1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:38,176 --> 00:00:39,556 So, please, put your hands together 4 00:00:39,556 --> 00:00:41,834 for the great Sam Cowell! 5 00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:55,055 Hello... 6 00:01:03,028 --> 00:01:05,168 Male news anchor: It's gonna be beautiful sunny day today. 7 00:01:05,168 --> 00:01:07,722 And we can expect much more of the same over the next few days 8 00:01:07,722 --> 00:01:09,931 if you want to do some of those outdoor activities 9 00:01:09,931 --> 00:01:11,105 you've been saving up. 10 00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:12,693 And in business, the stock market 11 00:01:12,693 --> 00:01:14,143 fell through the floor today. 12 00:01:14,143 --> 00:01:16,835 No one seems to have predicted this, so it's hard to know-- 13 00:01:16,835 --> 00:01:18,768 Female news anchor: And there was another drive-by shooting 14 00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:21,529 today downtown, it appears to be gang-related, 15 00:01:21,529 --> 00:01:23,048 but there are no suspects-- 16 00:01:23,048 --> 00:01:26,396 ♪ Come on down to Charlie's Jewellery ♪ 17 00:01:26,396 --> 00:01:28,018 ♪ I'll help you find... 18 00:01:30,607 --> 00:01:32,644 Female news anchor: The newest update to the Renner case 19 00:01:32,644 --> 00:01:35,095 is that Brooke Renner, a 14-year-old, 20 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,580 has been missing since Thursday. 21 00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:41,239 The teen's aunt filed a missing person's report two days ago. 22 00:01:41,239 --> 00:01:43,172 Brooke hasn't been seen... 23 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,335 ...No foul play is suspected in the teen's disappearance. 24 00:02:08,335 --> 00:02:12,201 The family is concerned for her well-being. 25 00:02:12,201 --> 00:02:13,512 - So if you have any information - Paige? 26 00:02:13,512 --> 00:02:15,100 - on Brooke's whereabouts... -What is it?! 27 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:17,930 - It's Brooke. -Is she here again? 28 00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:21,244 ...call local police, or the number you see on the screen. 29 00:02:21,244 --> 00:02:22,935 Why are you sopping on the couch? 30 00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:24,385 The news of Brooke's disappearance 31 00:02:24,385 --> 00:02:26,732 was widely circulated on social media, 32 00:02:26,732 --> 00:02:28,424 perhaps because of last year's case involving police-- 33 00:02:28,424 --> 00:02:32,186 Okay. Oh, just mute that, and then... 34 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:34,154 How long has she been missing? 35 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,672 It just said four days. 36 00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:38,365 Well, I think you need to tell somebody that you saw her. 37 00:02:38,365 --> 00:02:39,780 Like, Jill? 38 00:02:39,780 --> 00:02:41,747 No, like, the fucking... police. 39 00:02:42,748 --> 00:02:45,372 Even though ACAB, obviously. 40 00:02:45,372 --> 00:02:48,064 Why don't you go get dressed, and I can call. 41 00:02:48,064 --> 00:02:50,618 They'll probably put me on hold for a while anyway. 42 00:02:50,618 --> 00:02:52,517 - Yeah. - Cause, you know, 43 00:02:52,517 --> 00:02:54,312 like, bureaucracy and all that. 44 00:02:54,312 --> 00:02:57,660 Right, yeah. Red tape. Um... 45 00:02:57,660 --> 00:02:59,213 Yeah, yeah. Go-- Go lay down. 46 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,732 - Okay. - Go. 47 00:03:00,732 --> 00:03:04,184 Thanks. Um, I'm gonna go... 48 00:03:06,151 --> 00:03:08,636 ...lie down in my towel. 49 00:03:14,297 --> 00:03:16,955 Good job for washing your body! 50 00:03:18,025 --> 00:03:20,130 Thank you. 51 00:03:32,453 --> 00:03:36,837 Hey, yeah, is this the tip line? 52 00:03:36,837 --> 00:03:39,080 Um, yeah, this is about Brooke Renner. 53 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:42,083 Um, my roommate saw her like, three days ago. 54 00:03:43,878 --> 00:03:45,777 When would she have to come in? 55 00:03:57,789 --> 00:03:59,169 Coming! 56 00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:07,833 Hold on! Jeez. 57 00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:18,775 Oh my God, what the fuck?! 58 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:20,501 I know you're in there, you fuck! Come out! 59 00:04:20,501 --> 00:04:21,606 Oh my God, Brooke! 60 00:04:21,606 --> 00:04:23,297 Did you just throw that through my window? 61 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:26,749 And did you just call me a fuck? You need to leave! 62 00:04:26,749 --> 00:04:28,302 Where the fuck am I supposed to go, Sam? 63 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,925 To your aunt's house. And stop swearing, it doesn't sound cool. 64 00:04:30,925 --> 00:04:32,651 Okay, I can do whatever I want. 65 00:04:32,651 --> 00:04:34,343 Yes, I know, Brooke. 66 00:04:34,343 --> 00:04:36,137 You've made that abundantly clear. 67 00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:38,726 - How did you get downtown? - I took the bus. 68 00:04:38,726 --> 00:04:42,420 - You on the bus? - I got a ride, all right? 69 00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:44,387 Please leave. And take an Uber home. 70 00:04:44,387 --> 00:04:46,355 I just wanna know why you lied! 71 00:04:48,771 --> 00:04:51,498 I'm not doing this with you today. 72 00:04:51,498 --> 00:04:53,741 Fuck you, Sam! Fuck you! 73 00:04:55,122 --> 00:04:56,813 Are you drunk? 74 00:05:05,132 --> 00:05:06,306 Fuck. 75 00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:12,450 Dinner's ready! 76 00:05:32,159 --> 00:05:34,748 Thanks for cooking again, Philip. 77 00:05:34,748 --> 00:05:36,266 It's just Ragu. 78 00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:37,509 - It's still food. - Yeah. 79 00:05:37,509 --> 00:05:39,822 Technically... it's not, 80 00:05:39,822 --> 00:05:42,272 but you're welcome anyway. 81 00:05:42,272 --> 00:05:44,171 So, um... 82 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,831 What are you gonna do about Brooke? 83 00:05:50,211 --> 00:05:51,592 I'm not sure. 84 00:05:51,592 --> 00:05:53,007 Just say that she broke our window 85 00:05:53,007 --> 00:05:55,389 in your statement tomorrow, and, you know, 86 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,564 we'll ask her aunt to pay for it. 87 00:05:57,564 --> 00:05:59,911 And, you know, she'll go home on her own. 88 00:05:59,911 --> 00:06:02,189 She's just being 15, like the Taylor Swift song. 89 00:06:02,189 --> 00:06:04,191 - She's 14. - Yeah, even worse. 90 00:06:04,191 --> 00:06:06,952 Yeah, I know, it's like, when your boobs are the weirdest, 91 00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:08,885 you're wearing bad halter tops, it's a nightmare. 92 00:06:08,885 --> 00:06:10,680 I'm sure it's gonna be fine though. 93 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,268 Hasn't she done this like, a few times? 94 00:06:12,268 --> 00:06:13,407 Yeah, I mean, 95 00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,823 she's probably loving the missing person posters. 96 00:06:16,721 --> 00:06:18,343 They used a selfie, she looks great. 97 00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:21,208 You can't say she looks great, babe, she's missing. 98 00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:22,968 I mean, it's not, like, out of character 99 00:06:22,968 --> 00:06:24,522 for her to do this for attention, 100 00:06:24,522 --> 00:06:26,765 but like, I'm still worried. 101 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:30,010 Well, you're not getting paid to worry about her anymore. 102 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,771 I'm worried that you're still not leaving the house. 103 00:06:32,771 --> 00:06:35,947 - Okay, I showered toady. - Oh. 104 00:06:35,947 --> 00:06:38,639 - Oh my God. - I did! 105 00:06:38,639 --> 00:06:40,503 -You did! - I did. 106 00:06:40,503 --> 00:06:41,711 Yeah. 107 00:06:41,711 --> 00:06:43,126 And I almost went to your show last night. 108 00:06:43,126 --> 00:06:46,440 Okay, but you didn't, so I just sat there all night. 109 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,890 - Lonely Paige. - What? 110 00:06:47,890 --> 00:06:50,962 You bring home strange girls from Comedy Bar all the time. 111 00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:53,930 I mean, lesbian sex, there's like, a less than 1% chance 112 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,139 of catching an STI, so... it's not risky. 113 00:06:56,139 --> 00:06:59,108 ♪ That's not true 114 00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:00,937 That's dangerous misinformation. 115 00:07:00,937 --> 00:07:02,491 You know what I'm talking about though! 116 00:07:02,491 --> 00:07:04,872 It's not like-- lesbians, you're never bringing home a stranger, 117 00:07:04,872 --> 00:07:07,357 everyone is like, someone's ex, someone's dog walker, 118 00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:09,705 you know, someone's friend twice removed. 119 00:07:09,705 --> 00:07:12,017 Yeah, okay, that's true. That is gay math. 120 00:07:13,363 --> 00:07:15,676 Mmm. Speaking of exes, 121 00:07:15,676 --> 00:07:17,471 I did see Noah last night, 122 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,473 and he said he was trying to call you again-- 123 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:20,750 Paige. 124 00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:23,719 Seriously, let's talk about anything else. 125 00:07:23,719 --> 00:07:25,859 You were saying that you have an STI? 126 00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:27,205 That's not at all what I said. 127 00:07:27,205 --> 00:07:28,689 Yeah, you were confessing to us-- 128 00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,484 I said it's impossible for me to catch them. 129 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,037 -Oh! - Oh, we got it wrong. 130 00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:35,627 Okay, what year do you think everyone in the world has HPV? 131 00:07:35,627 --> 00:07:37,871 - Soon, I hope. 132 00:07:37,871 --> 00:07:40,356 What do you mean? What do you mean by "you hope"? 133 00:07:40,356 --> 00:07:43,393 Just, kind of, something to talk about... with people. 134 00:07:44,636 --> 00:07:46,155 Well, you also, by the way, 135 00:07:46,155 --> 00:07:47,812 didn't miss truly anything last night. 136 00:07:47,812 --> 00:07:49,503 - Alicia... 137 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:52,126 I know, is still doing that, like, "Pick me up, daddy," 138 00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:54,025 - that, like, "daddy" bit. Daddy. 139 00:07:54,025 --> 00:07:55,785 She says "daddy" a bunch of times. 140 00:07:55,785 --> 00:07:57,718 Please say she retired the jean shorts 141 00:07:57,718 --> 00:07:58,823 over the top of the tights look. 142 00:07:58,823 --> 00:08:00,859 Okay, she did. But, sort of a twist, 143 00:08:00,859 --> 00:08:02,309 she added some really bizarre hats. 144 00:08:02,309 --> 00:08:03,690 - Yes. - So it's hard to tell 145 00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:05,933 if we're sort of winning or losing with her. 146 00:08:05,933 --> 00:08:07,901 -Uh, we're losing. - We're losing. 147 00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:09,592 - It's giving loss. 148 00:08:09,592 --> 00:08:10,835 It's giving loss, what she's doing. 149 00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:13,216 - Alicia is giving us loss. 150 00:08:20,085 --> 00:08:22,294 Did Brooke tell you she was intoxicated? 151 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:27,092 I mean, she didn't tell me she was drunk, but she was drunk. 152 00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:31,131 What else did she say? 153 00:08:32,581 --> 00:08:35,031 Um, she called me a liar. 154 00:08:35,031 --> 00:08:39,208 You know, small talk. 155 00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:42,591 And was there anything else that you noticed different about her? 156 00:08:43,902 --> 00:08:46,560 Um, her hair. She dyed it blue. 157 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,906 Like, this low-key blue. 158 00:08:47,906 --> 00:08:50,322 - Blue hair. - Yeah, but it wasn't, like, 159 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:53,325 all blue, it was, like, dip-dyed, kind of, 160 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,776 so it's like, just the ends, sort of, 161 00:08:55,776 --> 00:08:58,089 but it was done, like, really shitty. 162 00:08:58,952 --> 00:09:02,162 She-- um, she dyed it blue. Yeah. 163 00:09:03,404 --> 00:09:04,613 Okay. 164 00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:07,547 Thank you. 165 00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:13,622 Look, uh, I don't know what you, uh... 166 00:09:15,485 --> 00:09:18,799 I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha. 167 00:09:18,799 --> 00:09:20,387 Yeah, me too. 168 00:09:22,631 --> 00:09:26,324 Just get in touch if you remember anything else. 169 00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:27,428 Okay. 170 00:09:28,498 --> 00:09:30,362 We all just want to make sure that Brooke 171 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,054 gets home safe, right? 172 00:09:34,539 --> 00:09:36,472 Okay. 173 00:09:37,922 --> 00:09:40,649 - Here. - Yeah, um, I have one. 174 00:10:06,675 --> 00:10:08,400 Thanks for waiting. 175 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,264 Were you a reliable witness? 176 00:10:10,264 --> 00:10:12,335 Yeah. I remember everything about her, 177 00:10:12,335 --> 00:10:14,234 I can't get her out of my dumb brain. 178 00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:16,029 Okay, so you did everything you could, 179 00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:18,272 and it's out of your dumb hands now. 180 00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:22,691 Officer [voiceover]: I'm really sorry 181 00:10:22,691 --> 00:10:24,278 you're back here, Samantha. 182 00:10:35,842 --> 00:10:37,257 Okay. 183 00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:56,172 - Samantha. - Hi! Are you Mrs. Renner? 184 00:10:56,172 --> 00:10:57,967 - Oh, I'm her sister, Jill. - Oh. 185 00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,935 Brooke's favourite aunt. 186 00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,557 Come on in. 187 00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:08,737 You're so short! 188 00:11:08,737 --> 00:11:10,359 Right this way. 189 00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:15,605 Orchids? So psychotic. 190 00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:18,539 - You can have a seat here. - Oh, thank you. 191 00:11:19,782 --> 00:11:22,198 Cameron, this is Samantha. 192 00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:23,786 - Hi, Samantha. - Hi. 193 00:11:23,786 --> 00:11:26,237 - I'm Cameron. - Nice to meet you. 194 00:11:26,237 --> 00:11:29,758 - Um, got your resume here. - Yes. 195 00:11:29,758 --> 00:11:33,002 Seems, um... Uh... 196 00:11:33,002 --> 00:11:36,005 I've never done this before. 197 00:11:36,005 --> 00:11:37,489 I-- I'm Sam. 198 00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:42,080 Um, I was an au pair for a family in the UK 199 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,737 for two years. 200 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,394 I'm also a comedian. 201 00:11:45,394 --> 00:11:47,879 Oh! I took improv in college. 202 00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:50,157 Oh, yeah. Zip, zap, zop. Totally. 203 00:11:50,157 --> 00:11:51,918 - Like... - Yeah! 204 00:11:51,918 --> 00:11:53,885 Yep, love it. Um... 205 00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:57,544 So, I mean, I spend most of my time with overgrown children. 206 00:11:57,544 --> 00:11:58,510 Why'd you leave? 207 00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,374 I'm still doing comedy, I'm still, like-- 208 00:12:00,374 --> 00:12:02,963 - Family in the UK. - Oh, um... 209 00:12:02,963 --> 00:12:05,552 I just didn't renew my student visa, so, like, 210 00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:08,003 - paperwork, I guess. - You're in luck. 211 00:12:08,003 --> 00:12:09,452 The only paperwork you'd have to fill out here 212 00:12:09,452 --> 00:12:12,559 is permission slips for field trips and things like that. 213 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:15,355 Oh, Brooke can't do her own forgeries yet? 214 00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:17,564 No. 215 00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:19,255 Um... 216 00:12:19,255 --> 00:12:22,776 I also have a fine arts degree. 217 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,951 Um, yeah, I just thought... 218 00:12:24,951 --> 00:12:26,676 Fine arts degree, feels applicable. 219 00:12:26,676 --> 00:12:29,058 Yeah, you know, art. 220 00:12:29,058 --> 00:12:31,405 Brooke loves to draw. 221 00:12:31,405 --> 00:12:33,235 That's great. 222 00:12:33,235 --> 00:12:36,997 Uh, so, here's the situation. 223 00:12:36,997 --> 00:12:38,481 Brooke's mother is very sick. 224 00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:40,276 She's in and out of hospitals all the time. 225 00:12:40,276 --> 00:12:43,935 I know, I'm really sorry, the agency told me that's... 226 00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:46,351 Yeah, and I still need to work quite a bit, 227 00:12:46,351 --> 00:12:50,493 so I would need someone maybe to stay over a few nights a week. 228 00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:53,082 - We have a guestroom. - I'd be here more, 229 00:12:53,082 --> 00:12:55,740 but I live an hour out, and with two kids and work, 230 00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:58,156 it's... it's a lot with the hospital visits. 231 00:12:58,156 --> 00:13:00,262 - Totally, yeah. - As you can imagine, 232 00:13:00,262 --> 00:13:05,198 the amount of change in a young girl's life has made Brooke... 233 00:13:05,198 --> 00:13:06,544 ...a little difficult. 234 00:13:06,544 --> 00:13:09,685 Of course. I mean, that's a teenager's job, right? 235 00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:14,690 That's a joke? 236 00:13:14,690 --> 00:13:17,382 Yeah... I hope. 237 00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:28,221 Brooke, can you come out please? 238 00:13:28,221 --> 00:13:30,706 No thank you. I don't want a nanny. 239 00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:33,467 Mom will get better. 240 00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:35,573 I know she will, sweetie. In the meantime, 241 00:13:35,573 --> 00:13:37,955 can you just come out and meet Sam here, please? 242 00:13:37,955 --> 00:13:39,749 She's nice. 243 00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:41,061 Oh, thank you. 244 00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,580 Hi. 245 00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:50,657 Hi. 246 00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:54,247 Why can't you just stay home like you used to 247 00:13:54,247 --> 00:13:56,732 - at the beginning? -Brooke, say hi. 248 00:13:57,802 --> 00:14:00,046 If you do, we'll go to the skate park this weekend. 249 00:14:00,046 --> 00:14:02,082 I promise. 250 00:14:02,082 --> 00:14:04,153 Oh, you skate? 251 00:14:04,153 --> 00:14:06,500 Okay, that's cool. Very intimidating. 252 00:14:08,468 --> 00:14:10,263 Uh, you know what, we'll be in the kitchen 253 00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:12,644 if you guys want ice cream after. 254 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,854 - Cool. - Okay. 255 00:14:16,407 --> 00:14:20,618 Okay, ice cream. That is a bribe I can get behind. 256 00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:25,761 Right? They know what they're doing. 257 00:14:25,761 --> 00:14:27,901 Maybe we trick them, we go downstairs, we're like, 258 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:31,456 "Yeah, we're friends!" And then we get the dessert. 259 00:14:31,456 --> 00:14:35,805 No. I don't need a nanny, okay? I'm 12. 260 00:14:35,805 --> 00:14:37,704 Okay, fair, totally. 261 00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:40,638 Why don't we think about it as being friends? 262 00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,260 I'll just be a friend that's old enough to know 263 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,262 you can't have pizza for dinner every night 264 00:14:44,262 --> 00:14:46,920 or play with matches all the time. 265 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,508 And I'll be paid. 266 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,753 I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to be funny. 267 00:14:52,753 --> 00:14:56,136 - And I'm not being funny? - No, not really. 268 00:14:56,136 --> 00:14:59,243 Okay, that hurts, but the fact that you have 269 00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:01,314 high comedic standards means it's going to be easy 270 00:15:01,314 --> 00:15:03,247 to be friends with you. 271 00:15:03,247 --> 00:15:05,421 You're not like other nannies, are you? 272 00:15:06,457 --> 00:15:08,666 You're not like other kids, are you? 273 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:15,500 Okay, well, if you're gonna be stuck with me, 274 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,502 what do you wanna do tonight? 275 00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:20,195 I have the new episode of Riverdale. 276 00:15:20,195 --> 00:15:22,783 I love Riverdale. 277 00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:30,343 So, basically, that's why I don't fuck guys 278 00:15:30,343 --> 00:15:32,000 who read books anymore. 279 00:15:34,692 --> 00:15:37,384 - Hey, good to see you. - Yeah, it's been a while. 280 00:15:37,384 --> 00:15:40,215 Yeah. And probably a lot healthier and less depressing? 281 00:15:40,215 --> 00:15:42,562 - Yeah, you'd think. - When are you up? 282 00:15:42,562 --> 00:15:44,288 Oh, no, I'm not on the lineup. 283 00:15:44,288 --> 00:15:45,979 I'm just here for moral support. 284 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,878 Okay, well, you can joke about literally anything now, 285 00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:50,397 so that's good, right? 286 00:15:51,191 --> 00:15:52,503 What? 287 00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:55,126 Just that you're... 288 00:15:55,126 --> 00:15:57,370 uniquely positioned, with all the... 289 00:15:57,370 --> 00:15:59,613 ...topics at your disposal. 290 00:15:59,613 --> 00:16:02,409 Yeah, I'm really lucky. 291 00:16:02,409 --> 00:16:05,102 - No, I just mean-- - Tim's just jealous 292 00:16:05,102 --> 00:16:06,758 because you can talk about your period, 293 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,658 - and he can't talk about his. - Okay, thank you, Zara. 294 00:16:09,658 --> 00:16:11,418 Got me. Sorry, baby made a bad joke. 295 00:16:11,418 --> 00:16:12,523 Okay, I gotta go. 296 00:16:12,523 --> 00:16:16,320 -Tim Gideon! 297 00:16:17,838 --> 00:16:20,048 - Thanks. - Of course, Tim's the worst. 298 00:16:20,048 --> 00:16:21,463 - Oh, horrible. - Yeah. 299 00:16:21,463 --> 00:16:24,811 I feel like his hair somehow got more incel-y. 300 00:16:24,811 --> 00:16:26,986 You know what? I don't even think there's gel in it. 301 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,470 I just think it grows that way. 302 00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:30,990 Wow, horrible. Heinous. 303 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,715 Really weird. 304 00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,856 What, Tim say something dumb? 305 00:16:35,856 --> 00:16:39,895 Oh, he tried to make a certain kind of joke. So funny. 306 00:16:39,895 --> 00:16:41,138 - Oh. - I mean, 307 00:16:41,138 --> 00:16:44,693 Tim's obviously jealous because he is in no way relevant. 308 00:16:44,693 --> 00:16:47,316 Okay, well, what happened to me doesn't make me relevant, Paige. 309 00:16:47,316 --> 00:16:48,593 Yeah, I know that. 310 00:16:48,593 --> 00:16:50,319 The fact that you're a woman makes you relevant. 311 00:16:50,319 --> 00:16:53,253 Exactly. Girlina, bring some of that girlboss energy 312 00:16:53,253 --> 00:16:54,703 to the lineup tonight. 313 00:16:54,703 --> 00:16:58,327 I have genuinely missed seeing you be an annoying white woman 314 00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:00,053 - on stage. Genuinely. - Thank you. 315 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,503 - I have, I have! - Thank you. 316 00:17:01,503 --> 00:17:03,884 But I gotta go, because I have a date, 317 00:17:03,884 --> 00:17:06,059 and in his bio, it says that he's a poet, so... 318 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:07,233 Oooh! 319 00:17:07,233 --> 00:17:08,613 That will be fun to torture my parents with. 320 00:17:08,613 --> 00:17:10,891 - Okay, have fun. - You too. I love you. 321 00:17:10,891 --> 00:17:13,411 - Good to see you. - Zara, please fuck the poet. 322 00:17:13,411 --> 00:17:15,241 - Fuck the poet! - Fuck the poet! 323 00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:16,621 - Yes! - And I'd just say, 324 00:17:16,621 --> 00:17:18,313 - fuck the poet. -One more time, yes. 325 00:17:18,313 --> 00:17:20,867 Just for you to fuck the poet. 326 00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:22,006 So? 327 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,596 Uh, all I have is what I had for my Montreal taping. 328 00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:27,839 It's not really topical two years later. 329 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:30,773 Who cares, dude? Tim is still doing material about Frasier. 330 00:17:30,773 --> 00:17:32,741 Uh, hands up if we think Niles eats ass? 331 00:17:33,914 --> 00:17:36,365 I just, I'm not ready to like, take the think pieces 332 00:17:36,365 --> 00:17:37,746 and the subtweets and port them over 333 00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:39,541 into real-life heckling and harassment. 334 00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:42,371 Your Montreal set was so good. 335 00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:44,856 I was so mad at you for getting that taping. 336 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:47,342 Yeah, well, you know, you win some, 337 00:17:47,342 --> 00:17:48,964 you lose some lifelong dreams, 338 00:17:48,964 --> 00:17:51,000 and then you watch your friends and peers 339 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,140 live out those dreams, so... 340 00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:54,590 you don't have to be mad anymore. 341 00:17:56,213 --> 00:17:57,938 It's good, it's good... 342 00:17:57,938 --> 00:18:00,320 I feel like your youth pastor stuff could still work. 343 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,219 ...and scrambled eggs! 344 00:18:02,219 --> 00:18:03,737 I mean... 345 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,637 - You guys, 346 00:18:06,637 --> 00:18:09,088 you are in for a very special treat tonight. 347 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,677 After a brief hiatus, the pride of Toronto, 348 00:18:12,677 --> 00:18:15,335 not in the gay way, though, that was Paige earlier. 349 00:18:18,442 --> 00:18:21,893 - And I guess me now. 350 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:24,793 But without further ado, you guys... 351 00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:27,106 Sam Cowell! 352 00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:59,862 Um... that was a joke, you guys. 353 00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:01,968 I would never give up my stage time. 354 00:19:03,314 --> 00:19:05,178 Gay men on dating apps will literally have on their bio, 355 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:08,319 like, "please, only contact me if you take care of yourself 356 00:19:08,319 --> 00:19:09,631 "and love your body." 357 00:19:09,631 --> 00:19:11,288 And then I will literally see them doing meth 358 00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:12,806 at circuit parties. 359 00:19:19,917 --> 00:19:22,264 Tim [voiceover]: You can joke about literally anything now, 360 00:19:22,264 --> 00:19:23,886 so that's good, right? 361 00:19:24,887 --> 00:19:27,959 Noah [voiceover]: You're funny. You are funny! 362 00:19:34,621 --> 00:19:36,623 So, what did you do at school today? 363 00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:38,073 We talked about a book 364 00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:39,937 I already read last summer at our cottage. 365 00:19:39,937 --> 00:19:42,181 At the cottage where you broke the tablet 366 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,492 I got you for your birthday? 367 00:19:43,492 --> 00:19:46,909 Oh, were you annoyed with how Twilight ended, too? 368 00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:49,395 I'm also team Jacob, I was like, what is going on? 369 00:19:49,395 --> 00:19:52,052 You're team Jac-- No! I'm Edward. 370 00:19:52,052 --> 00:19:53,330 - You're Edward? - Yes! 371 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:55,642 -Are you kidding me? -Are you kidding me? 372 00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:57,403 Was he the one with the abs? 373 00:19:57,403 --> 00:19:59,163 They both have abs. 374 00:19:59,163 --> 00:20:01,786 I mean, a completely different kind of abs. 375 00:20:01,786 --> 00:20:04,720 Like, Jacob, it's a warm, cuddly ab. 376 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,860 You put it in the sleeping bag, you snuggle up, 377 00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:09,311 you get toasty. Edward, ice cold abs. 378 00:20:09,311 --> 00:20:12,866 - Cutting steel, killing people. - With his abs. Okay. 379 00:20:12,866 --> 00:20:15,731 - Yeah. - That all seems very rehearsed. 380 00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:18,734 Is that you treating us to one of your stand-up comedy things? 381 00:20:18,734 --> 00:20:20,874 No, those are-- those are usually much less funny. 382 00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:23,808 That was-- that was off the cuff 'cause I'm passionate about it. 383 00:20:23,808 --> 00:20:26,086 Okay, what do you actually tell jokes about? 384 00:20:26,086 --> 00:20:28,123 Yeah, I was reading about stand-up comedy, and it's-- 385 00:20:28,123 --> 00:20:31,126 it says a lot of it is apparently all about 386 00:20:31,126 --> 00:20:34,957 self-deprecation, you know, and you're not... ugly. 387 00:20:34,957 --> 00:20:35,820 Not ugly! 388 00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:37,201 You're conventionally attractive. 389 00:20:37,201 --> 00:20:38,892 I'm just saying she doesn't have any affliction, 390 00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:40,342 you're not obese, you don't have a stutter. 391 00:20:40,342 --> 00:20:43,380 - Okay, that's... stop it. - Was that a joke, Cameron? 392 00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,658 I mean, no, it... 393 00:20:45,658 --> 00:20:48,177 Wow, your dad is going to roast battle me. 394 00:20:48,177 --> 00:20:52,285 Um, no, but actually I mostly do observational stuff 395 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,735 about men being bad. 396 00:20:53,735 --> 00:20:55,184 It's called political comedy. 397 00:20:55,184 --> 00:20:57,842 It's very trendy. A lot of women do that. 398 00:20:57,842 --> 00:20:59,741 I also do the classics, you know? 399 00:20:59,741 --> 00:21:01,915 My period, the mall, skincare. 400 00:21:01,915 --> 00:21:04,021 - Guys, do I love them? 401 00:21:04,021 --> 00:21:05,988 Do I hate them? I'm changing my mind. 402 00:21:05,988 --> 00:21:08,681 I'm going crazy! Where's my tampon? 403 00:21:08,681 --> 00:21:11,304 They shout it back, they go, "Where is it?!" 404 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:12,892 The crowd goes nuts. 405 00:21:12,892 --> 00:21:14,825 I'm gonna do it all at my show tonight. 406 00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:16,792 - A big period show. - Right, 407 00:21:16,792 --> 00:21:20,589 which is all derivative of Ruth Buzzi. 408 00:21:21,866 --> 00:21:24,490 - Who is Ruth Buzzi? 409 00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:25,939 Who is Ruth Buzzi? 410 00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,010 So, I realized something today. 411 00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:31,290 I realized I have a lot more in common 412 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:34,431 with closeted homophobic youth pastors than I thought. 413 00:21:35,846 --> 00:21:39,574 Uh, the same way that they're denouncing gay people 414 00:21:39,574 --> 00:21:41,852 is the same way that I'm denouncing straight men. 415 00:21:41,852 --> 00:21:43,888 - Meaning, yes, 416 00:21:43,888 --> 00:21:46,270 very loudly. Very, very loudly. 417 00:21:46,270 --> 00:21:48,134 I'm going all over town, I'm preaching, preaching, 418 00:21:48,134 --> 00:21:50,861 I'm tweeting on my phone, "Men are bad, they're so evil!" 419 00:21:50,861 --> 00:21:53,967 Then I'm going home, I'm blowing a graphic designer. 420 00:21:55,728 --> 00:21:57,074 Seriously, though, it's like, 421 00:21:57,074 --> 00:22:00,664 we need a Volkswagen level recall on men in general, 422 00:22:00,664 --> 00:22:03,460 because the airbag is exploding, okay? 423 00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,807 We've got a lot of choking hazards, 424 00:22:05,807 --> 00:22:07,567 - if you know what I mean. 425 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:10,915 Yeah, like, if one out of every 10 cars 426 00:22:10,915 --> 00:22:13,332 was killing its entire family and then the next day, 427 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:17,025 the news was running a photo of the car on a jet-ski... 428 00:22:18,164 --> 00:22:21,029 ...would we still sell them? I don't know. 429 00:22:21,029 --> 00:22:22,927 Even though they're bad, they're murdering people, 430 00:22:22,927 --> 00:22:24,722 I am having sex with them... 431 00:22:24,722 --> 00:22:27,069 ...um, as much as possible. 432 00:22:27,069 --> 00:22:30,797 Um, I'm at the bar, I'm signaling guys 433 00:22:30,797 --> 00:22:33,662 like a Republican senator signals the male interns. 434 00:22:33,662 --> 00:22:35,526 - Hell yeah. 435 00:22:35,526 --> 00:22:38,287 I'm like, "Kyle, I need you in the bathroom for something." 436 00:22:39,496 --> 00:22:43,120 I'm spraying Axe body spray like smoke signals. I'm like... 437 00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:46,019 - "Come here." 438 00:22:46,019 --> 00:22:48,815 So, really, who am I to judge Justin Bieber's youth pastor, 439 00:22:48,815 --> 00:22:50,748 because I want to fuck Justin too. 440 00:22:52,785 --> 00:22:54,511 Thank you guys so much. 441 00:22:57,928 --> 00:22:59,964 MC [echoing]: That was Sam Cowell! Keep it going! 442 00:22:59,964 --> 00:23:02,381 Keep it going. Give it up for Sam Cowell. 443 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:03,899 Next on the stage... 444 00:23:25,990 --> 00:23:28,027 ♪ I went with you 445 00:23:28,027 --> 00:23:31,582 ♪ Up to the place you grew up in ♪ 446 00:23:31,582 --> 00:23:35,034 ♪ We spent a week in the cold ♪ 447 00:23:36,242 --> 00:23:41,109 ♪ Just long enough to Walden it with you ♪ 448 00:23:41,109 --> 00:23:44,871 ♪ Any longer, it would have got old ♪ 449 00:23:45,872 --> 00:23:49,013 ♪ Singing "Ace of Spades" when Lemmy died ♪ 450 00:23:49,013 --> 00:23:50,636 ♪ But nothing's changed 451 00:23:50,636 --> 00:23:54,433 ♪ LA is all right 452 00:23:56,227 --> 00:24:00,749 ♪ I'm sleeping in my bed again, and getting in my head ♪ 453 00:24:00,749 --> 00:24:04,512 ♪ And then walk around the reservoir ♪ 454 00:24:05,513 --> 00:24:07,066 Okay. 455 00:24:09,137 --> 00:24:13,003 ♪ You... 456 00:24:13,003 --> 00:24:17,386 ♪ You must have been looking for me ♪ 457 00:24:18,387 --> 00:24:23,738 ♪ Sending smoke signals 458 00:24:23,738 --> 00:24:26,879 ♪ Pelicans circling 459 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:32,988 ♪ Burning trash out on the beach ♪ 460 00:24:49,729 --> 00:24:52,283 Hi, um, I'm here for Brooke Renner. 461 00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,907 Are you a relative? 462 00:24:54,907 --> 00:24:57,496 She's my nanny. She's late. 463 00:24:57,496 --> 00:25:00,706 I mean, we agreed "nanny" is kind of an antiquated term, 464 00:25:00,706 --> 00:25:02,639 but, yes. 465 00:25:02,639 --> 00:25:03,812 Are you okay? 466 00:25:03,812 --> 00:25:05,538 I didn't know you went to Hogwarts. 467 00:25:06,884 --> 00:25:08,541 Sorry, I'm going to need to see some ID. 468 00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:11,613 Oh, yeah. Sure. 469 00:25:11,613 --> 00:25:14,374 I have... that. 470 00:25:15,721 --> 00:25:17,826 Okay, this is a library card. 471 00:25:17,826 --> 00:25:22,417 Okay, could I say I know her full name, 472 00:25:22,417 --> 00:25:23,867 her middle name? 473 00:25:23,867 --> 00:25:26,386 Her food-- I know her food allergies. 474 00:25:26,386 --> 00:25:27,560 Could I say that? 475 00:25:32,392 --> 00:25:33,946 Hey. 476 00:25:35,292 --> 00:25:36,914 What happened? 477 00:25:39,710 --> 00:25:43,887 Um, my mom... was supposed to come home. 478 00:25:43,887 --> 00:25:47,131 But she-- she got an infection last night. 479 00:25:47,925 --> 00:25:49,858 And your dad? 480 00:25:49,858 --> 00:25:53,517 He decided to work if we couldn't go to the hospital. 481 00:25:53,517 --> 00:25:55,070 Well, it's perfect, 482 00:25:55,070 --> 00:25:56,831 I was on my way to meet up with my best friends-- 483 00:25:56,831 --> 00:25:58,142 - So I ruined your plans? - No, no, it's-- 484 00:25:58,142 --> 00:26:00,282 We were just going to the movies, 485 00:26:00,282 --> 00:26:02,353 and now you can come with us. 486 00:26:02,353 --> 00:26:04,735 Isn't sci-fi you and your mom's favourite? 487 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,638 What kind of car is that? 488 00:26:10,638 --> 00:26:12,536 - I think just old. 489 00:26:13,641 --> 00:26:15,090 What movie are you seeing? 490 00:26:15,090 --> 00:26:19,439 Uh, an R-rated one that you probably shouldn't be watching. 491 00:26:19,439 --> 00:26:20,579 Okay. 492 00:26:21,925 --> 00:26:23,616 And I promise I'll take you to see your mom tomorrow 493 00:26:23,616 --> 00:26:24,721 if she's feeling better. 494 00:26:24,721 --> 00:26:26,585 - I talked to Jill earlier. - Okay. 495 00:26:28,483 --> 00:26:31,935 So, what kind of snacks are we thinking for today? 496 00:26:31,935 --> 00:26:33,902 - Everything? - I don't know. 497 00:26:33,902 --> 00:26:35,179 You don't know?! 498 00:26:40,357 --> 00:26:42,462 Paige and Philip, meet Brooke. 499 00:26:42,462 --> 00:26:44,223 - Hey, Brooke! - Hey. 500 00:26:44,223 --> 00:26:45,845 We've heard nothing but good things. 501 00:26:45,845 --> 00:26:48,503 Yeah, right. Sam gets paid to hang out with me. 502 00:26:48,503 --> 00:26:51,851 No, seriously, um, Sam is actually really jealous 503 00:26:51,851 --> 00:26:54,889 of your hair, and your clothes. Whole vibe. 504 00:26:54,889 --> 00:26:57,616 She's, um, profoundly intimidated by you. 505 00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:59,825 - Kind of pathetic. - Sure. 506 00:26:59,825 --> 00:27:01,654 No, not pathetic. 507 00:27:01,654 --> 00:27:03,967 Uh, Brooke are you-- are you coming to the movies with us? 508 00:27:03,967 --> 00:27:05,485 Yeah, if that's... that's all right. 509 00:27:05,485 --> 00:27:08,730 Oh, yeah. Any friend of Sam's is a friend of ours. 510 00:27:08,730 --> 00:27:09,800 Yeah. 511 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,630 Especially one with such voluminous hair. 512 00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:13,873 - Yeah. - Thank you. 513 00:27:34,376 --> 00:27:35,619 Hey. 514 00:27:35,619 --> 00:27:39,554 I'm gonna go grab a drink with Noah if you want to come. 515 00:27:40,728 --> 00:27:42,695 Um... 516 00:27:42,695 --> 00:27:45,008 No, I think I'm just gonna... 517 00:27:46,112 --> 00:27:48,977 Yeah, um, didn't go well 518 00:27:48,977 --> 00:27:52,429 when I finally tried to go out last night, so... 519 00:27:52,429 --> 00:27:54,017 Say hi, though. 520 00:27:54,017 --> 00:27:56,571 Yeah, I'll probably just lie and say you'll call him. 521 00:27:56,571 --> 00:27:59,091 - Paige. - Hmm? 522 00:27:59,091 --> 00:28:01,714 Do you think he hates me? 523 00:28:01,714 --> 00:28:04,027 He'd be an asshole if he hated you. 524 00:28:04,027 --> 00:28:08,134 Yeah, and he's not an asshole, right? 525 00:28:12,725 --> 00:28:14,727 I mean... 526 00:28:14,727 --> 00:28:17,281 kinda, but like, in a good way. 527 00:28:17,281 --> 00:28:20,319 I like assholes. We're all assholes. 528 00:28:20,319 --> 00:28:22,839 I'm sorry that I'm not a fun asshole anymore. 529 00:28:22,839 --> 00:28:25,048 Okay, you were there for me during the great depression 530 00:28:25,048 --> 00:28:28,085 of 2016, and I will never forget that. 531 00:28:28,085 --> 00:28:30,156 - I was a nasty woman. - Yeah, I know, 532 00:28:30,156 --> 00:28:31,675 - but like, after that-- - No. 533 00:28:31,675 --> 00:28:33,504 I don't want to talk about that. We don't need to. 534 00:28:33,504 --> 00:28:36,128 No, I didn't think that you were jealous of my taping. 535 00:28:36,128 --> 00:28:38,440 - I shouldn't have said that. - I was jealous. 536 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,374 And I probably shouldn't have told you you only got it 537 00:28:41,374 --> 00:28:42,755 'cause you were thin and white. 538 00:28:42,755 --> 00:28:46,138 Okay, so I'm hearing that and you're saying I'm thin. 539 00:28:46,138 --> 00:28:48,347 You should hear that you're malnourished. 540 00:28:50,107 --> 00:28:51,971 I mean, I am living for this, though. 541 00:28:51,971 --> 00:28:55,181 I am loving just seeing my friend laying down, 542 00:28:55,181 --> 00:28:58,840 all day long, sometimes microwaving something. 543 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,016 No, I've been very horizontal lately. 544 00:29:02,016 --> 00:29:03,776 But I'm telling you, I'm not going to be the one 545 00:29:03,776 --> 00:29:05,951 to drive you to physio when your muscles atrophy, 546 00:29:05,951 --> 00:29:07,918 so let's turn the beat around. 547 00:29:07,918 --> 00:29:09,955 Fuck, okay. 548 00:29:09,955 --> 00:29:12,854 Yes, move your body. Chair aerobics. 549 00:29:12,854 --> 00:29:15,926 - Write some jokes? - Eh... 550 00:29:15,926 --> 00:29:18,515 - Movement. - How about this? 551 00:29:20,310 --> 00:29:22,553 Yeah, I'll do it again. 552 00:29:22,553 --> 00:29:24,141 Shit! 553 00:29:24,141 --> 00:29:26,868 Um, I... do cherish you, 554 00:29:26,868 --> 00:29:28,249 and I do have to leave. 555 00:29:28,249 --> 00:29:29,837 Okay. Have fun at the show. 556 00:29:29,837 --> 00:29:31,839 Oh, you know I will have fun, 'cause you know who 557 00:29:31,839 --> 00:29:33,461 - is on the lineup? - No, no, no. 558 00:29:33,461 --> 00:29:36,395 - Alicia, baby. Daddy! 559 00:29:36,395 --> 00:29:38,569 - Daddy! - Well, now I'm jealous. 560 00:29:39,708 --> 00:29:41,296 Oh, Daddy! 561 00:29:46,301 --> 00:29:49,822 ♪ Ooh, did you really think I'd change ♪ 562 00:29:49,822 --> 00:29:53,826 ♪ Nothing like a good thing going the wrong way ♪ 563 00:29:55,690 --> 00:29:57,485 ♪ Ooh 564 00:29:57,485 --> 00:29:59,556 ♪ I loved you 565 00:30:01,351 --> 00:30:03,836 ♪ The way I wanted to 566 00:30:08,979 --> 00:30:11,154 Are you tweeting already? 567 00:30:11,154 --> 00:30:12,949 - Yes. - Morning tweets? 568 00:30:12,949 --> 00:30:15,744 Rattling off some big... killer tweets. 569 00:30:15,744 --> 00:30:18,092 - Oh yeah? - "My boyfriend's so annoying." 570 00:30:18,092 --> 00:30:21,336 - Excuse me? - "Stinks and is rude." 571 00:30:21,336 --> 00:30:23,304 - What? - Boom, viral. 572 00:30:23,304 --> 00:30:24,719 Did you tag me in it at least? 573 00:30:24,719 --> 00:30:26,445 I can't tag you, that's bad for the brand. 574 00:30:26,445 --> 00:30:28,102 "The brand?" 575 00:30:28,102 --> 00:30:30,345 Yeah, I have to shit on you, never tag you, 576 00:30:30,345 --> 00:30:33,003 and then a million girls are gonna comment 577 00:30:33,003 --> 00:30:34,556 "So true, queen." 578 00:30:34,556 --> 00:30:36,869 But they-- they don't even know me! 579 00:30:36,869 --> 00:30:38,871 Well, it's worth it, 580 00:30:38,871 --> 00:30:41,149 'cause look what I get to look at. 581 00:30:42,944 --> 00:30:44,049 What do you mean? 582 00:30:44,049 --> 00:30:46,396 Like, look what I get to look at. 583 00:30:46,396 --> 00:30:47,949 And you have to look at me. 584 00:30:47,949 --> 00:30:50,469 My view is... good, too. 585 00:30:50,469 --> 00:30:53,368 But I'm just saying that the property value of being 586 00:30:53,368 --> 00:30:56,406 in my body is actually higher than being in yours 587 00:30:56,406 --> 00:30:59,098 because my face looks out at yours. 588 00:30:59,098 --> 00:31:00,513 - Oh. - See? 589 00:31:00,513 --> 00:31:03,516 And your face looks out at like, 590 00:31:03,516 --> 00:31:06,968 uh, a vacant lot where they can't build, 591 00:31:06,968 --> 00:31:08,521 because there used to be a gas station. 592 00:31:08,521 --> 00:31:12,284 I don't know, I feel like there's... potential. 593 00:31:12,284 --> 00:31:15,632 I'm seeing, like, an organic kale co-op. 594 00:31:15,632 --> 00:31:18,393 - Wow. - They're building a Target. 595 00:31:18,393 --> 00:31:20,982 - Nice. - A Pilates studio for dogs. 596 00:31:20,982 --> 00:31:22,915 Okay, so, gentrification? 597 00:31:22,915 --> 00:31:25,366 Mm... unfortunately, yes, 598 00:31:25,366 --> 00:31:28,127 but the Pilates studio is gonna be amazing. 599 00:31:28,127 --> 00:31:30,750 Great. - Good plan. 600 00:31:30,750 --> 00:31:34,651 Hey, um, you know, I actually need to check the foundation 601 00:31:34,651 --> 00:31:36,273 - of your property. - Of mine? 602 00:31:36,273 --> 00:31:37,688 - For a second, yeah. - Why? 603 00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:41,175 Well, 'cause there's been some concerns with regards-- 604 00:31:41,175 --> 00:31:42,659 - Concerns?! - Yeah, there's been leaks. 605 00:31:42,659 --> 00:31:45,731 - Leaks?! - Yeah, soil density issues. 606 00:31:45,731 --> 00:31:47,353 - Oh my God. - Mmm. 607 00:31:47,353 --> 00:31:48,665 And if you don't mind, a couple guys from the city 608 00:31:48,665 --> 00:31:50,287 are gonna come down and join me. 609 00:31:50,287 --> 00:31:51,530 - Oh, it'll be a couple? - Yeah. 610 00:31:51,530 --> 00:31:53,221 But you'll barely notice we're here, okay? 611 00:31:53,221 --> 00:31:54,360 - Okay. - Oh. 612 00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,017 Don't use your hot water for a bit. 613 00:31:56,017 --> 00:31:57,605 Okay. 614 00:32:16,244 --> 00:32:19,903 ♪ It's gonna take a bit of work... ♪ 615 00:32:25,633 --> 00:32:28,084 Can I get you anything else, Sam? 616 00:32:28,084 --> 00:32:30,707 Um, do you think this premise is funny? 617 00:32:30,707 --> 00:32:33,952 It's like, two old-timey dudes, 618 00:32:33,952 --> 00:32:35,332 like, named Victor and Timothy 619 00:32:35,332 --> 00:32:38,991 come up with the term "victim," so it's like, "vic," 620 00:32:38,991 --> 00:32:41,649 the "vic" from Victor and the "tim" from Timothy, 621 00:32:41,649 --> 00:32:43,340 and it's like, "Oh, you're inserting yourself 622 00:32:43,340 --> 00:32:45,756 "into that," you know... 623 00:32:45,756 --> 00:32:48,035 Um, yeah, I guess. 624 00:32:48,035 --> 00:32:50,140 It's not your best work, to be honest. 625 00:32:50,140 --> 00:32:52,936 Yeah, no, it's bad. Thanks, Jeremy. 626 00:32:52,936 --> 00:32:55,111 Get you another Sapporo? 627 00:32:55,111 --> 00:32:56,388 - Yeah, thanks. - All right. 628 00:32:56,388 --> 00:32:58,493 - This one's on me, all right. - Thanks. 629 00:33:19,687 --> 00:33:20,860 Sam? 630 00:33:21,723 --> 00:33:24,381 - Can I talk to you? - Um, Jill, 631 00:33:24,381 --> 00:33:26,625 I like, asked you not to come around here. 632 00:33:26,625 --> 00:33:29,559 - I'm trying to work. - You're working again? 633 00:33:29,559 --> 00:33:31,975 Well, I'm trying to drink, but, yeah. 634 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:34,805 - How are you? 635 00:33:34,805 --> 00:33:37,049 Um, thriving, obviously. 636 00:33:37,049 --> 00:33:40,880 Listen, I just want to know what you told the police. 637 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,813 Just that I saw her. 638 00:33:42,813 --> 00:33:45,230 Or heard her, she threw a rock through my window. 639 00:33:46,990 --> 00:33:49,027 She stopped going to school. 640 00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:52,306 Well, probably because she can't throw rocks at school. 641 00:33:52,306 --> 00:33:54,377 She also, uh, 642 00:33:54,377 --> 00:33:56,275 released her rabbit into the ravine behind the house. 643 00:33:56,275 --> 00:33:57,690 Sammity? 644 00:34:00,210 --> 00:34:03,489 Maybe she was trying to free it? 645 00:34:03,489 --> 00:34:05,250 She dyed it blue first. 646 00:34:05,250 --> 00:34:06,527 Oh. 647 00:34:07,597 --> 00:34:09,875 She really misses you, Sam. 648 00:34:09,875 --> 00:34:13,085 And it's even worse now because I had to sell the house. 649 00:34:13,085 --> 00:34:17,365 My sister's house. And she's just totally uprooted. 650 00:34:17,365 --> 00:34:20,368 I gave all of the information that I have. 651 00:34:20,368 --> 00:34:23,406 And I really doubt that she misses me. 652 00:34:23,406 --> 00:34:26,616 I mean, she literally started a petition on Change.org 653 00:34:26,616 --> 00:34:28,514 to have me arrested, so... 654 00:34:28,514 --> 00:34:30,378 Please, Sam, you know her best. 655 00:34:30,378 --> 00:34:33,381 Did she ever say anything to you about a Nathan? 656 00:34:33,381 --> 00:34:36,074 Hmm, no. I'm sorry. 657 00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:37,489 I really am. 658 00:34:38,421 --> 00:34:40,423 Come on, please don't hold this against us. 659 00:34:40,423 --> 00:34:44,185 I'm not holding anything against you, or against Brooke. 660 00:34:44,185 --> 00:34:46,636 I just-- I feel terrible, okay? 661 00:34:46,636 --> 00:34:49,363 I don't know how I didn't see the signs, I didn't-- 662 00:34:49,363 --> 00:34:50,812 Okay, don't beat yourself up about it. 663 00:34:50,812 --> 00:34:53,781 The last thing that I want is a woman blaming herself 664 00:34:53,781 --> 00:34:54,920 for all of this. 665 00:34:55,817 --> 00:34:58,889 That's not what I'm doing! Please. 666 00:34:58,889 --> 00:35:01,720 All I see is Brooke's mother's face every time I look at her. 667 00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:04,654 Okay, and all I see is her father, so... 668 00:35:19,531 --> 00:35:21,843 Fucking keys... 669 00:35:22,844 --> 00:35:23,914 Oh my God. 670 00:35:23,914 --> 00:35:25,192 Oh, fuck! 671 00:35:36,927 --> 00:35:38,239 Brooke? 672 00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:39,999 Brooke, I'm here! 673 00:35:43,831 --> 00:35:45,143 Brooke? 674 00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:48,146 Oh my God. Brooke. 675 00:35:49,630 --> 00:35:52,011 - Oh. 676 00:35:52,011 --> 00:35:54,773 She's gone. 677 00:35:54,773 --> 00:35:57,569 She died. I can't believe she died. 678 00:35:57,569 --> 00:36:00,813 I'm so sorry, Brooke. I'm... I'm here. 679 00:36:00,813 --> 00:36:03,954 - I'm here. - She left me. 680 00:37:04,049 --> 00:37:05,568 Cameron? 681 00:37:13,265 --> 00:37:15,819 Um, Cameron? 682 00:37:22,274 --> 00:37:24,587 Brooke's asleep. I'm gonna go. 683 00:37:28,729 --> 00:37:30,800 I don't know how to do this. 684 00:37:33,423 --> 00:37:35,287 What do I say to her? 685 00:37:37,393 --> 00:37:39,257 Can you stay, please? 686 00:37:40,499 --> 00:37:42,501 Tell a joke or something. 687 00:37:42,501 --> 00:37:44,607 I... I don't-- 688 00:37:44,607 --> 00:37:48,507 I don't know if this is the time for it, I'm sorry. 689 00:37:49,681 --> 00:37:51,717 I'm gonna be here first thing tomorrow. 690 00:37:51,717 --> 00:37:55,652 I'm gonna have all my Twilight jokes, I promise. 691 00:38:05,144 --> 00:38:06,974 I'm so sorry. 692 00:38:17,778 --> 00:38:21,057 ♪ Shadow, shadow, what a show ♪ 693 00:38:21,057 --> 00:38:24,578 ♪ Every other step there's a cross-eyed crow ♪ 694 00:38:24,578 --> 00:38:28,029 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 695 00:38:28,029 --> 00:38:31,654 ♪ Minneapolis, soft white snow ♪ 696 00:38:31,654 --> 00:38:34,760 ♪ Thirty-five bridge, hometown ♪ 697 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,143 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 698 00:38:38,143 --> 00:38:41,319 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 699 00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:45,046 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 700 00:38:45,046 --> 00:38:48,464 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 701 00:38:48,464 --> 00:38:56,644 ♪ Illinois toll road, Indiana plain ♪ 702 00:38:56,644 --> 00:38:59,923 ♪ Roll the windows down, shoot out the change ♪ 703 00:38:59,923 --> 00:39:03,237 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 704 00:39:03,237 --> 00:39:06,378 ♪ Honey in your mouth when you didn't even eat ♪ 705 00:39:06,378 --> 00:39:09,899 ♪ Tears in your eyes when you pull it like a chain ♪ 706 00:39:09,899 --> 00:39:13,247 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 707 00:39:13,247 --> 00:39:16,284 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 708 00:39:16,284 --> 00:39:19,253 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 709 00:39:19,253 --> 00:39:20,841 "Breann Smordin". 710 00:39:20,841 --> 00:39:24,223 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 711 00:39:26,018 --> 00:39:28,538 "We keep moving in the same circles, 712 00:39:28,538 --> 00:39:30,402 in the same way that neurons circle atoms. 713 00:39:30,402 --> 00:39:32,577 We must become straight lines." 714 00:39:32,577 --> 00:39:34,164 Okay. 715 00:39:38,997 --> 00:39:43,519 ♪ Half return, half return ♪ 716 00:39:43,519 --> 00:39:46,660 ♪ Dusty swing set, plastic slide ♪ 717 00:39:46,660 --> 00:39:49,939 ♪ Push me up and down, take me for a ride ♪ 718 00:39:49,939 --> 00:39:53,149 ♪ Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid ♪ 719 00:39:53,149 --> 00:39:56,601 ♪ The house is white and the lawn is dead ♪ 720 00:39:56,601 --> 00:40:00,363 ♪ The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead ♪ 721 00:40:08,198 --> 00:40:10,718 How's she doing since she's been back at school? 722 00:40:10,718 --> 00:40:14,170 I let her get social media, but I don't know. 723 00:40:14,170 --> 00:40:16,862 It's cute that you think it's all just called "social media." 724 00:40:16,862 --> 00:40:19,727 I mean, she's taken on this very "cool teen" attitude 725 00:40:19,727 --> 00:40:21,557 to make it seem like she doesn't care about anything, 726 00:40:21,557 --> 00:40:24,698 but I know how to deal with that particular defence mechanism, 727 00:40:24,698 --> 00:40:26,354 so we're figuring it out. 728 00:40:26,354 --> 00:40:29,081 I'm glad she has you to talk to right now. 729 00:40:29,081 --> 00:40:32,257 Yeah, Cameron does not really know what to say. 730 00:40:32,257 --> 00:40:36,882 He's always kind of needed a buffer between him and Brooke. 731 00:40:36,882 --> 00:40:39,264 Yeah, like a translator of girls? 732 00:40:39,264 --> 00:40:42,301 Yeah, actually, that's... a great way to put it. 733 00:40:42,301 --> 00:40:46,202 Yeah, I mean, I think he thinks I'm like, interesting 734 00:40:46,202 --> 00:40:47,997 or like, endearingly weird or something, 735 00:40:47,997 --> 00:40:49,550 but I don't think he's ever talked to a woman 736 00:40:49,550 --> 00:40:51,138 in a hoody before. 737 00:40:51,138 --> 00:40:52,829 Well, he always loved Laura's class. 738 00:40:52,829 --> 00:40:54,624 Oh, are you calling me not classy, Jill? 739 00:40:54,624 --> 00:40:56,454 No! That's-- No, I'm not. 740 00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:58,628 No, I just-- I just meant 741 00:40:58,628 --> 00:41:00,768 that I think he always liked our... 742 00:41:00,768 --> 00:41:04,427 you know, our family friends, and fancy dinners, 743 00:41:04,427 --> 00:41:08,638 and vacations, and he just liked Laura's life, you know? 744 00:41:08,638 --> 00:41:10,916 She always made things so beautiful. 745 00:41:10,916 --> 00:41:14,472 You're both super classy broads. That's for sure. 746 00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,370 Thanks, Sam. 747 00:41:16,370 --> 00:41:19,373 I just really fucking miss her so much. 748 00:41:19,373 --> 00:41:20,443 Yeah. 749 00:41:20,443 --> 00:41:22,480 - Can we see the birds now? - Yep, the birds. 750 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:25,552 I know, we're gonna go look at the birds. Come on. 751 00:41:27,312 --> 00:41:30,591 Hey, are those those weird white ones with the pink eyes? 752 00:41:30,591 --> 00:41:33,318 They're Netherland dwarf rabbits. 753 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:36,873 You like them? 754 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,876 I mean, I wouldn't mind having one. 755 00:41:39,876 --> 00:41:41,982 - You'd have to ask your dad. - He won't care. 756 00:41:41,982 --> 00:41:44,812 He says yes to everything ever since mom. 757 00:41:51,094 --> 00:41:53,441 You know, I could name one after you. 758 00:41:53,441 --> 00:41:55,478 Okay. Tempting. 759 00:41:58,757 --> 00:42:00,518 This one does kinda look like me. 760 00:42:01,657 --> 00:42:03,555 I see it. I feel it. 761 00:42:03,555 --> 00:42:04,729 - It's the energy. - It is. 762 00:42:04,729 --> 00:42:06,972 - And the cuteness. -Oh, of course. 763 00:42:06,972 --> 00:42:08,595 It just has "Sam" written all over it. 764 00:42:08,595 --> 00:42:10,044 Yes. 765 00:42:12,012 --> 00:42:13,600 So, what are you thinking of getting your dad 766 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,187 for his birthday? 767 00:42:16,775 --> 00:42:19,088 A coupon for doing my chores? 768 00:42:19,088 --> 00:42:22,056 You have a housekeeper, Brooke. 769 00:42:22,056 --> 00:42:24,196 You know, it's gonna be the first year 770 00:42:24,196 --> 00:42:27,786 that he's celebrating without your mom. 771 00:42:27,786 --> 00:42:30,237 He likes history books, like, 772 00:42:30,237 --> 00:42:33,067 the War of 1812 and all that. 773 00:42:33,067 --> 00:42:35,414 Okay, you're right. Your dad is boring. 774 00:42:35,414 --> 00:42:38,279 The good news is, there's a very cool used bookstore 775 00:42:38,279 --> 00:42:40,765 - by my house. - Could we go tonight? 776 00:42:40,765 --> 00:42:44,285 Oh, I can't tonight, 'cause I'm supposed to hang out with Paige. 777 00:42:44,285 --> 00:42:46,287 - I could come. - Well, I mean, 778 00:42:46,287 --> 00:42:48,427 you're not really allowed where we're going. 779 00:42:48,427 --> 00:42:49,636 Why? 780 00:42:49,636 --> 00:42:53,191 Well, because it's a comedy club and you're a child, so... 781 00:42:53,191 --> 00:42:56,435 Wait, you don't tell any jokes about me, do you? 782 00:42:56,435 --> 00:42:59,749 No! Never. Scout's honour. I promise. 783 00:42:59,749 --> 00:43:01,233 Okay. 784 00:43:05,030 --> 00:43:07,792 - You gonna hurry up? - Okay, safety first. 785 00:43:07,792 --> 00:43:10,588 - Oh, okay. - Just locking in. 786 00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:13,314 We're on, we're ready to go! 787 00:43:13,314 --> 00:43:16,973 You know, I am working on some material about teens in general. 788 00:43:16,973 --> 00:43:18,388 - Oh? - Yes. 789 00:43:18,388 --> 00:43:20,598 How it's no fair that Gen-Z already knows about, like, 790 00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:23,635 skin serums and stuff, so they're just gonna 791 00:43:23,635 --> 00:43:26,258 rule the world with their poreless skin forever. 792 00:43:26,258 --> 00:43:28,260 Okay, you know, your skin is fine. 793 00:43:28,260 --> 00:43:32,299 Fine? Very generous, thank you. Wow, "fine." 794 00:43:33,818 --> 00:43:35,992 What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you 795 00:43:35,992 --> 00:43:37,960 - with a boy? - Ooh. 796 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,376 - Oh, sounds like there's a lot. - There's a lot. 797 00:43:40,376 --> 00:43:41,549 Um, okay, 798 00:43:41,549 --> 00:43:44,587 one time I pissed myself in my boyfriend's car. 799 00:43:45,381 --> 00:43:47,521 You peed yourself... with Noah? 800 00:43:47,521 --> 00:43:49,972 No, not with Noah! My ex from junior high. 801 00:43:49,972 --> 00:43:51,663 - Dylan - Oh. 802 00:43:51,663 --> 00:43:53,216 I was wearing light pink jeans, 803 00:43:53,216 --> 00:43:54,839 I was at a party, everybody saw. 804 00:43:54,839 --> 00:43:57,911 And that, young Brooke, is why you should never experiment 805 00:43:57,911 --> 00:43:59,602 with alcohol or pastel denim 806 00:43:59,602 --> 00:44:02,122 until your bladder fully develops at age 18. 807 00:44:02,122 --> 00:44:04,089 Alcohol smells gross anyway. 808 00:44:04,089 --> 00:44:08,646 Brooke, listen to me, one day, probably very soon, 809 00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:11,131 you're going to be offered multiple coolers of some kind, 810 00:44:11,131 --> 00:44:14,237 and they are going to taste like lemonade, gummy bears, 811 00:44:14,237 --> 00:44:17,068 and no matter how good they taste, you can only have one. 812 00:44:17,068 --> 00:44:19,415 Okay... Jesus. 813 00:44:19,415 --> 00:44:22,038 Okay, 'cause otherwise you're gonna be peeing your pink jeans. 814 00:44:22,038 --> 00:44:23,419 - I don't have pink jeans! -Okay. 815 00:44:23,419 --> 00:44:25,628 You're gonna be peeing your cool mom jeans. 816 00:44:25,628 --> 00:44:26,836 Okay. 817 00:44:42,231 --> 00:44:46,097 And so in the bedroom, he makes me call him Daddy. 818 00:44:48,824 --> 00:44:50,860 ♪ ...In between 819 00:44:50,860 --> 00:44:55,520 ♪ Stuck in shoulder to shoulder... ♪ 820 00:44:55,520 --> 00:45:05,668 ♪ Only strangers make me feel strange ♪ 821 00:45:05,668 --> 00:45:08,222 Sam? 822 00:45:08,222 --> 00:45:09,603 Noah! 823 00:45:09,603 --> 00:45:11,363 - Hey. - Hey. 824 00:45:11,363 --> 00:45:13,538 I haven't seen you here in like, a year. 825 00:45:13,538 --> 00:45:15,816 Are you-- are you doing shows again? 826 00:45:15,816 --> 00:45:19,993 Oh, uh, no. I'm just here watching Paige and Philip. 827 00:45:19,993 --> 00:45:22,547 How are you? Are you-- Are you, uh-- 828 00:45:22,547 --> 00:45:25,067 Are you writing? Or... 829 00:45:25,067 --> 00:45:27,103 Um, I mean, like, not really. 830 00:45:27,103 --> 00:45:30,762 I have, like, one joke about online shopping. 831 00:45:30,762 --> 00:45:32,246 Great. Nice. 832 00:45:32,246 --> 00:45:34,490 I love your shopping stuff. It was always, uh... 833 00:45:34,490 --> 00:45:35,525 ...uh, cerebral. 834 00:45:35,525 --> 00:45:37,182 - Cerebral? - Yeah. 835 00:45:37,182 --> 00:45:39,115 Wow. Thank you. 836 00:45:39,115 --> 00:45:40,599 Um, that's very generous. 837 00:45:40,599 --> 00:45:44,224 Um, yeah, I mean, it's all I can write about, 838 00:45:44,224 --> 00:45:46,847 'cause I basically just sit at home, open a hundred tabs, 839 00:45:46,847 --> 00:45:50,402 and then buy a bunch of t-shirts with money I don't have, so. 840 00:45:50,402 --> 00:45:51,749 Oh. 841 00:45:53,578 --> 00:45:56,408 I can go back to helping with rent if that-- 842 00:45:56,408 --> 00:45:58,169 - Oh, my God. No. - would help. 843 00:45:58,169 --> 00:46:00,792 - Um. That was a joke. - Oh. Ha! 844 00:46:00,792 --> 00:46:02,380 Okay, yeah. I mean-- 845 00:46:02,380 --> 00:46:04,209 I'm not gonna make you pay rent. I kicked you out. 846 00:46:04,209 --> 00:46:05,797 No, that's-- It's not-- 847 00:46:05,797 --> 00:46:07,626 "Kicked me out," that's-- Come on. 848 00:46:07,626 --> 00:46:09,594 Let me do something. 849 00:46:09,594 --> 00:46:12,390 You know, I'm feeling more useless than usual, 850 00:46:12,390 --> 00:46:14,392 which is hard for a comedian. 851 00:46:14,392 --> 00:46:16,359 Yeah, it must be really hard for you. 852 00:46:18,706 --> 00:46:19,846 You know what I mean. 853 00:46:19,846 --> 00:46:22,434 Yeah, I know, but, um... 854 00:46:22,434 --> 00:46:24,333 Paige and Philip are both pitching in on rent, 855 00:46:24,333 --> 00:46:26,749 and they're, like, ridiculously good at pretending 856 00:46:26,749 --> 00:46:29,407 that I'm pulling my weight as a roommate, so... 857 00:46:29,407 --> 00:46:31,167 Hm. 858 00:46:31,167 --> 00:46:32,513 I thought you, um... 859 00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:36,310 I thought you needed time alone. 860 00:46:37,415 --> 00:46:41,419 I-- I am alone. I'm-- I'm alone with them. 861 00:46:41,419 --> 00:46:43,835 Yeah, I'm sorry. That's-- I shouldn't have. 862 00:46:43,835 --> 00:46:45,906 No, it's okay. It's totally okay. 863 00:46:45,906 --> 00:46:47,839 Um... 864 00:46:47,839 --> 00:46:49,634 It's good to see you. 865 00:46:49,634 --> 00:46:50,773 Yeah. You, too. 866 00:46:51,981 --> 00:46:55,157 Oh, please. I didn't-- I'm not-- 867 00:46:55,157 --> 00:46:56,330 Please, I wasn't-- 868 00:46:56,330 --> 00:46:58,574 It's okay. It's totally fine. 869 00:46:58,574 --> 00:47:00,956 I actually was about to go home-- 870 00:47:00,956 --> 00:47:02,060 - Yeah. - anyway. 871 00:47:02,060 --> 00:47:03,579 - So I'm going to go. - Okay. 872 00:47:03,579 --> 00:47:05,132 Um, but it was really good to see you. 873 00:47:05,132 --> 00:47:06,202 - You, too. - Yeah. 874 00:47:06,202 --> 00:47:07,341 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Okay. 875 00:47:07,341 --> 00:47:12,139 ♪ Even though I know 876 00:47:12,139 --> 00:47:15,694 ♪ Hell is a crowded... ♪ 877 00:47:17,282 --> 00:47:19,043 Sam [on video]: And because it's, like, you touch hands, 878 00:47:19,043 --> 00:47:22,115 and then it reminds him that he has the power to kill you. 879 00:47:23,392 --> 00:47:25,187 ...Bullshit is all I'm saying, Cam. 880 00:47:25,187 --> 00:47:28,155 I mean, excessive. Excessive? Come on. 881 00:47:28,155 --> 00:47:29,329 You were doing the right thing. 882 00:47:29,329 --> 00:47:30,640 I know that. 883 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,471 Oh, sorry. I was just taking out the trash. 884 00:47:33,471 --> 00:47:35,128 Yeah, that's alright. Hey. 885 00:47:35,128 --> 00:47:38,579 Uh, Sam. This is officers Gerrard and Lawrence. 886 00:47:38,579 --> 00:47:39,753 - Hi. - Hi. 887 00:47:39,753 --> 00:47:42,860 Gerrard here was just defending my honour. 888 00:47:42,860 --> 00:47:46,208 It's, uh-- It's Jim, hun, and this is Conrad. 889 00:47:46,208 --> 00:47:47,519 - Conrad. - Hi. 890 00:47:47,519 --> 00:47:49,142 Can we, uh, offer the babysitter a beer, or? 891 00:47:49,142 --> 00:47:50,868 Okay, first of all, she's an au pair. 892 00:47:52,110 --> 00:47:53,387 The less teen version of a babysitter. 893 00:47:53,387 --> 00:47:54,664 - Thank you, Cameron. -Right. 894 00:47:54,664 --> 00:47:55,631 I get it, I get it. 895 00:47:55,631 --> 00:47:56,908 It's like, uh, the thing with stewardesses. 896 00:47:56,908 --> 00:47:58,565 You can't call 'em stewardesses anymore. You gotta-- 897 00:47:58,565 --> 00:48:00,084 Flight attendant's the correct term now. 898 00:48:00,084 --> 00:48:01,326 Flight attendant. 899 00:48:01,326 --> 00:48:03,432 And the gay dude ones are actually pretty funny. 900 00:48:03,432 --> 00:48:06,159 The Seinfelds of the sky, truly. 901 00:48:06,159 --> 00:48:07,436 Anyway, Sam doesn't want to drink beer 902 00:48:07,436 --> 00:48:08,471 with a bunch of old dudes. 903 00:48:08,471 --> 00:48:12,096 Oh, no, I mean, Conrad is young-ish. 904 00:48:12,096 --> 00:48:13,925 -Young-ish. - Thank you. 905 00:48:13,925 --> 00:48:15,409 All right. 906 00:48:15,409 --> 00:48:17,273 So, uh, what do you do with Brooke? 907 00:48:17,273 --> 00:48:19,482 You know, math homework, keep her from slipping 908 00:48:19,482 --> 00:48:21,691 into an existential crisis too early. 909 00:48:21,691 --> 00:48:23,141 -Right. - All of that good stuff. 910 00:48:23,141 --> 00:48:27,352 Yeah. Must be, uh, tough without a mom. 911 00:48:27,352 --> 00:48:28,595 Yeah. 912 00:48:30,286 --> 00:48:32,116 Yeah, she must think you're pretty cool. 913 00:48:32,116 --> 00:48:33,772 Yeah, she loves Sam. 914 00:48:33,772 --> 00:48:37,190 Well, I mean, even you and I, with our relative youth, 915 00:48:37,190 --> 00:48:39,433 are already considered way too out of touch 916 00:48:39,433 --> 00:48:41,194 to be cool to teens. 917 00:48:41,194 --> 00:48:43,782 Well, Cam and I must be royally fucked. 918 00:48:43,782 --> 00:48:45,646 - Oh, yeah. - Brooke's always giving me shit 919 00:48:45,646 --> 00:48:47,717 for saying stuff I'm not supposed to. 920 00:48:47,717 --> 00:48:50,720 Well, I mean, you're not supposed to say "exotic," but... 921 00:48:50,720 --> 00:48:52,412 I don't know, Cameron's pretty funny. 922 00:48:52,412 --> 00:48:54,621 My wife thinks he's hilarious. 923 00:48:54,621 --> 00:48:56,174 -Really? -Oh, yeah. 924 00:48:56,174 --> 00:48:58,728 Cameron, what's funny about you? 925 00:48:58,728 --> 00:49:01,731 I mean, you're not ugly, you're a straight white dude, 926 00:49:01,731 --> 00:49:02,905 you don't stutter. 927 00:49:02,905 --> 00:49:03,975 I get it. 928 00:49:03,975 --> 00:49:05,321 That's a callback. 929 00:49:05,321 --> 00:49:07,496 Yeah, that's a term in comedy where 930 00:49:07,496 --> 00:49:08,911 an inside joke comes back around. 931 00:49:08,911 --> 00:49:09,912 Oh, yeah. 932 00:49:09,912 --> 00:49:12,259 Sam's a stand-up comedienne. 933 00:49:12,259 --> 00:49:14,192 - No way. - What? 934 00:49:14,192 --> 00:49:15,676 Like a comedian, but a girl. 935 00:49:15,676 --> 00:49:16,677 Right. 936 00:49:16,677 --> 00:49:19,887 But, I thought, like, isn't comedy, like-- 937 00:49:19,887 --> 00:49:20,958 It's hard on women, no? 938 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,476 Uh. 939 00:49:22,476 --> 00:49:25,100 No, it's really easy. I just wear a tiny little top, 940 00:49:25,100 --> 00:49:27,067 I get on stage, I make baby noises, 941 00:49:27,067 --> 00:49:29,863 and then I get a million dollars, 942 00:49:29,863 --> 00:49:32,590 and everybody in the audience goes, "Yas, queen!" 943 00:49:32,590 --> 00:49:34,247 Okay. 944 00:49:34,247 --> 00:49:36,180 That's a joke from one of her sets. 945 00:49:36,180 --> 00:49:37,181 I've seen her videos. 946 00:49:37,181 --> 00:49:38,320 You've watched-- 947 00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:39,735 Fuck, you've watched my videos, Cameron? 948 00:49:39,735 --> 00:49:41,357 -What? -Which ones? 949 00:49:41,357 --> 00:49:43,221 Whoa, whoa, whoa. We have to see one of these. 950 00:49:43,221 --> 00:49:44,740 - Are you on YouTube? - Yeah. Look her up. 951 00:49:44,740 --> 00:49:46,535 Sam Cowell. YouTube. 952 00:49:46,535 --> 00:49:48,537 - Yeah? -Is that her? 953 00:49:48,537 --> 00:49:50,332 -Yup. That's her. - Oh, my God. 954 00:49:50,332 --> 00:49:51,643 49,000 views. 955 00:49:51,643 --> 00:49:54,129 -Wow. - That's pretty good. 956 00:49:54,129 --> 00:49:55,647 Oh, my God. 957 00:49:55,647 --> 00:49:57,442 I'm a nanny, which is the politically correct term 958 00:49:57,442 --> 00:49:59,548 for "old babysitter." 959 00:49:59,548 --> 00:50:01,136 Wait, you do sets at the Laugh Basket? 960 00:50:01,136 --> 00:50:02,344 That's pretty cool. 961 00:50:02,344 --> 00:50:05,002 No, the Basket is not cool, okay? 962 00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:08,350 It smells like pee and the floor is always wet. 963 00:50:09,489 --> 00:50:11,318 Teen mom or struggling actress? 964 00:50:11,318 --> 00:50:12,388 Aww. 965 00:50:12,388 --> 00:50:14,218 Either way, I am rock hard, so. 966 00:50:15,322 --> 00:50:17,980 You're funny! You are funny. 967 00:50:19,119 --> 00:50:20,603 This is so inappropriate, Cameron. 968 00:50:20,603 --> 00:50:23,434 What? I had to vet you somehow. 969 00:50:23,434 --> 00:50:26,057 You're looking after my one and only daughter. 970 00:50:26,057 --> 00:50:27,921 I guess so. 971 00:50:27,921 --> 00:50:31,511 My big flirty move on a date is to make the guy 972 00:50:31,511 --> 00:50:33,478 pinky promise not to kill me. 973 00:50:33,478 --> 00:50:34,859 -Yeah. 974 00:50:34,859 --> 00:50:36,930 More stuff about men. I get it. I get it. 975 00:50:36,930 --> 00:50:39,174 ...you touch hands and then it reminds him 976 00:50:39,174 --> 00:50:40,761 that he has the power to kill you. 977 00:50:40,761 --> 00:50:42,867 We should all go see her. When are you there? 978 00:50:42,867 --> 00:50:44,317 No, please. 979 00:50:44,317 --> 00:50:46,077 - Yeah, put us on the list. - Is there a list? 980 00:50:46,077 --> 00:50:47,113 No! 981 00:50:49,667 --> 00:50:53,567 Sam [on video]: It is hard to be a nanny for this generation, 982 00:50:53,567 --> 00:50:56,501 though, because it's like, they know everything, you know? 983 00:50:56,501 --> 00:51:00,367 It's like everything you know, they know, 984 00:51:00,367 --> 00:51:01,817 and they know why it's wrong, 985 00:51:01,817 --> 00:51:03,681 and they know which member of the Clinton Foundation 986 00:51:03,681 --> 00:51:05,200 made you think that it was right. 987 00:51:07,029 --> 00:51:08,065 It's like-- 988 00:51:23,459 --> 00:51:26,462 Woman [on TV]: Houston! Houston, come in! 989 00:51:26,462 --> 00:51:30,190 Hey. Pay attention. This is a good movie. 990 00:51:30,190 --> 00:51:31,916 I don't care about space. 991 00:51:31,916 --> 00:51:35,161 You don't care about the wonder of space? 992 00:51:35,161 --> 00:51:37,404 The ever-expanding universe? 993 00:51:37,404 --> 00:51:38,923 Sandra Bullock? 994 00:51:42,892 --> 00:51:44,515 Hey. 995 00:51:44,515 --> 00:51:45,826 Are you okay? 996 00:51:47,932 --> 00:51:49,830 Have you ever burned a photograph? 997 00:51:49,830 --> 00:51:51,280 What? 998 00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:54,939 Like, in a... cathartic way. 999 00:51:54,939 --> 00:51:56,561 Um... 1000 00:51:57,631 --> 00:52:00,358 I mean, I guess. Only of exes. 1001 00:52:00,358 --> 00:52:03,120 Definitely of Dylan. Why? 1002 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,881 No, I was just thinking of deleting a bunch of photos 1003 00:52:05,881 --> 00:52:06,951 off my phone. 1004 00:52:08,263 --> 00:52:10,127 But you don't have any ex anythings. 1005 00:52:12,888 --> 00:52:14,165 Brooke. 1006 00:52:14,165 --> 00:52:15,891 - N-- - No! 1007 00:52:17,306 --> 00:52:19,481 You're going to want those. 1008 00:52:25,314 --> 00:52:28,317 I just-- I-- You know, I see her 1009 00:52:28,317 --> 00:52:30,595 every time I try to take a new picture 1010 00:52:30,595 --> 00:52:32,770 because my phone has this-- this-- 1011 00:52:32,770 --> 00:52:34,806 this feature where, you know, it-- 1012 00:52:34,806 --> 00:52:36,394 it gathers up photos based on faces, 1013 00:52:36,394 --> 00:52:39,535 and just, like, displays them in an album. 1014 00:52:39,535 --> 00:52:42,711 And it... 1015 00:52:42,711 --> 00:52:44,885 I know, and the feature is horrible, 1016 00:52:44,885 --> 00:52:48,165 and it adds songs, it's not good. 1017 00:52:49,235 --> 00:52:50,546 But... 1018 00:52:50,546 --> 00:52:52,479 it's going to hurt a lot more later 1019 00:52:52,479 --> 00:52:54,585 if you don't have anything to remember her by. 1020 00:52:55,931 --> 00:52:58,105 I was just thinking about it. 1021 00:52:58,105 --> 00:52:59,693 Okay, well, 1022 00:52:59,693 --> 00:53:02,696 maybe just do an iCloud backup 1023 00:53:02,696 --> 00:53:05,699 in case you're thinking of doing anything rash. 1024 00:53:05,699 --> 00:53:08,530 I'm surprised you know anything about backups. 1025 00:53:09,393 --> 00:53:12,430 Okay. Wow. I'm not that old. 1026 00:53:12,430 --> 00:53:14,570 P.S. I'm surprised the cloud can even 1027 00:53:14,570 --> 00:53:16,538 store the number of selfies you take. 1028 00:53:16,538 --> 00:53:19,748 Although, the poses are spectacular. 1029 00:53:19,748 --> 00:53:22,992 I'm-- I'm going to borrow this and this. The tilt? 1030 00:53:22,992 --> 00:53:25,512 Okay, you're all set. 1031 00:53:33,244 --> 00:53:34,521 So, what's this movie about? 1032 00:53:34,521 --> 00:53:37,662 I told you. Sandra Bullock. 1033 00:53:37,662 --> 00:53:41,045 It's good. It's a lot of strings. 1034 00:53:41,045 --> 00:53:42,702 They break, they tangle. 1035 00:53:42,702 --> 00:53:45,808 Then the strings are going to save someone. 1036 00:55:54,730 --> 00:55:57,388 Brooke. Brooke, Brooke-- 1037 00:55:57,388 --> 00:55:58,631 What? What? What? What is it? 1038 00:55:58,631 --> 00:55:59,839 You need to get up. 1039 00:55:59,839 --> 00:56:00,909 - Wh-- - You need to get up now. 1040 00:56:00,909 --> 00:56:02,600 What happened to your head? 1041 00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:04,740 I, um... 1042 00:56:04,740 --> 00:56:05,879 I tripped. 1043 00:56:05,879 --> 00:56:07,018 What? 1044 00:56:07,018 --> 00:56:08,710 The carbon monoxide monitors are going off. 1045 00:56:08,710 --> 00:56:09,711 We have to leave now. 1046 00:56:09,711 --> 00:56:11,402 What about my dad? Why-- 1047 00:56:11,402 --> 00:56:13,542 He's fine. He left. 1048 00:56:13,542 --> 00:56:14,992 I turned them off, we have to go. 1049 00:56:14,992 --> 00:56:16,338 Fine. Fine. 1050 00:56:20,411 --> 00:56:21,964 [whispering] No, no, no. We don't have time. 1051 00:56:21,964 --> 00:56:23,552 - Leave Sammity. - He's going to die, okay? 1052 00:56:23,552 --> 00:56:26,279 It'll affect his small rabbit lungs first. 1053 00:56:26,279 --> 00:56:27,453 - Okay, fine. - Fine. 1054 00:56:27,453 --> 00:56:29,006 Just you get the door. 1055 00:56:29,006 --> 00:56:30,835 - Okay. - Be really quiet. 1056 00:56:30,835 --> 00:56:32,354 Why should I be quiet? What is going on? 1057 00:56:32,354 --> 00:56:35,253 Because-- So I can hear the monitors. Just-- 1058 00:56:35,253 --> 00:56:36,254 What?! 1059 00:56:36,254 --> 00:56:37,980 Be careful with Sammity. 1060 00:56:39,741 --> 00:56:43,123 Okay. Here, take this. 1061 00:56:43,123 --> 00:56:44,055 Okay. 1062 00:56:44,055 --> 00:56:45,194 Are those your dad's keys? 1063 00:56:45,194 --> 00:56:47,507 -Yes. - Okay, let's go. 1064 00:56:47,507 --> 00:56:48,784 Quiet. 1065 00:56:49,647 --> 00:56:51,408 - Get in the front seat. -Okay! 1066 00:56:56,309 --> 00:56:57,414 Just get-- Get in. 1067 00:56:57,414 --> 00:56:58,656 I'm doing that! 1068 00:56:58,656 --> 00:57:00,175 How do I open the garage? 1069 00:57:00,175 --> 00:57:00,969 Just here. 1070 00:57:00,969 --> 00:57:02,591 - This thing? - Yes. 1071 00:57:02,591 --> 00:57:03,799 Put on your seatbelt. 1072 00:57:06,940 --> 00:57:10,703 Sam. Sam, it's okay, all right? We all got out. It's okay. 1073 00:57:10,703 --> 00:57:11,704 It's o-- Can you pull over? 1074 00:57:11,704 --> 00:57:12,912 - I know, yeah. - Can you pull over? 1075 00:57:12,912 --> 00:57:14,327 Can you just pull over? 1076 00:57:14,327 --> 00:57:16,674 Can we call my dad? 1077 00:57:16,674 --> 00:57:17,675 Stop! 1078 00:57:17,675 --> 00:57:18,676 Okay. 1079 00:57:20,678 --> 00:57:23,543 I'm going to-- I'm going to call the-- 1080 00:57:23,543 --> 00:57:26,132 I'm going to call the fire department. 1081 00:57:26,132 --> 00:57:27,202 Okay. 1082 00:57:28,997 --> 00:57:30,516 Where's my phone? I need my phone. 1083 00:57:30,516 --> 00:57:32,414 Here. It's here. It's fine. 1084 00:57:35,866 --> 00:57:37,523 What are you doing? Stay in the car, Brooke. 1085 00:57:37,523 --> 00:57:38,972 You could be hurt, okay? 1086 00:57:38,972 --> 00:57:40,836 Carbon monoxide is very complicated. 1087 00:57:40,836 --> 00:57:42,182 I'm fine, Sam. 1088 00:57:42,182 --> 00:57:44,875 Just stay in the car, okay?! 1089 00:57:52,503 --> 00:57:54,436 Okay. 1090 00:58:40,586 --> 00:58:41,966 Please let me in. Just let me in! 1091 00:58:41,966 --> 00:58:43,658 I just want to be in with her, please! 1092 00:58:43,658 --> 00:58:45,418 Let me in! Let me in! 1093 00:59:30,256 --> 00:59:32,430 How are you feeling, Samantha? 1094 00:59:33,915 --> 00:59:36,883 Um... Is Brooke okay? 1095 00:59:36,883 --> 00:59:39,472 She's here at the hospital. She's physically fine. 1096 00:59:39,472 --> 00:59:41,198 Her aunt's on the way. 1097 00:59:44,166 --> 00:59:45,167 And... 1098 00:59:47,066 --> 00:59:48,792 This is what you want to file? 1099 00:59:54,349 --> 00:59:56,178 Sam. Sam! Sam! What's going on? Are you okay? 1100 00:59:56,178 --> 00:59:58,595 What's going on? No, Sam. What did you say? 1101 00:59:58,595 --> 01:00:00,666 What-- What's happening? Sam! 1102 01:00:00,666 --> 01:00:03,530 What's going on, Sam?! 1103 01:00:07,224 --> 01:00:10,399 Can you please get the fuck out of my room? 1104 01:00:32,042 --> 01:00:34,251 Dude, it's so exciting! 1105 01:00:34,251 --> 01:00:35,286 Yes! 1106 01:00:35,286 --> 01:00:37,288 Sam! Paige's green card got approved! 1107 01:00:37,288 --> 01:00:40,602 LA, baby! Oh, what? 1108 01:00:40,602 --> 01:00:42,673 What's wrong? 1109 01:00:42,673 --> 01:00:45,158 What's going on? 1110 01:00:45,158 --> 01:00:47,851 Hi, sad on the floor. What's going on? 1111 01:00:47,851 --> 01:00:49,266 What's happening? 1112 01:00:49,266 --> 01:00:53,097 What is this... Lisa Frank monstrosity? 1113 01:00:53,097 --> 01:00:55,341 And why does it smell like a half-smoked cigarette? 1114 01:00:55,341 --> 01:00:57,930 It's Brooke's. 1115 01:00:57,930 --> 01:00:59,932 How would you get-- 1116 01:00:59,932 --> 01:01:02,141 I found it. I went back to the house. 1117 01:01:02,141 --> 01:01:04,661 She's been staying there. 1118 01:01:04,661 --> 01:01:06,766 No, you went back there? 1119 01:01:06,766 --> 01:01:08,285 That is way too big a trigger. 1120 01:01:08,285 --> 01:01:10,839 Dude, you need to drop this 1121 01:01:10,839 --> 01:01:12,289 and start taking care of yourself. 1122 01:01:12,289 --> 01:01:14,153 I'm trying to take care of myself, okay? 1123 01:01:14,153 --> 01:01:16,534 I know that I'm a huge fucking burden. 1124 01:01:20,953 --> 01:01:22,161 I knew it. Just say it! 1125 01:01:22,161 --> 01:01:24,301 My PTSD is a huge fucking burden. 1126 01:01:24,301 --> 01:01:26,544 For fuck's sake. It's not that. 1127 01:01:28,754 --> 01:01:29,720 What? 1128 01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:30,756 Do-- Say something. 1129 01:01:30,756 --> 01:01:32,723 I mean... 1130 01:01:32,723 --> 01:01:36,002 Does it suck that we can't invite people over here? Yeah. 1131 01:01:36,002 --> 01:01:38,591 You know, does it-- 1132 01:01:38,591 --> 01:01:41,076 does it suck that you still haven't met Ravi 1133 01:01:41,076 --> 01:01:42,940 and we've been dating for five months. 1134 01:01:42,940 --> 01:01:44,770 And we always have to stay at his place, 1135 01:01:44,770 --> 01:01:45,840 and he has the worst sheets. 1136 01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:47,738 Yes, that sucks. 1137 01:01:47,738 --> 01:01:49,050 But, dude, it's fine. 1138 01:01:49,050 --> 01:01:50,845 It's not fine. I'm annoying. 1139 01:01:50,845 --> 01:01:52,881 Sam, you have always been annoying 1140 01:01:52,881 --> 01:01:55,159 and we have always loved you. 1141 01:01:55,159 --> 01:01:58,093 Just, you know, let's-- Let's just drop it. 1142 01:01:58,093 --> 01:02:00,164 I'm trying, okay? I'm doing my therapy. 1143 01:02:00,164 --> 01:02:03,064 It's just imaginal exposures don't always work. 1144 01:02:06,170 --> 01:02:09,208 Maybe she does need to be trying the in vitro exposure. 1145 01:02:09,208 --> 01:02:11,106 No. What? It's in vivo. 1146 01:02:11,106 --> 01:02:12,798 I'm not a child, okay? 1147 01:02:12,798 --> 01:02:15,179 So, please stop treating me like one. 1148 01:02:15,179 --> 01:02:17,561 And I'm sorry, Paige, that you got good news 1149 01:02:17,561 --> 01:02:18,907 and I ruined your night. 1150 01:02:18,907 --> 01:02:20,875 Okay, you're not a child, 1151 01:02:20,875 --> 01:02:24,775 but you are... a daughter and a friend 1152 01:02:24,775 --> 01:02:27,088 - and a girlfriend. - Paige, don't-- 1153 01:02:27,088 --> 01:02:30,022 No! And we all want those Sams 1154 01:02:30,022 --> 01:02:32,093 to-- to drop the Brooke thing 1155 01:02:32,093 --> 01:02:34,336 so that we can get those Sams back, please! 1156 01:02:34,336 --> 01:02:36,269 I'm not a girlfriend, okay? 1157 01:02:36,269 --> 01:02:39,376 I'm not a girlfriend, and I'm barely a friend. 1158 01:02:39,376 --> 01:02:41,309 I'm not contributing anything to this friendship 1159 01:02:41,309 --> 01:02:43,656 or to society or to anyone. 1160 01:02:43,656 --> 01:02:46,245 So, just stop being so fucking nice to me! 1161 01:02:57,981 --> 01:03:00,915 Okay, well, if you want, 1162 01:03:00,915 --> 01:03:03,124 you could start paying full rent again? 1163 01:03:04,919 --> 01:03:06,610 Okay, well, I can't do that. 1164 01:03:06,610 --> 01:03:09,302 It's obviously cool. I was just... 1165 01:03:11,753 --> 01:03:15,343 I'm sorry. 1166 01:03:15,343 --> 01:03:19,036 I just can't stop thinking about how much Brooke hates me 1167 01:03:19,036 --> 01:03:21,728 and, like, what if something's actually wrong 1168 01:03:21,728 --> 01:03:25,767 and then she, like, dies thinking I ruined her life? 1169 01:03:28,045 --> 01:03:30,634 She's not dying, okay? 1170 01:03:30,634 --> 01:03:33,568 She's still bullying us on Twitter. 1171 01:03:34,603 --> 01:03:36,398 Okay. 1172 01:03:36,398 --> 01:03:39,022 But, I really think you should get in touch with Noah, 1173 01:03:39,022 --> 01:03:41,334 because he knows this whole situation, 1174 01:03:41,334 --> 01:03:44,441 and this is just so much for Philip and I. 1175 01:03:45,614 --> 01:03:47,202 I agree with Paige. 1176 01:03:47,202 --> 01:03:50,136 I mean, he's a really good listener. 1177 01:03:50,136 --> 01:03:52,414 Actually, more than either of you, but-- 1178 01:03:52,414 --> 01:03:54,727 Okay, Sam, just either, like, reach out to Noah, 1179 01:03:54,727 --> 01:03:56,625 or come to the all women's ayahuasca retreat 1180 01:03:56,625 --> 01:04:00,802 I keep talking about, but this has just got to stop. 1181 01:04:02,735 --> 01:04:03,736 And, you know... 1182 01:04:04,910 --> 01:04:05,911 ...maybe next time you're out 1183 01:04:05,911 --> 01:04:07,567 you just grab some toilet paper. 1184 01:04:10,467 --> 01:04:11,848 Okay. 1185 01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:14,989 ♪ Who taught you that 1186 01:04:14,989 --> 01:04:17,370 ♪ If you get a good thing ♪ 1187 01:04:17,370 --> 01:04:19,096 ♪ You better not touch it too much? ♪ 1188 01:04:19,096 --> 01:04:20,649 Hey. 1189 01:04:20,649 --> 01:04:22,479 Can I come in? 1190 01:04:23,549 --> 01:04:24,377 Yeah. 1191 01:04:24,377 --> 01:04:25,758 ♪ Who told you that 1192 01:04:25,758 --> 01:04:28,140 ♪ You've got to keep your hands clean ♪ 1193 01:04:28,140 --> 01:04:30,280 ♪ Or you're going to mess it all up? ♪ 1194 01:04:30,280 --> 01:04:32,834 Can I get in the bed with you? 1195 01:04:32,834 --> 01:04:34,353 Yeah, sure. 1196 01:04:37,045 --> 01:04:38,426 I'm glad you texted. 1197 01:04:38,426 --> 01:04:42,154 ♪ I am rough around the edge ♪ 1198 01:04:42,154 --> 01:04:46,952 ♪ I am not a flower petal ♪ 1199 01:04:48,125 --> 01:04:52,336 ♪ You can handle me 1200 01:04:53,406 --> 01:04:55,546 Are-- Are you okay? 1201 01:04:55,546 --> 01:04:56,616 Yeah. 1202 01:04:56,616 --> 01:04:57,928 Yeah? 1203 01:04:57,928 --> 01:04:59,240 Yeah, I'm fine. 1204 01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:01,932 Paige kind of made it sound like 1205 01:05:01,932 --> 01:05:04,038 you weren't doing so good. 1206 01:05:04,038 --> 01:05:06,281 Not that she told me much. 1207 01:05:06,281 --> 01:05:07,489 I don't-- I don't wanna-- 1208 01:05:07,489 --> 01:05:08,835 I mean, I'm here if you wanna talk. 1209 01:05:08,835 --> 01:05:10,458 I could just listen to you-- 1210 01:05:18,811 --> 01:05:20,606 What are you doing? Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1211 01:05:20,606 --> 01:05:23,954 Are you sure about this? Hold on a second. Sam, wait-- 1212 01:05:23,954 --> 01:05:25,162 Just-- Just be quiet, okay? 1213 01:05:25,162 --> 01:05:27,233 It's fine. Just let me-- 1214 01:05:27,233 --> 01:05:29,132 Okay. 1215 01:05:29,132 --> 01:05:30,271 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 1216 01:05:32,514 --> 01:05:34,309 Holy shit. 1217 01:05:34,309 --> 01:05:36,587 ♪ If you love someone 1218 01:05:36,587 --> 01:05:38,935 ♪ It's best to just leave them alone ♪ 1219 01:05:41,213 --> 01:05:42,559 That was, uh... 1220 01:05:44,768 --> 01:05:46,770 Are you okay? 1221 01:05:46,770 --> 01:05:48,151 Yeah. 1222 01:05:48,151 --> 01:05:49,635 Totally. 1223 01:05:49,635 --> 01:05:50,670 I'm fine. 1224 01:06:00,370 --> 01:06:02,682 Now, you guys are probably here to see 1225 01:06:02,682 --> 01:06:04,995 everybody's favourite skinny, rich, white girl. 1226 01:06:04,995 --> 01:06:06,790 Sam Cowell! 1227 01:06:06,790 --> 01:06:08,654 I do have to be nice to the guys. 1228 01:06:08,654 --> 01:06:10,518 I'm going to be nice to the guys. 1229 01:06:10,518 --> 01:06:12,071 Somebody had to come backstage, like, 1230 01:06:12,071 --> 01:06:14,971 "Be nice to the guys." 1231 01:06:16,006 --> 01:06:17,249 Thank you guys so much! 1232 01:06:22,047 --> 01:06:24,014 ♪ So, I heard the bad news ♪ 1233 01:06:26,016 --> 01:06:28,191 ♪ Nobody likes me 1234 01:06:28,191 --> 01:06:30,055 ♪ And I'm gonna die alone 1235 01:06:30,055 --> 01:06:32,229 ♪ In my bedroom 1236 01:06:33,713 --> 01:06:37,959 ♪ Looking at strangers on my telephone ♪ 1237 01:06:39,478 --> 01:06:41,376 Hey, guys. Good to see you. 1238 01:06:41,376 --> 01:06:43,206 Oh, yeah. No, that's crazy. 1239 01:06:43,206 --> 01:06:45,760 I've never climbed Kilimanjaro. 1240 01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:47,037 Hey. 1241 01:06:47,037 --> 01:06:48,728 Hi. Good to see you. 1242 01:06:49,936 --> 01:06:51,007 Okay. 1243 01:06:52,077 --> 01:06:53,112 I showered. 1244 01:06:53,112 --> 01:06:54,872 Dude, you look hot. 1245 01:06:54,872 --> 01:06:56,978 Thank you. It's killing me to be here, 1246 01:06:56,978 --> 01:06:58,738 but I do look hot. 1247 01:06:58,738 --> 01:06:59,705 You do! 1248 01:06:59,705 --> 01:07:01,258 You're not going to, like, ruin the party, 1249 01:07:01,258 --> 01:07:02,846 and jump off the roof or anything. 1250 01:07:02,846 --> 01:07:04,020 Oh, my God. No. 1251 01:07:04,020 --> 01:07:06,712 I would never ruin Paige's green card approval party 1252 01:07:06,712 --> 01:07:09,301 by jumping off the roof tonight. 1253 01:07:09,301 --> 01:07:10,543 Have you seen Paige yet? 1254 01:07:11,613 --> 01:07:13,857 I mean, you cannot miss her. 1255 01:07:13,857 --> 01:07:16,963 I'm gay, I'm a genie, and I'll grant you a wish! 1256 01:07:20,139 --> 01:07:21,865 I am really happy for her, though. 1257 01:07:21,865 --> 01:07:23,108 She-- She deserves this. 1258 01:07:25,075 --> 01:07:28,113 Yeah, you sound so happy 1259 01:07:28,113 --> 01:07:29,976 and not bummed or jealous at all. 1260 01:07:29,976 --> 01:07:33,325 But I'm really glad you left the house. 1261 01:07:33,325 --> 01:07:34,567 And I'm actually even glad that 1262 01:07:34,567 --> 01:07:36,086 you bought all the American flag stuff, 1263 01:07:36,086 --> 01:07:37,570 - even though it is-- - Thank you. 1264 01:07:37,570 --> 01:07:38,882 extremely American. 1265 01:07:38,882 --> 01:07:41,609 So American. 1266 01:07:41,609 --> 01:07:44,681 Yeah, so, now we just need to get you back on stage. 1267 01:07:44,681 --> 01:07:46,648 You wanna help me pick a new stage name? 1268 01:07:46,648 --> 01:07:49,927 What? Sam Cowell's an incredible name. 1269 01:07:49,927 --> 01:07:53,621 Plus, you're probably the first Google search result now, so. 1270 01:07:53,621 --> 01:07:57,314 Wow. Okay, fine. I'm going to say it. 1271 01:07:57,314 --> 01:07:58,867 I did it for attention. 1272 01:07:58,867 --> 01:08:01,180 Sam! 1273 01:08:01,180 --> 01:08:04,287 You shouldn't be joking about search engine optimization. 1274 01:08:04,287 --> 01:08:07,221 Yeah, you're right. No. That's too far. 1275 01:08:07,221 --> 01:08:09,326 - It's too far. - That's the line. 1276 01:08:09,326 --> 01:08:10,879 Some things we shouldn't joke about. 1277 01:08:10,879 --> 01:08:11,777 No more. 1278 01:08:11,777 --> 01:08:13,261 I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want one? 1279 01:08:13,261 --> 01:08:14,262 - I need one. - Okay, yeah. 1280 01:08:14,262 --> 01:08:15,298 I have to have one. 1281 01:08:15,298 --> 01:08:16,471 Okay, well, I'll get you one. 1282 01:08:16,471 --> 01:08:18,197 - Thank you. - Mm-hm. 1283 01:08:30,658 --> 01:08:34,489 Did she ever say anything to you about a Nathan? 1284 01:08:41,703 --> 01:08:43,498 My God. 1285 01:08:43,498 --> 01:08:45,949 Parties were not like this when we were in junior high. 1286 01:08:45,949 --> 01:08:49,780 They were in, like, basements or 7/11 parking lots. 1287 01:08:49,780 --> 01:08:51,817 She told me this was a sleepover. 1288 01:08:51,817 --> 01:08:53,681 - Where is she? - Is that her right there? 1289 01:08:53,681 --> 01:08:56,753 -There you go. -Brooke! 1290 01:08:56,753 --> 01:08:58,824 Hi. 1291 01:08:58,824 --> 01:09:00,619 Are you drunk? 1292 01:09:00,619 --> 01:09:02,207 It's just a birthday party. 1293 01:09:02,207 --> 01:09:04,657 Okay, let's get this on. 1294 01:09:04,657 --> 01:09:06,280 No, no. No, no, no. 1295 01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:07,936 - Hi. - Hi! 1296 01:09:07,936 --> 01:09:11,940 Um, Brooke owes me and Nathan $30 for the Smirnoff Ice. 1297 01:09:11,940 --> 01:09:13,735 -Thirty dollars? - That's insane. 1298 01:09:13,735 --> 01:09:15,392 Mm. 1299 01:09:15,392 --> 01:09:16,980 Okay, yeah. Um, do you have that? Sorry. 1300 01:09:16,980 --> 01:09:19,638 Yeah, sure. I'd like to give you my last $20. 1301 01:09:19,638 --> 01:09:21,087 There you go. Enjoy. 1302 01:09:21,087 --> 01:09:22,503 No. No. It's $30. 1303 01:09:22,503 --> 01:09:23,952 I'm not an ATM. Yeah. 1304 01:09:23,952 --> 01:09:26,023 Where did you guys get all this alcohol? 1305 01:09:26,023 --> 01:09:29,234 There's-- Everyone here has an older boyfriend-- 1306 01:09:29,234 --> 01:09:31,477 or you know something. I don't-- 1307 01:09:31,477 --> 01:09:33,272 - I don't want to leave. -Oh, okay. 1308 01:09:33,272 --> 01:09:35,101 We are going to go to Niagara Falls. 1309 01:09:35,101 --> 01:09:36,931 -Yeah, we sure are. - We're going home. 1310 01:09:36,931 --> 01:09:38,381 Let's go for it. It'll be fun. 1311 01:09:39,658 --> 01:09:40,935 ♪--mountains in roller skates ♪ 1312 01:09:40,935 --> 01:09:43,558 ♪ I'm reckless, and careless ♪ 1313 01:09:43,558 --> 01:09:45,457 ♪ Bloody knees in my jeans 1314 01:09:45,457 --> 01:09:47,907 ♪ And my sundress is so delicate ♪ 1315 01:09:49,495 --> 01:09:51,704 ♪ Oh, skeletons 1316 01:09:54,397 --> 01:09:57,193 ♪ Oh we're skeletons 1317 01:09:58,297 --> 01:09:59,954 Phew. I miss this view. 1318 01:10:02,681 --> 01:10:05,477 Yeah, we're really lucky. 1319 01:10:05,477 --> 01:10:07,617 ♪ Oh, skeletons 1320 01:10:07,617 --> 01:10:09,032 I missed you. 1321 01:10:12,898 --> 01:10:14,210 Oh. 1322 01:10:16,281 --> 01:10:17,489 Oh, fuck. 1323 01:10:17,489 --> 01:10:18,490 Noah. 1324 01:10:18,490 --> 01:10:19,870 Oh, please. Sam, no-- That-- 1325 01:10:19,870 --> 01:10:23,598 No. No, I-- I thought we were making progress. 1326 01:10:23,598 --> 01:10:25,635 We? I mean-- 1327 01:10:25,635 --> 01:10:27,257 You and I just slept together. 1328 01:10:27,257 --> 01:10:28,569 Yeah. 1329 01:10:30,053 --> 01:10:33,056 What, so you're saying there's no glimmer of "we" anymore? 1330 01:10:34,126 --> 01:10:36,404 I mean, there's barely a me right now. 1331 01:10:36,404 --> 01:10:37,785 Yeah, yeah. Okay. 1332 01:10:37,785 --> 01:10:40,650 Uh, well, do you think there would be a you 1333 01:10:40,650 --> 01:10:42,203 to care about at some point? 1334 01:10:42,203 --> 01:10:43,618 What? 1335 01:10:43,618 --> 01:10:44,792 I don't know. I'm just-- I'm-- 1336 01:10:44,792 --> 01:10:46,242 The pronouns are confusing me here. 1337 01:10:46,242 --> 01:10:48,416 You-- I-- 1338 01:10:48,416 --> 01:10:50,384 Everyone needs we's in their life. 1339 01:10:50,384 --> 01:10:53,490 Fuck, Noah. This is just so not about you-- 1340 01:10:53,490 --> 01:10:54,767 - No, I know. - or us. 1341 01:10:54,767 --> 01:10:56,424 I know I don't exist in this, okay? 1342 01:10:56,424 --> 01:10:58,254 I'm just-- I'm just the ex-boyfriend. 1343 01:10:58,254 --> 01:10:59,910 I... 1344 01:10:59,910 --> 01:11:01,153 I just wish... 1345 01:11:02,465 --> 01:11:05,295 What? What do you wish? 1346 01:11:05,295 --> 01:11:07,849 I wish I could have been there. 1347 01:11:07,849 --> 01:11:12,371 I know, but you weren't, and that's okay. 1348 01:11:12,371 --> 01:11:14,822 That's-- That's why I was trying to be there after. 1349 01:11:17,687 --> 01:11:19,447 But how, Noah? 1350 01:11:19,447 --> 01:11:21,863 You know? 1351 01:11:21,863 --> 01:11:24,901 By getting in fights on Twitter with trolls? 1352 01:11:24,901 --> 01:11:28,870 By asking me, like, just why would he think that? 1353 01:11:28,870 --> 01:11:30,734 Okay, I will regret that fucking question 1354 01:11:30,734 --> 01:11:32,322 for the rest of my stupid life. 1355 01:11:32,322 --> 01:11:34,980 I just can't be around you, okay? 1356 01:11:36,430 --> 01:11:37,879 It just makes me feel like shit to be 1357 01:11:37,879 --> 01:11:39,743 around the people who were there. 1358 01:11:42,228 --> 01:11:44,092 But you can go looking around for Brooke? 1359 01:11:47,855 --> 01:11:48,856 Yeah. 1360 01:11:50,444 --> 01:11:52,342 I guess that I can, 1361 01:11:52,342 --> 01:11:55,034 because Brooke is, like... 1362 01:11:55,034 --> 01:11:56,933 the one person who doesn't pity me. 1363 01:11:57,727 --> 01:11:59,349 She hates me. 1364 01:12:00,385 --> 01:12:02,214 It's refreshing. 1365 01:12:03,526 --> 01:12:05,735 I am gonna go check on the ice. 1366 01:12:05,735 --> 01:12:07,737 You don't care about ice. 1367 01:12:07,737 --> 01:12:09,221 I do. 1368 01:12:09,221 --> 01:12:13,018 I care deeply about the ice right now, Noah. 1369 01:12:13,018 --> 01:12:14,640 I'm sorry. 1370 01:12:16,366 --> 01:12:19,369 ♪ Late bloomer 1371 01:12:20,853 --> 01:12:23,925 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1372 01:12:23,925 --> 01:12:26,411 ♪ Late bloomer, now that I'm awake ♪ 1373 01:12:26,411 --> 01:12:28,551 ♪ It was worth the wait 1374 01:12:28,551 --> 01:12:32,969 ♪ Late bloomer 1375 01:12:32,969 --> 01:12:36,213 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1376 01:12:36,213 --> 01:12:38,319 ♪ Late bloomer, now that I'm awake ♪ 1377 01:12:38,319 --> 01:12:39,700 ♪ It was worth the wait 1378 01:12:39,700 --> 01:12:41,564 -Who's this? 1379 01:12:41,564 --> 01:12:44,187 Hi, this is Tiff. 1380 01:12:44,187 --> 01:12:45,775 Uh, or... 1381 01:12:45,775 --> 01:12:46,776 Tiffer? 1382 01:12:46,776 --> 01:12:49,399 Yes, no. Um, this-- It's Tiffany. 1383 01:12:49,399 --> 01:12:51,159 Um, Brooke's friend from school. 1384 01:12:52,195 --> 01:12:53,748 What do you want with her? 1385 01:12:55,371 --> 01:12:57,959 Uh, no. Um... 1386 01:12:57,959 --> 01:13:00,755 That's not why I'm calling, um... 1387 01:13:00,755 --> 01:13:01,860 I was wondering if I could-- 1388 01:13:01,860 --> 01:13:03,413 Whoa, not on the phone. 1389 01:13:03,413 --> 01:13:06,382 Okay, look, if you want to buy, you just gotta come by, okay? 1390 01:13:06,382 --> 01:13:08,694 - Come by the trap. - What? 1391 01:13:08,694 --> 01:13:10,593 The greenhouse behind the convenience store 1392 01:13:10,593 --> 01:13:12,491 on Main Street. 1393 01:13:12,491 --> 01:13:14,873 Yo, are you calling from the city? 1394 01:13:14,873 --> 01:13:16,909 You sound kinda old, you know. 1395 01:13:16,909 --> 01:13:20,396 Uh, no. I'm in Niagara, too. 1396 01:13:20,396 --> 01:13:22,777 This is my friend's phone, um, 1397 01:13:22,777 --> 01:13:25,504 and I just smoke a lot. 1398 01:13:25,504 --> 01:13:27,126 All right, all right. 1399 01:13:27,126 --> 01:13:28,542 Come by in, like, an hour, okay? 1400 01:13:28,542 --> 01:13:31,786 Peace... Out. 1401 01:13:31,786 --> 01:13:34,651 ♪ Late bloomer 1402 01:13:34,651 --> 01:13:38,793 ♪ I'm not afraid of you anymore ♪ 1403 01:13:38,793 --> 01:13:41,140 I can't believe you know where she is. 1404 01:13:41,140 --> 01:13:43,142 And, I'm sorry, but who's named Tiffany anymore? 1405 01:13:43,142 --> 01:13:44,765 I don't know, I just panicked. 1406 01:13:44,765 --> 01:13:46,629 Well, I'm packing you apples. 1407 01:13:46,629 --> 01:13:48,872 Okay, and you're sober enough to drive? 1408 01:13:48,872 --> 01:13:50,460 Yes, I only had one beer. 1409 01:13:50,460 --> 01:13:51,599 And you're sober enough 1410 01:13:51,599 --> 01:13:53,118 to go out there and be a big hero? 1411 01:13:53,118 --> 01:13:54,844 I just don't care what anybody thinks anymore. 1412 01:13:54,844 --> 01:13:56,466 I don't even care what Brooke thinks anymore. 1413 01:13:56,466 --> 01:13:57,640 I'm finding her. 1414 01:13:57,640 --> 01:13:59,607 Do you want us to go with you? 1415 01:13:59,607 --> 01:14:01,540 No, I have to talk to her on my own. 1416 01:14:01,540 --> 01:14:02,990 I don't want to spook her. 1417 01:14:02,990 --> 01:14:05,820 I wonder what this boyfriend drug dealer sells. 1418 01:14:05,820 --> 01:14:06,821 I was thinking Molly-- 1419 01:14:06,821 --> 01:14:08,305 Guys! Shut up, okay? 1420 01:14:08,305 --> 01:14:10,169 Brooke could be high on anything right now. 1421 01:14:10,169 --> 01:14:12,171 Do you remember how stupid we were when we were her age? 1422 01:14:12,171 --> 01:14:14,657 I mean, we tried smoking dog hair once. 1423 01:14:14,657 --> 01:14:18,419 Ugh. Hey, um, take my keys. 1424 01:14:18,419 --> 01:14:19,903 Please be safe. 1425 01:14:19,903 --> 01:14:21,491 And check in with us. 1426 01:14:21,491 --> 01:14:23,044 Okay. 1427 01:14:23,044 --> 01:14:24,805 Because teenage drug dealers who live in Niagara Falls 1428 01:14:24,805 --> 01:14:27,497 probably, you know, don't have a lot to lose. 1429 01:14:29,706 --> 01:14:31,950 I'm sure it'll be fine. Just don't-- 1430 01:14:31,950 --> 01:14:34,470 Don't think about Euphoria. 1431 01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:36,644 -Go! - Okay. 1432 01:14:36,644 --> 01:14:37,990 Go get her, girl. 1433 01:14:43,617 --> 01:14:46,551 And how long had you and Mr. Dolman been dating 1434 01:14:46,551 --> 01:14:48,760 on the night of October 13th? 1435 01:14:48,760 --> 01:14:50,934 It was our three-year anniversary. 1436 01:14:50,934 --> 01:14:53,350 And yet you chose to stay late at the Renner's. 1437 01:14:54,420 --> 01:14:56,388 It was my job to stay late at the Renner's, 1438 01:14:56,388 --> 01:14:57,734 until Brooke fell asleep. 1439 01:14:57,734 --> 01:14:59,736 And that night you told 1440 01:14:59,736 --> 01:15:02,290 Brooke that you wanted to leave with her 1441 01:15:02,290 --> 01:15:04,983 because of a carbon monoxide leak. 1442 01:15:04,983 --> 01:15:07,226 But there was no leak. 1443 01:15:07,226 --> 01:15:09,919 No, I told her that so that I could-- 1444 01:15:09,919 --> 01:15:11,748 So, you lied to her about your intentions 1445 01:15:11,748 --> 01:15:13,370 for wanting to leave the house? 1446 01:15:13,370 --> 01:15:16,684 I lied so that I wouldn't have to leave her there 1447 01:15:16,684 --> 01:15:18,962 after... that. 1448 01:15:21,206 --> 01:15:24,209 And Brooke has gone on the record, saying that 1449 01:15:24,209 --> 01:15:26,867 you were in love with her father. 1450 01:15:27,971 --> 01:15:29,835 I was not in love with Cameron. 1451 01:15:29,835 --> 01:15:33,839 I found him really boring and pretty sexist. 1452 01:15:35,358 --> 01:15:37,084 I was in love with Noah. 1453 01:15:37,084 --> 01:15:38,292 Hm. 1454 01:15:40,536 --> 01:15:45,023 Exhibit C is one of Ms. Cowell's comedy clips from 2014. 1455 01:15:45,023 --> 01:15:48,578 If everyone could direct their attention to the television. 1456 01:15:48,578 --> 01:15:51,305 I mean, if you're not having rough sex, it's like, 1457 01:15:51,305 --> 01:15:52,962 are you having sex? 1458 01:15:52,962 --> 01:15:55,033 At that point it's just procreation. 1459 01:15:57,587 --> 01:16:00,625 And in February of last year, 1460 01:16:00,625 --> 01:16:05,630 you were a guest on a podcast called The Crimson Wave, 1461 01:16:05,630 --> 01:16:07,217 in which you said, and I quote, 1462 01:16:07,217 --> 01:16:11,497 "It was offensive that you hadn't been hit on as a nanny." 1463 01:16:13,327 --> 01:16:15,743 Well, I mean, you're... taking that out of context. 1464 01:16:15,743 --> 01:16:17,089 Oh, well, I don't understand. 1465 01:16:17,089 --> 01:16:18,746 Could you explain what the context is? 1466 01:16:18,746 --> 01:16:20,127 The context of a joke. 1467 01:16:20,127 --> 01:16:23,440 I mean, also, you're not even playing, like-- 1468 01:16:23,440 --> 01:16:24,752 These are my worst clips. 1469 01:16:24,752 --> 01:16:26,167 I'm still flat-ironing my hair in these. 1470 01:16:26,167 --> 01:16:28,204 I wasn't even nannying for them at the time. 1471 01:16:28,204 --> 01:16:29,481 I'm... 1472 01:16:36,626 --> 01:16:39,629 There's no evidence that states that my client 1473 01:16:39,629 --> 01:16:42,011 didn't see this material, 1474 01:16:42,011 --> 01:16:43,944 and that you didn't confirm 1475 01:16:43,944 --> 01:16:47,982 that you wanted to have consensual rough sex with him. 1476 01:16:49,259 --> 01:16:51,607 Are you going to ask what I was wearing next? 1477 01:16:55,541 --> 01:16:58,096 If the defendant could please rise. 1478 01:17:02,065 --> 01:17:06,276 In the case of the Queen versus Cameron Renner, 1479 01:17:06,276 --> 01:17:09,210 on the charges of sexual harassment 1480 01:17:09,210 --> 01:17:12,593 and aggravated sexual assault, 1481 01:17:12,593 --> 01:17:14,837 I find the defendant guilty. 1482 01:17:14,837 --> 01:17:17,736 I sentence him to five years. 1483 01:18:01,884 --> 01:18:04,024 She's lying to you! 1484 01:18:04,024 --> 01:18:06,026 No, she isn't, Brooke. 1485 01:18:06,026 --> 01:18:07,406 I know this is hard to understand. 1486 01:18:07,406 --> 01:18:09,236 No, it's not. She's trying to take his money, okay? 1487 01:18:09,236 --> 01:18:10,858 And now he lost his job! 1488 01:18:10,858 --> 01:18:14,344 She just-- she saw our house and she saw-- she saw his car, 1489 01:18:14,344 --> 01:18:17,106 and she was probably glad when my mom died! 1490 01:18:17,106 --> 01:18:18,624 Brooke. Enough. 1491 01:18:20,109 --> 01:18:24,285 Noah. Noah, I'm so sorry. I had no idea, I swear. 1492 01:18:24,285 --> 01:18:26,218 - An inkling-- - Why are you on their side? 1493 01:18:26,218 --> 01:18:28,117 -Stop it. - Dad loved Mom, not her. 1494 01:18:28,117 --> 01:18:29,221 She's a liar! 1495 01:18:29,221 --> 01:18:32,224 Hey, we don't talk about women like that. 1496 01:18:33,018 --> 01:18:34,710 Thank you, Jill. 1497 01:18:35,780 --> 01:18:37,091 Yeah, of course. 1498 01:18:38,023 --> 01:18:39,369 Get inside. Come on. 1499 01:18:39,369 --> 01:18:41,302 Let's go. Let's finish packing. 1500 01:18:44,409 --> 01:18:45,237 Go. 1501 01:18:45,237 --> 01:18:47,792 Holy shit. I'm sorry. 1502 01:18:47,792 --> 01:18:50,346 Can we go? Can we just go please? 1503 01:18:50,346 --> 01:18:52,106 We're going. 1504 01:18:54,522 --> 01:18:57,905 She wasn't supposed to be here. 1505 01:18:58,906 --> 01:19:00,183 Jesus. 1506 01:19:22,309 --> 01:19:25,588 Yo, Brooke said that, too, though. 1507 01:19:28,694 --> 01:19:30,317 Alright, yeah. Yeah, I'm down here. 1508 01:19:30,317 --> 01:19:32,526 Let's just go home. Let's just go to my... 1509 01:19:36,081 --> 01:19:37,911 Yeah, that was stupid, bro. 1510 01:19:37,911 --> 01:19:39,498 I remember. 1511 01:19:39,498 --> 01:19:41,397 Yeah, yeah. Brooke was there... 1512 01:19:49,405 --> 01:19:51,510 Yeah, yeah. That's my car. Mine's the green one. 1513 01:20:04,523 --> 01:20:08,079 Yeah, all right. Everyone in. Everyone in. 1514 01:20:11,668 --> 01:20:12,635 You're welcome. 1515 01:20:23,542 --> 01:20:24,854 Fuck. 1516 01:20:42,872 --> 01:20:44,529 Fucking cop dog. 1517 01:21:02,340 --> 01:21:05,067 I'm really sorry you're back here, Samantha. 1518 01:21:05,067 --> 01:21:06,827 You can joke about literally anything now, 1519 01:21:06,827 --> 01:21:08,311 so that's good. 1520 01:21:08,311 --> 01:21:11,590 You're funny! You are funny. 1521 01:21:11,590 --> 01:21:13,109 Is that you treating us 1522 01:21:13,109 --> 01:21:15,353 to one of your stand-up comedy things? 1523 01:21:15,353 --> 01:21:18,977 There's no evidence that states that my client 1524 01:21:18,977 --> 01:21:21,117 didn't see this material, 1525 01:21:21,117 --> 01:21:23,464 and that you didn't confirm 1526 01:21:23,464 --> 01:21:26,882 that you wanted to have consensual rough sex with him. 1527 01:21:29,436 --> 01:21:32,335 I just want to know why you lied! 1528 01:21:32,335 --> 01:21:33,716 This is what you want to file? 1529 01:21:33,716 --> 01:21:36,167 She was probably glad when my mom died. 1530 01:21:36,167 --> 01:21:37,168 Brooke! 1531 01:21:37,168 --> 01:21:38,410 You need to drop this 1532 01:21:38,410 --> 01:21:41,724 and start taking care of yourself, dude. 1533 01:21:41,724 --> 01:21:43,760 I just wish... 1534 01:21:46,798 --> 01:21:47,937 One, two, three. 1535 01:21:47,937 --> 01:21:50,802 There you go. Does that work? 1536 01:21:50,802 --> 01:21:52,079 - Yes. - Okay. 1537 01:21:52,079 --> 01:21:53,736 Thanks for the extra film, Noah. 1538 01:21:53,736 --> 01:21:55,151 Oh, it's my pleasure. 1539 01:21:55,151 --> 01:21:58,603 There's not enough pictures of you two on our fridge as it is. 1540 01:21:58,603 --> 01:22:00,053 Gross. 1541 01:22:00,053 --> 01:22:02,607 Okay, well, then you can leave. 1542 01:22:04,022 --> 01:22:05,679 Hey, make sure you get everything. 1543 01:22:05,679 --> 01:22:07,612 - I did. Bye, Noah. -All right. 1544 01:22:07,612 --> 01:22:09,269 Bye. 1545 01:22:09,269 --> 01:22:11,271 So, you want me to, uh, stick around? 1546 01:22:11,271 --> 01:22:12,651 Uh, no, it's okay. 1547 01:22:12,651 --> 01:22:14,377 I have to help Brooke with her math homework, 1548 01:22:14,377 --> 01:22:16,966 and Cameron is actually home for once. 1549 01:22:16,966 --> 01:22:18,312 What? 1550 01:22:18,312 --> 01:22:20,383 Yeah, and we all know that he's not a huge fan 1551 01:22:20,383 --> 01:22:21,626 of the babysitter's boyfriend. 1552 01:22:21,626 --> 01:22:23,076 I'm not wearing my bulletproof vest. 1553 01:22:23,076 --> 01:22:24,456 I should get out of here. 1554 01:22:24,456 --> 01:22:26,872 You have to wait up for me, though. 1555 01:22:26,872 --> 01:22:30,255 I would wait for you 'til 4:00 in the morning. 1556 01:22:30,255 --> 01:22:31,808 Okay, so I'll wake you up when I get back? 1557 01:22:31,808 --> 01:22:32,982 Yes, please. Yeah. 1558 01:22:32,982 --> 01:22:35,467 I'll see you really soon. 1559 01:22:36,675 --> 01:22:39,402 I'll see you so soon. 1560 01:22:55,384 --> 01:22:57,075 You want some ice cream? 1561 01:22:57,075 --> 01:22:58,974 Sure. 1562 01:22:58,974 --> 01:23:02,908 Delicious ice cream? Sure. I guess. 1563 01:23:02,908 --> 01:23:06,429 You're so funny. You make me laugh. Thank you. 1564 01:23:06,429 --> 01:23:07,913 You know it was a lot easier to cheer you up 1565 01:23:07,913 --> 01:23:09,018 when you were little. 1566 01:23:09,018 --> 01:23:10,295 Whatever. 1567 01:23:10,295 --> 01:23:11,434 Can you stay over tonight? 1568 01:23:11,434 --> 01:23:13,367 I really have to get back tonight. 1569 01:23:13,367 --> 01:23:15,093 It's my anniversary. 1570 01:23:15,093 --> 01:23:17,509 ♪ Pictures of people you follow ♪ 1571 01:23:18,579 --> 01:23:20,064 Does he go down on you? 1572 01:23:20,064 --> 01:23:22,066 What?! 1573 01:23:23,722 --> 01:23:26,208 How do you know about going down? 1574 01:23:26,208 --> 01:23:28,900 Candace says that if a guy goes down on you 1575 01:23:28,900 --> 01:23:32,524 and posts about you online, then he's boyfriend material. 1576 01:23:34,078 --> 01:23:35,251 Wow. 1577 01:23:35,251 --> 01:23:37,529 Noah posts about you on his stories a lot. 1578 01:23:37,529 --> 01:23:40,567 Yeah. Yes. Yeah, he does. 1579 01:23:40,567 --> 01:23:43,846 That's actually pretty insightful of Candace. 1580 01:23:43,846 --> 01:23:45,054 She's not wrong. 1581 01:23:46,573 --> 01:23:47,988 Okay, new conversation topic. 1582 01:23:47,988 --> 01:23:50,473 We've never-- We've never done this before. 1583 01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:53,373 Oh. 1584 01:23:53,373 --> 01:23:55,616 Are you good on your ice cream? 1585 01:23:55,616 --> 01:23:56,962 Mm-hm. 1586 01:23:56,962 --> 01:23:58,550 Okay. I have to go. 1587 01:23:58,550 --> 01:24:01,105 And you absolutely need to go to bed. 1588 01:24:01,105 --> 01:24:03,107 It is so late. 1589 01:24:04,660 --> 01:24:08,043 Okay, watch. I'm going to get this all in one. 1590 01:24:09,803 --> 01:24:11,736 Yes, there we go. 1591 01:24:12,944 --> 01:24:15,326 Go it. Goodnight. 1592 01:24:15,326 --> 01:24:16,948 Please go to bed, okay? 1593 01:24:16,948 --> 01:24:17,949 Love you. 1594 01:24:17,949 --> 01:24:19,433 Love you, too. 1595 01:24:36,174 --> 01:24:38,003 Please stop. 1596 01:25:07,171 --> 01:25:08,448 Cameron? 1597 01:25:13,177 --> 01:25:14,592 Cameron, are you okay? 1598 01:25:14,592 --> 01:25:17,077 Here. It's a beer. 1599 01:25:17,077 --> 01:25:20,115 Oh, I was just checking to make sure you were okay. 1600 01:25:20,115 --> 01:25:21,909 Um, I have to go soon. 1601 01:25:21,909 --> 01:25:24,533 - Brooke's asleep, so-- - Why wouldn't I be okay? 1602 01:25:26,190 --> 01:25:28,330 Because you're... kind of drunk. 1603 01:25:28,330 --> 01:25:30,642 I'm still your boss. 1604 01:25:30,642 --> 01:25:33,128 You can't talk to me that way. 1605 01:25:34,819 --> 01:25:36,027 Okay. Sorry. 1606 01:25:36,027 --> 01:25:39,755 Um, I'm just going to finish up the dishes, and then go-- 1607 01:25:39,755 --> 01:25:42,275 Just... 1608 01:25:42,275 --> 01:25:44,898 I actually need to talk to you. 1609 01:25:45,933 --> 01:25:47,797 Okay. 1610 01:25:50,317 --> 01:25:51,422 What's up? 1611 01:25:51,422 --> 01:25:52,940 So... 1612 01:25:55,115 --> 01:25:58,877 ...I've been watching more of your stuff... 1613 01:25:58,877 --> 01:26:01,225 online, 1614 01:26:01,225 --> 01:26:03,675 and I take it back. 1615 01:26:04,504 --> 01:26:06,609 You take what back? 1616 01:26:06,609 --> 01:26:08,370 That you're not funny. 1617 01:26:08,370 --> 01:26:11,200 You're actually funny. 1618 01:26:11,200 --> 01:26:13,547 - I'm actually funny? - Mm-hmm. 1619 01:26:13,547 --> 01:26:16,032 Wow. Well, thank you, Cameron. 1620 01:26:16,032 --> 01:26:20,416 That means a lot coming from someone as riveting as you. 1621 01:26:20,416 --> 01:26:25,387 Your special, you said... 1622 01:26:25,387 --> 01:26:29,253 "It's weird, 'cause I like cops." 1623 01:26:29,253 --> 01:26:33,843 Yeah, but then the punch line was, 1624 01:26:33,843 --> 01:26:36,501 "I'm more partial to firefighters." 1625 01:26:36,501 --> 01:26:39,849 No. That's not what I remember. 1626 01:26:41,472 --> 01:26:43,715 Okay. Well... 1627 01:26:43,715 --> 01:26:47,236 I'm sorry to disappoint you, officer, but... 1628 01:26:47,236 --> 01:26:49,204 Hmm. 1629 01:26:49,204 --> 01:26:52,310 ...I'm going to go. 1630 01:26:52,310 --> 01:26:53,449 Not... 1631 01:26:53,449 --> 01:26:56,211 if I arrest you... 1632 01:26:56,211 --> 01:26:58,523 young lady. 1633 01:26:58,523 --> 01:27:00,629 Okay. 1634 01:27:00,629 --> 01:27:04,046 Well, I can talk my way out of most tickets, 1635 01:27:04,046 --> 01:27:05,875 so I'm going to go now, Mr. Renner. 1636 01:27:05,875 --> 01:27:08,637 Just don't... 1637 01:27:08,637 --> 01:27:10,949 "Mr. Renner." 1638 01:27:10,949 --> 01:27:13,055 It's Cameron. 1639 01:27:16,127 --> 01:27:17,922 Really? 1640 01:27:24,515 --> 01:27:26,448 It's fine. It's okay. I'm sorry. 1641 01:27:26,448 --> 01:27:29,174 I think it was just a misunderstanding. 1642 01:27:29,174 --> 01:27:32,385 I'm just going to go. We don't-- We can just forget about this. 1643 01:27:32,385 --> 01:27:33,593 I'm going to-- 1644 01:27:35,215 --> 01:27:37,286 It's role play. 1645 01:27:38,460 --> 01:27:40,565 I've seen your show, and I know you like it. 1646 01:27:41,532 --> 01:27:43,465 All right? 1647 01:27:43,465 --> 01:27:46,261 You scream and I'll arrest you. 1648 01:27:48,021 --> 01:27:50,817 Are you serious? You're going to wake-- 1649 01:27:52,543 --> 01:27:56,201 You can't resist an officer. 1650 01:27:57,237 --> 01:27:59,550 You have to comply, 1651 01:27:59,550 --> 01:28:01,793 and I know you like handcuffs. 1652 01:28:02,794 --> 01:28:05,141 Are you serious? This is ridiculous. 1653 01:28:05,141 --> 01:28:08,559 This is-- You're just-- You're, like-- 1654 01:28:08,559 --> 01:28:11,286 I'm not ridiculous. 1655 01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:14,254 - Okay. I'm going to go. - Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1656 01:28:14,254 --> 01:28:15,738 Whoa. 1657 01:28:21,951 --> 01:28:25,438 Oh, my God. Please stop. Fuck. 1658 01:28:25,438 --> 01:28:28,061 It's fine. It's fine. 1659 01:28:28,061 --> 01:28:30,857 Hey. Just look at me. It's fine. 1660 01:28:30,857 --> 01:28:33,860 It's fine. Just look at me. 1661 01:28:34,757 --> 01:28:36,241 Look at me. 1662 01:28:43,110 --> 01:28:45,181 Look at me. 1663 01:30:14,132 --> 01:30:16,583 Brooke? Brooke? 1664 01:30:16,583 --> 01:30:18,896 You need to get up now. 1665 01:31:16,919 --> 01:31:19,370 ♪ I was forced 1666 01:31:19,370 --> 01:31:21,924 ♪ To breathe on purpose 1667 01:31:21,924 --> 01:31:24,651 ♪ One, two, three, four five, six ♪ 1668 01:31:24,651 --> 01:31:27,930 ♪ One, two, three four, five, six ♪ 1669 01:31:27,930 --> 01:31:30,070 ♪ Metal is healing 1670 01:31:30,070 --> 01:31:32,383 ♪ Sometimes the beast needs feeding ♪ 1671 01:31:32,383 --> 01:31:34,005 ♪ Ride with me Valkyrie 1672 01:31:34,005 --> 01:31:36,560 ♪ Slay all those fuckers 1673 01:31:36,560 --> 01:31:40,943 ♪ That have hurt you in the past ♪ 1674 01:31:40,943 --> 01:31:45,707 ♪ Oh, he did me so bad 1675 01:31:45,707 --> 01:31:50,194 ♪ And every time I think of how you laugh ♪ 1676 01:31:51,506 --> 01:31:54,439 ♪ Oh, it gets me so bad ♪ 1677 01:31:56,200 --> 01:32:00,515 ♪ Hey, man, what you doing? ♪ 1678 01:32:01,619 --> 01:32:06,244 ♪ Come on back I need you moving ♪ 1679 01:32:06,244 --> 01:32:11,249 ♪ Said, hey, man what you doing? ♪ 1680 01:32:11,249 --> 01:32:15,978 ♪ Come on back I need you moving ♪ 1681 01:32:15,978 --> 01:32:18,705 ♪ I am sore 1682 01:32:18,705 --> 01:32:21,639 ♪ And I am melted 1683 01:32:21,639 --> 01:32:23,917 ♪ Chaos reigns 1684 01:32:23,917 --> 01:32:26,610 ♪ All is permitted 1685 01:32:26,610 --> 01:32:28,750 ♪ Ride with me Valkyrie ♪ 1686 01:32:28,750 --> 01:32:31,062 ♪ Slay all those fuckers ♪ 1687 01:32:31,062 --> 01:32:35,584 ♪ At that party from way back ♪ 1688 01:32:35,584 --> 01:32:38,276 ♪ Oh, it did me so bad ♪ 1689 01:33:27,705 --> 01:33:29,051 Brooke? 1690 01:33:34,332 --> 01:33:35,920 Brooke. 1691 01:33:41,719 --> 01:33:43,997 Why are you here? 1692 01:33:44,895 --> 01:33:46,172 Who lives here? 1693 01:33:47,414 --> 01:33:50,625 - I do. - Who else lives here, Brooke? 1694 01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:52,696 Nathan and his brother. 1695 01:33:52,696 --> 01:33:54,283 How do you know Nathan? 1696 01:33:54,283 --> 01:33:55,871 I met him with Candace. 1697 01:33:55,871 --> 01:33:58,287 Oh, that fucking idiot. 1698 01:33:58,287 --> 01:34:00,635 Did Nathan give you drugs? What are you on? 1699 01:34:00,635 --> 01:34:03,120 I just smoked pot. A teener. 1700 01:34:03,120 --> 01:34:05,053 - It's-- - Holy shit. Is that meth? 1701 01:34:05,053 --> 01:34:08,643 Or oxy? What the hell are teens doing these days? 1702 01:34:08,643 --> 01:34:11,749 I'm just chilled out, Sam. Why are you even here? 1703 01:34:11,749 --> 01:34:14,994 Because I'm worried about you. 1704 01:34:14,994 --> 01:34:17,065 Your whole family is worried about you. 1705 01:34:17,065 --> 01:34:19,515 No, you're not. 1706 01:34:19,515 --> 01:34:21,138 Yes, I am. 1707 01:34:21,138 --> 01:34:23,174 Of course I am. Come on! 1708 01:34:23,174 --> 01:34:24,486 That's ridiculous. We're going, okay? 1709 01:34:24,486 --> 01:34:26,143 - No. I don't want to. - Yes, Brooke. 1710 01:34:26,143 --> 01:34:27,385 Yo. 1711 01:34:28,835 --> 01:34:30,665 Who are you? 1712 01:34:30,665 --> 01:34:33,012 I'm Tiff. 1713 01:34:33,978 --> 01:34:35,152 All right, Tiff. 1714 01:34:35,152 --> 01:34:36,671 You shouldn't be here, okay? 1715 01:34:38,051 --> 01:34:39,501 Have you seen the news? 1716 01:34:39,501 --> 01:34:41,572 Do you know that Brooke is considered missing? 1717 01:34:41,572 --> 01:34:44,368 Brooke's not missing anything, all right? 1718 01:34:44,368 --> 01:34:46,128 You know what? Get out of my house. 1719 01:34:46,128 --> 01:34:48,130 Not without Brooke. Come on. 1720 01:34:48,130 --> 01:34:49,684 I don't want to go. 1721 01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:52,825 See? Brooke doesn't want to leave, either, all right? 1722 01:34:52,825 --> 01:34:54,481 We're having a lot of fun here. 1723 01:34:54,481 --> 01:34:56,449 How old are you? 1724 01:34:56,449 --> 01:34:58,106 Are you 18? 1725 01:34:58,106 --> 01:35:00,902 Yeah. So what if I am? 1726 01:35:00,902 --> 01:35:02,248 Well, did you know that the little girl 1727 01:35:02,248 --> 01:35:03,732 you've been feeding God-knows-what to 1728 01:35:03,732 --> 01:35:04,871 is 14 years old? 1729 01:35:04,871 --> 01:35:06,183 - Sam, stop. -Whatever. 1730 01:35:06,183 --> 01:35:07,702 She's taller than you are. 1731 01:35:07,702 --> 01:35:10,739 Okay? Plus, she told me that she was, uh, 16, so-- 1732 01:35:10,739 --> 01:35:12,914 Yeah? Well, last year, she was in a one-piece snowsuit. 1733 01:35:12,914 --> 01:35:15,468 Wait a second. 1734 01:35:16,780 --> 01:35:19,127 I know exactly who you are. 1735 01:35:19,127 --> 01:35:20,404 You're the little bitch 1736 01:35:20,404 --> 01:35:22,130 that got Brooke's dad locked up in the first place. 1737 01:35:22,130 --> 01:35:23,752 Don't you fucking dare call me a little bitch! 1738 01:35:23,752 --> 01:35:25,892 Stop it! 1739 01:35:25,892 --> 01:35:28,723 Come on, Tiffer. An apple? 1740 01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:31,001 You got to come packing a little more than that. 1741 01:35:31,001 --> 01:35:33,072 - Get up, Brooke. Let's go. - I am! 1742 01:35:33,072 --> 01:35:35,315 - Ow! - Sam, stop it! Stop. 1743 01:35:35,315 --> 01:35:37,524 And I took Krav Maga on my ClassPass 1744 01:35:37,524 --> 01:35:40,631 three times last year, so do not fuck with me! 1745 01:35:40,631 --> 01:35:42,391 I'll kill you. 1746 01:35:42,391 --> 01:35:45,118 No, Nathan. If I ever see you come near Brooke again, 1747 01:35:45,118 --> 01:35:47,880 I will come to your shitty, smelly house, 1748 01:35:47,880 --> 01:35:49,019 and I will kill you! 1749 01:35:49,019 --> 01:35:50,745 -Stop! - Let's go. 1750 01:35:50,745 --> 01:35:51,711 - Stop! - Go. 1751 01:35:51,711 --> 01:35:53,817 - Oh, my God! Come on! 1752 01:36:03,688 --> 01:36:05,794 Brooke? 1753 01:36:05,794 --> 01:36:07,278 It's Sam. It's... 1754 01:36:10,834 --> 01:36:13,457 You're in my hotel, or-- 1755 01:36:13,457 --> 01:36:15,631 This is definitely a motel, but... 1756 01:36:18,842 --> 01:36:20,947 I got you out of that house. 1757 01:36:20,947 --> 01:36:23,122 You kidnapped me? 1758 01:36:23,122 --> 01:36:25,814 Kidnapped you? Brooke, you're a missing person. 1759 01:36:25,814 --> 01:36:28,506 I found you, okay? I'm a hero. 1760 01:36:28,506 --> 01:36:30,681 I don't need your help, Sam, okay? 1761 01:36:30,681 --> 01:36:34,133 What is it with you kidnapping me from all these places? 1762 01:36:34,133 --> 01:36:36,963 They're literally my friends. Jesus. 1763 01:36:36,963 --> 01:36:38,240 - Okay. - Oh, God. 1764 01:36:38,240 --> 01:36:39,828 I looked up what a teener was 1765 01:36:39,828 --> 01:36:41,726 on Urban Dictionary, okay? 1766 01:36:41,726 --> 01:36:43,383 You're in big shit. 1767 01:36:43,383 --> 01:36:46,939 - Shut up. - You're smarter than that. 1768 01:36:48,147 --> 01:36:50,321 Sam [sighing]: Okay. Maybe not. 1769 01:36:54,187 --> 01:36:56,534 Here you go. 1770 01:37:01,885 --> 01:37:05,612 Did any of those guys make you do stuff with them? 1771 01:37:07,407 --> 01:37:08,374 What? 1772 01:37:08,374 --> 01:37:12,309 Did any of them pressure you into doing stuff 1773 01:37:12,309 --> 01:37:13,517 that you didn't want to do? 1774 01:37:13,517 --> 01:37:15,484 I'm not talking to you about any of that, Sam. 1775 01:37:15,484 --> 01:37:18,004 Okay, well, Nathan is 18, 1776 01:37:18,004 --> 01:37:20,179 so "any of that" is technically illegal. 1777 01:37:20,179 --> 01:37:22,077 I turn 15 in two weeks, Sam. 1778 01:37:22,077 --> 01:37:23,907 Who cares if I made out with him? 1779 01:37:23,907 --> 01:37:26,875 I don't know. I feel like a lot of people would care. 1780 01:37:26,875 --> 01:37:30,154 Nathan is nice, okay? 1781 01:37:30,154 --> 01:37:31,742 He didn't do anything wrong. 1782 01:37:31,742 --> 01:37:32,639 Brooke-- 1783 01:37:32,639 --> 01:37:35,953 And neither did my dad, you freak. 1784 01:37:35,953 --> 01:37:37,127 - Brooke. - Freak! 1785 01:37:37,127 --> 01:37:39,198 Brooke, your father did do something wrong. 1786 01:37:39,198 --> 01:37:41,338 No, he did not. Do not say that. 1787 01:37:41,338 --> 01:37:43,167 I know that it's hard to understand, 1788 01:37:43,167 --> 01:37:44,306 but there was evidence. 1789 01:37:44,306 --> 01:37:45,963 It is not hard to understand, Sam. 1790 01:37:45,963 --> 01:37:47,102 I've read all the articles, okay? 1791 01:37:47,102 --> 01:37:49,449 - Oh, the articles? By who? - Yes. 1792 01:37:49,449 --> 01:37:51,658 Jordan Peterson? All the men's rights activists? 1793 01:37:51,658 --> 01:37:53,902 - I hate you! 1794 01:37:53,902 --> 01:37:55,455 You didn't have to ruin our lives! 1795 01:37:55,455 --> 01:37:58,182 I didn't do anything wrong! 1796 01:37:58,182 --> 01:37:59,425 You know I didn't do anything wrong. 1797 01:37:59,425 --> 01:38:00,978 You did do something wrong, Sam. 1798 01:38:00,978 --> 01:38:02,221 Brooke, what did I do? 1799 01:38:02,221 --> 01:38:04,361 - My life was ruined! - Your life? 1800 01:38:04,361 --> 01:38:05,914 - Yes. - Your life?! 1801 01:38:05,914 --> 01:38:08,503 Yes! I can't eat. I can't sleep. 1802 01:38:08,503 --> 01:38:10,367 - I can't go online. - Fuck you! 1803 01:38:10,367 --> 01:38:11,955 I don't want kids. I don't want Noah. 1804 01:38:11,955 --> 01:38:13,059 Fuck you. Fuck you! 1805 01:38:13,059 --> 01:38:14,958 I'm not funny anymore, Brooke. Okay? 1806 01:38:14,958 --> 01:38:17,236 I'm not funny anymore. Why would I have wanted that? 1807 01:38:17,236 --> 01:38:19,479 I don't know! 1808 01:38:19,479 --> 01:38:22,310 Then what could I have possibly done to you, huh? 1809 01:38:22,310 --> 01:38:24,036 What did I do to you? 1810 01:38:24,036 --> 01:38:26,797 You left! 1811 01:38:31,388 --> 01:38:33,769 You left. 1812 01:38:37,808 --> 01:38:42,675 Even if he did do it, you shouldn't have left me, Sam. 1813 01:38:48,681 --> 01:38:51,304 I'm sorry, Brooke. 1814 01:38:53,789 --> 01:38:55,067 I'm here, okay. 1815 01:38:58,035 --> 01:38:59,795 I'm here. 1816 01:39:16,157 --> 01:39:18,780 ♪ Somewhere in Germany 1817 01:39:18,780 --> 01:39:21,093 ♪ But I can't place it 1818 01:39:21,093 --> 01:39:23,302 ♪ Man, I hate this part of Texas ♪ 1819 01:39:23,302 --> 01:39:27,168 ♪ Close my eyes, fantasize ♪ 1820 01:39:27,168 --> 01:39:29,204 ♪ Three clicks and I'm home ♪ 1821 01:39:29,204 --> 01:39:33,450 ♪ When I get back I'll lay around ♪ 1822 01:39:33,450 --> 01:39:36,315 ♪ Then I'll get up and lay back down ♪ 1823 01:39:38,110 --> 01:39:40,077 ♪ Romanticize a quiet life ♪ 1824 01:39:40,077 --> 01:39:41,251 ♪ There's no place like my room ♪ 1825 01:39:41,251 --> 01:39:42,769 Okay. 1826 01:39:46,014 --> 01:39:48,051 ♪ But you had to go 1827 01:39:48,051 --> 01:39:52,400 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 1828 01:39:52,400 --> 01:39:55,092 ♪ Like a wave that crashed 1829 01:39:55,092 --> 01:39:57,474 ♪ And melted on the shore 1830 01:39:59,027 --> 01:40:00,201 ♪ Not even the burnouts... ♪ 1831 01:40:03,204 --> 01:40:06,759 So, how do I know that you're not going to run away again? 1832 01:40:08,243 --> 01:40:11,039 Because if you promise to not tell my aunt about the drugs, 1833 01:40:11,039 --> 01:40:12,075 I promise to stay there. 1834 01:40:12,075 --> 01:40:14,042 No deal, Brooke. 1835 01:40:14,042 --> 01:40:16,493 I only did it once, okay? Really. 1836 01:40:16,493 --> 01:40:17,735 Yeah. Okay, Brooke. 1837 01:40:17,735 --> 01:40:19,875 And were you hiding it inside your body, too? 1838 01:40:19,875 --> 01:40:21,118 For a friend? 1839 01:40:21,118 --> 01:40:22,533 Okay, fine. 1840 01:40:22,533 --> 01:40:24,915 But I do promise I will never do that again. 1841 01:40:24,915 --> 01:40:26,089 It made me feel like shit. 1842 01:40:26,089 --> 01:40:27,745 It's the least glamorous drug. 1843 01:40:27,745 --> 01:40:29,402 It literally comes out of your skin. 1844 01:40:29,402 --> 01:40:30,541 I didn't know what it was. 1845 01:40:30,541 --> 01:40:32,992 I thought it was just weed, Sam. 1846 01:40:32,992 --> 01:40:33,993 Okay. I mean, it truly changes 1847 01:40:33,993 --> 01:40:35,753 the shape of your nose and your face bones. 1848 01:40:35,753 --> 01:40:37,341 Sam, okay. 1849 01:40:37,341 --> 01:40:38,756 When we get to somewhere with good Wi-Fi, 1850 01:40:38,756 --> 01:40:40,689 I'm showing you before-and-after pics. 1851 01:40:40,689 --> 01:40:42,657 Okay. 1852 01:40:46,178 --> 01:40:47,420 Sam, there's one more thing 1853 01:40:47,420 --> 01:40:50,423 if I'm going to let you turn me in. 1854 01:40:52,322 --> 01:40:54,496 So, you're bargaining now? 1855 01:40:54,496 --> 01:40:59,570 ♪ ...Go down with my hometown in a tornado ♪ 1856 01:41:00,433 --> 01:41:02,539 ♪ I'm going to chase it 1857 01:41:02,539 --> 01:41:05,818 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 1858 01:41:07,130 --> 01:41:09,270 ♪ I got to go now 1859 01:41:09,270 --> 01:41:12,514 ♪ I know, I know, I know ♪ 1860 01:41:36,607 --> 01:41:39,679 ♪ Driving out into the sun... ♪ 1861 01:41:39,679 --> 01:41:41,543 Well, we all know why we came here tonight. 1862 01:41:41,543 --> 01:41:42,889 Here with her new hour, 1863 01:41:42,889 --> 01:41:45,340 she is traumatized but funny as hell. 1864 01:41:45,340 --> 01:41:48,309 Put your hands together for Sam Cowell! 1865 01:41:49,551 --> 01:41:52,175 ♪ Ended up with a pair of cracked lips ♪ 1866 01:41:52,175 --> 01:41:53,348 Wow! Oh! 1867 01:41:53,348 --> 01:41:57,594 ♪ Windows down, scream along ♪ 1868 01:41:57,594 --> 01:41:59,665 ♪ To some America First rap-country song ♪ 1869 01:41:59,665 --> 01:42:02,461 Um, hi, everybody. I'm Sam. 1870 01:42:02,461 --> 01:42:05,981 And tonight, I'm going to tell a rape joke. 1871 01:42:05,981 --> 01:42:08,674 So, um, my ex-boyfriend 1872 01:42:08,674 --> 01:42:11,125 will not stop making my rape about him. 1873 01:42:11,125 --> 01:42:12,540 He has an identical hour. 1874 01:42:12,540 --> 01:42:14,956 Same material, right after this. 1875 01:42:14,956 --> 01:42:17,200 He's, like, "Please tell them to stay for the next show." 1876 01:42:18,511 --> 01:42:19,685 So, if you're, like, 1877 01:42:19,685 --> 01:42:23,137 "I kind of need this, but from a male perspective," 1878 01:42:23,137 --> 01:42:24,241 hang out. 1879 01:42:24,241 --> 01:42:28,452 ♪ It's a government drone or an alien spaceship ♪ 1880 01:42:28,452 --> 01:42:31,973 ♪ Either way, we're not alone ♪ 1881 01:42:31,973 --> 01:42:36,598 ♪ I'll find a new place to be from ♪ 1882 01:42:36,598 --> 01:42:40,740 ♪ A haunted house with a picket fence ♪ 1883 01:42:40,740 --> 01:42:44,813 ♪ To float around and ghost my friends ♪ 1884 01:42:44,813 --> 01:42:48,714 ♪ No, I'm not afraid to disappear ♪ 1885 01:42:49,646 --> 01:42:53,650 ♪ The billboard said "The end is near" ♪ 1886 01:42:53,650 --> 01:42:57,930 ♪ I turned around there was nothing there ♪ 1887 01:42:57,930 --> 01:43:02,210 ♪ Yeah I guess the end is here ♪ 1888 01:43:08,389 --> 01:43:11,081 ♪ The end is here 1889 01:43:17,052 --> 01:43:20,090 ♪ The end is here 1890 01:43:25,544 --> 01:43:28,581 ♪ The end is here 1891 01:43:34,173 --> 01:43:37,107 ♪ The end is here