40:12,395 --> 00:40:16,941 You're disgusting. I'll die before I go anywhere with you. 499 00:40:17,066 --> 00:40:19,818 - It's going to be fun. - They have rent-a-shoes. 500 00:40:19,902 --> 00:40:22,029 And rent-a-foot-disease. 501 00:40:22,154 --> 00:40:25,824 We've done the battle ofthe wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. 502 00:40:25,949 --> 00:40:27,992 You'll lose again. 503 00:40:28,118 --> 00:40:29,494 Try me. 504 00:40:29,620 --> 00:40:32,789 How'd you like to spend the next few nights wondering... 505 00:40:32,873 --> 00:40:35,166 ifyour crazy, out-of-work bum uncle... 506 00:40:35,250 --> 00:40:38,419 will shave your head while you sleep? 507 00:40:38,545 --> 00:40:41,005 See you in the car. 508 00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,750 Come on up. 509 00:41:20,001 --> 00:41:22,545 There you go. This is a bowling ball. 510 00:41:57,454 --> 00:42:00,790 How you doing? Never seen you here before. 511 00:42:00,915 --> 00:42:04,960 I know about everybody. That's why they call me ''Pal.'' 512 00:42:06,045 --> 00:42:10,090 Buy you a beer? You must be a college student. 513 00:42:11,300 --> 00:42:13,677 Cheerleader probably. 514 00:42:15,012 --> 00:42:17,055 You look fii rm. 515 00:42:17,181 --> 00:42:19,808 Give it a push. That's it. 516 00:42:19,892 --> 00:42:23,395 You like all-terrain vehicles? 517 00:42:23,479 --> 00:42:28,817 I've got a brand-new Bronco right out in the parking lot. Red. 518 00:42:28,901 --> 00:42:30,944 Want to go for a ride? 519 00:42:35,782 --> 00:42:38,242 Ifthe object ofthe game were to get the ball as close to the pins... 520 00:42:38,368 --> 00:42:40,495 without knocking any ofthem over... 521 00:42:40,620 --> 00:42:43,080 you would be champion ofthe world. 522 00:42:43,164 --> 00:42:45,207 - Really? - Really. 523 00:42:51,547 --> 00:42:55,217 My throat hurts. I can't talk. 524 00:42:55,301 --> 00:42:57,511 I've got a cure for that. 525 00:43:04,393 --> 00:43:06,436 You got a game going? 526 00:43:06,562 --> 00:43:10,315 You're not going to get any strikes sitting there, are you? Move it! 527 00:43:10,399 --> 00:43:11,858 Get out! 528 00:43:14,778 --> 00:43:17,488 Shithead, where the hell you been? 529 00:43:23,077 --> 00:43:25,370 Sit down. I want you to meet my niece. 530 00:43:25,455 --> 00:43:27,331 Tia, this is Rog. Rog, Tia. 531 00:43:27,415 --> 00:43:31,710 How are you? E. Roger Coswell. 532 00:43:31,794 --> 00:43:35,047 Come on, it ain't gonna bite. 533 00:43:36,382 --> 00:43:39,468 Okay. You've got to let somebody know where you are. 534 00:43:39,593 --> 00:43:42,053 I've been checking car trunks foryour corpse. 535 00:43:42,179 --> 00:43:46,808 I'm sorry. I've been in the suburbs watching my brother's kids a few days. 536 00:43:46,934 --> 00:43:48,560 They're cuties. 537 00:43:48,685 --> 00:43:51,521 Art Linkletter was right. Kids do say the goddamnedest things. 538 00:43:51,605 --> 00:43:53,064 Is Chanice here? 539 00:43:54,232 --> 00:43:56,192 I'm flying solo tonight. 540 00:43:56,318 --> 00:43:58,194 I want to let her have it for not marrying you. 541 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:02,157 Ifshe'd marry your worthless butt, I would be able to fii nd you. 542 00:44:02,282 --> 00:44:04,992 I gotta talk business. I can't fii nd you. 543 00:44:05,076 --> 00:44:07,995 Why don't we step into my offiice then? 544 00:44:08,079 --> 00:44:10,998 Excuse us. Come on, big mouth. 545 00:44:11,123 --> 00:44:14,709 - It was nice meeting you. - I'll remember it always. 546 00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,298 Cute kid. 547 00:44:20,341 --> 00:44:23,760 -Jimmy Bean called. - Yeah? 548 00:44:23,844 --> 00:44:27,013 He's coming in for the Winter Million at Burlington Park on Friday. 549 00:44:27,097 --> 00:44:31,643 He says it's a boat race, very easy money. He owes you and me. 550 00:44:31,727 --> 00:44:36,189 He says to show up an hour before post time and he'll give us the tip. 551 00:44:36,314 --> 00:44:40,234 Consider this, Buck. With this score, your whole year's covered. 552 00:44:45,365 --> 00:44:47,241 Maybe I can make it work. 553 00:44:48,326 --> 00:44:50,202 I'll see you Friday night. 554 00:44:50,328 --> 00:44:51,787 Thanks, Rog. 555 00:44:51,913 --> 00:44:54,040 Watch the Sterno, will you? 556 00:44:59,211 --> 00:45:00,920 Watch your fii ngers. 557 00:45:04,967 --> 00:45:07,344 What's a ''Chanice''? 558 00:45:07,469 --> 00:45:09,929 That's someone who's sometimes seen around a Buck. 559 00:45:10,055 --> 00:45:12,265 Your girlfriend? 560 00:45:12,349 --> 00:45:14,976 A friend. And, yes, she is a girl. 561 00:45:15,060 --> 00:45:16,936 Are you supposed to marry her? 562 00:45:17,020 --> 00:45:20,773 The subject has come up, but nothing serious. 563 00:45:20,857 --> 00:45:24,026 Maybe ifyou got married, you'd stop being such an asshole. 564 00:45:29,407 --> 00:45:32,576 - Cigar? - No, thanks. 565 00:45:32,660 --> 00:45:35,120 - Let me know ifyou change your mind. - I will. 566 00:45:36,664 --> 00:45:39,124 I'll get it nice and juicy foryou. 567 00:45:47,966 --> 00:45:52,929 This is where you separate the men from the boys. 568 00:45:54,931 --> 00:45:56,432 Easy. Easy. 569 00:45:56,516 --> 00:46:00,519 There you go. Yeah, I got you now. 570 00:46:11,697 --> 00:46:14,074 Happy birthday! 571 00:46:16,911 --> 00:46:19,621 I hope you're hungry. 572 00:46:19,705 --> 00:46:23,375 You should see the toast. I couldn't get it through the door. 573 00:46:32,426 --> 00:46:36,471 Announcement here. There's going to be a delay on the clown. 574 00:46:36,555 --> 00:46:39,891 - What clown? - Miles' mom hired a clown. 575 00:46:55,906 --> 00:46:57,615 You don't like clowns? 576 00:46:57,742 --> 00:47:00,578 Yeah, about fiive years ago. Now they're so boring... 577 00:47:00,661 --> 00:47:03,288 they make me puke. 578 00:47:03,372 --> 00:47:08,418 The vest, the flower. Screw them. That's all they get. 579 00:47:10,963 --> 00:47:13,965 I'm Pooter the Clown. Put it there. 580 00:47:16,635 --> 00:47:18,053 Kids will love that. 581 00:47:18,136 --> 00:47:20,513 I didn't orderyou. My sister-in-law did. 582 00:47:20,597 --> 00:47:22,890 She's not here. I'm the uncle. 583 00:47:22,974 --> 00:47:26,560 - Buck Russell's the name. - I'm sorry I'm late. 584 00:47:26,686 --> 00:47:30,022 I was at this all-night bachelorette party. 585 00:47:30,148 --> 00:47:32,024 Need any dildojokes? 586 00:47:32,149 --> 00:47:34,109 I'm the guy! 587 00:47:37,947 --> 00:47:40,240 Did you have a few drinks this morning? 588 00:47:41,492 --> 00:47:43,076 I thinkyou did, didn't you? 589 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,746 Are you Mother Cabrini? You never touch the stuff? 590 00:47:46,872 --> 00:47:51,167 No, but I wouldn't be drinking if I was gonna entertain some kids. 591 00:47:51,251 --> 00:47:54,921 I don't have to take any shit from you. You know who I am? 592 00:47:55,046 --> 00:47:59,091 In the fiield of local, live home entertainment, I'm a god! 593 00:48:00,844 --> 00:48:04,514 Get in your mouse and get out of here. 594 00:48:04,597 --> 00:48:07,266 Let me tell you something, you lowlife... 595 00:48:07,350 --> 00:48:10,144 lying, four-flushing sack ofshit. 596 00:48:33,542 --> 00:48:36,252 Let's go out to the car. 597 00:48:38,171 --> 00:48:40,548 Why? 598 00:48:41,674 --> 00:48:43,884 What do you mean ''why''? 599 00:48:48,514 --> 00:48:50,641 Not now. 600 00:48:50,766 --> 00:48:52,184 It's fii ne. 601 00:48:54,312 --> 00:48:56,605 It's not fii ne. 602 00:48:56,731 --> 00:48:58,190 Why not? 603 00:48:59,692 --> 00:49:01,735 I don't feel right yet. 604 00:49:03,612 --> 00:49:05,905 You ever going to feel right? 605 00:49:11,370 --> 00:49:13,246 I don't get where we're going. 606 00:49:13,371 --> 00:49:16,207 I told you 25 times. We're going to pick up Tia. 607 00:49:16,291 --> 00:49:20,128 - She's eating at a cheerleader's house. - So she says. 608 00:49:20,211 --> 00:49:23,714 Since when do cheerleaders live in the woods? 609 00:49:27,010 --> 00:49:28,886 I'll take you home. 610 00:49:31,097 --> 00:49:33,557 I don't want to go home. 611 00:49:37,353 --> 00:49:39,146 I'm okay. 612 00:49:39,271 --> 00:49:40,689 Sure? 613 00:49:45,319 --> 00:49:46,778 Trust me. 614 00:49:58,748 --> 00:50:00,166 Shit! 615 00:50:16,807 --> 00:50:19,267 Well, well, well. 616 00:50:19,351 --> 00:50:23,021 They are scraping the bottom of the barrel for cheerleaders these days. 617 00:50:24,398 --> 00:50:26,525 What are you doing here? 618 00:50:26,608 --> 00:50:30,778 We were going out for ice cream. Thought you might like tojoin us. 619 00:50:30,862 --> 00:50:34,865 I said I'd be home at 1 0:00. It's not even 9:00. 620 00:50:37,953 --> 00:50:42,165 Who said anything about that? I thought you'd like tojoin us for ice cream. 621 00:50:42,248 --> 00:50:46,418 Maybe your ''Bug'' here can join us. We can talk about burying the hatchet. 622 00:50:46,502 --> 00:50:49,755 - Do you know what a hatchet is, Bug? - It's an ax? 623 00:50:49,881 --> 00:50:52,008 Sort of, yeah. 624 00:50:52,091 --> 00:50:54,468 I got one in the car ifyou'd like to see it. 625 00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:58,097 - I'll pass. - Fair enough. 626 00:50:58,180 --> 00:51:03,309 I like to carry it. You never know when you're going to need it. 627 00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:06,313 A situation may come up. 628 00:51:06,396 --> 00:51:08,940 For example, someone's been drinking... 629 00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:11,610 and about to drive a loved one home. 630 00:51:11,735 --> 00:51:13,945 Then I like to know I have it. 631 00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:17,782 Not to kill, no. Just to maim. 632 00:51:17,907 --> 00:51:20,701 Take a little off the shoulder. 633 00:51:21,703 --> 00:51:23,830 The elbow. Shave a little meat... 634 00:51:23,913 --> 00:51:26,123 off the old kneecap. 635 00:51:27,583 --> 00:51:29,626 You got both kneecaps? 636 00:51:29,710 --> 00:51:35,340 I like to keep mine razor-sharp. Sharp enough to shave with them. 637 00:51:35,424 --> 00:51:37,968 I've been known to circumcise a gnat. 638 00:51:38,094 --> 00:51:40,471 You're not a gnat, are you, Bug? 639 00:51:40,554 --> 00:51:42,514 Wait a minute. 640 00:51:42,598 --> 00:51:44,558 Bug. Gnat. 641 00:51:46,268 --> 00:51:48,645 Is there a similarity there? 642 00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:53,024 Whoa, I think there is. 643 00:51:55,443 --> 00:51:57,736 You understand what I'm talking about? 644 00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:04,159 I don't thinkyou do. I'll be right back. 645 00:52:10,917 --> 00:52:13,127 I'm sorry. 646 00:52:13,210 --> 00:52:15,253 I thinkyou'd better split. 647 00:52:15,338 --> 00:52:17,715 I don't want him going berserk with an ax on me. 648 00:52:17,798 --> 00:52:19,216 He's all talk. 649 00:52:19,300 --> 00:52:22,010 Here it is! 650 00:52:22,094 --> 00:52:25,764 Come on over! I want to show it to you. 651 00:52:27,266 --> 00:52:28,642 Maybe later. 652 00:52:36,816 --> 00:52:41,195 He's gone in a few days. Just relax. 653 00:52:42,739 --> 00:52:44,866 I'll get him back. 654 00:52:59,004 --> 00:53:02,423 That's a stupid thing to do during flu season. 655 00:53:02,549 --> 00:53:04,926 I bet she's getting the tongue. 656 00:54:07,362 --> 00:54:08,738 Just looking. 657 00:55:28,064 --> 00:55:29,148 Next. 658 00:55:31,984 --> 00:55:35,070 Let me go in fii rst. I'll cover foryou. 659 00:55:35,154 --> 00:55:39,199 Give you more time to relax. All right? 660 00:55:46,540 --> 00:55:48,249 Morning. 661 00:55:55,632 --> 00:55:57,592 I'm Anita Hoargarth. 662 00:55:57,717 --> 00:56:01,845 Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. 663 00:56:04,807 --> 00:56:09,019 Not her wart. I'm the wart. 664 00:56:09,103 --> 00:56:13,106 She's my tumor, my growth, my pimple. 665 00:56:13,190 --> 00:56:15,150 I'm ''Uncle Wart.'' 666 00:56:15,234 --> 00:56:17,444 Just old Buck ''Wart'' Russell, they call me. 667 00:56:17,528 --> 00:56:20,947 Or Melanoma Head. They'll call me that. 668 00:56:21,073 --> 00:56:23,283 ''Melanoma Head's'' coming. 669 00:56:23,409 --> 00:56:27,788 I'm sor-- Uncle, Maizy Russell's uncle. I'm her uncle. 670 00:56:28,997 --> 00:56:31,916 Her mother set up this conference with you. 671 00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,627 I'm assistant principal here... 672 00:56:34,711 --> 00:56:38,923 as you've probably noticed from the indications on the door. 673 00:56:42,260 --> 00:56:44,303 - This door? - The outer door! 674 00:56:44,429 --> 00:56:47,181 The outer door. 'Cause there's nothing on this one. 675 00:56:47,265 --> 00:56:49,225 That's about enough ofthat. 676 00:56:50,935 --> 00:56:52,561 Sorry. 677 00:56:53,896 --> 00:56:59,484 I've been an educator for 31 .3 years... 678 00:56:59,568 --> 00:57:02,987 and in that time, I've seen a lot of bad eggs. 679 00:57:03,113 --> 00:57:06,532 I say ''eggs'' because at the elementary level... 680 00:57:06,658 --> 00:57:09,744 we are not dealing with fully-developed individuals. 681 00:57:13,373 --> 00:57:18,502 I see a bad egg when I look at your niece. 682 00:57:18,628 --> 00:57:21,630 She is a twiddler, a dreamer... 683 00:57:21,756 --> 00:57:25,175 a silly heart and she is a jabberbox. 684 00:57:25,301 --> 00:57:27,428 And, frankly... 685 00:57:27,553 --> 00:57:30,222 I don't think she takes a thing... 686 00:57:30,306 --> 00:57:35,185 in her life or her career as a student seriously. 687 00:57:37,104 --> 00:57:38,813 She's only six. 688 00:57:38,939 --> 00:57:44,235 That is not a valid excuse! I hear that every day and I dismiss it. 689 00:57:44,319 --> 00:57:48,239 I don't want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer or a silly heart. 690 00:57:48,323 --> 00:57:52,618 I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. 691 00:57:52,703 --> 00:57:56,456 I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. 692 00:57:57,916 --> 00:58:02,462 Does anyone have a special story to tell about something that happened? 693 00:58:04,464 --> 00:58:06,507 My uncle was microwaving my socks... 694 00:58:06,591 --> 00:58:09,510 and the dog threw up on the couch for about an hour. 695 00:58:09,635 --> 00:58:13,138 Honest? Why was your uncle microwaving your socks? 696 00:58:13,222 --> 00:58:16,308 He can't get the goddamn washing machine to work. 697 00:58:16,434 --> 00:58:18,143 Blasphemer! 698 00:58:18,227 --> 00:58:20,937 Iknowagoodkid when Isee one. 699 00:58:21,021 --> 00:58:23,064 Because they're aIIgoodkids... 700 00:58:23,148 --> 00:58:26,067 untiIdried-out, brain-deadskags Iikeyou... 701 00:58:26,151 --> 00:58:28,611 drag them down andconvince them they're nogood. 702 00:58:28,737 --> 00:58:32,574 You so much as scowl at my niece or any other kid in this school... 703 00:58:32,657 --> 00:58:35,409 and I hear about it, I'm coming looking foryou. 704 00:58:37,954 --> 00:58:41,624 Take this quarter. Go downtown... 705 00:58:41,750 --> 00:58:44,210 and have a rat gnaw that thing offyour face. 706 00:58:45,670 --> 00:58:47,963 Good day to you, madam. 707 00:58:55,388 --> 00:58:56,639 Next. 708 00:58:56,764 --> 00:58:58,974 Ah, yeah! 709 00:59:18,535 --> 00:59:21,371 Hi, Chanice. This is Terry. 710 00:59:21,454 --> 00:59:23,914 WaIt Bern-- 711 00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:28,586 Would you get with the program? Bernstein is his name. 712 00:59:28,669 --> 00:59:30,962 Iforgot togiveyou the number. Don't get mad. 713 00:59:31,088 --> 00:59:34,090 I hope somebody knows what they're doing down there. 714 00:59:34,216 --> 00:59:36,593 Chanice?Buck. 715 00:59:38,387 --> 00:59:40,597 Ihate these machines. 716 00:59:40,723 --> 00:59:44,226 I'mjust caIIing to say Imissyou. 717 00:59:45,644 --> 00:59:48,521 IknowyouprobabIy don't beIieve it, but it's true. 718 00:59:48,605 --> 00:59:50,565 No, Ihaven't been drinking. 719 00:59:50,691 --> 00:59:52,901 I've been thinking a Iot aboutyou... 720 00:59:53,026 --> 00:59:54,902 and what we've taIkedabout thepast weeks. 721 00:59:55,028 --> 00:59:56,821 Ithinkaboutyou aII the time... 722 00:59:56,905 --> 01:00:00,491 andabout those two dimpIes onyourbuns. 723 01:00:00,575 --> 01:00:02,118 Dimples. 724 01:00:02,243 --> 01:00:04,370 What did we caII them? 725 01:00:04,454 --> 01:00:07,873 The right wasLyndon andthe Ieft wasJohnson. 726 01:00:07,957 --> 01:00:09,917 No, that wasyourboobs. 727 01:00:10,042 --> 01:00:13,378 No, yourboobs were Minnie andMickey. Irememberthat because ofDisney WorId. 728 01:00:13,504 --> 01:00:15,714 AndFeIix is what we caIIedyour-- 729 01:00:17,174 --> 01:00:20,093 Goddamn kids! 730 01:00:20,177 --> 01:00:22,929 Okay, come on, you, get in the house. 731 01:00:23,013 --> 01:00:25,849 What are you doing out here making all this noise? 732 01:00:25,933 --> 01:00:28,393 Get in the house where you belong. Come on! 733 01:00:31,313 --> 01:00:35,066 - Who let the cat out? - We don't have a cat. 734 01:00:35,192 --> 01:00:37,402 Come on, get out. 735 01:00:37,485 --> 01:00:39,445 Go on, shoo! Shoo! 736 01:00:49,205 --> 01:00:51,165 Open up. 737 01:00:58,339 --> 01:00:59,339 Hello? 738 01:00:59,465 --> 01:01:02,968 Hi. May I speak to Buck Russell? This is a friend of his. 739 01:01:03,052 --> 01:01:04,636 Chanice KoboIowski. 740 01:01:06,805 --> 01:01:11,017 I'm sorry, Chanice. He's not here right now. 741 01:01:12,644 --> 01:01:15,813 - Can you tell me when he'll be back? - He went out with Marcie. 742 01:01:15,897 --> 01:01:18,733 The lady who lives across the street. 743 01:01:18,817 --> 01:01:20,944 They usually stay out pretty late. 744 01:01:25,406 --> 01:01:27,282 Do you want to leave a message? 745 01:01:34,206 --> 01:01:36,166 No, there's no message. 746 01:01:55,185 --> 01:01:57,061 No message. 747 01:02:22,294 --> 01:02:23,670 Hot! 748 01:02:37,058 --> 01:02:42,438 - Is there a big sexy guy in here? - Please don't let it be true. 749 01:02:45,066 --> 01:02:48,903 Oh, my God! What are you doing? 750 01:02:48,986 --> 01:02:51,279 The laundry. What's it look like? 751 01:02:51,405 --> 01:02:54,991 Washing machine's still broken so I thought I'd use the microwave. 752 01:02:55,117 --> 01:02:57,869 Nuke them up. Heats them up pretty good. 753 01:02:57,995 --> 01:03:00,372 It kills the germs and odors that they cause. 754 01:03:00,497 --> 01:03:02,373 You don't know what you're doing. 755 01:03:02,499 --> 01:03:06,002 You're bored out ofyour mind. You need adult supervision. 756 01:03:07,087 --> 01:03:08,421 Excuse me? 757 01:03:23,353 --> 01:03:26,856 - Come on. - I don't want to dance. 758 01:03:26,981 --> 01:03:30,234 I don't feel like it. I'm not a dancer. This is ridiculous. 759 01:03:30,318 --> 01:03:32,445 I'm not gonna leave unless you do. 760 01:03:32,528 --> 01:03:35,072 Okay. One dance. That's it. 761 01:03:35,197 --> 01:03:38,283 I really have to take a nap and-- 762 01:03:38,367 --> 01:03:40,911 One dance. That's it. 763 01:03:50,379 --> 01:03:51,838 What's this? 764 01:03:54,216 --> 01:03:57,302 Come on. The dog is watching. What are you doing? 765 01:03:57,385 --> 01:03:59,845 Is that dirty dancing? 766 01:04:00,972 --> 01:04:03,808 Isn't that where you get the girl by the neck and dip her? 767 01:04:05,143 --> 01:04:06,394 Remember that? 768 01:04:06,519 --> 01:04:08,145 Dips. Dips. 769 01:04:17,905 --> 01:04:20,198 Am I bleeding? 770 01:04:21,533 --> 01:04:24,369 Will you get off? My back! 771 01:04:30,167 --> 01:04:32,294 Hello! 772 01:04:36,423 --> 01:04:38,383 I mean it. 773 01:04:40,593 --> 01:04:44,888 This is fun, isn't it? I guess. 774 01:04:45,014 --> 01:04:49,142 My aerobic workout today. Heart's beating like a rabbit here. 775 01:05:11,748 --> 01:05:13,124 Hi, Chanice. 776 01:05:14,292 --> 01:05:15,751 Surprise! 777 01:05:17,629 --> 01:05:19,839 - This is-- - Marcie. 778 01:05:23,635 --> 01:05:27,138 Yeah, Marcie. And she lives across the road. 779 01:05:27,263 --> 01:05:30,182 - She came over to-- - Shut up, Buck. 780 01:05:30,266 --> 01:05:32,393 That's a good idea. 781 01:05:34,228 --> 01:05:36,438 Is this who you were out with last night? 782 01:05:39,900 --> 01:05:43,319 What? I didn't go out last night. 783 01:05:45,447 --> 01:05:47,907 Honest! Honest! I'm telling you the truth. 784 01:05:47,991 --> 01:05:51,410 - You son ofa bitch! - Don't say that. 785 01:05:51,495 --> 01:05:53,955 Don't walk away. Chanice! 786 01:05:54,998 --> 01:05:56,582 Come here! 787 01:05:56,666 --> 01:05:58,542 Come here, hon. 788 01:06:01,504 --> 01:06:02,588 Wait! 789 01:06:02,672 --> 01:06:04,715 Wait. Let me explain. 790 01:06:05,842 --> 01:06:08,678 Chanice, I'm warning you. You're wrecking the driveway. 791 01:06:11,472 --> 01:06:13,599 Come on! 792 01:06:13,683 --> 01:06:15,392 I love you! 793 01:06:33,368 --> 01:06:35,161 What flew up her nose? 794 01:06:41,751 --> 01:06:45,087 You better go home. Okay, Marcie? 795 01:06:45,213 --> 01:06:48,215 Pick up your records. The party's over. 796 01:06:58,267 --> 01:07:02,395 So, I'll just go home and wait for the Federal Express man. 797 01:07:11,238 --> 01:07:14,240 Good night, Uncle Buck. 798 01:07:14,366 --> 01:07:16,242 Good night, sweetheart. 799 01:07:25,668 --> 01:07:28,420 - Uncle Buck? - Yeah? 800 01:07:28,504 --> 01:07:32,341 - Got a minute? - I got lots of minutes. 801 01:07:32,425 --> 01:07:36,470 Now everything's okay with my grandpa, I want to go out tomorrow night. 802 01:07:36,554 --> 01:07:40,057 You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out. 803 01:07:46,688 --> 01:07:50,983 - You can't fii nd any way to be cool? - You mean easy? No. 804 01:07:51,109 --> 01:07:53,402 - I mean decent! - You mean blind. 805 01:07:53,528 --> 01:07:57,823 Who are you trying to score points with? My parents? 806 01:07:57,949 --> 01:08:00,326 How many times have they had you here since we moved? 807 01:08:00,410 --> 01:08:03,829 Try none, until they went up shit creek and got stuck. 808 01:08:03,913 --> 01:08:06,665 Get used on your parents' time. 809 01:08:08,418 --> 01:08:10,378 Yeah? 810 01:08:10,461 --> 01:08:12,838 Have a bad day today? 811 01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:18,719 It hurts when someone screws with your life, doesn't it? 812 01:08:37,445 --> 01:08:38,988 Last call. 813 01:08:43,368 --> 01:08:45,495 There you go. 814 01:08:48,247 --> 01:08:50,290 A little foryou, a little for me. 815 01:08:56,172 --> 01:08:57,756 Boy! 816 01:08:59,842 --> 01:09:04,805 People used to say to me, ''Buck, you are one lucky son ofa bitch. 817 01:09:07,182 --> 01:09:09,559 You got it made, Buck.'' 818 01:09:09,685 --> 01:09:11,728 And I did. 819 01:09:11,853 --> 01:09:14,146 They'd say, ''Man, look at you. 820 01:09:14,231 --> 01:09:16,274 You don't have any kids, any wife. 821 01:09:16,358 --> 01:09:19,861 You don't have a desk, an offiice. 822 01:09:19,986 --> 01:09:23,322 You don't have a boss to worry about.'' 823 01:09:26,701 --> 01:09:30,120 They were right. I had it made. 824 01:09:35,668 --> 01:09:39,004 Only thing now is, Perce... 825 01:09:40,130 --> 01:09:42,757 nobody says that anymore. 826 01:09:47,137 --> 01:09:49,097 Oh, boy. 827 01:09:49,223 --> 01:09:51,266 But... 828 01:09:51,350 --> 01:09:53,727 it'll all be better tomorrow. 829 01:09:56,229 --> 01:09:58,189 It always is. 830 01:10:00,650 --> 01:10:04,320 Because tomorrow, we go to the track... 831 01:10:04,404 --> 01:10:08,157 win some dough, some serious dough. 832 01:10:12,245 --> 01:10:15,081 Make a lot of money tomorrow, kiddo. 833 01:10:15,164 --> 01:10:17,708 Want a little pretzel with your beer? 834 01:10:23,881 --> 01:10:26,091 U.B. went to school to pickyou up. 835 01:10:26,175 --> 01:10:29,011 Tell U.B. when he gets home that he lost. Okay? 836 01:10:29,136 --> 01:10:30,762 Lost what? 837 01:10:30,887 --> 01:10:34,390 Just tell him. He'll know what it means. I'll see you guys Sunday. 838 01:10:34,474 --> 01:10:37,476 - What day is today? - Friday. 839 01:10:37,560 --> 01:10:40,312 - You know what that means. -Jumbo party. 840 01:10:40,397 --> 01:10:43,566 You can put that on a platter and serve it up hot. 841 01:11:43,791 --> 01:11:45,334 U.B.'s home. 842 01:11:45,417 --> 01:11:47,544 Tia? Tia! 843 01:11:47,669 --> 01:11:49,545 You guys seen Tia? 844 01:11:49,671 --> 01:11:51,297 She took a breeze. 845 01:11:54,634 --> 01:11:58,471 And she promised me she was going to look afteryou guys this evening. 846 01:11:58,596 --> 01:12:01,682 She promised me! So much for promises. 847 01:12:01,808 --> 01:12:04,769 Does anyone in this house know how to keep a promise? 848 01:12:04,852 --> 01:12:07,396 I know you two do. 849 01:12:07,522 --> 01:12:10,775 I had somewhere important to go tonight. 850 01:12:10,900 --> 01:12:13,110 This is how I make my living. 851 01:12:13,236 --> 01:12:16,906 This was very important to me. My whole year was based on tonight. 852 01:12:17,031 --> 01:12:20,617 It may be peanuts to your dad, but it's my living. 853 01:12:20,701 --> 01:12:24,996 I have no choice. I don't care what your parents will say. 854 01:12:25,122 --> 01:12:27,165 - I have to take you with me tonight. - Where? 855 01:12:27,249 --> 01:12:29,793 To a racetrack. 856 01:12:32,337 --> 01:12:35,590 Here we go. Do you have to go to the bathroom? 857 01:12:35,715 --> 01:12:37,591 - You sure? - Yep. 858 01:12:37,717 --> 01:12:41,053 This is going to be fun. Beautiful horses, interesting people. 859 01:12:42,347 --> 01:12:45,433 - And we'll win some serious coin? - Sometimes. 860 01:12:45,516 --> 01:12:49,186 That's not the real reason people go there. People go... 861 01:12:49,312 --> 01:12:52,731 because ofthe beautiful horses... 862 01:12:52,857 --> 01:12:55,317 and colorful jockeys, and-- 863 01:12:55,401 --> 01:12:57,945 Bug picked up Tia? 864 01:12:58,070 --> 01:13:00,197 She said she was going to a party. 865 01:13:00,322 --> 01:13:03,908 She said she'd be back Sunday. Must be a slumber party. 866 01:13:06,453 --> 01:13:09,455 Hop in the back. Get your belts on. 867 01:13:10,499 --> 01:13:14,252 Let her go to a party all weekend! She's old enough to know better. 868 01:13:15,212 --> 01:13:18,131 She doesn't listen to anybody anyway. 869 01:13:18,214 --> 01:13:19,673 Damn kids. 870 01:14:03,091 --> 01:14:04,800 Yeah? Kobolowski Tires. 871 01:14:05,635 --> 01:14:07,261 Hi. It's me. 872 01:14:07,345 --> 01:14:10,097 Can't you ever take a hint? 873 01:14:10,181 --> 01:14:13,767 It's not about me. I got a problem at the house. 874 01:14:13,851 --> 01:14:16,061 Ineedsomebody to watch the kids. 875 01:14:16,187 --> 01:14:18,063 No, I'll tell you what you need. 876 01:14:18,189 --> 01:14:20,858 Your horse fiixer's in town and you need to get to the track. 877 01:14:20,941 --> 01:14:23,068 I ran into Rog. He told me all about it. 878 01:14:23,193 --> 01:14:26,279 The idiot hadthe nerve to ask me fora Ioan. 879 01:14:26,363 --> 01:14:29,866 What, you can't take children when you're going to cheat on a horse race? 880 01:14:29,950 --> 01:14:32,160 You got some religion out there in the 'burbs? 881 01:14:32,285 --> 01:14:35,538 I came close. I had them in the car. 882 01:14:35,622 --> 01:14:38,875 Can we put our personal problems aside? 883 01:14:38,959 --> 01:14:42,212 Tia took off on me. I was supposed to pick her up after school. 884 01:14:42,295 --> 01:14:44,255 - She wasn 't there. - She ran away? 885 01:14:44,380 --> 01:14:47,716 I guess. I don't know. 886 01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:50,177 She's 1 5. She's angry. 887 01:14:50,303 --> 01:14:53,973 She's confused. AndIneedto findher. 888 01:14:55,016 --> 01:14:57,393 Can you help me? 889 01:14:58,310 --> 01:15:00,520 I'm reaIIystuck. 890 01:15:03,649 --> 01:15:08,445 All right. I will help you because there's kids involved. 891 01:15:08,529 --> 01:15:10,656 But as far as you and I are concerned... 892 01:15:10,781 --> 01:15:12,657 it is over. 893 01:15:13,742 --> 01:15:15,618 However it has to be. 894 01:15:17,662 --> 01:15:19,622 - I'll be there. - Thankyou. 895 01:15:19,748 --> 01:15:21,958 For what it's worth, I'm sorry. 896 01:15:43,520 --> 01:15:45,396 Your car's on fii re. 897 01:15:45,522 --> 01:15:47,732 No. It'sjust a little oil. 898 01:15:47,816 --> 01:15:50,526 I'm looking for a party somewhere around here. 899 01:15:50,611 --> 01:15:52,487 That's on Totowa Lane. 900 01:15:52,612 --> 01:15:54,488 My niece is there. 901 01:15:54,614 --> 01:15:56,741 - Our son is there. - Kids! 902 01:15:56,866 --> 01:16:00,119 I don't thinkyou ought to go in there with that hat on. They'll kill you. 903 01:16:00,203 --> 01:16:02,246 Really? Thanks for the tip. 904 01:16:48,082 --> 01:16:52,461 I'm supposed to come over and watch you. 905 01:16:55,256 --> 01:17:00,135 Hi. I'm Chanice Kobolowski. I'm Uncle Buck's friend. 906 01:17:00,219 --> 01:17:02,012 May I see your driver's license? 907 01:17:03,263 --> 01:17:04,889 Yeah. 908 01:17:05,015 --> 01:17:08,351 Sure. Good idea. 909 01:17:09,603 --> 01:17:12,063 Wait. I got it. 910 01:17:13,732 --> 01:17:15,692 See. Look. 911 01:17:15,775 --> 01:17:18,611 - Please take it out. - Take it out? 912 01:17:42,593 --> 01:17:44,720 You okay? 913 01:17:44,845 --> 01:17:47,138 What's the matter? 914 01:18:11,245 --> 01:18:13,872 Coming through. How you doing? 915 01:18:15,041 --> 01:18:17,001 Having a good time? 916 01:18:17,126 --> 01:18:19,836 Have you seen a guy named Bug? 917 01:18:21,005 --> 01:18:23,841 I'm Tia Russell's uncle. You know Tia? 918 01:18:23,966 --> 01:18:28,011 No? She's kind of new. I'm her uncle. 919 01:18:28,136 --> 01:18:31,889 You haven't seen the Bug around here, have you? 920 01:18:32,015 --> 01:18:34,058 Nice guy. 921 01:18:34,184 --> 01:18:36,853 Hey, come back here with that! 922 01:18:43,067 --> 01:18:47,112 How you doing? Anybody seen Bug around here? 923 01:18:47,196 --> 01:18:50,198 Hey, nice music. 924 01:18:50,283 --> 01:18:53,953 Who is that, the Grass Roots? I'm kidding. I know my music. 925 01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,627 Stop it, please. 926 01:19:05,172 --> 01:19:09,300 What the hell is that? Hey, party time! 927 01:19:09,384 --> 01:19:13,304 Let's get down here! You seen Bug around here? 928 01:19:13,388 --> 01:19:16,557 You seen Bug? That's good stuff. 929 01:19:18,184 --> 01:19:20,311 Keep it up. 930 01:19:20,395 --> 01:19:22,522 Nice work. 931 01:19:22,647 --> 01:19:25,566 How you doing? Excuse me. 932 01:19:25,650 --> 01:19:27,276 Crowded, huh? 933 01:19:30,822 --> 01:19:33,282 I don't want to do this. 934 01:19:33,366 --> 01:19:35,326 Just relax. 935 01:19:37,244 --> 01:19:41,081 Hello, young fellow. I'm Tia Russell's uncle, Buck Russell. 936 01:19:41,206 --> 01:19:44,792 Have you seen the Bug around? No? I'm looking for him. 937 01:19:44,918 --> 01:19:48,254 You're Tia Russell's uncle? Really? 938 01:19:48,338 --> 01:19:50,715 Hey, give me that! 939 01:19:50,799 --> 01:19:53,426 Take my hat, you punk! 940 01:19:53,510 --> 01:19:55,720 - Don't mention it. - All right, Pop. 941 01:19:58,056 --> 01:20:02,518 You haven't seen a guy named Bug, have you? Everybody knows Bug. Hip guy. 942 01:20:02,602 --> 01:20:06,272 Let me through, will you? Your mother know you do that? 943 01:20:09,776 --> 01:20:11,986 This room's taken. 944 01:20:12,111 --> 01:20:14,154 - I want to go. - No, you don't. 945 01:20:17,783 --> 01:20:21,369 That door opens, I'm going to kick somebody's ass! 946 01:20:22,371 --> 01:20:24,331 Did you hear me? 947 01:22:35,790 --> 01:22:37,750 You were right. 948 01:22:39,252 --> 01:22:42,088 Everything you said would happen happened. 949 01:22:43,840 --> 01:22:46,676 I don't want to talk about it. I just want to get you home. 950 01:23:22,001 --> 01:23:23,961 Is this a trick? 951 01:23:28,758 --> 01:23:30,718 No. 952 01:23:33,804 --> 01:23:35,847 You know what happened? 953 01:23:38,392 --> 01:23:39,768 Yeah. 954 01:23:43,063 --> 01:23:46,149 Are you going to tell my parents about everything that's been going on? 955 01:23:48,819 --> 01:23:51,112 No. 956 01:23:52,989 --> 01:23:54,865 Thanks. 957 01:23:57,994 --> 01:24:02,456 I've been riding your butt all week about how you live your life. 958 01:24:04,626 --> 01:24:08,212 I realized maybe somebody should have been riding mine. 959 01:24:08,296 --> 01:24:11,715 I'm probably the last guy in the world you'd want to help... 960 01:24:14,677 --> 01:24:17,304 but I really could use your advice vis-a-vis Chanice. 961 01:24:19,014 --> 01:24:20,640 I've been... 962 01:24:20,766 --> 01:24:25,562 stringing her along for about eight years now. 963 01:24:25,646 --> 01:24:28,899 Maybe you could fii gure out what the hell is wrong with me. 964 01:24:30,359 --> 01:24:32,819 I did such a greatjob earning your trust and admiration... 965 01:24:32,944 --> 01:24:36,113 I'm confused why I can't do the same with Chanice. 966 01:24:45,540 --> 01:24:48,000 You know, there's... 967 01:24:50,044 --> 01:24:53,213 one family charity case... 968 01:24:54,632 --> 01:24:57,009 that loves you very much. 969 01:24:58,469 --> 01:24:59,720 I'm sorry. 970 01:25:01,305 --> 01:25:03,348 Come on. 971 01:25:03,474 --> 01:25:06,226 Nothing to be sorry about. 972 01:25:06,310 --> 01:25:09,980 I'm just kind of glad I got a chance to know you again. 973 01:25:14,151 --> 01:25:17,070 Did you do anything to Bug? 974 01:25:23,785 --> 01:25:25,578 Oh, my God! 975 01:25:26,704 --> 01:25:28,997 What did you do? 976 01:25:39,258 --> 01:25:42,344 You shithead! I could have suffocated! 977 01:25:42,428 --> 01:25:45,514 Do you know what I'd like you to do? 978 01:25:45,597 --> 01:25:49,851 You could be doing both of us a favor. I'd like you to apologize to the lady. 979 01:25:49,935 --> 01:25:52,228 I'm sorry! 980 01:25:53,772 --> 01:25:55,481 Okay, asshole? 981 01:25:55,607 --> 01:25:57,316 I'm sorry! 982 01:25:57,400 --> 01:26:01,153 I don't know if I've told you this, but I'm an amateur dentist. 983 01:26:01,821 --> 01:26:04,281 Oh, yes, he is. 984 01:26:12,123 --> 01:26:13,374 I'm sorry. 985 01:26:14,292 --> 01:26:15,835 Get him out. 986 01:26:15,960 --> 01:26:19,129 Yeah? It was halfhearted. We'll let him. 987 01:26:19,255 --> 01:26:22,341 - I'm really sorry. - I'm sure you are. 988 01:26:22,466 --> 01:26:25,468 - I am. - Let me get you. There you go. 989 01:26:25,594 --> 01:26:28,596 I didn't mean to hurt anybody. 990 01:26:28,722 --> 01:26:30,181 There you go. 991 01:26:30,307 --> 01:26:32,016 I'm sorry. 992 01:26:39,441 --> 01:26:41,401 - Shall we? - Yeah. 993 01:26:48,032 --> 01:26:51,368 Yeah? Come on back and I'll kickyour ass, man! 994 01:26:51,452 --> 01:26:54,871 Chicken shit! You're dead! 995 01:26:54,997 --> 01:26:56,706 Shit. 996 01:27:02,379 --> 01:27:04,756 I'm going to sue your balls off, man! 997 01:27:04,840 --> 01:27:08,843 Why don't you come and get me, man? Come on! 998 01:27:09,886 --> 01:27:14,432 Come on, man. I'm going to sue you and your whole family! 999 01:27:14,516 --> 01:27:17,935 Okay, pal, time for a golf lesson. 1000 01:27:18,019 --> 01:27:20,312 My dad's a lawyer! You're history! 1001 01:27:20,438 --> 01:27:23,440 A little fiive wood. 1002 01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:28,696 What? What? What are you doing, man? 1003 01:27:32,074 --> 01:27:35,410 You're history. You're wasted. I'm going to sue you for everything you've got! 1004 01:27:35,494 --> 01:27:38,288 You're going to be broke so come and get me! 1005 01:27:39,874 --> 01:27:42,167 You fat sucker! 1006 01:27:42,293 --> 01:27:43,460 Yes, sir! 1007 01:27:44,712 --> 01:27:47,631 You son ofa bitch! That hurt! 1008 01:27:47,714 --> 01:27:51,467 Hey! I'm not sorry, all right? 1009 01:27:51,593 --> 01:27:54,137 I ain't sorry for shit! 1010 01:27:57,057 --> 01:28:00,393 What do you see in that guy anyway? 1011 01:28:00,477 --> 01:28:03,187 I can't for the life of me fii gure that one out. 1012 01:28:03,271 --> 01:28:06,524 Don't answer. You don't have to. 1013 01:28:09,360 --> 01:28:12,529 I appreciate the confession. Thanks a lot. 1014 01:28:12,655 --> 01:28:14,782 But my problems with Buck go deeper... 1015 01:28:14,907 --> 01:28:17,117 than a misunderstanding with a neighbor lady. 1016 01:28:17,243 --> 01:28:19,119 Don't you think he loves you? 1017 01:28:21,247 --> 01:28:23,207 If he does, he'd never say it. 1018 01:28:23,332 --> 01:28:25,041 What if he did? 1019 01:28:25,167 --> 01:28:27,711 Then I would suspect he needed a new set oftires. 1020 01:28:28,962 --> 01:28:30,338 Seriously. 1021 01:28:30,464 --> 01:28:33,800 Seriously, you're very sweet to talk about this. 1022 01:28:35,177 --> 01:28:37,304 But you don't understand the bigger picture. 1023 01:28:37,429 --> 01:28:40,181 Buck's a charming man who wants to remain a boy forever. 1024 01:28:42,767 --> 01:28:46,979 At my age, that doesn't make for a lasting relationship. 1025 01:28:48,898 --> 01:28:51,817 I think he'd make a wonderful husband and father. 1026 01:28:51,901 --> 01:28:53,694 - You do? - Oh, yeah. 1027 01:28:53,778 --> 01:28:55,487 My sister and brother adore him. 1028 01:28:56,989 --> 01:29:01,952 He really has changed since he's been here this week. 1029 01:29:02,077 --> 01:29:04,537 He really has changed. 1030 01:29:04,621 --> 01:29:07,957 He's responsible, caring... 1031 01:29:08,041 --> 01:29:10,168 loving... 1032 01:29:10,294 --> 01:29:14,214 and enthusiastic. 1033 01:29:14,297 --> 01:29:19,260 - Energetic. - And energetic and decent. 1034 01:29:21,304 --> 01:29:22,847 Kind and-- 1035 01:29:25,058 --> 01:29:27,018 And humble... 1036 01:29:27,143 --> 01:29:29,270 and honest and forthright. 1037 01:29:29,395 --> 01:29:30,729 Sense of humor. 1038 01:29:30,813 --> 01:29:32,856 And he's really got a great sense of humor. 1039 01:29:32,940 --> 01:29:35,734 Did he put you up to this? 1040 01:29:35,818 --> 01:29:37,611 No! 1041 01:29:37,736 --> 01:29:41,573 No. I'vejust gathered this from my own observations. 1042 01:29:44,118 --> 01:29:46,078 - It'sjust the way he is. - Really? 1043 01:29:54,085 --> 01:29:57,087 - Really? - Oh, yeah! 1044 01:29:57,172 --> 01:29:59,882 So unlike him. 1045 01:30:14,814 --> 01:30:16,857 Check this out. 1046 01:30:22,029 --> 01:30:23,822 Hi, honey. 1047 01:30:23,947 --> 01:30:26,240 Is the coffee ready? 1048 01:30:27,367 --> 01:30:29,243 A little thirsty. 1049 01:30:29,369 --> 01:30:32,705 By the way, I have told you I loved you... 1050 01:30:32,831 --> 01:30:35,708 and it wasn't for tires, sweetheart. 1051 01:30:35,792 --> 01:30:37,919 It was for shocks, remember? 1052 01:30:43,133 --> 01:30:45,343 Are they sweethearts or what? 1053 01:30:45,468 --> 01:30:49,138 This one's smart as a whip. I'm going to miss them like crazy. 1054 01:30:49,263 --> 01:30:52,224 They're beautiful children. What happened to you? 1055 01:30:52,308 --> 01:30:54,977 Recessive gene, skips every nine generations. 1056 01:30:55,061 --> 01:30:57,688 I got it this time. Tragic. 1057 01:30:57,772 --> 01:30:59,982 It isn't so bad, is it? 1058 01:31:00,065 --> 01:31:01,441 What? 1059 01:31:01,567 --> 01:31:03,443 The house, the family, the kids. 1060 01:31:03,569 --> 01:31:06,738 Oh, yeah. It was great. This is great. 1061 01:31:06,864 --> 01:31:11,076 We should have done this a long time ago, you and I. 1062 01:31:25,173 --> 01:31:27,133 They're here. 1063 01:31:32,722 --> 01:31:36,141 What are we doing? 1064 01:31:36,267 --> 01:31:37,976 Your mother... 1065 01:31:38,102 --> 01:31:40,312 and your sister have to... 1066 01:31:40,437 --> 01:31:43,606 sort some things out. 1067 01:31:43,732 --> 01:31:45,775 So we're going to be very quiet for them. 1068 01:31:45,901 --> 01:31:48,445 So why don't we put a button on it... 1069 01:31:51,948 --> 01:31:53,991 and a zipper like that... 1070 01:31:54,117 --> 01:31:56,410 and a lock. 1071 01:31:56,536 --> 01:32:00,122 I can't talk at all. I throw the key away. 1072 01:32:54,508 --> 01:32:58,970 It's going to be real different. I promise. 1073 01:32:59,096 --> 01:33:01,556 I love you. 1074 01:33:13,527 --> 01:33:14,778 Shit! 1075 01:33:14,861 --> 01:33:18,280 - Bye. - Bye, Uncle Buck. 1076 01:33:18,365 --> 01:33:20,742 Could I get out the door, please? 1077 01:33:20,867 --> 01:33:22,910 - I'm going! - This is heavy. 1078 01:33:22,994 --> 01:33:25,746 Bye, Chanice. 1079 01:33:25,830 --> 01:33:27,414 Thanks again, Buck. 1080 01:33:27,498 --> 01:33:31,418 Next time you're downtown, maybe we can go out for a coffee. 1081 01:33:36,007 --> 01:33:39,093 We really had a good time. I know it's ridiculous. 1082 01:33:39,218 --> 01:33:42,554 We did leave the house a little messy. We tried. We're not so good at clean. 1083 01:33:42,638 --> 01:33:45,640 - What? - We're going home. We're not dying. 1084 01:33:45,724 --> 01:33:49,060 I'm saying good-bye. Is that all right? Nice guy! 1085 01:33:49,144 --> 01:33:53,189 Tell the neighbors we're sorry about having that parked in the driveway. 1086 01:33:53,273 --> 01:33:56,442 - He's getting a new company car Monday. - The hell I am! 1087 01:33:56,526 --> 01:33:59,779 - It's good for another 1 00,000 miles. - Too bad you're not. 1088 01:33:59,863 --> 01:34:03,616 That's funny, Chanice. See what I put up with? And don't drive fast. 1089 01:34:03,741 --> 01:34:07,077 I'm not fiixing any more tickets foryou.