1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,314 --> 00:00:03,064 In the fall of 2011, Lily and Marshall received 2 00:00:03,065 --> 00:00:05,098 a surprising gift from Lily's grandparents: 3 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,850 their house in Long Island. 4 00:00:06,852 --> 00:00:10,820 Lily and Marshall decided to sell it for one simple reason. 5 00:00:10,822 --> 00:00:12,188 It's Long Island. 6 00:00:12,190 --> 00:00:14,574 I don't want to spend my Saturday in Long Island. 7 00:00:14,576 --> 00:00:15,859 I know, babe, 8 00:00:15,861 --> 00:00:17,944 but the realtor staged the place with fake furniture 9 00:00:17,946 --> 00:00:20,330 and she wants us to check it out before the open house. 10 00:00:20,332 --> 00:00:21,348 All right. 11 00:00:21,350 --> 00:00:23,366 Can we at least do it on the fake bed? 12 00:00:23,368 --> 00:00:26,336 I'm embarrassed that you have to ask. 13 00:00:26,338 --> 00:00:28,371 So, they headed out to Long Island, 14 00:00:28,373 --> 00:00:31,274 and when they walked in the door... 15 00:00:31,276 --> 00:00:33,076 We'll take it! 16 00:00:33,078 --> 00:00:34,427 We-We can't take it. 17 00:00:34,429 --> 00:00:36,262 We're the ones selling it. 18 00:00:36,264 --> 00:00:38,431 We are selling it, right? 19 00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:40,517 Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright. 20 00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:42,585 So, the way I see it, we have five options. 21 00:00:42,587 --> 00:00:43,686 One: sell it. 22 00:00:43,688 --> 00:00:45,889 Two: year-round haunted house. 23 00:00:45,891 --> 00:00:49,926 Three: giant fence around the perimeter, chimp sanctuary. 24 00:00:49,928 --> 00:00:51,260 There's already a tire swing in the backyard. 25 00:00:51,262 --> 00:00:53,563 Four: we destroy it with sledgehammers. 26 00:00:53,565 --> 00:00:55,281 I like four. 27 00:00:55,283 --> 00:00:58,701 Or five: we move in, raise our children 28 00:00:58,703 --> 00:01:00,770 and make this our family home. 29 00:01:00,772 --> 00:01:03,123 Till they graduate. 30 00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:05,992 Then we destroy it with sledgehammers. 31 00:01:05,994 --> 00:01:08,795 As a family. 32 00:01:08,797 --> 00:01:10,747 No, this is crazy! 33 00:01:10,749 --> 00:01:11,998 We are New York people. 34 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,617 We have a big, beautiful apartment that we love. 35 00:01:14,619 --> 00:01:15,718 You're right. 36 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,120 But something happened 37 00:01:17,122 --> 00:01:18,505 to Lily and Marshall that day. 38 00:01:18,507 --> 00:01:20,306 Something that happens to all New Yorkers 39 00:01:20,308 --> 00:01:23,143 who return home from anywhere other than New York. 40 00:01:23,145 --> 00:01:25,979 Their big, lovely apartment... 41 00:01:25,981 --> 00:01:27,847 Huh. That's weird. 44 00:01:45,447 --> 00:01:48,947 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x11 ♪ The Rebound Girl Original Air Date on November 21, 2011 45 00:01:48,948 --> 00:01:52,448 == sync, corrected by elderman == 46 00:02:01,735 --> 00:02:04,277 Now, kids, it had been a rough couple weeks for Barney. 47 00:02:04,782 --> 00:02:06,949 First, he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin, 48 00:02:06,951 --> 00:02:08,851 then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin, 49 00:02:08,853 --> 00:02:10,752 then Robin chose Kevin over him. 50 00:02:10,754 --> 00:02:13,038 So he was kind of in a bad place. 51 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,306 Hey. 52 00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:15,424 You all right? 53 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:16,925 Why wouldn't I be all right? 54 00:02:16,927 --> 00:02:18,176 Barney's single again! 55 00:02:18,178 --> 00:02:20,045 It's what America's been clamoring for. 56 00:02:20,047 --> 00:02:21,730 You just went through a break-up. 57 00:02:21,732 --> 00:02:23,315 That's usually when people do something crazy. 58 00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:25,234 If you were a girl, you'd have cut bangs 59 00:02:25,236 --> 00:02:27,185 and be dating you by now. 60 00:02:27,187 --> 00:02:29,187 Just promise me you won't do something crazy. 61 00:02:29,189 --> 00:02:31,440 I promise I won't do something crazy. 62 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:34,092 Don't worry, he's gonna do something crazy. 63 00:02:34,094 --> 00:02:36,745 In fact, I think I'm done with girls. 64 00:02:36,747 --> 00:02:38,730 I'm not sure I even like them anymore. 65 00:02:38,732 --> 00:02:40,415 Based on all the stuff you've done to them over the years, 66 00:02:40,417 --> 00:02:41,500 I'm not sure you ever liked them. 67 00:02:41,502 --> 00:02:43,368 I'm serious. 68 00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:44,586 Come on, you love girls. 69 00:02:44,588 --> 00:02:46,738 If anyone should be done with girls, it's me. 70 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:48,239 Look at the year I've had. 71 00:02:48,241 --> 00:02:50,175 Zoey, Victoria, the Slutty Pumpkin. 72 00:02:50,177 --> 00:02:52,594 Now I'm worried you're gonna do something crazy. 73 00:02:52,596 --> 00:02:54,429 I'm not gonna do something crazy. 74 00:02:54,431 --> 00:02:58,433 And yes, I'm gonna do something crazy, too. 75 00:02:58,435 --> 00:03:00,235 But girls, man. 76 00:03:00,237 --> 00:03:01,603 Girls. 77 00:03:01,605 --> 00:03:04,189 - You know what would kick ass? - Being gay? 78 00:03:04,191 --> 00:03:06,525 Being gay would kick ass! 79 00:03:06,527 --> 00:03:08,360 Word. Guys understand each other. 80 00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:09,978 Imagine a relationship where, 81 00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,947 instead of talking about feelings all the time, 82 00:03:11,949 --> 00:03:14,432 you just play some Madden, eat a pizza, 83 00:03:14,434 --> 00:03:16,234 give each other a happy, roll over 84 00:03:16,236 --> 00:03:17,869 and have some cuddle-free shut-eye. 85 00:03:17,871 --> 00:03:19,237 Bro, for what it's worth, 86 00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:22,491 if we were both gay, you'd be my first call. 87 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:24,459 Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that? 88 00:03:24,461 --> 00:03:25,494 'Cause he thinks... 89 00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:27,112 No, this is only in a scenario 90 00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:30,949 But if all three of us were gay, 91 00:03:30,951 --> 00:03:32,634 you'd pick me over Marshall, right? 92 00:03:32,636 --> 00:03:34,436 If all three of us were gay? 93 00:03:34,438 --> 00:03:38,307 Girlfriend, we would all three of us have some fun. 94 00:03:38,309 --> 00:03:40,342 Damn right we would. 95 00:03:42,512 --> 00:03:44,596 We're not gay. 96 00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:46,848 Nope. Stuck with girls. 97 00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:49,217 I wish men could have children 98 00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:50,736 on their own, like sea horses. 99 00:03:50,738 --> 00:03:52,487 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 100 00:03:52,489 --> 00:03:53,488 They have a little pouch. 101 00:03:53,490 --> 00:03:54,906 They should be called sea kangaroos. 102 00:03:54,908 --> 00:03:57,743 No, y-you want kids? 103 00:03:57,745 --> 00:04:00,979 Maybe I've kind of lately been thinking 104 00:04:00,981 --> 00:04:04,249 about the whole wife and kids thing. 105 00:04:04,251 --> 00:04:06,034 Just minus the wife. 106 00:04:06,036 --> 00:04:07,652 You could always go it alone. 107 00:04:07,654 --> 00:04:09,821 Like Mr. Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes. 108 00:04:09,823 --> 00:04:12,958 Yeah, but that was the '80s, when you could just swing by 109 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,793 any inner-city playground in your limo 110 00:04:14,795 --> 00:04:16,178 and scoop up some kids. - Mmm. 111 00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:18,347 - Simpler times. - Hmm. 112 00:04:18,349 --> 00:04:19,664 I guess it's better to have someone 113 00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:21,433 in it with you anyway, you know? Lifetime partnership. 114 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:23,135 The only partnership in my life 115 00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,470 that has stood the test of time is this one. 116 00:04:25,472 --> 00:04:28,306 The sacred bond of man and bro. 117 00:04:28,308 --> 00:04:31,009 Maybe we should start a family together. 118 00:04:34,781 --> 00:04:36,114 Are you kidding? 119 00:04:36,116 --> 00:04:37,983 This place is huge. 120 00:04:37,985 --> 00:04:40,736 I mean, look, I can dance all crazy in here. 121 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,371 Oh! Sh... 122 00:04:43,039 --> 00:04:45,374 Listen, um, Robin, 123 00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:47,325 are you okay with us all 124 00:04:47,327 --> 00:04:49,378 doing Thanksgiving out in East Meadow? 125 00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:50,912 Uh, yeah, I guess that'd be nice. 126 00:04:50,914 --> 00:04:52,080 Oh, great! 127 00:04:52,082 --> 00:04:54,249 And then after Thanksgiving, Lily and I were thinking 128 00:04:54,251 --> 00:04:56,367 that we would just stay at the house 129 00:04:56,369 --> 00:04:58,303 until, you know... 130 00:04:58,305 --> 00:04:59,871 we die. 131 00:04:59,873 --> 00:05:01,089 What? 132 00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:02,674 No! 133 00:05:02,676 --> 00:05:05,060 You can't move to Long Island! 134 00:05:05,062 --> 00:05:07,012 But this house is so nice. 135 00:05:07,014 --> 00:05:10,932 It's big, and it's clean, and if there's cockroaches, 136 00:05:10,934 --> 00:05:13,518 they respect us enough to sneak around. 137 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,603 Listen to yourself. 138 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:17,055 This is Pregnancy Brain all over again. 139 00:05:17,057 --> 00:05:18,824 No, I'm done with Pregnancy Brain. 140 00:05:18,826 --> 00:05:22,911 I've moved on to weird pregnancy sex dreams. 141 00:05:22,913 --> 00:05:24,496 Officer. 142 00:05:25,248 --> 00:05:27,699 You know. You know. 143 00:05:27,701 --> 00:05:32,170 I'm-I'm just saying, you're not in the right mind to be making 144 00:05:32,172 --> 00:05:33,288 this decision right now. 145 00:05:33,290 --> 00:05:34,923 You know what? Robin's right. 146 00:05:34,925 --> 00:05:38,076 We are in no state of mind to make this kind of decision. 147 00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:40,629 Thank you. And now you're stepping off the crazy bus. 148 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,180 We let the universe decide. 149 00:05:42,182 --> 00:05:43,632 And now you're back on board. 150 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,217 You hear that, Universe? 151 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:48,553 If you send us a sign in the next... 152 00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:51,640 24 hours, then we're moving to Long Island! 153 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:53,358 Okay? 154 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:54,276 Go. 155 00:05:54,278 --> 00:05:55,426 Hey, guys, 156 00:05:55,428 --> 00:05:57,145 for the last time, this place is enormous... 157 00:05:57,147 --> 00:05:58,146 Oh! 158 00:05:58,148 --> 00:06:00,532 Geez, how many lamps do you have? 159 00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:02,784 It's genius! 160 00:06:02,786 --> 00:06:05,370 Instead of throwing away your life marrying some girl, 161 00:06:05,372 --> 00:06:08,623 you just go splitsies on a kid with your best bro! 162 00:06:08,625 --> 00:06:09,708 I wouldn't have to choose 163 00:06:09,710 --> 00:06:11,609 between dating and having a family. 164 00:06:11,611 --> 00:06:14,279 Hell, I could bring the kids on dates! 165 00:06:14,281 --> 00:06:15,464 And a broken home? 166 00:06:15,466 --> 00:06:16,748 Um, what's that? 167 00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:17,883 Our kids will never know, 168 00:06:17,885 --> 00:06:19,450 'cause we're never gonna split up! 169 00:06:19,452 --> 00:06:20,469 Why would we? 170 00:06:20,471 --> 00:06:21,887 I mean, sure, when your wife walks in 171 00:06:21,889 --> 00:06:23,955 on you banging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce. 172 00:06:23,957 --> 00:06:25,623 But when your bro-parent walks in on you 173 00:06:25,625 --> 00:06:26,958 banging a hot flight attendant... 174 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,227 You get five of these bad boys, right up high! 175 00:06:29,229 --> 00:06:32,147 And you totally join in, right?! 176 00:06:32,149 --> 00:06:33,965 Oh, no, there's the line. That's the line. 177 00:06:33,967 --> 00:06:36,067 We found the line. It's good we know where it is. 178 00:06:36,069 --> 00:06:37,102 Hey, guys. 179 00:06:37,104 --> 00:06:38,487 - Hey! - Hey. 180 00:06:38,489 --> 00:06:40,622 We have an announcement. 181 00:06:40,624 --> 00:06:42,524 So what you're saying is, 182 00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:44,743 if you're meant to move to Long Island, 183 00:06:44,745 --> 00:06:46,111 some sign from the universe 184 00:06:46,113 --> 00:06:47,746 will magically appear at your doorstep? 185 00:06:47,748 --> 00:06:49,865 Now, kids, I don't think there was a knock on the door 186 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,434 at that exact moment, but for the purposes of this story... 187 00:06:55,988 --> 00:06:57,255 Hi, I'm Clive. 188 00:06:57,257 --> 00:06:58,673 I live upstairs from you. 189 00:06:58,675 --> 00:07:00,759 Is this your sign? 190 00:07:00,761 --> 00:07:03,795 I don't know, Clive. 191 00:07:03,797 --> 00:07:05,163 Is it? 192 00:07:05,165 --> 00:07:07,015 Oh, did we leave that outside? 193 00:07:07,017 --> 00:07:09,634 Yeah, we're selling our house in Long Island. 194 00:07:09,636 --> 00:07:11,803 Oh. Too bad you're not selling this place. 195 00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:13,555 I'd love to turn mine into a duplex. 196 00:07:13,557 --> 00:07:15,673 And I'd give you a really good price for it, 197 00:07:15,675 --> 00:07:17,742 because I am so rich. 198 00:07:19,228 --> 00:07:20,712 He did not say that. 199 00:07:20,714 --> 00:07:22,113 His shoes did. 200 00:07:22,115 --> 00:07:24,449 Okay, the point is, we got the sign. 201 00:07:24,451 --> 00:07:26,735 We're moving to East Meadow. 202 00:07:27,453 --> 00:07:28,570 Let's get some champagne. 203 00:07:28,572 --> 00:07:30,238 And just like that, Lily and Marshall 204 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,873 were beginning a new chapter in their lives. 205 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:34,042 Which meant only one thing for us... 206 00:07:34,044 --> 00:07:35,911 We're having a baby! 207 00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:37,695 Bro-parents activate! 208 00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:45,052 - Hey, let's talk baby names! - Barney... 209 00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:46,903 Oh, my God! That was my first choice, too. 210 00:07:46,905 --> 00:07:50,306 No, listen. You and I are drunk. 211 00:07:50,308 --> 00:07:53,910 Which means there's a chance that adopting a baby... 212 00:07:53,912 --> 00:07:56,112 no matter how cute he is in my head 213 00:07:56,114 --> 00:07:59,282 with his little cowboy outfit on and he's riding our dog 214 00:07:59,284 --> 00:08:01,834 like a horse and we also have a dog, 215 00:08:01,836 --> 00:08:04,620 purebred Golden, but it's okay, she's a rescue... 216 00:08:04,622 --> 00:08:06,422 might not be a good idea. 217 00:08:06,424 --> 00:08:08,458 You're right. 218 00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:11,594 So let's go home, take some aspirin, 219 00:08:11,596 --> 00:08:13,829 drink lots of water, 220 00:08:13,831 --> 00:08:16,883 and then see if it's still a good idea tomorrow. 221 00:08:17,551 --> 00:08:18,801 It's still a good idea! 222 00:08:18,803 --> 00:08:20,386 It's totally still a good idea! 223 00:08:20,388 --> 00:08:21,721 We're having a baby! 224 00:08:23,308 --> 00:08:25,558 Kids, I cannot stress this enough: 225 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,194 Barney and I were going through a tough time. 226 00:08:28,196 --> 00:08:30,513 You're not leaving, and that's final. 227 00:08:30,515 --> 00:08:34,517 Look what I bought at 4:00 a.m. in New York City. 228 00:08:34,519 --> 00:08:39,155 A bootleg VHS of a very, very popular Korean movie, 229 00:08:39,157 --> 00:08:42,024 this genuine Lenny Vintone purse 230 00:08:42,026 --> 00:08:45,194 and the number of a man who can get me a kidney. 231 00:08:45,196 --> 00:08:46,579 Do that on Long Island. 232 00:08:46,581 --> 00:08:49,749 Look, Robin, we appreciate that you want us 233 00:08:49,751 --> 00:08:52,335 to stay in the city, but this is what we want. 234 00:08:52,337 --> 00:08:53,886 I mean, you understand, right? 235 00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:56,305 No. 236 00:08:56,307 --> 00:08:57,890 Here are a few fun facts 237 00:08:57,892 --> 00:09:00,093 about Long Island. 238 00:09:00,095 --> 00:09:02,812 Number one: it's Brooklyn's fart trail. 239 00:09:03,713 --> 00:09:04,880 So Barney and I... 240 00:09:04,882 --> 00:09:06,715 and again, going through a tough time, 241 00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:08,067 can't stress that enough... 242 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:09,769 found an adoption agency Web site 243 00:09:09,771 --> 00:09:11,988 and filled out their online application. 244 00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:14,774 Name: Barney Stinson. 245 00:09:14,776 --> 00:09:16,609 Ted Mosby. 246 00:09:16,611 --> 00:09:17,577 Address... 247 00:09:17,579 --> 00:09:19,078 Oh, put my address in Westchester. 248 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,363 They'll want to see we'll be 249 00:09:20,365 --> 00:09:21,998 raising this child in a good environment. 250 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,166 You know, the suburbs. 251 00:09:23,168 --> 00:09:24,500 What? No. 252 00:09:24,502 --> 00:09:27,203 - All my guys are here. - Your guys? 253 00:09:27,205 --> 00:09:29,005 Yeah. You know how I got a guy for everything? 254 00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:30,289 Well, they're all in New York. 255 00:09:30,291 --> 00:09:32,375 My suit guy, my shoe guy, my ticket guy, my club guy. 256 00:09:32,377 --> 00:09:33,909 And if I don't have a guy for something, 257 00:09:33,911 --> 00:09:35,711 then I have a guy guy to get me a guy. 258 00:09:35,713 --> 00:09:37,547 And oddly enough, his name is Guy. 259 00:09:37,549 --> 00:09:39,415 Okay, fine. How about this? 260 00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:42,251 We stay in the city during the week, then on the weekend, 261 00:09:42,253 --> 00:09:43,553 country house in the burbs! 262 00:09:43,555 --> 00:09:46,055 This is why bro-parenting works! 263 00:09:46,057 --> 00:09:46,973 Totally! 264 00:09:46,975 --> 00:09:49,225 And with your salary plus my salary, 265 00:09:49,227 --> 00:09:51,260 we can totally afford two places. 266 00:09:51,262 --> 00:09:53,279 Oh. 267 00:09:53,281 --> 00:09:54,547 What? 268 00:09:54,549 --> 00:09:58,818 So... uh, you're gonna keep your job? 269 00:10:00,103 --> 00:10:02,538 Robin, this discussion is closed. 270 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,957 The universe told us to do it, so we're doing it. 271 00:10:04,959 --> 00:10:08,077 Well, the universe gets it wrong sometimes. 272 00:10:08,079 --> 00:10:10,329 Remember when Marshall was trying to decide between 273 00:10:10,331 --> 00:10:12,915 becoming an environmental lawyer and working at a bank? 274 00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:14,650 That's a funny story. 275 00:10:14,652 --> 00:10:17,086 Marshall was fed up with his job at GNB and was 276 00:10:17,088 --> 00:10:18,421 thinking about leaving it all behind, 277 00:10:18,423 --> 00:10:20,456 so he and Lily agreed he should wait for a sign 278 00:10:20,458 --> 00:10:22,308 from the universe to tell him what to do. 279 00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:24,010 Then one day... 280 00:10:33,237 --> 00:10:34,353 Of course. 281 00:10:34,355 --> 00:10:35,521 It's so clear. 282 00:10:35,523 --> 00:10:37,240 It's been right there all along. 283 00:10:37,242 --> 00:10:38,974 I have to call Lily. 284 00:10:38,976 --> 00:10:41,110 Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. 285 00:10:41,112 --> 00:10:44,163 I'm sorry, but, um, can I please borrow your... 286 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,949 - Ernie Hudson? - Yes. 287 00:10:46,951 --> 00:10:49,085 Can I borrow your phone? 288 00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:51,320 Who you gonna call? 289 00:10:53,156 --> 00:10:55,508 And did Marshall become a Ghostbuster? 290 00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:57,577 That firehouse is still for sale. 291 00:10:57,579 --> 00:11:00,496 Even Ernie Hudson begged you not to go through with that. 292 00:11:00,498 --> 00:11:01,797 Ernie Hudson is a coward! 293 00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:03,466 Oh! 294 00:11:03,468 --> 00:11:04,700 Of course I'm gonna keep my job. 295 00:11:04,702 --> 00:11:05,868 Why wouldn't I keep my job? 296 00:11:05,870 --> 00:11:09,939 Well, I mean, this whole architecture thing... 297 00:11:09,941 --> 00:11:11,557 isn't it more of a hobby? 298 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:13,025 Excuse me? 299 00:11:13,027 --> 00:11:14,644 And now we're fighting. You know what? 300 00:11:14,646 --> 00:11:16,295 Forget I said anything. 301 00:11:16,297 --> 00:11:18,731 No! No, no, no. We're having this discussion. 302 00:11:18,733 --> 00:11:20,015 Architecture is my life's work. 303 00:11:20,017 --> 00:11:21,951 Why don't you quit your job? I don't even know 304 00:11:21,953 --> 00:11:23,703 what it is you do for a living. 305 00:11:23,705 --> 00:11:26,122 "What it is I do for a living?" 306 00:11:26,124 --> 00:11:31,244 I work, Ted, 14 hours a day so that our baby can have food 307 00:11:31,246 --> 00:11:33,496 and clothes and a nice house, 308 00:11:33,498 --> 00:11:35,364 while you sit around doodling pictures of buildings. 309 00:11:35,366 --> 00:11:36,883 That's "what it is I do." 310 00:11:36,885 --> 00:11:39,502 You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna go to the bar. 311 00:11:39,504 --> 00:11:41,304 Yeah, right, right, 'cause the answer's always 312 00:11:41,306 --> 00:11:43,172 at the bottom of a bottle! 313 00:11:43,174 --> 00:11:45,975 Wait, wait, wait! Hold it! 314 00:11:45,977 --> 00:11:48,928 Brainstorm. Brainstorm. 315 00:11:48,930 --> 00:11:51,664 Nobody quits their job. 316 00:11:51,666 --> 00:11:52,765 We get a nanny. 317 00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:53,766 Dibs on the nanny. 318 00:11:53,768 --> 00:11:55,151 No. No banging the nanny. 319 00:11:55,153 --> 00:11:57,186 Ted, please don not dig in on this whole 320 00:11:57,188 --> 00:11:58,237 no-banging-the-nanny policy. 321 00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,822 Okay, fine. We'll get two nannies. 322 00:11:59,824 --> 00:12:02,241 One for banging, one for childcare. 323 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,226 Slash banging. Dibs on both nannies! 324 00:12:04,228 --> 00:12:06,362 Just think of it, Ted, you and me, 325 00:12:06,364 --> 00:12:08,664 living together, with our kid, 326 00:12:08,666 --> 00:12:11,137 my two hot nannies, our pet cobra... 327 00:12:11,138 --> 00:12:11,748 What? 328 00:12:11,753 --> 00:12:14,086 A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted. Don't be a pill about this. 329 00:12:14,088 --> 00:12:16,422 And we'll have amazing weeklong parties, 330 00:12:16,424 --> 00:12:19,292 and there'll be swords and ninja stars lying around. 331 00:12:19,294 --> 00:12:20,626 That's when I realized: 332 00:12:20,628 --> 00:12:23,679 adopting a baby with a friend? Crazy. 333 00:12:23,681 --> 00:12:27,583 Adopting a baby with Barney? Freaking nuts. 334 00:12:27,585 --> 00:12:29,802 I can't adopt a baby with you, Barney. 335 00:12:29,804 --> 00:12:30,853 Why not? 336 00:12:30,855 --> 00:12:32,471 Because we don't even have one yet 337 00:12:32,473 --> 00:12:33,940 and you're already a terrible father. 338 00:12:33,942 --> 00:12:36,058 Oh, I get it. 339 00:12:36,060 --> 00:12:37,977 You want one of the nannies. 340 00:12:37,979 --> 00:12:39,928 Well, you can't have 'em! They're mine! 341 00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:42,815 So you're just gonna have to get yourself a third nanny. 342 00:12:42,817 --> 00:12:45,651 Except dibs on the third nanny! Good day! 343 00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,704 Which brings us to Thanksgiving. 344 00:12:48,706 --> 00:12:50,990 Marshall, Lily and Robin were heading out 345 00:12:50,992 --> 00:12:52,959 to Long Island early to get ready. 346 00:13:00,668 --> 00:13:02,301 Okay, how is this even possible?! 347 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:05,221 'Cause how did we even get it in here?! 348 00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:10,292 Okay, I change my mind. I want an epidural. 349 00:13:10,294 --> 00:13:12,561 You guys are crazy. 350 00:13:12,563 --> 00:13:14,930 This place is enormous. 351 00:13:14,932 --> 00:13:16,482 I mean, look arou... 352 00:13:16,484 --> 00:13:19,185 Have you never heard of overhead lighting?! 353 00:13:22,856 --> 00:13:24,607 You're right. 354 00:13:24,609 --> 00:13:26,192 I get it. 355 00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:29,278 This place is great. 356 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,831 Um, excuse me. Where is the restroom? 357 00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:34,450 Oh. Right there. Oh, good, great. 358 00:13:34,452 --> 00:13:36,002 I'm just gonna go in there and... 359 00:13:36,004 --> 00:13:39,255 not come out until you promise never to move away! 360 00:13:41,174 --> 00:13:43,509 It's a good thing we have three bathrooms. 361 00:13:45,045 --> 00:13:46,462 Hey, Barney. 362 00:13:46,464 --> 00:13:48,163 Uh, listen, sorry about the other day 363 00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:50,099 when I said you'd be a terrible father. 364 00:13:50,101 --> 00:13:52,385 You had no reason to think otherwise. 365 00:13:52,387 --> 00:13:53,886 Totally understandable. I'm not mad. 366 00:13:53,888 --> 00:13:55,021 Thanks. 367 00:13:55,023 --> 00:13:56,155 And, uh, let's be honest, 368 00:13:56,157 --> 00:13:57,606 we were both acting a little crazy. 369 00:13:57,608 --> 00:13:59,642 I don't think either of us is truly ready 370 00:13:59,644 --> 00:14:01,176 for the responsibility of... 371 00:14:01,178 --> 00:14:03,729 Daddy's home. 372 00:14:09,839 --> 00:14:13,054 Uh, Barney, uh, where did you get this baby? 373 00:14:13,506 --> 00:14:14,527 Please. 374 00:14:14,528 --> 00:14:15,777 Did you adopt it? 375 00:14:15,779 --> 00:14:16,828 Please. 376 00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:19,130 Do you have a baby guy? 377 00:14:19,132 --> 00:14:22,417 Did Guy the guy guy get you a baby guy? 378 00:14:22,419 --> 00:14:24,151 Ted, we should get going. 379 00:14:24,153 --> 00:14:26,504 No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere with you. 380 00:14:26,506 --> 00:14:27,989 For all I know, I could be 381 00:14:27,991 --> 00:14:29,257 aiding and abetting a kidnapping. 382 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,042 Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad. 383 00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:35,680 He's just being a wittle loud. He wuvs you! Yes, he does! 384 00:14:35,682 --> 00:14:37,832 - This is insane! - You'll feel better outside. 385 00:14:37,834 --> 00:14:39,717 - Come on. - No, I can't. 386 00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:41,302 Yeah. Na-na-na. 387 00:14:41,304 --> 00:14:44,639 But then we went outside. 388 00:14:44,641 --> 00:14:45,890 Oh, my goodness. 389 00:14:45,892 --> 00:14:47,892 - What a beautiful baby. - Thank you. 390 00:14:47,894 --> 00:14:50,177 By the way, my friend and I, we're not a couple. 391 00:14:50,179 --> 00:14:52,146 We are two straight guys who are single 392 00:14:52,148 --> 00:14:54,315 and we have a baby. Just so you know. 393 00:14:54,317 --> 00:14:56,618 Look at this sweet girl. 394 00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:58,620 Hi. I was just telling this first girl, 395 00:14:58,622 --> 00:15:00,455 my friend and I, both straight, 396 00:15:00,457 --> 00:15:02,540 both available, and we have a baby. 397 00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:04,042 Oh, who is this little angel? 398 00:15:04,044 --> 00:15:05,326 Okay, real quick: me and him, 399 00:15:05,328 --> 00:15:06,911 not gay, single, have a baby. 400 00:15:06,913 --> 00:15:08,563 We should look into having a sign made. 401 00:15:08,565 --> 00:15:10,782 Kids, again, we were going through a difficult time. 402 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,100 But this part was kind of fun. 403 00:15:12,102 --> 00:15:16,671 Aw...! So cute! 404 00:15:16,673 --> 00:15:18,506 This is awesome. 405 00:15:18,508 --> 00:15:20,875 Right? 406 00:15:20,877 --> 00:15:22,894 Robin, come out and talk to us. 407 00:15:22,896 --> 00:15:24,429 I'm not coming out of this bathroom 408 00:15:24,431 --> 00:15:27,048 until everyone stops acting crazy! 409 00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,067 No one is being crazy. 410 00:15:29,069 --> 00:15:31,085 Again, for the purposes of this story... 411 00:15:32,154 --> 00:15:35,773 Ted and I have a baby. Crazy! 412 00:15:35,775 --> 00:15:37,358 What the hell is that? 413 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,662 Guys, this is Hurricane Stinson-Mosby. 414 00:15:40,664 --> 00:15:41,829 Mosby-Stinson. 415 00:15:41,831 --> 00:15:44,165 You named your baby Hurricane? 416 00:15:44,167 --> 00:15:46,167 That is... 417 00:15:46,169 --> 00:15:48,620 ultimately inconsiderate to the child 418 00:15:48,622 --> 00:15:50,505 who has to live with that name. 419 00:15:50,507 --> 00:15:53,258 Okay, how the hell does Barney have a baby? 420 00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:54,575 No idea. Super confused. 421 00:15:54,577 --> 00:15:56,911 I'm finding it best to just sort of go with it. 422 00:15:56,913 --> 00:15:59,180 She's super cute, though, right? 423 00:15:59,748 --> 00:16:01,432 Wait a minute. 424 00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:05,586 Oh, guh! Hurricane dookied in her drawers. 425 00:16:05,588 --> 00:16:08,973 Ha-ha! Poopy pants! 426 00:16:08,975 --> 00:16:10,591 She needs a new diaper. 427 00:16:10,593 --> 00:16:12,527 Right. Where do you keep your diapers? 428 00:16:12,529 --> 00:16:13,811 We don't have any. 429 00:16:13,813 --> 00:16:15,229 You don't... Wow. 430 00:16:15,231 --> 00:16:19,117 Okay. (scoffs) I guess I'll go buy some. 431 00:16:19,119 --> 00:16:21,653 You're gonna be a mom and you don't have any diapers? 432 00:16:21,655 --> 00:16:24,656 Lord, watch over that child. 433 00:16:24,658 --> 00:16:26,391 Uh, okay. 434 00:16:26,393 --> 00:16:28,943 Come here, you. 435 00:16:28,945 --> 00:16:32,797 So, there was talk of a cheese plate? 436 00:16:41,223 --> 00:16:42,423 Hey. 437 00:16:42,425 --> 00:16:44,842 Cheese? 438 00:16:44,844 --> 00:16:46,394 Thanks. 439 00:16:49,315 --> 00:16:51,599 If you don't mind me asking... 440 00:16:51,601 --> 00:16:53,818 what-what is this all about? 441 00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:57,438 I mean, you are one of the most strong, independent, 442 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,640 non-locking-themselves-in- 443 00:16:59,642 --> 00:17:01,659 a-bathroom-on-Thanksgiving people I know. 444 00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:05,313 Why-why are you so upset about us moving? 445 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:08,783 Maybe I just need you guys more than you think. 446 00:17:08,785 --> 00:17:13,237 Is this about more than us moving? 447 00:17:13,239 --> 00:17:15,506 This is good cheese. 448 00:17:16,842 --> 00:17:18,576 Robin? 449 00:17:18,578 --> 00:17:20,378 Yeah? 450 00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:23,014 Do you think I should've become a Ghostbuster? 451 00:17:23,016 --> 00:17:25,099 I think you made the right call, buddy. 452 00:17:26,352 --> 00:17:29,854 Okay, Ted, I'm not gonna ask you where Barney got this baby. 453 00:17:29,856 --> 00:17:32,173 But do you have any idea why? 454 00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:34,525 Well, a few nights ago, we were talking... 455 00:17:34,527 --> 00:17:37,729 you know, "We hate girls, we wish we were gay," 456 00:17:37,731 --> 00:17:39,513 just guy stuff. 457 00:17:39,515 --> 00:17:42,483 And we kind of sort of decided to... 458 00:17:42,485 --> 00:17:44,035 adopt a baby. 459 00:17:44,037 --> 00:17:45,820 Yeah, that's crazy. 460 00:17:45,822 --> 00:17:47,038 I know. 461 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,039 Is it, though? 462 00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:49,073 Yes. 463 00:17:49,075 --> 00:17:50,074 I know. 464 00:17:50,076 --> 00:17:51,542 But is it, though? 465 00:17:51,544 --> 00:17:52,543 Yes. 466 00:17:52,545 --> 00:17:53,878 Well, so what if it's crazy? 467 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,030 I've been ready to meet someone to start a family with 468 00:17:56,032 --> 00:17:58,249 for a long time now, and I keep not meeting her. 469 00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,885 Barney is one of my best friends in the world, we rarely fight, 470 00:18:00,887 --> 00:18:03,054 and once we iron out the whole pet cobra thing, 471 00:18:03,056 --> 00:18:04,806 we will be amazing dads. 472 00:18:04,808 --> 00:18:06,307 Why shouldn't we try this? 473 00:18:06,309 --> 00:18:08,542 When's the last time you fed her? 474 00:18:08,544 --> 00:18:10,428 She had some root beer on the train. 475 00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:12,764 Oh, Ted. And I'm sorry, 476 00:18:12,766 --> 00:18:14,381 but you cannot call a baby Hurricane. 477 00:18:14,383 --> 00:18:16,017 Actually, her name is Sadie. 478 00:18:16,019 --> 00:18:18,236 James, what are you doing here? 479 00:18:18,238 --> 00:18:19,771 Did Barney not tell you 480 00:18:19,773 --> 00:18:21,406 that we were coming for Thanksgiving? 481 00:18:21,408 --> 00:18:22,723 Uh, no. 482 00:18:22,725 --> 00:18:25,392 Then he probably also did not tell you 483 00:18:25,394 --> 00:18:27,278 that he was babysitting our new daughter. 484 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,247 This is your daughter? 485 00:18:29,249 --> 00:18:31,032 Oh, thank God. 486 00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:32,834 And congratulations. 487 00:18:32,836 --> 00:18:34,568 Thanks. Come here. 488 00:18:34,570 --> 00:18:36,587 Aw... Aw... 489 00:18:36,589 --> 00:18:39,257 I guess this is good-bye, Hurri... Sadie. 490 00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:42,794 Your name is Hurricane. Don't ever forget it. 491 00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:45,763 Go with him. Go on. 492 00:18:45,765 --> 00:18:46,964 Come here. That a girl. 493 00:18:46,966 --> 00:18:49,100 Hey, Ted, 494 00:18:49,102 --> 00:18:51,185 I overheard your little speech. 495 00:18:51,187 --> 00:18:52,437 It's not crazy. 496 00:18:53,188 --> 00:18:54,806 About ten years ago, 497 00:18:54,808 --> 00:18:57,775 my best friend and I nearly did the same thing. 498 00:18:57,777 --> 00:19:01,062 She was single, I was single, we both wanted a family. 499 00:19:01,064 --> 00:19:03,147 It made sense. 500 00:19:03,149 --> 00:19:04,699 But now? 501 00:19:04,701 --> 00:19:08,152 Every day, we thank our lucky stars that we didn't do it. 502 00:19:08,154 --> 00:19:10,771 'Cause what she found with her husband 503 00:19:10,773 --> 00:19:12,657 and what I found with mine... 504 00:19:12,659 --> 00:19:14,959 it was worth the wait. 505 00:19:16,128 --> 00:19:18,045 Hurricane's a cool name. 506 00:19:18,047 --> 00:19:20,882 Isn't it, Tom? 507 00:19:20,884 --> 00:19:22,567 The pet store was closer, 508 00:19:22,569 --> 00:19:24,302 so I just got her some wee-wee pads. 509 00:19:24,304 --> 00:19:25,803 Oh, I also got this. 510 00:19:25,805 --> 00:19:27,889 It's beef-flavored and it's good for her teeth. 511 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,892 James! Tom! Hey! 512 00:19:30,894 --> 00:19:32,293 Lily... 513 00:19:32,295 --> 00:19:33,794 did you get the e-mail 514 00:19:33,796 --> 00:19:36,314 that I sent you about inviting 515 00:19:36,316 --> 00:19:38,766 James and Tom to Thanksgiving? 516 00:19:38,768 --> 00:19:41,802 I sent it to your CompuServe. That's your main one, right? 517 00:19:42,488 --> 00:19:43,488 Happy Thanksgiving, bro. 518 00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:45,472 - Thanks. Hi. - Hey! 519 00:19:46,358 --> 00:19:48,326 Let's go sit down. 520 00:19:48,328 --> 00:19:49,827 Hi. 521 00:19:50,829 --> 00:19:52,914 All right, you got me. 522 00:19:52,916 --> 00:19:54,332 James is my baby guy. 523 00:19:54,334 --> 00:19:57,702 But these past three hours... magical, right? 524 00:19:57,704 --> 00:20:00,254 We can do this! Say we can do this. 525 00:20:00,256 --> 00:20:01,956 We can't do this. 526 00:20:01,958 --> 00:20:03,324 Sorry, dude. 527 00:20:03,326 --> 00:20:05,927 We got to wait for the real thing... 528 00:20:05,929 --> 00:20:08,329 no matter how tough it gets. 529 00:20:11,015 --> 00:20:13,082 It gets pretty tough. 530 00:20:13,084 --> 00:20:14,935 I know it does, buddy. 531 00:20:17,087 --> 00:20:18,805 I have some time before dinner, right? 532 00:20:18,807 --> 00:20:21,024 I'm going to go... I'm gonna take a little walk. 533 00:20:21,026 --> 00:20:22,859 All right. All right. 534 00:20:25,481 --> 00:20:27,430 God. 535 00:20:33,254 --> 00:20:35,372 - Hi. - Hey. 536 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,748 Are we still friends? 537 00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:46,716 Hope so. 538 00:20:48,130 --> 00:20:49,530 Good. 539 00:20:49,532 --> 00:20:51,299 'Cause get this. 540 00:20:51,301 --> 00:20:53,384 Ted almost adopted a baby. 541 00:20:53,861 --> 00:20:55,880 Crazy, right? 542 00:20:55,881 --> 00:20:57,264 Poor guy's going through some stuff. 543 00:20:57,266 --> 00:20:59,749 He actually tried to rope me into it. 544 00:20:59,751 --> 00:21:02,136 Can you imagine me being someone's dad? 545 00:21:03,677 --> 00:21:04,976 I'm pregnant. 546 00:21:04,978 --> 00:21:08,978 == sync, corrected by elderman ==