1
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:03,572
TED:
In the weeks leading up to
Lily and Marshall's wedding,

2
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,307
some weird stuff
started happening.

3
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:06,743
Why does my
stomach hurt?

4
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:10,477
I'm sorry, baby. I ate a bunch
of ice cream earlier today.

5
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:13,284
Oh, baby, you know
we're lactose-intolerant.

6
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,147
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,616
Are you
suggesting that

8
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,124
when one of you feels something,
the other feels it, too?

9
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,617
BARNEY:
Oh, God,

10
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,118
you guys are so codependent.

11
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,720
No, we're not.

12
00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:24,791
Oh, really?

13
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,958
What about the other day?

14
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,056
Oh, I need to
get some eggs.

15
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:30,199
Oh, I'll come with you.

16
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,568
Just because we like
spending time together

17
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,040
doesn't mean
we're codependent.

18
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,479
Really?

19
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,483
Then whatever happened
to your plan of spending

20
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,045
the last two weeks before
your wedding sleeping apart?

21
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:49,375
Okay, we decided

22
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,520
not to do that
because of...

23
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:53,546
Logistics.

24
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:54,391
Wedding logistics.

25
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,655
Frickin' logistics, man.

26
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,763
They mess everything up.

27
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,794
You didn't do it
because you couldn't do it.

28
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,229
Sure we could.

29
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,264
Then why don't you?

30
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:02,499
You can stay
with me.

31
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:09,069
It would make our wedding
night more special.

32
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,537
Okay, let's do it.

33
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,474
Done.

34
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:12,769
I'm gonna go grab a beer.

35
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,540
I'll come with you.

36
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,683
No. I'll stay.

37
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,003
Okay, I know. You know
what? I got to go.

38
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,104
Good-bye.

39
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,126
My mom's driving me cra....

40
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,870
God, you guys are

41
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,074
covered in sauce.

42
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,236
We'll get to that.
Me first.

43
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,874
My mom is driving me crazy
about the wedding music.

44
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,069
The woman takes

45
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,581
one cruise to Jamaica,

46
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,852
and suddenly, it's "not a party
without steel drums."

47
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:54,082
Doesn't everybody know you're
not supposed to stress out

48
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,718
a bride right
before her wedding?!

49
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:58,788
Okay, sauce, go.

50
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,492
Long story.

51
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,164
I'll tell you later.
Yeah.

52
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,323
It's a dirty story,
isn't it?

53
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,131
You guys
went out to dinner,

54
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,463
did it in the kitchen
and got caught.

55
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,298
Scherbatsky reeks of someone
who likes to get caught.

56
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,234
Okay, now I have to wash up
for two reasons.

57
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,643
Oh, you didn't.
Uh-huh.

58
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:17,674
That's right.

59
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,343
So you and Lily really think
you can spend two weeks apart?

60
00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,810
You know what, Barney?

61
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,647
Lily and I are a lot less cheesy
than you make us out to be.

62
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,854
Marshmallow, don't forget
to pack my night-night tape.

63
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:30,917
Oh!

64
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,094
Night-night tape?

65
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,022
Did you make a tape

66
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,717
of you saying
"night-night" to her?

67
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,490
No.

68
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,129
He doesn't say it. He sings it.

69
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:43,104
Oh, that is so sweet.

70
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,063
Why don't you kiss?

71
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,901
I love it
when two chicks make out.

72
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,936
Damn it.

73
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,971
Nobody's bought us anything
cool yet off our registry.

74
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:51,968
What's on there?

75
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,009
Ooh, lots of stuff.

76
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:56,683
Kitchen Aide Artisan Series
tilt-head stand mixer...

77
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:57,854
Retail price

78
00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,781
$319.99. What else?

79
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:04,921
Um, the Dyson DC17
Animal vacuum.

80
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,515
Ah, $549.99.

81
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,258
A little greedy,
don't you think?

82
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,034
Did you memorize our registry?

83
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,862
No, I'm training.

84
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,827
Training? For what?

85
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,056
I'm glad you asked.

86
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,030
Ted, Robin,
get in here!

87
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,669
You guys know how

88
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,404
it's hard to be friends with me
'cause I'm so awesome?

89
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:25,011
Yes, it's hard to be
friends with you.

90
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,412
Go on.

91
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,244
Well, this isn't going
to make it any easier.

92
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,980
I am going
to be on...

93
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,975
The Price Is Right.

94
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,047
No way!
What?!

95
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,245
Yes, in a couple days,

96
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,887
Rich Fields is going
to call out my name,

97
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,252
and I will come on down.

98
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,591
(sighs):
Oh...

99
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,715
Whoa, that is
so awesome.

100
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:43,720
Barney, I didn't
know you were

101
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,131
such a fan of
The Price is Right.

102
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,092
Are you kidding?

103
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,830
T.P.I.R. is not just

104
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,796
an indescribably entertaining
hour of television,

105
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:52,895
it's a microcosm

106
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,636
of our entire economic system--

107
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:59,373
a capitalist utopia,
where consumers are rewarded

108
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,910
for their persistence,
market acumen

109
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,875
and intrepid spirit.

110
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:08,223
I gaze upon the glory
of The Price Is Right,

111
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,922
and I see the face of America.

112
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,915
And it is divine.

113
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,258
Plus, you know,
hot chicks on sports cars.

114
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,892
TED:
Then Lily headed out to Robin's

115
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,861
for her first night
away from Marshall.

116
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:23,930
LILY:
I'm ready!

117
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,597
(humming "Here Comes the Bride")

118
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,035
Wow, Lily, you look
so beautiful.

119
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,906
I know! I'm beautiful!

120
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,035
(squeals)

121
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:36,979
I'm a fairy princess!

122
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,479
I'm too skinny for my dress!

123
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,923
TED:
Meanwhile, I was testing out
my best man toast on Marshall.

124
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:46,916
Here goes.

125
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,257
(clears throat)

126
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,922
Hello, everyone, I'm Ted
Mosby, Marshall's best man.

127
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,631
Strong opening,
right?
That's fantastic.

128
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,703
When Marshall graduates
this spring, he'll be a lawyer.

129
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,873
But did you know that Marshall
has a criminal record?

130
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:02,142
That's right, on a road trip
up to Cape Cod,

131
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,872
Marshall was pulled over
for driving by himself

132
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,068
in a car pool lane.

133
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,339
(sirens blaring)

134
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,278
Oh, crap.

135
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,583
Oh, crap.

136
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,845
MARSHALL:
Are you crazy?

137
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,923
You cannot tell that story
at my wedding.

138
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:16,823
My entire family's

139
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:17,894
gonna be there.

140
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,551
My little cousins,
my mom, my grandma,

141
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:21,821
my grandpa the minister.

142
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,719
That grandpa died
three years ago.

143
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:26,561
His favorite grandson
is getting married, Ted.

144
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,327
I think he can take a day off

145
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,056
from haunting the barn
to make an appearance.

146
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,368
Whoo!

147
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,904
Whoo-whoo!

148
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,069
Whoo!

149
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:40,007
Whoo-hoo!

150
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,013
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!

151
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:47,076
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

152
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,517
Oh, yeah!

153
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,023
So which one, "A" or "B"?

154
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,024
What was that?

155
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,755
I have to decide
how to run to contestant's row

156
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:57,122
when they say,
"Barney Stinson, come on down!"

157
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,560
Oh, I didn't realize
that's what it was.

158
00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,826
Can you do them again?

159
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,233
Yeah, of course.

160
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:04,034
Okay.

161
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:04,997
(loud thump)

162
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,265
Ow!

163
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,333
Hey!

164
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,741
Very funny.

165
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:09,742
(banging)

166
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,473
Just for that,
when I win all the prizes,

167
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:12,739
the only thing
you guys are getting

168
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,706
is Rice-A-Roni and Turtle Wax.

169
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:19,784
It's $300 just to take
the bust in?

170
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:22,917
Oh, please, you have to have
some sympathy for me.

171
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,823
I'm getting married
next Saturday,

172
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,745
and I'm too skinny for my dress.

173
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,760
I lost all this weight
without even trying.

174
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,063
Hello? Hello?

175
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:32,885
What happened?

176
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,660
She called me a bitch
and hung up.

177
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:36,703
Oh, I don't know what to do.

178
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,434
I guess I'll just
have to pay the $300.

179
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,929
Pay the $300?

180
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,100
Lily, are you crazy?

181
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,638
This isn't a problem.

182
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:43,903
It's a license to eat.

183
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,742
Look, what have you always

184
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:46,766
wanted to eat but didn't

185
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,680
because it was
too ridiculously decadent?

186
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,382
Ooh, a Valrhona
chocolate soufflé

187
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,745
with a raspberry brandy sauce

188
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:57,954
topped with caramelized bananas
and hazelnut gelato.

189
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,848
I have Cool Whip
and half a bag of Fritos.

190
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:01,691
Done!

191
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:07,087
Okay, think you're gonna be
happy with my new toast.

192
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,660
There's nothing sexual.

193
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:09,899
It's, uh, it's just the story

194
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,603
of an important moment
in your relationship.

195
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,995
I'm all ears.

196
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,736
Hello, everyone, I'm Ted Mosby,
Marshall's best man.

197
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:16,373
Nice.

198
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,736
Right?
That's great.

199
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,835
Back when we were all freshman
and Marshall and Lily

200
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,107
were just a few short weeks
into their relationship...

201
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,775
It was 4:00 in the morning,

202
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,114
and I'm not gonna lie,
we were a wee bit wasted.

203
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,279
(both laughing)

204
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,977
We were starving.

205
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:32,619
So I'd gone out to get us some
snacks, and when I got back...

206
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,455
I love you.

207
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,385
I love you, too.

208
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,489
I know it's soon

209
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:41,561
to say it,

210
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:44,059
but I'm so glad
you did.

211
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,101
Oh.

212
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,673
Yeah.

213
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,903
So here's what you
want to talk about

214
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,071
in front of
my entire family:

215
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:56,580
drinking, having a girl
in my room, eating junk food.

216
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:57,854
Dude, you're
almost 30.

217
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,881
Your mom would be mad at you
for eating junk food?

218
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,917
Yeah, Ted, 'cause nutrition's
not important.

219
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,493
Also, so Lily's never
heard that story before.

220
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,123
How's she going to react
when she finds out

221
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,257
the first time I said
"I love you" to her,

222
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,862
I was actually saying it to you
and a bag of Funyuns?

223
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,655
But who cares?
You did love her.

224
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,997
And you still do.

225
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,502
And you're totally over Funyuns,
so it's not weird.

226
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,969
Hey, Lil.

227
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,004
Hey.

228
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:22,869
Hey?

229
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:23,896
(chuckles):
That's it?

230
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,611
What are you
talking about?

231
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:27,814
Well, you guys
have been spending

232
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:28,905
the last few nights apart.

233
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,806
I figured there'd be
a lot of giggling, crying,

234
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:33,548
jumping up and down, and then
whatever Lily would do.

235
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:34,384
(all chuckling)

236
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,917
TED:
Now, one thing I remember

237
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,993
about the bar menu at
McClaren's is that there were

238
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,691
no fewer than 11 different
deep-fried appetizers.

239
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:41,724
That night,

240
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,719
Aunt Lily ordered them all.

241
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,989
BARNEY:
Check it out.

242
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,355
Okay, imagine...
imagine, if you will,

243
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,431
that this is the $1 space

244
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:55,971
on The Price Is Right wheel.

245
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,566
Ready?

246
00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,208
(imitating beeping)

247
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,283
(beeping slows down)

248
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,313
Oh, wow, that was
pretty close.

249
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,980
Close? Close?!

250
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,790
It's called The Price Is Right,
not The Price Is Close!

251
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,493
Oh, man, this is bad.

252
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,424
If I don't win

253
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:16,718
the spin-off, and I can't get

254
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,130
into the Showcase Showdown,
everything's ruined!

255
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,361
It's all ruined!

256
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,426
What is ruined?

257
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,963
Why, why is this
such a big deal?

258
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,669
Okay, guys...

259
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,932
sit down, I've got
to tell you something.

260
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,507
The reason I'm going
on The Price Is Right

261
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,712
is because I've decided

262
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:37,314
that it's time for me
to meet my real father.

263
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,477
Your father?

264
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:41,475
That's right.

265
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:44,078
My father...

266
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,991
is Bob Barker.

267
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,123
("The Price Is Right Theme"
playing)

268
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,526
Your dad...

269
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,104
is Bob Barker?

270
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,333
That's right.

271
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,327
The host of The Price Is Right,
Bob Barker?

272
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,299
That's Pops.

273
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,068
Barney?

274
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,165
Yes, Robin?

275
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,836
Why in the world do you think
Bob Barker is your father?

276
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:09,136
Uh, because my mother
told me he was,

277
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,409
that's why.

278
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,877
Mom, who's my dad?

279
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,776
All the other kids at school
know who their dad is.

280
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,879
Who's mine?

281
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,520
Oh, I don't know.

282
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,216
That guy.

283
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:26,830
Look, Dad, I got straight A's!

284
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,198
Hey, Dad,

285
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,402
guess who I'm going as
for Halloween?

286
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,825
Want to play some catch, Pop?

287
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:41,405
So now I'm gonna go to L.A.,
be on the show,

288
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,984
win the Showcase Showdown,

289
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,683
(voice cracking):
make him proud of me,

290
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,175
and then tell him who I am.

291
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,817
You're gonna
tell Bob Barker

292
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,052
that you're his son
on national television?

293
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,318
Why is this so hard
for you people to believe?

294
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,257
Drop the popper!

295
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,593
Lily has to gain

296
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,957
five pounds in a
week and a half,

297
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,986
and it is my job to
help her get there.

298
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:04,431
This is the best
wedding diet ever.

299
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,567
I lost a pound.

300
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:07,743
That is
impossible.

301
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,501
You ate McDonald's every meal
for three days.

302
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,169
I knew that Super Size Me guy
was full of it.

303
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,939
Well, it must be
the wedding stress.

304
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,337
We just got to
up the intake.

305
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,448
Lily Aldrin, drop and give me
20 bites of fudge!

306
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,581
Okay.

307
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,606
Okay?

308
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,121
Don't nibble at it. Attack it!

309
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,623
Come on, Lily.

310
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,654
You can do better
than that!

311
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:26,619
I can't.

312
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,956
Well, eat faster,

313
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,461
before your body
figures out it's full.

314
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,322
(sobbing):
I'm trying.

315
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,431
Oh, are you gonna cry?

316
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,592
You gonna cry?

317
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:34,730
Skinny little
baby's gonna cry?

318
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,525
(muffled sobbing)
Well, eat, damn it, eat!

319
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,596
(muffled):
Okay!

320
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:42,495
(sobbing)

321
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,469
Hey, so I think
I figured out

322
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,737
how to do your toast

323
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,136
in a completely
appropriate way.
Finally.

324
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,337
Huh.
Yeah.

325
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,538
(clearing throat)

326
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,079
Good evening. I'm Ted Mosby,
Marshall's best man.

327
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,905
Still strong,
right?
Great, yeah.

328
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,781
I'd like to share
with you all a story

329
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,449
about the momentous evening
last fall

330
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,947
when Marshall and Lily
got back together.

331
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,720
Afterward, we stayed up
till 10:00 at night,

332
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:06,091
doing shots of chocolate milk.

333
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,359
Man, I'm well nourished
right now!

334
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,458
Calcium promotes healthy teeth
and bones.

335
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:12,671
Thanks, Marshall,

336
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,272
for teaching us
you don't need alcohol

337
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,444
to have fun.

338
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,842
Oh, don't thank me.

339
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,144
Thank my parents for
teaching me good values.

340
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,406
Aww.

341
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,213
Now, I wasn't supposed
to hear this next part,

342
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,275
but Marshall leaned over
to Lily and whispered.

343
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:27,184
You know what I'd like
to do to you right now?

344
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,177
I'd like to hold
your hand.

345
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,250
I'd like to hold
your hand so hard

346
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,590
that you're not able to
shake hands for a week.

347
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:37,926
Oh.

348
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,491
Are you just going to talk
about holding my hand

349
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,960
or are you going
to hold it?

350
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:47,670
Then a little later,
Robin caught them...

351
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,004
Oh, um...

352
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:52,209
...holding hands.

353
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,942
It was a lovely
and responsible night.

354
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,948
To Marshall and Lily.

355
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,076
That's the worst toast
I've ever heard, dude.

356
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,418
It's totally boring.

357
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,822
Exactly.

358
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,394
It's impossible
to write a good toast

359
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,592
with you censoring me, man.

360
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:07,963
I give up.

361
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,521
I'm just going
to read that thing

362
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,619
about Jesus
and the footprints.

363
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,190
I give up, too.

364
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,489
I don't care
if my dress doesn't fit.

365
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:15,531
I can't eat anymore.

366
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:18,125
I-I feel like my stomach's
going to explode.

367
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:19,268
I know.

368
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,472
And so, Lily and I were both
about to give up,

369
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,235
but as you can all see,

370
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,244
Lily does look beautiful
in that dress,

371
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,906
and here I am

372
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,235
giving a toast.

373
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,777
You know, all this time,

374
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,075
I'd been racking my brain

375
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,316
trying to pick out
the perfect moment

376
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,582
to capture Lily and Marshall
as a couple.

377
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,520
But then I realized

378
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,956
the perfect moment wasn't
some needle lost in the haystack

379
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,362
of their ten years together.

380
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,193
The perfect

381
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,358
Lily and Marshall moment
happened two nights ago.

382
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,665
Marshall, what are you doing?

383
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:57,304
Going to the bathroom.

384
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:58,310
In the hall?

385
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,071
Sleepwalking?

386
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,570
You're wide awake.

387
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,111
Robbing us?

388
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:03,906
Dude.

389
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,207
Turns out,

390
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,848
all week long
he'd been sneaking out

391
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,754
to a hotel on 72nd,

392
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,345
to meet Lily.

393
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,287
God, I missed you.

394
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,392
I can't sleep
without you.
Mmm.

395
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,462
Hey, baby?

396
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,564
Would you be the big spoon
for a while?

397
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,026
Sure, baby.

398
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,625
How's the weight gaining
going?

399
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,540
Ugh, terribly.

400
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,112
I'm too stressed out
without you around.

401
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,472
Mmm.

402
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,410
Well, I'm here now.

403
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,013
Mmm.
Mmm!

404
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,408
And so Lily and Marshall failed

405
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,449
in their experiment
with apartness,

406
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,984
but they succeeded in getting
Lily into her dress.

407
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,645
You know, there
really are

408
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,019
a million things I could tell
you about Lily and Marshall,

409
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,789
but really, the only thing
you need to know is

410
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:55,028
that ten years
into their relationship,

411
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:58,325
they still couldn't spend
a single night apart.

412
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000
May they

413
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,368
never have to again.

414
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,966
To Lily and Marshall.

415
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,068
ALL:
To Lily and Marshall.

416
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,640
Now, kids, the story

417
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,508
of Lily and Marshall's wedding
is a good one.

418
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,978
No matter how perfectly
you plan your...

419
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,006
Wait a second.

420
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,551
I'll get to that.

421
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,475
First, I've got to tell you
what happened with Barney.

422
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,920
Rich, what is the name
of our next participant?

423
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,688
RICH:
Bob, it's Barney Stinson!

424
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,315
Come on down!

425
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,691
You're the next contestant
on ThePrice Is Right.

426
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,199
Nooo.
Oh, my God!

427
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,261
BOB BARKER:
Working his way out.

428
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,770
High-five here,
high-five there.

429
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,302
A big old hug here.

430
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,137
Oh, my God!
Yeah, I know,

431
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,013
the camera loves me.

432
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,471
Welcome to contestant's
row, Barney.

433
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,140
Nice suit.

434
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:42,608
Thanks, Da... Bob.

435
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,205
Here is the
next item up

436
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,347
for bid!

437
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:49,082
RICH:
Bob, the stylish
his-and-her watches

438
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,079
feature an 18k gold bezel
and crown

439
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,121
and stainless steel bands.

440
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,486
BOB:
And Barney, what do
you bid on that?

441
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:56,785
Um...

442
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,326
(audience shouting)

443
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,561
Wrong.

444
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,786
Wrong.

445
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:01,960
Wrong.

446
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,099
Wrong.

447
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:06,203
Retail price is $1,349.99,

448
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,466
so, since you round up,
I'll say $1,350, Bob.

449
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,165
$1,350 for Barney.

450
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,167
So, was it $1,350?

451
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,239
I don't know.

452
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,766
Was it?

453
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,511
Oh, my God!

454
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,206
Happy wedding.

455
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,747
(gasps)
(Barney Chuckling)

456
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,881
Barney, you won
that camcorder

457
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,777
in just one second!

458
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,090
That is impressive.

459
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,692
I mean impressive.

460
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,523
Thank you, Bob.
Now,

461
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,258
to win the computer,

462
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,993
you're going to
have to bid again,

463
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,489
and again I will say
higher or lower.

464
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,061
And let's show the
audience the price

465
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,100
of the computer,
and audience,

466
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,096
please, do not
try to help us.

467
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,798
And the clock will start
with your first bid.

468
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,070
$1 billion.

469
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,439
Lower.
So, I brought some photos

470
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,177
that I thought
you might like to see.

471
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,682
This is me
on my first birthday.

472
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,513
Yes, Barney.
This is...

473
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:53,979
What are you doing?

474
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:57,017
Uh, spending some quality time
with my dad.

475
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:01,048
That's very nice, but look,
the clock is moving.

476
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,291
You have only about 16 seconds.

477
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,715
Right.
Keep bidding.

478
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,330
No, no, I want you to see this.
This is great.
Keep bidding.

479
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,662
This is me
at my graduation.

480
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,956
I know, the hair.
That, no,
that's nice.

481
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,228
That's nice.
You have only

482
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:13,927
five, four, three,
two, one...
Right, oh, look.

483
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:14,900
$999.

484
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,167
(bell ringing)
Nine...

485
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:19,266
Barney, you got it
exactly right!

486
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,739
Happy wedding
again!
Oh, my...

487
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:24,008
Oh, my God!
(laughing)

488
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:25,307
I have to be honest, Bob.

489
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,608
The big wheel is the only
weak part of my game.

490
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,680
I'm sure you'll do
just fine, son.

491
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,749
Did you just...

492
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,163
I'm ready, Bob.

493
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,762
Do it! Do it!

494
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:37,963
Here we go!

495
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,564
He's looking
for the dollar.

496
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,356
It's going around, and around...

497
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,929
Oh, no, you spun
it too hard.

498
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,366
No, he didn't spin it
hard enough.

499
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,932
Here it comes,
Barney.

500
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,399
It's coming on down.

501
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,639
You got it!

502
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:51,873
You won...
(screaming)

503
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,968
(screaming)

504
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,210
But Barney...

505
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,176
Barney, you're not through.

506
00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,075
You're not through.
(screaming)

507
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,907
You've won $1,000.

508
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,521
You've won a place
in the showcase.

509
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,924
You are doing splendidly
so far.

510
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:09,356
Thank you, would you, would
you say you're proud of me?

511
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,792
Sure.

512
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,696
That was kind of
a weird moment.

513
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,096
Very well, Barney,

514
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,295
you have seen
the first showcase.

515
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,366
Do you want
to bid on it

516
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,274
or do you want to
pass it to Millie?

517
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,366
Please, no car
and an above-ground spa?

518
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,568
Pass.

519
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:30,409
BOB:
Millie, he has passed
this showcase to you.

520
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,907
What do you bid on it?
Uh...

521
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:35,278
$17,640.

522
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,978
BOB:
$17,640.

523
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,120
BARNEY (under breath):
Overbid!

524
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:42,456
Now, let's see
Showcase

525
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:45,262
RICH:
Barney, your showcase begins
with a mystery.

526
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,425
Oh, I love this.

527
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,164
I can't believe how excited
I am right now.

528
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,099
Shh!
Shh!
Shh!

529
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,774
Barney, you have seen
your showcase.

530
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:53,972
What do you
bid on it?

531
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,603
(audience shouting)

532
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:56,868
Please, please.

533
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,406
Please.

534
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,212
Let me.

535
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:05,014
(audience shouting)

536
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:09,577
1-8-4-2-1.

537
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,419
I don't even know
what we're going to do

538
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,154
with a dune buggy,
but I want it!

539
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,520
Yeah. Please.

540
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,117
And the actual
retail price

541
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,030
of your showcase
is...

542
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,231
$14,628.

543
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,803
BOB:
$14,628.

544
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,062
(buzzer buzzing)
Millie, you
are over.

545
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,371
Too bad.

546
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:31,373
Barney, you bid $18,421
on your showcase.

547
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,508
And the actual
retail price

548
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,843
of Barney's
showcase is...

549
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:41,508
$18,421 exactly
right!

550
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:45,251
You win both showcases,
Barney.

551
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,118
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.

552
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,056
(screaming)

553
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,221
(cheering)

554
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,230
Bob Barker,
reminding you,

555
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,332
help control
the pet...

556
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,463
Yeah.
Bob, Bob,
excuse me.

557
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,897
Before, before we wrap up
the show,

558
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,962
there's just something
I want to say to you.
Yes?

559
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,900
Congratulations

560
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,239
on 35 wonderful years
hosting The Price Is Right.

561
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,535
Well, thank you,
Barney.

562
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,207
Thank you...
Have your pets spayed
or neutered.

563
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,906
Good-bye, everybody.

564
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,316
Why didn't you tell him?

565
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,492
Well, it's just...

566
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,219
If you lived your whole life
thinking one thing,

567
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:25,689
it would be pretty devastating
to find out that wasn't true.

568
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:30,226
I just don't think
Bob could have handled it.

569
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,497
Bob.
Yeah.

570
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,025
Probably a good choice.

571
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,170
Yeah, he's really
sensitive.

572
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,674
Anyway, on the bright side.

573
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,038
(gasps)
Happy wedding
again!

574
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,737
And that's the story

575
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:45,279
of how Uncle Barney gave
Marshall and Lily a dune buggy

576
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,475
for their wedding.

577
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,593
Hey, Lily.

578
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:55,222
I thought since we're going
to be apart for two whole weeks,

579
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,858
I would sing you
your night-night song.

580
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,192
Mmm.

581
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,330
* Night-night, Lily *

582
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,497
* Night-night, Lily *

583
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:11,137
* It's time to go to bed,
oh, my silly, little Lily *

584
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,113
* Time to rest
your little head *

585
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:16,242
* Sha-la-la-la *

586
00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:19,209
* Sha-la-la-la *

587
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,948
Come on, Ted.

588
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,183
TED:
No, it's weird.

589
00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:23,648
You promised.

590
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,746
(sighing)

591
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,758
* Sha-la-la-la *
* Sha-la-la-la *

592
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:32,021
* Sha-la-la-la *
* Sha-la-la-la *

593
00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:34,361
* Sha-la-la-la. *
* Sha-la-la-la. *