1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,680 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,840 - gave without taking 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,920 4 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,040 5 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:16,640 from shaking 6 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:21,640 7 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,680 - What are you up to at the moment, Mandy? 8 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,680 - Eh? Spinning in this chair. 9 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,240 - No, I mean for a job. 10 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,680 You can't just lounge around in here all day. 11 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,160 - I thought you liked my company, Lol. 12 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:34,080 - I do, of course! 13 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,000 But I just think you're wasting your time. 14 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,920 - No-one will employ me, Lol. 15 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,840 I've tried everything. 16 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,800 - Why don't you be an air stewardess, Mandy? 17 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,400 Apparently, they are desperate for people to train 18 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,840 as cabin crew at the moment. 19 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,480 - Is that so? - Yes, and you only have to be tall. 20 00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,640 - How tall do you have to be, just out of interest? 21 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,520 - 5'8. 22 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,160 And they are very strict. 23 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,720 They will overlook everything else - criminal record, 24 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,840 social media cancellation, perversions of all kinds - 25 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:07,280 but if you are under 5'8 by just a millimetre, you are out. 26 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,560 They test it with lasers. 27 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,560 What a wonderful life - swanning around the globe, 28 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,760 serving people drinks in little cans. 29 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,480 Why don't you do it, Mandy? 30 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,360 - I'm probably not tall enough. 31 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,360 - You are very tall. Look at you. 32 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,440 - No, I'm not. I'm not 5'8. 33 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,680 - You are! Look at you! - No, I'm not. 34 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,080 I'm not. It's my boots. 35 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:32,720 They just make me look taller. 36 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,080 - Really? - Yeah. 37 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,480 Look, I'll show you. 38 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:42,360 - Oh, my God, Mandy! I had no idea! 39 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:43,560 - I know. It's such a shame. 40 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,960 I'd love to have been an air hostess. 41 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,120 - You can do it, Mandy. 42 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,880 There's an operation to make your legs longer. 43 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,560 My uncle Finbar got it done so he could be a shelf stacker. 44 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,440 - Give over! - It's true. 45 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,960 They insert a piece of cartilage into your shin bone 46 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,960 and Bob is your cousin. 47 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,960 - It sounds expensive. I doubt you can get it done on the NHS. 48 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,320 - Student doctors always need people to train on, 49 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,040 so it's probably cheaper, but... 50 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,480 - BELL TINKLES 51 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,720 - ..it will take much longer to heal. 52 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,240 - Are you sure you want to do this? 53 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,520 - Yeah, I just need an extra foot and a half inserted into me. 54 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,240 - Said the actress to the bishop! 55 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,520 - THEY LAUGH 56 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,120 You are a real doctor, aren't you? 57 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,560 - Yeah, of course. 58 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:26,280 Well, nearly. I just need to practise on a few more people. 59 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,480 - SHE GULPS 60 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,080 - You know you have to keep these magnetic callipers on 61 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,280 for six months afterwards? - Why are they magnetic? 62 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,280 - You specified on the form you'd like the cheaper magnetic ones. 63 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,920 OK, nurse, get the circular saw going. 64 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:37,920 - SAW WHIRS 65 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:41,400 - Let's get slicing! 66 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,920 - 67 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:50,560 - Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 3542 to Dundee. 68 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,600 We're at cruising height now, and the captain's just turned off 69 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,760 the seat belt signs. 70 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,640 But please take care to listen to any safety instructions, 71 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:01,240 and make sure any luggage is safely secured underneath your seat. 72 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,040 My colleague and I will shortly be making our way down the plane 73 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,960 with a selection of food, drinks, scratchcards, 74 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,280 Elizabeth Arden eight-hour cream, and nuts. 75 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,120 - Let me know if you need to rest your legs. 76 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,280 - Oh, thanks, Kenny. 77 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,560 - I thought the callipers were coming off this week. 78 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,040 - The doctor said I have to keep them on a bit longer, 79 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,040 cos me legs keep buckling underneath me. 80 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,280 - Do you know, I'm amazed the airline have allowed you on. 81 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,640 They're so strict on appearance. 82 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,440 - I know, but I said I'd take them to the European Court of Human Rights 83 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:30,160 if they threatened to sack me. - Oh, good for you. 84 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,920 - I'll start with the passengers at the back. 85 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,920 They're more my sort of people. 86 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,120 Oh... 87 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,440 Sorry about that. Me callipers are magnetic. 88 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,240 They were the only ones I could afford. 89 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:47,680 METAL CLANKS AGAINST CALLIPERS 90 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:05,920 Was it you that wanted the Prosecco? 91 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:07,800 - Yes, thank you. - Here you go. 92 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,360 There, enjoy that. 93 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,840 Oh, that needs to be up. 94 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,040 Scratchcards? 95 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:28,200 Scratchcard, anyone? 96 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,720 Scratchcards? 97 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,600 Scratch... Oh, God. 98 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,000 Scratchcards? Scratchcards? 99 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,920 You could win the holiday of a lifetime. 100 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,680 - I'm on the holiday of a lifetime now, actually. 101 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,240 - Not in economy, you're not. 102 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,480 Yours, I believe. 103 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:46,840 Where are you off? 104 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,400 - I just need to pop to the lavatory. 105 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,200 - Well, it's £6.50 if you'd like to use the lav. 106 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,920 - £6.50? Really? 107 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,520 - No, I'm having a laugh. They're free. 108 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,160 They're just down there on the right. 109 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,440 I'd leave it ten minutes, though, 110 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,440 cos the woman in row F just came out 111 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,760 and now they're a fucking disgrace! 112 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,440 Scratchcards? 113 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:03,960 Scratchcard, anyone? 114 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,960 THUNDER RUMBLES 115 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,520 Scratchcard? 116 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,200 Scratchcards? 117 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,400 Oh, what's this? 118 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,800 "Say nothing. I have a gun and a bomb. 119 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,640 "Take me to the choc pit." 120 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,360 What's the choc pit? 121 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,120 - Cock! Cock! 122 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,120 I couldn't find a "cock" anywhere. 123 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,760 They tend not to print it much in newspaper headlines. 124 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,160 - Oh, my gosh! 125 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,640 - Let's go. The cockpit, now. 126 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,640 Fuck! 127 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,000 - The autopilot's still engaged, isn't it, Number Two? 128 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,280 - Er, yeah, Captain, I think so. 129 00:05:59,600 --> 00:05:59,600 - KNOCK ON DOOR 130 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,920 - Oh... 131 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,320 I'll get it. 132 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,400 Ah, good, our coffees! - Mm! 133 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,960 - Stay where you are. I'm now in charge of this aircraft. 134 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,040 There's a bomb on board. - Oh, my God! 135 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,760 ON INTERCOM: - ..and unless £1 million is transferred 136 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:24,000 into my bank account, by BACS or CHAPS, then I'll detonate it. 137 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,040 - I'm sure that's normal. I'm sure that's... 138 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,760 - How did you get a bomb on board the plane? 139 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,240 - I suppose you could say... 140 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,640 ..I had to wing it! 141 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,520 - Is it on the wing? 142 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,120 ON INTERCOM: - Yes! Yes, it's on the wing! Get out. 143 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,040 I don't want you hearing my bank account details. 144 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,560 Or anyone else, for that matter. 145 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,160 - INSTRUMENTS BEEP 146 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,720 Kenny, there's a bomb on the wing! 147 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,840 - I know. We heard. 148 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,840 - Well, I've had a good life. 149 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:59,280 You know, I got to fly on a plane and... 150 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,200 Well, I've had some lovely hot dinners. 151 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,160 - You're lucky, Mandy. 152 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,040 You've experienced some things, you know? 153 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,760 You've lived life. 154 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,760 This is the first time I've ever left Billericay. 155 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,480 Oh, Mandy, what am I going to...? 156 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:13,840 Mandy? 157 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,400 Mandy! 158 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,880 - They just can't get that sort of money together in an hour! 159 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,880 - You expect me to believe that? 160 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,080 A million's loose change to an airline. 161 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,000 They need to transfer it now. 162 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,080 And no tricks. 163 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,000 Because when I get jumpy... 164 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,480 ..I start to get twitchy. 165 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,760 - OK. What was that sort code again? 166 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:45,800 - Erm... 167 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:45,800 - HE TUTS 168 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,600 - Oh, God. 169 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,600 Er, er, 20... - Mm-hm? 170 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,040 - ..13... 171 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:53,400 ..31. 172 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:57,200 - CALLIPERS CLANK HEAVILY 173 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,560 SHE SCREAMS 174 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:23,600 - Oh... 175 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,400 Oh, God bless her. 176 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,440 She was so brave. 177 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,680 And she never even lived to see her new legs. 178 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,720 We'll never forget you, Mandy. 179 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,680 - Excuse me. 180 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,280 I can't seem to get Jumanji to play. 181 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,040 - Oh, you've just paused it, I think. 182 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,000 Oh, you silly sausage! - Oh, thanks. 183 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,040 - You're welcome. 184 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,800 Scratchcards - any scratchcards? 185 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,080 - PHONE PINGS - They say they've transferred it. 186 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:53,960 - Er... 187 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,160 No, I can't see it in my bank account. 188 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,080 - Have you tried Pending Transactions? 189 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,280 - Do you get signal up here? 190 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,480 - Er, yeah, two bars but it's enough. 191 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,800 - DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS 192 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:20,160 - So go to Account, Current Account, 193 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,320 Recent Transactions... - Mm-hm. 194 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,040 - ..Pending Transactions. - Erm... 195 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:24,040 - PHONE PINGS 196 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,040 - Oh. 197 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,560 It's a text from the bank. - Oh! 198 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:32,920 - "We have detected suspicious activity on your account 199 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,440 "and blocked it. Please call us on..." 200 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,960 Fuck me! 201 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,480 I did tell them I was doing this. 202 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,680 - Oi, dickhead, I've kicked your bomb off the wing. 203 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,880 - Bullshit. I don't believe you. 204 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,120 It's bomb o'clock. 205 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,680 Goodbye, world! 206 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:53,040 - DETONATOR BEEPS 207 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,280 DETONATOR BEEPS REPEATEDLY 208 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,320 - Fuck's sake! 209 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,320 I'll just have to finish you off the old-fashioned way... 210 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,440 Starting with you. 211 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,880 - SHE SCREAMS 212 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,640 Fucking hell, I've shot him. 213 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,320 - Fuck. - Oh, yeah. 214 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,440 - Should have bought a scratchcard, mate. 215 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,480 You could have been a millionaire by now. 216 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,120 ALARM BEEPS 217 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,720 Is everything all right? 218 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,840 Do you want me to go back to serving coffees? 219 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,880 - Bloody Nora, that bullet has severed the hydraulic control unit. 220 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,440 We don't have any brakes. 221 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,800 We can land the plane, 222 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,840 but there's no way of stopping it. 223 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,800 We'll crash into the airport. 224 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:41,360 - Ground Control. This is flight 3-5-4-2. 225 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,120 Prepare for crash landing. 226 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,120 Prepare for crash landing. 227 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,720 - Wait, I've got an idea. 228 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,560 No, it's gone. 229 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:50,840 Oh, well. 230 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,280 No, it's back again. 231 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,920 You land the plane, and I'll stop it. 232 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,240 Which way to the wheels? - Back through that hatch? 233 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,000 - If I don't make it back, 234 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,560 remember my name. 235 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,840 Mandy Carter. 236 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,600 - We're coming in fast. Clear the runway. 237 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,520 Clear the airport, our brakes have failed. 238 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:19,080 Repeat, our brakes have failed. We are going to crash. 239 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,040 Even if we can get this thing down, 240 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,920 we're going so fast we won't stop until the long-stay car park. 241 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:28,040 Best-case scenario, we'll be taking a bus back to the terminal. 242 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,240 And they're only every 15 minutes. 243 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,680 - For God's sake, wait! 244 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,400 Oh, God, what are you doing? 245 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,000 Oh, shit, brace, brace! 246 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,400 - COMPUTER: Brakes not responding. 247 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,920 Critical, brakes not responding. 248 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,480 Brakes not responding. 249 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,960 - We're down. 250 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,680 I hope she's done... 251 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:55,880 - Hydraulic failure. 252 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,400 - ..whatever it was she was going to do. - What was her name again? 253 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,560 We're slowing. 254 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,040 We're slowing! 255 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,600 I don't know how... 256 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,120 ..but she's done it. 257 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,040 - She's done it. 258 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,960 Mandy's done it! 259 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,520 Mandy! 260 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,880 - ALL: Mandy! Mandy! 261 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,800 Mandy! Mandy! 262 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,360 - Thank God. 263 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,440 Mandy? 264 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,920 Mandy! 265 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,360 - God bless you. 266 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,960 Mary, was it? 267 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,800 - Her name was Mandy Carter 268 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,040 and she's just saved the lives of you 269 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,600 and everyone else on this goddamn plane. 270 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,280 Thank you, Mandy, 271 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,960 wherever you are. 272 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,280 - SHOP DOORBELL RINGS 273 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,560 I think I've won a tenner on a scratchcard. 274 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:19,480 - It's better than that. You've got six planes. 275 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,040 You have won the holiday of a lifetime. 276 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,400 First-class flight to New York! 277 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,160 - Oh, fuck that, I'm staying here. 278 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,600 I'm going nowhere. 279 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,840 - 280 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:36,280 281 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,160 282 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:44,240 283 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,240 284 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,680 285 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,560 286 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,840