1 00:02:42,438 --> 00:02:43,814 No, no, no, no, no! 2 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:56,052 Pat, I swear, your voice just seems to get better and better. 3 00:03:56,053 --> 00:03:58,722 You sure you didn't go to Juilliard or something? 4 00:03:59,682 --> 00:04:01,933 I did use to have a friend named Julie 5 00:04:01,934 --> 00:04:04,937 when I was a kid, and we did play in her yard. 6 00:04:06,438 --> 00:04:07,855 Sometimes we would sing. 7 00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,316 Oh, my God! Patrick Montgomery, I swear, 8 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,652 if there was an Olympic competition for dorky jokes, 9 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,320 I'd be married to a gold medalist. 10 00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:16,656 Your voice has gotten better. 11 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,574 Well, how about me? I sing like a swallow. 12 00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:21,036 No need to get competitive. 13 00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:24,706 Life is a competition, don't they say? 14 00:04:24,707 --> 00:04:27,125 Don't you like to say that, Pastor Jackie? 15 00:04:27,126 --> 00:04:29,794 Never. I don't believe I ever even thought it. 16 00:04:29,795 --> 00:04:32,296 We should all be thinking about it 17 00:04:32,297 --> 00:04:34,657 if we're serious about winning the church volleyball league. 18 00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:39,679 And maybe we should consider opening our doors to the Congregationalists. 19 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,849 Don Awrey is 6'5" and spikes like a madman. 20 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,017 He is great. 21 00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:46,144 Well, you know, I dated a Congregationalist once, 22 00:04:46,145 --> 00:04:48,522 and he insisted on prayin' before goin' car parking. 23 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,816 No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian! 24 00:04:52,943 --> 00:04:53,944 What about you, Don? 25 00:04:54,486 --> 00:04:55,778 Are you ever gonna join the team? 26 00:04:55,779 --> 00:04:58,573 - Volleyball's not my thing. - Not enough mayhem. 27 00:04:58,574 --> 00:05:01,054 He gravitates towards viciousness. That's why he went into law. 28 00:05:01,952 --> 00:05:04,078 Didn't you play professional football? 29 00:05:04,079 --> 00:05:06,205 - For the Washington Redskins. - Yes! 30 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,583 Nah, I tried out, I didn't make the team. 31 00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:10,794 And it kills him to this day. 32 00:05:12,129 --> 00:05:14,047 I'm gonna go get some potato salad. 33 00:05:14,048 --> 00:05:15,174 I'll race you. 34 00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:18,968 We should really get going soon because the chart says 35 00:05:18,969 --> 00:05:22,221 that I'm going to reach peak fertility around 1:00 PM 36 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,098 today, so. 37 00:05:24,099 --> 00:05:25,225 Oh, right. 38 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:28,854 Little bit slower. 39 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,315 Little bit slower! 40 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:37,570 And be sure to emit as you propulse forward. 41 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,282 - Evidently, that's helpful. - Really? 42 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:44,160 - Here. Try to go deeper. - I'm going as deep as I can, Betty. 43 00:05:44,161 --> 00:05:45,621 No, you have been deeper before. 44 00:05:47,498 --> 00:05:50,667 If you can squirt rather than drip, that helps, too. 45 00:05:52,294 --> 00:05:53,253 But, slower. 46 00:05:53,254 --> 00:05:54,463 Deeper! 47 00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:57,507 And squirt! 48 00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:17,026 - Keep going, honey. You're doing great. - Do I have to sing it? 49 00:06:17,027 --> 00:06:18,153 Yes. 50 00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:22,533 If you wanna keep filling that sweet little heart of yours up with joy! 51 00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,127 - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, hey, hey! 52 00:06:33,669 --> 00:06:35,419 - Come in! - All right. 53 00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:37,922 And why do I have the pleasure 54 00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:41,927 of a house call from my favorite pastor? 55 00:06:42,678 --> 00:06:43,804 Well. 56 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,391 It's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid. And... 57 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,310 I might stop being your favorite pastor. 58 00:06:54,273 --> 00:06:55,482 What's goin' on? 59 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,318 Bill's gone. 60 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,988 He wants a divorce. 61 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,659 It's been comin' for a long time. 62 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,661 I know that you've been struggling some. 63 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:09,913 Sweetie, sing louder. 64 00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:14,959 That's good. 65 00:07:15,919 --> 00:07:20,298 You will get through this. I will drag you through this. 66 00:07:20,299 --> 00:07:22,176 - I'm scared. I'll admit it. - What about? 67 00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:26,762 For starters, how will I lead the congregation? 68 00:07:26,763 --> 00:07:29,975 You're gonna lead us the same as you always have. 69 00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:34,437 And being single, after 23 years of marriage. 70 00:07:34,438 --> 00:07:39,192 I'm not sure I even know how to put one foot in front of the other. 71 00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:44,031 So you just need to look at this as a new beginning. 72 00:07:45,324 --> 00:07:47,910 A new destiny. 73 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:53,289 - It's not fair. - It's my job, Betty. 74 00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:56,667 The whole point of that new job was that you wouldn't have to travel. 75 00:07:56,668 --> 00:07:59,712 As much. And I don't. 76 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:02,048 Well, it's not normal for a husband and wife to be apart. 77 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,091 That's all I'm saying. 78 00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:06,260 Right, but we're talking about four days here. 79 00:08:06,261 --> 00:08:10,431 Four critical days during peak fertility. 80 00:08:10,432 --> 00:08:16,772 Didn't the doctors say that you might get pregnant easier if you stress less? 81 00:08:19,316 --> 00:08:21,400 - So it's my fault. - I didn't say that. 82 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,570 - Of course, you did. You did. - No, I didn't. 83 00:08:24,321 --> 00:08:27,201 And you might consider that it's your traveling that's causing my stress. 84 00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:49,304 Okay. 85 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:55,017 So, the thing is, Jackie, our minister, 86 00:08:55,018 --> 00:08:57,770 she's not just out of town on church business. 87 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,731 She chose not to be here today. 88 00:09:00,732 --> 00:09:02,733 Because I'm on the church council, 89 00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:06,738 she felt it better that I break the news first. 90 00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:10,701 Jackie and her husband Bill are getting a divorce. 91 00:09:13,412 --> 00:09:14,454 It happens. 92 00:09:15,247 --> 00:09:18,792 Get over it. Pastors are people like everybody else. 93 00:09:19,835 --> 00:09:22,712 I see some of you squirming in your seats, 94 00:09:22,713 --> 00:09:25,798 like you suddenly got pine cones up your butts. 95 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:28,718 Well, I tell you, if you ever did get a pine cone up your keister, 96 00:09:28,719 --> 00:09:31,053 you'd be squealing like a pig. 97 00:09:31,054 --> 00:09:35,017 And Jackie Ponder would be the first one runnin' to your aid. 98 00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,894 So let's run to hers. 99 00:09:39,021 --> 00:09:42,691 Not the time to be high-horse, moral dopes. 100 00:09:44,693 --> 00:09:48,446 Let's just get on with being good Methodists. 101 00:09:48,447 --> 00:09:50,239 We can start tonight 102 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,784 by kicking some Lutheran butts at volleyball. 103 00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:58,540 I got it! 104 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,340 Betty, hey. Hi. 105 00:10:08,258 --> 00:10:09,967 Thought you'd be playing tonight. 106 00:10:09,968 --> 00:10:11,595 Sitting this one out. 107 00:10:15,432 --> 00:10:17,016 Understood. 108 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,268 Yeah. Makes sense. 109 00:10:19,269 --> 00:10:20,269 I got it! 110 00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:24,357 - What makes sense? - What? 111 00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:26,359 My sitting this game out makes sense. 112 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,321 - Why does it make sense? - Well, if you are expecting, 113 00:10:30,155 --> 00:10:32,074 it makes sense that you'd steer clear of any 114 00:10:32,657 --> 00:10:35,201 intense physical activity. 115 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,995 What makes you think I'm expecting? 116 00:10:41,458 --> 00:10:43,125 No, no, I'm sorry. 117 00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:45,086 I just heard you and Allan were trying. 118 00:10:45,087 --> 00:10:46,713 I... 119 00:10:47,589 --> 00:10:50,258 I apologize. I overstepped. 120 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,619 - Betty, I'm really sorry. - It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 121 00:10:58,642 --> 00:11:00,477 You really do have a wonderful singing voice. 122 00:11:00,977 --> 00:11:03,313 Thank you. Thank you. 123 00:11:07,025 --> 00:11:08,193 Got it, got it, got it! 124 00:11:10,695 --> 00:11:11,821 Are you okay? 125 00:11:11,822 --> 00:11:13,448 I'm fine. I'm fine. 126 00:11:14,199 --> 00:11:16,868 - Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah. 127 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,579 - Are you okay? - I'm fine. 128 00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,957 - Good. Okay. - You don't wanna sit for a bit? 129 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:25,751 No, I'm fine, Allan. I'm fine, thank you. 130 00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:27,461 - Alright. - Thanks. 131 00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:29,005 Sorry. I gotta communicate. 132 00:11:47,232 --> 00:11:49,734 What do you mean he smelled like sex? 133 00:11:50,735 --> 00:11:52,362 I mean he smelled like sex. 134 00:11:54,072 --> 00:11:57,534 - Are we talkin' about the same Allan Gore? - Oh yeah. I know. 135 00:11:58,702 --> 00:12:02,664 I know, but how a man looks and smells can be two totally different things. 136 00:12:03,832 --> 00:12:05,500 And plus. 137 00:12:06,376 --> 00:12:07,377 Plus what? 138 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,088 Well, I was kind of 139 00:12:11,423 --> 00:12:13,466 gettin' the sense that he was likin' the smell of me, too. 140 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:15,107 Like it could maybe go in that direction. 141 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:16,969 What direction? 142 00:12:17,929 --> 00:12:20,182 - I'm not sayin' that I would ever... - Candy! 143 00:12:26,730 --> 00:12:28,690 It's just this whole thing with Jackie. 144 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:33,695 Maybe it's just kind of opened up a can. 145 00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:36,823 What can? 146 00:12:38,241 --> 00:12:41,661 The "content is not all it's cracked up to be" can. 147 00:12:43,580 --> 00:12:45,331 You know, my father, he used to say to me, 148 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,710 "Candy, if you ain't growing, you're dying." 149 00:12:49,628 --> 00:12:51,253 And he would also say, 150 00:12:51,254 --> 00:12:53,256 "If you ain't searching 151 00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:56,927 you're lost." 152 00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:01,056 Allan Gore? 153 00:13:04,434 --> 00:13:06,393 I mean, he'd be "fall-in-love-proof," anyway. 154 00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:07,978 Just take a look at him. 155 00:13:07,979 --> 00:13:10,273 Who could be more "fall-in-love-proof" than that? 156 00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:28,018 Gary, would you like to share your poem? 157 00:14:28,810 --> 00:14:31,312 Okay. It's short. 158 00:14:31,313 --> 00:14:34,690 That's fine. Some of my favorite poems are short. 159 00:14:34,691 --> 00:14:36,651 Haikus are quite wonderful, in fact. 160 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,031 "On my brand new toilet 161 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,159 I did the same thing." 162 00:14:51,541 --> 00:14:54,210 It's about the folly of materialism. 163 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,049 God, I totally get it. 164 00:15:00,258 --> 00:15:03,677 We all think that we can change our lives with stuff, you know? 165 00:15:03,678 --> 00:15:06,347 I do it all the time with shoes or whatever. 166 00:15:06,348 --> 00:15:09,028 If I could just have that or just get this things will be different. 167 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,810 Mine's actually got a similar theme about "wanting." 168 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,895 - Yeah? - Yeah. 169 00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,648 - Let's hear it, Candy. - Okay. 170 00:15:15,398 --> 00:15:18,902 - It's called, "My Heart Asked." - What a lovely title. 171 00:15:23,114 --> 00:15:25,700 "My heart asked, 'What's the answer?' 172 00:15:27,452 --> 00:15:30,704 "I said, 'What answer?' It said, 'You know.' 173 00:15:30,705 --> 00:15:34,584 "I said, 'I don't know. I give up. What's the answer?' 174 00:15:36,127 --> 00:15:37,545 "And the heart said, 175 00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:41,466 'The answer is don't give up.'" 176 00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,654 - Good night, Sherry. - See you at home. 177 00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:47,449 - Bye, Candy! - See ya. 178 00:17:32,994 --> 00:17:34,996 Allan! Hi! 179 00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:38,874 - Hey, Candy. - Hey. 180 00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:41,252 I want to talk to you sometime about 181 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:44,182 something that's been bothering me a little. 182 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,010 How about right now? 183 00:17:50,428 --> 00:17:51,638 Sure. 184 00:18:01,773 --> 00:18:03,941 I've been thinking about you a lot, 185 00:18:03,942 --> 00:18:05,944 and it's really been bothering me, and I'm not 186 00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:10,156 sure whether I want you to do anything about it or not. 187 00:18:21,626 --> 00:18:23,794 I'm very attracted to you. 188 00:18:23,795 --> 00:18:26,756 And I'm just tired of thinkin' about it, so I wanted to tell you that. 189 00:19:08,423 --> 00:19:10,424 You seriously got in his car? 190 00:19:10,425 --> 00:19:12,175 I did. 191 00:19:12,176 --> 00:19:15,471 - And told him you were thinking about him? - I did. 192 00:19:16,264 --> 00:19:18,223 And what did he say? 193 00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:20,475 He said, "Oh. Okay." 194 00:19:20,476 --> 00:19:22,312 - That's it? - Pretty much. 195 00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:25,647 Are you sure this is really about Allan Gore 196 00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:28,359 and not about you wantin' to be reckless? 197 00:19:29,277 --> 00:19:30,695 Maybe a little of both. 198 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,490 But also men, they get to go to their jobs 199 00:19:35,491 --> 00:19:37,327 and live in their careers and 200 00:19:38,369 --> 00:19:40,663 we just stay home and 201 00:19:42,707 --> 00:19:44,334 God, that's supposed to be enough. 202 00:19:47,962 --> 00:19:49,797 Look at our kids right now on that jungle gym. 203 00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:54,343 It is human nature to take risks. 204 00:19:54,344 --> 00:19:58,765 To go for somethin' with a little thrill at the risk of falling. 205 00:19:59,474 --> 00:20:01,017 I mean, look at their faces. 206 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,020 They are more alive than we are. 207 00:20:08,733 --> 00:20:10,151 It's not appropriate. 208 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,322 - Why? - Because it's not. 209 00:20:15,156 --> 00:20:18,700 Where did you even get all of this stuff? 210 00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:19,743 Jenny's mom. 211 00:20:19,744 --> 00:20:21,245 You're gonna have to pick another costume. 212 00:20:21,246 --> 00:20:23,205 - Why? - I told you, it's not appropriate, 213 00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:25,582 - especially for a girl your age. - Dad! 214 00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:27,125 No, no! Never mind. 215 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,378 I will not have you out on the streets trick or treating as a trollop. 216 00:20:29,379 --> 00:20:30,838 We will find something better. 217 00:20:31,214 --> 00:20:33,800 This is why I did not want her seeing that movie! 218 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:37,302 - "Grease"? That's a family picture, honey. - No, no. 219 00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:40,181 It's a bunch of talk of girls putting out. 220 00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:53,068 - You're judging me. - I am not judging you. 221 00:20:53,069 --> 00:20:55,905 Allan, you do some of your best commentary with silence. 222 00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:01,369 One of the reasons 223 00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,372 why I go silent is because when you get like this, 224 00:21:05,373 --> 00:21:06,916 I don't know what to say. 225 00:21:08,626 --> 00:21:10,106 I don't know what you want me to say. 226 00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:19,052 The first time I took my wife out, I knew she wasn't smart. 227 00:21:19,053 --> 00:21:20,013 Why's that. 228 00:21:20,014 --> 00:21:21,513 I took her to a drive-in movie, you know, 229 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,557 and I asked if she wanted to go in the back seat, you know. 230 00:21:23,558 --> 00:21:25,238 She said she'd rather use the ladies' room! 231 00:21:28,146 --> 00:21:30,230 But the day I got married, that was something. 232 00:21:30,231 --> 00:21:31,982 Everybody was crying. 233 00:21:31,983 --> 00:21:34,234 During the ceremony, her mother cried, you know? 234 00:21:34,235 --> 00:21:36,361 All the way to the hotel, my wife cried. 235 00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,489 And when she got undressed, I cried, you know? 236 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:44,871 Did you read my short? 237 00:21:45,997 --> 00:21:47,206 Sorry? 238 00:21:48,666 --> 00:21:52,003 My short story from writing class. I asked if you would read it. 239 00:21:52,754 --> 00:21:54,589 I did. Excellent. 240 00:21:57,133 --> 00:21:58,509 Yeah? What was it about? 241 00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:01,429 It was about swans. 242 00:22:03,264 --> 00:22:04,515 What about swans? 243 00:22:05,475 --> 00:22:08,686 Wow. If I knew there was gonna be a test, I would've studied harder. 244 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,230 Then study harder, Pat. 245 00:22:11,898 --> 00:22:13,107 You have a Ph.D. 246 00:22:13,858 --> 00:22:15,777 Yep. Not in swans, though. 247 00:22:18,029 --> 00:22:19,781 Yep. 248 00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:26,787 - Let me read it again. - My car, I tell you, Johnny. 249 00:22:26,788 --> 00:22:28,914 - Bad car? - I got the only car 250 00:22:28,915 --> 00:22:30,124 dogs chase it, they catch it. 251 00:22:35,630 --> 00:22:38,007 I told the graduating class... 252 00:23:53,291 --> 00:23:56,710 It's not about repainting or redoing. We need a new sanctuary. 253 00:23:56,711 --> 00:24:00,380 Well, a church is more about its parishioners than its hardscape, Jo Ann. 254 00:24:00,381 --> 00:24:02,340 That may be well and true, but this church 255 00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:04,384 isn't gonna be anything if we don't grow the congregation. 256 00:24:04,385 --> 00:24:05,802 And for that, we need a new facility. 257 00:24:05,803 --> 00:24:08,306 It's not just that it's old, Jackie. It's crappy. 258 00:24:09,140 --> 00:24:12,434 Nobody looking for a new house of worship wants crappy. 259 00:24:12,435 --> 00:24:13,519 It should make a statement. 260 00:24:14,187 --> 00:24:16,189 Especially if we wanna draw the younger couples. 261 00:24:16,814 --> 00:24:18,982 Well, aren't we supposed to be the younger couples? 262 00:24:18,983 --> 00:24:20,484 Where's your head, Allan? 263 00:24:23,070 --> 00:24:24,280 I'm sorry? What? 264 00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:27,700 Where's your head? You think we need a new sanctuary? 265 00:24:31,537 --> 00:24:33,664 - Well... - You know, the thing about 266 00:24:34,415 --> 00:24:36,667 religion and life and love 267 00:24:37,501 --> 00:24:39,295 is that there's renewal in it. 268 00:24:40,004 --> 00:24:43,466 And, to me, nothing sells renewal better than 269 00:24:44,717 --> 00:24:46,177 you know, something new. 270 00:24:48,095 --> 00:24:51,181 I agree. We need a major building. 271 00:24:51,182 --> 00:24:53,309 So if we look at our finances 272 00:24:54,477 --> 00:24:57,188 year-to-date, and we see 273 00:24:57,855 --> 00:24:59,941 that we are already... 274 00:25:20,962 --> 00:25:25,006 Well, you would think the teams themselves would have to clean up, not the referees, 275 00:25:25,007 --> 00:25:27,842 but I suppose that would just make too much sense, wouldn't it? 276 00:25:27,843 --> 00:25:30,011 Well, are we still on for coffee tomorrow? 277 00:25:30,012 --> 00:25:31,681 Is the sun still planning to rise? 278 00:25:32,682 --> 00:25:34,016 Well, I'll call you! 279 00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:40,480 So is Betty not feeling too good again? 280 00:25:40,481 --> 00:25:45,694 Some headaches and so forth. Probably stress-related. 281 00:25:45,695 --> 00:25:50,324 You haven't got any tricks up your sleeve to relax your bride, Allan? 282 00:25:51,575 --> 00:25:53,703 Betty's seen all my tricks. 283 00:25:56,205 --> 00:25:58,332 Well, this is me. 284 00:26:00,001 --> 00:26:01,626 You tell her that I hope she's feeling better and 285 00:26:01,627 --> 00:26:05,255 she can always drop Alisa off if she wants to rest. 286 00:26:05,256 --> 00:26:07,258 - I'll tell her that. Thank you. - Yeah. 287 00:26:08,467 --> 00:26:10,136 You sure I can trust you two alone? 288 00:26:16,475 --> 00:26:17,977 Well, good night. 289 00:26:21,063 --> 00:26:22,063 Candy. 290 00:26:27,361 --> 00:26:30,823 Before, in the car. 291 00:26:32,408 --> 00:26:35,661 What exactly was it that you had in mind? 292 00:26:41,542 --> 00:26:42,542 Get in. 293 00:26:55,097 --> 00:26:57,683 Would you be interested in having an affair? 294 00:27:04,190 --> 00:27:05,690 It's just something I've been thinkin' about 295 00:27:05,691 --> 00:27:09,028 and so I wanted to say it, so I don't have to think about it anymore. 296 00:27:15,034 --> 00:27:16,618 Okay. Well, I got my answer. 297 00:27:16,619 --> 00:27:18,287 No, no, it's just. 298 00:27:21,123 --> 00:27:22,333 I don't think I could. 299 00:27:23,459 --> 00:27:24,835 You know, I love Betty. 300 00:27:28,631 --> 00:27:31,508 And when we were living in New Mexico, she had an affair. 301 00:27:31,509 --> 00:27:33,010 Betty did? 302 00:27:33,761 --> 00:27:35,387 Well, I can't believe that. 303 00:27:35,388 --> 00:27:37,347 I know. I couldn't believe it either. 304 00:27:37,348 --> 00:27:39,641 It hurt me a lot and I wouldn't want to do that to her. 305 00:27:39,642 --> 00:27:41,768 That's fine, Allan. 306 00:27:41,769 --> 00:27:43,937 I love Pat, too, and I wouldn't wanna do anything 307 00:27:43,938 --> 00:27:46,022 to hurt him either. 308 00:27:46,023 --> 00:27:48,025 - I like Pat. - Yeah. 309 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:52,947 He has the best voice in the choir. 310 00:27:56,659 --> 00:27:59,578 - Also, Betty just got pregnant again. - Really? 311 00:28:00,830 --> 00:28:03,124 Just recently. 312 00:28:04,166 --> 00:28:06,919 So that would really be unfair to her. 313 00:28:08,504 --> 00:28:11,297 Especially since I don't feel the same way about you 314 00:28:11,298 --> 00:28:13,008 that I do about her. 315 00:28:14,844 --> 00:28:16,684 So, I probably couldn't do something like that. 316 00:28:17,596 --> 00:28:19,180 Okay. 317 00:28:19,181 --> 00:28:21,933 I was just putting the option out there because of how I felt. 318 00:28:21,934 --> 00:28:24,979 But I certainly don't want to hurt you or your marriage. 319 00:28:26,605 --> 00:28:28,524 All I wanted to do was 320 00:28:30,151 --> 00:28:31,484 go to bed. 321 00:28:31,485 --> 00:28:35,072 But I won't mention it again. 322 00:28:43,038 --> 00:28:44,038 Good night. 323 00:28:58,929 --> 00:29:00,889 I feel so humiliated. 324 00:29:00,890 --> 00:29:03,141 It's probably for the best, sweetheart. 325 00:29:03,142 --> 00:29:07,562 Well, I wasn't looking for what's best. I was out for something more transcendent. 326 00:29:07,563 --> 00:29:11,108 And he broached it! He invited the conversation. 327 00:29:12,026 --> 00:29:13,651 What exactly did he say? 328 00:29:13,652 --> 00:29:19,824 He asked me what I had in mind when he knew very well what I had in mind. 329 00:29:19,825 --> 00:29:22,828 And then he climbed into my car. I mean, come on. 330 00:29:24,121 --> 00:29:26,832 And why did he kiss me? 331 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,000 Right on the lips. 332 00:29:29,376 --> 00:29:32,129 It wasn't exactly passionate. 333 00:29:33,047 --> 00:29:35,257 But it wasn't a brotherly kiss either. 334 00:29:35,758 --> 00:29:39,219 Well, men kiss all the time when they don't mean it. 335 00:29:39,220 --> 00:29:41,638 No, I think he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 336 00:29:41,639 --> 00:29:43,999 He doesn't wanna hate himself for being unfaithful to Betty. 337 00:29:44,558 --> 00:29:46,977 So he's waitin' for me to make it happen. 338 00:29:48,687 --> 00:29:50,606 Well, he can forget about that. 339 00:29:51,607 --> 00:29:54,108 I played my cards, and that will be that. 340 00:29:54,109 --> 00:29:55,194 Mornin'. 341 00:30:08,666 --> 00:30:10,375 Well, my word in Heaven, are you a bird? 342 00:30:10,376 --> 00:30:12,210 No, wait. You're a plane, aren't you? 343 00:30:12,211 --> 00:30:13,878 I'm Superman! 344 00:30:13,879 --> 00:30:16,089 You're Superman! You're a man of steel! 345 00:30:16,090 --> 00:30:18,130 And you might be the super-est one I have ever seen. 346 00:30:18,717 --> 00:30:21,302 - Well, thank you. - Well, you're welcome. Hey, honey! 347 00:30:21,303 --> 00:30:23,263 - Hey, Mom. - You're back already, huh? 348 00:30:23,264 --> 00:30:26,307 - Just to drop off. I filled my pumpkin. - Yes, you did. 349 00:30:26,308 --> 00:30:28,978 I'm just gonna go dump it and come back out. 350 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,021 Well, what do you expect to do with all that candy, young lady? 351 00:30:32,022 --> 00:30:34,024 - I'll trade with Ian. - Okay. 352 00:30:35,943 --> 00:30:38,528 - Thanks for walking with them. - Sure, sure. 353 00:30:38,529 --> 00:30:40,071 Did you see Pat and Ian on your travels? 354 00:30:40,072 --> 00:30:42,991 I did see a pretty scary Elvis. 355 00:30:42,992 --> 00:30:45,327 Yep, that would be Pat. 356 00:30:46,161 --> 00:30:48,121 Him and Elvis, it's kinda hard to tell them apart. 357 00:30:49,790 --> 00:30:51,249 Come on, Dad. Let's go. 358 00:30:51,250 --> 00:30:52,959 - Okay. Bye. - Trick or treat! 359 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,046 Oh, my goodness, look at you! Buzz, buzz, buzz! 360 00:30:57,298 --> 00:30:59,215 If I could only have a brain! 361 00:30:59,216 --> 00:31:02,218 Look how cute you guys look. And look at you. 362 00:31:02,219 --> 00:31:05,514 Don't sting me! The Wicked Witch of the West! 363 00:31:16,108 --> 00:31:17,817 Happy birthday to you 364 00:31:17,818 --> 00:31:20,445 - Oh, my God. - I brought you a confection. 365 00:31:20,446 --> 00:31:21,446 Yes. 366 00:31:21,447 --> 00:31:23,615 And at the bakery, they said if we ate it before 10:00 AM, 367 00:31:23,616 --> 00:31:25,033 it won't make our asses fat. 368 00:31:25,034 --> 00:31:27,411 At least, not completely. 369 00:31:28,454 --> 00:31:30,914 - Then, shall we? Hurry up! - Yes, we shall! 370 00:31:34,668 --> 00:31:36,252 This is why your people follow you. 371 00:31:36,253 --> 00:31:37,796 Yeah. I let them eat cake. 372 00:31:38,714 --> 00:31:40,798 So, listen. 373 00:31:40,799 --> 00:31:42,592 I don't like the sound of that. 374 00:31:42,593 --> 00:31:45,428 Remember I told you about that other job offer 375 00:31:45,429 --> 00:31:47,597 I had at Midwestern University? 376 00:31:47,598 --> 00:31:50,099 - Which you turned down. - Yeah, well. 377 00:31:50,100 --> 00:31:53,478 - It turns out I reconsidered. - What do you mean? 378 00:31:53,479 --> 00:31:57,733 It was pointed out that the bishop doesn't make offers like this every day. 379 00:31:59,276 --> 00:32:03,196 - But it's in Wichita Falls. - I'll come back and forth. 380 00:32:03,197 --> 00:32:04,989 What do you mean you'll come back and forth? 381 00:32:04,990 --> 00:32:07,575 It's, like, 200 miles away. 382 00:32:07,576 --> 00:32:09,662 Candy, this is my next calling. 383 00:32:11,246 --> 00:32:12,622 What am I gonna do? 384 00:32:12,623 --> 00:32:14,082 - You're my best friend. - Our friendship won't change. 385 00:32:14,083 --> 00:32:16,417 No, but you won't be here. 386 00:32:16,418 --> 00:32:19,212 - And who's gonna replace you? - We'll find somebody great. 387 00:32:19,213 --> 00:32:22,006 Somebody who can get the new sanctuary built. 388 00:32:22,007 --> 00:32:24,093 Oh, my God. 389 00:32:24,885 --> 00:32:28,262 You are the only one I have to talk to here, Jackie. 390 00:32:28,263 --> 00:32:30,556 That is not true. You have Sherry. 391 00:32:30,557 --> 00:32:33,518 And you're the belle of the ball at church. 392 00:32:33,519 --> 00:32:36,271 I mean Sherry is Sherry but 393 00:32:37,731 --> 00:32:39,525 honey, you're my heart. 394 00:32:51,161 --> 00:32:52,912 Hello? 395 00:32:52,913 --> 00:32:55,833 Candy. Hi, it's Allan. Allan Gore. 396 00:32:56,917 --> 00:32:59,962 - Hey. - Hey. Hi. 397 00:33:03,674 --> 00:33:07,969 I have to go to McKinney tomorrow to get my tires checked and rotated, 398 00:33:07,970 --> 00:33:10,179 and I know it's a drive, 399 00:33:10,180 --> 00:33:13,976 but I was wondering if you might like to have some lunch with me. 400 00:33:15,936 --> 00:33:22,234 You know, to talk a little more about what we were talking about before. 401 00:33:22,818 --> 00:33:23,818 Okay. 402 00:33:25,154 --> 00:33:26,572 Okay, fine. 403 00:33:27,448 --> 00:33:29,032 Well, how's 12:00? 404 00:33:30,075 --> 00:33:31,993 - I'll meet you there. - Okay. 405 00:33:31,994 --> 00:33:34,705 - Meet you there. Bye-bye. - Okay. 406 00:33:43,380 --> 00:33:45,215 - Where were we? - Who was that? 407 00:33:46,133 --> 00:33:49,261 - It's just somebody. - Somebody? 408 00:33:51,805 --> 00:33:54,183 Somebody I'm thinkin' about having an affair with. 409 00:33:57,102 --> 00:33:59,383 You told me that 'cause you want me to talk you out of it. 410 00:34:01,482 --> 00:34:03,233 Pat and I, we... 411 00:34:05,569 --> 00:34:07,320 Well, we kind of hit a plateau. 412 00:34:07,321 --> 00:34:09,197 Every marriage hits one of them. 413 00:34:09,198 --> 00:34:11,407 Well, I suppose yours did and you did nothing about it. 414 00:34:11,408 --> 00:34:15,203 Meaning what? If I'd had an affair, Bill would still be taking out my garbage? 415 00:34:15,204 --> 00:34:21,960 I'm talking about my garbage right now, and not wanting to settle for it. 416 00:34:24,004 --> 00:34:26,297 Sorry, that came out wrong. Pat is not garbage. 417 00:34:26,298 --> 00:34:29,675 Candy, I got front-door friends and back-door friends. 418 00:34:29,676 --> 00:34:32,011 Front-door friends show up when they have a reason. 419 00:34:32,012 --> 00:34:34,765 They knock. They say the right thing. 420 00:34:35,474 --> 00:34:38,142 Back-door friends, they just bang in through the kitchen door 421 00:34:38,143 --> 00:34:40,145 and drop whatever's on their mind. 422 00:34:41,438 --> 00:34:42,814 You are my best back-door friend 423 00:34:42,815 --> 00:34:46,025 so I am gonna drop my mind on your table here. 424 00:34:46,026 --> 00:34:49,112 This will come to no good. 425 00:34:50,823 --> 00:34:53,867 Jackie, I have done all the things a wife is supposed to do. 426 00:34:55,327 --> 00:34:58,413 The house, the kids, the meals. 427 00:35:01,458 --> 00:35:03,919 Where is the payback? 428 00:35:04,795 --> 00:35:05,795 Honey. 429 00:35:06,922 --> 00:35:09,383 This is the payback. 430 00:35:10,342 --> 00:35:13,262 Take it from me. Somebody who lost it. 431 00:35:18,267 --> 00:35:20,143 I can see your mind's made up. 432 00:35:37,035 --> 00:35:38,870 - Thanks again, Ronnie. - You're welcome. 433 00:35:38,871 --> 00:35:41,790 - Don't work too hard. - All right. 434 00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:46,252 Hi! You're here. 435 00:35:46,253 --> 00:35:47,880 - Hi. - Hey. 436 00:35:48,714 --> 00:35:50,465 Brought you this little card. 437 00:35:59,391 --> 00:36:01,143 That is so sweet. 438 00:36:03,854 --> 00:36:05,188 There you are. 439 00:36:06,315 --> 00:36:07,482 Thank you. 440 00:36:08,650 --> 00:36:10,651 I just worry, you know? 441 00:36:10,652 --> 00:36:13,863 Jackie is the church, when you think about it. 442 00:36:13,864 --> 00:36:16,449 I just hope she doesn't become a stranger. 443 00:36:16,450 --> 00:36:19,494 Well, how can she not? At least a little. 444 00:36:19,995 --> 00:36:22,414 Wichita Falls is a three-hour drive last I checked. 445 00:36:23,123 --> 00:36:25,723 And, frankly, I don't know how we're gonna go about replacing her. 446 00:36:27,377 --> 00:36:29,796 And I don't wanna belong to some stodgy-podgy church. 447 00:36:31,048 --> 00:36:33,258 - No, that would be awful. - Awful. 448 00:36:38,889 --> 00:36:41,266 Well, should we talk about our kids now? 449 00:36:41,892 --> 00:36:43,768 Or maybe more Pat. 450 00:36:43,769 --> 00:36:47,272 He was a champion trumpeter in high school. Did I cover that? 451 00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:57,239 I'm sorry. I've never done anything like this before. 452 00:36:57,240 --> 00:36:59,242 I haven't either. 453 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,961 I would never be able to forgive myself if Betty ever found out. 454 00:37:10,754 --> 00:37:14,006 That would just be devastating to her. 455 00:37:14,007 --> 00:37:15,841 I feel the same. 456 00:37:15,842 --> 00:37:20,639 We would have to be so careful that no one would ever know except us. 457 00:37:21,974 --> 00:37:23,266 That's right. 458 00:37:24,601 --> 00:37:26,728 I've been thinking a lot about what you said about 459 00:37:28,021 --> 00:37:29,522 just wanting to go to bed, 460 00:37:29,523 --> 00:37:35,111 not getting too emotionally involved and so forth. 461 00:37:35,112 --> 00:37:37,239 That would be very important to me. 462 00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:39,241 Me, too, Allan. 463 00:37:41,201 --> 00:37:43,620 God, I just wanna enjoy myself. 464 00:37:45,998 --> 00:37:50,669 Without hurting myself or anyone else. 465 00:37:56,466 --> 00:37:57,967 Well, 466 00:37:57,968 --> 00:38:00,971 I think we should think about it some more. 467 00:38:02,139 --> 00:38:04,932 Think about the hazards and decide 468 00:38:04,933 --> 00:38:07,686 whether or not we're willing to take the risk. 469 00:38:10,647 --> 00:38:13,233 Fine. Yeah, I think we should. 470 00:38:17,988 --> 00:38:20,615 So, that's the plan then? Think about it some more? 471 00:38:21,408 --> 00:38:22,408 I think so. 472 00:39:46,368 --> 00:39:49,870 I'm not sure how many more of these strategy session I can take. 473 00:39:49,871 --> 00:39:51,747 Yeah, I know. 474 00:39:51,748 --> 00:39:54,625 - We just can't be too careful. - You know, 475 00:39:54,626 --> 00:39:57,629 if you don't go to bed with me pretty soon, 476 00:39:59,005 --> 00:40:01,382 you'll never be able to live up 477 00:40:01,383 --> 00:40:04,969 to the expectations I have of you in bed. 478 00:40:04,970 --> 00:40:08,765 Yeah, don't think I haven't thought about that. 479 00:40:12,686 --> 00:40:15,397 Maybe just one more planning session. 480 00:40:16,857 --> 00:40:19,316 - We can have it here. - At your house? 481 00:40:19,317 --> 00:40:22,529 Yeah, we can meet for lunch. People need to eat, right? 482 00:40:32,998 --> 00:40:34,374 How was work today? 483 00:40:36,835 --> 00:40:38,587 It's pretty good. Kind of the same. 484 00:40:45,468 --> 00:40:47,929 Have you been going over your list, Allan? 485 00:40:50,849 --> 00:40:52,517 - I'm sorry, what? - The list. 486 00:40:53,894 --> 00:40:55,854 The list of potential baby names. 487 00:40:58,648 --> 00:41:00,065 - I will. - You will? 488 00:41:00,066 --> 00:41:01,568 Yeah. 489 00:41:03,069 --> 00:41:04,069 Okay. 490 00:41:09,326 --> 00:41:13,120 If either of us wants it to end for whatever reason, then it ends. 491 00:41:13,121 --> 00:41:14,206 Agreed. 492 00:41:15,207 --> 00:41:20,086 If either of us get too emotionally involved, then it ends. 493 00:41:20,837 --> 00:41:22,547 We should make that rule number one. 494 00:41:23,298 --> 00:41:25,008 Sure. Okay. 495 00:41:27,802 --> 00:41:31,138 Okay. And if we start taking risks 496 00:41:31,139 --> 00:41:33,307 that shouldn't be taken, then the affair ends. 497 00:41:33,308 --> 00:41:36,561 - And we should always meet out of town. - Agree, agree, agree. 498 00:41:41,733 --> 00:41:48,030 All expenses, gas, motel, food, will be shared equally. 499 00:41:48,031 --> 00:41:51,825 We'll meet only on weekdays, and I'll be in charge 500 00:41:51,826 --> 00:41:54,328 of fixing lunch on the days that we meet, 501 00:41:54,329 --> 00:41:55,789 so that we just have more time. 502 00:41:56,498 --> 00:41:59,125 And I'll also be in charge of getting the motel room. 503 00:41:59,668 --> 00:42:02,086 Same reason. It just gives us more quality time. 504 00:42:02,087 --> 00:42:03,087 Shall we 505 00:42:04,673 --> 00:42:07,842 set a date for the affair to begin? 506 00:42:12,305 --> 00:42:13,848 Let's go with December 12th. 507 00:42:14,516 --> 00:42:15,516 December 12th? 508 00:42:16,810 --> 00:42:17,978 This year. 509 00:42:19,437 --> 00:42:20,772 Great. 510 00:42:21,982 --> 00:42:24,150 December 12th it is. 511 00:42:27,070 --> 00:42:29,321 Oh, Margaret, you don't know what it does to me, 512 00:42:29,322 --> 00:42:31,950 being near you all day in surgery, only able to touch... 513 00:42:42,168 --> 00:42:44,086 You alright? 514 00:42:44,087 --> 00:42:45,297 I'm good. 515 00:42:46,589 --> 00:42:50,092 This song gives me goosebumps. 516 00:42:50,093 --> 00:42:53,221 I'm the same way about "Pennsylvania 6-5000." 517 00:42:57,726 --> 00:42:59,144 What are you doin'? 518 00:43:01,688 --> 00:43:02,939 What am I doin'? 519 00:43:03,773 --> 00:43:07,610 You once told me that your favorite character was Snugglepuss. 520 00:43:08,570 --> 00:43:10,904 Did you not tell me that, Pat? 521 00:43:10,905 --> 00:43:12,907 Snagglepuss. 522 00:43:55,533 --> 00:43:57,285 Hey, angel girl. 523 00:43:58,620 --> 00:44:00,537 Come out smarter than you go in. 524 00:44:00,538 --> 00:44:02,289 I will, Mom. 525 00:44:02,290 --> 00:44:04,010 - And no talking to boys. - You're so silly. 526 00:44:16,846 --> 00:44:19,724 Okay, buddy. Next stop, preschool. 527 00:46:26,100 --> 00:46:27,309 Hello? 528 00:46:27,310 --> 00:46:28,810 I'm at the Continental Inn 529 00:46:28,811 --> 00:46:31,856 on the Central Expressway towards Dallas, room 214. 530 00:46:32,941 --> 00:46:35,860 I will be there in a few minutes. 531 00:47:53,813 --> 00:47:55,231 What am I doin'? 532 00:48:03,281 --> 00:48:05,950 And show our boys some red and blue pride. 533 00:48:08,453 --> 00:48:09,995 time for a couple of calls. 534 00:48:09,996 --> 00:48:12,164 Hello, Darcy. Welcome to The Dan Ram Show. 535 00:48:12,165 --> 00:48:15,043 Hey, Dan, thanks for taking my call. 536 00:48:59,837 --> 00:49:01,005 I made lunch. 537 00:49:03,549 --> 00:49:05,229 Well, you look beautiful. Really beautiful. 538 00:49:06,260 --> 00:49:07,679 Thank you. 539 00:49:11,683 --> 00:49:13,851 - Well, we should eat. - Excellent. 540 00:49:16,229 --> 00:49:19,023 Wow. Looks delicious. 541 00:49:19,941 --> 00:49:21,109 Sorry. 542 00:49:27,031 --> 00:49:30,784 You know, I've probably driven past this motel a thousand times 543 00:49:30,785 --> 00:49:32,369 and hardly knew it was here. 544 00:49:32,370 --> 00:49:33,913 Yeah, it's funny that way. 545 00:49:34,831 --> 00:49:36,541 Life. You know, the 546 00:49:37,458 --> 00:49:39,419 bland and innocuous can 547 00:49:41,170 --> 00:49:43,881 suddenly take on vivid hues and colors. 548 00:49:49,095 --> 00:49:50,596 I take a creative writing class. 549 00:49:51,431 --> 00:49:54,142 - Well, that was really good. - Thank you. 550 00:49:55,476 --> 00:49:58,938 I would love to read some of your writing sometime. 551 00:49:59,647 --> 00:50:00,606 Really? 552 00:50:00,607 --> 00:50:02,941 Well, that would make one of you 553 00:50:02,942 --> 00:50:04,693 'cause Pat has no interest, 554 00:50:04,694 --> 00:50:07,195 and I read all of his stuff on electromagnetics... 555 00:50:07,196 --> 00:50:08,865 Are we talking about Pat now? 556 00:50:10,074 --> 00:50:13,369 No, sorry. We're definitely not. 557 00:50:43,816 --> 00:50:45,067 Are you just gonna stand there? 558 00:50:46,486 --> 00:50:47,653 Yes. 559 00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:28,652 Sorry. 560 00:51:28,653 --> 00:51:31,405 Allan, have you never been French kissed before? 561 00:51:35,159 --> 00:51:38,121 You've never had a woman's tongue in your mouth? 562 00:51:43,751 --> 00:51:45,878 Well, I think you're gonna quite like it. 563 00:53:16,218 --> 00:53:18,638 - Are you okay? - I am. 564 00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:21,933 So okay. 565 00:53:25,186 --> 00:53:27,355 - You? - Oh, yeah. 566 00:53:29,357 --> 00:53:30,357 Yeah. 567 00:53:30,816 --> 00:53:32,693 That was wonderful, Candy. 568 00:53:35,613 --> 00:53:37,490 You're wonderful. 569 00:53:42,078 --> 00:53:43,954 We need to shower. 570 00:53:43,955 --> 00:53:45,789 I probably should have added that to the list. 571 00:53:45,790 --> 00:53:48,375 Always shower after 572 00:53:48,376 --> 00:53:51,795 and that way, we won't smell like each other. 573 00:53:51,796 --> 00:53:54,382 - Yeah. - Yeah. Oh, and Allan. 574 00:53:55,633 --> 00:53:56,717 Allan. 575 00:53:57,635 --> 00:53:59,512 That was 576 00:54:01,138 --> 00:54:02,556 wonderful. 577 00:54:09,981 --> 00:54:10,981 Okay.